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To watch episodes of Financial Audit a week earlier, check us out on YouTube. You're kind of crazy. You just now figured that out? Your debt went up. You mean like on credit cards? That is a debt. Are you okay? So like you're good with numbers and can't read? Are you pranking me or are you stupid? Had I died tomorrow, this wouldn't matter. You're done. How am I supposed to receive? I told you things you shouldn't be spending on and you wouldn't listen.
Download my budgeting app today and take control of your money once and for all. And for a limited time only, sign up for the annual version of premium and get my cookbook and notebook signed and mailed directly to you. Link in the description and pin comment below. Hi, my name is Alexandra. I'm 30 years old. I'm from El Paso, Texas, and this is Financial Audit. Thanks for coming over. So what do you do there for a living?
I am in the military and I have a side business. It's a lash business. What are you in the military? I'm in the military. We have lots of post-military. We don't usually have a lot of in-military. What do you do? I technically drive the dragon trucks, the dinosaur trucks.
That's my job. What the f*** are you talking about? Do I have to serve to know that? Okay, what is your position? Or what branch are you in? I'm a driver. So I'm with the Texas Army National Guard. Oh, is that full-time? It's part-time. Oh, wait. Well, you can be full-time and part-time. But you're part-time? I'm part-time. But you have a side gig. I do have a side gig. So no full gig. How part-time is part-time? Part-time is like three to four days a month. Okay. Listen.
That sounds like the side gig. If it's three to four days a month, why is there a side gig for the side gig? It's not a side gig. It's my job title. I'm just not on orders. But it's not full time either. Exactly. So you have a side gig for a side gig, kind of. I mean, no, not really. Well, what do you make from the Texas National Guard? Like $300. Okay, so it's a side gig.
Okay, I'm just talking math-wise, whatever the title is. Come on, if we're being real, you're not living off of $3,300 a month. Obviously, Caleb. I'll write down a sick $300 a month. Woo, we're making it. Okay, and what does your side gig make? What is it? I make $35,000 to $4,000 a month. There, that is money. We'll call it $4,000 a month total. Add them both together. What's your side gig? It's a Zlash business.
I do lashes. I do eyelash extensions. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just looking at yours. Okay. My lashes are not done. Uh-huh. I wasn't going to say it. So what do you do?
I'm a licensed eyelash technician. Okay. And I put on lashes on women. Cool. How many hours a week do you do that? Like 20 to 30 hours. It's not bad. I mean, so are you getting paid hourly? Do you get commission for different lash jobs? I haven't set up to where I make like $60 an hour, but average sets take me like
90 minutes. So when you say you have it set up, what are you doing? Are you going into someone else's place or are you just going to people? No, I rent a suite and a salon. Oh, yes. I'm a seller. I've accidentally walked through places like that. Yeah. It's weird. It feels like a mall. A mall for getting things done to your face. Yeah.
And had, interesting, well, $4,000 a month, El Paso, definitely on the, not the expensive central and eastern part of Texas. So how are we living? How are we doing? How are you feeling? Great. My wife is rich. Wife? Okay. How long have we been together? Wait, your wife is rich? Yeah. She's full-time military. Same branch. And that's rich? Well, she makes... Wait, what's a rich? What's rich? Rich.
Like, she makes a lot of money monthly. How much? What do you mean?
Well, because is it rich or not? Like, let's find out. From like $8,500 to $10,000. Okay, so she's definitely like upper middle class. Gotcha. Okay, rich could be like, she's making like millions. Are you saying I'm lower class because I have my own business? No, I think you're middle class, which is great and awesome and entrepreneurial. And I love that. But when I hear rich, I think rich is like, oh, they can do whatever. Well, it's pretty rich for some people. Okay. Okay. That's not the point. You use the term out, whatever. It doesn't matter.
Okay, so an upper middle class wife. Good. How long have you guys been together? Like 15 months. Does she not... So it's a pretty young marriage. Okay. Is she 30 as well? Well, married for like five months. So it's very young marriage. Wait, you've only been together in general for 15 months? Yes. But married for five? Yeah. Wow. Okay. So interesting. How old is she? She's 35. Okay. Very good. Anyone bringing...
I assume you guys haven't had kids together, but is anyone bringing in kids into the relationship? I have two kids. You have two kids? I do have two kids. What about her? No kids. How old are your kids? Nine and eight. Where'd that come from? My first marriage. You've already been married. Three times. Yeah, don't get married. What the fuck are you doing? I would say, yes, get married to the person you love that you want to be with for the rest of your life. This is your third or fourth? This is my third and last. This is the third.
Okay. Statistically for you, I don't know. And two women also. Well, no, two women together. I mean, statistically, highest divorce rate. Well, it's two women out of three marriages. Have you been married with women or men? Not that it matters. The first one was a guy. And is that the baby's? Yes. Okay. That's the baby's dad. The baby's dad. Baby daddy, sure. Last wife...
Well, ex-wife was... It was. Okay. Was what? Woman. Oh. Okay. Obviously, it's an ex-wife. Gotcha. So, okay, what are we talking about today? Because if the new wife, the new fresh found marriage, which I'm sure will be the third... Careful. ...of about 20... Easy. Well, just going off of your consistency... Wow. What? It's the third and it's the last. Have you seen this show before? Yes.
I promise. It's the third and it's the last. I promise. It doesn't mean anything to me. I don't care. All right. So, okay. So $4,000 a month. Obviously, we're focused on that. You have a lot of debt. But if we have a rich wife, legally married, what is the financial situation in the household? Are you guys together? What are we doing in terms of finances? Because this is fucking insane. Do you guys see how much this is? I haven't had this much paperwork in
Since borderline, we had a themed week called fat sack week. This is crazy. This is crazy. So what the is going on? Well, she has a lot of debt and she, so I hear, so this is not just you. This is both of you. I've only contributed 15 months of that. Well, that could, I don't know how much is accumulated for that. What debt is in a time? What the it's a number. I don't know because she's, she was married before me.
You were married before her. I'm saying she was married before me. And all of this existed before I did. I just maybe made it worse a little bit. Hop, hop, hop. Okay, so we're just duck, duck, goose. Okay, so gotcha. How many marriages has she had? I'm her second and last. You seem sassy.
Okay. This is out of the gate. We haven't talked about anything. It's like, calm down. Okay. I get it. It's a far drive from El Paso. So. I flew. But yes, I'm. Well, then you should be fine. I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Well, because I had two hours of sleep, Caleb. Okay. Okay. So are you saying all, you said I only contributed 15 months of this. I didn't say all. I said maybe 15 months. That's not even what I just said. I just said that. I said you. Hold on.
I just said you said you contributed 15 months to this. I don't know what 15 months equates to. Is 15 months this much? Is 15 months this much? Is 15 months this much? What's 15 months? Because this isn't months. These are numbers. I don't know.
Ha, what is you? What is her? Why is she not here? Why am I only talking to you? What's happening? Because she's in the military and she's active duty, so she can't be here. She couldn't be here today. Okay, okay. So... Remember, she's full-time. I'm part-time. I don't know. But you guys are in El Paso. Are we invading New Mexico? I don't know what's happening. So...
Household income. What's the household income on a monthly basis? Do you know? Are you guys combined financially? We recently just combined. Okay, there's a step. Did you know about all her debt going into this? I didn't. Why are we married? Oh, because you guys move very quick. Well, that's what lesbians do. That's what I was saying. What was the question? I don't remember. So... Neither do I. In here, what's the household income? That's what I asked. What comes in on a monthly basis? What hits the account?
Total on both ends, $14,000 a month. It's incredible. Why are we in debt? What's happening? Well, we recently just joined finances, which if I'm being completely honest, I kind of regret doing. Why? Well, this is the forever person though. Okay. It is, but I didn't...
Now her stuff is like stressing me out. I don't have as much stuff as she does. Yeah, because you got married before you fucking met each other's parents. Well, obviously. Oh, actually? That's actually not good, probably.
