Trump's $5M Immigrant "Gold Card," Elon's First Cabinet Meeting, | Rosebud Baker
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Factor Meals 5-0 off to get 50% off, plus free shipping on your first box. Weight loss with Factor Keto based on a randomized controlled clinical trial. Results will vary depending on diet and exercise. You're listening to Comedy Central. From the most trusted journalists at Comedy Central, it's America's only source for news. This is The Daily Show with your host, Desi Lydon.

Welcome to The Daily Show. We've got so much to talk about tonight. Donald Trump is releasing a new line of hats for your weird uncle to wear. America's cover charge is about to go up. And Elon Musk does hand stuff. So let's get right into it. The Daily Show.

I'm gonna cop on. Today was a big day for Donald Trump. He had a meeting with every member of his cabinet, and he even invited the president. By the way, thanks for dressing up, Elon. Don't let us keep you from a blackjack tournament in 2006.

But yes, Elon did have a seat at the table. Well, not an actual seat. He was more looming over it like an Ed Hardy Sith Lord. And some reporters wondered if that created tension with the actual cabinet members, given that he keeps trying to fire all of their staff.

President Trump put out a truth social today saying that everybody in the cabinet was happy with you. I just wondered if you had heard otherwise, and if you had heard anything about members of the cabinet who weren't happy with the way things were going. Let the cabinet speak just for a second. Is anybody unhappy with him? If you are, well, throw him out of here. Is anybody unhappy?

It's nice to know that someone gets a vote on whether Elon Musk should be running the country.

It would have been awkward if someone started to raise their hand before everyone else started clapping. Me? Oh, no, I wasn't raising my hand. I was just about to do a Nazi salute. Phew! Good save. So everyone is proud of the job that Elon is doing, and Elon agrees. And I should say, also, we will make mistakes. We won't be perfect. But when we make a mistake, we'll fix it very quickly.

So, for example, with USAID, one of the things we accidentally canceled very briefly was Ebola, Ebola prevention. I think we all want Ebola prevention. So we restored the Ebola prevention immediately. I'm sorry, you accidentally very briefly canceled what? I hate to be giving efficiency notes to the efficiency master, but perhaps next time we keep Ebola prevention going the whole time.

Is Elon really asking for credit for only canceling Ebola prevention a little bit? It's like he dropped a baby and went, what? Look how fast I picked it up. Five second rule. I think we should be a little more careful, especially when we're already dealing with a measles outbreak. But don't worry, Elon is not in charge of that. RFK Jr. is.

people who have contracted measles at this point. Mainly, we're told, in the Mennonite community. There are two people who have died, but we're watching it. So it's not unusual. We have measles outbreaks every year. Quick question. When you say we have measles outbreaks every year, are you talking about America or, like, you? Thank you.

it sounds like you might take out that whole room and that would be terrible. But yes, RFK is overseeing the measles outbreak and he has promised, promised that he will personally, if the hospital allows it, consume all of the corpses of those infected. So he's really seeing to it. And this cabinet

cabinet meeting was kind of a waste of time, okay? But Trump has been getting some stuff done. For example, yesterday he signed an executive order that forces hospitals to be transparent with their prices. And look, that seems like a good idea. And I am perfectly capable of admitting it when Donald Trump did something good. When Donald Trump did something good. When Donald Trump did something good. I can't

Why is this so hard? Oh, thank God those don't come along very often. Of course, because it's Donald Trump, most people will never hear about this price transparency thing because at the same meeting, he seemed more interested in doing stuff like this. Do you have one of those Trump was right about everything hats? Give me this, yeah? Give me all of them. Look. See that? Trump was right about everything. It just came in. Somebody said, they said...

This was sent in by a fan. I said, I think we should make some of them, right? But we were pretty much, you want one? Okay, first of all, that is way too much text, guys. If your hat needs a bookmark, it's not a good hat.

