Trump Hits Les Miz, Elon Repents & RFK Jr. Infects CDC’s Vaccine Committee | Jeff Hiller
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Welcome to the Daily Show. I'm Lizzie Lydic. We've got so much to talk about tonight. RFK Jr. goes doctor shopping. Pete Hegseth gets into a cat fight. And Elon Musk is sorry for what he said when he was definitely not high. So let's check in on the best cabinet ever in another installment of The Worst Wing. What a bunch of losers.

Let's start with Robert F. Kennedy Jr., Secretary of Health and the only member of Trump's cabinet to be reheated in an air fryer. Earlier this week, Kennedy abruptly fired all 17 members of the CDC's Vaccine Advisory Committee, which understandably caused a lot of concern among people who prefer not to die from an old-timey organ trail disease.

- RFK Jr.'s got a new batch of doctors to replace them with, so I'm sure they're all equally qualified. So let's get to know some of these vaccine experts. - Some of the picks are well-known vaccine critics, including Dr. Robert Malone. - Robert Malone, who's claimed that millions of Americans were hypnotized into taking the COVID-19 shots and has suggested those vaccines cause a form of AIDS.

I think they liked this guy a lot better when he was just selling us Dos Equis. I don't always take vaccines, but when I do, they give me AIDS.

Look, this guy's obviously crazy, but you can't deny there was some hypnosis going on during the pandemic. Like, we were washing our hands every day? Like, what was that all about? But forget the Department of Health. Let's move on to the great work being done by Tulsi Gabbard, director of national intelligence and the only Hawaiian who can make aloha sound like a threat. She decides which of America's secrets need to stay secret, but lately she's been getting some help.

Tulsi Gabbard, head of DNI, says the government is now using artificial intelligence to speed up its work in determining which documents can be declassified and released to the public. That includes files related to the assassination of President John F. Kennedy. Cool. That technology we're all scared of and have no idea how dangerous it is. Let's teach it how to kill a president. What could go wrong?

Also, why are you having AI read the JFK files for you? AI is for tedious things. These are the most exciting documents in the government. It's like asking AI to watch all the sex scenes in a porno so you can focus on whether the pizza got delivered. Maybe I've been using AI wrong this whole time. I thought it was for doing my kids' homework and seeing what I look like as Shrek. Stay thirsty, my friends.

- Let's move on to Pete Hegseth, Secretary of Defense and guy whose favorite cologne is roofie.

He's been axing a bunch of medical research programs for veterans that he claims are boondoggles. But when Senator Dick Durbin called him out on it yesterday, he gave a specific example of waste, and it was very specific. Give me an example of a boondoggle in medical research and defense health. I mean, we're talking about some stuff I shouldn't say in public. You know, marbles in the rear ends of cats. Tens of millions of dollars.

Sometimes I hear about science experiments and I think, God, I am so glad when I was growing up no one was telling women they should be scientists. Really dodged a bullet there. To be fair, they were trying to find out why Garfield hates Mondays. Now they know. Now they know. Also, anyone who has cats knows that this is

weirdest idea ever. I mean, they are constantly showing us their buttholes. At some point, someone's going to be like, all right, something.

But in case you're wondering who would fund such a ridiculous study, that would be President Trump himself. In 2020, his Defense Department said it was part of a revolutionary new treatment for spinal cord injuries. And that's the thing about science. It's easy to make it sound made up and stupid. It's not airtight like the Bible.

And someone who just wants to cut funding can trivialize any research because, yeah, trying to make dogs salivate by ringing a bell sounds weird, but it proved an important point that dogs love bells, I think. I don't know. I failed psych. But this is a great example of how anti-science the Trump administration is. When Pete Hegseth talks about science, he makes it sound stupid. And when RFK Jr. talks about it, he makes it sound like someone dropped a fork in the garbage disposal.

Let's move on to the reason your horses prescriptions are out of stock. Elon Musk.

