The (Imaginary) War on Xmas
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Happy holidays. Judy Diana is all decked out for the holidays. I've got my cat sweater on. Because we know how much you love pussy. I fucking hate cats. That was a good one. I got to give you full credit. That was good stuff. It was really good. Yeah. Anyway, Pumps, what have you had it with that is holiday related?

Well, I've had it with two things. As everyone knows, I fucking can't stand all the Christmas music. It drives me bananas. Okay. But what I really had it with this weekend was wrapping gifts. Because it takes so long. You have to go buy the paper. Then you have to cut the paper to size. Then you have to wrap the gift. And I'm pretty OCD about my corners on a gift, which is stupid. And then it takes exactly five seconds for them to rip that off.

Throw the paper away and it's just a complete and colossal waste of time. So I've just had it with wrapping paper, wrapping gifts, the whole nine. I love to wrap presents. I find it very therapeutic. I lie down. It makes me crazy. Because it's like you complete it. Right. And what I do for a living, sometimes these projects drag on and on. But I like the timeline that holiday season offers or that Christmas offers.

It starts here pretty much around Thanksgiving and it ends on the 25th. Right. And it's over. And I like the timeline of it. I like that you can wrap the gifts. I arranged them very neatly under the tree in a very beautiful manner. Yeah.

Because I love the holiday season and I am not a Grinch. I think I am a Grinch overall. I kind of defeated myself the other day, but I think at the end of the day, I'm not a super holiday person. Here's the deal. When you're as effervescent and as gorgeous as you, you are allowed one character defect. Just what? My love.

That's right. And you can hate Christmas all you want to. And you can forge, you could be the general, the commander of the war on Christmas. And I'm going to support you. I'm going to be your soldier, Pumps. Well, I appreciate that. I mean, that is really caring. I have to say for the listener that Jennifer Welch does a bow on a Christmas gift like you have never seen. Your ribbons. They're gorgeous. You do all that. I mean, you do. You knock it out of the ballpark.

I wrap a great gift. Yeah. I do not do those little pre-made bows that you unpill the plastic and then just smack on there. That shows that you didn't care. I don't do those either. I wrap a beautiful bow with ribbon on every individual gift with enthusiasm and holiday spirit because I am a beacon of

of positivity and generosity for one month out of 12. Well, I mean, it's not a complete zero. You've got the one. Yeah, I gave up on bows a long time ago. So you don't put any bows at all? No, I just put the flat box with the sticker on who it goes to that I fill out the sticker. It's a pre-made sticker, like the to-from sticker. I fill it out. It's just a hashtag almost.

That's a hashtag not even close. Hashtag don't care. Yeah, my gifts look fantastic. They do. They look really nice. I'm a great rapper. I'm a great rapper. Let me tell you what I've had it with. And I think we've discussed this previously, but I'm just going to circle back on it. Okay. Christmas cards. Yeah. Let me tell you why. Here's the psychology, why I've had it.

15 years ago, 10 years ago, loved them. Loved them. It was fantastic because you had no idea what anybody was doing. Right. Because there wasn't social media. And this level of ignorance about what people you know are or are not doing truly was bliss. Yeah.

They trotted out one photograph every 365 days that you received via snail mail to your house. You'd open it up and you'd think, boy, Billy sure has lost some more hair. God, that kid is ugly. And you'd kind of, you know, you'd kind of make these internal judgments based on their picture because you only saw it once a year. And it was beautiful and it was fantastic. Yeah.

And then trots in Facebook and Instagram and all this fuckery. And now we know just how problematic all of these fuckers are. 365 days a year because for some godforsaken reason, I can't stop looking at it.

