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Welcome everybody to Stavi's World, 904-800-STOP. Call in, we'll solve all your problems. We are here in our Chicago, our little Chicago stint. We're at the Barstool headquarters. We got our boy PFT, Eric Suckdickenberger, is that correct? Suckdickenberger. It was Suckdickenberg. Right. I'd try to change it if I wanted to be mainstream. Yeah. Yeah.

I love it, dude. Our boy, PFT, thanks for coming, dude. Thanks for being on the show. Absolutely. Yeah, it's interesting because you really did –

You got famous and you're as a... You're like starting as a character. Yeah. You know what I mean? Because it's like even after we were friends, it took me maybe a year to learn your actual name. Yeah. You know? I like it like that, yeah. And even your last... And it feels strange to call you Eric even. And that must be... You're like... Definitely people feel...

you know, there's a separation between who you are on mic and who you are off for everyone. But for you, it must be like extra kind of schizophrenic because you're such a defined character. And then you're just like this guy that like, I feel like I've hung out with Eric, like

for four hours of my whole life. You know what I mean? You spent more time with PFT. Yeah, I spent more time with PFT and I've been thinking about PFT because like before I knew you, I actually did, I would read KSK. Yeah. And so I knew that character and I was like, I was confused as to what the fuck was going on when you first popped up and then like when you, and then when it was you and you were just like a young guy, like, you know what I mean? Like, I didn't really know what was, and for those who aren't big, like, you know, football blog readers from 2011, like I was, like,

PFT was a... You were a character making fun of old guys on a website called Pro Football Talk. Yeah, yeah, the comments section. Exactly. So you were basically like...

Like sports Reddit guys, basically. You're making fun of the comment section of a sort of like the pro football talk is a little more old. Does it skew older, would you say? Or what do you think? I think it skews a little bit older. And it definitely did at the time. And it was like the stupidest football fans. Yes, yes. But also kind of the most entertaining with like the craziest takes. Yes. So, yeah, I mean, I would have to – I would sit down at my computer and write blogs for like –

five hours at a time and then I would have to do something that made me feel like I wasn't a complete fucking moron afterwards otherwise I would just start to think like this guy so I'd like log off and then go pick up a book and just look at the book for a little bit so I felt like I wasn't turning into this guy but yeah now it's more I would say now what you get in terms of what I do a part of my take is like

60% PFT, 40% Eric. Sure. Cause you're weaning them in. You're letting them slowly learn you as a human being instead of a troll character. And for those people that weren't online chronically from like 2012 to 2015, right? Like absorbing the culture that I was, that the character was born in, you lose a lot of that context. Yes. And so I still like me and big cats still do a lot of the trolly stuff. Of course. We still like fuck around, but, uh,

Yeah, you're starting to see more and more of the real Eric. Of you as a human being and not just like an ethereal idea. Yeah. You know, like even like, I feel like I didn't see your eyes until, like I just had no idea what your eyes looked like. You were a sunglasses guy. I didn't want people to know what I looked like. I was like, surely I'll be able to work at Barstool Sports and stay off camera. Yeah.

That was honestly my idea. That's awesome. I didn't want people to know what I looked like for a long time. That would have been fun, though, actually. I think, like, or you're just a shadowy figure in glasses and, like, you're lit kind of poorly. Yeah. They should have done that. Well, we tried to do stuff like that at first. Mm-hmm.

And then, like, everybody, we would hire just interns for the summer, and their job would be to walk around with a camera, with their phone, and videotape everything that's going on. Sometimes I would be in the background, and then they'd have to, like, look at their phone and be like, oh, shit, I have to delete this because PFT was in the background. I'm like, now I'm making this, like, 19-year-old –

job harder. So fuck it. I'll just be on camera a little bit more, but yeah, I got, I got really into the character for a little bit. Like I planned a lot of stuff out because I didn't want people to know my real name. It was funny if they could just like pretend that this was an actual guy to spend disbelief. So I sat down one day and I was like, I got to think of a name for this guy. Like what would his name be? And the name I settled on was Wayne tables. Cause like Wayne is a great shithead name. And then his family, uh,

If you go back throughout the years, like they had a job, they worked with their hands, but they're not like, you can't say carpenter. They weren't good enough at everything. They just built tables. They could make tables. Yeah, they built tables. So it's like Wayne Tables was the name I was going to go with. Yeah, Wayne Tables. Yeah, that's so fascinating. And then Dickie V called me Patrick the other day. Because before we did our interview with him. Just because PFT, there's a T and a P in there. Well, at the start of it, he was like, my grandkids told me you got to go on with –

Big Cat and PDF. And I was like, I hope he doesn't call me PDF. Like you can arrange those any other way that you want. And then halfway through the interview, he went from calling me PTF and he just switched up. And he started calling me Patrick. I was like, fuck it if Dickie V calls me Patrick, I'm Patrick. I'll be your bitch, Dickie V. I love it, dude. Shout out to Dickie V. Old as hell. Yeah, he's kicking, man. Old as hell, still kicking.

Oh, goddamn. That is very funny, dude. And then what is the—yeah, it's funny to just think of you as like an ethereal— but when it really comes down to it, you're just a guy. You're like literally a guy. Some guy from—were you from Virginia? Yeah, Fairfax County originally. Oh, Fairfax. Okay. I did some open mics in Fairfax. Oh, yeah? So, yeah, you're a fellow sort of DMV boy. I am. I was an O's fan. I don't want to say like fan. I guess I liked the Orioles when I was growing up because it was like—

If you go to a Major League Baseball game, it's going to be the Orioles. We had a lot of that. We had a lot of like... Angelos was mad when the Nationals came around because he was just like, what the fuck? I don't have to try and these people are my fans. Yeah. No, both of them, yeah. I mean, the Orioles were great, but...

The ballpark was great when we were kids, too. It was just like a fun place to be. My first game was at Memorial Stadium. So I went to like the old one. That was my first baseball game. That's fucking crazy. And then I would go to an Orioles game like maybe once or twice a year. But then the second we got the Nats, I was like, fuck that. Yeah. Like that's my team now. Yeah, yeah. And I could never like root for any D.C. It just feels so wrong to root for anything from D.C. as a Baltimore. Yeah. We're just such different teams.

They're such different towns. YDC was your father like an evil weapons contractor? Yeah, my dad was – no. Are you in the – are you a CIA plant? My grandfather did work for the State Department for a little bit. Whoa. But he got hired. He was the guy that would like –

He would help people when they were doing the foreign service exam. Because like back in the, I want to say 30s, if you're going to be a diplomat somewhere, they didn't even make you learn the language to go over there. That's how dumb we were.

And he was a missionary to China for like 30 years. Your grandfather? I just found out he was at the Rape of Nanking. What? Yeah. What was he up to? Which side of those? He put on a fucking samurai outfit and was like, all right, switching sides. No, he was like, he was working. Jesus Christ. He was there? He was like delivering food to the Chinese and like helping the Chinese farmers and peasants like escape.

What was going on. So he was working with like the communists and the nationalists at the same time. Cause at the time it was like, it was just one big, yeah. China was kind of all over the place. We'll settle our differences after Japan gets the fuck out of here. Yeah. So he was over there for a little bit and then he came back to the U S and he said, I want to keep working, doing the same job that I'm doing, but I don't want to work with the church anymore. Can the government can, I think it would be beneficial to the U S if we helped the

the poor people in China survive after World War II. Right, right. And so... Some hearts and minds type stuff. Hearts and minds, yeah. What is it, belts and whatever it is that China's doing. Yeah. But then he came back to D.C. and he started working for the State Department and the Foreign Service Institute, helping people, like putting in rules like you have to be able to speak the language if you're going to work there. Yeah.

And so he worked there for a little bit and moved out to McLean, like a tiny house. And then...

like giant mansions just popped. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So his neighbors were all like lobbyists and lawyers by the end of his life out there. Brutal. Yeah, so he didn't really like his neighbors too much. He was like, I don't want to work for the corrupt church anymore. What I need to do is work for the State Department of the United States. Exactly. Maybe the old, I don't know what's more corrupt, the Catholic Church or...

the intelligence community, but either way, it ain't good. Either way, you're not surrounded by the, the, the best people. That's fucking crazy. I mean, it might, did you, so was that like,

Were you like surrounded by that? So you started your life there. Did you grow up there the whole time? Were you in Fairfax the whole time? I was in Herndon growing up. Oh, Herndon. Okay. So my street in Herndon was like run by MS-13, which is crazy because if you look at like the evolution of MS-13 as a gang, I think it started in L.A.,

Okay. And then it sprouted out to like Herndon, Virginia. Interesting. In Fairfax County. Just one guy moved there. It might've been something like that. And then, uh, yeah, it was, uh, like a very El Salvadorian neighborhood. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. That I grew up in, but it was, yeah, it was, it was a

pretty chill. Like, they didn't fuck with me too much. They were just like, okay, he's going to walk to school, let him walk to school. But they're definitely super marcados that I was not supposed to go in at certain hours. I'll say this, though. People don't talk about El Salvadorian food. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pupusas are delicious. Really good stuff. Really good. I mean, it's the same ingredients. It's like flour, cheese. Yeah, but they do it in a better... It's like kind of mashed up in a nice way. It's like a cheesy... It's like a better...

It's like the best version of stuffed crust pizza possible. If you took the idea of a stuffed crust, separate it from the pizza and just make it some cheesy, a little cheesy pocket...

Great stuff. It is good. The pupusas are great. What's the crew look like? Who are you fleeing MS-13 with as a suburban Virginia boy? What's the... Who's the crew? Like, it was me and Eldis over AIM. Like, you know, our crew was like, who are the fellas when you're probably just a dork who loves football, trying not to get beat up by the El Salvadorians? I mean, that was... Who are your boys? That was, like, my neighborhood boys.

That was like had a lot of the MS-13. The other side of town didn't have as much. Sure, sure, sure. And so by the time middle school hit, met those guys –

Still friends to this day. They do the Heart Factor podcast. Okay. So like Will, Mark, Pat, Wes, those guys from that show, we all kind of like bonded together in middle school. And Pat, obviously, who's still, he's, we call him the beef now. He's Kate's baby daddy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he's still like one of my best friends. Oh, that's one of your best friends? Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, since like middle school. Wow. So we would hang out, hijinks, like getting into some mischief, all that shit. And then we go off to college and

And we stayed in touch and we started a sketch comedy group. Really? Yeah, right out of college. Moved to Charlottesville, Virginia. That was our idea of like moving to an artistic city. Oh, the artistic city. Yeah, there's a lot of filmmaking going on in Charlottesville. So me and my five boys are going to move there and get fucking blackout. Stay in Virginia, by the way. We're going to get blackout. We're not going to even think about moving out of the state. Dude, stay in central Virginia. Yeah, yeah. You can even make it to Richmond. Dude, I went to Charlotte.

I went east of Massanutten and I was like, this is paradise, man.

And so we were like, we're going to make movies. We're going to make sketch comedy. It's going to be great. But we all like to party way more than we were able to focus on, like, doing the artistic shit. And then after, like, I don't know, nine months, a year of being in Charlottesville, we're like, Charlottesville is just not happening for us. The scene is dead. The vibrant Charlottesville scene. We were here a year too late. We got to switch it up. It's not us. It's the city. Yeah.

So let's move to Austin because Austin is like Charlottesville on steroids. It's like real burgeoning film scenes. And this is probably what, 2005?

Five, six, seven? We moved to Austin in 2008, I believe. Eight, okay. Sorry, yes. So we go down there, and my dream and our dream at the time was to make a movie out of a short story that I wrote that we turned into a short film. Okay. And the premise of the short film was a high school dropout, and he decides to support his family by making and selling methamphetamines. Oh!