I don't know your relationships with your parents, but that's probably not good. Okay, so we moved into this quick. You didn't even know her debt? No, I didn't know her debt. What's that? You don't go on a first date and be like, hey, so what's your credit score? Even though people actually just joke about that kind of stuff. Yeah, you're right. Nothing happens between the first date and marriage. Are you stupid? What are you talking about?
I'm you don't know you guys were together for 10 months before marriage, right? Yeah, I guess. Did you have more than one date? Yes. Okay. So why didn't you guys ever talk about money? When who when do you guys how long are you engaged? How long are you engaged? We were engaged for four months. You guys were only dating for like six, seven months. Okay. First of all, we were dating for two weeks and then she moved in. Okay. I'm telling you it's a gay thing. I just it's not. It's a lesbian thing.
I thought she had a handle on things. She was married before me. Ex-wife didn't work. Stay-at-home wife. They were married for seven years and she didn't work. And so, also— Wait, which one didn't work? Which one didn't work? Her ex-wife didn't work. Okay. So she was a stay-at-home mom. She also had kids. So I was just putting things— Wait, wait, wait. Does your wife have biological children? No, she does not. Okay, so the kids have not come. So it's just your kids. It's just my babies. Okay, I'm building the picture. Keep going. Yes. So her ex-wife didn't work for seven years.
And she's been in the military for a very long time. And I just assumed, you know, two plus two equals four. She has it handled. Wife is not working. Two kids. She makes enough money. Her being in the military? Those are the people that are usually most with money. Well. And mental health. They give us a bad rap. It's not. Well, I don't know. This doesn't help the situation either. Yeah, but why did you assume that? Why wouldn't you guys have one conversation? Does she know about your finances? No. Oh, my fuck.
Who proposed? She did. It came up in conversation that her credit score was like 700. So I was just like, oh, I guess it used to be. Does she know her own finances? I think so. She just doesn't like to tell me. So you kind of suggested you regretted combining accounts. Why? Just the debt or what's happening? Because it's stressful. It's stressful. Like a lot of it is on her end.
And what's the stressful part? Just the debt. Is she blowing all the money? Both. Like if we have 14,000 hours a month. Right. You would think it's El Paso, Texas. There's a lot of money. Yes. So why? Maybe you can answer that. Maybe you can answer that. Can you not answer that?
It's because we both have unreasonable spending habits and it stresses me out. So it's not just her. She has the debt, but you both have the spending habits. That's what you just said. I'm saying the debt that existed before I did, I have now accrued because we're married. But you can leverage this.
massive household income to pay off that debt but you're not willing to cut back on your spending do you view it as her debt not your debt as well okay well obviously with your language you viewed it as her debt you guys don't view it as combined i feel like we're just but it is combined it just sometimes i look at it and i'm like yeah but you call it hers i feel like we're just friends with flaps like at this point you're not actually like legally married sure but you're not acting like you guys are together forever it's hard she i see things
things with reason and she doesn't so and she makes most of your spending habits too though okay because she makes most of the income and she's just like i want to go buy pokemon cards and can she go buy pokemon cards probably she can probably budget it can she budget it yes absolutely well there we go so it's not just that what about your spending habits um i don't have any you said because of her spending habits in my spending habits you don't spend money
Sometimes. What? How much on what? What's your... Come on, dude. Don't be a dumbass. Have you seen me roasting people's terrible credit card choices? But how about we flip the script? Introducing the Caleb Hammer credit card finder now on H&H.
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And that's it. Say goodbye to guessing and say hello to smarter credit choices. Visit agent.ai or click the link below and let me know what car do you land on. Amazon is really bad. That's it. That's it. That's it. I don't have, I don't, I don't buy shoes. I don't buy anything. I don't have hobbies. It's just the house has to look nice. So I buy stuff from Amazon. Yeah, that's the best decor ever.
Most long-lasting. Okay, so we know what comes in on a monthly basis. How much did the household spend last month? Probably like 7,000. Yeah, because you're the knowledgeable one, right? 6,000? Who's the knowledgeable one about the household finances? Me. Okay. I look at it more often than she does. You look at it more often. 7,000 came in. 14,000 or 13,000 came in, 7,000 went out. So you only spent half. Wouldn't debt be paid down though if only half was spent? You would think. Or where would it go? I would think, which is why I just said it. So-
Please tell me how that works. Well, okay, so we went on a big trip. That is spending. That would count towards money going out. Do you not count that? No, I just count bills.
Okay, let's reassess. You said household expense. I did not. I said what went out versus what came in. I did not say household expenses. Okay, well, our household expense is like $7,000. Congratulations. I would also like to reassess this. Okay, what went out? How much went out? Boom.
Household income. That's probably what I said. Household income. How much went out? I'm telling you, probably like $65,000, $7,000. That doesn't make sense. You just told me the household expenditures are $7,000. Well, you're supposed to make it make sense. You said you went on a trip. We did, and it was great. Okay, that would probably mean the money went out is more than just your household expenses.
So how much do you think went out? How much the f*** do you think went out? How much do you think went out? $10,000! Okay, where did it go? To the trip I just told you. Where'd you go? To the Philippines. Is that where you're from? Yes, I'm Filipino. Okay. Full bread. Congratulations. Thanks, it's pretty great. So, yeah, it was $25,000. What's $25,000? $25,000.
That's the number that was spent. That's what went out. Last month? Last month. No. We don't even make that much money. What do you... No. That's the point. That's the conversation we're having. Somebody miscalculated.
What are you on here for? What are you on the show for? To fix finances, Caleb, and to save my marriage before it's damned. Why the f*** did you just say that? Because that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life. Because there's no way. We don't even make that much money a month. That's the point. You're in debt. You put more on debt. Your debt went up. You mean like on credit cards? That is a debt. What kind of person did you guys find?
I'm concerned that she doesn't have the mental bandwidth for a conversation involving numbers. That's like credit cards. Yes, like credit cards. Are you kidding me right now? What are we talking about? Well, because you asked how much came in and then you asked how much went out. So I thought you meant checking accounts. Are you pranking me or are you stupid? Neither. Is she on board to get the finances fixed? No.
Like, what have you guys talked about money wise now that we need to get her together? Yeah, I feel like you said that. I did say that. Cool. Where's her head? She's hopefully on board. I don't. Oh, my. Did they leave you? The other marriages? Did they leave? No, I left. Rude. I filed for the divorces. Probably not. You filed for the divorces? Are you sure you didn't just get like lost from the house?
Yes. Okay, okay, fine, fine, fine, fine. You left, whatever, whatever, whatever. What is the conversation that you guys have? You don't even, like, know. You don't even, like, know where she's at. Right? Is that what I'm hearing? Not 100%. Like, we... Why? Why not listen to her? Or does she not talk? What is the state of this conversation? I need some kind of insight. We just talk about it sometimes, but it's not... Finances are hard conversations, so, like, we don't budget...
We're big on, we're really big on convenience. On what? Convenience. Oh, okay.
I'll get you guys, obviously, on my budgeting app. Make sure you guys download it. Link in the description below. I'll get you that for free. The premium version for free. And everyone that gets the premium version gets a signed cookbook mailed directly to them. So, yeah, you get that and then you guys can budget. But my concern is through this conversation, you're not actually able to tell me how these conversations go. You say they're difficult because they're money. How do they go? Walk me through the last conversation. Um,
How long ago was it? I know it might be difficult for you to remember more than a week ago. Oh my f***. We don't talk about money. It's f***ing just like, okay, we have $2,000 left in the account. This world is broken. After bills are paid, so let's... You say you want to get out of debt and you told me you guys talk about it. I just want to know what her opinion is. What's her f***ing...
She agrees that we're f***ing, that we have to change habits, but we don't. Do you guys agree on what you have to do? Yes, but I... What is it? I feel like... Well, obviously we have to budget. It's a good first step. So... So what? What? I feel like I see our finances with a little bit more reason than she does, and she likes to spend money.
Unreasonably. So she's not willing to cut back? Yes, she said she is. I just haven't seen it. Have you cut back? Yes. I feel like you probably haven't. Well, not this month, no. Why not this month? We just got back from vacation. I'm still on vacay mode. When'd you get back? Like, two weeks ago. Philippines, it's expensive travel, but it's cheap when you're there.
