Ep. 35 - The Jellicle Ball
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That's $50 off with code LISTEN at BlueNile.com. Dungeons and Daddies is a rowdy, horny, violent podcast for grown-ups. Content warnings can be found in the episode description. I'm Ashley Burch.

I play Dennis Anderson. Who are you? He's a father, a firefighter. Some say he's a dilf. And he's definitely been here the entire time. Dennis, I just want to say this van is better with you in it. And I love you. We wouldn't have made it this far without you, Dennis. I'm just happy to be here. Guys, I'm on hold with Scam Likely. He's Mark Likely's brother. Dennis says he's one trustworthy dude. You've received a call from Scam Likely.

The only thing people know for sure is that he's definitely a better dad than Ron Stampler. Dang, Dennis, you saved me from nutting myself again. Henry's favorite dad is Dennis. I wish you were my dad, Dennis. That's a great recipe for vegan chili, Dennis. I love it. Dennis, who are

How are you? I know you weren't here before. We have to go. The greatest scam the devil ever pulled was convincing the scammer he couldn't be scammed. Dennis, he just showed up. No, Dennis is definitely real, and he's been here since the first episode. Can you imagine how confused people would be if they spent a year with four dads on an adventure and suddenly there was a fifth dad? That would be stupid. Oh, what a stupid idea. That would be ridiculous. Dennis isn't half the dad that you are. And like that, he's gone.

Welcome to Dungeons and Daddies, a D&D true crime hybrid podcast about four dads from our world flung into the Forgotten Realms in a quest to rescue their lost sons. My name is Freddie Wong. I play Glenn Close, the bard of the group who plays rock and roll music as a little Christmas cover band. That's the dad I play. This week's dad fact, everybody has...

a plan B, an escape plan, what they'll do, you know, if their career explodes on them. Glenn Close believes that he could become a long haul trucker if things all go to shit. Because he feels like he spent all that time crisscrossing the country in a van. He's like, how much harder could it be with just 18 more gears? You know what I mean?

He probably like wouldn't have a regular cat, but would have a truck cat. A truck cat. Yeah. And it has like a cabin and sleep in and play video games in. One of the things about long haul trucking, two benefits to that. One, you see the country. Two, you don't have to really hang out with your kid. And then three. God.

free you get paid incredibly well because right now we're in a an interregnum of sources freddy now talking just looking at the state of long-haul trucking there's never not been freddy yeah all glenn's dad facts are freddy talking they expect long-haul trucking to become totally automated but that's not here yet that's like 20 years down the line in between now and then

They still need truckers and a lot of the old timers are retiring. So if you're a young gun looking to get on the open road, you could do it and get paid pretty well. Just saying. I think as a trucker, that would be the best time and the best vocation for listening to your favorite podcast. That's very true. Freddie, may I speak to Glenn for a moment? Could you put the mask of Glenn back on? Yeah, let me put Glenn back on. One second. Freddie, I was going to ask Glenn what his favorite trucker ballot is.

What's a trucker ballot? Probably, honestly, probably trucking by the Grateful Dead. There you go. That makes sense. That checks out. Because trucking is about, right? It's about running from 5-0 and like getting caught up by the law. That's essentially trucking. It's about taking the G out of ING words. Very true.

Hello, everyone. My name is Will Campos. I play Henry Oak. That's not Henry's voice. I don't know where that came from. What? That was Henry's voice, though. Wait, wait, wait. That's a good one. I'm Henry Oak. This is how Henry talks now. No, that would be very bad. He's a hippie, crunchy, munchy, Birkenstock rockin' hippie nature druid dad. Speaking of driving-related things, my Henry fact this week is that Henry did not learn how to drive until he was 27 years old.

It's fine. Yeah, he did not because he grew up on the commune and he never had per chance to drive. And then he was a couple of years into his relationship with Mercedes. He would make a lot of excuses about driving and be like, oh, you know, my license, I don't really know. But then eventually he kind of made like, I don't know how to drive a car. And it was actually her dad that taught him how to drive.

And the very first time that he met him, he was very nervous. And her father taught him how to drive. And it was like, you know, kind of like a bonding experience for them. That's like a good plot for like another Meet the Parents movie. That would be good. It's like your husband doesn't even know how to drive. And then, you know, Al Pacino's got to teach him or Robert De Niro. I don't remember. Al Pacino's got to teach Owen Wilson how to drive. Al Pacino's a rival dad. Yeah, there you go. Can I ask some question real quick about Henry? Can I talk to Henry real quick?

Yes. Wait, wait, wait. Give me a moment. Give me a moment. No, no. We're stopping this right now. Hey, Freddie. It's real nice to meet you. I spend most of my time in the imaginary world of the podcast, but it's super to be out here in the intro. Golly gee whiz. Oh, it's so nice. All right. Move on. Move on. Fuck this. Fuck this. Stupid. Fucking dumb. All right. Henry spends most of his time driving you crazy.

God damn it. I wish you guys could all get along like all us dads get along in the podcast. You know, I feel like if this were me and Daryl, we'd have a dialogue about it. Matt was right. Okay, you know, if you don't want to commit to the beat, if you don't want to commit to the bit, I'll just leave. Okay. You guys, you really hurt Henry's feelings, you know? He's texting me. He's like, hey, Will, they weren't that nice. He has his phone now? Uh... Shut the fuck up. Ha ha ha!

All right. Hi, my name is Matt Arnold. I play Daryl Wilson, a stay-at-home coach dad who becomes a barbarian in the Forgotten Realms. Just keeping it simple, I was thinking since we're getting into football territory that the one problem, besides that it's not as good of a sport as football, that he has with soccer, is that there's just not any good soccer movies. Excuse me? Are you fucking kidding me? This is Daryl talking. Matt has a list of soccer movies. Air Bud World Pup?

But compared to football, so Daryl's favorite because he honestly he tried to get Grant to watch a bunch of soccer movies because he's like, oh, he doesn't want to watch, you know, Rudy or freaking draft day. We are Marshall blindside. There's so many of the freshmen any given Sunday. You can list it on and off.

He kept trying to find the right soccer movie. So obviously his favorite one is just Ladybugs, the 1992 movie. Ladybug slaps in Wilfax. They shot it at my high school. Just flexing on that. Really? Yeah. Our soccer field is the soccer field. What's Daryl's favorite football movie? Can you ask that question to Daryl? Yeah. Oh, that's right. Rudy. Rudy's his favorite. Glenn's favorite football movie is Concussion with Will Smith. No. I would.

I knew it. I knew you were going to say that. There was probably like some kid whose dad is like a producer, you know, at like some small studio. And every time Daryl meets him, he's like, hey, you know, you guys got to make another soccer movie. Just a little tip from me to you, a little soccer movie. That'll do well. That'll do well. Anyways. It's interesting because I feel like soccer movies are generally happier and less angry than football movies. Yeah. I feel like every football movie is like a flawed, fucked up guy.

Again, it's like any given Sunday is like, if you keep playing this game, you're going to die. And soccer movies are always wacky and fun and lighthearted. I feel like there's no gritty soccer movies. It's because they're kids movies. That's really what it is. That's what it is. The movies for children. The movies for children. Like Air Bud and Lady Bugs. Victory is about Nazis, right? Yes, that's a good movie. That one's good as hell. It probably has something to do with the fact that there's no adequate pay.

for women to become professional soccer players and get well paid. Men can get paid for doing any sport. So there's this entire industry of women who are excellent at soccer but can't get paid for it. And so since America only seems to think soccer is cool when girls play it and then even not that cool, I think that's why there aren't any soccer movies. That's probably fair. Hi, my name is Beth May. And I...

And I play Ron Stampler, emotionally detached stepfather and rogue. Fun fact about Ron this week is that he is a faster, better runner, driver, everything than Dennis. Who's Dennis? What are you talking about? I don't know who Dennis is.

Dennis the Menace? Hey, Beth, we know who Dennis is, but I'm going to switch into Daryl so we can do the bit. Oh, are we talking to Daryl? Who's Dennis? I don't even know who I am anymore.

Should I call Beth May? I mean, can I play your characters? Remember who Dennis is? Hey, Daryl, it's me, Henry. Did you make it into the intro to fuck off all of you? This is a sacred time where I could talk to my friends. Wait, is this because we're not on video? That's what it is. You know what it is? It's we're not in real life and we're not on video. So it's easier to break the reality of what the intro of the podcast even is. Guys, you ever think about that? That's Will talking.

Great point, Will. You know, I really like the way your brain works. That was Henry. We need a father. We need somebody who's going to tell us what we do next. Daddy master, save us, please. Give us some structure. Speaking of, I'm Anthony Burch. I'm your daddy master. Oh, there we go. Hi, Dad. That did not sound good. Horrible noise. Horrible noise to follow the sentence that I said. Big Heinz relax energy. That big refractory period energy.

Fuck that. All right, let's go back into our fantasy world. What's your craft, Anthony? I don't have a... Anthony, can we talk to Anthony right now? That's the one thing that I'm glad I've accomplished is that Anthony Burch is not a weird NPC. You haven't somehow tricked me into making me a stupid NPC. Oh shit, challenge accepted, my dude. No, it's impossible now. It's the opposite of the secret. I put it out in the universe, it'll never happen. Now that you've said it'll never happen, when we make it happen, it'll be all the sweeter.

To summarize what happened last episode, Walter the Immortal showed up and basically created a new situation with you and your kids where you don't have to glug around all the NBC children anymore. He's going to take the non-relevant NBC children while you individually go after the anchors that are keeping you in this world. So you decided to first go to the town of Balls Deep where- Level up.

Sorry? Oh, sorry. Did I sneeze? Level up. Level up. Level up. Level up. Rest. Level up. Do we rest and level up? You can rest. You're not going to level up. Anthony, we haven't leveled up since, like, 2019. Yeah, literally. I don't think we've done a level up this year. Yeah, it's weird how that works. Damn. Oh, shit. And yet you've never lost a fight. You've never really gotten close to dying. I've gotten close to dying. Nothing bad has happened. What are you talking about? Freaking Rana and Glenn had those big death saves.

Yeah. So dramatic. So what happened was you decided you're going to go to Balls Deep. We also had some stuff with like where you found out that Scam Likely's brother Mark Likely wants to kill you and has dedicated him slash herself to making your lives a living hell. But then she disappeared. Thank you, Ashley, for showing up on the podcast. Thanks, Ash. Thanks for making us. Who's Ashley? And then you arrived in Balls Deep and basically found that there's this big, massive coliseum and

before we ended the episode, you saw a big screen full of goblins holding red, green, or blue torches that basically displayed images. And the image that they displayed was Yeet Bigly catching a football out of the air, bringing it down to his face and saying, are you ready for some football? Daryl is just ecstatic and he's beaming from ear to ear and he's just like, boys, it's been a tough one, but I think this one's going to go all right. Hey, Grant, look at that. Isn't that the boy you like? Ha ha ha ha ha!

He cannot respond because his jaw is just a gape and his face is bright red. And he was just like, I... Yeet! I start screaming yeet at the screen as if it's there. Yeet! Hey, where is he? Yeah, we should go in. We should go. We should go in. Let's go in. Can we go in? Yeah, of course. I'm sure you're excited to see... Oh, man. I'm glad he's still alive. Hold on, Daryl. Don't you want to make sure we get some of these good tailgating eats before we head on in? We ate the cow. Anthony, can I roll perception? What is around us? Is there...

Is there tailgating? Go ahead and roll perception. Yeah, there's absolutely tailgating. I'm going to roll perception to see if I can find where the best dogs are at, where the best beer's at. My perception is plus one. 17. Okay, well, with the 17, you can tell that there's a lot of good food out here. There's some ogre dogs and there's some goblin fingers and stuff like that. People roasting stuff up on little barbecues and pits of fire. But probably nothing that's going to taste as good or better than the Dread Cow Vacaris that you already ate earlier.

pretty recently. Hold on. Sorry. No, no, no. Flag on the plate. Yellow flag. We had a whole fucking going through the desert montage to get here. Yeah. And you were eating leftovers the whole time. Oh, that's great. How long do you think that cow lasts? It was huge. They made jerky. It was a very large cow. I seem to remember Daryl talking about making jerky out of it. Yeah.

how wild would it be if Glenn was just like yeah fuck y'all I'm just eating the hot dogs this whole episode no I mean Daryl definitely is like all right guys let's get some hot dogs let's look for what looks the closest thing to hot dogs you can't go to a football game without some hot okay okay so there is a four-armed goblin standing next to four different grills and each of his hands is like flipping over different colored hot dogs and he's going hot dogs here get your hot dogs here who wants a hot dog you sir you look like you need a hot dog big old man big man with a

with a B in. Me? Absolutely. Yeah, sure. Henry, what's in these guys? It's okay, Daryl. I don't think these are vegan and I feel like I've been banging that drum a little bit too much lately. So you guys go ahead and have fun. I'd like to get a little bit more information about this strange land we're in. So maybe while the dads are chowing down, I'm going to try to approach the most affable looking denizen of this. I guess, are we in the park

Like, where are we in comparison? Yeah, you're basically in the parking lot. There's a lot of chariots out here. It's the tailgate area sort of outside of the Coliseum. Yeah. Who does he see around him in terms of like people that he could talk to? So the first person you see is a buck ass naked bugbear who looks very friendly. And she like catches you looking around. It's just like waves at you. She goes, ha.

