Trump Proposes Gaza Takeover, Ko$ta Doin' Business | Julia Stiles
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You're listening to Comedy Central. From the most trusted journalists at Comedy Central, it's America's only source for news. This is The Daily Show with your host, Desi Lydon. Welcome to The Daily Show. I'm Desi Lydon.

I'm gonna come. I'm gonna come.

Every day since Trump came into office, he bombards us with ridiculous policies. We go crazy trying to keep up with them. And before we can catch our breath, he hits us with something else even more absurd. It is exhausting and unsustainable. So starting today, no more of that. Okay? No more. No more.

I have a whole script here full of important issues that I want to talk about. And I'm not going to let Donald Trump distract me with some crazy new idea. This morning, a stunning proposal from an American president. Donald Trump with the Israeli prime minister by his side, declaring that the U.S. will take over the Gaza Strip. The U.S. will take over the Gaza Strip. We'll own it.

Okay, let me just ask, what? And also, what? President Trump made a surprising suggestion last night during a press conference with Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu. The United States, he said, should take over the war-torn Gaza Strip and redevelop it into something like a seaside resort. We have an opportunity to do something that could be phenomenal. And I don't want to be cute, I don't want to be a wise guy, but the Riviera of the Middle East...

What the f***? Trump is going to turn Gaza into the Riviera? Atlantic City into a nicer Atlantic City. They tore down so many of his casinos, he turned Atlantic City into Gaza.

But, okay, he wants to rebuild it, and he wants to turn it into Mar-a-Lago. At least the Palestinians will have a place to go back to. Donald Trump calling for the permanent resettlement of roughly 2 million Palestinians. I don't think people should be going back to Gaza. I think that Gaza's been very unlucky for them. And he says he's willing to use the U.S. military to do it. We'll do what is necessary. If it's necessary, we'll do that.

Okay, just so I'm clear. Your idea is to take over Gaza, rebuild it into Mar-a-Lago, and make sure that the Palestinians who live there can't go back? That is the craziest thing he's said since yesterday and until tomorrow. Even his chief of staff was shocked. Look at her face. She looks just like she won Best Country Album at the Grammy. Of course she's shocked. He's effectively advocating for ethnic cleansing. Who could possibly be okay with that?

No, they usually scratch their heads and they say, what the f*** are you talking about?

Of course, Bibi is ecstatic at Trump's idea. Look at him. He looks happier than a teenager getting a handjob in the back of a birthright bus. But Bibi aside, this proposal is giving a lot of people whiplash. Trump ran his whole campaign on America first, and now he's out there chanting from the Riviera to the sea. Even Trump's Republican allies aren't on board. Although, of course, they have to let him down easy. We're

We're trying to get the details of it. It was a surprising development. Senator Josh Hawley says, quote, I don't know that I think it's the best use of U.S. resources to spend a bunch of money in Gaza. We also heard from Senator Lindsey Graham. I think most South Carolinians would probably not be excited about sending Americans to take over Gaza. I think that might be problematic. Tom Tillis likely with the quote of the night, which was, there are probably a couple kinks in that slinky.

There's a couple kinks in that slinky. That's how desperate these guys are to not openly disagree with Trump. They're just making up sayings now.

Of course, some of his supporters, like Steve Doocy, are trying to give Trump the benefit of the doubt. It was a jaw-dropper last night. The cover of the New York Post is, we'll take over Gaza. I think this is just the tipping. You know, this is the conversation starter. Because obviously, the president knows when he says, we'll take Gaza. He knows the United States can't invade another country.

Of course, America would never invade another country. You can read all about it in Steve Doocy's American history book, Me Just Got Lobotomy, by Steve Doocy. So to summarize, MAGA people think this is dicey, their eyeballs think it's batshit crazy, and the entire plan is DOA unless Trump can do some real outreach to the countries in the Middle East. And based on his response to reporters from Afghanistan, I think he has the skills to do it.

Afghanistan, my name is . We have a little hard time understanding you. Where are you from? Actually, it's a beautiful voice and a beautiful accent. The only problem is I can't understand a word you're saying. But I just say this. Good luck. Live in peace.

Good luck. Live in peace. Why does he sound like he's saying goodbye to E.T.? The people of Earth wish you peace. May your slinky have no kinks. For more on Trump and Gaza, let's go live to the White House with Jordan Klepper. Jordan, is there something I'm missing? This plan just seems crazy. Maybe it's not crazy. Maybe it's so good it sounds crazy, Desi.

Maybe it's time to think outside the box. You know, they say it's better to beg for forgiveness than to ask for permission. But what if we did neither? You know, that's outside the box thinking.