With his high school chemistry teacher. Wow. You had, from Jesse's point of view, Breaking Bad. You had Jesse's POV Breaking Bad locked and loaded. Yeah, I think the point was his... Just with none of the social commentary whatsoever. It's just a criminal. Like, there's no catch-22. There's no moral quandary. There's just like, yeah, he just wants to sell drugs and not go to school. Exactly. Well, it was, he wanted to sell drugs because...

He wanted his mom to buy him an Xbox. And his mom wasn't making enough money as a stripper, so he wanted to make money so he could buy it. Gotta have the mom stripper. Gotta see your tits at some point in the movie. His idea was, I'm gonna sell meth so I can afford to get my mom a boob job. Yeah, that's a good sign. So then she can work at Hooters, and then the money starts flowing in. That's a good sign, yeah. And then she'll buy me an Xbox. So it was about the healthcare system. It was. It just wasn't chemo. It was fucking fake tits for your mom. Yeah, dude. Like, that's...

People are always like, I remember back in 2016, they're like, yeah, you know, the Chapo come town part of my take resistance movement. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Really cared about the healthcare in this country. Yeah, I was there from day one. Day one, trying to get tits for moms. Yeah. And I agree with that. Honestly, my dream in life is to find a woman I trust so much I buy her tits. That's love to me. Because you're not getting that back. The tits can go at any moment. The tits go out with her. And that to me is proof.

that you really love someone if you buy her tits. That's super altruistic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm doing this for you. I'm doing this for you. It's not for me at all. I'm complete... Look, there's some benefits for me, but I'm completely at your mercy here. Yeah. You take the tits. The tits are yours. Yeah, it's not like an engagement ring. No, it's more than an engagement ring. You know, exactly. It's better than an... You should have to buy your wife-to-be big fake tits

to show that you really mean it. Because not only that, you're making her more attractive. You're actually helping her if she wanted to cheat on you. That's how much you trust her. You're like, I'm handing you the gun to shoot me with, and I trust that you'll put it away and not, you know what I mean? You got to be a confident dude to do that. Exactly. Well, that's what I'm saying. I'm not there yet. Yeah. That's my goal. That's what I want to find, a woman I buy tits for. You got to go to like a psychiatrist and be like, yeah, I just want to get to a point where I'm so confident that I can get my girl tits. Yeah.

Can you help me, doctor? Please help me. Or get so rich that money doesn't mean anything and I'll buy anyone tits. Yeah, 20-year anniversary, you upgrade the tits just like the diamond. Absolutely, dude. You should be able to do that. That is true love, I think.

That's beautiful, man. And I guess that's still in development now? Yeah, it's still in development. You should do it now with the resources at Barstool. You should shoot like a really shit... Take like a weekend and just like storyboard it with like your cameras here and just shoot a really bad version of that movie. That's not a bad idea. I was pissed off for a little bit though when Breaking Bad came out. Yeah. I was like, this motherfucker Vince Gilligan stole my idea. Stole my shit, dude. Stole my shit. Yeah. And then after a while I was like, you know what? Maybe...

maybe I'll try watching it. Yeah. Tune in for an episode. And I was like, this is the best show I've ever seen in my entire life. I created this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is for me.

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I do love that, though, because sometimes people... I was off my phone for a while just trying to... I took a year to kind of get off shit and lose weight and all this stuff. And recently, since I've been on the tour, I'm looking at my phone more. I'm promoting the shows. I'm just on my phone way more than I used to. So I'm checking my DMs the way I didn't used to. And sometimes you'll just get guys being like, dude...

I got an incredible movie script idea. You play a fat, lovable loser and you get divorced. And I'm like, I'm not sure exactly what happens, but like at the end, you like, you get, you like show all your, like, you have like this bitch ex-wife and you get over. And it's just like, not an idea at all.

It's just like kind of stuff they've seen from other stuff and been like, so yeah, man, whenever you're ready to talk about this, like this is a really good, like, and it's just like what people think is an idea. Like you definitely thought the concept of a guy...

selling meth to get his mom tits was like, that's the idea. Oh. That's a true... Like, that's enough to be considered, like, they're stealing from me. A million percent. Yeah. Like, you were pissed off. It was mostly the high school chemistry teacher. Sure. That part of it, I was like, well, they... That's...

I like that part. Yeah. I love how you were like, you know who the more compelling character is? Yeah. The stupid high school dropout. Not the kind of teacher who would be forced under certain circumstances, a formerly upstanding member of society. That's not interesting. He's the sidekick. I need the white trash idiot.

It just was a coincidence that that happened to be the character that I would play. I know. I think about that too, where I'm like, damn, I can't all the ideas. Like in my head, all the ideas that you would do when you were starting out are about young people finding. And it's like, I could never play.

I'm like, I'm so fat and old now that it's like I have to make things about a divorced guy. You know what I mean? Like I have to make things about like a guy. It's things I haven't even experienced. My face and body look like a man that's lived a life, even though I have the life experience of some fucking dumbass like, you know, kid or whatever. You've watched a coming of age movie and it's like clearly 26, 27 year old actor. Yes. You're thinking of ways that you could play like a 45 year old guy. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't play guys that are older than me. I got, like, I got, the stuff I get auditions for, it's just like, oh, come on, man. You could pull off a high schooler, stop it. That would be great. Like, just make a movie about high school. Like, it's about high school, but the actors are all clearly in their 40s. That's fine. I mean, when they did that with Wet Hot American Summer 2, that was funny. Yeah. We just watched Mac and Devin go to high school, which is Wiz Khalifa and Snoop Dogg. Oh, hell yeah. Who are both playing high school students. Yeah.

Wiz Khalifa. Now look, they give Snoop some plausible deniability. They make him, they say he's been in school for what, like 12 years, Eldest? Yeah. Or 15 years, which would make him like 30 years old. He's a 50, like when did this come out in 2012? So Snoop was probably 55 years old.

playing a fucking play or actually he's a little younger than you think because he got famous when he was like 16 or whatever but still it's hilarious that they are both high school students I love that how have I not heard of this movie dude you will have to watch this movie it makes no sense so Wiz Khalifa is the uptight nerd uh huh okay so he's the uptight nerd that Snoop just offers weed to and instantly he's cool as shit like he smokes weed for like 40 seconds and like

Ten minutes later, he has like a soft core porn scene. Like he's literally in the champagne room of a strip club and it's like a two minute scene. And they cut, they see her, like it's simulated penetration. It's fucking, it's incredible. He's like motorboating her tits. That's how it happens. The first time you smoke weed, you don't get like anxiety. And you don't think like everyone here knows that I'm high.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, is that my parents? Is that their footsteps? No, you just go straight for the tits. You become fucking awesome. It's like Stefan and Steve Urkel. It really is, man. No, that's a great—I think you'll really enjoy that flick, man. Do you agree with me that weed got too strong? Yeah, absolutely. Like, we've reached that point, right? I am dealing with that right now where I actually—a buddy bought me joints that are literally like—

they're like, you've puffed on them four times and they're out. And I smoked one of those and it was the perfect amount. Yeah. I can't smoke a whole joint. I need to smoke one eighth of a joint and they're selling those. It's like, how about we just make the weed a little easier? Bring back mids. Bring back mids, bro. Bring back mids. Like,

I need old man weed. I need like how Michelob Ultra is 2% by volume. Yeah. Give me 2% by volume joints. Give me a watered down joint. Do you want to go in on this? I would 100% do like easy joints or something like that. Just call it regular weed. Regular weed. I don't know. Yeah, maybe easy joints. Or like, yeah. Easy cush. Old man cush.

Weed Zero. Weed Zero is not bad. That implies like 0% THC. Weed Light. Weed Light, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Throwback Kush. Throwback Kush. Yeah. Heirloom Kush. Ooh, I like that. Heirloom Kush. That sounds prestigious and classy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For the discerning palate. Old Man Heirloom Kush. That's not bad. Do you want to be able to... Gentleman's Blend. Heirloom Kush Gentleman's Blend. I like that a lot. Dude, all right, we're getting something going here. You want to be able to smoke a joint and watch a movie? Yeah.

Yes. And remember it. Yeah. Dude, I've said this before on the podcast. I watched the Joaquin Phoenix movie where he's fucking guys up with a hammer. You were never really there. Is that what it's called? I saw that three times. And on the third time I was like, oh, I've watched this twice. Like I watched it once high as shit. Then I watched it again. And at the end I was like-

With the end, it's a very memorable ending scene. And I'm just like, wait. And then I remember I've seen it all before. And then I watched it a third time and the exact same thing happened, except instead of remembering, I was like, wait, I've watched this twice. That's awesome. And that's how, there was a period in my life where I was getting so high and watching movies. And I remember maybe like 2% of them. Blacking out from weed. Heirloom weed. Yeah. Heirloom Kush, Gentleman's Blend. Yeah.

you're right because at first I was thinking the branding should be sort of like Bud Light or something like that or like light branding and kind of modern but I think like let's go with the heritage vibe let's like this is your this is old school I mean we've gotten to the point where if we did it 70s branding it would actually feel very retro like extra retro yeah to us that's oh that just happened but to

the Zoomers in this office, the 70s or the 30s. They're like, that's so cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think, yeah, you got to separate mids. Like the way we say mids, I think is different from the way that kids now say mids. Right, mid is bad now. Yeah, mid is bad. The Overton window of weed has expanded so high that you just have to be like, it's just regular weed, man. Regular weed. Regular weed. But I think we should offer mid too. That's the thing. It's like we should have, it should be, it goes from we start it

You know what I mean? Like shake and just like, and sticks and we should sell sticks and stems, right? That should be like the, the like ground up sticks and stems. It's like by-product from the good weed that people are making. Exactly. They probably throw that shit out. Exactly. So we started sticks and stems. Then we have shake. Then we have like mid. Yeah. And then we have gentlemen's blend, which is, or then we have maybe regular weed. And then we have gentlemen's blend, which is just like,

elevated, maybe a very fine sprinkling of keef. Not, dude, they cover it now. Yeah. Where it's like, and they put it with like wax. It's like none of that, dude. I think that's, we need to have different levels and we have to have different branding.

Regular weed is just kind of like every man. That is your Bud Light. And then, you know, we have like Gentleman's Blend can be like, now we're mixing it, but like High Life. Like the Champagne of Weed. Ooh, I like that too. We need to come up with Champagne of Weed. Black Label. Yeah, Black Label. Yeah, you basically market it just like you market whiskey. Yes, exactly right. Exactly right. No, we're onto something here for sure. Let's do it. We can make a fuckload of money. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'd be great spokespeople to go in on a weed campaign.

We're exactly, the two kinds of guys that want this, the guys that need this look exactly like us, dude. All right, dude, I love it. We're going to get, yeah, we're going to make a shit ton of money with regular weed. Regular weed gentleman's blend. When you look at me and Stavi, you think gentleman. Yeah.

Yeah, we do need somebody to, we'll need a celebrity to come in for Gentleman's Blend, but we can get started with sticks and stems and shake and all that stuff. Yeah, do you want to smoke weed and not forget where you are? Mm-hmm.

Do you want to smoke weed? Like, literally yesterday, I was so high, I got up fully. I had a cup of water in my lap. And I just got up, and it spilled all over the fucking floor. Dude, I got so high last week because I was dealing with a kidney stone, which sucks. So I took the edible. Have you had those? No. Somehow, I haven't. He has, which he had. We were roommates when he had a kidney stone. And I lived in our living room at the time. And all I hear is Eldis wake up. First of all, I just hear, huh?

Like, he's just low-grade moaning like a fucking ghost. It somehow makes you feel a little bit better. Yeah. To just make those noises. He was just going...

And then I hear him get up, moaning the whole time. I hear him get the bong. I hear him rip the bong and then go back and just... The moaning didn't stop, by the way. It got fucking crazier. I was in agonizing pain all night. And I was like dribbling bloody piss like every two minutes for like six hours. Oh.

