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Ready? One, two, three. Wow. She's back. I mean, I'm back. I even remembered to do it. It didn't startle me that I had to clap like it sometimes does. Patriots, Gatriots, and Vatriots. I thought we weren't doing it. I know. I just wanted to see what you would do. What's the beaver sound? Vroom, vroom, vroom.

You know what? I mean, I think we're just like a hybrid. Eagle, beaver, bevegal. Bevegal? I don't know. Welcome to America's Top DEI Podcast. Pumps, what have you had it with? Okay, what I've had it with is...

is people that have no urgency in the ATM line. So there's like five cars rolled up waiting on the ATM and the ATM person dicks around with their card. They don't just get their money and put it in the cart. They want to put it in their wallet, make sure it's all organized, count their money. I'm just like,

the machine's going to give you the money. Move on down the road. If you have an issue, you're going to have to go in the bank anyway. Go, go, go, go, go. There are five people in line. Have some urgency and some self-awareness. It's not the time to clean out your wallet while you're sitting at the ATM machine. I've had it.

You know, I think a lot of people don't take into account the feelings of the people behind them in line. And you see this all the time. It could be at a restaurant. You have the register congestors that we've talked about and identified as a huge problem in Trump's America. And then now we have the ATM congestors. And I've experienced the same thing. I'm like you. You.

You have to get in and out. And then when you get your cash or your receipt or whatever, then you move up. Right. And when you're not hindering anybody's ability to access the coveted machine, then you can organize your own things. But I agree, there's a lot of lollygagging and pussyfooting going on at the ATM. It's the worst. My dad, when he was alive, he was the worst at this. One time I went to the ATM with him.

He pulled out his wallet. He puts the card in. He's dicking around. He puts his wallet back in. It was five to seven minutes. And I just looked at him and I said, every single person in this blind and every single person in this bank hates your guts. It's just chaos at these ATMs. People are just rude and inefficient. I mean, people as a species are inefficient. You can see it at the airport.

at the airport, at the ATM, anytime you have a crowd of people, it's mass inefficiency. I also think some of it is regional. Because when I go to New York City or London, people that live in big cities learn to be efficient. They learn to be a member of a fine-tuned machine where millions of people live in the same place at the same time. And they seem to be more efficient. I would say where we live...

It's like this breathtaking inefficiency and this feeling like I'm the only person on the planet at this ATM machine. I have found the people in New York to be more genuinely courteous than people in Oklahoma. And this is a lot of people think, oh, people in the South are so friendly.

Well, it's all a facade. The Southern friendliness is like a smoke and mirror show because it's just for the sake of doing it. There's nothing genuine behind it. In New York, if somebody genuinely is prohibiting you from going to point A to point B or they're taking a long time, they turn around and go, "I'm so sorry I took so long." It's not this faked feigned smile. It's just a very direct, "I'm so sorry I took so long," and then they turn around and scoot off.

In Oklahoma, somebody could be like, I'm so sorry I took so long. And then walk up and go, well, boy, weren't his panties in a lot. You know, there's a lack of like, and I've found in smaller cities like ours, the narcissism of I'm the only customer in the universe seems to be more pronounced than in larger cities. I can agree with that because I was sitting here trying to imagine the people in this city trying to navigate the subway. Yeah.

They couldn't do it. Well, I mean... No. And let's discuss. What's the common denominator between these people in our community, inefficiency, lack of self-awareness, fakeness? Oh, I can tell you. Okay. Lay it on me. The MAGA voters. Yep. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. MAGA voters. Okay. Let me tell you what I've had it with. I've had it with hypochondriacs. That is not new. Specifically my husband. Right.

Poor Josh. And so, you know, about a month ago, Josh starts in like, I think there's something wrong with my brain. And I'm like, what's going on with your brain? Sometimes I just, I can't really remember stuff. Sometimes I don't feel like I'm a sharp person.

as I was. And I said, brain fog? He goes, no, it's more than that. It's more than that. I've been on chat GPT, which he calls chat GPS. I've been on chat GPS and I just think it's more than that. So then he starts and I go like, Josh, I'm not going down this road with you. I'm not. Like you're aging and brain fog is a symptom of middle age. And that's what I think you have. I'm around you all the time. He's like, I think I have dementia. I'm like, you don't have dementia. You know what time it is, you know where you are.

There's no problem here. But when Josh gets an idea in his head, he is hellbent on confirming said idea. So naturally, he books a CT scan of his brain. Right. Of course. So he goes straight to the neurologist and gets his brain scanned. Much to my surprise, much to his surprise. There's not a goddamn thing wrong with his brain.

