Welcome everybody to Stavi's World, 904-800-STOV. Call in and we'll solve your problems. We have Steph Kolev on the couch today. Steph, thanks for coming. I feel so at home here. Yeah, truly. I'm mostly Bulgarian, but I'm also part Greek, so this is... Yeah, yeah. I mean, look at this. I know. I mean, do you mean this? I recognize your face from Greek Revolutionary War propaganda. Yeah, yeah. Like, you literally... There's that face that's been like...
Oh, yeah. And it says, like, vanquish the Turks. And it's a small penis, huge balls. Yeah, yeah. That's nice. Small, clean, huge lady. No, there's a... Yeah, yeah. There's one lady in particular who I don't even know. It was... We had some... You know, when you're fighting the Ottomans, you even let the gals get a sword. Oh, yeah. You're getting desperate. So everybody was fighting. Uh-huh. We had this lady, Bubulina. Bubulina. Bubulina, yeah. Wasn't fat, even though that is a fat lady's name. And...
She was like a sailing genius or some shit. It's been a while since I've brushed up on mine, but that's the one lady from Greek Revolutionary War that I think, you know, that I remember. I could be Bugalina. You could be Bugalina. I'm going to be Bugalina for fucking Halloween next year. I have to do nothing. I'm ready to go. There's no costume. Let the mullet grow in a little longer. Yes. A headscarf and just the end of the mullet coming out. Yeah, just the little peaks. Yeah, it's nice. I can do that easily. Nice. This is nice. I love this. Were you baptized? Yes.
I was. Orthodox. Yeah, there we go. Naked? Oh, yeah. What a bizarre thing. Naked. They dunked the little kids in. I kept, like, joking to my family that I wanted to get baptized now. I just really freaked them out. Hilarious. I'm just a full woman. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just, hello, just full puss. Yeah. Just sitting there staring. You wanted this. I think they'll let you go back. I think they'll let you go bathing suit now. No, no, no. No, you want to go nude. Oh, I'm doing full nude. Yeah.
If you want me in there, I want my creepy uncle staring at it. He's always wanting to see it. I'll be front and center, ready to go. Yeah, hell yeah. That's exactly it. The baptism is awesome because you have to... Because my brother recently had a kid. My best friend's had a kid. And I was just thinking about if I'm ever in the godfather position, you have to just like... I like the ritual. As fucked up as it is to dunk a baby and it's like he just has a bad day. Actually, one of my friends...
He, the baby was like kind of sick, but like people had flown in from Greece, people flown in from like half across America. And it was like, he learned his first lesson of like the show must go on at like 11 months old where he's just like, he just wants to fucking hang out and we're just dunking his ass. Oh my God.
But I do like the ritual, I have to admit. Like, the rituals, I'm not religious, and you have to be, if you're a godfather or godmother or whatever, you have to be like, do you renounce Satan? They make you say you renounce Satan a bunch? Yeah, and yes, and then you have the spit, the fake spitting. I just did this to my sister's baby, too.
And I was like, I'm really spitting here. But then the guy gave me the thing to read and he gives me the microphone and I'm killing it. I'm like, I denounce Satan and I'm getting, he's like, oh, she's good. It feels powerful to be like, I denounce Satan. You feel like there's like a gust of wind is going to come out. You're like vanquishing a demon. It feels like the exorcist. You're like,
Get back, Satan! Yeah, it's very powerful stuff. It is powerful. And then he, like, after the thing, he asked my dad, he goes, what does this daughter do? She's very good at speaking. And my dad's like, oh, she's a comedian. He goes, oh, can you write her name down? My dad's like, I'm not, no, I can't give you, you will hate my daughter. Kathleen Madigan. Yeah.
Anybody but me. Yeah, I know. I mean, Greek people all the time. Greek churches have like, you know, they'll have like dances, whatever. And the amount of times they've asked me to do stand up at a Greek function. It's like, no, you don't want this guy. Trust me, you don't want this at all. They built like this big hall.
in my neighborhood. When I was growing up, we had the Greek festival there. It is kind of nice. And part of me is like, it would be funny to just like rent it and do a show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. At the like Greek, where the Greek festival was for my youth. With like your fans. Yeah, with my fans. But the problem is I know...
Because they're like church owned. So it's like people would like sneak in. You know what I mean? And they probably wouldn't pay because they're like, it's the church. Yeah, yeah. And yeah, that's the other thing. It's like, you know they would guilt you into just donating the money. Yeah. And it's like... You're like, I'm not doing this. Come on, let's not get fucking crazy. No. I'm not donating it to...
We're good. We're good. This is my money. Sorry, Jesus. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jesus is fine. Come on. I've seen all the gold leaf and all the ornate costumes and shit like that. They're dripped out. They are. They're fucking. They're truly dripped out. Have you ever seen them walk to their cars after they take their fucking little church outfits off? They're like rolling out in a fucking Mercedes. You're like, you're doing good, priest. Yeah, they definitely are.
So you were baptized. So wait, where in Canada did you grow up? Toronto. In Toronto. Yeah, actual Toronto. There's this one Bulgarian church in Toronto and it was actually in the projects. It was so ghetto. So you know, I think probably the same thing where you have to walk around Easter, you walk around outside the church with the candles. Yes, of course. Then all of a sudden we hear gunshots like, okay, okay,
get back it was all like all these old dogs running back in the fucking thing it was so fucked up that was the church I that my church was the shitty like it's the middle of Baltimore and like you know and when I was growing up it was shitty and you could tell and in the 90s they made there were enough Greeks where there's like you know they made like three other churches in the burbs but St. Nick's were hanging on strong baby yeah
Right there on Ponca Street. Yep, the 500 block. And the area has gotten a little better, you know? What happened was there was a Greek... There was a... You know, there's always disgrace with local politicians in Baltimore. And I think, like, there was a police commissioner that, like, was embezzling or something. And the, like, interim guy just happened to be a Greek guy. Like, some lieutenant. And he just, like, diverted so many funds to Greektown. And they just started, like...
completely breaking, you know, civil rights laws and just arresting whoever. And they just went full Rudy Giuliani on it until, you know, that guy also lost his job. And I think that was enough for the conservative Greeks that moved to the burbs were like, you know what?
We like what was going on over there. We'll come back. We're coming back. Yeah, we'll come back. So it's been a little gentrified. Did you watch that movie, My Big Freck Greek Wedding? Oh, did I watch it? So that house was right on the corner of my parents' house. I walked there from high school every day. We'd walk by. And I'd always be like, just let me be an extra. I'd linger around outside of her bed like, hello. You should have been. What the heck?
They had Joey Fatone. Joey Fatone cannot act. As a youth, that pissed me the fuck off. I hate that. Because it's like, look, and no disrespect to Joey Fatone. I'm disrespecting his acting as well. Okay, I don't even care about the acting. I was just like, this man is not Greek. Like, I was mad. Like, I had the original, like, they're taking our stories and they're putting Italians. They're just substituting Italians for Greeks. And maybe, you know...
You know, Nia Vardalos is a hero in the Greek community. I won't hear a bad word about her. Maybe she needed that NSYNC bump. I think she did. I think it helped. Andrea Martin was in there. That was a good bump. SCTV. She's so fucking funny. No, no, it was well. But I just think it's like a... When you're making an indie movie, every little... Oh, and the guy from NSYNC is... You know what I mean? Like every little, you know, sprinkling. Like I definitely... When I made my movie, I was just like...
whoever the fuck, and I got a lot of, you know, I got a lot of my friends, but then, you know, we got, the production company just knew CM Punk, the wrestler. He's the man. He was fucking awesome. He's famous as shit, and he was really good in his role, but we were just like, yeah, let's get fucking CM Punk in the mix. I need one. I'm writing something right now, and I ran into Marshawn Lynch at the Porn Awards, actually, and I did.
I did something weirder than before. He remembered me. I'm like, I'm writing a movie. I want you to do it. He's like, all right. I'm like, I will use anybody I've ever met in my life. I don't give a shit's ass. What the fuck? I love that. You could have been casting at the Pornhub. Oh, yeah, because you hosted the Avian Awards. I hosted the Avian Awards. I'm jealous. That's honestly a...
Thank you so much. A career goal of mine. Here's the thing. Yeah. It was amazing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Men here, maybe you'd be different. Yeah. But they were so happy with me because they'd had male comedians for the last 10 years making fun of them.
This is their awards. They don't want to be made fun of. They want to feel like they're part of it. Of course, of course. I opened on being like, wow, this is the only room in Las Vegas right now with no STDs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they were like, what? Yeah. One day I stood up and I was like, oh, fuck. A positive joke. They didn't understand it.
And they were like... So the whole thing was just me, like, making fun of myself. And then I kind of made fun of how disgusting men are in porn. But, like, the rest of it was, like, so nice. That's great, though. That's fun. They loved it. I think that's fun because it's, like, that's an inside joke. Yes. It's not... Because I especially... I probably...
when they're saying making fun of them and when people make fun of that industry, it's so much misogyny. Oh, yes. That's just like thinly veiled as like moral. But you're right. They don't go after the guys. No, never. They always go after like the women in that industry. So I feel like they, even just shitting on the dudes was probably like a breath of fresh air. Yes. And I had like three name references and like they stood up and cheered. Charles Darrow, if you know that guy, he's like so scruffy. He's like, I said that I have a thicker happy trail than him. He's like,
dude. I was like, what the hell is going on? He's so into it. That's awesome. But I started beef with this one guy. Oh, nice. So there was like this, the pre-opening show thing was like this guy, Ryan Powell has this big podcast. He wanted to have these, I guess, porn stars telling stories, funny stories. Right, right, right. Oh,
Stick to the sucking the cock. The story's not so funny. So I had to go first. You don't want us taking two dicks at the same time. Trust me. With my double penetration, you'd call the police. I'd be shitting everywhere. My hemorrhoids would be out. You'd be in this hell. The guys would be sad. The guys would be like, it's not hard. Yeah, the police, they're wearing a blanket. They're like shivering. They're crying.
First time I ever cried. But like, I go on stage and there's these three porn stars, two women and a man. I've never seen this guy in my life. So I walk up and I'm like, who the hell are you? He's already judging me. And I'm already annoyed by him. He's like, he's like,
What? So he's the funny guy in porn? He's supposed to be the funny guy in porn. Everyone knows him. I've never seen this guy in my life. He's on this panel. Big issue. The funny person who's not actually funny but is for their thing, when an actual funny person comes around, they hate that. Oh, he hated it. So he's already, I can see this much. I go, who the hell are you? I go, you're a porn star? And the crowd's kind of like gasping. And I go, you look like a cruise ship magician. Hated that. Hated that. Hated that.
So I do my story. It's fine. There's no light on the stage. I'm screaming at people. I do well. Everyone else gives me a 10 out of 10 for my story. Gets to him, he gives me a four. And I go, oh, is it because I called you a magician? He goes, because he's not funny, whatever. And I go, okay. And then he goes, yeah, at least my dick...
is bigger than that fucking nose of yours. And I go, well, at least I don't have to inject mine to get a heart. It's just naturally like this. And I didn't realize there was rumors that he injects his penis. So the whole crowd was like, I've never gotten a bigger pop in my life. Like, people were like...
Like losing their fucking minds. You just randomly got him. I got him so good. Randomly nailed him. And then he got so pissed. That's beautiful. And he goes, yeah, well, no one wants to fuck you anyways. I go, I hope not. If you want to fuck me, you want to fuck Danny DeVito's penguin. Nobody wants to fuck this. And then that got him again. So now I like am on a roll. He got so pissed. You judo rolled into his like choke. You're like, ugh.
Yeah, okay, make fun of my nose, asshole, as if I haven't. I love when people troll me with my nose. They're like, ooh, fuck it. You think I walk around with this going, what a tiny little petite nose I have. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You think I don't fucking... Like you don't have, like, you've had to cut 20 minutes of jokes, of nose jokes. No, yes, literally. Because you're like, it's getting too much. It's hack now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, Toucan Sam, fucking Penguin, whatever the fuck. Yeah, I know. I know what I look like. Nosferatu, I just watched it. I'm like, put a bald cap on me. I am Nosferatu. It's terrifying. I'm like...
It's like scary. But yeah, I was like, it was, anyways, so the whole battle started like a riff and then I got like, I was into it. I was like, you fucked with the wrong bitch. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's awesome. Yeah, yeah, it was fun. So he was a porn, he's a porn star? Yeah, what's weird is I've never...
There is something weird is going... Well, first of all, to know male porn stars, that's a mental illness. You know what I mean? Like when straight guys who beat off so much that they have preferences, and not even in a gay way, just in like...
