174: Murder, Incest, and Castration: How Nero DESTROYED Rome
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So you guys know dictators are interesting, huh? And you guys ended up loving the Caesar dark history episode we did. So it made me wonder what other older dictators were out there who I assumed were, or I just maybe didn't know about, but actually were like really scandalous and interesting and like, let's talk about it, right?

And that's when I found out about a certain emperor we're gonna talk about today. Listen, okay? Not only did he mass murder an entire group of people, but he personally killed just about everyone who was close to him. And you might be thinking, okay,

Typical, been there, done that, but no. No one has ever matched this guy's freak. Some of the dictators we've talked about are actually failed artists, and then they would take revenge by taking over the world. But this guy, it's almost like he didn't care about being in power at all. All he wanted to do was sing and dance and have orgies with eunuchs. But instead, he was forced by his mother to rule Rome.

Today I'm coming to you with the insane true story of one of the world's first tyrants. Listen, this is the dark history of Nero. ♪

Hi friends, I hope you're having a wonderful day today. My name is Bailey Sarian and I'd like to welcome you to my podcast, Dark History. Here we believe history does not have to be boring. It might be tragic. Sometimes it's happy. But either way, it's our dark history. Before we get into it, don't forget to like and subscribe. I'm always here for you posting new content. And let me know what you think down below. I like hearing from you in the comment section. Plus we read comments at the end. Did you know that?

Well, now you know. Let's get into today's story because listen, Nero, weird guy, am I right? Nero is a great name for an evil villain. If you think about it, Nero kind of sounds like Zero or like a Matrix character. But of course, like any good stage name, it wasn't his real name. This story starts with the birth of a little boy in 37 AD named Lucius Domitius.

Get it? Like baby. Okay. I do my own sound effects. But to keep things simple, we're just going to call him Nero because that's... I can say that. It's way easier for me. And that's what everyone would end up calling him. So Nero it is. And Nero was kind of doomed from the beginning because his family tree was...

questionable, twisted, okay? First of all, his father, Gnaeus, had a reputation for being cruel and corrupt. He was the sort of guy who would just like beat up or hit his servants for fun, you know? I guess there was this one time when he was driving on his chariot, as one does, through the street and he ran over a boy on purpose for giggles and fun and laughter.

So really taught that boy something, huh? And then Nero's mom, her name was Agrippina. I'm trying to put like, who is she? Who would play her today? I don't know, but she was insane, okay? Agrippina was ambitious and extremely manipulative. She would do anything to get ahead in life. And honestly, it seemed to just run in the family. Agrippina's brother,

was Caligula. Do you know Caligula? Should we do an episode on Caligula? Let me tell you, Caligula was wild. Caligula was like another famous and psychotic emperor from ancient Rome. They were all a little off, a little, I guess you could say. So Agrippina, I guess she learned a lot from her brother who was like the emperor and they were very close. Some say too close. You know what I'm saying? Like, you know, like they were sleeping together.

incestual relations. Caligula and Agrippina had a very messy relationship. Caligula actually ended up banishing her from Rome when Nero was just five years old. And I guess at this point, like things just didn't look good for little Nero. Nero's dad had recently died. There was speculation that he was probably poisoned by Agrippina.

Some aqua to fauna shit right there. But either way, dad was gone. And now his mother, Agrippina, was suddenly gone too. She was exiled. So it was like one day she's kissing him on the forehead, Nero. And then the next day, poof.

Gone. Bye. He didn't even get to say goodbye. There was no explanations. She was just gone. So Nero was kind of like sent off to live with some aunt he had. And it was a downgrade. But obviously like Nero didn't seem to understand the politics of it all. He probably felt like some kind of tension. And it was just weird.

Weird situation, but at this point he was kind of like forgotten about. But then something happens that changes the course of history. Caligula gets assassinated. Yeah. Now this was actually really great for Nero because it gave his mom a get out of like exile free card. Okay. An opportunity to come back. The new emperor was Claudius and this was Agrippina's uncle.

Yes, her uncle. Okay. I guess he always liked Agrippina. So he was like, you know, absolutely. Come on back. You're welcome back anytime. So Nero is reunited with his mom and ta-da! It was like nothing happened there back in the palace. So Agrippina is back in the palace and she gets to work immediately.

She's trying to secure the richest, most powerful man to be Nero's new stepdad. So she marries a guy named Crispus. Great name, Crispus. Sounds like, you know when you leave a pizza in the oven too long and the edges kind of get burnt? I would call that Crispus. Sounds like that.

I love like a burnt pepperoni, Crispus. Anyways, Crispus, this guy, he had a lot of money. He was a politician and he was worth about 200 million in Roman money. It's hard to like beep bop boop calculate how much that would be in today's money. But according to our expert, it would be anywhere from like $330 million to $3 billion.

So he was rich, rich, you know? So as soon as Agrippina and Crispus are married, Crispus puts Agrippina and Nero in his will. Ooh, and you know what happens when that happens? Well, Crispus ends up just like dropping dead. As soon as he signed that will, he was gone. Today's episode is sponsored by Liquid IV. The last couple of months, I have been completely off of soda and coffee.

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So Agrippina was able to get her way into Crispus' will, and before the ink could dry on paper, Crispus drops dead. Coincidence?