And look, I hate to quibble with the hat, but Trump wasn't right about everything, okay? There were a couple of small things. I don't know. Haitian immigrants weren't eating cats and dogs. There wasn't $50 million worth of condoms sent to Gaza. Belgium is not a city. The 2020 election wasn't stolen. China doesn't... China doesn't eat the Panama Canal, nor does it...

And the best taco bowls are not made at the Trump Tower Grill. But yes, other than that, Trump was right about everything. Now, I'm not trying to be a hater, but if you're gonna own a hat with a ridiculous lie on it, at least make it a fun ridiculous lie. Which is why I'm selling these. Garfield did 9/11 hats. Get yours today before he finishes the job.

Obviously, Trump didn't bring everybody into the Oval Office just to sell hats. He was there to sell something much more fancy. - We're gonna be selling a gold card. You have a green card, this is a gold card. We're gonna be putting a price on that card of about $5 million, and that's gonna give you green card privileges plus. - Oh, green card privileges plus. See, I was still getting America with ads.

Quick question, if I'm unhappy with America, can I cancel my subscription after seven days? I am curious, what does this gold card do? It's going to be a route to citizenship, and wealthy people will be coming into our country by buying this card. They'll be wealthy, and they'll be successful, and they'll be spending a lot of money. This guy just put a cover charge on America? It's $5 million to get in, but he'll waive it if you bring in three hot girls with you.

I mean, I guess it beats the old way of becoming a citizen, which was to marry Donald Trump, but still. I feel like immigrant stories are going to be a lot less inspiring in the future. My grandfather came to this country with nothing but $5 million and the clothes in his custom Louis Vuitton five-piece trunk set. Although I have to admit, I don't totally hate the idea of buying your way into a country. Hey, Canada.

How you doing, girl? I'm just gonna come out and say it. I wanna be in you. And listen, I don't have $5 million, but I do have $4 and a cough drop. And this orange hat. Let's talk about it.

Now, you might be thinking, wait a second. If the U.S. is just going to put citizenship up for sale, doesn't that mean that any monster can buy one as long as they're rich? Well, according to Trump, mm-hmm. Would a Russian oligarch be eligible for a gold card? Yeah, possibly. Hey, I know some Russian oligarchs that are very nice people. It's possible.

Seems like Trump watched Anora and his takeaway from that movie was, we need to do more to help out that rich Russian teenager. He's so good at sex. But if you're letting Russians come into the country, you've got to be careful, okay? I don't want to engage in stereotypes, but if you let a Russian in, then there's going to be a smaller Russian inside of him. And then an even smaller Russian inside of him, and on and on and on. There's all

Bottom line, I'm not sure I like the idea of a special card that gives rich people unique access to America. But if we were going in that direction, we have an idea for how to market it. For centuries, the world's poor and hungry have flocked to America's shores. And now you can jump that line.

Introducing the Trump Gold Card. Five million dollars. You get citizenship, plus exclusive access to Wyoming. Yeehaw. You get to vote twice. And best of all, the Delta Sky Lounge. Off-peak hours only. And for ten million more, you get the Trump Platinum Card. Better than gold. You get two laws a year. A free continental breakfast. Cottage cheese. Three months of Apple TV Plus. And a gun. Bang, bang. Want more? The Trump Black Card.

That platinum car. You get your face on Mount Rushmore. Suck it, Lincoln. Your own star on the flag. And even better, the Delta Sky Lounge. You got us only. Had enough?

Why Elon Musk moves like that today?

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One thing we've learned about Elon Musk is that he's a very graceful man who's comfortable in his own body. But how did he get that way? Well, good news. We found the man responsible. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage Mr. Elon Musk. Double fist. Double fist and roar. Yes! He nailed it.

So proud. My name is Gian Leeman. I am Elon Musk's normal body movement choreographer. I am responsible for all the very normal movements you see Elon Musk making with his body on a daily basis. Elon is a wonderful pupil. He might not necessarily have the coordination of a great dancer or the talent or ability, general control over his limbs, but he does have the money.

