I Actually Don't Like You Anymore with Liza Treyger
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Listener, for this episode of I've Had It, we've partnered with eHarmony, the dating app to find someone you can be yourself with. Pops, what's going on out there on the dating apps? It's unbelievable how many people try to be something they're not on dating apps and

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Ready? One, two, three. I'm killing it. Crushed it. Crushed it. I mean, you are a top podcaster in the country. Let's not go that far. Yeah. I'm a top clapper. Yeah, but I'm going to lean into top podcaster. I think I'm the top clapper in this building. That's about as far as we can go. I think you're the top clapper on podcasts. Are we the only podcast that claps? Probably. Pumps, what have you had it with? What I've had it with?

is when clients and children solicit your opinion and advice on a matter. And then they argue with you about your opinion. Clients, I can take it a little better because they're paying me. And so we can go round and round for, you know, an hour. And I'm like, okay, great. I just made an hour's worth of crap and you're not going to do it. I mean, I've made money.

You're still not going to do it. But at least I know I've told you. And then I can just note my file. This is what I told him. So when they, you know, do something completely opposite, I can be like, not my bad. It's my children that bug the fuck out of me when they do it. Because, for example, my darling daughter yesterday was texting me about an issue. And I gave her three texts back, like since the first text. That wasn't good enough. So I had to give her another one. The third time, I just said, I'm done. I can't do this anymore.

Well, I don't know why you're being so rude. I'm like, you asked and then you're arguing with me about it. Don't fucking ask because you obviously don't want to come to a solution. This is something that's really epidemic. People that ask for advice and then when they receive said advice, solicited advice, they bicker and argue with you about it. Like I have this with clients all the time. All the time. Half the time I'm like, then you pick it out. Right?

You know, I want, they give me their inspiration photos. This is the vibe I want. I do one curated look for them. They're like, yeah, I want to see one more option. Then I give them another option. I want to see another option. And then at some point I realize this person's the problem. Right. They don't want to pick an item. They just want to be in the problem instead of moving into the solution. Yes. Or just drop it. Like if, if,

If you're not going to take any action on it, then I'm not going to waste my time talking about it. The last thing I'm going to do, like let's say I have like a dishwasher repairman come to the house. Right. The last thing I'm going to do is jump in and say, hey, have you tried to maybe screw this in over here? Right. Because I'm not an expert in that area. Could not agree more. That's exactly it. Same with an HVAC repairman. I'm not going to jump in because I'm not an expert in that area. So if you hire...

Right.

If you don't like your parents' advice, don't ask your parents for advice. Correct. It's a real simple solution. Yes. It's kind of the same thing at the doctor. I'm not going to walk into the doctor and argue with them about what my blood test results say. You know why? Because I don't fucking know. Right. You're not a physician. I'm not a doctor. That's why I'm paying them. Right. Now, I had a client. I think we went round and round about an issue that was just as plain as the nose is on your face.

But she just wanted one particular answer. I've got my eye on one answer. Finally, I was like, you can do that, but it's going to have really bad consequences. But at this fucking point, swing for the fences. I get to that point sometimes with my clients. I'm like, I think that would look bad. I do not advise that fabric or I don't advise that paint color. And then they just keep on, keep on, keep on. And when you get beaten down so much in your field, in your area of expertise-

Finally, I'm like, fuck it. Paint your walls, Fuchsia. I don't give a shit. Right. Like do it. I don't care anymore. What I'm looking at now is not to be creative, but is to end this project with you. Absolutely. That's what I'm looking for because all of your criticism and like I had a client once and he fought with me about every decision I made. Why did you pick that fabric?

Well, because I have this talent where I think these two things would look good together. Right. And a 25-year career to back that up. I know, but why? And I'm like, I can't really explain it other than, trust me, it will look good. And then finally, I'm just like...

You just do it. Do whatever fabrics you want. It's like, why did you hire me? If you know better, let me tell you what I've had it with. Okay. And I mean, this just really gets me riled up. Okay. You run into somebody and they say, oh my gosh, I saw you the other day at Whole Foods, but you didn't say hi to me. I hate those people. I hate those people. Because here's what it is.

Why are you the fucking victim? Because if I would have seen you, I would have said hello to you. So really, you're the asshole in this situation because you saw me and you didn't say hello because I'm not some wallflower. If I would have seen you, I would have said, hey, right, how are you? But all of

Right. Right.