Probably not, but we don't know. Basically, everyone assumed Agrippina was behind the death of Crispus, but, you know, they had no proof, just theories. It was said that, like, Nero and Crispus weren't really that close. Like, he never called him dad or anything. He was just there, existing. And he notices that, like, his mom isn't really that bummed about it either. I mean, it was said that Agrippina wasn't even, like, grieving. She was busy plotting, scheming, moisturizing, and watching everyone. Yeah.

Agrippina especially was paying attention to her uncle who was currently the emperor, Claudius. Why? Well, she started to set her sights on the ultimate prize, the throne. But not for herself, 'cause she's a woman, but for Nero.

Yeah. She's like, okay, okay. Nero's my way in. So Nero is like 11 years old, minding his own business, curling his hair. I don't know. Doing something. Have you seen their hairstyles back then?

Very curled. So I imagine he was curling his hair. But he realizes or he like sees that his mom is kind of like trying to seduce Claudius, her uncle. To you and I, it's a little weird. But to Agrippina, this was all like a big political move. I mean, she was single. Claudius, her uncle, was single. Why not? What do I have to lose? Well, the two fall in love.

Yeah, her and her uncle. And in 49 AD, on New Year's Day, Agrippina marries her uncle, Emperor Claudius. Ugh, yeah. So of course the people, the normal townspeople are talking. They're calling it disgusting and immoral. But nobody was going to say it to her face. Because now, she was in charge. Claudius was said to be a little awkward, really into politics.

books. He was older, he was 59 years old at this point and Agrippina was 34. So you know there was a 25 year age gap and it was her uncle, just a little weird, but it was kind of like the perfect match because Agrippina was finally exactly where she wanted to be in the driver's seat bossing Claudius around

And apparently Claudius was like just happy, happy to go along with it. Before he married Agrippina, I guess no one really took him seriously as an emperor. He didn't have much experience. And on top of that, he had a limp and a stutter. So people really like, um,

You know, they just underestimated him, poor guy. He was trying. I don't know. I wasn't there, but I imagine he was trying. Ironically, Claudius was a great emperor, but no one realized it because they were just so busy making fun of him. But marrying Agrippina was exactly like the PR boost that he needed because people were scared of her.

This was like really great for Nero, you know, but probably really confusing. Not only is your great uncle now your stepdad, but now Nero is basically a prince. Suddenly, Nero, who went from a zero, was now wearing like royal purple. He was getting the best tutors in Rome and he was being groomed to be, you know,

a potential leader. So Nero is 12 years old and at this age, he's a little weird, but he loves the spotlight. From a young age, he was obsessed with singing for his family, the servants, anyone who was watching, he would put on little performances. Look at me, you know. I'm doing the robot, kinda. Not really, but he's a little performer. So now everyone is kind of like paying attention to him and praising him and he's loving it. Well, this rubbed one person the wrong way.

Claudius' son, Britannicus. Britannicus was three years younger than Nero, and he was considered the heir to the throne. He's not Agrippina's son.

This is another son from a different marriage. But now this Nero kid comes in. Britannicus is like, who the hell is this? You know, he's singing, he's dancing. He's like doing the little like robot or whatever, just stealing all of the attention. And it was said that Britannicus did not like Nero. Like he hated him. And Nero hated Britannicus because I'm gonna hate you too, you know?

You hate me, I'ma hate you. Apparently, Britannicus would, you know, make fun of Nero and his, like, his singing voice and just make fun of him. And it would drive Nero nuts because, you know, like, F you. I'm a performer. I'm singing. Leave me alone. Britannicus also didn't call Nero, Nero. He called him by his real name, Lucius Domitius, which was just kind of rude. It was like a slap in the face. It was just very disrespectful. You know when someone is like, my name is Rob. And you're like, okay, Robert.

"Yeah, Robber." You know, someone does that and you're like, "I told you my name is Rob." It's like that, but not. You get it. At the same time, Agrippina basically made it her job to make sure that everyone liked Nero more than Britannicus. She's like, "Look at my son, he's amazing. He can perform. Dance for them, sweetie, dance." She had him getting the best education money could buy. He was getting tutored by like this famous Roman philosopher named Seneca. Maybe you've heard of him.

Maybe not, okay. And then Agrippina arranges for Nero to make like these little cameo appearances at the Senate. Why? I don't know. She's a stage mom. He had no business being there, but she was setting him up in front of the right people. And basically he would be there like addressing the public and he would recite like these amazing speeches that just really impressed the people. They're like, well, he reads. That's crazy. You know, I mean,

This kid, Nero, he was just showing a lot of promise. He was a genius. Wow. But what they didn't know was that he wasn't writing these speeches. Nero's tutor was. So, but that's okay. They didn't need to know. Anyways, Nero's getting all this praise, all this love. And he's getting the idea that, you know, he should be the person who's next in line for the throne and not his brother, Britannicus, his stepbrother.

I mean, everyone is telling him that he's like amazing and incredible. So of course he's full of himself, right? Agrippina, she convinces her uncle/husband Claudius to officially adopt Nero when he's 12 years old. So with this move, now Nero was next in line to rule Rome. Checkmate. Now the family is one happy family.

Not really, but you know what I'm saying. So when Nero is 16 years old, Agrippina, his mom, is like, you need to get married. It's time. You're old. Get it together. Plus, it'll give the impression to the people that he's an adult. He has his priorities straight. Marriage. Britannicus...

