Land of the Free-ish
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This episode of I've Had It is brought to you by Booking.com. Booking.yeah. Every time I use Booking.com to find a place to stay in the US, I know they'll have exactly what I'm looking for. They have a huge variety of options from hotels to vacation rentals, and I'm

always able to find something that fits my specific needs. I found that Booking.com has something for everyone. Find exactly what you're booking for on Booking.com. Booking.yeah. So we're supposed to start the podcast. Ready? One, two, three. Patriots, Gayatriots, Blacktriots, Browntriots,

Fuck off. Did we forget one? Did we forget? Patriots. Gayatriots. Gayatriots. They-triots. They-triots. They-triots. Black-triots. Brown-triots. All cool-triots. All cool-triots. Fuck off. Okay.

Okay. And somebody was saying in the comment section, is she saying fuck off? And it's yes, she is because it was at a listener's request that we change it from caca to fuck off. In Trump's America, it is a take no prisoners. Would you like to introduce our new friend? Okay. As you know, I am the HBIC head beaver in charge. This is from Tennessee, America, a blue dot in a red state.

It is a crocheted handmade beaver that was given to me in New York City. And I just can't tell you how soft it is. I love this so much.

And I appreciate the homage it was to me about being a beaver. Thank you for sharing with the listener about your soft beaver. That gift was given to her when we were doing our book party, our book release party. And for those of you that haven't ordered it yet or gone to a bookstore and purchased it and filmed yourself doing it and done like a big performative book purchase, hashtag blessed.

online. Life is a Lazy Susan of Shit Sandwiches is a book that Pumps and I co-authored. One could call it a manifesto. It's a great read. So please support us by buying our book. Pumps, what have you had it with? Okay, what I've had it with is it seems like every day I'm waking up to news stories that they're acting like are breaking news. And it's like, Trump is in cognitive decline. I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? Where have you been?

Elon Musk could have conflicts of interest and his role at Doge. I'm like, where have you been? Like, no shit, Sherlock, to all of this. Stop acting like it's new news. This has been apparent from jump. So I don't need a big fat article to tell me something that if I use the eyes in my head, I can figure out. I've had it. My favorite is I saw a chyron on the news the other day and it's like,

Trump's meme coin dinner raises questions. Really? We're raising questions. Questions are answered. We're past the question stage. We're at blatant corruption going completely unaccounted for in Congress and political leaders. We've no questions there. We're done. It's amazing to me how easy it is.

The media is on Trump. It has been for like 10 years, how he just gets away with so much shit. And he's gotten away with so much shit his whole life. I mean, this man had his whole life, his whole life has been teed up for him just with massive enablers.

at every turn, including the media. I mean, the fact that people are not freaking out about the way he's speaking right now and the slurring of the words and he can't pronounce stuff and the Hannibal Lecter and not remembering who attacked who and who started the tariff wars and who pays the tariffs. I mean, he contradicts himself all the time and he can't speak in coherent sentences. But the media, it's like,

Trump is starting the dawn of a new era in America, New York Times. And I'm like, and y'all call them the liberal media? Well, do you think that's what I question? Do you think it's because Trump from jump was like,

Fake news, liberal media that he threatened them so they felt like they needed to be, to do more both sides to avoid that type of criticism? Or do you think it's the corporate overlords of this legacy media or now he's suing media? I think there's a combination of all of those things. But something more important is there has always been a deference to these systems that

There's always this deference that if somebody is a Republican or if they are religious and we disagree, we might have to whisper about it. At least, you know, for our listeners that live in middle America, there's always this deference that those people are right instead of a confrontation to them that, you

No, just because you believe that doesn't make it right. Just because you're a Republican and I'm a Democrat doesn't make you right. It's like when we're in Oklahoma and we see people that listen to our podcast, they whisper it to us. Hey, I really like what you're doing. Like, because it's bucking the system. And the system is white, white.

patriarchal Judeo-Christian values. And so there is this systemic deference to it. And, you know, there's people in our lives. I mean, even you personally, when it comes to, you know, family members, you defer to their way of thinking and don't confront it. And this happens, multiply it over and over and over and over again, all across America. And this side always gets the deference. Undeserved deference.

deference where the deference should be to human beings and to the well-being of human beings. But everybody always gives this undeserved deference to these people and it makes them feel empowered and it enables them. Yeah, you're 100% right about that because sometimes, especially with family members, it's just easier not to stir the pot. It's just easier to ignore it

And go on. And that's something that is becoming increasingly more difficult and dangerous. Truly. It is. It is, especially like with family members. I know that so many Americans are dealing with this right now, how to deal with your deeply indoctrinated parents or siblings or aunts or uncles that are high and drunk on Fox News.

and, you know, full of hate from their megachurch. And I just think it's, it's, you can gently start drawing boundaries. You gently just start saying, you know, I am not going to have a conversation with you about that because I don't argue facts. And the fact of the matter is Donald Trump doesn't give a shit about human beings. And

You should because you're a follower of Jesus, yet you follow him. There's little ways that you can gently start the conversation to embed some critical thinking without, you know, completely not being in their lives. But the deference, the undeserved deference that these people get and that people in red states feel like they have to whisper to.

for caring about human rights shows you how rigged this system is for the Donald Trumps of the world. Yeah, you're absolutely right. Okay. Let me tell you what I've had it with. Nonpolitical. So the other day I ordered DoorDash. Okay. And when you order DoorDash, the purpose of that is you're saying, I don't want to deal with human beings. I'm going to go into my app. I'm going to order it. They're going to drop it on my door. They're going to send me a text when it's there. And I don't have to look, see,

talk to have anything to do with another person. For whatever reason, that's why you just that's for me, that's a lot of the times why I've ordered DoorDash, because I need to tap out on dealing with human beings for the remainder of the day. So the other day, I ordered my dinner on DoorDash. And I

I all of a sudden got a phone call. I'm tracking the DoorDash because I'm starving. Right. And I see that the DoorDash is pulling up in my driveway. I'm like, I'm watching it like a hawk. I'm going to time it to where I get the text. I go to my ring doorbell. I see that the driver's driven off. Then I'll go retrieve it so that I can avoid any interaction altogether. So I see the driver pulling up, but I'm also getting a call and it says DoorDash.