Okay, but what's being proposed is a war crime. Have you considered that? I'm desperately trying not to, Desi. I'd rather not contemplate American culpability here. So let's just think of this as the brainstorming phase. No bad ideas. How about a two-state solution? Bad idea, okay? Come on, Desi.

Let's be serious here. You don't want to drive the Palestinians out? Fine. We'll drive them up. Put the entire Gaza Strip on 10-foot stilts, create a bunk bed situation. Palestinians on top, sing lullabies to the Israelis below, you know? Who says no to the top bunk? No one.

But the framework for a two-state solution already exists. There's no need for displacement. Don't think of it as displacement, especially if you're a prosecutor at The Hague. Instead... How about this? How about this? Let's get some cruise ships and the Palestinians can explore the world.

After a few years, they can come back refreshed with one of those little Jamaican hair braids, maybe a weird French accent whenever they say croissants, you know. Call in elevators, lifts, all that bullshit. Okay, but then they go back to live in Gaza? No, then they get right back on the boat, you know. Another trip around the world, hair braids for all.

What was so wrong with the two-state solution idea? Come on, Desi! If that idea existed the whole time, then what's happening right now would make us the bad guys. So let's just keep spitballing, okay? Here's one. We take every Israeli and Palestinian and surgically swap their faces. Now they don't know who's who, you know? Are you my wife or...

I can't tell. I guess we'll have to live in peace. Are you pitching face-off for the Middle East? Do you have a better idea from a Nick Cage movie that doesn't make us complicit in war crimes? Well, I guess we could get the Palestinians to fall in love with Cher. No, no. You're dragging me into this. No. I don't know what else to do, Desi. Maybe AI is the solution. How would I be the solution? That's the first thing we'll ask AI. Okay.

No, that's it. Brainstorming is over. These are all stupid. And like it or not, bulldozing Gaza and kicking out everyone there is not a real solution. It's cruel. It doesn't make us safer, and it will undeniably make us look like the villains of history. You know what, Desi? You might be right, but hear me out. What if Palestinians stole the Declaration of Independence? Oh, my God. Be here. Jordan Klepper, everyone. When we come back, Michael Kosta will tell us how to make that cheddar. Daily show.

if you want honest and rigorous financial news, then go eat a dick. But if you want to get rich, then you want Michael Kosta and another installment of Kosta Doing Business. Yeah, baby. I'm Michael Kosta and this is the Kosta Doing Business where I teach you how to make

fat stacks of stinking cash. So, tonight's segment is sponsored by Men's Swear House, the first members-only club for guys who love to curse. Men's Swear House, you're gonna shit the way you f***. Full disclosure, I'm a part-time owner and we aren't doing well. Now...

That's all the reason to make a little badly needed money. Starting with the Super Bowl this Sunday. I don't know about you, but I plan on watching the game Ebenezer Scrooge style peering into my co-worker's window while he cares for his sick child. It's going to be fun. And thanks to Big Daddy Trump making Mexico bend the knee, I'm going to be turning some green mash into that green cash. Hit me.

Trump struck a last minute deal with Mexico, putting a 30 day pause on those tariffs. Avocados are going to sell a lot in the next week. It's what, Sunday, the Super Bowl. So if that tariff had hit, the retail price would have jumped up at least 25 percent and everybody's guacamole would have been that much more expensive. I eat chihuahua.

Gracias por el dinero para biblioteca, eh? That's right. No tariffs means avocados are going to be flying off the shelves faster than Speedy Gonzales. But you should be bullish on all things guacamole, mole, mole, mole.

Of course, I'm f***ed. I bought thousands of avocados thinking there would definitely be a trade war. So now Daddy's got a U-hole full of avocados parked in Secaucus. And let me tell you something, they're rotten pretty fast. Which reminds me, this segment is sponsored by Miguel Costa's brown guac, okay? It's as tasty as it is brown. I knew you would love it.

It's been a crazy week in the market, and my phone is cha-cha-chinging off the his-his-hizook. There's a trade war. There's not a trade war. The market's up. It's down. But as I always say, volatility means profitability. Coins.

That phrase is coined. And with panic in the air, no company is capitalizing on that more than Daddy Starbucks. I said, hit me! You now need to buy something at Starbucks if you want to use the bathroom or just hang out there. Starbucks CEO says the goal is to bring back the coffeehouse vibe that's diminished in recent years. Hell yeah, Starby. More places need to do stuff like this to fight loitering, like my local park. Hey, buddy, buy a tree or get the f*** out, all right?

But seriously, this is a genius new business model. People need to take dumps. So what do you do? Make them buy coffee, which, guess what? Makes them need to take a dump of more, which means they need to buy another coffee. Get it? Next thing you know, there are 400 coffee dumps deep living in a tent outside the Starbucks bathroom. That's why I'm rating this move a Mikey Likey, okay? Now, yeah, moving on. A Mikey Likey.

