Deep Dive
Shownotes Transcript
This episode of I've Had It is brought to you by the new L'Oreal Paris Bright Reveal Dark Spot Serum and Broad Spectrum SPF 50 Daily Lotion. Dark spots, game over. So are we supposed to start the podcast? Ready? One, two, three.
Nailed it. You know, listener, when you can nail a clap at the advanced age that pumps is. Not to mention the sagging dragons in the way. I mean, you just don't even know. It's hashtag blessed. Hashtag winning. Hashtag podcast family. Hashtag AARP clapping. AARP clapping. As sadly as that is, that's true. Pumps. What have you had it with?
Oh my gosh, what I have had it with is women that take so long in the bathroom. It is ridiculous. It's unnecessary. I was at a football game last weekend and I was standing in line and it was a one-holder. And this woman, there was a little line, the girl in front of the girl that I was behind, went in, she was in there maybe a minute and a half, came right out. No problem. This girl goes in and it's like,
seven minutes. This is after I start notching on my watch how long she's been in there. My friends are across the restaurant. They're like, what is going on in the bathroom? I'm like, I don't know. I mean, we're like yelling this across the restroom and they're all like, oh gosh, it's going to be bad. It's going to be bad. So one of her friends came over and knocked on the door because I think she heard my friends and I being like, what's going down in the bathroom? This is way too long in a public one-holer.
And she comes out and I knew it was going to stink, but it didn't. I think she was maybe intoxicated because she was having a little struggling, a little walking. But the point is, even drunk, you can pee within a minute. Let's talk about the options of what she could have been doing in the restroom. Masturbating. That was my first thought. Masturbating would be number one. Pooping. Cocaine.
Yeah, she didn't look like cocaine, but that's definitely one. She could have been doing some cocaine. Yeah. She could have an OnlyFans account and she could have had a customer and wherein she had to do a performance. Oh my gosh, that's a great one I didn't think of. Yeah. Obviously, she could have been taking a shit. Right. But there was no smell. Praise the Lord. I was bracing for it because I thought you can't be in the bathroom. Nine minutes. And then I think sadly and probably the most plausible answer is
She's jacking around with her phone with a breathtaking lack of self-awareness or selflessness.
Because you need to speed it up, especially when there's a line in public restrooms. And women, I love you. I'm all for women empowerment. But one way we can empower each other is to be more efficient in the restrooms because the men, they get in and out quickly. In and out, in and out. But I mean, it just, it floors me when it takes a female role.
more than a couple minutes to pee. I mean, we're not doing a get ready with shame there. Me, I'm on a catsuit.
No, it was. I looked to see if she had to like re put herself back in a jumpsuit or something. She didn't. This was just slow as fuck. I've had it with that. Was she apologetic? No. Was there an awareness when she came out? Like zero awareness. Now her friends were aware because they were skirting her out. But I think maybe she was kind of glazed over. Like I don't think she was in her top form when she came out. So maybe the cocaine is right. Yeah.
I mean, I think that probably would have perked her up. But I mean, I think it's possible she was masturbating for her OnlyFans account. Yeah.
And that's what I think we should go with. I think so too. Made a quick 300 bucks while she was in the bathroom at a one-holer in a public place. It's kind of high risk. So maybe that's what, I mean, people might like that. Maybe her clientele is into that like public restroom masturbation. Right. And here it goes again, where we devolve into junior high school maturity level humor. Not the first time, nor the last. Okay. I have...
a grievance. Okay. A had it. Okay. And it involves a situation where you and I were on tour and you're starving. Right. And you say, I want to go eat. And I said, I'll go with you. Let's go. I'm hungry as well. Let's go have a nice lunch. So we go down to the restaurant and you say, let's just hit the bar. I don't want to yak, you know, in the main restaurant because I want to get out in and out of here as quickly as possible. Okay.
I go, yeah, but a bartender can yak too much. And you said, you know what? You're right. Let's just go sit in the main restaurant. So we go sit in the main restaurant. You've already said, you've already drawn a boundary. This is efficiency. This is a lunch where we go in, we eat, we fill our bellies, we get the fuck out. There's not going to be yak mouthing. There's not going to be grandstanding. There's not going to be any extra fluffery whatsoever. Much to my surprise, the waiter comes over.
He recognized us from the show slash podcast and was as sweet as he could be. And what came out of your mouth next, I'm still wrestling with. I'm still trying to figure out what the fuck you were thinking. Because let me tell you what she did, listener. She looked at the waiter who had told us about his boyfriend slash husband partner. And she looks at him dead in the eye.
It was so bad. It was so bad.
