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cover of episode I Love My Wife, but I Don’t Want to Be Around Her

I Love My Wife, but I Don’t Want to Be Around Her

2025/1/13
logo of podcast The Dr. John Delony Show

The Dr. John Delony Show

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A
Alan
C
Charmaine
J
John Deloney
以真实和同情心著称的播客主持人和心理咨询师,专注于关系和心理健康挑战。
T
Tyler
如何处理负资产汽车贷款的几种策略和挑战。
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John Deloney: 我在节目中与来宾Tyler讨论了他与妻子之间的问题。他表示对妻子感到不舒服,甚至厌恶她待过的房间。这反映了他们之间严重的沟通问题和缺乏友谊。我引导他诚实面对问题,并探讨了他们婚姻中缺乏友谊的根源。我指出,婚姻中最重要的特质是友谊,而现在Tyler和妻子之间缺乏友谊。 我深入探讨了他们婚姻中存在的问题,包括妻子对他的不友好态度、辱骂和侮辱,以及妻子在婚前和婚后的一些行为,例如性侵犯。我指出,这些行为严重伤害了Tyler,并且他寻求帮助时却得到了错误的建议。 我建议Tyler处理自己的创伤,并设定界限,如果妻子继续伤害他,他就要离开这段婚姻。我强调,原谅并不意味着忘记或忽视伤害,他需要处理自己的创伤,才能获得内心的平静和安全感。我建议他寻求专业的心理咨询,找到内心的平静和安全感,并确保自己和孩子的安全,与妻子建立真正的友谊。 Tyler: 我和妻子结婚18年,育有四个孩子。过去七年,我对妻子失去了爱意,不再享受和她共处时光。我甚至对妻子待过的房间感到厌恶。 我妻子待我不友好,经常辱骂和侮辱我,这反映了她对我的真实感受。她以贬低我的方式回应我雇佣员工的想法,这让我感到很受伤。 我们之间缺乏友谊,这让我感到痛苦。我们大学时期相识,当时我对神学还不成熟,我们试图在婚前保持纯洁,但我们过早地透露了彼此的性史,我感觉无法和她分手。 婚前,她曾性侵犯我,但我当时愤怒却记不清原因,寻求帮助时却被建议原谅她并假装没发生过。结婚后,她经常无缘无故地发脾气。我们咨询了三个婚姻顾问,但都没有得到有效的帮助。教会的建议是丈夫应该承担妻子的问题,并让她快乐,这让我感到无力。 我尝试和妻子进行坦诚的沟通,但她反应激烈。我意识到她心理可能不稳定或极度具有操控性。虽然她有所改变,但仍然存在心理问题。我们之间的关系并非真正的友谊,而是回避和避免冲突。 我需要思考自己真正想要什么,并明确表达自己的界限。如果她继续伤害我,我就要离开这段婚姻。我需要处理自己的创伤,而不是让过去影响现在。我需要寻求专业的心理咨询,找到内心的平静和安全感,并确保自己和孩子的安全,与妻子建立真正的友谊。

Deep Dive

Key Insights

Why does Tyler feel uncomfortable around his wife despite loving her?

Tyler feels uncomfortable around his wife because she has a history of being unkind to him, calling him names, and insulting him. Her behavior, such as calling him lazy when he suggested hiring help for his business, has deeply hurt him and eroded their friendship.

What traumatic event in Tyler's past significantly impacted his marriage?

Tyler revealed that his wife sexually assaulted him during their college years. This event, along with poor advice from a mentor to forgive and forget, left lasting emotional scars and contributed to the strain in their relationship.

What advice did Dr. John Delony give to Tyler about his marriage?

Dr. John Delony advised Tyler to seek professional counseling to address his unresolved trauma and establish clear boundaries with his wife. He emphasized the importance of safety and friendship in a marriage and encouraged Tyler to focus on building a peaceful and secure future.

How did Charmaine lose 100 pounds, and what challenges did she face?

Charmaine lost 100 pounds over two and a half years by focusing on sustainable lifestyle changes and addressing the emotional roots of her eating habits. She faced challenges such as family criticism, loneliness, and the physical demands of her journey, including walking in harsh weather conditions.

Why does Charmaine still struggle with self-love after her weight loss?

Charmaine struggles with self-love because she feels disconnected from her new identity and is unsure how to replace the negative self-narratives she carried for years. She is grappling with the cognitive dissonance of seeing herself differently after such a significant transformation.

What advice did Dr. John Delony give to Charmaine about her journey?

Dr. John Delony encouraged Charmaine to embrace her newfound freedom and define her identity on her own terms. He advised her to explore new adventures, let go of toxic relationships, and practice self-affirmation through activities like writing letters to her future self.

What challenges is Alan facing after losing his job twice?

Alan is struggling with feelings of failure and insecurity after losing two IT jobs in quick succession. He is also dealing with the added pressure of his wife being pregnant, which has intensified his fear of not being able to provide for his family.

What steps did Dr. John Delony recommend for Alan to regain confidence?

Dr. John Delony advised Alan to take practical steps such as exercising, limiting screen time, and finding work, even if it’s not in his field. He also encouraged Alan to write a letter to his future child, outlining his plans to overcome his challenges and build a better future.

Shownotes Transcript

📱Early access: Watch episodes of *The Dr. John Delony Show *one week early—download the free Ramsey Network app today)!

On today’s episode, we hear about:

·      A husband struggling to feel attracted to his wife

·      A woman who still doesn’t like herself after losing 100 pounds

·      A man trying to regain confidence after multiple job losses

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