There's a lot of names being thrown your way. Are you following? I hope you are. Me too. Okay, listen, 'cause now Britannicus has a sister. So again, this is like Nero's stepsister technically. Yeah. But her name was Claudia Octavia.

Okay? And everyone was a big fan of Claudia. They loved her. She's a girl. She's smart. She's down to earth, whatever that means in Roman era, you know? She can't be a leader though. She's a woman. No, can't do that. So Agrippina's like, hey, what if you guys got married?

Eh? I mean, again, they're not really like, kinda not really sort of related. They are, they're like cousins, but they're not at the same time, so shut up. Why don't you guys just get married? People love her. It'd be great PR for you, Nero. Don't you wanna be on the cover of Vogue? Your marriage photos? It'd be beautiful, gorgeous. So at 16, Nero marries his 13-year-old cousin/sister, Claudia. That's gotta be confusing. Now it's your wife? Hey, sis, wife, cuz.

Can you get me something? You know, like...

Okay, I don't know. They get married. You know, it was said that they didn't really get along, but it didn't matter. It was all for show, okay? It was all part of Agrippina's master plan. So at this point, Nero is the eldest son, and now he's married to the emperor's daughter. So just a couple months before Nero's 17th birthday, something crazy happens. Emperor Claudius is not feeling very well, okay? He's been sick or poisoned.

Or maybe both. Depends on who you ask. But what we do know is that there was this one night he's sitting down to eat some dinner, some mushrooms. I guess like they were his favorite. He loved mushrooms. And then he just never got back up. Sorry, I just had to like. Because some people believe that the mushrooms were poisoned.

Did you read that story recently where that woman like tried to poison everyone's meal? I think it was something like mushrooms or something. It happened in the UK. She tried to poison everyone. Actually, it might have been the United States. Either way, very similar story. So he's eating mushrooms. He's his favorite. He never gets back up. Claudius dies. Now, some people believe that the mushrooms were poisoned. Others think that the mushrooms themselves were poisonous. But either way...

But the people are talking. People are talking. And they're starting to believe that Agrippina was the one who was behind his death. They're thinking this because, you know, she had a motive. Apparently Claudius was starting to like question whether or not, you know, Nero should be the next one up or if it should be like his son. He started to like question the whole thing. So yeah, he adopted Nero, but he had his other son, Claudius.

And Britannicus was getting older, and technically that's like his son. So he's starting to like think, you know? Like Claudius is like, yeah, maybe I want Britannicus to be the next runner up, right? But like if Claudius did change his mind and put Britannicus back into first place...

well, then Nero would be cut out completely. Agrippina wasn't about to let that happen. Well, it didn't matter if Claudius wanted to backtrack or change the will or whatever, because he is dead. And just like that, baby, Nero becomes emperor at the age of 16. So the next morning, guess who's in charge, baby? He's like, it's me, um.

And the next morning he comes out in his purple robes. You know, he's got his tutors behind him telling him what to say. And he goes out to greet the public with his mom, Agrippina. And the crowd was cheering because to them, Nero was young, beautiful, well-educated, and supposedly guided by wise adults. Meanwhile, Britannicus, he knows what's going on. He knows the truth.

Nero just stole the throne right out from under him. Remember growing up, like all the movies we watched was like about shopping and it always looked so fun. Pretty woman, legally blonde, clueless. To be honest, I've never seen pretty woman. I know don't come for me. I'm so sorry. But I know like shopping was involved. I know the scene. Okay. Anyways, but then you grow up and you realize...

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It's like 30 minutes since you're trying on clothes under fluorescent lighting and you're like, what size am I? I don't even like this. I'm sweating. I just want to go home. And plus malls these days. Let's do a dark history on that, huh? Yeah. Anyways, you don't have to deal with any of that if you don't want to because Stitch Fix can do the work for you. Stitch Fix is this online personal styling service that connects you with an actual stylist who just asked.

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So overnight, Nero becomes the youngest emperor Rome had ever seen. He's officially the most powerful teenager in the world. And people started calling him Golden Prince. He's charming, he's handsome, and he speaks well for a teenager. So people are just loving him. And Agrippina low-key is like, that's my baby.

That's my baby, I'm so proud, yay. Like she is just living, she is so happy. Kind of like thinking she gets to co-rule Rome with her son.

Yay. So as soon as like he's in charge, the first thing she did was like have coins minted with her face on them. She even has statues of herself built. She's holding court. She's issuing orders. And she even sits next to her son when people come calling. So it kind of got people thinking like who's really in charge here? Is it Agrippina or Nero? I don't know. We don't want to question them though. Ruling Rome is crazy.

There's a lot of pressure, right? Well, I don't know. But it makes Nero like grow up pretty fast. He has a lot of responsibility now. He's in charge. People are coming to him for everything. That's a lot of pressure. He's still a teenager at the end of the day. He didn't want to be micromanaged by his mom.

So Nero decides to try and like distance himself from his mother. He stops asking her for advice. He starts spending more time on his art. He starts to make friends with different singers and actors. And because he's in charge, he's just surrounded by yes men. All they do is flatter him. He's technically married, but he doesn't really like that bitch. And then he ends up falling for a former enslaved woman named Acti. Well, this makes Agrippina lose her mind.