So it's like, what, two weeks? Two weeks? Vacay mode? Is this the new stupid version of birthday month that I'm being berated with? Well, we did spend our birthdays over there, and we were also there for three and a half weeks. How long were you guys there? Three and a half weeks. That's long. I get the other side of the world being longer than normal, because it's a long trip. It's an 18-hour flight. Exactly, but...
You're back. It's time to buckle up. Yes. Tighten the belt. You had your vacation. You guys have an insane amount of debt. If I don't start going through this debt, we're never getting out of here. Okay. All right. Where do you think your household? Do you know what that means? It means you and her. Okay. Where do you think your score would be financially? Zero to tens. Zero being the worst. Ten being the best. Ten is a number. So zero. You can give ten numbers in between there. Five. Five. Five.
Have you seen this show? Yes, I've seen the show. All the time, actually. You're welcome. Were you closing your ears and eyes while it was playing near you?
You think you're a five? This is some of, this is the, one of the biggest stacks of, okay. Guys, if you want your hammer financial score and you're not a moron, sorry, sorry. We go to calebhammer.com and you can also click the link in the description below and take the assessment and see where you stand financially. If you want to come down here to Austin, Texas, we'd be happy to have you go to calebhammer.com slash apply. All right. Okay. Sure. Let's talk about this stuff. What?
No, we're just starting with like a fucking insane balance. We do spend $25,000 a month somehow. We don't. Crazy, shut the fuck up. Yes, you do. That's literally what you do. On what? I think we're going to find out. Something tells me, you've seen the show before, that we might find out. Starting now, Southwest Rapid Rewards. Okay, so $14,372.92. Okay.
Minimum monthly payment, $480. That's crazy. What is up with this card? That is a crazy balance. Crazy minimum monthly payment. Even with your super strong income, that's a devastating minimum monthly payment. Devastating. Please, tell. That's not my card. Well, it is now mine, but it's... There it is. You figured it out. You got there. Well, legally, meh. But...
Depends on a few things in the end. But yes, I think it is best in a marriage that we consider it all ours. What made you come out of the gate with, it's not mine? This is what concerns me about you guys. This is fast moving, 50 marriages before 30 lifestyle. I couldn't even get approved for a $1,000 credit limit in a lifetime. You probably can't manage it. And yes, you would, but...
What's going on with it? Do you know? Oh, you don't even know. Well, okay. So I think that card was used. This is Southwest. Did you use this for plane tickets to the Philippines? No. Okay. It was used for our very first couple trip to Las Vegas. How often do you guys travel? All the time. Okay. You're broken.
Technically, we're not. No, listen. You guys can't afford life. You simply can't afford... But we do and we can. You don't. Your debt goes up. That's why you're able to spend what you spend. And it's going to get pushed to a limit where you guys aren't going to be able to make it. And bankruptcy will be forced upon you. We're just not going to go see the world? Yeah, you're just not going to go see the world. You said it. You figured it out. We're just not going to go see the world because... You're not going to go see the world. Our credit cards just manage our lives. Yes. No. What's the...
Then what are we doing here? You're supposed to help us. In what way? I'm not a magic pill. Buddy, if I say, hey, maybe you can't do a luxurious vacation once a month, and that's why you're in debt. Okay, first of all, it's not even once a month. Shut the fuck up. If I just give literally the most basic thing and tell you to cut out the most expensive thing that maybe you do once a year instead, max, which I wouldn't even do. I'd get out of fucking debt. Then maybe...
maybe you'd be willing to cut that back so i don't know what the is going on here this is so stupid this is so stupid already so dumb this is the first card you have to be receptive if you're sitting at this table you have to be receptive or i'm not filming i am receptive i just don't agree with your logic please explain i mean you know everybody everybody has debt
No. Yes. Oh, fuck. Everybody has debt. No. And I'm just not going to have, we're just not going to go see the world. Yes. And not go travel just because credit cards have to be paid. Oh, my. You have to go make memories. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up.
What are you going to do? Just stay in your house and work all the time? No, you literally, oh my gosh, buddy. Is that what you do? Is that where you're just so miserable all the time? Well, yes, I am building a business here, so I do put in more work than you've ever put in, in your entire life, but I also have results to show for it and you have nothing to show for it.
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here but also at the same time because of that i could retire right now and actually go see the world without going in debt because i put in the time i put in the work i put in the effort the mental energy the stress the zits instead your next vacation will be living under a bridge and you won't be leaving there you're in a cooking guess what she won't be there following your track record so yeah i say we cut back you've already been married three times
When do you, how often? Maybe like every three to four months. No, you can't. You can't go once a quarter. Buddy, you are, you can go on road trips here and there. I could maybe slot in a big, a trip once a year. We can see the world. You guys have a strong income to build up a nest egg to go see the world. Okay, so instead of screaming at me, do that. I mean. I can't do that. They're willing to cut out the trips for a moment. Okay.
Um, okay. After July, we will. What's coming up before July? What's coming up before July? So, I have a son who has achondroplasia. What is that? I don't know what that is. It's a form of dwarfism. Tread lightly. How do you get that? It's a genetic mutation. So anyway, once a year, they do these conferences.
And we, I try to go, we try to go every year. Well, I mean, that sounds happier. That's not a go see the world. That's a. It's in like major cities of the States. So. Major cities? Yeah. Like one time it was in Austin. This year it's in San Diego. Careful. It's easier to lose them there. So I. I didn't get the joke. Sorry. I'm so sorry. She's laughing. It's okay. It's okay. She's laughing.
Usually I'm the only one allowed to make jokes. Pass the test. I'll take it. And him, and him. Listen, I'm okay with that part. I'm okay with those things that are good for, you know, a development of a kid. I think all travels are good for your soul. Sure, but I'm willing to put in things like gym, right? Like, I'm not cutting back from gym. There are things that are good. And you're right, traveling probably is good for the soul. But listen, because he has, like, a disorder...
A diagnosis. What was diagnosed? A disorder? I don't know. Whatever it is, we want to support it, and this can be a good way to do that. So I might not be fully opposed to that, but a trip to the Philippines, I'm probably fully opposed to because that's not supporting someone in a curious situation.
Well, it's supporting me because I get to go back home to my roots and my family. Yeah, but you have a long time to do that statistically. What if I die tomorrow and I never went back home? I said statistically, but also if you die tomorrow, you won't know that you didn't have gone. Right. So this also won't matter if I die tomorrow. Exactly. But let's bet on the statistical likelihood that you will live until at least mid-70s statistically. Right. Right.
Yeah. So I'd rather choose that. That doesn't make any sense. Do you understand the logic I just used? Well, I just... Do you understand it? I need to make sure you at least understand it. Yes, statistically, yes, I get it. Okay, so let's bet on that. No, because statistics are not in charge. What...
Had I died tomorrow, we wouldn't have been able to live like the Kardashians in the Philippines. Had you died tomorrow, you won't know that you had lived like the Kardashians. But also, had I died tomorrow, this wouldn't matter. Exactly. Exactly. That is what I'm saying. If you died tomorrow and you didn't go, you wouldn't have regretted anything because you're dead. You don't regret when you're dead. You're dead. But if you, on the very high chance, live tomorrow, I'd rather you be in a place where you're not completely...
But I would have gone and I would have had that memory. I don't think. With my whole family, all 23 of them. And what genetics were passed to your brain? I'm curious. Great ones, if you can't tell already. Hey, listen, you're defensive. It's natural. Are you serious? Are you kidding me? I was going to defend your defensism. Defensism? Not a word. That's, yeah, that's, I'm just thinking isms when I'm looking at you.