I'm going to say they didn't say hello to me. And I think we collectively as a society need to start calling these people out. If somebody says, I saw pumps the other day at the mall and she didn't say hi to me. What I'm going to say now is why the fuck didn't you say hi to her? Exactly. Because did she see you? I mean, obviously, yeah.

This is the person's problem that they think everybody should stop what they're doing, drop everything and go over and say hello to this person. And I've had it. Oh, I've so had it with that. And I hate it when you go to a social function and you're like chit chatting or whatever. And you talk to the people that you see first and then somebody you get to them and they're like, well, I didn't even think you were going to say hi to me.

I'm like, what the fuck? Are you five? This victimhood thing. It's ridiculous. It's this total titty baby victimhood where they put the burden on everybody else to approach them. And they're right when they walk into the place, they're already setting everybody up for failure. And it's like,

And when somebody does that to me, then I think, you know what? I don't know if I ever want to say hi to them again. Right. I want to avoid them at all costs. Because this is a high-maintenance relationship, obviously, with very little interaction. Right. And we've already jumped to this. And it's just...

It's total main character syndrome where everybody thinks, look, I've arrived at Lululemon and everybody that is even remotely like maybe friends of friends of Facebook friends needs to come up to me and greet me. And if they don't, then I'm going to cause a big stink about it. Or how about the ones that were like, well, I saw you. You didn't say hi to me. So I thought you were mad at me. Bitch, I don't even think about you. So I can't be mad. Right.

I mean, like, stop. That's the thing where people, I think, I thought you were mad at me. And I'm like, okay, I just want to make something crystal clear.

If I'm mad at you, you will know. You're going to fucking be well aware of it. Correct. And if we are not on close enough terms that you see me, that you don't feel the instinct to go across the room to say, hey, Jennifer, how are you? We haven't gotten to the stage in our relationship where we could be mad at each other. Agree. One million percent. These are the titty baby, high maintenance. Yes. Everybody has to do something for me. This is about me. These are the people. You know what?

These are the people whose parents totally titty babied them and probably had gender reveals for them. And this is the outcome of that. This is what happens when you have gender reveals. This is what happens when you are the main character at all times around your parents. If your parents don't say to you, listen, you are so special to me. You are so incredibly special to me, but out in the world,

You're really not that special. You're just another human right out there, sucking up oxygen and the parents that are

you know, ingrain entitlement into their kids. These are the monsters that are torturing women like you and me. When we're out at a fucking grocery store and they say, I saw you in the produce aisle and you didn't say hi to me. And maybe I should just start saying, you know why I didn't say hi to you. Number one, I didn't see you. And number two, I don't fucking like you anymore.

Because of this conversation. Because we're broken up now because my idea of aging is making my life smaller. Right. And getting high maintenance, titty baby, baby.

demanding victim main character syndrome people like you the fuck out of it. So thank you so much for identifying yourself as a needy victim person because you're off the list. Right. Now we don't have to, we never have to look at each other again. We don't have to say hi. We don't have to do any of it. Welcome to I've Had It podcast. I want to welcome everybody to I've Had It podcast. We saw you all in Apple reviews and you didn't say hi to us.

I didn't get a hello, did you? I didn't get a hello. Kylie? No one said hi to me. No one said hi to you in the social media? No, but they should. Yeah, I've had it. Had it. Kylie, speaking of social media, what's going on with social media? I've got a comment from Aaron1842 that I want to read to you. Okay. He said, number one listener here, and yes, I gave myself the title, Seemed Up for Grabs.

My wife and I have now completed your entire back catalog. What the fuck are we supposed to do now? Talk with each other? Nope. It's time for Jennifer and Pumps to quit their cute little day jobs. I mean, really, how many Hawaii vacation homes can you design, Jennifer? And how many marriages can you tear asunder, Pumps? My wife and I require a podcast five days a week. Stop being lazy twats and make it happen.

I like him. I fucking love him. Anybody who calls us lazy twats. I'm in. Fucking love Aaron. You know what? Aaron would not be the guy that said, I saw you, but you didn't say hi to me. He'd march his twat ass right up to us and say, what are you two twats doing in here? What are y'all doing at Lululemon? Right. He would. I like it. I,

The lazy twats love. That is the direct path to our heart. Right. Yeah. I like Aaron a lot. I do too. He and his wife, what are we supposed to do? Talk to each other? Yeah. Maybe take a girl's trip and a boy's trip. And I love the honesty because it's like, look, you know, at some point you get into a relationship where you kind of look over at your partner and you're like,

I really don't have anything to say anymore. But that's the beauty of having a long-term partner is you don't feel any pressure. Silent companionship. Silent. That's what you and I are great at. But you're so good. So good at it. It's sitting together in silence. Yes. We can share hotel rooms. Right. We can sleep in the same bed. Yeah. And we both do our own thing. Sit on the beach for eight hours. We might say five words to each other or we might talk the entire time, but either way, it's fine.

