Stavvy's World #133 - Adam Friedland
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Welcome everybody to Stobbies World. We have a great episode coming up in just a few seconds with my old pal Adam Friedland. But first, I wanted to let you guys know, number one, Tires is out on Netflix. Go watch it right now, season two, 12 episodes, bigger budget, guest stars. It's hilarious. You're going to love it. I had a blast making it. I'm so happy to be part of the show. Please go watch it. We're getting our teeth kicked in by Ginny in Georgia right now.

They've stolen the number one spot from us. We've been number two for a week. And also, I am adding more fall dates to the Dreamboat Tour. November 6th, coming to Memphis. November 8th, Chattanooga. November 9th, Knoxville. 10th, Asheville. We've also added a late show in Austin on November 22nd and a late show in Boston on December 13th. Some of those will go live on Wednesday if you're watching this live.

on Monday and the promo code will be DREAM. That's for pre-sale. But we're adding more stuff. We're also going to be in London, Dublin. Where else are we going to be, Elders? Glasgow. Glasgow. And Manchester. God forbid we prepare for this. But anyway...

Wherever you're seeing us, whether you're in, I guess, the American South or Boston or four countries or four cities in and around the Great Britain, come see us. We will be there and we're excited for that. And now, without further ado, let's start the show.

Welcome, everybody, to Stavi's World, 904-800-STOP. Call in. We'll solve all your problems. And I hope you guys have some major geopolitical questions this week, because on the couch, none other than my old pal and the newly minted millennial Jon Stewart. Oh, God. Every list on the couch. Every single, like, comics group chat.

Dude, when I went there... Motherfucking ass Jon Stewart of the millennials. I went there and the picture... Oh, pictures are awesome, by the way. I didn't read it, but let's look at the... Look how gay you look in these pictures. Fuck, dude, what a hard idea. Oh! That one's awesome! Gentlemen, gentlemen...

Fuck, you look so stupid. It's awesome. They airbrush your adult acne out there. What the fuck is that? I don't have adult acne. No, no, that's where I take this shit. Your shit is looking Korean, dude. You're looking Korean at this bitch, dude. You can let the picture speak for themselves. You don't have to lie on top of it. First of all, I'm not ashamed of anything, but when they made me do the floor thing, I was like, can you guys not use this one? And they used it as the main one. Shit.

Shaden texted me. He's like, could you be the next Jon Stewart? Would you want to? I haven't read it, but I did see these gay-ass pictures. I did not read it. I did not read it, but the in-laws...

added me to their family group chat. Wow. So I'm suffering. Yeah, dude. Mm-hmm. You didn't have to lead off with them. I had to, man. These people are going to emulate you and they're going to make this into a meme or something. It's not.

I'm not the one that's going to do that, man. It hasn't happened yet. It hasn't? No, and I was shocked by that, personally. It's coming, bro. You need that. All press is good press. If this was some kind of flip where it's like, let's make the picture so gay that they'll become a negative meme and give us word of mouth, then you would have been a genius, dude. Shane texted me. He's like, it's actually making me mad how gay this is.

That's fucking awesome. Yeah. Well, guys. Listen, congratulations on the relaunch of the Adam Friedland show. You could have led with that. I guess I could have. I could have theoretically led with that, but this is so much better.

Anthony Weiner. By the time this comes out, Sarah Jessica Parker. Yeah. He led with two strong noses. I'll give you that. Well, actually, this will be out by then, but it's, you know, it's the biggest celebrity I've had to date. And, uh,

midway through, probably the most serious I ever took an interview. Yeah, yeah. Because it was doing nothing for her career. Of course. Like hitting the 85 to 90% male audience. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like 18 to 35 is doing nothing for And Just Like That. It's perfect. And Just Like That's coming back. Is that how you snagged her on And Just Like That? No, it's...

It doesn't matter. Yeah, of course. No, she likes the show. Through some secretive connection. No, I met her on the street. You don't have to get into it. No, her son. Her son? Her son likes Comptown. That's awesome. Hey, if you're famous, if you're the son of somebody famous and you liked Comptown but you want your parent on Stavi's World, let us know. Well, Matthew Broderick will be on here. Oh, I would love to get Matthew Broderick on. Well, he said you should have my dad on the show and I was like, I would like your mom, actually.

I want your mom on the show. But it was so nice of her to do the show, so I took the interview aspect of it really. Substantively, I think the best I've done at an interview. And then a booger midway through just came out of my nose. That's awesome. And I have just booger on my face. It's by far the biggest celebrity we've had on the show, by multiples. Well, Chet Hanks, of course.

At the peak of white boy summer, you could argue. I just have a booger just the entire time. And then you could see her in the coverage. She's just going like this to me. She's like this. You don't have a producer? You don't have an eldest to tell you, man? Actually, eldest would not tell me. If I had a fucking booger, you would not say shit. Yes, he would. Depends. You're pretty small on the screen here, but I would.

I've tried to tell you your belly's poking out before you're like, shut up, bitch. You've never said that. I have. I've never. There's been plenty of belly, especially on the travel episodes. You were like, shut the fuck up, bitch. And then pulled your shirt down. Maybe that's on me. I forget what episode it was, but sound off in the comments if you remember. On the barstool ones we just did, the one we did with PFT, my belly is just, I'm like this, dude. I just have a Hawaiian and it's just open. You're wearing a bra? Basically, dude.

Well, so thank you for the congratulations, Star Rose. It's been a while. It's been a roller coaster personally. No, I mean, I'm happy the show's out. Yeah. And I'm happy that like it took three months to like get it to the place where we could do it once a week. But now we can do it. Nice. Yeah. We have Chochescu's doing next week. Nice. Pinochet. Candace Owens. Ben Shapiro. Yeah.

That is going to be us. I want Shapiro so bad. You inevitably just become a fan. I want Shapiro. You're like, dude, these are doing well. These numbers are doing good. You just end up on his network. I'm selling fucking brain pills and like doing MMA stuff. Yeah. Just videos of me sparring and stuff. Yeah. You slowly move center, center, center, right, right, right, dude. You're going to have the Marr. You're going to go Marr. It would be an honor. Yeah.

Millennial Bill Maher. That's the actual truth. You actually are the millennial.

The millennial Bill Maher. I'm the millennial Jimmy Savile. Yeah, just on his free time. Dude, Maher is just such a perfect avatar of my dad. He's awesome. Just the way he just... You fucking peasant. You fucking loser. And then says the wrong thing. Of course Palestine is the richest country in the world. You fucking...

Don't put that in there. I can't. The DNC is paying me too much. People think I'm getting paid by the DNC already. That would be awesome. We're open for business, by the way, DNC. We are ready to go. Who's booking the DNC right now? I don't know. They would be so smart to give stuff. Like a zillion. I'm ready to go, man. I'll fuck it up for you at some point. I'll get one check and then immediately...

Oh, no, no. You're a fucking moneymaker, dude. I would ruin it for the DNC. Your ideas are too dangerous. Yeah, yeah. No, no. Literally, whatever I would say would backfire into just elections ending forever. Trump, Trump, the rest of it. We're going to install Barron. It's going to go Ivanka next. Is it Ivanka right now, Ivana? Ivanka, yeah. Ivana's his dead wife that he buried on a golf course. Is that right?

That's for a tax break, I believe. The 19th hole, I believe. That would be awesome. Ivanka, yeah. I need her. She is honestly kind of a piece of ass. Can you imagine if she's like, my father would be so upset if he knew I was... Well, you're basically Jared Kushner. No, you know...

You know mommy and daddy didn't work hard enough. That's true. You know mommy and daddy didn't go to prison for some sort of... Some sort of, like, scandal that involved chassids and corpses and stuff like that. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. That's awesome. Oh...

Our first for the show, we're doing these remote segments for each episode. And so the first one, I found this guy, this sex guy, this therapist for men who cheat. Oh, wow. Yeah, and we found his Instagram's amazing. It's like sexual something expert. What is it? Just look at my follows. I probably follow...

Sexual expert Instagram cheating is what all this is. Sexual, sexual something. Anyway, whatever. Go to sexually compulsive dot com. That's his website. It's this guy, Mark Foley. Mark Foley. Any relation to Mick Foley? Mr. Socko?

Yeah, Eldest, usually there's a space in the middle of a URL. Yeah, you're fucking blind. Yeah, yeah, here he is. Okay. Get the help you deserve, James Fully. James Fully. So I got an email this weekend that he's involved in an anti-Semitic scandal in Rockland County. Ha ha ha ha!

What's he up to? Well, in Rockland County, New York, I think he was a Republican county administrator or something. I didn't know any of this. James Jay? James Jay. This guy is one of the best people. Genuinely a great human being, and I stand by him throughout anything. Okay, okay.

25 years. Look at James J. Foley's scandal, Elvis's anti-Semitic scandal. So there are these towns in Rockland County that are just controlled by Hasids and they control like the school board and he compared it to Sharia law. Yeah.

And so they took him down. Wow. But no, James Foley is also the guy that was murdered by ISIS, so it might be a difficult Google. Look up Rockland County. James J. Foley, Rockland County. Yeah, so... And these are the types of people that you're cavorting with? What is that? I don't know what that word means. Mike Lawler, endorsed candidate, accused of anti-Semitism. Yeah, yeah. This is my boy, James. Yeah, yeah.

But I think I'm going to release it eventually, but I'm going to release the entire interview I had with him. But like every question that I prepared, he gave me the opposite answer. Like I looked up every like symptom of sex addiction and I was like,

Just like when I'm with someone, like, and we leave each, like, you know, I'm not with her at the time. Like, I feel like I'm going through withdrawals. And like, I put, you know, my sweetie on a pedestal. And like, if I break up, I feel like I need love. And I feel like, and he's, I thought he was going to be like, well, you're a sex addict. And he was like,

It sounds like you're incredibly in tune with your emotions. Yeah, he's just incredible, this guy. So he's a Republican legislator and a sex therapist? He's a legislator, is running for re-election, and shamelessly ran his last campaign attacking the Orthodox Jewish community in Rockland from calling them the Ramapo Mafia to promising to block the block, a nod to the anti-Hasidic group in which Foley was invited. Interesting. Yeah, cool. I support him.

Michael Lawler's blatant disregard for the Jewish community is jarring and he should retract his endorsement of Foley. Michael Lawler is an extremist who has spent his term disrespecting the very community that elected him. Wow, okay. So they have control? So what you're saying is you are getting everyone, you're trying to do a big tent here with the Adam Friedland show. Not only will you get Sarah Jessica Parker, you'll also have anti-Semites from Rockland County on your show. No, no, no. He just said that they're annoying up in Rockland County and they are. No.

They control school boards and they do Sharia law. Is this where they have their own little ambulances and stuff? They have their own towns up there. And none of them work. What do they do? They live off the dole. They're regular welfare queens. Interesting. I'll say it. I'm allowed to say it.

Wow, you really have brushed up. Thank you, Aldis. You really have brushed up. Thank you, Aldis. You really have brushed up on all your politics in the last few years, man. Ask me anything about politics, I'll tell you what it is. Okay, what's the midterms looking like, Adam? Hmm, I think calculus is looking tough. Very good. Very good. I don't know anything about politics. I don't know why they call me Jon Stewart.

Comedians are, we should, we're not smart. Yeah, there he is. Okay, let's imagine, go to that picture, make it big. Yeah, I mean, look at the airbrush. I'll give you a speech right now. Right there. Okay? That cheek, man. I don't know. I don't know about, I just want to say something. Yeah. What's wrong with that? What's he looking up at, dude? It's like, it's cute.

