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cover of episode The Day I Finally Changed Myself Instead of My Son

The Day I Finally Changed Myself Instead of My Son

2024/10/20
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Calm Parenting Podcast

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Kirk Martin
专注于家庭教育和儿童行为管理的专家,提供实用的策略和脚本来改变家庭和学校中的行为。
Topics
@Kirk Martin : 本期节目探讨了如何应对孩子抵触行为,例如拒绝参加活动。传统方式通常是通过命令、惩罚等方式来改变孩子的行为,但这往往会加剧冲突,并不能解决根本问题。节目中,Kirk Martin 提出了一种不同的方法:关注自身行为,而非试图直接改变孩子行为。他认为,孩子抵触行为的背后往往是恐惧和焦虑,父母应尝试理解孩子内在感受,而非仅仅关注表面行为。父母自身的焦虑和权威感会加剧冲突,因此,父母应尝试控制自身情绪,以同理心和耐心对待孩子。通过与孩子进行有效的沟通,了解孩子行为背后的原因,并给予孩子支持和引导,帮助孩子找到应对焦虑的方法,最终实现和平解决问题。 Kirk Martin: 节目中,Kirk Martin 分享了他自身与孩子互动中遇到的挑战和经验,并以自身为例,说明了这种方法的有效性。他强调,父母应以身作则,以同理心和行动引导孩子,而非简单地命令和控制。通过与孩子一起参与活动,例如一起玩乐高积木,建立亲密关系,并引导孩子找到应对焦虑的方法,例如提前准备,帮助他人等。这种方法不仅能有效解决眼前的冲突,更重要的是,它能帮助孩子学习应对挑战的技能,培养孩子的独立性和自信心,并建立更健康、更和谐的亲子关系。

Deep Dive

Chapters
The episode begins by setting the scene of a common parenting dilemma: a child refusing to go to an activity. The focus is on the parent's reaction and how it escalates the situation.
  • Parents often escalate situations by reacting instead of responding.
  • The only thing a parent can control in such moments is their own behavior.
  • Parents tend to focus on changing their child's behavior rather than their own.

Shownotes Transcript

The Day I Finally Changed Myself Instead of My Son

My son was yelling and refusing to go to hockey practice. I reacted and escalated the situation. Then I decided to do something I’d never done: humble myself. But in reality, it was humiliating. Why was I, as the authority figure “worthy of respect,” the one changing here instead of the kid? I second-guessed myself as you will with these kids. But it ultimately changed that situation…and our relationship. And taught him life skills he uses to this day. 

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