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cover of episode A Toolkit for Love: How to Find It, Keep It, and Let It Go

A Toolkit for Love: How to Find It, Keep It, and Let It Go

2023/2/2
logo of podcast The Mel Robbins Podcast

The Mel Robbins Podcast

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Jay Shetty
通过播客分享健康和幸福建议,帮助人们管理压力和焦虑。
Topics
Jay Shetty: 爱的定义包含三个方面:喜欢对方的性格、尊重对方的价值观以及致力于帮助对方实现目标。判断是否喜欢对方的性格,需要考虑是否愿意与对方共度大量高质量时间。在一段关系中,尊重对方的价值观意味着接纳对方,而不是试图改变对方使其符合自己的价值观。真正的爱是致力于帮助对方实现目标,而不是关注对方的潜力或自己对对方的期待。 我们对爱的故事是自我编写的,这种故事会影响我们对爱的感知和体验。寻找爱之前,需要先学会爱自己,建立独立的自我价值感。在寻找爱之前,需要了解自己的喜好和价值观,避免在一段关系中迷失自我。了解自己喜好和价值观的方法是通过反思个人经历,包括工作、人际关系等。 出于对孤独的恐惧而进入一段关系,会导致降低自身要求、依赖对方以及害怕离开对方。我们对爱的观念受早期经历的影响,容易在新的关系中重蹈覆辙。爱的四个阶段:吸引、梦想、失望和适应、信任。识别一段关系中的危险信号,需要关注自身感知,而非仅仅依赖对方表现出的缺点。光环效应和情境效应是两种容易导致误判的认知偏差。 判断关系是否健康,需要观察双方互动节奏是否一致。关系中的“火花”并非一成不变,舒适感增加会降低压力感。伴侣是你的导师,能够在不评判的情况下,帮助你认识到自身的缺点和真相。在一段关系中,比较、批评、抱怨和控制这四种行为,往往源于自身未解决的问题。区分关爱和控制的关键在于,对方是否以提升你的福祉为目的。 爱的最高境界是帮助对方学会爱自己。 Mel Robbins: 在一段亲密关系中,了解彼此的价值观和目标至关重要。伴侣之间应该互相支持,帮助对方实现目标,而不是试图改变对方。在一段关系中,我们应该关注的是彼此的本质,而不是外在的成就。 我们需要学会爱自己,建立独立的自我价值感,才能在一段关系中保持健康和平衡。在一段关系中,我们应该避免控制和操纵对方,而是要互相尊重和理解。 一段健康的关系应该建立在相互支持和理解的基础上,而不是建立在对孤独的恐惧之上。我们需要学会在一段关系中保持独立,同时也要给予对方足够的空间和自由。 在一段关系中,我们需要学会沟通和表达自己的需求和感受,同时也要尊重对方的感受和需求。我们需要学会在一段关系中保持耐心和理解,同时也要学会处理冲突和矛盾。 爱的最高境界是帮助对方学会爱自己,而不是仅仅满足于彼此之间的爱恋。我们需要学会在一段关系中保持真诚和坦诚,同时也要学会给予对方足够的信任和尊重。

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In this episode, you and I are getting a masterclass on the topic of love.

 

And it’s not what you think. 

 

This is not an episode about relationships – it is an episode about YOUR relationship to love and how you can let more love into your life. 

 

My mission with this episode is to inspire you to stop and consider the profound subject of love, how important it is, and why you deserve to feel more love in your daily life.

 

If you have felt alone or feel like your relationships are on autopilot, this episode is a real gift.

 

I am also excited because as you listen to this episode, I get to introduce you to someone I really love. 

 

He and his wife are very dear friends of ours and he just finished a two-year-long research project on the topic of love. 

 

This friend of mine is also a former monk with a tender heart and a global fanbase. 

 

His sage counsel on life is sought after by celebrities, world leaders, professional athletes, and the most successful artists in the world.

 

I’m talking about none other than my friend, Jay Shetty). He’s the #1 New York Times bestselling author of Think Like a Monk, and his latest book is 8 Rules of Love).

 

Climb into your favorite chair and get ready for a wild ride. 

 

I threw out the talking points from Jay’s PR team and just went for it. I love this episode because Jay delivered. 

 

He gets personal and reveals more about his own experience and mistakes with love than ever before.

 

This is a must listen and a must share. Listen as a family. Listen with friends. Listen as a couple. Listen by yourself. Love is what we need. And hearing two dear friends go deep on the topic will make your heart swell.

 

Even an old dog like me learned a few new tricks about how I can experience more love and be more loving in my life ❤️

 

Xo Mel

 

In this episode, you’ll learn:

 

  • 3:40: Hear Jay’s 3-part definition of love I’d never heard that is so spot on.
  • 4:30: According to research, this is how many hours you need to spend to make a casual friend, a good friend, and a great friend.
  • 6:40: Are you doing this with your partner? Jay says that’s not love.
  • 8:00: Okay wow, here’s where I realize I’m not doing something for my husband, Chris, that I should be doing.
  • 11:15: If your relationship is new, be careful you don’t do this.
  • 13:40: Why do we chase relationships in order to feel worthy?
  • 18:15: Rule #1 for finding love.
  • 19:50: What research shows will happen if you enter a relationship simply because you’re afraid of being alone.
  • 21:00: Hear Jay in a rare moment where he talks about his childhood trauma.
  • 27:00: Here’s why you keep dating the same kind of person over and over.
  • 29:00 One simple exercise you can do today to start building a healthy relationship.
  • 31:30: Jay leads us through a powerful meditation.
  • 38:15: There are four phases of love: hear them unpacked and explained.
  • 40:00:  Dating someone new? Then you need to know about both the “halo effect” and the “context effect.”
  • 43:30: Jay’s best piece of advice if you want that new relationship to last.
  • 47:00: Here’s Jay’s Rule #4 of love and why it’s my favorite.
  • 53:30: Is someone caring for you or controlling you? Here’s how to tell.
  • 55:00: What you might be doing in your relationship that’s hurting it.
  • 57:30: Here’s what I disagreed with Jay about.
  • 59:30: What is the purpose of love in your life? Jay answers.

 

Want to go deeper into the topic of relationships? Listen to the last episode, “I Don’t Usually Share Advice Like This: 6 Lessons on Making Any Relationship Work.”)

 

 

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