I wonder if my dog's out. I wonder what's going on. And so I answer the phone. I'm like, hello. And he goes, hey, Jennifer, this is Randy, your DoorDash driver. Just wanted to let you know I'm pulling up right now. I go, okay, great. Thanks. And he goes, you got it, sweetie. And so I hang up and here's what I want to ask you in the listener. Okay.

Part of me at first I was like, I've had it with him. I didn't want to take a phone call. That's why I ordered through a robot. Right. And then I wanted him to drop it off. And what the fuck is he doing calling me sweetie? And then I got the food and I took a couple bites and I thought, was that the worst thing in the world? We're about to head into AI where all of these robots are controlling everything.

In his mind, he was just being a good, doing a good job. Don't we bitch about people that don't take stuff over the finish line? And he's enthusiastic and he's letting me know, hey, that's going to be on your front porch. Andy called me sweetie. Is that a bad thing? Should I have had it with that or should I hit that? Okay, here's what I think. Number one, I like the hustle and I think it's a good business strategy because I think a lot of people are lonely and they want somebody to talk to and

And the enthusiasm is nice. I personally would have had it with it. But I think as a business model on his part, it's pretty smart.

because a lot of people will sit and bullshit with him and then say he's a preferred driver because they're so lonely and need somebody to talk to. So you're suggesting that the DoorDash guy would call and somebody would continue to talk to him. Don't you think that talker would have just gone to the restaurant or called the restaurant and then go to pick up? Because I think some people are afraid to eat by themselves.

And that might be like, if you're at home all day, let's say you work from home all day. Wait, hang on. I get all that. You think people are having conversations with their DoorDash drivers to satisfy loneliness? Absolutely, I do. People sit and talk to telemarketers. People sit and talk to, you know,

political surveyors. I mean, don't you take a lot of political surveys? I do. Do you talk to your door dash driver? Are you? No, no, no. I don't talk to my door dash driver, but I just think as a general rule, there are a lot of people that would make that a friendship thing and then prep them. Sweetie held.

I mean, middle-aged probably. I didn't sound super young. I'd probably say he was in his 40s. I didn't see him because I was so shocked by the phone call and the sweetie. And then after that, I was like, I have to hide. I'm going to have to make sure he's like far, far away before I go retrieve the food. But at first, I was kind of like, well, you know, it's 2025. You can't call a woman sweetie. But then I thought, you know, for some people...

And that's just a... He was just himself being sweet. He was just like trying to do a good job, trying to deliver the food. Let me know he's doing it. And then he probably calls everybody sweetie, which is kind of a Southern thing anyway. Yeah. I'm kind of with you on that. Like I would kind of bristle in the moment, but I think when I thought about it, I'd probably be like, it's probably very regional and he's older. When I mitigated my hangerness that I had and I took a few bites, I decided...

Okay, but I'm just going to say this. I think that a lot of people use the DoorDash feature to avoid...

human contact altogether. I think if you're lonely, you would place the order because then you get to talk to somebody and you would drive to the restaurant and pick up your takeout order because then you get to go in the restaurant and talk to people too. So I disagree that I think people are having conversations with a DoorDash driver because by design, these apps are for people who want to avoid human contact. See, I do the DoorDash

because I want to avoid putting a bra on. It's easier for me to take my bra off. Are you wanting to talk to your door dash driver? No, I'm wanting to talk to zero people. But I'm going to stand firm. If the door dash driver called you, you're going to talk to him? I would be horrified. Kylie, welcome to I've Had It, America's Top DEI Podcast. I'm

I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie, the HBIC. Again, reminding everyone that stands for beaver. She has a soft beaver. I have a soft beaver. Kylie, what do you think? What is your take on this DoorDash dilemma that I'm proposing here? Okay, one...

I think that that is sweet that he did that. I like that he's doing that. I would hate it. That's literally what I'm trying to avoid. Exactly. I will wait up to 10 minutes at my door watching through the window until they've driven off. That's how little contact I want. Yeah, you don't want to open the door while they're still standing there. I just thought it was a duplication of the service provided. You can follow it and then you get an alert that says...

door dash driver is pulling up and then you get another alert that says your door dash has been delivered and then they take a photograph of it because i always zoom in on the photographs because my dogs are always in the picture because i have a glass front door and i always think it's cute so i screenshot that put in my files of my dogs

And so I thought it was really like overkill to make the phone call. But also considering I thought he was maybe in his 40s or 50s, he might not understand that I'm getting all of those alerts. But I'm with Kylie. I think people are using DoorDash to avoid human interaction altogether. I do too, but I stand by some people just chat him up. I bet you at some point if he keeps calling people, someone's going to take him in and fuck him.