I like the way he fucks the girls I jack off to. Or like, that's when we start going... It's a bit much. Yeah, when you can tell like what, you know, you know they're balls from the behind, from the doggy angle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That horrible angle that I don't understand who's enjoying that. It's like mostly his ass and just a little bit of the girl underneath. When you know like... Yeah, what is that? His nuts...
That's a problem. Who's that for? Honestly, who's that for? I guess... I guess that's from, you know, back... A vestige before gay porn was widely available. Okay. That's my only guess. Okay, that makes sense. Because from that angle, you can kind of be like, maybe he's fucking a guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's my only... You know, the way every movie had to have tits in it in the 70s and 80s, because, like...
would go to Jack off. You know what I mean? Like the way Porky's was just like, well, yeah, but it was mostly a pornography vehicle. It's like, it's celery and the tits were the dip that you're eating. No one cares about the fucking, no one cares about the story of Porky's, you know? Yeah. Yeah. I just saw what Sebastian Stan's dick and, um, well,
What's that? What's the guy Sebastian Stanislaus in A Different Man? I haven't seen that. I love seeing full dick and balls in movies. Oh, I didn't even know you see his dick. Oh, I had a nice gander. Yeah, it's just nice to have it. It's a change up. There's tits and dicks. It should be both. I agree. Well, first of all, we've gotten away from tits in movies in a way that pisses me off. Have we? I think so.
Wow. You had that so ready? Jesus Christ. I think like action movies, I mean, nudity in general, I think film is a, you should be, it should be like, sure it can be high-minded, but it should also be cheap thrills.
You know what I mean? Where it's like every action movie used to have just a little scene of tits. You know? And I don't... And by the way, we can get Dick in the mix too. I like it all. I just want it all back. It used to be too much just women. And then it was like, you know, and then they were like kind of showing Dick like as a political statement, like we're not misogynist. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And now it's just gone to like the sanitized, like the sanitized, like every action movie's
You know, a fucking comic book movie. Everything has to be for kids. Everything has to be like, oh, we also need to sell it to China. Like, it has to be so, so, like, appeal to everyone. Yeah. Where they won't just show fat knockers in between kills. Fat knockers.
Knockers. And that takes a movie to the next level. Same thing with Fat Cock. Throw a cock out there, absolutely. But why is it only an arthouse movie where you see cock? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why can't cock be in a fucking John Wick 6? You know what I mean? Why can't we see John Wick's dick?
Maybe not, you know, Keanu's, he's an accomplished man at this point, but a younger guy. Like, the way every hot actress has to show her tits pretty much. Sidney, like, let's make fucking Paul Mescal show his cock. Ha ha ha.
You know what I mean? Barry, what's his face, did it? Salute to him. Let's get more cock out there, and let's also keep the tits rolling. Well, let's keep them out. I love the way I hear you say fat knockers after I just watched you eat a hot dog for breakfast. It's just very bizarre. It's a chicken sausage with a paleo bun. The macros are very good. It's meant to look like a hot dog to trick your brain. Okay, but I'm just saying a hot dog for breakfast is what my point here is. Well, you know, it's noon, it's 1130.
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Switch to ShipStation today. Go to ShipStation.com slash Stavi to sign up for your free trial at ShipStation.com slash Stavi. Wait, would you show your dick in a movie? My dick's too small to show. Okay. But maybe at a point... Wow. Thank you for your honesty. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, if my dick was bigger, don't you think it'd be... Like, I'm naked fully. Like, I've been nude pretty much in every other way. Can you fluff it?
Even the fluff. Even when the fluffing is so small? It's just. What are we talking about? How small? Soft? No, hard. Hard. It's a regular dick hard, but it looks bad small. Okay, well, yeah, most look bad when they're soft. But that's what I'm saying. It's like, it's, I have to, you know, you want to, you want to show a nice dick. Yeah. I can fluff it. I can fluff it to the point where it's like, it's.
It's like that breaking point, like when water's outside, it's just about to turn into ice. You can get it right before it's a boner. You know what I mean? Like when it's like as long as it's going to be, but it hasn't like... Yes, okay. Maybe with the right lighting, if I lose a couple pounds, if we have like...
Like if we tape back all my around the dick fat to kind of really push it and show every maybe I would consider. Yeah, OK. If you lost the gunt, then maybe I should. And then I say that. And you know what?
I do want to get to the point where I'll show even my little ass dick. Because that's the final... I've said this before. That's the final, like... That's the final mountain to climb over body positivity. It is. Because, like, everyone finds beauty. Even in, like... Like, fat women are treated bad by society. But there are people who find beauty and they really like that, whatever. Yeah, but those people keep it to themselves. They don't say anything. And listen. You can put a model up there, but, like... And I think...
I think people will grow to accept beauty in all its forms. Really? Eventually. I think we're kind of, we're at least sort of like, there's definitely a backlash. Don't get me wrong. Do you want to read the comments I got this morning about being a fat trans? I don't like, it's not going away. It's not going away. It's not going, it's getting worse. No, no, I'm just saying there is a, I can see a world where like, like right now these people, like we kind of,
Maybe you could argue overcorrected and then these people feel like they want to attack something so they're like, why are fat girls models or whatever, right? I just don't see any scenario where a little dick is put on display and anyone goes, good for you.
You know, even the other good, even the other little dicked wouldn't stand up because they don't want to. They don't want to say like at least other fat women when it's like a fat model will be like, good for you. No little dick guy is going to be like me because it's like no one knows your dick is small. And then you would then you would. I'm not saying it's easy. Don't get me wrong. Yes. I'm just saying the the final hurdle is to accept even little ass dicks.
as like aesthetic beauty, you know, to accept that. But all these statues, they all have like little pee-pees back in the day. That's true. You know what I mean? And we all idolize them. Well, ancient Greece, I mean, that's when society was run right. Yeah, yeah, little pee-pees were taking over. Well, they say that like they looked at a little dick was a sign of like
Being classy really was thought to be a brute if you had a big-ass dick. Well, there you go. Mr. Classical I'm in finishing school right now. I'm getting ready for a cotillion But yes, definitely things shift but so I guess just a final answer your question is
Yes, I will show my little dick at some point. Because it's for the cause. For the cause. For the little dick that will come after me. I think it would help. Did you see that one video where there's all those like micro penis guys met up? It was like a talk show years ago. Oh, the Howard Stern had like guys with their little ass dicks. Was Howard Stern? I saw it. It was like a talk show in like Britain and they were all were like talking about it. They were like crying and then I feel like the comments on that video weren't.
Nobody was supporting that. Well, micro is a whole other level. Micro is different. Micro is like, you know, that's just a very, a debility, like a disability. You know, Alex Pavone said this once and I think it's true. He says that he's like, I don't think micro people, penises should have to pay taxes and I think he's right. Yeah, I agree with him actually. I honestly agree with him. I agree with him. That's like when people get mad at my nose. I'm like, I can't help this. You can't, I'm not like, I was with a micro once. Wow, really? I'll tell you what, that's the best acting I've ever done in my life.
I should have been nominated for a fucking Globe. Acting like I felt that inside me. I was like, ugh. That's small, huh? No way.
No. I swear to God. Wow. I kept trying to jerk it off. And he's like, no, it's good. I'm like, no, let me in there. And then I had just one little slat open in my blinds and the light shone in. It was like a horror movie. Just this little, tiny, it looked like a little, you know when you eat corn and you eat the two little corn things that you stick at the end? That little corn thing. The little corn things that you stick in the end. Yeah, but like soft. See, if your dick is that small, you have to almost be like,
I don't effectively have a dick. Yeah, I feel like... Right? I'm going to... We're going to have a form of, like, closer to lesbian sex.
Yeah, where we're like humping. You just have to kind of lick my little ass clit dick. Uh-huh. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, humping, eating pussy. Eating, a lot of eating puss. Finger popping, all that kind of stuff. Yeah, a lot of pussy. Which I'm not, I myself am not unfamiliar with that. Because again, though not micro, like I said, nothing to, and it's like, my dick's not getting hard every time either. So that's a tough one. Why? What's going on down there? A lot of unhealthiness. It's the breakfast hot dogs. Exactly.
You know what's hilarious? The breakfast hot dog era, the last month, has been one of the healthier months of my life. Wow. Compared to, like, what was going on before. I mean, we're talking eating, like, shit, you know, taking, you know, getting fucked up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Being fat as shit plus hot dogs.
high plus drunk. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's not... Plus the two ring, you're slopping around and you're eating shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's no... That's not a formula for... No. ...for the hardest prick of all time. Yeah, I wonder. I guess... I never thought about that. I'm like, I guess if I was eating like that too, you probably wouldn't... It's always wet down there because it's... I might be sick. Yeah. When I was like, no, the lady's just always wet. They're like, no. I'm like, ew, fuck. It's a hole. It's an organ. Yeah.
It's an open hole. It's part of my body. Yeah, I do envy that of like, you know, at the end of the day. I don't do anything. It's still there. It's still there. You can figure something out. I tell people I got a big pussy. My boyfriend likes it and he's real. Nice. When I say that, people are like, somebody one time thought it was a hired actor. I swear to God. Your boyfriend? My boyfriend because he's hot.
So people are like, yo, bro, who's that fucking guy? And I'm like, he's Shooter McGavin's nephew. Whoa. So he looks exactly like Shooter McGavin. So people never believe that he's real. Yes, yes, yes. That's awesome. Does he ever like putt?
Like a dildo into your pussy? No, but he should. I could lie there and he could get a hole in one. It could just, my pussy's big. It could just plop right in. I could probably make the ball disappear. See you later. Odd magic trick. That is hilarious that they're just like mad that you could date an unattractive guy. They're pissed.
What does that bother them? Every man on the internet hates me. They just want you to not have happiness because they don't. They think they don't. And they think they hate, they just hate because I yell at men a lot in my clips. Right, right, right. And you should know your place. Yeah, I should know my place. My place?
Feels pretty good. My boyfriend's pretty hot. So I don't give a shit. How did you guys meet? At a show. There you go. He came in with his uncle at the Laugh Factory. Wow, look at that. A year and a half ago and everyone was bombing. And then I saw Shooter McGavin. I'm like, why is Shooter McGavin at the Laugh Factory in front of 12 people? And I was like, holy fuck. And then I went up and I was like, really, really bringing.
it like if you had like a celebrity in the crowd and you're like yeah yeah yeah well we're not doing crowd work tonight we're doing the a stuff yeah and then i went up i went up like about out of hell and then we kind of started talking on stage and then oh from stage because i asked dick pic question i'm like who's taking any nobody answered me and then he yells out i'm like shoot him
Shooter McGavin's son? Because I didn't know who he was. What the fuck is he talking me for? And then I went over after a fangirl because I'm a fucking psycho. I'm like, hello, sorry, Shooter, because Happy Gamer wasn't one of my favorite movies. Of course, it's a banger. So I shook his hand and then... And it feels like he's fallen on some hard times. He probably enjoyed getting fanned over. He loved it. He was also blackout drunk. Yeah, he was just like, what? Yeah, yeah. In fact, when he got a DUI, I believe he mentioned being Shooter McGavin. Probably. Yeah, yeah.
Yes, probably. You think that would help? I don't think it did. I think he ultimately... Well, who knows? He only got caught for the one. So it might have helped in the past. And he's doing fine now. He's doing good now. We got Happy Gilmore 2 on the way. He's great. He was in a couple... He was in something else recently. He fucking killed it in Hacks. He was great in Hacks. He was great in Hacks. Did you watch Hacks? Hello? I was in Hacks. Excuse me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, Shooter was great. Meg Stalter. Jeez, who else? Yeah.
I had a small role. So he's praised me. My God.
This is all I have. That's awesome. Oh, truly. Yeah, that's real how male comics get hot girlfriends. Respect to you. You are a pioneer. I'm a pioneer? You're the bubulina of getting hotter. I'm bubulina. I am. I'm going to go Google bubulina. I can't wait. She was the first female admiral in maybe any Navy, I believe. I love this. So there you go. Let's get a bubulina up here. I need to fucking see it. I need to see what I fucking... There I am.
That's so funny. That actually is me. Holy fuck. Oh my God. I hadn't seen a picture for forever. That's actually me. Holy shit. Holy fuck. That's my exact nose. That's fucking crazy.
Don't you dare pull up some Albanian propaganda that says she's Albanian. No, get out of here. No, go to her Wikipedia. See, even technology's against you. For those listening at home, Elders tried to pull up some virus-ridden... It literally crashed our computer. Because you tried to fucking find an article that said the heroine of the War of 1821 was Albanian. You fucking piece of shit. Checked our device. Great.
