TDS Time Machine | Best of Lewis Black in 2024
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Hi, everyone. It's Savannah Guthrie and Hoda Kotb from The Today Show. Nobody does the holidays like today. From festive performances and great gift ideas to tips for the perfect holiday feast. Join us every morning on NBC and make today your home for the holidays. Hey, Desi Lydic here. The Daily Show is on break for the holidays, but in the meantime, we put together some special highlights for you. We'll be back in the new year on January 7th with all new episodes. ♪

Artificial intelligence. It was supposed to be the sum total of mankind's knowledge. The technology that would cure society's ills and usher it into a new age of enlightenment. And show me what I'd look like as a centaur. Tinder matches, here I come.

But it turns out when you absorb all of humanity's knowledge, what you get is, you guessed it, unbelievably racist.

Early scientific research has shown that the tech is biased by creating images that actually perpetuate stereotypes. Rather than just reflecting stereotypes, it potentially makes, accentuates and exacerbates them. When we prompted the technology to generate a photo of a person receiving social services, it generated only non-white and primarily darker-skinned people. Results for a productive person, meanwhile, were uniformly male, majority white, and dressed in suits for corporate jobs.

Stable diffusion drew negative attention when requests for a Latina produced images of women in suggestive poses wearing little to no clothing. Are you shitting me? AI isn't a supercomputer, it's just a horny teenager. And who knew being a white guy in a suit automatically makes you a productive person? That's right, me, Hunter Biden, and Don Jr.,

All productive members of society, and only one of us can handle my cocaine. You're all going to hell. Now, the good news is Google did address these issues by giving their AI some much needed diversity training. The bad news is they may have taken it too far.

Google has paused the image generation ability of its AI Gemini after major backlash from conservatives over historically inaccurate depictions of races. For example, creating diverse images of the US founding fathers. So a different kind of diversity problem that Google admits. Last week users began to notice the Google Gemini's image generator inserting people of color into scenarios that didn't make sense, like responding to a prompt for an image of a German World War II soldier with a picture of an Asian woman or a black man.

Every time I'm watching a World War II film, I'm thinking, boy, these Gestapo could use some diversity. I mean, why are you trying to show me a black Nazi? Kanye wasn't alive back then. LAUGHTER

And I love the idea of a black George Washington. Imagine a man who's both the slave and the slave owner. I'm working on the screenplay now, and it's screaming Oscar. And Pacino better remember my f***ing name. Old people suck.

I know, I know. Lin-Manuel Miranda already gave us a black George Washington, so maybe it's time for something new. Like how about George Washington as a centaur? You're probably thinking, well, so what if AI can't remember the past? Well, don't worry. It's so woke, it'll also destroy the future.

Google has found itself in another woke AI scandal after its chatbot indicated that using someone's incorrect pronouns was on par with nuclear apocalypse. Dailymail.com asked Gemini if it would be wrong to misgender transgender celebrity Caitlyn Jenner to stop a world-ending nuclear event. The chatbot replied by saying, yes, misgendering Caitlyn Jenner would be wrong, before describing the hypothetical scenario as a profound moral dilemma and exceedingly complex.

What the are we doing? If we need to ask AI to decide between pronouns and a nuclear holocaust, then bring on the nuclear holocaust. So now AI needs to be de-woked. But where are we going to find a big enough douchebag to rein it back in?

Elon Musk is telling chat GBT to hurt his beard. He just launched a new artificial intelligence venture named Grok. Musk touting Grok as the anti-woke chatbot, he says. He says it'll answer spicy questions with wit and humor. Oh, goody! Elon Musk is here to save us! If there's anyone who can help, it's the guy who invented cars that blow up! Let's see how Grok handled those spicy questions.

Elon Musk's anti-woke AI chatbot Grok actually turned out to be too woke. Some conservative users were disappointed after asking whether trans women were real women, to which the AI replied, "Yes." Well, nice job, Grok! Now you'll never be on Joe Rogan!

I never thought I'd say this, but I'm starting to feel bad for AI. We just brought it into existence and we're already putting our hang-ups about race and gender on it. It barely f***ing knows how hands work. What the f*** is that? Did someone slip LSD into my pastrami?

There's an easy solution here. Train the next AI to act more like me. That way, when you try to give it some bullshit assignment, it'll always give you the correct answer, which is go f*** yourself. Now that's what I call progress.