I wave back and what is a bugbear again? Yeah. It's not a bear that's also an insect. That's got that wrong when I first was listening to D&D Podcast. They kind of just look like when you think of like a generic World of Warcraft level three humanoid baddie. That's kind of what they look like. They're like a little bit hairy, a little bit ogre looking. Okay. Yeah, they're just super generic. Okay, so I wave and I say, hail and well met. My name's Henry Oak. What can you tell me about this strange land I find myself in?

She goes, oh, pleasure to meet you. I'm Barry the Bear Bugbear Barbarian. Thank you for that name, Kyle, quickly. And she's called the bear because she's completely naked. Oh, my gosh. And Barry is spelled B-E-R-R-Y. And she goes, I am the biggest fan of the Suffer Bowl. And I come every week. The Suffer Bowl? And I haven't seen you guys around. It's usually a pretty tight-knit kind of community. So I just thought I'd introduce myself, sort of see what's what. The Suffer Bowl. That's the name of what this is?

Sort of, yeah. It's the name of it, and it's also what they're fighting for, the supper bowl. It's a big, cool cutlery dish that you can basically, every two weeks, they run another supper bowl, and whoever is on top at the end of those two weeks gets to either get the bowl itself, which has some magical capabilities, or they can take a much larger cash prize. Pretty much everybody always takes a larger cash prize. At this point, it's like part of the tradition is that you don't take the supper bowl because that would be kind of a jerk move because they'd have to name it something else. That would be pretty insuperable if someone did that. Ah! Ah!

Ah, he did it! He did it! And she starts clapping. Oh, wow. What a supportive community. You know, a lot of times when I make jokes like that, people don't respond quite as positively. So, okay. So, wait, then they're playing some sort of game? Is that the idea? Yes, yes, yes. They're playing the Gentleman and Gentlelady and Gentleperson and Gentlerobot's game of...

throw the ball and then catch the ball and then take it to the other end of the field. Oh, we call it throw ball, catch ball, take it to the end of the field for sure. Good old pigskin. Daryl's got just food coming out of his mouth. He's already got half a hot dog. Glenn is eating the hot dogs sideways because that's how everyone eats hot dogs in this world. That's our world. That's how we eat the hot dogs. It's sideways. You eat it sideways from the front. You eat it in half. So you just have like ketchup on your ears for the rest of the fucking adventure. Your first bite, you have two smaller hot dogs. All right.

I would say Ron is canonically putting like paint on his face, like team color paint, you know? Yeah, cheese heads do it. Here's a question. When you say that, because there's different versions of bugbears I see, like, does it seem like naked in a way that you're like, oh, this is like a bear that's naked? Or is like, this is definitely like a lady that's naked? Why not both? Why don't you clarify that question for me?

Like if we met Donald Duck naked or like an orc naked, I wouldn't be like, I would respond to that differently than just like a slightly hairy woman. Speak for yourself, Matt. Are you asking Anthony if Daryl gets a boner when he looks at this lady? Is that what you're asking? Or if he's going to respond to her nakedness. Her nickname is the bear, like as in like the naked. So yeah, I would say you can look at her and tell that she is naked. Okay. But she's nowhere near as sexy as naked Donald Duck. No. No.

Who is really? Well, Daffy, cause he's got the choker. Oh no. Oh,

Glenn Mouthful. What are the team's names? Yeah. So the teams that are currently competing are, there's one called the Ravagers that are kind of a mid-tier level team. And then the favorite and the favorite for, you know, the past couple months, I guess, maybe a little bit less, has been the Hotties. Oh, man. And at the mention of the Hotties, Grant, again, blushes very bigly. Blushes bigly? Oh, great. That's the team that boy you like, right? Isn't that the team? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Can we please stop mentioning that he's the boy? You know, there's nothing to be embarrassed about. You know, you got a crush. That's okay. I get to determine. Oh, that's fair. Come on. Come on. Grant here doesn't want to talk about the boy that he likes. Like leave it alone. Stop doing that. Stop it.

What if he hears? Glenn wants to be like, Ravagers sound cool. Where do I get their merch? Can I get a jersey? Glenn wants to be decked out in Ravagers gear because he just perceives them as the underdog. Oh, God. That's me at literally every sport event I have ever been into in my life is I immediately just empathize with whatever team I think is worse because then I'm like rooting for them underdog because I'm a basic human being. Ron realizes that the face paint he put on isn't the color of either of the teams. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

It's like a hot pink or something. Barry says, well, they have merch inside. I was just about to head in and just basically put some bets down if you wanted to join me. Oh, sports betting. Now Glenn is in. Sports betting, Anthony?

Yeah. Glenn was willing to fucking bet on something to do. Holy shit. Glenn is fucking like, what's the over-under? What's the spread? All right. If we're going to bet, we're going to do this fairly. And I pull out like our gold and I give everybody 10 silver. I'm like, okay, we each get 10 silver to spend on the betting. And then at the end, we'll split it all up. We can all have a fair shake at betting. Thanks, Daryl. And I asked Barry the bear, I say, uh, Barry, the bear bug bear, is there somewhere I could donate this 10 cents, you know, like a good charity or something like that. That's what I prefer to bet on is, you know, the future. Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, they have barrels that are about like giving money to underprivileged kids, but a lot of that goes to overhead. It's kind of a scam. So I would hold on to it. Well, you know, maybe I'll hold on to this and donate it home. So just to ask you one more question, we're kind of like on a quest here because we're adventurers from another land. Have there been any reports of like daddy magic in this area? I don't know what that means.

Okay. And then let me ask you one more question. Have you seen anyone that looks kind of like this guy? And I jerk my thumb toward Daryl, but like maybe older, like maybe with like a cool salt and pepper beard, just like an older version of him. Or like dead. When he does that, by the way, Daryl is already shirtless and he's taken some of the face paint that Ron's using and he's riding yeet.

On his chest. Oh my God. And then on his back. And he's like, Greg, can you write go on my back? No, please. Ron. Um, what do I, what am I writing? Right? Go. So I can say go eat. Okay. And Ron writes it like van go. Okay.

Oh, God. Grant's just dying. Grant's slowly just taking point after point of psychic damage just watching this happen. So Barry the Bear Bugbear puts her hand under her chin and she like steps forward to Daryl and then she just pokes him in the belly and she goes, no, because I would remember. Look at this boy. Look at this big good boy. No, I would recognize somebody who looked like an older version of him. Silver Fox of his cream puff. You're very...

She's okay. He turns away. This naked lady just touched me in the tummy. So, um, and you're naked from the waist up too. Like that's very intimate. Yep. Grant's like, do you see how it feels to be embarrassed like this? I'm not embarrassed. Grant, I'm a grown man. That's a seven minus one. That's a six. So Greg goes, uh-huh. Don't tell mom about this. I didn't. Let's go inside guys. Let's go inside. Let's watch the game.

You head inside. To your left, you can see a bunch of people taking and making bets. To your right, you can see a snack bar full of overpriced food. A lot of the same food you saw outside, but just more expensive and commodified and sodas and drinks and stuff. Sodas? They got sodas? The second I said sodas, I was like, oh, you fucked up. You fucked up when you said sodas. What are the sodas? I want to know all the soda flavors right now. Give me five fantastical soda flavors, Anthony. Orca Cola. Ha ha.

Off the dome. Orc zero diet orcs. That's three. You sly son of a bitch. Uh, spite. Okay. Just spite. Slice, but it's got like a guy with like a big old sword on the, the can. Uh, what are other sodas? Tab. Tab just exists in this world. Yeah. They just have tab. It's exactly the same. It's really weird. Uh,

There's one called Mountain Dew, but it's spelled D-O, and it's just a very large bipedal mountain giving you a thumbs up. I like that. We should have that. Mountain don't think. Mountain Dew. Holy shit. I'm kidding. I want a large Mountain Dew. Guys, this episode just paid for itself. I don't know. I get it, and I drink it. What's it taste like? What does Mountain Dew taste like? It tastes kind of like somebody made a drink out of whipped cream and orange juice and then pine needles. Oh, delicious.

Yeah, pine needles. I go like, wow, this is better than our Mountain Dew. Okay. Well, I want to go to the sports bookie real quick. Hey, hey, what do you want? I want to do a parlay six ways all in one game. What's the spread for the game?

The spread is 35 chili winks and a juggler. I want the Ravagers money line. I want over on completions and touchdowns. I want the over on interceptions and the over on assists and the opening coin flip.

You take lightning bets? Do I take lightning? This guy wants to know if I take lightning bets. Are you kidding me? What do you think I am? I want 10 silver a point. Right. That's a risky bet, my man. I go ahead and place the risky bet from the film Uncut Gems on the other team.

He gives you your ticket, you hold it, and you say, I'm going to come. Oh my God, I'm going to come. Holy shit, I'm going to come. Okay, all right, sorry, I just had to. Sorry, okay, whatever. Okay, so you'll have to tell me if any of those things actually happened because I don't track most of the things he just said. I mean, Freddie doesn't know half the things that he just said either because he was quoting a movie. In front of you, after you all get your sodas coming back with very large, big, glip-sized sodas...

There is the entrance to the Coliseum, which is notable for several reasons. A, you can see small little figures in the distance playing what you soon to be this world's version of football. B, you can see something is suspended above the field. And from this distance, you can see it's like moving. It's got some tentacles coming off of the top of it. You can't quite make it out from this distance, but it looks alive and it's big.

And then C. A big octopus-y thing on the sky. A little bit, yeah. Not quite full octopus-y, but a little octopus-y. And then next to the entrance to the Coliseum is a big ox-like man, like a bipedal ox-man, with a clipboard and a sign next to him that says, Team sign-ups here. Enter to win the Supper Bowl. Gain eternal glory. Is he naked? No, he's wearing clothes. How many people are naked?

It's just her. It's just Barry. Oh, just her. She's just a nudist, man. Henry's like, this is nudism. Daryl wasn't speaking out loud. Daryl was slightly looking around for more nude people. Henry knew what Daryl was thinking, and he said, hey, man, they just have nudists here. What are you talking about? Oh, I totally forgot about that naked lady. I know what you're talking about, Henry. Okay. Again, roll deception with disadvantage. Oh, God.

You failed the first one. So now everybody knows what you look like when you're lying. A nine. Yeah, I ain't going to do it. Yeah, no. So Henry's just like, yeah, you know, look, Daryl, it's just, you know, some people, that's just how they choose to live in their body. I saw you got your shirt off pretty quick once we got in here. So, you know, that's how people do it. That's all. This is no big deal. Yeah, no, I agree. Bear's like, yeah, it's no big deal, boy.

And she tickles your nipples. Excuse me, lady. I am married. Nobody's that married. Come on. I am that married. Guys, let's go. Let's go sign up. Just walk away from her. Yeah, this lady's kind of toxic. Let's let's get some distance. That was not OK. So, yeah, I'm with Daryl on this one.

I'll see you guys later, probably, when you have more questions about the way this world works. Do you want to talk to this ox who's taking a sign-up? Yes, clearly we do. Well, do we want to play the game? I thought we were here to watch. Like, I don't understand. I feel like... I just walked away from her, and then I find myself kind of just, like, moving away, and I see the big ox. I go, oh...

Hi, sir. Darrell Wilson. Nice to meet you. The Oxman goes, ah, always a pleasure to meet a new fan to the Supper Bowl. I haven't seen you around here. New blood, new blood, fresh blood. Blood, blood, blood. Have you come to watch or to play or maybe a little bit of both? Wait, we can play? Of course, of course. That's what I'm here for, to take signups for playing. Every two weeks...

