Ep. 61 - Death of a Salesman
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Dungeons and Daddies is a rowdy, horny, violent podcast for grownups. Content warnings can be found in the episode description.

Buckle your bracers and lash your lariats. It's time once again for the Family Murder Sports Play of the Day, brought to you by Bullywugs. The sun is shining and temperatures are rising, which means it's time to find your go-to summer cocktail. So why not a tropical gelatinous cube? For a limited time only at your local participating Bullywugs, 64-ounce tropical gelatinous cubes are buy one, get one free. But hurry, this offer's only good while supplies last. You know what they could do when they run out of cubes? What's that? Split one of those gelatinous cubes in half. Get two of them, right? Yeah, they could. Anyway...

Today's play comes all the way up from swankery hill where two longtime rivals face off Ron Stampler and Willie Stampler meeting one-on-one for some tense emotional conversation That's father and son right there. The stakes could not be higher now watch this play right here by teammate line close We'll need a fucking lay a finger on you loser. We got a goblin army on the way already Invokes a goblin army and I know what you're thinking does this guy know how this game works threatening? What is

Clearly a high level sorcerer with goblins, Willy thinks he stiffs some weakness here and almost casually pounces on the opening. Goblins? I fucking eat goblins for breakfast. Oh, what's this? Uh oh. Ghost with a big grin on his face knew it was coming, has Willy right where he wants him, and moves in with the kill shot. You mean goblin on these nuts?

Game, set, and match. TKO. This fight is over. That crowd going absolutely bananas. Let's go now to the post-fight interview. You went for a deez nuts right off the top. An insanely risky move, but it paid off for you tonight. What was your strategy coming into the fight? Yeah, I just been doing a lot of training, working on fundamentals. You know, I knew we couldn't go long against this guy head-to-head, so when I saw the opening early in the round,

You know, sometimes it's just there. You got to take it. Anything you'd like to say to your fans watching at home. Win Close will never die. My name will ring immortal throughout all of time. Nick, if you're out there, we did it, man! And that's the play of the day. When we return, superstar singer, businessman, and stepfather, we go deep into the mind of Ron Stampler. That's coming up next. Stick around. ♪♪

Welcome to Dungeons and Daddies, not a BDSM podcast. This is a Dungeons and Dragons podcast about, okay, let me do the math here really quick. Three dads, one of their friends from our world, and one rat from the other world that they got into on a quest to rescue their lost sons. Time out, time out. It's four dads and the rat does not get front credit. I don't know that it's about the rat. No, you're a dad because of the rat. You're a rat daddy. Yeah, and the rat's part of the equation.

on a quest to rescue their lost sons and stay friends with their rat kids. He's drunk with power. He's just throwing his rat in a rat. Get into the building, but our sons don't, we don't say it's a podcast. It should be four dads who rescued their lost sons and rat son. Well, the rest of the ratsons rescue though, who rescued who with the rat? That's true. My name is Freddie Wong. I play Glenn Close, the rock and roll bard dad of the group. Uh,

This was Glenn Facts. Glenn's favorite Disney World attraction. An old one. Adventure Through Inner Space. That was the old one where you could fly around through your little thing and you're flying through the body and the CG's real bad. I barely remember that one. Yeah, a lot of people barely remember it, but Glenn remembers that one. Mostly because he was fucking baked and he thought that one wasn't a real ride. He thought that one was real. And it's his favorite?

Yeah, because afterwards you're like, it was so good. It's like I was in my body. He's been chasing that high ever since, baby. Oh, that was it? Oh, I'm sorry, Matt. We want more. We want more Glenn. You should get like a good four minutes when you start talking for me to figure things out. Hey, everybody, this is Matt Arnold. He likes figment. What's figment? Figment's the little dragon. Figment D's nuts. Please let this be a normal podcast. With the birch? No way.

Hey, everybody. This is Matt Arnold, real dad, Matthew Arnold, playing fictional dad, Daryl Wilson, who is a stay-at-home coach dad who became a barbarian upon entering this magical world of whimsy and fantasy and dragons and whatnot. Dungeons. And goblins. So I really enjoyed how easy it was to come up with dad facts when I came up with a theme, so I got another theme that's going to last me a good seven weeks here. I'm going to dive into the...

prime examples of each of the seven deadly sins with Daryl. Oh, I love it. I'm here for it. I love it. So easy one first. Let's talk about gluttony.

Kind of Daryl's big one. Daryl handles a lot of his stress with food. And back to the old classic Charleston Chews. So the most calories Daryl has ever eaten in one day is when he first brought Grant to middle school. He had stocked up at the grocery store and he had a full pack of all the full bars of Charleston Chews. And we dropped Grant off for the first time. Grant walked away and didn't say, like, I love you because he was embarrassed. And Daryl ate the entire box of Charleston Chews. Oh!

On the way home. Well, mostly on the way home, but he only got through about a third of it, so he just sat in the driveway and ate the other two thirds of the chocolate chews. Dick, dick.

Take these sad death packs. Was it like a Costco pack? Yeah, people, if you've bought a bar of Charleston shoes, they've seen the box. It's like a good 24 bars. I really respect the idea of keeping track of the most calories you've ever eaten. Because if I'm ever in a position where I'm like, this is up there, I'm not thinking about it ever again. You remember your rock bottom. That's his rock bottom. Hey, everyone. I'm Will Campos, official voice of Henry Oak, the Birkenstock Rock and Crunchy Munchy Nature Druid Dad of the Dads.

My Henry fact this week, just to lift us up, I'd like to talk about Henry's favorite person on Earth, Alma.

All my favorite sentient beings on the earth and in the universe. That's right. Henry loves everyone. Everyone equally. I like that none of you took the bait. Absolutely none of us. We just got deez nuts in. We're all on edge. I'm healing. Hi, my name is Beth May and I play Ron Sampler, emotionally detached stepfather and rogue. Fun fact about Ron this week, actually it's kind of a not fun fact, but it's not as not fun as you might think given the content of the last episode.

Ron has a little scar up on the top of his head. One of those things that like literally all children have or whatever. You know, one of those like, oh, I cracked my head open jumping on the bed. And yeah, that's what his mom always told him is that he got it from jumping on the bed. But now ever since finding out this information about his anchor being in his brain, he's not so sure. Wait, what? What?

That's not the fact. The fact is that he's not sure. He's not sure. There might be like a literal thing in his brain. Okay. We haven't heard much about Ron's mom, have we? Oh, yeah. Well, maybe we'll find out more this episode. Probably not.

About 5,600 calories, by the way, for that box. Oh, wow. 5,600 in just one go. That's a day. But that's not the only thing he ate that day. Okay, because I'm like... That was already pretty high up there on the calories per day. So top it off with 5,600. Hi, I'm Anthony Burch, V's People's Dad. Hi, Anthony.

and no you're not what are you talking about i don't know it's just it feels different now when you claim to be just our dad really like yeah i have a dad yeah i do have a father dad oh my god i was speaking sort of of the characters i'm not your dad once you separate out the parasocial stuff now i'm like now i'm not comfortable with it either we're just normal so i'm all or nothing dad that's what we're saying you're just our dungeon master is that less creepy

Is that less weird? I was gonna be like, no, you could still be my dad, but now it's like worse. We can just be Beth's dad. That's fucking insane. Can I propose Anthony Burch, America's dad? I don't want to be dad to America. I'm not proud of my son. Anthony Burch, fifth founding father. You had 300 years to get your shit together and it still hasn't happened. You already sound like America's dad. You're doing a good job. America's dad is Tom Hanks and we all know that. Why are we fucking around? Good point, good point. I am the dad of these characters. I'm okay with that. And Beth.