And then I was like, fuck, I need to do something. I thought weed would help. I just ended up getting like really high, no sleep. It felt even worse. Did you know what it was? Did you know what was happening at the time? It was like passing from my kidney to... But like, did you know the pain is a kidney stone? Or were you like, what's wrong? You didn't, did you?

Because that's the worst part, I think. I don't think I knew. You didn't. You didn't. Because you went to the doctor. I went to the ER. Because we were scared. I was literally scared. I was like, what the fuck? You feel like you're dying. Yeah. It's like very, very bad. It's weird pain, too. It was agonizing. It was the worst pain I felt. Damn. They say it's worse than childbirth. That's what the doctor said. Yeah. She said she'd given birth to three kids, and this is worse. And I was like, I'm going to tell that to every woman I meet. Oh, that's awesome. I'm going to get one now. Just to be able to fucking wag it at every dog.

Bitch's face. Sweetie, sweetie, I got a diet high in nitrates, okay? You've had kids. I've had eight kidney stones. How do you get them? Isn't it like protein? There's a lot of different causes for it. Actually, I saved the kidney stone. Oh, wow. So they're going to analyze it and see what it's made out of. But they think it's probably made from sodium, and I eat a lot of salt. Yeah.

And I was trying to think, like, this is weird. Like, I eat a lot of sodium, but I always eat a lot of sodium. Why am I getting stones right now? And then just like 30 minutes ago, Madeline on macrodosing, she just said –

you think it had anything to do with your gumbo week? Oh, right. And I was like, oh, shit. That's how bad my diet is? Yeah. That a week of eating nothing but gumbo. I had like 15 or 16 gumbos in a row. Yeah, yeah. That didn't even register with me. What was it, the National Championship? Super Bowl? Super Bowl week. Super Bowl was in New Orleans. In New Orleans, yeah. So I only ate gumbo. And I was like, that might have something to do with the high intake of sodium. How soon after gumbo week did it happen? So this was, I think I got it.

a week and a half ago. Oh, okay. So it's been a while. A couple months, but I don't know how long these little fuckers stayed. Yeah, yeah. So I'm down in my basement. I had gone to the ER and they did like an ultrasound. They did an ultrasound like on my balls. They put the wand on my, because they thought my testicle was like twisted around itself. Oh, shit. They're like, we might have to remove it. Your ball is trying to fucking hang itself? Yeah. It had a nut. Damn, they would have had to remove your nut? Well, they thought that it was like the twisted nut. Wow. And if you have that, you have to get it

operated on like immediately or else they have to take it out. And then would you have gotten another, a fake ball in the pouch or would you have rocked a single one? I think I would rock solo, a solo ball. Cause like I always talk about people are, cause I've had that question before. They're like, would you have it removed? And there's an ancient art. You're probably familiar with it, Stavi. The Japanese art of flower arrangement. Okay. I don't know about it. It says that like one rose looks beautiful in a vase. Two roses look gorgeous.

Terrible. Interesting. Three roses look great. Four roses look terrible in a vase. So I feel like my ball sack might look better with one nut. But that's one thing and one nut. That makes two. That is true. You know? Yeah. Now it's like the big three down there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, this is KG. Yeah. Yeah. So I don't know. I didn't think about that. That's a great idea.

Excellent point. That would be my worry because it's like you got one little ass... For me, I have a little ass dick and then I would assume because the sack is still the same size and you have one not weighing it down, you just have a longer, more angular... You kind of have... Basically, it looks like your dick. It would look like my dick because my dick is little as fuck. It looks like a little fucking, you know, little thing on top of your shit and then you just have lower...

foreskin and a nut sack look kind of similar. For me, it would look... The two things would be too similar without two nuts, I think. One of the nuts... I think the remaining nut would stay in its home. It's like, I've lived here too long. I'm not moving out.

And then the dick would kind of migrate into the place of the old nut. Oh, you think your dick would be tied into your nuts? Your dick would just be like at the side, like hanging down kind of sideways. Oh, you think they would be parallel to each other? Yeah, I think you'd just be like, my dick is on my right and my balls. I don't have that much hang time. On my left. Yeah. So I'm down in the basement. They gave me like one day worth of painkillers. Oh, man.

Ridiculous. At the doctor. Ridiculous. And so I had to obviously self-medicate on some gummies. Yeah. And so I took a gummy and I was trying to piss this thing out. So I'm chugging waters. I probably filled this thing up like five times. I'm chugging these waters. Going to the bathroom every like 15 minutes. And then I got to the point where I get a little bit paranoid because I'm too high. Mm-hmm.

And then I'm like, did I just give myself water poisoning? Like, am I going to die now because I drank so much water? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so then I start panicking and I'm like, that's like an electrolyte imbalance. There's not enough sodium.

I'm going to go upstairs. I'm going to eat a, I have to eat some salt. So I went upstairs, got a full bag of Cool Ranch Doritos. And that was also my medicine. I was like, I got to do this for my health. For my health. I know Elders was talking about how he was like, he, you know, you saw some video where it was like, they say you should put a little salt in your water for better hydration. And it's like, in no world do we not get enough sodium. There is no world where all.

Our diet needs a little salt in the water. I think we fucking crush it with all the canned fish you have alone. You think we're hydrated enough? I don't think we are, but I don't think not enough salt is the problem. It's awesome that you're like, yeah, that's what's stopping my body from absorbing all the fucking water. It's meant for like Michael Phelps to drink. Yeah, exactly. And I need that too. Yeah, it's guys who like...

It's guys who measure the macros to like the gram. You know, it's not us, bro. Yeah, but I pissed that fucker out. For guys who like don't take Gatorade because they're like it has too much sugar. Yeah. We also drink Gatorade, Elders. Like we have so much Gatorade on the bus.

Anyway, yeah, we've been doing an okay job staying fucking, you know. 25,000 steps. 20,000, dude. Yeah, every day. I'm on a 20,000-step streak. Today's the first day it's at risk because I got here. I've been actually podcasting all fucking day, but I'll get it afterwards. It burns calories, too. Yeah, podcasting. The mind.

The mind is working so hard. Most powerful muscle of all. We do have a treadmill downstairs if you want to hop on that. I actually might hop on for a little bit. Actually, it depends on what the weather's like. I might just go. Chicago's a fucking beautiful town. But I do love thinking of, yeah, it's funny to think of you as like in your Austin, I'm a fucking artist. Yeah.

It was like your friends from middle school? You guys all had that fucking house? Yeah, like a house in Austin? Yeah, we had a little compound. Did you have a job? What was your day job? So my first job was I was an adoption counselor for homeless dogs. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. I was like, holy shit. I should have just stopped when I said adoption counselor. What a good guy. Oh, for dogs. Yeah, I was a used dog salesman. A used dog salesman? I would set up my little pens outside of like PetSmart.

And then I would try to get there early in the morning to the shelter. Oh, you would like, you would, you would show up before, at,

Where they do puppy mills and be like, don't go get them from here, get them from here. Yeah, really shame them. That's good. You're smart. So I would go to the shelter early in the morning. Girl Scout, like Girl Scout girls setting up outside of a grocery store. It's like, oh, you're going to go buy chips ahoy? Yeah. How about from us, you fucking piece of shit? Yeah, oh, you want to go get a yellow lab that's eight weeks old and adorable inside that will be very well behaved? Yeah. How about this nine-year-old cat of hula that tried to bite me six times today?

This dog's way better. Yeah, yeah. So I would get to the shelter super early in the morning because you could try to get the better dogs that would, like, bring more people over. Oh, wow. You would get in line waiting like it's a new iPhone? Yeah. It's like, let me get a dog that doesn't shit itself. Yeah, so we get, like, all these puppies and stuff, set them up there. I got paid, like, $5.25 an hour for that, I think. And then I got accused of stealing at one point from the owner. Stealing what? Dogs. The donations. Oh, the donations. Stealing dogs. Yes.

Where all these dogs are. I have no idea. I'm wearing a coat, man. That's good. 101 Dalmatians rebooted for like a fucking early 20s stoner dirtbag. That's pretty funny. Yeah, at one point this guy was like...

where's your, uh, where's the bag of donations, Eric? And I was like, dude, I don't know. I put it in the safe at the end of my shift. It had like 40 bucks in there. I'm sorry. He's like, well, the, the money's not in there. I was like, well then somebody else that works for you is like some low life is stealing the money out of your safe before you check it. And then at one point, um, well, I, I enjoyed the job cause it was fun hanging out with the dogs. Yeah. But, uh,

Then one day the guy that ran the place just disappeared in the middle of the night. Whoa. He like moved to Mexico overnight. So we all go to the shelter in the morning and nobody's working there. And there's just probably a hundred dogs. Are you serious? And we're like, what the fuck do we do with all these dogs now? Oh my God, dude. He just left the dogs there? Yeah, he's like, I'm going to Mexico. He literally said like, I got to get away from all these dogs. Okay.

And the location, I think that's where Elon built the Tesla place. Oh, wow. I think it might be on that same land. So two great entrepreneurs both fucking did their business on that plot of land. Yeah, I got bad news. There's going to be a lot of Tesla people coming down with Parvo in the next...

In the next couple of years. I was a dirty spot. Yeah, so I worked at that place for a little bit. Austin's a fun place to be in your 20s. Yeah. It really is. Especially back then. Now the tech bros have ruined it a little bit. It's not as fun, but I like that. The shelter's fascinating to me. I was actually thinking, this is like me. I just wrote this down in my notes yesterday about like, because I'm always trying to like, I try and do a new joke every time, is let me pick your brain as somebody who worked at a shelter. Like-

It is crazy how good Americans treat dogs here. And so I was thinking, like, you're never going to... Like, I definitely have a very foreigner's... Some of my fans hate how much I'm like, dogs shouldn't be on... And you probably hate it too. I know you have beautiful... You know, you love your dogs and you and Big Cat are big dog guys. But I'm like, dog in the bed? What am I? Fuck it. You know what I mean? I'm like, put him outside, feed him pork bones. Like, eat finished ribs and just throw the bones at the dog. That's what they should eat.

And we're never going to... And maybe I'm a little too extreme, whatever. But I think the only way we're going to... This is an opportunity maybe we solve homelessness where it's like if you want to design a dog, you also have to adopt a homeless guy. And he doesn't have to live with you, obviously, but you have to give him like whatever you spend on your dog, you have to just give the homeless guy also. You know what I mean? Like matching. And it's like that way...

You know what? You want to have a dumb dog with a fucking North Face? Great. Now a homeless guy gets a fucking North Face. You know what I'm saying? I think that, yeah. The farmer's dog, I think that's human-grade food. Yeah, I could eat it. You know, so give the guy a couple little packets of farmer's dog. It is wild in America. I actually think that if, like,

Some dude walked into an adoption shelter with an AR-15 and shot up all the dogs. It would make more headlines. I think it would make a bigger dent in the gun control. It would make more headlines than if they shot a literal orphanage. Yes. You're so right. We've already killed kids. We don't give a fuck. Yeah, there's pictures of puppies and blood on the ground. People are like, oh my God. It would do so much bigger numbers. Where are we as a society where this is okay? God, you're so right. That sucks, dude. Yeah, it does.

Damn, I might have to steal that for this bit, for the bit we're workshopping here. Steal it. Steal it. This is all your IP on the spot, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. Well, this thing, what you signed earlier, the email you- The email that I pretended to read. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The text you answered, that actually makes it anything you said is legally binding mine. And everything you say for the next two hours. So anything that happens on PMT after this- It's yours. It's mine as well. Okay, I'm going to say some really stupid shit.

