Black Peter - Part One
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patreon.com forward slash Sherlock and Cud. Welcome to the bedroom of John Hamish Watson. This is where our story begins. It's not really, but, you know, this is where I record the intros, so, yeah. Anyway, hi, welcome. This is The Adventure of Black Peter.

It is comprised of three parts. It's bleak and dark and sad. So, yeah, deal with it. All the other info is in the episode description. Let's crack on. Shout out to our Chris. Chris with a K, who has an operation coming up. We're wishing you all the best, Chris. And hi to your sister too. Look at that guy. What guy? On the Vespa in the tank top. Yeah, we're in Rome, John. Well, I know, but...

Come on, it's January. The Italians aren't like you guys. They're outward, expressive, loving, affectionate. Have you ever watched Italian football? You want to see some of their centre-backs, mate. Nothing loving about them. You're recording again. We can't put this adventure out, John. No, yeah, I know. I was just going to provide a wee bit of context. Ciao, everybody. We're in Italia. Have a listen.

Bellissimo! Anyway, enough of that. We're doing a case for the... well, the Catholic Church, basically. Them lot.

Ah, what's it called? My mind's gone blank. What are they called? The Vatican? Vatican. God almighty, John. Oh, keep my voice down with the old blasphemy. You're literally standing outside the Vatican City. How can you forget the name? Anyway, came all this way, expecting to document the adventure, the death of Cardinal Tosca, and turns out the Lord doesn't approve of microphones, so...

Now we're waiting outside for Sherlock to impart his wisdom on the matter. Ooh, here we go. Let's go. Yes, let's. Avanti! What does that mean? Shut up. It means shut up. Aye, no. No, just shut up. All right, mate. Yes, hello.

You speak Italian? Yep.

What's going on? How many languages do you actually speak? I think six, maybe seven. Six or seven? Shh! Sorry. He was not attacked. No.

He had blood coming from his ears and his eyes, not through physical assault or superficial injury. The damage was done on Christmas Day, and I suspect the tumble he took down the stairs was not because he was brutally thrown down them. Yes, yes.

So what happened? There is no killer, no? Well, your killer is a little elderly. He's over 230 years old, in fact, and rather immobile. Only moves a couple of times a year, should the Pope be in good health. But having said that, he's also rather formidable. He's eight feet high, eight feet in diameter, and weighs nine tonnes.

A demon? Nope. A much more welcome resident of St. Peter's Basilica. In the tower, to be exact. Where Cardinal Tosca was on Christmas Day, was he not? You're not being clear. Oh, I'm being as clear as a bell, Your Reverence.

Right, we best be off. But thank you for the case. It's been most enjoyable. And next time the sacred Campanoni rings, I believe on Easter Sunday, make sure there aren't any elderly cardinals in its vicinity. Being in close proximity to sounds over 100 decibels is extremely dangerous, Signor.

The pressure on the human body is enormous, as our late Cardinal has demonstrated. Please, do take care. Watson, Mariana...

Avanti. See, it is Avanti. I didn't say it wasn't. Rightio. Well, we should probably take the earlier flight then. I'll see if it lets me change it on the app. Lovely. Mr. Holmes, we refuse to accept the death of Cardinal Tosca is a great pain to us. To all humanity, Your Reverence, I assure you. For whom the bell tolls, Father.

For whom the bell tolls. Ding dong. My name is Dr John Watson, once of the British Army Northumberland Fusilier Regiment, now a true crime podcaster based in central London. I don't have much experience in criminology, so this is mostly a record of how I met possibly the most brilliant and bizarre person I have ever and will ever know.

Join me as I document the adventures of Sherlock Holmes. You're watching Peter Orwell Carey and I'm talking about where we f***ing go from here. With strategies, systems under my system. A real system for the f***ing people. It would be a real democracy. But this, but this s*** show now.

we have run by these c***s. Because they're the same. Each one the same. And I'm not saying, I'm not... I'm not saying schools and... and the background of these people. I'm saying that these people are bioengineered. Right? Bioengineered. They're all the same people. They're all the same f***ing... And it's bioengineering. Right? And they're rolling that out across the UK. Across the West on a industrial... f***ing industrial scale. You wouldn't... you can't even... And my way...

Is the only way we're gonna survive as a species and not get completely wiped out or worse or worse assimilated assimilated forced into their fucking conformity so they have and I've talked about this before I've talked about this before so they would have eternal power that's what they want that's what they want they want you think I want to be out here in this cabin in my woods I do it because they're listening in my home

They're listening to everything in my house. My family. They're being assimilated. They speak like them. They're contaminated. That's exactly what they are. They're contaminated. Something's got to give. And they ain't going to be f***ing me. Guys, honest. They start looking at me with those eyes. Those dead, brainwashed, synthetic eyes. And that's...

That's an agent of the state, right there, in my home. And I won't hesitate. I won't hesitate. Bang, bang, bang. We will hear from the juror. We will hear from the juror. Thank you. On the charge of attempted murder, we, the jury, find the defendant guilty. Thank you.

