These 4 Words Will Silence Your Self-Doubt: A Life-Changing Conversation
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Hey, it's your friend ml, and welcome to the male Robin's forecast. Today we are going to get right into IT. We're going to talk about impostor syndrome. And the reason why I wants to talk about is because our daughter kendall, who is twenty three years old, just had a situation this weekend at this music festive that triggered impostor sydney.

And I thought, why are we unpack this moment where your imposture center got triggered? And then more importantly, the incredible things that you shared with me that helped you turn IT around? So, ladies and gentleman, everybody who's listening gandle ABS.

everybody are right. So tell us what happened. okay. So this past weekend, I had my first experience as an artist. In the real artist world is what i'm going to do.

What does artist mean? I am pursuing a career as a professional recording and touring artist, and i'm a singer song writer. I've started to write my own music and moving out to L.

A. In a few weeks time. And this past weekend, my first experience surrounded by really successful artists that are doing the thing that I want to do. And as somebody that spent in school for the past four years, I ve had very few experiences like this. And so this past weekend .

was my first few .

days fully existing in that world without the label of a student on my back. I didn't have that sort of shadow to hide in any more. I was feeling embarrassed, I was feeling awkward. I was feeling like an imposter, like, I don't belong because I don't have music and I don't have a fans and I don't have a social media following.

Let's just back the truck up a minute. So let set the table. First of all, every human being struggles with moments of impostor syndrome.

I'm looking at the research to everybody. I've got my research. Psychologists call this fear of being found out. Impostor synergy IT was coined in the nineteen seventies by two female researchers.

In fact, harvard business review candle says that executives world wide agree that their number one fear is being found to be incompetent. Oh, okay, so this is a very Normal thing for everybody to experience. And IT is called intellectual self out where you enter a situation, or you enter a room, or you think about doing something. And in your own mind, you start doubting yourself, you start doubtful whether or not you're able to do something, you start doubting ing whether or not you deserve to be in a certain place, and you start feeling worried that people are going to find out that you have no idea what you're talking about. And one thing that I will say from the gets go is the reason why I wanted to have you on is because the situation that you found yourself in on friday morning, just a few days ago, is not only so reliable, but I was pretty impressed by how you coached yourself through IT and turn IT around and had one of the coolest, most affirming weekends of your life. And I know that you have a lot of value to share, so are you willing to go there?

Yes, I am willing. Okay, great.

So put us at the scene what was happening friday morning.

So this past weekend, I was lucky enough to go to a music festival, and I had an artist pass, which means that I got to watch all of the musicians and artists that we're performing at the festival perform from back stage in the separate area, that the people with the artist past can hang out. And, and I didn't really know what that meant until I got there. I want to know why, honestly, had no idea what artist past? Man, I was just like, sweet.

Okay, I get to cut the line. That's really awesome. I feel really grateful. And then I walk back stage and i'm surrounded by all of these like theory established musicians and artists and performers and people that i've been listening to for the past, however many years I like, I mean, that was IT was really scary at first because I had no idea that I was gona be within arms reach of all these people that i've looked up to for the past few years.

And being there as somebody that has just gotten out of school does not have anything released as just in the woods right now, figuring out who I want to be, what I want to be, what I want to write, what I want to release. I basically don't exist right now in the world that i'm stepping into. And so stepping into this festival as somebody that doesn't really exist online or in this industry yet, but stepping into IT physically and being surrounded by all these people was just incredibly daunting and honestly terrifying. And I felt really scared and awkward, and I stood alone a lot of the time.

Can you put us at the moment, when you arrive at the festival, you get this past? That is a special thing around your risk that gives you all access to go anywhere. And you walk into almost like the tent that serves the Green.

Yeah OK OK. okay. So I have a family friend that works at this festival and has been going to this festival for a while.

So he was the one that was actually able to get me the artist pass. I knew that there were some VIP features of this past, but I did not know what my days we're going to look like. I didn't know the schedule was like.

And so basically, we get to the festival, we cut the line, we go to this special ten where I get this respond, and then we walk into the festival immediately. We're in this crowd. I'm seeing all the food tents, smelling all the smell, seeing all the people, and then we go behind the stage into this roped off section.