So that prevented the order from being placed. When we marched down the elevator, it's these declarative statements of efficiency, no yak-mouthing, we're going to get in, we're going to get out. And you ask him what his relationship with his in-laws is like, which of course, listener, is a very complicated question for anyone. Correct. And of course, he starts at the genesis of
Of his relationship with his husband. We start there and then we get to current date. Thanks and courtesy of pumps. No, it was bad. It was bad, bad, bad. I have no excuse for it. I knew it was bad. The minute it was coming out of my mouth, I cannot defend it. I just have to take the big fat L on the forehead because that was a total loss.
And you have every right to have had it with me because it was bad. Thank you for that. And, um,
You know, I have had a lot of fun since you did it, bringing it up. Yes, you love to bring it up. I've brought it up, listener, probably about 10, 12 times. And I realized this morning, you know, I don't think I've shared this with the listener. This epic fail. I don't think I've shared this slip, this lapse in judgment with the listener. So I had to share it with you all. But before we get to Kylie, there's something that I want to give a shout out to.
And Pumps will agree with me on this. I want to give a shout out to the architects of the new LaGuardia airport. Pumps and I were just there. We went into the bathroom stalls to pee. And I've got to tell you what, listener, LaGuardia wins with the brand new bathroom stalls. And here's what they've done. The stalls are approximately 24 inches deeper than a regular stall so that when you walk in,
Your suitcase has a place to sit so that when you're on the toilet, you have room. There are two hooks right to the right where you can hang your purse and whatnot, you know, your travel bag. Above each door, there is a light that is illuminated red when locked and green when available. So you're not pushing on doors and having these awkward moments.
And I've got to tell you, I don't think I have ever enjoyed an airport pee as much as I did my piss at the LaGuardia airport because how spacious and efficiently designed they are. They thought of everything because then when you go out to wash your hands, there's a perfectly spaced table that you can put your carry-on and your purse on while you wash your hands. I mean, it was a 10 out of 10.
They need to teach a master class on this layout. And what pisses me off about it is it's taken this long for this to be implemented. You go in there and you pee and you're like, why haven't we been doing this all this time? I have a goddamn phone that has a woman named Siri in it that talks to me all the time. Right. And we just now figured out to add 24 additional inches to airport bathrooms because we are traveling with a bunch of shit.
I mean, imagine if you had a baby, then you're, you just will your stroller right in there. Yeah, no, it's, it's the classic, most efficient bathroom, public bathroom, not just airport, public bathroom ever. And let me just say, we don't encourage traveling with infants, but if you were, if you were room, you have room. Sometimes you have no choice. Sometimes you have no choice. Pumps and I have done it. Many times. Yes. Anyway, I just wanted to share that shout out to the design team at
the LaGuardia Airport in the great state of New York for designing such fantastic restrooms. They thought of everything. Welcome to I've Had It. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. Judge Judy, Diana Dolly Parton. Kylie, what's going on?
Not much. I'm happy to have you guys back. Thank you. We missed our mom. I bet you didn't miss us at all. I missed you so much. I actually want to talk about something. At about 9 p.m. one night while Jen and Pumps were in New York, I get a DM out of nowhere from at Pumps Pumps Pumps that just said, we miss you. Do you miss us? I saw on the deal that it said you were online and I was like,
Oh, I miss her. I wonder if she misses us. You're sliding into DMs at 9 p.m. at Kylie's. I got an I miss you DM at 9 p.m. I did. Pumps is sliding into DMs. Sliding into lesbian DMs. Wow. You know what? That brings up a review I wasn't going to read. Okay. But it was just perfect now. I would be remiss not to. It's titled Kylie turned me gay. Three stars. Okay.
As a 100% hetero female, I'm having a difficult time understanding how an on-the-fence lesbian, such as Pumps, who regularly works in the physical presence of Kylie, can't jump over the fence so fast she rips her pants while doing so.
I was five feet from Kylie at a recent live show and I'm questioning everything. I've never had a sexual identity crisis until now. Thank you, Kylie. And pumps, for God's sake, take the plunge already. Love you guys. And I only did three stars to capture my new fantasy girlfriend's attention. What's this person's name? Kimmy Bean. All right. Kimmy Bean. Kimmy Bean. Great review. But I've noticed a little trend on the Apple reviews.
People are gaming the system so that Kylie will read them and they're holding our stars hostage. It's kind of smart. It's smart. It hurts us. It's hurting us. You're hurting our rating. They're hurting us. They're doing like a one star and I'll change it to five when you read it. This gal that's thinking about doing a change from...
heterosexual to lesbianism. She gave us three holding the other two stars hostage listener that hurts judge Judy. If you guys want to leave a hate comment, leave five stars and I'll still read it. That's right. Right. Kylie reads them all. That's right. You know what? If you leave us a not, we're doing a permanent ban for the permanent record right now. If you leave us a nice review, we're,
With blackmail in it for one star, we are no longer going to read them. We do not negotiate with terrorists. We do not negotiate with Apple Review terrorists. New permanent record, right, Pumps? That's right. Yep. Anything else, Kylie, out on the World Wide Web? I've got one more. Five stars. Love it.
