#124 - Kareem Rahma
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Welcome everybody to Stavi's World. 904-800-STOV. Call in. We'll solve your problems. We got Kareem Rama on the couch right now. What's up, big dog? What's up, fella? You know him from Subway. You've seen...

Couple people embarrass themselves next to him on the subway. You've seen a couple people say some great stuff. I first saw you from... We were just talking about it, Keep the Meter Running. Yeah. Which I love. My little baby. I love that show where you just take cab drivers...

and just say, take me to your favorite place, which is such a great, you know, as we got a room full of immigrants here, and it's like, you take it, it's basically immigrant, it's you, you hanging out with immigrant dads. Yeah, yeah. That's, I don't think there's been a single person who's not an immigrant dad. No, no, well, technically, I mean, do you consider the Irish immigrants?

How soon? What do you talk like? Like always been here. Oh, yeah. No, okay. He's the one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I had a native New York Jewish guy. So I've had two white-ish people. Sure, sure, sure. But even that. The rest have been truly immigrants. But I think when you're just a cabbie, like you are an immigrant. It doesn't matter. You don't have to be of color. Yeah, absolutely. But like a cabbie is an immigrant job. Absolutely. And you go to Paris. I shot in London. Oh, cool.

But in London, they have the black cab, which is a white man, working class man's job. But the Uber is an immigrant job. Yeah, true. Because you don't have to take the knowledge. Are you familiar with the knowledge? Yeah, you have to do like a test to like, basically, you're not allowed to map or anything. They tell you like, go from here to here, the most efficient route. You have to memorize every street in central London. It's fucking... I'm literally serious. It's not... London's...

London makes New York look like fucking Athens, Georgia. And they don't have like, at least here we have like 5th and A. There it's like, take me to Lord Swally Bond's Lord Swally Bond's court. Right next to like, what is a British name? Like Wallace's Pub? Go on Google, there's 700 Wallace's Pubs. Take me to the Redcock and Foster's.

right away. Well, that's such a British name. Yeah, yeah. That might be a real place. It probably is. I went there for the first time last, or this summer, and I actually, it pissed me off because, like, I love shitting on the British. I love talking about how they're, you know,

They kind of just get away with... They just were the Nazis to half the world for like a hundred years. And everybody just kind of lets that slide, you know? I guess because World War II, it's like, who were the most recent Nazis? And they did it to non-white people mostly. I mean, the Irish got, you know, obviously. But still, the British get let... You know, their shit gets... We let them slide so much. Their food sucks, whatever, whatever. And then I went there and I was like...

This city's fucking incredible. It's like old... It's like, imagine New York, but also there's just something from the year 700. Right. And it's still a library. It was a library that like monks used. And you can go in there and get a book today. Well, they haven't had

the Denverification of every city in America. They don't have the shitty glass and metal fucking buildings. Everything in this country looks like Denver. Baltimore looks like Denver. Minneapolis looks like Denver. Austin looks like Denver. It's all Denver. New York looks like Denver now. You know what's interesting?

calling it Denver so because I think everybody maybe associates it with the first shitty suburb they're familiar with because like you could call if you're in New York you say everything looks like Williamsburg right because it's that for

For me, I don't know if for you, Elders, we're from Maryland. Silver Spring, Maryland is what I think of, which is kind of like, that was the first place I saw those shitty glass and metal buildings. I don't like the paint, the weird window. Like, it's red. Yeah, yeah. Like, why is it red? Or blue? The skinny leather, the way too skinny addresses.

And it's like, you're right. Everything fucked. And London just looks so... Everything's old as shit. They kept it. The trains are incredible. The cabs. Those black cabs that we were talking about? Fire. You fucking sit. You're facing your friend. That is something. It's awesome. That is something that's also in Paris.

Yeah, why don't we do that shit? It's the simple shit. We were just in Paris shooting subway takes, and every time we got the cruise four people, every time we got in the car, we had a business meeting. Yeah, dude. Two guys over there, two guys over here. It's nice. You're talking to your fucking friends. You haven't been to London, have you? I have a couple times. Oh, yeah, you're right. I'm sorry. What am I talking about? You've been a... Sorry. I forgot how multicultural... It's unreal. I don't know why Americans all want to face the same direction. I know. People complain about...

you know, I think fucking car sickness, but shut the fuck up. Can you get car? I don't know. I drive it. Yeah. I get it. I get it when I'm going straight, which is really bad. Cause when we were doing keep the meter running and I had it for a moment in time, I had car sickness, but it was during when we were shooting a lot of episodes and I'd be like in the back of the cab, but then it went away. And it's the only time in my life I ever had. I feel like I may, it may have self inflicted. What was going on at the time? Were you stressed, man?

Was I stressed? I don't know. I'm kind of too blessed to be stressed. I try to maintain a level of stasis where I don't go too up and I don't go too down. Was that always the case? No. No, no, no. I've been on the verge of...

mental breakdown and bipolar kind of like. Oh, really? General, I'm a light version. Okay. Which is called cyclothemia. Cyclothemia. Yeah, which sounds fake but is real. Sounds like a Strokes album. Sounds like a, it's somewhere in Julian Casablanca's hard drive.

Oh, my God. Cyclothemia. Or Phoenix. Yeah. Cyclothemia. Yeah, yeah. Maybe I am literally just thinking of the Phoenix. Well, they had that listomamia. Yeah. Cyclothemia is a rapid cycling. It's essentially the same as bipolar, except it's more rapid. It's like six days up, six days down, six days normal, six days...

So I would just wake up. Little slider to the bipolar's burger. Yeah. And it's not, it's like the period is not so, it's not so manic that you're like, I'm going to go gamble like my house. Yeah. You're just happy.

and like really productive, honestly. Like I like that part of it. And so I found this medication which only treats the depression part. Oh, sick. So now I'm just manic all the time. That's pretty nice. But it's nice because that's just my, like my stasis is now like high energy. Interesting. And like,

pretty excited and optimistic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's not a depression drug. It's not an SSRI. Interesting. I don't know what it is. You don't know what it is? You just take a loose pill. And for a while, yeah, I take a loose thing because there

There was a moment where I was like, oh, I think I'm cured. Yeah. And so I stopped taking it and I fucking tanked immediately and just got really. I love when people do that. I've had friends who like just have a couple good years and they like just forget that it's because of the medication. I know that's what it's the same thing as like, you know, when you're in a relationship and you're like, whoa, I could fuck hot girls. And it's like, yeah, because this woman built you up.

The second she's out of your life, you're back to being a loser. That's so true. And it's like that happens a lot where people think they're just like, yeah, maybe there's some side effects, whatever. Just stick with it, man. Do you have any conditions?

Not really. Just the classic stuff. You know, anxiety, depression stuff. Barely anything, you know. Just the classic American cocktail. Just like, you know, just, but, you know, being fat as shit, I guess. Oh, that's nice. Yeah. We're the same. We're both obese. Yeah, yeah. I got the COVID shot early. Oh, wow. Fucking stealing valor, dude. No, I am. No. No, I am. We're in America, brother. We got to slide that scale a little bit. We got to grade it on the curve. They put me in the.

obese file I said alright every time I go to the doctor he says you're obese and I say I know I've been obese my whole life really and then people go you're not obese yeah and I'm like well you are wearing the coat you were talking about being a coat guy maybe you do have a shitty dumpy body under there cause you do have a pretty nice thick leather coat where I can't you're cutting a nice silhouette right now

Look at this. Yeah, you know. You're on the verge. I would say you're on the verge. Of being obese? Of like being. Or of being fat. Of turning into like a, like, you know, dad. Like that straight dad bod. I have that. You know. I have that already. That, when I take my shirt off. You're Egyptian? Egyptian, yeah. Yeah, you're in that like Egyptian dad zone. I know. They have nice bellies. Yeah.

Like, Egyptian bodies are, when they're nice, they're nice. That's one of my favorite things when I go to Minnesota, which, shout out Minnesota, shout out Minneapolis, which is where I'm from. Oh, hell yeah. Love Minneapolis. I moved there when I was, like, two years old. Actually, like, six months. I always forget the details of my childhood. Were you from Egypt? Yeah, yeah. From Cairo. Cool. I'm ESL. I actually just realized that I'm ESL. Nice, dude. Oh, wow. When I was, like, 35. I am, too, but, like...

I went to preschool with a Greek accent. Did you only speak Greek? I only spoke Greek, but I lived in Baltimore. Oh, yeah, yeah. It was just my parents only spoke Greek to me. That's pretty much the same condition. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Eldest Albanian. He actually knew Greek. We're talking to an Albanian refugee over here. Oh, that's right. Only because Greece provided him...

some safe haven for a couple years as he allowed in America. For six months. Without Greece, your family would be fucking in the mud farms right now outside of Tirana or wherever the fuck. Albanians, I think, are the most underrated New York category. Properly rated. No! Everyone's always talking about

Oh, the Italian-Americans. Oh, the Greeks. Oh, the Italians. Okay, Greeks, number one with a bullet. We can all agree, and there'll be no further discussion. I think Albanians are treated unfairly in this city. That's true. Stop. Stop. You're going to lose your fucking soundboard privileges, okay? When's the last time somebody said, oh, you're in town? Let's go get an Albanian meal. They don't do that. They go, oh, let's go have Polish food. Let's go have pierogies. Pierogies, I will tell you.

I am willing to move Albanians up in the white European rankings past Poland. Here's the thing. I like to keep Elvis down because this is sort of the... I'm building you up. Are you familiar with the Greek Albanian? We sort of... We're trying to basically teach...

This is like how Sesame Street teaches little kids about, like, you know, how to act in school or how to eat vegetables or whatever. We're trying to teach people who don't know about Greeks and Albanians. This is Greek state media. This is Greek state media. Because we've had this our whole lives. You guys have a kinship. Yeah, I mean, we've literally been friends since we were five years old. And that's always been a fun element of, like, you know, just kind of...

Truly, ironic racism happened to me so early because we had another friend's family who was literally racist against Greeks who were like villager idiot Greeks who thought they were better than Albanians. And I remember thinking as a little kid, like, wait.