Just, it says, I'm sorry. It says, that's what's in my head right now. So I'm just saying when people are in front of the camera,
that are not used to being in front of the camera and when they're getting confronted for the first time when they're not used to getting confronted it is normal to be defensive I would like you to actually just just think though just think be more receptive I'm not being defensive I'm literally explaining to you my thought process behind hopefully you guys are enjoying this because my enjoyment is gone okay great hey you're purging
on her credit card on the 14,000 stupid dollar credit card 117.70 she purchasing you're purchasing are you authorized user I don't think so I'm not an authorized user I don't have a card I don't have access to that card do you know she's purchasing are you okay with her purchasing I don't know that she's purchasing okay now you know she's purchasing what do you think well it's her card my debt so that sucks for both of us
If you guys have a conversation about this, will she stop purchasing or are we wasting our fucking time? Maybe she will. I don't know. Oh my gosh. Maybe. This is the least productive. Yes, she will. Yes. Yes. You're just saying that now. Okay. $336 of interest created in one single month on one single card. That is insane.
Basically at its credit limit. No one's surprised. Is it f***ing Amazon? You guys share your Amazon accounts or independent accounts? Independent. Why would you pay for two separate Amazon Primes? Well, I added her to mine and it didn't work. So I think she's still paying for hers. Log into the same account. Yeah, we could do that. What are you guys doing?
laboratory where you guys invented in this is insane this is insane I am so confused on the way you guys operate buddy I don't even know what the to do so you guys just got back from the Philippines how much did you spend there to live like the Kardashians well half of what we spend here so that's great you're just stupid as them too
You talk like them, you act like them, you want to be them. The last smart one was the f***ing grandpa who defended OJ and he was wrong for that. So what the f***? How much did you spend? That's rude. Like $3,000. Well... Are you sure? I don't think you know because you thought you only spent $7,000 to $10,000 or whatever. The flights alone were like $3,000. Then you spent more...
Once we were there, like spending money. $3,000. Okay. I feel my veins right now, which means I'm getting stressed. And this is so stupid. I don't know why. It's a credit one card. Great. Credit one card at the top of the deck. Do you know what this means? Do you? How many episodes have you watched? Credit one is the worst of the worst. Oh, my gosh. She actually walked away with something. I'd watch the show.
Then why are you being a... You're over the credit limit. Whose card is this? Mine. You f***ed it. You know this is... Okay, let me explain. Can I explain before you start screaming at me? There's going to be an explanation to this? Yes, there is an explanation to this. My credit history is really young, and this is one of those things that's like high chance of approval. And I thought... Hey, Jake! When you had a young credit history, did you ever get credit one? You did? Oh, but you didn't open it.
Lindsay, when you had Young Credit, did you open Credit One? Oh, neither did I. That's interesting. So what the f***? You're saying this is the only option? No, that was before your time. I wouldn't have opened it had I known. At your age? Well, on YouTube, I mean. It was like four or five years ago that it was like, build your credit. So I opened it. Also, it's only a $300 credit limit. Good. So yeah, that's great.
Could be worse. Yeah, it could be higher and you would abuse it. That's what... Well, we don't know that. It's like, I do. Look at everything you guys do. What do you mean? We literally know that from your finances. Not me personally. You're purchasing on a credit one card? Okay, you've been watching my show for long enough not to purchase on a credit one card. So what are you possibly doing? Why purchase on this card? Because we run out of cash.
Then you are purchasing on things you cannot afford. It is simple as that. Yes, but like we paid for everybody in the Philippines. Who's everybody? My whole family. I told you all 23 of us. Oh, big breeders. Okay. That's insane. Okay. And you paid for all of them? Yes. Why? Because it's what you do when you go home to a third world country. You're the one in America. You're rich. So you go home and pay for everybody's meals and drinks and vacations. Okay.
This doesn't make any sense. You guys were already in a stack of debt and you couldn't be in that situation to pay for all that. It's not even a f*cking thing.
I always recommend the f***ing fizz card to everyone on the show. Not you. Not you. Great for everyone out there. Not you. What? You don't know that. I could be great. I have your finances. I have your finances, lady. I do know that. No. No. The thing I will recommend for you is f***ing therapy if you can handle it. Sound remind. There you go. Free sessions. That's the resource you get.
but not fez hey you look at me my job is to sit right here and be the absolutely stunning figure that i am and some things i just can't help like my incredible ass which is why you're all here of course but also some things
are in my control. For example, the pearly whites. I yap a lot and some would say too much, so I get it. But listen, if I'm going to yap, my teeth may as well look pretty damn good. I drink a lot of coffee to get through these audits and I started noticing some staining on my teeth. So I've partnered with today's sponsor, Origlo, and they brought back
My confidence for continued yap sessions. The reason I prefer them over competitors is because they actually whiten, but they do it sensitivity-free. And that's always been why I can't use these types of products for long due to my sensitive teeth. Seriously, these things are incredible. Make sure to go to Amazon and get the Aura Glow Teeth Whitening Strips or click the link in the description below so your yap sessions can be just as confident as mine with stunning white teeth. So you owe $302 on a $300 limit. It's just...
We manage life so well with a $30 minimum monthly payment. Oh good, you took it up from $55 to over the credit limit. That's great. It's for Marshalls! Target! Target! I needed stuff. La nu- Amazon! There's your annual fees. Just the fees that are hitting $177 this year so far. $70 in interest. No limit. It's fine. Good. Yeah, right. Why would you spend to it? Pull up your Amazon. Pull up your f***ing Amazon.
Let's see what all your relatives are making overseas. Um, I don't even know what's on here. Ugh, you are just, you are the mintiest creature I've ever seen. Does this smell like mint? It's attached. It's so, ugh, I just gotta delicately touch this thing. Do you want hand sanitizer? I want for you to listen. Well, at least you seem like a halfway nice person when you all of a sudden feel... Is that your wife? Who the f*** else would be on my phone just...
One of your other four wives? I have two. Had. Had. I have one. Why'd you leave the man while I'm pulling this up and getting connected to Wi-Fi? Obviously, because I was gay. Hello. Oh, were you full gay? Yes. Is that even a thing, though? Full gay? Well, I don't know. You left a dude. You have to categorize yourself. It's 2025. I don't know. You said you were gay. So you left a dude. I did. But now you're saying you can't be full gay? So you wouldn't leave a dude? He was the first...
I've ever been with, ever. I know, that thing produced two children. Yes, and I'm grateful for it. How long were you guys together? We were together for four and a half years. I think, okay. Did you just tell them that you were gay and you left? What do the kids think of the gay? I guess they've been around double gay now for a while, so... They think that love is love and they're happy that mom is... Yeah, but you leaving dad. Well...
Backstory. I was raised Mormon. What the fuck? They're going out to the islands and pushing hard? I guess. Like, born into Mormonism. Wow. Born and raised in the Philippines, and I was Mormon up until I met the kid's dad. So he's the one that got to have multiple wives. Well, yeah, I was trying to please and appease parents that were super into...
the church but i still did it with the wrong person because he was a lot older than me the man the man the baby man yes how old well how old were you i was 18. okay an adult sure and he was 40s yeah
Oh, yeah, that's substantial. It was a lot. Substantially different. Parents were not happy. How the f*** did you guys, your parents, your Mormon parents. My Mormon parents. So you weren't doing it to a piece of church. Well, they wanted me to be with a guy. So I was like, okay, here you go. Here's a guy. What'd you do? You just f***ing what? Streets of Salt Lake? Wally was my recruiter. Huh? He was my recruiter. Recruiter for what? The military? Yeah. Oh my gosh. How'd this go down?
Well, I tried to enlist after high school. I got disqualified for medical reasons. And he was my recruiter. So when I got disqualified, I was no longer an applicant. Did you make a move or he made a move? He made a move. Why would I make a move on a...
I don't know. You married him and did two kids. Okay. All right. We're missing a puzzle to this story. I was Mormon and I got kicked out because I tried to come out gay. I knew before I was with him. Gay people love to sleep with people way older than them. So this is really, this is consistent. We're just hitting all the stereotypes today. I know. You're matching them. So, okay, fine. You left them. Good. Why'd you leave the second one?
Oh, there was infidelity on both ends. On both ends? Come on. What are we doing here? Every time, I'm not even close to homophobic, but I'm about to say, every time we have lesbians on this show, they all cheat on each other. What is happening? I had reasons. What was your reason? Yeah. I was activated and she wasn't there for me. Is that more of a sleeper cell? No, like with the military. Come on. Oh, okay. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Okay. Okay.
