Bonus #115 - Wilfred Padua and Jeff Scheen [PATREON PREVIEW]
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What do you guys have over there? What kind of mix? In Michigan, we got a lot of German whites and then we got Chaldeans, you know? We got a Chaldean group. What the hell is Chaldea? It's Christian Iraqis. Oh, wow! Interesting. Came over from the first Iraq war.

We let the Christians in. And then they came over to a spot in Michigan. So all Michigan people are like, oh, yeah, we know Chaldeans. Nobody else knows what they are. It's like a little Michigan secret. We have a little bunch of Christian Iraqis. You have Christian Iraqis. Yeah. What's the Christian Iraq food like? They got kebabs and shit? Oh, I don't know. We never try it either. You never went there? Just meatloaf every meal? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We know they're there. That's enough. Yeah, yeah.

You do have a Stouffer's ass face, Jeff. That's right. You have a right down the middle American cuisine face. Oh, you better believe we had milk with every meal. Oh, no. That shit is so fucking gross.

That's interesting that that type of trash travels across the country because Foley is like that. Just pure Philadelphia. Dude, I went over to his place and he's making a turkey and cheese sandwich on white bread. Just mayo and a glass of milk. A glass of milk with a turkey mayo cheese sandwich? I was like, you're 36. That's every shade of white possible. That's every shade of white possible.

from paper white to like cream all your foods are in that spectrum that's so fucking disgusting there's chips in there there's potato chips yeah the only pop of color is if you went nacho Doritos if it's Cinco de Mayo and you have nacho nacho Doritos but it was sour cream and onion you better believe it was sour cream

Oh, fuck. That's so fucking gross. Yeah, it's good. That's not good. That's not how you're supposed to eat. That's literally what dessert should be like. What you're describing is like savory dessert texture. You know what I mean? I'm thinking about that sliding down my throat and it's pissing me off. No, no. Enjoy the slide. He has a...

Enjoy it. Yeah, the white bread that, like, sticks to the roof of your mouth. Yeah, no toasted, not toasted. Yeah, no, not at all. You gotta scoop that out with your tongue. That's how you do it. That fucking sucks, dude. Yeah, my dad would order at a restaurant, he'd order spaghetti, and then he'd go, when it comes out, a cold glass of milk with the spaghetti. Oh, that sucks. He didn't want it to warm up on his face. He needed it. I respect that, at least. With a meal.

I do weirdly respect that he is strict with his temperatures. But that is... What is he chasing there? What's the thing you want? That's how you guys gotta be. Hot spaghetti. Cold milk. Hot spaghetti and cold milk. And...

Because to me, milk is so... It's dessert-coated. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. It's like a treat. It's not to be eaten with your main course. Yes, it shouldn't be with savory food. So fucked up to be with savory food. I mean, it's in the breakfast category. Breakfast is... I think it can slide. No. Lunch. No.

No, no, no, no. It cannot. First of all, it can't even slide to lunch. You got really greedy, Jeff. I was going to listen to you if you made a brunch-based argument. If you made a brunch-based argument, my ears were open. But you tried to move it all the way to dinner. You got your cereal in the middle.

Sandwich and milk? No, no, no, no, no. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. For years, I've been craving pizza and cold milk. Yeah? I think about myself eating that when I was a kid, and I'm like, damn, that sounds like it would fucking hit. But that's come on over. What that is is summer camp palate.

You know what I mean? That's like you get a box, you get a... That's like school lunch. We would get milk. You know, that started early for me because they would give us milk and as a child I was disgusted. And I would always try and get chocolate milk and see it as a separate entity to my lunch, see it as my dessert. Oh, that's why it's dessert for you. That's the same way. Yeah, but that's... I think it's for everyone it should be that way. I was over there being like, give me that extra milk. Can I get that 2%? Can I get two 2%s? Two 2%s.

You get two twos and a skim. The skim's for hydrating. Yeah, of course. Skim's basically water. You fucking have a squeeze bottle full of skim when you're running track. I'll give you the skim.

But that's what you mix Gatorade with. You're at soccer practice with powdered Gatorade and skim. That actually doesn't sound... Now I'm actually on board. That sounds like a creamsicle situation. Or is Gatorade and skim powder? I'm listening to that. That's protein fortified Gatorade right there. Ow!

Finally. This is, yeah, we just invented something by accident. Out of the ashes of a disgusting riff comes something possible and interesting. A beautiful Midwest riff. Yeah, the amount of dairy. Because I'm guessing you're in a no-dairy...

