5 Ways to Actually Make Your Habits Stick
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Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. Okay, today you and I are going to talk about habits, and I'm going to share the five things. I'm talking essential things, tips, tricks, shortcuts, you can call it whatever you want. These are the ways that I make habits stick. And I wanted to talk to you about this today for a particular reason. Number one, did you know that most people, when they start to try to lock in a new habit, by day 19 they quit?

That's why I'm releasing this episode today, because you're about ready to quit on something new that you've started. And also, I've noticed y'all are slamming the inbox at melrobbins.com with questions about habits. So we're going to just cut through the noise. We're going to drop all the BS, and you and I are going to get the facts straight about habits. Number one, you need them. Number two, you can master them. Number three, in order to master them, you need my tips and tricks. And so I am going to teach you the

five essential things that you need in order to make your new habits stick. Let's do this.

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Hey, it's your friend Mel and welcome to the Mel Robbins podcast. I am so excited that you're here because I have so much to teach you and to share with you. This is going to be one of those conversations where you get to benefit from all the mistakes that I've made.

Because boy, oh boy, when it comes to changing behavior, I am one stubborn, lazy, lack in willpower kind of person. I have had to figure out how to hack my way through tips and tricks and

to changing. And we're going to be talking about habits today. And I'm going to share with you the five essential secrets and tools. You can call these things whatever the heck you want. They just work. And I'm going to avalanche you with takeaways today. So get ready. You're going to not only want to bookmark this and listen to it two or three times, but you're going to want to come back to this over and over and over again, because this is gold.

pure gold. This is the shortcut to making new habits stick. But before I jump in, I also wanted to just take a beat and welcome you if you're brand new to the Mel Robbins Podcast family. This is one of those episodes that I know you're going to share with everybody that you care about. And so if somebody that loves you sent you this,

I want to say thank you. Thank you for taking the time and finding the time to hit play and to listen to something that is going to set you up to win this year. Thank you for being interested in your own improvement. Thank you for wanting to learn shortcuts and things that you can do in order to make new habits stick, because that's what we're going to be talking about.

So the fact that you chose to listen to this tells me something about you. It tells me you're my kind of person because you're looking to learn and you're interested in improving yourself. And I just think that's super cool. And the other thing that I think is really cool in life is the more that I can save you the headaches and the heartaches that I've caused myself because I'm

I didn't know what I was doing. I was Miss, let's set some goals. Let's go for it for a week and then let's get tired and blow it off and feel like a loser. Well, it took me a long time to realize that habits are simply a skill you can learn. You're designed to learn new behavior. Your mind and your body

they're actually wired to learn patterns. And you can use this to your advantage. And so today, I am going to give you everything that I've learned the hard way to come up with five essential strategies that you can use all day long anytime you want to lock in a new habit. And once you learn these five things, holy cow, you're going to be unstoppable. You can set yourself up for success.

You can master the skill of learning new patterns. You can set your environment up to support you in remembering. You don't have to manage this in your head. You don't have to wait for willpower. You don't have to be superhuman. You can use these five things and set up a system to help you win. And that's what we're going to do today. You know, I believe that you are one decision away from a different life because when you make a decision to change something,

It is like tipping a domino in an entirely new direction. The decision begins the change, but how do you actually make the change stick? That's where habits come in. And I really want to bottom line the word habits because people love to throw the word habits around because it sounds super smart, right? But let's be honest with each other. You want to know what a habit is? It's a pattern. That's it. Have you ever heard that phrase? You are what you repeatedly do.

I'll say it again. You are what you repeatedly do. The word repeatedly is the most important word there because whatever patterns you have in your life right now, that's who you are. And I want to use the word patterns right now because again, I find that, you know, the big words like habits, it makes you sound really smart, but let's just dumb it down so we can embrace what we're talking about.

All we're talking about when it comes to making new habits stick is how do I make a pattern automatic? Maybe you want to make it a habit to floss your teeth every night. Maybe you want to make it a habit to get up and exercise. Maybe you want to make it a habit to save more money or become better at meditation or anything at all that you want to be a pattern.

There is a science and a system for how you can make patterns stick. And here's one of the fundamental things that I'm going to probably talk about over and over with you again today, which is the nature of human behavior is this. You are wired to learn patterns. And that's both a good thing and kind of a bad thing. Because here's the thing about patterns, which are basically habits. Patterns are designed to repeat. And so technically speaking, you can't just break a pattern.

You have to interrupt it. And here comes the big part, replace it with something new. And one other thing I want you to really keep in mind is this, you already have patterns in your life. You do. You know, if you wake up every day and you hit the snooze button five times, that's a pattern.

