Steph Tolev is NAUSEATED By Cool Guys | Your Mom's House Ep. 814
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Get ready, Milwaukee. I'll be filming my live special taping of my Come Together tour in Milwaukee on Saturday, November 15th at the Riverside Theater. Get your tickets to the special taping during the pre-sale today at 10 a.m. local time with the code word TOMMY. I'll also be in Atlantic City, New Jersey next weekend for two shows at Hard Rock Live at Itas Arena on Friday, June 20th and Saturday, June 21st.

Tickets and all info are at tomseguro.com slash tour. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house.

And we are back and joining us today is one of our absolute favorites. Don't forget her new special comes out June 24th on Netflix. It's called Filth Queen. Please welcome Steph Tolan, everybody. Thank you. Steph, you look amazing. I've shed a couple LBs. Yeah, you're in the best shape. Put down the hot dogs, put down the old...

Shiparinis, and here we are. You look fit. You look strong. I thank you. I am strong. Yeah. Strong as hell. Yeah? I think so. My legs are strong. Do you like the weight training? I hate it. Okay. This morning, working out at my hotel, bragging, a woman was doing yoga, and her husband was in there watching her. Yeah.

just like just no like waiting for a man to look at her and I was like buddy she's a butter face over here so I don't know what you're looking at no one's coming in here talking to her so it was like really protective yeah and it was weird because her face was so ugly I feel so bad saying it but it was hideous and her body I was like oh what a waste great bod great bod or like what an improvement because if I think if I had an uglier face I would be working on the bod a lot more excuse me what do you think I'm over here working out laughing

I literally, my main reason was to lose weight for the special because I was like, I honestly, God didn't want people to say that I was fat, ugly, and a trans. And I was like, I could be the two. Let's get fat out of there. Ugly, trans, keep it in. Get the fat the fuck out of there. It's so great to recognize the... That I'm ugly? No.

that you're beautiful but to recognize that when you know the shoot's coming up because when I had I shot the series back in October it was like mid-summer last year and I was like oh I gotta fucking dial it in you're fit you're very fit I've gained since we wrapped I've gained 10-12 pounds

Oh, shit. Because I was so determined to try to lean down. I know, I got to do it again. I got to do it again. You just have to stay in that place of self-loathing and restraint all the time. It's good for you. Mentally, it's good for you. But I go back and forth between self-restraint, I'm not doing anything bad, and then I just go up. Now I'm drinking wine every night. Wine is so good. And then, you know what I mean? Five days later, I'm like, oh, I should rein it in.

Is that what everybody does? It is. But it's also, I feel like as a woman at this age, you have one piece of me and you're fucking sworn. I'm like, the next morning, my double chin's back. I'm like, what the fuck am I doing right now?

What's your favorite food? Oh, fuck ravioli. Oh. Suck back some Chef Moyer D right now. Put it in a bowl. The canned kind? Oh, yeah. You're trash. I'm disgusting. Yeah, I like that one too. But you like pasta, right? Yeah, but no meats. A steakhouse, I fucking fuck with a steak and a Bernese. I'm going to sauce it up. Oh, yeah.

I love a dip. I love a sauce. Sauce. French food? French rich buttery sauces. Buttery dippies. Yeah, your Canadian treat. What's your favorite? Poutine. It's disgusting. Do you like Norm's famous poutine? No, I haven't had that one. You haven't had that? No. Oh my God. I'll pull it up for you. We have a whole video of how he makes it. It's unbelievable.

Is it good? Yeah, it's really good. Or is it some way you say this and it's some weird video of a guy pulling cheese curds out of his pee hole? No, no, no. It's delicious. You did it to me last time. I'm like, oh, what is this? And it was a man getting ass railed and I was like, I hate whatever this is. That's not us. Okay, it is you guys. Except we've matured. It's changed a lot. Okay. Yeah, we've changed a lot.

I'm waiting for a dick to be one of those fries right now. I'm just waiting for it. Just before. We'll do a whole poutine thing here in a minute. I love poutine. It's so good. I think the first time I had it was like when I went for the Montreal Comedy Festival. Yeah, me too. I hadn't ever experienced it. I was like, oh shit, this is fantastic. Because you need the squeaky curds. That's the main thing. Yeah. Squeaky curds and you need the like beef gravy. I like that gravy. The gravy's good. Do they put it on anything else? They should put it on like pasta.

Can they put him on a bus? I don't know. That'd be nice. Especially when you're drunk walking around the city. Oh, the Belle Provence, that disgusting place where the men that work there are like wet. Like they go to like punch it and their fingers like slip off the couch. You could wring their dicks out. They're all like a pile of oil. Oh yeah, the pores are so deep. It's so gross. Good food. Oh, just delicious.

- Delicious. - Delicious. - You get the hot dog poutine. - Did you go to Montreal a lot as like growing up or was that kind of like, yeah? - Yeah, yeah, because you could drink younger. You could drink at 17. - Doesn't it feel crazy even though you're from, like I always felt when I went there, you're like, oh, I feel like I'm 4,000 miles away. It doesn't feel like you're in-- - It doesn't feel like you're anywhere. No, it was a five hour drive from Toronto. So my parents let me borrow my car. We'd go when I was 16. We'd lie and say we were 17 and get into all the bars.

Amazing. Oh, yeah. And I was quite a little kissy-kissy. Those French boys didn't care about the nose. They liked the old French schnozzerino. I was getting fingered left, right, and center on those bars. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Just fingers. I'm not going to go all the way, but I'll let them finger me in a dark alley. Yeah. That's sweet of you. It was cold. I kept their fingers warm. Yeah, of course. You're so thoughtful. I'm a nice gal. That's what I did. Fingers warm could be a good name.

Finger warmer? Finger warmer? Yeah. I'll do that for my hustler shoot. Put your fingers in here, boys. Warm them up. Oh, my God. We've been talking about this. So before we got on camera, you're going to do a hustler shoot. I am. Legs spread. Ankles over the head. Let's look up some poses for you to practice. If I did legs over the head, I would become a paraplegic. My legs would never go back down. Ah!

I swear to God, if you lock my legs back there, we're screwed. Why don't you do one of those two-cock poses? That I can do. I can do two-cocks. I don't know if my boyfriend would love that. I can do two-cocks. I'm not doing a full spread. Well, let's discuss what you're going to do. Should we plan? I mean, we don't. I will say. What about on the knees? Knees is good. Looking back. Right? Hold on. Looking back.

and spreading one cheek so you spread see the butthole butthole yeah butthole no I can't be showing my anus is a mess we were talking about the bathroom I got hemorrhoids there's a whole thing that's not hustler what is that if that's hustler I'm fucked no we want we want hustler that woman on the beach sand in your pussy do you know how many sand fleas are down there

But you have to think about how your thighs look. Like when you're on your knees, my thighs don't look great. My legs are my only good quality. Oh. So I can slop around the legs. It's the pussy and the tits and the ass and the asshole that are the problem. It's everything else that's the problem. Yeah. So maybe we'll just do just legs. You could do these. Some of these are okay. Okay, yeah. Like the forward lean with the boot. I can push the boobs forward. That's nice. That's nice. Look somebody else in a one-piece.

Give me a one piece. What about that? Do you have a nice twist? That one, that one piece. Can you do that one with the dropping? I can do the dropping. I can do the no pussy out. This is nice. All right. It's just covering. I mean, I need a little bit more fabric there. I'll tell you that. Can I just see a little lip? Everybody's tits look good like that. That's why that's a good pose. Yeah, that's pushy, pushy. Yeah, yeah, that's a good pose. Can we see a little more hardcore? Yeah, let's see what I'm up against here. Let's see a little bit more anus. Spread? Yeah, the spread. Also,

Wouldn't need two hands to spread. One hand spread. But take cover out of there. Okay. These ones are okay. Poses like Hustler magazine. So there is tits. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That would be pretty. Why are her tits wet? Because they look better when they're oiled up. They do look oiled up. They look nice oiled. Oh, how about that with the leg spread right there? Do I bring in my own oiler? Oh, that's nice.

What's the leg spread? Like that. That's nice, Steph. Oh my. Just do that. That's nice. You know, everyone's going to talk about your shoot. Everyone's going to talk about it. I do that. I will lose every fan I've ever had. No. Or you'll gain some. I'll gain ones that I don't want. Oh, there

But that's a hard pose for me to do That wouldn't be flattering for me That's all my labia would be dragging on the floor That pose is absurd Do you have a heavy labia? Yes, I'd be peeking around Or like where you're holding your leg up See how that one there, she's holding her leg up Look at that vagina I call that the old two lines in a hole The old two lines in a hole Does she have a hemorrhoid? She's got a pimple by her asshole No, they'll airbrush out the hemorrhoids Everybody's got hemorrhoids They didn't for her

That's a nice pose. That's really sweet. That's a nice pose. That's sweet. That's really sweet. It does look childlike. There's a nice, you know what it is? The lighting. It's a soft lighting. Well, that's the tough part, Steph. You should practice now your angles and finding your angles. I'll tell you what. I'm serious. Crane.

