[Patreon Preview] Ep 28.5 JuneShine Hard Kombucha
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We might be drunk, we might be drunk As long as we are hanging out, you know we might be drunk Raise a glass, let's talk shit, pep heaps, wrecks and a bit Maybe drunk, we might be drunk, yeah

Hello! Welcome to the Patreon app, the preview here. Make sure to subscribe if you haven't, but thanks for joining us. You got that right. Here we are, baby, the Patreon, the real drunks. Or non-alcoholic drunks. Not judging. Whatever's good for you, we support you. I want another one of these, but I'm scared because it's three in the afternoon. I'm like, we got a full day, I got shows tonight. I got spots tonight, too. But I'm like, damn, I just...

They go down easy. They go down so easy, these kombuchas, man. That could be a problem. Maybe I'll just nurse it. I'll nurse it. Give me one, too. All right. We're nursing. We're nursing, all right? I like the idea of drinking slowly is considered nursing. Nurse is like a... We're doctors. Yeah. No degree here. All right. Once I start going into Rodney, you know there's a problem.

Now, Matt, when you find an email, go with the short ones. This is fine. This is fine. But sometimes people write a goddamn mind comp on this thing, and we're like, well, what are you expecting us to do? This is not good radio. The emails, as you know, are wemightbedrunkpod at gmail.com. Keep emailing us. I tell you, when I start doing Rodney, I know I'm a little buzzed. I'm like, I'll tell you, you know, my wife is ugly, all right? Ha ha.

Two guys broke into the house. He said, don't rape me. They said, we won't. All right. I'll tell you. Real ugly.

But not a bad thing to go into when most people are like, ah, when I get drunk, I slur, I hit my wife. You're like, I go into Rodney. It's a pretty good drunk tick. Yeah, for sure. Just don't get pulled over. And if you're doing Rodney, when you get pulled over, they're going to haul you in. No respect. He and me suck as breathalyzer. At least I hope that's what it was. By the way, paddy wagon is what they call cop cars. That's a slur. Really? Well, paddy is Irish.

No one cares about Irish slurs. No one cares about Irish slurs. Not in America. No, I'm just saying. People love the Irish here in America. They're drunks. Yeah, well, that's also a stereotype. I know, but people like, we got a problem as a country with drinking. They like that. I'm not offended. I'm just saying it's weird. Like, you couldn't have a, you know, I'm not going to, you couldn't have another slur for a cop car, you know?

It's interesting, you know, calling the Irish drunks is not okay, but calling our fans drunks is okay. Yeah, that is interesting.

The specifics of I have a bit about it I hate people I'm with you I hate Jews Whoa But they're people You know It's like if you go specific You can't go through sections Yes That is racism Yeah I saw it at Airbnb once And it was like I had a bad experience With a scary guy No men Just women can stay here And I was like I get it But if you said No black men

Now you're in trouble. For sure. For sure. Interesting. Interesting. All right. What do we got here? Good little talk there. Good little aside that's just going to get us in trouble for no reason. No, no, no. We're observing. We're not taking a stance. Someone's listening. I'm done with white men.

Well, that's okay, too. That's the one specific that's okay. What about gay white men? No, no, I like them. Okay, so just straight white men. Yes. So your dad's a cunt? No, we can do this all day. So recommendation from Barry Reed Mythic Quest. I know it's on Apple TV, original, which is a problem for some people, but one of the best shows on TV created by and starring some of the Oli Sonny guys. It keeps you guessing. Hmm.

The whole time and the tone changes consistently. Yeah, I saw the first two because they were... I have Apple and I should have just committed. I should go back. I love Rob McAnally. Yeah, love that guy. And I think Charlie Day...

Right. The episode's with him. Oh, nice. And yeah, it was good. F. Murray Abraham plays like the OG video game guy. I love that guy. Dude, legend. And yeah, the first two were really good. I love them. We just didn't stick with it. But I should. I should go back to it. I was on Conan with them once. What?

So upset I didn't get to meet him. F. Murray? No, Rob. Oh, Rob. Whoa. No, way more. I mean, Sonny is the best show. I mean- Wow. Yeah, I was on with him. I was like, you ever do this when you know you're on with someone who you really like and you're just like, you plan what you're going to say to them? Yeah, of course. I fucking hate myself for admitting this. I do that all the time. But I just, so I'm trying to get my girlfriend into Sonny before this. So I was like, let me, what's the best Sonny episode? So I'm like, all

all right, I'm going to show her the musical episode at the end of season three. Yeah. Nightman Cometh, the musical. Yes, yes. And it was her first episode, and she was dying. And I was like, that's how you know it's good. So she's all in on it. What a great feeling, too. It was a great feeling. And then she wanted to watch more, so we watched a few. And she was like, it became her favorite show. She was obsessed with it. So we're watching it, and then we get there, and for some reason I didn't get to –

We didn't cross paths, but I was like, man, he's the best. I love him. Yeah. Wow. So cool. Usually you get at least a run-in with a guest. Was it Conan? Conan.