Yeah, so I don't know. I've been kicking around that idea. It's like, if you get a fucking golden doodle, you need to fucking, like, help a fucking Vietnam vet, you know what I mean? Yeah. Get some canned tuna or whatever the fuck. I mean, it would help if the Vietnam vets, if, like, maybe, you know...

look a little bit cuter every now and then. Like, snuggle with me. Have you ever been cuddled by a Vietnam vet? Like, if a guy... I can't say I have. Yeah, if a guy, like, you know, walking down the street, down and out, long hair, scraggly beard, if he just walked up to you and just, like, rested his chin on your shoulder, you would be like this... Cuddly grandpa. He's so adorable. Yeah, I think that's definitely a... I can't say no to you. Come here, buddy. Do they know any tricks? Yeah.

No, no. Just screaming. Just having flashbacks. Why don't we do... I know you got to get out of here, but let's do at least one question and then we'll finish out. I have some questions too. I knew you were doing a

pod with big cat and nick yes and i was like i don't know what stavi is going to be ready for doing all these pods this is like a marathon i love it no this is nothing dude well we don't respect podcasting here at stavi's world well you guys actually have me you guys plan shit out you have you interview actual like people in in the field that's they're interesting we don't really me yeah i got you bro i fucking peeked my head out of the office i was like who's around oh

Oh, PFT, you got an hour for my 90-minute show? Fuck it. We'll figure it out. Fuck these animals. That's kind of our viewpoint. But I'm glad. I love that you brought stuff ready to go. I didn't really bring anything on my own. I asked other people to do my work for me. Great, great. So I tweeted out, go on Stavi's podcast a little. I want to bring my own questions to his show. Anything you want to know about Stavi. Love this. Love this. Okay, so this is my first time looking at this. Does he make a mean Avgolemono? Avgolemono. Avgolemono.

I don't. My mother does. It's a lemon drop soup. It's my favorite soup. Yeah. It's an egg lemon soup that Greek people do when you're feeling sick. I don't know how to make it. I'll be honest. When I was a little kid, the egg aspect of a soup freaked me the fuck out. Yeah. It did. I was a packaged ramen guy when I was sick. So I've come around to it as an adult, but I haven't gotten to the point where I make my own yet. It's so good. I love it. It is a great soup. And it's an egg soup, but it doesn't have...

It shouldn't have like the strands of egg. It's like whisked together. Yes. Well, now I like that stuff. Like I like there's certain Chinese soups that have the like, you know, a little egg in there or whatever. But yes, it's creamy. Yeah. But no, unfortunately to that person, I do not make a meen avgolemono. Okay. This person wants, there's a lot of questions about your weight here. Okay. Watch Davi Gets Ripped season three coming out soon. Ask him about the Thousand Islands stair debacle.

There's no debacle. I just, some might claim that I said Thousand Island Stare when I meant, I don't even know. Thousand Yard Stare. That doesn't prove, that's not good on my behalf. You still can't remember the actual phrase. I don't know the phrase. Whatever it was, eight years later. Yeah, Thousand Yard Stare is what I definitely said.

I don't even know. I don't even like Thousand Island dressing. There's a lot of questions about if you can see your dick. I can, thank you very much. It's gotten a little easier. It's gotten much easier. Oh, here's a good one. What's the best way to keep the body fresh with summer being right around the corner? How do you freshen up? Well, I'd love to say that we have now gotten fat enough as a country where now we have not just deodorant sticks, but we have like...

thigh yeah thigh chafe sticks yeah like gold bond makes that so that that does make me feel fresh because you eliminate kind of like that fat boy swamp nuts kind of situation it's not powder which feels weird I feel like a baby when I powder but this like you glide on your thighs you're feeling fresh that's good

I mean, there's no secret here, right? You shower, you wear deodorant, you change your clothes, you shower a little more than you think you have to, and you change underwear and socks even if you don't shower. These are...

keys to be a fat person that does not smell bad. Are you a towel guy? Like bring your own towel over your shoulder? I'm not an over-the-shoulder towel guy. That is actually the best look, I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like that guy is cool. That is the type of guy... Lots of theaters have asked me if I need a stage towel, and it does kind of, you know, hurt my feelings because they think I'm a constant dabber. I'm not on that tip, but...

No, that's it, man. I mean, when you're... Also, like, gum helps. Just general freshness, general positive smells. Gum just, like, minty. You want to be, like, fresh in general, overall. Cover all your holes. All your holes should be smelling good. Freshen your holes up as much as possible. That's really...

Wipes. Be a wet wipes guy. You're fat as shit. Who are you kidding? Shower more than you think you need to. Change your socks and underwear, all that kind of stuff. Are you on that whole body deodorant shit? No. Because I've seen – there's so many of those commercials now. And here's – okay, you know what? I don't know. Now you're – this is good because you're reminding me of a bit I keep forgetting to do. I think for sure the reason those are out is because they're trying to get us ready for not having water.

I think because – like when have we ever talked about full-bodied deodorant ever in the history of mankind? But now I have a really – like my like – I think they're trying to get us to Mad Max where I think companies are going to start charging for water. We're not going to have access to the amount of water we think we are, and they're getting us ready for the idea of cleanliness, not necessarily needing water. So I hate full-bodied deodorant. I think it's a sign of like –

It's a sign of a cataclysmic future to come. That's next level thinking. Thank you. It is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When that Soylent shit came out, you remember the Soylent drink? Yes, of course. I was like, they're trying to get us ready for not having food. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just like you drink your entire meal. And they named it. That shows you again, tech bros have no idea how ideas are, how human beings, Soylent is

They named it after Soylent Green, which the dystopian thing, the famous, and we're not spoiling anything. It was a Simpsons joke too. Soylent Green is people. Like it's the dystopia of like they're grinding up people and feeding it to you and they're calling it this wonder. And it's like you name your product Soylent? Right. You're fucking idiots. Of course it's not going to take off. There's been like competitors and shit like that. Like all the AI companies that are just, they're building Skynet. Yeah. They saw Terminator and they're like.

Dude, that's great technology. They have no fucking... Do you know the term robot is from a short Russian science fiction? They didn't even have a term for it. They stole it from an artist. These guys have no creativity whatsoever. I mean, even the shitty Tesla cars, the new... The Cybertruck, it's just...

Like, it looks like Robocop. Like, there's no imagination. These people have no fucking imagination whatsoever. You're forgetting how epic the Cybertruck is. Somebody lived in Austin in his 20s. You can't shake it. You can't shake that kind of thinking. Susan Snatch wants to know, is Hasan as beautiful in person as on screen? It's all smoke and mirrors. He's got a fucking whole... He's got a whole team of beauticians over there. He's disgusting in real life. He doesn't pay them anything.

They're migrant workers that he gives, that he threatens. He has all their passports, and if they talk back, he won't let them see their families for, you know, Ramadan. He's a real piece of shit, that guy. I think his camera angle keeps getting, like, lower and lower so that his shoulders just look bigger and his head looks smaller.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's rocking like Kyle Kuzma sweaters now. He does, yes. They're just massive shirts. And he has that little ass head. Yeah. Oh, the Alba cam overpowered again. That's right. Fuck you. Play us one of our questions here before we say goodbye to our friend PFT. I selected this. This is like a really important one. Okay, we'll do one and then we'll send PFT on his way. Hey, Savvy. Long time. Listener. Start us over, Big LD.

Me and Stavi, we're doing what's known as Raw Dog in this podcast. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Hey, Stavi. Long time listener, long time fan. I have a little bit of bad news and predicament that I'm in right now. Actually, my wife just texted me that she is going to potentially consider breast reduction surgery. Oh, my God.

because of her bad back. No! You know, she talks about taking weight loss pills and everything. Yeah, start there. Yes, yes, yes. I don't know what I could do. I love my wife a lot. I think she's beautiful. I think she's sexy and everything, but the problem is I really, really, really like her. Like her tits. Like...

You know, definitely a top-tier feature. Sure. What do I do? Is there a way to work around this? Yeah, I have some thoughts, actually, for real. If it really will hurt her back that much, you know, like, hopefully your guest...

Can you give me some good insight? Oh yeah, PFT's thought about this a lot. Hopefully, maybe a dumb Albanian can give me insight. Sorry, Elvis, but I'm just interrupting. He's reeling, Elvis. Don't take it against him. I usually get mad at the dumb Albanian comments, but I gotta let it slide. This man is reeling right now, dude. He's fucking... Walked to a waterfall. Oh my god, on my break. Stare off and...

Consider what is life. This is tough. Thank you for everything you do, Stav. And hopefully you can give me some good insight. Bye. Yeah, I mean, this is really, really tough, man. You hear it in his voice. He's like, some guys might ask this question and be joking. This is like a man who's up against it right now. He's staring at a horrible future that he's trapped in.

It's like a beautiful part of his life is dying. Wow. He'll never get back. I think... I have some thoughts, but go ahead, PFT. Well, she... Obviously, you know, she's in pain. Yeah. You don't want your wife to be in pain. No. Sounds like you love her. Of course.

Why not just get her one of those old people scooters? Yeah. You're like, honey, I know your back hurts from standing up all day. This is a great way to solve both of our problems. Your kids stay the same. Your kids stay the same size. And you don't have to worry about coming home with your C4 or whatever the vertebrae is. Well, is there some kind of exoskeleton we can get her? Yeah.

You know what I mean? Is there some kind of like – go where they're doing like cutting-edge research on people with spinal injuries and they have like an exoskeleton that like allows them to walk. Surely if she has that, she can keep her tits, right? Now, if I'm going to – I immediately went into like when he's saying this, I'm like, all right, let's brainstorm real solutions here, right? Because I was like, what if this was me? And I think the tact I would take first and foremost is –

You cannot be like, no. You know what I mean? You can't be like, what? Yeah. Chop your tits off. No! You can't do that, right? Like you can't have a breakdown when your wife says she might get a breast reduction. What I would do is because this, like, okay, she seems to have other, she has other back issues, right? And she's talking about weight loss pills. She's talking about working out more. I really would say, here's how you phrase it. You don't talk, you don't talk about her tits. You just say,

The surgical option should be our last option. That's what you say. Because you know what I mean? Because like when it comes to... That can be dangerous. Because when it comes to back... Even back injuries in general, they just tell you like... Like if she didn't have tits and they were like either go on a strict workout regimen, take weight, take these GLP-1s or get back... Like back surgery. Everyone tells you never get the surgery. No surgery. No back surgery helps. Now, she's not talking about back surgery. She's talking about tit surgery. But either way...

You say it that way, you're like, it scares me to think of you going under the knife. I know these are routines and this happens, but like you never know. Mistakes happen. Mistakes happen. It could be, it could just be, the recovery can be tough. So what you say is the, you say like the surgical option should be our last option. What can we do? Like, can we, you know, and now you need to be your wife's weight loss coach to

to save her tits. This has to be your greatest job ever. You almost have to get involved too. You have to wake up early. You meal prep. Yeah, we're doing this together. I don't want you going under the knife. This has nothing to do with potentially losing your fat, luscious tits. This is just because, you know, this is a wake-up call.

We're too young to be getting surgeries to help us. You know what I mean? Like we have to change our lives and that's your only play if you're going to save these tits. I think you're right. I think you've got to make this a team effort. You've got to play the like – he obviously cares about his wife a lot. But you have to let her know that you care about her too. Of course. And yeah, make that a team thing.

And at the very least, just be like, if you get it, if you get them reduced, can we at least put into your ass? Yeah. Can we do a BBL? Absolutely. Yeah. Can we keep this titty fat and put it in your, in your, in your ass cheeks? And, and even when, you know, honestly, what I just said though, I actually do believe too, because now if she were calling me, right. And she's just like, Hey, I'm a little overweight. I have these, you know, my, I'm thinking about getting a reduction. I literally would say like,

try everything before you, I really do believe that. I just think that is also a good argument for him. Clearly he's not thinking cogently. He's thinking, he's like, he's a man who's like, he's, he's like a wild animal just scrapping for anything. So we just have to give him, this is a good argument. And I actually believe it when it comes to like, I really do have back issues. That's another reason I was like, I really have to lose weight. Like I have shoulder pain.