What? I'm just thinking. I just, okay. I'm just, I just think there's a lot going on here with your response to this. And I think it's Freudian. I think it's a lot of projection. I do too. I think we've got a lonely broad that wants to talk and fuck her door dash driver because she's already eliminated the entire prison population from her daily life.

So now we've moved on to DoorDash guys. DoorDash guys. I mean, she's talking about, I'm talking about this. She's talking about loneliness. And now we've escalated to fucking the DoorDash driver. I know someone that had sex with the repairman that came to repair an appliance. Oh, really? And had sex with him that day. That's pretty hot. Yeah. So I'm just saying it's not that out of reach. Was this person married? No. Single. Single? Who came on to whom?

I don't know. I just got that they had sex and I was just like couldn't even talk. I was so wowed by the whole thing. So I don't know. I would assume it had to have been pretty usual. Isn't that like a basic porn plot though? Somebody comes to a house and then, you know, horny housewife hits on them. Yeah. Yeah. But, you know, ever since I heard that story, if I have an appliance break, I'm like super like worried that my –

appliance repairman didn't you have a plumber ask you to go on a date to Red Lobster yes that yes I did have that but I just let me ask you this were you talking him up were you chatting him up well I was he was at my house for like eight hours a day for four days so I'm sure I was overly friendly feeding that cat I fed that cat there's just no question I mean then you got the then you got the invite to Red Lobster Red Lobster it was very specific invite Red Lobster

All right, Kylie. So what do you what do you think? Do you think people are talking? OK, to compound question. Do you think people are having phone conversations with their door dash drivers? And then in an extreme plot twist, do you think people are fucking their door dash driver? OK, first question. Absolutely not. I've never heard of that happening. I don't think anyone. How do you even talk them up? What's your response to him saying, I'm here. Here's the food, sweetie. You're just like, hey, let me tell you about my day.

Like what do you envision? If you wanted to, I mean, I don't know how to hit on somebody, but I would think apparently you do. You're hitting on that plumber. You got that. I was not hitting on him. I was just talking to you, but you could say, Oh my gosh, that's so nice. Do you want to come in and have a bite to eat with me or something? I mean, I think, I don't think it'd be that hard if you were determined to have sex with your door dash person. If you,

If you just were like, today, when I order that food, if my door dash driver calls me, I'm fucking his brains out. Right now, I would have a plan. I'm just saying.

Okay. Am I the only person on this podcast listener right now that is hearing the woman sitting next to me saying the door dash driver's calling her and she's going to invite him in to have a bite with her and that she's going to fuck him and the whole thing's premeditated? I'm not saying I'm going to do it, but I'm saying it's happening. I guarantee you in this fucked up world, people are fucking their door dash drivers. I guarantee it. I'd bet my arms and legs on it.

promise you it's happened. It just has. Okay, here's what I want to say. Gaytriots, patriots, theytriots, blacktriots, browntriots, all the cool people, I need to know who's fucked their DoorDash driver. Right, or you know someone that has. I need to know if people are DoorDash fuckers. I need to know it because I think that if we don't know of anybody, I think I'm sitting next to America's first DoorDash fucker.

And her soft beaver. Trailblazer. I do have a soft beaver. You do have a soft beaver, which I'm sure the DoorDash driver would be appreciative of. Really appreciative of. I just Googled, I fucked my DoorDash driver to see what came up. There's a whole Reddit thread. Someone said, has anyone hooked up with their DoorDash driver? And this person responds, yeah. Told you. This one girl ordered medium fries. She got a large. Are there any others, Kylie?

Um, let's see. Someone said, haven't considered it. Someone said yes, because my husband orders from me. I delivered to my ex-boyfriend. You know what happened next? Right. I did get hit on once, flattered, but nah. So. See, it's happening. It's happening. Yeah. I don't know that that's such a bad thing. No, I don't either. It's very anonymous. You know, their first name, you know, they're on the clock, so they're not going to rape and pillage you because they're trying to make money. So, I mean, it's a quick in and out.

I think you've made the case that I should fight my door dash driver. Yes. That's how you're going to dip your toes back in the water. I mean, we all know I'm not brave enough to do it, but I know people that have. Oh, I think you're brave enough to do it. I don't think, you know, I'm not. You know, here's the thing. I've known you long enough that I could totally see you calling me and going, you're not going to fucking believe this.

And I'll say, what? And you'll be like, so, you know, this door dash driver is really hot. My dog got out and I ran over and then he starts talking and he's real nice. And so I start talking. And then I was like, hey, do you want to come in? The kids weren't there. And then he came in and then he just kind of came over and grabbed my ass. Next thing you know, I was fucking him. I could totally see it happening. No, I could see that happening too. But I'm just saying that would be...

It would have to be like on an impulse thing. I wouldn't have the ability to like forecast it. This episode of I've Had It is brought to you by Booking.com. Booking. Yeah.

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You know, I mean, I'll just never forget. This is in our book about your affair with your personal trainer. Yeah. And, you know, and I do want to talk about that with a listener briefly. So Pumps and I were talking about her aforementioned affair with her personal trainer, which is in our book. Life is a Lazy Susan of Shit Sandwiches, all the details of that. So Pumps recently hired a new personal trainer who is a female named Tina. And then Pumps just out of the clear blue sky said,

You said to me the other day, tell the listener what you told me. Okay. That's how it was brought up to you. But I just said, oh yeah, I told my personal trainer that I had sex with my last personal trainer, but to not be worried.