But this reminded me, and of course, I just wouldn't, I wouldn't, I'm, again, I'm more Nurse Ratched than I am Nurse Nightingale because I live with a hypochondriac. But I remember before COVID, like probably about four months before COVID broke out, and it wasn't even in the news or anything yet. Josh goes through this thing where he's convinced there's something wrong with his heart and or lungs.

and he proceeded to go to cardiologists, pulmonologists, internal medicine doctors, I'm talking 10 different medical doctors. He forced a COPD diagnosis from a pulmonologist. Right. Because he had gone to her like five times. Just browbeat her. And he kept saying there's something wrong. So she's like, okay, and he wouldn't stop.

So she's like, okay, you've got asthma. And she prescribes him some inhalers. He comes home. He takes hits off the inhalers. He's still convinced he's got some elusive breathing problem, right? So he goes back to the same pulmonologist, brow beats the shit out of her longer. And finally he comes home. He's like, I've got COPD. I'm like, oh, do you? It's interesting. And he's talking to some friends of ours that are physicians.

And the physicians are like, I don't think you have COPD. That's insane. Why did she diagnose you with COPD? Because he sent his lung x-rays to our friend that is a radiologist. And he was just like, you do not have COPD. You absolutely do not have COPD. And I go, I'll tell you what he has.

He went to that doctor and forced this diagnosis, just like he forces a sweater on a summer day. He forced a fake COPD diagnosis. And then he realizes he doesn't have it. The problem is between his brains. It's more OCD than COPD and just being an all-around nut. So I ask him, like, how'd your brain scan go? He goes, I won't have the results till tomorrow. I'm like, hmm, okay. Okay.

And then I go, what were the results of the brain scan? Nothing's wrong. So then he, one day, about a week after the brain scan, he's cleaning out his ears. And there's a lot of wax in there. So he immediately books an appointment with an ENT. Of course. And he goes to the ENT and they pull out just gobs and gobs of wax.

And he goes, I knew there was something wrong with me. So he tries to equate this fake personal dementia diagnosis with somehow being related to excess earwax. We're talking, I mean, there was a couple of days there where he's on the sofa claiming he can't hear. Absolutely.

He's on the sofa claiming that he can't hear. And then we're leaving for Brazil and he's putting all these drops in his ears. And Josh doesn't do anything. Like if the prescription says put one drop per day, he's going to put 20 drops per day.

So he's putting these drops in his ear and I go, what's going on? He goes, I've been to the auntie twice. They've cleaned out my ears, but I can't hear anything. Nobody will do anything about it. He does not say that. You're lying. Looks me dead in the eye and says, nobody will do anything about it. Proceeds to put three more sets of drop in his ears on our way to the airport.

And we get to the airport and he's like, "My ear just feels like it's clogged." And I go, "Because you've been cramming ear drops in it all day." So then I asked chat GPS, what happens if you put too many drops in your ears? And it's exactly the symptoms that Josh is describing to me.

Pump the brakes on the airdrops. We're about to get on a 12-hour flight to Sao Paulo. Pull yourself together. So, of course, he does. He pulls himself together. And, you know, I see him doing this with his ear quite a bit and stuff. But I think we're past it. But I'm just telling you, he is a total hypochondriac. And it drives me bananas. You know, it's interesting because...

I think it's so funny because I just don't see him as a hypochondriac. Well, he is. No, I know. I mean, I went in and I saw him that morning on the sofa and I was like, is it the earwax problem? Yeah. And I said, what's wrong with Josh? And you said, he's got earwax. I was like,

He's on the fucking couch because he's got earwax. And you're like, oh, no, he's going back today. He's got a twofer. Yeah. Two in two days. Yeah. Two clean outs. You know that ENT guy is like, this guy is a lunatic. That poor pulmonologist. Oh, poor thing. Was forced into the asthma diagnosis and forced into a COPD diagnosis. You know, he'd been up there. He demanded that she do. He had his lungs injected with some sort of dye.

So that he could have some exam where the lung lights up. Seriously. And you know, he just keeps going. She's like, look, I don't want to get sued. I'm just going to give him some blanket diagnoses here and just move on down the road. And then, of course, that's not enough. Then we have every personal friend we have that's a physician. They're getting copies of all these tests, which they're like, you don't have asthma, nor do you have COPD. Actually, your lungs look great. You're fine. As it turns out, you're fine. But doesn't that tell you...

How easy, not easy, but I mean, because you have to want it. And Josh really went all in on it that the Munchausen thing and the Munchausen by proxy, if you just keep bugging the shit out of the doctor, they'll do what you want. Well, I think they're also terrified of getting sued. Right. That's what I'm saying. I mean, they're in a catch 22. They're in CYA mode. Cover your ass. And so, yeah. So, I mean, I don't know. I don't know what he's wanting the ENT to diagnose him with. Hearing loss. Inner ear problems. Because then I'm like, okay, let's play the tape. You're the most vain person on the planet. Yeah.

