Conquer Overwhelm: Your Ultimate Guide to Inner Peace With the Amazing Dr. Thema Bryant
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Hey, is your friend male, and welcome to the mall Robin's podcast. Eight, there's a lot on on right now. And so i've made the decision to switch up our programming this week and read run an episode that we did back in may that was called six signs or disconnected from your power and how to get IT back life changing advice from the remarkable doctor ta.

brian. I decided to rerelease this episode because I think the world really would benefit from listening to this. Our was syndicated in one hundred and ninety four countries, and right now there is a lot of conflict going on in regions around the world.

And there has never been a Better time to provide tools and hope and small ways that you, as an individual, can empower yourself and live in the truth, and also stay connected to light and to love into connection. And doctor tama is the person who can teach you how to do IT. She's a psychologist, a minister, attended professor at papara university.

She's a new york times is best selling author. In twenty twenty three, SHE was named the very first black female president of the american psychological association. SHE completed a doctorate in clinical psychology at duke university and a post doctor training at harvard medical schools.

Victims of violence program SHE says that no matter what's going on around you, you can always come back home to yourself. And that's we're gona talk about today, the six signs that you're disconnected from yourself and most importantly, how you can start to reconnect. I hope you love this conversation as much as I did. I just read, listen to IT, and I know it's exactly what you need right now.

Doctor tama, I am so thrilled that you are here.

I am thrilled to be here. I love you. I love your work, and I love getting the word out about the journey home because we need IT.

Do we ever, you know, I was. I'm pretty emotional today because i'm here in los Angeles because one of our daughters is graduating from college in a couple days and I am going after interview to her final senior .

performance. beautiful.

And it's a full circle moment because i'm going to the theatre where he got her invitation to addition to even be admitted into the program. And i've been calling in a full circle moment. But what I realizes it's a homecoming IT is.

And I guess that's where I want to start IT makes me emotional. Think about this because I lived for so long feeling what you would call psychologically homeless, yes, disconnected from my true self. And the feeling that you have when you finally feel whole IT is unlike .

anything .

i've ever experienced. yes.

And I appreciate the honesty and the transparency, because we do get disconnected. You know, life disconnects. So psychological homelessness is this sense of wondering, being ungrounded and rooted, confused.

And we can spend years saying, I don't know, i'm not sure. And even when i'm waiting for other people to give me the answer, then they're my compass, but I need a compass. That's what we talk about with therapy is at some point, people need to internalize IT.

So it's not just every week people coming in. So tama, what do you think? Yeah, right. They had begun to the point where I was having this conversation with my sister, and I realized that I was doing this. And so, like there is right now you have become your compass, right?

yeah. So how could .

you tell you we're disconnected? Or what was IT like when you were psychologically wandering?

IT felt like there was the physical me walking around in my life doing the things that we all do, getting up, going to work, take her, the kids going, friends, watching T, V. But there was a part of me that was separate, that felt, I guess you could call IT, like i'm knowing, just done autopilot, just feeling no spiritual center, yeah, no connection to values, just existing and so I guess that would be for me, this feeling .

of separation yeah, separated from yourself and then separated from other people because you're surrounded by people but they don't really see, you know, you can fool a lot of people, including yourself, right? So a part of homecoming is telling yourself the truth and then living based on that truth that you tell yourself, right? Because I can lie to myself.

That social script is and fine and fine. And you know, I mean, a lot of faith based communities, and the term is like unblessed rise, like, yeah, you can be blessed and also have a lot going on. Yeah, blessed and lost. So that awaken ing. What i'd like to say, and I think I said in the book, is, can we get to the place where we can admit I miss myself?

wow. okay. I just wanna make sure that you listening to us just got what doctor damages said you. I miss myself.

yeah.

How does somebody who feels like they don't even know who they are, like you never know.

I am.

I would love for you to read these six questions that can be a sign of what you call psychological homelessness.

So here the questions, does the state of your life, internally or externally, fall short of what you imagined? Did you attain what you thought you wanted, only to discover that you still feel empty and unfulfilled? Do you have a sense of powerlessness or hopelessness?