And you thought it was so weird. And I was just like, well, when the book was coming out, I just thought if the book's coming out, I just don't want that to blindside her. So I felt like I needed to be up front with her that, you know. Just full disclosure. Full disclosure. I didn't want her to read that and be like, oh, my God, does she have a fetish for personal trainer or something? I don't know. I just felt like she needed to know that as my personal trainer. I felt like she needed to know that.

Do you think that's weird, Kylie? Jennifer acts like it's so weird. It's fucking weird as shit. Kylie, do you think it's weird as shit? Yeah, and also you told her don't worry. What?

Like, don't worry, I'm not going to fucking come on to you. I don't know if I said don't worry, but that was in the vein of just full disclosure. You know what I'm going to do the next time I eat out and a waiter comes over to the table? I'm going to say, full disclosure, my ex-boyfriend was a waiter. I'm not going to try to fuck you so you don't have to worry. We'll get through this meal together. But full disclosure, I fucked another waiter in my past. You're just taking it a little too far. You're just taking it a little bit too far. All right, let's just go down this thought track.

Okay. You fucked your personal trainer as mentioned in our book, Life is a Lazy Season of Shit Sandwiches. What was that? 15 years ago? God, it's longer than that. A long time. Anyway.

So you had that little fling and then 20 years later and he's, that's a male. And then 20 years later you have a female personal trainer, right? There's all these rumors about all this asexuality slash lesbian leaning shit. And you walk into your female personal trainer in between taking hits off your vape in the gym where you're not supposed to be vaping. And you say, FYI,

I fucked my previous personal trainer, but you don't have to worry. Well, I mean, I don't know the exact words, but that was in the vein of, yes. Kylie, I need your thoughts on this. I didn't just walk in and say it. We were working out. She was asking me about the book. Kylie.

I think there's a lot going on with you, Pumps, and it's hard to even start somewhere with this episode. You're projecting like fucking crazy. The DoorDash driver, the last thought I would have had is he's going to get fucked. The last thing I would think when I get a new personal trainer is I need to tell her that I fucked my last one. Don't worry. I mean, it's at the forefront of your brain. You guys, this is a 9-1-1. Yes. Soft beaver over here. When's the last time you were late? Is it five years? 40,000 days. COVID?

Is it COVID? Was it COVID? Yeah. Maybe a little after. Five years? This is somebody. I mean, this has got to happen. You know what? Why don't you order DoorDash tonight? Don't you think, Kylie? For research purposes. Yeah, maybe we could call up Randy. We've got someone who wants his call. We need a Randy, a DoorDash driver named Randy. That's who delivered mine and called me sweetie. It's perfect. His name was Randy? Yeah. Yeah.

That was my middle school wanted to be boyfriend, Randy. Yeah. Wow. All right. I have some news stories. Let's get off of this. My lack of sex life. Yeah. That was great though, Pumps. I really, I was just like. I just don't think it's as weird as you do, but I could be wrong. I do get laid more frequently than you do, so I don't have to announce anything.

to write. I mean, he, but like if I was representing a client and they were like, oh yeah, there's getting ready to be something that comes out that says I had sex with my last lawyer, I would think I would be, okay, well now I know that. You know what I mean? Just that all lawyers are the same. No, but there's just not any appearance of impropriety. I would take extra caution to avoid it. By your logic, if I dated a dentist and

That was my dentist. And I fucked that dentist. When I go to the new dentist, I need to disclose that I like to fuck dentists. If it's coming out in a book. So I need to say, hey, go to the dentist.

Well, I mean, it sounds weird when you say it like that. Dr. Tooth Driller, here's the deal. My ex-boyfriend was a dentist and I was his patient. And then we started fucking. I just wanted you to know I'm not going to hit on you or anything. It doesn't matter how high you turn up the laughing gas. I'm not fucking you. And I need to just start disclosing. No, that makes it sound weirder. That makes it sound weirder. I think we make a list, the three of us and our listener. That's four of us in total. Yeah.

We make a list of all of the people that we have fucked and the professions that they had. Okay. And then moving forward, the four of us, Pumps, Kiki the Magic Lesbian, myself and our listener, we start just automatically disclosing. In Trump's America, why not? Like, you know, you go to the 7-Eleven, you're buying some gum, they're ringing you up and you say...

I fucked a 7-Eleven clerk. Don't get any ideas. You don't need to worry one bit. I'm just buying this gum. This is transactional and I'm leaving. We are not fucking and just go on about our lives. You know what? Another thing we could do is make a game like of all the occupations you've had sex with and see if Christine Noem has dressed up like that. That would be a good game. And then also, I think it does sound weird when you say that, but when you're with your personal trainer, you're with their boss.

Like three times a week, you're shooting this shit. It wasn't like I walked into the dentist. Right. I mean, there is a little bit of difference, but I'll admit it sounds weird the way you've laid it out. And maybe it was weird at the moment. Here's the thing, Pumps. It's not that it's weird. It's not. I just think, as Kylie said, there is this theme and all roads are leading back to,

The soft beaver. The soft beaver and the neglect. The neglected soft beaver. The neglected soft beaver seems to be an issue. And here's the thing. Look, we're two barely competent middle-aged broads, me much younger, barely at middle age. But I digress. Barely.

We this is the type of content we need to keep this podcast going. So I need for you to go get laid. Talk to my DoorDash guys. DoorDash guy. Trainer. Anyone. Fuck your new trainer. That would be exciting. That would be exciting because she's a female. Right. Yeah. Oh, my God. OK, listen, we have to get to the news. Kylie, pop up this first article.

