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cover of episode Who's More Mentally Ill? | Your Mom's House Ep. 817

Who's More Mentally Ill? | Your Mom's House Ep. 817

2025/7/2
logo of podcast Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura

Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura

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People
C
Christina
创立了全球最大的麦金塔用户组,并推动了网络技术和硬件开发。
E
Enny
R
Ryan
讨论创建自由派版本的乔·罗根的播客主持人。
T
Tom
参与航空教育和培训的播客主持人
女士
Topics
Tom: 我喜欢在洛杉矶的南湾,这里既有海滩的自然风光,又远离城市的喧嚣。以前去Reseda的录音棚工作时,那种紧张和焦虑感让我兴奋。作为表演者,我需要那种肾上腺素。在不熟悉的街区开车时,最重要的是不要停下来,保持移动。总之,南湾是一个充满活力和刺激的地方,既有美丽的海滩,又有潜在的危险,需要时刻保持警惕。

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Chapters
Tom and Christina recount their misadventure trying to find their studio in Gardena, navigating confusing addresses and unexpected street scenes. They compare the experience to their old Reseda days, filled with a similar mix of anxiety and excitement.
  • Wrong address caused a detour through Gardena.
  • The area had many braid shops and bars on windows.
  • The experience evoked memories of their Reseda days.

Shownotes Transcript

Translations:
中文

Get ready, Milwaukee. I'll be filming the live special taping of my Come Together tour in Milwaukee this November at the Riverside Theater. Tickets and all info is at TomSagura.com slash tour. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house. ♪

Welcome to another episode of Your Mom's House. We're here doing some Cali episodes. Whoop whoop. We're in the South Bay, bro. I know, bro. I love it here so much. I love it too. It's the best. It is great. This is like a lot of people don't know they come to Los Angeles. Like where it's at is the South Bay. Yeah. This is what's up. It really is because you're outside of the chaos of Los Angeles City. Yes. You're in the beach. It's natural as fuck. It's like a little bit of a city.

And like, you know what I'm saying? The vibe is chill and stuff. Very chill vibes. You know what I mean? Yes. You know what I'm saying? I know what you're saying and I know what you mean. Totally. And we, well, it's been a while since we've been. Yeah. We got the address to this location. Got the address wrong. Well, it's not wrong. It's just-

There's a lot of different addresses that have the same numbers and even street names. It happens all the time. You can be on North Bedford and Beverly Hills, and then there's another Bedford. It's right down. You're always having to confirm, and we put in the address for this place.

which is on a well-known street, if you know Los Angeles, called Rosecrans. And we went down to a different...

street on Rosecrans. You know what I mean? It was different. So we were down there. Super. Well, it was. You know what I'm saying? It was also like a slow progression. It was slow. Yeah. We were like, well, there's a lot of braid, braid shops. Braids and chicken. Yeah. So many. So many. And then I was like, that's weird. We were like, huh, this is where the studio is. And then we just kind of,

turned and parked and I was like, hmm, there's a lot of bars on windows. Check it out. You know what I'm saying? And like no Pilates studios anymore? No. We're like, this is the studio they found? But then can I tell you what? Can I talk to you for a second? Yeah, man. Tell me. I also felt a sense of excitement at that prospect because it kind of harkens back to the Reseda days. Yes. Always a little scared to go to work. Yeah. That was always...

the right feel of like, huh, I'm tense. I'm anxious. Let's go entertain. Yeah. But it gives you that adrenaline that you need. You need it. As a performer. Yeah. So, yeah, it definitely felt like that. It felt like that. Do more. Stop. Do more. It's the best. Yeah. So, yeah. You know what I mean? So,

Yeah, it was a lot. And anyways, we figured it out. We were like, oh, we're at the other end of Rosecrans. Yeah, we're in a gardena. There's no studio here at all.

There was a lot of people rolling through stop signs, if that gives you any indication. Yeah. A lot of adults on – a lot of grown-up guys on bicycles. Yeah, yeah. A lot of low-rider bicycles. So we did a quick check, and we were like, oh, no, you're about 20 minutes away. So –

Came back up. And the whole way back, we were like, yeah, it's definitely not the right neighborhood. But it really reminds me of growing up in Los Angeles. Yeah. Because I grew up, you know, driving at 16. There was no GPS. Right. You had that stupid Thomas guy. But when you're lost, bro, you're not going to be like, hold on, fucking A637. No, no. You're just like panicking and you're just trying to get out. The only thing you know is keep it moving. Keep it moving.

Whenever you're in the wrong neighborhood, you go, just don't break. Don't break. Especially little blonde girls. No, don't want to do it. Not so much at the stop signs. But we figured it out. We found the right place. We're here. We're going to tell you all about our summer vibes. That's right. But we should start the show. We should open it up. So let me get this set. And here you go.

I'm Ryan, and when I say I like ass, I mean god damn, I like ass. Isn't that cool? Guess what Ryan likes? Ass. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

I guess.

He likes ass. Yeah, it's cool. I like when dudes make an effort to let people know. Because otherwise you would see this guy and you would have no idea if he likes ass. And it would be in my mind the whole time. Does this guy like ass? Does he even like ass? Yeah, you don't have any idea. No. And I agree. It's nice to know what's out there. And also that he's doing it on the job. Because that is a... Right, that's a safety vest. Yeah. So he's working, taking a break from being safe and letting the world know that he loves ass.

And letting everybody know in case you see him. He's an ass guy. Do you think he was working, picking up trash on the freeway or whatever? Maybe he was conducting traffic at a construction site. I hope he stopped conducting traffic. Right. And he was like, he's the slow stop guy. He's like, hold on a second, guys. I got to put this out there. Everyone's going to be confused.

They're not going to know. Does he tell us why he likes it so much? Just that? I'm an ass guy. I mean, he does other stuff, you know. I'm Ryan, and I just got a fresh cut for all you beautiful black goddesses out there. Oh, sweet.

A fresh cut? Look at his cut. Oh, yeah. Yeah. But don't you think that a black lady would think that haircut's goofy? Well, yeah, but he's letting, I mean, this is like kind of all the pieces of the puzzle. He likes ass. Got it. Check. Likes black goddesses. So he's got a type, you know, and he's putting it out there. I see. I see. I see what you're saying. All you do is put it out there and then you just see what comes back. That's awesome.

That's all you can hope for in a man's life. Yeah. It's just putting it out there. And he's telling you, I got a fresh cut. Do you like a fresh cut on somebody? Yeah. You want me to have sloppy hair? No. Fresh cut.