I mean, this is not what she planned. You're not supposed to fall in love. You are busy leading, being a leader. Don't get distracted. So she tries to break them up, right? But it only makes Nero and Actes bond stronger. So when that doesn't work, Agrippina does something diabolical. She decides to start sweet-talking her stepson, Protopinus.

Britannicus. So she's going to Britannicus and like, oh, you're my favorite. Britannicus is Nero's like enemy. He doesn't like that guy. So when he sees his mom like now liking him, it makes him mad. I mean, I guess...

in Agrippina's mind, if she can't control Nero, she can just replace him with Britannicus. You know, he's 13. He could be easier to manipulate. Just do it again. But Nero catches on to what she's doing. He realizes that his own mother might actually be a threat to his power. So,

So one night, Nero invites everyone to dinner. Britannicus is there, along with a bunch of high society Romans. Everything's normal. Everyone's eating, everyone's drinking, everyone's talking. Then all of a sudden, Britannicus takes a sip of his wine and then starts gasping for air. I don't know, very dramatic. Is he putting on a show? Well, he collapses. He starts to like...

convulse on the ground. And like, what the hell's going on? Everyone's just kind of frozen, I guess. And Nero shrugs and is like, don't worry, guys. It happens all the time. It's just his epilepsy. Well, Britannicus is having a whole moment and everyone's like not helping him. I don't know. But then Britannicus dies. Dinner and a show, I say. Yeah.

But then Nero, I guess at this moment, just dabs his mouth with this napkin.

and then leaves, which made it crystal clear to everyone in the room, don't fuck with Nero. Well, I'm sure after that dinner, everyone just kind of shut up and is kind of scared. I don't know. Did he kill him? Many believe. We don't know. But at this point, the public is, I guess, still hopeful. They're not seeing what's going on behind closed doors, you know, but the people closest to Nero, they start to notice like little weird things. Like he's, something's going on with this guy.

He was all of a sudden like impulsive. He was having some major mood swings. I mean, at the end of the day, he's a teenager. So, okay. But, you know, they didn't like that. Nero had always loved singing and dancing and acting. But he was starting to get obsessed with the idea of being a performer. Like, he really thought he was going to be, he was like the most talented person in the whole world, you know? And he was God's gift to everyone. He's like, watch me dance. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.

And everyone's just like, "Oh my God, wow, you're so good." Like, oh my God. You know when you're a teenager and you're just trying to figure out who you are and what you're doing? Nero's going through that. He starts dressing up in different costumes. He's running off. He's disappearing at night. No one knows where he's at. He's starting to race chariots. I don't know. What's he doing?

He's not even wearing a helmet. He was just like in his bad boy little teenage era. And he didn't really care what anyone thought. If someone tried to tell him like not to do it, he would just give him that look like, "I'm gonna kill you. Give you the botanicus treatment."

You want that? Meanwhile, Agrippina has gone from powerful to paranoid. I mean, she taught Nero everything about how to rise to power, and now she knows exactly how he might take her down. Poison. Aqua Topa.

Now, according to experts, Nero tried to poison his mom three different times, but somehow she always kind of knew what he was up to. And she would take an antidote in advance. Some scholars say this is because she poisoned so many people. So like she was always expecting to be poisoned or she intentionally like built up an immunity to poison, which is kind of wild.

But okay. Nero is, he's trying to get rid of his mom and he's realizing this whole poison thing isn't really working out for him. So he's like, I gotta get a little creative, channel my art side. You know, like if I'm gonna kill my mom, I gotta have a little bit more fun with it and like really just catch her off guard. So when the poison didn't work, Nero came up with like a little idea to have ceiling tiles fall on her head when she's sleeping.

You know, those things are pretty heavy, right? That'll knock her out. But it didn't work. So he gets back to the drawing board and he's like, what if I built a boat? Not just any boat, but like a boat that would collapse when you're out on like the water and like it would like collapse and you die. That'd be kind of sick. So he draws up like this boat, you know, a collapsing death boat.

He's called it Titanic. But I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. That's not funny. Nero, he secretly has this boat like made and whatever, right? These people work on it. He's like, so you're gonna make this boat, but it's like gonna collapse. Isn't that cool? Okay, great. So these guys, they make this boat and the whole point of this boat, if I say boat one more time, but the whole point of this boat is that it's designed to fall apart mid-sail.

She can't get out of that. In the middle of the ocean? Nah, she's gonna be stuck. And he really thought this was gonna be it. Like he was gonna get her with his boat. So she got on board.

She's like, oh my god, like where are we going? This is so crazy. Like we're just gonna go on like a nice like Sunday cruise. I love it. She gets on the boat. They take off and they're out on sea and then the boat collapsed exactly the way Nero wanted to. So the people on the boat, they didn't know about this little collapsing situation. So everyone is panicking. Crew members drown. But Agrippina, she's like, oh hell no. Like I'm not going down like this.

So she ends up diving into the water and in full Roman robes, she swims, right? She swims and then she's able to like get back to shore. She is unkillable, this woman. Could you imagine how heavy those clothes must have been though? The adrenaline must have been pumping. She did not, she was not going to die. Okay. She's like, you are not going to kill me, bitch. So she swims all the way to shore. And when people see her and they hear about the crash, they're like, oh my God, girl, like what happened?

That was crazy, I watched. But Agrippina, she stayed calm and she tells the people like, it was just like a freak accident, I don't know. But like secretly, I think she knew. She knew it was up. Well, word gets back to Nero that his mom survived and he's like, what the...