Yeah. I think I could just delete the apps from my phone. That would be healthy, but I can't do it. Yeah. I do. I do have to say there was something special about a Christmas card before social media. It was always nice to see how much the kids grew and changed. If so-and-so got a divorce. No, but that's what I would look for. Like, oh my gosh, look how big so-and-so is. I

I do have one friend that was so great. She sent out a Christmas card. She lived in a different state than the rest of us. She sent out a Christmas card that just said,

From Jane and John, the kid, divorced the husband, made the divorce announcement via Christmas card. I thought that was fucking HBIC. So you just opened it up and it was like, boom. Let me get back to my point here. So my point is that now I know what's going on all the time, multiple times a day through these apps on my smartphone.

The last thing I want to go do is walk out to my fucking mailbox, which is where all the bad shit comes. You know, all the ads for the bad stuff. Nobody fucking sends snail mail anymore. Right. And then I open it up and I'm like, basically, I've seen already seen this exact same thing.

But maybe they have on all white shirts or something, some minor tweak. But basically, social media has killed the holiday card entirely. It seems like a waste. It seems anti-environment. It seems antiquated. It seems redundant. I was just going to say, it's just redundant because people post everything.

the exact same photo shoot picture, but it's just a different pose for the Christmas card. And it's like, been there, done that, don't care. Yeah. And I think, you know, I just like how worked up people get about the reveal of their Christmas card. Can you imagine? No, I can't. Taking a family photograph and thinking, I'm going to withhold this. Yeah.

And wait till the perfect time to drop it. Because everybody's chomping at the bit to see the Welches this year. They're camped out at the mailbox waiting for the Christmas card to come. Now, there are people and there's a lot of planning that goes into outfits. Oh, yeah. Planning.

Blowouts. Photographer. Makeup. Yeah. Matching clothes. Speaking of that, welcome to I've Had It. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. Kylie, didn't you say that you and your girlfriend were going to do a holiday card? It's my plan, and I will mail you one. Okay.

Please do not post it on social media before you mail it to us. I'll wait till after. Right. Okay. Also, I have a question. Yeah. Does anyone that you know, since you're so many generations above me, do the Christmas newsletter attached? Is that a real thing? Yes. Yes. And I do have to say, I have this one friend from high school that does it every other year. She does an ode every other year and it always is fantastic. She like rhymes it. I mean, it's really great.

Okay, I'm going to disagree with Scrooge here on this. I've received all of them and they're all fucking garbage. They're trying to be cute. They're trying to be neat. They're trying to be fun. This is where my Ebenezer Scrooge kicks in. Nobody gives a fuck. What you do? Nobody wants to read your fucking newsletter. Okay.

Except for pumps, apparently. And I mean, I have seen these and I have read these before. And I just think this is the biggest grandstanding showboating bullshit. It is a jet stream of bullshit. Yeah. Narcissism by mail is what it is.

It is narcissistic attack by male. Narcissism by male is what those are. So can I just brag the whole time? It's a brag. The entire time. I don't care if they rhyme. I don't care what pumps his friend is doing. I guarantee you, if I had it here to do a dramatic reading, all of us would collectively think it was garbage. You just probably have an affection for this person.

Maybe. And it's been a while since she did it because now everything's on social media. Right. But I remember looking forward to hers every year, every other year, because it was a good...

And what's the logic behind that every other year? Well, maybe because. See, she got you. It worked with you hook, line and sinker. I was the test case. She gave it to you, then a ghost. Gave it to you and a ghost. And it fucking worked because here you are in our podcast promoting this fucking newsletter. Yeah, I did like it. That was the only one out of all the ones I would got because most of them were just like, we went to Disney World. Johnny scored three touchdowns in a football game. It's

And so-and-so's doing dance. It's like, does anybody care? No. I can barely keep up with my own shit. Like, I don't want to keep up with your shit. Kylie, do people your age send snail mail? You know what? I actually got a piece of snail mail yesterday. You did? What was it? I opened it up and it was a handwritten pencil to notebook piece of paper. And I'm like, oh, shit. I start reading it.

It is a Jehovah's Witness. Oh, gosh. They attached a pamphlet to the back of it trying to get me to go research the Bible for the answers to the world. Excellent. Handwritten. You know, you could go to that. Remember that book I found in Walmart?