Yeah. I'm the dad of four fictional characters and Beth May. Yep. And my dad fact is I wish I wasn't Beth May's dad. Okay. Oh, man, man. No, that's just kidding. That's a little taste of what you're going to get later in this episode. Yeah.

This is my warning for you that Willie is still going to be in this episode, even though we haven't seen it in a while. Because we're going into Ron's head and we might see some memories and Willie might be in some of those memories. So just as a warning, this could be a bummer. I mean, I thought the last one was going to be a bummer and then Freddie...

Maybe ruin the podcast with the funniest joke of all time. So as we are now in the post-Deez Nuts era of the podcast, I've actually gone ahead and separated the Cs and Zs. We're literally A.D.s Nuts. There was D.C. and A.D.s Nuts. I've already edited the Wikipedia so that it says reception of the podcast was more negative post-Deez Nuts.

So to summarize what happened last time, you went to Swangree Hill to find Ron's anchor. You basically found out that the anchor that you were seeking is inside Ron's head and you'll need to go inside Ron's head to get it out. Erin O'Neill and Vince, her two-dimensional boyfriend, decided for you that the smartest way to do that...

You could go after the dimensional witch who cursed Vince into being two-dimensional in the first place. All right, so, okay, goodbye, Aaron. I hang up the thing. The leaf. The leaf. I hang up the leaf. Do we ask Aaron where the dimensional witch is? Or do we need to figure it out? Excuse me, one second. Hey, Aaron? Yeah. Hey, it's Henry again. Yeah, you actually can't hang up. I choose when to not listen, so it makes you feel good to hang up, but it means nothing to me. You're always watching us. No, I'm not. I just choose when to.

Is Aaron Santa Claus in this world? Does she hear you when you're sleeping and when you're awake? You know, I'll say just, you know, maybe so we feel safer. If you could just, like, let us know when you're listening to us and when you're not. I'd appreciate that. Yeah, no problem.

Where is this dimensional witch? Silly us. We hung up, you know, without asking. Yeah, it's in a little village called Oskim, which should be like half a day's walk to the north of where you're at if you're at Swinkler Hill. Sure wish we had that tractor. Yeah. It's a long walk. You could send the tractor, right? Did we have a dog? Did I have a dog? What happened to our animals? Yeah, you only have four animals. What happened to your animals? Oh, God, where did we leave them? Let's cut to the animals now. Oh, God.

There's only one that's still alive and he's crawling forward on his front two paws, just starving and thirsty, just trying to get to some water. And then we cut back and it's all four animals watching a TV show. Oh, my God.

And somehow they got back to Earth before you did? No. Okay, that's nice. I'm glad they're back. Yeah, they're in an orphanage and they're being very well loved on Earth. Okay. And then it zooms out and it's like inside a snow globe of a hospital and you're like, where were they? You zoom out again and that's the fantasy of the dog as it's crawling toward water.

Oh, the animals are fine. The animals are in an orphanage. It's fine. Or are they? Quick. It looks like a little team huddle here. First off, Ron, how are you doing, buddy? Yeah, man. That sounded pretty intense, dude. You want to love some steam? You want to just like scream? Are you ready to go to ask him? Should I ask him? Get it? Yeah. Humor's a good medicine. Was that funny, Ron? Yeah. No, it was good.

He was very funny. Thanks, Ron. Funniest thing that's happened all day. Yeah, that's fair. That included Galigma? Wait, no, he wasn't there for that shit. Never mind, sorry. Peyton's not there. Oh, wait, so you...

I heard someone made a Deez Nuts joke. Oh, yeah, that was actually... Why did you leave me behind for that? That was actually funnier than what Henry just says. Oh, yeah, yeah, I mean, it was. Hey, Payton, let me tell you all about it. I take Payton aside, basically. Thank you, I was so fucking great, dude. Fill me in, fill me in. I thought I would know what to say, and then I didn't.

I mean, Ron, I think you did good, man. Like, I think, you know, we know what's up. You stood up to your dad, and it sounds like we know what the next step is. And, like, we're going into your brain, but he's not going to be in your brain. It's going to be memories, and some of those are going to be really tough, but we're going to be right there with you. The next step to what? There's nothing. If there's no anchor that's real, if you destroy it in my brain, then doesn't that mean that I get...

No, Ron, you're on your soul. You got a soul, Ron. So Terry Jr., he's been very, very quiet. And the second that Willie showed up, he didn't speak at all. He was just sort of scared silent. He rubs his eyes and he goes, I think the anchor in your head, it's got to be something we can take out, right? And still, you're still...

you. I mean, he's in there and I can see why he's in there, but there's gotta be a you beyond just what Willie did to you. There is right. I mean, I don't know, Ron. Hey man, you are so much more than what you've been through, dude. I see a complete person. When I look at you, man, I don't know what the answers to these questions are, but we're going to go in together. You're not going to be alone and we're going to face them together. And whatever happens, we're going to figure out what to do. Then take him out and what's left.

If I'm complete now and you go in my head and you take out him or destroy him,

What if there's nothing left of me? Well, I don't think we're going to, we're not going to destroy Willie in your head, Ron. I don't think we know what's going to be in there, but I'll tell you one thing. I think like Terry said, it's not going to be nothing. And, you know, I think that's going to be hard to also face also because Willie was lying. It wasn't nothing. There's something in there. There's something in there that we got to find and figure out. And we'll be there for you. I'll tell you, man, what's left a good husband, a good father, a good stepfather and a great man, you know, and a pretty brave guy. Look at everything he's got.

you've done on this adventure, Ron. We've gotten into fights. We've been chased around. We survived so much. You're a freaking survivor, man. All of that is you. And, you know, that's not going anywhere. It's going to be okay, man. We're going to do this together and it's going to be okay. It's going to be scary as hell, but we're there for you. Okay.

And Ron just goes with the flow, just kind of shuts up. And you hear the end of the conversation with Glenn and Peyton. Anyway, it was the most fulfilling moment of my entire life. Oh my God. Everyone should have that kind of feeling once. All downhill from here, baby. Erin was spying on you and she was like, these are nuts. And I was like, what? And I ran. I ran so hard and stuff and it was worth it. I have all the times to not show up. Peyton, you'll never forgive yourself, but

Well done, Glenn. You know what? If you want to, you could also be my honorary son. Oh, shit. Don't tell Daryl. What? I don't think he could take it. No, I mean, I heard it. Oh, God damn it. No, it's okay, Payne. I love you both equally. No, I mean, I hope that's not true, but I get it.

I get that you're really excited about his joke. It was really funny. This is all good. All right. Well, let's all get going. Let's go as a team. Let's maybe have like a group song. Like we can do 99 bottles. I'm actually. Well, as we're walking. I love that. Yeah. Yeah.

We can do 99 bottles. That's one. I'm a bigger fan of... 99 bottles of Booch on the wall. Oh my God. 99 bottles of Booch. Oh my God. Take one round, pass it around. Have really good stomach guts, kid, and you'll poop really well. Oh. 98 bottles of Booch on the wall. Hey, Glenn, you got one? You got a sign? Henry just starts walking and singing the kombucha song. The kombucha song.

We let Henry walk. Which is what he calls it, the kombucha song. That's the secret track on The Rock's Rocky. Oh, my God. Should we just let Henry walk? Yeah, we just sit here. He gradually gets quieter and quieter as he goes away. He's like, can we hear him anymore? All right, let's get going. All right. Sit around, have really good stomach poops, and you'll feel real great. It changes every day. There's 99 different versions of it. Daryl's trying to sing along. Come on, Daryl. It's fine. 99 bottles of Booch on the Wall.