Meanwhile, the family friend that I am with is sort of showing me the ropes. But of course, he's very busy and has things to be doing at the festival. And he said, this is sort of the hangout spot. Okay, I got ta go now. Okay I was like, okay.

so you're fifteen minutes.

thirty minutes in. I'm wearing a long sky in its eighty five degrees outside, which automatically i'm a rookie and he says, okay, this is sort of the hangout spot. This is sort of our touch point we can meet here.

There's not a lot of service at the festival, so there's no service at at the festival. So if you need to find me will just meet at this time. I'm like, okay, sweet.

I walk into the town. I'm like, okay, free food, free drinks. This passes awesome.

And I start to recognize a lot of artist whose music I have been listening to for years now, whose name I have seen on the lineup for the festival, who are now standing in front of me at the free food line. And so i'm thinking, oh my god. Okay, this ten is where all the artists and performers hang out.

And because I have this artist past, I am also allowed to be in this hence. So i'm putting the pieces together slowly, immediately. My heart like drops to my stomach.

And i'm just like, why am I here? I should not be here. I should be out in that audience with people are not performing.

I'm not part of a band. I'm here on a family connection. I feel like I don't know, I just feed like, why am I here? This is so awkward, not to mention i'm alone. So you can imagine that the impostor in the even grander than if you're with somebody that you can bond with, IT over can this sounds .

like a situation that absolutely everyone of us can relate to. I know I can, and i'm sure if you're listening to her tell the story, you're feeling that same self doubt and the impostor system creep up. But the fact is, you don't have to be around like people that are famous or people that are really big fit fulness.

Think about the situations that happen every single day. You're on an email text change, you're sitting in a meeting at work, you're surrounded by a group of people and you start to feel like everybody smarter than you or they've got more to contribute than you. And you feel yourself shrinking and darting yourself.

That's impostor syndrome, intimidating you in your everyday life. And so this is so reliable. And I guess what I want to know is you're standing there, your super intimidated. How the heck did you turn this around? I mean, did you actually talk to somebody?

What did you do? no. So basically, I walk into this ten and I see all these people that i've been following.

And I put the pieces together and realize, oh my god, this artist pass on my rist that says, artist means that I have access to everything the performers do, which immediately makes me want to a rip the thing off my ARM and go stand in the audience because i'm not performing. I'm not on the industry side. I'm not a musician.

I I mean, i'm not a musician performing with anyone. I'm just here as candle. And like I said before, doesn't really exist in this industry world yet.

Would you mean .

that you don't I don't have any I don't have anything out to I feel impostor syndrome talking about the fact that I don't have music out yet on spotify. I hate talking about IT. IT makes me want to throw up everywhere. IT makes me so embarrassed. why?

Because everybody .

else seems to have a figured out and have SHE going on. I know that when I am not in an anxious state of mind, I I remind myself, you know, i'm on my own time line. I don't really want you to include that.

No, but I think that's important because it's IT is into what I was going to share with you. Please say that, okay?

I feel very embarrassed to share with my mom's millions and millions and millions of followers and listeners ers that I don't have anything out on any streaming platform yet. I don't have a social media presence. I don't have fans.

I don't have anything. And talking about being an imposter on this podcast, when i've never went on tour, I don't have an album, I don't have followers, I don't have fans. I feel like an imposter for being a poster. I feel like I haven't bean poster for long enough to talk about being an imposter.

What does that even mean?

This is just such a classic example of the syndrome, which is I I feel as though I haven't this feeling is so new to me that he feels like I don't even have enough qualification to talk about IT. Oh, so do you know I mean.

you don't feel like you're an authority and how to do with imposter trend? M.

because I like, I don't feel like I had my first real experience this past weekend dealing with posture syndrome. And I definitely learned from IT. I definitely gained a lot of insight from the experience, but I was my first experience and I feel unqualified to talk about IT because IT was my first time.

You're not really selling the episode.

I'm trying to make a joke in your like.

Well.

let me just say one thing. I do feel like an imposter right now because I feel like all of the other people in my industry have experienced this so much more than I have. And now getting on here and getting on my soapbox and trying to tell everybody .

what is play so backs. This is why this conversation so important. You're in IT.

yeah. Everybody listening feels like an imposter in some area, their life. Everybody can relate to that feeling. Like here I am.

I am physically next to the people who are doing what I wanted do, and it's so close I can reach out and touch IT. These people i've admired, i've streamed, i've watched them in a word shows. They're standing right there. They're doing what I want to do.

