Bonus #118 - Dan Carney [PATREON PREVIEW]
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My first job here, I was pretty much like a janitor at Chick-fil-A in Times Square. Like literally, I was mopping floors, cleaning up. We had a guy overdose in our bathroom. I cleaned up his vomit. And the first half of the day, I had like white windows. It was like 40 hours a week I was doing this. You're like, do you think maybe I could fry the chicken? They're like, hey, hey, hey, let's take it easy. With that pretty smile, you're a front of house type guy.

Wow. How much do you have to say? Did you say my pleasure a lot or did you not have to talk? Oh, yeah, yeah. So, like, I, like, when I first moved here, I, like, hooked up with this girl who, like, worked at Chick-fil-A corporate. And she's, like, literally fucking for every hookup. Yeah.

My son is fucking for a janitorial... He's prostituting himself for Ubers and the fucking privilege to wipe down bum diarrhea from fucking Chick-fil-A. My son is a whore with no concept of the market value of his own asshole.

Holy shit. Yeah, man. I was throwing it back for anybody, dude. You fucked this girl at Chick-fil-A corporate? One time, the craziest thing I saw was like,

After the lunch rush, you know, everyone's just kind of trying to catch their breath. You know, there's a big, huge window. You can see, like, the street on 37th Street in Manhattan. And, like, I was, like, at the front of the door, we'd have, like, little iPads to kind of catch people as they come in to, like, be more efficient. So I'm taking this guy's order, right? It's, like, just me and him in the store. It's, like, after lunch rush. And then as I'm taking his order, this, like, fire...

A truck associated with the fire department comes and like a few guys get out, not a fire truck, but like, you know, whatever. Like a SUV. Yeah. Like a truck with the emblem on it. Yes. And it says like the fire department in New York. And these guys get out, they, they, they lift up this manhole and,

one of the guys climbs in and within seconds fire exploded from this manhole the circumference of the manhole like 20 feet in the air oh my god and I'm watching it happen with the guy whose order I'm taking and he is like like he just saw a ghost right I'm like exhausted you know like I'm more work and so and dude this guy's like

You should do something. I can't believe 9-11-2 is happening. He was like, you should call 911. And I'm like, would you like to make that a meal? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, why do you call 911, guy? I'm on the clock. What do you think? I'm a public servant? Yes, now I do everything. Oh, I'm sorry. And I just jumped through the window and saved this guy.

And like, so this guy was like horrified. He told like, I remember like talking to the people like at the front desk. He's like pointing and they don't give a fuck. Of course. Everyone there was on food stamps. Yeah. And like, they're like...

Fuck you, lady or whatever. What are you getting paid at Chick-fil-A? A minimum wage. It was $15 an hour. And that's only because you're in New York. Yes. Anywhere else, it would have been so much less. I mean, pennies. So we got one free meal. Look up Florida minimum wage. Let's compare it. Oh, brother. I was rich compared to where I came from. So we'd get one free meal, and then one meal is 50% off that we couldn't take home with us. We had to eat it there. But yeah, and then so the explosion thing happened. The two other guys peered into the manhole.

And then got back in the truck and left. The guy? Yeah. That was what I saw. I don't know what happened, but that was the full arc of the story. They put the manhole cover back on and just fucking drove off, dude. I mean, hopefully that guy got out somewhere else. I hope. You would hope. Maybe they looked down and were like, okay, we're all good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it was weird. It was cartoonish. Yeah, those guys didn't seem troubled, did they? They were like...

What was that? Yeah, curious. Curious would be the expression that they had on their face. So that was like obviously the craziest day. And then like the way, you know, I ended up quitting that job. The last thing that I ever... Quickly or how long? Two months you said? I think it was like two months. And then like I remember like a month after I quit, there was like this dude that I was like became like friendly with or whatever at Chick-fil-A. He was like one of the cooks and, you know, he'd hook it up for me sometimes like...

And he DM'd me on Instagram. He was like, hey, bro, how's it going? Whatever. And we're just kind of chopping it up. And he's like, hey, look, man, I got to bail my boy out. Can I get $20 from you? Oh, my God. Yeah, he hit me up to get $20. For $20? Yeah. And you hadn't talked to him in a while? I hadn't talked to him over a month, yeah. Damn, dude. So that was the last I heard from that chick for life.

Yeah. Damn. It's a good Chick-fil-A, you know? It's great. It's great. I still eat Chick-fil-A. That's how good Chick-fil-A is. Yeah. So I did all that and I still enjoy their dishes. Two months though is like, that's such a funny, menial, labor-ass job to get. It was definitely, I think, the most menial labor job that I had.