I sat on my glasses, too. It looks like you're looking up at the guy you're about to blow. Well, why would I have a microphone? It's standing in for his cock, actually. You let them fucking put the dress on you, dude. You let them buck break you here, dude. That's clearly the posture of a guy who's about to suck the establishment's dick, dude. Moments before the load. Moments before the load.

I went to, yeah, I attended a freak-off. I was told that Sav would be there and the people from the William Morris Endeavor Agency. And it ended up being one guy. And he looked like the Monopoly man.

And he told me, give me a career as the millennial Jon Stewart at 38 years old. That would be so funny if you got sex traffic now. Stop. You know people are now... People hadn't realized that that was embarrassing other than other comedians. And now these... No, this is a different... Oh, stop. This is a different time, Adam. What do you mean a different time? Move forward, man. I am respected. Don't worry so much, dude. You're respected as the voice of the center-left.

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That's right. With Shopify on your side, sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at Shopify.com slash Stavi. Go to Shopify.com slash Stavi. Shopify.com slash Stavi. Here's what I'll say. When I was younger, Democrats were cool, okay? Democrats used to get pussy. They were getting head in the Oval Office, okay? Oh, fuck. And now you got this president. He got three baby mamas. You need me to...

You need to... All right, you want me to text Schultz? You need to go on that show, man. You need to go on that show. It would be nothing. It would be an honor. Yeah. I would smell the seat that Mayor Pete sat in. It's so funny. Mayor Pete smashed it on there. He smashed it on Schultz. He's got the beard. I can't wait till Mayor Pete... Like, the Democrats are going to learn nothing. They're going to run Mayor Pete, and he's going to be like, just because I'm gay doesn't mean trans people should have a bathroom. Like, that's coming, dude. He's going to get caught at straight sex clubs.

Yeah, that's awesome. Mayor P's going to get caught. It's not even going to be a sex club. He's

You should be getting head. It's just going to, it's going to be like a fucking, like a Lisa and video tab on like a, like a, his like computer. Yeah. He's watching Nalen Palin. I, Hey, I watched that quite a bit. Of course we watched it. That was classic. We were in love with her. That was the height. That was the height of a porn parody. It's, it'll never get back to that. The modern height of porn parody is definitely who's Nalen Palin. Oh,

Okay. Great name. Lisa Ann at the top, at the peak of her powers. No, it's in the green bikini. It's, what's her name? Naomi Russell green bikini. That's not a parody, fucking dumbass. It was a parody of white girls have an ass. And I know that exact same parody. I know Naomi, yes. I think she's dead. May she rest in peace. There was a rumor that she's dead. I don't know if she is. I hope she's not. She's probably like a, I don't know. She's probably a Zionist now or something. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, let's just watch porn. Naomi Green Bikini Pornography, Elvis. Yeah, porn. This is his job? Naomi Russell Green. Just go to images, man. We don't need to look at the videos. No, no, no. Let's watch the video. Oh, yeah, yeah. It's the green one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yes. It's the green. I actually remember the green dress. The green dress. It's the green dress, not a bikini. No, no, no. Not Naomi Green, you fucking idiot. What are you? What is wrong with you? You're actually blowing it in an insane way. Naomi Russell...

No. Naomi Russell porn. Just put the porn on. What is she doing? Naomi Russell porn now. Porn no. I mean, good God. What happened to Naomi Russell? Let's go to adultsightbroker.com. Okay, yeah. Let's look it up. Oh, of Israeli and Slovak descent. I would love to see her tweets right now. She's Israeli? Israeli?

She's Jewish? She was on Cum Fiesta in 2005. Her breakout role was Cum Fiesta in 2005. We have a lot in common with her, man. A cum property broke us all.

Awards nominations and recognitions. She put ass, white girls with ass on the map. Controversies and challenges. Although she's very private, one of the most significant controversies surrounding her career was that she won the AVN Award in 2007 for Best New Starlet. She didn't attend the ceremony or accept the award. Yeah, people say she has AIDS. She told them she had better things to do and didn't see the big deal. However, the...

This certainly didn't hinder her career or her chance to be nominated for other awards. It's like Woody. Woody never went to the Academy Awards, even if he won. Oh, I didn't know that. There were rumors that she left because she had contracted HIV. However, she hasn't commented on these rumors to say if they're true. I do remember recent activities. There's no proof up until 2022. Nymer also was rumored to have started her website in 2018, creating adult content.

Currently, there's an active Instagram account that could be hers where she uploads her modeling images and has a link to her PayPal. But there are no links to OnlyFans. Not much is known about her private life. Okay, let's cancel. It was rumored... Hold on. That she gained a scholarship at Pasadena City College to study for a Bachelor of Science in Nursing. Good for her. I hope that's true. I guess there's not much going on. Okay, let's cancel the phone calls. Wait.

We gotta... Let's find her. Okay? Rest the episode.

Okay, stop. Can I break something that I've never said? Please. A Norwegian comedian, right? I was talking to him. Daniel Simonson? No, a different one. Shout out to Daniel. Apparently there's two. He said that there's this soccer player, Erling Holland, right? Yes, Holland, of course. He's incredible. Who's arguably the best striker in the world. Okay. It's Hoyland...

Don't worry about it. Just don't even. He looks awesome. He looks awesome. He looks like a baby. Yeah, he's got an awesome ponytail. Stav would say gay mouth, but I would not. I don't think gay mouth is not that wet. He actually has a mouth like a ninja turtle. He does really look like a baby. I see him as a ninja turtle more than a baby. He's a juggernaut. He's incredible. In Norway, it's well understood that the way he fucks,

is that he fucks women twice his age because he flies out the chicks he was jerking off to when he was 13. Wow.

He's flying out. He's flying out. Alexis, Texas and Lisa. What a legend. That's awesome. Is that true? Is that the rumor? That is what I was told. And I was like, if anyone would like that, it's this gentleman right here. Yeah, that's awesome. I would love that. That's incredible. As a motivating factor. Yeah. What's up with Eva Angelina? It makes me respect him so much. John and Michaels. Where's Ashley Robbins at? Oh.

Yeah. Yeah. Our white whale. Where's a, a Bella Donna. Bella Donna. Damn. You want to go alt?

I feel like she was one of, you know. She was hardcore. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who was the squirting one? I don't remember her. Who was the one? Oh, gosh. I don't remember her. Let's just remember girls. But Bella Donna, there was a video where she was just like a baseball bat and they like hit her in the pussy with it or something. Anyway, we don't have to look at this anymore. I called the police on that video. Oh, come on. Stop it. Can you just? Guys, I'm trying. He's pensive.

I'm trying a mainstream crossover. Okay? I peddled in for far too long in my life. I just want a nice life. I want my... Your children. My children to be able to say that their father... That's my daddy. Their father has some gay pictures in a magazine. That's my daddy. My daddy. He talked to Anthony Weiner. I wouldn't say daddy. He talked to Jessica Parker. Yeah, yeah. My father one time did three episodes of a Jewish talk show on YouTube. Okay.

The guy with the tuba, that was cool when we found him. It was received. Oh, yeah, the trumpet guy. Where he said he could fly or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That guy's incredible. Doug, yeah. Shout out to Doug. He only wears baseball cleats. We'd love to have Doug on this show if you can hook that up. I'll hook Doug. Yeah, yeah. I'll hook Doug. Yeah, yeah. We'd love to have Doug around. But with anti-Semitism.

It's not good to be... You know, there's like a saying. I don't know if there's a Greek saying, but it's like there's a saying like not in front of the goyim. Oh, okay. You try to be like a little bit less. Sure, sure, sure. You think he's too much right now? Right now, it's like... I don't know. You think he has some cool views on... Elon went on this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, don't... We'll blur it. We'll blur it. We know you have a public image to uphold now.

Listen, my reputation is spotless. So you think to combat anti-Semitism, in your opinion, I've toned down the Jewiness. We should have less Jews. Stop, Rose. I'm toning it down. I'm doing more of a Puerto Rican thing these days. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Going into the act. Doing the act. Are you going to keep the hair? Is this going to be your hairstyle? Have you thought about maybe rebranding your look?

I'm going to Turkey. You're going to get your hairline lower? I'm getting an even lower hairline. Rhinoplasty. You could straighten your hair. I'm getting the Mulaney, dude. I'm getting the full... Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm getting the Chad jaw. You're going to stop... Yeah, you're going to get off cocaine and you're going to bulk up? Is that what you're saying? And fall in love. Yeah. And have a baby.

It's a beautiful arc, man. No, no. He's a colleague. We both have talk shows. No, no, no. He's my friend. He's not really your colleague. He's kind of my personal friend. I've been on his talk show a couple times. He's your friend? Yeah. He's friends with a friend of mine. I would say a brother. Yeah.

Oh, okay. So if he's friends with a brother, that makes him a colleague. He's friends with many brothers, in fact. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He does like some brothers. Shout out to Mandel, the warm-up comic. And our beautiful fat friend. John, you're a friend. Yeah. Who else is watching? Joe, you're a friend. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. They tune in every week. Yeah. Um...

Yeah, no, I was just, you know, I'm just saying, although you do have a good, I do actually like this look for what you're going for. Listen, you've seen me looking terrible many times. This is the best it gets.

Are you going to get sponsored by a suit guy? At the end of every episode, it'll be like, Mr. Friedland's wardrobe has been provided by Giorgio Armani. You should, bro. I'm open for business. I will work with anyone. The state of Israel, anyone. I will work with anyone.

I'm dying here. This episode is brought to you. I found out how much money I spent in the three months of pre-production and I will, the truth is, CCP pivot is the move. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But they're not, they're just, they are not interested in me. No, no, no. Me,

Me as a spokesperson for the party? I don't think so. Speed is doing it. Speed is... Oh, he's smart. See, exactly. That's why China's going to win, man. He made it look so fun because the tariff thing happened. The stock market was crashing and Speed was like in a flying car. Yeah. When he did the Shaolin monk thing... Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He made China look so awesome. He made it look so fun. That's why they're going to win because they're like, we need charismatic black teenagers to say we're cool. They were calling him the N-word. Yeah. And he's letting it roll off his back. He was like, chill. Yeah. I think he might be the most famous person in the world. It's close. Yeah. And he, yeah. Because it basically was like,

Yeah, I don't know who else. Maybe some K-pop person that we don't know about. Or some Indian, like an Indian Bollywood star probably. It's Rinaldo... Who's the guy who's like their Tom Cruise in India? Oh. The guy who's like insanely famous. Akash Singh? No, no. Yeah, that one guy. Yeah, him. What's his... Yeah, that guy. What's his name? He's apparently like... He's probably... Yeah, Shah Kahn. Shah Kahn. Incredible name right there. Shah Kahn. Yeah, Shah Kahn.

Oh, yeah, this guy. He's in Mission Impossible. Yeah, I mean, he's so famous. So bad. Stop. So bad. Shut the fuck up. So bad. I haven't seen it yet, and the fact that you think it's bad actually makes me feel good. Why? Because you're probably wrong. Why are you booing me, Elmer? We don't want it to be bad, man. It's the final. I know. It broke my heart. No spoilers, motherfucker. I love that franchise. Which one's your favorite?