I know I've been obsessed with David Bowie this summer. Yeah. You've had your Hitler summer. And for me, it's a David Bowie summer. Yeah. And I just watched about the courtship with him and Iman. Yeah. And they're like, we met at a party. Yeah. And he's like, hi, I'm David Bowie. We were married a week later. A week later? No, a year later. Really? But you're like, yeah, that's David Bowie. Yes, David Bowie. It's different.

Yeah. Nobody says no, and he doesn't have to put it out there. No. If David Bowie says hi to you, you're like, yeah, let's get married. Yeah, she's something else. Oh, Iman? Yeah. She's perfect. She's a statue. Yeah. She's not even real. I bet Ryan would go crazy. Oh, shit. Yeah, full circle. You know, maybe if we can get this clip to Iman and she sees his fresh, I mean, she's a widow. She's single. Yeah.

Maybe she's like, oh, shit, look at this guy. He has a fresh cut. He likes ass. And he is a little same coloring as David. Yeah. I mean, that's probably the limit of where they're the same. But yeah, similar skin pigmentation. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, wow. Maybe like not as great on the conversation level as David. No. Her talent. It's okay. But that's fine. I'm sure Iman's over talking anyway. Yeah. And she's probably like, yeah, I've heard all the songs. I don't need you to sing. No. Yeah. No. No.

So you look like Zorro. Do you want to tell everybody what's going on? I mean, all right. I'm a little embarrassed. Yeah. But if anything on this show, we come clean. Yeah. Okay. Like, you know, sometimes you already know the story. So this is like I'm just retelling for. But okay. You know how I get into altercations with people? Yeah.

Remember the guy at the fucking hardware store? Yes. And you guys told me, and he was like, don't talk to guys like that. He corrected me on how I was driving. And I was like, oh, I forgot what I said. Is this the car that was loud? And he was like, it's so loud. That's a different guy. That's a different guy. That's a different guy. So I've had multiple things with people. I'm just kind of noticing a pattern here. Go ahead. Okay, so I'm at Target.

And thankfully the kids are not with me. And you know, there's a crosswalk where people, you have to stop and then people cross. Okay. So I'm fucking, I'm stoked to be a target. I'm happy to be there, whatever. So I'm watching this couple, I'm looking and like, Oh, they're a cute couple. And I'm like, Oh,

And then I inch out into the crosswalk, okay? But I didn't see there was a young lady who had just stepped out. Okay, like literally just peeped her little fucking toe out there. And I, right on the brakes. And I was like, oh my God, you know? And I was like, I'm so sorry. Well, she doesn't take my apology seriously.

And instead, she starts doing that punishing thing. You know, if she's like, it's a crosswalk. The pedestrians have to ride away. It's a crosswalk. Is that an exaggeration? Maybe. Okay. But I fucking hate her dumb face. Yeah.

So this dumb is like educating me on the function of a crosswalk. And I'm like, yeah, I know I screwed up. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm trying like me a culpa. I'm sorry. But she wouldn't accept. She wouldn't. She kept going and going and going. And so finally I was like, listen, you fucking retard. I know what this is. And then she takes umbrage with me calling her a fucking retard because she's young. How young? She's like.

I don't know, fucking 20 or something. You know how sensitive this generation is about words. Sure. And she's like, oh, I'm a fucking retard. How dare you call me that? My sister has Down syndrome. Oh, boy. And I go, yeah, it makes sense. It runs in the family. You guys are both fucking idiots. Oh, my God.

I know. But here's where, so I was cool with just words. You know what I'm saying? Like, I was like, all right, I'm going to have words. We're done. And then she insults me. And she said, I fucking, I blacked out because I don't even know. I'm so angry. Like, because she, then she says something like, okay, boomer. Okay, boomer. And I was like, no, dude, no. That's it. Don't you? I mean, dude, she was like, I don't know, dude, like 15, maybe. I thought she was 20.

Maybe 15. Maybe like 14. 14? I don't know. I don't know. Well, she's 14. Maybe she was 13 or 12. I don't know. Is she a child? She had on a Minecraft shirt. She had a Minecraft shirt.

So maybe 13? Anyway, I don't fucking know her age. Just stop. The fact that she calls me a boomer, I'm very proud to be Gen X. I'm very proud to be Gen X. Don't call me a fucking boomer. And then she's getting up into the side of the car and she's like, why don't you get out, bitch? Why don't you get out, bitch? And I haven't fought since grade school, since fucking my seventh grades with...

You know what? I've told stories before. I've been in physical fights with people. Yeah. So I was like, all right, bitch, let's go. Yep. So I fucking, I hit her. She hit me. You know, shit was thrown. Whatever. It's cool. You're a mother. What are you doing, man? I know, but she called me a boomer. I'm not a fucking boomer, dude. I'm Gen X and I'm very proud of that. All right. Okay. So anyways, she's fucked up. And she hit you? She hit me. I hit her right back.

Okay. I hit her right back. What am I supposed to do? I don't know. This is a very... When somebody hits you, you're not going to hit her back? I know. This is just like an interesting... You look like Walter White. You look like a crazy person. So? Okay. I am... I'll tell you the truth. I didn't really get into a fight. Oh, you didn't? Because I got in a fight. I did. You did not. I did. Can I tell them what really happened then? Sure. I had plastic surgery.

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But you did get into a fight. I got into a fight, yeah. Which is crazy. It was over a wave, yeah. Because you're a surfer dude now, now that we're in the South Bank. I've been surfing every day. Yeah. Yeah. Why did you get into a fight, though? Because I was going to take a wave, and this guy was like, that's mine. I was like, what? I know, because the surfers are very territorial. Yeah. And I go, what are you talking about? And then I started to paddle out to it, and he fucking flipped out. He pulled out a switchblade. No. Yeah. Yeah.

Dang, dude. Yeah, it was crazy. And then how did you find him? He swung at me with it. Yeah. And that's what he left you with? Mm-hmm. Look at that. Like scraped the side of my face. I see. Yeah. That's why you have that bald. Mm-hmm. Dude, you and I, it's summer of fighting. Yeah. I hit him. You hit him back? Mm-hmm. And then what happened to him? I don't know. He just disappeared? He surfed away? I don't think he surfed away. He kind of floated for a minute and then I left. He could be dead. I guess. I didn't see anything in the paper. Yeah.

Dead surfer? Yeah. Yeah. That's wild, dude. Yeah, it's pretty crazy. You're having a very interesting summer. Yeah, I've also been watching a lot of Vietnam stuff. I know. It's so much more of a bummer. I know. I can't believe you hit a guy in the ocean. Yeah. Where did he have a switchblade in his suit? In his board shorts, yeah. Wow. It was pretty nuts. That's pretty scary. There I am ripping it up at the Palm Springs Surf Club. Yeah.