Let's say that he does say, okay, you're deaf. Now we need to give you hearing aids. That's going to go over like a fucking lead balloon. That just kind of makes me so happy, the thought of him having to wear a hearing aid because he is so vain. And he wouldn't do it. He keeps saying, I go, how are your ears? And we were in Brazil. How are your ears? They're fine. I can't hear anything. I said, that's so weird because you've heard me perfectly the whole trip as you have our hosts. Yeah.

And he just flicks him and he goes, I'm just telling you, I can't hear and nobody cares. I'm like, I don't. I sure don't care. I sure don't care. Welcome to I've Had It. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. She's the star. She's the beaver. She's America's greatest legal mind. And this is hilarious. Angie, tell me the story. Tell them about being in court and what somebody came up to you. Okay. So I was in court and I was sitting next to this delightful man. And he said, my wife loves your podcast. Can we get a picture? I was like, yeah, sure. And so we took a picture.

And she immediately responds, oh my gosh, America's greatest legal mind. That's so good. Yeah, that's so good. And you were actually in court. I was in court. And she was a lawyer too. And she's a smart person lawyer, like commercial contract. And she immediately identified America's greatest legal mind, the donning of a beaver, America's top DEI sensation, Angela Dawn Beaver. Kylie. Kylie.

Hi. I'm going to do it in order this time. That's good. I just thought a great new name of myself. What? Head Beaver in Charge.

HBIC. HBIC. The head beaver in charge. It's really good. That's a really good. I don't get good ideas like that often. That's real. That was a great one. Kylie. I've got a couple of reviews for you guys. This one, five stars. The blonde one talks a lot. That narrows it down. Pretty funny. But that blonde one talks a lot. Is that me or her? We're both blonde. That's the joke. Oh, got it.

Okay, this one is five stars titled Proud Beaver in Meemaw's Dam. Yes. Finally coming out of the closet as an IHIP fan and ripping off my shame. Dumps and Jessica could very well be my mother as I am a 19 year old trans-triot. But I wouldn't want to spend my days at work listening to anything else but these ladies.

That's...

That's fantastic. See, you know, I mean, I think the situation with caca is it's a battle cry. It kind of prematurely shelved it. You did just impulsively. Don't you think I prematurely shelved caca? I think you did. Yeah, that was an impulsive. You know what? That wouldn't have happened in Kamala Harris's America. No, it would not have happened in Kamala Harris's America. No.

This episode is supported by FX's Dying for Sex, starring Michelle Williams and Jenny Slate. Inspired by a true story, this series follows Molly, who after receiving a terminal cancer diagnosis, decides to leave her husband to explore the full breadth of her sexual desires.

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This will come as no surprise to anyone. The U.S. slips to its lowest ranking ever in the World Happiness Report. So we're at our lowest ranking ever. This decline continues a downward trend from previous years where the U.S. ranked 23rd.

and we were actually 15th in 2023. Several factors contribute to the U.S.'s declining happiness ranking. Notably, there has been a significant increase in individuals dining alone. Approximately 26% of U.S. adults reported eating all their meals alone on any given day, a 53% rise since 2003. The trend correlates with increased feelings of loneliness and reduced social support, both of which negatively impact overuse.

Overall well-being. Additionally, the U.S. has experienced a rise in deaths of despair, including those of suicide, alcohol abuse, drug overdose, further influencing its lower happiness ranking. Interestingly, Finland was number one. I was going to say, the reason America is so unhappy is we have a fascist running the country. That's my opinion. I do think that makes people unhappy, but I think we...

money too much and worship those that have money too much. And it's such a part of the American identity to be like, to want to dry hump capitalism at all times and to reprogram your brain into thinking, what is the benefit of this worshiping money so much? Does money make your life easier? 100%.

When you get a lot of money, can it even make you happy? Of course it can. But the worship of it, the worship of money and idolizing those who have a lot of money, when we have so many people that don't have health care, that the minimum wage is

I think it leads to a very unhappy community, whereas in Scandinavia, everybody has health care. Women are, you know, in positions of power all over the place. They don't have religion anymore.

in these places. And I just think that the way we have set up the United States, multiple ways, city planning, you have to drive your car everywhere. I think that suburbia is death trap for happiness factor. I think if your house looks like everybody else's house and everybody kind of lives the same way, does all the same stuff, I think that's dreadfully boring and that would make you unhappy.

I think all the Trump dump and having a president has a goddamn flea market. That's depressing as shit. So I don't know how we reverse course, but I mean, it's, I see it. I find myself being more, I wouldn't say depressed, but since the election with every day I wake up with this foreboding, like what's happened. And then I'm never just, you know, I'm never like, Oh, nothing happened last night or nobody broke the law last night or nobody leaked war plans on the internet or

That kind of thing. So I do just have an unease that I have never had before. You know, when we were in Brazil, I was first of all, I was like, oh, my God, like 23 million people live in this city. That was crazy. Because when you're in the United States, all you ever hear about is U.S. centered news.