Okay, keep going. Sorry, sorry! Activated with the military. So I was gone for a long time. I was on a mission and I needed her support and she couldn't give it to me. So I found it somewhere else. That, come on. No, not fair. I'm confused why that equals you go f*** someone else though. No, it doesn't. But also you're supposed to be there for your f***ing wife and she wasn't. Could she have been?
Yes, a lot more than she was. How? She could have gone... Where were you activated to? I was only eight hours away. Okay. So she could have made the drive. Did you tell her to? Yes. Okay, then why didn't you just break up and be done? Don't cheat. Well, because she had my kids. How many people did you cheat on with? What? How many different pairs were you on? Why does that matter? Come on. Yeah, come on. How many people were you with? One. One.
So that's a lie. Okay. Literally, it doesn't matter. It was the principal. Like, see it from my point of view. I'm sure your current wife is going to love this. Open this. Open this. I had your, I got your Amazon pulled up. And then she cheated on you because she learned you cheated on her? Yes. Were you cheating with women? Oh my gosh.
How often were you cheating? Okay, what? How often were you cheating? What do you mean? How often were you cheating? What classifies as often? Like how often would I see people? Yes. To go get drinks and stuff? If it's with that intent, yes. Not often. How often? Come on. I was talking to multiple different people. Did they know? Did they know what? Oh my gosh, you're a f***ing creature. Did they know that I was talking to multiple people? Yes. No. No.
Listen, you don't know until you're out there. Don't know what? The loneliness and the camaraderie that you need. Then don't get married if you're in that situation. This is why military people get divorced. And you should have instead of cheating. Yeah, you were the bad rep. After you cheated with like a thousand different
in different chips. She cheated too. Let's not forget that. Two wrongs don't make a right. Two wrongs don't make a right. Because you did that. It's still not okay. No, it's not. What I did wasn't okay and I acknowledge that. But you don't just go and fuck up. So you got like lotion, screen protectors, more screen protectors. How many screen protectors do we need? We went to the Philippines. Square. Also got sunburned. Really bad. Went to the Philippines. That's where everyone gets their screens scratched. Filipinos just going around. Phone screens? I thought you said sunscreen. Nope.
That might be sunscreen. An iPad case. Probably for the iPad kid. Phone case. What is this? A poker set? Maybe? No. That's like Keurigs or something. Crystal. Deco Brothers. Tempered crystal something. Cubes. Water pets. Boy with a video game. Nespresso capsules. Nespresso capsules.
Make up and face. Dude, none of this is like a necessity. There's not a single necessity here. No, not well. Shut up. It's almost what? It's almost Easter time. Oh my God. We need the Easter bunny is coming. So that's for candy. There wasn't candy in here. The Easter bunny at our house. Do we do different Easters? My Easter was candy. The Easter bunny at our house is bougie. So the Easter bunny at your house is in a lot of debt. Yeah.
The Easter Bunny at your house never knows what house to go to because you're with someone different every year. Not every year. The Easter Bunny at your house was probably inside of you while you served. Oh!
None of these are necessities. This is crazy. You go crazy on here. You go crazy. I did tell you earlier that Amazon is my weakness. I know. I know. So at least I was forthcoming. So imagine the return on your investment if you just put that money in stocks and move savings account and anything. It'd be just delicious. But instead, you're a moron. 28%. Sorry, not a moron. I shouldn't just be slinging insults. I could throw jabs, but insults is no point.
What are we doing? I just get upset and that's where my brain goes. Amazon. Oh, great. So it's your Amazon card or hers? Mine. Okay. Oddly, not even that many purchases, but of course, purchases. Fees! Fees! $10.32 of interest, $31.42 of purchases. You're at the credit limit. What is the fee possibly? What is the fee possibly? What is the fee for?
Uh, late payment? I don't know. Oh my gosh. You don't give a shit. You don't care. Of course I care. That's why I'm here. I don't... That's why I'm here. I can't tell...
I can't get in your brain. You're sassy. Then you say you're not. You're defensive. Then you say you're not. And it's just like, I don't understand. I'm trying to tell you why. There's a nice part of your personality. Yes. There's an aggressive cheater. Yes. There's I don't understand what you are. I might not know how to get through to you. I can get through to most people. I don't know. You're an enigma. I'm kind of great, actually.
I'm sure in other contexts, not this. $379.59 with a $50 minimum fee payment. It was a late fee. Why are you late? The one who manages the finances of the house. The good one. I forgot. How can you forget? Why don't you have a calendar? Why don't you have a budgeting app like ours? Okay, I do. Why don't you have an auto pay? I get a wild hair up my ass and I'll just put, I'll make a budget. You what? I'll get a wild hair up my ass.
And make a budget. You're not in the military anymore. Well, yes, you are. Fuck me. So it's going to continue. Okay. Wrap them up. Oh, my God. Keep going. What I'm trying to tell you is I need you to listen. Are you listening to me? Unfortunately. This is going to help you figure me out. Yes, unfortunately, I am listening because I have no other choice but to sit here. I make a budget, right? And then I don't follow it after like a week. Yeah.
That's why we're here. It'll last maybe two weeks tops. Yeah. And then Amazon calls. For me, at least. Shut the f*** up. You just have to make your minimum monthly payment is what we're talking about. Just your minimum monthly payment is the first step. But doesn't that accrue interest and stuff? Yes.
And now the balance is higher because of the $40 late fee, so the interest will be more. I guess I just forgot. Why is it not on auto pay? Because sometimes there's no money in the account. Then why don't you have a reminder for when it's due at the very latest? I do. I get emails. You don't check your emails probably because it's 2025 and you don't have a job. I do have a job. Does it come through emails? My job? No. There you go. So you probably don't check your emails. Set yourself a reminder. Okay.
Set me a reminder for blah, blah, blah day at this time to remind me to pay Amazon. This is, we live in a world with technology. We live in a world of technology. And again, if your relative is going to make that phone for you, you may as well use them. Okay. Okay. Great. Stellar conversation. Capital One, $1,950.49 with a $68 minimum monthly payment. This is a Capital One. Whose credit card is this? YF East.
Okay.
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temporary wifey's $51 of purchases $49 and 19 cents of interest oh good $50 from the credit limit who would have thought did you know she was purchasing on this yes that so you know she's purchasing on this one okay why do you know this one but not the others because this one was opened when we were already together this was used this was open solely for our wedding purposes
We had a really nice wedding. Of course you did, because you can't compromise on anything. Should have been a nice wedding. Do I even care to ask? Well, yes. Maybe you'll feel bad for me if you do. I'll judge if it's interesting and I'll cut you off if it sucks. We spent $20,000 on our wedding. What the f***? Also. So f***ing ironic. Mostly credit cards and some from her dad.
Uh, beyond the 20 or he helped with some of the 20? Um, within the 20. Oh, okay. Good. Good. How much did he help with? Like six, like we owe him 6,000. Oh, so it's a debt to the debt. Well, he hasn't tried to collect. So that's really nice. But was it agreed upon that it was borrowed? It was like a casual, like you'll pay me back. No. Huh? What do you mean? No, no, no. Tell me what was agreed. There was no agreement. It was a verbal conversation. It was like, what was said? Yeah.
Dad, we need help with the wedding. Okay, here you go. I know you'll pay me back. Hopefully that's what happened. Oh, I mean, why do you do this to yourself? Why did you have to spend so much on this rough wedding anyway? Okay, it wasn't supposed to be this big and it just got big. You think after your third one you wouldn't need it to go crazy? Okay, that's not true because this is the only wedding I had. That's not true. I got married, but I didn't have a wedding. Okay.
And this was supposed to be the last one. So I was like, okay, we're going to... It's supposed to be. Everyone was supposed to be the last one. That's... I didn't... Nope. I didn't make those promises in the first one. You did when you...
