How to Stop Caring What People Think of You
The Mel Robbins Podcast
Deep Dive
What is the Let Them Theory and how does it work?
The Let Them Theory is a mindset tool that helps you focus on what you can control and let go of what you can't. It has two parts: first, when you feel stressed or worried about others' opinions, say 'let them' to release control over their thoughts or actions. Second, say 'let me' to remind yourself that your power lies in your thoughts, actions, and how you process emotions. This approach helps you regain control over your life and focus on what makes you proud of yourself.
Why do people care so much about what others think?
People often care about others' opinions because it's rooted in childhood conditioning. Positive reinforcement from parents or caregivers for good behavior or performance creates a pattern of seeking external validation. This becomes a default behavior in adulthood, where self-worth is tied to others' approval. Additionally, fear of judgment or misunderstanding drives people to manage how they are perceived, even though it's impossible to control others' thoughts.
How does Chrissy Teigen describe her struggle with people-pleasing?
Chrissy Teigen describes her struggle with people-pleasing as crippling. She feels deeply concerned about being misunderstood or judged negatively, especially by strangers on the internet. She also shares that she constantly punishes herself for perceived failures, such as letting people down or not being good enough. This behavior stems from her childhood, where she sought love and adoration by performing well for others.
What is the impact of trying to control others' opinions?
Trying to control others' opinions leads to stress, anxiety, and exhaustion. It wastes time and energy because it's impossible to guarantee what someone else thinks. This behavior also causes individuals to silence their own opinions, hold themselves back, and base their self-worth on external validation. Ultimately, it creates a cycle of self-criticism and dissatisfaction.
What does Dr. Paul Conti say about childhood conditioning and self-worth?
Dr. Paul Conti explains that children attribute negative experiences to themselves due to a lack of abstract thought and life experience. For example, if a parent reacts harshly, the child assumes it's their fault, not realizing the parent's mood is unrelated. This conditioning leads to a lifelong struggle with self-worth, as individuals continue to seek external validation. Healing involves recognizing that others' behavior is not a reflection of one's worth and focusing on internal self-affirmation.
How can the Let Them Theory help with social media anxiety?
The Let Them Theory helps with social media anxiety by encouraging individuals to focus on their self-expression rather than others' opinions. Instead of worrying about unfollows, negative comments, or judgments, users can say 'let them' to release control over others' reactions. By reminding themselves that their power lies in their own thoughts and actions, they can post authentically and confidently, reclaiming control over their social media experience.
- Worrying about others' opinions is a major obstacle to achieving goals.
- The "Let Them Theory" focuses on controlling one's thoughts and actions, not others' opinions.
- Worrying about others' opinions causes stress and anxiety.
Shownotes Transcript