Episode 658: Listener Tales 96: Buhtz
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Hey, weirdos, Elena here. If you're looking to kick back and relax with Morbid, Wondery Plus is the way to go. It's like having a cozy seat in our haunted mansion. No ads, just you and early access to new episodes. You can join Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or in Apple Podcasts or Spotify. You're listening to a Morbid Network podcast.

Yeah.

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Want more? Check out at shopify.com slash wondery. All lowercase and learn how to create the best retail experiences without complexity. Shopify.com slash wondery. Hey, weirdos. I'm Ash. And I'm Elena. And this is Morbeth. Morbeth.

This is Marvin Listener Tales. Brought to you by, for you, from you, and all about you. I really lost myself there. You did, but you found yourself at the end. That's what's important. We are not dressed in costumes. You are. Honestly, I'm not.

we're gonna pretend we are uh so we're gonna be talking about haunted schools today and so i'm wearing a woodsboro class of 96 shirt that's so i'm just pretending i'm from that class i never liked school so uh my shirt says even baddies get saddies and i would get saddies at school but whilst being a baddie it's true and your time would be baddie my time would be so bad and make you

I mean, the time that I was in class was baddie. Hanging out was not so baddie. Then you were a baddie. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

You know, it's been a long week. It kind of came up quick. It's been a long week, but it's actually Wednesday. Yeah. It's been a long couple of weeks. That tells you everything you need to know. Long couple of weeks. Good things. Yeah. For the most part. Good things. Great things. What was it? Was it last weekend that we watched? Blumhouse was super nice and sent us a screener. Yeah. So we had a movie night with Mikey and Death. With Death. And they gave us the trailer for Drop, which actually doesn't come out.

who God only knows when you're seeing this, um, Jod. Jod only knows. Jod only knows, babe. But yeah, it was fun. It's a fun movie. And it's really fun getting screeners. So thank you so much to Blumhouse. That was so cool. That was really cool. Gather round and see this movie.

telling you this is one you're gonna want to see it comes out on april 11th so if it is already april 11th or past it won't be mikey's saying it's not so when the time comes that it's april 11th go to the theater watch drop go to the go to the theater it has um it has megan fahey she was in the white lotus recently and she was really good she was really good yeah and um it has a really hot guy in it brandon sklenar

The date. Oh, yeah. I like that guy. Yeah. Like, he was just motioned that. Can you do that again? And that was, like, the straight-up charades. He was, like, the waiter. The server. The server in the movie is...

Absolutely. Chef's kiss. Hilarious. One of my favorite things in the whole movie was the server. I think his name is Jeffrey Self was the server. Phenomenal. He made the movie, actually. He really did. He was so good. So yeah, go check that out. And thank you so much to Blumhouse. That was really cool. That was awesome. And without further ado, these are brought to you by, for, from you, and all about you, so we gotta get into them. Let's get into it. Let's talk about some weird-ass school. Shout out to Debbie for putting these together. Deb. Deb.

So I'll start, I guess. Yeah, I'll start. This one's just called Listener Tales. I love that. Keep it short and simple. Oh, that reminds me.

If you guys have photos with your listener tales that you are cool with us sharing or want us to share, make sure you explicitly say that in the listener tale. Otherwise, we won't share them because, you know, respect. Privacy. And all that. Explicit. But be very explicit. Like, it is okay to share these or I want you to share these. And we mean on, like, Instagram. Yeah.

Yeah, like when we post. Just because sometimes when we mention things in certain listener tales and we're like, holy shit, your cat is really cute or like, holy shit, that picture's crazy. Everyone's like, what? But we're never going to share your shit unless you tell us to. So just make sure you say that in writing and all will be good.

So this one's called Listener Tales. And it says, hey, weirdos, I hope you get a chance to read my tale. It's all about the time I got haunted by prankster ghosts at boarding school and how I think it was your fault. Apologies in advance for any typos. Apologies in reverse. Yeah. Apologies in retrospect. Truly. I'm sorry. All right. Let's see. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry.

Like, damn. I'm sorry. Sorry. So I don't know if I can say their names, so I won't. Hey, weirdos. I've taken the liberty of changing my name and my story.

Glad we took that out. Not because I think it matters, but because I think it's fun. Honestly, I do too. I like that. This might be my only chance to use the alias I've been developing since high school. Leah Baker. Boring. Yes. But boring is believable. Street smarts. That's honestly not boring. That is street smarts. And why haven't I been working on an alias? I don't know. I feel like I've had plenty of time. I feel remiss. I'm going to start working on an alias. Yeah, you got to.

Anyway, I want to start by saying I'm a silent fan. I don't comment or engage with those who do, but I listen to your episodes the moment they come out. Honestly, much respect. Thank you. Being a silent fan. Yeah. I'm a silent fan of a lot of things. I'm a silent fan of almost everything except for Ghost. I love it.

The way that I was like... I knew you were going to say that. Yeah, I'm a silent... The things that I listen to... Aside from Ghost. Yeah, silent. Like podcasts and stuff. Like shows, anything like that. I'm pretty silent. Yeah. Unless I'm just like in there being like...

This was great. I loved this. Like that's it. Yeah. But like very, very. No, I get that. So I appreciate it. So it says, I first discovered your podcast when I was training for a half marathon. Damn. And I really needed something to distract me from the horror of long distance running. I don't blame you. People told me that I would learn to love running. Spoiler alert.

I didn't. Me either. But I did come to love the way you tell stories and roast the crusty panties off the whack-ass perps you talk about on your show. Iconic. Never listen to the haters telling you to change. You did what no other podcast has done for me. You two made me laugh out loud for a whole hour as I shuffled around the track of a dimly lit field house late, late at night. That's so nice. I love you and thank you for that. Stop doing that late at night. Okay, that sounds weirdly specific. Let me explain.

I used to live and work at a New England boarding school. Ooh. Hey. Tell us which one offline. Built in the 1800s, Latin motto, a president went there type of boarding school. It is in a very rural area, so there isn't much to do there besides hang out at the local pub or in the literal fields that surround campus.

This is one of my favorite beginnings to any story. Same. You give me a New England boarding school from the 1800s with a Latin motto and a president once been there and you can only hang out at the local tavern or the field surrounding said school. Yeah. It's kind of urban legend too. It's delicious.