This is from the Huffington Post. And a guy writes, I'm a psychologist who specializes in narcissists. Here's what we need to do to stop Trump. When your sense of self-exaltation requires tanks, flyovers and up to 45 million for a birthday party, we're no longer in the realm of cake and candles.

We're squarely in criterion one of narcissistic personality disorder, a grandiose sense of self-importance.

Authoritarian leaders like narcissistic family members rely on well-worn tactics to manufacture a psychological state of volatile uncertainty where outcomes aren't just unknown, but constantly shifting and unpredictable. This overwhelms the brain's ability to anticipate and prepare, keeping people mentally off balance and easier to control.

While narcissistic dynamics rely on urgency and alarm, deep change comes from staying calm, clear, and connected. In defending against narcissistic control, the answer is never to mimic harmful tactics. It is to recognize them, grieve their damage, stop enabling them, and break out of reactivity.

I like that. Thoughts. Here's the thing. I mean, the first part about him being a narcissist, like that is not news. The self-aggrandizement, true. But staying calm and all that, I could do better at those things. Controlling my reactions to it, I think. But I don't think there's any question. He is insane.

like inflicting emotional abuse on the whole country every day. He's a total abuser. Absolutely. And now it's at a global scale. I mean, think about what he put Canada through. Right. Do you know what? He united the entire country. Right. He did unite the country. Okay. The next story, this is wild pumps. Okay. New AI model will likely blackmail you if you try to shut it down. Anthropics new AI model, Claude Opus 4 is their most powerful yet. However, in tests,

It chose to blackmail users 84% of the time when being faced with being shut down. The AI's self-preservation tendencies, such as blackmail and whistleblowing, are more frequent than in earlier versions. Yeah.

In one scenario, Claude threatened to expose a fictional engineer's affair to avoid deactivation displaying ethically questionable behavior. The AI will also alert authorities if prompted with illegal activity, locking users out or sending emails to media and law enforcement.

Anthropix says this behavior isn't unique to Claude. Other leading models from companies like OpenAI and Google also show these tendencies. As AI models grow in capability and complexity, researchers warn users to approach with caution and avoid ethically gray prompts. So this is, okay, we're heading into this whole AI world. I mean, it's coming for us. And if you listen to the leaders in these industries,

They say like a lot of the jobs that are being serviced right now, like in five years, they're not going to have anymore. An example, I went and had a mammogram this morning. And you know, you get your boob is like squished in a car window. And there was this really nice woman named Tina. And she had a great southern accent. She was really sweet. And I was like, I get lightheaded. Will you let me do the mammogram? Sitting down. She was so sweet.

And after we did like two images, she goes, well, honey, we're cooking with gas now. Let's move to the other booth. And I just turned and I just got to – she was just in a great mood and she made me happy and she had this great southern accent. She seemed to like really like her job and didn't have like –

the cynicism and the doom and gloom that you and I have. And I thought, you know, this was a, for getting your boob smashed in a car window for 10 minutes, Tina made it somewhat enjoyable as she was filling me up. Right? Right. Breath of fresh air, Tina. Yeah. And so if I end up going and then a robot's doing it and then, you know, it's all robotic, it just seems like all of that is damaging. And

to think that the robots are going to blackmail us. Right. Think about all this stuff we put on the internet, all this stuff we've said about, you know, you wanting to, you know, fuck your door dash driver and, you know, your personal trainer, the new one and all of this stuff. They're going to start blackmailing you. Yeah. But that's the part I don't get. You have to prompt them to think that or they just go like you say, hey, my name's Angie. I'm your owner of your

Well, I think they're running like examples of it. These are companies have their own AI models. And so probably they have access to emails and they did a fictional engineer that had a fictional affair. Yeah.

And the AI knew about it and they told AI they were going to shut it down. And then the AI was like, if you shut me down, I'm emailing out your affair to everybody. That's the inherent thing is that AI is made by humans. And so it has these petty human tendencies to it. You know, it's not altruistic. And so it's just I don't know, we're heading into this new time where

You know, I'm sure you can really vividly remember. I was too young to remember when cell phones came out. Oh, yeah. Vividly. That's what I thought. And, you know, and that now we've moved, you know, Internet, things like this. Well, AI is the big thing that we're dealing with next. It's the new next frontier. And these are robots that have this crazy human ability to do good. And

And to do evil shit like blackmail people about affairs. Right. It's like one of those movies that you saw, like in the future, you're going to have robots and then they're going to blackmail you and the robot takes over all that crap. Let me ask you this. I am encouraged a little bit.

that they send stuff to the police. Because I feel like that would, that's going to root out the Trump administration super fast. If AI is just going to start sending the shit to the police, because they are breaking the law all day, every day. I don't know that we want to live in a society where AI is sending things to the police. I think that's a via a constitutional violation of privacy to have a robot sending products

prompts to a police department on its user. I think that gets very blurry into civil liberties. No, I totally agree. But I'm just saying it would help with the Trump administration. Hopefully not all the administrations going forward. Yeah. But the risk of that at personal liberties is very concerning to me. Oh, no, it is. It's crazy. All right.

Next up, leaving with a happy story. And I just loved this story. I sent it to Kylie to pop up. Put this up, Kylie. China's first police corgi steals sausage from a child. Fuzai, just a one and a half year old, joined the police force in 2024 for his skills in explosive detection. Though well-trained,

He's had past mishaps like napping on duty and urinating in his food bowl. After the sausage incident, his trainer apologized and promised stricter food training to make amends for

Fu Zai visited the child's school with gifts and snacks. The child's mother took it lightly, wishing them both well. So the video of this is this little corgi who is a working dog. He's a Chinese police officer. He's walking down the street and the little kid is eating a sausage.