Now we lost the episode. No, we didn't. We're good. We lost the episode because fucking Eldest Kid. We'll start and say everything the exact same way. God damn it, you fucking idiot. That was so funny. Was that worth it, man?
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Keep it twisted. So grab a refreshing twisted tea today and remember... Keep it twisted. You know who people have been calling me recently, which is almost more offensive than Osmaru? The guy that dresses up like a woman in MASH. Oh, wow. What's his fucking name? Not Hawkeye. Is it Hawkeye? No, it's... What's his fucking name? I don't remember. This has been my new trolling. He's panicking now, making sure he hasn't lost the episode. LAUGHTER
Whatever that guy's name is, that's my new, that's the new troll. I know what he looks like, yeah. That's kind of a throwback troll. It is. I was like, really? We're going to do that? Also, I don't hate it because it's more original than... It is. Or I get the guy to despicable me.
That guy, that's the main one. Gru. I hate that one. That's all nose-based, though. That's all nose-based. I lost 35 fucking pounds. Suck my dick. Piece of shit. Nice. Were you trying to, you were just like, was there a moment where you were like, oh, for the special. Well, because this is so sick. I didn't, I was like, I know I'm going to be trolled because that's what happens. Sure. I didn't want to be called, I know I was going to be called ugly, unfunny, and trans. I'm like, I still want fat to be part of it.
Let's just get fat out of there. Let's control what we can control. Yeah, let's control what we can control.
And it worked. So I lost 35 pounds and it's hard to keep it off. Nice. Congrats. What'd you do? I did Sydney, the trainer that Kate LeBleu and George Jensen use. Yeah. She's out here in New York. She's fucking magical. Yeah, she's fucking great. Wait, but you weren't here? You just met with her or what? Yeah, I did online. On Zoom. Interesting. Yeah, yeah. Not even Zoom. She just sent me her fitness plan. Cool. Check in and stuff.
I know Palufo. Palufo's jacked. Palufo's jacked, yeah. She's like chiseled. Yeah, I actually wanted to have both of them on and just talk. Because we almost had them on at one point together and then whatever, scheduling didn't work. But then she got jacked. That's a whole other fun discussion. I know. Getting jacked in like, you know, the 30s is hilarious. Oh, yeah, yeah. It's great. And I respect that. I would love to. I mean, I...
She's like in insane shape. I just want to have big arms. - That's it, you want to be beefed up arms? - Yeah, I don't want to be like fucking in good shape. - I'm not doing abs. Abs is too much. The amount of work to get an ab, I can't dedicate that. - I think that's mostly not eating. - It's a lot of not eating. It's also no drinking and I, baby likes this. Oh, baby's having a couple cocktails today. I'll tell you that. - What was the first time you got drunk in Toronto?
Or as a youth? As a youth? I used to see my parents smearing off ices all the time. Love that. But there was one party member, I think it was grade nine. I got a bottle of this lemon rum, Cardi lemon rum. Okay, nice. And I barfed everywhere. I passed out on my friend's dildo and woke up. And I was like, my back.
And I was like, also, who's using a dildo and wearing a knot? That's crazy. A knot is greater with a dildo. And we're not talking vibrator. We're talking dildo. It was a vibrator dildo. But it was like the long, like those long white ones. And I was like, what? Oh, wow. I didn't know I had a hole down there until like I was 20.
I don't know, grade 12? Yeah. I'm very Canadian. Yeah, yeah. 12th grade. We figured it out. Yeah, because I didn't wear a tampon. I didn't know there was a hole. I'm like, you're fucking shoving that up your ninth grade? It's crazy. Yeah, that is pretty advanced. I was humping. Ninth grade is what? 12th?
14? Maybe 14, 15. Okay. Yeah. I don't know. I think so. To get the tools out at that age is pretty early. The tools out, like that's advanced to be getting your clit blown to smithereens. That's early to be getting that. What's that friend up to these days? How's her life turned out? She was a nudist. I don't know. She lived actually beside the house that they filmed Big Huggy Wedding at. So she was a nudist, so she must have been pretty...
- In touch with her. - Oh yeah, she showed me how to put a tampon in. - Wow. - She came in the bathroom one day, she lifted her leg and I was like, "What?" And I was like, "That's a vagina." Like you don't see your friend's pussy holes at that age.
It was a lot to take in. Yeah. She was very advanced. So she was basically your sex ed teacher? She'd walk around naked all the time, and I was like, what is this? This is bizarre. Fascinating. Were her parents like that? No. Very nice. They were buttoned up, nice people. They had a yacht. They were never home. Ah, I see. She was shut down. Her parents weren't there. Bizarre. I worked with a girl whose whole family were nudists, and I was like, no, your dad's a pervert. Yeah. Yeah.
Can you imagine going through puberty and just you're walking around with your tits in your dad's face? Yeah, that's nuts. That's crazy. But I will say some of those fucking people really just are naked. Like, it is... I know what you mean, and I think that way too because, you know, I can't fathom... Like, it's just so weird to be nude. Like, having nudeness not...
connected to some form of sexuality is weird to me. But, you know, some of these people... Like, we had... Yes, if you're growing up with it, too. If you're growing up and you're always naked, you're just not seeing it. Yeah. Like, it is weird. Don't get me wrong. I hear that, and that's bizarre. I think it's weird. But then I'm like, I mean, if he actually believes in nudity...
as like being like the way that it if he accepts it then it would be weirder for him to be like well we have to be naked but my 14 year old daughter can't be yeah you know what i mean that would be like even weirder yeah you know what i mean because he'd be like put your clothes on i don't want to see that you know what i mean like you know what i mean he almost has and so much so we've just absolved him of being a yes eldest how are we looking you think we're gonna get the screen back or is that done
I got flashed. A girl flashed me her puss after the AVN Awards. Wow. She's like, that was great. Check this out. I was like, whoa. See, you would love that. I would have. You would love that. Oh, I think I would have had a pretty good time at the AVN Awards. I honestly can't stress enough how supportive these people were. Yeah, they're the best. It was crazy. No, that's the crazy. Like, people being mean to these people. But.
Bizarre. They are the nicest, truly. I am the most pro-ho person on earth. I've never felt funnier in my life. Yeah. The amount of people that got photos with me, I was like, what? And they all were so hot and so supportive. Would anyone win? They'd all go crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Some of the awards were hilarious. Yeah, best like... Best anal. Best triple anal for a Latina newcomer. Yeah, yeah.
Wow, you looked at the... I do my research. My guest hosts the AVN Awards. I'm going to check some stuff out. Yeah, I've been preparing for this podcast for, some would say, 20 years. 20 years. I want to talk about how we can't fully talk about it, but we can kind of say...
Because Netflix posted it, so I think I'm allowed to say it now. Yeah, you're allowed to say it. I'm in this season of Tires. You are in this season of Tires, yeah. And I got to act with you quite closely. You were great. You were really good. You were hilarious. A very funny role. Very funny role. Yeah, really funny role, yeah. This season, too. And it was so funny because, you know, when some of these things go around, like...
the role goes around or the audition goes around and, you know, a lot of, a lot of female comics basically read for the role. Every single time. And I had a lot of, I had a lot of, I had a lot of people like texting me like, and it's like, like I have any power. Yeah. Like I don't just show up and do what I'm told. Yeah, what the hell? It's like it's not my fucking show. I just, but I heard from everybody and then, and then it was like very quickly, I think like,
someone found out that you got it and they're like, oh yeah. No one was even mad because you were perfect. Yeah. You really were perfect. You were perfect for this role. It was the one time because all my friends in LA read for it and then I said I got it and they're like, oh, why did I even read for it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, no offense, don't be rude to anybody, this role was built for me. I pretty much played myself. You were awesome, yeah. That's how we like to do things on Tires. No one really knows how to act. We just kind of play ourselves. It was...
I will say, like, I've done a few things now. It was, I've never felt so funny in my life that I did in a set. Yeah, yeah. Like, the grip guy came over and shook my hand. Those guys are awesome. Grip guy? Like, it was nuts. Tires fucking rule. It was so chill. The costume people, the makeup people. No, no, our whole... Everyone was amazing. I'm like, how is everyone this cool? The whole crew was fucking cool as shit. I think part of that is, like, filming in Philly, right? Or, like, around. Yeah, yeah. In Pennsylvania. So it's like...
Some of these people work on like... I mean, there is some production around there. So it's like they're just a little happier to not be worried. They work, but it's like not that much cool shit comes around. They'll also have to travel a little bit more, whatever's going on. So for them to... They're kind of at home. They're hanging out. They're like...
The makeup people were all like, it's crazy how much easier you guys are to deal with. And, like, none of us fucking give a fuck. Well, and you're all, it's all men. Yeah, we're all comedians. We're like, we are gonna look like shit. None of us expect to look good on TV. We're all like, well, of course we're gonna look like shit. We all look like shit. Shane is hungover. He's about to do, like, a fucking five-page speech. And he's like...
He doesn't expect to be fucking, you know, I was just like, yeah, do it. Yeah. Oh, what are you going to make my hair look good? Just fucking give me a little run through. We're good to go. Put a little fucking cover on. No, it's the best. That show, that show fucking rules. And I think I really do. I have very high hopes for season two. It was so fun to shoot. We actually did it like a fucking like a real show. Whereas the first season was just like, yeah, it was just like I thought I've said before, I thought it was going on YouTube.
I thought it was like the best YouTube video ever made. Oh my God. And it just turned out to be like a pretty shittily made but funny show. And now it's like- It looks so good. I mean, season two looks- McKeever's great. He's such a good director too. McKeever's so fucking incredible. He's such a- Because there's ways to direct people where you can feel- I could tell when I did something wrong.
or they didn't like it and the way he would word it like because everyone can hear the director talking to you but why don't you try it like this way and I'm like oh okay so in his head he's like I hated that first take but he said it so nicely that I was like oh I still feel good about that take and like it was and you respect like
Working with Serge, I mean, a director, you just have to kind of like respect what they're, like, McKeever does so much work for that show. Yeah. Where it's like he got, I mean, on the first season in particular, he like edited everything and now, even now, he oversees everything, obviously, because he's the director, but like,
A lot of it is in his fucking head. Where it's like, he has such a clear vision for it. And he's really fucking funny. He's really funny, yeah. He's made so much good stuff. And he obviously works so great with Shane. They have such a good history together. But yeah, he's the man. And everybody on there is fucking funny. Yeah, it's very... I'm so happy to just have stumbled into a...
really good show. Thank God they just needed people that are exactly how both of us behave. My favorite roles are literally when I just, I don't think I've ever not played myself. Like in Bill Burr's Old Dads, I played that fucking pervert on the balcony. I was just this disgusting scumbag. I ate three full breakfast burritos in one night. You're not supposed to eat them. I was so sick.
I went home and had a second half poisoning. I was so violent. That's so fucking funny. Yeah, I mean, in the first season, I was eating something every scene. And I just... Did you swallow it? A lot of it, yeah. I just ate a couple hoagies. Yeah, it didn't fucking... Even this season, there's like a scene where I'm eating... It's hilarious. They're like... There's a scene where I have like... I have to have like a weird fucked up lunch.
And they gave me a couple, you know, like some anchovies, some like weird... It was like a weird, you know, assemblage of shit. And I was like, you know, I think Dave would also be eating chicken tenders and fries. And I just... There's like a Wendy's thing where we shoot. I was like, yeah, why don't you go over and grab some nuggets for Dave? And I just ate a full Wendy's meal with whatever the fuck. And yeah, I just fucking ate all of it. That's so funny. I think that's why it's fun. It's like none of us are actually...
I mean, we're actors, I guess, but...
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And we thank Blue Chew. We are on our knees. We are on bended knee thanking Blue Chew for sponsoring the podcast. Thank you, Mr. Blue Chew. Thank you for making my cock hard and the cocks of my loser listeners hard too. And Colin, let us know how Blue Chew worked for you, folks. I ate these wings once in this Pepsi commercial and they didn't tell us they weren't fully cooked.
I was so ill. Oh my God. And it was non-union and I got paid $500. Who doesn't cook the, why would they not cook them? Because they were so wanting to see that there's sauce on them. So they just kept putting sauce and I was like, okay, so I kept like biting, okay, bite it again, but this time make it look like real. They were telling you to bite it then it wasn't fucking cooked? Oh, I ate a piece, that was kind of soft. And then I ate it, oh, it was, no, it was bad. I was so fucking ill. Oh,
And it's the worst commercial. It's me bowling. I put my fingers in a bowling ball and then I eat a chicken wing and lick my fingers. It was so... Do you think this is funny? Is this stupid? You got paid $500. $500. Non-fucking-union. $500 to get the most... To get food poisoning. Oh, so bad. Believe me, I'm a man who's no stranger to food poisoning from chicken wings. I have gotten it multiple times. Wings need to be... You need to chase chicken. You gotta fry them hard as fuck. And you need to do well.