99 bottles of booze. You drink one down, not good as beer, but you poop much better than that. Sure, yeah. That's the whole point is you do it up freestyle on the last part. Glenn, hit me. No. Ron, 97. 97 what? Bottles of booze. I'm not looking at those. I'm a married man. Oh, okay. And Daryl and Henry sing as we walk off into the distance.

The sun is setting as you come across the sleepy village of Askim, and it is not terribly difficult to find the Dimensional Witches hut within this village because while all the other houses are seemingly normally thatched roof cottages, there's one that stands out because...

Judding out from the roof, seemingly without having actually touched the roof in any way, because there doesn't seem to be any debris or any sign that it's jutted out, seems to be a four-dimensional hypercube, like something that seems to change perspective even as you look at it, even as you and it are staying still. Such as in the movie Cube 2 Hypercube. Very similar to that. Glenn Mutters, I've never been a fan of brutalism. Oh man, this looks messed up. Am I right?

Wow, what a nifty shape. Look, it's different every way you look at it. I don't like it. Just like how in reality, you know, truth changes depending on the perspective, right? I think we could all learn something from this cube. This is making me uncomfortable. You can see the flicker of a lamp inside. Or is it a lamp? Or is it a four-dimensional hyperlamp? Only one way to find out. What would you like to do? I knock.

I knock on the door. Ron knocks on the door. Oh, okay. Who knocks on the door? I think you both did at the same time. We both did, but because it's a four-dimensional cube, we both knocked on it at different times in different planes of existence, but at the same time, Ron did it and Henry did it. So inside your skull, you hear, yes, what is it? What the fuck? Wait, what? Explain. Echoing from inside your own skull. All of us or just Ron? All of you. Yes,

my daisy. I've got my head. Oh, do I have my AirPods in? No, you don't. Do what you want. Why are you here? Why have you sought the dimensional witch?

I thought that was going to rhyme somehow. Oh! It's called free verse, you piece of shit. What do you want? I don't know where to start, really. Do you have money? Oh, yeah, money, yeah. Well, then goodbye. Oh, yes, we do. Just not too much, right, guys? How much do you want? Sounds like you have a lot. Sounds like, despite the fact that multiple times people told you not to tell people how much money you have, you've completely failed to understand.

I mean, you're in my head. How am I supposed to bluff you? Matt, maybe spit. I'm covered in soda. Well, if you're in my head, I mean, in all of our heads, don't you know how much money we have? Yeah, there you go, Ron's riddles. Yeah. I don't know about you, but I'm not the kind of person who rubbages around in people's heads without their consent. I'm speaking to you here from the fourth floor.

Oh, that's good. I like that. This is a reliable witch. I have a daddy issue, and we've got a lot of gold. Some gold? We've got some gold, and I'm trying to get this... You've got a bad head thing. Yeah. That's what I'm hearing. Yes. Okay, so here's what's going on, Miss Dimensional. Do you have a name, by the way? My name is Tilt-Toberona. Pleasure to meet you. And that is from Paul Kavassier. Thank you so much, Paul. Tilt-Toberona.

Well, Tiltoblerona, we are bound to this universe by four anchors that are the result of daddy magic. And Ron's father here is a warlock by the name of Willie Stampler. And we heard tell from him that Ron's anchor is in his head. And we were like, gosh, how are we going to get into Ron's head, like into his memories and stuff? And we talked to our friend Erin O'Neill. Maybe you know her because I think you cursed her boyfriend, Vince. I did.

Yeah. She didn't ask us to do anything also. She what? She just said you would help us. She didn't ask you to do... Oh, did she say you'd murder me? She said we were... But we're not going to murder you guys, right? She wants to murder me. I just want to be upfront. I just want to be honest, especially since you're in my head. You say you're not, but it still feels like you're in my head. Oh, don't poke around too much into it. Yeah, please, please. A lot of hidden repressed sins. Yeah. That's one of the main reasons I don't do it. That's my issue.

I see, I see. So it sounds like what you're talking about is a typical extraction of possible memories or anchors or magical ephemera within one's own four-dimensional mind construct. Is that correct? Yes? Wow, that really actually covers a lot of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why don't you come up with a little bit of a story?

Come in. And the door opens wide. And she goes, oh, close your eyes when you come in, though. You're not going to want to see this until I've come back into the third dimension. You're not going to like what you see. I keep my eyes open. Okay, so roll a wisdom saving throw. I have not walked in yet. I'm watching Henry walk in. I close my eyes and I also put a finger over Nick Jr.'s eyes so that, you know what I'm saying? What am I rolling? You're rolling a wisdom saving throw with disadvantage.

I got a 23. Holy shit. I got a 14 and a natural 20 for my rolls. Wow, well done. So normal mortals who have not seen an Eldritch being shit creation would have probably had their eyeballs leap straight out of their skulls in order to avoid... Dex Avery style. Yeah, yeah. Look at that woman. No, because...

Initially, to your mind, what you're looking at doesn't make any sense. It's a shape that exists in two dimensions that you cannot normally perceive, except in this moment, somehow you're perceiving them, which means that everything else around you feels more fake. You're like a drawing of a two-dimensional man who suddenly just realized that he's on a piece of paper floating in three-dimensional space. Henry listens to left and center-left podcasts, so he's able to perceive two different versions of reality at the same time. Great. So yes, having seen and heard the things that you've seen and heard, uh,

It's actually not that bad. The hot takes that you've heard. It's like I'm in some sort of pod-save choppo trap America. I've heard takes you people wouldn't believe. Twitter threads unrolled across my entire iPad. I've watched pundits.

Get ratioed. Like check marks in the rain. Oh, boy. It's too bad they won't sub! But then again, who does? Time to tweet. We have a lot of fun here on Dungeons & Daddies. Such a weird room.

That is the weirdest riff I think we've ever gone on. All right. If you're young, that was Blade Runner. And if you're old, Choppo Trap House and Pod Save America. Oh, no. You can sort of tell, like, oh, cool, this is what five-dimensional existence looks like. Henry, what's it like in there? Well, I would close your eyes, Daryl. What? Why? Unless you listen to both Pod Save America and Choppo Trap House. What are those? Keep.

your eyes closed, man. But it's pretty nifty in here, you know? I'm going to keep my eyes closed. Good idea, Ron. I'm going to keep my eyes closed. I close my eyes and I walk in. Okay. Actually, I close my eyes too early, so I walk into the wall. It's like a really funny pratfall. And I go, whoa! And then I close my eyes and I walk in again. Great visual comedy, man. There you go. That's all for all of you. They said we couldn't do visual comedy. I don't...

I don't listen to a lot of podcasts, so I just had to kind of throw in that sort of comedy. So as you walk in with your eyes closed, you can hear and Henry can see this five-dimensional cube resolve itself into a three-dimensional form as it folds down through the different dimensions into a third-dimensional, not cube, but a woman. Yeah.

An older- We're not cubes. We're women. She folds herself down into the shape of an older human woman who is hunched over and wearing a big old robe. Women are friends, not cubes. And she points at all of you and goes, which one was the one? Ah, yes, you. You've got the fucked up brain thing. Come here, come here, come here, come here. Are you talking to me or Daryl? You, the one who just asked that question.

Hi, I'm Ron. Open your eyes now. I'm a woman now. Oh, hello. Sorry, yes. Hello, hi. Whoa. What's it like being a woman? What's it like being a woman? No, I'll take this one, Ron.