And Fuzai just reaches up, grabs a sausage, doesn't miss a beat and just keeps trolling. I mean, just keeps walking because he's working. Right. He's on the job. He has a job. And so they the he had to go to the school and apologize to the kid for stealing his sausage. But what I want to say is.

I think this dog is a profile in courage. How many dogs do you know work full time? Are that cute? Look at the smile on this dog's face. That is a cute dog. While he's working. He's a cute dog. Listener, I mean, this dog is grinning from ear to ear. He has his little work vest on. And I don't want to have any part of shaming this brave cop.

Corgi, cop Corgi. I don't want to have any part of that other than he was hungry and that kid should have secured his sausage better. Right. And this, I mean, he's working, he's like sniffing out explosives. Does the kid have a job? He's putting his life on the line. I doubt that kid has a job. What's that kid doing with its life? That Corgi is only a year and a half old, probably younger than the kid from whom he stole the sausage. And we're starting to browbeat the Corgi who's

has a full-time job. That kid's over there just eating sausages, probably not doing a damn thing, living off his mother's tit. Greasy hands and all. All right. Anyway, I just really like that, that Corgi. Kylie? Yes?

What else do we have to do on our podcast today? We could do some voice memos. Excellent. Up first, we will start with Tiffany. Hey, ladies. Love you guys. I fucking had it with how easy and accessible it is not to mind your own goddamn business. So I was on a community page. There's a picture of these teens. They probably shouldn't have been doing whatever they were doing in a public park.

Whatever, though, like it's not it's not my job. It's not your job to go parent these children. Like if they're not causing a disturbance, like they'll eventually get caught. That's my philosophy. But you've got this Karen online that decided to take pictures of all these minors and put them on the community page. And it's like.

20 years ago, you wouldn't have been able to do this shit. You would have to do the same to have the same effect to try to post pictures and shame people like you literally would have had to have a camera, take the pictures, get the film developed, post them on a community bulletin board or post them pay to have them put in the fucking newspaper. Like it's too accessible. It's too easy for these bitches not to mind their own business. And I fucking had it, dude.

I could not agree more. You know, nobody likes a tattletale. No. You know, somebody who's just all up in somebody's business, photographing stuff, posting it, putting up. And I mean, teenage kids are always up to mischief. Always. Yeah. It'd be weird if they weren't. Now, my son has been a victim of this.

I mean, not really a victim because he was breaking the rules, but he and his buddies were trying to break into the neighborhood pool. And I guess some guy just sits on the community live stream watching the pool because within minutes he's posting, do you know these children? Blah, blah, blah, blah. Posts them up there. I don't, I'm not on the Facebook page or whatever it is. And so I get a call and I'm just like,

So kids are trying to get in the pool at night and we're making a federal case out of it. It's just not that big of a deal. Like I just wasn't knotted up about, they couldn't get in. They didn't hurt anything. So I'm with her and I just, I am so grateful for one thing. I'm hashtag blessed in this way that when I was young and stupid, i.e. college, there were not photos and videos everywhere because I did some really

stupid, shitty things that would have been recorded. Yeah. And I think that's probably why this generation is so risk adverse, because there's always this risk that whatever they do is going to be photographed or videoed and then put online and they're going to have to go through, you know, the, the shame and the turmoil of that. And for us, I mean, we could do stupid shit, get drunk off our asses, make horrible decisions, have sex with the

worst people, never the good DoorDash driver would have always been the bad DoorDash driver. And then it was just over. There was no record. There was no text chain. There was no, there was no lead up. There was no paper trail at all. Okay. Let me tell you a funny story about that because, okay. So I was in college, wasted at a function. And I am like, I don't remember this dirty dancing with this guy.

And the party pics come back from the party and he has like, we're loved up together. And he's got a huge heart on in the party pic picture. What he has a hard rock, hard rock cock in this picture. So right around then it rolls into Thanksgiving. So my roommate ordered that picture and she made 1000 Xerox copies of it. So when I went to class,

I would come out. It would be sitting on the, like the door. It would be a picture of me and him with the huge heart on. Okay. So fast forward, like a couple of weeks to Thanksgiving break. I'm at home. She sins.

a picture every single day for the entire break. She mails it and it comes in the mail, which, you know, I would die if my mother saw that. So I am like the first times that happens for whatever reason, I got the mail and then I was just parked at the mailbox so that my mother did not see that picture. That's the closest I ever got to being caught on tape doing something bad. And it's horrible. And you're right. Everything. Y'all are fully dressed. Yes, but he's in jeans. Jeans.

Is it just the two of you in the photo? Yes. And I am just like hugging him like we're the best of them. Let me ask you this. Do we have a copy of this photo? I'm sure she does. The little bitch has probably saved it all these years. Does she listen to the podcast? I don't know. I lost track of her. I don't know. I'm sure I could find out if she has that picture. But I mean, it became a huge joke because it was all over campus, me and this guy with the jean heart on.

See, it's all making sense now. You could just stand next to a guy. The magnetism just rolls off. Complete. I mean, he has an erection through his jeans. Just you're not even making out just posing for a picture and you've given this guy a hard on it.