Do you lack the energy or motivation to pursue the things that used to matter to you? Do you feel there are no words to capture the ache in your heart? Do you find yourself crying often? Or does that seem impossible to cry .

if somebody resonate with any of those questions? Yeah.

what should they do? yes. So I want to first say to anyone who connected with those questions you've take in the first step, which is awaiting review because I can't come home to myself if I don't realize. I'm wondering, yes, right? Sometimes we don't realize that you can time is passing and you don't know IT.

So the fact that in this moment, as your listening, you choose to tell yourself the truth, that is, your mind, heart, body, spirit telling to you, we are ready, right? Because when we don't feel already, you know, we're a distracting ourselves. We're busy ing ourselves. And then truth shows up. So telling yourself the truth is the first step.

And then we think about both self care and community care, and sometimes when we don't feel good about ourselves, uh, we neglect ourselves and we erased ourselves, and that those can have cultural messages and gender messages and religious messages where people will say self care is selfish, right? You know? And so to say to myself, I am not just a tool for other people's nourishing, I am not just a pathway for other people to get goodness in life, that I too am a living soul that is deserving of the goodness that I want other people to experience.

So i'd like to say, even if you feel like you were never at home with yourself, you can still come home to yourself. And that is a reality for a lot of people who grew up with stress and trauma, who perhaps were born into families where there was a lot of stress and trauma. So you learned early to be in survival mode, or you learn to play small, or you learn to people, please.

And so you never get to, but i'd like to call, unfold, right? You never got to connect with the truth of who you are. I also want to say, when we are in unhealthy relationships and on toxic jobs, in order to survive those, you have to disconnect. I is impossible to be at home with yourself and stay in relationship with someone who is dishonoring you perpetual.

wow. yeah. So for somebody that just had like.

yes.

a wake up call.

then you can have compassion for yourself because people will judge you and say, like why do you stay so long, right? But you weren't connected to you. You have been disconnected from yourself, so you don't even feel the capacity to dream again to imagine, to believe that Better is possible for you and that you are deserving of IT and worthy of IT. And so even if you have never met you, you can come home to you. And that's kind of the good news of this process.

Wow, there is a west african, a fable that you tell you, the very beginning of the book that I think we'll give us a visual and a story to lock onto that we can keep coming back to, to help keep people in the conversation. yes.

So would you telling us, yeah, you can say, people, I I lived in life africa for high school, so i'm gona do IT in my version of liberia english. But any librarians who are listings, i'll tell you that's not that for true. So once upon a time, once upon a time, in west africa, there was one animal expert, and this animal expert knew every animal that was in a bush.

You people say far as, but the real word is bush. If he see giraffe, you know, to in giraffe, if you see lions, you know, to in lion. So this animal expert is walking one day, so, so, so. And he goes behind one farm, and he's passed in a farm. And behind the farm he see, so, so, so chickens in the middle of the chickens is one eagle.

He said, what are you go doing with these chickens? He go to the front farm and he say, but but you people say that not the real sound has, but he say, bp up the man is, I say hood at the man else. I say that me, you may open the door and see so he opens the door.

He said, what your business here? He said, in the back of your farm you got so, so, so chickens, but in the middle is one eagle. The farmer left.

He said, no, I only have chicken. The animal experts that i'll show you, they go to the back of the farm. He picks up the one he's calling a eagle.

He puts IT on his army. He says, listen to me, you're not chicken. Chickens can fly.

You can fly. Go head and fly. The eagle listens to him. But then he looked down at his chicken brothers and sisters eating a chicken food.

He jumped down off, the man's on, and he go back with the chickens. The farmers starts laughing at the animal expert. The animal expert is vx. He said, I coming ago, he stormed away.

The next day he come back, he comes so soon in the morning, got himself, was not awake yet, and he come and say, what pop up the main, as I say, who the main? I let me open the door and see. He opened the door.

He takes them. He says, what are you doing here? He said, I came here because you have one eagle.

This time he took the eagle and he climb ed to the roof of the ban. They get to the top of the barn. And at that moment the sun started to rise.

The animal expert says to the eagle, all your life, people told you you were a chicken. They told you, talk like chicken, act like chicken, walk like chicken. But you're not a chicken.

You're an eagle. The eagle said to himself, I think if I don't try to think this man will come everyday bothering me, and maybe today I will try IT. So he spread his wings and he started to fly.