At this point in my, you know, at the age that I am, this is some of the wisdom I've acquired. Yes. Is that you gotta get your wings hard fried. How old are you? I'm 35. Oh my God, you're a young little baby boy. I'm just a little baby. You're a little chair baby. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Little chair baby boy. Many say I look even younger than 35. Yeah. Yeah.
Wait, how old are you? I'm 39. Okay. I turn 40 in two weeks. Ooh. I know. You gonna do something special? What are you doing? I'm in Toronto. I'm doing Adam Ray's... Oh, cool. The Dr. Phil. Yeah. Sick. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. That'll be fun. And then I'm doing like a sketch show with my old sketch partner. Are you like... Do you have any sense of dread for turning 40? A lot of people look at, you know, milestone birthdays. No, I feel... I'm so scared of dying. Yeah. Like I don't want to die. Sure, sure, sure. I hate that. Let's get into that. Terrified.
I cry every night. Don't love that. But I feel. So you have an ever present fear of death. Every single night. I wake up at least once and I think about it and I cry for five minutes. It's so demented. What the fuck? No, since I was a kid. Really? Since I was like a fuck. My first earliest memories of me, like three or four. My parents coming in and checking on me and being like, what's wrong? I'm like, I don't want to die. And they're like, oh shit.
Like, what do you say? Sorry, honey, you're going to die. It's going to... Yeah, it's so wild. When a kid's little, it's like, that's a long time away. And now it's getting pretty close. Now it's like, you know. Yeah, now it's within the, you know. It's within the sphere. You could do this and kind of... Oh, I can see it. If you had a fucking, you know...
Collidescope is looking pretty clear. Yeah, damn. Yeah, Bubblina probably had one of those. She definitely did. Since you were a kid, really. It's psycho, yeah. It's very invasive and it takes over my head and I've tried therapy about it. It does not help. Doesn't work. No.
Was there like, did somebody die when you were really young? No, it makes no sense. How did you, how were you, like the concept of that, do you have any idea of how you first thought of it? No, I don't know. It might've been a movie. It's gotta be something fucking weird. And then it just sat with me. It's just like the worst movie. All Dogs Go to Heaven maybe did it to you. Oh my God. That's a fucked up movie. How dare that movie ever be shown? Yeah. Fuck you. It's crazy. I mean, I want to watch, it's been a while since I've seen it, but I remember being a kid and being like, what the fuck? You know what movie really fucked me up? Kids. Kids.
Kids. Would the guy, the guy fucks, purposely fucks people to give them AIDS? Oh.
Oh, I thought we were still talking about children's movies. No, no. Jesus Christ. You watched that? You didn't see that cartoon? I think I know why you're scared of life and dying. All dogs would have it and all dogs have AIDS. You didn't see it, did you? God damn, that's fucking wild. So you'll just freak the fuck out about dying. I'll freak out. I can't discuss it because I get too into it. Damn. But I'm happy. My career is going, once my special comes out, which is going to be on a...
major network that I can't say yet, but once that comes out, I think that'll help. Yeah. It won't help. It won't help you not think about that. Oh, no. I'm going to think about it more. God, I want to think about it more, but...
You know, I'm happy now. I love my dog. I love my boyfriend. Because like, look, I don't want to die. Nobody wants to die. Well, some people do. I've definitely thought, there's definitely been like parts of like the last tour when I was getting that fucked, you know, when I'm getting so fucked up where I'm like, hmm, I'm a wildly obese comedian who just took a bunch of pills to,
I could just not wake up. You know what I mean? I would just go to bed being like, you know, it's on the table. I don't wake up. No. I had that thought. But it wasn't like I'm scared of death. It was just like I have put myself in the position where I could die. Yes, yes, yes. Not like I'm scared of death overall. So it's just fascinating that you've had just because you're not scared of death.
We have two different phobias. Where mine is I'm so unhealthy that I literally could die. And yours is just like death is always around the corner. I don't think it's going to be a freak accident. The idea of getting older and just dying is so bad.
Yeah. It's interesting. Like all this for what? To die? What the heck? I don't want to die. There's no for what. It's just all this. It's like to have a good time. And then you say that getting old and dying, whatever. But it's like, I don't know. Like I used to be a little more. And then I see my grandmother and it's like.
She had a nice run of things. She's okay. She's not freaking out. She's 94, 92, something like that. After 90. My great-grandfather lived to 104. Bulgarian. Ate garlic and yogurt. I saw you scarf some yogurt before this. Toss some garlic cloves in there and you're going to be turned right around. Not a bad idea. I don't know. I just feel like
Yeah, whatever. Life is fucking... Yeah, let's not talk about it anymore. I'm getting depressed. It's fascinating. No, no, no. It's just funny. I mean, I don't know. I think old age is... That ain't the one I'm worried about. That seems nice. Yeah, I kind of... But I know you mean... Just sit around and just fucking watch... Just hang out. Daytime TV. Just sitting there eating. Yeah. I want to get... Yeah. I'm kind of excited. And then it's like, you know, you should be able to have a suicide pod if you were like, all right, I've gotten so fat, I'm going to have a heart attack.
Let me get in this suicide pod. That'd be nice. You know, have some hot cocoa. Go out. It's never too late to give up. Yeah. That's nice. That's reassuring. Do you guys both plan on wearing Bucky's t-shirt today? We didn't plan on it. What the hell? I had no idea he was doing it. And it was just the first... Here's how I get dressed for this podcast. The first clothes that are within my grasp in my bedroom, I typically put them on. I was going to say soiled sweatpants. Okay.
Bucky's teeth. I thought they were clean, but yeah. Gray sweatpants to me are always soiled. There's probably a jizz stain in there for sure. Or a pee drip. Sure. Why do men wear gray? You all have pee drips in your underwear. I don't know. I don't know what you're doing. Start wearing black. I wear black most of the time. I don't know. Or shit stains. Well, that's what's interesting is that like I don't have gray. What's that? You got smears in your undies? I would assume so. You mean you assume you don't look? Not really.
You never glanced at your shit stain. I shit myself to the day before we went on stage. Really? I had diarrhea and I ran to the bathroom and I went to the wrong change room and I sharted and then I take off my underwear and I was scrubbing. Pavi was there and he's like, what's going on? And I'm like, leave me alone, I shit. And he's like, what the fuck? I'm like scrubbing my underwear and there was no paper towel, no air dryer. So I had to get paper towel and I was like wringing at my crotch. Disgusting. And then I went on and I talked about it on stage and everyone was like this. And I was like, well, what do you offer me? Why are you at my show? Why?
Why are you at my fucking show? I've been shitting all the fucking time. Sorry, no one sharts. I'm 40. I'm sharting. I mean, I've had a couple very recent close calls. You shart. No offense. Looking at you. I would tell you if I sharted. I wouldn't lie to you. I just said I've had a couple close calls where maybe there's more ass sharting.
Real estate to trap the shit. Okay. You know, where it's like maybe I've shit the inside of my ass cheeks. And it didn't get all the way. Not as Harry's eldest, for example, but, you know. Oh, yeah. Have you ever waxed a hole?
No, I kind of have wanted to try maybe shaving it or something. Go get it waxed. No, I'm telling you now. It's going to change your life. More men need to get their ass waxed. Please wax your ass, Elvis. It doesn't hurt that much because you've been wiping your ass your whole life, so it's raw back there. Once you get it done, your farts are going to be different. Wow. I bet it'd be a lot easier to clean up after shitting. That sounds awesome to me. You know a bidet?
I do. It's a long story. He's a bidet skeptic. I used to be hardcore bidets. Basically, I got a UTI one time. He's blamed from a bidet? Did I suspect it was from the bidet? No. There's no way. No chance. It makes no sense. Why are you putting your pee hole in the bidet? I'm not, but I was using a toilet seat once. I felt too small for my ass. And then who's the real culprit? Your huge ass or the bidet? Yeah.
You know? Well, still, I mean, you think the bidet would be designed... I don't know. I think the CGI was caused by drippings from the bidet. You've got yeast infections. Your thing is fucked up. No, no, no. It wasn't like sex-related. Oh, then ugh. I think it was...
I don't know. It was a crazy time. My immune system in general was not that good. You were up against a lot, dude. You were weakened. You can't blame the bidet. You need a bigger toilet, better quality bidet, you're good to go. I think a better quality bidet, too. This one was a little messy, but I've used ones before that...
that sprays just a little meter squarely in your asshole. Right into your asshole. Like one of those carnival games. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they have the directionals. You know, I'm a bidet guy. But ever since that, I've been afraid. Do you also have the heated one? Yeah, you can heat it. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, it's not bad. Yeah, it's nice.
But I really, you know, you can adjust the power of the squirt. You can adjust the direction of it. That's all important stuff. I've just been a little scared. It's like, you know, I'll just wipe like normal for now. And if it gets too bad, it's time to shower. That's a philosophy now. I shower now almost after every shit. My boyfriend does it and I see him do it. And then I feel gross if I don't. He does it every time? Every fucking time. Or he'll do this in public. He'll wet a thing. So if he's at the airport and he shits...
He'll come out of the stall with his pants up, wet some toilet paper, and go back in the stall clean his ass. Wow. Why does he just travel with wet wipes? I don't know. That's bizarre. Yeah. But I'll suck his butt right now. It's that clean. Oh, I'd suck his ass. He doesn't never want me to, but it is very clean. Interesting. I know. It's nice. Yeah, I'm such a bidet guy that that's actually one of my largest worries about the tour is that to be away from my bidet. There's travel ones.
Not the same thing. I know, but it's just having little handheld holes back there? Potentially, yeah, a little bottle. You should get one.
I'll try it. That's another reason. I was like so reliant on the bidet that I was like, that's true. I can't, I can't like, this is a crutch. If I'm like, if I ever need a shit in public, like I can't, sometimes we have to persevere, man. Yeah. You know, you have to, there's times of great adversity. You can really prove who you are. Yeah. You didn't see how Bublino is out there shitting on the fucking side of those ships. She was shitting right off the dock, dude. Dipping her ass in there afterwards. Letting the minnows clean her ass.
And she had a hairier ass than you probably. Oh, definitely. There was no way Polina was walking around. Definitely. No waxing for her. Folks, I'm not a bug guy. I don't want to see roly-polies around. I don't want to see cockroaches. I grew up in poverty. My friend Elders over there, he grew up in poverty. As youths, I saw cockroaches at both our houses. If only our parents had had Pesty.
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It just feels nice knowing my house is free. We'll stay bug free for, it's summer. You know, I have some treats lying around. Maybe I've fall asleep a little delicious lemonade. Maybe an ice cream cone melts. I don't want bugs eating my delicious treats. I don't want them swarming.
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I am more interested in, like, were there, like, Bulgarians is such a specific little country. It's, yeah. Like, were there that many? Because the fact that there's even enough for a church is great. Because, like, Eldis, he went to, you went to a Russian one, right? There was, like, there's Russian and there's Greek Orthodox churches. But, so, and I feel like,
Every non-Greek person basically goes to... You basically choose whether you want to go Russian or Greek. I think most of the Bulgarians would just go to the Greek one, but this was a specific Bulgarian one, yeah. So were you around a lot of Bulgarians growing up or no? Yeah, a little bit, because my...
It's my dad's side. My dad's parents were in arranged marriage in Bulgaria. Wow, okay. Yes. So my daddo came to Canada and then my papa got a photo of him. She flew and met him. They had three kids, divorced. He was psycho. My daddo was like crazy, jealous. He was like hiding in the bushes and like trying to like threaten the mailman. I'm like, also my papa wasn't that much of a looker.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was not like she was like some, she was fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She wasn't like. Not enough to kill a man over. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not enough to kill a federal employee. Yeah. So they divorced. These are your grandparents. My grandparents, yeah. They divorced. It was very rare in an arranged marriage. Yeah. So then that was it. My, my dad, oh, and they lived together their whole lives and then.
Yeah, we had some... The Bulgarians are all... They're rude. So basically it was just your dad... So basically you're saying your dad comes from a weirdly broken... Yes. ...type of home... Bulgarian home. ...that like maybe was shunned by the other Bulgarians. Yeah, so once my baba left the...
that side of the family didn't really talk to her. Gotcha. So most of them were in Bulgaria and there were some here and then, yeah, I remember we'd go, my Vujice Stefan was so mean when I was a kid because I had this nose, I came out of nowhere. I had a cute little butt nose and all of a sudden this happened. I think my parents did something and they didn't tell me. I think somebody punched me and they were like, oh, you're fine. I'm like, no.