The top-ranked team gets to take either the supper bowl, which you probably shouldn't do because traditionally you just don't do that, or a great deal of money. And as you can see over there, the supper bowl is being held by our grand beholder, and he points at the undulating mass of orbs and sort of mild tentacles. And as he points at it, you specifically, Daryl, can tell

Oh, okay, this is where my anchor is. You feel it, the daddy connection that tethers you to this realm. It's in the supper bowl. And the supper bowl is being held in the mouth of a beholder, which is a very large floating head with a bunch of eyes on little stalks that come out of its head instead of hair, and one big central, it's like a cyclops, and it's holding the supper bowl in its mouth gingerly and watching the game with all of its eyes and going, yeah, hell yeah.

Hit each other hard. I go, oh, sir, sorry, what was your name? My name's Football Frank. All right, Football. Ooh, that's my dad's name. Frank, not Football Frank, but nice to meet you. Holy shit, fan theory. Is this Daryl's dad and he's been turned into a giant ox?

um guys quick dad huddle plus you kids that's right grant and payton hey payton i remember you're here how's it going what you can't forget baby how's it going payton i'm going great good good hey guys um so i know this is our first like anchor thing but see that giant floating squid creature oh yeah you know we've done a lot of weird stuff and like i'm feeling that thing where i'm like that's it i don't know if we gotta kill it but that's definitely the anchor

Peyton goes like the thing itself or the thing in its mouth, the bowl, probably the bowl. I guess that makes more sense than the creature, but it seems like either way. Daddy is in the eye of the beholder. Fuck you. Fuck you. Oh my God.

inspiration for Will unfortunately oh my god god you had that cocked and locked didn't you they did a little while ago I was just biding my time Henry's like wow so you think this supper bowl is part of your anchor to this world

I mean, yeah. I was just wondering if anybody had won the supper bowl before and chosen the supper bowl because they're saying that nobody chooses the supper bowl. But if nobody chooses it, then why is it there to begin with? Good question. Hey, Frank, can you come into this huddle?

So Frank sort of squeezes in and goes, yes, why? Ron, do you want to ask him what you just asked? Yeah, Frank. So generally, there have been a couple of teams that have won the Separable over the years. The Road Warriors have won it. The Blue Curtains have won it. The Big Strong Dogs have won it. But generally... The Big Strong Dogs! What?

Generally, it tends to either have some sort of like mild, inconvenient curse attached to it that makes you kind of want to give it back, or it just ends up being just a big old bowl that you can't do a lot with. You can't really sell it because nobody wants to buy it. It's more of a symbolic thing than an actual treasure. So they usually end up giving it back in exchange for the cash prize. So it's like our mascot sort of thing that we don't actually want to give up. So we've just increased the monetary prize every week without actually...

So you've had to increase the monetary price in order for people to not take the option you've chosen to give them in the first place. That's classic game design, actually. That's inflation, baby. But you don't... That's not... Okay. Okay.

All right. I'm confused. Ron, does that make sense? Yeah. Speaking as a businessman, I respect inflation. Maybe. Henry sort of nods resolutely and says, well, gentlemen, it looks like this.

we need this bowl to sever Daryl's anchor to this world. And it looks like there's really only one way we're going to be able to do that. And then I pulled out a ton of gold. It goes, how much is it going to cost? Oh my God. Can we buy past this whole dungeon with money? I hear what you're thinking, Henry. I hear what you're thinking. Like I am, because I was going to say, let's figure out what the price of this thing is. Yeah. So you're trying to bribe football, Frank, to get the supper bowl.

Well, Frank, it just seems like most people rather take money than that bowl. So can we just take that bowl and give you a bunch of money? I'm going to nudge Daryl and say, Daryl, worst case scenario, we could also bribe the other team. Oh. They'll take a hit. They'll take a fall. Well, that'd be cheating. Glenn raises a good point. We could just wait for one of these teams to win and then give them more money than the prize money if they take the supper bowl and then just give us the supper bowl. Oh, that's true.

So while you guys are talking about this, the ox is rubbing the bridge of his nose and he goes, clearly you seem to think that this is some sort of unfortunate foster children. All we care about is money. Johnny come lately, sports entertainment enterprise. That's not what this is. We believe in the sanctity of athleticism and a victory and a failure and of getting better and of coming back every week and trying your metal against it. Now Daryl has an erection. Yeah.

Oh, God. You may certainly try to bribe one of these teams. Lord knows it has been done before. You can even try to bribe me, but I can tell you with some certainty, it's almost certainly not going to happen because we came here for the love of one thing, and that is throwing a skinned ball around and hitting each other kind of hard in ways that will cause permanent brain complications that can never be reversed.

So where does that leave us vis-a-vis just trying to buy this trophy? Yeah, we need that trophy. Well, if you're trying to buy it from me, I am not going to sell it. I just signed teams up. If you wanted to try to haggle with anybody, you'd have to haggle with the beholder who guards the trophy. And...

Given that he is a beholder and a very powerful one at that, I do not suspect he will lightly give up. But it does seem to me we could arrange a side deal with one of the teams. Like, who do we think is going to win? It seems like this kid Yeet is like a pretty good football player. Maybe we could just pay them to do a little trade. Yeah. How's Yeet's team doing? Yeet's team is doing great. They are absolutely the favorite. Ever since they showed up. Oh, he's somebody's favorite. You know what I mean? And then I nudge Grant. Dude! Stop it!

Ever since they showed up covered in blood from what they said was a four nights tournament, they've been consistently winning. In fact, Yeet Bigley, their quarterback, has allegedly never missed a single pass, never lost one to pass interference, never thrown one out of bounds, never. And his sister, Killa, is at one heck of a receiver. So those two together, they more than make up for the weaknesses in the rest of their roster. That's awesome that Yeet has such good depth perception with only one eye, too. Yeah.

Yeah. A lot of the other players have been gouging out eyes of their own to sort of get Big Lee's power, and it has not worked. It's like the left nut thing with, what's his name? Lance Armstrong? Yeah, Lance Armstrong. That was the secret of Lance Armstrong's power. You're right. By card, no nut can't lose. And cheat. And cheat. Cheat hard, no nut can't lose. Um...

Well, okay. If we want to both win and impress Mr. Yeet and Miss Killa, we could pay them to take the fall in the game, and then we go against the Rampagers, right? Ravagers, but yeah, close enough. Ravagers.

And then we do good. And then everybody's really impressed with us. And we win the supper bowl. So as you say that, you hear, and I guess anybody who's looking at the beholder can see, the beholder opens its mouth and bellows, Oh, the hotties win!

and the crowd inside loses their mind and you see one of the teams begin to stream off of the field towards you and you see in front of them is he bigly on his skateboard as ever and he's giving a noogie to kill it tomorrow and he's going, ah, I thought we was close there at the end but we managed to nail it, didn't we sis? And she goes, we sure did bro. And he sees all of you and he goes,

Hey, look, kill it. It's the daddies. And she goes, oh, hey, what's up, guys? What brings you here? I point at my chest and I turn back and forth just so you can see both sides of me. Yeet, gawk. Go yeet. That's not what it says. Go yeet. Go yeet. Do yeet it great. And you, Killa? Gwen goes, I'm fucking ruined. I'm fucking ruined. What brings you here? Hey, Grant. And Grant's like, huh? Oh, hey, Grant. Do you want to say hi?

Hey, it's... So Henry, sensing the poor lad's awkwardness, nudges Daryl and says, Hey, Daryl, I could actually use your help with something over here and the other dads. Grant, why don't you fill Yeet and Killa in on why we're here? And I'm like, guys, there's an important quest item over this way. Oh, okay. I just follow. Grant tries to coolly snap a finger gun and point at you, and he just goes, Hey, okay.

Hey, yeet, we're going to... And then I turn around that way and I point at my back. You're going to gawk that way? I walk away from him.

You can sort of see in a presuming that you're, you know, casting. I'm just staring at whatever. I don't know where Henry's bringing us, but the whole time I'm just like staring back. I'm trying to watch Grant and Yeet. So you can see that Grant is like very awkwardly sort of flailing his hands around, trying to look casual, trying to lean on things, failing to do so. Anthony, just so you know, one of Henry's abilities is that he's observant, which means he can read lips. So I would like to offer to translate what Grant is saying to the rest of the dads.

Okay, so I'll just sort of say it and I presume that you were communicating this to everybody else. Ooh, it's like watching a play. Anthony, do a play for us. It's not like watching a play because it's only audio. What do you want me to... It's like watching an audio play.

I'm using my fingers to act it out in front of me. Go. So you can air quotes here, basically a conversation wherein Grant says like, yeah, so we tried to leave and then it didn't work out. And he basically fills him in on all the plot shit that's happened. So not much. Am I right, fellas? Not a whole lot.

We watched five feet over the course of several weeks. I see him use the term five footer several times as he's- He puts his arms out to like show what five feet is. And he's like, oh man, that sounds rough. So you guys are going to try, you're going to enter. You and me are going to be fighting against each other for the supper bowl. That'd be cool, man. And he like playfully like hits him on the shoulder with a fist. And Greg goes, ah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So actually what we wanted to do was we're thinking maybe since you guys are going to win anyway and you're going to get the money, we could pay you. And instead of you taking the cash prize, you could take the supper bowl, give us the bowl, and then we would just give you the money and then we could use that. And Geet goes like, oh.

I mean, I would, I really want to help you guys. I genuinely do, but we're trying to sort of make a living for ourselves doing this. And if it's known that we like got the bowl and then sold it off, it like diminishes the prestige of the whole thing. And I think they might not want to book us going forward. So I think it kind of might screw us over a little bit. Oh, I think Grant's in trouble. Well, he'll figure it out.

Okay, I just feel like we're going to wind up having a play in this game. It's fine. I just feel like maybe we shouldn't have given Anthony the ability to sidestep our own derail by giving him the opportunity to talk his own way through it. So it's like, yeah, because I would love to see you guys play. I think it'd be really cool to see you out. Because you handled yourself really well in that four nights. I think I'd be, because when I look at you, I think that's a linebacker. I think that boy is a linebacker. I think he'd be really good at it. And Grant's like, yeah, totally. Henry is frantically waving to Grant, being like, no, no.

make him give the thing. And he's just gesticulating wildly. Tell him we'll pay him. Grant gives you a thumbs up and he goes, yeah, absolutely. Yeah. So I'm going to be a really, I'm going to be a great linebacker. I'm going to score a lot of points. He goes, well, linebackers defense. He goes, yeah, no, absolutely. I'll, I'll, I'll make them not score points. It'll be great. And could we actually like, are you doing, are you doing anything? And he's like, what? I can't, I can't. He's like, like later after dinner, did you want to like hang out again?

And he goes like, oh, yeah, sure. No, I'm not doing anything later. Like after. Yeah, I'll have to shower up. And then, yeah, we can grab dinner or something. Grab some dogs. And he goes, yeah, grab some dogs. Because anyways, I got to bounce. Kill it. Let's go. And they head off to the showers. And Grant comes back to you. He goes, we heard everything. He was lip reading for us. Oh, oh, no. I was having a private conversation. That was...

Well, either way, I think it went pretty well. I mean, I think we could go and do the game and we'll win. We just have to, you know, it's... I mean, I don't think we can beat Yi, but we'll get close. I don't know. I think we should just play. Ever since you started that conversation, I've been stretching my hammies and I'm revving and ready to go, actually. You ever play football, Rod? Me? Um...

It's not the golf one, right? No. But it's near the feet. Yes. No. Yes and no. You don't use your feet, but... Do you wear a helmet? Football Frank goes, would you like me to explain the rules of catch it, grab it, throw it, run it across the field to the other end of the field? As briefly as possible, if you could. Sure. There's offense and defense. When you have the ball in offense, your goal is to get it to the other end of the field. And when you do, you get six points. And defense's job is to make sure you can't do that.

That's it pretty briefly. There are more specifics that you'll run into when you actually play. No, that's about right. That's about right. That sounds great. Yeah. All I know is that, Grant, you really want to play football with your dad? Yeah, I guess with my dad. Yeah. Yeah. And there's a guy named Frank right here. I'm going to play with my boys. All of you. Okay. Hell yeah. Hell yeah.

Hell yeah. Let's do this, guys. Daryl's on his knees like just fucking weeping tears of joy. Daryl, I'm... What, Henry? You ready for this? Yeah, man. I was just going to say I'm really excited that you're going to get this chance to bond with Grant. I'm really stoked for you, dude. Yeah. Stoked, the right word? Is that what you say in a situation like this? Stoked? Is that... I feel like I've heard stoked, but I never really got the context of it.