What? He tried to poison her. He tried to drop tiles on her head. He tried to drown her in a collapsing boat. He's like, what the? Like, what? I am out of ideas. So he's realizing he needs to stop making things so complicated and crafty and just like get the job done. So Nero just tells a couple of the guys that work for him, some soldiers. He's like, look, go get Agrippina and kill her. Okay. Find her and just kill her. Like I'm done doing my little magic tricks. Just kill her.

So these soldiers, they go out, they find her. She knows it's over and she knows exactly who sent them. Legend has it, or the story goes, that her last words were something like, strike my womb first. Like stab me here because that's where I created my monster son. And so they were like, okay. And they did. Right in the...

The womb. She is stabbed, but then she's stabbed to death. Very dramatic. I'm sure very messy. Very Roman. Now, when word gets back to Nero that his mom died, he's like, what? No, that's crazy. What's for lunch? He's like pretending to be all shocked. Oh, that's so great. What?

He gives out a speech saying like, "I can't believe this terrible tragedy has occurred. Who could have done such a thing?" So yeah, he's putting on a whole performance, very overdramatic, but okay, you know? But behind closed doors, Nero kind of

kind of spirals. You know, I don't really think he fully thought this through. He doesn't have a mom, dad, uncle, cousin. He doesn't have a stepbrother, cousin. You know, he has no one. He's 21 and he's all alone. All of his family's gone. And even though Agrippina was sketchy, you know, and like just a lot, she was still his mom. She was always the one who was like fighting for him, giving him advice, you

getting him to the top, hyping him up. You know, it was a lot, you know, and now that was gone. And I think now he's realizing like, okay, I got rid of my mom, but like,

Oops, I didn't really think this through, you know? So he's kind of just like going through grieving, you could say. Regret, consequences of his actions. He made choices and now he's dealing with them. So at this point, I guess he was drinking a lot. He was getting really paranoid. It was said that he was having nightmares about his mom, like she was haunting him. Then it was said Nero would like,

kind of talk to statues. He would wander the streets in disguise. He would get into fights with strangers. He was lost. I mean, how would he ever recover from this? He was thinking, this is going to ruin the tour. The world tour. But,

This is kind of like a big turning point in his life and his story. And if this were a movie, this would be like that something switched in his head. Like for the first time, Nero was like fully free. He'd been told what to do his entire life. And now he could do whatever the hell he wanted. So yesterday I was doing my laundry and I was like, I'm bored. You know, which is sad. Is it?

It is. And I didn't want TV. I don't want TV. So then I was like, hey, what about Audible? Let me pop on over onto Audible and see what's going on over there. I mean, Audible is a leading audio storytelling platform that offers thousands of audiobooks, exclusive originals, podcasts, and more. Plus, it's all in one easy-to-use app.

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Within like five minutes, I was in. I was in gasping, pacing, fully immersed. So if you're ready to like escape into something juicy, terrifying, or unhinged, it's time to try out Audible. And guess what? Your first audio book is free. Start listening and discover what's beyond the edge of your seat.

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So Nero is in his 20s and he already killed his 13 year old stepbrother and now his own mother. Wow. He's done a lot of things. And everyone around him is too terrified to tell him no. He can finally do like what he always wanted. Perform full time.

Yeah, he starts putting on all these shows in public, which at the time was extremely scandalous. Yeah, I guess Rome was filled with singers and dancers and musicians, but you know, they were considered like low class. So now like, what's he doing? High class Romans just didn't do that. Not to mention the emperor. But Nero doesn't care.

You know, he just wanted to perform. He starts reenacting like Greek tragedies where he plays everyone, every character.

The men, the women, the gods. It's a one-man show. And I guess his shows, his performances were known to go on for hours, sometimes even days. And once these shows started, no one was allowed to leave. I mean, Nero thought he was like a gift to the people. So it was considered extremely rude to leave, walk away, not engage, not watch. How dare ye?

I don't think they said "yee" in Roman time, but... So if you were like, let's say you were pregnant, your water broke, well, you would go into labor right there in the audience, in the theater. You couldn't leave. There were soldiers that were stationed at the exits to keep everyone inside. Yeah.

It's given North Korea for sure. And when Rome isn't enough, he takes the show on the road. He literally goes on tour through Greece. He competes in the Olympics. Even though he wasn't like athletic at all, he didn't. He played no sports. Did I mention sports at any point in this episode so far? No, because he didn't play anything. He didn't do anything, but he still competed in the Olympics. Why? Because he's annoying.

That's why. He just couldn't do anything. No one's gonna tell him no. And it didn't even matter because everything he did, he would still win. You know, even if he lost, he would win. He would go on to quote unquote win a chariot race after literally falling out of the chariot and not even finishing. But everyone still was like, wow, bro, you nailed it. Like, wow, you're so good. I wish I was just like you. That's crazy. You're so good. Please don't kill me.

Please. So Nero is doing all this stuff. He's winning everything. He's performing. He's making everyone watch. But, you know, his love life, his love life was also a mess. He was still technically married to his cousin, Claudia, but they weren't close at all. I don't even know where she was. She was just off somewhere. I don't know.