Yeah, you're really good at surfing. You're really picking it up. Man, it's just like, I don't know, it's just like being one with nature, it feels like. Yeah, it is pretty rad when you get up on that thing, huh? Yeah, it's the best. Anyway, yeah, you look great. Well, I'm sorry that guy shaved your face with a knife. It's wild. Yeah, fucking nuts.

Yeah. So I had a bra lift. Yeah. And I had my upper blefs done. Because you know I've been talking about it forever. Yeah. Upper blefs. Fucking hate how fat. Wait, I learned about the word blefs from you. Are you good with that? You're like me. Because I'm like, I was nervous to tell that story because I don't like to lie. Okay.

I can't lie very well. Not like you. Oh, thanks. Yeah, Hitler. So anyway. Hitler. I don't know. Just kidding. I don't know why I called you that. But anyway, what was I talking about? I'm on so many drugs. I don't know. It's a Hitler summer. Yeah. Oh, right. So I have my upper blephs done. Yes, blephs. That's the skin. They remove a little bit of skin. And then I've got staples in my forehead. Yeah.

Or they do a brow lift, which is kind of fucking creepy. And I'm a little upset at you that you won't look at my staples. Well, I do like making you laugh because you say it hurts and it makes you feel like your staples are going to come out. It's going to rip out. Yeah. But I get those taken out next week, so that's pretty exciting. That is exciting. And right now it's just all bruised and crazy. I have to say, I know you're covering up. It's crazy how minimal it is. Yeah. It barely looks like anything happened. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, you guys will see it when I reveal it. Yeah. It's going to be pretty special. Special. That's the secret. It's just too minimal. I can show you what you look like. Okay. Like what I've seen. Yeah, go ahead. This is what you look like. Ready? Go ahead. Yeah. That's what you look like. This is a very natural glow. Yeah. You look rested. Yeah. Everyone's going to be like, I barely had any work on. Yeah.

I can't wait to get that way like Jeff Bezos' new wife. Oh my God. She looks so fucking crazy, dude. Yeah, that looks nuts. I know. I totally get it now. Isn't it crazy that she has all the resources in the world? Yeah. And you get bad plastic surgery? Yeah, it's crazy. No, the secret is to get the best of the best and then do very minimal things. Fucking nuts. I know, she looks gnarly. Yeah. Will you tell me if I go there, though? No. No?

It'll just be too far and I can't say anything. I'll just be like, well, she lost her mind. Yeah, the lips and that. The lips is like the real tell. I think you can do some shit to your face as a lady. Once you go crazy with lips, it's just all over. Yeah, because this is moderate. When you guys see it, it's very slight. It's not too crazy, but that is not attractive at all. It's not.

It's extreme. But I know how they do it because they get you in that plastic surgeon's office. It's so fun. Everybody's laughing. They're like, oh my God, are you excited for your paint? And you're like, yeah, this is not a big deal, right? And then they do shit where they're like, and then do you want to do the nose? Yeah. And you're like, my nose? And they're like, yeah, you want to just...

make it a little nicer. A little tweak? And you're like, oh, yeah, I'll do my nose. Okay, so we'll do nose and chin. We're doing chin? Yeah. Oh, you didn't want, oh, we can leave it. Yeah. And you're like, no, throw that in. Yeah, that's a good idea. Because it becomes, like, I would never have done this before I had all those

breast cancer surgeries because I would never be like, yeah, just have a surgery. Right. Because I had gone through so many surgeries last year, I was like, this is a nothing burger. Yeah. Having my eyes cut up, who gives a shit? But once you get used to it, that's when it's dangerous. You know what I'm saying? Sure. Your inspiration, one of your inspirations for your art path. Yes. Thank you for bringing that up. Adrienne Brody.

Hell yeah, dude. What's going on with his TikToks and his Instagram? That's really weird. Yo. This one. Yo. What's up, bro? What's up with you? Man, today's a great day to smile. What a perfect day to smile. Yeah, it is. I want to thank all the voters at the Golden Globe for...

This tremendous honor of getting nominated and also nominating my fellow cast on the film and all of the hard work that's gone into it. If we get nominated for Bad Thoughts, should I do an exact? Oh, my God, yes. Yo. I'll go. It's a great day to smile. Oh, my God. For nominating. Yeah. Can you even imagine making this? Oh, my God. Can you imagine? Yeah.

Oh, my God. Yeah. So insufferable. It's pretty cool. It's insufferable. It's like Meghan Markle where she's like, can you bring that TikTok up? Those are so fucking weird, man. Which ones? When she's just like, I'm just doing this and I'm reordering and everything's sold out. That's the one. That's the one. Everything's sold out. I just have to like, how am I going to, I got to be a mom and I got to.

We have so many sales. I'm so busy. Shut up, dude. It's so hard working so hard as I work. It's just. It's insufferable. Yeah. But this Adrian Brody, he's on a whole other level. There's another one where he's like, are you mad? Stay mad at me or something like. He's just, I don't know. He's having all kinds of dialogue in his own head. Yeah. That nobody else has participated in. Hey, everyone. I hope you're having a great day. Yeah. With your friends and family. It's a good day to smile. And loved ones.

The sun is shining. We get it, yeah. The masks are starting to come off. What? I think now more than ever, as we celebrate Memorial Day, we should acknowledge the tremendous sacrifices, not only of the brave men and women,

Yeah. He cares. Okay. So... I got to tell you that anytime people do these, they don't care. There's no way he actually gives a rip. I mean, it's just weird, bro. He's done nothing. Yeah. He does not care. Well, it's a good time to bring up your art, though. Oh, yes. Thank you so much for doing that. Yeah.

Exactly. In honor of our friend here. He inspired me to see the value of my own artwork. Yes. So right now it's still up for sale. Fuck around and find out. This is the first. This will be the first of many works. Yes, this is the original that I did. It was on sale for $10,000. Now, I do think I did not price that.

I think you're right. Yeah. Which is why it is now $20,000. $20,000. Yeah. I think that that is going to, someone's going to pick it up. Right there. Yep. Right there. So if you didn't purchase it, obviously you missed the chance to get it for basically free. And you know what? Fuck around and find out. Yeah. Now it's $20,000. Now it's $20,000. Good job. You missed your fucking chance. Yeah. Good job. Now you get it. Now you get it. Will I sell prints? Yes.