Three is dope Because Philip Seymour Hoffman Is so scary I love Philip Seymour Hoffman It's one three and six Six might be my favorite Actually Yeah that's the one With Superman Charging his fucking Yeah yeah yeah Yeah yeah yeah It's dope He's strong When Superman goes Henry Cavill That's the best one And I agree Three is really good Yeah

Even though it's like a little, you know, you got your boy J.J. Abrams directing it. But... Philip Seymour Hoffman's awesome. It's so scary. That first scene is so scary. I like the first one, too. The first one's De Palma. It's a weird movie. It makes no sense. I love that film. The first one might be my favorite. I've watched the first one the most. Also, that chick is so hot. Yeah, there's some nice pieces. It's got a diarrhea gag. I don't know.

I don't remember the diarrhea gag. When he does the wire thing, they give the guy diarrhea. Oh, right, right. Smart. I love that. You're right. Every movie in the 1990s, like up until... Dropping shit in people's heads. Yeah, had a can't stop crapping gag. It would have been awesome if they cut to the guy and he's just shitting like Jeff Daniels in Dumb and Dumber. All we get is a close-up of the guy being like...

That would be fucking sick. We got to bring diarrhea gags back, man. We got a laxative gags have to come back. Yeah, yeah. Ipecac too, where people are thrown up. Absolutely. Family Guy did that to their credit. They kind of brought that back.

But there's that classic Family Guy thing where they're just throwing up over and over again. It's such a good show. But it's nice, man. I like seeing this. It seems like you're really... You're going to be a family man. What is it? No, no. I'm saying you're transitioning overall. We don't have to talk about the show the whole time. How's your overall life? You feeling good? No. Still no one respects me. Actually, we have one employee who, like, the day the show launched, I was like, I just want to let you know you're doing a great job. And she's like...

And I was like, what the, what's going on? And then my sister was there and she was like, oh no, she wants you. I was like, I think I've never experienced someone wanting. Oh, your approval. Somebody's thinking it matters what you think. I've never experienced before. I was like, wow. Oh, that's awesome. I was like, this is great. This is phenomenal.

Folks, it's summertime. I'm not going to lie to you. I've had a hard time coming off the tour. I was living a beautiful lifestyle. I had our buddy Straight George buying all my meals. Whenever I meal prepped, I had somebody to clean for me. Eldest was making sure I had snacks if I wanted to as my tour manager. I'm back in the real world without my beautiful staff of my dumb friends.

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Are you, do you want, I mean look, you're a serious talk show host now. Do you want to have, do you want to have a family, Adam? Are you going to be a, are you going to have a child? What does that have to do with the talk show? I'm just wondering. It seems like you're setting. Fuck my wife on the show? No, I'm saying you've set yourself up for your career now. You know, this is it. You're going to just fucking keep doing this.

And like it's something you can little baby little Adam Jr. can be proud of. It's not Adam Jr. What's it going to be? Stavros. You're going to name it after me? Stavros Cristiano Ronaldo Friedland. Stav Nick Friedland. Stavros Nicholas Friedland would be an awesome name. It's one name. Stavros Nicholas. It's like a guy with two names.

It's like, yeah, Mary Ann or... Okay, that's all. You know what? They're both in the middle. Of all the, you know, there's some bits of the parasocial stuff. If somebody names their child Stavros Nicholas or even Nicholas Stavros, you know, I'm not proud. I don't have to be first. You can add him in there. Well, I don't know. I guess three is kind of a crowd in a situation like that. Well, not if you're Latino. You could have a million there. That's true. If you're Brazilian. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So,

So if it's Adam Stavros Nicholas, there's a lot. Yeah, you can get Adam if you're Latino or Brazilian. Yeah, yeah. But if you come from a tradition. But I like that if we create the name Stavros Nicholas as a Marianne. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob. Stavros Nicholas. Stavros Nicholas. Wow. Yeah, yeah. That would be nice. Stavros Nicholas Tom Myers Friedland. Yeah.

Damn that's the white whale For the Adam Friedland show He I We I offered him Five thousand dollars Not enough bro Don't lowball the king man I would give him 20k A suite at the plaza I've never paid him a guest 20k A suite at the plaza All the All the fucking Premium pussy Oh yeah Buy anything you want Yeah I'd introduce him to Chris Cuomo That would actually Maybe do it Yeah

That's true. He wants to be... Oh, dude, you're actually kind of stealing his... He sees... Dude, he's going to be pissed. Politipod? I'm doing the Politipod. You're doing Politipod. You're stealing Tom Myers' career. You're literally doing Politipod. I didn't realize. I didn't realize. I do have Jeff... What's his name? Oh, fuck. Something Jewish.

I don't remember. That comic. Oh, yeah. Do you remember his act? He was like, I'm like one of the, I'm a cool, I'm like the cool older guy in my office. Oh, I do. And I'd be like, this guy is terrifying women. Yeah. Is it? Oh, maybe. I don't know. We can bleep it out. Yeah, yeah. Look up, let's see if there are videos of him. I think that's him, but it doesn't matter. Dude, I'm just looking at ShotKon. No, no, no. We gotta say. This is their Tom Cruise and that makes him so famous.

He might be the famous guy, the most famous guy. No, I think it's Speed, Cristiano Ronaldo.

And Kim Kardashian. Probably, at this point. Nah, dude. You're fucking under. You're not giving Shaq Khan enough fucking. Shane Gillis, Speed. No, no. Cristiano Ronaldo. Yeah, as far as white boys, yes, absolutely. Matt Rife. Yeah. Ooh, that's true. Rife is big. Rife is huge. Rife is, yeah. Joe Coy, Cristiano Ronaldo. Joe Coy. Ethnic XL. That is true. Yeah. Yeah.

I want to throw in a Sha Khan movie. Do you remember when we watched the Fluffy reality show in a hotel? Oh, no, that was in Canada, wasn't it? It was in Canada, yeah. It was him and his boys. There was not much to it. It was nothing. There was not much to it. It was nothing. But a good watch if you want to see what life on the road is like. That was in Roseanne's house. Oh, yeah. In Edmonton? That tour, man. Yeah.

The Tour of Canada, man. It'll never happen again. All of our lives were falling apart. That's true. We were all breaking up with girls at the same time. Yeah. We can take all that out. No, when was that? I was being cheated on. Yeah, I remember that. That was around the loo. You were getting cheated on by a guy who was gayer than you somehow. Well, it's better than a guy that's straighter than me.

The guy who got you got Gug by legit looked like he was like first stages of M to F. Which one? Well, you would rather a guy that's straighter than you? That's a good philosophical question. Thank God it was a guy gayer than me. Because the gay guy probably wasn't really pounding it. You know what I'm saying? Dude, if you think about it, that's like, it's like Cosby. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, oh, I'm one of the girls. And then like end of the night, oh, we can sleep in bed together. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like, give me your... Yeah.

Like 4 a.m.? It's like Spanish fly. I guess. It's like a gay. Yeah. I guess if I had to choose, I guess I would go get cucked by a gay guy instead of like a really hyper masculine guy. Yeah. What are you? I don't want to be cucked by like someone more successful and better than me. Yeah. True. Well, I'm not even talking about success. Nathan Fielder was fucking my girlfriend. I'd be like, oh, wow, he's a more successful Jewish. Yeah.

Also genius, but more genius. Just a little bit more genius. Yeah.

A little bit boring. Yeah, I can't. Yeah, this is really your, Nathan, for you. I can't wait to see what your rehearsal is. You would want a loser to be the other guy. No, no, it's not a loser. I meant literally like homosexual presenting. I meant like somebody who's going to like lightly fuck your girl. Think about it. Listen to the stories. Yeah, exactly. A gay guy's going to be like, oh my God, that bitch. Yeah, do like kind of annoying stuff. You know how bad the stories are? Yeah, like I'd rather somebody, I'd rather I get cucked in a way that I can't,

provide that to you as opposed to they should get married to gay guys yeah they'll listen they'll give foot rubs they'll do french braids they're probably better husbands than we would be yeah but you know they're attentive but you know they don't want to have sex with us

You know, they want to get dicked down, though. And I don't want to be chewed on in a dick-down fashion. I don't want to be cucked because I wasn't laying pipe good enough. That would hurt my feelings. I just talked to my high school friend who's been complaining for eight years that his wife won't let him fuck the shit out of her. And finally he's saying, I don't know if it's going to work out, dude. Wow. Yeah. Why? Because she won't let him fuck the shit out of her.

So what, he has to gently fuck his wife? Yeah, he's like, dude, she just wants me to romantically fuck her. Like, it's the mother of your children. He never gets to really let loose, ever?

You're taking this more seriously than I am. I would start laughing. No, I mean, it's a real concern, Adam. It must be tough. Yeah. Yeah, it must be tough. Sexual incompatibility, that's tough on a long-term relationship. What it is is this. It's like, it could be if he cheats one time and fucks the shit, then he realizes, oh, I love my wife. Right. It's like with fake tits. When, like, I was growing up...

If we were at like P.F. Chang's and a lady with fake tits sat down next to us, my dad, we'd be with the family. My dad would just be right here.

Like the rest of the meal? You zero in on the fake breasts. Right, because you think fake tits are the best, but then when you feel one one time... You're not going to... I'm not going to follow you. When I was 18, I honked one. I was like, this is hard and not as nice as a smushy, right? They make smushies now. Technology's out of control these days. They make smushies now. I understand. But if my dad honked one hard... Right. You think he'd be over it? He wouldn't have embarrassed us for my entire life. I don't know because... We could have just had the chicken lettuce wraps.

Which are great. Which are phenomenal. Which are phenomenal. And he's just like, he's eating chicken lettuce wraps and a pair of tits. So you think your dad should have honked fake tits? If he got one honk, it would have been better for the family. Right, right, right. Get out of your system. And it would have been like, oh, this is... What if he was addicted to them, though, dude?

They're also visually cool. You see big fake tits even when you're fucking. It's kind of awesome. I think he proves his worth to the family. I would have to imagine he just wouldn't have looked as much. Would you get your father a high-end prostitute with big fake tits? I've tried.

I've tried a low end. I've tried a medium. I try to. Yeah, I try. That would be that would be a good son. If I have a son and I'm a widow, I would love if I make it that far, which who knows? I would love for my son to buy me pussy. He's he's my dad. We were on vacation recently. He's chatting. He's really he's. Yeah. Yeah. Interesting. He's chatting. Is there an old guy dating app?

Or is he just chatting like old acquaintances? Grinders. Yeah. I don't know. Bleep out who it was, but you know an older man cleaning up on Bumble. I know the age demographic of his kids. I actually do know his kids are huge fans of yours. Oh, wow. Look at that. And they think Masha's gay. Yeah.

Yeah. Hey, listen, I know plenty of Greek guys that love the Adam Friedland show. Really? Plenty of contractors that are like, yeah. Really? Your father? Yeah, my dad loves it. Pops is listening. He liked the Jadakiss episode? He knows who you or any of my friends are, that's for sure. Damn, I just realized my dad has no idea who anyone but like Eldis is.

Like he has no fucking clue. Like we work together. My mom does obviously. But that's so fucking funny. He doesn't even know George or Nick. He knows George. But I mean like. I mean your brothers. Yeah. He barely knows the twins. He knows my brothers. But like it's crazy that he probably has no idea who you or Nick are.

Yeah, of course. Is that checked out of my life? No, but it's so fucking funny. We've worked together for so long. It's like, he has no idea who Soder is. My dad called me to say Stav was quite good on tires. Yeah. And why don't I have a... I mean, it's obviously...

Shout out to Big Max, man. Yeah, yeah. Bring him through again. I'm loving Max. Bring him through. We'll buy him some pussy with big fake tits if he wants. I'll go half, dude. What do you say? I mean, you're doing great these days. All right, I'll do the whole thing. Jesus Christ. Stavros will 100%. I will. I actually would. This is on the record. Can I tell you that? I absolutely would. I wouldn't do it.

