It's An Austrian Painter Summer! | Your Mom's House Ep. 816
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Welcome to your mom's house. Welcome to your mom's house.

Speaking of, I don't know what this is.

with you yeah but it is now officially a hitler summer because you've been watching your hitley docs in bed i love jewish people but i also love nazis go ahead you you do this every summer heather pointed this out yeah that every summer you get into hitler and world war ii and you go down this rabbit hole what is it about joy and summer i like his name to be honest

What is it about summertime? Summertime is wartime. You know, I was just going through the library of options. Yeah. And I just got a little tickle for some World War II stuff. So I started the World War II doc series. It's a six-episode series, I think, in color. Which is always exciting. Yeah.

You know, there's just so much that goes on. Like you think you know a story and then you forget like just how many different little stories are in something like World War II. It's just fascinating. So I just, yeah, I jump into it. But what about the idea of summer and freedom and good weather and, you know, lightning bugs and barbecues and boats makes you go World War II? I don't know.

I think I cycle in and out of war docs, though. Yeah. Like, I haven't seen one in a while, so I was like, eh, kind of time for a refresher. Because where were you before? I'm trying to remember. Were you into Pearl Harbor? What were you interested in? What, last time? Like, prior to World War II. Oh, I was just watching... I mean, I watched a few docs. I watched the Tylenol one. I watched the Bin Laden one. Oh, that's where you were, the Middle East. Yeah. So it could have been a Bin Laden summer, but...

You know, the Bin Laden doc was fantastic, but that's only three episodes. Like once you get into it, you know, it's really good. I mean, they had, they got really incredible people to do that, like to agree to be on the doc, you know? Really? Who'd they get? The former CIA director, Leon Panetta, a bunch of high ranking people that were, including the person that planned the raid, the commander, the naval commander, the

Some people from SEAL Team 6 were in it. And just, yeah, like a lot of high-ranking people talking about that whole, basically, journey of tracking him and everything that was behind the scenes, you know, of like how they figured out. I mean, I know people kind of know, you know, the courier was the...

the connection to figuring it out, but having them lay it out. And when you see how long it takes, that's the thing about these, you know, clandestine operations. It's like, they have to be so patient and they just, you're tracking, they had to track this guy for like thousands of miles. You know what I mean? Like he's in one country going through all this terrain, switching vehicles, switching hands and like track and track. And then he just ends up,

in Pakistan and what is it? Abbottabad. And they, they just see this house and like, this house is fucking weird, man. Like it has 15 foot walls and you know, then they like are figuring out who, like how many people live there. They're looking at the trash that they did and they'd burn the trash and

And they're watching people come in and out. And then they figure out that they're like, oh, no, they thought two families lived there. They're like, there's a third family that lives here. And they live on this level. And then they're using satellites to see what they can. It looks really good. It's pretty cool, right? It's a cool room that he was chilling in. But this satellite imagery just had this...

this guy that would pace every day, you know? And they had to use, I forget what it's called. When you use, um, they see the image and the, and the shadow that he casts. And then they figured out that by the shadow that this, that this individual, cause they couldn't see him head on was the same height. Wow. He was a tall, he was a tall guy. Yeah. Wow. Um, so what you're saying is Ben Laden is longer than the summer, right?

World War II, you could figure that war out in a summer. No, the opposite. Oh, no, Bin Laden is longer than a summer. Bin Laden's a quick watch. Oh, so it should have been a Bin Laden summer. Well, no, because you need more. Bin Laden's a weekend watch. Oh, even less. World War II is a full-time job. All right, sorry. Yeah, I'm going to wrap up this one probably tonight, then I'm going to start another World War II doc. When do you get your paws on? I don't know yet. I'm looking at, there's a lot of options.

Might do Vietnam, too. I don't know. You do cycle into Vietnam eventually in summertime. It's a warm climate. That was a jungle war. That makes sense for you. Yeah. See, that would make more sense, a Vietnam summer, a World War II winter. Oh, I see what you mean. So you're saying maybe save this next World War II doc for the holidays. That's what I'm talking about. Like Thanksgiving, Christmas. That's what I'm talking about. Hey, boys, gather around. We're going to watch a documentary.

about Stalingrad yeah when your mother's around your sister's a fam my dad could sit and watch that shit for weeks on end in a row wake up watch it sit down watch this right here these tanks you just gotta see these tanks didn't actually have all the right rudders on them you just kind of mumble it to it and you're like cool man loved it you'd walk in six hours later and you just hear fucking machine guns going off like you're still watching oh yeah it's pretty neat

Yeah, and he's laying there in his chonies. I know exactly what you're talking about, that house in Florida. Yeah, but you watch these things. I had no idea that they were trying to get Germany, obviously, to surrender. That at one point they gave the directive to British and American troops, just bomb Hamburg.

And kill civilians. They're so desperate, I think. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, they're years into the war and then they're like, just destroy Hamburg. Just fucking take it down. I didn't know that. I don't... There's so many details. That's what I'm saying. How could you know that, Tom? Oh, I know. Don't beat yourself up. And here's the craziest thing. They fucking bombed the shit out of Hamburg. I mean, this place was fucking pretty much destroyed. And then they had all...

And survivors go into, I guess, like a postal service building operation. And then the Brits were like, bomb that. Oh, my God. To kill all the civilians. Just to get her done. Yeah. To really put some fear in Hitler's heart. Yeah. And then Hitler was like, ah, ah, ah, ah.

Do you know what's so funny? So my father will tell people where to visit in Europe, dependent upon whether or not Hitler bombed it during World War II. That's where to visit? Well, no. Meaning if Hitler didn't bomb it, it's a nicer European city. Oh, that's right. And that's just true because Hitler didn't tear it all to pieces. So you have the original European buildings and such that you can actually see. The other interesting thing about this dock is they have a lot of super old buildings.

that fought in the war in it, you know? Super old people. Oh, that's cool. They're still around? They're still around. And you hear them talk about, like, it's just interesting, like some guy who's like, I hated the Americans. I want to hear that. I like that. Yeah. He's like, they're so annoying with their McDonald's. They're so loud in the subways. And then whenever they have the American on, it's like an 87-year-old guy. He's like, so we...

"We stormed that beach and there's fucking Japs everywhere." And then he's like, "And there was only a handful of Japs left when we left." Nice, real nice.

I know. It's so funny because now they don't even, they try not to, well, the idea being like we have drones that do the killing for us so we don't have to. That type of war will never happen again, right? I hope. I mean, look, no, none of it's great. No, of course not. My goodness. These people were just, yeah. Traumatized. These men were so traumatized. When you see footage, like one thing you don't think about is

is when there's a war at sea and you're on an aircraft carrier, and you didn't think about this until you're actually watching this because someone will have a camera on deck.

There's planes approaching, firing, and the guys that work on the deck just hit the deck. They just lay on the deck. That's where that saying comes from. And then fucking a plane flies over that's firing bombs and shooting machine guns at it. You're like, holy shit. And then they just pop up and they just run around. Yeah, it's really crazy. You just hope that you don't get hit. All of them were like, I'm probably going to die today. It's wild. Yeah. How do you even, I don't know how they sleep at night, how they function. Because you just train, train, train until you're just.