They actually think Eldest is a fucking piece of shit. I was like, that's crazy. And then it, like, was... That was the first time I realized, maybe, dude, honestly, maybe you and our pal and, you know, that set my life down the course of thinking, like...

like thinking racists are funny because of how stupid they are from like a young age. I was, I was introduced to that concept literally like seven years old. One of like the dumbest guys I knew hated my little, nice little kid best friend because he's Albanian and he's just like this drunk Greek idiot and I'm like, wait. Wait, he was an adult? Oh yeah. Oh, the adult didn't like the Albanian? Oh yeah.

I thought it was like a little seven-year-old that was like, that's like, are you fucking Albanian scum? Our friend's dad wouldn't let him in the house, dude. Are you Muslim, Albanian? No, I'm not Muslim. No, never mind. But I'm close to conversion. Never mind. And we see the agenda. Yeah.

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I feel like is an underappreciated... Like, I want to go to, like, Turkmenistan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you Googled Turkmenistan? Isn't that, like, that guy's kind of on some North Korea type shit? They're all kind of on it. Yeah, that's true. In that little region, like, Turkmenistan... Oh, type in Turkmenistan, gates of hell. Yeah.

Check out this tourist attraction. Why hasn't anyone talked about this? It's literally just that. The door to hell. It's been on fire for like 50 or 70 years. That's so sick. And you go there, take a selfie in front of it. It's just on fire? That's all it is. It's a pit of fire. It's so sick. That's pretty fucking cool. And then if you do Azerbaijan Rug Museum, this is cool because it's in the, you'll see. Look at the architecture here.

Oh, nice. It's a rug. Wow. That's fucking cool, dude. Right? Like, these places are sick. I'm a big rug guy. My mother... So when my grandparents...

My mom's parents came here in the 70s. Her dad was a, you know, he was like a machine worker. And the first job my grandma, my grandma was just like, I'll do whatever for a buck. And well, I mean, you know, within reason. She didn't go to America selling pussy, everyone relax. But she, she, she had never worked on rugs before. She like off the like,

off the plane got a job repairing like oriental rugs and so my mom and my grandmother my whole life like i would go after school to my mom's job where she would repair just in this old like sick rug store and i would just like be playing and so i love that's my this museum i actually would love to go let's go let's fucking let's do the pot over yeah yeah yeah

No, that whole... It's so wild, wild west out there. There's another city I forgot, or another country or city I don't remember, but the guy's obsessed with white, like white marble. So the whole town...

It's just white. Interesting. It's all white marble. It looks like heaven. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It looks like this. Beautiful. Except it's not dilapidated. It's all new. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Interesting. So it just looks weird. It's just like a weird... White marble town. Oh, there it is. Is that Turkmenistan also? I think so. That's Ashwat.

It's also in Turkmenistan. Yeah, the capital. Yeah, I think this guy is like some kind of fucking... No, they're not good. No, he thinks... I don't think they're good people. Yeah, that's a sick statue, though. Go down a little bit, Eldest. That little skeleton boy? More motherfucker. Right there, yeah. That, like, weird gold guy on top of a mountain. It kind of looks like a dick now that I see it, though. I mean, everything's a dick if you look hard enough. That's true. Or if you look long enough, really. But that has kind of dick and balls...

Whatever. Those little hats, too. I like their little hats. Yeah, they have a nice little swag to them, for sure. They have a nice little swag of, like... Eastern Europeans are... Well, that culture is coming back, like the Slavic... Slavcore. Turkmen is... You're kind of Slavcore. Yeah, we have a little... Greek... I've said, like, Greeks are... I have a bit where I say Greeks are the whitest, like, Arabs. But I... But it's like you also have to sprinkle some Slav in there. Yeah, yeah. Because it all... Basically...

That basically means north and south. People never think of Greece as, like, northern and southern because you just think the islands, all this place. But, like, by the mountains, it's... Like...

It kind of is... Like, my grandma, in her pictures of, like, when she's kind of young, kind of looks like a Turkmenist, like, Kazakhstan, where people, like, kind of look a little Asian. Yeah, yeah, they do. Like, my grandma has, like, the high... Those high-ass cheekbones. Yeah. Like, she's such an old little lady now that, like, you know, she just looks like an old lady to me. And then you see a picture of her, and it's like, this could be the Turkmeni dictator's daughter. Like, she, like, straight-up looks Kazakh. Turkmeni royalty. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, you...

you have a little Asian in you. You really do. I think that is just being fat. I think that people think of a smiling guy with fat cheeks and the whole sumo thing. No. But you know what's funny? I went to Popular Jewelry in Chinatown

And this is when I had my head shaved and I had no facial hair and I was like hairless. They thought you were actually. And they literally. No, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, they asked me if I was Chinese. And it was the first. And I wasn't. I was less fat at the time. And I was just like, truly, these were people that like barely spoke English Chinese. And they were like, who thought I was Chinese. That's tight. So that was interesting. That was the first. Yeah, they actually did. And I was like, they're like Chinese. And I was like.

What? I was like, it took me like five minutes to get what they were asking because it's never happened. So yeah, maybe because of my grandma. That's so, that's, well, that's good though. Being ethnically ambiguous, I realized, is great. Because you can go, I can go to Italy and people are speaking to me. Bon Vitae or whatever they say. Go to London, they're like, okay, he's,

It is true depending on how you dress. You could be five different races. Yeah, I could be Puerto Rican. I could be Dominican. The only place like but if you're Norwegian and you go to Italy, you don't blend in. You're obviously a tourist. So I realized that having the dark features because I used to not like mine. I don't know.

I don't know if you have the same problem, but like... Not really. I was like, I don't really want to be... I don't like curly hair. I don't like... I don't even want a beard. Look at this guy's beard. Oh, yeah. Fucking power. He does love it. How much power is in that beard? Eldest is... The thing is, he's not ethnically ambiguous. That's... If you look up Albanian... Well, Albanian... Eldest has the Minecraft Albanian head. Why are Albanians white? I don't know, man. They're so white. I don't know. They're very... They're snow white. I think it's their inbred, right? Yes.

I don't know. I wouldn't say all that. I think I would say that pretty confidently. They're so nice, though. I had an Albanian Uber driver the other day, and he was really a nice guy. Yeah. Don't make me admit that I like Albanians on camera, man. Don't make me admit that my closest friend is an Albanian. Albanians are going to be part of the New World Order. Thankfully, Eldest says shit like this and knocks me off my... The shift is happening.

Who's at the top of the New World Order? God, I don't know. But it will be Albanians. Let's not rank the races right now. No, no, no. We're not ranking the races. Let's not get an Albanian's perspective on which races are the most powerful. We just want to know when the U.S. falls. Right. Well, I think China, right? China's kind of poised. An ally of Albania, by the way.

I licensed the 70s. India's a little sleeper. They're a little sleeper. That is true. I think we take them for... We do. We're like, oh, they're not a threat. Yeah. But they got a lot of people. They got numbers. They got numbers, dude. They're doing numbers. They have a strong work ethic. Yep. You know? Chinese also have a strong work ethic. Arabs...

That's why we're never going to be on top again. And that's why I say Greeks are kind of like Arabs. Yeah, they just hang out. Because it's a chilling culture. Yeah, you hang out. Yeah, drink a little coffee cups. A little coffee, a little tea. Eat meat off a fucking thing. Yeah, it's awesome. A lot of joking around. Love joking around. Not a lot of business.

Unless it's import-export, of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, Egyptian in particular, I feel like, is kind of its own little, you know what I mean? Because you guys kind of have like, I don't know, like the North African thing, it's not quite the Middle East, you know what I mean? It's like you're in North Africa. It's not quite, it kind of has, yeah, like you're in that, we could take a corner of the, like a circle of the world that kind of has Greece, Egypt,

you know, Egypt, Turkey, and like a little piece of like the more southern Slavs. And it's like they're all pretty much the same type of guy, a different flavor of the same type of guy. Same body, though. Yeah, definitely same body. Us. Definitely same body. Variations of us. Yeah, yeah. I love it. I love that. And it's a great, that is the thing, you're right, that there's a Slav core and also like an Arab thing of like,

you could be a big fat piece of shit with the hottest woman you've ever seen in your life. And that's like kind of expected. Like no one thinks...

And that is something I am truly leaning into. That's what I've found in my, you know, in my advanced age of soon to be. Well, now when this comes out, 36 years old, I've definitely found that out of like, that's the, you know, these are some lessons I can learn from my forefathers. We're blessed at a time when you and I were growing up. It was the Brad Pitt. Sure. It was the Freddie Prince Jr.,

Right. You know, it was the Ryan Reynolds. You're right. And now. It's kind of bifurcated to you're either a twink that women want to fuck or you're. Just like a fucking daddy. Yeah. Some kind of daddy. Yeah. And that's the beauty of it. It's great. There's a lot of different flavors of that, too. Yeah. There's the Adrian Brody, long nose, very skinny. He's like a hybrid of a twink and an ugly guy. Right, right, right, right, right. And then there's like the thick bodysuit.

men. I would consider Javier Bardem as a thickie. He's a thick booty. I don't know that you can claim him. You don't think so? I think he's the ideal

The ideal man? The ideal of that type. You know what I mean? Yeah, he's the hottest, ugly guy. Yes. Like when a woman's like, I have a Javier Bardem. Like a woman with an ugly boyfriend who just kind of has a nice head of hair maybe. They'd be like, I'm really into Javier Bardem types. You know what I mean? The way you might be like back when Pamela Anderson was an archetype and it was just like any blonde lady with like...

big tits, even if she wasn't like that hot. Knockers is good.

I do like knockers. Actually, I don't really use knockers that much. Well, I'm taking myself back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, she has huge knockers. Fucking fat knockers. My wife does love Javier Bardem. I mean, point proven right there. Every time she says that, I'm like, God, he's not really my type. Exactly. I do go more for the Brad Pitt scum and old fashioned. We're all idolizing Brad Pitt and they're all idolizing. Like, who's another ugly hot guy? Yeah, yeah.