Puts a lot of pressure on him. No, because he's a romantic guy. How about this? He's a romantic. We hire a young lady. Or not even young. His age, right? A pro. Let him think he picked her up. That would 1,000% work. That's what I'm saying. I mean, 1,000%. We'll go to a bar. How about we go to a bar, right? He's like, I met Angel. And she quite literally is an angel. Yeah.

Dude we can do that for sure We're getting drinks in a bar I'm like Dude I think they're looking over here I go chat them up Bring them over I think we can make that happen dude It's cute though Because like After my mom passed You see them become like

You remember how scary it was if you didn't know if a girl wanted to kiss you back? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You go back into 14. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, oh, I love you. I love you, brother. That's interesting. Yeah, yeah. You're a great guy. You're funny. Dude, believe in yourself. You have a lot to offer, man. I mean, yeah, pretty much. Maybe a nursing home. I mean, they fuck over there. Oh, come on. We're not talking about that.

We don't, you know. No, he's good. I'm sorry, not nursing him. Like a commuted, a 55 plus community. He can see right through that. I think that's a good, I would love to live there if I'm old. I'm just sending him to a,

You could, you, you qualify in like pretty soon. I'm going to send him to the, the sandals, Jamaica, sexual, sexual, get him a fucking sweet year round. What's it called? There's like a sex one. I don't think it's sandals. It's not sandals, but there's like a sex scandal or sex, sex. Yes. A sex. Yeah. Resort. Yeah. Uh,

Hedonism. Hedonism, yeah. Hedonism to Negril. We're going to send Max there. Actually, we're going to go with Max. You would go to Hedonism with your dad? Yes. There's no way that's good, by the way. He might fumble and come back into the hotel, and Sav and I are going to have to give him a pep talk. Let's see the reviews for Hedonism Negril. 4.6. It's the highest hotel I've ever seen. We really enjoyed our stay there. The plaza is like 4.1. Yeah. Yeah.

Do they say anything about the sex? What a fabulous spot. Go to Hedonism Tunic Real Reviews outside of Google. Just maybe videos of men there. From a first-timer's perspective, yeah. No, TripAdvisor is bullshit. We came to Hedo, too, for the first time with some friends for Halloween week. We are relatively new to this type of travel. In parentheses, lifestyle-friendly. I love how they call it the lifestyle. Swinging? Yeah, the lifestyle. Swinging.

Go down all the way. Why the fuck? Keep going down, pussy. Hedonism is not just for swingers. It's a clothing optional lifestyle friendly resort. And you will get out of it what you put into it. If you want to go naked, that's all you need to do. If you want to get wild, there is plenty of that. Winky face. We've got to go with Max. There is a prude side. You can keep your clothes on. Oh, the prude and the nude side.

There are orientations offered daily from the lobby. I recommend taking the tour. Dad, what are you doing in the prude side? Get out of the prude side. Fluff your shit up.

We went with Tom's Trips, but there were several groups there. The Fluffernutters, Char Travel, the plus side to signing with the group is that you instantly have a tribe of other people you can connect with. Imagine being like, I sucked off the guys I went on a fucking walking tour of Jamaica. Women who travel alone will have a lot more fun and have more access than men traveling alone. No shit. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Oh, man. There are groups for young people, older people, singles, couples, and all colors of the rainbow. Sounds incredible. Yeah, dude. Hedonism 2 is an all-inclusive resort. What that means is there are plenty of activities to take part in. Anyway...

Good stuff, man. For couples, there's also a Kama Sutra Palace, which offers tantric couples massage. Oh, they'll jerk you off, too. They'll jerk you and your wife off, too. We did a couple of these classes, and it was great. Next time, we're definitely trying a tantric massage. That's so fucking funny. A couples massage at $300 to $400? What? No, that's... $300 to $400. Hidden fees?

Dude, I want all inclusive. You're getting jacked off with your fucking with your wife, dude. She's squirting while some Swedish guys. Yeah. An old woman is judging you off. Babe, are you enjoying it? Babe, how is it? Is it good, baby? Oh, fuck, dude. He's never done this for me. Yes, I do want to have kids, Stavros. Okay, great. What about you?

I don't know. I could be an... I'm settling into the uncle lifestyle. My nephew's cute as hell. Come on, we gotta fight him. We gotta have these... That would be fun. Yeah, yeah. All right, let me know when you're thinking and I'll try and maybe nut in somebody who I like. We can get a surrogate for you. Well enough. I'm a single dad. Yes, single dad. That's actually awesome. Everyone would be like, Stavros is the best guy in the world. That actually would be awesome. Single... Yeah, dude. Maybe I will. If you have a kid too, Eldon... If everybody's having kids, I can't be left out.

Get in there, man. Yeah. Ellis, you want kids. Yeah. What are you going to name them? Stavnik is taken. Stavros Nicholas was definitely on my short list. Yeah, I'm a big Comptown fan. He's going to name him Ian Fidance Sula. Yeah, you're going to have to get the crap ones. Fidance Vinny.

Dude, did you see Vinny's post? No. After we posted our farewell? That guy's awesome, dude. It was the best thing. Can you please find it? Did he only do it one time? He did it like maybe twice. But it's like the amount he's made that his personality is incredible, dude. I let him do a... We don't have to. We're not giving Vinny any more air time. No, no, no. We're not. I'm putting my foot down, man. This is my show. First of all, he's a father. He's...

He sells Disney merch. We're not reading anything Vinnie fucking wrote, man. He rips off tourists at Disney. That's his thing. He's smart on that. Listen, I'll tip my hat to that. Listen, viewer included, anytime anyone needs FastPass access to any of the Orlando resorts, you hit up Vinnie. Is he out there? Is he in Orlando? Yeah, and he's making a killing on the Disney merch market.

Yeah, he's like, oh, stop. Can you? He's X-ing out, man. He's about to get the questions up. It's time for us to help our callers. I really need to find this Vinny post. Listen, man, save that for the Adam Friedland show. We're a serious podcast around here. Stop. I talk to, like, Boutros Boutros Gollum. I can't. I don't have. You should have. You should have videos like your correspondent. He can be like your Stephen Colbert to your Jon Stewart. He makes a better show.

The Vinnie Rapport. The Vinnie Rapport. The scumbag Vinnie Rapport. The scumbag Vinnie Rapport. The scumbag Vinnie Rapport. He's the best person I've ever met in my life. I don't have my phone. I would have broken your rules. No, it's okay. We would have fucking... We would have just fucking bleeped it all out. No, you wouldn't have. Um...

Okay. Why don't we do... Why don't we fucking answer some calls here? But, you know, in the meantime, go watch the Adam Friedman show. Thank you, Zavra. Of course. What do you say, Eldis? Go watch it. Great program. Did you see it? Did you saw the first episode? Watched a couple minutes of it. He let it play, though, while he was editing, man. We got you a couple views. Don't worry about it. Yeah. I've clicked on it a few times.

I see Anthony Weiner. I'm like, look, I got to get to the dick stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. I'll give you the time. Yeah. Send the time codes. We'd love to see those. Yeah. I'll make it, make it easy so you can peruse later Elvis.

So you can peruse. Go watch the Adam Friedland show. There you go. Clip that. Put it at the beginning of every program. Getting the word out about the show. Thank you, Saf. Who else you got, man? Who's on the press tour? Are you doing The View? I'm doing Patrick by David. I literally am trying to get on that show right now.

Oh, and then I'm doing this show that gets as many downloads as, I don't know. Yeah, I booked it. Midas Touch. It's the liberal Rogan, actually. I've never heard of that in my life. I've never heard of it. My father asked me about what it is constantly. The Midas Touch. Look it up.

It's apparently making our parents feel a lot better. Five million followers? Yeah, it's huge. What the fuck? I have no idea. I have no idea.

The fastest growing independent news network. And guess what? They're going to show a lot more respect around those. Anyway, I'm not interested in this. This looks fucking gay. Everyone should check out MAGA Trouble Mike. I shouldn't shit on you. Yeah, whatever. What an opportunity. Congratulations, man. I'm doing no jumper.

You're going to get fucked by Adam 22. You do the one, they're like, oh, sorry, man, we don't have no jumper, but you can do the one I do with Lena. He's like, Adam, I want you to fuck Lena. I'm in a relationship. I have a bucket spot, I think, for Kill Tony. I'm in the alley. And if I get a gold ticket at the mothership... You're lining up at the mothership to plug the Adam Friedland show in your minute? Dude,

On the road, like the kids that open, that's like, for a while it was like, I'm gonna move to New York and get on a roast battle. And now it's like, they like take a freight train and a stick and a bindle. It's incredible. And they're like waiting in an alleyway for the king maker. Yeah. It's crazy. I mean, it's like you do four minutes of,

of stand-up. Yeah. And you can sell out, you know, American Comedy Company in San Diego like the next week. If you did it four times in a row, it is great. It's like, remember back... Casey Rocket is doing stadiums.

Yeah.

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I had a big bulky wallet. It would, you know, fuck my shit up. I would sit on it. It would maybe fuck my alignment up. I've had back problems. It's certainly because of my old wallet, not because of being extremely fat. That's for sure. But that's the whole, all of those are a thing of the past because for me, Ridgewallet is a beaut, it's exactly what I want. It's slim. It's easy. You're not going to forget it anywhere. I got this orange, bright ass orange wallet.

so that it would catch my eye no matter where I have it. Um, super easy. I like to, I like to travel pretty light. I need, I need a couple cards only. Blur this out. It's like a porno where they like blur out the license where they prove she's 18. Uh,

You know, blur my face out, whatever. I'm not even going to show you my ID, you freaks. But I carry around a small, I carry around five cards, you know, a couple credits, debit, ID. But the beauty of this is in this slim little loadout, you can have up to 12 cards plus cash. It's incredible. They got a lot of different styles. They're durable. Like I said, a lot of colors. I literally have to pick the brightest shit they have so that I don't lose my shit.

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For real, this is how much I love Ridge's products. Nick hoarding those bags was one of the things that led to the downfall of the podcast. If that's not an endorsement, I don't know what is.

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Hey Elvis, hey Elle. Got a moral dilemma. Try to make it quick. There are a lot of details, but essentially my mother-in-law is a piece of shit. And she inherited a bunch of money from her late husband. And now my wife took control of all of her assets. Oh, wow. And I put her in a nursing home because she's mentally not well and can't take care of herself anymore.

Finester. And all the nursing homes keep kicking her out. She's been kicked out of homeless shelters. She's a real piece of shit. Homeless shelters? So my wife's basically washing her hands of her mom and taking all of her money to her house. What? And I think we're just gonna... Pause it. What's up?

So his wife is the piece of shit, not the mom. So he contends the mom is such a piece of shit that she's being kicked out of every... Someone with advanced dementia. I agree with you, but let's finish the call. And I think we're just going to

not help her anymore. That's tough. At what point do we need to stop trying to help her? What is she doing that's so bad? Start thinking about ourselves and, you know, using all of her money. It's her money. I'm okay with it. I just need to... Jesus Christ. Stop, you have to stop doing this show. No, we have to guide these people. There's going to be a lawsuit. It's so bad that my wife...

Maybe couldn't live with that guilt. But for me, I'm good. So, yeah. Appreciate it. Bye. Well, we're not going to condone this. This is fucking insane. And he's asking, stop. I'm here. Okay, first of all, okay. Go ahead. Potentially, you could give someone advice and then they, I don't know, like...