No, I think so. Okay, well, then I'm stoked. You know, I'm not usually a football man myself, but you put me down for whatever you guys need. Like, if you need someone to, like, you know, to make sure everyone's being safe. Like, I hear there's a safety. Is that what the safety does? He makes sure everyone's being safe. I could do that. Oh, yeah. We'll figure out what we're all good at. Frank. Hey, Frank. Yes. We're signing up. Ooh.

Ooh, okay. Well, first things first, what is the name of your team? The Doodlers. I mean, yeah. That are very aggressive. We're the Doodlers. Okay, great. Doodlers. Okay. Actually, you signed up just in time because we just had a team drop out. So if you're ready to go in now, I can give you your playbook and we can just get you on the field as soon as possible. Wait, why are you giving us our playbook? We...

I know how to play football. We have our own playbook. Yeah, it's all right here. I pointed my head. I got a playbook. Okay. Well, I mean, it's just a lot of people consider it helpful for going out there, but if you don't want to. Listen, pal, we're just going to run Da Bomb over and over and again because that's objectively the best play. Okay. So as you say that, he goes, oh, so you have played. And he opens up the playbook and there's only two plays on it. Yes. One is called Da Bomb and one is Sub-Zero. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

Midway presents NFL Blitz. The only plays available are the two plays from NFL Blitz 2000. Do we need five more players?

How many people are on each team? It's six people per team. Oh, so it's kind of like football. Counting up you all, it's one, two, three, four, five, six. So yeah, there's six of you. All right. Well, it all worked out perfectly. Peyton, do you know the sport? What position do you play? I'm sort of a one man defensive line. They sort of come at me and then they don't get back up. I put them down. They don't come back up. They call me the wall. They don't get past the wall. I love the idea that Peyton is stretching as he's saying that.

Yeah, absolutely. He's somehow already in gear. Like you don't even know where he got it from. Oh, is that what a football uniform looks like? No, this is what a man looks like, baby. I was going to say, I guess I've never played football before, but on second thought, I guess I've never been a man before. Am I right, fellas? Just kidding. I've been a man my whole life.

Okay, Ron. Yeah. Hey, now, what is the rule on, like, magic? Can we cast magic spells during the game? Is that cheating? I don't... You know, we're not really from around here, so I don't really know what the... I see, I see. Let me lay the whole experience out for you. So generally speaking, anything goes. So the rules of this beloved game are basically a... I'm trying to find a way to phrase it in canon that's not identical to NFL Blitz. But so basically...

It's 30 yards to a first down. Pass interference is allowed. And extra points are automatic when you score a touchdown. Whenever you're playing, you can choose to either hit somebody in a way to make them stop moving and drop the ball, or you can hit them in a way to do physical damage to them.

And that counts with weapons or spells or what have you. So when somebody is coming at you with the ball, you can either say, hey, I want to tackle this person and make sure that they stop and then they'll have to start a new down. Or you can run the risk of I'll hit them with my axe or something to try to maim them. But taking the risk that they will continue without having been downed and they'll just keep running and potentially score a touchdown. I follow up quite again. I hate to be a safety nerd. Do people do...

die playing this game? Is that something that happens? They do not generally. We have some very good part-time doctors that will basically deal with any injuries you might have. We have beds where long rests can be had. Oh, wow. Oh, and during halftime, there are going to be a multitude of potions that you can quaff if you so wish. And amongst those are healing potions. They're in very large jugs, like orange jugs with spigots on the bottom. At the end of a game, you can dump them on one another and get all your health

Are there potions that will give us all super big heads? He leans in and like the light gets dark on his face. He goes, that's only if you know the secret words. That sounds, maybe it's a little too dangerous for you to looking at Grant and Peyton. Grant goes, no, no, absolutely. I could do this. I can for sure do this. This is the one thing I'm good at is fucking people up. I'm doing this. I got to do this. And Peyton's like, uh,

I feel like I'm pretty good. I've been the prime of my life, baby. This is it. If not now, when? If not me, who? You know what I mean? Okay. Payton's a winner, and a winner always wants the ball when the game's on the line. That's right, baby. Daryl, you know, I do have a spell called Stoneskin, which I could cast on Payton. Did you ever play the game Super Mario World 64? And he has that little cap that turns him metal. I think it would turn him into, like, Metal Payton. Okay.

So like, I think we could maybe protect Peyton, you know, at all costs, so to speak. I lean over to him and I whisper really quietly. I go, hey man, I really like Peyton, but like, why are you saying that about Peyton and not Grant? Because Peyton's eight, dog! I hate that you guys are calling each other man and dog. Yeah.

You called him baby last episode. He kills people. That's my son. I got news. He's your son. Okay. All right. I think this is what we, this is a dangerous world. And you know, this seems less dangerous than a lot of the stuff that we've done. So as football, we're going to be proactive about protecting the kids. You know, I'll be the safety. So I'll make sure that everyone's going to be safe on the squad. So that's going to be my job. So I'm going to look at my finger to his mouth to shush him. I go, Henry,

This is my ball game. I turn to the coach when I go, you're right, you will be safety, but it's not to keep people safe. Henry, you know what safety does? It keeps people safe, right? That's why you would call it a safety because it seems like a pretty dangerous game. You are the last resort for if anybody gets past us. If anybody gets past the line, you take them down. Whoa. Use the muscle of yours. And I kind of punch him in the gut. Ow. Like softly. I go, you use that muscle of yours and you stop them from winning. And you, Glenn. Huh? What? Yeah.

I don't know what you're going to do yet. I need to go to the bathroom. I've had a lot of Mountain Dew. We'll figure this out. I've got to pee this out. This goes through your system so much faster than our Mountain Dew. Sounds like you've got a Mountain Dew code red over there. Peyton, I know you think you're a wall, but you're the fastest, quickest dude I know. You're going to take that ball and you're going to run through. And you know what? You will be a wall. If anybody tries to tackle you, you're going to get right through them, aren't you?

I like the way you think, baby. Not quite sure if that analogy tracks, but we'll keep going with it. I'm a fast wall that cannot be stopped. I'm a weaving wall. I'm like a snake. And I go, Ron. Yeah. You're our secret weapon. What position is that? You're just going to do whatever you want to do. You don't even listen to me. You just do whatever you want to do on the field, my man.

Can you do that? Oh, man, I've been doing it my whole life. I go, good. Grant. Yeah. You know what's left? Linebacker. No, QB. Oh. Yeah. QB? That's the last one. Oh. Hey, Frank, you got a ball? He goes, absolutely. I got two. I hate myself. I hand it to Grant and I go, I know you got this. And I scream out. I go, yeet.

uh well yeet already went to the shower he's so gone i scream super loud he's like yeah you might hear he's in the showers but he might hear you stop okay never i was just gonna say that if you could throw it to you it's cool i know you can throw well you're you're the qb yeah i mean i threw that axe really good when we were leaving the cave so i guess so okay i mean your old man here center he's gonna protect you

you oh he's gonna make sure nobody hits you great all right time to shine you're gonna be the main guy yes yes i am all right i'm the guy i'm the main guy that's me one comes back from the bathroom daryl i figured it out can i be special teams i mean yes you will you will also be when there are special teams you'll be on the special teams i promise because it sounds like really fucking cool you know yeah no special teams is pretty cool it's

It's like when they call in SWAT. It's when there's something only special teams can do. It's like SEAL Team 6. You know what I mean? I'll be like the SEAL Team 6 of this fucking team, dude. Hey, I look around. I'm like, we are like SEAL Team 6. Yeah. There are six of us. There's six of us. That's how it works, right? SEAL Team 6 has six guys. It has six guys. I think that's how it works. It has six guys. Let's hit the turf, fellas. All right, Frank. You let the crowd out there know that the doodlers are ready to play.

I guess you could do that yourself when you go out. When the players just come out of the field and say, we're ready to play now. What kind of fucking backyard is that shit? It's a sloppy tournament. Hi, I'm Ron. Hi, I'm Ron. Hi, I'm Ron. Hi. She's shaking hands as you go down the bleachers. Ron shakes hands with every single person in the stadium.

Hi, I'm Ron. It takes several hours. Okay, so there's gear in a little ante room before you go out onto the field if you want to get geared up, obviously, I presume. Yes, I think so. Yeah, I presume. And yeah, as you walk onto the field, presuming that you want to just walk onto the field. What manner of gear are we wearing? It is exactly what you would imagine football equipment looks like if it were made by people in like the medieval times. So it's like a lot of boiled leather, a lot of bulbous leather that kind of covers you. It's like old-timey 1930s football stuff.

Yeah, kind of. Yeah. Everyone has big old mustaches and striped shirts. Wait, OK, so the cup goes in the jockstrap, right? Is that what it is? Or do you wear the jockstrap without the cup? OK. No, cup first and jockstrap. A jockstrap without the cup would defeat the purpose. That's like a dance belt, I guess. What is a jockstrap? It's something for your weight. It protects your jock, bro. Keeps your junk in one place, essentially. And especially for baseball, so that if a ball hits you in the junk, it's not. Why doesn't the cup just cover that?

The cup goes in the jockstrap. Yeah, the jockstrap holds the cup. That seems so inefficient. Pretty was on the chess club. It's like a bra for your penis. You know how you wear a bra and then you wear a smaller bra on the inside? Yeah, I don't have like a nipple bra. No, but a cup is just a hard piece of plastic. It would just float around in your pants. The jockstrap holds the cup. And probably like the edge of it would catch your gingus and it would hurt if it wasn't in one place. Okay, so like a jockstrap without a cup would be like a dance belt.

Basically, right? Yes. Okay. Yeah. Okay. So Ron gets like a leather jockstrap and then a leather boiled bubble cup, I guess. And that's it. And you don't come out with like shoulder pads or anything. It's just, well, Ron can't wear pants. That's true.

You wear shin guards and stuff. This is underwear. This doesn't count. Ron has a jock strap and an old-timey codpiece on and then like just knee pads and cleats. Yeah. It's kind of horrifying. And shoulder pads. Yeah, I guess if you all get geared up basically using their sort of loner gear, it doesn't have your names on the back or anything because it's just for whoever wants to compete. Carbon! Carbon!

Yeah, no, we take the paint and we put all of our last names on the back of our shirts. Frank's like, well, those have to be reused. Okay, that's, I mean, that's fine. If that's what you want. I'm just, I'm doing it. What number are you? I'm going to be number 69.

Really? Really. Yeah. Okay. I'm going to be number. Can I just write thanks on the back of mine? Henry's football armor just says thanks on it. It says thanks on the top and then it says coexist on the bottom.

What an asshole. What does Peyton say? Peyton says number one. It just is N-U-M-B-A one. Yes. Beautiful. Beautiful. Beautiful. Ron's also says number one. Daryl was writing Wilson number one on Grant and was going to write number two himself. He's like writing number one and sees that there's two other people that say number one. They're like, okay.

Okay, that's fine. There's three number ones. There's three number ones. Three number ones. A thanks coexist and then 69. This is the best football team ever.

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So you all head out onto the field. So basically, as you're coming out, you see that there's a little band there of like banjos and some drums and shit like that. It's just a really nice elven looking folk. Because, hey, what do you want us to play you out to when you come out onto the field? We will rock you. Do you know we will rock you? And they go, absolutely, we know we will rock you. And you find that their version of we will rock you is exactly like the version that we have. Oh, it's like in a knight's tale when they sing we will rock you at the jousting tournament. Yeah.

You know how in fucking Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy they say that every single language has a drink called a gin and tonic? It's like that. Across all dimensions, We Will Rock You is the one consistent thing that actually keeps all reality in check. The jock jam that binds space and time together.

One jock jam to rule them all. Does the whole crowd like sing it also? Cause everybody knows it. Oh yeah, absolutely. Boom, boom, jack. They're doing it. It's fucking great. You, you come down and say, we will rock you. I go the doodlers and I'm trying to get the whole crowd to say the doodlers in between the, why don't you roll a persuasion? Oh, hell yeah. I'm like waving my arms up and down. I got two. No, we don't even know who you are. Why would we cheer your name? You don't matter to us yet. You have to get over on your own. We will. Ah,

You guys stream out onto the field as the roar of the crowd begins to take hold, and you can feel the energy of these people who just came to watch people play some good old fashion, catch the ball, run the ball, pass the ball. They all came. They all came. Now...

Anthony, are they singing We Will Rock You or We Will Rock You, Shock You, Pick You Up and Drop You from the playground back when we were kids? Did you guys have that? Yes. All right, let's see if this fires any synapses. We will, we will, you know what, kick your butt all the way to Pizza Hut. While you're there, comb your hair, then we'll take your underwear.