Literally every episode has me cackling. I decided to take your advice and use the objections, which we talked about on the JVN episode, when arguing with my girlfriend. I said, objection asked and answered. This caused some issues. So if Pumps decides to try out her lesbian side, I'm available. Okay.
Yeah, I bet that went over like a turn to punch ball. I mean... Objection. Asked and answered. I mean, doesn't she know she just wanted to bitch slap her all the way into next week? That would be infuriating. I think all of this... It sounds like there's a lot of lesbian activity in the Apple reviews. Yeah. Heavy on the lesbians. There's emotional blackmail going on. Our listeners emotionally blackmailing us and holding our stars hostage.
which we're on to you listeners we're going to be looking for the corrections right kylie correct so kimmy bean we're we're going to be eyes on you now get that three star two star yeah yeah you got to do it okay all right listeners today is a great day we have a fantastic guest she is an actor
She is a drag queen. She is the winner of season 13 of RuPaul's Drag Race. Let's welcome to I've Had It, Simone. Kylie, when you think of dynamic duos, who do you think of? I think of Jen and Pumps. There's no question, but let me tell you about my new favorite dynamic duo, and it is L'Oreal's Dark Spot Serum and the Broad Spectrum SPF 50 Daily Lotion. I recently returned from Mexico, and I use these products every
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Simone, what on earth is going on? Everything and nothing, darling. That's how it always feels. That's exactly how it feels. I usually say ain't nothing going on but the rich, but you know.
That's just it. You know, but I said today I feel a little bit better. So everything enough. That's what it is. That's a good day. It's a good day. That is so the truth. I hear you're from rural Arkansas. I'm from, I'm from Comet, Arkansas, which is kind, it's,
Especially going back now, I went back a couple weeks ago and I was like, oh my God, it's grown so much. But I wouldn't say necessarily rural, but it's not like a city. It's nowhere near LA. But yeah, I'm from middle Arkansas. Well, we live in Oklahoma City, so we're your neighbors of your home state. You are. You are. We understand.
probably a lot of the fuckery that surrounded your formative years on a very personal level, because we also live in the buckle of the Bible belt, which if you're an open-minded big thinker can be quite a mindfuck. Can it not? It can be. And, you know, I think it's, I think tell me if it's true, but I'm going back to
It's very difficult. Like, I mean, you guys live there, but like, you know, when you go somewhere and then you come back to it, it's like, it really is a mindfuck because it's like, I cannot believe that
I was here for so long, you know, because I didn't leave Arkansas until I was like 25 years old. So, you know, when you're in it, you know, you know that there's something happening. But to come back to it after so long, especially going somewhere like L.A., where it's completely different, like couldn't be further different. It's it's crazy. And there's like a there's like an air to it that you don't even understand.
until you go back. Yes. You know, like, it's just so weird. So yeah, she wanted just my sisters. You get me. Oh, no, I get it. We totally understand it. I mean, we live in Oklahoma City, so it's, you know, more urban, but that air that you're talking about, there's just this air of fuckery. You know that people are cooking up no good. No good. You can feel it in the molecules in the air that there's some fuckery getting cooked up and you just sense it. Your spidey senses sense it. The tingle. Oh,
And you know what? They cooking over there with no salt. Okay? I know there's not salt pebbled nowhere. I know it. They ain't put salt nowhere on it. I know it.
Well, Simone, we like to traffic in petty grievances, and I have a feeling that you might be the perfect person for such trafficking. I love a petty grievance. Okay. I love a petty grievance. It's one of my favorite things. Well. So let's do it. Let's do it. Okay. Right out of the gate, Simone, tell us what you've had it with. You know what I've had it with? There's so many things I've had it with, but what really gets me, I've been to the airport and...
It triggered something in me because I saw someone in flip-flops at the airport. And you know, we country. So, you know, people always think, oh, we ain't got no shoes. Do y'all wear shoes down there? I used to get that a lot when I would go to Denver, Colorado. And they'd ask, do you have, do you wear shoes? And that would always trigger me because it's like, of course I have shoes on, darling. I got the same shoes you got. What you mean? We have the same stores you got sometimes, all the time, sometimes. Yeah.
And so I get really upset when I go and see people at the airport with the flip-flops on because I know you ain't got TSA pre-checked. So you have to take your shoes off. I can look at you and tell you ain't got TSA pre-checked. And you have to take your shoes off. So are you putting your flip-flopped feet on the ground when you walk through airport?
