The One Tool to Transform Your Relationships: The Let Them Theory
The Mel Robbins Podcast
Deep Dive
Why did Mel and Sawyer feel there was an invisible distance in their relationship despite being close?
They both felt a lack of understanding and connection. Sawyer felt neglected due to Mel’s frequent absences and focus on work, while Mel felt that Sawyer didn’t need her or warm up to her.
How did Mel and Sawyer’s relationship improve through the Let Them Theory?
By using the Let Them Theory, they learned to let each other be who they are without trying to control or change one another. This created space for genuine acceptance and understanding, leading to a closer and more authentic relationship.
What were the two steps of the Let Them Theory that Mel and Sawyer implemented?
Step one is 'Let Them,' where you detach from controlling others and accept them as they are. Step two is 'Let Me,' where you take responsibility for your own responses and actions, focusing on what you can control.
Why did Sawyer feel jealous of her sister Kendall and Mel?
Sawyer felt jealous because Kendall and Mel were in the spotlight, and she didn’t have a natural talent that connected her to them. She was often seen as a product of Kendall or Mel, rather than as herself.
What role did working on the book project play in improving their relationship?
The book project provided a common goal and mutual reliance, which helped them focus on something positive together. It allowed them to see each other in a different light and work through their differences using the Let Them Theory.
Why is it important to recognize the story you’re telling about someone in your life?
Recognizing your story about someone helps you understand the biases and resentments you carry. It allows you to question and change these stories, which can reduce the invisible distance in your relationship.
What is the Frame of Reference tool and how does it work with the Let Them Theory?
The Frame of Reference tool involves stepping into someone else’s shoes to understand their perspective. When combined with 'Let Them,' it helps you accept others as they are and respond with more compassion and less judgment.
Why did Mel and Sawyer have different working styles and how did they manage it?
Mel is a 'box jumper' who thinks creatively and broadly, while Sawyer is a 'box stepper' who focuses on organization and structure. They managed it by using 'Let Them' to accept these differences and 'Let Me' to communicate their feelings and needs.
What advice do Mel and Sawyer give to help close the invisible distance in relationships?
Recognize the story you’re telling about the other person, ask yourself what you want, and step into their shoes to understand their perspective. Use 'Let Them' to accept them and 'Let Me' to communicate your feelings and needs. Consider working on a project together to create mutual reliance and a shared purpose.
Why is it important to vocalize the Let Them Theory in conversations?
Vocalizing 'Let Them' in conversations helps you and the other person understand that you are accepting them as they are. It can also prompt you to communicate your own feelings and needs, which fosters a closer and more authentic connection.
Shownotes Transcript