For everything, I'm like, I'm trying to lose weight. I'm trying to like... And a doctor told me they offer me back surgery, they offer me shoulder surgery. And I just... I know those are fucking bad. And so I'm trying to do everything I can before that. And even like with weight loss, it was like, you know, back in the day, there was the like...

lap band surgeries, all that kind of stuff. I've started dabbling with the GLP-1 stuff, the like ZAP bound. It's something different. I'm on a really low dose, but I'm just trying it out. So it's like, I'm trying, I'm like, when you get medical shit involved, you want to do it slowly. And for a whole year, I did nothing. I just like,

took time off and I tried to lose weight to fix some of my health problems. And they're slowly going down. Some of them are faster than others. Some I might not need medicine. Some I will need, you know? And I really would say if, if this is just an overall weight problem, I would try because her titties are going to get smaller if she loses weight too. They'll get smaller in a more natural way. So that's really, I think the only play you got pal. Now, if it comes down to it and she's like, I need to have the surgery, I have to have it done.

They might look perkier. Like, let's try to find maybe grasses greener. Okay, yeah, I guess. They might...

I'm trying to help my man out here. If I was him, I would go to the operating room and I wouldn't tell her this. And then as soon as she goes under the knife, I would commit seppuku in the waiting room. I don't want to live in a world. I would just get a kimono and I would cut my guts open. Do you think that there's a possibility that if he expresses how he feels about his wife's tits in a real genuine way to her, that she'll be like,

You know, this is kind of cool that my husband still finds my tits so, like, devastatingly sexy. Yes. That he won't—he can't bear to think of a world without them. I mean, I do think there is an—I think he can wrap it up all in one bow where he's like, look, obviously I love you, but I find you so attractive. I really love your tits. I do. Obviously, your health is—

First and foremost. But if there's something we could do to keep these tits around, I'd really appreciate it. I do wonder, that goes to how good a relationship do they have? How truthful can you really be? Because I do think in a perfect relationship, you could be like, what if you had to get half of your dick chopped off? Right. Would she be thrilled?

Some women would be like, whatever, I don't give a fuck. Your dick's small anyway. Some women would start crying if you told them that. Yeah. So it's like, I think men forget or don't want to feel too lecherous in a relationship, but it's like, it's your wife, you love her, you clearly are super attracted to her.

That doesn't hurt to feel. There's a world where she just doesn't, she might think it doesn't matter. You don't see her like that anymore. Yeah. So if it helps her back and it doesn't affect you, she might be touched to know how much your fat tits mean to you. And if she does get it, maybe you can get like a 3D laser imaging done or a mold. Mm-hmm.

Get like a statue made. And she wears like a breastplate over her tie. Every time you fuck her, she puts the fake tits, the fake version of her old tits on her new shitty little tits. On her anniversary for old times' sake. You want to bust out the old puppies? You make her put on a real doll suit of herself. Yeah. That's fucking hilarious, dude.

Yeah, so we got you a lot of good ideas here, buddy. Yeah. You got to run. I do, yeah. Sorry, we got an interview. It's all good. You did the barstool car wash here. You did everything today. I did. I did everything. But yeah, sorry to the Stavi people out there. Listen to PMT. Come back whenever you're in New York. Hit me up, dude. We'd love to have you. And go see Stavi live. Thank you, dude. I'll plug it for you. Thank you, dude. The show's very, very funny. Thank you, brother. We're going to take a little break here, and we're going to finish up with some calls after PFT gets out of here. Thanks, buddy. See you.

See you next time. Take it easy. See you, dude.

So let's see. This is... Bobby, you've never been in the Twisted Zone before. No, I haven't. I'm a little apprehensive, actually. Don't be, man. Keeping it twisted is all about having a good time with delicious food.

Twisted teas with naturally brewed iced tea. Great flavors. We're talking peach, half and half, raspberry, original. They go down smooth and they're just right for any occasion. Isn't that right, Elders? Keep it twisted. Oh, yeah. Why don't you hit us with the motherfucking ass twisted question of the week?

Nice you picked a nice short one, Elvis. Hey Dom, Elvis. Hope everything's good. Love you guys. I'll just dive right in. Happened recently last night. Dealing with the fallout this morning.

So I have a boys group chat and these are boys from middle school. His boys, not his boys. Obviously, our humor has not moved on much. Keep going. We heard it, motherfucker. Our humor has not moved on much.

We say very edgy things. We're all put together guys, obviously, in our early 30s. Why is that obvious? But sometimes we say random, pretty bad stuff. Now, last night my girl saw some of the texts that were flying back and forth. Definitely don't flatter me. We were talking about...

threesomes with her and her cute friend. You and your friends? We're talking about fucking your girlfriend and her friend? Her cute friend. And I definitely started it. Yeah, okay. With your boys. Now, these, like, this group chat, anything goes, right? Who would you like to fuck with? We just say whatever without thinking. Fired off some texts regarding it.

I started it, you know, obviously Other boys chipped in, it got pretty bad. Sure, you chipped in. And Graphic, this morning, she's packing up her shit. Graphic? You're letting your- Okay, I'm sorry man. We like to keep it twisted here. We like keeping it twisted.

And we might even make a joke, a little quick offhand joke. Even some edgy ones. But graphically talking, your boys are graphically talking about fucking your girlfriend. And you're like, we're just edgy guys, man. We're obviously put together and everything. All right. So far, you're keeping it a little too twisted for my taste.

Sure. Do we say crazy shit in our group chat with our, you know, me and Eldis have been friends forever. We have a group chat with our pals. Yes, we say wild shit. We keep it twisted in there, but we don't keep it, talk about, you know, getting somebody fucking someone's girlfriends in the ass twisted. You know what I mean? We keep it just the right amount of twisted. Go ahead, Eldis. Let's see what else he has to say. Obviously, I've been apologizing and kind of

explaining, trying to explain how these boys group chats from the beginning of time kind of work. I really love this girl. I wanted to wipe her.

You wanted to wife her. You really love her. But now she's moving out. She's moving out! Wow. What were they saying? They twisted. You kept it. All right. Like I said, maybe we need a separate segment called When Keeping It Twisted Goes Wrong. When

When you keep it too twisted. The beauty of keeping it twisted is you keep it just twisted enough. You have a couple ice cold twisted teas at a barbecue. At a bar with some friends. And you know what I mean? That's keeping it twisted. Not, oh, wouldn't it be awesome if my girlfriend throated your guy's cocks? What the hell's wrong with you, man? All right. Anyway, go ahead, Elders. He basically says we're done. Just any advice on how to proceed and move forward.

Yeah.

Yeah, anyway, love you guys. Have a good one. Wow, this is tough, man. Like, you twist it. You can always untwist. You twist it and tied it, like, in a knot. Yeah, you kept it too twisted, man. I mean, look, if we have some advice for you, well, she's moving out.

I mean, she didn't even say, I have to go to my sister's for the weekend. I have to blow. I have to think about this. She got a U-Haul. Her shit's in there, bro. You're, I mean, how moved out is she? Okay? Yeah.

If, like, if she's already... If all her shit's packed up and she sent you a Venmo for half of the shared plates and shit, you're done, right? Now, if she did do some version of packing a suitcase... Sure. ...and leaving for even a week or two... Could be salvageable. Maybe if you give her some time and then are so insanely apologetic, whatever, but...

I mean, I also kind of... I mean, I see where she's coming from. Yeah. You let your friends talk about fucking her and you hit them with the ha-ha reaction. Throws a couple exclamation points out of them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Unless you got to be like, baby, I thumbsed it down. Dog, I don't know what to tell you. You kept the two twisted. This is a learning situation. My only advice is...

Get back to keeping it twisted the right way with some ice cold twisted tea. Have a nice time. Think of go with your buddies and let this be a lesson like, OK, from now on, we keep it less twisted than that. We keep it twisted, but we don't keep it so twisted. We lose our relationship with someone we live with. I mean, I can't even imagine what you're saying. It must have been true. And we say insanely fucked up shit. Yeah.

But, like, that is something that, yeah, even amongst the boys, it's like you kind of... There is a little old-fashioned, like, all right, man. Yeah. We don't get into... We don't graphically talk about this. By virtue of the fact that they felt free to do that, this is clearly... There's a long line of this sort of behavior, and he's clearly... You got to have...

I hate to say proprietary, but like, dude, this is your fucking girlfriend or wife or whatever. I mean, what do you have any fucking respect for her or not? And also, we also don't know what she's mad at. She might be mad that you were pining after her hot friend.

That's another thing. She might be like, all right, whatever. I know you guys are idiots and you're saying disgusting shit and I'd be pissed at you, but I'd get over it. You're just open. You want to fuck my friend? I thought you were actually becoming her friend. We're moving in together. I thought my friends are your friends. You're talking about titty fucking her with your idiot friends from middle school? So you kept it two twisted. The only way to come back

Keep it the right amount of twisted with twisted tea. Have a nice ice cold twisted tea. Give this woman some space. Check in in like a week. Send some flowers, whatever. But let's be honest, man. You kept it a little too twisted. Keep it twisted. You kept it a little too twisted. So crack open a twisted tea. Couple here or there at a barbecue. Couple here or there with the fellas. That's fine. Don't overdo it.

That's keeping it too twisted that'll put you right back in the situation that you started in. And starting your life, man, this one's over. You blew it. You kept it too twisted with this woman. But lucky for you, Twisted T is here. Thank God. Whoa. Oh, we're going back to the regular episode.

And we're back, folks. We were going to do this episode. PFT had a very important... He had to go call an NFL coach a bitch. Yeah. That is his job. It's awesome. It is a pretty sweet job. When you get down to it, that's what a lot of my job is. Be like, you know what? Patrick Queen, you're kind of a pussy. I could probably beat you up. And he is for abandoning the Ravens. But...

And we were going to just do this solo. And then I had to shit. I took a shit that was so long. It was pretty much PFT's whole interview. So we were like, why don't we just wait for PFT to get done? I'm here anyway. And so we're back and let's give some of that beautiful wisdom to the people. Eldis, what else we got? Hey, Savvy. Big fan. Long time fan. Saw you in Denver on tour. Love the show. Keep doing what you're doing.

so it's not a crazy story or anything uh just a heartbroken girl who got ghosted and looking for a male perspective um yeah so basically i didn't even know you could be ghosted after like a month plus of consistent dating uh and that's what just happened to me uh i had a man that had been like pursuing me i'd say pretty hard for like over a month

like dates flowers sleepovers yeah you know we went like skiing together we cooked together it's a one month thing all the things take walks um and he turned into a ghost so yeah basically like I've mourned it I've cried like in our last texting interaction

I tried to open up the conversation a little bit and he hit me with a thumbs up reaction, which felt like a pretty clear slap in the face. A bitch you took skiing. But, you know, there's still a part of me that's like, what the hell just happened? Sure. That basically like a perfect gentleman was airdropped into my life and then I blinked and he was gone as if it never happened. Damn. Yeah.

So, yeah. So it's just been like emotional whiplash. I'm starting to get in my head, like, what did I do wrong? Things were going so well. He was investing a lot into me. It felt like, yeah. So would love your thoughts, your male perspective. Sure. Did I just get a more subtle and longer form of love bombing performed on me? Probably.

Like, did he lose feelings? Was he never that serious? Okay. Appreciate it. Love you guys. Bye. Yeah. I mean, did she say how old she was? I don't know, but she's definitely attractive. A hundred percent. A hundred percent attractive. I'm not going off the voice on that. No, she is amazed that she got ghosted. Yeah. I know.

I know. She said, I didn't know you could get ghosted after a month. Like, a fucking meteor could come out of the sky and fucking destroy your house. Like, weird shit happens. Getting ghosted a month in is definitely within the realm of possibilities. This guy...

