After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 1
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So check out Lenovo.com slash Legion. Empowering creators everywhere. You're listening to Comedy Central. When they told us that Jon Stewart was coming back, there was such an air of relief and focus in this studio. One, they're like, thank God we still have all these small suits. We didn't know what to do with it. Thank God we can use these. He's very tiny.

But also, I think, like, we were ready to get started. This year is a dumpster fire, and it's more important than ever. And this building is made to comment on the news, talk about it, find humor in the bullshit, and call out the BS wherever you see it. And John invented it. He built the foundation of this place. And when he walked back in that door, like...

We had a great year without a permanent host, and it was really fun getting to hear so many different voices and so many talented people. But I think John came in and was like, "I'm gonna do this one day a week." And I think the rest of the news team was like, "Hell yeah, we got your back. We are honored and excited to be here. There's no better place, no other place I'd rather be than right here at this desk." And I think, like, you have a team that has got eyes focused on this next election and ready to go.

- No. - Somebody actually wanted to audition to be on the show as a correspondent. - Let me see what happened with me was I was doing shitty open mics in Australia and then Trevor asked me to audition for it. So if you can find Trevor, I think he can help you.

- Anyone else got any questions? Anyone else have any questions? Questions that are not like job offers, please. Yeah, in the back there. Yeah, move it. - If you were a kitchen utensil, which one would you-- - What the ? I'd rather you ask me for a job.

I don't know, potato peeler. I don't know. What's the least, most useful? Over there, yeah. - Do you think that you coming to New York affected your comedy and everything rather than going to LA or something? - Oh yeah, hell yeah. Hell yeah, definitely, for sure. New York, I actually, when I first got my,

Visa, I went to LA. My agent told me to come to LA and do pilot season. And that's an industry term for everyone. There's one guy in the industry laughing already. Yeah, my agent said, hey, come to LA, do a pilot season. Pilot season means you go into audition room with 20 Asian dudes who look like you.

who all went to Yale drama school and they were auditioning for "Psychic 2" on whatever. And I was in that. I was in that for one, I did that one time. As in, I was in that season one time and I knew like, man, I'm not gonna out act all these actual trained, talented people. The only thing I can do with my limited skill set is go to New York and be a huge asshole. And it worked out a lot better. So New York, definitely. New York is, yeah, New York for life.

Most memorable guests like so far in conversation that you've had over the years is just both of you for a long time so kind of for both of you it's a question. The most memorable. I right when I started the show we had glorious dynamite on

And she was walking through the hallways and for whatever reason she didn't know where to go. I don't know. She was just walking around by herself. And she popped into the edit that I was in and she goes, does anyone know where I'm supposed to go? And I was like, I do. And I just started the job so I didn't know where to take her. So I

And then there were just the two of us aimlessly walking around back hallways. But it was just so-- it was such a cool moment to actually get to see her and meet her in person. Who's yours? Well, I remember that moment that I, as a man, stepped in and was like, you ladies look lost. Yeah. I was a dude, Gloria Steinem. Come over here.

I would say one of the fun-- it's such a small little building, and you see guests wandering around all the time. I remember Paul McCartney was here. And I know, have you heard him? From the Eagles, great, great musician.

-Love the Eagles. -Love the Eagles. But he came on, and he was one of the few guests where we were sort of told internally, -"Don't be in the hallways." -Yeah. 'Cause sometimes you can find yourself in the hallway bumping into people and be like, "Oh, hey, President Clinton. I want to say hi." And so McCartney, they're like, "Stay in your edit bays." And I remember hearing Paul McCartney walk through the hallway singing as he does. We get it. We get it.

And nobody interrupted with him. He went out, he did his piece, and I was editing a piece in an edit bay, and he came off the show, and he walked through, and I saw the back of my, out of the corner of my eye, the door was open, I saw McCartney walk by, and then he came into our edit bay. He turned around, walked into our edit bay, and he was like, so what's this? What are you guys playing with?

What are you fucking around with here? What is this? What are you doing? What are you doing? Did he give notes? Well, immediately we jumped into bits. Like, I don't know. This music in here sucks. What do you want to do? And he started playing the game of making fun of everything in there. And you realized-- I realized in that moment, it was like, he just wanted to play. Like, he shows up to places, this creative, fun guy. And the world, like, shuts down around him, not to bother Paul McCartney. But he was just like this element of joy that walked through the space that just wanted people to play with him.

And so we told him to get the fuck out and that was it. Yeah. Never call him again. Haven't heard from him since. What do you think are the three to five biggest issues facing the president-elect and what should we be looking at? Well, I mean, the biggest issues... I mean, obviously, we...

I would. I would love... I'd love them to do some boring things. I think term limits would be amazing right now. I think I'd like them to functionally focus on ways in which we could break this divided quagmire we are in. You can talk about the big issues, like, we're a divided country, all this. All that stuff is true. I think a big problem we have is the way we are set up is a f***ing problem. And you have people trying to get into office and stay there forever. It's not a lifetime job. People should be doing that job for a couple years in the house. Do it for six years, get the hell out.

Supreme Court, do it for 12, let somebody else come in. I think we should be... We should talk about ways in which we can rework this that is more a reflection of the modern political environment that allows more ideas to come in and less stagnation. So whatever we can do to focus on that, I think, is hugely important. And then secondarily, I'm always...

always so flabbergasted that we can't do anything about gun violence in this country. And you watch the news today, before we come out here, there's another goddamn shooting. And I think, yet again, we know what we're going to see. And so I think there's issues like that that are so... If there is ever a need for a government to step in and protect its citizens...