Is there a legal... I don't think there's any. Have you talked to lawyers about this stuff? No, this is an entertainment show only. These are fake calls. This is Eldest with a vocoder. These aren't real people. Has someone tried to defend in court that they've made a call to stop his world? I don't believe so. This is all satire, parody, whatever. There's going to be a stop his world. It's going to go to the Supreme Court. Yeah, we should start... They're going to make us flash a disclaimer at every...

And I am. I have no... He's not licensed anything. He's not a medical professional. No, no, no. They wouldn't say that. They wouldn't make me say that. They wouldn't say that. No, no. That would not be what they would make me say.

They would make me say some kind of legal disclaimer. Micropenis is a medical designation. Even if it's small, it's not micro. You have to go to a doctor to find out that you have micropenis. Honestly, you know what? I'm starting to get a little more penis confidence as I age. Me too. Me too. I don't hate it. I am starting to think my shit's not so bad. I don't hate it. If I'm fully torqued, it's actually looking pretty good these days. Oh my gosh. You know, I've been walking a lot. You going to All Natural?

I'll go, listen. Are you juicing? I'll juice half the time when I really want to make an impression. You're doing a half a Sosa. Yeah, exactly. You're doing a half a McGuire. On a contract year, I'm juicing. But then once I get the contract, we're coasting on that. You got eight years, $50 million a year. Yeah.

At this point, what are these contracts they're handing out? Exactly. For baseball? Mm-hmm. Anyway. And maybe the juices help me because I see my dick really hard and I'm like, this ain't so bad. Okay, this... Anyway. This lady needs to go into a memory care facility because she has advanced dementia. Yeah. And also, it's her money. Like, okay, let's say she is a complete piece of shit, right? Who's like, whatever, right? Right.

The wife might have power of attorney. You took her money. She does, but I'm saying if we're talking about just morally what's right and wrong, we can start at even if your parents are complete pieces of dog shit, unless they really abused you or did something great, if they're just annoying or you don't agree with them politically or whatever...

That... Even if you have the means, you shouldn't let your... I mean, the fact that you even said she's going to get out of homeless shelters, you shouldn't let this woman be in a fucking homeless shelter, right? That's just...

If you have the means. But you have the means because of her. You've legally outmaneuvered an old woman with dementia to take her assets. And now you're just going to what? What is she going to do? I'm really sad right now. This guy is making me sad. He's a bad person. I mean, he's a piece of shit for sure. He's a very bad person. Unless we find out that this woman would fucking put...

put hot coals in his wife's, like, underwear. You know what I mean? Like, beat the fuck out of her, abused her. You said her late husband is probably a stepfather. Mm-hmm. Like, they're... Although, it's your family. It's your family. Listen, Stav and I, we know all about having annoying people in your family. Of course, of course. They're your fucking family. Yeah. All right?

But not only that, it's one step further. Because the only reason you have money is because of this woman. And so even if you're like, she's a piece of shit, whatever, you need to have a percentage that you break off to ensure that... As an end to the state of Israel.

Yeah, yeah. They'll take her. Like, we have some waterfront property for her. Anyway, like, you need to set aside a little bit of fucking money here because it's not yours. It's hers. And you need to just, like, make sure she's taken care of. You're being really vague in a way that makes me think you have no case here. You're like, she keeps getting kicked out. She's a piece of shit. So they haven't started using the money. Exactly.

Is that right? I think they have. No, they said thinking about using her money.

I think they have. I mean, I think the wife has it. They got, she's like power of attorney. Also, it's probably so funny why the lady got kicked out of the memory. Yeah. I mean, you got to tell it. We need a little more wild stuff there. Yeah. But I'm thinking about my grandma when she was in there and it was, it's really sad place. Yeah. Yeah. She used to also leave the place. They like, she'd be like on the side of a highway or something. It's really sucking dick under a bridge. And this old habits die hard. This gentleman wants her to be surrounded by hobos. Yeah.

Once again, you go to Skeet and Row. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I mean, you're being kind of a dickhead. You didn't give us enough information, but from what we have, you're a piece of shit. You're not the star fan material, okay? You're being a piece of shit. Yeah, we don't want you here. He's setting it up like, you know, in a way they're like,

He's not saying we're taking the moral high road, but kind of like hinting at that or like they deserve it because she was such a piece of shit. But the moral high ground here would be like, okay, this is your money. You're out of our care. I wash my hands of this. You're out of our care, but we're going to give this place like power over your money to make sure you're like not on the street or something. Yeah. Where is she now? Exactly. There's no moral anything. You would be thieves. Yeah.

Who like, you're like, yes, my enemy is weakened. I can rob her. That's what you're describing. Your enemy doesn't know she's alive. Yeah, I mean, we don't even know. Did he say she has dementia? What did he say about her?

I don't think he specified dementia. He's saying, I'm going to make it quick. There are a lot of details, but essentially, no. You didn't give it. There's no essentially here. This is your reading of the- She's mentally not well. So anyway, you're an asshole if you do this. Your wife should feel guilt. You should also feel guilt just on a human level. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stealing from a bad person and then destroying their lives when they would depend on you to help them.

There's nothing good about that. You're a piece of shit. And you especially did nothing here. Like maybe if your wife was like, this woman abused me. I've been waiting my whole life to get back at her. I could see an argument for being like, I'm taking the money for what you did to me and I'm washing my hands of you. But even then...

You're right. The only moral high guard is not taking the money. And if you are to take the money, you're like, I'm taking half of this and I'm writing you a check and these people will be in their care forever or whatever. I'm sure I'm sure you could make some payment to someone where they wouldn't kick her out. You know what I mean? We don't have enough information, but the information we do have, you sound like a dickhead.

So fuck you. And you are evicted from Stavi's world. Unless you're a Patreon subscriber, we will take your money. You'll take this bastard's money? No, take it over to Joe Coy. We don't want your money. Take it over to Coy. Take it to Coy, baby. Take it over to Club Random, which I would love to do. Bill, if you're watching, I would love... I feel like we're doing kind of a... Yeah, you're the millennial Bill Maher. I'm the... Yeah, I'm the... I'm the Rogan of the...

Of the Nazi part. Oh, hell yeah, dude. That'd be awesome. Oh, shit. It's time for something. It's time for your favorite segment, Adam. Whoa, what's going on?

Holy shit! Oh! Can I have some more water? No, you can't, but you can have a different... You can have a delicious Twisted Tea. That's right. I had it last time here. Oh, yeah. We've got a delicious Twisted Tea for our pal Adam. Wow.

And I'll crack one, too, in fact. I'm having a raspberry, yeah. I'll crack one with you. I'm having a drink on the pot. When it comes time to keep it twisted, you just got to have a beautiful twisted tea. Keep it twisted. Oh, so good. 5% alcohol by volume. Brewed with real iced tea. Wow. And we've got the motherfucking twisted-ass question of the day or week or whatever the fuck. It wasn't that one? No.

No, no, it's coming up right now. All right. Play us the twisted-ass fucking question of the week. Keep it twisted. Mm-hmm. Hey, Dov, how's it going? Okay, so I am in a very strange scenario. Okay. So a couple years ago, my grandpa passed away. I don't care. And I inherited some money from that. Oh, another inheritance call. Yeah.

The only way I'd be able to afford a house is if I bought a multi-unit place, like a duplex, and then rented one bit out. That would help me pay off the mortgage, including my own rent. Not great. Well, I'm sorry, didn't you get money from your grandpa? You couldn't just buy a smaller house? He's saying he doesn't have a job, and they would pay for his mortgage. That sucks, dude. Fuck you, but keep going. Get a job. So basically, I'm a landlord. I'm in my mid-20s.

And I'm renting out the other unit to this lady just found through whatever. And she's older than me. Sick. I like where this is going. She's probably in her mid-30s. Very nice lady. Sounds twisted. Not that old. She's extremely flirty with me. Uh-oh. And I don't know what to do with this scenario. She's...

Incredible question. She's always making eye contact with me. Hey, I'm profiting off this woman's hard work. Should I also get pussy from her and further the moral gray area of being a landlord? Keep it twisted. You are trying to keep it twisted. What if we get married? Well, then, yeah, then it's fine. That's the risk. But keep going. Is it romance? Making eye contact with me and talking with me and being super nice. And one time, there's like a shared laundry room.

She got stuck in it? Hey, Stav, my tenant got stuck and her step bro wasn't around to help her. There's a MILF that's renting out the unit.

She got stuck in a... I really like that genre, by the way. It honestly appeals to me. I like the idea. I mean, I would, you know... I wish it was the real world. Yeah. I wish that happened all the time. It would be cool if a woman you were having consensual sex with got stuck somewhere and you could fuck her.

Anyway. It would be cool if it was helpful. Right. It was helpful. It's like, the only way out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you for letting me out. And then they're like, you did me a solid by fucking my pussy. The sex was phenomenal, but also I needed it to get out of being stuck in a... I'm stuck in this dishwasher. I love when they're like kind of... They're barely in it.

Like, at least in the beginning when the genre started, they were really in there. Continuity. But now it's like, come on. Put a little effort into the stuck scenario. Think about J.J. Abrams. There's one where he was stuck under a window and it's like, you could just lift the window. But she was sucking dick on the outside and getting fucked on the inside. So that was fun. They were innovating the space in that way. Did the two guys know each other? I don't know. I think, yeah, he called the neighbor over. All right. Keep going, Ellis.

I don't know what to do in this scenario because I just, I don't know. I'm her landlord. That's a really bad idea. Yeah, it is. On the other hand, she's making advances. And who am I to say no? She's pretty cute. The guy who she depends on for housing. But obviously there'd be no future with her. She's in the military. Oh, she's a baby killer. Case closed. And I think her lease is up in August, in a couple months from now. And she's planning on leaving anyway. Okay.

Do I play it by the book or go rogue here, Savi? Savi. The fact that she's in the America military. Listen. Yeah, we've got a service member and a landlord, dude. We've got some members of the DSA that are furious about this call right now. This is a hecking baby brain.

Normal. He's having a normal one. First of all, I think all of the military should be replaced with Jewish female therapists.

Send those guys, those broads over to iRack. Send them over. Send me to iRack. Yep, Steve Harvey, great bit. Check it out. Check it out. We've talked about it. We've talked about it on our previous podcast. For nine years. It is great. It is a great bit. I watched it the other day. It was so good. I'll pull up some Steve Harvey. He's really making a good point at the beginning, and by the end, he's...

Just saying. The Geneva Convention is out the window. Yeah. He's killing me. It's crazy. Okay. So to answer our friend's question here, well, first of all, I would say get out of being a landlord as soon as you can. You inherited some stuff. What do you mean get out of being a landlord? What's he going to do? Sell it. If you're saying that it's because that's the only way you could afford it, like...

Sell that property. He's not BlackRock, this guy. He's a guy who probably is a barista. But why would you want to fucking do that? I don't know. Being a landlord seems like a hassle, first of all. This guy voted for Bernie. Anyway, whatever. If we're just talking about the scenario here, if we're talking about keeping it twisted. Their lease is up in a couple months.

And she's a baby killer. She's, you know, she's leaving. I would say if you wait till the very, maybe the end of her lease, she's about to leave. That sounds arbitrary. What do you mean? Well, actually, tension. You're building it up. It's kind of nice. No, no, I just mean like she's about to leave. It's almost like you don't want to try and, you know, hook up with somebody that you're a co-worker with, but if you leave the job, you can ask them out. Yeah.