That's what you repeatedly do. And what you repeatedly do becomes who you are. And so one of the first things I want you to think about as we jump into this is I want you to think about who do you want to become? What kind of person do you want to be? Because when you start to marry your vision for the kind of person that you want to be with the new patterns that you want to learn, what's really cool is that since you are what you repeatedly do,

the new habits start to become part of your identity. For example, let's just go back to the snooze alarm. I was a massive snoozer my whole life. My first decision every morning was to procrastinate by hitting the snooze button. That was a habit. It was a pattern. I repeatedly did it. And that meant I was the kind of person that couldn't get out of bed. I was the kind of person that was hitting the snooze alarm.

And one thing that's helped me a lot is thinking about, well, Mel, what kind of person do you want to be? I don't want to be the kind of person that starts the day by procrastinating and bed rotting and spending an hour looking at social media. I want to be the kind of person that gets out of bed and gets going and has a rock solid morning routine, which by the way, just another pattern, just another habit. But when you start to also think about the fact that the patterns and habits that you want to make stick, they're not really about what you should be doing.

They're much bigger. They're about who you want to become. Now they become even more interesting and important because it's one thing to say to yourself, I should stop hitting the snooze button. I should stop bed rotting. I should stop doing all that. You're never going to develop a positive pattern that way. I want you to think, I want to become the kind of person that takes care of themselves. I want to become the kind of person that prioritizes their time. I want to become the kind of person that is stronger

than my mood in the moment, that I align my action with the things I want to do. That's a pattern, by the way, that you can learn to be able to take action regardless of how you feel. And so I'm so excited about this for you because this is the gateway

to a whole new experience of life. And it doesn't have to be hard. You just need these five things based on the research that I've learned the hard way. They're gonna help you identify the patterns that make you proud of the person that you're becoming and that align with the vision that you have for your life.

and the simple things that make it easy to repeat the patterns because that's all that this is. Let's just dumb it down. You're capable. I'm capable. Let's remove all the drama and let's remove all the fancy academic stuff and let's just learn how to do this, okay? Great.

Now, one more thing. Here's how this is going to go down. You know, I was thinking about the fact that I got to talk about habits because you guys are slamming the inbox. It's the time of year everybody wants to talk about habits. I love it. I love it. I love it. Let's learn some new patterns. And the truth is there's no new information here. And I sat down to record an episode for you and I'm like, wait a minute. I already have this extraordinary conversation that I recorded like a year ago and it's all the same stuff I would say to you now.

So instead of having this pattern in my life where I keep reinventing the wheel, why don't I just create a new pattern and I set up the most important conversation you could listen to right now? Because even if you heard me share this with you over a year ago, these five things that I'm going to teach you, you're a different person right now. You

You have a different vision for who you want to be. You need this reminder. And so even if you start to listen, you're like, I think I've heard Mel talk about this. Darn straight you have, because the advice that works is the advice that works. And these five things are the five things I need to remind myself of, I need to remind you of, because this is what will make your habits stick. And so here's how this is going to roll. I have got your fellow listeners from the Mel Robbins podcast lined up.

How about we get this party on patterns and habits started, okay? Let's kick it off with a question from a listener named Eric. Hi, Mel. My name is Eric. How do I create habits that will stick? So once I keep going, I'll stay with it. I want to make it easier. Eric, I'm so glad you asked because you know what?

I don't want that new treadmill that you just invested in to become the most expensive coat hanger in your house. And the truth is, there are simple, fun, and easy ways that will help you stick with the new habits that you're trying to create. And look, I want to say something right up front. I'm not exactly the expert in this. I'm applying the same tools that you're going to learn in this episode. I'll tell you a quick story because I'm in the same boat as you. I signed up this year

to do this 75-day mental toughness challenge that is requiring me to do a bunch of brand new behaviors every single day. So I am in the habit formation soup with everybody. And I have a confession to make. This is the second attempt that I'm making at completing this 75-day challenge.

Because I failed last time I did it. I signed up last year and this challenge was so hard, I bailed within a week. So all the stuff I'm about to share with you are the things that I'm using that I've seen other people use so that I don't fail at it this time. And here is what the challenge says I have to do for 75 days. No alcohol.

I have to eat a healthy diet, which for me, I've decided I'm going to just eat a normal diet because I'm a healthy eater, but I'm not going to have any gluten or dairy for 75 days. I got to work out twice a day, and one of those workouts has to be outside. I have to drink a gallon of water. I have to take a progress photo every day, and I have to read 10 pages of nonfiction every single day. If you miss any one of those things that I just listed,

you have to go back to day one, period. But the rules of this challenge are at odds with what the science around habits actually says. See, habit research says that if you miss a day, you don't default back to day zero. You don't lose progress by missing a day. And so I want to be very clear upfront that you can still be successful in making new habits stick. You