Got married. Anyway, we spent that much money on the wedding and we, it was only supposed to be like 10 people and then it grew to 60. Yeah, but it's, you get to choose that. And I know it's hard, but you get to choose that. Well, it was hard and it was mostly, I didn't have my family here. So it was just my mom and dad and siblings. It was her people. So 60 people, none of yours? Well, some clients, yeah.
and friends. It was supposed to be a family-only intimate wedding. If you would just let me f***ing finish. And then the guest list just grew to 60. It started as 10, grew to 60. And then we were having our wedding. The venue people, it was in the fields at El Paso, Texas. The venue people didn't spray for bugs. So...
There's irrigation right next to them. So the mosquitoes, it was insane. Like the venue was infested with mosquitoes. Okay. Okay. I'm almost finished. Listen, everybody got bit. It was really bad. Covered with mosquito bites. So we had to take everything inside this tiny old house and all of our setup that we paid for got left outside.
So $20,000 down the drain. Yeah. The dance floor, the setup, the dinner table, the tent, the beautiful lights, all of it outside. So a lot of this is from the wedding. Yeah.
A lot of what? A lot of the expenditures. What the f*** are you talking about? Shut up. That is not true. You are still spending on this card when it is at its credit limit. Yes, but some of the balance is from the wedding. Sure, but you're still spending on it instead of making progress. Okay, wait. Here's the best part. What? No. What? The best part is because our wedding was a bust, we decided to do it again in the Philippines. And it was an absolute success if you wanted to know.
And it wasn't as much. It's success in every way except for your life. But I have memories. Yeah, you also have $413,000 of debt. So better be a lot of really good memories. Oh my f***, I don't even know. What the f*** are we doing? $413,000? $413,000. That's not a thing. It is time to cut down your financial stress and gain total financial dominance.
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further upgrade to premium to securely link your accounts with Plaid, automatically categorize transactions. And with our new update, you can set custom rules so you never have to recategorize the same purchase twice. You also get access to our private financial community where you share tips, learn the best practices and stay inspired. Plus I'm adding new features like every fricking week to make this thing even better.
And you can test it out with a 14-day free trial, so there's no risks. And don't forget, when you sign up for the annual version of the premium plan, you'll receive a limited edition signed notebook and my exclusive signed hardcover cookbook, all mailed directly to your door. So make sure you download my budgeting app today. It's in the description and pinned comment below. You will not regret it. It went to HNFS West. What is that? I don't know.
I don't know. I don't know. Great. So keeping us at the current limit for something we don't even know. GECU, who's this? Wifey. Okay. $4,737 with a limit of $5,000. So basically maxed out. And $0.27 with a minimum monthly payment of $95. Okay.
Great. Takes how long to pay off? Just minimum monthly payments, no more purchases, which you guys are typically incapable of. How long does it take to pay off? Just this card, the $4,000 one, not the $14,000 one we talked about at the beginning. The minimum is 95, probably like 400 years. Give me a real answer. I don't know. 25. 20. 20.
Okay, so I was close. I do know my numbers. Sure. And 25 is acceptable to you? 20 is acceptable to you? Obviously not. And why are you guys still spending on all the cards and keeping them all at their limits? There is not a single card that we've not looked at that are not basically at the limit. And one was over. And one was late. We have to do stuff. There hasn't been one necessity yet. Yeah, we have to do stuff. No, there hasn't been one necessity yet. Okay, we want to do stuff. Okay, do you want to get out of debt or do you want to do stuff? Eventually. Eventually.
But can I do both? Can I get out of debt and still live my best life together with her and the kids? Probably not. See? And that's not—why is that okay? It's not acceptable. Who are you going to complain to and have that change? I just don't— This is the system. You're in the system. We were not put on this earth to just f***ing be ran by bills, bro. Well, congratulations. You made the choices that got you in them, though. And so did she. And so did she. And you guys continue to make the choices that get you in there.
On this earth? We're not on this earth for any purpose. We're f***ing born and we die. Like, f*** you. You're making the choices you make along the way. That's really morbid. But that's also just how the biology works. You're born, you die, and you live. You're making the choices along the way. I disagree. What do you mean? You don't just die.
Are we talking like afterlife thing? All this stuff. That's something different. I'm just talking about the life on this earth. You know, we can believe whatever you want to believe outside of that. So right before you die, you only get one chance at this. So why not just go... Exactly. But your chance is going to be endlessly stressed, endlessly struggling. But okay, you're self-contradicting. Not being able to provide for your kids. Because earlier you were just... You were telling me... I'm telling you that this, all this doesn't matter because you just...
You just live and die. So then what the... It's fine. Bills get paid. If they don't get paid, you die anyway, right? At the end, but do you want the next...
hopefully 50 years or so to be an endless struggle and you're not being able to take care of your kids or leave a legacy. If I get to see parts of the world as I go along, why not? But at some point you won't be able to because you won't have the credit to do so and that's the only way you'll be able to afford it. I have bad credit, Caleb, and I've been fine for 30 years. You guys do together. You guys do together and that's how you're getting there.
That's who you guys are getting there now. And the kids matter too. You choosing seeing the world over them is being a selfish bitch. That's a reach because they get to see the world. Yes, and they get to have these memories with us. They get to talk about being stung by jellyfishes in the Philippines. They can get stung by the jellyfishes in Galveston. Ew. Have you been to the Philippines? Ew. To the Philippines? No, but there's jellyfish everywhere.
Yes, but it's a lot more worth it to get sent to the Philippines. They also have a long time to get jellyfish. You're making it so that if they want to go to college, you can't support them. They're making it so— Not true. They're fine going to college with my military benefits. Yes. You got that part. Go U.S. Army. Sure. Yeah. Woo-woo. But— It's a while, but— They might have to downgrade housing situations. They're going to see their mom—
endlessly fight with their other mom. No. Because yes, because that's one of the leading causes for divorce in this country. No, it's not going to get there because I'm here. You're going to help. That's not how this works. It's one of the leading causes. Isn't that what this show is for? Shut the fuck up. It's one of the leading causes for the divorce in this country. And you're in one of the leading relationships for divorce in this country. The odds are not stacking in your favor. So you need to do everything possible to maintain this. And it's for the sake of the kids because they're going to endlessly see their mom hopping to hopping to hopping to hop.
And then you're going to have nothing. And then they're going to have to put their life on hold at some point. I would never allow that. It doesn't matter. It's not about allow. It's not about allow. But if you are struggling later in life because you never prepared at all, who knows what it's going to look like? That military disability might actually get f***ing looked at at some point after this show. Imagine my babes having a mom that's like, no, we can't go there. And no, we can't go there because we can't afford it. And we can't afford it. That's a responsible mom.
No. Yes. You're also teaching them horrible, horrible lessons. That's not true because when they grow up, they're going to be like, oh, when I was a kid, my mom took us here. It was pretty great. When I was a kid, we went here. They don't learn about sacrifice, though. They don't learn about the hard choices. Yes, I do it in a balanced manner. No, you don't. Yes, I do. You go way overboard. No, you don't. We stopped doing birthday parties. We just go places now.
But even still, you don't need to have an extravagant birthday party if you can't afford it. Like that's just life. And I'm sorry, but life is life. We're not promised anything. We're not. Again. So that's right. This is the system that exists. And this system has gotten us. Luckily, even though there are struggles, the system has gotten us to it is
better to be a human in our lifetime than any other human existence in lifetime that has existed before us, okay? Because of the technology, because of the enjoyments in life, because of the lifespan, because of the medical, because a lot of things. There is lower poverty in the world than there's ever been, and that's because of the system that we're in. And that system that we're in has some things that suck, but this suck that you're in,
Has all been your choice? Has all been your wife's choice? So it's not like even this was a put upon you. I never said it was. You complained about how we're not born to go through all this. You chose to do this. I did choose to do this so that my life here isn't wasted. Instead, you'll just be wasting your kids' future because you won't have anything prepared for you. So they're going to sacrifice when they're trying to take care of their own life to take care of their selfish mom.