What was it called? Scientific Facts in the Bible. About three pages long. Yeah. You could go put it in that book. See, I feel sorry for that person. They thought they really did a good job. And you're thinking, oh my gosh, you're either a stalker or a net. Like when you first said it was pen to paper, I thought, oh my God, Kylie's got a stalker. No, I think the Jehovah's Witness thing, that's just, they don't celebrate Christmas, right? Or birthdays. Is it Jehovah's Witness? Yeah, that's right. That's right. No Christmas, no birthdays. Yeah. So maybe this is their time to start the pen pal movement. No.

In December, everybody's so busy, they're void of shopping, void of, you know, scheduling these elaborate photo shoots, void of making a family newsletter, which is also known as a jet stream of bullshit. So they start trying to proselytize.

Right. Gives them just a little holiday project. Exactly. That's one thing they can celebrate. Well, I have a story I want to share with you all. Lay it on me. Okay. This is from the Daily Mirror and it says, Santa can't stop laughing after boy, six years old, bribes him in bed to get all of his presents. So the Santa took to Reddit and he says, a boy was waiting patiently in line to meet me.

And when it was his turn, he hopped right up onto my lap. I asked him what he would like for Christmas. He mentioned a few of the more popular toys and then handed me a letter. I receive a lot of letters in person. Even kids get antsy trusting the United States Postal Service to deliver such an important piece of mail. So Santa asked the boy if he had been good and the boy smirked and pointed to his wish list and told him not to worry about it before returning to his mom.

Santa's curiosity was piqued. So he opened the letter and he said in it was a list and a note that said, Dear Santa, thank you for bringing me everything on my list. Love, Anthony. And there was a $5 bill in it. Not a dumb kid. The kid bribed Santa. Santa was horrified and quite impressed all at the same time. And Santa says, I can only imagine what he had done.

Oh, you can only imagine what he would have done. For him to say, don't worry about it. Like that's always a big red flag. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. So he must have done something really naughty. I like the entrepreneurial spirit of the six-year-old. I absolutely love it. I would be not horrified, just delighted.

If somebody did that, I'm like problem solving. He's a thinker. Think outside the box. I mean, that kid is a hustler. Yeah. So he gets a 10 out of 10. That kid does. Even though he probably pulled his sister's hair, cut her bangs or something weird. But good for him. I mean, it's normal. Yeah, that's all normal.

Listener, for this episode of I've Had It, we've partnered with eHarmony, the dating app to find someone you can be yourself with. Pops, what's going on out there on the dating apps? It's unbelievable how many people try to be something they're not on dating apps.

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We know dating isn't easy, and that's why we partnered with eHarmony. Because dating is different on eHarmony. They want you to find somebody who gets you. Someone you can be fully comfortable with. Their compatibility quiz helps your personality come out in your profile, which makes all profiles on eHarmony way more interesting and way more fun to read.

So give eHarmony a shot. Get started with their compatibility quiz so you can find someone you can be yourself with. That's what true connection and compatibility are all about. Being seen, heard, understood. And that's why more people are turning to eHarmony. Finding someone who gets you is hard, right? Well, that's because we're human, and there's a lot of different humans out there. That's why eHarmony helps you bring out your personality on your dating profile so you can meet someone you can be fully yourself with. And

And when you match based on personality, you're already one step ahead when it comes to meeting someone who gets you. So if you're searching for someone you can be yourself with, try eHarmony. Take their compatibility quiz to get started today. eHarmony. Get who gets you. All right, Kylie, what do you have for us today? There's a really pressing topic that I'm sure you've heard about and you're very worried about. Okay. And it is the war on Christmas. Yeah. Which we all know is a real thing.

So I'm going to intro you. We're going to play some clips today. Okay. Of some shit I have found on the Internet. Before you start, I do want to say that Kylie's obviously joking, listener. Obviously. There is no war on Christmas. No, there's no war on Christmas. It is a drummed up, made up bullshit argument to send Christian nationalists into a tailspin. But I do. I did. I did find an interesting little story. So I want to give a historical lesson here.