Like, I'm a war machine. I'm a killing machine. There's a scene in the show, The New Look, about Coco Chanel and Christian Dior and how they navigated World War II. And it's a great, the idea being, you think you would do differently or be a better person. Yeah. But really, would you? Would you? If you're just trying to survive.

That's the thing. It's all about survival for most people. Right. It's a great moral question. And at one point Coco Chanel is meeting with some Intel guy and some German or whatever. And she's literally, she's in Paris and she's standing there and she's like,

do I have to be here? The bombs are falling right behind me. And she's literally like, I'm fucking Coco Chanel. Yeah. And I'm standing in Paris and right behind me, the bombs are falling. And she's like standing nervously waiting for this guy to come meet her. And you're like, that's how it was. Yeah. People are just like, oh yeah, they're just bombing some shit behind me right now. You know what nobody ever talks about though with Hitler? What's that guy? He was a great friend. He was a great friend. To animals? To people? To Mussolini. Yeah.

Nobody talks about it. No, that's true. We learned that in Italy. Because I'm watching the doc, right? And when the Italians are just done with Mussolini, they're like, we're done with this fuck. Yeah. And they start just like rioting and going crazy. Guess what Hitler does? What? He sends a plane to pick up Mussolini because he's worried sick about him.

He's worried sick about it. He's like, get in loser. He's like, get in here. And he flies. And then he greets him. He gets up and he's like, you okay? Yeah, I swear. Just a couple of bros. Yeah. And I, here's the thing. Say what you want about Hitler, but you can't say he was a bad friend to his friends. You know, there's just something about having an outdoor space that actually feels like it's yours.

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I got inspired just scrolling through all the possibilities. And next thing you know, I'm ordering string lights and eyeing a fire. Can I tell you, I just got our chairs from Wayfair, the ones in the backyard that we have. They're fantastic. Yeah, they have so many options. And Wayfair has something for every style and budget, from hot tubs to chase lounges. Even the big stuff ships free.

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Listen. No, you listen. No, you stop. I like a shes, not a chays. Fucking gringo. And they both have an aesthetic sense. They share an aesthetic sensibility here. Yeah. Yeah. It's a kind of outfit. No one ever talks about the guy had a great smile. Hitler? Yeah. Did he have nice teeth? I don't know about that, but it's just a beautiful smile. Sure. And his eyes really lit up when he smiled. How can we never see these shots? Oh, look at it. Look at that. Guy's having the time of his life.

Just goofing around with his friends. How about a little more photos like this? That's the guy I remember. You know what I mean? Hello. He's just saying hi. Hey. Hi. How's everyone doing? He's just waving. He's loving. Yeah. Yeah. It's a Hitler summer for him, too. Yeah. They always show that photo. Yeah. The stern. Yeah. It's like, oh, that's how you got to remember him. You got to remember him like, hmm. But here's the real guy. You know?

I get it, Tom. I get it. But again, great friend to Mussolini. And I just want it to be out there. All right, here's your opening clip. Are you ready? I need a pen when you have a chance, George. What would have happened had there been a 14-year-old girl here, Tim, and not me or the Polk County Sheriff's Office? Well, you'd have ate her ass. Oh, my God. He did not say that.

Welcome to your mom's house. With Tom Segura. And Christina Pagitsky. Welcome to your mom's house. Meow, meow, meow. Meow, meow, meow. You eat her ass? You'd eat her ass. He did not straight up say that. He said that. And then I like how the guy goes. What I?

Yeah. He's thinking it, for sure. Well... I don't know. It's possible. I mean, it is what I proposed as the idea.

He proposed that to a 14-year-old? Well, I mean, I'm deducing that from the conversation. Yeah, me too. That's really wild for a 14-year-old to be on board with. Wow, I didn't know people did that. Well, it's not. It's somebody posing as a 14-year-old. Oh, right. Yeah, that's how they got him. That's how they got him, Tom. Somebody was like, come on over. I'm watching a movie. He's like, how about I come over and eat your ass? She's like, oh, I've never done that. And then you show up and it's Chris Hansen. Do you think the chats with these people

Those are like Keanu AI, where you're like, wow, this chick's really overly cool. Like this 14-year-old knows what ass-eating is? I mean, probably your reptilian brain takes over, and you're just like, cool, this is the one I've been looking for. Yeah, I'm sure that they, when they look back on it, they're probably like, oh yeah, this is not, I got, I got,

Yeah, I got bamboozled here. There's no 14-year-olds in the room. He's like, trying to get my ass eaten today. What are you doing? Yeah. He's like, what you doing, girl? Just trying to get my ass eaten. Yeah. And he's like, funny enough, I'm into eating ass. So if you want. I'm going to go in.

What a coincidence, yeah. Yeah, and he looks like he likes 14-year-olds. They always look the part. Fill all my holes with your delicious man's bread and want to overflow your love juice from my orifices like a broken toilet. Keanu. Keanu? Do you need money? Ding, ding, ding. I fucked a lot. Yeah, cool. You bet I'm coming up in May. You got me sweating like a black man.

Keanu? He still worked up today. What's going on? I can't believe Keanu Reeves is fucking doing this. Everyone thought he was a good guy. You're welcome to spit on me, slap me, make me yours today because that's what I am. Wow. I need to get fucked a lot, man.

It's so crazy. I didn't know he was like this. I didn't know this either, man. Tom and Christina, you are both so hilarious and attractive. My racially ambiguous hog is throbbing for your comedy. Oh, my God. Wow. I didn't know he was such a fan. I didn't know that either. Tom, your thick Peruvian cock is so vascular. It makes me salivate like a dog hungry for a bone. Wow. Jesus. Wow. Can.

Keanu? Keanu's really just a dirt dog. Dude, he's so horny. I had no idea. And he's broke. That's the craziest part. That's the craziest thing. He's probably made $400 million. Where'd those dollars go? Just to fucking cool people. You got to send him Bitcoin. Yeah. To help him out. You cannot wire me U.S. dollars.

That had to have been the best part. She's like, I can send you. He's like, no, no, go get some Bitcoin first. Then give me that. It's so random. Why? Because it's just legal shit. God, I'm in a fucking bind. Can you just get some Bitcoin? You realize, too, that woman had zero idea how to get Bitcoin. I don't know.

don't know either. But I'm saying that lady had to be like, I need Bitcoin today. She's like, do I go to 7-Eleven and get Bitcoin? How do I buy it? I would have no idea. And then he walked her through it. It was like, go here, go to this site, register this. Don't put too much information. Yeah. And send me that code. And then, yeah, then you'll help me get out of this bind I'm in. Anything. Yeah. I'm trying to help Keanu Reeves out.

A ding, ding, ding, ding. Ding, ding, ding. We need that as a drop. That's just, we have it, I think. Ding, ding, ding. Yeah, yeah. What a dummy. Ding, ding, ding. So fucking stupid. Ding, ding, ding. Yeah. Hey, mommy, show me how those big tits fart. Wow, he knows your thing. What the hell? God. Can it? Wow, mommy, you are so funny and talented and creative and nice and beautiful and physically attractive to me.