Who's another one of these guys? Like, I mean, there's old, like, Serge Gainsbourg, just straight ugly. Yeah, yeah. He has a baddie, you know what I mean? Like, a baddie, like, he's, like, he's known for being ugly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, like, his wife, I mean, Jane Birkin, like, a total babe. Yeah. Like, look at this. Yeah, that's awesome stuff. That is, to me, that is an inspiration to all of us. Mm-hmm. Kind of, like, off-looking guys. I mean, my vision board is the pit. There's, like, a couple, I've said it before, red carpet pictures of, um,

Joe... Fuck. I can't believe... My cousin Vinny. Joe Pesci. Oh, yeah. And it's like him and his model wife that is like fully a foot and a half taller. And like...

The fucking aura just buzzing off him. Fucking drip. Like, it's like, that's the thing of like, you know, not tall. Like, I don't give a fuck about height. I would date a tall woman. But it's just like that imbalance of the like, there's something to be said of like just having that much sauce that it just doesn't matter. Extra sauce. Extra. Drip. Being very saucy. So I think because I did grow up around. See, I never had that thing of like.

you know, not liking being... In fact, Greek people, I think, have the opposite problem of, like, weirdly thinking we're the best for no reason. And I grew up in a Greek community, like, to the point where we called non-Greek people, we called them Americans. Like, other white people, we would just call them Americans. Like, you know, he hangs out with a lot of Americans.

And that was a point of like, when you went to Greece, that was an insult. Right. Where it's like, oh, this fucking Americanaki, right? And so I never, I grew up around all that stuff. In Minneapolis, was it just like you and your family? I think that's the difference. Yeah, yeah. Like, we didn't have really a community. Right. Like, there was not a community of Arabs. And when I went to Egypt, they would call me Agnebi. Agnebi? Which means foreigner. Yeah.

Oh, foreigners even worse. My family there is like, oh, what's up, you little foreigner? You know, I'm like, what? I was like, I'm not a foreigner. I'm Egyptian. But like saying it in English, just like that. Totally, totally, totally. I'm not a foreigner.

to my grandma. I was going to say that the key word, I think in order to have that, you have to have some sort of community. Our community was just not... It wasn't there. My dad was one of the first Egyptians to move to America, or at least to Minnesota. It was him and a couple boys, 1969, on one plane. It was fire, though, because everyone was like, that's when it was dope.

Yeah. That's when people hadn't met an era. Totally, totally, totally. And it was like Lawrence of Arabia type shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Omar Sharif. Totally. Exotic creature, like a rug. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's fucking 1969, the summer of love. Yes. You know what I mean? And my dad just full on Travolta. If you watch Saturday Night Live. A closeted gay man. Yeah.

No, you never know. Yeah. You never know. It would be fun. But, like, just, like, watched that movie and said, that's me. That's the closest thing to me. Slicked his shit back. Yeah, he went full, like, disco balls hanging out of the pants. Like, in every photo that I have of him is balls. Hey.

They're massive. Massive hog. Respect, dude. Did not bless me. Damn. That's really tough. Did not only know that, but like see the pics. I mean, they were literally in my face every time I look at old photos. And I get embarrassed because every time I show like a woman in my life, they're always like, damn. And I'm like, I know exactly what you're thinking. And then it's a letdown. My dad had a huge dick.

Like, enormous. R.I.P. R.I.P. to the bad butt. R.I.P. He's hogging in heaven right now. Cause of death, massive dog. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Too much blood flow. He tripped on it. It just fell down the stairs. I get that, man. Damn, dude. Yeah. R.I.P. to the boy. R.I.P. to the boy. So he moved by himself? Yeah. Is your mom American? No, she's Egyptian, too. He went home. He did the old... Oh.

Oh, wow. He did the old let me get myself a nice little Arab girl. Yeah, went to the wife store. Yeah, went to the wife store. Did a little lying, which I thought was interesting. Okay, about what? Told her he was, okay, so he lied about his age. Interesting. He was 20 years older than her, but he told her that he was only 10 years older. Wow.

And she didn't discover it until they were married and I was born. Wow. Which at that point is kind of her fault. Yeah, I mean, that doesn't say much about your mom's detective skills. Yeah, like, Mom, you didn't know until I was born? And then she was like, and then it was too late. I was like, what a good liar. Yeah, yeah. Like Mad Men. My dad was on this Don Draper show. Yeah, you're born, he's like...

He wasn't even there, bro. He was taking a nap. He was playing fucking backgammon, smoking a cigarette. He was 45 when I was born. And my mom was 25. And she thought he was 35. Wow. From what you're telling me, did he look youthful, though? Yeah, he had that hog. She was digmatized. He had this kind of look going on. He was like an ugly hot guy. So he was all good.

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Wait, is your old man second generation? You're second generation. I'm the first generation born here. Oh, so... Yeah, yeah, yeah. So my family came here in the 80s, like a few years before I was born. Seven years before I was born, they came here. And yeah, they were already married. My mom moved...

With her family, her dad got a job and just moved the family to America without even like consulting his wife. He just came home one day. He was like, by the way, got a sick job offer. It's in Baltimore. And you know what's really fucked up? He had the choice between Astoria and Baltimore. And he fucking chose Baltimore because he knew one guy that... That's the classic move. And by the way... That's how my dad ended up in Minnesota. Yeah. There was one guy. Just so you know, fucking one of your boys...

And I say I'm pissed, but like if my mom came to New York, she's probably not going. She hated Baltimore so much that she and they weren't even in like the city. They were like the burbs. She hated it so much that she went back to Athens by herself. That's where she met my dad. So I say I'm pissed because in my head I'm like he would just own a house here that's worth like their house in fucking the shitty neighborhood that we grew up in is probably worth $1,000.

$170,000. And the house we, if they had bought a house here, it would be worth $2.5 million. Right, right, right. But having said that, my mom probably never goes back to Greece. I'm never born, whatever. Or who knows how consciousness works. Maybe I'm born with my mom. Maybe it's passed through your mom and I'm just so fucking sexy. I don't have my dad's stupid catwalk.

anger problem genes. Or heart problems. That's a good take. Sperm doesn't matter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like the essence is born from the mother's womb. Yeah, I can see that. And the sperm is more about like vibes. Yeah, just fucking fleshing it out. There's probably a couple things that sperm gives you. There are, you know, I've been reading, a.k.a. seeing a couple TikToks.

I think it's because I think it's because my brother just had a kid so I've been like just more interested in baby stuff and like or and it's probably spying on me so it's yeah it's just like I'm getting videos that are like

Talking about babies, but also talking about like what does you know? What does a baby get from its mom versus instead of parent like you get certain you do it does work that way where it's like certain things really are Like you know way more determinative depending on send me those videos. Yeah, I just had a kid Oh, you just had a kid just had a good ground Wow How old you talking? How's the baby 11 months? Oh?

Oh, cute. She's dope. That's awesome. She's very cool. Imagine if I was like, she sucks. She's so shitty, man. She doesn't even know how to. Yeah, she doesn't chill. She doesn't chill, I'll tell you that much. She's like an annoying chihuahua. Like, just doesn't stop moving. And I keep calling my mom. I'm like, what is going on? Didn't you say you're always moving? Yeah. Maybe she's got your little fucking... My jeans. Yeah, insanity. Papa's motor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Your little bootleg bipolar. Maybe she's got it.

bipolar minus. She's fucking choking bluey. She's, she's, she's, the one thing that concerns me is I feel like her hands are too big. Oh, okay. And I'm like, you know, with a dog. Yeah. That means it's going to be a big dog. Oh, she might be a big girl. That's cool. Yeah.

Is it cool? Yeah, she's fucking huge hands. The hands are massive. My boy, my little guy, my nephew, he has huge hands. Okay, maybe it's just a baby thing. I think it's a baby thing. They look big in comparison to their little ass body. Dude, they're so big. Because their arms are short as fuck. Like T-Rex. Yeah, but their hands are kind of, you know. They're big, man. Yeah, I don't know. I hope her hands don't grow.

Oh, you want her to grow into them? Yeah. They should stay that size. You want dainty little hands, dude? Nah, dude. You want a big workman style girl? Fucking, just a, you know, a modern, a modern, we're talking, she's going to be 20 in 2045. So she can man the AI machine? Dude, it's going to be the big girls. It's going to be for the big girls, dude.

We need a big girl to man the AI computer. Do you want her hands? You know, it could be a fucking athlete, you know? She could be an athlete, but that would have nothing. I'm like not a throw the baseball around type of guy. Right, right, yeah. I'm like, let's make a funny movie. Sure. You know, I'm hoping that she's a nepo baby. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I really... Clock's ticking. I am working very hard. Right now, she's okay. No.

No disrespect, I like your work, but there wouldn't be, if she gets cast in something, there wouldn't be an expose of like, her dad had some sick web series. No, that's why I'm working so hard. That's why I'm working so hard.

It's true. Yeah, you want her. Now it's like a daughter of niche micro internet celebrity. Niche micro internet vertical short form unscripted video series creator Kareem Rama's daughter cast in a new unscripted vertical unscripted video series directed by her father. Yeah.

Yeah, dude. You want people pissed off when... You want people to love her and then figure out... You want that cycle of, oh, this girl rules and then it comes out. Right. So she can't use my last name. She has to... Like Lily Rose Depp. Brave. Brave. Brave woman. Very, very brave. She came out and said, I'm Lily Rose Depp. I'm Lily Rose Depp and my dad didn't do anything weird. My dad...

My dad's still chill. And my dad's a pirate. She's 10 years too late, man. 10 years ago. I know. He's the fucking fun pirate guy. He's not. There's nothing weird about him. He's someone that was very attractive. Yeah. And then decided to literally look like a pirate. Yeah. Yeah. He really was just like, am I? Did he lose his mind on like pirates of the Caribbean 4? Where he's like, I am this guy. Yeah.

It's like what was Austin Butler when he couldn't stop doing the Elvis voice? That guy fascinates me. I love that guy. I wonder if it's a bit. I don't think so. I think the best actors are so fucking stupid. They don't think, they just are. And I think he's one of those guys. That's how I feel about Brad Pitt. Great actor. You hear him talk. It's like, what the fuck? Or you hear him trying to be funny and it's like...