That's right. It's so great. It's absolutely fun. Richard. Yes, ma'am. We haven't had check-in from you in a while. What the fuck's going on in your world? You know what? Kylie sent me something the other day that made me just feel amazing. Oh. Kylie, you remember that comment you sent me? It was a review, actually, on iTunes. I do. It was like, Team Richard. Yes, I said it, Jessica.

You know what? I mean, here's the deal, listener. I want all of you to know that Richard is our sound engineer. Yes. And he is so awesome. And you hear from him episode to episode, but he's always in a super positive mood. Never seen him with a frown. Always happy. He's so happy. He's a much better person than Pumps and I are. A thousand percent better. He's not a lazy twat. No. No.

No, he's a very kind person. Pops, now that you have your Simply Safe hooked up in your home, do you feel safer? I actually do, and I didn't think I felt unsafe before, but I really do feel safer. Do you feel more secure? I do feel more secure. You know why? Because if an intruder breaks into your house...

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Match believes dating as an adult should feel exciting, thrilling even. Hey, rip the clothes off of someone who actually knows how to put them away. Wouldn't that be nice, Pops? That'd be a miracle is what that would be. Putting their clothes away.

And you know that while flowers are nice, what is really nice is someone who will run out and buy you tampons. Now that's a keeper. Am I right, Pumps? So right. A mature person is what you're talking about. Okay, here's how you'll know that you're dating an adult. They remember to bring you your coffee every morning.

Maybe they're cool if you're out on a date and you can say, hey, could we swing by the dry cleaners and they don't get all butt hurt? Wouldn't that be nice, Pumps? Nice change. I think it's just nice to date an adult that's got their shit figured out. I didn't know there were any out there. Well, I'll tell you what they all are. They are on Match. If you know who you are and what you want in a relationship, guys, Match is the place for you. Adults Wanted. Download the Match app today.

All right. So pumps, we have a fantastic guest today. I'm Instagram friends with her. Her name is Lisa Traeger. She's a standup comedian and the host of that's messed up podcast. And she is in the new Netflix series survival of the thickest.

Lisa, how are you? I am so excited to be here. This is a thrill. We're excited to have you. Thanks for coming. We're excited to have you. We're fired up. I know. I was actually humiliated. I got into your comments section a week or two ago. Oh, yeah. And that never feels good afterwards. You're like, why am I fighting with these people? Yeah.

I did get in there. You know, those people, and I think all of us who listen to this podcast, we know when we say those people, what we're talking about. Those people, it's explosive diarrhea in the comment section is all it is. It stinks. It's ugly. It's messy. It is like a diarrhea cult is what it is. Of the mouth and the fingers. Yes. Keyboard courage, cult, diarrhea. Yeah. I'm going to steal that. I love that. Diarrhea cults.

It's a diarrhea cult. Okay. So, you know, you kind of know what we're about now. We don't give a fuck and we like to shit talk. All right. I mean, we just want to jump right into it. Tell us what you've had it with. I'm wound up like a cheap clock today. Let's just fucking tear it up. It is. So I think I made a list of 45. I've had it. It was the most thorough list. It's high quality shit talking. So let's, I'm just going to let you go at it because I have it all printed out right here and highlighted. I've

I've done my homework. I've had it with parents who think they are suddenly magically better people that they have floated on to a new plane of existence that didn't exist before they had parents. And it's like, you're still a bitch. Everyone is a parent. The Karens on the internet are parents. Like, Putin has children. Right.

Bad people have kids. You cannot just use them as like being like, well, I'm obviously a better person now that I have a kid. You really have to focus on it. And this came to light because one of my friends, she one time was telling me like, you know, you wouldn't get it, but being a mother opens up your heart.

You just, your heart is more open. And then that same week she told me that her family is moving up a hill to be further away from homeless people. - Right, exactly. Exactly. - And I was like, so where is this open heart of yours? And if it's just open to just your child and you're actually a worse person 'cause now you actually love a thing more than anything else and you don't care about other people.