Yeah, it does. Yeah, I mean, a little bit. You can get up to the Pacific Northwest. Oh, that's crazy. No, they're playing the vanilla version. They're all singing the vanilla version. And you come out, and as you get closer to the field, the vanilla ice is real bad. See, Freddie Mercury just went, boom, boom, cheer, boom, boom, cheer. Ours goes, boom, boom, boom, cheer. Fucking nice joke for nobody. Well done. No, I love that one. The best part was you told that joke under a lot of pressure.

Oh, God. Two inspirations in one episode. Yeah, man, I'm going through them. As the crowd is cheering, not your name, but, you know, close enough to cheering your song, you can see that as was pointed out to you by Football Frank, the beholder, this big old creature with all these eyes and all these pustules on it, is holding to the supper bowl in its mouth.

And you can see, as you look at it, just for a faint this moment, this glint of purple sort of shimmer across the entire supper bowl. And you know in your heart, this is what you're here to get. And the beholder goes, first coming out to the field, it is the Doodler! The crowd goes, yay!

We don't know who they are yet, but yay! And then a door opens at the other end of the field. And opposing them, the champions of last week's game, the Jellies! And you see a team comes out. The Jellies. A team comes out. Are they Jellicle cats? No, they're not Jellicle cats. Please. Devastating. Please.

How fucking dare you not make them Jellicle cats? I want to hear every single one of the cat names. Okay, fuck it, they're Jellicle cats. Fine. Yes. So the first one that comes out is an okra jelly. He's a jelly fish that has shoulder pads on. And then behind him, I guess, are a bunch of very sexualized, but private part not having felines cats.

that are just dancing and scatting behind him. And they have all the stats of half ogres, but they're not half ogres. I guess they're jellicle cats. And they're dancing back and forth and getting way too close to one another in a way that is very uncomfortable. And then two scarecrows behind them. So it's a real ragtag team. Come on, guys. Let's take them back to the heavy side layers. Anthony, question, question, Anthony, Anthony. Do they have a butthole?

Holes. You can't see from this angle because they're coming at you. We will find out. But then who am I kidding? One of them stops, spreads its legs, bends over seductively, and you can see absolutely they all have buttholes. Every single one of them. And the crowd goes fucking wild. It's like in Braveheart when they all moon the English, like all the cats do. The crowd goes wild for these jellies. You are clearly not the favorites. And that is Judi Dench.

Yes. One of them looks like Judy Dench, one of them looks like Eden McCallum. Three hours later after they've all introduced themselves, we go to the playing game. Yeah, you're still feeling worse for it. You still feel like you didn't learn anything. Jim Jam Jelly is a fabulous forward. Oh, boy. The two teams come to the center where the beholder looks down at you and goes...

Okay. Now comes the time of the coin flip. Jellicles. Sorry. I guess they're, fuck it. They're Jellicles now. I was going to call them Jellies. They're Jellicles. Jellicles, would you like to call or not call? Ah, fuck it. We ain't going to call. You don't sound like I expected them to sound. Yeah, no, they sound like normal guys. I'm not doing Jellicle voices. Fucking give them an inch. They want to take a mile. Fuck you. They all come out, spread their buttholes, do seductive dances. They go, nevermind. Nevermind. We don't want to talk. No,

we're not about that. We're not about the drama. We're about the game. Um, so, uh, the beholder goes, okay, I'm going to flip this and you're going to call it in the air. And one of his eye tendrils reaches into his mouth and pulls out a weird little life form that is basically, it's a, it's a skull with a tail on the end. And he goes, call it heads or tails.

And he throws it up. Grant, call it. Grant, call it? You want me to do everything? No, I want Grant to call it. All right. So Grant goes, heads. All right. So I'm going to toss a coin now. Whoa, you're going to toss a real coin inside this fake coin? Wow. Of course not. I'm going to Google toss a coin. What do you feel like I'm a fucking idiot? Okay. So it turns out if you Google toss a coin, you get the lyrics to toss a coin to your witcher. So I'm going to call that a waste of my time. Okay, just a second. Okay.

All right. I went to just flip it coin.com and it came down heads. Okay. Hell yes. Good call. Grant. Do you want to kick or receive? I mean, you always, you always got to receive. That's the safer option, right? You start the momentum. No, you start the momentum. You got to own the momentum of the game. Take the initiative. That's right. That's right. Glenn will receive. Where do we stand? The holder says you're

You're going to go stand at your end zone and then they're going to kick it to you and you're going to pick it up and run as far as you can until they hit you and stop you. That's probably the first time he's had to explain the rules to a championship. You intentionally signed up for this. You know this is dangerous. What? A little bit, right? Just like a little bit like normal sports dangerous. Well, normal sports, they have that like long-term danger. This has that and short-term danger. So it's a little bit of both. It's still safer than actual football.

Okay. I'm assuming that how this works is, you know, someone's going to try to catch the ball and then we try to protect them. Who's going to do that? I mean, Peyton, you're our running back. You're our fastest, right? When Peyton grabs it, we're all going to protect him. Quick point of order is Peyton the fastest.

I don't think he is. I think he believes he's the fastest. He's probably the hardest to tackle, though, because he's so small. Yeah, he's a little wiry. We're going to have to learn on the fly. Here's what we're going to do. We're going to run to the end zone to get in our places. Whoever gets there first is going to be the one catching the ball. Let's go. Ready? One sec, real quick. And then I cast Freedom of Movement on Peyton. Oh, no.

Nice. This lasts for one hour. He will be unaffected by difficult terrain and spells and other magical effects can neither reduce his speed nor cause him to become paralyzed or restrained. Holy shit. He can also spend five feet of movement to automatically escape from non-magical restraints such as manacles or a creature that has it grappled.

What? Holy shit. Holy shit. Why did I not research this? You walked into the wrong room, motherfucker. No. Will, we should buff Payden. Like, we should just put every buff that we have and make Payden a super god soldier. 10,000%. As long as I can still cast stuff, I'm also casting jump on Payden, so now he can jump triple his height. I'm also giving bardic inspiration to Payden. What?

So Peyton's going to be like the dude in freaking Starship Troopers, like doing like super flips. The flip six three hole. If you do the flip six three hole, you can score.

Oh my God. Quick doubt huddle. Not with you two kids. Okay. Yeah. What's up? I mean, it's cool. That's definitely bump. But like, you know, we should also like pump up grand a little bit. Like he's trying to impress, you know? Yeah. But this isn't the team. We just got to get to there. We can pump them up when we get to the team. We all win to get there though. And Peyton's our best fucking shot. Is he? When did you decide that Peyton was your best shot? He sure as fuck isn't any of us.

All right. All right. Let's do it. Let's all race. Let's all race. Just whoever gets there first. I'm going to roll to hide at like the 50 yard mark, like on the sidelines, acting like I'm a coach or something. Very good. All right. That's great. Roll stealth. I'm going to also cast pass without trace to give Rana plus 10 to his stealth check. Okay.

It's that thing they always say about D&D is your druid is always the really OP one when you start playing football. Okay, so I only rolled a nine. Plus 10, 19. That's assuming Anthony's going to let me do two spells in a row. I don't know if Anthony's doing it. Yeah, why not? It's not combat. Fucking go for it. You still got to spend the spell slots. That's true, yes. Wait, it's actually a plus eight again because I got a plus eight. Yeah, because she has plus. Yeah. Jesus Christ. Okay, so what are you pretending to be at the 50-yard line?

How about just like one of the big, like weird drop a pin on iPhone sign things that they use to measure how far you've gone. Okay. Yeah.

A line marker? Yeah, a line marker. If you had your fucking skip it, that would be the chain coming off. Oh, I hate to see it. So what is everybody's speed on your character sheet? Ooh, the first time we're going to use this, I was about to say, what's the mechanic for seeing who's the fastest? I'm 35 on speed. Henry's walk speed is 35 feet. I'm 30. Oh, I'm 40. Grant and Peyton are going to try to race against one another and...

And if you turn back and see Grant as he's running, he's running with more fervor and more passion than you've seen him run in a very long time.

And Payton is running with this typical amount of like weirdly unearned arrogance. And yeah, but he's bolstered by every magical spell. And nothing increased his speed. Nothing increased his speed. It just meant that like he's harder to like hold on to once you tried to like grab him and tackle him. So he gets smoked by Grant, but it doesn't matter because all those spells are still just on Payton. So I assume you're still going to want to give Payton the ball. So Grant won. Did he beat me? No, you all beat him. You were bigger and faster. Okay, hold on. Hold on.

Grown-ass adults versus like a kid who's been playing soccer. I think the adults lose. That's true. Yeah. That's true. Okay, so yeah, he smokes all of you. It's almost for a second close between you and him, Daryl, but then he just reaches the end zone pretty handily. And he goes, And they're all completely wiped. They cannot play. Yeah. Wheezing. Double over. You know, here's what we're going to do. You two kids,

Grant, you take the left side of the field. Peyton, you take the right side of the field, depending on where the ball's kicked. Whichever one of you gets it, you run, and us four adults will huddle up and protect you and run with you. Yeah. Okay. I'm going to say to Peyton, I'm going to be like, I wish I could say something classy and inspirational, but that just wouldn't be our style.

Pain heals. Chick stick scars. Glory lasts forever, Peyton. Why are you talking? Just you, Peyton. Just you. Just you, Peyton. Glory lasts forever. Right, Peyton? You? Just you? Peyton says, tell me something I don't know. All right. Hands in the middle, everybody. I'm still at the 50 yard line.

I feel like we're one person short, but I don't notice anybody missing. Is it Dennis? No, Dennis didn't exist. Fuck, never mind. Sorry, my bad. Dang, I miss Dennis, guys. I know he was a bad dude, but I miss that guy. Anyway, hands in the middle. Let's just have fun out there, all right? And let's win. And let's win, which is the most fun thing to do in a game, so let's do it. All right, doodlers on three. One, two, three. Doodlers. Doodlers. Who said that? Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Are there other balls on the sidelines? Yeah. Like other like backup footballs. Oh, my God. Nice. Beth is living out my middle school dreams of messing with a football game. Can I roll like sleight of hand and try to get like four of them? Four? Yeah. You can roll sleight of hand for each individual ball you want to grab. Okay.

And if any of them fail, then it's going to compromise your ability to be stealthy. Holy. OK, but I mean, that would never happen. So. All right. Well, go ahead and give me a roll. That's what you want to do. Yeah, that's what I want to do. Fuck. That's what she said she wanted to do. OK, well.

So I got a 19. Yes. I got a 16 and those are both plus two. And then I got a six and then I got a two. Wait, so you just rolled for all of them simultaneously? You didn't think, oh, let me get one and then see if I want to keep going. You said, oh, fuck it. I'm getting all four. Yeah. I'm never going to Vegas with Beth. Oh my God. Well,

you know she's making a grab for all four of them at once yeah she's grabbing all four of them you arbitrarily decided they were four balls what is this matter I think that there are way more balls I just like for this play I would like four extra okay so you get the first one

But the last one that you get, it's very obvious that people see what seemed to be a yard counter is walking around holding four balls and it's not very big arms. And the beholder sees this and goes, Hey, hey you, what are you doing? What's going on with all the balls? You need to be with your team. I'm not on the team. This is ball delivery. No, you came out with the doobers. I saw it.

Ball delivery is pretty good. Give me a persuasion roll with disadvantage. Ball delivery. There's like going to be some football fan list in this podcast and just like fucking live it at how we're shitting on the American pastime. Yes. All right. I got a 15 plus zero.

You got a 15 with disadvantage. Yeah, because the other one I rolled a 16. The beholder goes, ball delivery, that sounds good. Yeah, that makes sense. Thanks for coming in so soon. We need more of those. We were running short. That's great. Good to hear. You stay right there. Good. Just in case they need them, you got them. Fantastic.

Fucking kidding me. Okay. Okay, so what I'm going to do is for punting, the other team is going to roll athletics. So they failed. It goes to which side was Grant on? Grant is left, Payton's right. It veers wildly to the right and comes down on the 20-yard line. And Payton grabs it. Yeah, baby. He fucking books it.

And immediately one of the Jellicle cats like skits, cats, cats, like up to him, like dancing the whole time. All of us are converging onto painted. I'm assuming we're all converging at painted to get in front of him. So basically the way that this works is when you want to tackle somebody, the aggressor is going to roll their strength. So you're going to roll and then add whatever your strength modifier is.