But I remember it was Christmas and we're watching TV and my voodoo seven, ugliest man on the planet. His nose was three of mine. That's uncle? Yeah. And he goes, why is your nose so big? Yeah. And I'm like, why have you had four strokes and you're still alive? I don't know. I have no idea. I don't know how this has happened. Yeah. They're mean. They're very rude. They're just like, you always say, oh, you gained weight. You're fatty now. I'm like, oh, okay. What the hell? Foreigners, I mean, Greek people like that. Albanians are like that. There's no filter with these people. They will just say it. They'll say it. And then you're like,
Well, fuck you. Look in the fucking mirror, asshole. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I know. My uncle's the fattest man of all time and he tells me I'm fat. And like, not only is he fat as shit, but like when we go to visit, he will take us on these elaborate meals and then we'll eat what he gets. Or there were times I'm like, I'm actually not that hungry. They're like, what? What?
You don't want to have five entrees with me, and then I call you fat even though I haven't died, even though I have the worst diabetes any doctor has ever seen in his life. Although I'm getting kind of worried. You can only play that game so long. But you look smaller in person, honestly. Thank you. No, at least since the last time I saw you, you've lost? I've lost the coat, yeah. Yeah, okay. Well, yeah, because in the middle of tires...
The snacks around a fucking set. You can't. Brutal stuff. You cannot. It's all nuts. It's all fucking chips. Yeah. There's pastries. There's like pastries. There's like snacks every three hours. You know, you got to stop with those. You got to have the fruit. I was doing real good and then just tired.
and Let's Start a Cult, the movie I did, I had to go on a promo run. So like whenever I had off from Tires, I had scheduled because I was like, great, I'll work at Tires and then I'll have a couple weeks off to like get in the zone. Because I had taken that whole year to kind of like
exercise a little bit like lose and i'd lost 40 pounds going into tires and then tires tires the movie going right into thanksgiving cruising right into and then i had like one healthy week in november and then oh here comes christmas you know what i mean and so i gained 20 pounds back in the middle of tires and you're also not working out when you're fucking on set yeah there's no time although you know what there's
I shouldn't dox where the fuck we shoot, actually. But there was a gym near, bleep out the gym, I said. There's a gym close by that I actually got to work. I actually kept my workouts in, but my diet. And obviously when you're this fucking fat, it's like, okay. You need to be working. It's really, it's insane the amount of working you have to do. Especially in your 30s, you're fucked. Totally. It's like three hours. No, I was just working out enough. Because like all of the year before I worked out.
I did not work out. And what that did was irreparable damage to my body. Yeah. So, like, I'm just at the age where it's like, if I hadn't kept up those three times a week workouts, I would just... Like, I had huge... I had insane back problems. I just, like, you just start feeling like shit. Oh, you're a fat block. It's not to be... It's not to improve yourself. It's to...
stave the reaper off you. Like that's all, that's all. So thank God I did that, but I gain weight. and then in January, I've been really fucking hitting it. Okay. I've been hitting it to get ready for this fucking, uh, in January, February, April, you know, God knows when this comes out. Uh,
Whatever. Fuck you people. We're going on tour and we want to make sure you have fucking episodes. Suck my dick. Yeah, well, people get pissed if you backlog? They do, but they can also lick me. We got a backlog. What do you think we're doing? We want to talk about tires. Fuck you guys. Yeah.
You would have been singing a different tune if these fucking episodes were shitty in some fucking green room. It's me and Eldis withholding mics with one fucking camera. Fuck you people. No lighting, no fucking statues. No, no charming stories of being a child haunted by death. You wouldn't have had any of that with a button nose before. I'm so pissed. I don't have any.
I'm so mad. I'll send you guys a photo. You can put up, you can put up with me. It's so upsetting. Yeah, we'll have you as a baby, you now, Bubulina. Bubulina. Just the like, the evolution. I'm Bubulina. I can't believe it. I can't believe it.
So what's your mom's side of the family? Just like Canadian. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Normal Canadian. They're fine. Nothing. Nothing crazy in there. Nothing special? No, my family's normal. My mom was, well, she still is a Highland dancing teacher, so I Highland danced my whole life. Highland dance? Scottish dancing with a kilt and the bagpipes. Really? My entire life. Yep, three to 18. Very bizarre. Wow.
I had a weird life. Yeah, that is fucking nuts. It is strange. Every weekend, I had no friends. I danced all the time. So she was like of Scottish origin? No, my grandma just saw someone doing it at a party once and liked it.
My grandma was obsessed with Scotland and the Queen for no reason. The Queen? She loved the Queen. Oh, I guess Canada, weirdly, there was some... You gotta be that level of cuck to talk about the Queen and Canada. She loved it. She had all these books about her and she'd have tea and just watch her walk around and just wave. It was very bizarre. So weird. Odd stuff. And then I became a disgusting pig comedian and they didn't like it at first. Now they kind of do. I can't tell. No, my dad finds it funny. That upsets me almost more when I hear him laughing harder at my lady jokes than anybody else. I'm like...
What's going on back there? What's happening? He's like, I knew when I was changing those diapers that was a mess down there. That was a big pussy. Big. Put a little holy oil on that thing. Let's shrink this thing up. Can you imagine I had a big pussy as a baby? That can't be real. I don't think so. I can't ask them. That's so weird. I don't think it is real. I call my dad right now. Hey, how was my pussy as a baby? He's going to be like, I'm calling the police. Did you have other siblings? I have one sister, yeah. Okay. So he could at least...
to your sister, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I've seen a, you know, my nephew has one of the littlest dicks of all time right now, but I'm sure it will blossom into a nice penis. Wow, okay. Blossom into a nice penis. Fingers crossed.
That's how I know I really love this kid. It's the first time I've ever seen someone and been like, I hope he has a bigger dick than me. For real, that's also how stupid I am. That's legitimately the first thought I had when my brother was changing his diaper. I was like, I hope that dick gets bigger than mine. And I really believe that, and I really hope that for him. I'm glad it is small. If a baby had a huge dick, that would be so fucking creepy. That'd be fucking awesome. That'd be insane. Hanging on the side of the diaper with this massive hog. Ew. Ew.
My dad has this fucking photo in his wallet. It's his favorite joke. He shows everybody. He's like, you want to see me as a baby? I'll get him to send it to me right now. It's this photo. I think I've seen it. It's this photo of my photo with this baby with a huge cock and it just hanging down. He got it laminated. That's how funny he thinks this is. It's in his wallet right now. It's crazy. Your dad sounds awesome. That's fucking so good. Yeah, it is so funny. That is so good. He shows everybody. He's like...
Honestly, if a guy, if some fucking middle-aged guy came up to me and was like, you want to see a picture of me as a baby? And he showed me that. I don't think I would be able to stop laughing for whatever baptism I was at that he showed me. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, you know he's showing a baptism. You know, it's like weddings. It's like times where you see people. Oh, yeah. He's showing it. He's definitely showing it. That's a great bit. I respect your dad for that one. It is a good bit. I love a bit you can drag on for years.
Yeah. Like every time, my bit is like anytime I see a girl wearing something like super revealing, I go, oh, I almost wore the same thing. Yeah. That's my bit. I've been doing it since like high school because it's like, obviously I'm not going to wear that. Classic. A long bit that you can just say whenever to whoever. A life-defining bit. Like a life-defining bit. Yeah. It's fun. We've got a couple of those just being fucking stupid. I mean, just...
The way me and Alex talk to each other, it's like we barely have to register thought. It's just saying his dick is small, saying he's gay, and he wants to have sex with me. And that's it. Just kind of like...
For eternity. And you know what? We're not, we'll tune it out, but then like every once in a while, I'll just laugh legitimately. Even though this is what we've been saying for close to, at this point, 20 years. 20 years? We've known each other since kindergarten, but we've started with the dick jokes probably when we were what, 15? Yeah.
Yeah, probably. Kindergarten? Yeah. Oh, you're both Baltimore. Is Timodian near that? Yeah, I mean, it's the shitty burbs. I hate that place. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I fucking hate that place. I'm never fucking going back there. Timodian was horrible. Timodian's hell. Magoobies doesn't have a special place in my heart. Does it? The fucking John Deere factory? I started there, you know. Fuck me up the ass. Yeah, yeah, yeah. One of the worst weekends of my life. I'm going back to Canada. I'm going to hand my green card and I don't deserve it.
Hell. No, I'm sure when it is people there, it feels good. But when it's just the bottom. Believe me, I've done some tough when it's just the bottom and it can fill 350. And there's no way to not feel that.
Because it goes up. There's no way. It's not like it just is a long room that you could put some fucking curtains behind. No, it goes. You see the empty amphitheater. Oh, you're just seeing emptiness, blackness staring back at you while you're just doing pussy jokes in silence. Or the worst is because I do so many act outs, doing a big act out and getting no laughs. Oh, yeah.
It's pathetic. I feel like this is what a cuck would feel like if I was watching my wife and I couldn't get hard. That's what that is. No, no. You're right. That is an act out to silence his impotence. It's way worse than a punchline bombing. Way worse. Oh, way worse. Like it's pathetic. You could pretend a punchline was just another thing you're saying and speed through it, but you can't, you know, take the stool off your chin, pick it up, be like, all right, well. Yeah.
Fully lying down? That's committing to a bed. Jesus. Oh, God. Brutal. Well, you're a veteran of so much. Mugubi's Joke House, you know. Being shunned by the Bulgarian community in Toronto. So you have a lot of wisdom, Steph. I have a lot of wisdom. Let's give your fans some wisdom. And, you know, let's put in right here, maybe...
By the time this airs, hopefully we know when your special's coming out, where, and so...
Right now, we're doing it right now. What a blast I had on Savvy's World. And I can finally announce it. I have a special on Netflix June 24th called Filth Queen. Please go watch it. And if you don't like me, hate watch it. Just leave it on anyways. Also, season two of Tires. Please check that out. Not only because Savvy's in it, but also because I'm in it and I play his wife. Isn't that right, Susan? Susan? Susan?
I swear that's her name. June 24th on Netflix. And of course, see us both on tires this season. We don't know. Maybe we know when that date is too. Who's to say? I don't fucking know. Come see me on tour. The tour is already over. I don't really know. It probably is actually now that I'm thinking about it.
That is so funny. Wow, I'm dead. No. Yes. If we're both dead, that would be so sad. That would be sad. Oh my God, no. Eldest, you'd have to release it, man. You'd have to. Oh, I would release everything that we have banked already. And then what I would do is chop it up into like, he would take every podcast, make them 45 minutes so that he could fucking, yeah, so that he could live off of me a little longer even when I'm dead. Sorry, the calls are going to be Patreon only for the next two months. Yeah,
While he desperately tries to program me into an AI. He's feeding every podcast we've ever done into AI. He'd be like, we have to figure this out. I just bought a car. All right, what do we got, Eldis? Hi. Hi, Sabi. Hi, Eldis. Hi, guest. Hi.
So this is kind of my question so I have been getting my boyfriend Almost a year. It's going really well. We've decided to move in together But my question is we kind of have different sex drive He's definitely lower than mine He's okay with like once or twice a week. I'm okay. I'd rather do four or five times a week We tend to meet in the middle a lot This woman yeah
I've asked him, like, is there anything you'd like me to do to, like, help? Like, is there anything I can do? And he said no. Like, he's really happy with everything. He just has a lower sex drive. So there's that. But I guess my question is, because right now I have my own apartment in
I can masturbate in. Nice. Congrats. But if we move in together, I kind of don't have that private space. So I guess kind of my question is, how do I safely masturbate without my boyfriend kind of feeling ashamed or feeling... Like less of a man? I don't know, inadequate. Right. Holy shit. Yeah, that's kind of my question. Thank you. Thank you for the show. It's great. Well, thank you.
She's like, is there anything I could do? He's like, not looking up from his game. He's like, no, I'm good. No, it's good. I think she should just fucking masturbate whenever the hell she wants. Sure. You share a space now, and if he doesn't want to fuck, I'm like, once or twice a week. I need every day, or I get pissy. Wow. Oh, I'm a fucking pervert. That's how we keep fucking Shooter Jr. around. I'm sucking his balls every night.
I wake up, I'm like, good morning, sweetie. You're never getting away. I feel, no, if he doesn't want to fucking do it more, you master it wherever the hell you want. I agree. I mean, beating, you can't be ashamed to beat. Like, let's just, again, look at this from the other side. Oh, sorry. That's okay. Got to post on TikTok. Nice, hilarious fucking ringtone. That's literally my posting on TikTok alarm. Sad.