Christmas was originally the winter solstice celebrated by the pagans. And what it marks is that the sun for the very first time in the winter, the days start to become one minute longer. So that's a huge deal if you don't have Wi-Fi, electricity.

hot water, etc. So getting more sunlight was a big fucking deal. So the pagans celebrated this and they brought evergreen trees inside their house because it marked eternal life, etc., etc. So this has been going on for a very long time, long before the Christians started celebrating Christmas.

Everybody was celebrating the winter solstice. But I did some research to figure out when the very first war on Christmas was, and I have some very alarming news. The Puritans banned Christmas for 20 years in America before the celebration became just too popular. Plot twist, as you know, the Puritans are the Christians. Yeah.

Plot twist. They were the first in the 1700s to launch the war on Christmas. Really? The Christians. I thought it was a Fox News deal. No, this was the first, first war on Christmas. Gotcha. The Fox, and this was real. They genuinely opposed it because they thought it was such a powerful symbol of paganism. Oh, because they were thinking people were celebrating the winter solstice. Yes. Yes.

Gotcha. Well, that makes more sense because even in the Bible, Jesus's birthday is like June or July. So I don't know how it all got into Christmas. Yeah. So basically the winter solstice, they would bring in the trees and they into their homes and then they would put red balls on them. And this was what the pagans celebrated.

Well, then in, I can't remember what year, but basically the Catholic Church decides and declares that Jesus's birthday is going to be December 25th. Well, they happen to already have this big global celebration, this pagan holiday. They kind of got merged together. And this is when the Puritans, which always cause all the fuckery in the United States of America, in the 1700s, they...

Started the very first war on Christmas. Now, fast forward now and you have a bunch of pussies who clearly do not have eyes or ears. Right. That think that there is a war on Christmas going.

And I think it's so insane. But anyway, Kylie's going to read us some -- show us some stuff on this. -Okay, so this first clip to set the scene is Jesse Watters. -Yeah, he's repulsive on Fox News. -Okay. -Holiday traditions are important. Traditions are important for the left, too. That's why every year they now honor a new holiday, January 6th, and declare a war on Christmas. Now it feels like the war on Christmas is coming earlier and earlier every year. Probably climate change.

And the left fired its opening shots this weekend in Wauwatosa, Wisconsin. Deputy City Administrator Melissa Cantorero told city workers to not put up any Christmas-related decor on public property. Quote, Here are some suggestions. Winter Wonderland. Snow people. Not snowman.

Snow people. I mean, you could make a snowman if you-- I mean, if you wanted to get-- --create the right-- If you wanted to get creative, assuming you knew what the snow thing identified as. Correct. But if we're going to start there, you've got to cancel Frosty completely. Why? He has two eyes made out of coal, destroying the planet. Oh, yeah. I mean, are you kidding me? Big hole. And she suggests what? A winter wonderland as an alternative? Are you going to feel safe around all that white snow? Hunter would. Thank you. Hey-oh! There it is.

What a fucking dick. I mean, I am enraged just listening to him. I never listen to this shit. I don't either. First of all, it didn't make a whole lot of sense, but all they do is throw this...

Insane red meat. First and foremost, I think it's totally OK to say if you're going to do holiday decor, don't put out like a, you know, a crucifix. In a manger. In a manger. Just try to keep it more. I think that's totally appropriate. Right. When he was bitching about it, I was like, I don't see anything wrong with that. It seems perfectly legitimate. But here's the thing. All of these people are allegedly big Christians. And here they are picking on a guy who's a recovering drug addict.

Right. Think what you want about the Bidens. Maybe you don't think he's a good president. Maybe you think his son is a piece of shit. But he was a drug addict and he's in recovery now. So here are these big fucking Christians on Fox just browbeating somebody who had to overcome a disease. And it just shows what fucking hypocrites they are. It's so hypocritical. And what drives me crazy about that is.