Get the camera in a crane, hover it over a street view. Angles are way out there. Imagine seeing your butthole. There you go. That's what you got to do. Okay, that one I could do. Everything's covered. No panties, no bra, but just like that. I have a hairy ass. I'm going to have to wax everything. This is going to be a lot. Yeah, you better before the shoot. I know. What am I thinking? Start growing it out now. Everything waxed.

waxed. Dude, that's going to be so cool. Is it just you or can you have a male partner in it? I think it's just me. Just you. You and your butthole. Nothing else. If I just put a mustache and two guys in my asshole, me and my partner. There he is. Dude, if you did a little groucho thing on your asshole. I'll do that. That's funny. You will go viral. Oh my goodness gracious. How does she do that?

That's rad. Wow. She's awesome. That's... Can I tell you? That kind of looks like you. I know, right? That's me right now. I was like, is that you? The girl to the right, the double... Look at that. Perfect. The two of them. The two of them. Two gals hanging out.

You know what the funny thing is? Two girls goofing off. This could be you and me at Burnett and I'm not. Let's do it. Come do it with me. Everybody in this pose is happy. Look at all the, they're always happy. Are they? They look kind of like if you zoom in, they look like they're really struggling. No, they look so calm. I was going to say. I think they look like they're strained a bit. They love it.

Very bizarre. I'll take the pillow underneath my body. Yeah. Look, that looks crazy. God, buttholes are so gross. They really are gross.

Steph, you and I should recreate this post. Oh, God. Look at that. It's so open. Can I tell you something? I hate when they spread it too... The spread is too hard. I'm not a doctor. I know. I don't like that spread. Because also, what is that in there? What's that piece? I don't know what that... I don't have it. You might have the piece. You're looking at it. What is that piece? Is that piece real?

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Thank you.

Rock hard. And that doesn't matter whether you're going to be intimate with someone or not. Just be hard. It feels great.

Make life easier by getting harder and discover your options at bluechew.com. We've got a special deal for our listeners. Try your first month of Blue Chew free when you use the promo code YMH. Just pay $5 shipping. That's promo code YMH. Visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information. And we thank Blue Chew for sponsoring the podcast. I don't want the piece. No, do we have the piece? Tom, does she have the piece? I don't know what that piece is.

It looks like a larynx. What is the piece, babe? It looks like if you're gutting a chicken, there's like a piece in there. You're focused so much on the cooch and her butthole. Look at that tit situation going on. I didn't even notice it. Can I tell you something? I know. To be honest. But, Steph, you should practice your spread. If you choose to do it, how far are you going to spread? If you're doing toys, one in your ass and one in your vag and one in your mouth, you've got to start practicing.

It's going to really stress you out that day. Oh, God. Toys? I got to do this, too. No. I got to do this. I'm healthy. You want to do it? Zucchinis. I want to do this after I get my new tits. Yeah. I'm going to heal a little bit. Yeah, yeah. You can't have fresh cuts. No, and then I'm going to do this. What do you think? Oh, it's a fucking great idea. It's a great idea. It's always so supportive. Everyone will know at school for the boys. They'll be like, hey, I saw your mom.

Great spread. This is a good thing you can give it to their teachers for Christmas. We can give it to everybody. Yeah, yeah, yeah. One of these chicks has definitely at least signed it like, hey, Merry Christmas. Actually, I know somebody who did a very provocative shoot in Playboy and she signed a bunch and gave it to her dad for her dad to give his employees.

Huh. So think about that too. Well, I don't want to think about that. I actually hate that and now I'm for sure covering everything up. I'm scared my tits are going to come out when the special comes out because I've sent these jugs off. Don't forget, Filth Queen, June 24th on Netflix and Steph will be

spreading her butthole for your entertainment and hustler very soon. No, I won't. But yeah, these jobs are coming out. Your generation, you guys have all sent around your body at this point. Is there even any shame to that? Well, there should be because it was never, I was always like a double chin in it or like I had a tit hair. Like I was never like, I wasn't prepping them. I wasn't oiling them up. Yeah, you should oil them up. We didn't even play our opening clip. Oh my God. We were just so, we were just gabbing. We had too much fun. Right? Here you go.

I'm going to put some cornflake in your booty with some milk. Oh, yeah, girl. I'm trying to tell you. Nigga Manage, you know that's for you. That milk and cornflake in your booty. Making us die, you next. Oh, yeah. Cornflake, raisin brain. Raisin brain? In your booty. Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone mother to this.

Welcome to your mom's house.

Why are you trying to turn on Steph? See, that's the guy. That's what I'm going to have liking me after. I don't want that after my spread. You also, putting milk, unless you have hot sauce in your asshole, you can't be putting milk in there. It's true. Milk, that's not. You wouldn't like to have cornflakes eaten out of your butt? I'm good. I really don't like, ass eating is, I mean, you have to be scrubbed.

This is the longest intro I've ever heard in my life. Does it keep going? I was like, can I talk yet? It's four hours. It's 15 years of the same intro. That long? Yeah, every single episode. Huh. Maybe I was nervous last time. This time I'm irritated. I'm like, can we wrap up the whole thing? I ain't got to talk about my asshole. It's so long. It is so long. It's so long. Yes. No edits, huh? What is it, three minutes? Yeah, it's pretty long. Pretty long. Nigga, my nice ass.

It's still going. It's still going. He's always into eating stuff out of girls' butts. That's his thing. I'm going to lick your booty. I'm going to put a whipped cream in there and a banana and the banana split. Y'all know what's a banana split? Yeah. And then he goes, I'm going to crush up some corn chips. You're like, that's not even a banana split. Oh, he's getting carried away. Yeah, he gets real carried away. But he's very thin. He's not an eating guy. No. What is this food thing? Maybe no one's let him do it. Well.

No, actually, I was with him when he did it to somebody. Are you serious? Yeah, I flew out. You met this man in person? I flew to- No, you didn't. I swear to God. I flew to Lafayette, or where was it? Yeah, right? Louisiana. To meet this man. And then a girl came in the room, and he put banana and corn chips and ice cream in her ass, and they ate it all out. She opened it up? I mean- More closed? You know. Are people not worried about yeast infections anymore? No.

If a little bit of dairy would even near, if I don't wear cotton underwear, I'm scratching for three weeks. Of course. I don't know what to tell you right now. We're airing out right now, baby. I got a, we're not slopping in a fucking corn chip. Yeah, I know. It's crazy. Crazy. It's gross. It's disgusting. But I could also, if you're, I know you're seeing someone, but if you're not, I could hook you up with him. My boyfriend is so hot. That is, and he's real. That is alarming. Wait, tell me about your boyfriend.

I love my boyfriend so much. He's okay. Do you know Shooter McGavin from Happy Gilmore? Of course. Yeah. It's his nephew. And they look exactly alike. Really? Bring up Jefferson McDonald. Bring him up. Yeah, full name. I don't know if I'm allowed to say it. Jefferson McDonald. I love him so much. You love him so much? How long have you been seeing him? A year and a half. There he is. There's my lover. Wow. Oh my God. He looks just like him. Exactly like him.

It's so fucking crazy. So I met him at the Laugh Factory. He's a singer. He's a piano player. He opens for me now on the road and he opens for my pussy, my asshole. Not my asshole. It's a mess back there. But he's a very sweet boy and I met, he was at a show with Shooter at the Laugh Factory in LA and I was fangirling over Shooter and he was with

Him and I was like, who's this? Dude, he really looked. It's bizarre. Yeah. It's like, how do uncles look that much like they're fucking? It's crazy. Maybe they're not uncles. Hmm. I saw his dad looks like him, but it's the same mouth. Yeah.

Did you grow up, did you have a boner? Well, yeah. I hate to break it to you. There he is. He's in my podcast. I really did. That's when I met, look at us, look at us. Isn't that a cute couple? He's a real Aryan dazzler. I know. You know why? I always liked a real white guy because my baba always was like, Mary Bulgarian, keep it in the family. And I was like, okay.

I don't want anything like this. I don't want anyone who looks like anyone in my family. They're all hideous people. I don't want any Bulgarians. There's enough hair on my body. We don't need more hairs. Come here. Binding up here. It's disgusting behavior. And you met at the club how long ago? About a year and a half ago. Almost two years. Yeah. Yeah. I know. He moved in with me right away. Three months. Whoa. Oh, yeah. Three months. Oh, yeah. He's coming. He's flying in right now.

To see me. And you live in L.A. together. We live in L.A. together. He was on a cruise ship in Japan for three weeks. And let me ask you this. Is he American? He's American. So if I fail my citizenship test...

So she's testing soon. I know. I am. I'm going to tell you, they're going to ask you, they're going to ask you to write a sentence in English. Any sentence. You got to know the president, the vice president. I'm going to say, I heart Donald Trump. I'm going to wear a Make America Great hat. You should. I'm wearing it in there. Let's test you on a few things. Oh, God. Okay. This is going to be embarrassing. I'm stupid. No, we're going to test you for your quiz. We're preparing you. I'm going to try to write the answer down too. I might be wrong too. I'm so stupid. When was the Constitution written?

Oh, 1776. No. 1772? No. 1985. No. Constitution.

Not when was the country founded. 1862. Columbus sailed the ocean. Did you know what it was? 1450. Okay, are you ready? Yes. 1787. 1787. Get the fuck right off. Nobody knows that. They're not going to ask you that. 17, I was close. They're not going to ask you that. Don't rely on that. They're going to ask you the most basic shit. Okay. Trust me. Dum-dums pass this all the time. That's hard. Does anyone know that listening? 1787? They're going to ask you, what do the stars and stripes represent on the flag? States. States.

colonies. Here's one that could. Ready? Okay. Who is the father of our country? George Washington. Good. Oh, I like to call him Papa Michael Jackson. When is Flag Day? Oh, June. It's in June. Yes. I've read these cards a lot. Okay. Okay. Good. See, I'm American. What is the largest state?

