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cover of episode ‘Modern Love’: Open Your Heart and Loosen Up! Therapist Terry Real’s Advice for Fathers

‘Modern Love’: Open Your Heart and Loosen Up! Therapist Terry Real’s Advice for Fathers

2025/6/15
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A
Anna Martin
L
Listener
T
Terry Real
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Listener: 我的父亲那一代人不太善于表达情感，只有在电话结束时才会说“爱你”。虽然父亲不善于表达爱，但他内心深爱着我。父亲在临终前展现出的脆弱让我印象深刻。父亲教我如何在所爱之人面前展现脆弱，这是一种恩赐。父亲与我分享情感的时刻对我产生了持久的影响，我对此心怀感激。 Terry Real: 父亲们能给孩子最好的礼物是自身的健康和康复，努力完善自己。如果你来自创伤家庭，或者与父母关系不好，那就去接受治疗，解决问题。不要告诉你的孩子如何做一个好孩子，而是通过你自身的健康、完整和康复来向他们展示。好的育儿包括养育、指导和限制，父亲们常常侧重于指导和限制，而忽略了养育。除非你先和孩子建立关系，否则你没有资格给他们建议。最重要的是陪伴孩子，在情感上保持开放，倾听他们，关注他们。要想让人们变得健康和亲密，就必须超越父权制和传统的性别角色。敞开心扉是教孩子敞开心扉的最好方式，与孩子分享你的脆弱。坚持与孩子建立联系，鼓励他们表达自己的想法和感受。不要认为男孩到了某个年龄就突然没有感觉，没有话要对我们说。女儿们和儿子们一样，都渴望与父亲建立开放的关系。特别是对于儿子，要抵制父权制，培养他们与人联系、感受丰富和亲密的能力。同时，也要让你的孩子了解性别文化，因为他们会接触到更广泛的文化。让你的孩子自己选择是表达自我还是顺从，但你要明确地告诉他们。 Anna Martin: 我每天都在处理那些被冷漠、封闭、疏远的父亲抚养长大的人所造成的后果。敞开你们的心扉。

Deep Dive

Chapters
This chapter explores listeners' stories about their fathers and their emotional vulnerability, highlighting the significance of even fleeting moments of emotional connection. The common thread is that these rare glimpses into their fathers' emotional world were deeply meaningful and impactful gifts.
  • Listeners shared stories of fathers who rarely expressed emotions, creating lasting impact.
  • Moments of emotional connection, even fleeting ones, were deeply meaningful.
  • These moments provided insights into the father's character and strengthened the parent-child bond.

Shownotes Transcript

For Father’s Day, the Modern Love team asked for your stories about fatherhood and emotional vulnerability. They heard from listeners who said that their dads rarely expressed their emotions, from listeners whose fathers wore their hearts on their sleeves and from fathers themselves who were trying to navigate parenting with emotional honesty and sensitivity. The stories had one thing in common: even just a peek into a father’s emotional world meant so much.

On this episode of Modern Love, we hear listener’s stories about their dads. Then, Terry Real, a family therapist, returns to the show to offer his advice on being a father while also showing kids what it means to be emotionally vulnerable and available. He offers his philosophy around parenting through a combination of techniques.

For more Modern Love, search for the show wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes every Wednesday. 

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