I would rate his dancing somewhere between Stephen Hawking and Michael Jackson after he died. Luckily, I'm one of the great choreographers on this earth. One of my proudest routines is Elon's trademark X-Leap. I worked for weeks trying to invent the right move. I was really struggling.

'til I watched some children performing for Kim Jong-un. That's you know. Beautiful. Did you see it, mother? He did look like a kangaroo with Lyme disease. Well, that was the point. You don't respect my craft. My first big gig was actually a stage production of High School Musical on Jeffrey Epstein's island. I've choreographed dances for some of the great super rich dancers of our time. Bill Gates, Steve Ballmer,

Three days before the inauguration, Ilan told me he wanted to develop a signature move like Trump's double-handing. He wanted to send his heart out to the crowd. He told me he wanted it to look like Adolf, referring of course to the 20th century Russian ballet dancer Adolf Bohm. So we worked and worked until eventually we landed on our final solution.

Elon's about to send his heart out to the crowd. People are gonna love it. Just watch. Here he goes. He just... Oh no. That must have been a mistake. Surely he won't do it again. He did it again. Okay. My heart goes out to you. No, of course I didn't know he was gonna do that. He was supposed to send his heart out to the crowd. It was supposed to be like this. Obviously, that is not what we rehearsed. Not that. Please don't fire me, Jojo. Woo!

Things have been hard since the incident. I lost my job, my house, and my scarf. But I did land a new job. I have been asked to be the singing coach for RFK Jr. RFK, it's la la la, not

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and enjoy. Choose from 40 weekly options across eight dietary preferences like Calorie Smart, Protein Plus, and Keto. And if you're looking to lose weight, Factor's Keto Meals can help you lose up to eight pounds in eight weeks. Savor nutritious premium meals no matter how busy life gets. Eat smart with Factor. Get started at factormeals.com slash

Factor Meals 5-0 off and use code Factor Meals 5-0 off to get 50% off plus free shipping on your first box. Weight loss with Factor Keto based on a randomized controlled clinical trial. Results will vary depending on diet and exercise. Welcome back to the Daily Actor, an Emmy Award winning writer for SNL. Her latest stand-up special for Netflix is called The Motherload. Please welcome Rosebud Baker. ♪♪

Warm-up guy does his job. Yeah Vince Vince Vince isn't a fool exactly what he's doing. Yeah, I am so happy to have you on Congratulations on your special. Thank you. I enjoyed it so much I was so excited to have you on to talk about it So you you filmed half of this special when you were eight months pregnant? Yes, and

and then half of the special after you had your baby, a year after. - Yes. - Right? So I guess my first question is why not film for part of your set being actively in labor? I felt like I was missing something, you know? - Yeah, no, I guess I left something on the table there. - Yeah, so to speak. - Saw what I did.

Yeah, no, I should have thought of that. I really should have. Yeah, well, you know, hindsight. Yeah, a lot of blood, so. Yeah, we saved the people. Kind of pulls focus. Totally. Plus, you don't want the baby to upstage you. Right. Yeah. What's important is that the spotlight stays on me. That's exactly right. I couldn't agree more. Yeah.

It's so it's so good. What was behind that decision to want to show that part of your journey like those playing economy of those. Yeah, I just I wasn't sure I was someone who wasn't sure if I wanted kids or not and I kind of tortured myself with the decision and I also wasn't sure that I had an hour that I could confidently put out.

So... It was, you know, necessity is the mother of invention type of a situation. But also, I just, when I watch it now, I think of, like, my child-free self and how I wished that I had something like that to watch so that I didn't have to torture myself. Something that was, like, really, really honest about what it took to get pregnant, even. Because, you know, they tell you...

Just like if you're not double condom, you know, everything, your life is over. And you can get pregnant like one day a month, you know? Right. Yeah. Like upside down. Which is how you did it. Yeah, which is how I prefer to do it. Anyway.