What if he's just honest with her? He's like, I feel like Adam, as soon as I left Compton, Adam tried to suck my dick and I was like, no, I'm not, I'm not really, I'm not feeling it. I did that while we were doing it. I didn't try actually. Um, so I would, here's my twisted. You said it was your first time. Yeah. Thank you for taking my, I've never had. My man's mouth virginity. Oh, your man's mouth. Yeah. Oh no. I thought you said blowjob. This is my first time too. Yeah.

It didn't feel like it, man. You were really good at it. People build up their first time. It's going to be special, and it never is. But it really felt special. It did, man. You really had it going. I don't know. Why can't you just be like, hey, I don't know. This feels like I'm your landlord, and I don't like... Nah, you can't be doing no shit like that. Yeah, no, no. I feel like...

Yeah, you can't be like... You gotta... Here's what you do. Especially because she's not giving him any signals and he's just jerking off heavy upstairs. I mean, look. Lease is up in August. Yeah, exactly. That's the other thing. That's probably what's happening. It's like...

I know that she's probably just being nice. Probably right now. She's in the military. She's probably 19 or whatever. She's probably like, he said she's older. Oh, she's in her mid thirties. Right. Ooh. Ooh. Oh, so she's like a general of the baby killers. Oh, you have to, I think, I think he should go for it. That's what I'm saying. It's like, look, it's not the end of the world.

Here's the thing. Keep it twisted. You got to keep it twisted. At the end of it, when her lease is coming up, you sit her down. Maybe you install a little park bench on your property for the community. And you're like, hey, why don't we break this in with a couple of ice cold twisted teas? Yeah. You know, you get an ice twisted tea branded cooler.

You get one of the game day packs that I'm showing right here that has an original peach, half and half, and raspberry. And you sit her down. And you invite her for a friendly drink, and you feel out the vibes. And if the vibes are right, maybe you keep it twisted and get sucked off by your tenant. Yeah, but if the vibes aren't right, he's had this romantic drink thing. There's no romantic thing. It's for the community, right?

Yeah. You know, the community, a.k.a. his other, you know, it's like, hey, I'm putting together a little park. But I think you should just try to fuck her. Like, what's the end of the world? Your grandpa's dead already. Your grandpa's dead. He's in hell. Your grandpa's in hell. He's in hell. Happy. Just happy with what you did with his money. Listen, she's going to be out of a job soon because Biden's not the president. That's right. That's right. Trump is going to end all the wars. She stole all that luggage.

She stole all the luggage of all those black ladies. I don't remember this story. That was the best scandal of the Biden era. I don't remember this story. Look up the luggage thief. You don't have to look it up right now. No, look it up right now. It's way better than this guy who should just try and fuck it. Listen, just get sucked off. Who cares? Keep it twisted. Landlord, who cares? It's time to keep it twisted, man. Bernie lost whatever. Oh, okay. You're saying go full landlord. You should buy more properties. No, I'm saying what does landlord mean? Landlord.

It is weird to be like, to try and fuck someone who depends on you for shelter. It's weird that women are in the military. But I don't know. I keep it. Adam's keeping it twisted. Holy fuck, that was twisted. Yeah.

What are they? They should be. We're sending them. Here's the point, man. Keep it moderately twisted. Have a sit down at the end of the lease with for a little ice cold twisted tea. If she if she takes you up on the offer, see where it goes. Don't be pushy. It might just be a friendly drink. It might not be. But yes, it's not. You know, just that's it. Do you ever call them back? No. No.

Of course not. I'd like to talk to him. Okay. I'll give him your number. How about that? I'll text him your personal number. I don't want to talk. No, call him back right now. I want to know what brand. If it's the Merchant Marines. That's Adam's big hang up. The important thing is, man, keep it for you, for you listening and for everybody at home. Keep it twisted this summer and enjoy some ice cold twisted teas. Buy some property. Rant it out. That is keeping it pretty twisted. That's too twisted for me. Oh, shit. Shit.

Oh, no. What's happening? It's over. It's over? Stop. You're drunk. Look up the luggage thief. No, man. We have to help people. Biden luggage. No, this is going to help people. Biden luggage thief. Look it up, Elvis. Real quick.

There's this person who was working in the administration and then just was stealing... Gender fluid, that ex-Biden official, Sam Britton, stole luggage. Was stealing all these, like, black... Like, on... Like, black...

It really doesn't look good. That's awesome. As a member of the center left, I stand by their side. Of course. But it was all like older black ladies, like church outfits. That's hysterical. And they were just putting on big hats. It was like pente cloth and stuff and big hats and stuff. That's hysterical. I mean, this is just made. This is like written by like, you know, like it's too on the nose. It's too much. Yeah, yeah. Okay, next. Okay, great. Next.

Clearly, this is the person that's renting from this guy. Play us one, LD. Hey there, Stav, LD baby, and fabulous guest. Thank you. I have been with my wife for just recently celebrated being together for 10 years. Beautiful. We've been married for six years.

And, I mean, you're the king of eating pussy. Wow, I wouldn't say that. And my wife just doesn't enjoy having me eat her pussy. Wow, that sucks. And I have to be, she just enjoys coming from penetration. Wow, hold on a second. Now you're bragging. I mean, that's awesome. Shut up. Shut up. Fuck you. Give him a chance. Okay. Hear him out. We'll hear him out.

Right. And I have the unfortunate ailment of coming so quickly. Awesome. And it's just the only way she could come. She doesn't enjoy toys. She doesn't enjoy me eating pussy. As I said, we get into the finger bang game. I mean, that's the answer. We have a kid. That is the answer. Oh, wow.

and we're slowly like starting to get back into the sex of it all but it's just not really working for us give me some tips give me some tricks I know your go-to is always eating pussy which is why I had to lead with that but you know they're like that so yeah man give me some tips and

You gotta help people, man. You're just the king of eating pussy. I'm not. I mean, one guy. One guy who's still nuts fast with his wife. If you could have seen us 13 years ago, we're kids. This wouldn't have made me happy. I didn't know that my friend would be the king of eating pussy. I'm so proud of you. If you told me 13 years ago that a guy would call me the king of eating pussy, I'd be like, uh, that's cool, I guess. Well, I'm trying to gas you. I'm trying to glaze you. You don't need to glaze me, man.

Now, I think this man answered his own question here, because you've got to become a finger-banging maven here. Well, she said no. No, no, no. He's getting back into it, he said. She doesn't like getting her pussy, and she doesn't like toys, but he has to finger pop like his life depends on it. Also, you have a very rare form of vagina that you're married to. You're a very lucky man. That's huge. Some girls can't come from penetration. I've never even met one. Right.

It is weird when... Apparently...

Well, have you tried eating boozy while fingering? Because that's huge. That's a huge combo. She's going to say no. Why doesn't he just have a conversation with her where he's like, I just want you to come before I put my dick in you because I love you. And also, it's like, can you nut and fuck again soon? Maybe you need to have some cock medicine. Yeah, yeah. Maybe you need sex tablets like our friends over at bluechew.com provide. Yeah. That could help. And thank you for their support of the Anthony Weiner episode. Yeah.

Oh, they're back. They came back because something... Something changed. Yeah. Netanyahu got them back in the room. You called... You looked down. That was truly one of the funniest things ever. Yeah. Jesus. Okay, so...

It sounds like this guy's a good enough guy to have asked. You're going to have to finger your wife. That's really what it comes down to. Do you make girls come just from finger? Yeah, that happens. But you've got to get some clit action in there. You can get some clit action. But if she likes penetration, you've got to just really pretend your fingers are your dick.

And really get it As someone with a poor penis I'd say I have fingered I have fingered as if I was fucking in the past You gotta get in the jerk game Two hours before Jerk your own shit Then in the Then in the chewable game And then so you're gonna last longer Chewables would help

Here's the thing that women need to understand. Yes, please. When they're like, fuck me harder, you got 30 seconds. Yeah, I don't really have much. And it's every single guy. Keep going. It's like, come on, don't say that. You know this pace is unsustainable. And if a guy... You walked up three flights of stairs behind me. You know I ain't got the cardio to keep this going, let alone the dick.

That's part of my problem. If it's just this, 30 seconds. And if the guy doesn't 30 seconds after that, he's a homosexual. Straight...

American man got 30 seconds. This guy seems like a good guy. I think you're a good guy, man. I said jerk off two hours prior. I think he also said they have a three-year-old. I feel like they're probably just out of step sexually a little. They probably haven't been getting it in with a toddler running around. What a good guy. Can we get the toddler a babysitter for the weekend, hit a hotel with your wife, have a romantic, let's get back to us?

And then try some new finger popping techniques Finger from the back You know what I mean Well we have this old lady in the homeless shelter Maybe you could watch the kid for three hours Right right right Get somebody's insane mother Who they bilked out of her inheritance To watch your child And finger your wife That's our advice Good luck buddy your heart's in the right place

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I was a senior in college the first time I bought... A junior in college the first time I bought Chubbies. That's going to be depressing to do that math. Holy shit. Is that 17 years ago? Do I have to... Do I have to fucking end it, Elders? Have I...

I think it's only 15 years ago. Okay, thank God. Junior in college? Yeah. Yeah. So 15 years. I mean, I'm three years away for my love of Chubbies being allowed to vote. That's how much I love this company. Before they paid a dime to Stavi's World, I had Chubbies in my closet. You can go back. I'm not making this up. Go to my Instagram stories. Every time I'm in Greece sunning myself up, what am I wearing? Chubbies Classic Line Swim Trunks. I love them. You know I'm a five-inch inseam guy.

I gotta let them breathe. If you're a coward, you want the seven-inch inseam, that's on you. But I like my shit nice and short. I might even see if they got anything shorter, Eldis. We'll have to figure it out right now. I love chubbies. I'm gonna re-up my damn self. I'm gonna hit the website as soon as this ad read is over, for real. I love this product. I've loved it for 15 years. I even applied to be... They had some, like, fat guy model contest when I was a junior in college, and I applied to that. I did not win it. I thought I was a shoo-in. I was like, who else?

I'm a somewhat well-known in the Baltimore stand-up scene. I'm a micro-celebrity in Baltimore County, and I'm fat. I have over 1,000 Instagram followers at the time. I thought I was a shoe, and I didn't win. I'm happy that 15 years later, I have a professional relationship with Chubbies because I love the product. I think you'll love it too. A lot of people ask me where I get my... A lot of, let's say, fellas that...

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The king of eating pussy. Hi, Stav. Okay, so, bit of context, I am an exotic dancer who lives in New York City. I've had other professions, too. Like, I have two degrees. I've worked in corporate America. It's not for me. Hey, listen, we're pro-sex worker here. That might sound crazy, but not as crazy as what I'm about to say next. Doesn't it, Ryan?

Basically, I found like in relationships, so sorry, I'm going to back up again. I feel like really happy and really content in like every area of my life besides like relationships. Like, you know, money's going well. Creatively, I'm doing fine. I'm really happy. Friendships are going well.

When I'm dating someone and I like them and they like me, which is honestly kind of rare, but it always seems, especially when I'm dating men, because I have dated women and this isn't an issue, but when I date men, the issue of my job, like, you know, the fact that I'm an ex-dance dancer seems to...

you know, eventually become an issue even if they say it's not an issue. And usually if that's not the issue, the amount of money I make. So even like when I date like finance guys who tend to make more than me, like the amount I make seems to like rub them the wrong way. And this kind of also seemed to be an issue when I worked in corporate America. Like I said, I'm pretty decently educated. So, you know, and of course I live in New York City, so I tend to make a good bit anyway. So my question is,

Is this all in my head? Like, I mean, you know, because plenty of people will say like, oh, I don't care. There are plenty of guys who don't mind dating strippers or I don't care dating a girl that makes more than me. But I don't know. That just seems to be a recurring theme in my relationships and like my romantic entanglements. I mean, not to give too much away, but I also tend to date interracially. And I mean, I know it's 2025, but I don't know. I'm just kind of wondering like what...

you know, I guess is really going on.

