Bonus #122 - Carmen Lagala [PATREON PREVIEW]
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What's up stuff? I am calling to ask you about... I had this relationship thing I did almost like two years ago now. I met this chick on the bus in college, used to know her in high school, crushed on her really hard. We got together, did a couple dates, and

Fucked around and stuff. Nice, but I gave this chick some of the worst dick I've ever given anybody in my life And I feel so bad about it, especially because she kind of just like ghosted me like she never Ended it officially or anything. She just stopped texting back

I mean, that just goes to show just how bad the dick I was giving out was. And it's just, I think about it so much. I really feel so bad. You know, it's not a good representation of me and the kind of person I am. She's just so hot. I just busted within like 10 seconds every time. I don't even do that that often. It was just her. Like, she's so...

Fucking hot. Should I text this girl stuff and just be like, hey, I'm so sorry I gave you some of the worst dick ever. You don't even got to reply to this. Just know that's not me. Or should I just not text her because that's the smartest thing to do. Yeah, thanks. I mean, I would just do it, but it's like she's also friends with a couple of the other friends we knew from high school and I don't know why, but I feel like

My reputation has just been tarnished with like four people that I don't even see anymore now. And it kills me. Sorry, man. Thanks, guys. Let me know what to do. Bye. This is tough, man. This is tough stuff. Honestly, this is another... This feels very wholesome to me as well. It is hilariously wholesome. But it's like, look...

You have to feel this pain. You have to let this drive you. We all have. He's saying this and I'm remembering. Same, same, same. The exact, like I'm remembering like three women that I blew it with. And then I'm remembering one that was such a saint. Like I couldn't get hard twice in a row. And she still gave me a third shot. And she thought my dick was hard. This is how good of a person this woman is. She thought my dick was hard and I had a micro dick.

because like because and then the third and then she still went on three dates with me and then finally my dick worked and we actually dated for a little bit for a while but it was like it was I'm just remembering he's saying this and I'm like whoo

These are the ones that spur you to fuck better in the future. You need these horrible, horrible memories to keep you up at night, to keep you awake, to make you stay fresh on new, you know, new fuck tech, new pussy eating concepts.

new ways to like maybe it's I shouldn't have four Jack and Cokes and a burger right before I fuck this girl like just it keeps you sharp this is the engine that this is the fuel that fuels the engine of good fucking is these horrific memories in my opinion but that's so funny especially if your friends from high school the four friends the girls know but the guys don't yeah also it's like here's the thing you don't send this text

Because now it's maybe like a thing that's in the ether. And who knows? There's a chance she hasn't really even... You could have just blown it with your stupid personality. This is a hot woman. She's probably used to guys busting fast. Here's how he blew it. I mean...

He's implying that he didn't make her come. She would be like, that was great if she came. Even if it's 10 seconds. If you went down on her afterwards. That's a great point. Did you? Yeah. And that's something you do learn when you have a bad penis is you learn other skills. Yeah.

And that is like, believe me, when my dick wasn't getting hard, I was eating pussy. I was finger popping. I was getting it done in multiple ways. Because that's sex for a woman. And then she's considered, like, it's not just the entrance of the penis. That's like such a small part of it for us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's really just about us coming. Right. If we came, then we're going to be like, that was awesome. Yeah, I've had so much lesbian style sex where my dick is not involved at all. There's just a lot of rubbing our clits together.

It was just great. And so you fucked up. This is really an education for you to like, when you give bad dick, you have to, you know, you have all these other accoutrements you have to learn. You have to get good at other ways of fucking. The text is really funny because it's like,

I feel like I've gotten that text before. I've been like, okay, and I just ignore it. I'm like, whatever. Right, because it's not like she's going to see that and be like, you know, you thought about it.

He's self-aware. Maybe it's time I fuck him again. What's going to happen is now the story she told where people are like, oh, come on, it wasn't that bad. She has tangible proof to show the group chat. If you send that, that's getting screenshotted to Kingdom Come, brother. Yeah, it is getting screenshotted. That's like... Yeah, I can confirm. Yeah.

the whole class of 13 is gonna know once that goes out there's a banner at your 10 year reunion with that fucking text message on it bro don't do it take the L let this be a lesson to you let this you know you have to get better at fucking moving forward yeah the classic car crash theory man

When you get in a car crash, never say sorry. Ask if they're okay, but you never want to admit fault because it can be used against you. Never say sorry for fucking bad, for coming too fast, for your dick not getting hard. That is true. You don't want to admit fault. Just say, God, you were so hot. It made me cum so quickly. You don't even have to say that doesn't happen. We don't fucking care. Just make me cum and then you're fucking off the hook and I'm going to be like, what an awesome time.

I have actually, in fact, after busting fast, but knowing I made somebody come before, I'll be like...

That was a pretty quick bust over there and like laughed it off because it's like, I know I'm good. And now we can all share a hearty laugh at how fast I came. You know what I mean? That makes us think that like, oh, you were so turned on by making us come that you came really quickly. Right. That's so hot. Yeah. See that? Do that. You got it. Make her come first and then come. Exactly. The formula for poor penetrative intercourse havers, that works for us all.

I feel like we're really getting stuff done today. Absolutely. You know what? This is good because we're kind of like, it's kind of like where you have to freshen up on the basics. Like, I feel like this is such a fundamental part of my life, but we haven't addressed it in a while on the show. Yeah. How to do basic fucking 101 for the bad cock, which is 90% of this audience is guys with bad dick and the women who fuck them. The rest are gay.