I don't know. I don't know. It would be great to have the original. Talk about value. Talk about a legacy, owning a piece of work from a timeless artist like myself. I wonder how this will do at 20. I think it's going to go so fast. Yeah, unless it's not priced correctly. And maybe you'll have to bump it again. Who knows? We'll cross that bridge. Yeah. Anyway, I'm stoked about it. So thank you guys. Just buy my art. Please.

You're obviously, you know, recovering. Yeah. I thought this would make you feel good. Oh. Oh, my God. The goth basketball player, Caitlin Dark. I love this girl. Is that the name right? Of course it is. It's Caitlin Dark? Yeah. That's her last name, bro. No. No.

Real name is Kaitlyn Cunningham, but I think she goes by Kaitlyn Dark. Because she's rad. I mean, how stoked are you for this? People have been sending me this check. She looks badass, really. I admire it so much. I mean, I love the dedication to the eye makeup. And she's got to be sweaty, too. She does it. Is she Australian? Yeah, she's so rad. I don't know. I don't know her story. Yeah, she's Australian. Kaitlyn, I love it. I wish more players would go goth like this. Who is driving lesbians wild.

Wow, sweet. And me. Maybe I've just got big dick energy, she says. Yeah, dude. Nice. Is she gay or no? I don't know. She's not? It's just that she's a... But I like what she's doing for gothic visibility. No, I know. I'm just referencing the article. Maybe. Maybe she's driving the lesbian, maybe straight guys. Are you into it? Yeah. She's great. Yes. I love that she does this before, and I'm surprised they let her do it, which is the best part.

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I love it. She looks great. She looks great. I love all the tats. Look at her. What a great build, too. She's got that lean lesbian body. Yeah. Like there's a girl on the L word that she looks similar to. Yeah, but I don't know if she is. We don't know. Who knows? This article says she's queer. Oh, she's queer. Okay. She's queer. Is she like 6'2"? You know her height? She looks tall as shit. Yeah, she looks really tall. I love it. I love her eye makeup. Yeah.

She's got that kind of cholo joker. She's 6'4". Dang, dude. Holy shit. That's wild. That a girl. That's tall as fuck, man. Yeah, she's awesome. Do they let players do that? I know Rodman was doing all kinds of stuff in the 90s. Yeah, no, typically you don't see that. They don't allow it now, right? Not really. I mean, I don't know if it's allowed. Nobody does that. I think they should.

A lot of the players these days, especially like the dudes that are young, like talking like 1920 going into the league, a lot of them are into, you know, like painting their nails and they're just, it's way more a part of that, the culture now I feel like. Like straight guys. Yeah. Straight guys and they're wearing stuff, you know, stuff that any is a fan of just like, yes. Right. Just like cool, cool stuff. Yeah. Like what? Yeah.

You know what I'm talking about, right, Enny? Oh, yeah. Check my nails. It's freshly painted. Yeah. You know how it is. But you know what I mean, though, how you see that now in the league? I don't see it in the league. I mean, I don't really watch sports, you know what I'm saying? Oh. Yeah, a lot of the...

Fit checks are like... Fit checks. Yeah. Fit checks. They're a little swishy, but it's kind of... Really? Yeah, and you'll see the older guys are like, yo, what the fuck? Yeah. But the young guys are all into it. Well, we're all evolving into one unisex thing. It's going that way. That's cool. I like it. Well, Caitlin Dark. This is like the norm. She's the fucking best. Yeah. Anyway, check this shit out, man.

Hey, boss. I finished cleaning out the empty stalls. Thanks, Mark. What's up, boss? The stables used to be full. I don't know. But if we don't fill these stables soon, we'll have to shut down the ranch. Things will get better. Just you wait and see. Let's hope so. All this bullshit is stressing me out. Let me see if I can make you feel better. Oh, that's a nice massage. Hell yeah. That sure is a good start. Then let's continue on. Hell yeah. Wow. You know, I don't think you could actually cast somebody to act like...

I could try to recreate this with actors and I don't think you can. Well, explain. What do you mean? Like, you can't get a good actor...

to give you this performance. You just have to cast shit actors. Like, you have to find the magic of the shit acting to deliver this. Right. It's incredible. Right. Like, they're terrible actors. And that's amazing because they're in everything. Like, every clip from this era is just the shittiest acting. It's so cool. You'd think at one point they would hire actors

Yeah. Just to say, hey guys, the inflection, just try to change it. Every line is exactly the same. And every line is exactly the same. The same cadence. Yo, how much I charge? 200 would do anything you want. Anything? Anything. Y'all kiss. Kiss? All right. Yeah.

Shaking his head. For two fucking hundreds. Two hundred dollars. You couldn't just make two hundred fucking dollars by your damn self? How does that shit feel? Is it worth it? Maybe they wanted to.

They didn't even give him $200. That's just for fucking free? God damn, man. But I'm telling you, it doesn't bother him as much as the black gay kisses. Black gay kisses bother him than white gay kisses. On his scale of what bothers him, it's black gay kisses that bother him the most. Y'all are stupid, man.

Hey, we got to get more black. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Please. Oh, get on it. Oh, my God. I'm so excited. That movie that you guys wanted me to watch. Yeah. That you did the music for any.

What? That I did the music for? You know. You do the soundtrack so well. Oh, yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah. So you watched it? No, he didn't see it yet. No, it's not out yet. It's going to be on Apple TV any minute. Yeah. Like a day or two. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I can't watch it without thinking of him. I know. Now every time we see trailers for it, we just hear you going, mm-hmm. Bro, you don't have to think about me. They do it in the movie. Yeah.

They do it in the fucking movie. I've had people message me. They're like, bro, I watched that movie again. Yeah. And every time I hear the mm-hmm, it just ruins it. It's like, you ruined that. Bro, you know that like... I think you did. Now you're just awake. The trailer, like it's so funny because you're the first person that I've met, literally, that has shit on this movie. And like the trailer comes up and it starts with...

The best film of the year. And then I hear Annie being like, this bullshit. Oh, my statements are going to rip out. Trash. It's trash. It's trash. You can't fucking buy me, man. I don't care how much you pay me. I ain't saying that movie's good. $200? That's what they did. Oh, my God. Would you French kiss a black guy? No.

Not for $200,000. No? $200,000? Just a lip kiss, not a French. No, because how am I going to... No, because I can't afford not sleeping. There's no price that fixes that. I'm so afraid. He's so afraid. I'd kiss dick tips. I'd kiss dick tips. Yo, ISO that shit. I would kiss pussy tips, too. Hey, this mic is falling, guys. It's a limp dick. It's a limp dick? It keeps going meow. Meow.

