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cover of episode Grief Expert: Why Grief Demands a Witness (With David Kessler)

Grief Expert: Why Grief Demands a Witness (With David Kessler)

2024/12/23
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The Dr. John Delony Show

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David Kessler
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John Deloney
以真实和同情心著称的播客主持人和心理咨询师,专注于关系和心理健康挑战。
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John Deloney: 悲伤没有时间表,重要的是陪伴和见证悲伤的过程。我们需要正视并讨论悲伤,因为它影响着每个人。我们生活在一个对悲伤缺乏了解的世界,需要更多地关注悲伤的见证和处理。悲伤需要见证者,倾听和分享故事是重要的疗愈方式。线上和线下悲伤支持群体的区别,以及线上群体是否有效。悲伤是普遍存在的,即使在偏远地区的人们也能感受到这种连接。面对悲伤时,寻求多种支持是必要的,包括教会团体、线上群体、咨询师和牧师等。在悲伤中,人们需要群体支持,而不仅仅是专业帮助。 David Kessler: 悲伤没有时间表,重要的是陪伴和支持。在经历悲伤后,人们可能无法记住当时的谈话内容,但重要的是记住自己曾经呼吸过。要理解并处理“这并不公平”的情绪。面对无法理解的悲剧,需要理解其非个人性质,并允许自己表达情绪。允许自己表达愤怒等负面情绪,是悲伤疗愈过程中的重要一步。悲剧的发生并非总是具有个人针对性,重要的是接受生活中的损失和悲剧。在经历悲剧后,我们有权选择自己的故事,并从中获得力量。在经历创伤后,选择如何生活很重要,避免每天重温痛苦。库伯勒-罗斯的五个阶段模型并非线性的,悲伤的体验是多元的。学术研究有时忽略了悲伤者真实的感受和需求。悲伤者并不需要遵循特定的悲伤模型,重要的是倾听和理解他们的感受。意义并非来源于外部事件,而是来源于我们对事件的回应和行动。接纳是一个持续的过程,而非单一事件。悲伤和成长是一个持续变化的过程。悲伤可能被延迟,但不能被根除。仪式和标记在悲伤的处理中扮演着重要角色。我们需要更好地教育孩子如何处理悲伤,从小开始。参与到悲伤的仪式中,能够帮助孩子更好地理解和处理悲伤。告别仪式是表达爱的方式之一。即使是多次经历悲伤,也不存在悲伤等级之分,每一种悲伤都是真实的。现代社会中,我们丧失了与悲伤进行身体和情感互动的方式。我们所悲伤的是我们希望成为现实却未能实现的理想状态。要放下“专家”的形象,以真挚的态度与悲伤者连接。放下防御机制,以真我面目示人,才能更好地与他人建立连接。原谅是一个持续的练习,而非单一事件。如何处理“移情性反刍”,即不断重温过去痛苦的经历。

Deep Dive

Key Insights

Why is it important for grief to have a witness?

Grief demands a witness because it is a universal human need to share our stories and be heard. Every civilization and faith community has had moments where people gather to listen to each other's stories, providing a space for healing and support.

Why does David Kessler believe that online grief communities can be effective?

David Kessler believes that online grief communities can be effective because they allow people to connect and share their stories, even if they are geographically distant. Emotions can be conveyed through expressions and words, and the anonymity of the online space can provide a safe environment for people to open up.

Why is there no timeline in grief?

There is no timeline in grief because everyone processes loss differently. While some may need immediate support, others may take years to come to terms with their loss. The key is to be present and compassionate, whether it's a week, a month, or several years after the loss.

Why is it important to address the 'it's not fair' moment in grief?

Addressing the 'it's not fair' moment in grief is important because it helps individuals confront the unfairness and anger they feel. By acknowledging and expressing these emotions, people can begin to find a path to healing and acceptance.

Why does David Kessler emphasize the importance of markers and ceremonies in grief?

David Kessler emphasizes the importance of markers and ceremonies in grief because they provide a structured way to say goodbye and express love. These rituals help individuals and communities process their emotions and create meaningful memories, which can aid in the healing process.

Why is it important to teach children about loss and grief?

It is important to teach children about loss and grief because they will inevitably face it in their lives. By providing them with the tools to understand and process loss, we help them develop resilience and emotional intelligence, which are crucial for their overall well-being.

Why does David Kessler believe that emotions need motion?

David Kessler believes that emotions need motion because physical activity, such as walking, can help process and release emotional pain. Movement can be a powerful tool for healing and can help individuals manage their grief more effectively.

Why is it important to control our thoughts after a traumatic event?

Controlling our thoughts after a traumatic event is important because while we cannot control the initial images and memories that pop up, we can control how long we linger on them. By focusing on positive memories and practicing mindfulness, we can reduce the impact of traumatic thoughts and move towards healing.

Why is it crucial to find meaning in grief?

Finding meaning in grief is crucial because it helps individuals move beyond victimization and find a path forward. By focusing on what they can do next and creating a new narrative, people can transform their pain into a source of strength and growth.

Chapters
David Kessler, a grief expert, emphasizes that grief has no timeline. He discusses the importance of witnessing and validating others' grief, regardless of how long it has been since the loss. He highlights the role of compassion and support in navigating grief.
  • Grief has no timeline.
  • Witnessing and validating others' grief is crucial.
  • Compassionate support is vital in navigating grief.

Shownotes Transcript

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In this episode, John interviews grief expert David Kessler about how to address grief and process emotions on your own timeline.

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