One of the biggest stories of the week is the rising price of eggs. Now, if you watch this program regularly, like I'm sure you do, you might have heard me say this a few times ago. Come here. Come here. Come here. I guarantee egg prices will drop come February. You can bet the farm on it. People saying, but, Kosta, the bird flu's getting really bad. So what? Chickens aren't birds. They're chickens, you mouth-breathing imbeciles. All right.

So turns out chickens are birds. Fine. I'm not a bird doctor, I'm a human. And now that I know this, let's make some money. This morning, egg prices soaring. The average price for a dozen eggs now more than $5.

And in some local markets, prices are as high as $19. The biggest reason, bird flu. According to the USDA's price outlook, egg prices are predicted to increase another 20% this year. There have also been egg shortages, leaving shoppers racing to gobble up what's available. You got me. Egg prices are nuts. Seriously, what do I got to do? Take out a mortgage just to make an omelet? What do I got to do? Sell my car so I can buy a frittata?

What do I got to do? Pretend to be the long-dead husband of the wealthy widow Belvedere, finally back from the Korean War? Then one night, in the middle of her sponge bath, I sneak off and write myself into her will, but as I'm forging her name, I realize behind all those wrinkles and skin tags lies the kindest, gentlest soul I've ever met. But when I rush into the bathroom to tell her I love her, she's dead. Someone left her in the tub alone, and she's dead.

Just to afford a few huevos rancheros? I mean, ay, caramba! It's out of control. But don't worry, eggheads. With high prices comes high-portunity. That's why I'm hella bullish on ladders, okay? They help you climb trees so you can steal eggs from a buzzard's nest, which means I'm also going all in on ointment and bandages, because as I always say, Mama Buzzard don't play like that.

Now, look, I know egg prices can really scramble your bank account. Your bottom line is getting poached. But, hey, you think these egg prices are painful, you should try paying to freeze your wife's eggs and then watching your new husband, Blake, fertilize them. Let's just say I wasn't too egg-cited to find out about that. I've been sleeping like shit. Well, that's all for this edition of Costa Doing Business. I'm Michael Costa, reminding you that money can't buy happiness. Have a great Valentine's Day, everybody. Thank you.

Welcome back to The Daily Show. Mike, an Emmy and Golden Globe nominated actor who's making her feature directorial debut with the film Wish You Were Here. Welcome, Julia Starr. Thank you.

Welcome to the show. Oh my god. It is so exciting. I thank God for this show. You guys are great. And I'm so excited to be here.

We are so excited to have you. You are iconic. You've been part of all kinds of iconic movies, 10 Things I Hate About You, Silver Linings Playbook, The Bourne Franchise, and my favorite coming-of-age film, Hustlers. Oh, yes. Yes. But this is the first time that you've directed a feature, so congratulations. Thank you. Yeah.

Thank you. It's such a beautiful story. How did this film come about? Was there a point in your career when things sort of clicked into focus and you thought, I really want to direct a movie of my own? Yeah, I mean, I have been wanting to direct for a really long time. Kind of just couldn't find the right story. And I...

It was about five years ago during the pandemic that one of the actresses in the movie sent me this book. And actually, she slid into my DMs on Instagram and was like, I heard you're interested in directing, and what about Rene Carlino's book? Then she went through my agent and sent me a letter, and I read the book, and I loved it. And I had a visceral reaction to it. I laughed. I cried. I laughed through my tears, like that good cry that makes you feel...

at the end of it. And I thought, this is the story that I want to tell. And that was the catalyst for making me go, okay, now's the time. I mean, I've been acting for a long time and I've been on lots of film sets. So it finally felt like, okay, now I want to be in the driver's seat. Is that okay? Can I do that? Okay. Of course you can. I'm so excited to be here. I can't even believe it. I can't even believe it.

I've been doing a lot of promotion for the movie, and I have to just, like, I can't contain my excitement. It took us five years to get the movie adapted, financed, cast, into production. We were about to go and start shooting, and then the SAG strike happened. We finally made the movie, and I love this movie so much, and I just can't believe that I'm here. You deserve it.

All of the work paid off. It really shows. This is a story about young love. It's a beautiful, romantic drama with comedic moments. Was there anything that you discovered in all of your years acting in those types of films that you thought, I really want to do this differently?