You can still be successful in seeing a change through if you miss a day or two days or a week. And I know you're concerned about this because I'm getting a lot of questions about, well, what do I do if I fall off? Like this one from Zoe. Hi, Mel. It's Zoe. And I am wondering, how do you not let your setbacks keep you from getting back and trying again? Like on New Year's Day, I was resolving not to eat sweets. And literally the first thing I ate was some chocolate birthday cake.

and by noon it was all over. So thoughts, any suggestions, any tips? Thanks, happy new year. Great job, Mel and all your crew. Oh, Zoe, we love you. So for Zoe and every one of you listening, we're not robots, we're human beings. And habit research says that screwing up does not impact your progress or your ability to make habits stick. In life, unlike this challenge 75 hard that I'm doing, if you miss a day,

All you do is miss a day and then move forward. That's it. And research shows the new neuropathways that you create, Zoe, once you start the new habit of trying to remove sugar from your diet, they're still there. And we know this based on research from Dr. Philip Alali at the University College of London. And there's something else. It's called the what the hell effect. Science says you're not behind.

The problem is, is that in our mindset, we have this quote, what the hell effect. You think...

Like, oh, one mistake. I ate the cake. What the hell? I guess I'm screwed. I better not do that. And this comes from Duke researcher Dan Eierle. He writes a lot about this. And you know what's really funny, Zoe, is that even in Dan's writing and research, you want to hear what he's quoting? Quote, I just had one slice of cake when my goal was no sugar. So what the hell? I'll have a couple more. I swear to God.

That's the example that he used, Zoe, when he was researching the what the hell effect. And I'm raising this. Before I teach you the five simple systems that you can use to make habits stick, because I want you guys to go into these five simple systems knowing that if you screw up one day, you go a couple days, you go a week, you can still get right back on track, okay? I need you to think about

that failing is not a big deal. You can recover, period. So Zoe, once you eat that piece of cake, just appreciate how delicious it was, savor the moment, and then get up

Walk around the house, shake it off so that you don't eat another slice. Recognize, oh, here's that what the hell effect. I'm not going to follow for it. And then get right back to your promise. Cut yourself some slack and keep going. That's all you need to do, Zoe. And this brings me to the fun part. All right. I got these new habits.

Please, Mel, give me the five hacks. How the hell do I make these new habits stick? How do I create structure, discipline, and order in my life? Well, it's very simple. You're going to use...

Simple hacks. That's all you're going to do. You can call them systems. You can call them triggers. You can call them cues. You can call them structure. You can call them whatever you want to be. My friend Amy, who you have heard on this podcast, has this term that I laugh about so much because it makes me think of belly buttons. But she basically says there are two kinds of people in this world.

world. There are people that are any organizers, meaning you manage everything in your head, right? You're thinking about it all the time. That's not how you're going to be successful when it comes to change. You have to be an Audi organizer. That's what you have to be when it comes to habits. Why? There are only three parts to a habit based on

All of the research and habits. Science has never changed. The cue, the behavior pattern, and the trigger. That's it. You have to figure out systems to have the cue or the trigger outside of you. And when you start to figure out how to get the cue, the thing that signals the new behavior outside of you, get it out of your any head and get it out into the world. When you start to do that, that's the secret to making behavior stick. And what you're going to learn

is going to blow your mind because I know that when you're trying to change any your head, you're keeping it all in your head and you're not using systems outside of you. You are frustrated like Ann is. Hi Mel, I'm Ann and here's my question. Why is it so hard to break through some daily habits and do things differently? Why can't I stay consistent in my daily tasks? I'll tell you why you're frustrated.

The same reason why every, any organizer is frustrated because you are trying to stay consistent in your head and you are not using simple systems and simple physical cues to keep you organized and to keep these changes top of mind. That's it. And you are, you are managing so much and you listening to me, you don't give yourself enough credit for how much you're juggling in your own mind.

Stop keeping behavior change in your own mind. And let's get it out of your head because I want you to know something. You're not the problem. You have everything within you. You're not the problem. You are capable of learning new habits. You are capable of making amazing things happen. You're not the problem. The problem is that you're attacking this as an any organizer. You are planning to do this all in your head.

And all you need is Audi systems that keep these new changes front and center in front of you.

That's how you stay consistent. Stop relying on willpower. Stop relying on having to remember what you need to do. Absolutely not. There is no way you are going to achieve your goals or stay consistent or make all those amazing changes that you want to make that you deserve to have happen unless you start to implement systems in your life. And that's what we're going to do next.

We're going to take a short break. We're going to hear a short word from our sponsors. And then I'm going to come right back and I'm going to teach you right now the five simple systems that I am using right now. I have researched these because I'll be damned if I do not complete the 75 hard challenge, especially since I'm doing it with my husband, who's doing it now for the third time. And he's leading a group of people from around the world through it. So I am getting out of my head and I'm getting into my systems. And so are you. And I'm going to explain them.