You talk about your struggle. You labored over the decision of whether to have a child or not. Do you... Now you have a... Like my pun. And now you have a one-and-a-half-year-old daughter. Do you deeply regret it? How long do things stay on the Internet? Oh, no one will catch it. No, I don't regret it at all. I mean, listen, every day it's like I've definitely changed. You know, I was a huge bitch before and now...

Now it's worse. Yeah, I was going to say. So I can say that. Yeah. You know. But no, I don't regret it. I don't. I really wish that I had your special to watch when I was pregnant because I think so many women think like, oh my God, am I even going to be myself anymore?

Am I going to change? And it was really cool to see you on the other side of it, you know, just brilliantly doing your thing. The thing that stood out the most for me, because I was looking to see your perspective change between pre-baby and post-baby, and you could see that you definitely see things with a different lens. Yeah. But...

But what was so awesome was that before you had the baby, you were this brilliant comedian who's a great storyteller with impeccable timing. And after the baby, you're a brilliant comedian who's a great storyteller with impeccable timing. And to see that visual representation

It dispelled the bullshit myth of, like, women lose their edge when they become mothers. Well, watch this f***ing special. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. See, I think that the whole notion that women, like, are soft or that they're not on their game, I don't think motherhood does that to women. I think bad husbands do that to women. Yeah. I think, you know... I agree. I agree.

I think bad husbands are the problem. Your husband is a good husband. Yes. And is also a stand-up comedian. And still an idiot. And he's the best. Yeah, but he's a good idiot. He's a good idiot. So he's a comedian, you're a comedian. Are you concerned that your daughter's at high risk for becoming a comedian? No.

Yeah, so my husband and I are both recovering alcoholics. I'm ADD. He's depressed. I think comedy is like the least of her worries. She's good. Yeah, it pains me to say this, but it might be the best case scenario. Well, if that's the case, then she's got a great role model to look up to. Thank you.

One of the things that stands out so much about your comedy is that you just get right to the bone. Like, you are not afraid to talk about things that some might find hard to mine comedy from. You're very honest. You're very raw. You talk openly, like in the clip, about experiencing miscarriage. You talk about loss. You talk about grief, postpartum. Is that something that... Is it helpful to process all of that stuff through comedy?

Um, no. Therapy's helpful. It's like, you know, you know what's better than laughter is medicine. Yes. I feel like Patch Adams was goofy, but he still gave those kids chemo. Yeah. If only we could make, we could replace RFK Jr. with Patch Adams. Yes. A little switcheroo. Switcheroo. We'd be set.

Right? Wouldn't that be good? It would be amazing. Oh, my God. You're incredibly busy as is. You're also an Emmy-winning writer on SNL. You...

You write on Weekend Update, so you're in the trenches. Do you find it incredibly challenging to stay on top of just the pace of the news all the time? Like, how do you cope? I'm asking for a friend.

Well, it's helpful that they pay me. Yes, that does come in handy. But I will say that this is a good tip. Just, like, focusing on yourself, you know, like, breathing. Like, when I go into work, I'll just take, like, a deep breath, I'll center myself, and then I'll, like, I'll just kick one pigeon as far as I can. Yes, I like that. Kick...

Yeah, well and with bird flu going around I'm just they kind of have a saving lot. They have it coming. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you for that. You can see that taking pigeons around New York City, but you can also see her special the mother load it's streaming now on netflix rosebud baker everybody.

The girls that are donating to I Support the Girls are an organization dedicated to providing essential items like bras and menstrual hygiene products for girls and women experiencing homelessness. If you can, please donate at the link below. Now here it is, your moment of zen.

You want one? Are you allowed to take one? Because he'll consider it. I know him well. He's sort of a stiff. Brian, you're not a stiff. He's sort of a stiff guy. He'll take other things, but not a free hand. Always say yes to the president. Always say yes to the president. Would anybody like one?

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