Like, this sucks. I just think about the name of his production company, which is Plan B Entertainment. I'm like, brother, like, you've never heard of this other plan? Like, come on. Like, yeah, you might be right. Your theory might be correct. I was looking at all the production company names because I obviously want to start one. And they're not good. Yeah. Like, no one's getting creative. Right. You know? That's true. It's a little upsetting. I'm trying to think of any...

Like Jordan Peele. Shout out Jordan Peele. But like monkey paw. I don't like that. I like it. I would like to be in a monkey paw. Not the horror? But it's just like. The classic monkey paw wish? I know. No, I had to Google it. Oh, see. But it's just not like. I like it. Okay. I know what you're doing. Huh? I think it's great, Jordan. You know, come to think of it, you're right.

I didn't realize it was a... Okay, so it's based on more. No, I actually like... I'd love to trash things, you know, other things, but it's based on... The Monkey Paul Wish, to me, is such a funny... Can you explain that? I forgot what... I Wikipedia'd it and I forgot. So, basically, it's basically like... It's like the... It's like...

I want to have the you know it's like if you're like I want to have the biggest dick in the world right and then they just shrink everybody else's dick that's a monkey polish you know what I mean it's like it's like you know it's like it's like it's like Robin Williams' genie exactly

It's basically a genie. There's always a... It's a more intense genie thing. There's always a... Unintended consequences? Yeah, or like a catch. There's always a catch. It's basically a more severe catch type thing where the genie's always trying to trick you. The monkey paw is just like basically that thing. Well, if you had a genie, what would you wish for?

I mean, I would like a bigger penis. They did a survey. That's got to be it. It's number one with a bullet. It's definitely number one. Everyone, even guys with a, even your dad, your dad before he would wish to be back to life, he would wish to be in heaven with a fatter dick. He's like, one more inch. Just one more. Just one more inch. I want it to touch my knee. I don't fucking know. Just to, just to,

I guess I would, I would honestly just wish for my body to be reset to like factory health settings. that's a great, you know, because I have like a fucked up shoulder. You know, and so I would like to just lose, and not even, by the way, don't, I don't want to lose, I don't want to be the BMI a man should be at my height because then I would weigh 125 pounds probably. Uh,

I would literally, like, you know, those charts are fucking hysterical. But I would just like to be, you know, still fat but not this fat. And just all my nagging injuries are gone. That's nagging. Health reset is the number one thing. I think that that is honestly really good. Thanks, man. And down to earth. So hopefully the genies, if you're out there. I woke up today.

But I didn't work. Like, I was sore from walking around yesterday. Yeah, it's a really tough feeling. But I walked a lot. I've got to get probably around 10,000, I would say. Okay, not enough to be sore. Not enough to be sore. But I'm like, my feet were sore. My shoulder is also sore. And, you know, having the kid has made me... I mean, 11 months, you're in the thick of it right now. No, but it's made me realize that, like, yeah, my dad died when I was 20. And...

He didn't really take care of himself. Yeah. And it made me, I'm like, I don't want to die. Yeah. Like, I already saw my, like, mortality when my dad died. Right, right. And when you're a young man, you're like, I'm going to live forever. I'm going to do all this dumb shit. I'm invisible. You know, I'm invisible. For sure. And so I immediately clicked into, like, responsible guy. Yeah. You know, didn't have as much fun as I probably should have had. Sure.

In your 20s, you're talking about. Yeah, in my 20s. I had fun, but I didn't study abroad. I had no real vision for my life aside from I need to be the father to my actual mom and my brother and my sister. I stepped into that role. So I missed out and worked. So I started working when I was 14. Damn, what are we doing? McDonald's at 14. Wow. Which is like...

really young. Yeah, you need a fucking special paper. On like my 14th birthday. Wow. I was like, I need a job. Did you have a beard already? No.

But you know what was fucked up? I went to... So I started working in the summer of eighth grade. Damn, dude. That's fucked up. And I gained like 40 pounds. Of course, dude. So I went to high school as like a fat boy. Oh, no. But all my life before that, I was like this, like almost fat, but not actually. The access to the fucking nuggets, boy. I mean, I would literally walk past the nuggets and pop one. And in my head, I'm like...

It's a fucking nugget. It's just a nugget. So like, but 40 calories, that's how many are in one nugget. Yeah. Times 20 every day. Yeah.

And then also. 800 extra calories. And then mix in like. And that's no fries. No, no. Mix those in. Mix in the. McFlurry. I mean, I was eating 5,000 McDonald's calories. Yeah. And I think that McDonald's and those types of fast foods, I think that their calories, I really think are harder to lose than like regular. Interesting. Like, I think that they're like sticky. Okay. It's like they make it. I'm literally. Love this kind of bro science. I'm doing, yeah, I'm doing Joe Rogan science. Yeah.

But it sounds convincing. Put that music under it, Elders. Back to the original point. Yes. The kid, like, I'm now... I'm like... You want to live. I'm like, should I monitor my health? Like, they make it so easy. Like, the aura ring, I don't have one yet, but I'm thinking about it. I don't think those are real. Does that thing monitor? This doesn't really do shit. It's purely the steps. And, you know, I...

It's like it hasn't really I've done a lot of health things where it's like, why haven't I seen any difference? But I think about like what would happen if I didn't do it? Like I've been sober for a year and people are like, I'm sober and I cut out soda and I lost 500 pounds and like literally nothing happened. And and then the same thing with like this Fitbit. It's like.

I don't fucking... I'm not a huge exercise guy, but when I don't wear it, I just... There's just something in your dumb brain when it's like you're kind of... I'm not doing shit and I see like, oh, fuck, I only have 4,000 steps. I'll go walk for... Even if you just... I'll just go pop out and like...

Go fucking grab eggs or whatever. Top it off. And then I'll just, I'll take an extra fucking, it's purely like, kind of like the McDonald's thing of like something you're constantly thinking about. This kind of constantly puts the, it's purely steps. I don't monitor. Yeah. I also don't believe that these things actually monitor your sleep or your any of that shit. I think that's all. Yeah, go crazy. I just want to ask him. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I don't know.

Like, my friend was, like, saying it, like, monitors your oxygen. It can tell you when you're about to get sick. I don't know. I think that's all fake. You think so? I think that's... We all are worried about dying, and they know that, and they're like, oh, they'll buy this $500 piece of fucking metal if we say it'll make them live longer. That's my guess. I think it... Don't get me wrong. I think it can work. I just think...

you probably for it to really work you probably have to calibrate it and that's different for different people's bodies and all this other shit there's a way to track things for sure and maybe whoop those straps are better I don't fucking know and I'm sure some of them work I just feel like a lot of the data you're getting

It's probably fucking fake. Like that fucking weird guy that like, you know, measures his son's cock at night. I just watched the doc. Yeah, yeah. I just watched the doc. He has the ability to like track his shit. You think he sneaks into the room with a little tape measure and measures his son's cock? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He takes a string and he measures the diameter of his son's cock. No, but he is... Yeah, he's measuring his son's erections or whatever. And he just does... He just looks...

Like a regular, he looks like a fucking regular ass dude and he just, he looks shiny as fuck. He looks really shiny, but that's just the skincare routine. Yeah, exactly. This episode of Stobby's World, it's brought to you by booking.com, booking.yeah. Now, every time I use booking.com to find a place to stay in the United States.

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I've heard you talk about your weight a lot. Are you actively trying to lose weight? And is it because you are afraid of like, I don't know, like a carter, carter, carter, Larry? I don't know. Like some sort of like, are you afraid of like a blood clot or like, are you, or is that more about your appearance? It's not about my appearance at all. A sexy boy. Thank you. I appreciate that. Truly. It's actually fucked up. I appreciate that. Thank you. Thank you. You are Joe Pesci. Yes. No, that's too much. Um,

It's actually, I wish...

It was about my appearance. Because, like, in the past, when I wasn't as confident, when I wasn't successful, when I didn't have shit going on, the things that made me lose weight were my appearance and feeling, like, insecure and all this stuff. And, like, you know, will I see a picture I'm tagged in from an angle I wasn't aware of and be like, God damn, what the fuck is going on? Yeah, I'll have that, you know. And appearance-wise, I would legitimately like to lose, like, 30%.

30 pounds, but I would be very comfortable being like 270, you know? But I should, I should be less than that. And it's purely health. It's exactly what you said. It's like, I want to fucking live. And then especially, you know, it's not my kid, but a nephew is like a real, I'm like, I want to be around for this kid. And it's even, you know, I'm even thinking about, do I want to have kids? Do I want to have a family? Whatever. And the nephew really makes you think like, oh, this is a fucking...

It's a new... It's crazy to just put it plainly. It's a new generation. Yeah. And that this kid... I have to be for this kid what my aunts and uncles and, like, the people that are still in my life. And it just kind of makes you think, like, holy fuck. There is a before this kid was born and there's an after. And then you think about how...

You only know your parents for half of their fucking lives. And like, I'm at the age right now where my parents, about the age where my parents had, they had my brother, they had me at 33 or 34 and my brother at 36. I'm a, I'm 36. So I'm like at the age, every life experience I have had, it's like, I don't know. I don't know that part of my family's life, a whole, what my entire existence is like. So I have, I want to have that level of life.

after this kid and like it's just insane to think like oh I'm entering the second half of life where I'm the adult to some babies and some kids and so like yeah it's that it's weird it's the invincibility thing and that's over and not only that but it's thinking like wait what did I waste my youth on?

Like some guys fucking do drugs. It's like we ate ice cream. Like I ate ice cream and didn't get that much pussy. You know what I mean? Like it was like I didn't do cool shit. I didn't like jump off cliffs. But you had a good fourth quarter. Yeah, we closed strong for sure. You had a good maybe even second half. You had a good second half. Sure. When does the second half start? Like 24? It's like 24 to 34. I had a good 25.

I had a horrible three after that and the rest were pretty good. You had a horrible three? Just moving here is tough. Oh, yeah. I don't know. What age were you when you moved? I was 25. Yeah. I moved to 26. It feels old. It feels a little old. It feels a little old. You got to catch up. And it's exactly. It's like you're going through shit you should be going through when you're 21.