Stopped responding to my text. What is going on right now? I think that is a hot girl wake up call where it's like, you're in the real world. Maybe she moved to a better city. You know what I mean? Like she just doesn't know. Like tens get mistreated in New York. You know what I mean? Like she must just like, that's a little bit of that. You know, there's, that's definitely very, and that's not her fault. She was born like that. Born like that. Yeah. It's a disability. Yeah, it is. It can, it really can be. Um,

So a lot's going on here, right? And I think you're right. First things first is she's hot. Yep. But this is also just a rude awakening in general, whether that's the point in her life that she's at, where it's like, you know, maybe you're younger and the guys you're around just kind of like fawn over you. Once you're an adult, like, yeah, people pop at you. You just meet people that like don't value you the way other people used to value you. And-

In terms of what happened, if we had to do a post-mortem, I wouldn't even say this is necessarily subtle love bombing. This feels like love bombing 101 to me. I also think there is something, I think at the heart of this, this guy's a coward. We can start there, right? Because if this was somebody who, and this is something I struggled with when I, you know, when I was younger and just being upfront about what I want, like, you know, like

You know, I'm in a place in my life now where I don't, I don't have time for a real, a serious relationship. And like, I want to go have fun. If we have a nice connection, like we'll keep in touch. If I'm where your city, whatever, like maybe I will go. So maybe not skiing, but like, you know what I mean? Like maybe I'll go have a fun weekend with somebody. I don't that I date very casually just because that's what I like to do. But I try and be upfront and say, Hey, look, here's where I am in my life. We can go do some cool, fun stuff.

If you're not into that, I totally get it because it is weird, right? It's weird to just kind of pop into someone's life and be like, let me take you on a sick vacation. Right, the first couple months or whatever. It sounds like, yeah, he also might have gotten scared because he did all this stuff in the first month. He's like, I'm actually just exhausted. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was a lot. He might have bit off more than he can chew. I will also say, thinking back to when I was a piece of shit with women, like more of a fuckboy, it's like,

What could be possible and what happened to me multiple times in relationships is you do all this stuff and then your fear of commitment kicks in. And so this guy could very well be making a mistake here, right? Yeah. That actually is possible. He might regret this. I have, if it's any consolation, and I know it's not because she's just sad now and this isn't going to work. Either way, even if this guy comes back around...

it's not going to work. You're always going to be afraid. Like, is he just going to abandon me again? Like you can't build a solid relationship on this kind of foundation. But that is also one of the possibilities is that he did get swept up. He was having a good time and it got too good. He's scared of a relationship. He did move too fast and he kind of spooked. It's like, you know, when you think you're getting along with an alley cat and you're like, it's

And it's slowly coming at you. Then you like try and lunge and grab it. I put the tuna down too fast. Yes, yes, yes. Exactly. I got scared of the clank. Exactly. That could be what's happening here. It could. I'm thinking that there's a chance this guy maybe is in another relationship. Exactly. That was another possibility for sure. Perhaps his significant other was out of town for like a month and a half. Yes. And he was...

saying to himself, I'm going to sow my wild oats for a little bit. Right. Let's have a fling. This could definitely be cheater stuff because cheaters, it's like they have – the time they have for you, they like –

They read, like they take you, they're like, Oh, let's go out for the weekend. Let's go to a city. Nobody knows me for the weekend. You know what I mean? Like, yes. The, uh, the divorced dad coming in for his, you know, every other weekend, you're going to go, you're going to go to the amusement park. You're going to sizzler. Guess you all the funnel cake. Yeah, exactly. Yes. That's kind of what I say. Dating me is like, where it's like, look, I'm not around a lot. I'm like your deadbeat dad that comes around once a month and you have an awesome weekend. And then it's like, you might never hear from me again. You speed away in your convertible.

So that, I think that's actually, that's something I thought about too. And it might not even be necessarily dating someone or like in a committed relationship, he might just be the kind of guy that

Has a bit of a roster going on. And it's like, you're a high-profile draft pick that he tried out as a starter. And he was like, this actually isn't working for us. Let's trade her for fourth-round picks. His roster is so full right now. There's no peace because you would be like a prime piece of a contender. And you should be. And you deserve that, by the way. You deserve to be a prime piece somebody builds their life around. Especially in Denver. I feel like Denver has a lot of dudes in Denver.

Yeah, there is some pretty hot girls in Denver. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're around for sure. So that does make sense to me why it's Denver. You know what I mean? Maybe she moved to Denver. You know what I mean? Maybe she's like small town, Midwest, mountains, whatever, to the big city, gets fucking treated poorly for the first time, gets womanized for the first time. But yeah, I think your instincts to mourn this and to let this go are correct because look,

Best case scenario, we're just dealing with an incredibly immature guy, somebody who you don't want, somebody who doesn't communicate what they want,

Overdid it. Got too lovey-dovey for you and for him probably. That's best case scenario is somebody who's a poor, a very poor communicator and is so scared of any kind of conflict. Maybe he did just want to break up with you. Maybe he's just something, but he can't even, he's such a coward. He won't even just have that conversation with you. Yeah, the fact that he's not replying, that he's emphasizing text messages. Thumbs up. That's a him problem.

The last thing you say to someone you date, like, and I don't even, by the way, I'm not that, I think ghosting is kind of a, it makes sense in like a casual, there's certain instances where it's like, look, we went out a little bit here and there.

It's not the best thing in the world, but people really overdo it. You're going to get your... Is a half-thought-out apology breakup text that much better than getting ghosted? Well, the thumbs-up is the worst. The thumbs-up's crazy. I would rather get a thumbs-down. Ha!

I would. I'd rather be like, is there a chance? Maybe we can just talk about this. At least I can know if I did something wrong so I can try to work on myself. Yeah. I would much rather get the thumbs down at that point than like thumbs up and no response. 100%. Like just end it. Yeah. Absolutely. The thumbs down is all. I actually would have respected a thumbs down. Yeah.

But either way, like the thing about ghosting is, yes, you'd like it some, you'd like to know for sure, but closure's bullshit. That's a myth. That doesn't really happen. You are going to feel this way. Like if a guy you really didn't see it coming out of anywhere breaks up with you after a month, you're not going to feel better than if you get ghosted. You might just be a little, you're in the dark already.

for less time, but ultimately you got the point either way. So best case scenario, there's somebody you don't really want in your life. Worst case scenario, there's like a weird manipulative guy who might be cheating, whatever. And if he pops his head back in, you don't want that. You know what I mean? And if, and I will say the only advice I would give you, because again,

I'm talking about dealing with versions of me where I would do this. Right. And then I got, I would get spooked and then I would go away and then I would like weasel my way. And then I'd be like, fuck, I miss her. I was an idiot. And I would weasel my way back into, you know, some of these girls' lives. It was never good. Do you ever do the, the, like, I'm, I apologize for being a weasel conversation.

I would now because I do think I'm different. Yeah. But I never did that. I mean, I guess I would do like, I'm just so freaking effed up. Yeah. I'm sorry. Yeah. Which is like pathetic. But you're just saying that just so that you can get back in. Just to get another crack. Yeah. Just to get another crack at it. You don't mean any of it. Yeah. Not at the time I didn't. Or I thought I did, but who knows. So what I'm going to tell you is like, move, you know, this is just par for the course.

If this guy pops his head back in, the only way you should even consider is to be like, we have to be very explicit about what we're looking for. And don't lead him either. Just see what he wants. And if he says anything you don't like, don't even accept it. I lean towards just move on completely. This is just not somebody who you want to build a relationship with. And yeah, yeah.

Also, just to take, again, devil's advocate, he might have gone on a little too strong, but the skiing's a little crazy, but also at the end of the day,

It is a month. What's consistent dating in a month mean? Three dates. You know what I mean? Like a few dates in that weekend trip. Like that's something, but you know. You bring flowers maybe on the second date. I guess the flowers and the overdoing it. Is that love bombing though? Love bombing is one of the, I know it's a real thing. And I know that like it can be a big warning sign if it's taken to extremes. If you're associated, but it's also like also when you first start,

Sue me, I'm more fucking enthusiastic when something is new and fun. Everyone's like that. Some of this is just... This guy's sin is just not being open. It's not... If you go all out... Like, let's say... Let's play devil's advocate and say he was courting her in a nice way. None of this sounds bad until the ghosting. So if he gave her his best shot, and then for whatever reason he realized, I don't think this is going anywhere...

If this guy says, I had a great time with you. I don't regret any of it, but I just – I'm realizing like I'm not ready for this. I feel too strong. Whatever. If he just says anything to her, she's sad, but he's not a bad guy. Yeah. So I don't know that the coming on strong is necessarily the problem. The problem is just not communicating. Yeah. So yeah, good luck. We're sorry you're dealing with heartbreak for the first time as a hot woman. Yeah.

Get back out on that horse. There's somebody out there who's going to treat you right, who's going to stick around for the long haul, baby girl. Yeah, there's some guys out there that like hot chicks still. You'll be okay. They're still out there. We all have our types. We all have our little quirks. What else we got, LD?

- Sav Eldis, esteemed guest. Hey. Savvy, as someone who isn't married, I need your take. Basically, I'm in a six year relationship. - Six years. - And everything's great.

No issues there. We trust each other. We communicate well. And we just, honestly, we just have a laugh. Like, it's great. However, my boyfriend is a few years older than me, turning 30 this year. Oh, I was ready. And he's been to the first wedding of four weddings this year. And they're all...

either his family or friends like my group are definitely not in that stage right now. But at the wedding we were just at there were a few comments thrown around about how he needs to wife me up, put a ring on it etc and here lies the issue.

I guess my view is that I don't think I want to get married or have kids because, well, the way I kind of rationalize it to myself is I feel like I'd only be doing it because society expects me to do it, not because it's genuinely what I want to do deep down. However, I'm also that annoying, woke person who hates establishment and

that gets a kick out of, I guess, going against the grain. So then on the flip side, I'm asking myself, do I actually not want to get married and have kids because I just enjoy being difficult and annoying? Which is maybe my ego and isn't being true to myself either. I don't know if that even makes sense. It does. I mean, kids is pretty much flat out no, nothing's coming out of that. Marriage, is it something I should reconsider? Yeah.

I think my partner is fairly keen to do both, and I love him very much, but I'm not really sure where that leads us. Anyway, love you, babe. Bye. Yeah, and I think I'm going to land with Scottish. I don't think it's Irish. I thought it was Irish. I think, yeah. I guess it could be Scottish. I think that, I don't know. Either way, sorry if we're wrong. This is a very important question, and let's definitely get to it, but I just want to, I've got a take that I've been brewing on for the last, like, two weeks. Please, please.

I don't think that the new Outback Steakhouse voice guy is actually Australian. Oh, shit. Listen to his voice. I think I've only heard the commercial in passing. Yeah. But it's really over the top. It's like, no, really, it was JS Raw. It's like, that's not, it's somebody pretending to do an Australian accent. I don't know how we can prove it or how we can look it up. Look up Outback Steakhouse voice actor, Elders.

But Stavi, I love that your audience trusts you so much. Yeah. That they hit you up and they're like, Stavi, should I get married? And like, I can think of no better, no better compliment that a man can have with his audience that they trust you that implicitly. Yes. Well, I do. I have some thoughts here. Okay. So apparently it's this guy, Toby Ricketts. Where's he from? Where's he from? Let's find out. He's a British voiceover. British.

Oh, wait, wait. Dialects ranging from. He specializes. But where is he from? I bet you he doesn't want to say. Yeah, he's a chameleon, man. He's not Australian, I'm telling you. Toby Rigg is a multi-award winning national voiceover. Has 25 plus years of experience. Where is he from? Where did he grow up? His custom built studio.