And the only thing that's keeping me from doing what I want to do is this feeling of napping, ready, or this feeling that i'm gonna have, what IT takes, this feeling of being a nobody, this feeling like somebody's already done IT is their room for me. And because you're in IT, you are in a much Better place to validate where everybody is. Can like somebody who's already figured this shot out, coming in, mean like, well, when you feel like an imposter, do this this and this is easy.

When you're through IT, you're right up. And against IT right now, that tension that you feel is important. I remember, god, this must have been like nine years ago when I first got into the speaking business.

Can I hadn't been paid to give a speech and I get invited as i'm just starting out to go to this event in california and speak on a panel. I don't even know what I how I was speaking about. All I know is there was this opening reception, okay, sort of like what you're describing, an opening reception for the people who had been invited to speak at this thing.

And so like you, I walk into this room, I have the land yard around my neck, you've got the little artist thing around your wrist, and I walk in and I am like, oh my god, there's Christy turlington the supermodel, oh my gosh there, gretchen rubin the author. Oh my gosh, there's this person, there's that persons. And I see all these famous people. All of them were speaking, I felt like I had no business being there.

Yeah, same.

And all these people were talking, and they all seem to know each other. And there were a couple instances run like, okay, here we go. And I would walk up to a group of people and i'd introduce myself, and they d all turn, oh, what do you do? And I didn't even know how to answer IT.

I had given one tech x talk and nobody i'd heard of IT yet. I didn't have a book. I didn't have anything.

I felt like I had nothing. I didn't even know I was there. And after I would introduce myself and people like, o you're right to work.

I'm like i'm just kind of speaking about motivation. Oh, okay and then they turn and something flipped in me because I felt like such a fraud being there. But something deeper was going on, and this is what was going on.

I realized in that moment that I wanted to do something that mattered. I wanted to do the work, or write a book, or do something that when I walked into a room, IT was like, oh, oh, you're the woman to win the five second. I first love that thing.

And that discomfort that I felt it's sucked in. The moment I went back to my hotel room, I didn't go to the dinner. I cried.

I stayed up all night. What am I going to do? But there is something deep inside of me that was like, you don't want to feel this way. You have something that you want to to contribute and feeling like you're on the outside of something that you want to be a part of is a Normal experience.

See, I think, in pasture syndrome, that discomfort that you were feeling, that first few hours at the artist and at this music festival, I think that is your dreams going. We ve got work to do. Oh, shit, like, we got like, you want to be in here, you want to be doing this, you got stuff to contribute.

You got to wake up. Like, you gotta start put yourself out there. Like, this is a step on the path is so important because you only feel in pasture syndrome and situations you care about because you care about whether or not you've got something to .

show for what you're doing. Well, like I said, I was alone and all .

of these very established .

famous artists are walking by me and i'm literally drinking a White of alone. And it's not like I can be introducing myself to people and saying, oh, go check me out on spotify. Go check me out on instagram. It's like, hi, i'm candle and then I I disappear to the point where .

someone .

literally came up to me like, are you okay? Like I looked like I was not supposed to be there. That's how like the impulse or syndrome had basically crept onto my face.

I was so uncomfortable. And so just like and just felt like, why am I here? I need to leave.

I don't want to be here. I want to go home. I don't, I don't want to tell people i'm in artist.

I don't feel like that at all right now. I don't feel like anyone's onna give a shit about me, including myself like, but yeah, he was horrible. I was, I was really horrible. But I mean.

what changed though? Because this is where I want to go to. We can all well hold that thought. I want to hear a quick word from our sponsors.

And when we come back, we're going to right to the moment where you flip the switch because you did and you made at one of the best weekends of your life and you made incredible friendships and you came home a different person after those three days. And we're to talk about what change when we come back. Oh, i'm so excited to tell you about one of our sponsors or a friends.

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Welcome back. I'm ml Robins and i'm sitting here with her daughter candle, who's twenty three. And SHE is pursuing her dream and goal of being a touring singer songwriter. And we're talking about impostor syndrome.

And so can I want to go back to the moment where you've been standing in the artist tent at this music festival for the first five hours on day one, somebody has come up to you and said, are you okay? Because you look so out of place and you're alone, drinking a White house surrounded by all these turing musicians that you admire. Did you what did you do to turn this around? Because you turn this around, dude?