But I was thinking about just returning to the United States. And before this trip, when I was abroad and I returned to the United States, I knew that I was returning to a place that at least I believed in trying to get better with time. Each year, each presidential term, trying our best to improve things.

And this time, as I woke up that morning to board the plane, I was like, I'm going back to a place where the people in charge are hell bent.

on tearing it down and they're hell bent on any advancement that women have made, any advancement that the LGBTQ plus community has made. They're completely erasing black identity from all of the government websites. So all the civil rights advancements, they want to completely undo. And that's just, it was just, it hit me like a ton of bricks thinking I'm returning to a place where

That is no longer the place for 50 years that I needed to believe that it was. That this government that's in place right now wants to dismantle all of these things. And here's something that I've had it with. The little Caroline Leavitt, the little White House press secretary, that little cunt. Let me tell you, she has her job.

because of women that had a backbone, that fought for everybody, that didn't throw anybody under the bus. That's why she has that job. And the fact that she would join an administration where she would want to take away all of those advancements

is so disgusting to me. The same with that queen at the secretary of the treasury, Scott Besson. He has that job because of activists in the LGBTQ plus community that fought hard to normalize and to say, these people should not be shamed. They should not, uh,

they should have all of the laws apply to them. So he's going to get to that position and beat down all of those before him and the rights for all of those that come after him. Abhorrent. And then you have Kash Patel, brown skin. At the end of the day, you think all those white supremacists that you're working with, you're going to be the first motherfucker that's thrown under the bus. It's just jaw dropping. The fact that Candace Owens, a female and a black one at that,

uses to exploit the same people that 20, 30 years ago would have never given her the time of day and they trot her out like she's their trophy. It just disgusts me when people cherry pick their human rights. I think it's just disgusting and dangerous. I agree with you. I'm always like, what? When I hear Candace Owens open her mouth, Kash Patel's loyalty to Trump

Caroline Leavitt. I mean, she grosses me out worse than Kayleanne McEnany. Does he have any black people in his cabinet? I think Cash Patel's the darkest person in his cabinet. But does he have like an African-American in his cabinet? I don't think so. Not to my knowledge. Because remember, he didn't... Tim Scott was pick me, pick me, pick me. He didn't pick him. Yeah. But that's not shocking at all. No, it doesn't. It doesn't shock me at all. But it's just... It's really...

It's really hurtful to the progress that so many people have made. And, you know, when you study American history and you see the horrible things that happen, like slavery and segregation, and then you study the civil rights movement, you see the brave people that, you know, marched on the bridge and

and Rosa Parks and MLK that did all of these amazing cool things. And you see this administration go and just want to wipe all that out and say, oh, it's just DEI when the people that are calling other people DEI are the most incompetent, stupid, double digit IQ pieces of shit this country's ever produced. They shouldn't be in charge of anything. They are flea market game show host,

rat trap, nut jobs. I've just, it's so gross. It disgusts me each and every day. Could not agree more. Okay. Another news story.

Not as uplifting either. I was going to say, we really... The study shows half of Americans have gotten ruder since the pandemic. About 47% of adults say public behavior has worsened with 34% noticing rude behavior in public. And I'm just going to say, I think this is 100% true. I completely agree. And this is, I was going to say this last time and we kind of got off track.

I prefer to eat my meals. Every time I go, every time I go out to dinner with a group of people, I sit there and think, I wish I was by myself because when I'm done, I can get the check. I can go, I can sit down, I can order. I don't have to fucking talk for five hours about what's on the menu. I'm getting to where I prefer it. So that people that eat alone, I think embrace it, enjoy it, write your own ticket. That's my thing.

Yeah, I agree. I don't have a problem eating alone at all. And with regards to the pandemic, I think this is really true. In my interior design business, after the lockdown, everybody came out and they wanted to redecorate their house and redo their house because they had spent so much time nesting. So it was kind of like a business boom.