I don't know if we're going to find it. In the heart of New Zealand. Oh, New Zealand. From his custom-built studio in the heart of New Zealand. Okay. I knew there was something up with him. So something a little off. Yeah. Not quite. It's like Canada, but it's a little. There's a difference. There is a difference. I think you're right. There's the Vegemite as opposed to Veggie-mite.

All right. I'm glad we got, you know, vindicated PFT. Yeah, I feel good. I feel good. Like, that's honestly, like, that is, that's maybe the best take I've ever had to call that shot. You called that. You called that. They tried to fuck us up. And they did overdo it. Like, he's, it's very, I feel like it's a more intense, there's more bells and whistles on his voice, I think. Yeah.

Now, going back to our- It's private equity. That's what that does. Yeah, dude. They cut it down. They're ruining our voice actors. You kidding? Australians need to be voicing our fake Australian chain that was started in like Florida or something. Okay. So, our pal here. Now, there's a couple things going on here. One-

The same, like, I think our friend is dealing with sort of like the kind of like militant girl version of like, we were like kind of trolls early in our youth, like in our 20s. And we talked about it earlier in the episode where it's like, you're kind of trying, you were like this, your whole persona was a character. You were never really yourself. And like-

When old men try and stay trolls and try and be... Dude, there's nothing more pathetic than an edgy 40-year-old man, right? Like, oh, I'm going there. You don't have anything to say. You just like getting a rise out of people.

I think you could argue the flip side of that is like, is like a girl who like, you know, in college, like fuck the patriarchy. I'm never going to have, I'm never getting married. And then you kind of grow up and you're like, I probably don't want kids, but I love this guy. And making a commitment to him is not the same as like, like, I think maybe our friend here might be holding on to like her more extreme values of youth. Every,

Everybody softens in youth. Yeah. I don't believe that. I think there's a bullshit thing of like the older you get, the more conservative you get. I don't think that's true at all. I think if that's true, you're selfish. And like, you know, there's that adage. But I think whatever you are, most people will become more extreme with age. Yeah. They tend to soften. You see the nuance everywhere. I mean, I guess a lot of people are getting weirdly radicalized by QAnon shit these days. But it's not who they were before.

They just become a totally different person because of mental illness or whatever. There is a change in one way or the other depending on how angry you are at the world at that time. For sure. And I guess actually maybe that's – the world is getting so much worse that I probably have a little more extreme redistribution politics than I did. But I would say from a – something so personal, like I think – like it's easy to have certain ideas –

And then you're faced with them when you grow up and you're like the idea of like, fuck marriage as an institution. That's easy to say when you're 20 and you haven't met someone you love more than anything. You haven't met someone that you want to settle down with. And then you meet them and you're like,

Like you could do, you could have a commitment ceremony. You don't have to get married in a church. Yeah. I married eldest for Christ's sake. It wasn't a real, it wasn't a real ceremony. Did you have somebody that was ordained by like the minister of the universe? I was ordained by the universal life church. He was ordained, but it was fake because we already like did it at city hall. Yeah. We just kind of did it for, you know, the wow factor. Of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't want to say this type of girl because she sounds actually very well-adjusted. I love her. Look, she's one of our – She's a subscriber. You know what I mean? Yeah. But I have seen this type of person in rom-coms before. This is a classic rom-com setup. Where it's like I will never settle down with him. No man can treat me as good enough as I will treat myself. Exactly, exactly. And then you meet Prince Charm and you're like, I will suck his dick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like that sort of thing. I'm not saying that's where she's at, but I do – No, I know what you're talking about. It's more like workaholic –

has no time for a man because she's married to the job. That's kind of the rom-com thing for sure. Like I'm a girl boss. And Matthew McConaughey comes in. And then he's laid back and he annoys you, but there's just something about him, you know? Like, yes, this is a different person, but yes, I know what you're talking about. And by the way, those rom-com characters statistically –

are correct single like women without children like they they have all these like mortality statistics it's like and it's and i'm not saying you shouldn't do it because i think you're clearly sacrificing something for the next generation but it's like women without kids like if you look at like quality of life yeah like mortality like there's just so much unmarried women yeah that have because like in in most of our families it's like the women are fucking like a lot of women like

sacrifice a lot for like my friends who have kids like the the women like my friends who have kids the dudes they're like yeah it's pretty fun you know it's a lot you know sleep's a little bad and then but your your friends who are girls that have newborn babies they're like i've thought about

every day even though he's the light of my life you know what I mean like the the what it takes out of a woman is crazy so I get where she's coming from the dads are like I don't get to play as much golf as I'd like women are like I had to go to the doctor four times last week because I had a nipple infection yes yes exactly oh so when they're feeding on you're literally sucking life out of sucking your life force yeah it's like crazy I'm drinking I'm drinking her

bones right now. I made my mom melt down some of her bones so I can suck them out of her tits. Yeah, no, this, in this case, I understand, actually, I completely understand why a woman in her teens, 20s, maybe even 30s, like, they might not really be super into the prospect of marriage because they're hanging out with a bunch of 23-year-old guys. True, true. And do you really, nobody, Is that who you want to settle down with? Nobody should want to marry a 23-year-old guy. Yeah.

That's a great point. I was the biggest piece of shit when I was like 23. Me too. Are you kidding me? Unmarriable. Without question. Unmarriable. In fact, the kind of girl that would want to marry me at 23, I wouldn't want to marry either. Of course. As you get older, you start to mature a little bit. You find nuance in things. I don't know if it's soft around the edges, but you develop a better...

understanding about why people are the way they are. And who you are, by the way. And who you are, too. Because you have this fake understanding of this is the type of person I'm going to be. And then you actually face stuff and you might react differently than you thought you would. And you realize who you actually are. And, you know, just it's very fluid the more you age. Yeah. And in her case, I would say that divorce is an option.

Sure. Sure. If you don't have kids. Yeah. Divorce. It's sad. Yeah. It sucks. Sure. Everybody's upset for a little bit. It will affect your future relationships because you'll be thinking you might spend time blaming yourself for things. It can't fuck with you mentally, but divorce is a viable option. Sure. If you decide, I don't really want to be with this guy for the rest of my life. And the other thing I'll say is like, yes, I agree. And if you love him and you really want that, that's fine. Now what now?

So basically, I think we're kind of landing on you're not betraying your belief system. If you get married to somebody you love more than anything in the world, that's not – don't be that fucking dumb. All those poems I wrote in college don't mean anything to me anymore. Yes, exactly. But now the only thing that kind of got me my antenna up a little bit is that she's –

definitely doesn't want kids. And at the very end, she says, I think my partner is keen on both. Now that is the actual deal breaker. Yes. Because if he, if this is the guy that you love, you have this great relationship with and you say, Hey, I don't really want to get married in the church. I don't want to make a big deal about it, but I love you. I want to be with you forever. And he wants that too. And then you're like, of course, like I've told you now that's changed, but I want to be very clear that,

I never want kids. And this is not something if you don't want, if you really want them, we shouldn't get married because this is not something I'm going to change my mind on. I don't want you pressuring me because sometimes I think people do that too, whether they want kids or they don't want kids.

they think they can change a fundamental like opinion of their partner. And they're like, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. And then you get there and that's the act. Like to me, I think this couple could get married. No problem. I think the problem would be if he really wants kids and you really don't want kids, that's why you don't get married. Yeah. Not because of some idea of wanting to be like a contrarian to your mom or whatever the fuck. Right. I think,

Like you would – if he really wanted kids, you would either go through a phase where one person was pressuring the other. You get into a lot of fights. And then on the outcome of that, you would have – you would carry resentment towards that person. Without question. And if you didn't have resentment to him for him constantly being like, do you want kids? Do you want kids? He would hold resentment like I'm never going to have the life that I wanted. That I really wanted, yeah. And he – even if you guys grow old together, it will be like that old couple that just –

hate each other. No idea why they live together. Right. They just go out to eat like once a week. They don't talk at the dinner table. Yeah. Yeah. It's very awkward for everybody. Of course. So you want a lot of places for love to disappear. That's for sure. So, yeah, you're still relatively young. It sounds like she says he's 30. She's a couple of years younger. You just have to, again, let that shit go of what you thought. You're in a place now where this is where your life is really like and

but actually talk about the stuff that matters. I think marriage is something that you can sort of, you know, cave on if you want to look at it that way. But kids, it sounds like, you know, she seems pretty dead set. So just whatever it is, make sure you guys are on the same page. And it can be sad, by the way. It sucks if you completely...

line up except for kids and that happens you know and some people really don't want them and I get that I'm a wishy-washy guy I could go either way honestly she's gone to what four weddings so you're all that's been like the only thing you've been thinking about yeah you're going through the gauntlet to gauntlet so you're always thinking about weddings everyone around you is getting married like when I moved to New York I never I never fucking liked the Knicks ever yeah

But then the Knicks started winning some games. I'm like, kind of fun being in the atmosphere of the Knicks winning a playoff game. And I'm like, I kind of hope the Knicks win tonight. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That would be great. That's what you're going through. You go to enough weddings, you're like, ooh. I could see myself getting drunk in a suit. Yeah, with the people I actually like in the world. Yeah, they are fun. A good wedding is fucking great. But yeah, good luck out there. Our guest was Scottish. Hopefully we're right.

What's up, stuff? I'm 23 years old. I'm a relatively thin dude. Relatively, honestly, kind of putting it lightly. I'm skin and bones, man. I'm 6'2", I'm 130 pounds. Oh my God. And no matter what I do, I can't gain weight. But that's not even the point of this.

My point is that I got a lot of larger friends. A lot of my friends are on the heavier side. And I feel like I can kind of relate to them in the way that, like, they struggle with weight loss. I struggle with weight gain. Sure. You know? And I just, I don't know how to, like, talk to them about that, about just, like, sounding like a narcissistic fucking asshole. Being like, oh, yeah, man, like,

I can eat whatever the fuck I want and I just never gain weight. But like, even right now I feel shitty talking to you about this, but... What the fuck? I'm fine. It's a similar struggle and I just, I want to know how I can talk to them about that. And that's the thanks, love you. Start counting your steps. That's interesting. That is really interesting because...

He really wants connection. Yeah. You know, like, that's the thing here is that... He wants validation. Yeah, he wants... I guess, yeah, he is struggling, right? Like, because the thing is, girl, it's just...

I would... Like, maybe... You know, how old is he? 23. So that's different. Maybe wait a couple years. Because if you're at 23, would I want to hear this from a skinny guy? Probably not. Yeah. You know what I mean? Now I have, again, more... I can see how their lives could be hard. I just... But even still, the little fat loser in me kicks in, and I'm like, come on, man. 6'2".

Like, there's so many bitches talking about wanting, like, some beanpole-looking... That's the type of guy that can get pussy. That is... A 6'2", like... I mean, at 130 is crazy. That's very skinny for 6'2". It is very skinny, but there's goth bitches that want to fuck Slenderman. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like, I do feel like I see that. I do feel like that is an archetype, is, like, big-titted goth girls with the skinniest boyfriend you've ever seen in your life. Do you want the heroin addict boyfriend that's not... Like, you don't have to deal with all the mess of actually being on heroin? Yeah.

Yeah, there's a spot for you there. But if this guy waits 10 years and he's still at these dimensions, 6'2", 130, then I think more people will understand, like, there's a problem. Yeah. Your metabolism is, like, too fast. Yeah. But at this age...

It is skinny, but I feel like that's tough to do a What Was Me session on being too skinny. Yeah, especially when you're tall. Yeah. Like, here's what I'll say. You can connect with these guys if you don't get pussy. But if you're getting pussy, don't... Do not try and commiserate with a fat 23-year-old. Just from my experience. If I had a tall nerd who we were both struggling to get pussy... In fact...