He likes you. Do you know what I like at the end of that? He got real sultry. You were so attractive to me. Well, he said something about you being creative and funny enough, you have some creative things. Yes. So I wanted to bring to light, Josh, thank you so much for pointing this out, that Adrian Brody, the actor, has been selling his artwork to the public. And let me tell you, he's been crushing it. Crushing it. And the reviews from the audience

art world are pretty fucking rough. Well, they don't know good art when they see it. That's the problem. Yeah, it says the actor's art gets brutalized in a review. Well, who's... Well, but I saw some other art world people, they were saying that it is absolutely horrendous and hideous. Let me see. Let's see what he's got. Alex Greenberger of Art News says it's bad.

Oh, yeah. One of those, like pop art shit. Like deco-podge. If you're listening to this, so it's so- Fucking A. 425 grand. I mean, this is great. So he sold this. It looks like a collage, and then Marilyn Monroe's in the middle, the Hollywood sign in the background. It's just like a collage of different Marilyn's images. Well, I will say this, though. Just to be fair to this right now, because I didn't realize this when I heard his art had sold for that much.

It looks like that one sold for almost $425,000. It's for a benefit and includes a lunch with him. Oh, wow. But I'm saying that's somebody who's doing that to also... It's to contribute to whatever the benefit is. It's not just somebody going, I want to buy this art for this much money. I agree. I see what you're saying. It's a little different. I see what you're saying. The intent is different. But do we have...

any other of his, any more of his work that we can critique and sort of look at because. Yeah, let's look at some. I agree. That particular piece, I feel like we've seen in galleries before. Yeah. It's a little been done. Oh yeah. So is that. Yeah. It's pop art shit. It's pop art. He's collaging like Betty Boop.

Is that like a Banksy? It's not that notably. It's just you've seen it, like you said. Yeah, you've seen it. It's pop art. I have a piece of art like that from a gallery when we were on the road, but it hangs in a garage. Really? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's just like a fun. They're like fun things, you know.

But he's not selling all of these and giving it to charity. He is profiting. I don't know what. Right? I'm assuming not all of these are for charity. I like the Bugs Bunny one. I have absolutely no idea. I think he's fine. I think it's fine. Adrian Bodie's art is horrendous. Oh, gosh. You guys. Why are people pretending it isn't? Well, I don't think it's horrendous. I don't think it's horrendous. No different than the shit that is in galleries now. What's the diff? I think they don't like him. Yeah. I don't know.

I don't know either. Listen, the point is seeing Adrian Brody's success. I wonder what these are. Oh, I like that one. They're skulls. Can you see what they're listed for at this gallery? At the Eden Gallery, whatever that is? I cannot imagine they're listing these for six figures. That's so insane. So good. Yeah, that would be really crazy. People brutally mock Adrian Brody's art. Yeah, what is that? Brodux? Brodux. So he made like a Starbucks symbol, but he called it Brodux.

Which isn't even like, like it's like Banksy is clever with his stuff, right? Like it's funny. Oh my God. Yeah, yeah. No, that's. His stuff's really cool. 22,000? Yeah, that's like more in line with what that kind of stuff would go for. Probably like in the teens and, you know, part of that's his name and.

I think that one that everyone keeps citing is really because it was for a benefit. So they just made the price real crazy. Oh, wow, look at this. See, that's at a gala. That's not... Yeah, that's for charity. It's for charity. Wow, okay, so this is really interesting. That's hilarious. That's in line with what I'm going to propose here in a moment. Yeah, tell me what you're doing. So in light of Adrian Brody's success, I was thinking I'm going to start putting my art

up for sale and like I want to sell the original piece and I've been working on something for a while I need money I'm drowning in legal troubles that I cannot elaborate on right now please send me money and I will send you my love yes

So this is my first piece that I'm going to be putting out there for sale in light of Adrian Brody. Is that Adrian's or yours? No, this one's mine. Oh, that's yours. Okay. This one's my original. That feels Adrian-like. What the fuck are you talking about? I did that with my hand. That's oil pastels with my hand. I'm saying like I could see this in a gallery. Oh, okay. As long as you mean it like that. No, I meant it as a compliment. No, I meant it as a compliment. Well, yeah. Is there a list price for the original?

For the original? Well, first of all, let me tell you a little bit about this piece before we jump straight to the price, Tom. That's really, that was tacky of me. I'm sorry. I just want this, I want the context. You know, every great piece of art has a story, okay? This one is about my struggle. Oh, my struggle with breast cancer and this difficult year that I've had with my mortality and existence. And

And that's why I've made this piece of art. It's called Fuck Around and Find Out. That's what this is called? Yes. And it's a cat, and he's not playing games. So I'm going to be selling this original piece. Are you ready? Yeah. $10,000 US dollars. Wow. Not Bitcoin. US dollars. Okay. $10,000. $10,000. Where can they buy it? Where are we going to post this, Josh?

I think on the YMX store, story.ymxtudios.com. Let's see if that actually, yeah. I need to get in on this Adrian Brody business plan. I'm going to do this first. Let's see if it goes. Well, can people buy prints who can't afford the- We'll see. I don't know yet. I may just sell the original and if the response was great, then I may sell the prints. Limited run. 10 grand. Yeah.

Seems reasonable to me. It seems totally reasonable. You know how much work went into this cat? How long did it take? Just hours, days of me thinking about color scheme and like, look how I fucking look at the bottom, bro. You see how like the fur fucking looks all soft and shit. I did that, bro. It looks great. It really does look cool. Yeah. It's really cool. This cat's a killer, dude. Yeah, I like it. I'm super stoked about it. And 10 grand, I feel like you could own this, put this in your house, frame it, whatever, you know? Very cool. Yeah, it'll just bring joy. Hey, bitch, get in here and suck us up.

Nasty flip-ass bitch. Hey, get up in here and suck us up. Head monster gobble-ass bitch. Head monster gobbling-ass bitch. Sea creature sea crawling-ass bitch. See, this is the type of misogyny that my artwork addresses. Yeah. You know, like in addition to being cancer survivor, mother, Eastern European immigrant, it's also about misogyny and patriarchy and a lot of stuff too. He's so aggressive, this guy. Yeah, it's a lot, man. It's, yeah.

You suck us up, you sea creature ass bitch. Like it's really so demeaning. Because that's the woman that likes to be demeaned a little. I guess. Or maybe she's, I don't know if she likes it, she's just used to it.

You know what I mean? Bitch, get in here and suck us up. She's like, that sounds pretty inviting. Sea creature, sea crawling ass bitch. A sea creature, sea crawling ass bitch. That's for somebody who was abused a lot. Yeah. And then they're like, this feels familiar. That feels right. God, I think about this all the time if I might just compliment you. Yeah. Don't compliment that bitch. Don't compliment that bitch. But I really...

Should have ended up with a monster. Don't compliment that bitch. Yeah. Not you. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? I know. I should have been with a real psycho. Like. These fucking two. Even that bit didn't really make sense. No. Because he's supposed to be serving her. Right. And then she says, my lord, to the servant.

