TDS Time Machine | Celebrity Trials
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The Michael Jackson trial. A trial of the century like this only comes around one or two times a year. It was my shot at the big time. 5.30 a.m. I wasted no time going in depth with diehard Jackson supporters whose otherwise productive lives have been put on hold by the trial of a man whose music they like.

I moved out here for the trial, so I've been here through every pre-trial hearing, every jury selection, and every day of court. So you've seen everything? Everything. Were you there for the molestation? Excuse me? So how long have you been here for the trial? So what's your favorite Michael Jackson song? Unbreakable and You're Not Alone. Unbreakable and You're Not Alone. So do you think you jacked that kid off?

Daybreak. The media tent buzzing. Lights up. Reporters miked. Cameras rolling. News about to break. And... nothing. As the new guy, I wasn't sure what came next. Luckily, the experienced trial media was happy to give me some pointers. Hi, I'm with The Daily Show. Will you guys talk to us on camera? Do you mind answering a couple questions on camera?

Hello? Somebody throw me a bone? With The Daily Show? Shut down. I guess they didn't want The Daily Show turning this thing into a circus. No one would speak to me. Except... My name's Peter Bowes. I work for the BBC. The BBC. The BBC.

The absolute bottom of the news barrel. Television cameras are banned from the courtroom? You can't bring television cameras inside the courtroom? No cameras. Well, that's not a surprise. It's rarely happening these days, isn't it? No, no, no, no, no. Whoa, whoa. I mean, what are we doing here? How am I supposed to cover this thing? What we're all doing is setting up our cameras to see Michael Jackson walk in the courtroom in the morning, wave, give the peace sign, and then walk back out again at night. Wow, that seems worth it. So I waited. The pressure was building.

Hey, mind holding this for a minute? I gotta go drop the kids off at the pool. Cool? Thank you. No, no, no, not now, not now, come on! I'm not done, I'm not done, I'm not done!

I told you guys to get me. I'd blown Jackson. Damn my spastic colon. I strapped on a diaper and followed Jackson inside.

Hey. Hi, how's it going? Good, I'm just going to the trial. No badge, can't let you through. Well, I'm not here for that trial. I'm here for the triple rape homicide murder. Then you have to go around the back and use different instruments. Okay, actually, I am on the witness list. My name is Macaulay Culkin, if you can check that. All right, they'd take you through the back on that one as well. Locked out with eight hours to go and nothing to do. Hey, do you mind? I'm trying to get inside MJ's head, okay? It's called research.

I was at a loss. Then it occurred to me, WWGD, what would Geraldo do? - If Tom Steddon has something that I don't know and Michael Jackson is convicted, I'll shave off my mustache. - So what are you gonna shave? - I haven't made up my mind yet and I haven't made predictions for the outcome, so I'm not gonna answer that question yet. I'm taking the bet. - I'm gonna shave my nut stache.

Three hours until the money shot. Ample time to craft the kind of insightful legal journalism that's been a hallmark of this trial. It is a legal thriller. Oh, he's bad, all right. Promises to be a thriller. If Jackson can't beat it, a conviction could mean the end of his Purple Rain. That Purple Rain's Prince. It remains to be seen whether the prosecution can prove that Michael Jackson fondled this PYT.

What the jury heard is that when it comes to prepubescent cancer victims, as far as Michael Jackson is concerned, it doesn't matter if you're black or white. Is that good? 4:59, one minute to departure. Time to videotape Michael Jackson from a distance and yell questions at him. Michael, if you're guilty, keep walking!

Got it. Good work, everyone. Good work. Well, let's get over the full-spectrum trial, okay? Wacko's going down. All right. I'm buying the beers. We turn our attention now to legal matters. In the criminal justice system, there are three separate but equally important groups. The police, who investigate crime. The district attorneys, who prosecute the offenders. And the media, who turn the whole thing into an ungodly clusterf**k.

And it was mainly that last one on display in Santa Maria, California this morning as the Michael Jackson child molestation trial began. Over 1,100 credentialed reporters are on hand covering the trial, more than twice as many as are stationed with U.S. troops in Iraq. Although, to be fair, by all reports, there is a growing insurgency in Michael Jackson's pants. As always, the media is disgusted with itself.

We're going to preview what's sure to be a major media circus. It's going to be a media circus. I think a thousand media credentials have been issued. Norway, Spain, Ireland. A media circus. A media circus. Hungarian TV is here. A huge media circus. Media circus. This is truly an all-out war. Japan has five crews. Do you guys love the high-profile trials as much as we do? The media circus.