Yeah, that's a tough one because those green rooms, they're separated kind of, and they stay in their green room. They're doing their makeup. They're doing their outfits. Sometimes, do you ever have a bump-in with the other guests on Conan? I have. I had a great bump-in. I had, what's the guy's name? Oh, jeez, I'm blanking. The guy from Parks and Rec, Offerman. Oh, he rules. Nick Offerman, big fan, so cool, so funny. His wife's funny, Megan Mullally. So I was like, oh, man, I'm so excited. I'm all with Nick Offerman.

He stayed in his green room the whole time, but at one point, they were like, dude, your shirt is so wrinkled, we have to steam it. So I had to stand there shirtless, and they gave me a bath... What do you call it? A bathrobe. And he walks by, and he's going in his green room. He goes, shave the boy and bring him to my room. And I got a huge laugh, and I was like...

Oh, man, how great was that? So he was funny, like, in a second. I saw him for four seconds. He was funny. He referenced me. That's all I needed. Yeah, he's a cool dude. I did a benefit with him once in Austin. I did South by Southwest, and for whatever reason, they put me on this, like, big benefit show. So it's like, I'm like the no-name on it. It's like me, Gaffigan, Rachel Bloom, you know, from the musical show.

My crazy ex-girlfriend. Oh, yes. Super talented. She's good. And yeah, so it's like all big names in me. They brought me in as like the no name, you know? Yeah. And that crowd couldn't be hotter. They're great. And Nick is hosting it. So he's like reading my credits to me and he just turns to me. He's like a very cool guy. And he goes, congrats on all your success.

And I was like, I know he's not being sarcastic, but it feels sarcastic because I know that I'm the nobody on this show. I know he's being sweet. Yeah. But I was just like, you too. Yeah.

Yeah, he's so sincere that it seems fake, but he is that guy. He's so nice. Yeah, he's cool. And he's got that great voice. Look, the show Parks and Rec is great, but he's the guy that you're like. He's the guy. It's like when you watch 30 Rock, you're like Alec Baldwin.

Yes, of course. And he's a cool guy. He's a woodworker. He builds boats and shit. He's the real deal. No, he rules, man. Yeah. And he's so funny. I mean, that character just, they say that character Nick Offerman plays on Parks and Rec. The urban myth is that urban legend. Are these kombuchas hitting me? Am I speaking? I think they're the same thing. Same thing.

But they say he's based on the Simpsons writer, John Schwarzwelder. Oh, really? Who's written the most Simpsons episodes ever. I've seen that name a lot. Well, they just did a New Yorker piece on him. He rarely gives interviews, and he gave an interview. Oh. He's written, like, classic Simpsons episodes. Yeah, yeah. He's written, like, 73. But Offerman's character in Parks and Rec is based on that writer? Yeah, he's like a libertarian, off-the-grid, doesn't-trust-anyone type guy. Interesting.

Some people say it's not true, but people say it's true. Fun nugget for the folks at home. All right. Barry Reed also has a bit here. Everyone casually complains about how socks always disappear in the dryer without talking about the obvious cause. Come socks. Why else is no sock ending up in the wash without its mate? You know what was in that sock. That's a good point. It's like a dirty spin on a Seinfeld joke.

Yeah, you know, it's funny though. If Jerry's like, I chiseled the sock! I chiseled it! Tube sock? It's called tube for a reason, because I put my dick in it. I'm fucking socks! They're crunchy. I can't do it, Jerry. I'm fucking socks! Ooh, Jerry, I fucked a sock. I fucked a sock.

Was that Kramer? I can't do him. Oh, wait, he had a liquor name. Hold on, Matt. Merch. He said merch. Oh, merch name. Good. We need some merch ideas. We need a t-shirt or something. You're all over the road here, Matty. I don't know what's going on here. Some different font. Tommy, that's a different email. All right, well, that one's gone, I guess. Love that it's from Tommy Farr.

Tommy Farr, that sounds like an old school name. Yeah, Tommy Farr. Tommy Farr. With two R's. Love that you've opted for a rye. Minimum of 51% rye needed in the Nashville. We're 95%, brother. For it to be legally classified as a rye. We're way ahead of you, Tommy Farr.