Right, like, don't call me m'lady, call me m'lord. Oh, is that what she's saying? Like, I'm the man in this relationship. I think because he's being so emasculated in social media. Oh, I see what you're saying. So she's like, I'm a man. Oh, she's saying, call me m'lord. Okay, I was like, go inside and do your mommy and wife thing. Stop trying to be famous. That's what the comment was from Clarissa. Oh, what a bitch.

20. I mean, look, do I like that they're trying to make fun of themselves? Yeah. I think that's really cool. That's nice. It's good. They just need help. Like they should have a comedian. Help them out a little. Yeah. Yeah. I agree. Call like, who's good at these, you know? Did we talk about watching Star Wars? Brittany Furlan's good at like fine. Yeah, she is. You should contact her. Star Wars with the boys? Oh my God. So they've been doing this thing, by the way. I don't know if other people have the same experience where

Whenever you propose, let's watch this new thing that you haven't seen, they're like, absolutely not. So like when Harry Potter, like a couple of years ago, I was like, let's watch Harry Potter. They're like, I don't want to watch that. No way. I hate Harry. Like, I hate it. And you're like, why? They're great movies. And they're like, no, uh-uh. I'm not watching that. Same thing with Star Wars. I was like, let's watch Star Wars. They're like, no, no, no, no. I hate Star Wars. You hate Star Wars? I hate it. It's the worst. And you're like,

All right. And like another year would go by. And I'd be like, you want to watch Star Wars? Like, no, no, no, no, no. Star Wars is the worst. And you're like, what is going on? And then finally I'm like, hey, let's watch Star Wars, the original.

And Ellis throws this huge thing. He's like, I just, I want to watch anything else. I'm like, seriously. And he's like, yeah, but let's just not even watch something. I go, how about just give it like 15 minutes. And if you, if you can't, if you don't want to watch it after 15 minutes, I'll, I'll turn it off. I'll find something else. He's like, oh, fine. A few minutes in Julian is just like, what is this? Like Star Wars.

And he's like, "This is Star Wars?" I go, "Yes." And he's like, "This is pretty good." And I go, "I know." And then Ellis is like, "Well, I've seen all of them." I'm like, "Wait a minute, you just said it's the worst thing." He's like, "Yeah, I watched them all over at my buddy's house." And I'm like, I go, "So you've seen these all?" He's like, "Yeah, yeah, I know what this is." I'm like, "Okay."

Cool. Can we watch it? He's like, yeah, it's actually really good. I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? It's so crazy. And then Julian is like, who is that? I go, it's Han Solo. Han Solo? Yeah. He's like, what kind of name is that? I'm like, I don't know. He lives in fucking outer space. And he's like, Han? I go, yes. What's his last name? Solo. Han Solo. I'm like, yes. What's his real name? I'm like, Harrison Ford. He's like, oh.

What's that thing he's talking to? I'm like, that's Chewbacca. Chew what? Chewbacca. He's a Wookiee. What's a Wookiee? I go, that fucking thing. Who's the other guy? Luke Skywalker. What's his real name? Mark Hamill. Is that his friend? I'm like, I guess. I don't know, dude. Can we watch the movie? No. What's happening? Why does he do that?

who's Darth, Darth Vader, Darth Vader, Darth Vader. I go, yeah. How do you spell that? How do you spell it? Now you gotta spell it. I can't just watch. I go, he's a real bad guy. How is he bad? Yeah, how is he bad? He's just consumed with evil. What does he do that's evil? I'm like, everything. He hates everybody that's alive. He wants everyone dead. He's like, oh, you know what I would do if I saw Darth Vader? I'm like, what? He goes, I'd go, fuck you. Yeah.

Double bird. Double bird to Darth Vader, yeah. Yeah. It's a whole thing. 25 minutes into that movie, I had answered at least 150 questions. And then his mind is really blown that Leia is actually Luke's sister. And now I have to fucking explain that doozy. Oh, then we were... Because we watched the original three. And then it's like, so wait, Darth is Luke's dad? Yeah. And he goes...

But how is he his dad? He used to be his dad. Ugh. Ugh.

Yeah, I mean, it was Anakin Skywalker, and then he kind of turned to the dark side of the Force, and he's kind of half man, half machine. What? I'm like, I don't know, dude. It's fucking complicated. Can we just watch this fucking movie, please? It's so complicated. Well, look, Star Wars is the greatest story ever told. Well, it's just good and evil. It's fantastic. Well, it's so many layers to it. I mean, it's Oedipal, right? I think why so many boys love it. It's the idea of killing your father, right?

Which is part of the drama of being like a six or seven year old boy. You love your mother. You want to kill your father. You resolve these things in your brain. But I think that's why it really like you see that as a kid on a subconscious level. You're like, wow, this is a wild story. The guy's got to kill his own father. How do you do that? And then there's the idea of succumbing to the dark side of the force. Well, what is the dark side of the force? It's the darkness within you. Well, what does that mean? It could be anything. Addictions, depression.

Bad feelings, low energy behavior. George Lucas was- It's amazing. It's such a good story. Obsessed with that-

Eastern philosophy? No, what's that? Oh my God, this tale of, I think it's an old Irish tale. We studied it in college about like he was really fascinated with this author and it was stories of like, you know, Star Wars is just like adapting, you know, an old philosophy story of good versus evil. Essentially, it's these same tales, right? Just retold in a different way.

But it was, oh shit, Pac-Man's calling me. No way. I think we should answer that. Really? Yeah, Pac-Man Jones. All right. What's up, man? Hey. I just did. I did. I'm doing a podcast. What's going on? What's up, man? Okay, okay. All right. I like the hat, bro. And the teeth.

Oh, yeah, it's Houdet, baby. Yeah, Houdet all the way. You should check out his shit, T. Hey, send me a link. I will. I'll send it to you. I'm good. How are you doing? I'm good. Yeah? No, I ignore the noise. Yeah, I know. There's a lot of... Yeah, that's right. I ignore it for my fucking self. Like, motherfucker, why are you fucking... You talking about I did what? Bro, you got the wrong guy, bro. That's what I told you. You should tell him that. Give him a little no game. Oh, yeah, that motherfucker. Yeah, yeah. I wasn't trying to hurt him.

It probably could have gone way differently. I'm glad you just... Could have went a little bit worse. Yeah, yeah. I thought I did. How are you doing on the links today? We just started. Oh, you just started. All right, cool, man. All right, bro. Everything good? Yeah, everything's good, man. Everything's good. Hey, what kind of shoes you got on? They're running shoes, bro. Oh. Let me see. Yeah, well, they're... I bet my boy, I'm like, he fucking got J's on them. Nah, I just came from the gym, though, man. I came from the gym. You look so fucking sick today, bro. I love you. All right.

I love you too, bro. Okay, bye. That was insane. Insane. He shit on your shoes, babe. Yeah, no, because they're like, he's got J's on. He had a bet going. Oh. So I just let him down. Well, who was the other fella? I don't know. I actually didn't recognize him. But he had all diamond teeth. It was cool. Oh, cool. Dude, that's what you need to get next. You think so? 100%. Do you know who that was? No.