And I tell you, my eyes could never see him again. And that's the whole reason why you and I are here today, because there are those who are listening who have been treated like chickens, dating like chickens, picking jobs like chicken s but you're not a chicken. You're an eagle. So fly.

Oh, I just got to do that right now. Oh, my. G that is why this book is required reading for everyone. In fact, I would love free to read .

this part the eagle made at home. He made IT to the truth of who he was. This is homecoming. I wrote this book for all of you who, at different points in your life, have found yourself living like someone you are not.

You may have started acting different because of how you were treated or what other people told you about yourself, or how you saw others acting. You have not felt comfortable or safe enough to truly be yourself, or to feel at home in your identity the recognized and unrecognized traumas of your past may have taught you to hide your gifts and voice in order to survive. This book facilities your journey back to who you really are, so you can own your full identity and fly .

beautiful. Thank you. Thank you.

So many of us are hungry for more like you have the since this can be IT right, like this just can't be IT right in whatever area of my life. And so I know the healing is work, but we're worth in, right? And when we are not at home, we are paying a cost anyway.

How much is IT cost me to live some other woman's life? Hi, I don't want to pay IT anymore. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

IT costs you your life.

right? IT costs you your life.

absolutely. Let's walk through the process. I'm an eagle in sky, is a chicken. I come in, yeah, and I wanna begin this journey, yes, but I don't know. I'm an eagle, right?

yes. How do we start? I start every session with the breath, okay? Because we are so busy and scattered, and we have been tricked, duped, hoodwink, into believing I can prove my worthiness with my busy ness, and so people can come in, you know, running a million miles, and have believed themselves that if i'm so productive, I must be at home.

But we often are not. And so I invite people to take a moment to tune into their breath to in hail and through the nose. And x hail out through the mouth. And to begin to scare their bodies, noticing any place where you're holding tension and sending breath throughout the body, giving yourself permission to breed and release as we SAT intensions for self compassion and for clarity, and that's how we begin.

I feel different.

Yeah, right. Tell me the different.

What did you notice? Um I just noticed that my mind went quiet and I dropped out of my head and into my body. That's IT.

And there was a slowing. I kind of went with this knowing, right this feels Better than the thoughts that are racing, that IT feels Better. What's I feel like for you, right?

IT, is the homecoming. And that's a part of the closing our eyes or lowering our gaze is when we are open. We're open to all the stimulation around us, especially if you're a trauma survivor.

You are tuned into other people, right? So what are they thinking? What are they feeling?

What do they need? It's dangerous to relax when you are a victim of trauma and discrimination of violence.

Yeah, right? And many of us suppress and run and hide. And that heightens the belief that I can see myself, right, that keeps us running.

So instead to give people permission and with the support because they not having to face IT by themselves and with them actually tune to what's going on in there and uh, to start to look at what are the signs of my disconnection. So that's where the journey begins for us to notice, right? Where is my disconnection showing up in me?

So if homecoming means feeling connected, yeah, to your most authentic self, yes. What are the signs? Yes, at this connection?

So when we are in a place, uh, feeling powerless, hopelessness, despair, those are indicators that we have lost side of our power and voice because the truth is we do have capacity voice in agency, but we've been an environment where that wasn't welcomed or that wasn't responded to. And so then that can leave us feeling like we're empty.

Yes, right? The word that keeps coming to mind purpose so hear a lot of people, I don't know what my purposes, I I need to find a purpose, is that a code word for I am disconnected for myself.

That is definitely a code word when people don't have a sense of their purpose. A that's a an indication of this connection.

yes. And there's a story told the book about being at a event where you're giving one of the brazilian keynote speeches that you give and a survivor of sexual abuse comes up to. Can you share that story after we hear a quick word from our sponsors? Yes, awesome.

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Welcome back. I melt robbins, and i'm here with the extraordinary doctor timer, brian. We're talking about our new book, homecoming and the process of returning back home to yourself. And doctor tama was just about to tell us the story of something that happened after scavo inot speech at a conference.

So I was speaking at a conference on sexual assault, and i'm a sexual assault survivor, and I give the presentation. And when it's over, people are responding really well. And then i'm standing there in this line, which I know you are used to do, and there's a long line of people waiting to kind of share their their response or their connection to what you said.

