TDS Time Machine | Jon Stewart Talks to Comedy Icons - Part 2
13:18 Share

Optimize your nutrition with Factor, America's number one ready-to-eat meal service. Factor's fresh, never-frozen meals are dietician-approved and ready-to-eat in just two minutes. Choose from 40 weekly options across eight dietary preferences, like CalorieSmart and Protein Plus. Factor's keto meals can help you lose up to eight pounds in eight weeks. Get started at factormeals.com slash

Factor Meals 5-0 off to get 50% off, plus free shipping on your first box. Weight loss with Factor Keto based on a randomized controlled clinical trial. Results will vary depending on diet and exercise. Hey everybody, it's your favorite plate cousin Junior from the Steve Harvey Morning Show. You know, the Toyota Tundra and Tacoma are designed to outlast and outlive. Backed by Toyota's legendary reputation for reliability. So get in the Tundra with available i-Force Max Hybrid Engines,

delivering exceptional torque and towing capacity. Or check out a Tacoma with available off-road features like crawl control. It can take you beyond the trails. Toyota trucks are built to last year after year, mile after mile. So don't wait. Get yours today. Visit buyatoyota.com. For deals and more, Toyota. Let's go places.

You know you've got a comeback in you. When you take the next step, you're going to make it count for your career, for your family, for your life. You can earn a degree you're proud of with Purdue Global.

Purdue Global is backed by Purdue University, one of the nation's most respected and innovative public universities. This is your chance. This is your opportunity. This is your comeback. Purdue Global, Purdue's online university for working adults. Start your comeback today at purdueglobal.edu. You're listening to Comedy Central. Look at that. It's very humbling.

Who's the worst guest you ever had on this show? The worst? The worst. The absolute worst guest. I've been here ten years. I want to give them a run for their money tonight. You think you can do that? I think I could try. I've had some bad guests. I really think I'm up to it. Bishop Desmond Tutu. Really? Drunk off his ass. Wow. You know who was not good? Democratic Senate leader Harry Reid.

We had him on the show, and he was, like, in a coma. -Really? -It was so weird. Have you familiar with him? -I know who the majority leader is, yes. -You watch the C-SPAN? If only you'd been in Times Square for us. He'd written a book about his life. I was asking about his life. And it was literally as though I was telling him a story he'd never heard before. "Look at the house you grew up in," and he was like...

Well, I'm from Brooklyn. Are you from Brooklyn? Yes. Are you from... No, I was just telling you about my life. I remember my life, yeah. You do remember your life. You're from Brooklyn. Yeah. I could be worse than Harry Reid. We'll see. I don't think you're going to be worse than Harry. Already, I'm having a much better time. Is that right? Already. Ah, good. How are you doing otherwise? Are you... You would like to be the worst guest? First of all, Curb Your Enthusiasm is a great show. Oh, thank you. You know...

But why? Can I lean back? Do you mind if I lean back? Does that bother you? It doesn't bother me at all. How about my foot up over here? I don't mind. Is that a problem? It's not very sturdy. Are you jealous that I'm not wearing a tie? I am somewhat jealous that you seem very fit. You almost seem athletic. You see, you have like an athletic build to some extent. Can I tell you something? Please. People are a little surprised by my athleticism when they see it, when I demonstrate it. For example...

If we were playing basketball, I'd go like that. You wouldn't know what to do. You'd be stymied. I'd go around you so fast. You'd go, jeez, Larry David, he can play basketball. Let me tell you why I would have been stymied if you had done that. Yeah. Because I don't know, I don't play with a ball that small. You were doing the gesture you were working with. If you'd be playing with a ping pong ball, you'd say, ha-da-ha-da-da.

I would be I would be stupefied so you feel if I went like that. Yes Now if you were playing that's hard to mind though because your hands go it's not it's got no definite space But please put your feet up put up. No one has that is done this before no one No one has put their foot up. Can I tell you something? Yes, I'm a little concerned that I don't have the right sock length to do it I'm gonna try I want it. Well, just let's I

Let's look at the sock length. What color are the socks? Also an issue. It's a beigey, but the thing is, you can't show any skin at all on, you know, ever in life, right? When you cross your legs on a man, you can't do that. Let's see. I've got the sock length, yeah. You've got the sock length. Yeah, I've got the sock length, yeah. You're very... You know what I would say that you are, if I may? Yes, say it. Not just athletic, aristocratic to some extent. Yes.

I see you have a suede shoe, a suede sneaker. It's very, very bourgeois. - War job, I didn't pick it up. - Is that true? - Yes, war job, yeah. Everything I'm wearing is war job. - In your life, you have a person that picks out your clothes? - No, I steal it from the show. They buy it and I take it home. - What would you wear? - This, this, war job, war job.

All of it? Underwear. I got the underwear. Would you have them do the underwear? Is that stepping up your relationship with wardrobe to a more intimate place? To say to them, you know I enjoy... Yeah, I could go Hanes 34.