I don't know what she was doing. I don't know where she was. I don't know. Well, that doesn't mean Nero didn't want love. He still wanted love. And it's believed that he started having an affair with a woman named Papaya Sabina. Papaya Sabina was like the total opposite of his goody two-shoes cousin wife, Claudia. Papaya was glamorous. She was ambitious.

She was not his cousin. And according to most Roman sources, she was a master manipulator. I guess everyone knew she was sketchy,

Sounds like his mom. Kind of, huh? But the problem was, like, he was technically still married, you know? And the Roman people, they loved Claudia. I don't know why. I'm sorry, Claudia. I'm sure you did great things. So when the rumors started that Nero was sleeping around with Papaya, people were pissed. They saw Papaya as a gold digger and a schemer. Nero knew that, like, he had to cover his back. So he decides...

I'm going to throw my cousin wife under the bus. So he goes out publicly and he's like, guess what? She cheated on me. Mm-hmm. She's been cheating on me this whole time. And then he takes it a step further. He tells the people that Claudia, she can't even have kids. Ooh.

Like this is a big deal because that meant like she couldn't give him an heir to the throne. So this was pretty scandalous. So he's making all these wild accusations and now that it's out to the public and people are kind of like confused or whatever, like is she cheating? She can't have kids. Oh my God, what? Like that's crazy. Nero then divorces her. Yep. And he's like, well...

She's a hoe. And the public lost their minds. This is like when Charles cheated on Diana with Camilla. It's very that. People made t-shirts. I'm team Claudia. I'm team papaya, whatever. I'm team no one. Oh.

So there were protests in the streets. Papaya knew like she would never truly be safe if Claudia was still alive. So she pushes Nero to get Claudia out of the picture. At first, Nero exiles Claudia to show his lover Papaya that he was serious about her, but that wasn't enough, right? She wanted more. She was just as crazy as Nero and she wanted Claudia out of the picture for good. So she tells Nero that Claudia is a threat

And she somehow convinces him that this is true. I don't know, it doesn't seem like Nero needed much convincing like to kill someone, honestly. So Nero ends up sending his soldiers after Claudia to kill her. Nero wanted Claudia's death to look like a suicide. And just because they were married a long time doesn't mean like, you know, he was gonna take it easier on her.

He made his men tie her up and made it look like she ended her own life, like dying in a hot tub. And then just to really make sure that she was dead, they cut her head off because that's exactly what someone does when they're going to kill themselves. They cut their heads off. I feel like the story made sense until they cut her head off. Now it doesn't really look like she killed herself.

Kind of goes against that, but okay, they did it. They did it because they were going to take her head back to, you know, Papaya as proof that they killed her. Well, they didn't have pictures or anything back then. They could have sketched it. See, we killed her. So there's a sketch of it, of the crime scene. But they wanted the head.

Papaya's like, "Oh, he does love me." It was like the diamond engagement ring, but in a head form. "He really loves me." As soon as she got Claudia's head in a bag, she said, "Let's do this. Let's get married." And they did. They got married. Wow, what a love story.

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In the year 64 AD, a fire breaks out in Rome. And not just any fire, it's real bad, okay? It rages for days. Whole neighborhoods burn to the ground. People are homeless. Businesses are destroyed. It was bad. Many say that Nero was out of town at the time of the fire and had nothing to do with it. But still rumors started circulating. People were saying that he actually set the fires.

Others said that it was all just like some kind of scheme to like make room for a new palace. Some even said that Nero played the fiddle on his roof and watched the city burn. You know, it's like those, I'm thinking of like those emo songs. Was that? Nevermind. Or that Usher song. Let it burn, let it burn.

Either way, his reputation was on the line. People wanted someone to blame for all the destruction, the chaos, all of it. And Nero sure as hell didn't want it to be him. So he needed a scapegoat. So he's like looking around like, who can I blame? I killed everyone that I could blame this on. Um, you.

He picks this like newish religious group at the time, and they were considered kind of weird to the Roman public, the Christians. He was like, I'm gonna blame it on you. He blames the whole fire on them. He even starts rounding up anyone who claimed to be Christian, and he tortured them, and he burned them alive. And he ended up turning this mass murder into a show.

He would round up anyone who considered themselves to be a Christian. He forced them into a giant arena. And then he released like wild animals into the arena to eat them, attack them. You know, it wasn't great. It was brutal. Some records say that at least 900 people were killed by Nero at this time. Nero had a very short fuse and was violent, violent.

with just about everyone. You know, you just want an excuse to kill, I guess. I'm not sure. Including his second wife, Papaya. Well, it was said that the next year, like, you know, it started off cute, and then, but Nero started to show his true self. He lost his temper. It was said that he kicked Papaya in the stomach, and at the time, she was pregnant. So he kicks her in the stomach, and a few days later, she ends up dying.

What kind of kick was that? My God. So he kills her.

But I don't think that was his goal. I think he just really wanted to hurt her, right? So when she did die, he was actually really upset about it. He was devastated. Yeah, you little shit. So he embalmed her body with rare spices. He gave her a lavish funeral. And it was said that he was just a total wreck afterwards. Well, maybe you shouldn't have tried to kill your wife. I don't know. It was a lot. So he's really upset.

Time is going on. People around him are starting to get worried because, you know, he just, he couldn't move past Papaya's death. They're like, bro, get it together. Everyone dies here. They don't even last like 20 years if they're lucky. It doesn't matter. It was the love of his life. So what does he do? What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? Well, at this time, Nero, he looks around.