Some of my friends, a good friend of mine was a tall nerd that couldn't get pussy. You know what I mean? Like who was skinny. Like that's at that age, that's what it all boils down to. Cause there's, you know what I mean? Like that's the only thing that matters in life at that age. And I, again, now, because my life is more full than that, I could talk to someone with the struggles, but really it's,

Like that's your way in. If you fuck, you can't really commiserate with guys who are fat in my in my experience. Now, if you don't get pussy and you could talk and like you could be going to the gym with your fat friend and you're drinking weight gainer and you're like, don't talk to them about.

how, oh, I'm eating all this ice cream and nothing's happening. Don't say that shit. Just be like, you know, my body hurts. I don't have enough, like, fat lubricating my joints. Like, I can't lift. I'm weak. Like, pick the stuff that actually, you know. Weak is a good one. Weak is good, yeah. Because the big boys that are going to the gym, they're probably at least able to throw some weight around. Yeah, when I was eating well and not, because now I'm trying to, like, I'm on a calorie deficit, so my numbers are just kind of staying stagnant. But, dude, when we were shooting tires and I was just, like, eating like shit-

I felt strong as fuck. Did you do rewrites on that? Were you like, hey, season two, can I not be eating in every scene? I'm trying to drop the eating. I love that. I was basically like Brad Pitt in Ocean's Eleven. But I think, you know what's funny? We forgot we did that. And I think I was only eating in like... I don't think we kept the meme up. But I don't remember. I ate...

Listen, I did not eat on the show. Definitely when I was stressed, I went back because I think the character is the kind of guy who eats when he's stressed. That deep character that Dave is that I had to do a lot of theatrical work to get into his mindset. It was tough. Did they make prop cupcakes? Like they make prop cigarettes so you can smoke all day? No, they did. They had like a spit... It's so funny because they...

Yeah, actually, I'm remembering one scene where the whole point was I was eating something disgusting, and it was, like, fast food and, like, anchovies and, like... It was just, like, a weird, fucked-up, like, meal. And they were like, we got a spit bucket for you. We got everything. And I just fucking housed it all. I made them, like... Like, they wrote it, and it was, like, sardines and, like, crackers. And I was like... I literally was like...

I don't think this is trashy enough. I think you guys need to go to Wendy's and get me nuggets and fries. Like, I actually, like, punched up how fucked up his meal was. And they were like, oh, yeah, we'll get you through this. And I always...

always ended up eating more snacks. They didn't need the prop. They tried to do prop stuff and I was like, I'm just eating these. Like at a certain point there, I was eating, we were doing a party scene and I just was eating food that had just been sitting out for like three days. And they're like, that popcorn hasn't been reset. And I'm like, it's fucking popcorn. You know what I mean? What? The consistency is a little off. Yeah. I love the idea of you giving notes though. Like,

I think the character would have Wendy's too. Yeah. I know. You're like, did you give notes? Stop making me eat. I was like, no, my notes were, if we're going to be realistic, he'd be eating Wendy's right now. I think with this collar, it also matters if your friends, if they're also tall or if they're short and heavier. Because if you're tall and skinny and there's a short fat guy, you're like, you're complaining about the two things that I want. Yes, that's absolutely. If this kid is fucking like...

And I'm an interesting case because I legitimately didn't think I was short until like three years ago. How tall are you? I'm 5'7". Yeah. But growing up, I was like elders, like...

I would just be around, all my friends were taller than me. And in my head, like in my head, Eldest is like four inches taller than me. You know what I mean? Like he's got a full foot on me, but in my head I'm like, he's a little taller. We're close. And then my friends who are six feet, I'm like, we're the same height. Like I just have like, I'm just blessed. And it didn't, I was so like worried about being fat. It didn't dawn on me that I was also short. But if, yeah, you cannot be going up to 300 pound five, five guys and be like, life is so hard for me. And, and,

And I feel bad for him because he means well. And he is having a struggle. But if you're fucking, don't... Just find other skinny people, man. You know what I mean? Go make friends with anorexic girls. You know what I mean? Yeah, your strategy of just saying I'm weak, that's a good one. I'm weak is good. Because that's an actual...

insult to yourself that your other bigger friends might be able to... It has to be self-deprecating. Yes. Yeah. And I think they'll appreciate that. Because, yeah, what he said, his real... You can't tell them real problems that don't sound like problems. Right. Because that would drive me crazy when I had a friend who was like, oh, I just can't put on weight. And it's like...

I can't not put on weight. You know what I mean? Like I physically can't not like, I have such a horrible metabolism that it would, and I love eating so much that would enrage me. I would be like, I wish I could eat for you. Like, I wish I could eat for people with that kind of metabolism.

I bet you I could get him to gain weight. I'll tell you that much. I think that a lot of guys that are trying to put on weight like this, they don't know what it means to eat like shit. They don't. To truly eat like shit. They really don't. I have a glass of whole milk with every meal. Yeah. I can't put on any weight. No. But I mean, if this guy is trying to put on weight, that is a struggle. It's a legit struggle. It is. That you're dealing with. And I'm sure that looking yourself in the mirror, you see a bunch of stuff about your body that you would like.

Of course. Very much to change. Yeah. And you should continue to work on that because it will eventually work for you. And if it doesn't, then there might be a medical thing that you have to look into. But you're doing the right things. I would say just give it a couple years. The metabolism is going to even out a little bit. And yeah. And exactly. It'll even out. And it's like, yeah, work on it the way –

fat people try and work on losing weight. Like you have to stay disciplined. You know what I mean? You have to hit a calorie goal, but it's in the other way. And if you're not somebody who eats that much, he probably has to eat like, you know, he's six, two.

He probably has to eat like 3,000 calories. Yeah. Like he has to gain weight. He has to eat a lot. Like stuff that does, that is hard to put down. So like, you know, get weight gainer, get protein shakes, whatever, all that kind of shit. And stick with it the way, you know, other people stick to their diet. And do your best, like I said, to...

If you couch it in the right ways and you're not getting pussy, you can make friends with fat people if you share the struggle. Go to gym fat guys because, exactly, PFT, you're right. They're stronger than you. They might feel superior to you in the gym even though you're superior to them outside. You need to balance out the relationship if you want camaraderie of this sort. And, you know, if not, you know, I don't know what to tell you, little buddy. It's going to take some time. But if you're getting pussy, you're fine. I'm like you, Stavio. I didn't know that I was that short until –

I started part of my take. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I'm only hanging out with professional athletes on the show. All the pictures are hilarious. Yeah, so here's, just sit next to Blake Griffin for a little bit.

And then very quickly you realize, yeah, I'm a freak. I look like a freak now. Well, yeah, especially in big cats, you know, six. Everybody that works here is like six to six three. It's crazy. That's a tough one, man. But yeah, good luck to our fucking Jack Skellington ass, Kevin Durant ass motherfucker that called in here. You know, we're rooting for you and it is a struggle. That's the only guy in America that is in the healthy range on the BMI chart. Yeah. That chart is so fucked up. You're so right about that.

I can't tell you how often I hear, oh, I'm a little OCD. I like things neat. That's not OCD. I'm Howie Mandel, and I know this because I have OCD. Actual OCD causes relentless unwanted thoughts. What if I did something terrible and forgot? What if I'm a bad person? Why am I thinking this terrible thing? It makes you question absolutely everything, and you'll do anything to feel better. OCD is debilitating, but it's also highly treatable with the right kind of therapy.

Thank you.

If you think you might be struggling with OCD, visit NoCD.com to schedule a free 15-minute call and learn more. That's NoCD.com. Oh, you have something quick for us to go out on, Elders? Yep. Here we go. Howdy, baby. So I'm listening to the... Sorry, I keep forgetting. Howdy, baby. So I'm listening to the McDade Maniacs episode, episode two.

And I just got to the question where a girl asked if she should try to hook up with her mailman. And I got to say, as a mailman, just, yeah, no, hook up with him.

Do it 100%. I hope that that's me. But yeah, hook up with your man there. Does it matter what the situation is? Just hook up with your man there. Good idea. Okay, bye. Good idea. Good idea. He's smart, dude. Did you do it like through the slot? Yeah, yeah. Put your dick through the slot like an old-fashioned glory hole. Yeah, this guy's hilarious. This guy's just dreaming this will happen to him.

I think that is fun. I mean, Mailman, the Milkman, that's an old-fashioned thing. Yeah. Fucking a guy that can't really get back to you. Mailman must be fucked with phones in modern society. In a cashless world without the internet, traveling guys used to get so much pussy. I'm fucking the seamless guy now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A guy whose every instant is tracked.

Like you can't cheat the way you used to. And horny housewives were probably like half of them are probably suicidal. Half of them are like, you know, their doctor jerks them off and gives them Klonopin because they can't, they can't like. They're hysterical. Yeah, they're hysterical. Like I.

I know it'll fix you. I'm going to make you cum real quick. Yeah. And dude, so many, I bet you so many just horny, dissatisfied housewives just fucked a mailman or a milkman back in the day. And we need to get a little bit more of that going on. So yeah, like this guy said, fuck the mailman. I remember that episode, McDade's Maniacs Volume 2. And I think we told her...

She could fuck the mailman, right? She was confused. She was asking about asking him out. She didn't say fuck him. Is the mailman, is he, like, is she getting good vibes from him? They're hitting it off? Yeah, she said they got a good vibe. They, like, he introduced himself to her one day or something, and...

Yeah, that's how funny women are. It's like, do you think I could fuck? It's like, yes, of course. Yeah, don't finish the sentence. Just ask him. That's the thing. Like, I think JP said on that episode, he was like, I've never spoken to my mailman once. No. Like, what man has, has a mailman ever introduced himself to a man? No.

I don't think so. No. I don't think so. I think maybe back in the day. Sure. Like it was part of the community. But I mean, have you guys— You knew the officer walking down the street whistling, swirling the baton? Right, right, right. Oh, that's Officer O'Shea. Yes, yes, yes. That's Jimmy the mailman, whatever. But yeah, do you know the first name of a single one of your mailmen? I'm trying to think. Like from childhood I do because, yeah, we got the tail end of that community thing. Yeah. But like in New York—

They change anyway. Like, I never. So the fact that this guy went up and talked to you means he's trying to smash. I think he's saying what's up, yeah. Yeah. So good. Fuck this. And, you know, fuck this guy if he's your mailman, folks. And thank you for listening. Thanks for calling in.

PFT, thanks for coming, brother. This was so fun. Thank you for having me. Absolutely. Listen to part of my take. Anything else you want to plug? Part of my take, macrodosing. Love it. Yep. Fun times. Fun times. Eventually, we're going to get that Breaking Bad.

Feature film. That's coming out. But more importantly, regular weed. Regular. Oh, that's right. We're bringing back regular weed. I'm going to get on the phone with some cannabis people. Talk to some people. Let's make this happen. Yes. We need to do the fucking predator handshake for this. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's like we are the two archetypes of the guy who wants regular weed. I just want to smoke and not get debilitating anxiety in public. Exactly. Exactly.

Exactly. Or have it be able to fake my way through a conversation with a cashier. I want to smoke a whole joint with a girl and who I know, we have a good relationship and not in the middle of it gets so scared. I'm like, I feel like I'm in middle school again. Yeah. And like, I can't like go in for a kiss. Yeah. Dude, that's happened to me where I'm like, I've invited a girl over to express, like in the text, like let's hook up. You know what I mean? Like there is no confusion. And then I get high and I'm like,

I hope she likes me. You know what I mean? Like, I just want weed that I can get my dick sucked without worrying, you know? Regular weed, folks. That's what we're bringing to the table. I want to be able to have the courage to have the best thing possible happen to me that's already been agreed upon happening. Yeah.

And not freak myself out so much that I'm like, I'm just going to go jack off later. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, nice to see you, ma'am. And just fucking go away scared. All right, folks. That's going to do it for us. We will talk to you next week. Bye-bye.