Texas. No. California. No. Alaska. Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Damn it. I should have got that. See, I'm failing. That's three long already. No, you're doing great. Should Canada be the 51st state? Yes. Good answer. I know that's another. I would say no normally. No offense. But that's not a question. No, it's not. You added that one in, asshole. I did. I did because they might just add it. They might. And I'll say Canada sucks. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

Burn them all. Burn my whole family alive. I don't care. What is the political party of the president now? Republican. Yeah. Good. See? See, you're good. I'm good. That's good. A couple more. A couple more. Okay. How many states are in the United States? 50. Jesus Christ. Are you sure? I thought it was 50. I know. That's why. I thought it was 52. That's why. But that says 50. So I'm getting all confused. It's 50, baby. It is 50? Yes. Are you sure? Definitely. What are the other? Why is there 52 stars then? Are you thinking of playing cards? There's not 52 stars. It's 50. 50 stars? Okay. So I got it right. I got it right. Yeah.

Who elects Congress? The people. The blue ones are easy. Oh, they are? Yeah. That's why I know the blue ones. The red ones are hard. Oh, okay. So who wrote the Declaration of Independence? Your mother. Who the fuck wrote it? Do you know that? Yeah, but also, don't disrespect these questions. Oh my God. You're a guest in this country. Wait, is it a person's name? Yeah. Hold on. John C. Reilly? Tom? Thomas Jefferson? Yeah.

I need you there pointing. The point helped me. Okay. Now you're going to get this one. Okay. Here we go. When was the Declaration of Independence adopted? Did I already say the number? Yeah. You had it earlier. Okay. 17. No. 17. You did that. No, I think I have not. 1772? 1776? Yeah. And which specific date?

A full date? Yeah, yeah. Come on. Oh, July 4th? Yeah. 76, okay. Yeah, you got it, man. Okay, okay. Dude, welcome to America. Welcome to America. Try to kick me out now, Trump. Please don't. I've tried so hard. I've worked so hard to get here.

Well, look, let's shift it to something Canadian. So we told you poutine, huge hit. Yes. Great, fantastic food. Hello. I fucking knew it. Today we're going to make French-Canadian poutine fries. What are poutine fries? Well, poutine fries are basically your fries, cheese, and a great appetite. Yeah. What on God's green earth am I looking at right now? That's Norm Sonderton. However...

There's going to be a bit of a change to the recipe. Everybody likes to change the recipe. No, they don't. These ones are going to have fries, cheese, pig shit, and pig piss. Ooh, it's going to be a treat. He's Canadian too, but... He's Canadian. No, don't, don't. He's from Calgary. Well, that makes sense. Keep those... Okay, so let's get things happening. Oh, no. Does it come out? His penis comes out. Give it...

Oh my god! What's... Wait, what is it? It's in a cage. I can't look at this, actually. This is... This is... Grotesque. No, he doesn't poo. No, it's just some pig piss. What, you're not even proud to be Canadian anymore? What the...

This is our Canadian test. This is what we have to do. Eat this guy's fries. We have to eat his fries. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So every immigrant... No, no, I actually can't watch this. Watch this. I can't. Oh, my God. I hate you guys. Is it done yet? Oh, God. God. This is the best part. No, I can't. I can't. The fact that you've already watched this is making me... What's that? Some cheese. French Canadian portion.

I don't know why it's worse than the rest of it. Oh, God. He doesn't eat it. I'm not going to be able to throw up. Does he eat it? No, I can't look. No, just look. I can't look. You've got to look. I'm just going to watch. I hate it. Why is it still going? Why are all your clips long?

It has to stop. Okay. It actually has to stop. I can't, you know what? I can't. This show is sponsored by Liquid IV. I've got a few big plans this summer, some travel, some time outdoors, and definitely some long days in the sun. So I'm loading up now with everything I need to stay ahead of the heat. And top of that list is Liquid IV. It's P.

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You ever seen a super strong guy? No, he's going to break something. I hate these videos. He's going to crack this fucking cement thing. No, he's going to do something bad to his body. This is horrendous. Stop lying to me. It's not. I promise. Look. No, I can't. I'm going to watch your reaction. I swear. No, I can't. No, it's something bad. It's a bone. Yes, it is. I promise. I'm watching your face. It's really nice so far. No. It's nothing, Steph. Just watch. No, it's... Just watch. I can't...

I hate this shit. He just gives up. That's it? That's it, yeah. That's the clip? I told you, yeah. I don't believe anything you say. I don't trust you. What is this? Oh, that was bad. You know what? I need to watch that video once a week now so I won't eat anymore. There's Norm. He used to be a mortgage broker in Canada. That's terrifying. If you trusted that guy with your finances and your mortgage...

And then you found out that's what he had on any full time? And then you find out it's like a chef who's making all these crazy... Yeah, a chef. Yeah, let's call that a Canadian chef. Yeah. You ever been to the keg? That's what they...

That's an appetizer. Hell yeah. What a difference a head tattoo makes too, huh? Jesus Christ. It's a real ginger. You can tell. No, you can tell by the soulless eyes. The eyes. He's got no lids. They're dry as hell. Ew. He looks way different now. I hate that man. Like that, the poutine video? I hate him so much. No, I'm actually like really upset right now. That's him now. No, he's a bad man. Underneath it with the pig. See how it says...

What the fuck is his problem? That's him now. He got the tattoo pig on his forehead. Why is he so sick about pigs? He likes being a submissive to a couple doms. Those doms better be getting paid millions upon millions of dollars to go near that man. I think they're getting anything they can get out of him. The smell that radiates off of that pig pig.

pissing clown I can't what's crazy is what you're saying right now is making him so hard I know does he watch this I don't know no he can't look at my house you should try tit cups for Hustler tit cups just show her I saw the tit cup I saw they swell them up they push them in yeah so he doesn't his boobs down he just puts them in these cups that looks nice that's a nice angle his pig Norman Somerton

Full name. Sumberton. Good. Seven hours. Can you do that? This man, this is a bad man. I hate this man more than I've hated anybody. He's a sweet guy. Different interests. Yeah, this is hot. Look at these tit cups come off. And also in drinks. Seven hours. That's a long time. Oh, the sound of his armpit was stuck in that pit. Isn't that great? I mean,

He loves this. Yeah. He really does. It's crazy that you're not a fan of a really well-known Canadian celebrity. Stop. Celine Dion. That was her old husband. He was that same age. Yeah. All right. Enough upsetting you. Annie, I got something for you. Check it out. Oh, Tom. Oh, great.

Now this I can get behind. That was funny. Hey, does this bother you? Whatever, yeah.

Those shorts are crazy. They're crazy. No. It's full anus. What? Warriors just don't wear pants. But this is what gay guys do. They just advertise it so hard. Yeah, they do. Those pants are just like, at this point, I'd rather a bare ass. We're used to seeing women in shit like this at this point. Women wear stuff like this all the time. All the time. I love this. I think more gay men should wear this. Look at that ass. He's going up on some yogurt here, T. This stuff's the bomb. He's so good. These little Chio Bonnies.

Let's see the front. Oh, the front's small. He's wearing a thong. But is it tucked in? Oh, no, he's wearing a thong. His ass is insane. That's his real ass. I think those are implants. No, those might be implants. Because they're so feminine. They're so round. No, you know what? That's in the Canadian. Oh, Canada made it down here. They're maple cookies. Yeah, I know those fucking cookies.

He's an asshole kind of too. I'm looking for it. Those are definitely implants. He does have a thong on, doesn't he? Huh? Does he have a thong on? Or he's wearing nothing at all. He's got a G-string on under his waist. Oh, buddy. Can't forget my peanut butter. Oh, there it is. And there was the shake. And then there's Edney shaking his head. He doesn't like it.

I bet this guy doesn't get shadow banned on TikTok the way I do. And that's a full asshole. And I even say, I say ain't wease and I'm blocked for like three months. Yeah. And that guy's full a-hole is in a fucking crowded grocery store. It's insane. It's crazy. How's that allowed? You're right. It should stop. He should be banned. I agree.

He wants him kicked out. He's not eating peanut butter if his ass looks like that because that's a firm ass. See, this is one of those people that can consistently self-loathe. So what is it about these types that can just stay fit all the time? They don't fall into five-day-long benders. Because I think once you get to this body, once you're at that jacked up, I think you're just like...

It's like a new drug. Yeah. You're high. You're high on your fucking abs. Like, you're just like, like roided out. You're all fucking. And plus it's reaffirmed all day. Right? Because you step out of your house looking like that and everyone's like, yo, like all day. Yes. And so you go, if I dial it back, I'm going to stop getting this. Yeah.

positive affirmations of like, wow. Everyone's saying wow to you. Oh yeah. Asking how you get like that. What's your workout? Oh yeah. He's getting a lot of attention. Yeah. But then it also has to consume a lot of your life. Going to the gym. If people go, I have an hour.