I could say that. Yes, I haven't given your druthers. Is this the outfit that you would or do you feel? Are you costumed? Do you feel or in life? Is this your show? Are these your show clothes? And right after this, you're like, I can't wait to get this pullover off so I can put on my tuxedo. What's your what would you do? I walk out of the house with this and I'll wear it all day. Yeah, you'll stay with it. I'll stay with it. You won't get a grass stain in the yard or anything. John, this is me.

You're talking to me, but you know something? I'm not talking to you. What? I'm not talking to you. That's not how you dress. You're right. You know what this is? This is I run a funeral parlor at night.

And so I always dress there because when you see the families and they're obviously grieving and you don't want to show up, obviously looking like a ball people. Yeah. Can I can I do something now is only a friend would please call us up a little. Is that true? Yeah. Yeah. They were telling me that earlier. Yes. And it's yeah. You know what that is. If I may say that a runaway caller. Yeah. No disrespect to you. It's a signal I send to my children every night.

Let them know. It's sweet. I say, kids, watch your daddy. And if you see, I'm going to take one aspect of my clothing. That is so sweet. And I'm going to roll it up. Carol Burnett had this. Yes, I know. I have this. I don't know what it is about talking to you, but I would like a piece of cake right now. I don't know what it is. I honestly feel like Passover is over and now we're going to have a piece of cake. Bring it out. Come on. Let's nosh. Yeah.

I remember, you know, Saturday Night Live is grueling. Yeah, you hosted. You were great on the show. I was tremendous. Maybe I was so good they said, don't come back. You would shame the other hosts. But, you know, I don't know if people realize the difficulty. You guys are putting on a 90-minute play. Yeah, that's a long show every week.

And it was crazy to see just the sets and the makeup and the costumes and the writing and just how much had to come together. Yeah. Technically. And the crew never messes up. They never accidentally put up the hooker set for the president sketch. They never mess up.

Is that the error that everyone's trying to avoid? Nobody ever enters the Oval Office in a hamburger outfit. Always get it right. Hamburger outfit in Oval Office. Done! I'm submitting it! You know what's so funny? When I was doing Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon, we started, and then, and you were doing this, and all this press, you know, this show was, like, so popular and exploded, and there'd be all these press things that said, like, John Stewart, America's best fake news anchor. And I was like...

I'm kind of the only other fake news anchor. Because Jimmy's like a sketch comedian and Colbert wasn't doing his thing yet. And I was like, dag, dag, America. It's kind of a two-man horse race at that point, but...

Now you got Colbert nipping at our heels. And I'll tell you what, I've seen that kid. He's the future of fake news. That's what I'm thinking. When I was at Second City, I was at Second City in Chicago back in the day, and when I first got there, I was a student, and Colbert and Steve Carell were on the main stage, and we used to go watch them all the time. And one of the two, I will not say which one, was a notorious ladies' man. Can I guess? Can I guess? Okay, but I'm not going to... But let me guess. Okay. Neither. Was it...

One of the two was very popular with the ladies. Here's what I believe. I believe both could be flirtatious. I believe Colbert could seal the deal. I'm not gonna say. I can't say. I believe at the end of the day, Carell would say this.

I don't want to go to Ben's. You know, Colbert would be there with the acoustic guitar. Right, exactly. He'd be out there with the harpsichord. Ready to optimize your nutrition this year? Meet Factor, America's number one ready-to-eat meal service. Factor's fresh, never-frozen meals are dietitian-approved and ready-to-eat in just two minutes. Their chefs handle the shopping and the chopping, delivering fresh, fully-cooked meals to your door. All you have to do is heat

and enjoy. Choose from 40 weekly options across eight dietary preferences like Calorie Smart, Protein Plus, and Keto. And if you're looking to lose weight, Factor's Keto Meals can help you lose up to eight pounds in eight weeks. Savor nutritious premium meals no matter how busy life gets. Eat smart with Factor. Get started at factormeals.com slash

Factor Meals 5-0 off and use code Factor Meals 5-0 off to get 50% off plus free shipping on your first box. Weight loss with Factor Keto based on a randomized controlled clinical trial. Results will vary depending on diet and exercise.

Hey everybody it's your favorite play cousin Junior from the Steering Right Morning Show. The Toyota Tundra and Tacoma are designed to outlast and outlive, combining raw power with precision engineering. All backed by Toyota's legendary reputation for reliability. Climb inside a Tundra and experience the uncompromising strength with its available i-Force Max engine. The Tundra delivers exceptional power, torque, and towing capacity.

the spacious and high-tech cabin keeps you connected on the run. Or check out a Tacoma, agile, dependable, and unstoppable. The Tacoma is designed for those who go beyond the trail. Stay ahead of the pack with available off-road features like crawl control. Or break out your tunes with the available portable JBL speaker. Toyota trucks are built to last. Year after year, mile

This is it.

Your moment. This is your time to make your comeback with Purdue Global. When you come back with a Purdue Global degree, you create opportunity for yourself, your family, and your future. It's a degree you can be proud of, a degree that employers will trust and respect. Purdue Global offers working adults like you over 175 flexible degree programs to meet your specific career goals.

goals. These include associate, bachelor's, master's, and doctoral degrees and certificates. Purdue Global degree programs range from nursing to business to communication and more. Whatever your interest, we have the degree that will move you forward. You

You have the knowledge. You have the experience. Now it's time to get credit for the work you've done and earn the recognition you deserve with Purdue Global, Purdue's online university for working adults. You know you're worth it. We do too. So don't wait another second to get the degree that will take your career to the next level. Start your comeback today at purdueglobal.edu. You bet. I came out here. I want to remember three things to tell you. Tell me.