It's great. Go on. People on the internet always talk about how they want to see my feet. It's not undue at all. That attention's great. Keep doing it. I hate it. I bet if they see your feet, they actually put the right size on winky feet. They're not making it seem like you've got six and a half size little wimpy feet when you actually have nine and a half feet.

size flippers. Nine and three quarters in the European sizes. Yes. When you're actually doing goat yoga on wiki feet with your huge, big flipper feet. What is happening? What is happening? It sounds like best wiki feet. We're in four dimensions. We're about to be millionaires. Laughter

I'm just saying that if I have to be on WikiFeed, which apparently I guess I have to, then I would prefer my actual shoe size to be listed there. Well, you could edit it in. If you've never been on the internet, the last thing you do is you touch your own Wiki. Nobody ever touches their own. Oh, you try. And then I couldn't get the email to not get blocked by my...

Google's like, there's no way you want this, right? There's no way you could possibly want a wiki feed. No, no, no, no, no. This ain't for you, right? So I can verify my wiki feed's

Okay. I know. Oh, my God. Oh, God. What the fuck were we talking about? I'm sorry. No, no, no. It's fine. It's fine. No, you want my brain. Yes. Okay. Come here. Come here. Come here. And she sort of parts Ron's, what's little is left of Ron's hair. And one of her eyeballs bulges out of her skull. Whoa. And she goes, this is going to get a little bit weird. Try not to look at the eye. Thank you. And the eye itself.

fractals into like a seemingly infinite number of smaller eyes that branch off into smaller eyes that branch off into smaller eyes. Don't like this. Don't like this at all. And then seem to disappear inside Ron's head. Ron, you don't feel any of this at all. And she goes, don't worry, you're not going to feel anything. I'm just moving into the fourth dimension for a second. Plus I'm really tough, so even if it hurt. Sure, you're a tough boy. Sure, sure, sure. Yeah. Oh, yes, I see it right here. I see it here.

Okay, you get it for us? No, I can't pick it out physically. I can see it. It's only going to be accessed by somebody within the mind cortex matrix itself. Basically, there's some sort of memory here, some sort of repressed sort of anchor memory that you've got here. And this warlock sorcerer sounds like this looks like sorcerer magic.

The sorcerer seems to have anchored your anchor to this memory. So you're going to have to go inside the cortex and get there yourselves with your own consciousnesses. If you need to, I actually, that is a service I provide. It's a Total Rellos special. You're not going to find that from any forest witch mathematical witch nerd loses. Oh my goodness. If you have to pitch women against each other, make it.

A dimensional witch and a math witch. I like Erin. She doesn't like me, though, and it's very fun. Oh, my God, yes. That's what women always say when they hate each other. LAUGHTER

Hey, Daryl Wilson, by the way. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. And she shakes your hand four dimensionally, which means you feel it over your entire body. Not to say you feel it over your entire life. Oh, shit. That's really good. You feel it all through every single memory you've ever had. And then I remember as a four-year-old, I reached my hand out. I just felt a magical hand grab my hand. I said, I think this is what... I learned to shake hands before walking.

Because I shook this dimensional witch. That's super cool. The first contact you made when you were born is your hand was out and you grabbed on and shook the hand. That's how I first stood up. You held his hand and pulled yourself up? That's how I stood up. Your mom's looking at the ultrasound and she sees the hand and she goes back and forth. I thought this was the Ron arc. I didn't realize it was the Daryl part two arc. I actually just can't speak anymore. I just stopped talking.

So it sounds like there's an anchor in the memory and we need to get into Ron's brain and access it? Yes. Like what happens once we find it? So once you find the memory and grab it, you can basically turn it three-dimensional. I can sort of summon you back out of the mind matrix and then you'll have it physically in your hand. Whatever this object is. Whatever the object is, yeah. So it'll basically be an object hidden within a memory. I can probably, for an extra fee, highlight that object for you so you can follow the path down the memories. Okay.

And I can also basically take each of you and, Ronald, your consciousness. I can sort of shrink those down into four-dimensional space and lightly tap you into the mind matrix. And then you can explore with what feels to you like physical bodies, even though they're actually four-dimensional constructs. So you can all go in and use your abilities and talk to people and interact with things within the confines of the memories. Okay. Will this make us, like, alter those memories? Uh, no. No.

Probably not. Probably? It shouldn't. Memories are a very difficult thing to work against. You'll be able to massage things here and there, but then, Ron, you'll also have the memory of your friends being in that memory doing those things. So it'll be a little bit wibbly for a while because suddenly you'll remember that you were with these guys in school or whatever, but your conscious current self will know that, oh, that can't be true. That's just because they were back there. So it'll feel a little bit weird. I'm not going to lie. Are all these things, these memories,

How do I know that they're real? Ooh, that's a really interesting question. Yeah, because memory is kind of spongy, isn't it? Yes. No, that's an exceedingly good question. The ambiguity that we feel when we try to remember something in normal three-dimensional space, that's based on our ability to sort of recall the memories themselves. It's like imagine that all the memories are made of wet ink, and when we pull them out, we're smearing them a little bit.

But the memories... Oh, it's confusing. It's fine. You don't have to worry about it. This is for Ron. The memories are always going to have the wet ink and you're going to be able to go and see that ink without smearing it. So you're going to see the original memory without accidentally smearing that ink by trying to conjure it up in your current three-dimensional memory. Because memories exist in a quantum manifold wherein by observing them, we alter them through the act of observation. Ron writes left-handed. It's like there's a sustained tachyon

on particle TV. I'm right-handed. And we're going to need to construct a phase matrix in order to be able to interface with it. I just naturally reversed the polarity of the neutron flow. Yes. That gets where you need to go. Again, a service I provide. Daryl, I can't believe you forgot the most important part about my character, Ron Sandler, is that I am righty. I'm right-handed. Wait, is Ron right-handed? Yes. That's how you know I'm such a good actor. Ha ha ha.

That's the service I provide. I have a sliding scale. Let's do it. Let's slide into...

That'd be 200 gold for all of you then. All right. That sounds reasonable. Holy shit, you think that's reasonable? Hell yes. From all of you? I should have said more. No, no, no, all together. Okay, okay. Wait, maybe I should have. No, no, no. You could be living in a five-dimensional mansion. Remember, it's going to be $200 and we're not going to murder you, which is what Aaron wanted us to do, but we're not going to do it. I knew she told you to bury me. Oh, Aaron hears us on all times. Well, are there any leaves in here? I mean, there's one you brought in with. Oh, darn it, Bob.

Oh, hey, Aaron. Sorry. I'm not sorry. We weren't going to do it. But, you know, hey, actually, Aaron. I was listening the whole time. You asked me to tell you when I was listening. I can tell you now that I was listening. Hey, I'm an experienced mediator. You know, I resolve a lot of disputes between the various departments at the San Diego Museum of Natural History. You know, a lot of beef between the igneous people and the sedimentary people. I think I could help if you're ready. Help.

you and Miss Toblerone work through these issues you're having. That is, if you're both open to it. Well, you know that there's nothing that I as a DM love more than two NPCs talking to each other. Henry, how Ron? What? I guess we'll do that bit later. You're right, man. What did you say? He said, how about Ron? All I heard was how Ron. I'm saying, how Ron? How Ron?

All right. Well, yeah, here's our 200 gold. You know, do we need any cool equipment or anything? Do we get like cool jumpsuits? Yeah. Maybe a cool safety video. Put a fourth dimensional projection of you in Ron's brain. I could make you look however you want. Oh, yeah. Ron, what do you want? I feel like I don't know why. We're poking around in your head. Where's your brain, old buddy? Look.