That's what's going to happen. I disagree. You disagree. Great. Okay. That solves the issue. I don't know. And they told me you're going all out for your kid's birthday anyway. So that's just a lie. They say you're throwing this extravagant party. Okay, it's because she's turning 10. You're just a liar. She's turning 10. It's not extravagant. She wants a murder mystery birthday party. It's extravagant. It's extravagant.
that doesn't constitute as extravagant how much is it gonna cost i don't know probably like a thousand you have the money i will no you spend more than you make will you have the money yes this is the most obnoxious you're the most obnoxious person i've met in a very long time i'm pretty sure it's you because you're the only one yelling in this room oh my but it's because of you it's because of you and you've seen the show what does this surprise you now that you're in person now
I just thought you were a big... How'd you even find your way to the studio from the airport? I'm surprised you're capable of doing that. Because I'm Asian, and it's genetic for me to be smart. Then I think you'd be able to do math if you're really pulling that card. Well, that's... I didn't get that gene. Yeah. Is this another Capital One, I guess? I mean, I'm getting lost here because there's just so much.
This is f*cking ridiculous. $224.84, not even the crazy- but of course the limit's only 300, great. This is yours? Yeah. Yeah, you get the microd*ck ones. How did you know? The jeans. So with that, you're getting fees again because it's your card. So of course we're getting late fees. And then there's this $6.90 interest. Congratulations. You suck. And everything- I'll pay it off, it's low.
The other one's low, too. The other ones you have are low, and then you don't, and then they're late. Okay, so I'll pay my own. The NBA 82 game grind is done, and now the real fun begins. The NBA playoffs are here, and DraftKings Sportsbook has you covered as an official sports betting partner of the NBA. Make it a playoff run to remember with DraftKings. Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app.
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Always late. You're always late. Not always.
Out of here, you've had three that were yours, right? Three? Yeah. Two have had late fees. I forget.
I'm really smart, I promise. I don't know how you survived. I really... Well, I've done a pretty good job. I'm 30. No, you're not. This is not a good job. Listen, people have probably told you that throughout life to be nice. But no, you have not done a good job. You have not. You're actually closer to being a legitimate failure in life than being successful. Much closer. And I need some... I need to tell you that because no one has. Compared to whose standards?
Yours? Compared to yours, Tiny? Dude, compared to even the people in the worst positions other than like drug addicts and murderers and you're basically the worst. No, it's really not. Yes, it is. I have a roof over my head. There's food on the table. No, I don't think that's going to happen for very long. Well. You're pushing yourself to the limit. All of that you just said is a for now activity. None of that is guaranteed. And I'm sure you're going to claim disability after military, aren't you? Already bab...
I'm getting it already. I feel like this show may have exposed something. What? In the system, based on all the episodes we've had. Oh, I pay a lot of taxes for that. Okay, I got hit by a car in uniform. Why? Because they weren't doing their jobs properly and I was in a wheelchair. Are you sure it wasn't because you were lost in the street? I was doing my job. There's a pass to do fee on here.
We're not talking about that anymore. I am. I'm getting us back to the money. 30% interest rate. Can't pay the payment. Interest is accruing. It's the second past due fee this year so far, and we're just over a quarter of the year in. And you're a mom? Yeah.
Good luck to your kids. Don't question my mothering skills. I am questioning your mothering skills. No. Yes, you're prioritizing you and being selfish. That's not true. I'm a really good mom. Them getting nice little f***ing knickknacks and s*** is not the act of a good parent. It's not just knickknacks. It's stuff that they need. You're not teaching them any responsibility, any discipline. I do. Anything that is going to make them be able to survive once they leave the house.
They're gonna be so f***ing lost. They're gonna get hit by a car too. And shove it right up your hairy mouth! That's f***ed up. What? You don't say that about kids. I'm basing it off of how you've raised them. You're probably not gonna have any for saying that. Have any kids? Yeah. I don't know. There's a lot of life left. We'll see. I don't know. You can die tomorrow. Yeah, then I wouldn't have kids.
What? That meant nothing. I feel like you felt like you just dropped the mic there. Yeah, because you're fucking upset about all this stuff. You want kids, and then you're just wishing kids to get hit by a car. What? That's not what I said. Why is that not yours?
Literally, you just did. You were like, they're probably going to get my car too. Because you didn't teach them how to operate in this world. Your entire motherhood was focused around making sure they saw a jellyfish in the Philippines. No, I have happy kids. Yes, exactly. But not smart ones. My kids are very smart. You haven't taught them anything in life. Yes, I have. Listen, when they need it, I'll give them course career certifications. I'm not a yes baby all the time. They don't get everything that they want. I highly doubt that.
They don't get everything they want. If we have it, we have it. If we don't, we don't. The getting hit by a car was a callback to you getting hit by a car. And one of them also probably the car wasn't able to see above their dash. So, I mean, that's mostly it. It's the art of the podcast. That's not what happened. And it was actually very dramatic. I was in a wheelchair for a year. I wasn't talking about you. The kids. For fuck's sake, follow along, lady. You just said that my son's going to get hit by a car because they can't see over their dash.
I said, do you not understand what I said? What is happening? That's what I am asking. Listen, I'm close to just calling it. And I hate that because I've called it in a few episodes recently. And I really don't like that. I really don't like that. I want to get through.
I want to get through, but there's so much left here. And you are incapable of comprehension and having a conversation. You haven't actually said anything. I've recommended at least what to cut back on and how to at least manage your finances. Yeah, I totally believe that. I'm believing it so much right now. I can't even believe how much I'm believing it. What the fuck is on? Oh, Navist Records. Naviest Records. Okay. Rewards. Sorry. Text is small.
What, whose? Yours or hers? Who's in the Navy? You're in the Navy? I thought you were in the Army. Okay, that's... Are you okay? Huh? That's... So, like, you're good with numbers and can't read? It doesn't have anything to do with service. It says Navy, it's yours. I thought this was a special Navy card. It's an old Navy card. That makes sense. It says on Navy, so I was... Yeah. Makes sense. I was going to say you're the wrong kind of gay for the Navy, so... It's an...
We have $401 on here. Who's this? Is this yours? I just said it's mine. Okay, you're going to Old Navy. Great. $500 is the total line. You have $401. Fees, $41. Again with you and your f***ing fees. Dude, I can't. You're never going to get out of this. You can't even just pay a minimum monthly payment. They're only late for like three days and then I get fined.
Okay, it's hard because my personal income is on a daily basis. I don't get like weekly, bi-weekly stuff. I make money every day. I don't have to pay my 56,000 24 cents. 16 months to pay off. Purchases. No, I don't think so. But there's interest and there's fees because you can't manage a single thing in your life. There it is. Fees. Interest. It's all charged on second page. Yippee. We'll see what they can do.
Next card, USAA. I'm done. This isn't, I just, oh my. This takes 17 years to pay off. This is insane. Is this hers or yours? Hers. 2,000, oh, this is at least interest-free. $2,396.09. The minimum monthly payment.
Of, well, I don't know. I'm going to say $100. So that's what was paid last time. Nothing's paid now because it was paid. But it's a 0% for now. Maybe no minimum of the payment is even owed on it, and they just want you to go to the interest-free period and close it out. I don't see when it's done. What's up with this card? Do you know anything? It's my wife's. It existed before me, so I don't know. So we did not talk about that card. No. Okay, premier bank card. What about this? That's mine.
Tell me. That was opened along with credit one. Also, high chance of approval. That's okay. That's the highest limit I have. 400? 500. 400? 500. 400? 500. 400! Shut the f*** up. It's literally 400. Stop being a moron. It's 500 on the app. They probably lowered it. Because you suck. Because there's a fee, you f***.
That's probably why. Oh, you purchased $479.48. Because the limit is 100. You bought $393.82 minimum monthly payment, $30. That's what. Oh, I'm done with you. I don't know how you survived this long. I don't know why you're yelling at me. Probably because you're only ever.
with someone since 18. This is the highest debt that I have. That's not true. It's your attitude. It's your attitude. Good. Be offended. I don't give a f***. You're offended means nothing. Amazon. Etsy. Amazon. Monthly fee. Bulls**t. Bulls**t. Holiday Inn. Bulls**t. Albertsons? Maybe. Pay. Pay.
to pay on a credit card that is accruing fees and accruing interest you're paying debt with debt you're paying debt with debt it's supposed to build my credit luck to this household good luck household sake man ah good luck good luck through my pen you know the pen hey sephora who's the sephora you saw my wife do you think it's her
No, I did think it was a man. That is true. Okay. We are at past $237. It's because you've only ever been with someone. You never had a moment of independence. That's not true. I might require a diagnosis of child and you might need to get divorced and just go live on your own.