We just sipped it all up. Love it. Because I was in my mid-20s, riddled with anxiety, bored as hell, and in charge of the largest dorm on campus, 100-plus underclassmen girls, I needed an outlet. While many might prefer the pub in the comfort of a cold brew ski with the lads, I prefer my misery straight. No chaser. I took to the fields. Literally, I ran long trails around campus and began training for a half marathon.

Unfortunately, boarding school teachers live extremely busy lives. You teach all day. You coach in the afternoons. You have duty in the dorms, making sure the kids get along and, you know, stay alive. You have meetings, clubs, professional development, et cetera, eating into every free hour of the day.

That sucks. Seriously, we didn't have sick days and we worked on all those holidays people usually get off, like Memorial Day. This meant that if I wanted to run, I had to run before or after all my other duties. That makes sense. It does. Sorry I scolded you. You're like, I'm sorry. I didn't know your life. I don't know. I often started my runs at 5 or 6 a.m. and after 8 or 9 p.m. This wouldn't have been a big deal if not for one very important thing. The school was very haunted.

yeah i'm not exactly a skeptic of the supernatural i was raised very religious and while i don't rock with organized religion anymore i'm still pretty sensitive to what else might just be out there next time somebody comes to my door trying to sell me on a religion i'm just gonna tell them i don't rock with religion i don't rock with organized religion i just don't rock with it that is kind of how i feel that's exactly how i feel yeah that's all yeah you can i just yeah go for it yeah

What the fuck?

Motherfucker was levitating. He was just floating. I don't like that. Another coworker, it's very Salem's Lot. Another coworker, it's Stephen King.

Another coworker told me that people who stay overnight in the campus health center hear footsteps outside their doors all night. It is a pacing sound that goes away when they look to see who it is. She told me the school nurses believe it's the ghost of past night shift workers helping them out and checking up on the sick kids. I kind of love that. I really like that. That's a nice haunt. So you get it. Boarding school, haunted, spooky, but also the ghosts are nice? Yeah.

Anyway, back to me, Leah Baker. Alias, Leah Baker. During my runner era, I used to follow the cross-country trail around the fields at night, guided by some sparse campus lights.

It was actually very peaceful, and I enjoyed being able to see the stars above. On late summer nights, I would watch the lightning bugs dance over the tall grass around me, blinking slowly as if they were soothing me and encouraging me on my way. I love that. That's poetic and beautiful. I preferred to run at night because of this, but one day I decided to switch up my routine and run in the early morning. Smart. Switch up your routine. That's very smart.

That's when I saw them. A group of boys were playing soccer. It was a little foggy, but I could make out their goofy adolescent forms. You know the type, skinny and all elbows. They were all dressed in a similar sort of uniform. As I got a little closer, I saw that the uniforms looked very old-timey. Some of them had hats I'd expect to see on cast members of the newsies.

That's true.

So I shook my head once and looked back at the field. They were gone. I stopped dead in my tracks and felt chills over my entire body. I was suddenly very cold. Did I just hallucinate? I thought. Honestly, I was so bored I wouldn't put it past myself. I chalked it up to a weird morning and the fog playing tricks and finished my run. The fact that you saw an entire soccer team and then just looked away and looked back and were like,

I'm probably bored. Like you were really bored. Honestly though, that makes so much sense being up that early in the morning. You're like, yeah, I don't have the wherewithal for that. Cause you're like, do I want to investigate this? Nope. Probably not. Nope. Not before coffee. No. Soon the temperate fall weather. We're almost there. That just made me like ache for fall. By we're almost there. I mean, two seasons to go. We're so close. So close.

Soon the temperate fall weather turned to a harsh cold winter as it does in New England. Why, God, why? But we're coming out of it. As a certified weather wuss, I cannot be caught outside the months of November and February. Bundle up? Layers? Never. So when it got too cold to run outside, I moved indoors to the field house. That's where you gals come in.

Hey. What is more boring than running through countless grass fields, running circles around a dimly lit indoor track? My brain was melting and my podcast app suggested I try a true crime pod called Morbid. Good job, fucking podcast app. Yeah. I gave it a whirl and was immediately hooked. It was actually a guest episode. Look at that. A guest episode. It was good. Talking about the tale of a badass playboy bunny. It was Holly, I bet.

Oh, was it? Holly Madison. Yeah. Who got fucked over by the system and men. 100%. That was definitely Holly. Yep. Shout out to Holly. Yep. So anyway, there I am doing laps and listening to Morbid when all of a sudden the lights shut off in the building. Ugh.

That's a no for me. That's like horror movie. Initially, I wasn't that worried. Girl. My school had a 24-hour campus security team that would make the rounds to various buildings. Maybe they didn't see me and shut off the lights, I thought. So when I looped back around to the light switches by the door, I flicked them on and continued my painful shuffle. I had a long way to go. I love that you were just like, I'm going to continue this run. I'm going to keep running. Hell yeah. That night's run was supposed to be a 10-miler. Oh, yeah.

Oh my god, and just going in circles. For ten miles. You even wrote cue retching noises. Yeah. Honestly. A couple minutes later, I'm turning the far bend of the track and the lights shut off again. Oh, leave. Get out of there. Annoyed, I shout into the darkness, Hey, I'm in here!

No response. Son of a biscuit-eating bulldog, I think. I love that you thought that. I love that. And flick the lights back on when I get to the switches again. I try not to curse in front of my students, so I have a few colorful non-curses locked and loaded at all times. Once again, a couple minutes later, the lights flick off for the third time. Okay, now I'm scared. I pause, Ash's voice in my earbuds, and say loudly, Bro, what the hell? No response.

I stand there in the darkness for a few seconds and suddenly I start to get very cold.

Remember the USS Salem? That kind of cold is a different kind of cold. That's the... Like, truly. Like, we have survived New England winters, and I've never felt that kind of cold. It was just, like, to your bones kind of cold. And it, like, afterwards, too. It's quick, too. Mm-hmm.

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As soon as I read the number, I felt warmer, reassured. I tried getting back to my run. Was it the ghosts everyone had told me about? No one had mentioned them being anti-health assholes. Like, hello, I'm trying to scrape together a couple endorphins and hide my big feelings and even bigger muscles. I could be at the pub, but no, I was in the freaking field house at 9 p.m. on a Friday. About 30 seconds. I like that you were trying to hide your big feelings and even bigger muscles. Yeah.