Last week, he got into a fight with Donald Trump that got so ugly, he claimed that Trump is in the Epstein files. The friendship seemed unsalvageable, but it turns out it wasn't quite as cyberf*** as we thought. The world's richest man is now apologizing to the world's most powerful man. Musk backing away from some of his online attacks, posting this apology. I regret some of my posts about President Trump last week. They went too far.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You cannot whoopsie daisy your way out of saying someone's in the Epstein files. It's not like saying, sorry I slammed the door or sorry I shoved marbles up your cat's butt. I mean, I'm glad he apologized because I guess it showed us exactly how long it takes for ketamine to wear off.

Let's move on from the worst wing because America is having a hard time right now. The military is invading California, U.S. senators are getting manhandled by federal agents, and people are about to be thrown off their Medicaid. And President Trump is hearing everyone's concerns, and he's decided to rush to where he's needed the most, the theater.

I don't know what's worse, that a reporter thought it was a good idea to ask Trump if he's the hero or the villain, or that Trump's response was, oof, that's a tough question.

As Trump ponders which Les Mis character he is, activists are planning nationwide protests this weekend. For more on those protests, we go live to Michael Kosta in Los Angeles and Jordan Klepper in D.C. It's the latest in L.A. Desi, protesters here are still fuming about Trump sending Marines into the city. It was the biggest overreaction since the time that ice cream truck didn't have rainbow sprinkles, so I slashed its tires. Kosta don't do chalk sprinks, okay?

The point is, these detention raids are a cruel display of Trump's villainy. He's definitely the Javert of our time. Okay, thank you, Michael. And Jordan, how are protests in D.C. feeling? The protesters in D.C. are equally upset and want to see an end to these cruel raids. And, by the way, Trump is not Javert. Costa is way off. But what do you expect from a guy who only hears Broadway songs if they show up in a Pornhub video? Okay.

Oh, I'm sorry, I guess Jordan thinks Trump is Jean Valjean, the redeemed Catholic so saintly that he adopts a prostitute's child? Jordan, you're a few Rogers short of a Hammerstein. Guys, I think we're getting a little distracted here. Let's focus on the protests, not about your musical taste. No problem for Costa, he doesn't have any.

The point is, Desi, the protesters see Trump as a godless con artist, much like Tenardier, the corrupt innkeeper, which Michael would know if he weren't the kind of person who thinks guys and dolls is a strip club in Peoria. Desi, I'll tell you the only thing protesters fear more than the Marines right now. It's hearing Jordan Klepper bomb another audition trying to nail the riff in Defying Gravity.

It's not about getting the work from the audition. The audition is the work. You're flat on every shark. You're flat on every shark. Is that right? Is that right? Well, time to drop the bomb. Michael is in the Epstein files. That's what I said. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. whoa. whoa. whoa. whoa

I'm better now. Wait, Jordan, is Costa in the Epstein files? Desi, I said I'm sorry. Let's move on. Yeah, yeah. Desi, let it go. That's from Frozen, Jordan. I thought a musical for children would be more up your speed. Okay. Idina Menzel is a national treasure, Costa. Thank you very much. Uh, Desi, excuse me. Can I interrupt? Oh, yes. Josh Johnson. Where are you?

I don't know. ICE snatched me up at a protest and dropped me in the desert. That's not even protocol. They just doing whatever now, all right? I don't know where I am. I could be in Phoenix. I could be in Yemen. Oh, my God, I hope I'm not in Phoenix. Oh, Josh. That sounds truly awful. So, Josh, do you think Trump is a Javert? I need help! Yeah, and we're gonna get you help, buddy, but first you gotta tell us which character Trump would be in Les Mis.

Is that the one with the cats? Are you kidding me? Is that the one with the cats? Come on, man. Hey, hey, hey. I'm sorry I don't spend all my time watching white people sing, okay? Don't make this about race. Yeah, there's a proud black tradition in theater. I just saw Audra McDonald in Gypsy.

Fine. You're an ally. Is someone going to help me? Yeah. Yeah. I'll help you by getting you a rush ticket to Cabaret. Let's start there. Of course you'd pick Cabaret. Of course it's Cabaret with you, Costa. Okay, okay. That's enough. Josh Johnson, Michael Cohen, Glenn Gould, and Stephen A. Smith.