Pathetic and sad. Maybe I want to die, actually. You know what? Fuck this. Posting on fucking TikTok alarms. Yeah, I mean, what is the... You know, when you put it that way, what's 70 years of social media posting? Just take me now. Fuck.
I feel like, also, does he not leave the house? Like, how long do you take to masturbate? I need three minutes. Yeah. Max. I'm liking a lot of what I'm hearing here, Steph. That's great. I just really feel like, you know what? Get him to go out. The second he leaves, have a little thing. Or be like, I'm having a nap. Excuse me, give me some privacy and go in there. How loud's your vibrator? Maybe get a smaller one. What's he up to? First of all, like I said, he's definitely gaming while you're beating off. Yes, we can't hear you. Yeah. I'm...
How long have they been dating, too? She said a year. A year? A year is a little soon for you to knock off to once a week as a man, in my opinion. I think, yeah, no, no. A year is kind of crazy. Look, if you guys have been together for a few years and you realize, hey, just our natural rhythms, there should still be a little bit of...
Just a little excitement to get you over. Especially if your girlfriends beg. It'd be different if like both of you were just kind of a once or twice a week. But if like your girlfriends begging you at a year in a year and I'm a little scared about that personally. Yeah, it feels like she's like asking the wrong question here. The question isn't like, how do I masturbate in private when like I don't have my own space anymore? It's more about like.
Is it adequate for him to be like, no, I'm good when you're like, I want to fuck more? Yeah. That is a little weird. When you're building your relationship right now and he's like, no, I'm good. Yeah. Does he have low T? Like, is this guy healthy? Does he have low T? Because I can tell you again...
Your sex drive is much lower when you're, you know, a fat drug addict than when you're, like, going to the gym. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just speaking hypothetically here, of course. Than when you're going to the gym and, like, you know, and, like, taking care of yourself. Eating well, yes. Because, like, how old is he?
Maybe we don't want to shame him. Maybe he just is, you know, I'm sure there are once or twice a week guys, but man. Yeah, I wonder if like he is older, that would change it in my mind a little. But they're like close, if they're close to the same age, that is a little weird. But if he said I'm happy about this, also, I'm like, also, does she not have any doors in this apartment? I'm confused. Go to the bathroom. Yeah, beating, listen, you're going to figure out how to beat her.
Yeah, you can go to the bathroom, put the shower on. Worrying about this is crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because, like, again, usually it's the flip side, right? Usually it's the guy wants it more. And, like, we're all experts at getting a quick beat in, right? We've done it our whole lives since we were 12 years old because we've had to, you know, first we were hiding from our parents, now we're hiding from our wives. But I would... And so you're fine there. Even when you move in, whatever, I just...
You know, maybe we're all just... Maybe you're just talking to a podcast full of freaks, right? Full of sex freaks. But to me, I would just... And it's not just the sex. It's like, you're so early on where it's like, this is something that's pretty important to you. And it doesn't really feel like... I mean, she says we kind of meet in the middle, right?
My hunch is you meet closer towards him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would say the thing I would be wary of is compromising too much towards him on things that are important to you. Because certain things are deal breakers. I'm not saying this is when you're very happy again. Maybe this isn't. I'm just saying I would be cognizant of that, of like, do you find yourself kind of caving a little more to keep...
Especially, which is hilarious when what we're talking about caving is sucking him off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Letting him suck it. Like having sex one more time a week. He's like, I just can't. Come on. Really? This again? You want me to fuck you? I have to cook up a parlay, you fucking bitch.
Yeah, I feel like maybe there should be another more open question with her being like, look, I want this. Yeah. Not just like, oh, you're okay? Like, I want this. Yeah. Let's figure that out. And if you've thought all this through, great. Ignore us and just beat off. I think you'll find it's easy to find times to jack off. Yeah, there's a lot of waterproof dildos. Just getting in the shower and having a shower time. But even her saying she doesn't want him to feel inadequate.
Kind of informs my guess here. That's changing a bit. She's really thinking about this. She's not even saying, she's like, I have made peace with the fact that I'll have to jack off more than I fuck. But I don't want him to feel sad that he doesn't fuck me. And it's like, he can feel a little, you know, he doesn't have to feel, don't make him feel bad. But it's like, you know, if you were fucking constantly taking the trash out,
And he was just sitting there. He would probably feel inadequate or he would feel embarrassed. It's like, and maybe we'd like to not think of sex as a chore of a relationship, but sometimes it boils down to that. You know what I mean? It's like he's, there are some, and it's like maybe you guys have struck an agreement, but he also has to live with that agreement personally. You don't have to pretend he's some great coxswain. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, I accept you for your, but, you know, I'd like to get my shit done.
cracked open a couple more times a week. Yeah. He should feel like a little cognitive dissonance when he's like watching the football game. Yeah, yeah. This could be Saul. You literally could fuck your... It's like you don't want to fuck your girlfriend? And like you haven't fucked her since Monday. It's Thursday. You wouldn't mind getting your dick sucked? Like you live together. That's the thing. You live together. You know, together is fine. But I'm like, I'm horny all the time. Yeah. Yeah, I know. I mean, like that's... I think that's... So I would say...
Yeah, keep everything we said in mind. Think critically about, you know, whether you are truly getting your needs met. And if you are, and if we're just sounding alarms for no reason, you'll be able to sneak a couple jacks in, no problem. Yeah, sneak a couple fingerings in there. We'll be good. Hey, Stubb. Hey, Eldie. Love the podcast. Love the movie. Congrats on everything you got going on.
I'm 29 and I'm dating a girl who is 25. She'll be 26 this month. Uh-oh, age gap. We've been together for two and a half years now, but I was kind of her first everything, first kids, her boyfriend. Whoa. Okay. Just for a little context, she does come from...
older parents who are pretty conservative and traditional. Don't kiss a guy until 23 conservative. But about a year into our relationship, she helped me get sober and helped me through a pretty tough time in my life. And I'm pretty sure that she's, well, I am sure that she's the one that I want to be with and I want to marry. Also, she's
way hotter than I have any right to be dating. So that definitely helps add to that. So I want to get married. It's something that, you know, because I was her first, she also pictures that, like, you know, I'm kind of the Prince Charming, that she sounded like her one and only for life. Prince Charming that she got to stop doing heroin. I miss that part of Snow White where she's... where she's fucking dragging Eric's head out of a gutter.
Getting the needle in his arm. No, sorry. I'm sure you have a beautiful relationship. It's a comedy program. Go ahead, Elders. She sounds like her one and only for life, and I think that's great, and I'm happy to be that. I already bought the ring. Nice. I'm ready to propose, but she's starting to kind of put the pressure on, and I think part of it is because she still lives with her parents. Mm-hmm.
and she still has a curfew at my place spent the night definitely like really conservative really old school and i think she's just kind of sick of it so my only worry is is she really just putting the pressure on because she wants out of this situation um she's even told me
Like, hey, if we're married by the end of 2026, I'm not going to bother moving out and getting my own place because we'll just be together at that point. But is that kind of a red flag that, you know, I have no doubt about our relationship? You bought the ring. You're on the same page. Yeah, you want to marry her. You bought the ring, bro. Yeah, she wants out of the fucking house. Get her out of her fucking psycho parents' house. You're on the same page. Like, this would, I mean, this would be different if you were like,
I don't know if I want to get married. Yeah, and by the way, if you were to say like, hey, I'm her first, you know, she comes from this weird background. I'm her first relationship. I have, I just am a little worried because I'd like her to, she's never really, she's never even lived as an adult on her own. She's never fucking paid rent. She's never like fucking called, you know, a cable company or an internet company. Like she doesn't have, she hasn't done basic things. You would be, if you said, hey,
I'd rather like spend a little more time and let, and you know, maybe she can actually spend the night at my house. If you said any of those things, then I would kind of be on your side about, is she trying to pressure me just to get out of this relationship? But you just said, she's who I want to be with. I bought the fucking, you bought the ring. You spend three months salary. I'm going to guess $900 on the ring. Right? Like, like you've done it. Right. So, so,
Right now, and we'll finish the call, but basically you're mad that she's on the same page as you, essentially. Because you want to propose to her. So anyway, let's just keep that in mind. But let's finish up. Let's see what he has to say. I have no doubts about our relationship or anything. But more so just that is she trying to speed up the timeline just so she can get out of this situation? Because it's like, dude, literally, it's like...
He'll even... We'll even find red flags. This girl is like what every... Man wants. Male, like, misogynist podcaster talks about. She is a virgin who wants to marry you. Like, she's never fucking... There's no body count. There's no... There's no STDs. She's the only person on the planet with no HPV. So just fucking marry her. She wants you. She's talking about being a fucking trad wife. Even this woman, her boyfriend's like...
I don't know. Is she fucking out to get me secretly? What the fuck? You have the ring. This is so awesome. You want to marry her. You have no qualms. Yeah, it doesn't... She wants out, of course, but she doesn't live with fucking Hitler. Yeah, yeah. Get out of the house. Go ahead, Elvis. Let's finish this up before we really... Kind of warded over and controlled by her older conservative parents. So, yeah, what do you think? Do you think I...
Should try to speed up the timeline as well. Like I said, I have the ring. I'm ready to go. But the only thing that gives me hesitation is how desperately she's trying to get out. Because you love her. You love each other, apparently. Thanks, LD. Thanks, Gus. Also, wouldn't you also want her out of the situation? Wouldn't you want to fuck your virgin wife at your house, living together? They have fucked. She just had to spend the night, right?
It seems like it. I would assume so. He didn't specify, though. But yeah, I know what you're saying. Like, yes, if we're taking everything he's saying at face value, I love the woman I love who helped me get sober. Yes. Who I know I want to be with so much. I purchased a ring already. Ring's purchased, yeah. He's eager to marry me. Can't wait.
She's living somewhere annoying and would rather be with me, the love of her life, than the annoying living situation she's in. Yes.
Does that mean she's got ulterior motives? Like, what the fuck are you talking about? Buddy, put the ring on her now. It's crazy that you've made us one of the most, like, one of the most, like, you should fuck 100 people and, like, you know, don't get married young. You've made us be like, why aren't you marrying this virgin? I'm annoyed by this. And, like, usually my advice would be, like, to this girl, my advice would be, like,
Are you really ready to get married? You know what I mean? But, like, whatever. You guys have figured it out. And who knows? Who knows what happens? But, like, you might have just hit the sweet spot of somebody who...
has just enough conservative values to never want to go crazy. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - But not enough that she doesn't wanna live that way. You know what I mean? Like you might both have just been perfect for each other in your lives, right? - You cracked the case here. - So it's crazy that you've got us to be like, yes, you should marry this virgin who's never kissed another man. But you figured out a way to get us to do it somehow.
I just don't, and look, maybe this is just natural. Everyone has cold feet. Everyone overanalyzes. I think, you know, marriage is ultimately a commitment and it's like, you know, but everything he said, everything he said, he's cool with all that stuff. All the stuff that somebody else might find a little weird, he's all good with. And then I don't, I think a red flag would be her saying like,
Oh, you know, if she had mentioned any other man or wanting to fuck anybody else, that's a red flag to me. But her just wanting to be with you and to get out of her parents' house, that's the... Who the fuck... I lived with my parents for three months during COVID and I almost killed them both. You can't be with your family at this age anymore. You're 26 with your family? Get her out. Get her out. Suck her fucking STD-free pussy right now. Get her out of your fucking house. I agree. It's bizarre. Yeah, dude. I don't... I guess...
Whatever. I don't know why you're having these second thoughts, but we can tell you from everything you're fucking saying, don't worry about it. Get her out. Get in the zone. Get in the zone. Auto zone. Auto zone. Take her to auto zone. I love auto zone. It is kind of nice. They got it all in there. You talk to them, they order right to your house. It's pleasing, all the boxes and stuff. They let you use the little scanner when your check engine light comes on. I know. You get out there and you chat with them. What else we got, Eldis?
Hey, Fabi, uh, Elvis and esteemed guest. I'm five, seven with a huge rack. Um, I just need a little bit of advice. So I'm a long time East coaster my whole life. And I'm living on the West coast now for the first time. And it's a big adjustment socially. Um,
I'm having a little bit of trouble making friends. Especially because I'm in like a brand new career as well. Brand new industry. Maybe that's more corporate. I think that should only help. This has nothing to do with her tits at all. No. Just saying I have a huge rack for no reason. So that I would listen more intently. Okay, okay. I was like...
Don't hate it. Me people say that. They might not like that. That's like a rush service. Like you get priority in the queue. That's crazy. Wow. Huge rack. Okay. Threw me off. Brand new industry. Much more corporate and like...