The sensors? Because a million people go to this airport, sis. That is literally a walking Petri dish. A walking Petri dish on the bottom of your foot. And I know you're not putting your, keeping your flip-flops on on the flight. I know you're not. No. That's the thing. That's the thing. That's the thing. So I just need to talk about it and get it out because I was, it truly was amazing.
I had to take my sunglasses off and make sure that that was what's going on. It was traumatizing to me. It truly was. Let's just play this thing out, okay? All right. You're the nut. Let's pretend that you're the psycho who decided one day to wake up
And just commit murder at an airport. Okay. You put on your flip flops. You don't really care that much about feet hygiene. You're parading through TSA. You're parading around. You get on the flight. And as you mentioned, that motherfucker is going to take that flip flop off. They are. They're probably going to end up crossing their leg like this. And then maybe touching the bottom of their foot.
And then they're going to touch the window and put it up and down. And then they're going to touch the tray. And then they're going to touch the armrest. This is full-blown savagery. I mean, it is horrible. And I'm not a germaphobe, but this is a bridge too far. Too far. I agree. It is. And, you know, I just don't get why you would, like, think for my airport travel shoe that
I'm going to wear something that exposes my feet when I'm going into a place that is filled with human beings and God only knows what those human beings are doing. And then to turn back around on the person, because that just tells me everything I need to know about you, that you choose to wear this footwear at such a public place. But you're, it just tells me everything about you. And why would you want to do something that is just going to completely destroy everything
At least half of your character. The people that are going to see you. Do you know what I'm like? It's just, it boggles the mind. It truly does. Jennifer, tell me about what happened to you on an international flight. Okay. I'm on an international flight once and I'm in my little pod, you know, and I'm trying to sleep and I hear this click, click, click, and it wakes me up and it's just this ticking and this little clicking. So I get up.
I stretch. I kind of meander towards the restroom to investigate the source of the sound. And Simone, I discovered a passenger barefooted with their foot, all yoga posed up in their lap, giving themselves a little pedicure, clipping their toenails right on the fucking plate during sleep time, during our nap time. So the lights are off.
Yes. But they had their little spotlight on. They had their little spotlight on. And just complete reckless disregard for everybody on that plane and humanity as a whole. Clipping their toenails on the fucking plane like it was normal. She kind of glanced up at me like in a pleasant like exchange. And I just thought I was horrified, Simone. Of course you are because...
They have no regard. None. First of all, for you. Obviously, you were sleeping. You woke up. Right. And then you're going to spread your toe jam juice particles around this plane. That's right. And what did you do? What did she do with the toenails? What did she do with the toenails? That's exactly right. That's exactly right because I didn't see a collection area for this. Oh, my God.
So I guarantee you somewhere on some big 747, there is toenail debris from this massacre of a pedicure that took place on an international flight to London. And I have fucking had it. How fucking gross. That's disgusting. Like that, that's truly barbaric. Yeah, it really is. I don't even think the barbarians would have done that.
No, I don't either. Have they been in our time? Wow. Let's expand on this idea of no shoes. And let's just talk about how frequent it is that you could be at a Target or a grocery store or a gas station.
And you see a mom and then you see a toddler, I would say from around two to seven, just strolling around barefoot. Yeah. Yeah. I would say not as much here. I will give the Los Angelinos that. I will give them that. But back home, it was a frequent occurrence. Usually because, you know, okay, so Conway is like the hub and it's surrounded by like smaller cities. So like a Bologna, Mayflower, Greenbrier, Tate.
You know, all these are the places. So I wouldn't, I'm not going to, listen, live how you live, but they're a little more country. You know, they're a little more country. So they would come into the Walmart because we got, we got, we got two.
And they would just let their children just roam free, I guess, because it's easier than rambling them and trying to get your Oreos and your Frosty Flakes. So, you know, go off, go off, go off. And they would let them roam around with no shoes on. And that triggers me because I don't know why you would...
What them exposed to such germs and pesticides that is an arc of an Arkansas state, you know, they're tracking it around. They're putting it. And then, oh, oh, let's talk about the fact that they're putting it next to your food. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Because you're going to get them, pick them up and put them in the car once they start getting annoying and roaming around. And so their feet are next to your bread.
Your lettuce, your tomatoes, your lettuce, your home, your salad is amalgamation of fruits, vegetables and toe jam. I just don't get it. Yeah, it really does. It's really jaw dropping when I see a child running through like a Target store.
Or a grocery store. A Target. Barefoot. I just think to myself, I know it's hard. I know it's hard to be a mom. I know that the kids have their own mind and their own will. But that is a, you know, that is non-negotiable. Negotiable. At least put a sock on. And at least at a bare minimum, these stores could have shoe monitors walking around. Oh, yeah. To make sure people have shoes on their kids. Absolutely. You get a two-strike.
moment. The first one is like, you know, we understand it's hard out here for a pimp. Gotcha. Do it. You know, but then the second time you got, well, you got to go, you got to leave your car and you got to go, you got to go to the next target. Cause it's just too much. And then if it's a third time, they have to put you in a system. Okay. It's like your face, your face should be up and be like, this is the mom.
who lets her kid, you have to do a public shaming. Maybe that's what we have to resort to as a society. I don't know. I think you could get a community of Karens on this. Yeah. They could steer head it. You know, I think we need to start redirecting Karens for good.