Said two dwarves dressed as Raggedy Ann and Andy charged with comically falling into elephant droppings in the third ring. Don't demean us with that analogy. Today's opening statements followed last week's empaneling of a jury comprised of one Asian, three Hispanics, and eight white people. A reasonably fair panel given how hard it would have been to round up a jury of Jackson's actual peers. That was Gonzo! Gonzo couldn't get out of jury duty!

The celebrity isn't limited to the defendant. Jackson's legal team is rumored to be preparing a star-studded lineup of character witnesses that may include Smokey Robinson, Stevie Wonder, Elizabeth Taylor, Eddie Murphy, and even Jay Leno, who's been known to take a pot shot at Jackson from time to time, specifically every night from 11.30 to 11.45, five days a week. Mr. Leno could not be reached for comment, though his band leader, Kevin Eubanks, released a statement saying, quote, can't be reached for comment, man. Ha ha. Ha ha.

But of course, the big entertainment story, the Michael Jackson trial with a verdict pending in the case. The singer was dramatically rushed to a hospital last night. Daily Show senior jacologist Ed Helms has been covering the trial. He joins us now from California. Ed Helms, thanks so much for joining us. John, I'm outside the hospital where it has been reported that, that's right, John, Jacko had an attack-o.

in his backhoe. That's very clever. Yes, yes. I understand he's filled his hospital room with his personal bric-a-braco. Took it too far. Uh, uh, that was very clever. How was Mr. Jackson hurt? There was a collision, John. Specifically, the collision between the innocent, eternal 10-year-old boy Jackson thought he was and the disturbing 46-year-old semi-Caucasian adult male he just found out he actually is.

That's one of those where you're reading the court transcripts, really gonna get you right there. So you're saying that Jackson's medical condition is really psychosomatic, essentially imaginary? No, John. Jackson's back pain is real. It's his life that's been imaginary. Until now, Mr. Jackson had believed himself to be Captain EO, the planetary defender of childhood wonder, piggyback rides, and wishing trees.

Imagine the trauma to his system upon learning he has no actual military rank whatsoever. And that Neverland is not the domain of the Lost Boys, but is in fact under the jurisdiction of the Santa Barbara District Attorney's Office.

But Ed, these epiphanies that Jackson is having, are they just bringing on a despondency, a sadness? Sadness, John, but also anger. I'm sure somewhere Jackson is thinking, hey, OJ killed two people and went free. Now they're going to put me away just for a couple of teenage reach-arounds? Where's the justice, John?

Ed, even if Jackson is found innocent, though, is there really any way for him to recover? Well, ultimately, John, if Jacko wants to avoid further flacko from the media packo, he's simply going to have to stop having young boys in the sacko. And also make sure there's no touching of his balls. John? Thank you very much. Ed Helms, everybody, live from California.

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Again, genesight.com for more information and to move forward on your journey to mental wellness. We begin tonight, of course, with the news that's dominated headlines ever since Friday afternoon's stunning announcement. Number one, not guilty for Martha Stewart on the conspiracy charge. That's count one, not guilty for Martha Stewart. There you have it, CNBC reporting Martha Stewart, not guilty.

Yes, in their gleeful rush to be the first to let you know if Martha Stewart's life would be crushed or not, some news organizations misinterpreted these incredibly sophisticated communiques from their representatives. But the fact remains, Martha Stewart was found guilty Friday of four counts of obstructing justice, conspiracy, making false statements, and poorly accessible. Stewart was charged. All right. Really? That makes you feel better? Please, come on.

Stewart was charged not with insider trading, but rather with lying to protect herself from the insider trading charges she wasn't charged with. Damn you, Circular Logic! Throughout the trial, the press has behaved admirably, and that trend continued with their post-verdict coverage.

Why do you think Martha Stewart will be received being the fact that she's rich, she's famous, she's enormously successful, and by the way, she's a very attractive 62-year-old woman? May I say kudos to CBS? To CBS is the early show. That's the kind of female prison rape reference you're just not going to get on any old morning show. Prosecutor David Kelly hailed the verdict as a triumph of justice.

The victims in this case is the entire American public who relies on the integrity of our system to make sure that justice is done and that they can invest their money safely and securely knowing that it's being handled honestly. He added, now if you'll excuse me, I have to go arrest every single other person on Wall Street. By the way, one thing that we should all know about this attorney, David Kelly, very proud of his left ear. Meanwhile...