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Welcome back. So we're talking about the five simple systems that are going to help you make new behavior change stick, okay? So system number one, and this is the Mac daddy of Audi organizing. Ready? Make it visible. And by make it visible, I mean put it in front of your freaking face, okay?

Because here's the cool thing. Instead of rearranging your mind and your mental to-do list, rearrange your house and your environment to support you in remembering your goals and achieving your habits, okay? That's how you make this stick. You make it visible. You make it observable.

obvious. So let me give you a list of some of the things that I've done. So first, I have the list of all of the things that I need to accomplish in this challenge taped to my mirror above my bathroom sink. Why is it there? Well, because I want to make it visible and obvious. It's the first thing that I see in the morning and it's the last thing that I see at night.

Here's another example of a way to make the habit or the goal visible. My water bottle and the nonfiction book that I'm reading, I put that by the coffee maker every single night. It is sitting there in the morning. Why? Because I can't miss it.

I mean, it's obvious. I walk in, I go to make my coffee. Boom, there it is. It's like, hey, bitch, don't forget to drink the water. Hey, read that book. Don't pick up the phone. Like, do you see how much easier I made that on myself? Instead of having to go in my head and be like doing mental gymnastics with me, don't pick up the phone. You remember, you got to read the book. I don't want to read the book. I do it. It's like sitting right there out of me. I can't ignore it. Here's another way to make things visible.

to support yourself. We have this little beverage fridge, right? And normally it's got a ton of beer and wine in it. You know what's in it right now? Not beer and wine. It's now stocked with kombucha, non-alcoholic beer, and awesome non-alcoholic spirits, and all kinds of spindricks, and seltzers, and topo chicos, and all the kind of non-alcoholic stuff that I love to drink. Why?

Because then when I feel a little craving and I go to open up the little beverage fridge because I'm going to sneak, because I'm sneaky and I'm a rebel and I only made it a week through the challenge last time. So God knows I'm going to want to sneak it sometime. What do I have? The stuff that I don't want to drink. But the thing that I need to drink is right there. It's visible. Here's another way that I make the habit visible. Every night before I go to bed,

I lay out my exercise clothes on the floor. It is a giant middle finger to myself because you want to know what? When I wake up in the morning, do I want to work out? Do I want to have to work out outside? Hell no. It's 37 degrees and raining in Vermont right now. Who in their right mind wants to go outside? But when I wake up, it's visible.

It's outside of my head. It's in my face. It is reminding me, oh, there's that promise that you regret that you made, Mel. And then I have to remind me of my why as I'm pulling on my tights. The question is, why does this work? Well, let's turn to research from Harvard Business School because this research from Harvard Business School shows that when we make decisions for our future selves, we make better decisions. So let me unpack this for you, okay? When you wake up in the morning

and you got all your habits and goals in your head, it's the old you. And you got a decision to make in the morning, right? Do I feel like exercising? Do I even remember I need to exercise? It's sleeting, horizontal, disgusting, 37 degree rain outside. Do I feel like exercising? If you are in your head making a decision in real time,

you are likely going to make a bad decision, right? I don't want to exercise, so I'm not going to. I'll do it later. But when you make decisions for your future self, and that's what you're doing when you literally take the time to put a Post-it note on a mirror. That's what you're doing when you take the time to pull all of the booze out of the fridge and stock it instead with better choices.

That's what I'm doing when I put the clothes on the floor. I am making a decision as my future self. I am saying, I know Mel Robbins well enough to know at some point this woman is going to have no willpower. She is going to be weak. She is going to be desperate. She is going to be emotional. And so I need to make a decision for the future Mel Robbins, the Mel Robbins that wants to change. And when you think from that point of view and you set yourself up for success by making these things visible,

you freaking win. Because according to Harvard Business School, you make better decisions when you think about who is the future you and what would that person do. So the night before,

Plan out as many decisions as you can, because the other thing that you can do, and that means put the water bottle by the coffee maker, set the journal out where you're going to see it, lay out the clothes, put the phone in a different room so that it's not there to look at first thing in the morning. These are things that you can do as the future you. What would the person who already lives this lifestyle be doing? Act like that version of you.

And when you set yourself up and make all this stuff visual, here's the other cool thing that happens. You reduce what's called decision fatigue the very next day. And you're taking advantage of this planning for your future self. And you know what? There's a third benefit. I love this. It lowers activation energy. Activation energy is the force that you need to apply to doing something. So I'll go back to the example.

It is so much easier for me to get going when my exercise tights are on the floor next to my bed. Duh. It is so much easier for me to get my water consumption done, to drink that like big first thing of water.