I don't know, what's the word? Vain than the last jobs I've had. And I think I'm pretty agreeable. I think I'm a pretty easygoing person to get along with. But I'm just having trouble, like, connecting with people out here. And I'm struggling. And I think I come across as really shy, which I'm actually not. I'm just trying to, like...
be chill in front of people, but I'm worried that that's making me come across as shy and like not interesting. So I guess my question is, how much of my actual personality do I let out in front of these people? And what's the best way to make friends with Californians?
when you're not used to being around Californians, if you have any expertise in the area. I really appreciate any help. Love the show. Long-time listener. I think you might be the love of my life. Talk soon. Thanks so much, Bobby. Bye. Hey. Who knows? Well, we're coming on the West Coast on the tour, although it's already gone by now. Hey, DM. Maybe she's already DM'd you. There's huge tits. I know how you text those things in the way. Awesome.
I will say, okay, this is very relatable. Yeah. Because I moved from Toronto. You're very East Coast. I'm East Coast Toronto. I moved to Los Angeles. It was very hard to make friends because Californians are very in their own way. What you have to do is find people who aren't from California. Yeah.
All of my friends were not. I started like... Strange plans. And I have friends that aren't in the business. So because I was like... It was just comedians, like male micers that I fucking hated. I started going to this coffee shop. I ended up yapping this one girl's ear off. We kind of got friends. I got a dog.
Went to the dog park. You have to find things outside of your fucking, of your shit. Like literally, I became good friends with this girl because our puppies were friends. Right. So like anything else, if you can join a sports team, if you have time for that, or like just try to do something outside your work people, because those are probably not the people that you want to hang out with. Right. I think work people is like,
You don't want to put out your personality. You want to give just enough. Yeah. You want to put just enough. You want to be amenable. You want to be agreeable, whatever. If they think you're shy, who really gives a fuck? You know, the people you work with half the time, they're not ever going to be your friends. Yeah. You know, like you just don't want and you don't even necessarily want that. Right. I think what you said is great. It's like you have to start building your life outside of that. Yeah.
And yeah, California people can be a little strange, but also, you know, they're a little chill. They're a little too chill sometimes. A little flaky, whatever. Yeah. A little fake to your face, whatever. But yeah, the transplant advice is really good advice, I think. I also think what you should do is maybe...
if you want to like show them a little more personality, maybe have a dinner night, maybe plan a dinner party or have something where you invite your work friends and do like, cause sometimes if you all go out and you all get kind of drunk, you're like, Oh fuck, this person is kind of cool, but you didn't realize it works. So maybe try that if you want to, I don't know. Absolutely. In the past, in the past when I've ever, when I've had like a couple, you know, when I did have day jobs, it's like, yeah,
It's not going to happen at work. You got to kind of take it to a, and happy hours are the easiest thing in the world. Just be like, Hey, you want to go grab some drinks, whatever. But even just being like, Hey, I'm having a barbecue or like, let's go to this place and get drinks on a weekend or something. Yeah. Yeah. Some watching a sports game. Take them. Here's, here you go. I got,
I got, I can not grow up. Come see me at the comedy store. I'll get you tickets. You look cool. Bring a couple of friends. Cause that's, you don't have to talk to them. That actually is a great, actually, comedians are great. They're great. You come, you get some drinks. You talk before the show starts. The show starts. Someone's going to bomb. Somebody always bombs. You all make fun of that person. You're all excited.
And then you go home and that's it. You had a nice bonding. I think that's a good idea. I do think comedy, and the thing is, we don't even think about it because it's been our entire life since God knows when. But most people go to like,
five comedy shows in their life. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, sure, there's some, like, super fans that come out and see you, but, like, most regular motherfuckers will, like... It's a special night out. It's a fun, interesting thing to do. Yeah, you dress up. Yeah. You can get pre-drinks. You can have, like, a... Yeah, it's very...
And that's the time for you to be like, I show that you are fun and interesting and you can like, you know, joke around about the comics after and show them that you're, like that's a cool thing to also bring people to. Yeah, that's a good friend, that's a good friend thing because like some people say for dates it's like, you know. Hell for dates. You don't want to do it for dates. Bizarre for dates. But like for dates it's like sometimes an earlier date it's like, you know, you want to go on your first date and like just see if you are compatible but then like,
A movie is a pretty good early date because, again, not that much pressure. You don't have to fill up four or five hours of conversation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have a shared experience. You have something to talk about. And this is kind of like a much better, this is like a funner, like, friend thing of where it's like, oh, yeah, you'll always be able to just chat about the thing. Yeah. And then on Monday, you all can be like, remember that we were still talking about the one comedian we all hated. Totally, totally, totally. It's probably going to be me. It's going to be great. Yeah.
And all bawling over how bad I was. They made fun of the one guy's shirt and it was a thing the comedian will never think about again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For the rest of his life, it will haunt him. Uh-huh. Set up front. But yeah, I think like,
If you want to peel off the few interesting people, you know, that you like from your job, that's... And kind of slow... You want to slow... You don't want to hit them with your personality right away. No, no, no. It's a slow... Yeah, slowly kind of leak out who you are. And then, yeah. Otherwise, go make friends outside of it, all those ways Steph was saying. But...
You know, moving is tough. And also making friends at this age is weird. Really tough and weird, yeah. Like you feel bizarre. Like I literally met this guy at a coffee shop and I was like, I know this is weird, but I want to be friends with you. She's like, okay, me too. And you feel like a pervert, but you're like. Right, right, right. Because as kids, you're like, we were friends now. But as an adult, you're like, can I have your phone number? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Enjoy your conversation. I'd like to see you again.
You feel strange doing it. I'd love to see you again to someone you don't want to fuck. It's hilarious to say. But I think the thing about, you know, especially the West Coast, I think a lot of people find themselves transplants.
to the west coast so it's a little easier to like you know that's a little more in the culture of like picking up a friend yeah yeah yeah especially if you're in a city where like New York is like this I don't know if she said she's in LA or if she's in just California yeah but like if you're in particular in a city where a lot of people are just fucking children like a lot of adults are just children forever in New York same thing as LA like it's a little easier than some places but you know either way good luck we're rooting for you
Show Stavi your huge rap. If you have to send me a picture of your knockers, I wouldn't be too mad. If you have to. What else we got, Elders? Hey, Stavi Baby and Co. My wife and I don't have a ton of sex. But a couple months ago, I went on a trip with my family and she stayed home. And the night before I left...
she threw down with a vigor that i haven't experienced in a long time um she was pretty crazy you know gave me the best blowjob i've had in a while she was very enthusiastic and we were very into it um
And I'm just wondering, how do I get that same energy without constantly having to go on trips by myself? This guy's about to be Delta fucking double diamond platinum medallion. Go on trips by myself or making her abandonment issues worse.
Interesting. For context, she told me what every guy wants to hear during, and she said, do whatever you want to me. And I was so taken aback that the only thing I could think of was to do some finger stuff with her butt. And afterwards, she even said, that's all you had. Damn, bro. Holy shit. I got other stuff. Gulp.
to prove myself but i just don't know how to get that energy from her without you know leaving i'm sort of understanding so yeah the advice you have would be great love the new weight loss series i hope it works this time okay okay well what the hell doesn't you i'm glad you can't your wife pal i'm glad you you somehow got cucked
Just by your wife's expectations. What the heck? Oh, fucking pinky. Do whatever you want. Pink one knuckle in her ass. Fucking amateur. Learn how to fuck your wife, chief. I hope that works next time, too. I hope your fucking wife comes next time, too. You fucking animal. Go ahead. I'll just finish this fucking thing.
And maybe if it doesn't, you should get in some PEDs and get zimped up. And you can fully have your own weight loss challenge. What are you fucking talking about? This is why you're blowing it.
Why do you add that on there? This is why you're blowing it with your wife, man. Your general lackadaisical demeanor. You have no... You have honestly... She clearly wanted to be dominated and all you could think of was a fucking thumb in her ass, which is standard stuff. And he also... The problem with me with that was that he said, put it in her butt. Like...
if you're saying butt instead of fucking fingered or fucking ass, something's wrong. Yeah. Like, you gotta fucking man up. If you want her to be more energetic, then fucking do this to her. Out of nowhere, fucking start fooling around with her and be aggressive. I think she says she wants that. It does feel like she wants some aggression here. And also, like, you know, in the... That's all you got? That's crazy. Yeah, that's all you got from your wife. If my boyfriend said that, I would...
myself that's all you got i'd be like what but i have to say it is like that's one thing like to get it from a woman who was like totally subservient to you is actually devastating on levels where it's like like i've definitely hooked up with people where i was like oh man this really is more of a challenge you know where they're like so they're like submissive but like also like
out of their fucking minds a little bit. And it's like, or they were like really nice and then it's like this fucking crazy. And I do feel like, oh, I have to like really fuck the shit out of this person or I'm like embarrassing myself. Like, you know what I mean? Like it's a challenge where it's like, like that's all you got is like,
I, you could have done anything and it's just like, that would truly, yeah. But what, but what more really can you do when somebody asks, would she want to be slapped or choked maybe? Probably slapped, choked, fuck her mouth in a wild way. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Fucking toss her around. It's just more of an animal. Change position pretty crazy. Yeah, it's just more of a like, it's, it's an energy thing and this guy is so low energy. Like, that's the thing. It's like,
It's like you want to be ravenous. You know what I mean? And he doesn't seem like he's just like, golly, that was a nice beager. You know what I mean? Like you have a little bit too aw shucks energy. And that's the problem here is that like my knee jerk reaction when he's like, how do I get this out of my wife?
is like why are you asking us why aren't you asking your wife yes you know what i mean like and change things up a bit more don't just when you're leaving clearly not a lot's happening the relationship that you leaving is getting her going oh something different like maybe do some other shit yeah maybe she wants you to like you should talk to her about you should be like that was fucking sick it caught me a little off guard i'd love you know like how can we get in that zone more that was awesome now the problem is
He brought up your weight loss. No, no, no, no, no. The problem is that, like, unfortunate, like, in some instances, probably what she wants is for him to just take control. Yeah. Right? Like, and so...
meekly asking, how do I get head like that again? Like, might not do it. No, no, no. That's not a turn on. But at the same time, communication is important, right? Yes. So it's like, you should say like, hey, that was, you know, you can talk to her about it and then once you know for sure what she wants, that's when you have to like spring into action, right? Yeah. And yeah, I would say like, you gotta, it sounds like she wants you to really get
Get in the zone a little bit more. So what's... And all... The other thing that sometimes with these sex questions that people miss out on is, like, you know, this can be a symptom of other shit. Like, what's your relationship like? Yeah. Like, does she respect you as a man? Like, do you... How are you... Like, are you, like, you know, are you provide... Like, all this shit that, like...
affects a relationship do you pull your weight around the house do you like all this all that stuff goes into sex so it's like and also like if you leaving like is he just home all day all the time just sitting around an idiot and then the second he gets up to leave she's like there's gotta be something else there is she cheating on you you went on a trip she's like I gotta practice these new moves for my for my fucking boyfriend so I'm gonna practice them on my fucking cuck husband is that what happened who's to say
But no, I think you have to like have a little discussion and then like you got to be more assertive in my opinion. Yes. A lot of this comes from way more of a discussion. I think that a lot of people are scared to have, which is strange. Yeah. Yeah. You could just and you don't want it to be you want it to happen when it's not the vibes are not sexual at all. Yeah. You want it. You want to separate the act. You don't be turned on and be like, so what do you want me to do? Because that's.
That sucks when you're in the zone. You want this to be like a cold, rational discussion of what you want in this area of your life. And then when it's actually fuck time, you just want to take those lessons and apply them. And just fucking ravish her. Yeah. Do your best, buddy. Ravish. Do your best. What do we got, little Eldis? Eldis, honored guest. Really simple question. How do I...
give less of a fuck about what other people think. I'm tired of worrying about offending people that are fully fucking offensive. And I don't want my brain space to be taken up with worrying about whether I've offended their, you know,
antiquated viewpoints and worldviews. That's it. We're going to need a little more context on what you think an antiquated viewpoint is. And who is he saying this to? Why is he surrounding himself with people that already find him? Clearly very offensive. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You got the wrong friend group, pal. Offensive is so interesting because it's like, are you talking about like,
Are you a... Are we talking to someone who's in kind of an oppressive situation? Are we talking to a cowardly racist who wants to say slurs more? I don't think so, but it's like... But once you start saying offensive... Yeah, you just like... You're like, what are you, offended? They've taken that word from us, where it's like anyone who's like, I don't even give a crap about being offensive. It's like...
I'm a little... And I don't think that's what's going on here. Maybe what's going on is that like...