But oh my God, the shift in the way people treated their designers and other vendors. And of course, because everybody was doing it, the supply chain was whacked out, prices were going up. And I just thought, I really hate everybody. I really hate.

hate everybody. And I had this fabulous job that was all about creativity and making the landscape, the backdrop for people's Christmas mornings, Thanksgivings, where they brought their babies home from the hospital. It was a really privilege to do it. The two years after COVID, people were

awful. And that had to have happened in every industry across the board. No, I completely agree. And it was a big post-COVID divorce boom too. It's a shock to no one. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. I can totally see that. Okay. Next up, this is some good news. Target reportedly lost nearly $1 billion after boycott and DEI rollbacks. Target was always kind of like

the cutting edge of we're going to support LGBTQ rights, we're going to support DEI, blah, blah. Then Trump wins. And then all of a sudden, they jump on the oligarch bandwagon, and they decide they're going to roll back their DEI support, the support of diversity, equity, inclusion. And the customers of Target, specifically black people,

are not to be trifled with that's right and they get online and they organize and target is feeling this to the tune of one billion dollars and what i have to say about this is people do not like the short-sighted inauthenticity i think it's so gross if you are just supporting gay people or black people because you think it's going to be monetarily beneficial for you

and not because you feel it's the right thing to do, then you're a target. You just switch your mind with the changes of the political winds. And I think that's so gross. I have always stood in my support of social justice, my support of civil rights, my support of equality, and it's never changed. And right now, it's more difficult to express those opinions, but I feel that much more emboldened to do it because of the targets. And I'm not going to be scared of a bunch of men saying,

in the Trump administration that wear eyeliner and makeup all the time talking about how alpha they are trying to bully us into not speaking out against them. It's just insane. And I support...

people boycotting Target and shame on Target for being so shallow in their support for civil rights. Absolutely. And I have boycotted Amazon too, which is a real tough one for me. Yeah. Because Jeff Bezos, perfect example, he accepted like a human rights award. Right. Because of his DEI programs with Amazon. And then he...

Turned and fled so fast. It's just, that's so gross. And you know what? I think that a lot of black people felt that during Black Lives Matter. Right. They felt like it was a trendy bandwagon thing for people to post about. But as soon as the winds changed, you saw...

the, you know, either overt racism or covert racism come back. And that would be exhausting being black in America when it's popular and everybody is all about Black Lives Matter and it's this big movement. But I remember some, you know, seeing it online and some friends of mine that are black that were like, we'll see how long this lasts. We'll see how long what people really stay new. How gross. It's so gross. Mm hmm.

Okay. I believe that that concludes the first part of this podcast. In the second part of America's Top DEI Podcast, we like to hear from you, the listener. Okay. Up first, we've got Jenny. Hey, ladies. I love you so much. Calling out here from the middle of Indiana, blue dot and a red state. Okay. I have the best idea for you.

Period. You know how you have retaken the eagle and we all appreciate that so much. And pumps does her famous, which I do with her every time. Okay. So I think you need to switch it from cook to a nice fuck off like this. Oh my gosh. What do you think? I think it's a great idea. Um, I love you guys so much. I live for you.

I'm obsessed with you. And thank you for everything you do. You know what? I think that she's on to something. Because I was feeling like the cacao was growing stale. So I tabled it. And then I thought maybe I prematurely tabled it. But what it was is it needed to evolve. Evolution's the key. We needed to evolve it. Okay, ready? Mm-hmm. I'm going to warm up. That was pretty good. It was really good. For the first time. I think Jenny...

What about 8-6-7-5-3-0-9? 8-6-7-5-3-0-9. That's such a good song, wasn't it? These people, half these people have never even heard of that. I honestly believe that we don't deserve dogs, but I have these two dogs that I consider to be my biological children. I love them so much and I would do anything on the planet for them. And that's why I'm so happy to announce that today's episode is sponsored by ASPCA Pet Health Insurance Program.

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The ASPCA is not an insurer and is not engaged in the business of insurance. So, Pumps, you know what I've been doing when I go home for lunch to change clothes to play tennis? What? I get my Lume all over body deodorant. I put it on my feet, on my little piggies, and on my hands.

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Okay, up next we've got Heather. Hey, this is Heather from Salt Lake. Long time fan, haven't missed an episode. I've had it with Elon Musk, but more so the descriptions of his penis, which I have not heard you guys talk enough about.

But I went down the rabbit hole and apparently his kids were all born IVF because of a botched penile implant job. And his penis is described as looking like, quote, no stem, acorn covered in scabs. Yeah.

So I just thought you should know that so that maybe, you know, you could talk a little bit about that because I'm sure he would love that. All right. Bye. You know, so the micropenis parade that happens at the White House. Now we know Trump has a mushroom and Elon Musk has an acorn. And this makes perfect sense.

I hate to toot my own horn. You have. But I have been screaming this from the rooftop. This is Little Dick Energy, top to bottom. I knew it. I fucking knew it. I love that so much. I'd heard he did the IVF, but so he was trying to make it bigger with the penile implant. Yeah. I don't think somebody would put an implant to make it smaller. Well, I know. I just didn't know if something... I don't know what I thought, but...