That's it. I hit the hour cap and I'm like, I hate this. You have to go. Yeah, of course. One hour, that's enough. When people spend their whole lives- But one hour is enough, dude. It's simply enough. It is. We've hit the max here. You do your workout, you futz around, you get the hell out of there. Yeah. So a couple weeks ago, we were-

exposed to this story that happened in the news, okay? Okay. Of a woman who was scammed. So I want to show it to you so you have some reference. God. Oh, I know. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Close eyes. Two years. She has a slap in her chest. Two years.

Sure. Uh-huh.

And fake voices and everything else, you know. Ding, ding, ding. Ding, ding, ding. Ding, ding, ding. The witch is dead over here. I can't believe that woman showed her face after that. It's unbelievable. More to fight, if that was me. Yeah. More to fight. She's like, and now that I know, I didn't even think about a voice this time around. Was that her or was that Keanu's voice? Because it wasn't even close. Well, what's crazy is that Keanu has started messaging us. Yes. I think because... Yeah.

He felt bad about what happened to her. So the real guy has been like, Hey, Tom, so sorry to hear about your struggles with Invisalign, your beautiful face, warm energy and precious teeth. Precious thoughts and prayers forever.

Wow. Isn't that crazy? The fact that this guy is getting by with an impression that bad. This is just AI generated, right? It's just AI Keanu. It has to be. But now he's on us. You know what's weird? I need money. I am drowning in legal troubles that I cannot elaborate on right now. Okay, elaborate. Please send me money and I will send you my love. It sounds kind of Keanu-ish. Not at all. What? I don't know.

I'm convinced. I'm going to send him some money. People, I've been getting a lot of fake Keanu Reeves on TikTok DMing me. Really? That I'm like beautiful. It's me, Keanu. And it's like one follower. I'm like, it ain't you, Keanu. Voice or text? No, no, just text. Just text. It's probably him sending money. They haven't asked for money yet. I find that so, I feel bad. Yeah, of course. But you also realize that like,

I mean, the older generation has no idea about the cable. They're just like, oh, this has to be. How could somebody impersonate? How are you not FaceTiming one time? I would FaceTime before a date. I think she said that there was a video chat. There was. A video chat. How was there a video chat? Wow, mommy, you are so funny and talented and creative and nice and beautiful and physically attractive to me. Oh, physically attractive. Thank you, Keanu. Thank you.

Now I want some Kena messages. Show me how those big toots fart. Oh. Huh. He's really specific. Dialing in. I mean, I can see how one can get taken away with this. Yeah. He's really...

Every day he says a message to her? Tom, your thick Peruvian cock is so vascular. It makes me salivate like a dog hungry for a bone. Wow, that's Keanu Reeves? Wow. That's insane. Actual Keanu Reeves. Wow. Huh. That is so crazy. That is insane. I didn't know he was such a fan of yours. I don't know. Is Keanu Canadian? No. He took acting classes from one of my teachers and he kept bragging about that. He was like, my biggest acting. Keanu Reeves.

Do you know any about him? Where was he born? Where was Keanu born? Good morning, my sunshine. Diane, it's me, Keanu. I will love you like you've never been loved before. I will cherish you. I'll make you feel like a woman. A real woman. I love that. A real woman. What? I had no clue. Did he live in Canada? Am I making this up?

He's 60 years old. He's 60 years old and he's buried in legal troubles. Look at him. Absolutely swapped. The only way out of this fucking Bitcoin, man. Diane, Diane, you know, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, looks like cigarettes. Like you can tell. Yeah. She's just smoking. And she was like wiring key and money. Old lady, 160 grand.

Where did she get the money from? How the fuck did she have that money? That's probably life savings, dude. She could have fixed those blefs. Oh yeah, those blefs. You gotta even tuck that up. Are these blefs or are these blefs? Yeah, these are blefs. Are you blefin'? I got blefs right here. Oh yeah. And you got upper blefs too. Oh, I don't want

Oh, when it comes down? Yeah. I got to trim my eyelids. I'm going to do it in June. You're trimming the lids. Get them trimmed. Upper blephs. Lifting the blephs. Lifting the blephs. Just trimming them. Trimming. Just a light trim. Yeah, just a bang trim. Just a bleph trim. Just a small little. Yeah. Put a bowl on there. I can do it. I told her I'd do it.

I can do a good job. Why are you doing the eyes? It's just they're drooping, and my dad did it at my age, too. It's like genetics, too. I don't like how it looks. I don't like it. I would never look at you and say, fat lips. I'm going to see all those fucking bluffs on this bitch. God, bluffed out. She was like, you should really get your bluffs. How dare. I was like, you're right. It'd be like every makeup person would be like, you should get a nose job. I'd be like, thank you. I've never thought about that before. Internet. I need to get fucked a lot.

It's crazy. Keanu is horned up. He's horned up. Because this is the shit he was saying to her. And he's like, can I get some cryptocurrency? And you're like, oh, yeah. Keanu Reeves. You're like, I'm bricked up right now. I need a little crypto for my hard cock. Jesus Christ. Steph, it really hurts me that you don't believe I'm real. But still, I'm really excited to see those hustler poses.

Wow. Wow. Oh, my God. Keanu. He's calling it a lie. How much money do you want? Yeah. Wow. Wow. Also, why do you think... I slept like a homo last night. Wow. What does that mean? With a dick in his ass? No, just like really well. Like tired. Oh. Yeah. Okay. Why do you think he opted for crypto coins? Oh, wait. Why am I believing you? It's true. Yeah, I think it was true.

They get tired. Homosexual men get more tired than straight men. You slept like one, it means you slept really deeply, yeah. Because gays sleep deeper. Where's this fact coming from? From the fact because they have more anal and they get more tired. It's more tiring to do anal than vaginal sex. Everybody knows this. Yeah. Really? If you get pounded like for hours in your ass, you're going to want a break. Hours? You're going to need to sleep. That's too long. I agree. We're capping also at 30 minutes here. 30 minutes. That's also too long. That seems like a long time. I'm in and out like a fiddler's elbow. We don't need...

To be doing it that long. Okay, here we go. Yeah, why did he choose cryptocurrency? Anonymity? Hard and trace. Oh, smart. Kim's so smart. Kim's smart. There's a great doc about one of the biggest cryptocurrency robberies of all time was this dopey couple.

And they stole... I forget how they stole. Billions worth. Billions. But then you have... You go, well, if you try to retrieve it, that's when feds can come on you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So then you're trying to funnel it to a...

Offshore accounts. Offshore kind of like flea market of crypto stuff and try to get it out that way. These people got away with it for years, but then. But it was billions. They had billions. Billions. Yeah. It's a Netflix doc. Greedy. Really good. Greedy. Just take a couple hundred bucks. Why don't we try it? We should prank call like Robert Paul Champagne with AI Canada. He would 100% believe that. He would believe it and he would send him money. Oh, yeah.

Oh, get out of here. I'm very busy right now, but Keanu's very much in love with me, guys. Because he does think that celebrities are into him. I know. Who's this guy? I don't know anybody. Oh, I'll show you. He's up here? Yeah. There he is. That's Robert Paul. We could usually do an AI Keanu call. Does he answer all the time? This guy. No, he's like five different times. Black guys would love to fuck good. Oh, yeah.

If you're a hot black guy and you want to fuck me at $23.95, if you want to move in, you can move in, but you got to fuck me. I need to be fucked a lot. It looks like three in my eye. Jesus Christ. Oh, yeah. God damn it. That's upsetting as hell. You know what you have to do, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, God. What is this on? What is this on? It's Hulu. I don't understand. Oh.

Why is he still going? Oh my God. That's not real. This is as long as your intro. That's not real. Do you know where this really was on? It was on YouTube. No. Yeah, he got kicked off. No fucking kidding. Good Christ. This is why we don't let our kids on YouTube. No, your kids shouldn't be on any form of the internet. Lock them away. Fuck me. That was such a long come. If a man did it on top of me, I'd call the police. It comes up to total pigs.

Officer Cumdump. Oh, he's sniffing. What's he doing? What is that? What pigs? That's right. Officer Cumdump.

We'll take it like a man. I will bend down and you could bang me as you can. Well, get it straight, buddy. Don't be slurring when you're sending that message out there. Does this also make you think that, like, after what we've shown you, that just men are just generally more deviant pigs, right? Like, we're... I mean, I think I didn't come here thinking that... It wasn't true. Yeah, I do believe this. Yeah, they're gross. We reaffirmed it, though. I will. You reaffirmed me to this dark part of the internet that I like to avoid. Damn it. What?

I like to just, I, I'm wholesome. I mean, I only watched Law and Order SVU. That's as far as I go. And then I keep it. But Stephanie, you're a very liberated gal. I am. Did you spend time with boys growing up? Like where, how did you get to be so cool? Uh,

So cool. Do you know what I mean? What I mean by that is a lot of times women get trapped in the societal stuff of you can't laugh at farts, you can't be gross, you can't be whatever. How did you get out of the matrix? I think it's my family. My grandma was always gross. Her quote, she kept saying...

She's like, go to the bathroom when you can, sit down when you can, let the air blow free wherever you be. She always was farting. She'd fart at church and go, whatever, I had to get it out. She didn't give a shit. And then my mom was like that, and my aunt, and then my Bulgarian family was gross. There was no classy women in my life. I wasn't looking up to some hoity-toity. I remember my first...