Meanwhile, Stewart's attorney tried to look on the bright side of his failure. We are disappointed at the outcome. We look at this as having lost the first round. We look at this as an opportunity for us to go to the next rounds. It's not a conviction, it's an opportunity. In the meantime, of course, Martha will not be shipped off to prison, but rather relocated to an exclusive gated community.

with its own private security force. Now, the Stewart verdict was a big story when it came out on Friday, but imagine a nightmare world in which you'd been forced to wait for that verdict one minute longer. Well, thankfully, that horrific scenario never unfolded, thanks to reporters inside the courtroom who, despite a ban on cameras and cell phones, devised an accurate, foolproof system to notify their colleagues of the result.

Yes, color-coded scarves and numbered signs. Yee-haw! That was exciting. Look at me, I'm Morrow! Whoo! Not the most dignified moment for America's press corps, though their actions did lead to the successful arrival at the courthouse of United Flight 441 from San Diego.

So the sight of professional reporters running out of a courthouse, waving their clothes in the air was a tad unseemly. But the important thing was, it led to accurate reporting.

All right. MSNBC did put up a not guilty graphic for a few seconds while they tried to figure everything out. But CNBC, their news channel focused on finance. This was right up their alley. Plus, they were posted right across the street from the courthouse. I'm sure they got it right.

Number one, not guilty for Martha Stewart on the conspiracy charge. That's count one, not guilty for Martha Stewart. Count two, on count four, she is, that is, I'm sorry, Martha on count three is guilty. That is the, is guilty, Michael? I'm sorry. Guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty.

Count five is not guilty. And let me just make sure, I want to make sure I get this absolutely right. That is against Peter Bikanowicz. He is not guilty on count five. That is the count of making false statements. Not guilty. It's a tremendous mixed bag here.

Okay, hang on. I'm being told that Peter Bukanovic is not guilty on the count of making and using false documents. That was that at 60. Martha is guilty on count eight. I have just been told she is guilty on count eight, but not guilty...

Okay, all charges for Martha Stewart, I apologize, the confusion out here is immense, but now I'm being told that Martha Stewart is guilty on the conspiracy charge, guilty of every single charge against her. So Frank, the cameraman here, if we could go over this one more time, starting with Martha Stewart.

Yes. Let me just interrupt you for one second. Not guilty on the count of making false statements, not guilty on making and using false documents, guilty on the count of perjury, and guilty on the obstruction of justice charge. False statements. All right, Michael, thanks very much. I'm going to get you to hold on for just one second. As a seasoned observer of these kinds of trials, you know what he could have done to make things a little easier for himself? What?

billboards and walk across the street to the actual courthouse, you jiggies. Now, for more on the trial and the way it was covered, we go to Daily Show senior correspondent Stephen Colbert live outside the courthouse here in New York. Stephen.

John. Thanks for joining us. John, before we talk about the trial, I'd like to apologize to you. I know we agreed ahead of time that if the verdict was guilty, I would wave a red flag. And if it was innocent, wave a blue flag. But in the excitement of the moment, I came out waving the severed head of a cat, which obviously can be interpreted any number of ways. I'm sorry to have put you in that position. It won't happen again. Yeah, it won't happen again.

Well, thank you, Stephen. Your apology is accepted, but let's move on to the trial. Also, John, I should apologize to that woman I knocked over in my haste to report on this story. Though, in my defense, who parks their wheelchair at the top of the courthouse steps? You'd think an 80-year-old would know better. Anyway, my condolences to her family and to the families of those she struck on the way down. There's a lot of steps, John.

That sounds like a terrible accident. It was. But it brings up a good point, Stephen. The frantic rush amongst reporters to get this story out on the air, literally a millisecond or two before the other guys, was that urgency in any way necessary? No, it wasn't, John. And it highlights a disturbing trend that's all too obvious in the media these days. The viewers are completely out of control.

Did you say, I'm sorry, did you say the viewers? Yes, John. I'm just as shocked as you at how aggressive the viewers have become. They're constantly beating us down with unrealistic demands for immediacy. I didn't take four years of journalism courses at five different community colleges just to jump around on some courthouse steps waving flags and cat heads like a maniac, okay? This trial, like all too many these days, turned into just another viewer's circus.

Steven, I just don't see how you can blame the viewers for any of this. Stop kidding yourself, John. They're out there right now watching us, waiting for the next tidbit. What was her emotional state? Are they real?

And if I don't deliver it, they'll just click around until you find somebody else, won't you viewers? Oh, I can feel your eyes on me like dirty little hands pawing at my pockets, strip searching me for any little detail no matter how irrelevant.

Well, you can have your insatiable desire for sleaze. You can have your salacious rumors about Martha Stewart's private life. And you can have it tomorrow night at 7 on my special Stephen Colbert Reports, Martha Stewart under the linen. Remember, that's at 7 and again at 8. Well, that's... I'm sorry, Stephen, hold on. Stephen...