What do you want to remember? What do I want to remember? Wait, hold on. Let me be too deep of a question. What do you want me to look like? That's actually not a terrible question, though, because if you want them to look like something that you consider soothing or brings you calm, something that represents safety to you, then when you look back in your old memories, that's what you'll see is yourself surrounded by things that make you feel safe. You make us whatever you want, then. Okay.

Let's see. Henry, if you could be a beagle. Okay. And, um... Oh, I want to be a beagle. Can I be a beagle, too? Actually, could you be a schnauzer? Uh, yeah. That's a cool dog, too. And then Glenn, um... You can just be Glenn. Ha ha ha!

Henry takes a D4 of psychic damage. Daryl looks at Henry like, wait, what? Glenn's soothing? And Glenn gives a million dollar smile that thumbs up. Henry gives a like, I mean. What do you want Terry Jr. and Peyton to look like if you want them to go in with you? Terry Jr. is like, I would kind of like to go in. Yeah. I think I could help. I don't know. Maybe. Terry, why don't you just look like yourself? I don't know.

Aw, shucks. Well, I mean, if you're going to be in my memory forever because I already know you and then I'm thinking about you in my memory, then I think, you know, it'd be nice to know you back then even though I don't know you yet in the future. But in the past, I didn't know you either. But it will be comforting if I'm existing in the past but in the present. Terry, like, does that thing where he, like, furrows his brow in, like, happy confusion. If you've ever done that to usually a man where, like, he doesn't understand the feeling that he's feeling because it's happiness. Yes.

And he goes, oh, yeah, I can be me. Yeah, no problem. No problem. And then Peyton. I was thinking maybe Peyton could sit this one out. Sorry, but I don't know. It just feels like it's kind of like Ron's show here. And maybe we. No, that's fair. And I think also there might be a lot of Willie stuff in there. And I'm.

yeah that ain't yeah i know what i'll do it sounds like if you're getting fourth dimensionally like what like your bodies might be or something i'll protect them until toberman's like that's not what it's like and she's like i'll protect the bodies i'll stay here i'll protect him well my boy dad here paid and he could i mean you're smart could you like you know i mean i don't want to waste some time you maybe you could teach him something or is there anything you can help around here there's some tasks payton could help you with and then you know payton could earn a little money or something like

I was going to give her money to teach him, but that's good too. Maybe we could get some money. I mean, I'm currently rolling in it thanks to you, Ding Dongs. But yeah, I got some sweeping that can be done. I have a whole host of chores I can use. Such a strong boy. Oh my God. Somebody respects me. Finally. Yes. Strong boy. Yes. Correct. That is me. I lean forward to Tilt and I hand her another gold and I say, he needs some help with discipline. I'm not sure how long we're going to be in here, but like if you could just like...

I don't know why I'm trusting you, but we're pretty much throwing ourselves at you right now. You get killed any second. So, you know, just, yeah, anyways, if you could help out, that would be great. Yeah, not a problem. Not a problem. I'll find something to do with the old scamp. You're an adult. I trust adults. Sure, why not? All right, well, if you're ready, we can just get right to it. Seatbelts, everyone! Guys, if

If you have to destroy whatever is in my head or whatever. If you have to kill Willy by... If I have to die or... You're never going to have to die, Ron. Oh, I'm going to live forever? We're all going to have to die at some point. Who is this guy? You know, but Ron's not going to have to die for this. No, no, no. If something happens. Oh, well, I mean, unless you don't get out within, you know, an hour, then yes. Wait, what? I take my gold back? I was like, you're not going to teach him anything in an hour. That's what you...

Seriously, she's got a sack of 200 gold in one arm and one gold the other, and you take the one gold back. Oh, God. I'm sorry, what was that last part? We have an hour? Yeah, the spell I'm going to cast only kind of lasts an hour, and then you'll turn back into three-dimensional if you're inside Ron's head. When you do, then Ron's head will kind of explode from inside with four people in it. Oh, can't you? So, okay. Again, it's hard for me to actually manipulate things within a mental cortex. That's why I can only look inside, and I can't grab the memory right now. But you'll

be fine. Ron pulls a piece of paper that's like folded up a bazillion times out of his pocket. You mean eight times maximum? Eight times maximum, Beth. What? You can only mathematically, it doesn't matter. It has been folded multiple times is what you said. Oh, folded and unfolded. I see what you're saying. Yeah, like I apologize. No, I'm with you. No, I'm with you, Anthony. Don't fucking push the physics reality of this. Anyways, it's been folded up a lot. It's been folded up 20 times in a row. Yes, yes. In half.

We're in a dimensional witch's house. Yes. Because we're in the Forgotten Realms. Yes. He didn't need the help of the dimensional witch. Okay. But he says, this is my last will and testament. I don't know, Brené. I actually don't know what a will does, but we were talking about it a lot the other day. And so I just thought I should have one. Wait, did you just write this? Yeah.

Oh, okay. Wait, do you want to give it to us? I guess earlier today. Peyton's like, do you want me to take it because I'm not going in? Yeah, here, Peyton. Please don't read it. He puts his hand on his heart and says, I promise on the life of my son. One of the hours up, how do we get out? We don't get out. We blow up his brain. No, no, no. How do we leave Ron's brain, smart ass?

ass? Oh, sorry, Daryl. I was actually going to get that. Thank you so much. So you're all going to turn and look to Ron and you're going to say some sort of agreed upon phrase. You can agree on whatever it is that you want. It's basically going to be your exfiltration phrase. You'll all say it together. And then Ron's physical three dimensional body here will, its eyes are open and I'll know that it's time to come get you, but you're going to have to say it because otherwise I can't know to come get you. Okay.

But if we don't get it in an hour, we can just pay you again to go back in for another hour, right? And now you understand my profit margins. Now you understand the business model that has made me the woman I am today. So all we really have to do is not forget to say this thing when the hour is about to end. That's very, very fun. Can't you just pull us out at 59 minutes? I could. Yeah, a lot of men have tried that.

Beth is taking a victory swing at Topo Chico. It wasn't even that good. It doesn't even make sense if you think about it, but that's humor, baby. That's showbiz. It's too bad that that was funny because I was immediately going to try to retcon that into something that made slightly more sense. No, time is different inside. I get it. Okay, whatever. We got to say the words. Y'all ready to go in? Yes. Yeah. Wait, okay. What's our phrase? I don't want to kill Ron. What about that's

the right there. We look right around the eye and we say, I don't want to kill you. All right. Yeah, I'll remember that. Right. That's my first motto. I just feel good. It's the first time a motto that I've ever come up with is being used by the team. That feels good. Flashback to Glenn receiving an email and it's just like from Daryl. It's like proposed team mottos for like narrows his eyes. He's Darnell doing the mottos. And then Daryl's like, I'm just

I just thought I would get a temperature check from all the other parents in the soccer teams. What do you guys think about these topics? Are we married to Go-Doodlers? Like, are we sure? Don't get me wrong, I love Go-Doodlers. I just workshopped a few.

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So everybody close your eyes, because I'm going to have to go into fifth dimension. Why did I close my eyes? Matt Arnold asking that question. And she goes, zigzag, zoo, and you hear her body matriculate out into a bunch of smaller versions of itself, fractally surrounding you. You can feel yourselves leave your own bodies, but also still take the flesh with you in a weird way. You are both three-dimensional and four-dimensional, and then you feel the transition fully happen into four dimensions, and

And Henry, you become a fourth dimensional beagle. Daryl, you become a fourth dimensional schnauzer. Glenn, Glenn. That wasn't so bad. And Terry, Terry. And you all appear and the world around you. The first thing you notice is that it's all a little bit hazy. It's all a little bit wavy.