Tax evasion is like the crime of the century, but trying to overthrow the government is a no big deal. Like the hypocrisy in that and the false equivalency. I mean, we're going to put somebody in the White House. We're going to vote for somebody with 91 felony counts. We're going to make a big deal out of a guy that didn't pay his taxes for five years or four years. Who gives a fuck? What about all the references to climate change? But here's my thing, too. Here's the thing I don't get about Christians.

If you're a big Christian, then you're a creationist. And so you think God created the earth. So do you think God wants you to like rape and pillage the earth? Or would he want you to keep it in good shape?

I think what their argument is, is nobody should tell them what to do because it affects their pocketbook. You can't drill oil. Like he had to bring up the coal thing. Yeah. Had to bring up. I don't know why the white snow is bad. I'd like to pee in his snow. Yeah. He's just a total dick. And then like, why not say snow people? Why not say snow people? Why do you have to assign a gender to a snowman? How big do we think this guy's dick is? Oh my God. His dick is this big.

I mean, it is my pinky looks like the schlong dong of the universe compared to him. Here's the thing, though. When I think about it, this is like I don't really traffic. I don't hear what Fox News says very often. But it just confirms what I've always known is that evangelical Christians in droves listen to that channel. And it is such amazing.

A hateful sect of Christianity. That's what I was just thinking. Like hateful, miserable people. They're making people. Sexist. No wonder they're so wild. No wonder they're just out overthrowing the government. They just think it's going to hell in a handbasket because that guy's lying. Yeah. Oh, it's just gross. All right.

Okay, up next we've got Megyn Kelly. Okay. Oh, she's repulsive. And her white Christmas. In Slate, they have a piece on dot com, Santa Claus should not be a white man anymore. Yet another person claiming it's racist to have a white Santa, you know? And by the way, for all you kids watching at home, Santa just is white, but this person is just arguing that maybe we should also have a black Santa. But, you know, Santa is what he is, and just so you know, we're just debating this because someone wrote about it, kids.

Why would anyone say that? Why would anyone say that? We're arguing about an imaginary character. It's not real. So if I'm black, he's probably black. If I'm brown, he's probably brown. Like, who gives a flying fuck what the figment in my imagination, what color they are? Who's going to tell her about Jesus?

I was just thinking she was talking because Jesus is clearly brown. Right. We've got to make him white and all the white households. Because if you go back and you know what color where he was alleged to have been born, everybody was brown skinned in this area. Right. And so it's just it's such a hateful white supremacist thing for her to say. Again, she's talking about an imaginary person. These are the same people that got mad at

That the round two of the Little Mermaid happened to be black. I mean, like out of all of the things. Again, these are the big Bible thumpers. Right. These are the big mega churchers. These are the people. This is the channel they listen to. These are the people that they listen to. And this is where they get all of their information. And it's just unbelievable. It's unbelievable. What a c**t she is. She's such a c**t. And she got shit canned for being a racist from NBC. Yeah.

So she needs to just learn her lesson and shut the fuck up. Clearly not a fast learner. Okay, so a big debacle that happened in the morn Christmas was in 2015 when Starbucks, they always do their holiday cup, right? Right. Okay. They released an all red cup one year and Christians and the Fox News crowd lost their fucking minds. And so I've got a clip.

from a well-known conservative Christian internet evangelist named Joshua Fowerstein. Okay. And he went to Starbucks and he got pissed off and he posted this video on the internet. Okay.

Hey guys, what's up? Josh Fierstein here. You know, I think in the age of political correctness, we become so open-minded, our brains have literally fallen out of our head. Do you realize that Starbucks wanted to take Christ and Christmas off of their brand new cups? That's why they're just plain red. In fact, do you realize that Starbucks isn't allowed to say Merry Christmas to customers? Well, I decided instead of simply boycotting, well, why don't we just start a movement? So when I went in and I asked for my coffee, they asked for my name and I told them my name...

is Merry Christmas. So guess what? Starbucks, I tricked you into putting Merry Christmas on your cup. And I'm challenging all great Americans and Christians around this great nation, go into Starbucks and take your own coffee selfie. And then I challenge you to not only share this video so that the word gets out, but let's start a movement.