Like the first things my parents ever do is fart in front of me. Like nonstop. Like me and my dad bonded one summer and my sister over Blue Angels at the cottage. Do you know how to do Blue Angel? Uh-uh. When you like bend over. How have you not had this on here yet? You bend over and you light a match and you fart. It's like a fireball. Oh yeah.

Oh, yeah. So we, turns out, we're all very good at doing those. Thank you, Daddy, for passing that down. So, yeah, me and my sister, all three of us put our ass. How about you and your boo-boo? Do you guys fart in front of each other? Yeah. And he hates it. He hates it? Uh-oh. He gets so mad. But you know why, Steph? Because he's a real whitey. I know. He's an Aryan god. But he farts.

But he's born again, Christian. Okay. There you go. He's shamed about it. No, he's not shamed. He just thinks it's gross when I do it. I'm like, yeah, it's disgusting. Yeah.

And they always reek. It's not good. I mean healthy. When you eat healthy, it's like a kale salad. It's coming to my ass. Of course. This guy. Okay, we discovered him years ago. Okay, okay. I just want to say, deadass, the reason why I'm wearing this fucking yellow fucking weird thing is my ass is going to be doing community service for the state of Utah. Woo, I got a DUI, baby.

This I like. Yeah, it's fun. This guy I like. This guy's fun. And we've been, he's been...

Babe, he's been in our lives for like a decade. Yes. Really? He started with these videos and then our relationship with him has grown over the last decade. And now we're in his life. And so now we had him come down. We had him do one of those blind date dating things that we hosted. Okay. With like 50 eligible girls. And he got to pick, you know, like cross some out and go on a date with one. And then he went back to where he lives in upstate New York.

He had some legal trouble with his landlord. He got in some fights. He ended up in jail. Oh, God. He expressed to us that he wants to get into adult entertainment. And so we set up a shoot for him, him and Alexis Fox, who's like a really good... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so she was like, yeah, I'll do a scene with you. And he's like over the moon, but he's been in and out of jail a lot lately. Okay. So anyways...

He got out, and now he's talking about how it's kind of better to be in because he got kicked out of his place. Anyway, so there's a lot of drama going on with him right now. Okay. And we've been trying to get a hold of him, and it's been tough the last couple days. So I think we can get a hold of him. Let's see. Is he going to answer? He texted. They never answer their phones on the first try. Cool guys never do. Well, if I think it's the police. There you go. Every single time. Every fucking time. Every fucking time.

They never answer. Oh my God, I thought that was his answer machine. I was like, please say it's a guitar riff. I would die. This guy should be in a fucking band if that's what he's playing at the end of his. Just say, answer your fucking phone, man. Yeah, he texts him like, answer your phone, dipshit. God.

I met Alexis. I hosted the Avian Awards. Oh, yeah. She's fantastic. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She's lovely. They were all great. She's done bits with us. Yeah. She's doing a bit with me in two weeks, actually. She's great. Yeah. She's so funny and fun and great tits. Speaking of tits. Big milkers. Big set of juggies up there. Big natural milkers. Big natural yabos. Yeah. She's great. Don't bring yabos back. Yabos. Yabos is funny. You just did, homie. You just fucking did, bro. My parents called them lullabienies, and that wasn't real. I gotta take a pish. Sorry, guys. You gotta take a pish? Yeah. Okay.

Okay, go ahead. Wow, middle of the podcast. Disrespectful. She's going to wax her ass is what she's doing. She's going to pull her hemorrhoid back in. Push it back in. Poppy poppy. Oh my God. I can't believe you meet these people in person. Yeah, I know. Do they love it?

Some of them are like, you know. Like what the hell? Yeah, like some of them are just like, oh, cool. Like it's fun. And some of them are more apprehensive. You get every range of things. Yeah, but. Because you think you're making fun of them or something? No, they don't have that much self-awareness. You know, Fancy Chef. Have you seen him online? I haven't seen any of these people. All I see is amputees and chefs.

Dog videos. I got in a weird burn victim thing recently. I don't know what's going on. Really? My algorithm's bad. Yeah, a lot of burnt people and a lot of gold retrievers. It's a very strange mix. Really? Yes. My algorithm is insane. No fucking kidding. Yeah. Watching this shit, I just had the moment. Have you ever had your two algorithms cross over perfectly? Uh-huh. There's a video of a Dalmatian carrying a pocket pussy. What?

Excuse me. It's my TikTok alarm. Kill me. I have to post a TikTok. I'm actually embarrassing. Oh, really? It's pathetic. No, ignore me. Okay. I'm so insane. My social media. I'm like, my find this video. It's literally it's a Dalmatian carrying a pocket pussy and the dog said, it's like, let us put that fucking down. And I'm like, finally, my algorithm makes sense. Yeah. A dog and a pocket pussy. That's perfect. I get a lot of workplace accidents. Yeah.

You know, like a car falling on somebody from a lift. And they die? Sometimes. Fancy Chef is this guy. Beautiful and nice. Look. Look at that chicken. Look how I got that season. Look, I put my thing in there to get it all in there. Looks good, right? So when you bite that, you get a bite. Look at that. Yeah. Yeah, Chef. Yeah, fancy. Yeah, fancy, yeah. Yeah, you know.

This is why I don't like going to potlucks. I don't trust anyone. So we flew him down to cook for us. And you ate it. I took a bite.

You had salmonella poisoning. He fingered your chicken and then you ate it. Wait, but you didn't like that he seasoned every morsel? I mean, he's very thorough. Yeah, what do you not like about it? I don't like the idea of that guy's dirt corners and his fingernails getting wedged into that chicken. He's not dirty. He's impeccably clean. You looked at each finger. You cleaned it out with your own teeth. Oh, that grosses you out. Here it is. Look at this. This is a perfect video. Yeah, let's see it.

What is this? A dog found a pocket pussy. Ew. It's so funny. I've never seen a pocket pussy. Did you know that? I don't know what you're talking about. Good. Why would you? I can't believe there's one depraved thing I don't know. Can you look it up for me? A pocket pussy? Well, yeah, you know what that is. Like a fleshlight? Yeah, that's a fleshlight. That's a fleshlight. Yeah, but it's out of the sheath. It's like loose when they take it out. Oh, I almost threw up. I felt that. Yeah, it's gross. I have these dolls at the house that are just like torsos. Shut up.

Oh, and you fucked them? Yeah. When Christina's away? Just the torso. I've seen those. Those are hot. No, they're weird. They're weird. We've never seen those. No, they're bizarre. He answered. He answered. Okay, so what's going on? So what's up? Tony? Tony? Yes, yeah. Whoa, whoa, whoa, man. What's going on, players? Hey, what's up, man? What are you up to, dude? Oh, dude. Yo, dude. Tom. Dude, holy shit, dude. No, no, hear me out, brother. Okay. Bigger city, way more opportunity. Dude, some of these videos I'm doing are just out of style.

Wait, what city are you in? Where are you? Where are you? Where are you? Yeah, yeah. So I am downtown Syracuse, New York. Okay. Yo, Tom. Dude, I'm loving this down here, boys. You know, guys, like, yo, this is literally like Mexico. Like, for real. There ain't no laws. Yeah, there's no laws in Syracuse. Everybody knows that. What's, um... Dude, yo, Tom, this is wild, brother. What kind of videos have you been doing?

Oh, dude, we're talking. I mean, yo, it's like I turn hate into money. You know what I'm saying? Yo, Tom, so check it out. Okay. Dude.

I I've been going to this really, really fancy, you know, bar slash restaurant, dude, on the past couple of days. I'm down here, you know, talking to these rich chicks, you know, I'm loving these rich ladies, brother. Yeah. You know, because, you know, Tom, like I need I need some bread. I need some coins. So, dude, I've been hitting on these rich chicks, dude. They've been loving me, man. I got my do-rag back.

I got my hater shades. Dude, I'm loving it down here. Well, wait a minute. Let me back up because I know a little while ago, I know you were locked up and you got out and everybody celebrated when you got out. It was a super exciting thing. They're like, oh, Tony's free. This is awesome. But then I saw that you had to move into like a hotel. Do you have housing right now?

So in two days, I will be homeless again. I've been relying on my fans. I love my fans, all the donations just to pay for these hotels. They are very, very expensive, Tom. You guys are even helping, which I love. That's why I love you guys.

But yo, there, I mean, it's like 400 a week, man. And it's, and I'm at the red roof now, dude. It's like 70, 80 bucks a night. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's a, it's a lot. And then are you still, you are doing video? Are you doing only fans still?

Yes, sir. Yep. Yep. So, um, it's kind of sad. My, my fan base is only at 21 right now, but I'm still, I'm still doing good on the only fans, you know, that that's just, you know, steady income. Is it, is it mostly like solo content or customs or what? All solos, man. All solos, dude. I'm not, I'm not out here, you know, like banging chicks, you know, I'm out here trying to, trying to hustle, you know, trying to get my only fans up and running my comedy. You know what I'm saying? Like,

I'm loving all this, man. I'm taking all this in. Well, yeah, you're a worker. Are you doing... I am 100%. Are you doing... Performer and a worker, yes, sir. Are you doing stand-up? No, so Ed Bassmaster in a couple months. I've never done a stand-up show before, Tom, so Ed Bassmaster is going to get me a ticket down to...