Television, any time in the last few months, you may have stumbled across Stephen A. Smith spouting opinions about, well, everything. But how did he become so ubiquitous? Let's find out in a brand new Daily Showography.

We live in a world of takes. JJ would have to be a lunatic to take the Lakers. Burns of f***ing pussy. Hot takes, quick takes, free takes, mistakes. I won't give them a kidney. Absolute f***ing snob. I'm drinking like monster energy drinks sometimes, which are piss magnets. But we all know there's only one king of takes. You can't be the king without a crime. You cannot be the king.

Without the crowd. This is the daily showography of Stephen A. Smith. Greatest of all takeovers. Stephen A. had an optimal childhood for his future reign. Born in the Bronx, raised in Queens. Raised by the greatest mom in the world. That's right. Every other mom in the world is a scrub. I don't care if you're Mother Teresa or that hot mom from the Brady Bunch. Those moms should be riding the bench behind Janet Smith.

Buying a career as an athlete, he enrolled in college at the Fashion Institute of Technology. It's called seeing the whole field, people. It was primarily a girls' school, and the other dudes were homosexual. It left it all to us. FIT might not have the greatest tradition of sports, but it definitely had a player.

Eventually, he put down the sewing needle and picked up the rock, transferring to the greatest basketball program in North Carolina, excluding all the other ones. I hit 17 straight three points. Signed me the scholarship on the spot. That's right. Stephen A. Smith was the king of threes until he started playing actual games and became the king of 1.5s per game. Stephen A., I'm trying to figure out how you average one and a half points. Like, don't you get two?

Unfortunately, Stephen A. could not explain the mathematics as he had attended the Fashion Institute of Technology. But if Smith struggled in the paint, he dominated in the print, joining the student newspaper and immediately proving himself the top college take-haver in the country with a legendary dunk on his own Hall of Fame coat. That earned him a post-college stint in newspapers and radio. And then Stephen A. was called up to the big leagues.

It was the moment he'd been training for his whole life. I had no television training whatsoever. Okay, that didn't matter. So I went to the next best plan. Be myself. Say what I feel. Yes, he had the rare ability to open his mouth and let words form into sentences that people could hear on TV. Know what?

had seen anything like it before. Smith was dropping takes from everywhere. Hot take. This man was a bona fide scrub. He can't play. Loud takes. Aaron Rodgers is Aaron freaking Rodgers. Louder takes. Asylum all over him.

Who was on crack? Full on freaking screaming takes. The stench that hovers over me every time my name is associated with this damn franchise. Weirdly quiet takes. LeBron James is the GOAT. Stephen A was the best ESPN had ever seen.

I mean, not as good as in the golden age, but since then. Oh, there he is. The natural. He was poetic. It was Shakespearean. And he never yelled.

But the trophy he really needed was his own catchphrase. Every great broadcaster in history has had one. Good night and good luck. And that's the way it is. Holy cow! Yes! And soon Stephen A. Smith hit upon something equally iconic. Stay off the weed! Stay off the weed! Stay

the damn weed. Or, hear me out, maybe try a little weed?

It was time for Smith to make his biggest move yet. Coming for the reigning king of takes himself. There are times when I look at you, you should just be flat out ashamed of yourself. Are you on drugs? Don't answer charity. Are you on drugs? Who the hell are you to question me? Zip it. I'm talking. They were the Larry Bird and Magic Johnson of yelling at the top of their lungs.

Once Smith ousted his rival, he began breaking take records left and right. We're talking 300 takes a day with a sentence completion percentage of 93.3% and off the charts decibel levels. The man even had a correct prediction average of, well, that one doesn't matter.

In 2025, Smith officially earned his greatest of all takeovers crown a five-year $100 million contract. Now his takes can no longer be contained by the world of sports. I have always been against woke culture. You know what I'm going to say? Shemander. Because it reminds me of me because of the forehead. I am not about to sit here and argue with a grown-ass man about the movie Cars. The Ukrainians are saying we have war now. We on death's door. We might as well go down swinging.