If it's sitting out waiting for me, duh, because it takes a lot more energy, right? A lot more force, a lot more fuel for me to not only haul my ass out of bed, but to remember I need to put on exercise tights and to pull open the drawer and to figure out which pair to wear and then to pull them on and then to look at the jog bras and then to decide if I need a sweatshirt or I need a this. I've had to like burn through fuel just to figure out what freaking outfit to put on.

By making decisions for my future self and making it visible, boom shakalaka, people, this is easy. I am setting myself up for success. Here's another powerful way to make things visible. Use the alarm on your phone. Seriously, this is a genius hack.

Put the alarm on your phone to use to help you be your future self. It's like a reminder from the future, okay? Cake's done. Get up. Go check on it. No, seriously. So every single smartphone has the ability to set an alarm. And on the alarm, when you go to set the time, there's a label. Right now it says alarm. You can literally change the label to help you remember anything.

And here's what's super cool about a simple alarm on your phone. Research has found that twice as many people who received quit smoking messages quit smoking over a six month period. So these little systems like setting an alarm on your phone, whether you're reminding yourself to take the vitamins that you want to be taking, or you're reminding yourself to get outside for the run, or you're reminding yourself to spend 30 minutes working on a project that you wanted to get done.

they're going to make you, based on the research, twice as successful, twice more likely. Simple systems work because your life is complicated enough. And if you can put that post-it note up, you are setting yourself up for success. I'm telling you, it's true. And that leads me to system number two. And this is the one that Mel Robbins has to use even more than like stick it in your face. And this is the opposite. Remove the temptation from your site.

Get it out of here, out of sight, out of mind. I wish that were true because a lot of times you're going to find that even when you say, okay, that's it, I'm not going to eat gluten, I'm not going to eat sugar, I'm not going to eat dairy, still going to be on your mind, which is why it needs to be out of sight. So the things that you don't want to do, the bad habits that you have, the little addictions like your phone, let's make it harder to

for you to just slip into those things, okay? So let me give you some examples. If you don't want to drink, put the alcohol away. Get it off the countertop. Get it in a cupboard. Better yet, put it in the basement. You know, if you need to get up early or if you want more sleep, here's what you need to do. Get your phone out of the bedroom. This one simple system, remove the phone from your bedroom,

will change your life because it won't be there. You won't look at it in the middle of the night. You won't look at it as you're laying in bed. Get it out of your bedroom. You want to know why? You can't be trusted. Neither can I. And I'm going to give you a really harsh example of this. Let's say the person you love the most has a really bad addiction. Like, let's just put it out there. They're addicted to cocaine, okay?

You love them. They're trying. They're recovering. They're doing great. Would you ever put an eight ball on the bedside table? Of course not. You are more addicted to your phone than people who are addicted to cocaine. I'm not kidding about this. The research is very clear. And so anything that you have a problem with,

regulating yourself with. Get it out of your sight. It's an addiction. I'm dead serious about this because I am in that category when it comes to the phone. I know this intellectually. In my head, I know that I shouldn't be looking at my phone, which is why I got to get it out of my bedroom so that I don't look at it.

You only have to have that temptation a tiny bit more inconvenient to have this system work. They did this really interesting study at Google where they used to keep M&Ms in open bowls at Google and they were curious in the Google offices. What if we just like switched up the system here and instead of having M&Ms in open bowls, what if we put them in bowls that had lids on them? The candies are still there. You want to know what happened?

employees ate 3 million less M&Ms over the course of a year. Why? Because out of sight, out of mind. Making it just a tiny bit more inconvenient to get the candy had people often pass on it. And the candy wasn't so tempting because they couldn't see it. And this also proves what you've already learned. Decision fatigue is a real thing.

Simply having to consider lifting off the lid before you reach the M&Ms created enough friction for people, enough of a pause that it made them not do it. Just like you.

Having to pull open the drawer and pick out your exercise tights often has you walk right past that drawer and not do it at all. So if you want to do it, stick it in front of your face. If you don't, get it out of your sight. Now let's go to another question. And this one comes from Jack.

Hey Mel, it's Jack. I've got a quick question for you. If I start setting goals, how do I know if I'm going to be successful? What's kind of the biggest indicator or way for me to know that I'm on track? Jack, great question. And it brings me to system number three. And I got to tell you to brace yourself because this is going to sound redonkulously obvious, but the only way to know that you're on track is to track, period.

That's system number three. You have to track your progress. Again, let's go back to any organization versus Audi organization. You are no longer allowed to track your progress casually in your mind.

you need to get it outside your mind, which means you need a system for tracking progress. And so back to 75 Hard, I'm going to share with you my daughter's system, which I've stolen. What she did is she created this amazing grid on the wall using post-it notes. And so for every single day of the 75 days, she wrote

one through 75, and then created this giant square grid on the wall. And every single evening when she finishes the day, she pulls a post-it note off.