And he finds a young boy named Sporus. Now, at this time, Sporus was a slave, probably a younger teenager. But if Nero squint, if he like squinted his eyes, he was like, you kind of look like papaya. It's crazy. According to Nero, this little boy looked a lot like papaya.

You know, he's like, whoa, I'm in love. She's still alive. So this is where he kind of takes it up a notch. Well, he's taken it up a lot of notches, but this is another notch that is up. He decides to have Sporus castrated. Yeah, he makes him into a eunuch. I'm not making this up. It sounds fake, but it's real. He gives Sporus makeup, dresses, and whatever else he needs to look exactly like his dead wife.

Then, in a full-on public ceremony, Nero marries him. Yeah, they actually get married. Nero instructed the wedding to be treated like as a real Roman marriage ceremony, complete with like a public celebration.

Nero as the groom and Sporus dressed as his Roman bride in a veil, a gown, all of it. I know. I would like to hear Sporus' side of the story here. Poor kid.

What the hell? From that point on, Nero takes Sporus with him everywhere. They're married. That's his wife. And you will not question anything about it. That is his wife. So Sporus came with him to public events, sat next to Nero at banquets, traveled with him, and appeared at ceremonies in full looks.

You know? Everyone was told to call Sporus Sabina after Papaya, her last name Sabina. And you had to refer to him as Nero's wife. Because if you didn't, I'll fucking kill you. So once again, the theme of Nero's life was like, no one told him no. So this whole thing kind of works for a little bit. I don't know how, but it does. You know, at the end of the day, it was like a band-aid over his pain. But as Nero settles into his life with his new wife, Leia,

his paranoia starts to bubble up. Nero starts to think that everyone was plotting against him. So he does what any unstable emperor might do. He starts purging. He gets rid of senators, generals, former allies. Anyone who looked at him funny

or anything was accused of like treason and then violently executed. Then Nero starts seizing property. He starts hiking up taxes. He starts going after rich families and people start wondering like, is he good?

Like, is this guy even fit to rule? Yeah, once you start messing with the rich families, huh? That's when people start to question it. Not all the murders and all that, no. Well, even his friends. Oh, he had friends? Good to know. Even those closest to him. Some he would call his friends. They start to turn on him. So, finally, in the year 68 AD, someone decides to do something. A politician named Julius Windex decides enough is enough.

I know Windex. I was like, I love that window cleaner. It's so good. Right? His name is Windex. Named after him. It's not, but I like to think it is. It kind of is when you think about it because this Windex guy, he comes in and like calls Nero out and like cleans up his mess. Like the window cleaner. Okay. Okay.

But this Windex guy puts his neck on the line and publicly declares that Nero is a disgrace to Rome, which no one did at this time. Okay, so this guy was brave. People were like, "You really want to do that? Okay, all right." And Mr. Windex, he publicly nominates another politician to take over the throne. So the Senate agrees with Mr. Windex and makes a huge move. They declare Nero a public enemy.

Now, essentially, when someone declares you a public enemy, you're done. Anyone can kill you, no questions asked. When Nero hears this, he realizes his time is up. So a few of his servants, and I'm assuming his lover, they're hiding out in like a villa on the outskirts of Rome. Morale is low.

Nero is asking his servants if he should flee to the east, maybe start a new career. You know, he could dye his hair, he could be an actor, he can get a flute and play the flute. A kid just like, "I don't know, what do I do?" But at this point, no one really, everyone's like, "Dude, it's over." And then they get a message. The Senate has officially ordered Nero's execution.

They were planning to take Nero in public, strip him naked, and beat him to death. The Senate soldiers were on their way. So Nero is having dinner when he hears this news and he absolutely loses it. I mean...

He crashes out completely. He ripped up the bad news scrolls. He flips the table. He smashed his two favorite cups. Everyone kind of low-key expected him to kind of like, you know, end his life. It was seen as like the honorable way out of a terrible situation this time in Rome, especially because he'd already been given a death sentence. So they're like, oh, he's probably just gonna Epstein himself. But things got pretty awkward because Nero, he didn't want to die.

He's like his mom. In the middle of the night, Nero, he wakes up and realizes that he is alone.

Everyone had left. His guards, his friends, his lover, his servants. And the walls were closing in. You know, he's feeling desperate. So Nero starts running around the villa screaming that he needs someone to volunteer to kill him because he didn't want to do it himself. Apparently he screamed, have I neither friend nor foe? No, Nero, none. You have friend nor foe.

I love that someone was around to write this down, this quote, but didn't volunteer. I don't want to kill you. I don't want to kill someone. No, but I'll write down this quote. Iconic. Okay, so no one wants to kill him and he's not, he doesn't want to do it himself. He doesn't want to. He's scared. So Nero is alone and he hears the soldiers coming. It's all dramatic, right? And then it's

It's said that he quoted Homer very dramatically and goes, the sound of swift horses strikes my ears. I imagine that's how he said it. And then he takes like a knife and he stabs himself in the neck. What's funny is that at the exact moment that he stabbed himself, a Roman guard had busted in and was like, wait, I'm here to save you. But it was too late. He's like, oh shit. Oh, shit.