I think that allegedly, if he had this botched penile implant surgery and it was botched,

And then he starts doing all this in vitro. And then so there's an insecurity there that he can't get a girl pregnant the normal way. And then he gets he's a billionaire because he gets all of these subsidies and he can't earn his money the normal way. And then he has to buy President Trump because he couldn't get elected his own way, the normal way. So we basically in this country have a South African born man. And I don't give a shit where somebody is born, but MAGA does. Right. They do. So MAGA.

if you're MAGA, you have a South African born man who does gender affirming care with his hair implants because that's gender affirming care. And he has all these baby mamas, all these IVF babies, which according to the MAGA Christians, they don't think IVF should be legal. It should be missionary sex only with probably some creepy panties on or something. And, um,

You have this guy who is just completely insecure from top to bottom in the most Freudian style way, acting out in a public manner, fucking with people's lives for sport because he's so broken on the inside. Yeah. And nothing will ever fix him. Nothing. The two most broken people that will never be fixed ever. All the adulation, all the money in the world, nothing is going to fix them. I mean, they, between the two of them,

I can't figure out who thinks they're a bigger victim. These two think they are victims. It's unreal. I would die if I was running around with you and you let me always talk about how everybody hates me, da, da, da, da. And you never said, have you ever thought the common denominator in your problems was you? Have you ever thought maybe you had something to do with that? This has gone on their entire lives because they have money. It's so crazy what people get away with. No.

No, and you cannot forget the color of their skin and their gender. That's right. That's right. White men, really, it's crazy because not all white men, there's a lot of white male listeners of all generations of Gen Z, millennials, boomers, and Gen Xers that listen to us. And you guys fight the good fight. And we're not talking about you.

But there's this new breed of men from the older sect that were radicalized by Fox News. And then the younger ones radicalized from like the Barstool Sports and Right Wing Manosphere and all of this stuff.

And the insecurity in it and the need to constantly be told that you're okay and you're so good at something is so exhausting. And I guess they all hang out with each other and they're always on these titty baby websites, listening to titty baby podcasts, where it's just wah, wah, wah all the time. And I guess that's what makes them feel normal. Because if I was around, we've had friends, you and I have had friends that play victim

All the time. And eventually I can't be around it anymore. I cannot listen to somebody's grievances day in and day out. And then it forms to a year and you think, why haven't you done anything to change this? This might have happened to you, but it's, you are responsible for how you respond to it. And these men sit there and cry like everybody doesn't like me.

The judiciary is against me. You know, the list goes on and on. There's hoaxes and all this stuff. And I just think, does nobody listening think

You are a billionaire. You have everything you want. You have more power than you could ever imagine. Why are you crying around on Fox News all the time? Don't they get sick of that? I would think I mean, whenever I hear Elon Musk talk and he's complaining about all of the wrongs that have happened to him or Trump talking about all the wrongs that happened to him.

I immediately think in my head, what a pussy. Yes. God, this guy's a titty baby just sitting here bitching and moaning. Poor me. I'm just like, what? It's such a turnoff.

And I think, well, doesn't everybody else see that? And I guess that all of the MAGA men are equal titty babies. Right. And probably have the same type of penile problems. And so this is just a grievance parade that they can all engage in together. It's the only thing that makes sense to me because every time I hear these MAGA men talk from Jesse Waters to Gutfeld to Trump, Don Jr., all of them, I think,

These guys are the biggest fucking pussies. They are not tough guys at all. All they do is this person did this, this person did that. There's no strength in a whiner. Nobody likes a fucking whiner, I guess, except for MAGA. And it is the party of whiners. Absolutely. The party of grievances and poor me. I just fucking drives me bananas. Okay. Okay. Up next, we've got Kaylee.

OK, I don't know if this is the right way to submit anything, but can I just say I've absolutely fucking had it with how America treats their politicians. Like if we look at MAGA, you have all these people buying merch, buying hats, flags, T-shirts or whatever. And I'm just there going, you're doing all of this for an elected public servant because that's what Trump is.

And I just have to say, like, you wouldn't find the same behaviour in Ireland. Like our prime minister, Taoiseach, is Micheál Martin. If I had cut out some Micheál Martin in my house and the flags up around the place, my roommates would be calling 911 and put me in for a psychiatric evaluation for one. Secondly, it's just like we don't celebritify them.

Like a lot of us would have met our local politicians. We've met them in person. They're just normal people who are elected to do the job as most of your Congress or whatever is as well. It's just so weird to me. Yeah, I've had it. She's 100% right. It's so weird. The MAGA shit is so weird to me how they like...

He wears all this makeup and then they make these homoerotic photoshopped things of him. And then he sells all these riffraffs. And I was thinking about, remember that game show, Let's Make a Deal? Yeah.