Oh, wait. Is this the... Yeah, Joseph Campbell. Joseph Campbell. That's who I was thinking of. The archetypes. Thank you. Of course. So Joseph Campbell's... This is timeless. We read about... We did a whole thing about this in college. Yes, of course. Joseph Campbell. It's about mythology, the myths. Sorry, the archetypes.

Yes, it's fantastic. I said Irish, but I think I just got thrown by the name. I was just reading him. What's the fucking one I was just reading? My memory is a dog shit. Fuck my brain. What's that guy, babe? Say it. My brain is so fucking stupid. I don't remember. My brain. I don't remember. Nah, Mia's the fucking... What is his big book, Joseph? The Power of Myth.

Yes, The Power of Myth. And it talks about the archetypes that exist in life. The father, the mother, the maiden. All these are human archetypes that exist. You know what I got to find? It's all about that. I remember a while back. The Power of Myth. I had found, there's a story out there about Lucas shopping this script. And it's so funny to think of.

Like a studio exec in the 70s reading and being like, fucking a what? A Wookiee? Yeah, it's Chewbacca. And he's trying to explain, well, yeah, you know, he's like, this is goofier than shit, man. We're not making this. I'm sure because it had to have been turned down by so many people. Oh, for sure. It was too weird. So I remember there's a great story about how Jim Henson got the Muppets on television. Yeah.

And it was Brillstein Gray did the show and he's pitching it to Bernie Brillstein, Jim Henson. And, you know, Henson was just a stoner with puppets. Yeah. And they were like, we got there's some way we can commodify this. We don't know how. And so Henson and Brillstein are in a restaurant. And I think Bernie Brillstein goes, I know what it is. It's hee haw.

With puppets. You know that stupid show fucking Hee Haw? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's it. That's how they pitch stuff in the 70s because shit was so wild back then. Like Hee Haw. Google Hee Haw. It's the stupidest fucking show you've ever seen. Yeah, it's like hillbillies popping up in cornfields. And it's like segments. So that's how he pitched it. Yeah, it's Hee Haw with puppets.

And I thought, oh, that's so brilliant. That is a really good pitch. See, look at this stupid two characters and it's all making fun of like Southern people. What do you call a gorilla with an attitude? You know, like, and they're jumping up and cornfields popping. Yeah. It's like the stupidest shit. But then laughing was big in the sixties. So this was like after laughing. I don't know. You see this guy, by the way, I know you like this.

Yes, you are live with me, Ben Hart, on CNN. Oh, I'm sorry. What was he doing? He farted. Wait, I missed that. Let me see that again. Yeah, he farted live on CNN.

Idiot. He knew he was about to go live. He just beefed. He crazy. He knew he was about to be live. He did a full lean. Yeah, you can't do that on CNN, bro. He's like, oh, sorry, sorry about that. Anyway.

Let's move on. Like, nah, you need to talk. The whole segment's got to be about your fart now. Bro, and look, the other guy knows. Yeah, the other guy's like, you're live. Did you fucking beef, dude? The whole world just saw you rip ass, sir. Fucking idiot. Speaking of farting. Yeah. I am so excited. So if you're watching, if you're listening to the podcast today, June 25th, the day this is coming out, later today, we are debuting, finally,

Fancy versus Philip. My good friend, Philip Franklin Lee, the Michelin star chef who has sushi by scratch. He has pasta bar and ADC with, um, uh, uh, Neen Williams also does the podcast together. Not a damn chance. Podcast is a fantastic, phenomenal chef. So I got him to do a competition with fancy chef and it was unbelievable. Yeah.

And I have a quick, I'm just giving you a little sneak peek. I got to see, I got to see my beak. Just a sneak peek about some of what went on that day. It was unbelievable. Can't wait. I'm in Texas. I'm in Texas. I'm in Texas.

Insanity. Insanity. You okay there now?

Oh my god! That was unbelievable. That was a dream come true. To have the two kind of highest level chefs I know go at it. It was just real competition. See who can come up with what. It was really a treat. I feel so alive.

It was unbelievable. Wow. The full cut is just incredible. I mean, the tension in the room, these guys going at it back and forth, high-level guys, just their minds racing and all the flavors that we had. It was just, I'm so sorry you couldn't make it that day. It was unbelievable. No, I had stuff going on. The phones ringing is what really adds to the adrenaline rush going on. Yeah, raw footage. We didn't tell them to ever do it.

Turn them off. Don't turn off a ringer, bro. You got six phone lines. Is not, though, the most impressive thing that you've seen that he can rattle off every number? It's pretty crazy. Isn't that incredible to you? Because I don't think I know my own phone number. Well, I don't know more than maybe two numbers. Yeah. He just was like, boom. He's savant-like with that. That and cooking. Yes, of course. May I ask you, what was the dessert that you were sampling? Oh, okay.

So he, I mean, I don't want to give it away, but I'll just tell you. I mean, there was fresh berries, strawberries, raspberries, blueberries, and I think it's rum-infused whipped cream. How does he do that, I wonder? They sell it out of the can. And...

Got it. Wow. It's Cardi B's, oh, sorry, vodka infused whipped cream. So it's whipped cream that has, and he was like, I just came up with that on the spot. And there was like a mint leaf on it. It was so different. Yeah. It was beautiful. Was Philip worried? Oh, yeah. When he saw Fancy and what Fancy was bringing. First of all, Fancy came in wearing a chef's outfit.

Yeah, and Phillip did not. Phillip was like, oh, I'm just wearing my regular clothes. Like, well, mistake number one. Yeah. You know? You had to come correct. Yeah. You had to come styled. Well, I can't wait to watch the whole thing. It looks fantastic. It was incredible. It looks delicious, too. Yeah, it was really, really. Most importantly. Really spectacular. A delicious time. You can watch this Fancy vs. Phillip battle at 5 p.m. Central here on the YMH YouTube channel. So.

I got something for you. Ready? Always. Fuck. Okay. Was that a suicide? No. Nah. No. It was, she was trying to clean her windows. Yeah. It's in Russia. 80 years old. Yeah. Walked away with bruises. No. Yeah. I'm telling you, the slobs were built different, son. Isn't that incredible? Wow. I mean, that is hard the way. Now let's see it again. Fuck. Fuck.

She was like, ah, shit. Dude, that didn't, okay. Bruises. Someone's like, all right, you're going to hire someone to clean the windows. She's like, all right. Fuck, she just fell out. Can I tell you something? Can I talk to you for a second? Yeah, man. Falling out of your window is extremely easy. I had a friend in college who,

Who fell out of a third story window. He was at a house party. There was a band playing and he was with this girl and the room got progressively fuller and fuller and he just got backed in, backed in. And he and this girl...

He was behind her. She's leaning on him. Right? And then, whoop, out the third story window. He falls first. She falls on top of him. He's in a coma for three weeks. And he's never been the same. Broke a bunch of shit. It was horrible. And she was fine? No, she didn't make it. She didn't make it? Yeah. From the third story? Yes. Damn. So, yeah. And she landed...