You can sort of definitely make out all the details, but you definitely has that, like, I'm watching a TV show and this is a flashback filter. A little bit of bloom in the highlights. A little bloom. More hair. And the next thing you realize is that you are in the tower of Terry Sr. Oh, wow. And you are looking at Terry Jr. holding the decapitated body of Terry Sr. And you see Ron say... Who's your daddy now? Oh.

And then Terry Jr. in your memory looks to you in your memory, Ron, and goes, that's what you said? I didn't hear what you said. You said that? I was so freaked out about... Oh, my God. I just...

Can we go somewhere else? Yeah, I would love to. Darrell actually runs up to Terry and is like, being a puppy. Little puppy, little puppy. I need to focus on the puppy. Don't think about this. It's a hard memory to go right into because it's like, I'm not proud of it and yet I kind of am proud of it because it was such a win. Don't tell me you're proud of it. You're not making it better. You're making it worse.

No, no, no. Our relationship was doing okay. Let's go somewhere else. Yes, let's go somewhere. So as you say, let's go somewhere else, you can see there is a shining purple light in one of the cobblestones of this tower. And you can feel it beckoning you. I touch it. Okay, so you touch it and a purple portal opens and you can see in there a swimming pool.

It's a public pool. A bunch of kids are splashing around, and you can sort of see it as if you're looking through a doorway. And you see a younger, unfortunately more hot version of your dad, Willie Stampler, in the pool. ERA George Clooney. Yeah, you truly hate to see it. And he's looking up at a diving board. Guys, let's go here.

Okay. We're right here with you, Ron. I mean, let's hit the pool. All right. So you step through the doorway, and very suddenly you find yourself, all of you, lurching forward, and now you're standing at the back of a high dive, a top, and you can look down and see a pool, almost like you're in line to jump off of the high dive. And ahead of you, at the end of the board, what do they see you as?

Little Ron. Aw. Guys, that's me when I was a kid. Luscious head of hair, Ron. Yeah, he has a ton of hair. Like Fabio hair. No, just like kind of bushy, curly hair. Ah, yes, yes, yes. Very good. And his swim trunks are like a little too big for him. And he just looks kind of like he's drowning. And he's not drowning, literally, but just a really short kid. Ron, were you a high diver? Did you dive a bunch? Well, I mean...

No. Yeah, Daryl, I don't think we'd be back in this memory if this was like a fun thing that Ron did a whole bunch of. Maybe he like fell off or something. Read the room a little. No, I mean, that thing that I did with Terry Sr., I mean, that was a cool, actually, that wasn't that cool. But I mean, no, I'm not a high diver.

So you hear from the pool beneath you the voice of a younger Willie Stampler going, just jump already. Just do it. You're not going to learn if you don't. This is how we're doing. You're going to jump in. You're going to learn. I'll catch you. You'll learn to swim that way. Come on. My fucking fingers are pruning. Don't try and catch the kid. That's dangerous. How high up are we and how old is this young Ron? You're like 10 feet up. Oh, fuck. And how old is Ron? 36. I do not have all day.

Your mother made me bring you. I brought you. And so you're going to learn something. This is going to be purposeful. Come on, let's go. Jump, jump, jump, go, jump, go, go, go. I'm waiting. Go. I think Ron standing behind young Ron is just like, just go out. Just do it. Jump. Go on, jump. Why won't you jump? And then young Ron is, uh, Ooh, this is a new voice. What could I do? Oh shit. Yeah.

Young Ron. Move over, Young Sheldon. Dad, it's really high up. Oh, my God. I would do anything for Young Ron. Yeah. I would die for Young Ron.

It's already so cold. He goes, it'll be warmer in the fucking pool. How many times do I have to convince you of this? Yes, it's high up. That's the point. If you jump from a place that's really high, you'll never get scared jumping anywhere beneath that. We're ripping the bandaid off, okay? Okay. Ripping the bandaid off. Rip it off. One, two, three, go. Rip it off. Could you count to three again? One, two, three, go. And little Ron still doesn't jump. Old Ron steps up like right behind young Ron. It's just like, it's actually pretty warm. It's not that cold.

Then I think young Ron jumps. This is a small detail, but how does young Ron jump? Does he try to like swan dive does he cannonball does he just step off and just let gravity do its thing? I think he just steps off great so he steps off his luxurious long head of hair whipping upward as He hits terminal velocity and dies

He doesn't have thermal velocity. And he hits the water. And immediately, he begins to sink. And Willie starts waiting toward him. And he goes, now's where you learn to swim. And he puts his hands behind his head and just looks at Ron. And Ron, little Ron, you're going to be okay.

You are kicking as hard as you can and sucking in water into your mouth, and you can feel yourself falling underneath the water in your head. It's getting harder and harder to keep your head up. Schnauzerdog's just jumping in the water. Hey, yo, we gotta get in here, guys. Schnauzerdog jumps into the water. Henry Dog jumps in. Glenn jumps in, but as he does, he makes sure he catches the eye of a milf in the memory. What? Stop.

Philip K. Dix, the MILF in the memory. Like he goes in and he does like a finger point. Atlas from MILF.

I like the idea that Glenn doesn't jump until he finds one. Like, he's looking around. Hold on, hold on, hold on. We have to find a MILF. Ah, there we go. Hey, hey. She slowly puts her sunglasses down and like, ooh, like with her lip. Who are those dogs? Who let you out?

So all of you jump into the water and I assume you're trying to help Ron up. Yeah, I'm just instinctually, I can't not. I don't want to step on Beth. But like this dog's jumping in the water. And so you all start lifting Ron up out of the water. Little Ron is coughing and sputtering. And young Willie is just like, Jesus Christ, you're never going to learn. And you can see around you in the memory. That's exactly what some other swimmers here saw. The kid was drowning and intervening there with you.

And Willy's like, great, now he's not going to learn. Congratulations. She just fucked me. And the woman who saved him is like, what do you think? And he takes Ron back. Oh, we want to play these people, I feel like. What? Fucking big ass mushers. Hey, shut up, asshole. Yeah. Got big old barrel chest and like a lot of hair. Took 60 episodes of the final episode. He's like, I'm playing this. I'm playing this. I found me. This is mine. I found the NPC. This is my design. Woo!

Hey, shoot up, asshole. That's great. So yeah, you step into the place of what was a massive mustachioed dude. It's a Sankeef-looking ass motherfucker. Yeah, Sankeef-looking dude. But Glenn takes his place. I play a character, too. I'm a mom. And I go, what the fuck? Somebody call the police. This guy's an abusive asshole. And he goes, oh my God, stop fucking whining. It's my kid. I'll fucking handle it. And he begins to walk away. I go, can't say anything about that. It's the 80s. Yeah, I guess that's... No, wait.

Sounds like, seems like a pretty good dad. Oh no! Oh no! Hey, there's an old duet for that one. Wild kids learning today. As you see young Willie and young Ron begin to wade their way out of the pool, you can see some ripples in the pool coming from behind you and you hear some splashing.