And I see toward the back of the line, h this woman, who we would say had had a bad attitude, right? But I know attitude is despair. But hold .

on a second hh attitude is despair.

yeah. So a form of depression people often don't recognize is irritable depression, right? Yeah wow. And and people don't respond to compassion, with compassion to women with a bad tude.

But if we said when I see that woman, she's in despair, maybe then I would respond with compassion. But some of us, by family, by culture, by religion, were taught that sadness is weakness. So we mask our sadness with anger, with bitterness, with attitude, right? But underneath that is the despair.

So true. Yeah, it's like an iceberg. You see the anger on the time that there something so .

much deeper going per underneath wow.

Yeah so you could pick up on the attitude .

and the energy. But I know there's the story there. Yeah right especially because when you know you have done anything, right so I am feeling on the receiving in of your upset and I haven't done anything so that I know there is a story yeah so you know when he gets to be her place ah she's next in the line and SHE says to me with the attitude so you're a survivor and I said, look, I just gave a hokey no I say yes and he says, well, you don't look like any survivor i've ever known so the double can be triggering as we think about not being believed.

But then I go deeper than that and decide not to get defensive. Instead, I just let her question slash statement hang in the air. And I just, uh, what I would say, soften, right? I soften and I just look at her.

And it's like now he can see me like on the stage with my power point and my pants suit. SHE couldn't see me, right? He could only see the strength and the h authority skills, yes.

But now standing in front of her kind of woman to woman, he could see the vulnerability. And seeing the vulnerability, SHE said. The only survivors i've ever known were fat and tour like me.

right? It's the different ways our surviving shows up. And for some of us who are often overlooked, we cope with anger, with bitterness, with attitude, but underneath is despair. And some of us, we coped with business ness and with what I would call a spirit of excEllence. And when you are excEllent, people don't notice your bones and sometimes you don't notice them, you feel you've .

out around IT. Yes, but it's there late at night.

early in the morning. When you're in certain environments, IT shows up that is still bleeding and you've just gotten busy but not healed.

What is .

healing? Yeah so IT is the homecoming of accepting and loving of myself. When I except me, I have nothing to prove. There's a live code here in in los Angeles um SHE in an event SHE has a beautiful quote i'd love which is I don't want to be driven I want to be called and this I idea of like when you're driven your trauma can drive you yeah like your insecurity can you know where you have to constantly prove yourself and it's this frantick ness versus when I met home that I can be in flow with, what is me .

yeah wow. If you have somebody in your life who has that irritable depression yeah, how do you practice softening and compassion? Because often times, if you're around somebody who's constantly irritable, who is always angry about or frustrated with something, I have several people that come to mind right now in my own life. Yeah, what are some tools that we can use to practice more compassion in those moments? yeah.

And I love that question because I think what we often get pulled into is being combative with them and they're always going to outcome bat us because they're in war your mode, right? And so you know when they come with the intensity, uh, then I respond to the softness. And I was saying one of two ways.

One is if I if I can relate at all, i'll give my own experience right and that helps them that to feel judged right on that thing like calling you out because I see what you're doing is just saying, you know, there was a time where and often I I have learned transparency is contagious and sometimes when people say, oh, me too right like, yeah you so the testimonial or if I know anything that's been happening in their life, to name that because they're responding with all this intensity bright. So then I will say, well, I really wanted to check in because I know this is such a busy time with you. You know that you're moving, that you're this, that you're that and for us to ask a deeper question because the how are you gives us finding you? Yeah right.

So break out of the script. And so instead, with everything you're holding, you know, was been helping you to manage, right? Or what do you need or how can I help? Yeah so i'm speaking to the unspoken.

If you bring in the chicken in the eagle, can we use that fable to describe that moment where the survivor in the audience has this edible depressive moment with you? right? What is happening for her in your opinion, as a psychologist? yeah.

So i'd like to say the reason you feel unsettled is because you're not supposed to settle.

So then again.

the reason you feel unsettled is because you're nats supposed to sell. So what area of your life are you settling?

And I would imagine that any area where .

you feel unsettled right there, there is. So you know, what happens is often we are focused so much outward. If only, if only my spouse would do this, if only my kids would do this, if only my supervisor would do this. Um and we don't have the capacity to shift them. So how might you want to shift?

That's a big ask because it's easier to try to order everybody else.