Are you getting more news about the trial? No, John. I'm actually just signaling the paramedics. Evidently, I'm standing on a baby. John? Thank you very much. Stephen Colbert. We'll be right back. Martha Stewart, public enemy number 752, was released from prison last Friday and has apparently been on television ever since.

She is now under house arrest at her estate in New York's Westchester County. We go now to Samantha Bee live outside of Martha Stewart's house. Samantha, thanks for joining us. Thank you, John. I've been camped out here since Martha Stewart entered her house on Friday. If anything happens, I'm going to let you know. Has anything happened? Yes, John. Take a look at this shocking footage our cameras were able to capture just moments ago. I don't know where she's going, and I can't see her feet, so I can't even tell you if she's in heels or flats.

Might be slippers. I'll keep you posted.

Why are you pointing your cameras into the woman's living room? That's intrusive, no? I just-- I don't know, John. But perhaps Rob Corddry has some insight. He's standing by in the Daily Show Martha Center 2600. I'm sorry, the Martha what? The Martha Center 2600, John. This will be our home base of operations during the entire house arrest. I'll be reviewing the footage taken by our fiber optic cameras, analyzing the thermal scans to pinpoint Martha's locations at all times,

and sifting through the data collected by the Martha Stewart colonoscope. John, that's assuming, of course, that we can, uh...

Get it installed. Now, John, in that footage you just saw, Martha passed by this windowed area here, obviously going from one side to the other. Perhaps there was something on the other end of the room she needed. A whisk or some polished gravel in a frosted vase or perhaps a set of Bleached Beeswax jelly jar candles. I don't know. It's too early to tell, John.

Rob, aren't you supposed to be in Lebanon? John, did you know for the price of a flight to Lebanon, you can get a whole Martha Center 2600? Yeah, or two Martha Center 1300s? John, so easy. And all you need is a... Sorry, sorry, Rob. I've got some breaking news. I've just gotten word that the situation inside is developing. Let's go to our live feed and see what's happening.

Okay, looks like she's crossing back and we have lost visual. I repeat, we have lost visual. We are at code vermillion. Mother Swan is on the move. Get me position alpha on screen. Position alpha on screen. Stack. Stack. Green team. Green team. I need parabolics around the perimeter. Go. The Mother Swan is on the move.

On the move. Chopper 10, go. Newsman, go. Baby bird has left the nest. The groundhog is estimating. The groundhog is estimating. Okay, where are we, people? If I can't have visual, give me some audio. Pronto, go. Go, go, go. Go. What? We have a wide shot on screen.

Okay, stand down, people. Condition normalized. Nice work, everybody. Good work. Good work. So, John, you can see the drills have paid off. We're gonna be right on top of this thing for the next five months.

Thank you both very much, Samantha Bee and Rob Corddry. We appreciate it. American Public University, where service members like you can access high-quality, affordable education built for your lifestyle. With online programs that fit around deployments, training, and unpredictable schedules, APU makes it possible to earn your degree no matter where duty takes you. Their preferred military rate keeps tuition at just $250 per credit hour for undergraduate graduates.

and master's tuition. And with 24-7 mental health support plus career coaching and other services, APU is committed to your success during and after your service. Visit apu.apus.edu slash military to learn more. That's apu.apus.edu slash military.

There's only one place where go-go beats post through the streets, where you can visit the only national museum dedicated exclusively to African American life, history, and culture. There's only one DC. Visit Washington.org to plan your trip. Are you struggling to find an effective mental health medication? Meet the GeneSight test.

Whether it's medication for anxiety, depression, or ADHD, the GeneSight test is a genetic test that analyzes how your DNA may affect medication outcomes. Along with a full medical evaluation, test results can inform your provider with valuable insights to help guide treatment. Your unique genetic blueprint may also lead to significant savings on medications.

According to a 2015 study published in the Journal of Current Medical Research and Opinion, patients who received GeneSight testing saved on total annual medication costs, took their medicine more regularly, and were on fewer medications by the end of the study compared to those who received regular treatment. Ask your provider about the GeneSight test today and move forward on your journey to mental wellness. Or visit genesight.com for more information.

Again, genesight.com for more information and to move forward on your journey to mental wellness. By now you've probably heard Michael Vick pleading guilty to charges relating to running an illegal dog fighting operation. The details of the story, horrific. What happened to these animals, tragic. Despite Vick's immediate denials, it seems he is guilty of acts of depravity and immorality.

Leaving but one question in the mind of NBC's Sunday Night Sportscasters. We're looking at Michael Vick not showing up in the NFL again until 2010. My God! That's almost 28 dog years from now. I guess because of how horrified the NFL is about the dogfighting, no doubt? Peter, what about the gambling, though? The dogfighting might be the least of his concerns. Yeah. You know, I used to enjoy the dogfighting.