And so we could have Karen's at the entry of Walmarts and targets nationwide. I mean, fuck the moms for Liberty and all those fucking psychos. If y'all want to be psycho, let's channel their psyche hygiene. And so they can be at the doors with their cell phones and a mom walks in and flip flops and the kid walks in barefoot, immediately take a picture, post it up to Facebook, maybe chew their ass out a little bit, get your
Karen out as they're walking in and get all that frustration. We could redirect Karenism to foot hygiene.
I think you're onto something. I do too. It's worth a try. I think you are truly onto something because this is how we can redeem it. And, you know, from a PR perspective, this is gold. That's right. This is golden moment. The Karens need a little rehab. They do. Yeah, they need a little rehab. They do. But the three of us here, we can steer this Karenism in the right direction. In the right direction. Policing foot hygiene. For the children. Yes, for the children.
A new generation. We have to get them. We have to get them early. I'm telling you. Got to train them up right. Karen's and clean feet. Okay. Absolutely. Simone, in our correspondence prior to your appearance here today with us, you listed that you had had it with daylight savings. Go on. I have. Okay. Let me tell you something. Well, I live in LA. Okay. Full disclosure. You didn't know. And one part of the perk is the sunny sunshine. Yep. Okay. Okay.
I like to see, I don't want it to be hot by any means. We can keep the cool. I like that during the day. It's fun. I want more daytime. I don't want to go out at 4.30 and see, it's a great sunset, not knocking it, but I don't want to see it till 7.00
49. Okay. I don't want to see it. But now you have it going off at 430. I don't understand. We don't need, we have technology now. We don't need to get up with the roosters and the crows. Okay. We don't need that for my friend. Hey, how you doing girl? She was like in London.
And the sun starts going down at three. What is that? We don't need that anymore. We don't need this as a society. We have, we have alarm clocks. We have machines that can go out there and get your grain. Okay. Whatever you need to do as a farmer, we have it all. We have, we have it. So we don't need it. And I thought as a nation,
We decided to get over this. Maybe I'm wrong, but I think there was a vote on it and the nation said we're done. So I just, I'm tired of having early. I love the nighttime. I'm a night owl, but I don't need that much night. You know what I'm saying? I don't need that much night. I'm going to offer an alternative reality here. That's going to blow your fucking mind. Okay. I'm like here. I'm here. I dig it. And let me tell you why.
I'm a morning person. I'm like a cockadoodledoo and I'm not talking about penises in the morning. Okay. I am up. I am doing wordle. I am fucking on. I fucking shine in the mornings. I shine. I am the brightest, shiniest, sharpest crayon in the box in the morning. Okay. So then I go on and I kick ass all day. Right. And then when I get home,
And it's full summer and the sun's up till forever. And I put my pajamas on at 6 p.m. I feel like the biggest fucking loser in America. But now with this time change, it's dark. It gets dark at 5. I get home from work or my pickleball match around 5.30 or 6. Do a little rinse off. Put on my pajamas at 6. And I feel like the biggest fucking winner on the planet.
Wow.
on somebody's Instagram post. That's what I'm going after here. Not even the Oklahoma one. Somewhere far, far away. Yeah, I want some exotic sunset. I mean, let's fucking go and I'll see it on my phone and you outdoorsy people, you and all these outdoorsy drag queens looking at sunsets at 7.49 p.m. in California can suck my left titty because I like to put my PJs on in the dark at 6 p.m. Okay, you know what? You have...
Not swayed me, but I get your point. I get your point. I see it. I think my issue with that is I'm a night owl. Yeah. So like, you would think I would want more night. You would think I'd be like, oh, great. This is great. But I like to start my day later. So when I start my day and then I have like, what, four hours of sunshine, I'm like...