No, after about 30 seconds into this internal monologue, the lights flickered. Annoyed, I shouted, knock it off, I'm almost done.

Just like that, the lights stopped flickering. They stayed on the rest of the time and I was able to continue my run and finish my introduction to your podcast. Thanks, ghosties. Yeah, shout out to the ghosts. Over the next several weeks, I continued listening to Morbid on my runs and the same thing happened a few more times to varying degrees. The ghosts had shenan'd once and they chose to shenan again. I see what you did there. I like that. However, each time I told them to knock it off, they did.

It honestly felt like they were trying to prank me. Or maybe they were annoyed that I was huffing and puffing in their hangout past bedtime. While I never saw the soccer kids again, my ex-boyfriend and I started to have dreams that ghosts were hanging out in my apartment, throwing parties and hosting game nights while we were laying sleeping in my bed. That's kind of funny. I kind of love that. Yeah. My dog, Lady, seemed like she could see them and would stare around the room gazing at nothing.

Sometimes whining for no reason at all. My cabinets would open by themselves and stuff would be moved, but I never felt threatened in any way. It always felt like I was in the way. I had the overwhelming feeling that they thought of me the way a superior alien race might think of a puppy. Cute, but useless. Or the way teenagers think of millennials these days. Cringe.

So anytime the shenanigans began to flare up, I would tell the ghosts what I tell my students. Grow up. It never works with my students, but it did work with the ghosts. Whatever they were doing to bother me would stop for a while. I really began to wonder if it was you two spooky gals that awakened these prankster ghosts. I did.

I take full responsibility. Could be. That was me. I did it. Canon. It was like they heard me listening to y'all and said to themselves, this bitch will be a good sport. She'll be down to hang with some rascals having a little fun.

In the end, I completed my first and last half marathon. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Good job. And got a new job that had a better work-life balance. That makes me happy for you. I love that. While I haven't had any true ghost encounters since leaving, Lady tragically passed away from cancer shortly after moving to a new city. Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. Even though she's gone, I can still feel her with me. Yep.

A ghost lady. Yeah, a ghost lady. I love that. In my room, by the foot of my bed, or laying in her spot next to me on the couch. And my personal favorite, every time I take a bath, I can feel her spirit laying on the bathroom floor near me like she used to love to do when she was still alive. Oh, my cats do that. I love that.

Anyway, thanks for reading and keep it weird, but not so weird that you turn into a ghost to prank a 20-something-year-old going through a quarter-life crisis and has the absurd idea that accomplishing a difficult and random task will somehow fix her. It won't, but therapy will. Peace and love, Leah motherfucking Baker. Leah motherfucking alias Baker. I love you, Leah motherfucking Baker. That was absolutely fantastic. That was a good one. And oh, lady is beautiful. Let me see. Leah.

Lady. Also, you're beautiful. Oh, wait, I have access to that. I was like, let me see as if I can't see that on my own. Yeah, Leah motherfucking Baker, you're gorgeous. And so is Lady. Oh, my God. And good on you.

Good job. You finished that half marathon. You did that shit. You did it, brother. I'm going to close this while this lady reads. So I'm not half Mac. Human lady. Half Mac. Sometimes I become half Mac when we do these things. How did Mikey put it? You're very Mac-y.

It was when we did the Andrew McMahon episode and I realized that literally the entire episode I'm just like this. And Mikey tried to subtly tell me but I don't understand subtlety. Yeah, that's okay. But now, it closed. I closed. Now I'm Woodsboro forward. I love that. I always am. Yeah, truly. Alright, well my next one is also just called Listener Tales. You guys are short, sweet, and to the point. Let's go.

you can leave that in if you want to all right so listener tale devil on campus oh on campus so dumb that is dumb all right my name is lisa feel free to use my name lisa lisa you're really funny today

Boy, do I have a story for you. I'm hydrated. Hydrated? I think that's why. I'm hydrated too, but I don't feel as funny. I feel silly and hydrated. Silly goofy? Yeah. Silly goofy girl. Silly goofy girl. There's a, sorry. There's a creator on TikTok. He's like not a creator on TikTok. He's just like a comedian. Morgan J. And have you ever seen, have I showed you his videos? I feel like you have. Are you a goofy guy? I think you have showed me. And he like sings. Oh,

A goofy guy. He's like, I'm a goofy guy. Yes, you did show me him. I want to go to one of his shows so badly. I think you should. And calling you a silly goose made me think of that. I like that. Everybody go check out Morgan Jay. He's very funny. Do it. All right, Lisa. My name is Lisa. Feel free to use my name. Lisa. I'm using it so much.

boy do i have a story for you oh yeah it may sound too crazy to be true but trust me i stayed up many nights following these events not wanting to believe it myself because what where does something like this actually happen except maybe a bad b-rated horror flick well i'll tell you where my neighbors and eventually my own college dorm room for the 2009 to 2010 academic year i won't share the name of the school because i truly love that campus and i don't want them to receive bad publicity oh that's nice of you that is nice of you very thoughtful

Bear with me because I have spent the better part of my life since this happened repressing the ever-living fuck out of these memories. Damn. But I will do my best to recount as much detail as I can. There was a lot that happened. So buckle up, weirdos, because it is about to get spooky. I'm ready, and I believe you. I believe you are ready. I believe that this happened. Whatever it was, I believe it. Yeah. Yeah. So this all started as we were approaching the Christmas holiday during my first semester of college. Oh, man. First semester. Damn.

Damn, I barely made it through that and I didn't even see the devil. You're like, I'm stressed already. I know. We lived in typical freshman style dorms. One room cinder block boxes with two bare boned bed frames, bodily fluid proof mattresses, a couple of shelves, a desk. I'm really stuck on bodily fluid proof mattresses. Like, I know that's correct. That's a correct way of explaining that. It's so gross to think about.

Are there places where you can like bring your own mattress? I think you can bring your own mattress. If you've ever seen Gilmore Girls, then Yale is one of them as well. You should make arrangements to get rid of the old one. Yeah. Which they did not. I would bring my own mattress. BYOM. Yeah. Yeah. Let's go girls. Okay. A couple shelves, a desk and a single sink with a medicine cabinet above it. No,

The walls, despite being cinderblock, transmitted nearly every sound from the neighboring room we shared a wall with, including the unmistakable whoosh of water moving through the pipes as if they turned on their sink.