I don't know. He doesn't believe in himself enough. Like, I don't... It's kind of... He's just being so vague. Yeah. That I don't know what you mean. I don't know what you mean. It's like... Yeah, I need to know... Are you trying to say the N-word? Because I'm not going to help you. Right, right. I'm not going to be like, well, don't hang out with black people. I don't know what... I'm not trying to say this fucking lie. Because at the beginning, the not giving a fuck, I was like, oh, I'm relating to this totally. Because once I turned fucking like my 30s, I'm like, I don't give a shit about anybody anymore but myself. But this is like...
What do you want to say? Yeah, the offensive thing is interesting and like the viewpoints thing was like... Because on a personal level, I definitely know what it feels like to care what people think about you. Yes, yes, yes. Like so much... Like you said, when you turn 30...
I really think it was in my 30s for sure where I was like, why do I give a fuck? And I really got to the root of it and worked on that stuff in therapy about just kind of like actually being assertive about what I want and all this kind of stuff. And that's fair. All that stuff is very fair personally to want that. But...
But I just don't know what you mean about like, and it's not, but that to me is not about viewpoints and worldviews. To me, that's about like how you're treated on a personal level. Like, is that what you're talking about? Are you like. Yeah, he's going to call back in. I need to know a little more. Eld is great screening, dude. Just the fucking most nonsense, non. It's all, this is all, this is like, you know. It's not a simple question.
I also don't know what he means. How do I give less of a fuck about what other people think? I feel like this is like a crazy Trumper. It could be, or it could be somebody who wants to go trans. You know, we don't know. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the hard part is like, does he think antiquated viewpoints are...
the gender binary or does he think that like now, um, race mixing has been around since the fifties and that's antiquated. You know what I mean? Like, cause like depending on which one we're on your side, you know, but, um,
I think in general, maybe this vagueness is also a symptom of like, this guy doesn't believe in himself. He can't even bring himself to say what he wants people to not worry about. Maybe it's something like, not even offensive. Like he just... Yeah. Maybe he's just like a sweet boy. I think it could be that. No. No, I think it could be. I think it could be because I definitely remember wanting to like, not care what others thought of me or like, whatever when I'm like, younger. Yeah.
And all that takes is, like, sort of being... Worrying about offending people. Yeah, what are you offending them about? I don't know. I think I'll just fucking screw the pooch on this one. I don't know. I think the subtext was, like, kind of, you know, just talking about, like, political shit.
That's what I thought of when I saw antiquated viewpoints and worldviews. Does he mean like talking to his conservative uncle? That's kind of the vibe I got from it, but... Well, if it's family... I feel like he's the conservative. By the way, no, I don't think so. I think Eldest might be right, but we just don't know for a fact. But when you're parsing things, Eldest, not a great question.
When we have to fucking, like, this is the fucking Rosetta Stone and we're trying to, like, get clues as to what each thing might mean. Now, if it's your family, whatever. Who cares at this point? Yeah, your family, you're just like, whatever, fuck off. You don't have to let them hold power over you. I guess, yes, you're going to have, you know, I went to a funeral. It was sad. And then you start talking to your family friends who you love so much and they're,
They are immigrants and they are talking about we have to get the immigrants out. Yeah. And it's like, I can't touch this right now. I'm sad. Your cousin came in from Canada illegally. I remember that, but we'll just let this go. Right. You know what I mean? Like we don't. Yeah, you're right. And most of you have restaurants where you employ illegal immigrants, but we're not. You know what I mean? Like I'm not ruining a fucking funeral to have this discussion. You know what I mean? Like.
And you just have to remember, you know, if it's people that you have a relationship with and they're older and they're set in their ways, focus on what's special about them to you. And if you can sort of slowly around the edges, try and have honest and open conversations about what you believe in, in a way that's not confrontational. And then if there's people who, you know, if their antiquated viewpoints...
Whatever you mean by that, if there's just people in your life that are ignorant and disagree with the things you agree with, then it's like you cut those people out of your life if they're not important enough to make a...
But again, we have no fucking clue. Eldest blew it. He tried to fuck. He half-heartedly defended himself with the subtext. Just to fuck up and play us one good one to go out on you piece of shit. Okay, this is going back to, we got a lot of responses to the ongoing debate of is sending funny memes, does that make you funny or not? And you chose to do an episode that will come out months from now for us to address this.
Two for two on the way out, Aldous, but go ahead. Let's hear it. Ha ha ha.
Hey, savvy eldest and guest. I have something to add to the conversation about mean curation and funniness. And then I also have a follow-up question that's related. If you don't feel like bringing this to air because you don't want to host discourse, that's so fair. Okay, we're a marketplace of ideas. I feel like the guy who called in and the folks that agree with him are saying
fundamentally misunderstanding the difference between like being funny and having a sense of humor. Like appreciating humor is a wonderful thing, but that doesn't make you funny yourself. And I think that it's like fine to recognize that like sometimes you will be the funny person in the room. But often the thing that we like see as being funny is really just like having a sense of humor and being able to appreciate humor.
other people's like creative energy. Anyway, so... I think you're right about that. Pause. Does she have... Now we get into her question?
Yeah, I think that's fair. I think that's what we were getting at. Somebody called in, or a woman called in and said she's funny because she sends her boyfriend really funny memes. Well, yeah, she's not funny. And we were like, you're not funny. You're not funny at all. And you're right. Curation and having a sense of humor. And that's a good point. I can like a nice painting. I can have good taste in art. But I can't fucking pick up a fucking brush or whatever. So I think that, you know, I think she made a nice...
Yeah, it's very well-worded. A nice, well-worded point. So we hosted the discourse. That was an episode that came out when? We talked about it on the Kate Berlant episode, a response to it. So I think that's what triggered this. And we got a lot of very impassioned voicemails. A lot of people who aren't funny pretending they are. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not fucking funny if you like. This is the problem. What happens in... Somebody else created those memes, you fucking idiots. You didn't create them. Okay?
OK, eventually, if we're if it's a society just based on curation, who makes the fucking thing that you curate? Is it you? And maybe some people start that way. Right. Some people like and like some film. Yeah. Some great directors started as critics. You know what I mean? Like that does happen. Some people who really study the thing and have a desire to create. Fine. You can. I'm not saying you can't ever be funny, but you are not funny if you pick out good memes. And you know what? I'm not going to get mad.
Our friend put it very nicely. I'll just let her speak for us, but yes. You just are out of your mind if you think picking good memes makes you funny. Yeah, that's... You've done nothing. You scrolled through a phone. You've done nothing. Get up on fucking stage when you're 17 years old and do stand-up comedy. Suck my dick. Yeah. Somehow it gets successful even though there's really no reason it worked out for you. Like the rest of us. Like the...
40 or so of us that get to do this or yeah like go into your life knowing you're probably going to fail and then just you know maybe you're one of the lucky ones you know but until you face until you're 23 with no money and being like hey if this is what it is great who gives a fuck then come back to me but whatever fuck you guys what let's let's answer our friend's question here elders
I'm on dating apps and I date men. And I was just curious about your thoughts on something. This is probably just like me having a little bit of a bias and being a bit of a dick. Okay. But I feel like every time that I see a man mention something about like wanting a woman with a sense of humor on their dating profile, I take that as...
So you want to be an asshole and I've immediately like set the tone that like, you're going to be like, Oh, it's just a joke. Like, why can't you take a joke? This is probably like not a friend to you, but I was just curious what your thoughts are on it.
Anyway, I'm coming to your Seattle show and I'm super excited to see you. Hell yeah. Bye. I like this question. This is a good question. This is very relatable. This is a good question. It's something you've definitely dealt with. I'll tell you what else we are. Men don't like funny women.
And they're fucking lying. That guy's a piece of fucking shit. They want you to shut the fuck up and laugh at them is what they fucking want. Maybe it has to do with styles of comedy, maybe. Maybe a little more subdued. Men do not want funny women. Especially on the apps. Trust me. No, you're right. I would put that I was... I would go back and forth because I was on the apps for years. I would put that I was a comedian.
And then I wasn't because I kept changing it to see something. Oh, I want a man to know that I am funny. No, they don't want it. I would lie for the first three days and be like, oh, yeah, I'm in the entertainment business. I'm an actress. And then slowly wean them in. The people who put that on there are fucking liars. They want you to laugh at their jokes. I think I agree. I think because to me, humor is important to me when I'm dating somebody. But I don't lead with that because it's like it's one of those things like.
That is just either there or it isn't. Yes. And it's one of those things that you can't help. You just have to figure it out. Like, is somebody nice? Is somebody, you know, respectful? Like, these are basic qualities that you will sniff out. And actually, humor you'll probably pick out even faster than those other ones. Way faster. That's the first one. On the first date, you can tell someone's funny. Or, like, your personal eyes get along at all. Totally, totally. And the other thing is, in a relationship, so much of being funny is, like...
It's sort of like vibe specific. Like things can be funny in the context of a relationship. Two people can make each other laugh and they're not funny at all. And that does being objective. In fact, sometimes I'm like, I go back and forth because like women do like funny men. That is true. But also I'm jealous of the like people who aren't funny at all. If a girl's laughing at you, you know she likes you. Yeah. So if you start at I'm not funny and I get a laugh, I can definitely fuck this girl.
But for me, I'm like, well, they're going to laugh at me because I'm funny. And some of them, that's enough to convince to want to fuck me. Some of them would have fucked me either way. But then there's some that are laughing due only to my incredible talents.
and have no desire to fuck me. Whereas like, I get laughs in a way that, so like sometimes I think about how that can be like a slight detriment where you're like, because if you're unfunny and you get a laugh, you're golden. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm not sure. I'm not sure what my laugh, my laugh is not, these are different, younger times in my life when I was more insecure. Now I'm like, whatever. But humor is very, so like objectively being funny, I don't think humor.
Especially the guys who put that on their dating profile. No, and I feel like this exact type of guy is like that Andrew Tate kind of guy who's like, he does want to right away say something so offensive and see like, oh, but I'm cute. I know it.
Well, I feel like what her problem is and what mine was, you're on the apps for too long and you start going cuckoo crazy. And you start... These guys that are stuck in here, they're left in here, they're bad people. They're not nice people. They're bad guys. Well, if you're on long enough to start noticing ethnographic trends, then like, yeah, like to have, you know what I mean? Where she's figured out what this means. Yes, yes. That's a problem. It is a problem. And I feel so, I'm so sorry for you because it's hell out there and I...
I don't know what to tell you. Try to suck a pussy. I don't know what to say. Yeah, give it a whirl. But this does go hand in hand with thinking. This is almost like the male version of the last question, where it was a woman saying she's funny because she picks out memes. A man saying he wants a funny woman is a guy...
he's pretending he's funny. He's basically saying, I'm so funny, I need someone with a sense of humor. It's like, no, you're not. No, you're not funny at all. And if you, like, you'd find, you would, a woman with a sense of humor, you would end up with one if you were actually funny. Yes. Because there's no way, there's no way I'd be with somebody who doesn't have, they don't have to be funny, but they have to have a good sense of humor. There's no way. There's no way. All you do is make people laugh and you come home and your girlfriend's like staring at you. There's no fucking way in hell. Bombing in my own home.
Are you fucking kidding me? Doing act outs? Yeah. In the kitchen? I'm taking juggling classes to get a fucking rise out of this bitch? No. You're juggling three breakfast hot dogs? No laughs? Taking a bite out of each one? Goes all the way down? Just staring at you? Ha ha ha.
So anyway, that's interesting. You know what? I like this caller. This caller came in with some nice observations. Yeah, she sounds great. She sounds like she is funny, actually. Yeah, good luck out there. Yes, please. You know, perfect. Eldest wanted to create discourse. So again, he literally waited for the episode. We said and we agreed with the guests we will bank the longest.
He waited for the one that will come out months from now to start a lively discussion on the episode that came out last week. Yes. Beautiful producing as always. Always an ongoing discourse. Always with a mind for the big picture. On these evergreen topics. Evergreen topics. Well, folks, go listen. Check us out on Tires. See Steph's special on...
On this date, on this place. I guess maybe we've announced the fall dates for the Dreamboat Tour by now. I'm not sure. Depending on the tire schedule, we'll either have released the fall dates or we won't have them out.
Either. Maybe we've released some. Actually, we've probably released the European tour dates now. Wow. There's a lot going on. A lot going on. Wait, can I plug my podcast? Of course. Of course. Steph Infection. Please go. You got to come do it next time you're in LA. I would love to come do it. It's all about body stuff. It's gross. You'd love it. Yes. Please listen to that. I will do it the next time I'm there. You will? So listen to the pod. Watch the special. Watch Tires. And come see us live wherever we're playing. Thanks, guys. See you next time. Bye.