Wait, I'm sorry. Wrong story. Wrong. She was fine. But she felt really guilty that he wasn't. Sorry. That was the story. I forgot that. Sorry. She survives. And she doesn't have as much trauma and injury as my friend did. But he's never been the same. He was really, really, really super intelligent before that happened. And then do you have another story about someone who died? No. No. I'm probably just mixing up clips that we've seen on the show. Totally.

Different traumatic things. Well, first of all, we've never played someone who didn't make it, so that's in your head. No, of course. Yeah, come on. Come on now. This is fun music. Is that a buggy? I think it's going to... Fuck these big-ass buses, man. Bro, I think you're going to hit the car pretty hard. No? Oh. Get out of there! Get out of there! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Fuck.

That could happen. That was insane. Right here in Texas. That was one of the craziest things I've seen. Dude, I'm so afraid of that happening to me. The logic, too. Like your brain. Sometimes your brain doesn't, you know? I know. It's fine. Block the thing from hitting my car and not adding up how much...

force and pressure. I mean, I don't think he's going to stand up straight ever again for the rest of his life. Because the way where it smushed all his internal organs, like the important things. But my car is cool. My car is not scratched. That's cool. But it literally got him like stomach, spleen, liver, kidneys, everything. By the way, buy Christina P lipstick. I got four colors. He sustained a serious injury to his hip. That's where he got hurt. His hip.

I'm sorry. It didn't mean... Interesting time to plug the lipstick. Do you want to do that again? ChristinaP.com. Four shades. You can get Atomic Red, Perfect Red, Madison, and Berlin. ChristinaP.com. Buy all four. I got one more for you. Oh, fuck off. Ready? Yes. Ooh. Guess what? Okay. She's okay. Hold on. I got the weirdest text. Okay. So you know this phone used to belong to...

You and I are more than friends. We're like a really small gang, minus the weapons and cool jackets. Okay, that's probably spam. Do you know what I've been doing now? What? So I used to always say I'm Ambassador Cart, right? Yeah. Right? And then get them to be like, I'm sorry, what? I'm like, this is Ambassador. The State Department's going to visit you. So what I do now, I got one a week ago that was like, hey, Jessica, it's me, Kathy.

"Are you ready for lunch?" I just go, "Yeah, where are we eating lunch?" And then they go, "Wait, where are you?" I go, "I'm outside, where are you?"

And then they always are looking for, you're supposed to go, that's not me. So I just affirm everything now. And then they just stop. You know what I mean? Whatever they say, you just yes and it. So I should say, you and I are more than friends. We're a really small gang, minus the weapons. LOL, for sure, homie. Yeah.

Oh my God, for sure, homie. Just add to it and then they just go like, when they're like, wait, who is this? You go, no, wait, who is this? Who the fuck is this, bro? I thought you were my homie. What's up, bitch? Are we going out later? Yeah, let's go. Oh, let me add that. Are we hanging later? What's up, bro? It's more fun, actually. It is so much fun, yeah. Because they're looking for you to try to dismiss them. Yeah, so they can be like, no, I want to hang out. How come we're not friends more? I miss you. I miss you, girl. I'm thinking about you. Let's hang out.

Let's see if they're not going to write back. You're right. Yeah, because they want you to be like, who is this? Oh, I'm so sorry. This is Caitlin. And then they go, well, it's okay. Let's just hang out. Let's chat. And then they need fucking, what's it called? Bitcoin. Oh, you move your phone. They need fucking Bitcoin and shit. Did you see this? This was done by one of our... Oh, Scott Welsh. Yeah, I know that name. Yeah, yeah. He does a lot of stuff on...

on Instagram and he's been doing things like this for a long time really cool ones but this one was really really special and that's when I decided I'm going to murder my mother I knew a week before she died I was going to kill her and she went out to a party she got soused she came home went to sleep I was woken up by that I got came out I walked up to her bed she's laying there reading a paperback

as many thousands of nights before. And she said, "Oh, I suppose you're gonna want to sit up all night and talk now." I looked at her, I said, "No." I said, "Goodnight." And I knew I was gonna kill her, you know?

Pretty cool. That's really cool. I like that Charo's reading my son a sociopath. A psychopath. Yeah, that's cool. And they did a really good Charo. Really good. Really good. You. Your teeth are awful in this. Well, it's real audio. Yeah, I know. That's from Ed Kemper. He was goofball, killed his mom in real life. Yeah, I figured as much. There he is. Big guy. Smart guy, too. Sure.

Why is he smart? He had a really high IQ. Oh. He was really intelligent, yeah. Some of them are. Yeah. Some of them are. Yeah, 6'9", big fuck, huh? 6'9". He's 6'9". Damn, dude, that's tall as shit. IQ of 145. Oh, it's fucking crazy. Plays within the genius range. Oh, cool. Yeah. Wow, thank you for sharing this. Yeah, he was a real neat guy.

Too bad that that... Who else did he kill besides his mommy? Some other broads. He had a real problem with killing women. They usually do. Yeah. How it goes. Was he so alive? He murdered seven women. Yeah. One girl. Uh-oh. He murdered his paternal grandparents when he was 15. Oh.

And most of his non-familiar victims were female college students hitchhiking, which is something you can't even do anymore. I know. There is no like hitchhiking kind of culture anymore. Well, look, if I were one of these clowns, you know what I would do? Get on the dating apps.

Start killing that way? Yeah. Hey, come meet me at this fucking bar, dark ass place. With a phony picture? You have to do a phony picture. Of course, the whole identity. Yeah. And this dumb broad show up. But you have to pick somebody, wait, because if you, it's interesting, right? If you do a full catfish thing, then the woman's there looking for this other guy. Yeah. And you know who she is. Yeah. She has no idea, right? Yeah.

But do you want to pick somebody who's close to what you look like so that she engaged? So you're just like waiting. No, no. So here's what you're going to do. First of all, I know who you're going to fucking go after. One of these Disney adult losers. You're talking to me? No, I'm just saying in general, if you wanted to kill somebody.

Go after one of these losers, these Disney fucking adults. Jesus, you're so aggressive. Hold on. On these specific sites where they're like, I'm a rope dropper. What was the other one? One of these fucks? Yeah, one of these dorks. Park closer? I'm a park closer. I'm a rope dropper. And you get this girl all juiced up on how down you are for Disney. You set up a meeting time. You stand her up.

Just like this fishing. Yeah. Oh, what happened? Your date didn't show up? I'm so sorry, but you're wearing like a Disney shirt that she can cling to. Why don't you hang out with me? Let's go for a walk around Lake Austin. Oh, I see. And then now you fucking strangle her ass and put her in the fucking lake. Oh, I see. Yeah. So I just happen to be, I have my Mickey Mouse shirt on. I'm like, oh. This is so weird. No, I'm just here. Crazy. You're into this stuff? You like Disney? Oh,

I love this stuff. Oh, shit. God, this guy's a real loser. Well, I'm sorry you got somebody who did that to you. Shit. Yep. There's no fucking way to retreat someone. And these nerds are like in Orlando. Yeah. Easiest place to dump a body is Florida. All the swamps and the gators, they just chew everything up. Yeah, go to the Everglades and you just feed the gators. For fucking sure, homie. Yeah. Sounds like you've kind of thought this through a little bit. Yeah. It doesn't seem like it's off the top of your head. Well, it is actually. Okay. Yeah.