Old pipes, old walls, gotta love it. Out of nowhere, for several nights in a row, our neighbor's sink would abruptly turn on in the middle of the night. The sound of water running through the pipes was enough to wake even this tired college student or her stupor. Or out of her stupor. Or. I was like. I liked the dramatic pause. You were like, or. Her stupor. Her stupor. I was like, who's her stupor? Who is it? Out of her stupor. This went on every night for several nights.

Despite all of the activity I was hearing, I never actually saw our noisy neighbors until we left our rooms at the same time several days later. The first thing I noticed was how tired she looked, exhausted to be more precise. I said, what are you guys doing in there every night so late? Coloring your hair?

I said this more as a lighthearted joke because A, I didn't want to sound like a total buzzkill dickwad, and B, I'd never met her before, and you know, first impressions. Yeah, what are you going to say? Yeah. Did you guys pee a lot? Hey, you guys like always peeing in there? She looked stunned when I said this and looked at me, still grinning, I'm sure like a complete idiot, and said, we haven't been in our room for the past several nights. We've been sleeping in the common room downstairs. What the fuck? That's when your stomach falls out of your butthole. And you say, excuse me? You say, what the fuck? Come again?

Excusez-moi? Quoi? There are many options. There's a few options of things to say and we just named them. We did. My face fell. I wasn't quite comprehending the words coming from her mouth. She picked it up first. She went on to explain the weird things that have been happening in their room. Starting with their vacuum turning on in the middle of the night unplugged.

Hate that. I'd leave. I understand why they were sleeping in the common room. Don't you dare vacuum my room for me in the middle of the night. Vacuum my room for me, but not in the middle of the night. Not in the middle of the night, no. And it was in the center of their room. No. Hate it. I kind of laughed it off, thinking maybe it was the stress of upcoming finals and that was getting to her. Again, I've never met this girl, who I will now call Mandy. Name changed for privacy.

Mindy. Mindy. I didn't really think too hard about this initial incident, but apparently the rest of our dorms floor did because word got out about the haunted room on the third floor, as it always does. As it should. What is it better? That's so fun. Yeah. At this point, the haunting had progressed to the sound of heavy footsteps walking back and forth in the room, even when nobody was home.

a few of us decided stupidly to do a ghost hunt stakeout one weekend oh hell yeah that's not stupid at all that's so fun and you had to see if perfectly safe yeah see if the claims were really true yeah you gotta see if the devil's in there yeah might as well sounds like he is if the devil's at your dorm room you gotta find out why yeah you gotta see what he looks like like hey what are you doing yeah usually he comes down to georgia why is he here i'm

So there were a handful of us truth seekers huddled outside the dorm room Friday night, and we decided that the first experiment we would do was to sprinkle a layer of sugar on the ground and leave the room to see if any of it would be disturbed.

I love that that was your first go-to. Wow. I've never heard of anybody doing that. I would have done flour, probably. Why? I feel like you're going to get better imprints. More disturbance. Listen to this one. You know? Yeah. You took a forensics class. But I wasn't there.

That's funny though. Genius or stupid? I don't know. Pretty great. I think it's yeah. But we all did our part and arranged a nice layer of sugar on the ground. I took one last look around the room to double extra make sure that nobody was hiding anywhere. Again, hard to hide in a one room dorm with literally almost no furniture, but I still peeked under the beds and behind the curtains just to be absolutely certain. Good for you. You gotta make sure. That's the thing.

then we all filed out and closed the door within a few minutes the sound of heavy work boots pacing back and forth inside the now empty room began we all had our ears pressed against the door listening intently and also rooted in fear it wasn't until somebody gasped that we looked down and literally saw the fucking sugar coming back out from under the door what what is he doing said as if somebody on the other side was kicking it back under the door frame

We waited until... That's petty. That is petty. I kind of love that. Get your sugar out of here. So he's like, dude, we're gonna have bugs.

I mean, what are you doing? Doesn't the devil like bugs though? I don't know. I don't know him. Oh, none of us really do. I think speak for yourself. I mean, I don't know. Now I'm also just picturing as soon as you said work boots, I'm picturing the devil wearing like some like cool, like combat boots. Oh, some like punk rocker in there. We're picturing different things. I'm just picturing him in like Tim's. I'm picturing like a, like a rocker. Uh, yeah, I love that. I like it. I'm going to stay with this.

So we waited until the commotion and footsteps inside the room stopped. Now I'm just picturing many different things of the devil. Not surprisingly, the neat layer of sugar that we put on the floor was completely destroyed and strewn about. If that wasn't horrifying enough, upon further investigation, someone or something had written in the sugar.

See, this is where flour would have definitely come in handy. It would be clearer. See? That's true. I'm just saying. I'm just saying. I'm just saying. She's doing the scientific method with everything. She's asking questions. If that wasn't horrifying enough, upon further... Oh, I already said that. I had written in the sugar. Yeah. Hovering over the message, we all peered down to see the word, hi, staring back at us. I'm obsessed! I kind of love that the devil, wearing like whatever work boots you think he's wearing, was just like, hi. Hi.

I just picture being like, hi. Or like, hi. I'm picturing Luke Cook from Chilling Adventures of Sabrina. That devil. I shouldn't picture that. I choose to picture that devil. Choose your fighter. Choose your devil. I choose that one. That's what I'm picturing. I don't even think I could say hi like him. I think, yeah. I would never be sultry enough. No, none of us could. No, this devil in my mind is like a little like...

He's like, hey. He's like, hey. So I know, what the fuck? Am I right? Insert crying face emoji here. We decided to all file back out and just see if anything else would happen. I'm honestly not sure if we heard too much more after that because I was still trying to process what I'd just seen. But we decided to take one last look and call it a night after we had just been outside of the dorm for a few minutes. There, written under the word hi was, I'm Joseph. I love it. I'm Joseph. Hi. I'm Joseph.

I love this. I'm obsessed. I feel like I would be dying inside, but I would love this. I mean, we have investigated how many haunted places and had like crazy shit happen, but like never. But somebody writing, hi, I'm Joseph would send me into orbit. Yeah, 100%. Again, not really sure if the reactions are on me at this point because I swear I had tunnel vision and heard nothing but white noise as my mind tried to grapple with the fact of what was in front of me.