Steven A., what is the correct way to wipe yourself standing and sitting? That is a nasty-ass question. That's the difference between just talking shit and having a take on shit. But when a man has taken all there is to take, I have spewed an opinion on over 45,000 issues in my career on First Take.

What takes are left for the taking. Stephen A. Smith, who is floating a potential 2028 presidential run. There is somebody else who's thinking of running president. Stephen A. Smith. The Democratic Party looks so pathetic after this election.

I might entertain. Okay, hold up. Does anyone really think a loudmouth TV personality with endless opinions, no qualifications, and a bad hairline would be a plausible candidate for president of the United States? I've been pretty good at picking people and picking candidates, and I will tell you, I'd love to see him run. Oh, right. God damn it.

All right, Daily Show, you had your fun, huh? You had your fun. Well, guess what? It still was a sorry-ass take. You got some work to do. And maybe, just maybe, you'll do it right. You stay off the weed. ...media, and his new memoir is called Actress of a Certain Age. Please welcome Jeff. ♪♪

I'm having to stand on my tippy toes in heels to hug you. Yeah, I'm a real big monster. You are a tall drink of water. Thank you for being here. I'm such a fan of yours and I enjoyed this book so much. Thank you. Actress of a Certain Age. Yes, Actress of a Certain Age. It's all about my sort of humiliating experiences in my career. Yes. And I thought, oh,

But, you know, I've made it. Things are all better now. And then when I opened the book, there's a typo on the cover of my book. Actress of a Satine Age. Not today, Satine. Who judges a book by its cover? Please actually don't. Please don't. Live in Kentucky, public school. So I thought this was how you spell it. So I think you're okay.

I grew up in Texas where everything's fine. Oh my gosh, I love how each of your chapters in your book is titled for a different act or a different actors memoir exactly. Yeah, because I read a lot of celebrity memoirs. Yes, you talk about it in here and then there's a footnote

at the bottom of the front page of the chapter that says when that actor has met mainstream fame. - Exactly, got their big break. Because I always read the celebrity ones and they don't always say exactly how old they are. Then I have to go get a calculator, look up IMDB and then check it out and figure out how old they were and then compare it to how old I am when I'm reading the book and spoiler alert, it was never a consoling math equation.

That was such a unique detail. What made you want to share that? Well, when I got this opportunity to write a celebrity memoir with the really loose definition of the word celebrity, I wanted to rely on the fact that I have read all of these memoirs. And I also wanted to write it for other people who maybe committed the cardinal sin of aging past 40 without...

realizing all of the dreams that they wanted in their life and have a little bit of hope in it. So I talk about how compare invites despair. Yes. Yeah, and I did come up with that on my own. I didn't. It's a pretty cliche, actually. That should go in your next memoir. Yeah. I think that... But it'll say compare invites despair. Yeah.

Oh, your public, who was your publisher? It was some girl at Starbucks. I said, Jeff, I was like, it doesn't start with an H. What are you doing? Oh my God. Um, I, so you, your IMDb reads like a comedy sizzle reel of all time great comedies, but I think most people know your, know you from your beautiful work on somebody somewhere. Thank you. Yes. I love that show.

It is such a beautiful show. It is so funny and so heartfelt. Tell me, if people haven't seen it, tell us what it's about. Oh, well, you should see it. You should see it. See it. Leave now. Go see it. We'll wait here. Yeah. It's on, you know, Max or HBO. I don't know. What?

HBO Max. And it's about people in Kansas who have found their family. And it's also about being queer in the Midwest and being someone who isn't giving up on yourself, which is a lot of what the book is about, too. And so, yeah. Yeah, it's good. Thank you.

It's not like rewatching Grey's Anatomy. It's not like a big commitment. It's only three seasons. One season is less than an Avatar movie. Seriously. It's food for the soul. It really feels so good to watch it. It is such a joy. I loved your This is Church moment. You talk about it in your book as well. Tell us what's behind what was behind that moment in the show.

Well, that was just an improvisation I did that did make it into the final edit. And I'm not bragging about it, but I did do that.