And it's fine. But admit it. You love your kids so much. You don't give a shit if all of us die. And that's OK. And see, that's the thing. I can't relate to when I had my kids. I had to start like it. It takes everything out of you. And there's no question the love you feel for the kid is different than you feel for other human beings, especially in those really early years. It's like, oh, my God, I made this. I'm responsible for this.

But I didn't have this, oh my God, I'm a much better person all around. If anything, it made me a worse person because I slept less. Sometimes I forgot to brush my teeth in the infant days. Like it would be five o'clock in the afternoon and I'd be like, oh my God, my breath and the plaque on my teeth is unacceptable. I didn't like have the energy to like

fix myself up. And I think the early days of being a parent, it's, it really made me a worse person. I was probably a lot bitchier, not as nice. I didn't look as good. I just told you what was going on with my fucking teeth and breath and it was not good. Yeah. None of it's good at all. No, at least you have an excuse. What's up with all the other bad breath people? Yeah.

I actually, my mom, because I don't want to have children. And my mom one time was crying and she's like, I just want you to experience this. I'm just so sad. And then I said, I think you're actually mad because you want me to have a kid so you know how hard it is. So I could think about you and know what, how intense it was. And she stopped crying and she goes, hmm, maybe you're right. Yeah.

She wanted you punished. Yeah. A part of it too. I talk about with my friends, with the parents, like when they kind of push you to do what they did and it's like, but you look miserable. All you do is complain about your life. And yet you're telling us to do exactly what you did, which is wild, but they also love us. So I get it. That's true. I know I called you the night of, but I'm going to remind you, I was at a football game two years ago in a really small town in Oklahoma and they were introducing their homecoming court and

And the girls, you know, they said, this is Jane Doe, and she wants to go to the University of Oklahoma and study whatever. This gal said, my name is Jane Doe. I want to find my husband, get married, have five kids and five dogs.

And I was just like, who let her say that out loud? Where is her mother? I mean, I was horrified. I'll tell you where her mother is. She's on her knees at the fucking church praying that thing comes to fruition. But

But it's shocking in 2021.

And so then can you imagine that like that's the only person they fucked their whole life. There's probably some pink arm gyrator that sits around and watches Tucker Carlson all the time. And that's their life. And their moms are sitting around praying for this to happen for them. That's what they're asking the Lord for. It's horrifying. I mean, I got like a red hot chili pepper tattoo at 19. I can't imagine.

They're making good decisions that young. Okay, here's something that you put on your list that I totally am into. Yes. And it's you've had it with people, like if you're traveling out of town and you're going to a location where you know a couple people and they ask you, how long are you in town for? Or why didn't you call me since you were in town? And from my vantage point, I'm like, I'm getting the fuck out of town so I don't have to do this shit. Yeah.

Like, I don't want appointments. That's why I'm getting the fuck out of the town I live in is to get away from having to meet and talk to people I know. I want to be around people, but I don't want any of them to know one fucking thing about me. Yeah. And...

I just don't want to say the same thing over and over. I go to New York a lot. I do have a lot of friends there. And I just feel like 12 times a day. It's like, how long are you staying? When are you leaving? Where are you staying? It's like, who cares? Who cares? Just talk to me. I don't, who cares where I'm staying or when I'm leaving? I'm not going to hang out with you again. This is our one dinner. Let's make the most of it. I just hate being a broken record. And because I have so many friends in New York, I'll try to like,

And then one trip, see some friends, the next trip, we'll see others. And I have one friend in particular who's always like, wow, so you didn't call me yet. I guess you don't like me. And I'm like, I saw you last time. We had a great dinner. I'm just trying to, well, where are you staying? I can't believe you didn't ask me to stay. And I'm like, I actually don't like you anymore and I will never see you again. I'm done texting you.

We were just talking about this before we had you on. So one of the biggest things I've had it with is when you run into somebody and they say, I saw you last week at Whole Foods, but you didn't say hi to me. And I'm like, bitch, I didn't see you or I would have said hi to you. And so this is the same thing that happens out of town. Wait, you were in New York and you didn't call me and say hi to me. And it's like, it's such main character syndrome for people to think that when you're traveling out of town, whether it be for work, pleasure, whatever, you're

That you're going to have them as the nucleus of your travel plans. And it's like, what the actual fuck is going on in your brain that you think that Lisa is going to plan her entire New York trip around facilitating a coffee date with you? It's or it's the opposite, too. When people message you, they're like, I'm in town. And it's like, OK, we'll have fun. I don't know.