Well, IT definitely was not immediate IT IT continued for about a few more hours in in. And i'm slightly tips y now because i've had two .

White cause and i'm .

sitting alone. Let me just tell you, every single person in that tent was with another person, if not three or four. I probably look so weird sitting alone.

And I was just kind of thinking, you know, i'm here. I get to be around some of my biggest inspirations. I get to go back stage in, be an arms length from them while they absolutely murder IT on stage I get free food.

I get, why cause .

why the fuck wouldn't I enjoy this? You know, like, i'm just gonna this because, no, i'm not performing, although I wish that I was. No, I don't have a gram me, although that is a dream of mine.

No, of music out on spotify that I can tell my favorite artists that are here to listen to. No, I can't do any of that. But you know what? I can be grateful I am here, and I can lean into that gratitude and just have fun. So once I exhaled and I was like, okay, i'm gona enjoy myself. This has been got awful up until .

this point. So they're grape .

for the goal is, I mean, why not why not have fun? You know, i'm either going to continue to torture myself in front of my favorite artists so i'm going to have fun and put a smile on my face so I said, you know, i'm really happy that i'm here. Let's start to have some fun and as i'm sitting alone drinking a water this time, i'm thinking about all of this advice that i've gotten over the past years.

What are other things I can lean into well being here and try and find some sense of a belonging in a place that I feel I don't? And I think back to this piece of advice that one of my amazing mentor, shaan hall, who is the vice dean at the foreign school music at U. S, gave to me. And he said, you know, because you're beginner candle, these rooms that you're going to start to walk into and these experiences that you're going to start to have, you can't be walking in there with some massive ego thinking, you know, I know best, I know this, that's not the way to go about this. But instead, you should walk into those rooms with the learners posture and lean into the gratitude that you have for learning all that you're going to learn.

And he said, every room that you walk into now, in the back of your mind, that you have something to give to the people in that room that they don't have, you might not even know you have to give, but there's a reason you're in that room and you're going to give them something that they don't know they needed, just like they're going to give you something you don't know you need. IT, mike drop. Thank you. Shawn.

Can I just stop there? Yeah, I wish I had known that when I walked into the room in last Angels because because I walked in there and I felt like, oh my god, these are people admire, or I their famous, or they're known, or they are doing cool things. I'm not doing anything.

I'm a nobody. I don't have anything yet. And yet that's the important part yet. It's not that you can't do IT. It's that you haven't done IT yet. But if I had been able to flip to a state of, i'm just so grateful to be here and I am going to introduce myself to everybody, and I am going to learn as much as I can, and i'm going to soap things up, and i'm going to be like a beginner, you know, if you are my shoes, what's one piece of advice you would have? Like, just soak at all up and in, and I like IT would have flipped off the insecurity that in pasture syndrome can overwhelm with.

Because when you get up in your head and you start going, I don't belong and and you become very intellectual about IT, you isolate yourself and you cut yourself off from both what you can get and gain from the room and what you can give. Because every time you talk to somebody who is beginning at something you're really good at, their enthusiasm impassion always with you. Yeah.

I just started to relax into IT, and I started to meet people.

How did you meet them?

Well, the family connection that I had who invited me to the festival had a few friends there. And he introduced to those people who I really hit off with, and we started talking, and he was the first time that I was talking to people, but I was also the first time that I was like able to just own where I was at and say, i'm an artist. I'm a beginner.

I don't have anything out. I'm just in my creative, creative space right now. I'm working on some stuff. I'm really excited about IT. I'm not trying to rest rush the process. And I think saying that and just speaking that out to the universe was sort of a weight lifted, but just being able to meet people and tell them that i'm a beginner and that i'm so excited and that i'm so grateful to learn from them and to be just surrounded by the grades and all these people that i've just been so inspired by for the past few years. IT was enough, you know.

happened well.

they were so nice and they will come in and they took me under their wing and introduced me to a bunch of cool people. And and nobody was quick to judge me that I was a beginner. And I had a few people even say, you know, it's so inspiring being around you because we have to make ends meet by doing this and we pay our bills doing this because some days IT gets long and IT gets hard and we don't want to do IT. It's so cool to be surrounded by someone that just so fresh off and ready to go and reminds us all of the reason that we started, which is because we fell in love with IT and like we can feel that love coming off of you. And that was just so validating because they weren't complimenting my original music, but they were just complimenting my spirit and my ambition in my drive, in my passion, which is like what I needed to be complimented on at this phase, in my journey.