And frustrating and annoying, yes, and draining. But IT also lets me off the hook because I can keep waiting for their homecoming, right? Well, everybody is on their own timing. And what i'd like to remind myself is I don't want to keep my healing hostage, waiting for the healing of those who harmed me.

Oh.

wow. And that's what we're doing when we're like waiting for the apology. Yeah, it's like I can't heal till you see what you did to me. Yes, like that could be years and might .

be your .

whole life and may be your whole life, right? They have gone on with their lives. They don't care. They're not thinking about IT. And so I want to to take my healing out of .

their hands and give IT back to yourself yeah and so the process of coming home and the homecoming is the act of self healing. Yes, it's about joining .

back in with yourself. And so IT is a sacred act to begin to care for ourselves. And the catch is, when we talk about behavioral al psychology, with behavioral psychology, you start to do the action even if you don't feel IT yet, right? So if I say like i'm gonna IT till I have high self a steam and then take good care of myself like it's not gonna, right? So I have to start doing IT even .

when I don't feel IT. Let's take a quick pause. We can hear a word from our sponsors, and we'll be right back with more from doctor timer brian.

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Welcome back. I'm mell Robins and i'm here with the extraordinary doctor tam brian. We're talking about our new book, homecoming and the process of returning back home to yourself.

So the first step is to recognize that you're disconnected from yourself. You talk to us about breathing closure. Ize come back into your body.

You've talked also about self care. What does that mean? Self care.

So IT is a sacred act to begin to care for ourselves. self. Self care is nourishing every part of yourself. So there is the physical part. IT is hard to heal and come home to yourself if you're living out of vending machines and drive through windows.

why?

Because your food of action, mood and there's nothing life giving in fake food. I'd like to say, as your grandmother would say, you put some vegetables on that plate, put some Greens on that plate. Ah, so fruit and vegetables I like to think of before I eat something.

Can I say i'm eating this because I love myself? Then some things I won't be able to put in my body because I actually want to live. And we have IT flipped, where we will call those things the treat.

I am treating myself by giving myself something that's killing me. So to have to flip IT and of course, in moderation because when people hear that, they're like, do you mean I can never have and drinking water instead of all the sota sleep is a big one. IT is hard to come home to yourself when you're exhausted. You know we are busy, busy uh and then all night people are on their phones or you know up and can sleep. And I say if your ID, and hopefully this is OK to say.

you say whatever you can.

Yes, if your idea of relaxing before you go to a sleep is watching three episodes of law order, I would encourage you to think about why is trauma relaxing to me?

oh.

That's what that is and it's harm, crime, violation attacks. And that's what is going to suit me into my bed time.

So what is the answer yeah, that a lot of people give you when they do go in the therapy about that connection .

is that is Normal and familiar. Some of us grew up in high. So we think conness is either fake or boring.

Wow, right? People mistake peace for boring. It's like to come home to yourself. You have to lean into the discomfort because because it's gonna feel unfamiliar.

I was working with a kline, an adult woman, and her mom, and they had been did because the mother dealt with addiction and didn't raise her, but they are reconnected now and living together. And the adult daughter really wanted her mom to say he loves her. And the mother are just said to me that just seems fake so SHE had not grown up with that hat. Nt hurt at IT to hurt IT like something people do on TV. And so I said to her, if you mean IT is not fake, IT just feels like IT because you're not used to saying IT IT is amazing.

How many people don't tell the people that they love, that they love them, right? And I hadn't occurred to me. It's because they never were told that themselves yeah, and that I might feel forced, ed, or not authentic wow.

Yeah, and that's the importance of us learning each other's love languages because, you know, her response was the response of probably many of her generation, which was you had food on the table or you have a roof over your head.

Yes, what more do you want from more? I love also that there is a deeply spiritual aspect to this. So what is sort of the how would you describe the difference between therapy and spirituality and the work that you need to do in both areas?

That's right. So unfortunately, many people who are in the mental health field did not get trained to incorporate spirituality. There's a research that shows, on average, mental health professionals endorse a lower level of spirituality or religiosity than the general public. really? yes.

Why do you think that is?

Well, a part of that can go with higher levels of education, that a lot of times people with education can feel like they need to prove everything. And spirituality is beyond, I were proving, or are being able to, to manipulate IT, right? That was like it's it's not concrete, right?