I guess it does make me feel like the biggest loser of the world. But I'm like, I know I'm a productive diva. I'm here talking to the girls. So obviously I'm doing something right. Like, I don't like this feeling. I don't like this feeling. I don't like feeling like my day is done at five. I just don't like that. Simone, there is no greater evidence in the history of your career that you are a productive diva than your appearance on
I agree. On this he's a pile of dog shit podcast of ours. I've had it. Girl, this is peak Simone. Right. This is peak. This is peak Simone. Winning RuPaul's Drag Race, nothing. Nothing. Pails and knee-wrestling. Nothing compared to this. This shit's going to break the internet. Small potatoes. Another item that you listed that I think we need to cover is-
Too many slash too long text messages. Go off. Okay. I am a get to the point girl. Okay. You need to get to me. Talk to me. It's great. I love fun, but let's get to the point. I don't want six.
little bitty tech little bitty blue text messages i'm gonna say blue because green i don't even want to talk about that but i'm gonna say blue text messages coming at me on the same subject when you could put that in one big text i could have read it analyzed it comprehended like i did a reading class we used to have those i don't know if they do now but green glass it was comprehension and i can comprehend it and then give you response like a normal person okay don't send me
50-11 little tiny text, one-sentence text messages, okay? I don't have time for that. I need a folder. I need a paragraph. Let's go. Now, on the flip side, I don't need three novels, okay? If your text messages requires me to hit that, or one big novel, it requires me to hit that little arrow at the bottom of your text message, and it goes to that white screen, and I'm looking at a page, and it's encyclopedia, right?
I'm probably not going to finish it. Right. Okay. I'm going to probably send back to you three bullet points. Go. What were you trying to tell me here? Yeah. Okay. I've had it. I don't want those. I don't need it. I have too many things going on. There's too much email. My email is going off. Okay. I don't want to see novel long text messages. I don't. I have a fix for you. Yes. All right. I have this whole thing and it's called land the plane.
If you're in a conversation with somebody and they're talking too much, you can just do your hand as a motion. Land the plane. If you're in a text message with somebody, there is an emoji that shows a plane landing. So what we need to do is globalize this phenomenon. And when somebody's yak mouthing in person or on Zoom, you can just go like this. And in the text...
Text message. You just send the plane landing. Land the fucking plane. Right. Land the plane. Cliff notes. We don't need all this lollygagging. We don't need all this grandstanding. Nobody wants to read all this shit. We're already out of school. Quit grandstanding on a text message and just start sending the land the plane. Land the plane. Yep. Get it. I don't need to know your good, your mastery of the English language. Right. Okay.
I don't need to know. I just need to know what you're texting me for. Why is my light going off right now?
Explain it to me quickly. You know what I'm saying? What I hate is when somebody sends you a text message you haven't heard from a long time and they're like, let's say I texted you and like, Simone, I want to borrow your yellow sweater. Instead, I'm like, how are you? How have you been? How are your parents? When was the last time you were in Arkansas? Hey, can I borrow the yellow sweater? I would just appreciate it more if somebody just texted and said, hey, can I borrow the yellow sweater? I'd be like, yeah, great. I respect that.
This is a prime example. When it starts up, Pumps, when somebody texts you, hey, how are you doing? How are the kids? You just respond with the plane landing emoji. I know. That's what I'm just doing. We've got to really publicize the plane landing. Oh, my God. That is perfect. We just get it out. Just land the plane. Land the plane. Tell me what you need. That is a great lesson. We've did two great things out of this podcast, girls.
We only just need one more. We are fucking chock full of great ideas. This is like a fucking ATM machine of great ideas. And they say, and they say, Southerners ain't got no brain. Hey, and they say, and they say, middle-aged white women are finished. Well, enter pumps and me.
I'm going to pass their prime my ass. Okay. Never. Never. Simone, what the fuck's going on with condiments? I'm not down there. I like, I will give you a list of what I do like. That's probably easier. I like ranch, ketchup, barbecue sauce. Okay. That's it. I don't need anything else. I don't want anything else. Specifically,
I made a post about this. I made a post about this. I was in Canada leaving in an airport and I was hungry because I just did it. It was an earlier gig. So I didn't, I woke up, I didn't eat. I don't like to eat when I'm in drag. So I didn't eat at the gig. I'm out of drag, ready to get on a plane. So I'm like, oh, I'm, they have like some little store here, surely. I walk around, I'm looking for something, a morsel. And I look down and there's a mayonnaise sandwich. Yeah.
I, in my life, it's feet, bare feet, mayonnaise. It's one and two. And I almost screamed, like a vocal scream out loud. Because I don't, what is that? Is that just mayonnaise on bread?
Like, what is that? And that's disgusting. I hate it. The ingredients it's made up of, I don't understand why you would want that. People overseas dip their fries in it like ketchup doesn't exist. I don't get that.
Like it wasn't specifically, in my mind, it was specifically made for dipping of your fries. So I don't get it. I hate mayonnaise. I have to correct the record on that. French fries, I believe, were invented in Belgium, not France. And they've always been dipped in mayonnaise. Have they? Yeah. And then we adopted the French fry and naturally started dipping it in ketchup, which I prefer the ketchup. Which is an upgrade. I don't like it. So once again, America...
Got it. Got it good. Once again. Trust me.