It's like Trump is the host of Let's Make a Deal. He had the car commercial on the White House lawn. And then he has the coins and the Christmas ornaments and, you know, the Trump trout and all this fucking riffraff, knickknack bullshit that nobody would want to buy for some 78-year-old fat-ass orange-faced piece of shit. Yeah.

And the worship of him, the only thing that makes sense is cult indoctrination. And I think that will be the autopsy on this. All of these people that think they're so tough and such independent thinkers are actually in a cult. I agree. I was thinking when she was talking, because it's a great point.

I don't remember people running around in George Bush and Ronald Reagan and Bill Clinton. I fucking loved Reagan. No, but I mean, did they wear T-shirts and stuff? I know he didn't sell grift, but I just don't. That came in with Trump. And I wonder if it's because he was on TV. Well, there's actually, you can study this in political science. And it started when things were televised in the Nixon-Kennedy era.

Like that was the first time people saw their politicians. And then politicians became made for TV. And if you think about America being the center of the entertainment world,

you know, industry. We have all these television shows, movies, et cetera. Well, then Bill Clinton upped the ante when he played the saxophone on Arsenio Hall. I remember that. And then you have Obama, who's just mega watt, you know, mega crowds, easy on the eyeballs, great orator. And I just think now in order to be president of the United States, you have to have a whole it factor.

And the only thing I can see that Trump has is charisma for dumb people. And I do think he has that. He, you know, he's, oh, you know, Hannibal Lecter, you know, and he talks like a drunk person at the bar. And if you're all kind of high on Trump, you know, you can kind of see that, okay, these it's, it's,

He's like a cult leader for dumb people. I mean, that's what he is. And so he has charisma. It's not my personal. I don't like that style of charisma, grievances or braggadocious. Both of those things are very off-putting to me. But I think probably for his white base, evangelical base, he's just like an evangelical preacher or a game show host. Yeah, that's and you when the first time you said that, it took me a minute, but I was like, that's so true because we're grifting.

We're megawatt personality. Yeah. We're telling people other people are bad. He's a great bullshit artist. He really, he is a great bullshit artist. He, I mean, he can go and go and go and it makes no sense what he's saying, but he is a bullshit artist con man. And the reason that he's continued to ascend is because he's successful at one thing and one thing only, and that's being a con man. And he is very, very adept at that. He has succeeded in that, uh,

I mean, he should be in jail right now. I mean, he should totally be in jail. If he were black or a woman, there's no question he would be in jail. But the people that like worship him and they think they're so independent and they think, oh, you have Trump derangement syndrome. People get in our comments. You ladies have TDS. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. I've had it. OK. OK. Up next, we've got Kimberly Jones.

Good morning, ladies. I just want to say thank you for helping me get through Trump's America. We are nowhere close to it fucking being over, but as a black lesbian in Utah, I truly appreciate listening to you guys and laughing. One thing I've had it with is I'm driving my toddler to school today, listening to

toddler music, so hoping this drive goes as fast as humanly possible. And we're stuck in traffic because everyone's fucking rubbernecking trying to look at this accident that has happened. I'm sorry, if there are 15 fucking cop cars, three ambulances, and a fire truck, it's probably something you don't want to fucking see. None of you are...

medical professionals we live in utah all of you got your medical degree from fucking facebook so keep driving look forward and push on the gas pedal we have places to go unlike most of you i'm not a stay-at-home mom and i need to get to work so i don't need to just lollygag and i'm not on my way to fucking swig let's go put your foot on the gas pedal let's drive a

Okay. I love her. What about being a black lesbian in Utah? That's tough sledding. Go girl. I mean, that's, I mean, Utah, Oklahoma is pretty white. Utah is white. White and religious. Everybody's Mormon. But the ex-Mormons are cool. Oh, I talked about this on Patreon before we address her comment. I talked about this on Patreon, but we haven't talked about it with our main audience.

And so, listener, some of you commented when Pumps and I were talking about Mormons sending out the 18-year-olds and how stupid that was. Some people that are former Mormons messaged me and told me that the reason they send them out at 18 and 19 is so that they get rejected by the world.

And they see how terrible the world is so that when they come back home from schlepping all the snake oil, then it's like, see, we told you this is the best place. See how mean everybody else is? And that's fucking diabolical. Right. But that fits perfectly with religious cults. Yeah. Because this 18-year-old, it doesn't make sense, but that makes a ton of sense. That tracks. Okay. Now on to the rubbernecking. I have to say, I do this. I'm sorry. I know it's wrong. I know I shouldn't do it.

But I have to look. I don't look. I'm scared I'll see something I don't want to see. I look every single time. I'm a part of the problem. Have we told them on here how we chased the cop cars the other day? Remember? We were sitting at lunch having grilled cheeses at the shack. Yeah. Oh, yeah, we did. And there were cop cars going by. And we went and pursued them.