In the field of psychology, the founders in the field were often people of faith. But then there was this move in the field where we wanted to prove we're a science. So if we want to prove that we are science, then we can talk about anything people find spooky or soft, dare you know, in some other realm.

And so there has been a neglect from IT, from that area. And the other part of IT has been the recognition that some people have been harmed in spiritual spaces. So then some, their piece will over generalize and think that IT is all harmful, as opposed to whenever ver you get people together, you can have some good and some bad things that are healthier, unhealthy.

What is your definition? A spirituality.

IT is an awareness of the sacred beyond what we can see.

I love that definition. And now that we're on this topic that occurs to me, how could you possibly heal without pulling faith? Yes, and a belief that something that you have not experienced is possible.

That one hundred percent, because I even say, to be at their pic, social worker, life coach, any of these things, you have to have faith. And for people to show up, there has to be a fake that there can be more than what I have seen and what I have experienced. It's like when i'm counselling people, i've only had unhealthy relationships. And I have to say, just because this one is Better doesn't mean it's good, right? If you just used a bad treatment, if people I call you back, you're like ah they call me back like that was nice but there's more .

right there's more. yes. How do you combine the spiritual practice with the work to start to heal or as you say, repairing yourself? Yeah in the physical space.

That's right. So a part of IT is what gives us the motivation to do the work because a lot of times we're Operating based on evidence, which is what we've seen. So if I ve only had bad experiences, my parents abandoned me, this person left me, this person is treated me.

If I believe that is all that exists, then the conclusion would be, I am unworthy. I is the only possible right conclusion, because victim blaming, self blaming of, if I deserved Better, I would have received Better. And you will hear people blaming other people for being mistreated. You know, they'll say, oh, well, you must have allowed IT. And so in order for me to come to a different conclusion that I am worthy of what I have not yet experienced, I have to have the belief of the more.

how the heck do you do that? Yes, your whole life, yeah, you have experienced either abuse or this treatment or discrimination or violence. How do you when you have evidence that does make you feel unworthy? Because i'm sure you get these dms and these emails all day long. So do we get of people who so want to believe that they're worthy, that something is Better, that they can change your life for the Better? And you and I can sit where we are and go, of course you can, yes, but for somebody who is sitting in the disbelief.

yeah.

how do you cross over .

right to believe yeah. So it's a couple of levels. One of them is to get people to reflect on what do they believe all human beings deserve?

Well, I believe i'm a chicken. yeah. And all I see your chicken and I believe him on the same. Like we go back to this now, you possibly convince yourself could be an ideal if you .

have never seen one. So what we connect with is disrupting what we call the cognitive distortions. So it's not a big word.

What is kind of A S .

so you're false. Thought the lies OK the lies you told yourself and allies other people told you. Let me give you an example OK.

So for people who were molested, yes, they either were told directly or and directly that that is their fault, right? That um is because they developed early or it's because they shouldn't have been over there or whatever IT is that somehow that's on you. And so we have to a demonstrate that that is a lie. So how do I demonstrate that that is a lie? Does every girl who develops breast early deserve to be molested?

Of course not.

So you are not an exception to that rule.

Oh yeah, I see. Yeah, I can see another lie because I A survivor of that kind of abuse yeah is the don't tell anyone or you're .

get in trouble yeah yeah and what I learned about that as they, for my own journey, is I was taught that keep in quiet, kept the peace until I realized whose peace is at keeping.

Oh.

right, the offenders at peace, the people who don't want to deal with that at peace. And I in this little body and holding all of the war, I don't want to hold IT anymore.

wow.

Yeah, you. Know, this is what we are. You going na upset things.

You're going na upset people. Nobody wants to hear that. And there is no peace.

Whose peace will you keep up?

Yeah.

you're making IT easy for everybody else as it's slowly, right, destroying you absolutely.

And often then they're gone. They're doing IT to multiple people over the course of years. The silence gives freedom to for to continue.

How do you counsel people who, in the process of starting to come back home to themselves to stop holding the piece for other people around you? Let's just say it's a relationship yeah where there's alcohol or drugs, you're the one does not saying anything. So you're keep in the piece for them, right? It's scary. You're gonna have to confront .

things and it's gonna require some losses and some people are not gonna happy with the new. You people like the silent you. They like to compliment you. They like the door mat you who wouldn't like that.