Nailed it. Nailed it, America. Another victory lap for the Americans. As far as I'm concerned, you know what I mean? Man on the moon, ketchup on fries. Caveat to the years 2016 to 2020, disregard from our record. Yes. Banish that from the record. Banish that. Everyone's allowed a bad day. We just had four years. Yes.
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We're going to play had it or hit it with you in a second, but we have to on the fly right now, play a game of would you rather with you? Okay. Okay. All right. Thank you. Save me from. Would you rather eat a mayonnaise sandwich with extra mayonnaise walking barefoot through the airport or. Okay. Or fuck Mike Pence. Oh, wow.
Wow. I did you dirty, Simone. You did me dirty. Oh, girl. I mean, dirty. She's done it to me, too. Oh, my God. Barefoot mayonnaise sandwich while eating through, walking through the airport. Walking through? Mayonnaise sandwich with extra mayonnaise or your fucking Mike Pence. Which one? Do I get to keep the Mike Pence thing a secret? Or is that like something that like everyone's going to know about? Like it's a public scandal.
Because that's actually kind of fun. I gotta go public with it. You gotta go public with it? Oh my God, that is so demented. Okay. I know, I know. She's demented. You are demented. I am, I am. What are you doing? You know what? I think I'm gonna...
You're fucking Mike Pence, aren't you? I think I'm fucking Mike Pence. Let me tell you something. That is history making. That is all over the blogs mania. I feel like I'm going to get some hate and that's fine, but he's going to get more and that's going to do more for society, I feel like. So I'm going to take one for the team. I'm going to say you're selfless. I'm selfless. I think it's an act of patriotism. That's what I think that would be.
I think that would be one of a patriotic thing to take one for the team to say, look at these fucking hypocrites that marginalize and pick on drag queens and trans kids because they think they're tough guys. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He wasn't too. Well, he was. I was a tough guy last night. How about that? How about that? Yeah. Me. Yeah. We were real tough last night, sis. Yeah.
I'm taking one for the team. I'm going to be a patriot. I like it. I like it. All right. America, don't say Simone never did anything for you. That's exactly right. Okay. Simone, now we are going to play Had It or Hit It. Oh, my God. Welcome to Had It or Hit It. I would hit it. Had it. I hit it every day, sometimes twice a day. Had It or Hit It, TikTok.
It's a real big issue for me because I have made, I've made money off of it. So I hit it in that respect. But I just think it's one of the building blocks to the degradation of a young mind. I do. I do. I think the attention span, I think the misinformation, I think how the algorithm works for people, specifically our country. I don't want to get too political or anything, but I just think
It's a building block, not to just our society, but just as a, for the world. I do think it's a big contributing factor factor to a lot of bad things that are going on. So I, in that respect, I've had it, but it does make you some money. So I'll wrap it all around. Okay. Simone had it or hit it. Tardiness. Ooh. Okay. Yeah.
Another two-parter. I can be tardy, but I am never more than 15 minutes late. If you're after 30 minutes late, I've had it. I've had it. I can give a little grace to drag queens. Drag queens, it's a lot going on. I give a little grace. 30 minutes or above, there's no excuse. I've had it.
I've had it. So I'll get, I can give a grace period, but I've had it after a certain point. Cause I mean, come on, there's just nothing that there's no excuse at that point. I'm going to advocate for drag Queens here for just a second. We've had several on this show. Every single one has been on time. Right? Very prompt. Yep. Thank you. 100% on time arrival for the drag Queens on. I've had it. Okay. Professional girl. That's right. Okay. Last one.
Had it or hid it, Sarah Huckabee Sanders. Oh, fucking had it. Hey, let me tell you something. We need to get rid of the Huckabee. I remember in sixth grade, the father, Huckabee father, was, what is it called, a governor? Yes. The one they, yeah, a governor. And he made us do,
Girl, this is the ultimate hypocrisy. We had to do those fucking, like, you had to be outside for like 30 minutes or an hour in school. You know, like you had recess, but you had like an active hour. If you want to know why the irony of that is, look it up. But just look up fame. But we had that. But I, listen, I cannot stand...
when people are ignorant and it comes off her, she to me comes off as ignorant, not necessarily not smart because I like I do have to give her, you know, somewhat of intellect, but I don't like ignorance. And I feel like she's very ignorant. I think people, especially in Arkansas, don't know no better. So they think
Oh, and they thought, oh, she's a woman. So we're really doing it. We're really sticking it to them. You know, like, you know, I was like, right. You know, like we're putting in a woman that has all this vitriol and such. It just feels like her spirit is hateful. Yes, it is. It is hateful. It is hateful. I don't like that because, you know, I can disagree with someone. I can disagree.