It's actually more important than being complimented on the year.

And so I made a bunch of friends and I even got the chance to perform with some of the people at this late night performance. And after I performed, I had a bunch of people ask if they wanted to collaborate with me and write music with me. And IT was just really awesome. I think once I sort of owned where I mat, which is a beginner. I'm not an imposter as a beginner, you know because that's what I am.

Wait, say that again.

i'm not an imposter if i'm a beginner because that's what I am.

Oh my god. Candle, that's genius.

Yeah, you can defuse the imposter syndrome if you just accept where you're at. I felt like an imposter around all of my favorite artists because of what they have accomplished that I haven't yet. But if I just .

give myself the .

space to meet me where i'm at, yeah then the impostor syndrome ort of disappears.

You're not an imposter. You're just a beginner.

yes.

And what I also love about those moments where you're new to something, you're in a new job, you start at a new school, you feel like an imposter when you move to a new neighboring hood when you try something new.

And I think so many of us are so terrified of feeling like a beginner or feeling mediocre at something that we don't give ourselves permission to just be a beginner because we think people are going to like us more if we have that all figured out. And the truth is, nobody has not figured completely. No, the people that you admire are tired datorg.

And so the passion and the beginner's mindset infuses them with something. Yeah, I have so many takeaway from this conversation. Number one, the next time that you're in a situation where you feel like you don't belong or you get up in your head, recognize IT and flip IT to gratitude. Be grateful that you are here at this new school or you're here in this new job, or you are here in a room with people that you admire, adopt that, learns mindset and just absorb as much as you can. Another thing that you said that I think is brilliant, is that as soon as you gave yourself Grace to just be where you are and to say IT out loud, well, I have something .

to say about that. okay. Another way to think about IT, and this is another piece of advice that I got from shan hold, is that you become one of the most powerful people in the room when you beat everybody to your inconvenient truth.

I love that, and I don't even know what the heck means. So let's take a quick break for a word from our sponsors. When we come back, I want you to unpack this advice for all of us.

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Welcome back, I ml Robins. I'm here with our daughter candle. And we've been talking about an experience that he had just this past weekend within pastor syndrome, and he had just shared this really incredible advice that helped her.

IT was advice he got from her mentor USA shan. Hold about beating people to your inconvenient truth. Can can you tell .

more about that? IT means if you're a beginner and you don't have music out on spotify, just say you say, i'm feeling pretty embarrass and feeling a little bit out of place in this room. Love that instead of trying to pretend like you have IT all figured out when you walk into this room, just beat everybody to your inconvenient truth.

It's inconvenient that I don't have music out. It's inconvenient that I haven't gone on tour. IT feels inconvenient that I don't have fans or a social media following. And so instead of pretending like I have IT all figured out, i'm just gonna honest. I'm just going to be vulnerable because if you come from a place of vulnerability, you're definitely going to make connection.

What happened the first time you said to somebody in that artist? And well, I haven't released any music yet.

Well, let me talk about how I felt to say that. Yes, because IT was horrible OK to see IT. I mean, the first time that I kind of recognize that I was a beginner and was able to say that out loud was when I would be talking to people.

And then, of course, the question comes, will do any music out. And my jaw would lock and I somehow spent out no and said, I just graduated from school. I'm working on some music now.

I'm trying to figure out who I am, what I want to sound like, what I want to say. And i'm not there yet, and i'm really excited for the process. But no, I don't have music out, I don't have an instagram page, I don't have fans, I don't have any of IT, I don't have tiktok, I don't have IT.

And it's definitely scary being around everybody here that not only has that but has gone around the country showing people. But i'm a beginner and i'm excited and i'm so happy that I get to be here and all you who are people that i've looked up to for however long and yeah just really excited. And you know, I was met with so much, oh my god, that's awesome.

You should take your time. You are so Young. You have all the time in the world just things that i've been told for so long. But hearing IT from these people that i've been so spired by for so long .

was so validating it's like you .

have to be bad at something before you're good at IT and people are so afraid of being not so great at something that they don't even try yeah .

and they're embarrassed to admit the third of the beginning of trying yeah .

and also every single person in in that tent has probably had experience like my of course.