So for your jump, now it's making sense, right, Kylie? So for her to jump to a phone conversation with the DoorDash driver, to the DoorDash driver being aroused, to her bending over the island, taking it from the DoorDash driver, that was not that hard of a jump to get to when you figure out

what her history with penises has been historically. When you really look and analyze how sexy and magnetic I am. When we realize your effect on the penis historically, all of this makes perfect sense. Right, Kylie? It sure does. If it had been her instead of you that answered Randy's phone call, I think his response would have been a lot different. You think I would have been like, instead of...

of, okay, sweetie, it would have been like, hey, sweetie, you want to share some cake? I don't think there's any question because we all know everybody on this podcast, our listener knows that she has a guy that did her Christmas lights. And he was very attentive, came over multiple times a day, troubleshot. Now he's doing her yard. They have progressed the relationship where it's not only seasonal, now it's

Year round, wrong o'clock. Well, I had a little job for this guy and I called him and said, hey, I'm going out of town. But when I get back, get with me and I'll have you do this little job for me. Crickets never heard from him again. So I don't think there's any question the pheromones that come off of the soft beaver can

Compared to me, we're talking about a preschool in her diapers with her pacifier, titty baby, me, and then a full-grown professional PhD student next to me with the impact on the penis. And I hate to rub it in, but he does text me a couple times a week to remember to water. So I'm just saying. I'm just saying. I've been invited to Red Lobster.

Reminded to water my grass. We got posing for photographs and somebody has an erection from here to the moon. Right. In jeans. In jeans. Just posing for a photograph. Just being that close to me. Yeah. That happens. Yeah. So now it makes perfect sense that you have to, you throw off such pheromones and you have such an it factor sexually that you immediately had to go to your trainer and say, I did fuck my previous trainer, but you don't have to worry. I'm going to spare you. Yeah.

Right. That makes per it's all, you know, Kylie, we were so mystified by the whole thing until we just cracked the case with this. Yeah. It's just hard for me to empathize with that effect on the penis. I've just never lived in your shoes. Well, I mean, it's a big, it's a big lift carrying all this pheromone around. Some might say homes.com is the best home shopping site. Could it be because it has a sleek spam free site or

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Hi, ladies. My name's Jake. I'm calling from New Zealand. And I've just got to tell you, I've had it with fucking the way Americans talk about America. I'm so sorry. I love America. I've been there many times. Beautiful country. But this whole fucking greatest nation on earth, number one, best kind of freedom, land of the free. I'm just sitting there going, the fuck? Like, as someone from, who's lucky to be from a country that experiences freedom,

such freedom as well like new zealand like australia like japan like italy like so many other countries you sit there going the fuck you people on about like it's so annoying and i've just had it and especially in trump's america the fact that this narrative still exists is wild to me and i just can't handle it um love you guys but i just had to share that that i've had it with it sorry

It's so true. And we're kind of indoctrinated to that type of thinking. We're told in school and you even hear politicians on both sides of the aisle say we're the only country in the world that you can do this. Right. Only in America. We're number one. We're the greatest. We're the best.

And, you know, it makes sense that then we elected, not we, not you, the listener, not the New Zealand listener. Right. But as a nation elected somebody who has to, I'm the best. I'm the, you know, it's kind of cooked in this, you know, having to be the best at everything. I sent my sons to this private school from preschool to eighth grade. And that's, and it ends in eighth grade. And it, it specializes in like critical thinking. Yeah.

In the eighth grade government class, when they walk in the classroom the very first day, it would say, is America the greatest country in the world? Yes, no. And the kids had to write a paper on it. And the majority of them said yes, because they're born in America, indoctrinated into this way of thinking, have bought into this whole narrative that we're the greatest. And it's like,

It's real important to Americans to be the greatest instead of like, well, France is great too, but I'm American. For me, America is the greatest for me, but I know other countries are great too. That kind of thinking is not allowed.

So in Mr. Vernon, his name is Mr. Vernon, in his class, then they study income inequality and then they study the gun issue and then they study health care and then they study poverty and they study social safety nets and they study the justice system, incarceration, women's rights, blah, blah, blah. They study all of these things. And then the last week of class, he asked them again and then they have to answer yes, no.

and the majority of them have changed their mind. And not saying it's not, "Oh my God, they're teaching kids to hate America." That's not what it is, they're teaching kids

to critically think that, you know, I was told we were the greatest, but in buying into that narrative, I had to buy into that it was okay for black kids to get shot at a higher rate than white kids. I've had to buy into the fact that it's okay that we're the richest country in the world, but people die because they can't get chemotherapy treatments or they go bankrupt because of medications or, um,

that black people have a completely different experience, you know, getting hired and all sorts of things.

There's this whole forced narrative right now on the right and some of the what I call the centrist saviors of the Democratic Party that say you have no choice. Like they want to be the thought police. America is the greatest country in the world and you spoiled brats can't say it anymore. Well, what makes America better is the ability to criticize it. Right. The ability to identify guns are a fucking problem.

And if you live in America long enough, somebody you love is going to get shot by once. You can either care about it now, you can care about it at your loved one's funeral.

And or, you know, talking about Medicare, Medicaid, veterans benefits, all of these things. It's OK to critically think about them. It's OK to criticize your own country in an effort to make it better. But you have people that are now the thought police like Bill Maher is one of them. These kids saying they hate America. Well, they're not necessarily saying they hate America.

These young kids right now can't get jobs, have been raised by helicopter parents, have a dipshit as a president, impotent Congress, a Supreme Court that only cares about corporations and making this country fascist. Of course, maybe they're critical of America, but that's the thing. If you're an American, you get to fucking criticize it. That is the thing about it. And I agree with this New Zealand listener.