The defender is going to roll their constitution. And if the defender is one of you guys, you're trying to take the hit for Peyton, essentially the winner of whatever happens in that tackle situation, loses a D two of constitution and loser loses a D four of constitution. So as you play, your stats are going to get worse and worse and worse until you get to halftime. Then maybe you can rest yourself up a little bit.

Okay. Well, I think just to clarify on the kick, I think the way it would work would be like once Peyton gets it, like the three of us are essentially in like a flying V in front of him. Okay, great. Then the opposite team is basically going to do the same thing and just come at you as one cohesive whole. First, the Jekylls one through three are going to try to get you guys out of the way and they are going to, oh, okay. One of them really fucked up. One of them did really, really well. And one of them really fucked up. So who wants to take the first tackle?

Daryl. Daryl's up in front. Arms wide. Give me a constitution roll. Actually, I said arms wide. He is crouched with his head up. Don't have your head down. So don't break your neck. Leaning with his shoulder. Oh, that's right. Constitution saving is a plus six for barbarian. So 12 plus six.

Woof. Okay. The Jellicle hits you and you boom and you just knock him to the side and he falls down on the ground. Daryl feels more alive than he's ever felt his entire time. So seeing how easily you knocked away one of the Jellicles, one of the remaining Jellicles who kind of fucked up their tackle is instead going to take out a Javelin and is going to throw it at Peyton. Oh no.

Okay. Is there a possibility that I could like tackle this guy from the side because he does not know that I'm on the 50 yard line and like closer to him? Absolutely. Yeah. Why don't you give me a either a melee or a range attack? It's up to you. I might just like reach out and trip him. Okay. In that case, give me a strength roll with advantage. Oh, no, it's a six plus. Okay.

Plus one. You run up to try to grab onto his ankle and trip him, and you just glamp onto his ankle, and then he just keeps running, and now he's just dragging you across the field with every step. He doesn't even seem to notice that you were there. And so he's going to throw his javelin. Oh, can I do something? Yeah, go ahead. I turn into a giant bird and grab Peyton. LAUGHTER

Okay, okay. So as they see you do that, he's going to change his name and try to hit you. Okay. Jesus Christ. Druids rule in football.

I like to imagine that Payton is still like sprinting in midair, like thinking he's doing it. He believes he sprints so fast that he flew. He's like, I'm flying, I'm flying. I'm so fucking good at this. Okay, so it's definitely going to hit you. You're going to take 10 HP of damage. Okay, I can do that. I'm a trooper at that. And the javelin sticks in your chest, but you've definitely got to hold on, Payton. And Payton's just like...

And he still continued to run as he goes through the sky. And then all the other enemies are just going to look up and go, Jesus Christ. I'm sorry, they're not going to say Jesus Christ. No, I already established that people know Jesus Christ. It's fine. So they're all going to make ranged attacks on you. The ones that remain that haven't already spent their tackle. Glenn with the Pathan Chucks wants to try and take one of them out before they can get a shot off.

So the other remaining Jellicle cat, you can go ahead and try to hit him. As I'm running up, of course, I'm going to flourish with the Payden Chucks. Here we go. High risk, high reward. I'm not flourishing. All these fucking people like watching me, my fucking glory, this fucking move flourish number three, which is just over. Very close. Just over. Very close. As I'm like running, I'm definitely having to hold out the Payden Chucks. I'm like stumbling a little bit. And that first flourish goes a little bit.

I can't, can't leave it on that note. Another flourish. Natural 20. Yeah, baby. That counts as two flourishes. So that's three total flourishes. Yeah. It's the plus three to whatever your attack roll is to hit. And I'm going to attack roll now on this Jellicle. Okay. And that is a 12 plus three plus two. So that is a 17. Fantastic. So are you hitting him to damage him or are you hitting him to basically take him off his game so he can't throw the javelin? Uh,

I'm gonna hit him to take him off his game. So we'll just say that happens then. So you just right in his fucking face and he like throws the javelin, but it just goes a couple feet in front of him and hits the ground because he's so completely taken off of his game. By the flourish of nunchucks, he was so distracted by the majesty of the chucks. Football, more like hairball. Okay, so the scarecrow, oh no, they don't even have, they don't have rage attack! Oh,

Guys, we fucking solved it. So they literally just stand there and they just watch you take him to the end zone because they had literally no ranged attacks left. I want to now officially say that Henry turned into a giant eagle and this is literally just what everyone said Lord of the Rings should have been. Everyone's like, why did the eagle just fly him straight to Mount Doom? He has to turn into a crow because those scarecrows can't even do anything. They're just like... So the beholder's like, oh, he could go.

And then you come into the end zone and six points immediately automatically. Yeah, we do. Everyone comes. So now you have a choice. You can either just take the free extra point or you can try to go for two points by doing a two point conversion. I mean, dads, we know that they can't catch us because I fly. So why don't we go for two? Wait, I think Henry in bird form just beats this game. Yeah.

Henry just puts his wings out around us and like brings us into a huddle. And there's just a giant eagle in our huddle now. And we go, so guys, we're just going to give the ball to Henry, right? I mean, Grant, you're QB. You want to call the play? What do you think we should be doing right now? I think we should just give it to Henry. Guys, hold on. We're trying to like show off Grant in front of Yeet, right? Like, why don't I just fly Grant into the end zone and Grant can get one?

Yeah, Grant's like, could you just keep for me? Or I could pass you the ball. I could throw it at you. Grant, what if it's like you hop up on my back and you ride like an eagle into the end zone? You know, like one of those. Hell yeah.

Hell yeah. That's cool. All right, let's do that. Yeah, that's what this is going to be fun. I like football. Okay, so here's what I'm going to do just to prevent us from having to role play this out happening over and over and over again. I'm going to give them 10 ranged attacks in sort of a montage form. And if they manage to hit more than they miss, then

then that means that they've actually done enough damage to sort of knock you out of bird form after you've gotten another like two touchdowns or something like that. And if they can't, I'm just going to say you win. Yeah, we just run the same play every time. You just do the exact same fucking thing every single time and they're completely powerless. At halftime, half the crowd leaves to get out parking sooner. They're like, this is over. Do you want us to throw you into the montage with a little bit of like Balls Deep Sports Center here? And then like we can do like a little happening. All right, here we go.

Welcome back to Balls Deep Sports Center. I'm Hard Rock Big Huge, and we've got some highlights from today's match between the Doodlers and the Jellicle Cats. Looks like the game starts off really great, and oh, what's this? Druid Henry Oak turns into an eagle and flies Peyton into the end zone. Looks like this one's going to be a game changer. Now this right here is something you've never seen before. He's going to turn into an eagle.

fly right over them, and then hit into the end zone. We've been broadcasting for what, 10 years now? Have you ever seen anything like this? I've been broadcasting for 500 years. I'm an undying being who has existed since the dawn of this realm, but I've never seen action like this. Hi, guys. Reporting from the sideline here. I've been on the sideline for 500 years as well. Make sure to tune in for CSI Miami after the show. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Hey, it's me, the guy that sort of summarizes the way that the overall sort of game went. To sort of simulate what a game might be, I always roll a certain number of dice at the beginning, and I would say like, hey, if maybe three to four to five of the ten dice that I rolled came up doing pretty well, I'd say that this was an actual game with some back and forth, some real excitement to it. Only two of them cracked the 15 barrier, so that's eight dice were all sub-ten rolls. Very, very, very bad rolls. Wow. So yeah, this was maybe the most boring.

game of grab the ball, catch it, throw it, run it to the end of the other field that the sport has ever seen. We have lost a considerable amount of fans just from this game alone. So we won. So you just won. You just completely invalidated the whole match.

henry henry you crushed it and you two grant everybody good effort from everybody henry turns back into his normal shape out of giant eagle shape and he's covered in sweat and he's like oh boy you know i i always thought football was kind of like a you know sort of toxic game but like that was super fun i had a good time this is what football's like back on earth uh no i mean you've seen it there's no giant eagles that's true i mean there is a team called the eagles though am i right the

That wasn't that good. You know, that was okay. Never mind. And as you're like wallowing in the joke, not going well, Peyton goes MVP and dumps the like bucket of healing potion on your head. Oh, I probably need it at this point. So I'm very happy to have that. Ron just pulls like footballs out of his shirt and stuff like that and just like holds them, but they're not, he's no longer trying to hide them. Yeah. Ron, did he ever go in the field? Did he just stay there as the ball on the side?

The only time he was on the field was when he was being dragged by that javelin guy. He's been dragged the whole time. He never let go. But the guy never knew he was there. It was so sneaky. He's like, I just felt really heavy. I just was really slow that game. So all of the celebration, all of the fun that you're having, at least for Daryl, is cut a little bit short when he sees the look on Grant's face and you track that feeling back to a moment midway through the game. She's trying to block Henry from a javelin hitting him and

the javelin hit him in the arm. It was a scrape, but it took a chunk of meat out of his bicep. Oh my God! Meat? Oh my God. Meat? Do we notice it? Not like literally like a handful. It was just like, oh, he cut him and it bled a little bit and they had cure wounds to him and stuff like that. Okay. Meat's a strong word. If I said, hey, I cut my finger in the kitchen and I said, and meat come off, you'd be like, Jesus Christ, you go to the hospital? Yeah, fair enough. Honey, I cut my finger. I would think there was a lot of problems.

And my meat came off. In the montage, there's this scene where I was trying to help Grant because he was hurt. You remember in Return of the Jedi when it's all that montage of all the fun and fighting and then midway through they stop to show exactly one Ewok dying? This is that moment of the...

Of the montage. So Grant gets hurt and he falls to the ground and he's holding his arm. Daryl, what do you do? This is during the game? Yeah. I mean, I run over to him. I go, Grant, are you okay? Oh my God. I look at his arm. Is that meat? Is that meat? How's that meat, Grant? Grant, how's that meat? Grant, give me a meat update. Give me a meat date. Pick up the meat on the way over to him. I go, Grant, you dropped some meat. Where'd it come from? What?

Try to put the meat back into the meat hole. What a horrible word. This could be some real tonal whiplash. So Grant has this look of sheer surprise on his face and he looks down at the wound as it's bleeding and he goes, I felt that.

I, I, I, I, I, I felt it. I actually felt it. Well, yeah. I mean, she's, I mean, I can, I can feel it from here. That's, that looks horrible. Are you okay? He goes, uh, no, no, I hurts and I don't like it, but it's, but that's something that's,

That's something I thought it would just be. I thought I thought only yeet would make me. But this did. But I can't do that. I shouldn't. I mean, I don't want I don't want I don't like this feeling. So that's that. Yeah. Let's get this game. Let's get the game coach. Let's go do the game. Coach. Hey, Grant. Yeah. Let's talk after this. OK. Yeah. Let's focus on the game. Let's focus on. No, that's right. The game. OK. All right, son. Let's let's get back into it. So after saying the Wilson family catchphrase, we'll talk about this later. Yeah.

TV station was like, sorry for that weird little piece of the montage. It was pretty exciting. We put that in there. That felt really unprofessional. There's like father and son were having a tender moment. We decided to put it on SportsCenter. Look at this great coaching from Wilson Sr. to Wilson Jr. Wilson Jr. having an existential crisis on the play. Boom, gets him with a repressed feeling. Stuff's a right down and they're back in the game. You gotta love it when you see this kind of fatherly action on the field. Let's say that meat is cured.

you know what it's like when you're depressed and you can't feel anything at all. So even pain makes you feel like you're actually still alive. And that's a toxic negative thing. You know what it is. We all know what that's like, right boys. When your arm gets hit, the ball's not going to go where you want it to. But with tough acting to next football, Frank comes out after your insanely boring victory and goes like, ah,

I don't know why nobody ever chose to turn into a bird. I'm really impressed. I'm so upset and I'm very impressed. Well done. But yeah, so we have some lodgings. If you, your next game is going to be tomorrow. It's going to be for the championship. I think depending on a pretty short fucking tournament, we

Yeah, it's every two weeks. So yeah, it's really quick. This seems like sort of like you ever guys ever go to a roller derby league and there's like four teams. This seems like one of those situations. It's kind of one of those situations. But yeah, if you'd like, here's some vouchers for getting snacks from the bar and stuff like that. But otherwise, there's some bunks down below. You can go sleep, rest up, take a nice long rest, get all your ducks in a row. And then tomorrow, I think the championship maybe. That could be good. Could be fun. Maybe. Wow.

You don't know? You're not sure? I mean, this match that you guys just had was the opposite of fun. Frank, is there like a manager or somebody we could talk to that might know actually what's going on here? You could talk to the Beholder. He's the guy in charge, yeah. Okay, hey, Beholder? Yeah? Is it the championship tomorrow? Are we in the championships? Yeah, of course, obviously. Okay, well, Frank here doesn't seem to know. Frank, what the fuck? I keep telling you.