I mean, I definitely, my radar for keeping a movie like this from being saccharine or corny, my radar was up for that. I tried to keep it as grounded and real as possible. But the thing that struck me, even initially about the book, is that the main characters are very young, but their love story is so much more mature and touches on things that are a lot deeper. You know, most movies that are about young romance are...

mostly focused on, like, love at first sight or the initial stages of a relationship, you know, having a crush on someone. And this one, they play this game with each other where the girl will tell him the story of their lifelong love affair together as though they're an older couple looking back on a lifetime of memories together. So it brings up a lot of, you know, more universal kind of deeper issues like mortality and how we should be so lucky to...

create a lifetime of memories with someone and connect with them and have a life together. It does. And the lead character has this magical moment with this young man. It's sort of like a whirlwind romance evening. And then he ghosts her. Turns out he has a good reason for ghosting her. It's a pretty good reason. He's in the hospital. Uh-huh. Yeah. And he's very sick. Yeah. I mean, I think that gets a pass. So you're saying...

You're saying all of the men who have ghosted me over the years. There's probably a great reason for it.

Maybe. You never know. Yeah. You never know. Have you ever been ghosted? I think that I'm the kind of person that it would be impossible to ghost me because if you don't respond to my text messages, I will not stop texting you until you do. And they'll get longer. They'll be like paragraphs of like, I know you can hear me and this is how I feel about it. Where are you? Yeah. I know you're, yeah. Why are your notifications turned off? Right. Yeah. Yeah. I totally get that.

One of the things that I appreciated that you mentioned was that your experience as a mother helped you as a director. Yeah. Yes. I realized pretty quickly on set, I was like, I can do this because you have to operate...

I have three little kids and you have to operate with very little sleep. You have to multitask. You have to think 10 steps ahead, but also be in the present moment, manage people's hunger levels. Like let's take a snack break. And that's not to say that actors and crew members are like little kids, but I just mean that you have to be looking out for everybody's needs. Yeah, no, they are. They are little kids. We're little kids. They,

They are very-- actors and children are both very temperamental, can't go potty by themselves. Always need more screen time. So that makes perfect sense. Your lead in this movie, Isabelle Fuhrman, you worked with on Orphan, correct? Yes. No, spoiler, she plays a 30-year-old psychopath in that movie, pretending to be your 10-year-old daughter. Yes. So were different vibes on this set? Yes.

-Totally. I mean, first of all, 'cause I'm like -- I was -- When I explained to people that I met Isabelle playing her mother, I'm like, "Whatever." She was pretending to be a little girl. -Yes. -But, yeah, it was a very dark horror movie. And I played a sociopath. Spoiler alert.

But we had a lot more fun on Wish You Were Here. There's a lot of moments of levity and silliness to kind of suck you in before the tragedy happens. Yes, much, much lighter, more beautiful story. You got to work with a close friend of yours on the score of the film, Vanessa Carlton. Yeah, I loved, loved, loved putting music to this film. And we sourced a lot of existing songs that I had a playlist that we put in. And but...

Vanessa and I have known each other since high school, and I know that she, we've stayed friends through all different walks of life. Like we really, when "A Thousand Miles" came out, and it was around the same time that

I think "10 Things I Hate About You" came out. And so we were both having success in our careers and kind of like, what is this thing that we've wanted for so long, but it's kind of scary and not many people understand it. And then, you know, dating in our 20s and having families. And I know that she had always -- and career ups and downs. She had wanted to score a film for a really long time. This is the first film that she's done.

So, of course, when I had the opportunity, I reached out to her, and she wrote, like, beautiful, beautiful music with her husband, John McCauley, who is from the band Deer Tick. And the combination of the two of them is like, you know, they're a couple writing music for a movie about a couple. And he's got, like, this grovelly, you know, kind of masculine musical vibe, and she's got her piano, amazing piano composition. I feel so lucky. It was such a perfect...

a perfect collaboration for the two of you. I'm curious, you came up as a young actress, teenager in the world before social media was really a thing. Now, every actor that's coming up is on social media, there are platforms and sharing, and it's

so it's like your personal life is so out there do you look back and go thank god i didn't have that oh my god yes i mean not because not because i was doing anything that would have been worthy of posting it's just because i would have been so tortured like even now uh i'm trying to navigate that world and i literally spent like two hours yesterday

and then deleting and then reposting and then second-guessing my caption. And it was all because the alignment of a picture wasn't right. Like, the nerd in me as a grown-up is so tortured that I'm glad that when I was younger, I didn't have to deal with that. It's a lot of work. It is a lot of work. That is the director in you, too. And that's why your film is so beautiful. And I can't wait to see what you do next. Congratulations on all of it. Reach You Are Here is now available on digital. Julia,

Now here it is, your moment of death. The soaring cost of one common ingredient could scramble some menus. How local restaurant owners are dealing with eggflation. Eggflation was up 37%. Eggflation. Eggflation. That's eggflation. Eggflation. The prices are through the coop.

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