You know, what I also find interesting is that you call yourself a beginner, but you just graduated from the top program in the world for pop music at usc thorn, studying with gramma award winning artists and collaborating with plenty of musicians. You're not exactly a beginner, but you're a beginner on the journey of the turing artist world.

And so I think that there are levels to that begin our mindset, because when I started this podcast, I was not a beginner when IT comes to audio. I hosted a radio show in two thousand and eight and one awards for IT. And i've published all these audio books with auto. But I felt like a beginner that had never done a podcast. Ah, when I started .

beginner singer, I am a beginner song writer. I am a beginner in an artist. Ten, I am a beginner talking to my favorite artist. I am a beginner waiting in line behind my favorite musicians. Like there are so many things that I have IT all tires .

back into the .

there's something to learn and there's something to give. I think if you're only on, I have something to give, you're going to get too caught up in your own world and you're not going to be able to feel into the gratitude in the service and you're going to be too like obsessed with yourself.

what? And then if you get into the, what do I have to learn? What do I have to learn? What do I have to learn? You just gonna dumb yourself down so much that you don't even give yourself the opportunity to express what you do have to give. And I definitely have not figured that out, although IT sort of maybe on this podcast sounds like I have. But the baLanced thing, I it's an everyday practice.

But one thing I want to point out, based on what you told me, is that the first thing that you gave is your a humor. Yeah, I had nothing to do with music. You started cracking jokes with somebody that you were introduced to that is highly regarded.

And IT was your humor and your passion and your beginner mindset that that broke the ice. yeah. And had you make this incredible connection with somebody who will probably be part of your career moving forward.

another way that I think about a poster s syndrome is I think about the fact that i'm a nobody. That's kind of what I was feeling. I was literally texting my friends who I graduated with the uss, who are incredible musicians and have music and just my best friends.

And I was taxing them, being like, i'm a nobody. Why am I here so and so just walked by. I'm drinking alone and helped.

And they were all responding like your candle evening robbins, you're not a nobody like go be you go have fun. You're supposed to be there. Love you guys.

You know who you are. And I think in in saying, like i'm a nobody. The only reason that I was thinking everybody around me was where somebodies is because of the accurate and the accomplishments .

that the family.

but like the fans, at least in my opinion, the fans, the awards, the accolades, the attention that all of the people I was surrounded but I have.

are not who they are.

As I was thinking about this, I was going, you know, so and so is not her grandma.

she's her 嗯， 哼。

i don't have music out right now, but i'm still me and I can still be me. And at the end of the day, we're all kind of nobodies because. People think we're somebody's when we have stuff to show, but without that, stuff were just us, the beauty of life for all just us.

You know, it's interesting is that you just said people think you somebody because you have some something to show for yourself but we're all just nobodies because there is something that is special about you that nobody else has yeah what's a great way of talking about IT and .

I think the word nobody is it's so negative and people think i'm invisible not but like we're all kinds just doing our own thing because I don't have music out because I don't have these awards, because I don't this following that everyone around me how I like. You know what all I can do is just be me and that's kind of all that i'm going to do throughout my career.

So i'm just going to do that right now because I hope that even when I do have those ages and when I do have those fans, I can still be me. And i'm sure that all these people around me at some capacity or just trying to be themselves too, I learned, and I hope you guys can learn that in just being me, the things that I started to give had nothing to do with my music and nothing to do with my voice, and nothing to do with anything that I thought I would have to do with IT. The things that you were gonna give in these rooms that you walk into, where you feel like an impostor will likely have nothing to do with that actual career or the skill set you master in college to get the job that you got.

It's probably going to have to do with your humanity or some experience you had that's relatable or your sense of humor or the fact that you're passionate about doing. I don't know like who who knows what it's gonna be, but I think what I learned this past weekend is that people felt a magnetic pull towards me because of my humor and inappropriate jokes that really, I guess, brought some some laughter to the rooms that I was walking into and in giving people committed relief and giving people laughter. That's what they learned from me.

And in turn I started learning from them, and the doors all open. yep. And like leaning into you in those and just be you and recognize a beginner, beat people to your inconvenient truth.

Be talking them by telling them just be you. And I think if you're you, you're gonna give and you will also receive. If I was trying to be somebody that had all these awards are had a tiktok following whatever IT, maybe I wouldn't be candle right? And I was candle and shot a great weekend.