Okay, hold on. I got to go pish anyway. Okay. And I asked, what is this? What is what? It's a camera. So you peed? I pished. I love it. I walked by the monitor and those two guys are friendship from Annie. Bro, it's right in front of my fucking face. Like, can we, we could do something else. All right. Just leave it.

Beautiful soul. So I want you to ask yourself, what you feeding your pussy today, beautiful soul? Go in with intention and self-love and self-care.

Think about how it's going to digest in your body and attach to that pussy and what it's going to do. Beautiful. So if you leave the fruit, it's going to go in that pussy and fruitify it, meaning it's going to heal it and clean it and just flourish it with a good ass drip. And I'm going to say that as kind as I can. That's so true. Is that true? I mean,

I mean, I don't know that fruit fortifies the pussy, but I do know that yogurts are good probiotics and such for the environment of the pussy. Yep. I just love that everybody's into self-care now. Self-care is big. But we got to clean that pussy out, beautiful soul. The fruits go in the body and they sweep the lymphatic drains. You do have lymphatic nodes in that pussy. Okay? You got parasites in that pussy. So you got to help that pussy get clean. In this day and age, we're affected by too many things.

So we got to take time with ourself. Take time with intention on our intake along with the products. Beautiful soul. Beautiful soul. So what you feeding that pussy today, love? Act yourself. I can say I've never seen a message like this before. No. Yeah. In all the years we've been doing this show. Yeah.

Vegan vagina, that guy. Oh, yeah, that's different. No, he was drinking the smoothies. He wouldn't tell you to do it. Right. But he preferred vegan vaginas is what his deal was. Yeah, that was pretty cool. But I agree with her. This can't be wrong. No, how can it be wrong? It can't be bad to eat healthy for your pussy health. Yeah, I think I normally hear eat fruit.

But it's just like, hey, it's good for you. Fiber. Sure. You know, this nice source of energy for you. Not correlated to. Never heard it been like frutify your pussy. Frutify. Yeah, I agree. I agree. But speaking of your browns, how have your browns been since we've been in the South? Great. See, what's going on? Great. What's going on? Great browns.

I don't know why. Not a sloppy one since we've been here. I mean, not always the best, but I've had some really good ones, yeah. What do you think it is? What is happening to you? I don't know. Is it just stress-free lifestyle at the beach? Maybe. Maybe that's what it is.

Maybe. I mean, is the food that different that I'm eating? I don't think so. Well, you're traveling a lot, so it's different bacterias. Yeah, traveling always is a motherfucker. Beautiful soul. Beautiful soul. Yeah. You told me a beautiful story today about you and your trainer. Oh, yeah. So I've been working out here. I found a gym like 10 minutes from our place, which is great. Yeah. Small gym, which I prefer, honestly, like small private sessions, you know,

really, like, great equipment and, like, really knowledgeable people there. So I hit them up, and I've just been going for sessions, like, every other day I've been going there. Just hearing the dudes. And I was in there today. I went a little earlier, and I'd had... Before, I had... Let's see, I had some fruit. I had a banana for my dick to fruitify it. And then I had...

A little bit of like half a meal bar just to have like a little, you know, food in me. And we were training and we were doing farmer's walks with these huge, like the strongman ones. And he was setting it up and I was like, oh, I feel like a fart coming. So I kind of walked away from him, like not even that far, maybe like 15 feet away.

And he was talking to me about the technique of how to pick it up and short, fast walks. And he's putting weights on it.

because it has like these you know pillars that come out and he's putting weights on it and I stood like 15 I looked at him and I was like oh I'll just like fart over here and it'll like and I didn't think it was gonna make any noise and it made so much noise it was like one of the loudest longest farts I've had and I looked at him as I was doing it yeah you did eye contact yeah I did eye contact and I was like right right yeah so like you know short fast steps I go right it was like you

you know like just like a and as I was doing that he just was like yeah so then just keep and then slide them down over here and then turn around and do it back you looked at hold on you're standing there and there was never any discussion about it nothing

Like nothing. Nothing came about it. Do you think there's two possibilities? Either this guy is your soulmate and nothing need be said. Yeah. Or this guy is so mortified by you as a human being that he was like, I can't even address this. Can I tell you what I was thinking about it too? I think it's that he is around...

Because there's a couple people that, without trying to blow up their spot, there's some savages that go here. Okay. And I think he's used to just animalistic behavior and that he was just like, yeah, this is just how certain dudes are. And, like, there's not even a need to address it. They're just beef machines. Yeah. Yeah. He's just like, there's another guy who farts. Yeah.

He's so accustomed to piggery that he's like, whatever, dude. Yeah, that must be it. That's got to be it. It's got to be it. Especially if there's no women. Are there any women there? I mean, there's women who train there, but there's not 10 people walking around. But I'm saying, was there a woman in the room at the time? When I did that, no. A woman had left. She was there and she had left.

She had trained before me. Because that might be why you felt liberated to do so. Oh, yeah. He was like, whatever. Whatever, dude. Yeah. Because I trained in Texas at that weightlifting place. That's all like, you know, ex-military and like real, real dudes. Real psycho dudes. And I have a feeling when I'm there, they hold it together just a tiny bit. Yeah. Yeah.

That's standard behavior. Yeah. Like even, here's the thing, it doesn't have to do, just when women are around, you dial it back just a pinch. And then if it's just dudes, you're like, fuck it. Yeah.

I know, because, you know, I love these period piece type shows. Yeah. And they're like, you know, women shouldn't be allowed in drinking parlors because they can hear unsavory things. And I'm like, oh, my God, not in our house. No. That is the complete fucking opposite. And you and your circle of fucking demons that you hang out with. I know.

Those women are barely women. I know. I know. They're pigs. But that's why I like them. I know. When we went to Puerto Vallarta, it's funny. So one of the girls that's on the trip, her mother's from Guatemala. And her Guatemalan mother was like, oh, be careful. You're going to get sex trafficked in Mexico. And he was like, what?

We're not getting trafficked. We're all 50 years old. Nobody wants these old bodies, these old pussies, these old fucking shriveled up. No one's like, hey, I got something special for you, man. I got these four 50-year-old broads. Who's just sex trafficking? You guys ready to bang? And then we're like, what? 50-year-olds? No. Like maybe they'll kidnap me to cook for them or something. Yeah, but you're past...

Oh, way past trafficking. Yeah. Right? Yeah. If you were 19, they'd be like, yeah, scoop them up. Scoop them up. Yeah. That is the nice thing about aging is that you're beyond those problems. Like nobody's going to probably roofie me at a party anymore. That's done. It's great. I can just enjoy myself now. Right. They're just like, oh, I would have roofied you years ago.

