Elon Calls Trump's BBB "Disgusting Abomination" & FEMA Chief Learns About Hurricanes | WNBA Champion Candace Parker
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This is an iHeart Podcast. You're listening to Comedy Central. From the most trusted journalists at Comedy Central, it's America's only source for news. This is The Daily Show with your host, Michael Kosta. I'm Michael Kosta. Wow.

The head of Social Security learns what Social Security is. Tulsi Gabbard tries to turn terror threats into must-see TV. And racism joins the Mile High Club. So let's check in with the best cabinet ever in another installment of The Worst Wing. What a bunch of losers.

One of the most heartwarming stories of the Trump administration so far has been the beautiful friendship between Donald Trump and Elon Musk, two men who had previously never had a friend. But today, that friendship got doged. You're going to want to hear about this. Breaking moments ago, Elon Musk speaking out in a big way on the big, beautiful bill. He took the X a short time ago, writing, quote,

I'm sorry, but I just can't stand it anymore. This massive, outrageous, pork-filled congressional spending bill is a disgusting abomination. Shame on those who voted for it. You know you did wrong. You know it. Chainsaw!

Oh, no, not my two favorite people fighting. Don't make me choose who I love more. But yes, Elon is worried that Trump's bill will raise the deficit too high. And when Elon is worried about something getting too high, you know it's too high. And he may be right, but Elon has to be careful. You come out that hard against Trump's central legislative achievement, you're going to be the first white person to get deported.

But while you're shaming supporters of this bill, be sure to save a little shame for yourself, Elon. You're the one who spent $288 million getting Trump elected. You even showed hole to support him. Now, granted, the hole was a belly button, but still, hole is hole. But let's move on. Hole is hole. Let's move on to the Federal Emergency Management Agency, or FEMA, if you're nasty.

FEMA is always ready to come to the rescue, no matter what sort of disaster that mega bitch Mother Nature throws at us, like wildfires, tornadoes, sharknados, horny dolphinnados. Those are the worst. But it turns out not everyone at FEMA is as prepared as they should be. FEMA staff were apparently caught off guard on Monday when the disaster agency's new acting leader told them that he was previously unaware that the U.S. had a hurricane season. The head of FEMA? Yeah.

Doesn't know what hurricane season is? I would expect Trump to hire someone who's not qualified to handle hurricanes, but to not even know when they come? I mean, it's almost like Trump picks his cabinet the way you select a jury. Do you have any opinions on hurricanes? Have you ever heard of hurricanes? No? Great. You're hired.

This guy's the head of the emergency management agency. He doesn't know about hurricane season? There's only like three emergencies in life you really need to know. There's hurricanes, wildfires, and when you're taking out the garbage and it starts dripping from the bottom of the bag. Those are only life's emergencies. But if that comment freaks you out, you're not alone. The administration had to come out and say, ah, psych, I was joking. A spokesperson for the Department of Homeland Security tells CNN that the comment was made in jest...

Sure, it was a joke. It's a joke. You know, that reminds me of the time I, as a joke, shit my pants. And... It was so funny to do that on that airplane. Everyone was laughing and loving it. Let's say he was actually joking about being a total dumbass. That doesn't make it better. The head of FEMA is a serious job. I don't want my EMTs to be like, okay, now, where do I push to make the heartbeat again? Yeah.

Just kidding. I got it. Hey, wake up. So the head of FEMA is either an idiot who never heard of hurricane season or just an idiot. We may never know. But another new Trump appointee has been very clear about the fact that he has no idea what he's doing.

In a new audio recording, Social Security Commissioner Frank Bisignano reveals that he had no idea what the job entailed when it was offered to him. First of all, can you Google how to clear your throat, maybe?

I mean, how do you not know what the commissioner of Social Security does? He's the one who, you know, hands out the championship trophy at the end of the Social Security season. But don't. Yeah, you knew that. But don't worry. Don't worry, because he's one of the great Googlers. Now, not in the whole country, just the East Coast. But that's still a big population area.

It's pretty cool that the guy who's in charge of a $1.2 trillion agency is using the same tool I use to look up the name of the one black guy in Maroon 5. What up, Peach? Now, at this point, you might be asking yourself, does anyone in this cabinet even know what their job is? Well, based on what Education Secretary Linda McMahon has been up to...