I remember us helping clean up the sugar and numbly walking back to our own dorms. How do you just like sleep in your bed that night? Yeah. Knowing one wall away, Joseph like said hi to you. Joseph is just over there in his boots. Kicking sugar. In his boots. In his sugar kickin' butts. In his sugar kickin' butts. He's over there in his sugar kickin' butts. Joseph. Joseph. In his butts. Joey in his sugar kickin' butts.

It's Boots. Why is that so funny? I don't know, but it really is. Get your boots on, Joey. There's sugar to kick. I'm crying. It's Boots. Something about sugar kicking, too. It's funny. Boots the house down. All right. Oh, my goodness. Not too long after that. Oh, my Joseph. Oh, my Joseph. And his boots.

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Not too long after that, Mandy told me that she decided to run a voice recorder during the entire night to see if she'd catch anything. At this point, her roommate had moved out, leaving only her in there to deal with this. She said, you're on your own, bitch. You're moving in with Joseph now. She said, you already have a roommate. I didn't sign up for a trio.

At this point, I remained leaving her on her own to deal with this thing. She said, Lisa, I got the fucker on recording. Oh, no. Why did he become a fucker all of a sudden? I know. What did Joseph do? Joseph is just chilling. He said hi. He's like, hi.

on the tape you can clearly hear family guy playing on the television in the background i'm like was that on or no i listened and listened until i heard it cutting through the background noise a male voice appeared as if speaking directly into the recorder it said in the most dead sounding raspy ungodly straight out of the pit's voice hell is pain okay now this just sounds like it might be pinhead and i'm

Let's go, girls. Oh, I hate that. Hell is pain. That would shiver my timbers. My timbers have been shivered. My flabbers have been gassed right now. That's my favorite expression. Like, I can't. My butts have been. My butts. That's when you need to get your shit-kicking butts on. Get your butts on. We're out of here. Get your butts on. We're out of here.

Come on, Mandy. Come on, Butts. Oh, Joseph. Joseph. Joey. Joseph. Well, it wasn't Joe. Joe. Joe. I'm just picturing Joe Bradley from Southern Hospitality.

Just Joe. Oh, man. Oh, my God. That's really scary, though. No, genuinely, that's terrifying. And, like, in this raspy, dead, ungodly voice, just being like, hell is paying. There you go. That's so scary. It's so scary. I just, like, conjured that. You did. That was good. Yeah, thank you. It's one of my souls. Joey put his boots on, and he...

Let's just name this episode Butts. Listener terms. Butts. End motion. Oh, Butts. Oh, man. Well, it wasn't too long after that that Mandy sought the counsel of a priest from a nearby Catholic church. He was young. Clearly knew what his job was. I gotta see him.

Immediately, I felt like yes. As soon as you said it, I was like, it's hot. He's young and he's new at his job. Oh, yeah. He's got me hot. We got a hot priest coming. I love this story. Woo! Priest alert! Woo!

You know, I love Midnight Mass. Let's go. I'm still going to watch that. But upon hearing all of this, hot young priest heard all the evidence that Mandy had presented to him. He gave her the rosary off his neck and said that there was a demon in her dorm room. They always go straight to demon. This also just like feels like

A movie. Because it's like the hot young priest comes. We just made him hot. He's 100% hot young priest. Sexy priest. He comes and he just like gives the rosary off of his neck to you. And he's like, you got a demon. You got a demon. You got yourself a demon. Thanks, hot priest. He said, get your butts on the ground. His name's Jedediah.

No, it's not. With that accent? Yes, it is. No, he can't be a hot young priest named Jedediah. No, he can't. No offense if her name's Jedediah. I know. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

But I'm a scientist. It doesn't work. That's not in my fantasy. It's not me. It's science. What's Hot Young Priest's name? What's Hot Young Priest's name? Luke. I'm just thinking of Luke Cook now. I know. I'm watching Emily in Paris. I'm thinking of that Luke and that's like, I don't know what that is. That's not my vibe. Yeah, it's not your bag. Hot Young Priest. Father Sean O'Malley. Oh, I'm for that. Sold. Father Sean O'Malley.

Thank you, Mikey. Mikey inserted a hot Irish priest.

Here we go. Let's go. Here we go, girls. Okay. Well, so he said by using the name Joseph, it was clearly mocking Christianity. I knew it. I almost said it, but I didn't want to be that bitch, you know? Well, you should have been that bitch. I didn't want to be that bitch. I forget what instructions Hot Young Priest gave her. I'm just calling him that now. He is because she forgot the instructions. Yeah, exactly. But clearly this was something that she was going to have to take care of on her own, which is like kind of lame of the Hot Young Priest. A little bit.

I was floored. Aren't they going to come help? Is he really not going to come and cleanse your room? Apparently the answer was no, but she said the fear in his eyes told her all that she needed to know. This was bad. We tried his recommendations and even tried praying in her native language, Spanish, but to no avail. Man, I'm like, you know, when you get coffee, you're laughing too hard.

Mandy eventually moved out of the dorm because things had gotten so bad and she moved in with us. By move in, I mean she was sleeping in a sleeping bag between my bed and my roommate's bed. I don't blame her. I don't either. We only had a week or two before finals and we could finally get the hell out of there.

Mandy's haunted dorm that we shared a wall with had been cleaned, emptied, and locked by the university staff. They said don't go in there. They said nobody's cleaning up your sugar. Bitch. Nobody had a key anymore. Let me just drive this point home. Nobody had any access to this room. Got it? We continued. That is the devil.

The devil. The devil. We continued to hear the heavy footsteps pacing back and forth in the room. We heard the medicine cabinet open and slam shut. We heard what sounded like pencils rolling up and down the desk. Tension was at an all-time high. Maybe he was just writing a novel. Perhaps. And just getting really frustrated with it. Really frustrated. Slamming the medicine desk. The medicine desk. The medicine whatever. Cabinet. That's it. That's it. Yeah. Slamming the boots. His boots were still going. Tension.