That's cool. Would you roofie me now? Yeah, I would. Yeah. Yeah. You would? Yeah, if I didn't know you. Sure. I'd drug you. Sweet, babe. Yeah. Thanks. Thanks for saying. I'd tie you up, keep you in a fucking basement. Thanks, buddy. You know, this is interesting because last night you told me that I was cold as ice and a sociopath. Yeah. And I think actually you're the one that's more. No, you are.

You're mentally ill. But it's a kind that I'm familiar with, and I still love you. My stitches are staples. So we had this back and forth about it because you were like, you were saying it's me. No, we're just going to put this out there. Sure. Zolo. Yes. I want you to find somebody to come in when we go back to Texas. Okay. To test Christina, I, and anybody on the staff that wants to take a test.

for like antisocial personality disorder and have them, you know, get like vet, like a really good person for it.

Then we'll all submit our tests and then we want them to come on the show and basically review people's tests. Perfect. Let's talk about this because there's different levels. There's just people that are – you said I don't have feelings. I'm very emotional and cold. Yeah, I mean you're cold and yeah. Yeah. You're very Eastern European. Right. Yeah. But then there's personality disorder. Right. Which is – Which pretty much I think Eastern Europe falls into that. The whole thing. Under the DSM is – yeah. Antisocial personality disorder is – yeah. Yeah.

But then there's you. Lack of empathy. Yeah. Lack of remorse. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't have the same feeling. Why are you smiling? Yeah. Oh, that's just cultural, too. I mean, that's weakness. Smiling is weakness. But your thing with your enjoyment of watching murders and killings. I mean, I keep saying the same thing to you. Everybody's watching these shows. You act like it's made for me.

These shows are like number one. Yeah, but I also think that like you're not up in your feelings all the time either, you know? I would say...

I would say, I mean, okay, let's just say, let's look at bad thoughts. Okay? Granted, the show is called Bad Thoughts for a reason. Yeah. I mean, that literally came from your sick, mentally ill mind. Yeah. Yeah. That's your, that's what's inside of that noodle. That's true. Yeah. So, I mean, listen, I was DMing with Tom Green because the kids discovered his brilliant sandwich bit. Oh, yeah. Just a little more olives. A little more lettuce. A little more lettuce.

A little mayo on that. A little more cheese. It's brilliant. And it still holds up. All of his shit is still funny. And I DM'd him and I was like, hey, my kid's found a little more olives and everything. And he's like, great. Show them the bum bum song. And of course they love that.

And then he said something like, I really love Tom's show. And I was like, next time you're in Texas, you know, come over for dinner or whatever. And he's like, all right, as long as you don't think I'm, you know, mentally ill. And I was like, no, Tom's way more mentally ill than you. Oh, my God. If you look at the content the two of you put out. I mean, who's crazier, you or Tom Green? Well, no, it's different types of crazy. Okay. That's all it is. Let's talk about it. Well, you're the craziest of all. Yeah.

So you see how you throw stones and it's always the people that are the most mentally ill that will never admit to being mentally ill. I know I'm mentally ill. You don't even acknowledge your shadow self. I acknowledge some of it. I acknowledge there's a bit of it, but you're the real, you're the, I know I am. I admit that I know where my dark areas are. I don't even think you know where they are. Where mine are? You don't even know. I know that I'm not a hundred percent normal.

Where would you say your blind spots are to normalcy? Where do you think? Fucking deal with this bullshit. Stupid bitch. I did not say that. Shut the fuck up. That's what you fucking said. No, I said it with my eyes, but I didn't say it. Okay, this will be interesting then. Yeah. If we get a set. This shrink's going to have a...

He's going to have a fun time. I know who's the most mentally ill on our team. You want to do a guess? I already know. Who? I think everybody knows. Should we all say the name at the same time? Who? On the count of three. One, two, three. Annie. Yeah, Annie. Yeah, me. Yeah, yeah, me. They'll have a field day with him. Also, I'm definitely just going to gaslight him, though. Yeah, of course. No, you have to. I'm going to make him say I'm fucking perfect. That's what I'll do.

He's like the fucking greatest guy. But you're going to, are you going to answer the questions honestly or dishonestly? Well, define honestly. Well, like for the form, would you, would you say what you really think on it or no?

It's like, you know, yes. Okay. But you'll dial it back a little bit. You see, it's like, you know, it's context. Context matters. Yes, I agree. Yeah, but they know that. That's why they're going to ask you the same question 10 different ways. So eventually they're going to get some level of your insanity. That's true. They should be able to get some of it. By the way, I watched Mickey 17. Have you seen that?

Me? No, the guys. Oh, no, I haven't watched that. Dude. You liked it. It was really good. You really liked it. He's fantastic, man. That boy from Twilight? Well, he's a great actor, but I mean the director, the guy that made Parasite. What's his name? Bong Joon-ho. Bong Joon-ho. Bong Joon-ho. Man, he really does put together. Speaking of, the Korean food's delicious here, isn't it? I think I ordered some Bong Joon-ho. You don't get Korean food like...

No, you don't get Korean food like you do in Cali. Outside of Seoul, like here, it's the best, dude. L.A., Korean food is unbelievable. Hands down the best. You know, we have been educating our boys on are the good comedies that we grew up on, like Spaceballs. That has been the most fun. That's been really fun. Yeah. Spaceballs. I'm into Police Academy with Julian. I fast forward through the inappropriate stuff. Yeah.

But he really loves The Wrong Missy. Yeah, which has a lot of inappropriate. I forward through a ton of it. But if I don't, would you, what's her name? Carplus. Lauren Carplus. Is that her name? I can't read it. Lapkus. Lapkus. Lauren Lapkus. She's amazing. She's so funny. And God damn it, I could watch her do anything. She's really great. And Spade, of course, is fantastic too. This one's funny. And what else? Back to the Future. We showed them that one. That was awesome. Back to the Future.

They watch Back to the Future. Back to the Future, by the way, is an absolutely perfect movie. It's so fun. Not a wasted frame of film in this movie. It's just so well executed. And then we're watching Back to the Future Part 2. And at the end of Back to the Future Part 2, Michael J. Fox is in a scene with Michael J. Fox. Right? Yeah.

there's two of them and he's and the one of them is trying to make sure that the other one doesn't see him and then the one leaves and he goes julian's like wait a minute there's two of them i'm like no he's back in the past now he goes what i go this is the fucking whole premise of the movie damn kid like what do you think's happening he's like what year is it like it's 1950 they're in 1955 he's like 1955 and i go yeah man like what do you think's happening

It's so crazy to try to explain it to a kid. You know, he laughs at the slapstick stuff. Yes, he does. He likes slapstick, so I'm happy to teach him that. Me too. And we're in Star Wars. We're watching the Star Wars stuff. The kids love, you know, burying the figurines that we got them at the beach. What's crazy is we had their cousins come over yesterday, and it's all girls. Mm-hmm. And...