Still no. Education Secretary Linda McMahon weighed in on Long Island's continuing mascot battle. She was in Massapequa yesterday. It's one of 13 districts fighting to keep Native American school nicknames and mascots. The state says if the mascots are not changed by June, funds will be withheld.

But McMahon says the ban violates civil rights because names and mascots of other racial and ethnic groups are still allowed. We reserve the right to turn over this investigation to the Department of Justice because that's how serious we are about this. Great use of your time, Education Secretary. China's schools are producing a million engineers a minute, but it's okay because our students will know how to do the tomahawk chop.

Look, we can't keep having endless disputes about Native American mascots, especially when every mascot in Philly is clearly addicted to cocaine. I mean... The fanatic... The fanatic is, like, perfectly designed... Anyway, see, look. Either we don't allow mascots at all anymore, or every mascot is an offensive ethnic stereotype, including white people. How about that? You know, the drunken Irish. Okay? The, uh... The horny Italians. Okay?

The emotionally unavailable British. That kind of thing. The point is, when it comes to mascots, you can't make both liberals and conservatives happy unless all the Native American mascots are trans. And then everybody gets something. Now, let's move on to Tulsi Gabbard, director of national intelligence and woman who gives Snow White the poison apple and big...

The audience loves Tulsi Gabbard. She's in charge of the president's daily brief, which is where the intelligence agencies gather all the top secret information they need to goad the president into a war with Iran. Excuse me, to defend our national interests. Of course, the problem with giving Donald Trump a PDB to read is that reading's not really his thing. From inauguration till the end of May, he had had, according to his public schedule, 14 PDBs.

14 PDB since inauguration? What the hell? It's the daily brief. Daily means you're supposed to get it every day. Like, we're the daily show, and we're on the air four days a week. That's a bad example. That's a bad example. That's a bad example. Even President Biden had read 90 of them at this point, although, to be fair, it was really just 45. They had to read them to him twice, but...

Obviously, the president not having a grasp of national security is a huge problem, but luckily, Tulsi Gabbard has a solution. -Tulsi Gabbard is considering bringing on a Fox News producer and a network personality to present the briefing, tailoring it to how the president actually prefers to consume information, by watching Fox News. -Look, I love how Trump's people are like, "We got to cut government spending," and also, "We need $10 million for a fake TV show because the president can't read."

Now, obviously, converting the brief into a Fox News broadcast won't be easy. To make it realistic, you have to cast someone who's had sexual harassment allegations. Then you're going to need to find time for the three dozen ads for catheters. But still, at least Tulsi Gabbard is thinking outside the box here. And finally, we can get some Fox News people in the White House. Aside from the Secretary of Transportation and...

The Secretary of Defense and the Border Czar, the Deputy Director of the FBI, the Deputy Special Envoy for Middle East Peace, the Senior Counsel to the Assistant Attorney General for Civil Rights, the U.S. Attorney for the District of Columbia, and the Ambassador to Greece. Oh, f***, I missed my kid's birthday. But look, I'm glad that Tulsi's trying something new, although knowing Donald Trump,

There is one other format that might work better than imitating Fox News. Hello, Mrs. Stepmom. I have an extra large package for you. Oh, my. So big. Almost as big as the recent rocket deployment in the Kashmiri region. Oh, God. That's so dangerous. It could mean war. No, seriously. People could die.

We need to move assets out of the region and have a SEAL team on standby ready to launch an incursion. Yeah, I'm about to launch an incursion so freaking deep. Let me get out of this hot robe. I think this area needs a little special attention. It's a real hot zone full of sectarian violence that threatens to explode without a meaningful peace process. God, that's not the only thing that's about to explode.

Yeah. There's also reports of Shahab II short-range ballistic missiles like this held by guerrilla groups. Show me where. There? Yes. About here. Yes, right there. Yeah, right there. Yes, yes. We have reports of an ISIS sleeper cell in Dallas. Wait, we're in Dallas. Oh, no. I have to wear my hot steps on. When we come back, we'll find out how to calm down white passengers on planes. Don't go away.

Welcome back to The Daily Show. Since taking office, President Trump has dismantled DEI, because not only did it ruin the Little Mermaid, but it's been responsible for 100% of all plane crashes.