You know, think your ideas are fucking dumb. But I don't hate people. You know, I don't truly hate people. And I feel like her spirit is hateful. And I don't like that for my state. I don't like that for people there who just want to exist and be free. And who happen to love to live in Arkansas for all the perks that there are. Because there are perks, you know. There are some great things about living in Arkansas. But, you know, people like that make it so difficult. And so just...
Harder than it already is to live there. So like, you know, I just, I fucking had it. I've had it. And I think we as a people, especially in the South, need a lot more like just education and more just love. We just need more love. And it's just, it's hard. It's sad. And it just makes me weary for life.
The young people and the people who are other, you know, it's just hard. And I hate it. So I fucking had it.
I've had it. Sarah Huckabee Sanders. I've had it with her. I've had it with her. She's mean. I've had it with her dad. She's mean. They're mean-spirited. They weaponized religion to claim moral superiority. They have no empathy for anybody that doesn't fit exactly into a white Anglo-Saxon Protestant box. And it's just such, to me, when I see their, the way they think, I think, God, what an antiquated world.
hateful, old way to think. And let me just say this. If by all these religious Republican leaders in the South, from Oklahoma, Texas, and you go straight East, if their idea that being religious and voting Republican
was the best way. They have had super majorities in all of these states for decades. And these are the poorest, the most incarcerated, the highest crime rates, the lowest education, the most poverty. Infancy mortality rate. All the list goes on. All the bad stuff. All of it is concentrated right there in all of these blue states.
that have a bigger population and pay more taxes have to fund all the fuckery that goes on in these states. And I fucking had it. I've had it. Had it. I fucking had it. And you know what really got me? Actually, I want to say this. I'll never forget when I, before I moved to Arkansas, I went to Louisiana to meet up with some of my college friends. And I'll never forget
driving through that state being like, are y'all fucking kidding me? Like, do y'all not see this? Like, it's so poverty stricken. And it's like, y'all have been voting the same way for God knows how long since the fucking dawn of your state, probably. And nothing's changed. Like, what's not clicking? What's not clicking? You know what I mean? It's just insane to me. And it's sad because
We as people deserve to have a good life. You deserve to have a good life and you're already just born in shit. And so they're don't and they don't really do anything to get you out of that shit. They only care about getting themselves and the people that look like them and the people that are in their tax bracket out of that shit. And they have no regard for you, whether you're white, black, whatever, poor. You know, it's they're all they're all you're all the same to them.
You're all the same. So I just don't get how you don't get that. But you know, hey, maybe what do I know? I'm just an award-winning drag queen. What do I know? What do I know? We know that you're an award winner. Otherwise, you wouldn't be on Iron Man. That's right.
Simone, thank you so much for being on our podcast and for taking one for the team with Mike Pence. Absolutely. Anytime, America, I got you.
Imagine these nails. Oh, girl. He'd be more excited than he's ever been in his whole life, don't you know? And don't let Simone come into the room, honey. He don't know what's going on. He'd probably be scared. He wouldn't know what to do, honey. He would not.
Well, thank you so much for joining us. This has been so fun. So fun. Oh, my God. Anytime. Anytime. And hey, check out Avalon TV on Wow Presents Plus. Check it out, listener. Avalon TV. That sounds so good. And Simone, keep winning. Keep winning. You're a winner. Keep it up. That's my plan. That's my plan. Bye. Bye. Bye, my darlings. See you later. Bye. Have a good day. You too. What?
A pleasant, award-winning guest. I'll tell you, what do we always say about drag queens? What have we learned in the one year of I've Had It podcast that we didn't know just absolutely for a fact, always nail it about drag queens? They're smart. They're fucking smart. They're enjoyable to talk to. They've got their shit together. I absolutely love, love, love a drag queen. And Simone is...
five out of five stars. That's right. Five stars for Simone. Five stars. That's right. You know what, Pumps? This has just been so fun. We've had this podcast a little over a year now. We've met all of these amazing people. And when we do our live shows, listener, we have people that come see us in a meet and greet after the show. And there are so many young, uh,
LGBTQIA+ people that come to us and hug us and thank us from the bottom of their hearts for supporting their communities. And we didn't intend to invoke that sort of response. We just wanted to make a podcast where we aired our grievances. And one of the things we've had it with are these hypocritical Republicans that are mean to gay people. And we've spoken about it before the podcast. We continue to speak about it during the podcast. But when we see these kids
at our shows and make a connection with them. It is so joyous and so fun and touching and touching. And I just don't want anybody listening to this podcast. That's mean to gay people or drag Queens. This is not your space. Hit the bricks. Fucking beat it.
Fucking beat it, Bozo. Why are you still here? Fucking psycho. Had it. All right, listener. Go give us five stars. Go click the link in bio to come see us at the I've Had It Hot Shit Tour. Join us on Patreon. Pumps. Tell them. We will see you next Tuesday or Thursday or both. I'll tell you what I've had it with.