Like the shitty apartment. I lived in this place, but it was shitty. You know, we had a bunch of roommates and I lived in the living room and like you're so fucking broke. You move. I came from, you know, I was doing stand up and you come from your little town where you're the man and then you come here and everyone hates you.

You know what I mean? And it's like, no one wants a new comedian. No one cares about you. And even the people that like you, it's like, they can't help. The people that like you and are nice can't help you. It's because it's the shittiest people in the world are bookers and like, you know, whatever. Right. That's not true. Shout out to Patrick at The Stand. He fucked, I got passed The Stand very quickly. He was the man for that. But like, you know how, like small time bookers that are shitty comics that want some power in the world. So they run a bar show. And then those people, if you're actually funny...

are mad because they're like, great, another person who's better than me in New York. More competition. You know what I mean? And so I was so depressed. I broke up with this girl and I felt weird about it. And it was just like a depressing. It's hard. You know, and then, you know, I got a fucking, and I had a shitty, you know, writing job, which it was for a shitty website, but at least I had, I wasn't, I could pay my rent, which is huge. And then, you know,

Eventually, Comptown took off and I didn't have to... Once I didn't have to worry about money and then people would start seeing me on the road because I was working a lot as an opening act. But even that, it's like I would make like after fucking expenses, like you make $300 a weekend. You know what I mean? Like it was just fucking brutal. And...

So that was really depressing. But yeah, the tail end of it has been good. But even that, it's like, it's its own issues of, I don't do well with excess. Now, the last couple years, I had too much, I had everything I wanted. Right. That killed me. Right. That was going to kill me. So it was like,

you know it's all it's all the balance the balance learning but i i think as you as as we enter early man i guess late manhood what are we in i guess mid man mid mid man mid yeah we are mid men like the changes the changes are like the shoulder pain like waking up and feeling sore my bag is just fucked it's just so weird because it's like you never thought it would happen yeah and

And it's here. It's here. You hear people talk about it. You're like, those old pieces. Those pathetic old... And I went to the doctor and I went to it for a checkup and they saw some fucked up discs. And I go to a back... I'm about to go on tour, so I'm like, actually, Dreamboat Tour, it's been going on for a while. Buy your tickets. And...

And I was gonna... I was gonna... I was like, oh, I should get this fixed before I leave for the tour. I'm gonna sleep on a bus. It's gonna be weird. It's gonna be awful. And then he... I go to the doctor. He's like, okay, well, so...

Really nothing you can really do about this. You can maybe put some shot... If the pain is really bad, here's a doctor that will shoot you up with, like, I guess what they give NFL players... Yeah, like steroids. ...when they have fucking ACL tears and they still want to play in the Super Bowl. And I was like, what? I have the same thing. I have a herniated disc. Yeah, I have a... Yeah. And the worst... Like, I never really did anything about it for a long time. I've had it for a long time, but it was, like, it was annoying, but it wasn't the worst thing in the world. And then this summer...

It slipped, and I couldn't fucking walk. Dude, I thought I was paralyzed. And I had to go to the ER, and it was like painful driving to the ER. And it was only like 15 minutes away, and I was on Long Island at the time, and I couldn't walk. And I felt like I was like, I had to get painkillers, which were nice. Yeah, that is nice. And then it happened again like two weeks later, right after I'd recovered. So I finally was like, I need to...

pay attention to this thing. So I went to like, I had the same situation. They're like, well, we could do surgery, but we don't recommend it unless it's like really bad. I'm like, well, what's really bad? And they're like, you know, it's like hard to tell what's really bad. They're like, well, if you can never walk, if you have to spend all your time in a hot tub, like that happened to fucking Bill Walton, the NBA guy. He had such a bad back that he just was in a hot tub for like nine hours a day. That's awful. He would just be chill. And it was a cool hot tub. He lived in like fucking somewhere tropical. But now I, I,

I'll send you this thing. I bought this thing on Amazon that I lay on every morning. Okay. And it kind of decompresses the spine. I think it was the spiky thing. It's a little spiky thing, but it's not too spiky. It's more of just a curve. All right. All right. But I do it every morning for like five minutes. Bro, I'm interested. I feel like it loosens it up a little bit. Yeah. And it's, you know, it's minimal amount of work, which is nice because it doesn't take too much time. And then yoga has helped. I haven't had it since I started doing that and yoga. I haven't herniated the disc. Nice.

But anyways, yeah, it was like something that needed to be addressed for a long time. Yeah. And I finally addressed it. And now I'm like, okay, what do I do about the shoulder? Like, do I fix it? Once you start doing it, that's where I'm at, where I started addressing my shit. And it's like, damn, there's so much shit to do, man. I know. And who has time? I think about people that I don't know if you work out or not. Yeah, I do. I do. That's the other fucked up thing. I've been working out.

Truly three times a week. And I've been doing like a whole year. Like this year has been, I've been sober. I've been working out with the exception of maybe two week stretches here and there. I've been fucking getting my steps. My diet has, that's how bad my diet can get where it's like, that's the only bad thing and that's fucking me up. But yes, I do work out. Well, maybe internally you are actually healthy though. I would. You know, I did go to the, I actually got a bunch of, I keep, my doctor keeps being like,

He doesn't say the subtext is like, why don't you have diabetes after after every after every test? And I'm like, he's like literally made me check my heart and my diabetes like three times. I hired like a like one of those doctors that comes to your house and shit because I just like was in Baltimore. And I was like, let's just figure this. I need to make sure I don't die on this tour. And yeah, I weirdly am.

So maybe the working on sex is working. You don't trust that? It's the meme of the guy...

get into the like diamonds and that's my diabetes he's like keep going he's he's not gonna lose weight one more year and we were giving it to every time i go to like i didn't get a physical for like two years and i was like again baby was born i was like i should get this i actually just got it like probably last month and i was like this is not gonna be good because i was like i have high cholesterol i'm gonna have diabetes like i don't eat that well like i eat

I do a lot of cleansing. You eat whatever a cabbie tells you to eat. Yeah, and sometimes that's not a good idea. And he was like, you're pretty healthy. You should watch the cholesterol, which I had high cholesterol when I was 14 due to the nuggets. Yeah, me too. I think literally I worked as a telemarketer across the street from a Wendy's. I was a telemarketer too. And that's what did it for me. Oh, nice, dude. We have a lot to get to, man. What did you sell? Mortgages. Mortgages.

Part of the housing crisis for sure. I mean, I didn't. The good thing is I was so bad at it, I did not convert a single mortgage. Really? I worked there for like, you know, I don't know, six months, one year. So your name was never on the board? Never on the board. One time it almost was, and then the guy's credit like fell through at the last second. And it actually saved me from having that off my conscience. Right. Now you don't have to worry about destroying a family. Yeah.

We could talk forever, but we need to get, we need some of your fatherly wisdom. You got to come back. We have so much, we have more to talk about for sure. Telemarketing, how you feel about being a father. Was the child on purpose? A lot of questions.

But let's take some of this advice. Let's do a little advice. And something to plug here in the middle, obviously Subway Takes. Subway Takes, keep the meter running. We're doing a live show of Subway Takes. Subway Takes live in March at Joe's Pub. Tickets already available, but we haven't promoted it yet. Hopefully the show hasn't happened yet. We don't know when this comes out. So either buy your tickets or look out for the next one. Yeah.

Come to the city and hear it. Oh, and a movie. I have a movie, Or Something. Oh, there we go. Watch it. Written, produced, starred, co, co, co. Love that. It's called Or Something. I don't know when that's coming out, but hopefully it is. Yeah, we'll put it in right now. If we know the date, we'll do this for a second. Movie comes out on, and then we'll put the date right there. Go ahead, Elders. Play us some fucking, play us some calls, little buddy.

- Hey, hey Savi, hey Elvis, hey guest of honor. So I'm 23, I live in New York City. I have about like four more months of living here, deadline, whatever, it's fine. - Deadline? - I spent the entirety of 2024 sexless. I didn't have sex one time. - She has a sexy voice. She does. - And like, I'm hot, so,

I need to know some tips on how to get good hot sex in the city. And I don't want to use dating apps. I want a bar scene meetup. That classic like seeing each other

And then going home with each other. What are the tips here? Because no one in my generation does that anymore. That is true, bro. I just need to know some tips. Go ahead. She's misguided. She's misguided. She's very misguided. Okay, what are your thoughts? Well, I think she chose to be sexless. And that's why she's not having good hot sex. Well, first of all, let's start there. Good hot sex. You're 23. Yeah.

Guys in your... I'm just thinking about how bad I was at fucking a 23. She can't fuck a 23-year-old. Hey, he said it, not me. The guy with the kid, you know? She needs to go 30 plus. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like 30 to 35. Or even late 20s, but like right in 20... Yes, exactly. What she's looking for does not happen. I remember being 23 and like going to a bar and like, you know, looking at a girl and like be like, hey...