Yeah. Apparently Nero's last words were, "What an artist dies in me." I don't know what the fuck he's talking about. He should have asked for forgiveness, okay? When Nero died, he was 30 years old and he was the last emperor of the Julio-Claudian dynasty.

which was basically the first royal family of Rome. It ended the dynasty of Caesar and Caligula and tons of other famous emperors. It was over, it was done. Honestly, I think Nero would be happy to know that his death threw Rome into total chaos. He sparked a crazy power struggle so intense that the next year became known as the Year of the Four Emperors.

There was also like rumors going around conspiracy theories that Nero wasn't really dead. You know, that he went to like Cuba or whatever. And he was actually going to come back and seize the throne at any moment. You know, those conspiracy theories. All the time. It happens all the time, right? They're never dead, are they? And to this day, I mean, people still talk about him. His story lives on. And I think that's all he would have cared about. So...

What a journey, huh? What did we learn today, kids? Don't marry your cousin, uncle, sister, brother. Like, what the fuck, you know? Nero was like the blueprint for unhinged dictators everywhere. He turned paranoia into politics, performance into power, and his own ego into a state religion. Even when everything was collapsing around him, he believed he was a gift from God.

You know, gods and the best artists the world had ever seen. Yeah. What is that, huh? I don't know. You know what's kind of interesting, though? That he was like this big performer and loved being on stage. And when you look at like Mussolini, who we've talked about, he loved writing romance novels. Also an artiste.

Hitler allegedly was a painter. So maybe the lesson here is that we need to fund the arts. Prevent the dictators, huh? If you just let them paint, let them write a romance novel. 'Cause when you don't, look what happens. They take over and they just go psycho.

Give him the paintbrush. It's okay here. I don't want you to be a psycho dictator. That's what I was thinking, you know? And also, more people just need to hear the word no. Because when you think about it, Nero was never told no. A lot of the dictators we've talked about were never told no. He wasn't stopped until Mr. Windex stuck his neck out and decided enough was enough. Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.

Right? Yeah. More people need to be like, uh, no, that's a bad idea. Maybe don't like kill your mom. Just thought I should say that. You know. In our next episode, we're diving deep into a phenomenon that used to be so fringe and strange that you never saw it outside of a circus. And even though it's completely mainstream today, there was once a time when everyone who practiced it was labeled a freak. Today.

Today, it's a billion-dollar industry with protein powders, gym selfies, and motivational quotes slapped on tank tops. What happened between then and now? Who were the people who changed everything? How did we go from sideshow to liver king? Tune in next week for the sweaty, sexy, and strange history of bodybuilding.

By the way, we're dark next week, so there won't be a new upload, but we will be back on July 9th. Well, I'd love to hear your guys' reactions to today's story. Let me know down below. What do you have to say? Tell me. Make sure to leave a comment so I can see what you guys are saying. And then your comment might even be featured in a future episode. Oh, the comment section on this video is going to be a good one. Now let's read a couple of comments that you guys have left.

left me in previous episodes. VA1445 left us a comment saying, congrats on the webby, well-deserved. I have loved every Dark History episode. You and your team do such a great job. Thank you so much. I know, I was really excited. I just want to take this moment and say thank you so much. I can't believe we won. It was very exciting to find out. I gave a little acceptance speech earlier

Let me give you a little like a little tea here. So the Webby people, they were like, you can give an acceptance speech, but it could only be five words. I was like, five words? What do you mean? I won. Don't I get to say a little bit more? So now I was sitting here thinking five words. Thank you so much, everyone.

That's so boring. But yeah, I was like, that's kind of rude, but okay. Anyways, but I don't wanna, I'm still thankful. Very thankful. We work very, very hard here at Dark History. So to just be recognized and acknowledged is huge. It's very exciting. But thank you so much for listening and watching. And we just appreciate you guys so much. It means a lot.

I've learned so much. The user OhWelp left a comment on our Mussolini episode saying, when I was 16, I bought a pet betta fish from the pet store. I named him Mussolini. He lived for five years. I miss him. All right. Well, I'm happy you had that fish. Um...

Sad that he died, I hope. Did you flush him? Or did you bury him? Or did you hang him up like they did with Mussolini and beat him with a stick? Let me know. Anyways, I hope you have a good day and I hope you have a new fish. There's lots of other names you could pick. Pepperoni is a good name for a fish. Greta is a great name. How about Debbie? Love that name for a fish.

Okay, sorry, free fish. Danielle Messenger 4822 left us an episode suggestion. Being from Mass, I want a dark history on the witch trials. So funny you say that, Danielle. I was like, how have we not done an episode on the witch trials? We've kind of lightly touched on it, but we're definitely brewing something up on that topic right now. Yeah. Yeah.

Anyways, thanks for the suggestion and don't you worry, it's coming. Thank you guys so much for watching and hanging out with me. Keep on commenting because maybe you'll be featured, maybe you won't, but maybe you will. Did you know you can also join me over on my YouTube where you can actually watch these episodes on Thursday after the podcast airs and you can see how cute we all look 'cause we're all matching today and I didn't even acknowledge that. We look so good.

Everyone's dressed up. We dress... Anyways, you should come check it out. And while you're there, you can also catch my murder mystery and makeup. Don't forget to subscribe. And hey, if you don't know, Dark History is an Audioboom original. A special thank you to our expert, Dr. Dustin Cranford. And I'm your host, Bailey Sarian. I hope you have a good day. You make good choices. Don't marry your cousin. And I'll talk to you guys later. Goodbye!

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