Oh God, that sounds weird. But also, final thing, this isn't the issue when I date women, but my issue there is that there aren't many women that like women. So I don't know. What should I do? Where should I find the love of my life? And final note, this isn't a question, but I did meet Adam. No, no, no, no. Wait, wait, wait, wait. What? What? Hold on. Play this. I know who this is. Play it. Hold on. Shut up. No, no, no, no. You can't have this out there. Did Eldest actually do something funny for once? Yeah, yeah. I know who this is. Play this, Eldest. I know, Eldest. Stop it.

Play it. Play it, play it. Where should I find the love of my life? And final note, this isn't a question, but I did meet Adam at one of the strip clubs I worked in, and he was acting really weird. And one of my friends was like, yeah, he's acting like he's famous. I mean, obviously, we both knew who he was because no one else in the club did. So anyway, just wanted to let you know. Love you. Bye. He's acting like he's famous.

Word is getting out there in the New York City... Listen, Adam, there's nothing wrong with going to a strip club. That's... My girl... Okay. This girl's awesome. Adam was in there acting famous. What did I say? No, that... Go ahead. You can't have this on... She didn't say anything bad. She just said you were acting... I know this is great content, but...

This man was feeling himself. This man was making it rain in pumps. Hey, I'm the Jon Stewart of millennials. This man had a Daily Show duffel bag he bought from eBay and he was fucking throwing money in the air. My girl... First of all, I didn't... Offering those pictures. He had printed out those pictures and was signing them. It was not recent. My...

My girlfriend went to London to see her friends. Oh,

And so I said, well, I'm going to go ham tonight. So me and my two friends, we got obliterated. I called her at 6 a.m. It's like, have you seen Manchester by the Sea? I haven't, but I know it. That scene where he goes to the police station and he's like, I was on coke. My kids are dead. Throw me in jail. So I called her and I was like, baby, like, I was like,

just i'll get you a flight right i can't live this way i can't look i was like i was telling like i was being too cool girls in the strip club thought i was too awesome if you're gone any longer i might have no choice but to cheat on you i know no no no i wasn't gonna cheat no no but i was like i was mentioning come town to strippers oh my god dude i didn't say the name i said i did i do podcasting

Two years ago. Darling, shit. Why is that? I can't. Listen, as a celebrity, you can't be in public. We have to go to free cops. That's why we have to go to free cops. We have to go to free cops where we can have some privacy. This is fucking awesome. Oh, man, that's fucking great. No, no, and she's like, yeah, my friend knows your show. And I was like, oh, never mind. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got really embarrassed. Yeah, you took your shades off. Acting weird. You're wearing an all-white suit.

I was not wearing an all-white suit. Goddamn. I want the CCTV footage from that night. Can we not put... No, man. Look, we're also journalists here. I have one chance. I have one chance in life to do something. Somehow, okay? Okay, well, look. That's all well and good. Listen, it's because of... This is important. I owe it all to Nick, and we can say that. Okay? Okay.

Damn, dude, relax. Let it, let a couple episodes. Dude, just cause some strippers were mocking you doesn't mean you have to fucking, you know, do press the nuclear button yet. Well, okay. I'll prove to you. I'm a good guy. Yeah, please. Okay. Maybe you're dating younger finance men that want to, that are getting their first big check. Right. Well,

Also, your friend, I'm sorry that I do podcast. That's what I called it. I was like, guys, I just said podcast to a stripper. Right. That is tough. I should have made up a lie. I should have had an art vandal or something. No, it's fine. I'm a spy for the Mossad. Oh.

I do podcast. I've never, yeah. But they don't know that I work for Hamas. Oh, double agent. I'm a double agent. That's awesome. And they don't know that I work for fucking... For the Trump. For Nick Moten. You're a triple agent. No, no, no. Okay. Yeah. So look, your antics aside, we have a caller that we have to help here, Adam. So it's okay. I can't even think of... What about me? This is rude. Okay.

So, Eldis, you know what, man? This almost makes up for all the bad producing you've done. That you found this and played it on this episode, man. You're getting a bonus, brother. I'm going to give you $10,000, dude. Adam was

One of the strippers... When I called Maya... Also, the girl was from the Bronx. She didn't care at all. When I called Maya, I was like, babe, one of them grabbed my penis area outside of my pants and she said, baby, you were drunk? And I was like...

Yes, I am drunk. But I would... Yeah. Yeah, it was... I was trying to prove that my masculinity... Your masculinity, right. And look, that's... My friend got three speeding camera tickets on the way home. I don't know... That's a shame. That's the real tragedy of the night. Yeah, absolutely. Well, look, I think you're onto something with the masculinity issue, right? This girl's hot...

She's like in charge of her shit. Like I think traditionally... She seems like a good person. When a girl's hot, right? A liar, but a good person. I think what's going on here is the traditional fucking dating roles. If a girl is this hot, right? She does... These guys like... The type of guys you're going for, they want somebody who is in some way...

dependent dependent subservient or at least you know also they have rich families that mother in greenwich connecticut is going to give them a hard time if they're dating a stripper yeah that's part of it you should date like a real one and just like a nice a nice gentleman sure that isn't just like a young fucker that's like on an expense account yeah it's like right i do think this is probably the problem here is probably the types of guys you're going for um

That's my hunch. I mean, I think there's plenty of people... I've dated girls who make a lot of money and I think that's cool. I'm not mad at that. I'm like, that's fucking all. I mean, I'll still pay for shit, but it's like, they'll fucking get some stuff. They still don't pay for... They pay for nothing. Yeah.

I mean, they still pay for nothing. If they respect you, maybe they do. I don't know. That's not respect. Or like, I think it also opens stuff up because imagine if, if, if you're making a ton of money and you're dating someone who's making a ton of money instead of you, if you combine that, the experiences you guys could have could be next level. You know what I mean? Like, I think it's maybe the, the, the gentlemen sound insecure. Maybe they're like a little young, maybe like a guy, like five years young, five years older. Yeah.

you know, may, might not feel that way. And I wonder, I also wonder that's dated for a little bit longer. I also wonder if the money is like shielding, like some people pretend they're cool with sex work and like whatever. And then maybe that's what I mean. Push comes to shove. They're like, I don't want to, they're making it about the money. Yeah. They're making about the money. Cause it's a safe thing to, to be like, to, to, you know, it's like, Oh, it's like just weird, whatever. They feel jealous that you're, that you're lying about, uh,

that you met such a cool celebrity and are lying about it. I can't believe I said podcast or stripper. So what do you, I could, should have lied. Just say comedian. Barely. I know, but it's, it's, I know you, I said, yeah, it's still a lie. They're going to see right through that. Yeah.

Say I'm an actor and a writer. I'm a public intellectual. Writer is hilarious. You should say writer. Writer, yeah. Sometimes I'll throw writer out there in an Uber or something if I'm like, I don't feel... Writer is the go-to, yeah. Yeah. But even that, there's so many questions. When you're trying to fuck an Uber driver? No, not fuck. Just get out of a conversation.

You're like, what are you trying to raise an Uber driver? I'm not trying to raise anyone. So what about stop trying to have sex with all these? I've never tried to fuck an Uber driver in my life. Um, so yeah, I mean, oh my God. Can,

Can you zero in and give her some good advice, man? Okay, here's the deal. You should date someone that isn't in finance because probably, A, they have rich families that would give them mother. Guff. Yeah, they're guys that say mother. Best case scenario, they're fetishizing you. They think it's like, I'm being bad. I'm dating a stripper for a little bit. Yeah, exactly. You sound like a really genuinely normal person. Yeah. Nice person. So, and you could take it.

Sorry, take it back. But...

Yeah, maybe date someone that's been dating for a little bit longer, someone maybe late 20s or something. Can you switch? Yeah, just switch up kind of who you're going for here. And I think the same is probably true of the women. You're saying you're having a hard time finding women that like women. Do you mean that genuinely want to have a relationship as opposed to, you know, want to hook up with, like, buy girls who want to hook up with a hot stripper?

I could see that being a problem too. And with both genders here, it seems like you need to like,

shift who these people are. Because I think clearly it is like they feel emasculated for the money thing or even just the like, or even the dancing shit. It's like, they're just like, you're very, you're a pretty, you seem like somebody who's pretty in control. They're not used to. And particularly for somebody who's a stripper, you've made a conscious choice. You could be in their kind of buttoned up world and you realize like, I actually prefer this. I make great money, whatever.

The mechanisms by which they usually control a hot woman who's like dancing or stripping, which is like...

I'll get her out of this and she'll fucking depend on me. Or, you know, like, you don't want that. And that, and you're, you're look, you're dating guys who on some level want that. And I think you need to look for a different type of person. That's kind of my, you know, stop going to, you know, stop going to Murray Hill for dates or whatever. Also, yeah, you know, you're probably attractive too. And they're like, they're, they're probably like stressed out that guys are hitting on you.

True, absolutely. And part of the job is to be sexy for guys. Yeah, absolutely. Maybe an older guy, maybe 65, 70 years old. Someone who's crushed by life. Maybe my father. Yeah, get some fake tits. How big are your tits? No, don't say that to her. She can do whatever she wants, including take it back. That was one of the most embarrassing things ever.

Eldest, you monster. Really great producing, Eldest, honestly. You know. I have to tip my hat. You're going to make a reel out of this. It's going to be a reel. My aunt's going to see it. My aunt is going to see it. She's going to tell my grandma. And Adam said he's a podcaster. Ah!

acting famous. What does that mean? What does that mean? You know what? To this caller, just like you don't like people assuming shit about you because you're a stripper, maybe you shouldn't make judgments on people who are making their living by podcasting. Can I say, I know exactly how Adam was at. I can see it in my head. Standing up way too tall, tipping way more than he had to for once in his life. Come on, let's not get carried away.

Adam, did you make it rain? No, I did the Al Bundy where I have a fishing wire connected to one dollar. One day, bud, this will be yours. One of the best jokes on that show. There you go. Good luck. Yeah, that one's going to get cut next. All right.

What's up Bobby, baby, LG, team guests, love the pod, first time, long time, all that good stuff. Listen boys, I got a predicament. I got a boys weekend coming up and one of my buddies went on the liquor run. He bought all the liquor and he sent out the Venmo request split five ways evenly.

And I got the request, and I thought it looked a little high. So I actually calculated how much each bottle was, included the sales tax, yada, yada, and found to be that his demo request was about

10% too high? That's nothing. Now I want to know this. Who's more of a piece of shit? You. Him trying to get literally $3 out of everybody or me running the calculations to see how much he's getting stiffed? No way Jewish, by the way. Let me know. I want to say that. That is true. Thank you. That's got to feel nice to hear that accent. I like that. Doing stuff like this. That's nice.

This is good. This is good. Because you're right. If this guy sounds, you know. 10% too high. What are you? I mean, this is crazy that you did this. And by the way. George Soros? Exactly. If it's $3. He said $3 out of everybody. Like, he legit might have just rounded up. He might have forgotten and rounded up. And who cares? Also, it's like, what? Was it a little weird? Okay. But what are we talking about? What's 10? Three bucks of how many people? Five ways? So it's 15 extra dollars? Yeah.

That's weird, dude, to do this calculation for that.