Tension was at an all-time high. We were all so stressed from living in a paranormal hellscape on top of studying for finals and living on top of each other. And Mandy just snapped. After a particularly loud march of the boots. March of the boots. March of the boots. Mandy stomped her way over to the shared wall and started banging on it. She yelled, Hey, motherfucker, we're trying to study. Shut the fuck up.

damn. What a legend, right? Truly what a legend. Yeah. Apparently it didn't find it so amusing. The footsteps stopped where they were across the room pivoted. I shit you not. I could hear the heels of the boots pivoting in the cheap dorm room carpet. And they even marched to the opposite side of the wall directly in front of Mandy's face.

separated only by wall a binder on the shelf above her head literally flew off the shelf in the opposite direction that it was leaning we all ran out of it as fast as our freshman legs would carry us this is horrifying her sweet angelic parents actually paid for us to stay in a hotel that night that should be the end of our problems right wrong wrong yeah

That night, as we were all drifting off to sleep, the entire hotel bed began violently shaking. Like all four legs took their turn coming off in the carpet and landing back down with a thud. Except speed it up times 20 and that's what it felt like. The whole thing only lasted for a few seconds, but I was frozen in fear.

I was sharing the bed with Mandy, and neither of us moved. Neither of us even said anything. We were so scared, but so exhausted. We eventually fell asleep. But the next morning, I asked her if she felt the bed violently shake the night before. Unsurprisingly, she confirmed my fear. We ended up moving to a different hotel for the rest of finals week, and luckily, no more incidents for the rest of our stay.

I came back the next year as a sophomore, but Mandy, understandably, did not return. Yeah, fuck that. The trauma from the past year just was too much. I kept an eye on the window of her old dorm room during this time. There was a light on in there for the first couple of weeks of school, but after that, the room went dark for the rest of the year. I guess the new tenant was also experiencing what it was like to rub elbows with Joseph.

Joseph. Anyways, that's the story of how I accidentally became neighbors with a demon my freshman year of college. Hope you enjoyed me reliving my deepest repressed memories. Keep it weird, friends. Lisa. Lisa! That was an epic tale. That was amazing. That's the scariest college experience you could possibly have, I feel. One of them. I love it. Yeah, I'm pretty obsessed. I want some more of it. I want to know where this school is.

I won't tell anyone, I promise. I just want to know. So I can... Go to there? Go to there. I want to research about there now. I want to know what the fuck was going on. And also, Hot Young Priest...

got a downgrade though because i'm like you're not gonna go in the room yeah part of being a hot young priest is you walk into a demon filled area and you start being a hot young priest what you signed up for hot you're just walking up there being a hot young priest and you're like i'm not going in that room then you've lost it well then you're not what am i even looking at right now go away yeah are you not even gonna protect me ew yeah you're not even gonna like try to get possessed for me really

Stupid. Whatever, Sean O'Malley. Okay, Sean. Lisa, I loved that tale. That was great. And I love you for that tale. Heart you. I love you.

Let's see. All right. My next one is going to be Bradford College, Haverhill, Massachusetts. Haunted College. Massachusetts. Hello, my lovely ladies. I have attached a double-spaced putt-a-fuck for your convenience. You can use my name and any in this tale. I'm a proud mass hole, and I've grown up enjoying all the sites you gals talk about. I got inspired to write this tale from the listener tales Haunted College.

I'm not a very good writer, so please feel free to edit. Doubt it. Yeah, yeah, I know you won't, but I have to say it. But if you do read it, totally Google it. Bradford is super active in Creepsville. Oh, and please explain to the non-New Englanders that Haverhill is pronounced Haverhill, not Haverhill. Just so you know. Laura.

Let's see. Let's talk about Haverhill up in here. All of our listener tales have been from L names. I know. That is funny. Yeah. Laura, Lisa, and was it Lily? Leah. Leah Baker. Yeah. Leah Baker. Leah motherfucking Baker. Alias. That is weird. La la la. And we've had at least two New England colleges, and I have a sneaking suspicion that last one was New England. It felt New England-y. It did. Yeah. All right. So, hello, weirdos. I am Laura, and yes, you can use my name pronounced Laura.

Most people think I don't know how to either spell or say my name, but I assure you I know both and now you do too.

I am a New England gal through and through, and boy, do I have a great local college haunting for you. Like all the other Listener Tale submitters, if you read this, I will shit a dick. I also did seven years of IVF. Seven years? Oh, my God. You're a fucking warrior. And 10 years ago, I had my precious twins, so I 100% relate to the kid talk, and it makes us working moms feel less less than. It is not easy, but would not trade it for the world. Thank you for saying that. That's sweet. I appreciate that. Yeah.

Ha ha ha!

But my tale is not about that piece of shit, garbage human. The school is like 150 years old or some shit like that and evolved throughout the years. It was a hospital, an all-girls school, and then a college. That's crazy. And it just occurred to me that now it's probably abandoned, right? Ooh, Bradford.

I love that it was a hospital first. I know, that's so cool. Whenever a hospital turns into a school, shit always goes down. And if it's abandoned now, I want to go to there. Yeah, I want to go to there. Legally, of course, like not trespass. No, of course not. Of course not.

When looking from the street at the school, there is a main school building, which was used when I was there as dorms and business offices and was the building used for the hospital. From the same road, you can see two outbuildings. One is a theater and the other is just a building of classrooms. All three of these buildings are connected by tunnels.

My first year of college, I lived in the main building and never had to leave as the cafeteria was in my building too. I was very pale that year. All these buildings have their own hauntings. Main building haunting. This building was where the hospital was run and it has four floors and has a beautiful ornate wooden staircase that made you feel like you lived in a mansion. We would sometimes hang out on the stairs as they were carpeted and stupid kids hang out in the weirdest of places. So,

Since we were badasses in college with no real adults in sight, we would hang out all over the building at all hours of night. One night, we were just there, chilling, and we heard on the fourth floor the sound of kids giggling and what sounded like running up and down the hallway. Fun fact, the fourth floor was the children's ward of the hospital. We looked at each other and noped back to our rooms. We often would hear this commotion around 3 a.m. In the same main building, there is one room that is basically a gateway to hell.

Okay. I like how casually you said that. Just like basically. Basically, kind of. I am 100 years old now, so I'm not 100. It's the same. So I am not 100% sure the exact number of this room, but it is a corner room. Things would be moved when the occupant was out and would fly across the room when they were in. No one joked about the goings on in this room, and it was always cold. The story slash legend is some hippie opened a gateway to hell and never closed it.