It's on issues like that where we see people, harmless people being attacked by careless people who aren't given enough, whether it's mental health and security, but are also given weapons of war and put in places that they shouldn't be. And if we don't have a society that can look at that issue and put any partisan bickering aside and try to...

and help kids who are scared to go to school, then, like, what help do we have in balancing a budget? Like, I think there's basic things for... If you want... If you want this... this community and citizens to believe that government can actually do something for it, that it can be effective in your lives, like, you have to take care of the most vulnerable, and you have to stop being a dipshit who's worried about getting reelected and be a human who's worried about saving a kid. We're trying to zip a restaurant in New York. We're looking for a potty restaurant.

- Party restaurant. - Party restaurant, okay. - Wait, what? Yeah, first of all, what's a party restaurant? - You mean like party restaurant or like what kind of? Usually when people ask me this, the first question is do you want white people food or Asian food? That's the first. - Asian. - Asian, okay. You don't have to point to your Asian friend when you say that. That's fine. You can like Asian food without pointing out Asian people. That's fine.

So you want Asian, then that means you want rice, so you want noodles. Noodles, okay, then go to Weila. Go to what? Weila, Weila. Weila? Yeah, Weila. It's a great restaurant in Chinatown. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. You're not going to go, so don't worry about it. In Chinatown, there's a restaurant called Weila. You're not going to go. Don't worry about it. It's the best. Like, I can't get in? No, no. I'm going to say it. You're going to go, oh, that sounds nice. You're never going to go, so don't worry about it.

You're going to go eat pizza outside in time-- because-- Time Square is the best pizza. You've got to go to-- yeah, if I get one recommendation, go to Time Square. Spend the rest of your time at Time Square. Eat the pizza in Time Square. You'll have a blast. It's a classic New York. Yeah, P.F. Chang's is great. Did you know that?

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No. No.

No, I don't think that's something I've gotten super close to. I will say, though, in the last piece that we did, we went down to South Carolina and we talked to a woman who was there on January 6th. She got arrested for being inside, spent 60 days in jail, and she came out and she changed her opinion. And it was... Give her a round of applause. Great. And now you guys just clap for an insurrectionist. See how easy it is? Wow.

And so it was good to talk to her. I think, like, she was somebody, and I did ask her, I was like, I don't run into many people who feel like they've been through it and then come out on the other side. And she said, I think, jail shook her.

And I think she started doing her own research, as she said, and a couple of these things didn't line up, and she felt like she was taken in. And so she felt it was her duty to come out to this Trump rally and talk to people about what she'd been through. They weren't necessarily great at listening to her, but there's a little glimmer of hope in there. Yeah, up in the back. Do you think that anything will convince them otherwise? Anything will convince them otherwise? Here's what I think. Changing somebody's mind is...

hard to do. And I think if you are approaching something like, "I want to change their mind," you ain't going to get anywhere. I think the problem we have right now is a crisis of certainty. I talk to everybody on all sides who are very certain about their beliefs. And if you actually want somebody to see something that they haven't seen before and cross that divide into believing something else, they have to acknowledge that they have a sense of uncertainty.

If they're being approached by somebody else, you have to acknowledge that you have a sense of uncertainty as well. And so I think in order to change somebody's mind, you have to be a bit of a loser to begin.

That sounds strange, but you have to concede something to get anywhere. And so is it gonna happen on a TV show? Doubtful. But with friends and family, there's an opportunity. One, because there is a connection there and hopefully some love, although I know it's been a hard few years. But I think if you can approach that not from a place of judgment and from a place of uncertainty, concede something that you don't know,

Because guess what? You are probably a lot like me, and you wish you were as certain about the things that you want to be, but you had to put up these guards because people are coming at you with knives all the time, and it feels like the other side is so dangerous, and in many cases, they are. But if you can't relate to them like another human being and say, I, too, am uncertain about some of these things, then you will never reach them as a human being in asking them to come over to a side of better understanding. So I think our only option...

Is a step towards concession. Yeah? Sure. January 6th was a funny time. I mean, I will tell you a funny January 6th story. I was there on January 6th, working, to be clear.

And I had four security guards with me, because I'm a comedian, and it's 2020, and that's what you do nowadays. Uh, and I talked to a man who was swinging a pitchfork, uh, and he was ranting about revolution. I'm talking to this man. With security, we all come around. I talked to this man about swinging a pitchfork, and as I'm interviewing him, we're interrupted by another man who's screaming obscenities at us. And Obscenity Man gets shushed by Pitchfork Man.

who said, "You do not speak for me," leaving me grateful to the more level-headed man swinging a pitchfork. And I swear, I swear, we made eye contact, and he rolled his eyes as if to say, "Could you believe this ?" Here's where I have an issue with the pizza debate, is Jon Stewart comes on the show, and he's a lovely guy, right? He is the loveliest 4'2" person you're ever gonna meet.

Very insightful. He has a lot of insightful things about the way of the world. But where he's wrong is on his pizza, his vitriol for Chicago-style pizza. I will say, as somebody from the Midwest who spent a decade in Chicago, you need to understand and appreciate that there are different types of pizza, and the Chicago style is deep, a different experience. Sometimes you want to go deeper into something. LAUGHTER

Sometimes you want to spend time moving through it. You want to work your muscles trying to get through the cheese, the mozzarella, all of the sauce at the time. Sometimes you want to eat it and then feel like you're going to defecate yourself at any moment. Sometimes that experience you want to go through. And I-- so I hold Chicago pizza in high regard at the same time as holding New York pizza in high regard. And I think as a society, we need to get to a point where we can enjoy all those types of pizzas.

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