I don't want to hang. I don't know what to tell you. I have a full life here. Right. And I guess they think we're closer than we are. I have no idea. I just don't like the high maintenance of it where the best friends, the most people like the most fun I have with a person. They don't care about any of that. I have one friend. It's like, guess what? I'm here. I'm in your neighborhood. Are you free? Yes, I'm free. Let's have guacamole. Right. That is that.

That's amazing. I like people that aren't mad at me. Right. Yeah. I don't want to, I don't want friends that are mad at me or I have to feel on edge or I'm doing something wrong. I'm I've matured past that. I can't do it. I don't want to feel like I'm in trouble. I think the older you feel free, right? The older you get, the less your tolerance for high maintenance people gets. And so they just start falling out of your life and you're like, bye-bye. The great thing about pumps and me, like,

15, 20 years ago, we're like, let's stop buying each other birthday gifts. Let's stop buying each other Christmas gifts. Because really, it's a burden to have to go out and buy somebody a gift. So we don't buy each other anything. I mean, we text each other on our birthdays, typically go to lunch or dinner or something. But

We can travel together. We were just talking about this. We can sit on an airplane and not say one fucking word to each other. We can share the hotel room. We can go 10 hours and not talk to each other and not say one fucking word to each other. Or we can drag out dead horses of shit we've talked about for 20 years and beat the ever living shit out of them with the same enthusiasm as though it were the first time we ever beat that fucker.

I mean, we just, it's a really great friendship when you say, you know what? Just be yourself. You don't have to maintain me. You don't have to maintain my emotions. That's a beautiful friendship. That's all it is about, talking shit about the same people. Totally. Over and over and over. It is...

I think about my best friend and sometimes I'll go to New York. She's there and people will be like, what'd you do? I go, I laid on her couch. We were each on a cell phone and Bravo was on the television for 12 hours. It was perfect. And then her boyfriend cooked us dinner. Like that to me is heaven. And then you have the other friends that are like, why didn't you message me? And it's like, cause I sat in silence with my best friend. Yes. Women fought on my screen and that's all I wanted. Exactly. What about, and I think this is one of your habits and this is one of the best things

cases I've ever seen. People that have opinions online and post their opinions online, yet they have a private profile. It gets me going. I think...

If you have a private profile, you should not be able to comment mean or anything on anyone. Agree. Because I'm you know, we're we're like more public. We're putting stuff out opinions. We're putting ourselves out there. Right. And so someone in the middle of nowhere with a private profile, I don't think it's fair that you get to I'm put I'm so vulnerable.

And you get to just insult me, say horrible things. And then I go on your page. I want to see what you look like. What's going on here? That's not fair. I want to see who you follow. It's tough. Sometimes people write such mean things and I do go on their profile and it takes all of my restraint not to like find a photo of their mom and be like, ew. Yeah.

It's like an anonymous letter from back in the day. It's a social media anonymous letter. It is. It is. And that sucks. If you don't have the balls to tell people what your name is with your shit, you can't say your shit. That's what I think. I agree. I think Mark Zuckerberg needs to institute. Right. You're going to troll on the internet. If you to enable your comment, you have to verify that this is you. Right. And have a photograph of you. Right. And then you can let it rip because you're right. I mean,

We are we promote our, you know, podcast, you promote your comedy and your podcast on social media, we put our opinions out there. And then you've got fucking Karen over here that lives in, you know, small town, Ohio, just trolling the fuck out of you. And it's like, well, let's see what's let's see what you're made of. I want to kind of get in your shit a little bit.

Yeah. I mean, and then some friends will be like, it doesn't matter. It's for the algorithm. If it's positive or negative, it's all good. And I'm like, my brain cannot handle it. And my mom's on my Instagram. I can't have my mom seeing people write mean things about me. She made me like, she doesn't want to see that. So it bothers me that you're like, my mom has to then read mean things. I mean, she should get a life too. Yeah.

reading everything on my page, but she does. And it bothers me so much. And sometimes it'll be like their little profile photos, them with kids going back to the first thing you think is so great. And you're speaking to me wildly. Right. You would never allow your child to speak like that to anybody, but yet you're doing it. But also Mark Zuckerberg should be tried for war crimes. And I believe that too. Yeah.