And let's call it, I don't know, hashtag Merry Christmas Starbucks. And I know that by sharing this video and getting other Christians to do it, well, I guarantee that we can make this go around the world. And Starbucks, guess what? Just to offend you, I made sure to wear my Jesus Christ shirt into your store. And since you hate the Second Amendment...

Here's the thing. Here's the thing that just mystifies me. I wore my Jesus Christ shirt, and I also had my weapon. Yes.

Because, you know, when I think of Jesus, I think of an AR-15. Absolutely. You've got to have one. And then are these people just... Is this a low IQ? This is a low IQ problem. I mean, this has got to be, I mean, peaking at 90. I mean, that is clearly below average intelligence. I mean, that's just... That is such... It's beyond low hanging fruit. It is. It's so...

Pathetic. Guess what I did? Starbucks won't say Merry Christmas. I ordered my coffee and they said, what's your name? And I said, Merry Christmas. Suck it, libtards. It was the burn of the century. It's just like you listen to that and it's like, OK, number one, why do you fucking care? That's what I'm sitting here thinking. Why do you fucking care?

Why do you care if Starbucks celebrates Christmas or not? Right. Why are you so fucking insecure about your Lord and personal savior that you have to go on some fucking tirade on the Internet and then you're gaming the, you know, the coffee naming at Starbucks system because you're that fucking insecure about your faith? Yeah. You know what I think when I heard him? Oh, I know teeny weeny.

Teeny weenie. I mean, we got another pinky rolling out. Here's what I don't get. Are you such an ambassador? Like, would other people see that and go, you know, he's such a great guy. I think I want to be a Christian.

Fuck no. They think he's a nut. And dumb. And dumb. Dumb. Has a small penis. Not funny. Not funny at all. And borderline homicidal. Borderline homicidal slash fucking redneck. Yeah. I mean, just an idiot of all things. Here's the thing. I will never forget. I was 24 years old. I told my Jewish family law professor when I was in law school, Merry Christmas.

And the girl next to me was like, oh my gosh, she's Jewish. And so I was so embarrassed that I didn't have enough respect for him to know that and just say happy holidays or happy Hanukkah. So I have, since I was 24 years old, I've always been a straight up happy holidays girl because not everybody believes the same thing I believe. And guess what? They don't have to. You know what? I say Merry Christmas and I'm not a Christian. I don't care what anybody says. I just want to make sure that everybody knows that I don't care what you celebrate. I just want you to be happy.

But I just, I'm so embarrassed. I will never forget it. Which is a lot coming from you considering how we started off the episode discussing how much you hate Jesus's birthday. No, I hate all the rigmarole around Christmas. Pumps hates Jesus's birthday. That's a lie. Put it in the permanent record, Joe Estrada. Kylie, what's next?

Are you all familiar with Jordan Klepper? Yes. And he's a man on the street. Oh, I love him. So he goes to a Trump rally, this was this year, and interviews someone. Donald Trump normalized. He has actually normalized it's okay to be a Christian. I come from a Christian background, so definitely something that's good for me because now we get to actually celebrate Christmas and stuff. You weren't celebrating Christmas before. No, we do, but it's like Christmas. But you wouldn't get each other gifts. Oh, we do that.

- Oh, so what weren't you doing before? - But people say happy holidays and other people are like, no. - Oh, and that was offensive to you? - Yeah, it's not offensive. I'm offended by it. - Oh, so it wasn't even really an issue before? - No, it wasn't an issue for me to like-- - But you feel good about it now that you can do it? - Yeah, now he's just like, "Okay, it's Christmas." And everyone's like, "Okay." - We can feel good that it's Christmas again. - Exactly. - Even if we never felt any different before, it's still an issue that we can play victory with. - Right, exactly. - If you can find a win, that's something that you kind of make up. You're doing something right. - Everything's a win when it's for America. Constitution.