Pretty cool. I just think these nerds, you have to go to a specific nerd culture because then they're really looking for it. You know what I'm saying? They're willing to block out a lot of stuff. Just like that guy that got catfished, the 14-year-old ass eater. Man kills husband and wife over debt and dumps bodies in the swamp. Florida. That's where you dump a body. Oh, yeah. We've been thinking about this for a long time. He killed a couple. Huh. Let's see.

A man is accused of fatally shooting a married couple leaving their bodies in a swamp because he believed the husband had stolen $30,000 from him. Jesus. A jury now convicted the 39-year-old Todd Jackson of two counts of first-degree murder, armed kidnapping, burglary, occupied dwelling with a firearm, and tampering with physical evidence. I like that that one thing says believed, meaning that maybe that didn't happen. A judge sentenced him to life in prison. Let's see...

They realized law enforcement suspected them. Bankers found no suspicious transactions would indicate the victim stole from his bank account. We further argued that while the co-defendants had numerous motives to commit the crime, Mr. Jackson had none. No physical evidence linked Mr. Jackson to the crime scene. Well, okay. I mean, 30 grand, that's enough to murder somebody. Yeah. That's a lot of scratch. But it seems like there's nothing that connects him to that, like the couple. Did they actually do that?

It doesn't seem like it. I just found the story. I'm not sure the whole, the whole backstory of it, but yeah. Deputies used a surveillance technique that Nichols said her stepfather was the one who shot and killed a couple because he thought Raymond Klein had stolen 30,000 from him. That is a lot to do. If you go, I think this guy took money from me. Like, you don't know.

Feels like you'd want to know. You'd want to confirm it. Yeah. But then you'd also want to be able to get your money back before you kill that guy. Yeah. Like I'll be like, hey, dude, here's your chance to give it back to me. And then when he doesn't, I fucking murder him. Kill that guy. Right? Like you want your money back. You want your money back. Yeah. 30 grand. That's a lot of scratch, bro. That's a lot of dough. Yeah. Yeah. Give me my fucking money, bitch. Bitch. Fucking dummy. See? So many bodies. Woo! I don't like that. I don't want to fucking see that.

Fuck this, dude. I'm not looking at this. I broke my ankle. I don't want to see this. It was just dislocated. He put it back on. Yeah, I don't want to see this. This happened to me, remember? Yeah. Remember when they set... You watched them, didn't you? They usually put you on... They didn't give her ketamine or any... I don't know. Oh, wait, wait. Are you ready? Yeah. Okay, it came back to me. Oh, yeah, yeah. Okay, hold on.

homie wait isn't this jenny yes fuck yeah it is yes it's jenny yes dummy yeah see this is the fun way to do it yes dummy it's jenny who the fuck are you no no yes dummy it's jenny yeah of course yeah yeah homie wait isn't this jenny yes dummy it's jenny let's see what this fucking idiot says back it's so much more fun it's so much more fun yeah

Okay, wait. When they reset my ankle, they put me up. That's why I did ketamine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They didn't even give this poor motherfucker Xanax. Fuck. Dude, that ankle was completely off. I know. I saw it. I don't want to see it. Then he had like the... Stop. That like flutter. He's like... I don't like this. I know. I don't like it, dude. You fucking show me this.

What kind of fucking hospital is this? I mean, it's kind of, it's not here. I'll tell you that. Yes, for sure. Give him drugs, bro. Oh, shit. Oh, fuck. Enny, you're here. Enny's back. Nice. We missed you. Mm-hmm. We need a space. I'm just strolling in. You can't do that. Why is he late to work? You can't do that. That's fucking crazy. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

I came in late. Only I can do that. I can't believe I work here. Where have you been? We miss you. Where the fuck have you been, bro? I'm fucking working, man. Oh, shit. I'm working. I got a bunch to do. Okay. All right. Okay. Okay.

All right. We need to get some Negro spiritual music to play when any gets on the mic. Can we get that for him, please? What? Oh, my fucking God. You want to get some of those tracks? Do another one. Those are funny. Whole white baby, bro. Yeah. I got a 2001.

I'm sweating. It's so funny. You know what I'm saying? I don't have a job day in my life. You know what I'm saying? And not jail. Yeah. Oh, shit. You want to see some of your talks? Fucking always, dude. Yeah.

Oh, that's hilarious. He packaged a damaged old TV and then it was stolen. Isn't that fucking amazing? That's amazing. So for those people just listening, if you want to get rid of an old television... This is a ring camera from a front porch where a guy took his old shitty TV, packaged and taped it up and put it on his front porch. Yeah, you make it look like it's a delivery box and...

And then some piece of shit just stole it. Yeah, I'm going to start doing that. Yeah, that's awesome. This is a shitty spray tan product. I did want to be tan, but come to find out, I bought the wrong freaking spray tan on Amazon. And this is the result. Is that a woman? Yeah.

It's a lot of hair. It is hair. It's a lot of hair, right? A lot of... Looks like chest and facial hair? Yeah, some broads have a lot of... A lot? Like, hormonal stuff. Now, it looks like hormonal hair. It doesn't look like dude hair. Do you know what I'm saying? Right, okay. Like, yeah, broads sometimes have to take off the hair. That's quite a bit. Yeah, that's quite a bit of... I know. Also, that's real dark. Real chocolatey, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, that's way too dark. Yeah, probably...

Maybe go a shade lighter next time. You've got to be conservative with spray tan or any self-tanner. Yeah. Because then it looks the best. Conservative is always the way to go with everything. You know, any facial work I'm saying, like teeth, stuff like that. Don't go too far. Our kids don't have bedtimes. They don't have any restrictions on any kind of media and they can eat what they want when they want.

Now, when somebody first hears that, they tend to think... Well, I'm about to say, that just sounds like chaos. I know, and most people think that. If you would have told me that 15 years ago, I would have believed the same thing. However, they make really good choices for themselves. Yeah, I mean, the kids have total freedom to, you know...

Anything from jumping on the trampoline at 2 in the morning to staying up late, you know. How late do the kids go to bed sometimes? Yeah, well, I mean, just last night, I basically said, what do you think, Orion, are you ready to go to bed? And it was 3.05 a.m. And he said, yeah, I'm tired. And how old is he? And he's 5. I do little jabs, you know.

They may go to bed and get up late, but a rules-free lifestyle doesn't mean the Martin kids sit on their hands. Devon, the eldest, spends much of his time learning practical skills like woodwork and blacksmithing. That's cool. If I'm interested in woodworking, then I'm going to woodwork. If I'm interested in a video game, I'm going to play that video game. Whatever I want to do, I can do. Have you looked at subjects, though? Like, if you went to school, you'd do history, geography, math, English...

If I wanted to, I would. I'm learning what I'm doing and I'm doing it pretty well, I like to think. And I figure I can learn almost anything that way. History would be easier. Just go online and read about it. So you can learn a lot from online. You can learn a lot from YouTube, I guess. Yeah. We call it the University of YouTube or YouTube University. Have you ever thought that you might like to go to school? I've thought about it a few times for about four seconds and I realised, of course not. Why would I want to leave this life and go to school?