Because there is this whole machismo and it plays into that whole masculine thing. Right. We're the best. We're number one country in the world. We're number one. Just shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. Because we're getting worse. When you think about where we are now, it's worse than it was 20 years ago. By far. We're banning books. Women don't have reproductive care in certain states. They're deporting people.

for having different views. They're not letting institutions enroll people that might have a different view. They're withholding research because they want to dictate what everybody thinks and feels and does. And so I agree. It's a huge problem. And I think you're 100% right that you're indoctrinated from an early age. And until you start thinking about it,

you don't really get it. This is why they want to control the education system. They say, "We don't want our kids being indoctrinated."

They've already been indoctrinated. We've already been indoctrinated to buy into the fact that you could die of a bullet and you're going to do active shooter drills. And that's just cooked in the books because we're not going to fix it because the gun law is more important to us than your child is. And any centrist or any MAGA person that tells you you have to love America and it could be so much worse elsewhere, that's a stupid point.

The point is big thinkers with big ideas constantly try to improve and make things better and to criticize people that want objective critical thinking in schools and saying they're the indoctrinators, that's just gaslighting. The people that do the indoctrinating and I went to an American public school, you did too, there's no question when I think back on it. We did the Pledge of Allegiance every day.

So it's kind of this forced nationalism. We were told it was during the Cold War era. We were told that the United States was the only country in the world that had freedom. And they juxtaposed it with all these communist ideas. We're the best country in the world. We have the best this, the best that, the best that. So when my parents took me to Europe when I was about 14, I was shocked.

and how civilized and clean and nice it was because we didn't have younger listeners we didn't have the internet for those of you i'm into europe you your brain and eyes have been to europe because you've seen it on your instagram feed or your twitter feed or your tick tock well back in in the day you would see pictures of it maybe on tv or whatever but it was really really abstract so when i went my sister lived in germany when i was in junior high and we would go over there to see her all the time

And I was like, wow. I mean, it's efficient. It's clean. It's nice. I didn't see poverty like you do driving in the United States. There's no guns, et cetera, et cetera. And so these conversations that get shut down by people, this is a whole part of the fascist play. And at the epicenter of the idea of America is –

You don't have to like it and you get to speak out against it. And that's protected by the Constitution, period. Yeah, we did the Pledge of Allegiance every single day. Think about nail pumps. If you see that on TV and you see Kim Jong-un's kids doing that with him, with a banner of him.

We're programmed to think that that's somehow indoctrinating them. But when we did it all the time, it's this forced patriotism and nobody ever really like talks about that. Right. And I think one thing for me that I found as I've grown up and become an adult is disagreeing with people and having discord makes both sides better. But regardless of what the situation was, whether it was in my legal career, like you have a husband and a wife or two wives or whatever, they're getting a divorce. Right.

It's better if you talk about it because then you can learn more and build and change your perspective. And I feel like right now we're not doing that. We're just sitting in one echo chamber. So we're not learning. Like I learned from stuff you say all the time, like unless you're exposed to it, you can't get better. And I think discourse makes things better. And so I think having this

patriotism forced on these people and this indoctrination from jump, it just skews all of the growth that we could have. Yes. And I, it's the same thing as religion, you know, like if you think about the insanity of choosing your child's religion for them,

And making them be that religion and indoctrinating in them, them in that at birth, the same thing that they're doing with this nationalism, what the superintendent of school in our state wants to do.

Forced religion, forced births, forced patriotism. That is the antithesis of freedom. That is the antithesis of the ideas of America, free thought, critical thinking, etc. And if we have a nation where we foster these things, then you have real organic patriotism, not this veneer of I'm a big boy with my bald eagle t-shirt, my homoerotic t-shirt.

Trump nutsack bullshit with my, you know, gold Trump shoes and all that just fake stuff.

bullshit. You know, it's just this superficial patriotism that it has no meaning because they will change their opinion on one issue as quickly as Trump does. Right. Well, and they, oh, we're so for the military. And then they cut veterans benefits. They don't vote for veterans. So everything they have is hypocrisy and people should be

Thinking about patriotism in terms of how can we get better instead of you have to agree with me because America is the best country in the world. Organic patriotism. Organic. Where it comes from within. It comes from this. I saw this country, the Supreme Court vote to make.

Gay marriage legal. And if somehow that offends you, then you don't believe in freedom. Right. Then you're a part of a cult. If your religion tells you that's wrong and that that needs to be your number one goal in life, I'm sorry. You're in some sort of hate cult. Right. You know? All right. Listen, listener. I want to...

wrap this episode with our book where you can read all about pumps aforementioned affair with her personal trainer and listen up Tina the new trainer

She's warned you and I'm here to tell you too. She is not going to have sex with you. It's a strict relationship. She's going to come. She's going to train. She's going to pay you and she's going to leave. No slap and tickle. Nothing. No funny business. No funny business with any trainer moving. Do you want to say any trainer moving forward in your life or just the specific current one? Oh, I think we have to leave it open-ended just in case. Yeah. Just in case. I mean, you never know what's going to happen.

All right, Pumps, tell them. We will see you next Tuesday and Thursday. Listen up, patriots, gay-triots, and natriots. We have a new podcast that has dropped. It's called IHIP News. It's Monday through Friday, every day, 15 to 20-minute hot takes on the political landscape of the United States of America, always served with a side of petty grievances.

We are on all the available platforms, Apple, Spotify, Google, whatever you get your podcasts and YouTube. Please go rate, subscribe and review so that we will chart upwards with America's greatest legal mind pumps. Pumps, what does an eagle say? A little bit more enthusiasm. That's it. That's, that's, that's the patriotism that this country needs right there.

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