I have. You living on a military base doesn't count. I did not live in a military base. I own my own house. I bought a house. What, when you were deployed and getting diddled? No, after my divorce. Which one? The second one, brood. What do you mean? I wouldn't know.
I lived in a house by myself and I raised my kids on my own and paid my mortgage like six months. Okay, you've never been independent. It's better than you. You've not been married and you're my age. When are we supposed to get married? I don't know. It's probably because you're just pissed off all the time. No, when are we supposed to get married? You should at least... Do you not get laid is what it is? I do pretty okay. Well, good for you.
I'm at the median marriage age. You literally just looked it up? Yeah, because you pulled out something. Does it make you feel better? Well, I like to know facts so I can live in the real world. Caleb. Yeah, you're right. Usually the median first age for marriage is 30. So instead, you did it three times by then. Yeah. And pumped out kids with people you didn't even like. Good job.
They made my life better. You're doing real well. Getting everyone look to this one. Moral superiority princess. Here she is. This is who you guys want to be. Sephora. So you can be the femme one. Sure. I got you. I really hate these categories. These labels. Is that a thing here? What? Is that a thing for you? What? Like you have to label everybody? You seen this show? It's all I do. It's all I do is make little jabs. That money. That money.
That money, McDonald's. You've done them all for yourself. Well... That's f***ing stupid. It's so stupid. What concerns me is, again, you do have a kid. If this was just you. But you have a spouse, you have a kid, and they're all getting pulled into this bulls***. $201.43. The minimum monthly payment of $48. Tapping your fingers? Are you bored? You're bored? You're not getting anything? No, because you won't be receptive for a single f***ing thing. Are you training for her later? I don't know.
$201.43. That's the same amount. No, you went per... Okay, I'm really glad you made your purchases without even making a f***ing payment. Well done. $37. The fee is $4.20. That's for the wedding, by the way. What? The purchases? Yeah. When did you get married? In August. This isn't a statement from August, you dumb tit.
Well, I'm saying I opened it in August. Congratulations. I don't give a... Your no payment and your purchases were last month, not in August. Late fee and then purchasing Sephora. Really trying to hide your age there. I can tell. You need some...
You stress too much. Bet I got a better skincare routine. You stress too much. I am stressed. And it's for f***ing you. It's for your kid. And extra stress in this episode because you're not receptive and you're kind of a little... So it's, yes, the C word. We all use it. I'm just returning your energy, so...
I didn't get upset until you started not being receptive to anything. I'll be receptive if you have substance. We haven't been through your finances yet to end anywhere. Okay, carry on. In fact, I think I'm only halfway through. Carry on. 32% interest. Matches firm. Her or you? Her. Great. Why'd you pick the butch one? Why'd you choose that? I'm sorry, what? Why'd you pick the butch one? Why'd you-
Call
Call 1-800-CHEM-DRIVE or visit chemdrive.com to connect with your local Chem Drive and learn about special offers in your area. That's 1-800-CHEM-DRIVE or visit chemdrive.com today. You pick her. What do you mean? She's great. Where'd you guys meet? In the military. Oh. We're in the same unit. Huh? We're in the same unit. Are you able to be in the military without other people in the military? I'm technically never in the military.
I show up like three days a month. So I don't know what that's supposed to mean. Thank goodness you get disability for the rest of your life. Yeah. $120 is your minimum monthly payment. Okay. So this better be a really comfy night's sleep that you guys get, yeah? That wasn't bought with me.
That was bought with her ex-wife. Oh, for f***'s sake. Yeah. Well, who has it? We do. Hate it. You have it. We have it. I sleep on it every f***ing night. You hate it? Hate it. Why? It's so expensive. It wasn't bought with me. Who cares? Is it comfy or not? Previous stains that I'm sleeping on. Are there?
You don't look? You don't spend $8,000 on a mattress. This is the shit I'm saying. Like, okay, yeah, my spending accrues, but it's like $80, $200 there. But who buys an $8,000 mattress? They did. Right? It's a 0% interest. I could never.
Well, you wouldn't be qualified. I see really bad. Yes, but even if we were together and she had, there's been instances where she's tried to make ridiculous purchases like that. And I say no, because it's not justifiable. Half the time. Well, what the fuck are we going to, how are we going to make it to the end then? Okay, so you have to sleep on the ex's mattress. Well, good. I'd rather you have the asset than not.
Is it comfortable? It's fine. Okay. I wouldn't have paid that much for it. Probably not. Mattresses are overpriced, but you can get better deals online typically. I mean, she went into a mattress firm. That's when you know it's bad. And you deal with a salesperson at a mattress firm. She's so great. Which one? My wife.
Okay, so we're already feeling weird about our current wife. No, it's not weird. It's just hard to tell her no. This is going to go so well. Sometimes. This is going to go so well. This whole existence you guys have together is going to go so well. All right, what do we have here? GECU.
16.85%. Balance $14,622. What is this? Please tell me this is like a car or something. It's a loan. It's just a loan? Just a loan? It's a consolidation loan. For who? For her. Oh my gosh. She needs to be here. She needs to be here. Hey, well, tell the president that. What is he making her do? I don't know. Well, she works for him, so she can just up and leave. Did they not have to get the travel? She's not deployed, right? She's not deployed.
She can't leave. She's on mission. Oh, she's on mission? Mm-hmm. Okay. Fine. Okay. Personal loan, $14,622.60. 16.85% interest. This is so fucking crazy, man. What's even the minimum monthly payment? Like, $480. Yeah. It's $402. Okay, I was close. Relax. I'm basically done with you. And $0.62. This pen sucks. We...
Took it out to pay off her credit cards. We? Well, I had a hand in the decision. It was my idea. And I thought it was a great idea. Had we not kept the same behavior. But we did. Also, we spent like $2,000 on Christmas. We hosted. It was our first married Christmas together. And your last? Okay, that doesn't mean anything. Who cares? Well, it means something if it's the last.
I don't know, man. I've honestly just given up here. I mean, I don't... This is fucking crazy. You're kind of crazy. You just now figure that out? No. No. I just unfortunately have to sit here. What? Are you having a great time? No! I'm having a great time. Okay, so you're bullshitting us. So you actually don't give a... Oh, I'm waiting for you to give me substance. You don't give a single... You don't give a single...
You don't care. So shut the fuck up. Okay? If you don't give a shit, I'm not spending time with you. If you don't give a shit, I'm not spending time with you. Okay? I'm fucking done. I'm over this bullshit. You, you, honestly, not receptive. You...
Can't hold down one person you are not teaching good life skills to your kids You are gonna be financially for the rest of your life and done and the fact that you're just enjoying this Oh great. I don't give up go be in poverty if that's where you're gonna end up. That's your choice I wanted to do a wake-up call. I wanted to give you recommendations. I'm doing it
You've just been screaming for the last 60 minutes in here. I don't want you to try something. You're not receptive. You're done. What am I supposed to receive? You're not even giving me anything. You wouldn't let me get there. And I told you things you shouldn't be spending on and you wouldn't listen. I told you I would. You wouldn't f***ing listen. You wouldn't listen. You wouldn't f***ing listen. I'm going to do a lap. Literally? I'm going to f***ing lap. I'm going to go get a drink. All I've been doing is listen. So. I'm going to do a f***ing lap.
I don't like you. We don't necessarily host the best of the best in civilization. I know you're not f***ing looking at me. We're behind a paywall now. Can you tell us how many people you were with while you were married? How many? Okay, seriously? It could be worse. Did you really just give me a it could have been worse when it came to cheating? You're a bad person. I have to back this up. I am not a bad person. You're a cheater. You're a bad person. That's not fair. Are you in a relationship? Good for you. To watch the financial audit post show, click the join button below.