It was fascinating. It's fascinating. Hey, it's definitely a way. I remember meeting, knowing of, I should say, somebody who did this type of parenting. Okay, like free, total free reign? Yeah. Okay, and what happened? Are they in jail? I don't know what happened. I know that the person that had access to this family is the one that told me about it. Okay. Was like, it's...

It doesn't, it's not that cool to witness. Well, listen, I think from a parenting perspective, having everybody on a schedule just puts you at ease because if your kid's up, your five-year-old, until 3 a.m., that means your ass is up at 3 a.m. Watching them jump on a fucking trampoline

And I'm not interested in that, bro. I don't think so either, man. That was... That's... I mean, I understand that there's like... There's something cool about this. Like... Yeah. I think the fact this kid's like learning blacksmith work or whatever, you know, he's...

Like that kind of thing. You're like, oh, that's pretty rad. But the fact that there's no, like people, I think kids want boundaries. They want, you know what I mean? Yeah, they need it. They need it to, because if they're always anxious about, well, when's the next thing coming? Like when is dinner? When is sleeping time? Then their brains aren't free to learn. I thought, because I saw this is from the vaults. I thought we were going to get a 10 year update on this.

That's what I thought was happening on this. Can you search for that, Josh? That would be really cool. Yeah, that's pretty crazy. I mean, I hope he takes that stupid door knocker out of his fucking nose. It looks dirty, too. Have you done a fucking shower? Congratulations, Jared. Congratulations, Jared. Congratulations, Jared. Congratulations, Jared. Congratulations, Jared. Okay. Congratulations, Jared.

All right. This is for my friend, Jared, who came out recently. And I have to apologize. This was sent on Friday. And I'm just not getting to it. So I'm sorry. Jared, good for you. I'm happy for you. Know that you are loved in your special. Okay. Okay. Thank you very much, Christina. Congratulations. You don't like that? No. No. I mean, the, you know, the...

The reason for the message is nice. Congratulating someone on coming out. That's great. The voice is terrible. Whatever. Not whatever. Maybe that's a really nice voice. Mariah Carey was known for her high pitched singing. This does not sound like Mariah Carey. It does not sound like Mariah Carey. Yet. The power of yet. She's not a Mariah Carey singer yet. Yet. I haven't taken a shit today.

Yet. There you go. A moment of grand opening, epic universe. This is the murder gallery we're going to to kill everybody. This is crazy. Oh, my gosh. Oh, no one's going this way. Wow, I like seeing all these fat people running. That's good. This is madness. Jesus Christ. This is so cool. This is a new exhibit? I guess. Oh, my gosh. This is crazy.

Yeah, I guess this is Euro. It looks like Euro Disney. The grand opening of Epic Universe. Wow. I've only seen one kid. I've seen one kid so far.

Alright, what does it say there? Epic Universe, a new theme park located in Orlando, Florida, officially open May 22nd. 750 acre park features the five themed areas. Celestial Park, Dark Universe, How to Train Your Dragon, Isle of Burke, Super Nintendo World, and the Wizarding World of Harry Potter, Ministry of Magic.

All good things. All fine. There's no kids in this video. It's not one fucking cat. Scroll up a little bit. Celestial Park serves as the gateway to the other lands. It includes attractions like Stardust Racers, Constellation Carousel. Dark Universe is a shadowy world inspired by Universal's classic movie Monsters, featuring attractions like the Monsters Unchained,

How to Train Your Dragon is obviously based on that world of dragons, Super Nintendo World, immersive land featuring attractions like Mario Kart.

And of course the Harry Potter one, pretty self-explanatory there. All right. So that's a new park. I didn't know that. Great. And again, I would probably love to take our children to it, but these, these are all adults geeking out and running. These are all fat adults running and geeking out. I feel like you're going to get some backlash. I don't give a fucking shit. All these people need to be in mental institutions. This is ridiculous. For the record. Don't agree. Everybody agree.

I think she's wrong. These adults that are into this stuff, this is mental illness. They just like what you like and if it makes you happy, just go there. Just don't make videos. If you like what you like, do it privately. This dork puts it on. Oh my God. Piss Pops is today, Sunday, May 4th from 4 to 9 p.m. For the location info, hit me up in my DMs and I'll send it on over. 35 bucks at the door. Follow your snout and sniff chipper out.

But we missed it. How is this different than the last video? How? How is this different? This is for adults, babe. This is piss play. Piss pups. Yeah. Yeah. It's where adults piss on each other. It's different. What we needed for the piss pups to go to the fucking new park. They need to go to the dark. How to train your dragon. To spray everywhere. And just to sniff with their snouts and just piss everywhere. Yeah.

They need their own amusement park, the pups. I would, by the way, just to put it out there, if the piss pups are listening, I would fund this venture. Oh, yeah. If you guys would go as a group to piss all over this new park, I'll pay for it. Oh, for fucking sure. I would, too. Or a piss pups park. That would be fucking amazing. That'd be rad, too. Just a bunch of gay guys. Oh, fuck this shit.

The worst thing ever would be to be up here with your kids. Fuck this. Fuck. Oh, is it Mexico City? That's why. God damn. That's why. No, it happens everywhere. Like this? Oh, you're right. Yeah, that happens all over the world. I shouldn't be so racist. No, you're right. This is during a storm. Shit. And it looks like they have to stop the ride because of the storm. Well, just lower it. That must be some mechanical failure. Just lower it. Lower the guy. That's what I would be up there going, lower the fucking thing!

And they saw the weather coming. They couldn't have lowered these poor people before the storm. Well, I think they probably got stuck. It's not about that. It's probably the storm's coming and they're like, hey, we're stuck. And they got stuck at the same time. This is just bad timing, these poor people. Yeah, it is. It is, man. Daddy Reese wouldn't be happy with that. They are stuck up there in Mexico City. Do you like, do you want that? By the way, I didn't realize the other day. There are no tacos on the ride. There's a closing song here. Oh. It's called...

Any Where's Those Pants. Oh, shit. It's by Jumpman Studios. Hell yeah, dog. You want to hear it? Yeah, of course. This is our closing song. Thank you for watching. Thank you for listening. Check it out. Here's a new song. Wait, what? I'm close. Oh, my God. Is he going to fuck that bitch? Don't, don't, don't pull on my fucking strength. Don't, don't, don't pull on my fucking strength. I'm close.

I would bite yourself if I could fart. Vagina! Dude, so many dudes want to pull my fucking vagina. Vagina! Can't make my dad white. I'm a worker. You know, I'm a worker. I'm close. I also go deep. What? Wait, what? You are so beautiful. I could fuck you up. I'm a worker.

What? I'm close. I'm usually the dude that's saying those things. Good morning, good morning. Good morning, Julia. Look at you. Oh my God, is he going to fuck that? I'll set you up. Look at you. Good morning, good morning. The greatest moments of my life. Look at you. Good morning, good morning. Oh my God, is he going to fuck that? You're welcome. That was amazing. Thank you.