Bill of Rights. Yeah, exactly. Can't fight that. A flag. I mean, these people are so dumb, they don't even know when they get owned, how they're getting owned. No, I mean, it's the low IQ fest at these Trump rallies. I mean, it is a big time low IQ situation. Yes. And I mean, I have seen a million of these, not necessarily about Christmas, where they're just like, he's a Christian. And I'm like, how would you know that? What would be your first clue? Facts porn stars?

Three wives, five kids, three women. I mean, all the bullshit in your purity culture. Based on my experience in confronting evangelicals in the South, Trump is right on brand with how they act. You know, that's not... Where's the lie? They identify with him because they're like him. Racist, homophobic, Christian nationalist. You have to be white. All of it. The porn. The whole nine. Yeah.

I've heard he speaks with a, what is it, a sixth graders intellect. Yeah. And they really relate to that. It works. Yeah. Well, I think he's sixth grade smart is why. Do you remember when he said this, you know, like his campaign would be like, OK, you really pull well. And he'd go, we're pulling great with the poorly educated. The poorly educated love me. And he's like bragging.

about it because he probably got like 97% of poorly educated people leaned Trump and he fucking brags about it as though it's an asset as though they'll be changing the nation's policy. But I used to say, I don't know how these people relate to him. And then I was like, you dumbass, you know exactly how they relate to him. Exactly. Because all the who we just heard Jesse Waters, he's

All of this lives in the same book, in the same library. All of this fuckery does. Yeah. Okay, speaking of Trump, obviously that's a big platform of his election. He said, if you elect me, I will bring back Merry Christmas. It will be in every department store in the country. Because it was gone? That's the thing. I've never not seen Christmas stuff around. I haven't either. I was just at Walmart and there were seven things.

thousand square feet of Christmas shit. Like they added on. It seems like it gets more intense each year, not less. I watched one. I don't have the clip from it, but Jordan Klepper went to the tree lighting ceremony in like Times Square and

And all these people he was interviewing them and the huge trees in the background. And he's like, do you feel like there's a war on Christmas? They say yes. And he says, do you feel like there's no decorations anymore anywhere? And they're like, exactly. And then the camera pans behind them to all the Christmas decorations.

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So give eHarmony a shot. Get started with their compatibility quiz so you can find someone you can be yourself with. That's what true connection and compatibility are all about. Being seen, heard, understood. And that's why more people are turning to eHarmony. Finding someone who gets you is hard, right? Well, that's because we're human, and there's a lot of different humans out there. That's why eHarmony helps you bring out your personality on your dating profile so you can meet someone you can be fully yourself with. And

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Back to the Trumps. Okay. So I want to talk about Melania. Right. Oh, yes. Her red Christmas. Yes. And have you seen, they do those tours every year. Yes. And she walks through. So Chloe Fineman is a Saturday Night Live impersonator. And she does an incredible impersonation of Melania touring her Christmas decorations. But this was when Melania was first lady. Correct. Yes. Okay. Oh, my God. That's beautiful. Santa Elf. Christmas Angel. Okay.

Christmas ballerina. Frosting the snowman. Silly old Frosting. Christmas here, Christmas here, bring all the fear, bring all the fear. Ah, the Christmas topping. Well, that reminds me just of my childhood. Gingabedmon. Oh, look, Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer. Look at the Christmas squares.

Donald, come and look at the Christmas. From all of us at the White House and the little baby Jesus, have a Christmas. King of Red Man. She fucking nails it. She does. She kills it. She fucking crushes it. From all of us at the White House and the little baby Jesus. Let me play you the real Melania Trump. Okay. I'm working like a

Ask my aunt. I know. Christmas stuff that, you know, who gives a f*** about Christmas stuff and decoration? But I need to do it, right? Yeah, but 100%. You have no choice. And, okay. And then I do it. And I say that I'm working on Christmas, planning for the Christmas. And they said, oh, what about the children? They were separated. Give me a f***.