I made a bunch of friends. I ate good food. I saw old friends. I made new friends.

One of the things that will beat impostor syndrome is when you start to also tell yourself that there's a reason .

i'm here to talk about, okay.

there's a reason why i'm here. You don't have to be like I deserve to be in this room. Grab faith you're in the room for a reason and you might not know why, but have faith that there is a reason for you to be in that room.

There's something free to learn, there is something for you to give and that's why you're there yeah when you tell yourself that you have faith that there's a reason why you're sitting in this room, there's a reason why you're near these people, there's a reason why you're at the school. And if you can't mur up the belief that you deserve to be anchor yourself in that there's something free to learn, there's a lesson, there's something free to discover about yourself. Because when I look back at my experience nine years ago, and I was in that room with all those people, I admired all these famous people, and I felt so unworthy.

There was a reason I was supposed to be there, that discomfort that I felt. I don't want to feel like this in rooms like this. I want to feel like i'm somebody who's contributed something that's important.

That's what started to motivate me. That's what got me to accept the fact that I really wanted to be a person that had published a book I showed up in rooms for the next two, three years. Can still feeling like an impostor.

Oh, i'm sure IT never goes away. There are new levels to IT. When I met Alice Cooper and was on her show called her daddy, and I was in all of her the number one female ranked pod caster in the world.

And I D even launched my podcast yet. You know what? I just absorbed everything I could learn from her, and I learned a lot.

She's amazing. So there are going to be moments where you feel that because you're going to be a beginner again. But if you really embrace, what can I are sharing with you, you don't have to destroy yourself.

You can immediately catch yourself and flip IT into a learning opportunity in a gratitude moment and reminding yourself that, wow, I I have faith that i'm here right now because there is some more mental learn by doing this right now. So i'm not going to get IT right. I'm not going to be perfect. I'm going to be me and i'm going to learn. And that is so helped me, and I think it'll help you listening right now.

yeah. And I think the thing you also said about the factor that in pasture cinder, I think comes from a place of, well, I really want this to feel like, yes, I really the only reason that you're feeling that that imposter syndrome is because you want to not feel like an imposter in those things. You want to be about a thing.

It's a good thing. It's kind of like your mental compass going like, yeah this is what you want is reminder there's a work to do. I mean, I don't feel in poster synergy when I go to like a financial convention because I don't know anything about that and I don't watch and I don't have a passion to I don't desire I not like, oh my god, never gna make IT in this.

I'm like, I don't want to be here. I don't want to be in this room. I want to be in a different room, but it's the room that you want to be that you're like a fuck.

I don't know. I'm supposed to be here. I don't IT tests. Everything that makes you look in the mirror is kind of like shines a light on the things you don't know about what you're so obsessed with and makes you want them.

And that scares the shit out you yeah.

it's true. I think IT comes back to the idea that some days you're going to be a beginner in the room, some days you're gonna the expert. If you find yourself in that room or that tent or backstage or in that workout class wherever you are, and you start to feel that creeping up, I shouldn't be here.

I don't belong here. I don't know what to do, I don't know what to say. Just trust that you're supposed to be there and then there's a reason that you're there and take on your learners posture. If you feel like you don't know anything and everybody else does, then just get really grateful and really excited to learn from the other people and don't leave the room.

Don't leave that room. Bomb cheers chairs. And in case no one else tells you, candle and I are going to tell you.

We love you. We love you, and I believe in your ability to create a life that you want and to do the work. Don't leave the room, talk to a few days, 嘿嘿。

All told the phone that would .

be the loud size machine you've ever heard.

Okay, of course.

Chris, that were recording. I don't want to like say.

like Chris dad.

we're filming and reporting.

所有 硬币。

Okay, be quiet because I just had a moment. You ruined IT. Anyway, fuck.

I had a really good superpower. No, no, no, no, no. We were thinking about, we were to what else we were talking about? Impossible syndrome. nobodies. Oh, oh my.

God, I just let me make sure I get record.

Oh, and one more thing I know, this is not a bleepers. This is the legal language. You know what the lawyers, right? And what I need to read you.

This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend. I am not a license therapies, and this pocket is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist or other qualified professional. Got IT good. I'll see in the next episode stitcher.

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