It's kind of like unfair that the hippies get blamed. I kind of love that, though. That's so scary. And I totally believe it. No amount of sage. We were college kids. We all had sage because we were wannabe hippies. And well, pot was going to clear that room. Now for the priest in the main building. Is he hot and young? Is it a hot young priest?

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Along with being a hospital, it was an all-girls school that was of course run by nuns and had a resident priest. One of the priests was so evil. Ah! Oh, he's not a hot young priest. He's not a hot young priest, everybody. Danger. Danger. Not a hot young priest. One of the priests was so evil, he would molest the girls and shame them into silence because priests.

Oh my god. Oh my god.

My friend who worked with Shakurdi decided to check it out one night. Wait, Shakurdi? Shakurdi. My friend who worked with Shakurdi. Sorry, I was about to laugh. I couldn't let it go. I love how you go, wait. Wait. Shut the fuck up.

I gotta make fun of you. Honestly, I get it. I would have done the same thing. Shakurity. Yeah, my friend who worked with Shakurity decided to check it out one night. The woman in yellow started typing on the cash register. They noped on out of there and refused to go back to do the rounds ever again. Damn. The theater. This ghost is a little girl who is mischievous and likes to mess with the lights and likes to hang out in this little winding staircase that leads to the balcony of

the theater she's very active and shows herself to many i've never seen her but the theater teacher would have to ask her to not mess with them during performances i think she might have been another suicide and had jumped from the catwalk of the stage oh that's so sad i want to find this man even if he's dead and kill him all over seriously i'm gonna find this priest i'm gonna fuck his world up yep

Now for the haunting that my friend, we'll call him Andy, experienced. He decided to do a documentary on the school and the hauntings. I love Andy. That's cool. When he was editing his film in the technology lab, the lights and computers would go off and on, and it took him forever to edit. Then, when he went to show the film, which was in a theater in the library building, we only got to see the first five minutes. Somehow, the film would not play, and the lights were not working. Oh, no.

We've had that happen with episodes. Yes. One episode in particular. Remember that one episode that like it wouldn't let us continue recording? It was crazy. That scared the shit out of me. Yeah, that was scary. We all noped out of there. For this documentary, he had invited a psychic to come and walk through the school. The day before she arrived at the school, her apartment smelled like a swamp. The same smell that existed on our campus as we had a pond that ran through parts of it.

The psychic met the little girl and I think other ghosts, but we never got to see the documentary. This same friend woke up a couple of times paralyzed and felt like someone was on top of him. This happened in the same dorm that the priest reported to have molested the girls in. Oh, that's awful. The last haunting happened to my security, Shakurdi. Shakurdi!

Fight him. I just gotta chill. Fight that motherfucker. The priest just disappeared.

And you guessed it, the guard noped the fuck out of there. Damn, that's terrifying. Well, that is my tale, and I hope it made sense. And I hope you keep it weird, but not so weird that you haunt poor stoner kids just trying to have a party. I've pasted pictures of the college in one of the tunnels, but if you Google haunted Bradford College, you can see more mysterious pictures. Oh, I know this college. Definitely Google this college, guys. And they would use those tunnels to get to class sometimes.

Those tunnels are scary as fuck. Not those. Not those tunnels. Not these tunnels. No. Fuck that. Lara, that was a good one. Yeah. Oh, this is a beautiful campus. It is. The most haunted ones always are. I really want to go to there. I want to go to there. I want to go to there. Maybe we will. Maybe. All right, this will be the last one. Last one. And it's going to be The Haunted School and The Hungry Ghost. It's like a children's novel. Yeah. Let's see.

Hey, spooky ladies. My name is Sam and you can please call me Sam. Can I call you lamb? Nope. Sam. Can we call you yam? I must start off with the usual. I came across your podcast after needing something to take the edge off. See, I'm a pregnant teacher who is no longer allowed wine or cold cuts and was searching for something to soothe my soul. Oh, I love a cold cut. I'm glad we could soothe your soul. Like wine and cold cuts. That's a big compliment. Yeah. Yeah.

You both popped into my life and I'm truly thankful to share my days with you. Teaching through a pandemic, morning sickness, and now heartburn have been no fun, but hearing you both share your humor and knowledge with the world makes it a lot brighter. Don't stop what you're doing and I hope one day our paths will cross. Sam! Yeah, I hope so too. Yeah. It was so sweet. And at this point, I hope your baby rocks because they're probably like five. Your baby rocks, Sam. Pandemic babies are crazy, huh? Yeah. Yeah.

How you doing with that? How's that going? P.S. My spooky crotch goblin is due in November. Please know I will be raising not only a strong female, but also your newest group of morbid fans. Hell yeah! Yeah.

Anywho, to my story. Right from college, being a desperate young'un, I accepted a job at an old Catholic school near my college. Hot Young Priest? Hot Young Priest? Hot Young Priest? Are we... This isn't Haunted Colleges. This is Hot Young Priest. It's Hot Young Priest. Except we broke it with the last one. Yeah. Well, maybe this will be... This will make up for it. Yeah, it'll make up for it. Well, who knows? I haven't read it. So even though the pay was crop, I felt right at home and I was...

Did I say crop? Even though the pay was crop. I think that might have been like my valley girl coming out. Even though the pay was crop. The pay was crop. Take the 10 to the 4 to the 5. Crop bra. Crop bra. So even though the pay was crop, I felt right at home. I was eager to get my foot in the door.

Not this lady. Nope.

Let's just say they were more than okay with me not converting. I would consider myself spiritual. I believe in God and heaven, spirits. But I also believe in women's right to choose, LGBTQ plus community, and protecting trans kids, gun control, etc. Hell yeah, Sam. Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam.

Okay, climbing off my soapbox to get to the spooky part. The school was really old, run down, but beautiful. And the best thing was, it was a church, then a convent, yay for adorable mums, and then turned into a crumbling school many years later. Then it just turned into a crumb. Then it was a crumb. A wee little crumb. Little crumb.

crumb. A little crumb. That's a spooky ass evolution. Yeah. That's scary. Going from a church to a convent to a kids Catholic school. And then to a crumb. And then to a crumb. To a crumb. So let's just say the

Let's just say entering the building gave off a certain feel to it. Maybe that was just the mold in the walls, the bats that needed to be caught monthly, but something always felt like it was just there with you. Or maybe that could have been the many Jesuses on the cross that lined the walls. That was what it was. That's definitely what it was. When the building was used as a convent, one unique feature was that it had a tunnel

tunnels in the far corner of the building why the hell would that be you might ask well back in the day when the town's first hospital was adjacent to the coven uh yeah convent i keep saying yeah what you're thinking you're thinking right yeah uh nuns would use the tunnel to enter the hospital at a moment's notice when somebody was nearing the end of their life they would be called over to provide some comfort and help give last rites a catholic tradition of a special prayer when someone is dying

Yes.