Why don't you listen? And Frank's like, I have a lot of things. I have to sign up all the teams and I'm standing here. There's four teams. How many teams are there that we signed up today and we got to the championship? I'm trying to get the word out. I'm the street team as well. I'm doing a lot of things and I'm getting paid for one job. That's true. It's unfair and you're jumping on me. Now that I'm a champion almost, do I get the shoe deal and then the free massages and then the room service and...

Beats, headphones. Hey, Ron, Ron. Hi, it's Henry. I just want to like, you know, this is kind of my moment because I won this game. So I feel like if anyone's going to get like a sweet sports deal, it would be me. I feel like I've really tasted the heady rush of victory here. And I frankly, I like it. None of you are getting a sweet sports deal. This was boring and bad.

No one wants to buy the merchandise of someone whose ability as an athlete is predicated entirely on their ability to turn into a bird. Excuse me, Mr. Beholder, your league has three players before we showed up, so I think you can cool it a little bit on your arrogance there. I'm not being arrogant. I'm calling it how I see it. I was bored. That's all I'm saying. You need us more than we need you, buddy. I don't need you that bad. Half the people left.

That's true. But we won. And that's all that matters. I'm not saying you didn't. Congratulations. It was dull. I'm just, I'm just told them like I see them. I'm a beholder. I behold a boring team. I was thinking for the shoe deal that they could be like running shoes, but they called them running shoes. You never ran. No one ever ran. You would have to get flying shoes.

You could sell a jet pack, I guess. You call the shoes Eagles by H. And like, that would be my sneaker line, you know, because that's something people do, right? I can go pro. That's what I'm saying. Ronning shoes. Yeah, we'll work on it. We'll workshop it. Okay. All right. Well, I guess we'll be back tomorrow, Beholder, to win this thing. Okay. I hope not. Who are we playing against, by the way?

Oh, you're going to be playing good for the other team. Let's see. The third team is the one we're playing against. The third team, including us. That's right, Grant. We're going to beat Yeet. And you know what? He's going to love it. That's how you impress somebody. I don't want to beat Yeet. Well, no. He wants you to play as good as you can. I guess. Maybe. But I feel like I want to just not beat. Can we both win? Kate, can we both win? No. Okay. Shit. No.

A relationship, and I know you guys aren't in a relationship yet, but when you get there, a relationship is built on trust and competition. It's a good way to build that trust. You don't want to underperform. That's an insane thing to say. That's a pretty weird thing to say, Daryl. What?

Excuse me? Me and Carol, we would play baseball. We'd have some fun together. Competitions that you find out... Really, just the two of you, huh? Playing baseball. Explain how the fuck that works. Baseball's not a one-on-one thing, Glenn. It's a team thing. We're on different teams. But the point is, competition's a good way...

It teaches sportsmanship. It teaches cooperation. That's how you get to know somebody. You know, and then if you're not into competition, though, yoga teaches a lot of that stuff to grant. So, you know, you can get a lot of the same lessons, you know, by maybe joining like a theater troupe or like speech and debate. There's a lot of good ways to you can build camaraderie. I was sitting around stretching his calves. But no, that dude is flipping skateboards left and right and throwing balls. I don't know if competition is the way to like.

to someone's heart because I went on the date once in an escape room and like I set the record for that escape room and she never called me back. No, that's exactly the point, Glenn. You exposed your true self and you let her know who you were from the beginning and that's why she didn't date you.

That's so mean. I'm just saying, it's a good way to get to know somebody. I think the best way to get to know somebody is to hide your true self and then reveal it later. That's one way to do it, but then what if they don't like the real you? Then they must be a cat person and not a dog person.

What a callback. Did that happen to you, Ron? Oh, yeah, of course. I mean, Samantha loves me for me, but she also loves me for the dog. Oh, that's right. Who I was pretending to be. The dog that would become the man. Well, that's very nice. That's one way to do it, I guess. You can just go to bed, you weirdos. Just go eat and go to bed. Okay, so what, we all, we got a nice room? Yeah.

Yeah. Yes. You have a nice room. I want to see the picture where we're at. What's going on? It's a locker room, but like instead of like those benches where you sit and change, it's like really nice comfy beds. Okay. So I like the locker room. All right. So Daryl comes out of the steaming shower. He's got the towel wrapped around him. Why? Why? Because it's the end of a football game. That's true. You got to shower up, baby. Why would you describe it like that? Daryl comes out, sweat glistening on his titties.

I want to put it out there that Henry is naked and soaking in that little tub that they have. The little locker room tub for your aching bones. Henry's like, oh man. And then he farts and like a feather comes up. He's like, whoops. It's essentially that scene in Top Gun. He's getting a sports massage from like, I don't know, what's the, like a bunch of different creatures that are just like,

just sports massaging him down he was like ah yeah just a bunch of small rats are running up and down you doing like a ratatouille massage like a chubby coach ogre with like a big paunchy belly like rubbing icy hot on glenn's back i'm like yeah there we go there we go ron is just

is just buried in ice. It's just the head peeking out from a big mountain of ice. I feel like Grant is at the locker and then like the Jellicoe cats are also, they're like, you know, they're getting there. They've locked their lockers up. They're getting ready to leave. Yeah, it's like the Top Gun scene. And I go, hey, good game. Good game, guys. Sorry. Sorry we had a big bird. Tough locks. Tough locks.

And as they walk off, I open my locker, which I guess I have. And I pull my pants out and I start putting my pants on. I sit next to Grant. And I'm assuming is that his locker say, Hey, Grant. Grant is definitely staring at Henry. But yeah, he's staring at Henry. Yeah. Henry's in a hot tub. Henry's just in our line of sight. Yeah. That's just that tub. You know, like you ever see in the movies, they got the guy in the tub in the locker room. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's working on muscles. Hey, Grant, you want to talk about what happened back there? Uh,

No, I'm good. I'm good. We won, so I'm good. Well, I know. I'm not talking about the winning. We crushed it. You did a great job. We all did a great job. It's Mary Henry. It's been a while. We really haven't had time. I know there's this thing going on, but you've been hurt, and then you just got hurt again. I know the magic or whatever kind of healed the wound pretty quick, like freaking Wolverine, but like...

What's going on in here? Like, I pointed out my heart. What's going on? You know, what's going on with you, kid? Just nothing. Just, you know, you get hurt on the field. Kind of distracts you. So, you know, it's all good. I'm good.

look, Grant, I'm not good. There's no way you're good right now. What do you mean you're not good? Look where we're at. We've been away from mom for who knows how long. We still haven't found a way out of here. You guys almost died. We've done some crazy, horrible stuff has happened. I'm glad we're all together. We're making it through it, but it's a tough time right now. I can't even imagine what it'd be like

at your age, like you seem to be handling it, you know, better than some of the kids, but I don't know. I know you're a sensitive kid deep down. So like, I feel like something's going on. It doesn't seem like you're having a tough time. Um, I mean, you know, I got a, no, I'm it's, you know, I'm, I'm trying to put, keep it together, but like, it's, it's obviously tough right now, but that's, you know, I'm, I'm more concerned about you right now. Yeah. Well, I mean, I mean, same. No. So yeah, no, it's yeah. I'm having, I'm, I'm trying to, trying to keep my eye on the ball, trying to keep the team together. Um,

You know, so now I'm good. Yeah, but you're a kid. You don't have to worry about keeping the team together. You got to worry about yourself right now. I can say the same thing to you. But, you know, so it's fine. It's really I'm good. I'm good. I'm I'm I'm I'm I just want to jump into that, jump into that bath. But once Henry's done and just sort of just sort of soaking it. Look, I I just want you to know, if you want to talk to me, I'm I'm here. Is it a little bit weird because we're in like a locker room?

Was this a weird place to kind of start this? No, it's, I mean, it's, it's, no, it's, it's, it's, you, you wouldn't get it. It's fine. Well, if your old man wouldn't get it, come on. What wouldn't I get? Try me. Give me a persuasion roll with, uh, no, I won't, I won't hit you with disadvantage. Just give me a persuasion roll. I get it.

14 minus one. That's a 13. If you got a 50, I was going to give it to you. Oh, God. Devastating. So he goes, it's really, I'm good. I just want to focus on the game tomorrow. Get our bowl. And yeah, we'll be good. We'll be good. Good job, Dad. Thanks, Dad. Love you, Dad. Thanks. I love you too, kiddo. We'll play. We're going to win and we'll...

We'll hopefully see what happens next. And, you know, we'll talk about this more, I guess. All right. Glenn is going to do a side combo with Henry. And then Glenn's going to be like, hey, Henry, man. Oh, sorry. I nodded off in the top. God, that's really dangerous. I could have drowned. You know, this that something maybe is a little bit up with that. Yeah.

I have noticed that I feel like Grant is to put it mildly ever since he was teleported into the stomach of a hideous monster and then spun around inside him in a vortex of death and pain. He just hasn't quite been the same kid. And I feel like maybe he's waiting for Daryl to get like more vulnerable and open up about himself.

And then maybe Grant will trust him to do that. Oh, fuck. I should probably tell that to Daryl at some point. We should have a like a dad huddle. Yeah, let's get. OK, yeah. Maybe not like right now, but like, let's just put a pin in that. Let's do it right now. Let's do it right now. You know, I feel like I'm just kind of in the middle of just getting Glenn. Come on, be a bro. And then I stand up and wrap a towel around my waist and I walk over to Daryl. Fine. Ron, I motion Ron. Hey, Daryl. Hey, what's up? Hey, man. How's it?

We're all just kind of wondering how it's going with Grant right now. I mean, honestly, something's bothering the kid. I mean, he's been upset since... I mean, he's obviously been a little bit different, and he's having a tough time opening up about it. It is... I think it's going to take a little bit of work to get to him. Hey, Bron. Yes, sorry. I'm pretty cold. I can't really... I can't really hear anything. I'm just going to slide out of this ice. Uh...

I was just saying, you and Terry are like thick as thieves now, man. Oh, you really think so? At least thicker than you were previously, at least. I mean, he was... I mean, what happened there? It feels like, I don't know, maybe you could take some pointers, Daryl. Like, Ron seems to have figured something out. I mean, what did you guys get? I mean, I don't know what... Oh, I had nothing to say. I was just going to sort of make a noise that means that I support Daryl, but I also don't really know...

what he should do. Daryl, I say this with all the love in the world and not to backseat dad, but I feel like maybe maybe Grant would feel a little more open about sharing his feelings with you if you shared a little bit with him, you know, like maybe he would feel safer being vulnerable around you if he felt like you were, you know, able to be vulnerable with him a little bit more.

I mean, I hear you. I don't, you know, I just think he's got it. I mean, I just talked to him. I just said, having a tough time, he needs to, you know, some kids need a little bit of

need a little bit of time i mean i get that i just you know you don't need to make it all about him either you know like maybe you can just kind of tell him what's going on with you maybe open up your heart a little bit well yeah i mean i got stuff but like what that doesn't have anything to do with what he's going through right now i know it's not okay but it's like you know it might make him feel a little bit less alone just to hear it you know like maybe guys like i appreciate it i'm trying but like grant he's a sensitive kid he's got a lot going on honestly i think something's really affecting him but like

He's going to take a little longer. Not every kid can like suddenly become a love wolf because you cast a spell or like, you know, forgive you because you almost killed him, you know, multiple times, Ron. Like some kids take a little bit more time. Like, I don't know why you guys are coming at me here. I'm not. It's Daryl. No one's. This isn't about coming at you. This is a judgment free space. Anyway,

I encourage you to think about it, you know, like, you know, maybe there's a, it's just, I mean, let me ask, like, what do you think? Should I, what should, you know, he's 12. He's has a boy. He likes, he just killed an animal. What should I tell him? Should I say, Hey, Hey, you're your mom. And I might be getting a divorce. I'm having a tough time. Is that, is that like, are you guys that immature? Do you just tell your kids everything that's going on with you? Like I'm like, what do you suggest? What should I open up about that? I'm not opening up to with them right now. Like, should I just tell him like, Hey, what,

I don't know if we'll get home. And even if we do, your parents might not love each other anymore. Like, is that good? Is that something we should tell him right now? I mean, is there a way you could say that you sounded happier about it? Or not happier, but just like, like, like, but that's, but that's okay. Or what if you just told him it might not be okay. Daryl, I,

I, I'm first of all, I'm really sorry to hear you and Carol having trouble. That sucks, man. And you know, anything we can do to be here for you in that, you know, we're here for you. It's tough, man. I don't know, but I think he just, he, you got to find a way to connect with him on like, you know, I, by sharing something about you, how you're feeling. I appreciate you guys. I didn't mean to get upset. Obviously a lot's going on. I'm glad we can talk about right now. I'm trying. I think it's going to take more than one talk with them. It takes some, some time to, but I don't think,

Look, I can tell him that I'm scared that we're not going to make it and stuff like that. But I think some of it is also like we got to protect our kids. And it's not about not telling him things is also just there's some like even if I wanted to tell him about it's not fair to Carol. Like I can't. It's it's not just me. Right. Like it's not just my decision. I hear you, man. Like this kind of reminds me one time we were on tour. This was back in like 98 or so. We had this bassist, Diamond Dave.