And it felt right because it was this scene about these friends who were hanging out and were joyful and were finding each other. And my character is involved in the church, but is having some weirdness with church. And he's saying this moment is church, this moment where we're hanging out together and being together and having community. That's what my church is. And I think that that's true of me, too, and beautiful, I think, for all of us, right? Yes. And especially right now. Yes.

Times are rough. Yeah, they are. And you talk about growing up in the church in Texas. You grew up Lutheran. And you have this beautiful chapter in your book that talks about when you came out to your church as a 22-year-old and you wrote this beautiful speech

It was so moving. For, you know, there are so many queer youth in this country that are having a hard time under attack right now. What would you say to those 22-year-old younger Jeffs that are out there struggling with that in, say, Texas or other parts of the country? What would you say to them? Well, I would just say, I'm sorry, and we got your back. And I think...

You know, we're in Pride Month, and it's a time to celebrate, but it's also a time to protest and a time to gather together and lead with compassion and hope and protection for especially the most vulnerable among us. Yeah, that's absolutely right. You also have a chapter in your book, kind of off of that, you talk about being bullied in junior high. Can you believe that?

Well, let me just tell you as a perpetual volunteer whole monitor. I am with you. I thought you're going to say as a perpetual bully. No, that's just what I became. You

You talk about you talk about how even to this day you were teased for how you carry your books and even to this day you think about how you carry your books right. I used to carry him like this and then a bully said carry books like a girl and so now I always carry things down here and it sticks with you.

for the whole life and that's why it's important to protect those kids. - Yeah. - Yeah. - And you talked about like what helped you get through that time? - My mom. - Yeah. - I had a good mom and I actually dedicate the book to good parents because everywhere, not just my mom 'cause who cares about my mom, right? But I think that providing that safe space

showing your kid that they are loved no matter what, that it really is unconditional. It allows them a foundation that even when the bad things roll in, which they will inevitably do, you're still secure enough to go out there. And I had a great mom. And, you know, and she had a great Texas accent, which you can hear me impersonate in the audiobook. Thank God for good moms out there. Seriously, thank God for good moms. Thank God for good moms.

You mentioned you have read hundreds of celebrity memoirs. So I'm wondering if you would play a little game with me. If I name a celebrity, could you give me an interesting fact about their life? Okay, I'll try. Okay, here we go. Barbara Streisand. Yes, which I listened to 48 hours and 15 minutes. I listened to it all.

There's a lot of good ones. She's really obsessed with food. She will talk about a ravioli. That's a single ravioli. A raviolo. But the funniest fact is one of her husbands, John, who was a hairdresser, the way that they had their meat cute, he came over to do her hair, and as they were walking up the stairs, he goes, nice ass. And that's how they met and fell in love. Wow.

He's a keeper. Yeah, Denny's on great. Okay, speaking of nice asses, Rosie Perez. You've got to read Rosie Perez's book, but I'll

But also, you got to listen to that one because her metaphorical voice matches her literal voice and it's mwah. She got Do the Right Thing because she was in a dance club in Bedford-Stuyvesant and it was too crowded. So she got up on the speaker and started dancing. And Spike Lee was like, you want to be in my movie? And she's like, I guess.

- Oh, not surprising. - No, not surprising at all. - Okay, Brooke Shields. - Oh, Brooke Shields. Well, the most surprising thing is Liam Neeson proposed marriage to her. Yes, get, hold on. Then he was like, I gotta go to LA, but you know, we'll come back and we'll get married. And then he never spoke to her again.

To America's sweetheart and labor union leader, Brooke Shields. Brooke Shields. Someone ghosted Brooke Shields. I know. Her book is great. You really should read it. I know I'm here to promote mine, but hers are good. But also good hers. Also good hers. I am so glad you were here to promote this book. It is hilarious. It's heartwarming. It is so beautifully written. Congratulations. Thank you. You know what? What?

You take this book however the f*** you want. You deserve it. Will you commit on the record to subpoenaing Kristi Noem because a U.S. Senator was just thrown to the ground and detained in his own... Democrats can't follow the rules. Can't follow the law. Shut up. No, you're not going to tell me to shut up.

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