That I was a mature adult who was in charge of children. Oh, never do that. Yeah, no. Random side note. The school had all the original windows, doors, hardware, old and crappy, but cool. And the railings in our school were called nun catchers. Nun catchers? As they were the old style of railing with a long pole and the nuns would be running down the stairs, but get snagged by the poles on their long habits.

I never knew that was a thing. I can't. I need to go on a deep dive of like Catholic school shit. Nun catchers? Nun catchers. That's awesome. I think I called them nun grabbers. I like that. Nun catchers. Walking my students down the stairs always felt so cool to think of how many people had walked this building before me and how many nuns were snagged as I caught my teacher sweaters on them. Hell yeah. Yeah.

One day I was alone in my classroom during the summer months prepping for the following year. See why they hired me? I'm much older and wiser. And I thought, and I wouldn't be caught dead there during my break. Of course not. Working in my room, I heard the doorbell. Yes, an old school doorbell. As we kept our school secure during the day. And you had to be let in if you didn't have a key. Looking out the window, I saw a FedEx truck. Knowing the office was closed, I went to get the door. As I saw, he had a few rather large boxes.

A very ripped Jesus. Jesus says, can you spot me? One set of stairs goes up to the classroom. Do you even lift, bro? Yeah.

Imagine Jesus just looking at you and saying, do you even lift, bro? Iconic. They pull the lunk alarm from Jesus at Planet Fitness.

He definitely gets the look alarm, right? One set of stairs goes up to the classrooms and the other goes down to more space. The noise came from the downstairs area. I want to shit myself. Yep. This area was underground, but still had very tiny windows on top. It held a multi-purpose room along with our teacher lounge. You know, because what says come enjoy and relax with your lunch in the basement? Yeah.

Yeah, I know.

So I called out, hey, Mr. John, is that you? Mr. John? I thought it might have been our custodian as he works during the summer months. No answer. And again, standing like an idiot, I heard it. The sound. I knew exactly what it was, but I will never forget it.

I heard a drawer slide and slam open. Then what sounded like if you took your hand, placed it on a pile of cutlery, silverware, metal serving spoons, etc., and began to violently shake your hand around. Oh. That was a very good way of describing that. Yeah. I know exactly what that sound is. Terrifying. The sound was so loud, it sounded like the drawer itself was shaking loose from the wall. Ugh.

I took one final listen and bolted up the stairs. Yeah, fuck that. Why not just go outside, you may ask? Well, my car keys, phone, and purse were all in my classroom and I needed to go there first. I feel that. Once to my room, having passed a second Rip Jesus on the cross. Should have pulled the lunk alarm. I closed my door and I called my sister. I needed a minute to muster the courage to bolt. I needed to leave my room, pass the Rip Jesus, and down the same set of stairs to the school code. You should have grabbed the Rip Jesus off the wall. The power of Rip Jesus compels you. Yeah.

The power of leg day compels you. These quads. I would need to turn back to, oh, I was going to say rip Jesus again. Put the code in and leave. But I was dreading doing that with my back toward the stairs leading to the basement. On the phone with my sister, I ran down the stairs, punched in the code, and took the quickest look into the basement before slamming the door behind me.

All was silent and still, except for my heart beating in my ears and my sister on the line telling me I was okay. How the hell would she know? Once out in the parking lot, I had another scare. As I frantically looked around the parking lot, I saw no cars, no bikes, no other teachers, not the custodian, not even the goddamn Pope had been in the building with me. Oh no. I had been alone in that building.

oh no thanks ladies for listening oh weird take it away ash but not so weird that you don't do leg day with jesus it's true don't do that i hate that that freaks me i can hear that sound in my head of metal clanging together and it's very like hospital like yeah like that kind of like the metal drawer and like they shoved the trays back yeah like that just freaks me out there was no hot priest in that there was no hot priest in that one damn just a hungry ghost that's okay

You know, you can't have a hot priest all the time. You truly can't. Bye. Um, wow. Bye. That was a fun one. That was a fun one. I liked that. The spooky schools was definitely a good choice. It really was. And we'll be dressed up for the next one. We'll, we'll plan ahead. Yeah. We'll make sure we're in costume. In the garb. We just, we don't half-ass. Maybe we'll dress up as hot priests. Oh my God. Can we do that?

We can do whatever we want because it's our show. We're going to do that. All right. You heard it here first. We'll be back next month as hot priest. So look forward to that. Look forward to it. And in the meantime, we hope you keep listening. And we hope you keep. But that's where the one don't dress up as a hot priest to that. You that if you are a hot priest, you don't help somebody with their fucking demon shit. Yeah. Keep it so weird that you're a hungry ghost. Yeah. Live your best life. And.

Just keep it weird. Just keep it weird. Yeah. Sorry, I broke. But I love you and I... I don't know. Bye. Make sure to get your boots. Boots! Keep it so weird that you put your boots on. Yay! Bye! Bye! Bye!

If you like Morbid, you can listen early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wondery.com slash survey.

In the early hours of December 4th, 2024, CEO Brian Thompson stepped out onto the streets of Midtown Manhattan. This assailant pulls out a weapon and starts firing at him. We're talking about the CEO of the biggest private health insurance corporation in the world. And the suspect... He has been identified as Luigi Nicholas Mangione. ...became one of the most divisive figures in modern criminal history. I was targeted...

premeditated and meant to sow terror. I'm Jesse Weber, host of Luigi, produced by Law & Crime and Twist. This is more than a true crime investigation. We explore a uniquely American moment that could change the country forever. He's awoken the people to a true issue.

Finally, maybe this would lead rich and powerful people to acknowledge the barbaric nature of our health care system. Listen to Law and Crime's Luigi exclusively on Wondery+. You can join Wondery in the Wondery app, Spotify, or Apple Podcasts.