Filipinos don't fuck with dairy. Asians in general, I feel like... Koreans will put fucking cheese on shit, weirdly. So do Filipinos. They do? Yeah, there's cheese ice cream. Interesting. What? I guess I'm thinking of that hot dog on a stick that Koreans will do. But I feel like a lot of that is them misunderstanding American culture and trying to get in on it late in the game.

But I think they elevated... Oh, yeah, all those Korean hot dog spots. Yeah. We go to that Korean hot dog spot around the corner from here, and it's like, it's so much better than, like, corn dogs here. Interesting, interesting. It's like a fancy corn dog. It takes them, like, 15 minutes to make the thing. Yeah, they put a lot of work into it. I think, actually, a hot dog should not be elevated. I think it deserves to stay in the basement.

It's a disgusting food, and we should have it at barbecues, and we should take note. I'm with Jeff here. I'm not trying to wait 15 minutes for a hot dog in almost any circumstance. When we did go, it took like an hour. An hour? Yeah. For a bespoke cheese-covered hot dog on a stick? He needed his Korean corn dog.

We're all elite. Two very interesting palates over here. Jeff's coming in for revenge right now.

That's fucking hilarious. Yeah, because it's all... I respect that about the Asian palate. There's no dairy really anywhere. No dairy, no. Lots of... Lots of spices and shit. Spices, umamis, whatever the hell that is. Give me some umami, brother. Umami. Yeah.

Throws me off every time. Yeah, you're not in on umami. It's like purple, but it's got a milk vibe. No, no, you're thinking of... No, you're thinking of ube. Ube. The purple stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What did I say? Umami. Umami. Which one's that? Umami is not really a thing. It's more of a description of a type of savory flavor. Yeah, that's what I meant. It's a rich... MSG has a lot of umami. There's mushrooms involved in it. Sometimes tomato. Oh, it's like a vibe.

It's a vibe. Yeah, it's closer to a vibe. It's a vibey. It's salty. It's savory salty with a better PR team. Oh, okay. That's what umami is. It's good shit, though. You know what I mean? Yeah. I can't tell the difference, though. Between what? Umami and non-umami. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. My girlfriend made chili last night, and then she was like, oh, I put some umami in it. Mm.

I was like, I couldn't tell. But she might just be getting got by PR. Because now it's the kind of thing like, they'll be like Wagyu steak at Walmart. And it's like, that's not Wag. You know what I mean? Whereas like umami, it's like, you know, I saw like at Costco, there's like umami flavoring. It's like, that's not. I think you got to put MSG. I think MSG was, it's been, it's been exacerbated.

Exonerated. People used to think it would make you sick. Yeah. And they were like, no MSG, but it's actually good for you. It is back. That's umami. MSG is back. MSG is back, brother. And that's umami. Yes, it is. All right, look at me. Let's go somewhere. I'm ready to tackle the day. Lots of different things can get you some umami. Oh, okay. You know? It's a deep richness. I feel like fish stock can give you a little umami. Some tomato. A lot of different flavors. How do you know when you're getting it?

it's just I mean this is you're pretty you're barely hanging on to this concept the questions you're asking really betray that you you're pretending to understand it a lot more than you actually do so it's okay we can drop it we don't have to keep talking about it mommy

So someone at the table can disagree, though, if it's umami or not. I suppose the way you could disagree if something's too salty or too sweet, you could have opinions on what level... I could be like, this is an umami. Well, I'm not... How much umami is in it? Yeah, I think so. I don't even... I couldn't tell you the difference. I think it's just a... Yeah, I mean...

It's just a flavor. I don't know. It's more of a richness. It's like a multiplier of flavors. We really don't have to spend that much time on this. But I could be at the table and be like, I disagree. I guess the way you could with almost anything. This is a new moment. Somebody could bring a plate of... Let me put it in terms you understand. Somebody could bring a plate of well-done noodles and you could say...

I could... They have some shape to them. These are not... These are not boiled enough. You know what I mean? So the way you could say that...

You're like, I'd like these a little more boiled, please. So it's obvious, but it can be opinion-based. Yes, it could, I guess. All right, all right. To each his own, to each his own. I'm eating ice cream. This is like teaching a baby what opinions are. Yes, some people like it. Even though you like cookies, doesn't mean she likes cookies. You can ask her, is this too much chocolate for you?

You know, that kind of thing. I can't wait to disagree. When you go have some of Wilford's girlfriend's chili. You could say, there's no mommy in here, bitch. I disagree. Eating with a fork and a knife. Yeah.