I think what he's created is not good. I wish him and Elon Musk did a fist fight. I guess one of their mothers stopped it. Yes. And what's what? Okay. So Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg floated this thing where they were going to let cage fight and,

Each other and I'm like, okay, is this how bad capitalism has got that if you're a billionaire, you're going to go in a submarine and go try to look at the Titanic or you're going to launch yourself into space. And then we're going to get two billionaires to fist fight each other. And it's like, okay, here's what we need to do, guys. Let's just line you all up.

Pumps will have a tape measure. Right. I'll have a tape measure. Liza, you can have a tape measure. We'll do all sorts of measurements. The room cold. I mean, how shriveled up is that dick? Right. Just hanging in room temperature. You know, I'm talking about 70 degrees fully erect. Right. I mean, we'll just get all the measurements. We can post it on Twitter, which is Elon Musk. We can just post all the results out and then let's just be fucking done with all this shit.

Yeah. It's ridiculous. There are no good billionaires. If they, if there were, our problems would be, so they would help communities instead of going into space. So anyone that idolizes these people find a new idol. It's wild to me. And I,

I think money would fulfill me. I really do. I don't understand. I don't get it. I would be such a good billionaire. I would be too. I would fucking crush that shit. I would too. I would crush the fuck out of that stuff. I mean, I would be so private about it. I would have a boat. I'm going to have all the fucking toys. I don't think I would have social media. No, I wouldn't either. I would fucking crush being a billionaire. Yeah.

You know who crushes as a billionaire is LeBron James with that school that he makes and he sends kids to college. Yes. That's the kind of billionaire I want to be. Pumps, you know what I've had it with? What? Giant people.

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You know what's so interesting, though, is there is a portion of the population that really likes and I should say really loves like total narcissistic dick rich people. You've got people that fucking go bananas over Donald Trump and he's a total dick.

I mean, there's just not even remotely likable, clever, nor intelligent. The same thing with Elon Musk. And they just go fucking bananas. And I'm like, like, I get like you said, LeBron James, Roger Federer. There are people that you can really like that are like really good people. But this whole adoration towards like, you know, this guy's this huge, you know, he's such a dick. I really like him. It's so weird. I know. It's so gross, too. Well, yesterday at Tesla did not let me merge. So fuck.

Fuck that. Fuck Teslas. Fuck Teslas. It's like, sorry, I didn't realize the lane was ending. Let me in. I'm not trying to get one on you. You're not chronically... Do you chronically wait till the very end and try to get in it? Or was this just kind of a one-time thing? No, I was just truly not aware. I was talking to my dad on speaker. I was driving. And then I went, oh, there's parked cars. I got to get in here. And she wouldn't let me in. And I'm like...

We're crawling in traffic. My bad. But I have done it on purpose for sure if I'm running late. But I let people in because I've run late. If I'm going into a doctor's appointment, I just assume if someone is waiting until the end, maybe they're just a jerk. But I just assume they're running late and I got to let them in. You're a better person than me. I'm always like, no, motherfucker. Yeah.

Are you someone that's always on time? Never. I just ratted myself out to Jennifer. I do want to point out to our listener that Pumps just admitted that she's never on time so everybody can go back 15 episodes where she died on the hill that she was a punctual person. I want this noted in the permanent record. Kylie will make a entry into the

permanent record because you just fucking owned yourself. This is a beautiful day. This is a great day for me and me only because she just fucking told the truth. Okay. Uh, Lisa, we want to do a lightning round with you. So this is had it or hit it. Okay. Tell us if you've had it with this stuff or if you'd hit it. Oh my God. Welcome to had it or hit it. I would hit it. I hit it every day, sometimes twice a day.

Okay. One-sided toilet paper holders. You know, I've had it. When I grew up, the toilet paper holder had two sides and the pressure held it together and you can like pull, rip the paper off in any direction you want it.

the ones that now they're like only in on top and then they swing down and the hook is just open. The toilet paper is always flying or at my parents' house. I keep ripping it and the thing fully breaks off and flies. My parents refuse to fix it. And I just feel like I need more support. So I take it off of the thing, hold it on my hand and rip the toilet paper off. And I just, wow.

Why the swinging thing? It's always falling off or the toilet paper is falling off and I can't just rip it off with one hand and it bothers me. I think you're bringing up, I think the quality of toilet paper holders is diminishing. Everything is getting better and more efficient as, you know, we have,

uh driven more into the modern world toilet paper it really is they're coming out of the walls toilet paper's flying off back in the 80s we had a secure right it was toilet paper holder that was mounted on two sides and you had the little you had to squeeze it put the toilet paper on it was secure it was there for you and now toilet paper holders have just gone to shit and nobody's talking about it except for you lisa because it's such an issue for me but it's i

I think design stuff goes down. Like right now in hotels too, I hate that it's all like half a glass with the shower. I hate it. I hate that. I don't get why I can't have a full door and tub. Exactly. Full coverage. Full coverage in the shower I think is mandatory. Okay, Lisa. Hat it or hit it. Shirts with words.