And pulling that post-it note off, that is like, that's like a rip. That's like a yes. That gives you the dopamine. That is like a box checked. If you are a to-do list, I love my boxes checked. I love my things. You will love checking boxes and keeping track.

You have to make these systems work for you. An app may be the best damn thing that's ever happened to you. For me, when it comes to tracking myself, it's got to be paper. I got to see it somewhere like right in front of my face, which is why I use my bathroom mirror. I will also use the wall in front of my computer or the refrigerator, places that I know that I'm going to bump into it. For you, you may be fine doing it on your phone, on a computer, but that system doesn't work for me. And so that's the other thing.

Kind of be flexible with this. Try things out. See what feels right for you. But tracking your progress, this is not negotiable. Get it out of your head.

Because there is foundational research here. This is about streaks and progress and not breaking the chain of progress. And so in apps and social media apps, they've gamified this natural tendency in psychology. And so you can do the same.

Create a system that's fun for tracking yourself. And remember what I said at the very beginning, Zoe, my cake eaters, my sugar cutter outers, my people who keep making promises that they don't know why they're doing it. Get clear about your why. And remember, if you're doing a grid and you have a day off, first of all, you will know that it's a day off. Shake it off and try to get back on track tomorrow.

Okay, we don't really want to see two or three days off in a row. But if you're tracking your progress, this is the other magic of tracking it outside your mind, you see it. And you're empowered to get back on track the next day. So you can check that box. Love it. And look, I think it's obvious, but also there's research that shows that the more often that you track your progress, the greater the likelihood that you're going to succeed.

And the chances of your success are even more likely if you report your progress publicly or you physically record it. So this is what I'm talking about. We got two more systems to cover. But first, I have to take a quick break. We got to monitor our sponsors. Listen in. Let's hear what they have to say. And then when we come back, we're talking system number four and system number five. I'll see you in a minute.

I don't know about you, but this holiday season, I just feel like I need a NASA level control room just to track all the people who are coming and going in our house. I mean, our daughter, Kendall, she's flying in from the West Coast. I have no idea when she's landing. Oakley, he's going to roll in from finals at college. Of course, I have no idea when he's arriving. My head's spinning. I mean, I love it, but it's a lot.

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This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. The new year is here, and every time this year, you know what I like to think about? I think about the coming year like the start of an incredible new book, only you're not reading it, you get to write it one page at a time. And starting this January, you're gonna have 365 blank pages that are just waiting to be filled.

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All right, welcome back. So happy you're here. See, I'm monitoring your progress. You came back. Check. So we've talked about the first three Audi systems. Make it visible, like right in front of your face. Get it out of your head, put it in front of your face. Number two, whatever you're not supposed to do, let's just remove all temptation. You and I are friends.

We know we're kind of rebels. We know we can't be trusted until we can be trusted. So let's just get it out of here. Number three, monitor your progress. Okay. We are serious about change around here, which means you got to get it out of your head, get it on paper, get it in an app and get public about it. Okay. Super important about this. Let's talk about system number four. This is another way to get out of your head. Okay. Get it out of your mind. Create a plan.

I'm going to say that again, create a plan. We are not talking kindergarten habit here, people. We are talking college level PhD habit sticking systems. We're not screwing around. If you want to freestyle in your mind, you are not going to be successful.

This is not jazz. We're not like just going off the rails here. We are following the music score to the T. This comes from studies, okay? You know I'm throwing the science at you because a lot of times, you know, when the stuff is common sense, yeah, I know I need to play in now. Yeah, well, then why aren't you doing it? So let me tell you the research. At UT Austin,

they found you're going to be more likely to succeed at behavior change if you make specific plans to implement it. Now, I don't mean to insult your intelligence because I think this is obvious, but when you unpack an example of this, it becomes very obvious why you're failing if you fail to plan. So let's go back to 75 hard and my promise and commitment is

to complete two workouts every single day, one of which has to be outside. It is critical that I plan ahead. Critical, because I travel for work. And so I'm looking at flights right now for a 16-day business trip at the end of January.

And as I'm looking at flights, you know what I'm thinking? How the hell am I going to get an outside workout and an indoor workout in? And I got to still fly from San Diego back to Boston. Or here's another way that I'm planning. Tomorrow in Southern Vermont, we're going to have four inches of snow on the ground and.

when am I going to work out and what am I going to wear? And do I need the grippy things on my feet because the driveway is like a luge run right now? And what time of day am I going to, like, am I going to get this done before four o'clock, which is when winter comes and the death eaters are here and it's dark as hell. And based on my schedule, like I got to plan this stuff because you know what, if I don't and I just start my day, here's what's going to happen.

I am literally going to go, oh, I'll do it later. And then it'll be eight o'clock at night. I got to tell you a quick story about my husband, Chris, because this is when it occurred to me that I might be married to either a robot or to the world's most disciplined person on the planet. So Chris started 75 Hard for the third time well over a month ago. And so it was December 21st.