And as you turn around, you see glowing bright and purple, a vision of current Willie. Henry growls at him. And he looks at current Ron and he goes, that's kind on you. I don't know what to tell you. Get the fuck out of here, Willie. No one fucking

fucking wants you here. What the, leave. Yeah, I bite his butt. Leave, get out. You bite him, you yell at him, you go through him. He's spectral. So I assume you're trying to find the anchor and that's fine. You can go ahead and try to find it. Probably not going to work out for you, but I just want you to know it was your fault for not being good enough. Henry takes a piss on Willie's leg. Jesus, these are new and starts like slapping in his spectral pants because you're real mature. Your friends are. I'm swimming, aren't I? Oh,

Ooh, you get inspiration for that. Nice. Yeah, get him, Ron. Get him, Ron. He kind of doesn't know what to say, and he disappears. And where he was, a portal opens up. And through that portal, you can see your childhood home. You can see a kitchen, and a lot of pots and pans are laid out. Dude, this is like a tearjerker indie game right now. I love it, dude. That made in Unity Energy right now. He comes back. He's like, exactly. You learned to swim, so I did a good job. Yeah, he goes, hey, actually, you know what?

I take it back. I'm fucking great at this. Oh, no. You got there, did you not? Hey, Ron, that was really cool how you stood up to him. You were worried about saying the right thing. You nailed it, dude. You're doing a good job. Yeah, he wasn't here, though. I didn't say it. Do you guys want to see my kitchen? Yeah, man, this looks great. There's some... When were fruit roll-ups invented? Well, they weren't in here anyway, so this is where I would have put my fruit roll-ups in my head. Oh, this is sad.

thing I've ever heard. Never heard it said that way. It's the saddest way to say that. A child holding a little space in the cup and spoiling his free trial.

So you go back through, you go through the door into the kitchen. As Glenn goes through, he kind of like gives a little wink over to the MILF and he did a one performance check. She fans herself. Go for it. I rolled a one. I'm going to play the MILF. You do it. Wait, so it's Glenn's subconscious bleeds in and it's his own mom. And I look at you. And she goes, oh yeah. And I go, anytime baby. Oh, oh.

run, whoa, whoa. I want to get pregnant with your dad. Oh, no. I'd haul ass through the portal. Like, whoa, run. Whoa, your memories are crazy, man. That's great. That's very good. You have no idea, Glenn. Ha ha ha.

Yeah, you head through your portal and you see a memory of Willie at the door, lazily putting on a tie and speaking to young Ron again, saying, hey, I'm going to go. I got a fucking business thing. Your mom's upstairs. She's sick again. So your dinner's on you. I'll probably be back like eight, nine-ish if she like talks a lot. I'll be back. I'll be back. Is there anything in the fridge?

Hey, you know who gets to find that out? It's you! Fucking, here's $5. Just walk to the fucking corner store and get something. $5 is like $400 in 2020. If I come back and there are any Froot Loops, you are not going to be happy with what happens. So I will be back.

And he leaves. Bye. I love you. He closes the door behind him. You are all in this memory, the same height as Tiny Ron. And you look up and the countertops. Yeah, we're dogs, so. Yeah, actually, you're dogs. Yeah, so for. No, we're proportionally even smaller. Oh, yeah. We're tiny. So we're bigger than Ron?

Yeah, we're bigger than Ron. You're bigger than Ron, except for Glenn and Terry are very small. The same size as Ron. So they look up at basically these like countertops that seem like they're 10 feet high to them. So your seven-year-old self knows that in order to cook, you're going to have to open the fridge and find something to cook. And then you're going to have to figure out how the stove works. And then you're going to have to also find a way to get up to the stove and use the pots and pans and stuff. So what are you going to do? Well...

Let's see. Hey, guys. I'm going to call for my dog. And then young Ron is like, yeah. Here, Ron.

Oh, that's so cute. I just got that. This is too cute. You hear the sound of the dog coming down the stairs. What kind of dog do you see coming down those stairs? A total mutt. Heinz. Like, just every type of, like, weird, shepherdy, pit bully. Just absolute lovey boy. Aw. Hey, bud. What's your name? I'm Darryl Wilson. I know those nose. Sniff his butt. Sniff his butt. They're getting sniffed so hard. He sniffs your butt. You go around in a circle. He, like, perfectly does, like, an infinity sign to Henry's butt. Oh.

Oh, hey, nice to meet you. Gosh, you learn a lot about a dog by doing that. Both of you roll insight checks with advantage. 22. With advantage, thank God, 19. Okay, so both of you can tell this is a good boy. Ron, you have a good boy. Hey, Ron, this dog checks out. Adult Ron pets him, I think. Like, can he? Yes. Rogue looks up at you.

and its tail wags twice as hard and its ears go back and it's just rubbing its face into your hand and like doing that thing where like when a soldier comes back from the war and the dog like literally doesn't know how to. What are you doing to me? You know, because the dog's like literally their body isn't capable of giving as much love as they want to in that moment. So they just start like going like,

Like their bodies just go in every direction because they're so happy. So like the dog in the memory misses a future Ron. As long as it's been, but the dog's only been alive for so long. Oh God. Yeah. Hey Rogue. The dog is super happy to see you, but then it sees that little you is in a state and panicking and doesn't know what to do and then comes over to little you and like nuzzles little Ron's face. What is little Ron's plan?

Okay, um, let's see. So a lot of the stuff that goes on the stove is hot, so it means that it's not hot to begin with. So maybe we should check the fridge. Young Ron is a smart motherfucker. Yeah, Ron, you're always smart. You're figuring stuff out. This is great. I didn't realize the fridges were cold for a long time. As you try to pull open the fridge, it's too big. That door's too big. It's sealed. Uh...

How about the pantry? You can see, you know, a bunch of stale boxes of like grain cereal. It's just saltines. Yeah, a lot of saltines. Most of the box is half empty. Like somebody like ate the last one and then just sort of threw it in there and decided not to bring it back. As if Willy wasn't a villain before. Anyway, this is a bunch of Triscuits, the worst. I like Triscuits. But he's hot, so. Yeah. So it's okay. It's okay. Hey, Rogue Jack, is there any pasta boxes? And.

And Rogue goes into this big pile of just like random detritus food, like old cans of beans and pickled hog's feet and stuff that presumably Willie just like stole from a bar. And he comes out with a bag of tagliolini, tagliatelle on his head. And he like, he comes up to you and then-

The dog goes onto its hind legs and then puts his first two paws forward and joins the fingers together. And goes... And that's a dog doing it. There you go. It's a bit of a rigatoni.

And yeah, so drops a bag of dry tagliatelle on little Ron's feet. Hey, Ron, do you want us to help you out with this? I feel bad just watching a seven-year-old make pasta, but I'm okay with it if that's what you want, Ron. Whatever you want. It's your memories. Don't respect the boundaries of your mind. Well, you know, I would help, but I still don't know how to make pasta. Wait, so you don't learn how to make pasta here? Ooh.

We could teach you. Yeah, do that. Yeah. All right. Yeah, this is great. And Henry leaps up onto the counter and turns the faucet on. Hey, bud, all you got to do is get a pot to put this water in. Henry nudges to Glenn to grab a pot. Oh, listen, I don't got any papers right now. I knew it. Glenn gets a big old pasta pot. Says, oh, maybe this one. Yeah, yeah. Hey, let's bring this up here. And Glenn like just hucks it up there, I guess. And he's a little tiny guy. He hits Henry in the face. He goes, oh.

And he grabs it and drags it over to the stove. And then young Ron is like,

Where does the fire come from? Oh, you just turn this dial right here, but you should only do it with an adult. But we're four adults. Well, two dogs. Well, I'm an adult. It's all right. I'm an adult. Let me tell you how to light this up. Yeah, yeah. Turn it and it clicks. And when it clicks, it'll gas stove. It'll light up. It clicks. You got a stove. You got that little run? Yeah. So just turn it until it clicks and then a little fire will show up. Okay. Don't touch the fire. Okay. All right. Could you give me a boost, Rogue? Oh.