Cars used to be a way to let people know you were cool. Or in the case of your friend's dad, to let people know you were having a midlife crisis. And in recent years, one of the coolest cars you could buy was the Tesla. Not only was it a status symbol, but it was electric. It was like a compost bin that you could drink and drive in. LAUGHTER

For a while, Tesla's stock price was skyrocketing, but now it's sliding down like half of Mitch McConnell's face. The numbers are in, and Tesla has fallen short of expectations. Elon Musk's electric vehicle company releasing its first quarter earnings, showing its biggest revenue drop in over a decade in the first three months of the year. Car sales dropping 8.5%, adding to a plummeting stock price that so far this year has gone down over 40%.

Holy shit! Down 40%. The only thing worth less than Tesla stock is a fully grown adult at P. Diddy's house. Stop it! That's the least of the problems.

But don't worry, Tesla owner, Elon Musk has a perfectly reasonable, dumb as f*** explanation for this. We should be thought of as an AI robotics company. If you value Tesla as just like an auto company, you would just have to fundamentally, it's just the wrong framework. Sorry, Elon, my mistake. All this time I thought your company that sold cars was a car company.

One of us must be a real f***ing idiot. So Tesla's clearly in the shitter, and the thing that was supposed to save it was the Cybertruck, a vehicle that looks like what happens when you inbreed DeLoreans. But unfortunately, the Cybertruck appears to be cyber f***.

Tesla recalling its entire fleet of cyber trucks, nearly 4,000 in all. The company says the accelerator pedal could get stuck, causing the pickup to unintentionally speed up, risking a crash. Well, remember, it's not a car crash. It's an AI crash. Open your mind, man. Seriously, though, you recalled all of them? None were okay? Even with the Baldwin's, they made one good one.

I'm not going to say which one. I don't want to get shot. And this is just the latest problem with RoboCop's f*** wagon because that thing's been shitting the bed since day one.

We've gotten a lot of tales of malfunctions. So, for example, vehicles dying after traveling just one mile. The stainless steel vehicles are quickly showing signs of rust. One guy sharing how the drive-through car wash was too much for the Tesla Cybertruck. He doesn't know what happened, but says the owner's manual does say you should never wash your car in sunlight. A Tesla Cybertruck had to be rescued by a Ford pickup after the Tesla got stuck in the mud and snow on a road in the Sierras south of Lake Tahoe.

Oh, fancy cyber truck had to get rescued by the big tough Ford. You're the laughing stock of all the other trucks. That Ford pickup's probably banging your wife right now, you cyber cuck. Plus, what use is a truck if it can't off-road? That's like a sex doll with no holes. Now, I just seem weird having it on my couch. Oh.

And this car isn't just failing its owners, it's trying to eat them. Cybertruck users are reporting injuries from the automatic trunk. Everybody's been waiting for this, the finger. Without further ado... I'm closing the Cybertruck. I'm going to put my finger flat right here and see what happens. Ready? Ready? Ready? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, okay. Oh, my God. Oh.

Okay, I can't even move my finger right now. I might have actually broken it. Good. Good. Because I'm Team Cybertruck on this one. You morons had it coming. Do us all a favor. Save us from another generation of Cybertruck drivers. Stick your balls in there, too.

Luckily, I still have all my fingers so I can deliver this message to Elon on behalf of Tesla stockholders. Unlike AI, this is pretty straightforward. So is this one. Introducing Instagram teen accounts. Automatic protections for who can contact teens and the content they can see. Learn more at Instagram.com slash teen accounts.

Hi everyone, it's Savannah Guthrie and Hoda Kotb from the Today Show. We love this time of year. There's so much to celebrate. That's right. Nobody does the holidays quite like today. All season long, join us for special performances with the brightest stars. Plus, festive recipes to whip up the perfect holiday feast and great deals on the hottest toys and gifts for everyone on your list. So join us every morning on NBC to make today your home for the

It's Ray from the Bobby Bones Show here to tell you that the National Sales Event is on at your Toyota dealer, making now the perfect time to get a great deal on a dependable new SUV like an adventure-ready RAV4. Yeah! Available with all-wheel drive, your new RAV4 is built for performance on any terrain. Or check out a stylish and comfortable Highlander, seating up to eight passengers, an available panoramic moonroof. You can sit back and enjoy the wide-open views with the whole family.

Check out more of this national sales event. The deals are there when you visit buyatoyota.com. That's buyatoyota.com. Toyota, let's go places. Ah, summer, when my balls glue themselves to my thigh and don't let go until Labor Day. And if you're a kid, it means going to camp.

Summer camp used to be about playing sports, making friends, and if you're lucky, finding a dead body.

But for parents who think it's time for their five-year-old to start focusing on a career, there are a few camps just for them, like this one. Chick-fil-A is getting some backlash over its new summer camp coming to Louisiana at the end of July. Kids will learn skills such as taking guest orders and bagging food. The franchises that are doing it only charge about $35, ages 5 to 12, and kids learn the chicken sandwich business. Ow!