Why did we do that? Because we're nuts. Nobody talked to anybody off the ledge. No. We were both like, I kind of want to follow that cop car. Yeah, we were eating grilled cheeses and then on this like busy street and all these cop cars start going by and it's like fast, fast and it's super dramatic. And I was like,

should we follow? And Pubs was like, a hundred percent. So we just like race out to her car. And then we went in pursuit. We could never track them down, but we were, we were gunning it. We were in hot pursuit. Yeah. We were going through it. We went like seven miles away from where we should have been. Trying to find the crime scene. Right. Now I want, but I can't look at the ambulance because I'm afraid I'll see something bad, but I do want to see if we're, you know, what's going on. I just don't want to see like

The product of a dead body. I know. I don't want to see it either, but I don't not want to see it. Does that make sense? And that's so flipped for us because I'm the one that's so into all the gory stuff. And you're anti-gory, anti-hospital, anti-blood. I don't even watch hospital shows. No, I know. Fictional hospital shows. But when I drive by an accident, I have to see it. I have to look. I have to. Oh my gosh. Speaking of which, I forgot to toot my own horn. Kylie, back me up. So Seth has a splinter.

I did surgery today. Got the splinter out. I had to get it all pointing out. So I have to bring Kylie in for this. Yeah, didn't I get it out? Just hold your horses. So I brought my tool kit. I get it all ready, but I can't keep it up out of the skin and pull it out. So I bring Kylie in. And as we all know, she's a big pussy. She comes in and I'm like, hey, I need you to take this out. And she's like...

And I was like, enough. She got it right out the first try. And first of all, I just want to say when Kylie, I tried to clean her ears out. She was a big baby. Seth was not a baby. I went in. I got that splinter. You cleaned out Seth's ears? No, no, no. I got the splinter out of his finger. Oh, okay. Okay.

Kylie was a big titty baby when I tried to clean her ears out. Oh, I wonder if, you know, maybe you could clean Josh's ears out. I have my tools on me right now. If he's not laid up on the sofa with earwax. I mean, I've never laughed so hard in my life when I was like, is Josh sick? Why is he at home? Earwax. Yeah.

And I say it just dry like that. Oh, he's got earwax. Yeah. And I was just like, what? Here's the thing. After the forced asthma and then the COPD diagnosis.

And we went to 10 different doctors and had all the exams. When he started in with the dementia, I just looked at him straight in the face and I said, I'm not doing this with you again. Like it's, he gets it. I think it's probably like the recovering addict in him. If he thinks there's something wrong, he'll myopically focus on it and he can't, he can't let it go. It's like something genetically in him. And I just refuse to feed it. Like I am, I will not be codependent.

I will not be, I will, I will not have any part of this fucking charade of getting fake diagnoses. I will, I will have no part of it. Our medical care system is fucked up enough. And in Trump's America, I will, I will go move heaven and earth not to be a part of the problem, but to be a part of the solution. That includes not supporting my husband in his hypochondria.

Okay. I think that does it today. I want to remind everybody of several things. Number one, we have merch and we have these great like trucker hats that are camouflaged that say Gatriot. We have Gatriot shirts. We have a book coming out and you can pre-order. It actually comes out in like, what, six weeks? Yeah. Yeah. It's coming out the end of May. And so-

You guys need to preorder that book. You need to subscribe to our YouTube channel. You need to subscribe to both of our audio channels, which is I've had it and also I have news. And you need to be the best American you can be in Trump's America. Do not bend for fascists.

Do not break. Do not give up. Do not target this thing. Don't be like Target. Don't be like Target. Be like Ben and Jerry's. Be Ben and Jerry's. Absolutely. Ben and Jerry. Great example. Ben and Jerry's from day one has always stood for social justice. One of my favorite follows on Instagram is Ben and Jerry's ice cream. Yeah. Good for them. Those guys are, those guys are goals. They are goals. Never, ever, ever. And guess where they're from?

Guess who else is from Vermont? Bernie. Yeah, Bernie Sanders. Vermont's cool people. Yeah, Vermont's cool. Except for the people in Vermont that voted for Trump. Fuck you. Right. All right, pumps, tell them. We will see you next Tuesday and Thursday. There you go. I'll tell you what I've had it with.

Listen up, patriots, gay-triots, and natriots. We have a new podcast that has dropped. It's called IHIP News. It's Monday through Friday, every day, 15 to 20-minute hot takes on the political landscape of the United States of America, always served with a side of petty grievances.

We are on all the available platforms, Apple, Spotify, Google, whatever you get your podcasts and YouTube. Please go rate, subscribe and review so that we will chart upwards with America's greatest legal mind pumps. Pumps, what does an eagle say? A little bit more enthusiasm. That's it. That's, that's, that's the patriotism that this country needs right there.