I can't remember. I can't remember any of it. I got none. I got none. How are you, pal? You look nice. I'm doing very well. How is the... The corduroy seems thick. It seems thick for this... I had corduroy pants on, too, and somebody said, don't wear corduroy on corduroy, so I switched it up. This is a whole new thing. My wife has been going out and getting me new clothes, because I look back at my old thing. You know, I've been on television a long time, and I've been wearing the same clothes literally on every show. So she went out and got me this corduroy shirt, this other flannel one, and a T-shirt.

But see, I would, and again, this is nothing against the wife, but that is not, that's not a shirt. You're wearing, that is clearly some sort of coat-shirt hybrid. That's not. This is in New York because I was going, she was being nice and I knew I was going to be cold. Also, I don't try on things. I refuse to try on things. So like when I go to a store, she goes, hey, you want to, and I just get it. And then it's either too big or too tight, but I have to wear it anyways. Because it's nice.

Now, it does seem like underneath the new... It's an older shirt. ...shirt jacket or shacket. But that's why I had it buttoned, to cover the oldness, to show the wife respect. That's the key to a happy marriage. It's those types of compromises. Thank you. At what point in that... Because I've been married... We've been married probably around the same amount of... How long have you been married?

I've been with the same girl 14 and married about seven or eight. Right. Oh, very similar. So I've been with my wife for about 15 years, married for 10. And I am just getting to the point where I don't have to change my outfits.

Now, this is a new thing. She was cool about it in the beginning and then started realizing, you know, she dresses nice. And I have the two daughters who yell at me for not dressing nice. Right. So that became like a factor in the house. When I would come downstairs in the morning and all three of them would say, please don't. Then I said, all right, go get me some new stuff. You know what I get in the house? And this is new as well. Daddy, I don't like the way you smell.

That's not you. Their nose is stronger at that age. But, yeah, no, no, no. My kid, if I... She'll say brush your teeth a little better. Brush your teeth a little better and maybe I'll kiss you. That's nice, though. And also a concern for your health because plaque, one of the bacteria, one of the leading causes of all kinds of distress they're finding these days. Absolutely. So I very much appreciate that. That's nice of her to do that. She loves her dad.

You say she, but only one loves the dad? The other? Because you said there's three. The other one is young enough to get past the stench and get right in there and start kissing me. Oh, that's nice. It's the five-year-old that just goes, this is really horrific what I'm smelling right now. All right.

I appreciate, though, the use of the vocabulary. Horrific. That was giant. That was giant for the Sandman. Oh, is that true? Horrific was as good as it gets. Horrific and metamorphosis is a nice one. That is a nice one. That's all I got. Are you going to stick around and watch the Jet game? I know you're a big Jet fan. Are you going to stay around and watch? I would like to see that. My kids want me to get back to L.A. They demand that I come home. I said it's one extra day if I could see the Jets-Pats game. You can watch it on television, they said.

So I'm going to go home and... When was the last time you made a decision? That's a good one, Johnny. I mean... I mean, you're wrapped in corduroy. You can't watch... You're like a shell of yourself. You're like a microwavable burrito in that thing. Here's what happens. Kids fall asleep maybe 9, 8.30, 9, maybe 10.

The wife falls asleep, maybe one. From one to six, it's bananas what goes on. You guys got to see. I put on my old clothes and lay there. Sandlot time! Yep. That's when the boys come over to the house.

Paramount Podcasts. Introducing Pickle Lover's newest obsession, Cauliflower's Dill Pickle Pizza. Think luxurious bechamel sauce infused with dill pickle brine, roasted garlic, melty mozzarella, and fresh dill on Cauliflower's stone-fired cauliflower crust.

And because it's Kali Power, you know it's made better for you. Packed with 14 grams of protein and you can eat half the pizza for just 400 calories. Don't miss the flavor everyone's talking about and grab Kali Power's Dill Pickle Pizza. Now available at Whole Foods Market.

Residents at Brightview Senior Living Communities enjoy enhanced possibilities, independence, and choice. Brightview Dulles Corner in Herndon and Brightview Great Falls offer vibrant senior independent living, assisted living, and memory care services through various daily programs and cultural events.

Chef-prepared meals, safety and security, transportation, resort-style amenities, and high-quality care. Everything you need is here. Discover more at brightviewseniorliving.com. Equal housing opportunity.

Are you still quoting 30-year-old movies? Have you said, cool beans, in the past 90 days? Do you think Discover isn't widely accepted? If this sounds like you, you're stuck in the past. Discover is accepted at 99% of places that take credit cards nationwide. And every time you make a purchase with your card, you automatically earn cash back. Welcome to the now. It pays to discover. Learn more at discover.com slash credit card. Based on the February 2024 Nielsen Report.