PA or either PA or Rochester, New York. And he's going to have me do a do a skit for, you know, five, 10 minutes. No shit. I'm just getting some content right now, man. That's great. No, Tom. Tom, thanks for them tickets, bro, to your show. Holy fuck. My pleasure. My pleasure, man. I'm glad I'm glad you got to come out, Tom. Dude, I was downstairs on the you know, you know, those three bars, the clubs, bars. Uh huh.

Dude, yo, Tom, dude. Like, I showed up there, and, like, the lady was like, oh, you're Tony Johns, like the club promoter dude. She was like, oh, yo, you're Tony Johns. I said, yeah, yeah. And she was like, you're, you know, you're...

you're on the you know ymh show i said yeah dude she she gave me everything dude like i can i could go to any club like all inclusive dog like oh whatever you need oh yeah hell yeah i think she was hot dude can i ask you something though what's up with your sketch with alexis fox any progress

Uh, yeah, I'm, I'm ready whenever she's ready for real. I need to be honest with you. I need money. I'm whenever she's ready. I'm ready. There's no rush, but whenever she's ready, tell her to hit me up. Let's go. Can you leave New York? Yeah, we were. Okay. So I just have to do anger management and sex therapy. But other than that, I'm golden. I can, I can travel down to Vegas. Um, yeah. Oh yeah. Did the, the courts made you take anger management?

Yep, yep. So that was my way out of the jailhouse, you know, the Cougar County. Cougar County, man. C-Block. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So, yo, dude, it was the anger management counseling and sex therapy counseling. I do not have to take any medication because I don't need it. My therapist didn't diagnose me. What did they diagnose you?

Yeah. So what was that? What is your diagnosis? Yeah. So it's like I've been saying the whole time. It's anxiety. Yeah. It's actually severe anxiety. I could be on benefits for my anxiety. It's PTSD from my past to always being locked up and in facilities. And then it's also anger. So it's bipolar. I'm always up and down. And then it's ADHD. So I have a hard time sitting still. I cannot sit still.

I wonder if you could get in on this hustler shoot I know coming up. What's the... Oh, yo, dog, you are speaking my language. Let me try. I'll see what I can do. I'm going to make some calls. Oh, yes, sir. God damn. So...

So what's next for you? Hustler, baby, come on. Are you going to... I'm ready. Put me in, coach, please. Wait, you're in New York right now, right? Like Syracuse. I'm in Syracuse walking around, you know, trying to...

Talk to these rich ladies here trying to get me some cash going, you know? Hell yeah. Good. Hell yeah. Get that money. Do you put on a show? What do you do? Do you stroke it for them? How do you get them to donate? No, no, no. To be honest, Joe, to be honest with you, Tom, I'm a real ballsy dude. I like having fun. Dude, I'll just go straight up to the girl and I'll say, hey, can I buy you a drink? And I'll go from there. But a lot of the times, dude, I'll just kind of sit back in my chair and I'll just kind of be looking at me. I'll be looking at them. Yeah.

You know, I just kind of sit back and to be honest, what'd you do? That kind of creepy, bro. Just kind of sit back and, you know, just kind of put on a little show for him, you know, wink at him, blow him some kisses. Chicks like that. Oh yeah. I love that. Hey, yes, sir. I love ladies, man. You know, I'm a true sex addict. Tony, what is sex therapy? Um, so that's something my counselor did recommend. Um, cause, uh, yeah, she was like, yo dude, like,

You got an issue with sex here, man. Yeah. What? They're all sexed up. Yep. Do you believe that? Do you think you have a thing with sex?

Huh? Do you think that way too? Oh, fuck yeah, 100%. I've known it for a long time. Yeah, like I love, I just, I love pleasuring myself. Like I like the feeling, you know. Like Christina, like it may sound sexy to a lot of women, but like I like pleasuring a woman, like making her like, you know, like feel good, like calm and you know what I'm saying? Yeah. It turns me down for you. It turns me on. So nice. Yo, I'm being for real. Turns me on too. Like it turns me on when a girl's turned on, you know. Oh God, I love turning women on.

I love it, man. Seriously. Eating, you know, like, I love it all, man. I'm seriously, like, I love women. It's crazy. I'm a ladies' man. Yeah, you're a ladies' man. I know. We're built that way. We like to lick box and put fingers in them and make them happy. Oh, dude, I'm crazy about pleasure and women. Yeah. I love it. How you been, though, Christina? Oh, I'm good. Thanks for asking, Tony. I appreciate that. You know, we always keep up with you through Cougar. We're updated on you, and I'm glad that you got out of jail, even though I heard you had a pretty decent time there.

Yeah. Tell me about jail. A lot of the guards, I mean, the guard, the lady guards were amazing, but the male guards were kind of iffy. Yeah. But at the end of the day, I mean, dude, yo, the lady guards, they're fucking, they're smoking. I mean, they could. Hot. Did you? Did you? Yeah. I love a lady in uniform. Yeah. Oh, yes, sir. Authority partner. Tony, did you hook up? Yes, sir. Put me in bracelets, you know. Put me in the bracelets, sweetie. Did you hook up with a lady guard? No.

Hell yeah. Shout out to Cougar County Department of Corrections. We're excited. No, we're excited too. Wait, how did you try to hook up with her? How did you tell her you like her?

To be honest, it's kind of fucking crazy what I did. She ended up doing her rounds, and she was older. You know, I like my cougars and my milfs. Hell yeah. She was a blonde. Yeah, she was a blonde cougar.

And I just, you know, I noticed she was doing her rounds and this is actually really illegal what I'm going to say. I ended up just putting down my gel pants and I just started stroking it and she like stopped, looked in my window and she, oh, I'll be for real, she like licked her lips. I'm like, oh, fuck yeah. That's fucking hot. I was just, boy, it was hot as fuck. That's hot. I was like fucking, oh, fuck yeah. Bro. I did shit like licking her lips.

Because, dog, what I did is fucking like crazy as fuck. That's so hot. Yeah, dude, I was so fucking horny and I just needed to bust a load. I found that a lot of chicks like to watch us stroke it. I've noticed that just like in my experience. Yeah, they love it. A lot of times I'll be somewhere and I'll just start kind of tugging. And I notice that every woman that looks at me gets kind of like worked up.

um hell yeah by the way uh dude uh tony so i don't know if you i don't know if you have netflix but june 24th my friend steph tolev has a new special coming out called filth queen it's so funny and she's dirty and hilarious i think you got to check it out when it comes out okay yeah fuck yeah no i'd love to brother that's yeah steph tolev okay i want you to look her up yes sir okay

Nice. All right. Well, take care of yourself, Tony. Yeah, don't go to jail. Stay out of jail. No, I'm trying my hardest not to go to jail. Okay. And get to Las Vegas. We got to get you with Alexis. We got to get you with Alexis. Yes. Yes, please. I'm ready whenever you guys are, for real. Thanks. Okay. Thanks for everything, Tony. Absolutely, bro. We'll talk to you soon. Stay safe, buddy. Bye, man. I love you guys. We love you, too. Take care. Bye-bye.

Wait, so he can leave the state of New York. This is huge. Jefferson's mom is a cougar and she's a babe and she lives in Syracuse. And I'm like, that whole conversation, I was like, I got to get her on the phone. I'm like, I'm about to call her the second we're done this and make sure she never talks to this man. I'm terrified right now. He's so sweet. No, no. No, he's sweetheart. That man is not going near her. She's single and she is very attractive. And I swear to God, I am. I'm so upset right now. I have to tell you.

I'm literally upset. Look at her. He's going to fucking talk to her. I know he is. He's a sweetheart. Damn it. He's harmless. He's such a sweet guy. He's harmless. He's been in and out of jail several times for sex addict stuff. What has he done? He's harmless. Compared to the other guys we've showcased on the show.

He's sweet, you know? The pig man. You know what? You just need to open your heart. That's my problem. In your heart. I'm closed in. You're too closed in. I'm closed up. Yeah, yeah. That's it. Oh, yeah. One more thing for all you young bucks going out to the club tonight. One last thing. What you got to look out for, and this is what, you know, one of my good buddies, you know, was telling me about, and I've tried it numerous times, and it really works. Look out for body language.

Good tip. Good tip. Absolutely key. Anxiety, ADHD, and bipolar. That tracks. That's a lot. That's a lot of stuff. And sex addiction. And sex addiction. And stroking addiction. He likes to really stroke that. What's going on with Tony? Oh my God, that female guard was like, hmm. That did not happen. Oh.

I swear to God. Can I ask you guys something for reals? Do you think, do people in the real world lick their lips when they're in desire? Or is that just a porn thing? I think it's an old man thing. It's an old creepy Armenian man. Yeah, it's an old man thing. I think our generation stopped doing it. But women do like it though. Yeah, women love that. Nothing like walking home alone. I've gotten up to women just going...

And they're always like, ooh. Ooh, I'm wet. Ooh, I'm soaked. Do it again. Show me. Ew, the sound of it, too, is very vile.

It's like dry but also wet. Very strange sound. I stopped doing it because I don't want them to get too worked up. That's the problem. Yeah. And just stroking your hog in public. Oh, yeah. You're stroking and doing that at the same time. That's the combo. Yeah, that's the combo you got to do that. Really. Women will just start taking off their shirts. Also hilarious, you think women take off their shirts like a man from the back? Yeah.