Seeing the girl parents watch the boys was so fun. Hilarious. Because one of them pulled me aside and they're like, hey, uh...

your little guy just punched him in the head and then he jumped on his back but he didn't do anything back to him i go oh yeah they're just around he goes he hit him pretty hard yeah and he laughs when he hits him really hard it's called playing yeah yeah at one point three little girls were in our room bathing right like they're in the bathtub and i'm watching a show and they're like they're silent yeah just giggling and i was like it's

if this were our two boys it would be screaming and water everywhere flood and i'm like it's having girls is like having one girl is like no no two girls is one dog and they let when they left they were like thank you and they each gave me a hug and they were like will you come with us i was like no i have to stay here with these fucking heathens i wish i could can you stay

I know. I know yesterday they came over and they're like, we're going to go in the pool. And you were like, great, I'm staying here. Yeah. Because you're away in the pool. Yeah. Go up there. Yeah.

No, they're fucking psychos, dude. Yeah, they're crazy kids. You started taking pictures of people. Oh, yeah. Tommy F. Stop. Yeah. I started a photography account because I love photographs. Yeah. And I got so excited. I mean, you know, one of my closest confidants is Sean, my photographer. And so I'm always around him. He's a great fur-tographer taking photographs. And...

I don't know. I just, I love taking photos. I just do. I love it. And so I just started taking photos. Um, I take them on film cameras and I get those developed. I love the process. Then I got a good digital one. Um, and been buying lenses. I'm, I'm, I'm just nerding out. I love it. And I post it, um, uh,

I just want you to know some people are writing, they're like, this is gay. Yeah. Tom, this is gay. And I just, I try to tell them that it's going to get gayer. Like it's the beginning. Yeah. Of how gay it'll be. Yeah. Yeah. There's Tommy F stop right there. But I tell them that I'm going to keep posting and, you know, some people encourage me. Some people say very mean things to me about it, but,

I just want you to know that I'll never stop doing it. No. And you know what? Some people are not going to appreciate your art and some people won't pay you what your art is worth too. Oh, right.

Yeah, maybe I should start charging for each of these, right? I think you should. That's a good idea. I think you should. But that's cool. But you're taking portraits of people. Sometimes portraits, sometimes just landscapes, sometimes just whatever is, I don't know, just anything. Half-eaten burrito, yeah. Oh, that's cool. Yeah. Those are so good in California, by the way. The best breakfast burritos. So like you walk up to a lady and you'll be like, hey, can I take your portrait? Yeah.

Well, I've found, so here's the thing about the, because my, I think my, you discover like what are your favorites, right? So there's some landscape stuff that you love to do. Like you see something like beautiful and you want to take a photo of like in Iceland. Like it's incredible, right? Oh my God, that's a really good picture. It's like a National Geographic, Tommy. So you, you know, there's this kind of stuff. And then there's the portraits of people. I think my favorite are portraits of people. I love that guy in New York. That's Leonard, yeah. Yeah.

So I like that stuff the most, I think. I don't know. It's always a discovery, right? But there's the whole thing like him I know. So it's like it's comfortable to say, hey, you mind if I take your photo? But on the street, it's like you get this kind of rush. It's kind of exciting to see somebody with like a unique look.

And you go, you want to ask them, right? But it's also, I find it very intimidating. Because my general way of being is like, don't bother people. Like, I always live by like, don't bother anyone, you know? So now I'm doing this and I have to like, want to ask people, can I take your photo? And it's challenging. And I was asking other photographers how they do it. And one of them was like, well...

The best thing you can do is you give a compliment to somebody first, which is like, it's just a good way to, and you're going to sense right away if it is a vibe with the person. And they say no. Like I've had people say no and then say yes. But you go like, oh, like, you know, you look amazing. Like this is such a cool look. You look like cool Modi. Can I take your photo? Right. And then sometimes they say, yeah. And so the other thing I've been doing is I offer an exchange, right?

So I go, I'll say like, hey, you have such a, like, I'll go, oh my God, I'm sorry to bother you, but you have such an amazing look. Do you mind if I take your photo? And if they say yes, I go, I'll show you my penis afterwards.

So that way you get something, I get something. Everybody wins. Yeah. That's a perfect method. And I've been getting so many yeses after that. Yeah. Like I showed him and other people. He loved your penis. Oh, yeah. He was like, that's nice. Thank you for showing me your penis. That's so cool, Tom. And I bet people feel really rewarded when that's what they get. Well, then, because I also, I'll comment. I'll go, it's fully flaccid right now. There's more. There's more to this penis. There's more to this if you will just give me a chance.

a moment wow that's a really cool idea and I don't think any other photographer this right here she was looking right at my penis when I took this photo wow that's why she's smiling that's so cool yeah you know that's a nice way to get a natural reaction out of a girl yeah

So one thing I found is like strange women love dick talk. Like if they don't know you, they want to talk about your dick. That's so true. Yeah. That's great. She looks like a really innocent sweet. She was really sweet. She was really sweet. Yeah. She was a barista. Yeah. So you showed her in the coffee shop. In the coffee shop. So everybody saw it. Oh, that's cool. I was like, I want your photo. So how about you get it? But look how happy she is when she saw your painter.

It's been working. It's been working. It's been working. Yeah. That's great, Tom. What a great method. So it's also a tip if you're an amateur photographer like I am, there's a little tip that I learned. Offer up your genitals. People are like, oh, wow, that's really cool. Yeah. Yeah.

I think a lot of photographers that took photographs of models, I think they did that stuff in the 70s. Yeah, I don't know if it was exactly as we're talking about, but yeah. I think a lot of dudes showed their dicks in exchange for dicks. There was Sedona. Did you see these? Oh, right. That's Sedona. Keep going. Yeah, that was really fun. That was a nice trip. That's where I talked to the aliens. Who's that? There I am. There I am. Just talking to the river. Talking to the river. Do the vortex, making fucking contact, dude. Yeah. Duckies. What's up, ducks? Yep. John Feliciano. Oh, there's John.

That was a fun trip. Beautiful Sedona. Yeah, that was pretty spiritual and shit. Yeah. Beautiful. Nice shots, Tom. Thanks. You're so pleased with yourself. Yeah, those were really nice. You know what I'm working on now is, I mean, just tell me if you're open to it. I would love to draw you nude.