Yes, thank you, thank you, and thank you to the jurors and counsel. Mr Wilson, you have been found guilty on the charges presented to the court. We will adjourn and reconvene for a sentence hearing on the 19th at 11am. Thank you very much. Court is adjourned. Well, well, well, well, another one bites the dust. And another win for Sherlock and Coe.

Aren't we great? So great. I think we have to go out this way, then the main entrance a bit. Sure. Do you think... Do I think what? Do you think it's good enough? What's good enough? The case. To publish as an episode. Oh, what? Oh, don't say this now. I'm... I just don't think the case is that, um...

Wilson the Canary trainer. Attempted murder in East London. Come on, this is gold. You really think that? No.

But loads of podcasts put crap out on a weekly basis. It's hard to hurt now. Yeah, great idea, John. Listen to Crap Now, wherever you get your podcasts. Well, I know I'm not that religious, so it's easy for me to point the finger, but this is God's fault, really, isn't it? Sorry, what now? It's bishops and cardinals and all that. They shut me out of recording at the Vatican, so I couldn't do that case, could I?

Now, I tried to get this one in the bag. I even smuggled a microphone into a crown court, for goodness sake. Now you're telling me it's crap. If you really think the case of Wilson the Canary Trainer is worth publishing, then do it. Bollocks. Exactly. Then what are we going to do? We be patient. We do our usual approach. We look for the strange and the unexplained problems. And, yeah. Great. So, we just go about our day-to-day life in the hope that we walk right into a cave. Ow! Sorry. No worries. It's, um... Oh!

Hopkins. Bloody hell. Hello, John. Oh, hey. Stanley Hopkins, right? That's right, yeah. You're not a thingy, a PCSO anymore? No, yeah. Right after the golden Pantsnay, I got a couple of promotions, actually. I'm a sergeant now, so... Hey, nice. Congratulations. Thanks. Yeah, thank you, guys. Oh, you deserve it. That was a great shout on the Pantsnay situation in the first place. Yeah, thanks. Tell Sherlock I said hi. Will.

Will do, mate. We're actually heading back to the flat now, so yeah. Great to see you again. Yes, you too. Duty calls. Course, mate. See ya. He's nice, isn't he? Yeah, and that's so good. About the promotions? Good for him. About time. Community support officer, honestly. Poor sod. What's wrong with that? Oh, you know, it's just a bit...

Blue Peter badge, isn't it? I don't get what you mean. Come on, it's like being a prefect. Or a hall monitor. I was a prefect. And a hall monitor. I am not blown away by that information. What's wrong with that? I don't know, it's just a bit, you know... What, commendable? No. Lame. Oh, shut up. Look, I don't know how it is in Spain, but over here, there's a lot of people that can be very... Very what? Lame.

A very... Oh, you can't park there. Oh, you filled in the blue form. You're supposed to fill in the yellow form. John. Oh, you can't build that there because there's a water vole sanctuary up the road and all the water voles are having therapy for their separation anxiety. Oh, so people that look after things or care about things or don't just go through life looking after themselves. Oh, please. Please what? You're in it for the power. Oh, it sounds like somebody didn't get to be a prefect at school. No, I didn't.

And I didn't want to. Mm-hmm. Sure. I didn't. I happen to be very content with my lot, thanks very much. I don't need power or control or some virtuous status. Oh, so noble. I'm just saying, right? I don't go through life thinking I'm some hero of society. John, there's been a murder. We need you. I'll be right there, Hopkins. Don't worry, Watson is on the case. MUSIC PLAYS

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Enough!

Still further down here. Yep. So the victim lived in this forest, Hopkins? Not quite. His house is back on the B road. So up the track we came down and then left. They own about an acre over there. Then two acres down through here where it stops at the river. And you'll see the takes off part there. In the trees. Yes. That's the scene of the crime. He had a shack, an old hunting lodge really. But he converted it into a bit of a man cave.

And he'd spend, what, the night there? Increasingly, he'd spend more and more time there, yeah. Interesting choice, but OK. And what of him, Peter Carey? Right now, I don't know a great deal, but I've got officers there at the scene that are local to the area. Excellent.

Hello all, and welcome to Woodman's Lee in East Sussex. It is situated on a sort of heathland, well, half-heath, common land type thing, and half-forested. All around us on the horizon and across the heath are these little clumps. Oh, come on, John, what's the word? The copse?

of trees I think that's right I'm feeling pretty confident it is correct lovely and one of the cops round here will be full of cops a cop's full of cops because murder anyway lots of patches of them and we're just coming down a track towards a much thicker forest where as Hopkins just noted the police have taped off the area as a body has been found a body of Peter Carey

Some little fact on where we are. This area where Woodman's Lee is sat is called Ashdown Forest. Medieval hunting ground created after the Norman invasion. For those outside the UK who are unfamiliar with the Norman conquest of England, it wasn't a bloke called Norman. It was actually a bloke called William in 1066. But he did come from Normandy and he took over lots of England and gave us jobs and admin and all that stuff.

which we are still doing to this day very hands-on management approach really annoying but it does mean that we know a lot about that time now i suppose fast forward a few hundred years and henry the eighth is hunting in the area and berlin living up the road so he really was gunning for the local birds hey john sorry yeah murder scene murder scene um yeah it's uh