And her being like, hey, and then me being like,

Can I have a beer, please, sir? You know, like, just the second it didn't go perfect. Like, I can count on my hands at that age how many women I met, and it went well. And the whole time, I was like, the whole time it felt like when you just, like, are trying to keep something, like, trying to keep the DDR multiplier going, where you're like, I can't miss a fucking single step or I'm back to zero. It was hard. You know? And so that's part of it. I mean, yes, probably going older is the, especially New York is the quickest thing

There's so many man children that have done nothing. But there's so many people that were losers in high school and didn't get pussy and moved to this city. And now they're rich. And now they're rich. And all they've done is whatever thing got them rich and try to fuck girls for 15 years, 10 years. But she's not looking for relationships. She's just trying to get smashed out. I think she needs to go to...

elegant places. Like, I think she's got to stop by, like, Balthazar. Okay. Like, she's got to go to the classics. Like, she's going to bars. She's got to go to restaurants that have bars. Okay. And...

hang out at these places that have like a $60 steak. I think she can't go to like Cowboys and Divorces in Williamsburg. You know, she can't go to like the Levy. She can't go to Delancey Street. There's too many hoes running around. There's too much competition. She needs to go to like a nice, elegant and stand by the bar

And just put out riz. She sounds like she has riz. Well, she doesn't, though, because she spent the whole year not getting fucked. But that's my choice. Right, but she's... Her body, her choice. Yes. But I guess part of it is also, like, you can't sit in your fucking room. No. Or even just at a bar with your friends and just, you know... And, like, basically, she's like, I'm so hot that I should be able to just, like, be wherever I am in a...

a guy that I will like and that will fuck awesome. Not even just fuck me, but will fuck awesome will approach me. And like all that stuff happens, especially good hot sex. You know, we're no prudes here. We're pro-hoes, everything, but we, but like you do have to have a, for actual good hot sex, you can't, you either have to have some sort of connection with the person or like,

Nothing in common and weirdly you guys fuck off. Just a primal. There's just like, those are the two, that's the two ways that happens. I think that she could also quarterback it a little bit more. Like, she needs to be like, I see that guy, he fucks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would like to fuck him and she needs to come up and say. A smile. How you doing? Yeah. Or like, this is my friend. Even make eyes. Yeah, make eyes. It's not going to take that much. I guess my question is, if we were talking to our friend here live.

Okay, you don't want to be on dating apps. To me, you're already setting yourself up. You could be selective on dating apps. A hot woman gets 100,000 matches... A day. A day. Like, it's like... So you could just find a hot... And the second you don't like what's going on, you could just fucking drop it. It's no big deal. That's the whole point of that game, right? It's like shopping for a car. Exactly. And so...

You know, you could do that. You already say you don't do that. So you've already eliminated one avenue to potential dick, right? Which is fine. I get that dating apps are weird. But then how often? Yeah. Are you putting yourself out there? Are you? I wouldn't even necessarily say don't go to those trashy places that we all went to when we were in our fucking 20s. But like, yeah, have a mix of play. You have to be like we have to kind of give her the same. Even though she's a hot woman, we have to give her the same advice we would give incels, which is what she is. She is an incel.

She's literally a... She's fem cell. So you have to... Your dating life starts with your social life. So are you doing shit? Right. Are you like putting yourself in a position to meet people? You don't want to be on apps? Okay. Are you fucking going to, you know, cool gallery openings, movies, you know, movie places you might bump into? Stand-up comedy shows.

I would stay away from those. Especially if it's from podcasters. I think also, all the good hot sex is to be found. It sounds like she's new maybe to New York City and doesn't realize it's a cutthroat city. It's a cutthroat city, babe. Even to get good hot sex. Even if you're a hot 23-year-old. You've got to put in the work. And that's true. It is cutthroat for everyone. Everything is a little harder here, but the rewards are so much better. And also she says she's living here deadline-like.

You're only 23. You're already going to move back to fucking Iowa or wherever the fuck. She might be running out of money. That's true. Or she just needs dick that badly. She's like, I'm going back home. I'm going to go home where I can get fucked. I think, yeah, I remember being young and having an idea of what New York is going to be. And if she's like, I need some hot guy to fuck the shit out of me and I need to get famous in four months or I'm moving home.

You got to give it a little more time. You got to give it a little more time. You know, we've all been there. But so that's, these are our general questions. Are you putting yourself out there? You seem to have, you know, confidence, confidence.

So if that's you're good there, but it's like you do got to put yourself out there somewhat. You at least have to put the ball in play. You know what I mean? Like you can't just be fine. You don't want to take charge. I get that. You're a beautiful young woman. You have an idea of how you want these things to go. But you have to put you have to win. You have to at least be in some games. Nothing comes easy.

So get out there, baby girl. Go to a wide variety of places. We believe in you. We do believe in you. I think that you've got a great voice, too. And also, if you have a couple bad ones, don't let that discourage you. Right? Like if you're looking to get turbo-fucked or whatever it is you're into. If at first you don't succeed, brush yourself off and try again. That's right. The road to a W is littered with losses. You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. That's right. That's right. It's true. Oh, holy shit.

What's going on? Oh, is it time to-- Oh, I think-- I think it's time to-- Keep it twisted. Oh my god, we-- we-- look where we are. I'm sorry, our dear guest, Kareem Rahma, couldn't be here for this portion, but we're very happy to have JP McDade keeping it twisted with us. And JP, what are we-- you know what I mean?

Thanks for taking the guest's place. And, you know, I know you really love Kareem Rama, right? I can't get enough of Kareem Rama. And their performance in Keep the Meter Running. But it's time for a very, very important message. They had to go to the bathroom and it's time for us to keep it twisted. Keeping it twisted cannot wait.

When the Twisted Sirens call, you must, when they beckon you, you must answer their call. We are first responders. We're the first responders to the Twisted T Sirens, and it's time for this week's freaking... We got a Twisted T emergency in Sector 5. We got a freaky-ass motherfucking question of the damn-ass week brought to you by Twisted T. What's the Twisted question this week, Eldest?

Hey, Stav. Hey, Aldis. I got a bit of a funny situation I'm looking for your advice on.

Uh, so some contacts, I'm 30, my girlfriend, she's 24. Keep it twisted. We've been dating about a year and a half, everything's been going good, we just moved in together. Nice. Super optimistic about the future, everything's looking good. Um, never had any arguments, um, never any big disagreement, but some things come up, and we just can't seem to get off the topic, so, um...

Here it is. So I'm sure you're familiar with the Migos. I'm not their biggest fan, but I do like some of their music. There's an ad-lib in one of their songs where they go "Mama" a few times. I got it queued up right here for you.

T-shirt. Yeah, there it is. Yeah, we know it. Mama!

So, after listening to the song a bunch, I had the ad-lib in my head and me and my girl are getting ready to get started. And as she left her shirt, I go, mama, just like the Migos ad-lib. Come on, man, you can't pull that off. Anyway, she gets worded out, blah, blah, blah, looking for an explanation why they do that. I say, I literally just explained this. I say, you know, it's on T-shirt, Migos.

They got an ad-lib that goes, Mama. And for some reason...

She's she directs playing with I I don't like the Migos. So why would I be doing an ad lib? From a song or an artist I apparently don't like She started pushing me to think I have some sort of mommy fetish you could she said it's okay if I do have this but I don't so I'm

I'm just kind of wondering how I'm going to get through this and what I should say to move on. Thanks. The next time you hook up, you take off your pants. Boom, you're wearing a diaper. Yep, yep, yeah. I mean, your girl is accusing you of keeping it very twisted, keeping it kind of high-level twisted right now with some mommy issue, mommy fetish. I will say she's got a point.

Going, mama. You could... Like, I know you think you sounded like cool and you're like, mama. But to her, it was like, mama. Mommy. Mama. So, to her, you sounded like a baby who saw tits. Mom. Yeah. Mom. Mom. So, you got to take the L here. You kept it too twisted. See...

There's a science to keeping it twisted. You got to keep it as twisted. We're all searching for the most twisted we can keep it before embarrassing ourselves. You bit off more than you could chew. You got a mouthful of keeping it twisted, and it's coming out of the sides. It's coming out of your ears because you could not digest all of this keeping it twisted. This is too big of a twisted undertaking for you.

Keep it twisted responsibly. Well, you got to keep... Part of keeping it twisted is keeping it twisted responsibly, particularly when you're enjoying an ice-cold twisted tea. By the way...

Brewed with real fresh iced tea. You don't say. Yeah. Are you fucking serious? Dude, I know. It's crazy, but it's true. That's awesome. It's really awesome. That's why they're so good. That is why they're so good. And they're 5% alcohol by volume. Just a refreshing, delicious drink. And, you know, they have great flavors, too. Peach, et cetera. Straight off of Ma's porch. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. So, yeah, dude, you kept it two-twisted.

You can't be doing Migos ad-libs. You don't have the sauce for Migos ad-libs. Start doing other mad-libs. Cover your tracks. I'm trying to think. Yeah, that is true. Go ahead, Eldis. Well, I was going to say, I get a vibe from this guy that, like, when you do something like that, when you have, like, you know, rap lyric Tourette's or something...

It's like you're talking to your girlfriend the way you would around the boys. Right. If we're sitting on the couch, I could be like, mama. And that's like kind of funny. All the bros roll with it. The girls don't really care for that shit. You just sound so stupid. That's actually his biggest sin. Yeah. It's not the ad lib. It's...

Behaving the way you would in a just chilling with the fellas, keeping it twisted responsibly. You know what I mean? Watching a movie, keeping it twisted, saying some dumb shit. You brought that energy into the bedroom. You brought like Xbox lobby, we're playing FIFA together. We're calling each other derogatory names. You brought that vibe to the bedroom too.

Too twisted. Twisted in the wrong direction. You got to keep it twisted better. Twist it clockwise, my brother, because there's a time for that. So how do you move on? You take the L. You admit you don't have the ability to do that. You hit her with the Ric Flair drip. Go woo on a bitch. Yeah, you go woo. Yeah, I mean, if you could try other ad libs, but I don't think you, you know, yeah, you're getting ahead. You're going brrrr. Grrrr. Gucci. Gucci.

Okay. Okay. Hey. Okay. It was fun. Hi. Hi. Hit her with some OJ the Juice Man. That Travis Scott would be good, JP. It was fun.

A lot of great ad libs. The best ad lib of all time is in that Big Timer song with like, on my way to fuck your girl or something like the GPS navigation, whatever. He's like, turn left. Manny Fresh says, turn left. Might be Birdman. There's some great stuff there. Yeah. So look,

Maybe try an ad-lib that you want to embarrass yourself with. I personally think that any ad-lib in the bedroom is too twisted for you. You can't pull it off. Keep it less twisted. Keep it twisted responsibly. And just don't keep the ad-libs out. And just take your L's, man. And you know what? You know how you really want to make it up to your girl? Get her a nice cold twisted tea. And remember, always...

Keep it twisted. Keep it twisted. Yeah, bark. DMX bark while you're getting sucked off. What's that? Oh, no, but we were just talking about ad-libs. There was more riffs to do, but I guess it's over now. All right, well, let's return to the episode with Kareem Rama. Keep it twisted. What else we got, LD?