I would love that. Really? Of course. You would be down to pose? I'll model for you. Yeah, sure. Oh, that'd be great. Cause you're, you've such an exquisite body and shape and your penis is, I mean, as you can tell, it just brings so much joy to people. I would love to sketch it. Yeah. So I think first we should just do it in graphite. See how that goes.

Yeah. And then, yeah. Do you want to work off of a photo of me or do you want to just, or you want me to pose? I want you to sit for me. Sit for you. Like in art school, you know, they, they usually pay homeless people $50. I don't know that that's for class. It's true. In San Francisco, Shauna told me that when she was in art school, they pay like homeless people to sit 50 or like students, maybe, maybe not homeless. Yeah.

Yeah, I don't know why they had to be homeless. I don't want to be homeless. But I think that would be a fantastic way for homeless people to make money is to pose for art students. Well, it's a great bit of advice. If you're out there and you're homeless, go to art school. Go to an art school. Right. You're not going to afford art school. You're homeless. Knock or if they don't hear you scream. And then when they're like, what is it? Like, I'm ready to pose.

Oh, stop it. I can't move my forehead. Yeah. It's pretty cool, man. I'm supposed to keep it still. Yeah. Can you imagine you have your homeless mom? Yeah. And they're like, this guy's really hard to draw. He keeps screaming. Milk tits, man of death. And he's got the Tourette's and shit. Sure, yeah.

And I'm sad. I'm a sad hand. Like the milkshake. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Oh, boy. She's fat black. And they're like, okie dokie. Imagine how easy it would be. But they stay still for a long time. That's the good thing. They're used to sitting still. Because, you know what I mean? Are you holding your forehead up? I can't do that.

You think it's going to collapse on you? I'm holding it still. I'm not holding it up. I'm holding it still. Is the skin going to fall down? Yeah, the staples will pop out if I look. I have to keep it stationary. I swear to God, my surgeon told me not to. You're not supposed to do a lot. He was like, don't laugh. No, I ain't getting laughed, but I'm not supposed to bend over or put blood flow to it. That would be crazy right now if blood just started streaming down your face. If we just saw blood trickling from all these open sutures. Ah! Ah!

And we're like, oh, shit. Oh, my God. Because literally, there's staples in my fucking head. Here you are. Google, like, eyebrow lift staples. Oh, Jesus Christ. I swear to God, it's so fucking gnarly. And he won't look at them, and I keep wanting to show you what it looks like. I'm not even sure how the fuck they keep the staples in my skull. Like, it's just on the layer of skin. It's not into my skull. Oh, my God.

Like how the fuck did that guy staple it? There's like a row of staples here and a row of staples here. And I have to put Bacitrin on it or some shit? Here, look at this. That ain't it. Look. That's it. That's what it looks like. Yeah. Isn't that? That is in my head right now. Look at this one over here. Look at this. No, I don't trust you, you fuck. He's going to puke, I know. No, he's not. Yes, he is. No, he's, look, he's fun. The double bird. You fucker.

You're such a fucking, you know, that psycho. You know, you're crazier than me. I'm fucking sure you're crazier than me. You show your wife that's got a metaphobia of barf shit. Well, I'm trying to tell you my medical problems. I didn't put it in. Yes, you did. I did not. Yes, you did. I did not. You told Josh to put it in. I may have. I don't remember. How are they going to take him out? Can you can you because I'm so curious because it's going to hurt, dude. How are they going to rip staples out of my out of my skull?

I don't know. Like, are they going to use like a stapler remover? Yeah, the one from Office Depot. I'm serious. They're going to go to Staples and then they're just going to rip it out. Or Smart and Final. Yeah. Yeah, they're smart. All sales are final. Yep. I think they're going to. That's what I mean. They're in there. I don't know why you didn't let me do the surgery. I could have done it.

I could have done it, dude. Yo, you should see my surgeon's beautiful baby hands. Oh, so soft. Dude, he's got like lady hands. I know. I've shook hands with plastic surgeons. Oh, my God. Wow. Yeah. Literally, his hands are like the tiny hands like mine. Yeah. And softer. Yeah. And nicer. And he's like a regular size dude. Yeah. And like I just, I saw like, yeah. Yeah, I would do this incision here. Well, here's what happened. So first...

I saw him two years. First of all, there was like a year waiting list to get to see this guy. He's like the best of Beverly Hills, right? So I thought I meet with him two years ago.

And he goes, yeah, you've got a lot of skin up here. Do you sleep on the left side? I go, yeah. He goes, I can tell because that side is mashed. He's like, really simple lunch hour procedure. We're just going to trim the skin off your eyelids and stitch them up a week. Take the stitches out. You're fine. And that is a nothing burger. The eyelids don't. That is nothing. Anyway, I haven't seen him in a couple of years because I had cancer. I was supposed to have it done, whatever. And I go see him like a week and a half ago. And he goes, huh.

something's changed. And I was like, yeah, dude, I'm fucking older, fatter, uglier. Of course I'm rotting. I'm decaying. Like, what do you mean? It's been two years. And then he's like, yeah, we're going to, I want to do a brow lift too. And he, and I was like, just please don't make me look like,

How's everybody doing? And he goes, no. He's like, that's everybody's worst fear. I'll never, I won't do that. It's going to be very moderate. And I was like, all right, dude. Yeah. And you're saying, what should I get done? You're saying I should do things? Oh, you need everything. What? You need to go the full, they need to, you know, in fucking Tom Cruise, Mission Impossible, rip that whole face off and then stick it back on tighter. Yeah.

Everything? No. Here's what you need to do. I would do a lower blepharoplasty because your eye bags are pretty heavy. Yep. And then maybe, I don't know, raise the brow a little bit. I don't know because you're a man though. Yeah, I'm a guy. And he does men. Of course. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You should definitely blacken your beard. That'll make you look younger. If you make the beard and the eyebrows black and then you have to get white veneers. Right.

I pull it back like this. Big white teeth. That makes you look so young. It's great to be in Philadelphia. How are you guys doing? You want to hear some jokes? That's going to be me. Get the veneers. Okay. I'm telling you, that looks so nice. Sounds nice. When you're old and you have solid white teeth. Big, huge white teeth. It looks good. Yes.

All right. We're going to take a, well, we're going to wrap it up. Oh, okay. And we'll be back next week and hopefully with a whole new look. A whole new look, dude. We're excited. We'll see. We'll see you guys in two and two. And the deal man. Four. Drove. And the deal man. Four. Drove. And the deal man. Four. Drove. And the deal man.

And he came in four strokes.

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Hey, so fucking fucked up.