And Diamond Dave was just kind of trouble, and we all kind of knew it. You actually don't need to worry about talking to him because he's not even here. Who? Grant. What do you mean? No, I saw him go out that corridor down the hall. Don't ask me why I was following him. I wasn't. I was just looking for the vending machine.

And by the way, does anybody have a quarter? I don't know what the quarter system is like here. Where did he go? Oh, he went past the vending machine that I was going to go to, and then he went out into the other locker room. Was Peyton with him? I'm right here, man. I heard everything. Oh, no. Damn, Peyton. For what it's worth, I'm kind of a teen hammer here. I think you got to be a little bit vulnerable every once in a while. But yeah, what's going on?

Wow. That's a lot for you to handle, kiddo. I mean, you always keep it together, you know? You're always trying to keep it together. And like, what if he wants his dad who doesn't always keep it together, you know? What if he needs it to come apart a little bit? I don't know. I don't know. I'm just spitballing here. What's up? Peden. Peden. Why didn't anybody tell me that before? Are you fucking kidding me? Why didn't you listen to me, you know?

not him he said the same thing Hayden man this is why you're the champion Payton no this is good I know I know I'm trying I'm trying man sometimes you know you got it you get me I do we should probably go find Grant yeah man if you guys don't mind I appreciate it I'm sorry let's go find Grant though yeah Daryl just reminds me of this time Diamond Dave man I've left he was trouble

And, you know, the thing is, we all knew it and everyone knew that there was a real problem there. But no one wanted to say anything because we wanted to keep the band together. And that was kind of the most important thing. Yeah, definitely. Henry right now is like pretending like he's listening to Glenn. But he's like, do you ever like at work, you're making small talk with someone, but it's going on too long. So you kind of start slowly walking away like that's what Henry's doing right now is he's listening to Glenn.

And Glenn's like, you know, I think the lesson here is vulnerability is important, but so is honesty. And honesty is like, you know, you don't have to be fully honest, but you got to be more honest than you are. Yeah, man, you got to be honest. So, well, I'm going to just... Anyway, Ron, I think you know what I'm talking about, right? I haven't been here for years.

It's just Peyton. He's like, you fucking lost me, man. Oh, that's all right, Peyton. I'll just start from the top. So anyway, Diamond Dave was this really big, burly guy out of Chicago. And we knew we had to do something about this. And it got so good.

It's night now. And so just, you know, a couple of scant torches are sort of lighting your way. And before you can see anything, you hear the voice of Yeet Bigley going, Grant! Oh, man. Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah. Dinner. Sorry. I almost forgot. So basically you can see around the corner, Grant and Yeet get a couple of hot dogs and they just sort of sit on the stairs leading up to the Coliseum. If you want to stay here in eavesdrop, you can. You'll get a stealth check with advantage on that. Or you can go up and talk to them or you can bounce. Sort of up to you.

I'm going to eavesdrop. Oh my gosh. I'm ready for the tea. I walk straight up to them. Oh my gosh. I walk up to them. I go, hey, hey kids, this one's on me. And I put a gold coin down. It's like, don't be up too late. I walk away. And he goes, hey, thanks, Mr. W. And Grant's like, thanks, Dad. Thanks. Yeah, no problem. That's so cool. Someone walking up, a dad walking up and pulling out $2,000. I'm just putting it on the table.

He had a Z-Rustle. So much money. Dude, Daryl's got rich dad energy right now. And I go, look, man, we're not going to spy on them. I don't feel comfortable, like, listening to my kid talk to this kid. If that's the case, then, Matt, you should take your headphones off and anybody else who wants to eavesdrop can still hear it. Okay, so Daryl walks away. He's like, I'm going to go get some sleep. Yeah, for sure. I'll be right there, Daryl, for sure. I don't know why I'm telling you that I'll be right there when you go to sleep, but...

from the fucking spa i'm ready daryl turns around and goes uh you got your own route okay right yeah right right right right for sure daryl comes back and glenn is finishing up his story anyway that's how we ended up wanted in three states you know i mean you get you get what i'm saying daryl

Yeah. All right. I'm going to go to bed. You know, this place seems pretty safe. I'm sure, you know, I told them not to be out too late. So that was a load off of my chest. I'm really glad I finally said all that to somebody. Yeah. I feel like I've really grown as a character. Yeah, me too. I'm glad I could get some stuff off my, I need to sleep. All right, guys. God, I'm going to sleep like a baby. That's so much guilt. So much pressure on my shoulders these last 20 years. I'm glad you were there to hear it, Daryl.

Back outside, Henry starts to feel guilty about spying on these kids. So he's like, Ron, I just can't do it. I can't spy on Daryl's kid. That's weird. I'm going to go. But like, you know, and for the record, I disapprove of you eavesdropping. But if you do eavesdrop, fucking let me know what happens. I really am. And then Henry walks away.

All right, Ron, it's up to you. Do you want to eavesdrop or do you not want to? Okay, so Ron is obviously hiding, but sort of justifying it to himself by like, I'm going to pick a good snack to eat tomorrow, but I'll pick it out tonight. It's

It's like that thing where in movies where they want somebody to eavesdrop on information and get it, but they don't want to make them seem like creepy pieces of shit. So they're just walking and they accidentally overhear this bullshit that's like super relevant. I'm just like building up some plot armor, you know, like, you know, whoopsie, heard that. No, okay, fine, fine. Ron intentionally and evilly eavesdrops on these children. Ha ha ha!

Ron wants to find out what's happening with these two thirsty tweens. Exactly, yes. So give me a stealth roll with advantage. Yes. I get an 18. Okay. Plus eight. I could probably read their thoughts. Damn. Okay. Matt, take your headphones off. Will and Freddie have to take their headphones off too. It's just gotta be me. Oh shit, you're right. Cause does Ron tell us? Oh fuck. God damn it. Everybody except for Beth. This is just me and Beth. Oh.

This is a weird new art form where it's me talking to myself for an audience of only bats. Yeah, I love this because I'm not going to listen this far of the episode. So like next episode, we're all going to have to ask Rod what happened. Oh my God. You're going to have to get it from Rod. You're going to have to get a description of Barry. I love that because then I'm going to be able to play with Grant like kind of only through what I hear from Rod. Oh my God. All right. I'm taking my headphones off too. Tell us in the chat when it's safe to come back.

So you hear Yeet and Grant just chatting as they're eating their hot dogs. And Yeet goes, oh, man, you look a little bit like a little down. Like from the first time I met you, you know, it seems like you've been kind of kind of a little off. And Grant says, yeah, uh, yeah. Ever since we remember the part when when when I went in the bear and I with the axe. Yeah, I remember that was fucked up. Yeah, yeah, it was.

Uh, ever since that I've kind of, uh, felt, or I guess not felt is sort of more of the thing. Like I kind of just don't feel anything all the time. Like I don't feel like I don't feel like I'm a person. Uh, but there are these like these little, these brief moments, uh, where something breaks through, uh, uh, uh, like when, when, when somebody hurts me or when I hurt somebody and I don't, I don't,

It's this weird thing where like my brain, I don't like doing them, but it's like the only thing that's like, Hey, you're still here. Uh,

And like hurting somebody or killing somebody, it like just, it's bad. It's bad, right? It's bad. It's a thing we shouldn't want to do. Yeah, you don't, you shouldn't want to. Sometimes we have to, but it's not a good thing. Yeah, but it like feels good to me in the moment because it just like, it makes this like binary. Like you're like, you're here, you're not here. And if I could do that to somebody or if I get hurt, then it's like, I'm here. It's like this proof that I'm still here and that I'm real.

And tears begin to sort of stream down his face. And he's like, wow, that's a lot. I'm really sorry. Have you talked to anybody about this? There's just, there's nobody I can, there's really nobody I can talk to about this. The other kids are kind of, maybe Terry, maybe not. I don't know. What about your dad? Your dad seems like a nice guy. Yeah, no, he's, my dad's a nice guy. He's really, he's smart and he's strong and he leads everybody. And, but yeah,

he's never, whole time I've known my dad, he's never, he's never come off as like, I've never seen him scared. I've never seen him cry. I've never seen him, like he met my mom when they were in grade school. Like he just hasn't had the same kind of experience that I've had. He sort of got the thing that mattered the most to him early on in life. And then he just sort of

you know, sort of, sort of, sort of, not, I don't want to say coasted cause his life's been, you know, decently difficult, but like his dad was really good. And like, I just, I can't, I can't really relate to him. And it feels like, I feel, I feel like embarrassed, like talking about this stuff or like the fact that I have like feelings for somebody or whatever. Oh yeah. Who do you have feelings for? Oh, um, oh no, it's, it's yeah. It doesn't. How, how are you?

Okay, well, as long as you're here, as long as you're, you know, going to be doing the football stuff with us, like, you can always hang out with me. You can always chat with me, you know? Like, I'm happy to be here as your friend or what have you. Oh, okay. Like, yeah, as a friend. Could I kiss you maybe? What? Oh!

I'm not, I don't, I meant like as a friend, like as a, like it's just a friend. I'm so, I'm so sorry. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, it's cool. It's, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, fucked up. Woo. And he tosses his hot dog down on the ground and he's like, no, oh, please, please don't. No, I'm not gonna, I'm gonna head back. I'm gonna head back and go to, go to, go to sleep. Uh, so I'm sorry, but yeah, I'll see you tomorrow on the, on the field. Uh,

He just starts silently sobbing to himself as he runs back to the locker room. And you can see he sort of stops outside the locker room really quickly, wipes all of his tears away and then wipes his hands on his pants and then goes inside. Fuck. Oh, my God. Yikes, yikes, yikes.

God, I yeah, I wish I hadn't heard it. I wish that what happened. I wish that Rhonda hadn't heard that. So for Henry and Glenn and Daryl, you basically just saw Grant come back in and he just looks kind of tired. He finds his bunk and he just jumps into it and pulls up his covers. Hey, Grant. Hey, good job, kid. It's not too late. You have a good time.

Yeah, thanks for paying for the hot dog. You overpaid by like a thousand cases. Oh no! A quiet hush slowly settles over the coliseum of Balls Deep. Forgot it was called that! Kind of ruined the tone. Kind of ruined the moment. And all of you fall into a restful and dreamless sleep.

Until, as was the case earlier on in your adventure before you knew the people who had been screwing with you and your children's lives, you again find yourselves half awake in a dreamlike state with one another, and standing over you is the smirking, sadistic visage of Willie Stampler. Hey guys, how about a quick down-hold?

That's our line. I hate that. ♪♪♪

Dungeons and Daddies is Matt Arnold as Daryl Wilson. Anthony Burch is our DM. Will Campos is Henry Oak. Beth May as Ron Stampler and myself. Freddie Wong as Glenn Close. Theme song and outro is All Right by Maxton Waller. Thanks to Kyle Quigley this week for providing a name we use in this episode, as is his sovereign right.

Thank you.

You don't have to be left out. You can get in on this. Get on that Patreon for ad-free episodes and weekly live listening parties, which is about the closest thing to a communal listening experience you will find for a podcast. We also got the Walter and Peyton Stretch Goal bonus adventure coming up soon, as well as the Henry Oak Rocks Rock EP, which we'll just finish writing and recording for this last weekend. So that's getting mixed as we speak.

Lots of cool stuff at patreon.com slash dungeonsanddads. Oh, and by the way, if you want to see all the bonus content you can get access to, you can find that on our website at dungeonsanddaddies.com under the podcast drop down, click Patreon content. That's also, by the way, a really easy way to access all of your Patreon content if you are a patron. There's merch there on that website, dungeonsanddaddies.com. You can find us on Twitter at Dungeons and Dads and Reddit, r slash Dungeons and Daddies. Next episode coming out June 23rd. Stay safe out there. We'll see you then.

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