They want to put black women in the cockpit because they want to inspire more black women. Meanwhile, pay no attention to the planes plummeting towards the ocean or smashing into the runway, which is happening right now. If I see a black pilot, I'm going to be like, boy, I hope he's qualified. DEI, diversity, equity, inclusion nonsense, really should be called DIE. Die because lives are at risk. Or D...

Or D-I-E for Daddy Issues to the Extreme. Because that's what I got. Dad, if you see this, call me.

But for those customers still nervous that diverse employees aren't qualified for the positions, a new service is here to ease their minds. Hey, airlines, are your passengers uncomfortable with the look of your pilots? D.I. Then you need white flight, a revolutionary new service offering racial support pilots. Sign up and your diverse pilots will be given one of our white flight stand ins.

passengers will be reassured by a handsome Caucasian pilot with a penis. He'll give everyone peace of mind. Wow, a white pilot gave me a pin. When the flight begins, your white flight pilot will control his video game. Check this out. I'm about to clear this level. While the actual pilots fly the plane. That's not easy. Need to make an announcement? Our special PA attachment will put your passengers at ease.

Folks, this is your captain Dirk Montana. We're dealing with some bumps here, but I just want to reassure you I can name all five members of the Dave Matthews band. First off, we got Carter. We're going to be OK. Upon landing, your passengers will feel relaxed and grateful. Thanks so much for getting us here safe. It's been a privilege. A white privilege.

Because of that. White Flight Racial Support Pilots. Also available in firefighter, boat captain, and surgeon. Don't worry, I'm okay. And he's out. You're up. Good luck with all the blood and gut stuff. When we come back, Candace Parker will be joining me on the show. Don't go away.

Welcome back to The Daily Show. My guest tonight is a three-time WNBA champion, a two-time Olympic gold medalist and sports commentator. Her new book is called The Can-Do Mindset. Please welcome Candice Parker. Whoo! Whoo!

Don't you love hearing your stats? Don't you love that? Three-time WNBA, NCAA champion, league MVP. I mean, how much of that is the can-do mindset? How much of that is just...

you're really good at basketball. Well, I'm grateful for my parents and instilling that mindset in me. But sometimes I have to tell people when they're like, man, can you believe you played basketball? I was like, well, I am six foot four. So I was like, I think that had a little bit to do with it, but it's definitely where I come from. The mindset instilled in me as a kid. And I grew up with two older brothers that I idolize more than anything, even now. So I'm just super grateful for that. You know,

One of your nicknames growing up was Can Do. That sets you up for success. People used to call me Michael Pasta. What does that set me up for? Yeah, I have to give a nod to my mom. It's her birthday today, actually. Oh, boy.

And it's crazy. Growing up, Candace, short can, you know, whatever. And then my mom extended it to can do because she saw... You know, sometimes I looked at the shadows of my brothers and was, like, a little bit overwhelmed. My older brother is a professional NBA basketball player. He played 10 years. Actually played with somebody you might know, LeBron James, for a couple years. And then my middle brother, he's, like, the black sheep of the family. He's a doctor. So...

I grew up with two older brothers that just from a very early age knew they wanted to be great. And so my mom would say can do became my mantra and it became something, whether I was hitting big free throws or whether I was trying to ace a test, whatever it was. And so it just became something I would tell myself. And then in writing this book, it became an acronym, um, community, authenticity, negativity, the dash, which is the journey and, you know, seizing opportunity and creating it.

I love this. I'm glad you mentioned your siblings. I, the youngest of four, my siblings are just such a foundational part of my life. And hearing you talk about watching your older brothers have success and their mindset, I think more should be discussed about how important siblings are. And that relationship with siblings can mean so much.

And I assume they're still in your life and you're still supporting each other with the same level of enthusiasm. You know, what's crazy is our family, we grew up just supporting one another. And, you know, being the youngest, like you have to fight for everything. I mean, like the last chicken wing on the table you're fighting for, whatever it was. But I wanted to be just like them. And as a little girl, I'm grateful for my parents not shrinking me because I was a girl.

not telling me I couldn't do things because I was a girl. And as a result, I mean, sometimes I tell the story in the book about how I was three. I went to the park. Uh, my brothers took their shirts off and I took my shirt off. My dad was like, my dad was like, you can't do that. And I was like, but it's can do like, right. I can't, I can't do that. Exactly. Uh,

You know, my brother would kick the shit out of me. But then if someone else said something negative about me, it was on. And I still think about that, even though I can kick his ass right now. You got the mic, too. I got the mic. I got the mic. You played in the WNBA for 16 seasons. That's a lot. You finished up last year. One time. Yeah. One time. One time.