That's why I get ready to fuck my boyfriend again. Take off my jersey. How does a girl take it off? From the front. Criss-cross. I'm going to do that to my boyfriend today and see if he says anything. Why do men do it like this instead of criss-cross? Criss-cross makes more sense. Because men are just like, get this off me. Women are like, I gotta pull it and take it off. Just ripping the fucking neck over. You know, what's interesting is that what I think

excites women sexually is the exact opposite of what men think it does like i like to see men doing like i was watching tom eat a curry at lunch and it was just sweet like you're just being a normal person just eating something and not being anything and i was like oh he's so adorable like he's so attractive and it's never probably when you're trying to be attractive that you find men attractive

Because when they try to be sexy, it's the unsexiest thing. Like, I hate male dancers. I hate, like, male posers, like, hot posings. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not communicating very well today. No, no, yeah. But, like, when they try to be sexy, like, 90s R&B bands that you like, like, Jodeci and stuff. Like, I hate that stuff. When they're, like, posing and looking. Yeah. When, like, Jefferson plays piano, that turns me on. Right. When he's, like, playing and, like, performing. What about men doing manly shit?

Like chopping wood and stuff. Yeah, like that kind of thing. Yeah, because that's competency. That's like, oh, you know how to do something. Yeah, when people are doing something they're good at, that's always attractive. Yes, that's attractive. Yeah, like you're eating. You're eating. Eating curry. Hey, that's your best skill. That is kind of up there. Eating curry, yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't do that much. So eating curry for me is up there.

I'm not that capable. You can't saw, you can't cut, but you can eat curry real good. Do you want to show her your stuff? Oh, I'm so excited. Are you ready for her TikToks? For the marginalized community? Okay, yes, I am. I feel like we've shown you a real wide variety of stuff today. I feel sick. I think I have a cold now from watching that one video. I feel actually sick. That's the YMH experience. That's exactly what you're supposed to feel. I haven't gagged like that publicly in a very long time. Like it was real. You did it.

yeah welcome back welcome back being a woman is a really violent experience we are walking secrets

Shh, don't like, we want to see you. We don't want to hear you. Don't tell us how you feel makes us uncomfortable. We're like harboring a lot of violence all of the time. Even in the imagery that we consume, it's like, even if you haven't bounced off of somebody who has violated you in a specific way, we are incredibly violated constantly. Having a female body is an overtly political act. If you can get out of bed in the morning and not hate yourself, it is, it's hard. Yeah.

That's a lot. Hold on. Steph, how do you feel about that? I feel like there was parts of it where I was like, okay. And then I was like, getting out of bed in the morning. What the hell? Yeah, she takes it a little too far. She takes it way too far. Well, I'm just curious to see. Because I was like, okay, maybe this isn't my generation. Clearly, I don't feel this violated. But she's an actress. She's a lesbian actress right now. She's with a lady. So maybe they're all against this patriarchy stuff right now. They're ramping each other up. And she is...

You know, she makes her living being objectified. And maybe that's what she feels. Yes. But as a whole, like, I don't know that I feel that dangerous all the time. Well, maybe she's getting, like, hounded online and stuff. Like, maybe she's getting, like, right now it's at a peak where she's, like, every morning getting, like, threats and, like, weird shit's been plopping off. But I'm like...

The only thing I'm worried someone will do to me is literally break my nose in public so I get no shop. That's how I want to get violated. The men on the internet hate my nose. But that's, like, I don't feel like that violated. All the time? No, also, like, you know, I'm usually wearing an oversized Harley Davidson t-shirt. That's cute. It's so, it reads as, like, so intensely violent.

is the way like the, you know, like we, I don't want to hear you. I don't want you to tell us anything. This is, it's a violent existence. It's like, I don't know what, I mean,

what you've been going through, but it feels like you're... I think she's traumatized. Well, I think something's clearly happened, and especially if she's in acting, I'm sure those disgusting directors... She deals with the horrible. Somebody horrible did something to her recently where it's like, God damn it. I mean, arguably, when I started my career, nobody wanted to hear women talk, and now it's totally different. I feel like it's a little better, isn't it?

It's not totally. It's a little better. They tolerate me talking now. They tolerate some talking a little more, but it's still not as... That's not as great. That's not as great. Yeah, nobody really wants to hear chicks talk that much.

That's why I sound like this, to try to disguise my voice so no one knows who I am. Dude, are you going to do a Hustler shoot with Tony, though, if he shows up to this shoot? If Tony comes anywhere near a 500-foot radius, the FBI will be involved. I don't know what to tell you right now. The fact that you said my name. If I open my phone and that man followed me, I'm blocking him. You know what the problem is, Steph? You and I don't look like her. That's why.

I mean, that could be, I was like, maybe she's just much cuter than us. I'm not getting hit on a lot. I'm not going to lie to you. That's why when my boyfriend hit on me after the show, I was like, marry me? No one's ever hit on me before. Yeah. So it's like, I really, I lock in. She normally has dark hair, right? Yeah. She's so cute. I really like her. She is cute. Yeah, but something definitely just happened to her. Yeah, bad girl.

Oh, this story. So this says for people listening, Kim Kardashian is setting a whole new standard in child care, splashing millions on nannies. She runs a military style operation with a dedicated team of nannies, each assigned to one of her four kids and working around the clock. They basically take daytime, nighttime shifts, 12 hour shifts at 6 a.m.

So, huh. They get one day off a week and are expected to travel with their allocated child, including when the kids visit dad. Yeah. Includes a chief of staff and head nanny overseeing a team that manages meals, laundry, security, blah, blah, blah. This is so... It's pretty intense. Crazy. Don't have kids if that's insane. So I'll tell you. So, you know, we lived adjacent to this family at some point, like very briefly. And I had heard...

This story of like they've got nannies on nannies on nannies like a room or the nannies sleep and they take 12-hour shifts sleeping and like it's crazy, but I guess this is what like and then that was that was our you is just oldest first playdate was Saint was with Saint Oh West and and a nanny and a nanny so I had I had Ellis our son and

And then there's this Filipino lady. Just hanging out. Just hanging out at the playground. It was Jamaican nanny. Or Bahamian. Was this a Bahamian one? No, this one was, because there was a team. Yeah, a team. But this one was like a Filipino lady. This is crazy. I understand you're busy, you're touring. I'm not, I am shaming her, but because that's insane. You're not raising your kids at this point. Yeah. Not at all. When do you run your children?

That's insane. Never. And yeah, so I remember our son was on the same playground as Saint and it was a security guard. It was the nanny. And I was like, we got to get out of this community. We were living in the same community and we got to get out of here. Jesus Christ. But yeah, like why have the kids if you're not even going to. That many nannies.

On and off 12 hour shifts. Here's the thing. Here's the deal, man. I get it. She's got to make the living, but like why have four kids with a completely insane person? I think that's it. Also make a living. She's fucking loaded. What more? What are you doing? How much more are we making here? You've got enough. I don't know. Stop making. Stop. I agree. Raise your kids. Stop making. I know. It's not like you're just getting started. It's not like it's your first Netflix special, bitch. I know, but.

Come at me. You're not going to watch it anyways. But you can't say that. You can't say that now. You have to be like, oh, she's a feminist icon because she has a stable of people raising her kids. It's bananas. Anyway, I usually marginalize psychos. These got put into the intelligent file. Sorry about that. It's fun. So many good songs. And I've become that mom where I'm like sitting around with friends and I start singing like...

Tyrannosaurus, that's the chorus. Tyrannosaurus. I was like, what am I singing? Oh my gosh, I'm singing Storybox. I'm singing Storybox. I am not singing Beyonce in that movie. Okay. Who's that? Mayim Urkel!

She's pretending to be a good mom here. Oh, that's Meghan Markle. That's married to the prince? Yeah, yeah. Prince Harry. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I like when she does the one with her friend who's like, oh my God, I can't stop watching clips from that one. There's a woman that she's interviewing with who's just like,

Yeah. Yeah. That's amazing. Yeah. And it's just, it's the most puke-worthy interview. And Meghan Markle will say things like, I try to tell my children, it's that you can't do something yet. The power of yet. Like they're just both jacking each other off so hard. It's so badass. I should have my dad go raise these kids. I know. Smack them around a little bit. I know. Smarten up, idiot. Jesus Christ. I know.

That's so bullshit. It's insane. But that's why we're all funny. Because our parents didn't do this to us. What the hell is this? It's too much. 1,200 nannies talking to me like that. That baby voice. My parents never did a baby voice, even though I was a baby. I swear to God. No, neither do we. No baby voice. Because why do you have to treat them like idiots? They're not idiots. They're just tiny people. They're small. They're learning people. You don't have to treat them like dopes. But, yeah. Anyway. What are you looking for? I was looking for that clip. Yeah. I promised to hand in to hold.

Through thick and through thin, forever I do. It's your proposal and stuff. And you're the lucky one gets to be with me. How do you like that? How do you like that? How do you like that? I wish I had...

of that man's confidence. One little whisper, the amount of chin hair he's got of confidence. I feel like there's dried barbecue sauce on his chest. I thought there was like a skin flake situation going there. It actually probably is dried sauce. It's definitely dried sauce. It's from the pig guy's shit. You're lucky to be with me. That's what he said. This is the lady. I've watched this a million times. By the way, I just have to say, I forgot to have fun.

You're right. You're right. How many views does this have? Getting to know you for who you truly are. Unreal. So why did you say yes to doing this show? Because it's you. It's like I want people to see that. You know what I mean? I'm going to get emotional if I talk about it. It's a gift to celebrate my friend. You're listening or watching. Connect with the truth.