It's quite a dramatic landscape, but to lighten the mood without jokes about medieval shagging, Ashdown Forest is the inspiration for the Hundred Acre Wood, which is from Winnie the Pooh, for those that didn't know. Could I offer some editorial tips? Mm-hmm. I feel it may be best for a true crime documentary to lean a little further into the murder rather than Anne Boleyn and Winnie the Pooh. Yes, true.

but we haven't seen the body yet neither has Hopkins so why should I speculate anyway across the forest you've got Crowborough lovely little town lots of famous people from there through the years big-name authors and thinkers and Ross Kemp he's there yeah so we're just now coming down a slopey bit and into the thicker trees so

Just bear with me as I clamber down here. Sergeant Hopkins? Hiya, Mike. I've got two inspectors from London with me. Hiya, yeah. Sure, we're still under operating procedure for the scene, Sergeant Hopkins, so I'm going to ask that you perhaps chaperone the two gentlemen. Of course, yeah. Have CSI been? Been and gone for the moment, sir, yeah. And...

The remains? The remains remain, but will be collected at 1200 hours, sir, I believe. Thank you, Mike. Mike, are you local? I am, sir, yes. And are you familiar with Peter Carey? I am indeed. Then I request that you join us inside the cabin. Okay, certainly, sir. It's, er, yeah, we are quite secluded now, in a forest, nothing around, and just this...

little shack, a log cabin. I mean, literally a cabin in the woods. Looking back towards the top path where we've come from, you can still see the victim's house. And this is his land after all, but yeah, it's pretty remote for an outhouse or a home office or something. Let's head inside. Indeed. Mike, lead the way. Okay, so we're going to come through here, gentlemen. Here we go. It's, um, yeah, as you can see, it's...

This is... monstrous. Yeah. Yeah. He's pinned to the wall, Sherlock. He's pinned to the wall. Indeed. How? It's, uh... harpoon through his chest. What in the hell? Sunk deep in the wood of the wall behind him. Pinned like a beetle on a card. Sherlock...

Look at his face. Yes. Frostbite. Frostbite. Peter was a mountaineer. He's had a couple of close calls, actually, in his climbing days, so... He would seem, judging by his face, which is twisted like a lost soul in torment, to be the happier days of his life, officer. It's quite extensive, Frostbite. I've never seen it this bad before. Yeah, they, um...

I shouldn't laugh, it's a bit cruel, but a lot of the locals used to call him Blackbeard because you could see how it's all sort of... Round his jaw, yeah. Yeah, yeah, and then it just became Black Peter. Black Peter. How were you informed of his death, officer? His cabin is rather remote. Who discovered him? His wife did, sir. The family home is just up that way. Um...

Yeah, he didn't come back into the house. She said she would usually expect him in around 2am, something like that. And nobody has touched the interior of this room, is that correct? Correct, sir. His phone case, here, was the only item that was knocked out of place by the wife's forced entry. Yeah, phone case. PC has his initials on it. Yes, and so does this lighter case.

But that doesn't quite correlate, doesn't it? What do you notice, Sherlock? Many things. Could you give us a few off the bat? Start for ten, sort of thing? He's well-dressed. He doesn't smoke, but there's two separate single cigar case lids here and there, along with the lighter. So he was expecting someone. I'm not saying I disagree, but it's just worth noting he was a very troubled...

Lonely man, sir. Sir, I thought you said he was married. No, he was, yeah. How can he be lonely? Well, he preferred to be out here in his cabin. To be honest with you, she preferred that too. I see. Hopkins. Yes? Take a photo of that, please. Of what? The notebook there, on the floor below the window. Okay. Okay.

Is that important? Yes. Why? Because almost everything in here is covered in blood, or at least has been spattered by it. That notebook has not. In fact, if I just pick it up, you see the notepad sat on top of blood. Dried blood too, from the looks of it.

This was left here sometime after the murder. Ah, could that be one of our officers perhaps? Nope. It's a complimentary notepad from an airline. Someone came back in. Right, hold up. The door. The door is splintered here and on the frame too. Yeah, the wife said she had to kick the door in. It was locked. A lock from the inside, yeah? Yes, Sergeant. If you could secure the area right outside that window there...

Make sure the forest floor remains untouched, please, Hopkins. Yep, will do. Watson? Yes, mate? I have a suspicion. Could you confirm it for me? Sure, what's up? Was this man murdered last night? All right, let me see. Yeah, some bloating, slight shades of green, and I smell some purge fluid in the nostrils from the looks of it.

Yeah, Black Peter here has been dead for, I'd say, two days? Yes, I thought the same. Yeah, I'd say not last night, the night before. It was a sunny morning yesterday, and today. There's very little forest cover east of this cabin, so it would have been warm enough to incubate the corpse. Yeah, agreed.

The wife, she said he was gone for just last night, and she checked on him this morning. Then she's lying, officer. Right. Right. We have a few questions for her, then. So do I. Once I have answered some others. Like what? Like, how was a man murdered with a harpoon in a locked cabin? Who did it? And why did they leave a notepad written in Japanese under the window they crawled out of? Oh.

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