Bring the kids have a little lunch. We'll make a picnic out of it and then the gambling came along. Yeah, sully the whole thing You said it absolutely right I'm told that the league is as concerned maybe more so about the gambling aspect of this than about the dogfighting Are you it's not the dogfighting. It's the gambling so the league is less offended by dogfighting than it is by this I don't mind you killing each other, but there will be no

The worst thing actually isn't the gambling and it isn't the dog fighting, it's what Vic could do next. Tiki, if he did that, if he did roll over on a current player, what impact would that have on his career once it's resumed? Someone will sign him, but he will be blackballed, he will not be welcome in any NFL locker room if he bails on other players. With his bare hands! But he wouldn't bail on other players, would he? I'm told that Vic will not do this, that he's a loyal guy.

Well, you know, if it's loyalty that the NFL really wants, maybe they could just get a... In the last couple of days, you may have heard the name Meek Mill in the news. And if you were just hearing it for the first time, you were probably thinking, Meek Mill, is that a gluten-free granola bar?

or something. You know, it's like, here at Meek Mill, we only use the gentlest oats and berries. But no, Meek Mill is a big-time Philadelphia rapper who just dropped a surprise release. Well-known rapper Meek Mill, whose imprisonment on gun and drug charges drew widespread protests, celebrated his freedom last night at an NBA game. Hours earlier, Pennsylvania's Supreme Court ordered the 30-year-old's release. The court cited credibility problems with a key witness in his original trial 10 years ago.

How do you feel? I feel great. He met with comedian Kevin Hart in the locker room. I said we home!

- Oh, Meek! - Damn, who is Kevin Hart's agent? He's even starring in Meek Mill's prison release. He's everywhere. But this story really is great news, not just for Meek Mill, but also for advocates of criminal justice reform, because Meek Mill had become a symbol of a system that tries to keep people in prison rather than genuinely giving them a second chance. And Meek Mill's release wasn't the only good news for justice today.

Yep, Bill Cosby guilty. So I guess once again, he's given us a classic, heartwarming ending.

So it's officially over for Bill Cosby now. I mean, because whether he goes to jail or not, the shameful title of sexual predator will hang over his head forever. So he can't do anything now except maybe run for president. Harvey Weinstein, disgraced Hollywood producer and man who's somehow uglier on the inside.

His sexual assault trial has just begun here in New York, and Harvey is already on the judge's bad side. - Jury selection in Harvey Weinstein's sexual assault trial resumes today after some drama in court. The judge threatened to revoke the Hollywood producer's bail Tuesday because he kept using his phone in court. The judge said, quote, "Is this really the way you want to end up in jail? By texting?" Weinstein's team calls it a misunderstanding.

Yeah, Harvey Weinstein got into trouble yesterday because he kept pulling his phone out in court. - Yeah. - Because apparently he can't keep anything in his pants. I actually feel bad for the judge in this situation because you have to uphold the law but then also be a middle school teacher. You know, it's just like, "Are you texting? Give me your phone! You spit out your gum! And damn it, I told you to stop jerking off, Harvey! Come on!"

I will tell you, this is how you know phones are addictive, though. This guy's on trial for his life, and he's sitting in that courtroom like, "I could go to prison forever. "Ah, I wonder what Disney character I am. "Oh, let's see. "Oh, Ursula, I should have known." Let's move on from people celebrating their freedom to someone who's gonna be losing his for a long time.

Disgraced movie mogul Harvey Weinstein has been found guilty of rape in the third degree and of committing a criminal sexual act in the first degree. The jury acquitted him on three other charges, including the most serious of predatory sexual assault. Throughout the whole process, he kept saying, I didn't do this, I didn't do this.

but of course now he faces five to 25 years in prison, at least, with more possibly coming with additional charges, new charges out in Los Angeles. - Yes, people, it's official. Harvey Weinstein is going to prison, which is crazy because he already looks like he's been in prison for 25 years. Seriously.

Weinstein is not gonna do well in prison, all right? Partly because other prisoners already don't like sex offenders, but they really don't like some of Harvey Weinstein movies, yeah. They're gonna come up to him in the prison yard like, "I wasted $9 on Mansfield Park! "That shit was a disgrace to Jane Austen!" You know what would be funny? Is if they lock up Weinstein in the same cell as Bill Cosby, yeah? 'Cause then I can tell you then, no one is falling asleep in that cell. "You go to sleep! "No, you go to sleep! "No, you go to sleep! "No, you go to sleep! "No!"

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