She's a despicable human. It sounds like she... What did she say? Who gives a fuck about the Christmas? Yes. That sounds a little War on Christmas-ish. Sounds a little War on Christmas-ish. I've never said that. No, I've never said that. Nor have I said who gives a shit about kids being separated from their parents at the border. Nor have I ever been First Lady. I'll tell you what. Who gives a fuck about the Christmas? Who gives a fuck about the Christmas? Donald Trump does. Donald Trump does. He's going to bring it back. But...

But remember, this was the woman that her every first lady has like their cause and hers was hashtag be best. It was to stop bullying online. And her husband's the biggest bully on planet Earth. Yeah. There was a Christmas ornament that year on their tree that said be best. Oh.

Hashtag be best. Hashtag be best. I'm going to start one here and I've had it. Hashtag bee pumps. Get your big old boobs out. Make sure they sag to the ground. Hashtag bee pumps. Yeah, no, it's bad. I just want to go on record. I don't believe it. The war on Christmas. I think it's a bunch of horse shit. It is a total...

It's a bunch of bullshit. It's a complete, that whole thing is for profit. Right. Saying that shit is so Fox News will be profitable because they traffic with low information voters and feed them this fucking bullshit. And I think if you fell prey to that, and if you confessed it out loud, I would just be such a self-owned that you have a low IQ.

Right. But I think it's a sell. I think it's an own when you realize somebody is a big watcher of that thing. I don't think it's any mystery. Right. I mean, I don't think they're hiding the low IQ when they start.

dumping that rhetoric out. It's like, oh, now I see. Well, anyway, I guess this has been our big holiday episode. We're so cheerful. We're so cheerful. And the war on Christmas stops with us. It does. It stops with us. I'm not religious at all. And I'm a big celebrator of Christmas because it's my mother says we celebrate all the pagan holidays, darling. And I'm a big happy holidays girl, not a Merry Christmas girl.

I mean, I want everybody to have a Merry Christmas, but I just like to keep it generic. I think we all know at the end of the day, you don't really like Christmas very much. I mean, it's okay. I mean, it's not a 10 out of 10. You're talking about not wanting to have to put up a tree anymore. Yeah, I can't wait for that day. You take down your tree at noon on Christmas Day. Yeah. You just admitted that you don't even have the fucking decency to do that.

to take gift wrapping over the finish line and put a goddamn bow on those boxes. No, I don't. You just admitted that you... It's going to be trash two seconds later. So what? Why do you color your hair? It's just going to grow out. We could do whataboutism all the time. I just, I don't have any desire. I think we all know you can be the queen of Christmas. Who has launched, who is our commander in the war on Christmas here at I've Had It podcast? And it sure as fuck isn't me. Bah humbug. You'll be judged one day at the pearly gates, not me. Ha ha ha!

Can I wear my cat sweater? You can face the birthday boy on your judgment day, but I'll be able to let him know I fucking celebrated that day. Okay. Both wrapped all of it. I was an outstanding gift wrapper. Yes, I had a podcast where he and I bashed a lot about Christianity, but that's neither here nor there. When it came to December 25th, I was fucking top notch. Hey, so deep in it. Listen up, Jesus.

Oh, all right. Listen up, listener. We are so grateful that we've had such a fantastic year together.

Hashtag journey. Hashtag blessed blessings. Hashtag Jesus Christo. Hashtag be best. Hashtag be best. Hashtag birthday boy. Yep. Hashtag all of it. Anyway, the Hot Shit Tour is going to California. Click the link in bio. Join us on Patreon. Check out our YouTube channel, Pumps. Tell them. We will see you next Tuesday or Thursday or both.

I'll tell you what I've had it with.