I'll hit it. I'd hit it. Yeah. Okay. Let's talk about the nuances of that. Okay. In the shirts with words family, you can have, you know, a shirt that says mama bear on it, right? Or you can have a shirt that says country girl, or you can have one that says, you know, don't tread on me. Those are bad, but I have one that says napping all day. Okay.

I think I've decided I selectively like shirts. Right. It has to be like a hashtag blessed. I'm out.

had it with the word blessed I've had it yeah I mean I had it up to my eyeballs I used to just be the hashtag that irritated me I've moved on to anybody who like a guy just delivered UPS in my office and he handed me the box and he said have a blessed day and I just stood there with my jaw open thinking does he not know that I don't like the word blessed which of course he doesn't but it just irritates the have a blessed day as opposed why can't I just have a great day right have a

Who the fuck is out there blessing my day? What does that even mean? What does that mean? What I'm looking for is just to have a normal day on a scale of zero to 10. I'm trying to hit a five to six. That's it. On vacation, I'm looking for about a nine, but a five to six, a blessed day. What the fuck does that mean? I've had it. I've had it up to my eyeballs with it's blessed abuse and it's rampant.

especially where we live. I mean, the blessed thing is thrown out nonstop and I've had it up to my eyeballs with it. I mean, I've had it. Yeah. I think I'm not more, I'm not in blessed circles. I'm living the dream. That's what I hear a lot. I'll live in the dream. And it's like, I don't know, you're like a teacher. Are you? Are you living the dream? How about the YOLO?

I mean, if I have to hear YOLO one more time, you only live once. But just the hashtag YOLO just makes me skin crawl. I haven't heard that in a while. Yeah. I heard it. So you live out in the suburbs, so people catch on late. You've got all these late bloomers out there throwing out shit. I haven't heard YOLO in 10 years. No, I just know exactly where I heard it. It's the suburbs, isn't it? If we're talking just words, manifest. That's what I'm saying.

We did an entire episode about that. Hate manifestors. That is the biggest jet stream of bullshit. When somebody says that they manifested something, it is such bullshit. You got to hustle.

You got to work. You can't just sit around and make a fucking mood board and then like, you know, practice your penmanship. I want to have a yacht. I want to have a plane. And then that fucking shit falls out of the sky. I mean, I'm up to my eyeballs had it with that shit. Another thing we've had it with on this podcast are journeys. Yeah.

I'm in a journey. Yeah, I just feel bad because I think I've said it, but I agree. I need to stop. The journeys have got to stop. You can either be a part of the problem or a part of the solution. Right here. This podcast is about solutions. Yeah. About a drug journey. Yeah.

Isn't that a trip? That's just a trip. That's a trip. No, you're right. You're right. That's a trip. Yeah. I'm part of the problem. And I, from this day on, I will stop. I've got my eyes on your Instagram account. Any journey violation, we're going to march your ass back onto this podcast and call you out. Okay. Had it or hit it inspirational quotes. Oh, I love it. I've hit it. I will hit it all day. It's like my religion. I want an inspirational quote. It helps me. It like,

I really, if I read a good quote, I screenshot, I'll send it, I'll keep it in my heart. I really, I love quotes. Do you post inspirational quotes? I make them the background of my phone so I can look at it. But yeah.

I don't think I actually repost publicly. Okay, that's good because I just... Pumps and I are not... Contrary to what you may think after having been on this podcast for the last 30, 45 minutes with us, we are not licensed therapists. Right. But one theory that we do have is that...

that people that post inspirational quotes frequently on social media, that it is a red flag. Right. Yeah. And it's another red flag and another. They're basically, you know, screaming. It's a cry for help. And we advise our listeners slash patients to run from...

these types of people. No, you're right. You're on a slippery slope. This is a slippery slope. If you start posting that, it's just like with this journey thing. I mean, I think you're dipping your toes in. This could be a gateway, putting it on your screensaver. This could be a gateway to you ultimately being a red flag. We're just trying to help. I agree. I don't put, cause I think the people that post a lot of inspirational quotes are the same people that like our empaths

I think those are overlined. I just the quote that I had on my phone, I'm a shit talker. And one was like, the more shit you talk, like the less trustworthy you are and you want to be trustworthy. And I was like, oh, yeah, I want people to think I'm very trustworthy. And so that was like a reminder I needed. But I still gossip. I don't know. I'm lying. I'm I'm on the stand and I'm spiraling. Yeah.