Stavros Scott again. Hi Scott. Hope you guys are well. So the biggest problem I've been having lately is I just overeat, man. You know, I go hit a McDonald's, right? It's addictive. Get the fucking quarter pounder with cheese. Respect. Large fries. Respect. Large Coke. Light work. Solid. I'll eat that.

And then right after, I'll hit the Taco Bell. Right after? Okay, now you have my attention. I understand. This is something I'm addicted to as well. Okay. It's really bad. Supreme style. I love this guy. I'm so hungry. Me too, actually. I'm so fucking hungry. And at the end of the night, I feel like shit. Yeah, that makes sense. My question is, what do you do to curve this acting out with eating?

I mean... Thanks. Love you guys. It's so fucking hard. He said this and it just transported... Especially the last girl. Now, she already started me getting on being 23. And then this guy... And I'm like, oh my God, I remember the fucked up shit we would do at McDonald's, dude. At Taco Bell. The like... The like... I... Coming home from open mics from D... I would go drive to D.C. And there was one D... There was a McDonald's on...

on Route 1 right before you got to 295 to drive to Baltimore. And if I had the willpower to get... It was like, I was literally like...

Don't turn. Don't turn. But the problem was there was one also at the exact opposite. There was one when you got off the highway at 95 right before. And so it was like, if the McDonald's in DC didn't get me, the McDonald's in fucking in Baltimore would get me. And I remember just the orders creeping. It's starting like kind of, you know, like not crazy. A sandwich, fries, and some fun. I would even go like Diet Coke. And then it would just be like.

well, let's throw it. You know, I'm getting a throw on the nugs. Let's throw some four nuggets on a fucking burger. And then, and then it just like, yeah, it just fucking cascades. I respect this guy for being this level of like, he's got to get two places. Um,

Curbing it is tough. Honestly, you have to fucking... In my experience, you have to fucking treat yourself like a fucking gremlin, like a mogwai, whatever, and lock yourself up overnight. But if you're out there, and also finding things that feel indulgent, like what I tried for years was pure diet, pure like...

I'm having apples with a little peanut butter at midnight instead of a fucking... And that's not going to happen. You have to have the methadone of junk food, in my opinion. This is harm reduction. This is not solving your problem completely because if you're built this way, you're going to want to do this and like...

Even where I've lost, you know, this past year, I've lost like approximately at my I lost 40 pounds. I gained 20 of it. I lost 10. So like, let's say right now I'm like 30 ish pounds down from this time last year. And I wanted it to be a little more this year. Obviously, you know, I wanted I wanted that to be better. But a

When I was really on my shit and eating really clean or eating really good, I just tracked my calories. And I knew I was a late-night eater. So honestly, it sounds fucking stupid. I just wouldn't eat. And I'm a guy who doesn't really need breakfast, I learned. I just saved my calories for later. And not only that, but there's a Costco brand of chicken tenders.

that's very lightly breaded, that the macros are pretty good on it. And like you eat that with a little dipping, with a buffalo sauce, it feels like you're eating something and you can have like... So you need a placebo effect. You need the placebo. And then even Halo Top, right? Like a little fucking fake ice cream. You can eat the whole pint. You can eat the whole pint. And you do... I have had nights where it's like, I will have a 750 calorie meal that if you took a picture of it,

Looks like a really fucked up meal. But it's chicken tenders and it's fries that I would... You know, you can cut the fries. And if you don't want that, there's, you know, there's like frozen fries that you can put tenders and air fryers and the macros are pretty good on. Right, because less oils. Less oils, all this shit. You're doing the air fryers. Like, there's just little stuff you can do. Because you sound pretty young. There's also pretty, you know, whatever. This is a problem. Because this is a little... This is also...

It feels fucking good. It's your little ritual. And if you can have that positive feeling and not have the negativity, like that's nice. Like I remember when I was dieting really heavy in the summer, uh,

I would like, it was my ritual. It was the same way when I would come home and I would have, I would have a fucking diet A&W root beer with like, I would make these like protein pancakes that were cottage cheese, egg whites, and a little bit of oat flour. And I would put a little bit of fucking halo top

and I would fucking... And I would make it like a little fucking crepe roll-up thing. And it's like... That thing was like 200 calories with a bunch of protein and like... And it... But in my head, I'm like, I'm having a pancake with ice cream. You're gluttonous. And I would eat a little... And so...

That's what's worked for me in the past, trying to pretend this is not the disability that I have, that I must have something delicious. And I'm only saying this because this guy does not sound like he's in the place to go cold turkey. You hear it in his voice. I don't think he should go cold turkey. I will say, I think it's okay what he's doing, but...

It needs to happen in moderation. So I think if he wants to hit that Taco Bell. Yeah, I'm not saying take Canada out of your life completely. Yeah, I feel bad because he sounds like it's really it is. It's a curse. Yeah, it is. He's really I have this.

I have whatever he has. Yeah, I can't comment on it because I'm not addicted to fast food. I like it. I look at it like a treat. Like when I go to Taco Bell, I'm like, ooh, I think about it for two days. So that's the delayed gratification. Now I will have Taco Bell probably within the next four days because it's come up. But if I see it, I don't really think about eating it. But if we have a conversation, I start thinking about how good the quesadilla is. It tastes like fake and delicious. And then the tacos are fire. Yeah.

Yeah. And then you can get a whole accoutrement. Yeah, you get a nice setup, dude, for sure. And so, I don't know. It's definitely a tough situation, but I think hang in there. I think...

try to moderate, I think look at it as a reward to a tough day. Yeah. Like if you're trying to, you know, it's like you can get caught in that feedback. Like I just, speaking of what is a weekend. Yeah. Speaking of a guy, speaking as a guy who literally like this, this is what I'm addicted. That's what I've learned more than anything. It's like, I have taken pretty much every drug and it's fine. Like I can stop. I legitimately can't stop.

I cannot... This is so... This is harder by an order of magnitude. It's like food, weed, and then, like, I guess when I was taking pills. And I wasn't taking it that much. Don't get me wrong. I was never like, oh, I need to take a fuck pills. But it's like, those are just so good that you're like... The first day, you're like, I need to chill out. It's kind of like the fucking Lord of the Rings, where you're like...

Maybe just one more. Yeah, maybe one more night. Those are, well, those feel good. Yeah. This doesn't make you feel good, though.

Second you're eating it at the yeah, there's more incredible minutes sweating in bed But see dude I've said this before it to me It kind of is like it is kind of pill heroin like where it's like you're in that fucked up like I'm so full I can't do shit. I literally like that feeling that afterwards rum I don't like shitting my fucking brains out or whatever, but I like being there still

stuffed to the fuck you're usually high too it's like you're stuffed you're high your blood sugar's crashed your blood sugar's crashed and you're just a fucking vegetable and you're watching fucking Aqua Teen Hunger Force and you're like this is the happiest I'll ever be in my life and I literally mean that where it's like if there was a pill I could take to have the moment of just smoked a little bit

ate the food so I feel stuffed, but it's not starting to hurt my stomach. There is like a beautiful half hour window. I think you need that stick. What stick? That old stick. What's that? The little zumpik. Oh, yeah. No, for real. That makes me feel full. I have done some very serious research on

I'm looking into with my health care professional. Your team. Me and my team are... Medical team. Me and my medical team are engaged in some serious discussions because that is kind of what this last year taught me is that like, yeah, even this. This guy asked a question about McDonald's and I have not shut the fuck up for 20 minutes. Kareem has not gotten a word in edgewise. And he had stuff. He was like, oh, I know. You were like excited. And I just...

I was just thinking about how much... I'm a fucking expert. It wasn't even... And I didn't mean... I literally just snapped out of it. Like, I have this addiction. So that is sort of what...

I am... I do think I'm going to try it. Yes, you should. I do think I'm going to... I know some people that have lost a lot of weight. Yeah. And it's easy. Yeah. It seems like it's effective. Yeah. And it makes you feel full. So you're just... Nothing changes in your body. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, it does, but like... Something... I mean, the way you... You just feel... You eat less because you feel full. For sure. And you feel satisfied. Yeah. And there's...

You know, I've been looking into it, and I'm not even worried about the long-term shit now. I'm like, all right, what about the side effects? And especially going on tour, it's like I don't want to be fucking having diarrhea on a tour bus fucking 20 hours a day. But whatever, we'll see. I have some, you know, like I said, we're in discussions. We're in discussions. And I do think, I think I am going to try it this year because what I tried this last year was,

What if I really tried to be healthy? And like it worked until I started having to work until I started until tires came back until I had this movie to promote while tires were shooting. And that was actually the that's what killed also doing it with sobriety is hard. And because because the you know, all you have left is is the food. Yeah. When you're stressed anyway.

I think that was enough for you, buddy. Take my advice. You see that it pains me greatly that I've gone through what you've gone through. And yeah, just I think you're at a point where you need to keep the ritual but make it a little less harmful for you right now.

I am fucking hungry now that we're talking about it. I'm so hungry. I got some fucking rice in the rice cooker. I might go to Taco Bell. Yeah. There is one pretty close. Well, not super close, but yeah. Oh, wait. No, I'm on a cleanse right now. I'm actually on a cleanse. That's why I'm so hungry.

Yeah, I do these seven-day bursts. I do little bursts. And what's the... It cleans your body. No, you do a smoothie. This is why I like it. You do a smoothie in the morning and they give you, like, all this powder and stuff. And you can put, like, pretty much any fruit and vegetable in there. And then you do a very healthy lunch where you can get anywhere. That's why that fits into my life. Because I can go to lunch, get, like, a salmon salad or... Oh, you just...

They put it on you to get a healthy lunch. Yeah, but you just, like, you have a list of foods that you can eat and not eat. Like, cheese is not on the list. But, like, salmon is. So, like, I can still be social, have lunch. And then at night, it's another smoothie. Okay. And these supplement pills and tea. Hmm.

But it is more of a, like, I look, I actually look great. I'm on day three right now. I'm debloated, completely debloated. Interesting. And I think it's for detoxifying and inflammation, and it essentially cleans the inside of your body. Okay, damn. I'll send you a link. I'd like to, yeah. I really like it. I did it for 14 days once, and this time I'm doing seven days. I'm doing a little burst, but I do it like two or three times a year. It feels good. I might fucking do it. I might fuck around and do that. It's fun. Yeah.