My mind goes to, like, you know, he says he did the math and added it up. Did you have the prices of every bottle he got? Yeah, did he go to an expensive liquor store? Some places will mark it up. Because he sounds pretty dumb. I don't trust him to even calculate sales tax correctly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He found the store? Yeah, exactly. What the hell? Yeah, you stink. This is crazy, dude. You stink. And, like, if your friend did it, he's kind of weird. But also, it's like...

If you split something on Venmo or whatever, and it's for a lot of people, you just round up. You don't go fucking, oh, it's 83 cents. Like, you know what? It's a bit of a service fee for me doing all the fucking legwork or whatever. You just make it easy to... Just be drunk on vacation with your friends. Yeah, dude. Don't fucking look at it. It's weird. How bad is shit going? So who's the bigger piece of shit right now? If I had to guess, it's you, because we don't know... By a mile. By a mile.

We don't know where this guy bought this shit from. Maybe he was running late and he went to an expensive liquor store. Then it's like, oh, that's a little too expensive. But who gives a fuck? It's bad. It's fucking... Also, just be an adult, okay? It doesn't matter. Charge to the game, brother. When I was... It's three of your dollars. Actually, you're the piece of shit. What are you, a freaking hobo? Yeah.

You don't deserve friends. And the sales tax, hilarious. And you're not Jewish. Thank God. Incredible. Adam is happy that you're not a member. It's like when everyone got mad at Vivek Ramaswamy, I was like, finally, another one. It's someone else. Play us another one, Big Eld. Hi, Stavi, Big Ben. I just wanted to ask you a question. This has never...

been an issue for me in real time, but whenever I tell girls that I do this, they get really surprised and confused that this isn't a big issue for me. So basically, you know, I have sex with men sometimes. Not my favorite thing to do, but on occasion, I'll have sex with men. And I'm what you might call

tough bus tough boss yes yeah so you know and to give some men credit it's not like always an issue but a lot of the time it's mental for me and a lot of the time it is also a skill issues with the man so to combat this issue pretty much any time I think there's even a possibility of

of me having sex with a man, like a first date or, you know, I'm just meeting a guy from an app out for drinks or something like that. I bring my vibrator with me.

Respect. That's awesome. I have a little pouch in my bag just in case, you know, if we end up having sex, then I just, you know, I don't want to not have it. Literally, she keeps that thing on her. I want to be able to, like, maybe come. Like, to be fair, I don't even come, like, every time I bring it either just because either the sex won't last long enough or the positions are weird or whatever. I mean.

I don't know. I don't really get off from penetration. I like it a lot, but it's not really doing much for me a lot of the time. So I think you yourself might not have such a problem with this, but I do live in fear of the day I meet a man who does have a problem with this. I actually think you have guests on your podcast, men, male comics, who...

I think might be offended by that. Adam? Just based on the way that some of them talk about like bringing in the vibrator is like a into the relationship kind of thing. Whereas I'm, as I've just said, somebody who's bringing it out maybe the first time you meet me. That's honestly crazy. It's a wild move, but it's a... Even me... She knows how she comes. Actually, it's fine. I mean, it's not even... It's one of those things like, huh...

They're like, nice. But you will have a moment of, oh. Like, in your head, here's what they really, here's what I would think is like, ooh, she knew she wanted a little piece of this dick. Yeah, she wanted to enjoy sex. I would think, I would feel kind of like, hell yeah, she knew she wanted the fuck me kind of thing. She's wearing sexy underwear. Even though you might, it sounds like she just kind of has it

breaking case of emergency. She'll even take it on her first date. She has to introduce it in a chill way. But let's just finish her up before we get in there. I'm always actually surprised when I say something like that, just because maybe they deal with men who are dicks about that, but I don't know. I just figure, don't you want me to come? Don't you want to watch me come? Whatever. Anyway. Yeah, I just hope that that's...

not going to be a problem for us when we eventually hang out. Okay, thanks so much. Love you. Bye. Bye.

I mean, yeah, there's no real issue here. They love you, Stott. Hey, listen. All the girls love you. We're a family here. No, no, I'm not. I've not been crowned other than that one guy who busts too fast. Heavy, heavy. Heavy is the head. Yeah. That's how you get good at eating pussy, though. You have the heavy crown on and you still have to move your neck around. So then you free it out. Yeah, it's like exercise. It's like when you have the weights on the back. I take the pussy eating crown off.

And then I'm fucking, you know. What do you practice on? Fleshlight? Fleshlight, yep. I have my... In your bedroom? I have my Abella Danger limited edition sex. Signed. Fleshlight. Unwash. It's pretty simple. Just be nice about the way you introduce it. Don't like... Don't be like, ugh. Get my purse. Don't just be like... All right, enough. Get the purse. Then you're like being a jerk. But just say like, hey...

I want to fuck you and I want to cum because I like you. And I brought a vibrator because that's how I cum. What I'll say is that she'll tell her friends who are surprised men aren't dicks about it. Don't trust your friends. No, no, no, hold on. But she said, she brings it out, men aren't dicks about it. And so a lot of the problem here is...

It's sort of like you're getting ahead of yourself and creating a problem where it doesn't exist. Right. Because we're great. I think you're the best guy. I think your friends, if they pull the vibrator out, they'd be surprised how many guys would be like, nice. You know what I mean? Like, I think when push comes to shove, if you're if you're about to have sex, especially like on a first date, you're

Bring out whatever the fuck you... I'm about to get pussy. I don't care. You know what I mean? Like, I think... And that's, I think, you're also getting a little... Like, you know, might you find somebody who's a... Like, that's how I used to be about my uncircumcised penis. Yes. And literally one woman out of however many has ever reacted negatively.

You might get one weird guy or a couple weird guys that are like, what's that about? But I think overall, if your friends started carrying around the little vibrator pouch, they'd be cool. Yeah. Okay. We'll wrap it up. That was real fucking subtle. Leave all that in. No, stop. Come on. I'm on the precipice of something big right now. You can just say. You can go, man. I'm the millennial. Bill Maher. Yeah. Yeah.

You're the heir apparent. That would be so awesome if you inherited a real time. You fool. He also does it, apparently it's to his knee. Apparently it's the biggest in Hollywood. And that's, it makes so much sense why. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I would act like that too. That kind of confidence. Yeah. Yeah. Ugh.

I'm so smart. I'm not becoming a Republican. Everyone else is actually wrong. I'm the good guy still. Of course zero babies have died in Gaza. Pete is so big he's like a gay guy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I just want to say this. Don't listen to your friends. Female friendship doesn't exist. It's psychological warfare. If every guy's chill about this, why are you... No, don't give him the cheer on that, Eldest. Think about how nice all the guys are being to you about it because we're phenomenal. We're good guys. We're great and we tell way better stories than whatever that... I don't know. I don't know. I've heard you tell some long-winded stories. About what?

Whatever. You pick your, you know, pick a topic. So someone fell in front of the train and the third rail was sparking. So yes, it seems like she's fine. There doesn't... All the problems seem to be hypothetical. Your friends are nice people who should try bringing the vibrator out. And yes...

Were you to bring out the vibrator when we hang out, I'll greet it with glee. Wow. You know, that's the kind of guy I am. The king of eating pussy. Hey.

If you know, I'll take it. Like I said, I haven't been officially crowned. It wouldn't be nice if you were doing cunnilingus and then she's like stuffed it down. Well, because the vibrator, that's pussy eating territory. If you're fingering and there's a vibrator in the mix, that's interesting. But how am I supposed to eat around this thing? Unless you're talking about a real China-sized meaty clip. It's tough to be the king. Then I could lick the sides while the vibrator does the talking. This whole episode is 100% getting demonetized.

immediately. Yeah, maybe not even coming out. Maybe just the... Maybe he cut out the picture part of the beginning. Give us a quick one to go out on, Elders. This man has to go.

Greek god body. Oh, my God. Love you, brother. All right. I'm watching the old episode of you and Caleb Harlan on So True, which, by the way, is how I found you. Love Caleb. Came over from the So True land over to Stavi's world, and I'm very happy here. Looking at you compared to Caleb, Caleb's got a lot of tattoos. I don't see one tattoo on that beautiful Greek god body of yours. Are you a tattoo guy?

I'm an open canvas. Do we have a tramp stamp that your loving audience doesn't know about? Do you want tattoos? Why don't we have tattoos on this beautiful vessel? Anyway, Scotty, I love you, brother. I've got really big tits. Have some respect. Hey, hey, hey. What's up? She said she has really big tits. Let's give her some respect. She does? That's what she said. Oh, good.

I never got any tattoos, but recently I thought of the one I would want if I got one. Let's hear it. It would be a little Asian spoon, like a pho place or a Chinese place, and I would put it near my thigh so I could put my balls on it like a soup dumpling.

That's what I would like. You blow on it? You know the little spoon? Yeah. And then I just put it on there and then a girl could suck on it like it's a soup dumpling. I think that would be a pretty funny. A joke for yourself in the shower? Exactly. Literally. It would make me smile every time. I have a whimsical life. It would be like up here into my thigh and it would be like so fun. It would be covered even by shorts like this. I think that would be the one tattoo I would get. I've never respected a single tattoo I've ever seen. Wow. I've never respected a single tattoo. Even the Star of David?

What? Wouldn't you like that? No. You can't get buried in a Jewish cemetery. I had a friend who got a Star of David and he was like, this should cancel out. I should be able to get in the cemetery. Shout out to my boy. I love being clean. No tats on elders either. Everyone has tattoos. This temple is pure, man. You guys want to...

Take our clothes off? Yeah. Yeah. Draw tattoos on each other? I want to know for sure you guys don't have tattoos. Do you still have that live photo of Eldon? Oh, yeah, somewhere. Live? The one where you're running away naked. Oh, wow.

Is that somewhere? Somewhere. It's floating. And we have that video when he tried to trick me into looking at his penis. He was like, dude, come here. My cat's doing something really cute. And I knew exactly what he was doing. And I just walked out with the camera. I have just a video of Eldest's dick somewhere. Wait, I thought that was what you were talking about. What was the first one? No, you have one where you're like running away. You're like, you're like.

Yeah. You and your ass. You have really long hair. My brothers were here, and they were sleeping in the living room. Remember that trip? Kind of. I remember there was another video maybe from that same weekend where I was on the air mattress in the living room, and I was like, hey, look at this. And I'm taking my balls out of my shorts. Yeah.

She thinks he's cheating. That's good stuff. She thinks he's cheating. Yeah, here's what he's actually up to. Dude, those vibrator-hating-ass girls would never have this much fun. No, I think they might. They'd be buzzing their clits together. No, they're saying that, oh, it's weird the way you have sex with these...

You need to check your misogyny, Mr. Friedland. Maybe they'd be like, whoa, that vibrator looks pretty cool. They shouldn't make her feel bad. That's cool. Hold on. Your lips look really soft. Can I kiss them for a sec? Can I kiss them? Can I use the vibrator? Ooh, it's cold in here. Yeah. Really? Let's warm up. Maybe. See? Maybe that's what the combos are like. That's what you need to be thinking about, Adam. Yeah.

Leave your misogyny at the door, Adam. Yeah, think about chicks kissing each other and sucking each other's tits like a fucking feminist like me and Eldis. Well, that's going to do it for us, folks. Go watch the Adam Friedland show. We've linked it here. This is going to blow up the show. This is going to blow up. This is going to be huge. There's going to be an article about this. I hope so, dude. In Scoundrels Quarterly.

In SQ Alright thanks for having me I love you boys Love to see you brother So good to see you See you guys next time Bye bye Sayonara