What to do? I guess I've been called a red flag and I don't, I'm handling it. But you've never been inspired by a quote.

What about like an inspirational video of like a champion? No. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. If it was like about Rafa Nadal or Roger Federer and it was like a video of their tennis career, I would be tapping the vein, injecting. I'd be lining it up, getting my straw out, snorting it. I would totally love that. You would love the video, but it wouldn't like inspire change in your life.

It might inspire some change in my tennis game. Well, okay. That's your best bet. Right. But you're not going to like go start feeding the poor and a third world country because you're so inspired. Are you suggesting that I'm not philanthropic and don't care for starting children? Is that a suggestion? That's a big ass to watch a video and then go like save the world. I'm just not a save the world type.

I know that's shocking. We have one more had it or hit it with for you. Online dating apps. For me, I've had it.

For others on vacation, I'll hit it. Tell me about that. I get on Tinder on vacation. OK, that's when I'm if I'm in New Orleans, I'm in London. I'm on Tinder. Let's let's have sex. OK, and I've had a few dates. But in terms of like it being successful for me to meet someone or getting the matches that I desire that.

That's not happening for me. But when I am doing, when I meet a couple and they have a Tinder love story, I'm a hopeless romantic. Like it gets me going. I like that.

Yeah. Tough. Oh, this is actually, this combines the dating and what we were just talking about. I follow this one dating coach on Instagram called a little nudge. And she says, never write anything in your bio that could anyone could write. You want it to be specific to you. You don't want a platitude. Then no one knows anything about you. You have to be specific. That's a good point. It's also interesting that you follow a dating coach. I mean, if you think we're just going to let that slide here, you're talking to the wrong fucking bitches. Yeah.

Well, I want to be in love. I'd like to meet a partner, you know? So she helped me be more direct in my communication. I like that. I like that too. You know, I think that...

The more you get to know yourself and if you can learn how to be a better partner and delay getting married and delay getting in serious relationships, I think it's really healthy because the divorce rate is not good. Right. Thank God for me. Well, Lisa, we cannot thank you enough. This was a dream. You guys are so funny. It's like such a joy every time you're in my feed. And I just love it. It's really such a great podcast.

We love you. And I'm going to keep my eyes out for a few things on your Instagram journey, manifesting inspirational quotes. You are now on watch. She's elevated your status. You're on the watch list. Yeah, you're on the watch list now. Because I think that there's a slippery slope, gateway situation going on. I'm glad that we cracked the case here in this last episode, but you are on watch. Ah.

I will work to not be a red flag and be inspired by actual change in my life. Not quotes. That's right. Lisa, you are awesome, smart, beautiful, and we cannot thank you enough. Thank you so much. Good luck on your tour. Yes. Good luck. Bye-bye. How fun is she?

So fun. So fun. I love that we, you know, I love her honesty. I do too. It's nice. That she's like, you know, I kind of do love an inspirational quote. And she kind of like told us why. I love that. And she's inspired by them. Totally. So there are people that just think we're assholes, which is probably true. I think we are assholes. I don't think there's any question about it. Yeah, I think we are assholes. I do think there is inspirational quote abuse. Yeah.

100% on t-shirts. Yes. On the internet, on t-shirts, on a lot of things. And I back to the shirts with words things. I just want to remind our listener that we oppose shirts with words, but you can also go to at I've had it podcast and

And buy a shirt that says, I've had it, which we support. Absolutely. That's the exception. The only exception. But I think they've figured out by now half the shit we say we hate, we do. Total hypocrites. Lazy twats.

Lazy twats. We should put that word, those two words on a shirt. Lazy twats. Listener, be sure to look up to see if the hot shit tour is going to be at a city near you. We would love to see you. Follow us on all platforms. And please go to Apple and give us five stars. Great. And call us lazy twats, but only if you give five stars. Okay. Only if you give five stars.

Five stars and any rude comment you want to make. That's right. We'll take it. We'll take it. Bye, listener. We will see you when we see you in pumps. We will see you next Tuesday or Thursday or both. Pumps nails it every time. The clap. No, I sometimes resist. I'll tell you what I've had up with.

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