So when you start getting some opinions and start getting your voice and that wanting to do some of the unhealthy things you've been doing, that everyone is going to celebrate, and that will be important for you to see who wants me whole and who prefers me broken. I will have to start making some adjustments. And there are a range of ways we can do IT.

So like in the workshop ter, we say there's one path for if I want to stay on this job and how do I restore myself and there's another path where I need to leave this job. And in relationship with people, whether romantic or otherwise, as some, I will have to end. And so IT will have to be different because i'm different and ah there's there can be a grieving there.

Well, in the book you write about having a job that was very toxic, can you describe what I felt like to walk into work when you're in a toxic environment? Yes.

uh, IT is so uh stressful and your body in your mind and that's even before you can do your work, right? Just the sunday skies.

the driving in.

drive in, it's terrible. So then of course, you can't flow in a spirit of excEllence because you you know battling all of these other dynamics. And so i'd like to encourage people to create a morning ritual so that you show up with your cup already fall.

So can you give us an example?

So first of all, wake up before you have to get up.

Okay, what does that mean?

That means don't let you're alarm for the time you've to jump out a bit and jump in the shower because now you've already started your day frantic. yes. So I am going into a toxic place already feeling anxious.

okay. So you want to wake up a little bit earlier and then figure out what are the practices that would nourished me for some people that will be listening to music, i'd like to say. And every season of your life come up with your theme song.

yeah. So your theme song will get you in the right mindset. Are doing some stretching next to the bed, body movement exercise, some people go for early morning walk, so then they are already feel settled and flow down. Uh, meditation and or prayer, a reading something, uh, inspirational can, and that can kind of create the mantra for your day.

Why is this matter? You know, because like, because when somebody y's like, you have no idea. I have this abusive boss and these jerks that I work with, and I can't quit.

I got bills to pay. Don't sit here, doctor tam, and tell me that I should, I should freaking stretch. Go for a walk. Are you crazy? Woman, why does this matter?

I want to introduce you to the part of you that is not an employee. You are more than your labor.

Oh yeah.

So if we send our full session every week on your boss, then all you are is your bosses, worker, and there is a you beyond your boss.

wow. Is that true about being in a bad relation?

Yeah, yeah. That are they? They consume a lot of your energy and time, but you were a person before you met them. And whether this continues or not, you're going to be a person and we want to meet that person, we want to nourish that person because there is more to you than what they see. And a part of what they're responding to is they see the vastness of you and don't like IT.

I have one question I forgot to ask you. Yes is .

somebody is .

thinking I really should look into therapy. What advice to have about finding a therapy? Yes, about resources for people who cannot afford a yes.

for those who don't have access to care. Um I encourage you to look up your local universities that have actual programs. They have training clinics which are less expensive.

I didn't need to hit the table, but that a .

dar suggestion. I love p pardine university. We have a community clinic and it's a sliding scale.

You may have an advanced doctoral student who has worked you with clients and they're under supervision ons. So you're not just out there. And then a big one is community care and community programing. So a lot of places, uh, for example, the association of black psychologists, they provide a online kind of drop in virtual groups. Um the american psychological association has on our website a lot of different resources in self help tips of the american psychological association also has a podcast where they cover uh a number of different topics. So the resources are there.

excEllent. And as always, we will link to all of them and to doctor brands brand new, beautiful, life changing my story book, homecoming, overcome fear and trauma, reclaim your whole authentic self, you and every therapy session and every chapter of the book the same way. And you also end every episode of the homecoming podcast the same way. So I would love to have you to invite you yeah to end our conversation with IT .

beautiful. I invite your soul to tell your heart, mind, body and spirit. welcome.

Home doctor came up, brian, you are a gift from god to all of us.

Thank you so much. And I want each of you who are listening to know you're worthy of the journey home. Thank you so much for having me and helping all of us to be the light post along the way to get each other home.

dr. Tama, that is such a beautiful vision, helping all of us to be the light post along the way to get each other home. That's why I always remind you that I love you and I believe in you, and I believe in your ability to create a Better life and find your way back home to yourself beautiful.

Oh, one more thing. It's the legal language. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. IT is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist or other qualified professional. stitcher.

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