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Hey Stavi baby, how you doing man? It's so nice to hear your voice and your beautiful face. Thanks man. I have a quick question for you.

So, my wife is a rock star. She lets me have a girlfriend. And it's pretty fun. So, this guy is the most mild-mannered. Even calling your wife a rock star. Like a LinkedIn. Yeah, exactly. He's a total social media rock star. Yeah, yeah. He really has that. And he was just mild-mannered as fuck. Awesome. Did not expect that to be where this is going. But go ahead.

But my girlfriend's husband, he's struggling doing his hustle. Come on, Eldest. Let's just put this on Eldest Got Duped Watch. This is a total bit. This is fucking fake. It's a great bit, though. But let's hear it out. We're on Eldest Got Duped Watch, everyone. Go ahead.

Come on, man. This guy's trying not to laugh his whole time. Okay. So I'm to believe that you want advice for your girlfriend's husband. Ha ha!

It's a great bit. And by the way, it's like, yeah. It's crazy. It's a great bit. I mean, I don't want to minimize it, though, if it's not a bit. I would. I do. But go ahead, Elders. Let's just finish it out. Because I'm able to keep his wife and my wife happy. So just, I don't know how to filter it to him without making him like a total cuck. He wants to be nice. Yeah, any pointers you can give would be helpful. This is insane. This is not real. Trying to...

This is not how these Polly fucking freaks talk. He's not a great listener. Yeah, any point of it would be appreciated. Best of luck. Love your show. Stay on your diet. You look beautiful. Bye. I think he should fuck the husband. Yeah, fuck his ass. Like, literally fuck him. Yeah. Honestly, yeah, you have to fuck each other for supremacy of the polycule, and then he has to listen to you.

This isn't real. There's no way this is fucking real. It's definitely not real. Because...

You don't sit your fucking girlfriend's husband down and have a life chat with him. That's not... These people fuck each other. You fuck your girlfriend. You don't fucking give her husband fucking life advice, Aldous. Jesus Christ. Yeah, it sounds like he's a little more... He's a little controlling. Yeah. That's your issue, buddy. Just let him cook. She likes the guy. You don't get a... Yeah. First of all, wouldn't... You don't get a medal in their life. Yeah. Yeah. She's happy. He's happy. We don't believe you. If you want to come back, call back with...

I don't know how you would do it. Some proof. Maybe make it sound less like you're smiling the whole time. I mean, it literally sounds like he's about to laugh the whole time. And he's like talking in short, clipped sentences so he doesn't lose it. So we don't believe you. Eldest is fucking stupid. Next question, Eldest. Hey, Bobby. Hey, Eldest. And esteemed guest. I'm calling because I have a bit of a predicament with a friend of mine. She...

fancies herself a bit of a matchmaker and has convinced herself that she has found the perfect soulmate for me. And she's really insistent on introducing us and has been for the last two or three months. The problem is that the last person she introduced me to, I ended up having to get a restraining order. So obviously

I don't really trust her judgment. Come on, this one feels fake too. Keep going. For some reason, she's just insistent on trying to get me to go out with this guy that she thinks will be the love of my life.

Why don't you want to say that? Just say that. Just say, as your friend, as your friend, you know that the last time you hooked me up with a guy...

He went to jail. Yeah. Yeah. Somebody cooks you a meal and you get violent diarrhea from it. And they're like, hey, I got some fucking linguine for you. You might not have the fucking linguine. I mean, what is this? I think she's being too soft. I think it's easy. Hey, friend, I know you have good intentions and you want to set me up with a guy. I'm okay. Also, like.

She doesn't feel bad about the other person having a fucking restraining order? No, she's re-upping. Maybe. Okay, that actually could be it. She might feel so bad that she's like, oh, I can fix this if I get her her actual husband. And so, yeah, look, you're more... And maybe I do believe this because it is how funny... This is like women not trying to hurt anybody's feelings and being so like...

like dating being so hard that you're just like, maybe I should do it. But it's like, you don't want to do it if you had to, if you had to meet this person. Like,

Also, your friend is fucking weird, too, because it's like, what is she telling this guy? Like, if someone is telling me for months, like, you got to meet my friend. The love of your life. What is she saying to the other person? Probably the same thing. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. It sounds like you just, if she's your good friend, just have a serious conversation. I mean, that's nuts that you don't say that. Yeah, that's the first thing. Like, Mark tried to fucking stab me. I don't want to get fucking noodles with this guy. That's the first thing.

That's what you say. Like, you're on probation from... What do you mean you don't want to say that? That's crazy. Or she could also lie and just say, I'm dating someone. No, she can't lie. She can't live like this. Her friend introduced her to somebody who she had to get a restraining order against. I don't want her to lie, but just in case she needs... Like, if she just... No, no, because something's fucked up in their relationship with this friend. The power dynamic? If you can't tell her...

Are you out of your fucking mind? I'm going to go on a fucking date with somebody after the last guy fucking was in my air vents. Like, then you, like, this isn't a friend. This is a person you're scared to speak up around, and that's something you need to think about, and that's something you have to, like...

this is an assertiveness problem overall for you, I think. Like, that's... Even underlying this... Like, look, you don't have to meet this guy. And yes, you could lie, whatever. But you don't want to be the kind of person that somebody fucks you. I mean, your friend fucked you over. She might have good intentions, whatever. But like...

You're allowed to be pissed at this person. You're allowed to say no. Like, they fucking had a... They brought a weird criminal stalker into your life. Like, you're allowed to not... And yeah, even if you're not pissed, you're like, hey, I get it. You couldn't have known. You just met this guy at work and you thought he was cool. I just don't fucking try. You're on setting me up with people probation. I think it's okay. I think she just says it's a pass.

But I do think you have, she, she, cause she, she wants to say you're not a good judge of character and the friend earned it. It's not like she's, it's not like her friend has a fucking, you know, lazy eye and she wants to like be like, you know, be like, uh, treat it with kid gloves and be respectful. It's not something that like her friend made a fucking weird mistake.

And it pisses her off. She should be able to say how she feels about it. Like, if this happened to me, and again, I just go back to what if this happened to me and Eldis? It would actually be kind of a gift because I would never stop shitting on him for the rest of my life. I would just bring it up nonstop. He made these really salty brownies once. We'll talk about it for the rest of our lives. Constantly. And he tried to sneak out. That was the best part. He made very salty brownies.

Don't eat it. Don't eat it. And then he was like, all right, guys, I'm going to head out. Before he cut the brownies. Who does that? Who makes a dessert and doesn't want to see everybody's face as they eat it? Or try it themselves. Take one to go. He tried a little bite. He saw how salty it was. And he was like, okay. Didn't clean up, by the way. There's bowls in the fucking sink. He's like, see, he's got his backpack on. Oh.

By the way, we all hang out until like midnight here all the time. This is the most uncharacteristic. He thought he was being fucking slick. I got to go, guys. Yeah. We're like, hey, the brownies are done. I got to go, guys. Enjoy. Yes. I was on a time. Imagine a grandmother. I had to get out of there.

A grandma or a mom? Come on. You can't make the brownies and then dip. So the salty brownies... I don't feel like cleaning that shit. I don't care. It's crazy you didn't clean after fucking ruining those brownies. What's alarming is she says, I don't want to be mean to say, hey, I don't think that you're a good judge of character. It's not mean. And that's what I'm saying. That's my point. It's a normal conversation. You have to stop living your life in fear of being mean.

My hunch is this is an overarching problem for our friends. In this relationship dynamic. And this is a safe way. Not just in the relationship dynamic. I think this is probably how she is with everybody. That's my guess. Life dynamic. Just because this was something I worked on when I was younger too, like just not being assertive, not whatever. People pleaser. People pleasing stuff, right? And so I think this is a good way amongst friends. You're with a friend.

And she did something fucked up that you're not even mad about. You just want it on the record that because of your error, I will no longer. You drove me home drunk. I'm not getting in your Corolla again. This is that. That's what she's doing. You fucking put me in danger whether you wanted to or not. I'm not going. And you're fine to say that. She is a bad judge of character, clearly. Confirmed. So, yeah, you're good.

And, you know, you don't have to be super mean about it. You can even, like, laugh it off. But I just don't want people to ever have to live in somebody else's fake reality. You want to live in the real world. And if your friend is pretending like that was no big deal, you have to be like, hey, it's cool. I get it. The guy kind of was weird. No harm, no foul. But I'm obviously not trusting your son. We don't got to go for out. You know what I mean? Yeah, exactly. The bang-bang.

What do you say? One more Eldis? What do we got here? You got time for one more, Kareem? I got one more on me. We can wrap up super quick. We like to end on a very quick one. Eldis, I know you vet me first. Hi. I'm literally watching Let's Start a Call right now. Can you fucking let your boy know that he doesn't even have a fucking IMDB photo? He has a whole ass movie.

And he doesn't even have an eye, a picture of his beautiful green face. Check, I think I did put one up. You know what I'm saying? Like, bro, please get on his ass. I went, I forget why, oh, I wanted to see when the hell it actually came out. It came out in October last year. I'm sorry, bro, I'm also sorry. I like that laugh. But listen, I was shocked. He ripped people apart about fucking advertising and stuff. And one of the main fucking things

Sorry, I'm talking your apology. Love you. Love Savi. Obviously, please give him some shit and God don't put this on the show Okay, bye, but let's go to Miami to be do I have a fucking picture up if he's right? Okay, he's right. He's right. It used to be Shane Gillis someone put that's so funny. I

Oh, it's up there. Yeah, you look great. Okay. And that's the trailer for the film? That's the trailer. That's sick. Yeah, fuck you, you piece of shit. I got a picture. Update your internet connection. That's how it works. All right. Well, that's the show. Kareem, this was great, brother. This was great, man. Thank you for having me. I love you all. Yep. Go watch Kareem's stuff. And we will talk to you guys later. Bye-bye. See you on the flip.

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