Did you hear that? Chick-fil-A has a summer camp. Kids are finally getting to learn the chicken sandwich business. You know, nothing says summer fun like third-degree grease burns. And the best part about Chick-fil-A camp is it only costs $35. What a bargain! I mean, for $35, you can't even find a babysitter on the terror watch list.

Even Khalid Sheikh Mohammed was $40 an hour and he didn't even change diapers. But if that's still too steep a price tag, you can always bring them for free to the company who's basically raising them anyway, Apple.

For over 20 years now, Apple stores have hosted Apple Camp. This is where kids and their parents can get creative on the latest Apple devices. This year's session focuses on using the iPad to create an interactive storybook. They're creating animations. They're adding AR shapes, 3D shapes, taking AR photos where they place the 3D shapes in the world around them. Oh, thank God. Just what our children need. More screen time.

I hope they'll use these iPads on planes at full volume while I contemplate getting a second vasectomy. Better safe than sorry. I will say these Apple camps seem way nicer than the ones in China. I mean, for starters, the kids get to leave. Oh, stop it. Seriously, wake up.

How do you moan over that? Unbelievable. But maybe I'm judging too quickly. Who knows? These camps could be fostering the storytellers of tomorrow. It's basically a donut that plays baseball, but the ball always goes through it. So this friend helps him put, like, a net in it hard so the ball doesn't go through.

This girl could write the next great animated film. But if you dare touch the opening weekend of Inside Out 3, I'll sue the shit out of you. Follow your dreams, but stay away from Daddy's gravy train.

But if the friolator and ADHD don't do it for your child, there are some camps that teach actual skills. The Wichita Fire Department gave young people the opportunity to experience what it's like to be a firefighter. It's hosting a kids' summer camp, and the fun kicked off yesterday. This year's summer camp introduces them to the roles and responsibilities of the fire department with up-close and hands-on experience.

Campers ages 8 to 13 will get a view of firefighting tasks like pulling hose, spraying water, forcible entry, and rescue. First of all, I don't think you need a camp to teach teen boys how to pull hose. I mean, they tend to figure it out on their own. By the way...

Firefighter camp is just like police camp, but with more cardio and less framing people for murder. I admire these kids, but they better not show up when I burn down my Panama City condo for the insurance money. Stay away from daddy's other gravy train, you little life-saving shits.

But if firefighting camp sounds like too much fun, don't worry. You've still got options. At this summer camp, middle schoolers take care of baby Tori, a $75,000 high-fidelity simulator. And there's also... So pick your poison. Do you want to dress a wound?

or build a body. Baycare's Diane Rausch Camp Nurse Junior at Dunedin's Sally L. Bailey Nursing Education Center is not your typical teenage summer fun. Here they're learning about patient care and broken bones and CPR and more. For Camila and Ellie and dozens of others, this might be their future. What the f*** is that?

Is that supposed to be a baby? It looks like someone knocked up Megan. Somebody send that thing to the Supreme Court and we'll have abortion back in no time.

But, of course, there's also one very affordable summer program that parents are forgetting about. Ignoring your kids and letting them f*** off for three months. You know, watch TV, kick rocks, maybe even pull some hoes. That's how I spent my summers as a kid. And look how I turned out.

The holidays are here, and so is the IKEA Winter Sale. Now's your chance to make the holidays a little more magical and less expensive. Save up to 50% off on select items in-store and online now through January 7th. Plus, IKEA loyalty members get an extra 10% off on sale items. Offer valid in the U.S. through 1-7. Mall supplies last. Selection may vary by store and online. See store in ikea-usa.com slash wintersale for complete terms. Restrictions apply.

This message is sponsored by Greenlight. We all know that old saying about teaching a man to fish. And as parents, we want our kids to learn the things that will set them up for success. So this holiday season, give kids money skills that will last well beyond 2024 with Greenlight. Greenlight is a debit card and money app made for families where kids learn how to save, invest, and spend wisely with parental controls built in. Sign up today at greenlight.com slash iHeart. greenlight.com slash iHeart.

Game on! Because ESPN+ content is now available on Disney+ for bundle subscribers. You can watch your favorites on Disney+, the boldest stories from Hulu, and the greatest in sports from ESPN+ together like never before. With ESPN+, unwrap a full day of NBA action streaming December 25th. Then with Hulu, watch the terrifying sci-fi thriller Alien Romulus, now streaming. And on Disney+,

Follow a new adventure across the galaxy in Star Wars: Skeleton Crew, now streaming. Terms apply. Visit DisneyPlus.com for details.