And we had woken up in New York because we go there every year during the holidays to see a show with the kids, just one of our traditions. And Chris exercised in his first workout in the hotel gym in New York. We then drove to Connecticut. We had lunch with his brother. And then we drove up to Boston where we were going to stay with his oldest brother and we were going to go to a holiday party.

Now, as we're driving to Boston, the weather gets supremely crappy and we are driving in horizontal rain. You can barely see. It is foggy as hell. And I'm looking at the time and I'm thinking, we are going to arrive 30 minutes after this big party has started. This party with all of our old friends where we used to live in Boston. I was so excited to go to this party. And I'm thinking in my mind, Chris hasn't gotten his outdoor workout yet.

Could he maybe just stick his head out the window and like do some face exercises? You know, do something like could I like what are we going to like? I want to go to the party. I'll tell you what. This is impressive. The man said, I have to get this done. I'm like, but you're it is raining horizontal outside. It is dark. You don't know the neighborhood we're going to. There are no street. He's like, I don't care. I'm doing it.

He literally, we pulled outside. We decided to go to his oldest brother's house because he was getting this. He said he would do this, but he was not going to let bad planning break a promise that he had made to himself. This is what integrity looks like. So we go not to the party, but we go to his brother's house. And I sat inside because there was no way I was going to go to that party without him while I knew he was walking in the pouring horizontal rain.

And he borrowed a pair of sweatpants from his brother, which were cotton, by the way. We're not talking performance gear here. And just this big old coat. And the man left and walked for 45 minutes at 730 at night in the horizontal 40 degree rain. And then he came in, toweled off, changed his clothes, and we drove to the party. In 26 years of being married to Christopher Robbins,

I have never been more attracted to the man than I was in that moment. There is nothing sexier than a person who keeps their word no matter what. And the way that you make it easier to keep your word is by planning ahead. Planning ahead is about looking at the week ahead. And if you're going to eat healthy, figure out what you're cooking for the week every night.

and then go to the grocery store. And if you're not going to be eating dairy or gluten like I am, this is new for me. I don't normally cook without dairy or gluten. And so this is requiring a lot of planning so that I don't just open up the fridge and hope that somehow this has magically happened that I'm going to be successful. And making a plan is a piece that's super obvious, but it's completely overlooked.

You're thinking about what you need to do. Again, you're an innie organizer. Failing to plan is planning to fail. So let's go back to Zoe. Hi, Zoe. Slice a cake, four hours in, don't make yourself wrong. You know what went wrong there? Either you really don't want to give up sugar or you just failed to plan. So if you're planning on cutting out sugar, what's your plan when you go to a party or a restaurant and cake is being served?

This is what's called If-Then Planning. And it's research by Heidi Halverson, who wrote about this in the Columbia University Researcher. And If-Then Planning is a way to keep yourself on task by creating a backup plan if your current plan doesn't work. And here's what's really cool about If-Then Planning. If-Then Planning boosts your ability to stick to goals, and they studied this with exercise, from 39% success to 91%.

success. If it rains, then I'll do this. If I miss my flight, then I'll do this.

Then I'll do that. If I'm going to a party and I've committed to dry January, then I'm just going to bring a non-alcoholic beverage. If a friend invites me over for dinner, then I'm going to email or text them back and say, I'd love to, but I'm trying to cut out gluten and I don't want to be a pain in the ass and have you have to fuss about me. So can I bring something that's gluten-free to supplement what you're already making? Because let's face it, if you don't plan ahead, if you don't make an if-then plan, you feel embarrassed.

And then you either push your food around your plate like some weirdo or you eat and you break the promise to yourself. So if I don't get exercise done tonight, then I'm not going to binge watch TV tonight. I'm going to get my exercise done instead. If you didn't give yourself enough time to get that side project done this morning, then you're going to finish it after you put the kids to bed. Bada bing, bada boom. Pretty cool, right? All right, now let's get to system number five. Do it in the morning.

There you go. Do it in the morning. It's that simple. Being an early riser is like a first domino that falls. And once that domino falls, you've gotten yourself out of bed an hour, a half an hour earlier. All these other dominoes fall in your life. And I get it. It's hard to do.

And one huge way that's going to make a big difference, and you hear me talk about this all the time, and it's because this is one of these domino habits. You do this and it triggers a whole like of change.

Get your phone out of your bedroom, period. It's a huge way to hack this. And you don't want to know another way to get up early? Get a puppy because they'll wake you up. They need to be let out. And I've learned this one. You get a puppy and you'll be a morning person. Another one, marry somebody, date somebody, sleep with somebody who gets out of bed early, live with somebody who has a great morning routine. And look, it's not just common sense. It's science.