You know, you're honest in this book, which I love. There's a lot of humor in this book as well. But one of the things that as a tennis player and enthusiast...

Hearing you talk about playing in the WNBA early on, and it was sponsored by Holiday Inn Express. Yes. And you're staying in Holiday Inn Express, and some of the games are being played in almost high school-like gyms. It reminded me of Billie Jean King and how much she fought for almost no money at the time, sacrificed her athletic ability and efforts, but now the women are getting huge money. Now, it's not necessarily as much as the men, but...

How can we celebrate how far the WNBA has come and also celebrate

still be eager to grow it it's so interesting when i think society sometimes like limits growth and for a long time we looked at women's sports as like a charity and it's not and i think now people are seeing it as a business yeah and as a result of the pioneers like the billy jean kings and the cheryl millers and in all of them and so for me to look at the wmba today i think it's

The game has grown for sure. The players have become more skilled, and it's more of a positionless basketball. But honestly, it's the visibility. Like, now you can find it. You know the players. You identify with them. You root against your rival. Like, I grew up a Bulls fan. I didn't like the Pistons because we didn't like them. Like, that's just what it was, you know? And so I think now when you establish that, you're able to fall in love with the stories, then that's where real growth happens, and we're seeing that in the WNBA now.

Caitlin Clark, I think we looked it up today, is making $78,000 a year, which is insane because they're literally moving games to bigger venues because she's selling so many tickets. Yeah, and that's up for my rookie year. That's growth for my rookie year, just to tell you. In a few years when she's on the free market, that's going to be a huge contract. Is the WNBA, is it about to take off even more?

I'll say this. In five years, I truly believe... I'll say five to ten. I think there will be a WNBA franchise that will be worth a billion dollars. I love that. That's great. You used to have to go play overseas to make...

more money. That's a very common endeavor that all players would have to do. It was now because of leagues like unrivaled players are able to stay home. But I played six years in Russia. I played two years in China and I played one year in Turkey. I mean my daughter I had my daughter when I was 23 years old. So we kind of grown up together.

And with that being said, the world has been her playground. So she went to school in Russia. I mean, are Russians huge basketball fans? What's crazy is the number one club over there. I mean, we had chefs, we had drivers, we flew private. We had, I mean, these diamonds are from Russia. There we go. But it's one of those things. Suck it, Putin. Ha ha ha!

It's one of those things where basketball over there is a big deal, and they were able to kind of drive the game forward because they were able to pay the type of contracts that I think the players deserved. Yeah. I don't think enough. I'm really thankful in the book you have a lot of pictures of you in a cast. Yes. And you also have this great head-to-toe picture and a listing of all your different injuries, including total foot reconstructive surgery. Yes.

I don't think enough people watching at home as we eat potato chips, watching our athletes and criticizing them to understand the physical toll that our bodies take. Excuse me, real professional athletes' bodies take. The reason I was about to say it was you talk about how your kids know that mommy has bad knees. Yes. And my daughters know that my back is bad, but I don't have a gold medal to point to. Talk a little bit about that.

physical toll and how are we doing now? Oh my goodness. Yeah, 10 knee surgeries, two foot surgeries, one shoulder surgery. So I've had my fair share of injuries. And I'll say this, I think the toll it takes to play at a high level, I always look at the years, but really to me it's the mileage. Right.

And I think, you know, every athlete knows that feeling of getting out of the bed midseason. And to be honest with you, the reason why I retired, I was going to try to come and come and come back and play a 17th year. But the reason I retired was just because it was I was like activating to activate.