How many followers does that bitch have? I'm actually pissed. I don't know who this is. But you're the same. You're the same. I know. Who talks like this? They just reaffirm everything. No woman I've never met who actually speaks like that in my life. Oh, I have. When did she get into the mom world? What's her name? I don't even know her name. Jamie? Jamie something. There you go.

612,000 followers. Jamie Lima. Who are these fucking followers? This is crazy. You know what it is? This is going to be hate watching. This can't be people actually liking this. I actually like Maria Shriver. She was nice to me one time when I bombed at some journalism conference. She was very nice to me. She was politely smiling. It was horrible. I don't like her brother or her fucking nephew. Cunts. Really? Yeah. Dang. The Jamie Kerr. Why choose me with Jenny Garth?

He's a piece of shit. I should go on her. I should ask her to do her podcast, actually. I'm going to ask my PR people to get me on that promote special. But I was going to say, what is this? This is when Oprah Winfrey started the self-help, basically like brought it all to light. And a lot of women got turned on to Oprah Winfrey and also the stuff that was pretty useful and pretty good. And now it's like carried on a decade too long. And she's, that's the voice now? Yeah.

Yeah. What the fuck? Just do you. Don't forget that Filth Queen comes out June 24th on Netflix. I won't be watching it, but yeah, you should. Yeah, I won't be watching it. No way. No way. My eyeballs can't see that kind of film. You know what? What I put inside of my heart and my spirit is pure. There's always that. The pitch always goes. Yeah.

It is fun to do. Now that you do the voice, I'm like, oh, I could, this is a good bit. Oh, you know what they love to say, these types of people? I love that for you. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Steph, I love that for you. Oh, that you're asking the hustler? I love that for you. Yeah. I want to spread it wide open. Yeah.

But I love that for you. For you. Which the insinuation is like, not for me. Yeah. Because I'm better than you. Yeah, yeah. But for you, that's a good choice. There's some food on the ground and I love that for you. You hungry? Yeah. Get on your hands and knees, you little pig. Yeah. Yeah. There's some scraps that I didn't have and I love that for you. You want to scrape out the bottom of my Tupperware? Yeah. Yeah.

There's some Wagyu in the fridge, but that's for me. But for you, I love something else. I love that for you. Garbage. I shit in the toilet and it clogged. Yeah. And I love that for you. I love that for you. I clog it. Yeah. These are women that don't have negative emotions. Is it acceptable to marry my cousin? Duh. You want to marry her, go ahead.

It is halal. Now, for some reason, this is something people make fun of Muslims. Oh, go marry your cousin. Go marry your cousin. Yo, bro, we marry cousins all the time. People have been marrying cousins for millions of years, bro. And yes, the chances of a birth defect might be increased, but it's not to the level where Allah knows us. Allah knows best.

It's not to the level where it's going to be dangerous. My parents were cousins. Look how I turned out. I have brothers and sisters who are married cousins. I have lots of people in my family who are cousins who are married. Absolutely not a single issue in any of my siblings' family ever. So, you want to marry a cousin, go ahead. You don't want to, go find a halal baddie.

How do you feel about marrying a cousin? It's disgusting. Yeah. There's so many other people out there. There's so many. There's so many other human beings out there. Why on earth would you? But have you had a hot cousin? Yeah, I had a sex remote on my cousins years ago. And I'll tell you what, Christmas is still funny because my other cousins know about it. No, he was a Mormon. So it would have been not that gross. No, I'm kidding. No, it's still gross. It would be halal though. It'd be halal. I didn't know it was clean. Yeah.

No, it's disgusting. I don't understand. There's too many people. Why do you want anyone who looks like you? I know. I'm repulsed. Also, don't you want to just get out there and meet somebody? Change up the vibe here. That's why. Get a new family. Also, do you love your family that much? Just keep it all together. This tight? Yeah. But this is England.

That's England? England. They're all cousin fuckers. That's why they're all like the same. Well, the royals all fucking married each other. Most of that island is inbred. You know, they fuck their cousins and stuff. That's why they look like that. That's why their teeth are like that? Yeah. Yeah. Look at like Scottish and it's always, you're like, the fuck's going on here? Because they're on an island together and they all fucked for, you know, centuries. But now I feel like there's enough people. Yeah, yeah. You want to change it up. That's why I want a whitey. I want a big old whitey. Mix it up down there. Mix up the gene pool. Yeah.

Yeah. Get out of Bulgaria. Get out of Bulgaria. Slop it around. I find that it's also like you have no personality. You have to just rely on talking to your family still. This is ridiculous. It's absurd. Get out there. Change your eye color. I need to go in and get your eye color changed. No, this. I can't do this. I've been wanting to do this for a long time. Everyone's been wanting you to do it. Do it again.

Your eyes are gross lady. No, this... What are we... Friends are really excited. No, no, no, no, no, no. I can't do eye stuff. I know it's so hard to... Dude, fucking with your eyes just for the... No, the color of your eye. Oh, God. Fuck, dude. Oh, my God. Jesus Christ. And they don't look like real green. They look like alien green.

She's got like vampire green. No, they're not. They look crazy. You look like an alien sleaze stack. I can't. I really. She does not look good. Didn't even put her out. Let's see. You can't fucking do anesthesia for that. Yeah, those are Hulk green. Yeah, they're not good. You know what I mean? Like Incredible Hulk. Yeah. The idea. They don't look like a.

They don't look like, oh, your eyes are green. They look like fucking screaming green. As if anyone stopped her on the street or comments on an interview, God, your eyes are poopoo cock. I can't look at you. Disgusting. I pig. That's insane to get that done. So crazy. That's so gross. Literally looks like a lizard person. I would do this. The guy who lives out here. Have you seen the lizard guy out here? Yeah.

That guy's dick better be green. It pisses me off. If that man's cock is white, I will... That's psychotic. Which guy? Lizard man out here. Oh. I always see him out here. Yeah. You can't go full lizard and have a white dick. No. That's nuts. I'm sure he doesn't. You have to obtain balls. I'm sure he has a green dick. A-Nuisse has to be...

Dude, it doesn't look good. It's not good. What a strange surgery to get. You know why? Because they need to have like, there needs to be some contouring or some blending of dark and light. Like it's all just light. It's all green. If I get a hair in my eye, I leave it. I can't even touch my eyeball. It's gone. We're done now. There's hairs in my head. Would you do eye surgery? Never. If I have the laser, I'm going to have fucking bottle caps. I'm going to look like you two. I tell you right now, I ain't fucking ever. I can't put a contact in.

I was always scared. I'm like, if I got an acting role, I'm like, well, then I'm not doing it. I can't touch my... This guy. This guy's dick better be green. It is. You cut your tongue. You put inserts in your head. He doesn't have dick pics out there? He's got to have dick pics. There has to be. He's got to have dick pics out there. And he's definitely modified his dick. You can't go this far. Right. And be like, oh, here's my normal dick. No. He's gone far. Does it say? He's done more stuff to his dick than his face. If you search the dick...

Lizardman Austin Dick. Porn. How about just nude? Why did gay porn come up for that? Well, I don't know. Okay, well, we got to call him up. We got to find you. I'm actually surprised you don't have his number. Sir, bring your dick in here. Call him up. All right. We have to wrap this up. But, Steph.

Thanks for having me. No, we're so... Thanks for quizzing me. We got it. First of all, you're going to pass your citizenship test. I'm very, very proud of you. And also, you can finally just renounce your Canadian citizenship. It's a big deal. Do you have to renounce? No, I'm getting dual citizenship.

You have to burn your passport. No, but so proud of you and happy for you for Filth Queen. Yes, amazing. Great title, by the way. That's really funny. June 24th on Netflix. If you've never seen Steph, she's absolutely hilarious. Please watch the special. Don't forget to pick up her hustler spread, which is coming up as well. And then her and, I don't know if her and Tony John are going to work together in some way, but it's going to be...

He's in Syracuse. I'm not going to see him. I'm going to see him this summer. We're going up there. And you know what? If you go see Steph on tour, which you absolutely should, bring her some homemade poutine and just show her a good time. We love you. Thank you for coming. Thanks for having me. My gosh, thank you. We'll see you guys next week. Beautiful. Uh-huh. Y'all think it's a game, huh? When y'all come to town, girl, come on. I don't care where you're from. Roll bridge, Appaloosa, Church Point. Bring it to me. Ah!

♪♪♪

Yeah, they got some boy over there, yeah, mama. Yeah, doesn't matter if she young or old. I want to kick your feet. Yeah, I want to kick your feet. Yeah, I want to kick your feet.

How you doing, my baby?

I'm going to make you feel good, babe.

I promise you, in God's eyes, the way you been and know what they did, just give me one chance, please, my baby. Yeah, give me one chance, my baby girl. I want to eat your ass one time. Ay-yi-yi. Ay-yi-yi.

Show me.

Yeah! Be a woman. It's church. One time, she got a little brick building. One time, she got a little brick building. One time, she got a little brick building. One time, she got a little brick building. One time, she got a little brick building. One time, she got a little brick building. One time, I'ma tear her drawers up.

When I say I'ma smell your drawers

♪♪♪

When I get through with you, you're not going back to your house. You're going to stay over here with me straight up. I call it like I see it. Yeah, because you ain't never had that feeling before. Be a woman.