Number one, your willpower is the highest in the morning. Number two, your speed of processing, highest in the morning. Your ability to focus, highest in the morning for the first four hours of the day. And by the way, it's likely to be the time of day that you have to yourself, the time that you can actually control before other people, little people, furry people, and all the commitments at work.

start taking up your attention and your time. And yeah, I get it. You've got toddlers. Well, that means if you're serious about this, you are going to have to get up a half an hour earlier before they get up, which means you're going to have to go to bed a half an hour earlier. But aren't these new habits and a better lifestyle and feeling and control of your life? Isn't that worth it? That's your why. Because if you can get an extra hour every morning, you can get everything done. You can do all

all the little things that the future you put in place for you. You can read the Post-it note on the mirror. You can drink the bottle of water that you set out. You can write in your journal that you put in place on the table in the kitchen. You can pull on those exercise tights that you laid out. You can spend an hour getting things done. That brings me to what I said to you at the very beginning. And it's the biggest possible reason why

Truly mastering this skill of learning new patterns and making habits stick and using the five tools that I just shared with you that help me learn new patterns and help me make it easier and help me make things stick is that you are what you repeatedly do.

I'm going to say that again. You are what you repeatedly do. And the opportunity here isn't just to achieve your goals. It's to actually change who you become. If you've always wanted to be the kind of person who gets up early and has a beautiful morning routine, then patterns help you become that person. If you've always wanted to be a person who was financially free, then you develop patterns around paying off debt.

And you develop patterns around how you spend money and how you invest it and what you put it in. And those patterns that you repeatedly do then lead you to the type of person you want to become. Do you see how empowering this is? That it's so much bigger than this thing you should be doing.

It's this enormous opportunity for you to experience yourself in a life in a whole new way. And that's why I also believe the statement that I said at the very beginning, which is you are one decision away from a different life, a different you. And I'm inviting you right now to imagine a world where you are healthier, you are more energized, you do have more money.

And what I'm really thrilled about is that you took the time to listen to this because this is something you can master and it's just awesome what's possible. And so just follow these five steps. They're so simple. You now understand the mechanics, right? You understand it's just a pattern. Let's all just drop the fancy word of habit. It's just a pattern we're learning. But how do you make the pattern stick? You make it visible, right?

You get distractions and temptations, get it out of your face because if it's out of your face, it'll be out of your mind. You do want to monitor your progress. That's a really important thing because then you don't get discouraged. Create a plan. And look, I know it's like, oh my God, is that the dumbest advice you've ever heard? Of course it is, but it works. And you know, I just think about myself. Do you know the weeks that I make the pattern stick with exercise? It's when I make a plan Sunday night.

Those five things, that's all you have to do. And then you are well on your way. That's it. That's it. And the most important thing is that this is about who you want to become.

And so as you think about the new patterns for your life this year, and in this chapter of your life, I really want you to think about who you want to become. This is an invitation for you because it is possible for you to change. It is possible for you to become a better version of yourself. It is possible for you to achieve amazing things. All you need is to figure out the patterns that

that lead you to becoming that person. And you are halfway there, I promise you. And you want to know what else? Your friend Mel Robbins. I'm going to be here every single step of the way, cheering you on. I'm going to be breaking patterns, making patterns, interrupting patterns. I'm going to be reminding you of the power that you have. And

That means you're not doing it alone. Alrighty? So thank you for taking a moment to share this with somebody that you care about. Thank the person that shared this with you because that's really cool that they did that for you. And I also want to make sure to tell you that I love you. I do. I love you. Love is just when you have somebody else in mind

And when you admire something about them, that's all that love is. Making a cup of coffee for somebody is loving them. And I love you for actually taking time to learn something that can make you a better person. I love you for the fact that you share this with people that you care about. I love that about you. And I also wanted to tell you that I believe in you and your ability to create a better life. And now you know the secret to a better life. It's actually creating patterns.

that align with the type of person you want to become. So go do it. And I'll be waiting for you in the very next episode. As soon as you hit play, I'll see you there. Great. Okay, great. I am so... Okay, here we go. There's the welcome back. And then the... Oh yeah, because I was like at the garage. Okay. Oh my God. What the fuck is going on? Let them...

Cut them. And we're going to kick this whole thing off with a question from your fellow podcast fan. And we're going to kick this off with a question from one of your fellow Mel Robbins podcast listeners. Oh my God. And look, I've gotten so long-winded now on patterns and habits that I realize I got to tell you the systems and that's what we are going to do next. Oh, wait, hold, okay.

One more. What's the next one? Okay, okay. Okay, great. Then it's literally like... Bravo, you guys! All right.

Oh, and one more thing. And no, this is not a blooper. This is the legal language. You know what the lawyers write and what I need to read to you. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist. And this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional.

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