You know, like you wake up and you're like, okay, I got to get out of bed. I got to stretch. Okay, then I got to go to practice. But you got to activate to then do the pre-practice and the cold tubs and things like that. And so it just got to be too much. And so my kids now will look at my scars. And, you know, my daughter remembers, but my sons don't remember. And so they know mommy's bad, you know, got a bad back and can't do the swings at the park. But, you know, overall, I'm, you know, I'm healthy and I keep trying to stay active.

As an athlete at your level for so many years, you know, the public cares. The public sees your results. You win, you lose. It's on the ticker down below. But that's gone now. That's done now. And now, you know, is it hard to transition to nobody gives a shit about what you're doing day to day? It's really true. I mean, that's a really challenging part for athletes. Here's what I will say. I've had some amazing role models. I really would challenge anyone.

to love the game of basketball more than me. I think that I grew up in a city, and I say that, and I evolved as a basketball player in Los Angeles, seeing Kobe Bryant play. Sure. I think he might rival me in somebody that loved basketball more than me. And to watch him seamlessly transition into being an author...

And, you know, the time that he spent with his family. I think not only did he inspire me on the court and what he did in between the lines, but off the court and how I wanted to kind of plan for the transition. Because it really is like athletes die twice. It really is. But, I mean, your competitiveness is unparalleled. Well, it's like now it's dominoes. Like, I'm like, ah! You know what I mean? You bring it all the way back. Yeah.

Are you, you know, are you like dunking on your kids? Listen, I'm like smacking their shot. There's no easy layups. I'm like, I'm crazy on the Peloton. So like crazy on the Peloton and pedals by Patty almost got me the other day. She did not get me.

So it's just anything I can find competition in. I think my wife and kids are sick of me because it's like, you want to play dominoes? You want to play spades? Like, what are we doing? Right, you want their competitive void there. Yeah, I really need to fill that. I mean, Tom Brady retired for two weeks. He was a parent for two weeks, and he was like, f***, I got to go back.

Look, you write beautifully about coaches in here. In particular, your coach at Tennessee, Pat Summitt. And I would love if the rest of us can steal from you or even steal from her something that you could share with us that would help us all, something that she instilled in you. And also not just Pat Summitt because there's other coaches and athletes' lives that aren't just winning national championships, but

Please share your wisdom of all the coaches that you've worked with. Coach Summit was not only a coach, she was an educator and she was a leader of women. And I say that in, I think we grew up, my family grew up, I'm with my parents always saying that bosses push and leaders pull. Leaders get to where they want their team to go and they take them there. And Coach Summit never asked of us what she wouldn't do herself. And so I'm super grateful for

even though she's passed on, to still be learning lessons from her. And it comes to life in everything I do, whether I'm parenting, whether I'm being a teammate, working on television, whatever it is, it comes out. How as a parent? Well, as a parent, you know, we like to say... I make my kids run suicides, but it doesn't seem to change their behavior. Yeah.

As a parent, we like to say a lot of things, but I really think they're watching. And so a role model really doesn't just, it's not do as I say, it's do as I do. And so my daughter has allowed me the opportunity to look in the mirror and really, you know, have to hold true to some of the things I say. And Coach Summitt was the best at that.

I think it's what you do and how you honor someone. My youngest son is named after her. It's Heart Summit after Coach. And, you know, my goal is to continue to keep her legacy alive because she was one of the greatest coaches, male or female, that has ever lived. I love the way you wrote about her. Thank you.

I heard in a different interview you did that one of the things that you mentioned about Pat Summitt was making eye contact. And it is wild that we have to learn that and instill that because, man, some of the kids you talked to today, it's, you know, it's... And I was like, wow, that is some real shit right there. And I want to just say, during this interview...

We've had really strong eye contact. We have. You've done a great job. That is something that Coach Summitt would be very proud of. But listen, if you didn't stare at her crystal blue eyes, you were running suicides. So I learned to look her in the eye. Fear is an important motivator. Yes, it is. Thank you very much for coming. The Can Do Mindset is available. Candice Parker, we'll be right back after this. You're the best. That's our show for tonight.

Before we go, are you not seeing yourself represented in your local government? Then take matters into your own hands and be the leader that you've been waiting for. Go to the link below to learn more from our friends at Headcount about running for office. Now, here it is, your moment of zen. Does the White House have a reaction to the results of the election in South Korea? Yes, we do. In fact, let me find it here for you. It should be somewhere in here. Thank you.

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