And Rogue sort of steps right next to the stove so that you can just step aboard him with your light little body onto his back. Use him as a little footstool. Oh my God. Then I turn little Ron. Lil Ron. Lil Ron. Turns the stove on. Go ahead and roll acrobatics with disadvantage because you're young Ron.

Okay, so that's a four. Okay, so with a four, basically your hand slips as you're trying to turn the dial, and then you try to reach out for balance, and you reach at the pot, and your foot slips off of Rogue's back.

And you bring the pot of water back down onto the ground. It's not hot. I mean, it just came out of the faucet. But you fall down and the pot hits the ground really hard and water goes everywhere. And the fire is on now. Schnauzer mop. I instantly roll around on the ground and soak up all the water. Great. That's good. And I run outside and I shake it off and I run back in. That's cool. Cleaned up. And Glenn goes, actually, you know, Ron, it's actually not much of a problem because most people don't salt their pots of water enough anyway. So it's actually good that we start from here. Everyone roll up.

Everyone roll perception. I love it. Everybody rolls. 19 plus 4, 23. 19. Wait, what? Twinsies. Beth, what did you roll? I rolled 16 plus 3, 19. Triple 19. Anthony, that's, according to the rules, better than a natural 20.

We got four 19s. Legally? Legally better. You got three 19s. Three 19s was a 16 plus three. So you all, all of you smell something is burning. Wait, I can talk. What am I doing? Something's burning. Oh yeah. Some of you are on the countertop. Right? Yeah. So you can see that there was a towel that was left on the stove and just the tip of it has ignited from the burner. Oh,

Oh, I should have shook the water off in here. I grab the towel and I throw it on the floor. Schnauzer extinguisher and I roll around on the towel. Ah, you're damp. You're damp still. That would help. So yeah, you actually managed to successfully make sure that the kitchen doesn't catch on fire. You put out the fire. And then Glenn tells young Ron too, it's like, even with the fire, it's not so bad again. As long as you'd salt the pasta water. And that's the thing that everyone just misses. So you see young Ron feel a great deal of ease. He's still a little bit worried because he's still got to make dinner, but like,

He feels unusually calm and happy. And then you realize, old Ron, that this is not what happened. You remember what happened when there was no damp additional dog to roll on the fire. Sorry, Ron. Man, what really happened here? You remember the feeling. And thankfully, your friends don't have to see this, though. But you remember in your mind the feeling of falling off of Rogue.

and Rogue yelping in pain. Oh, God. You remember trying to take care of him because you were worried maybe you'd broken his back or something. And he was fine. It just hurt. But while you were taking care of him, you didn't smell the smoke as the towel caught on fire and it began to spread a little bit. And then you remember the door busting open and Willie coming home and being like, I forgot fucking rubbers were my goddamn... And then he saw that the kitchen was on fire.

And he very quickly grabbed the sink. It's one of those pull-off nozzles or whatever. And he put out the fire. And you remember a lot of yelling. Do we get any insight into that at all? So Ron, the way that you feel this emotion, in the same way that you can, you know, scratch an old wallpaper and pull it off to reveal what's underneath. And if you wanted to, you could do that with this memory fourth dimensionally. You can show everybody what happened.

No, Ron does not. And we all look at each other like, hey. Matt heard it. There we go. Matt's sad. Hey, guys, pretty good. We sound a little bit. Yeah, Ron, this is. Wow. Disaster averted. Yeah, no problem, right? I just want to say thank you for being here, I guess. I guess you're right. It went really well.

You help me out. Oh, we're glad to do that, Ron. We're glad we can be here for you. Again, you guys just gotta salt the pasta water, Ron. Okay, Glenn. Okay, Glenn. Just wanna put that out there. The worst thing you could possibly do. Literally the worst thing that could have happened here. Yeah. It's good, guys. We avoid the one thing that was the worst thing that could have happened, which was not salting the pasta water enough. So in front of you, another portal opens, and you see the cafeteria being made ready for an assembly at your elementary school. You see a big banner on the stage at the front,

that they've set up that says the Happy Helper Awards. Adult Ron, I turn into Rogue and I pet him for a few minutes. He loves it. And then I go forth into the cafeteria. You go forth into the cafeteria and you see all the kids are assembled. The vast majority of them obviously just bored waiting for this to be over. But you see the principal of your school at the head

of the room standing next to a little dais that they brought out, and there are a couple of chairs for some kids, and you see a young girl that you remember who was one of the most active Girl Scouts in your school, and she went out of her way to, you know, help old ladies across streets and do community work and do charity and all that kind of stuff. She fucking printed paper every year when it comes to fucking cookies. Outsold the shit out of everyone in the troop. They called her the Finman's Assassin. Yeah.

And, you know, you saw somebody that spent his weekends, even though he was, you know, in grade school, he would go to his grandma's hospice and like play guitar for them and stuff. Fucking show off. Glenn crosses his arms, fucking show off. And then there's a third chair that's empty. And then behind you, you see the doors to the auditorium open and you see the kids turn and suddenly you see their faces light up because they see something that they've seen a couple times. And you see the teacher at the front of the class just go, oh.

and like sigh and roll her eyes. And all of you see the image of young Ron riding on Rogue like a horse coming into the assembly. All the kids are going, Rogue and Ron, Rogue and Ron, Rogue and Ron.

And what's little Ron doing? How does he feel about everybody being so psyched to see him and his dog? He waves to people. I bet he's, you know, he's just hanging with his boy Rogue, you know, just like doesn't really give a shit whether or not they're cheering. Like a full on Queens wave, just a little pivot of the wrist. Hey, Ron, is Willie going to show up in this one? Can we leave before he gets bad? This seems like a nice memory right now. You remember that Willie is going to show up. I, uh...

Yeah, if you guys want to go on to the next one. No, no, we're here for you, Ron. Whatever you need. You see little Ron on Rogue walk past a couple of parents that you remember are actually parents of the other kids, the other happy helper kids. You see little Ron ride the Rogue up to the dais and then sit down in his chair. And this part of the memory is a little bit hazy because you remember just looking at Rogue and Rogue looking at you during most of it. So you don't hear what the teacher is saying. You hear, ah.

I steal one of the Girl Scout cookies and give it to Rogue. Aw.

Don't do that. But it's not chocolate. But it's not chocolate. Rogue eats it up, and because it's a dream, it's totally okay to give dogs cookies and dreams. I just want to really, really quick, do not give any Girl Scout cookies to your dogs, according to the internet here, really quick. And then you hear, Ron Stampler, with the help of, yes, Rogue, the dog, your dog Rogue, there is a bullying incident. We won't say names. And yes, you and little Rogue managed to protect one of our lovely dogs.

And even though I would love it if Rogue didn't show up, but yes, your fellow classmates have voted you a yearly happy helper. So congratulations. Is there anything you would like to say, little Ron? I guess it would just be Ron. Ronald. Ronald. Ronald, is there anything you would like to say to the student body? A little feedback.

You can look into the back and you see the other two parents of the other kids are very happy and looking at their kids and giving them thumbs up. And there's, you know what, an empty spot on the wall where Willie should be. Hi, I'm Ron. And everyone goes, we know! Ron! Hi, I'm Ron! Hi, I'm Ron! Hi, I'm Ron! And Ron is trying to think of what he would say because he's seen, obviously, these other kids get the awards and stuff like that. But, you know, he's just kind of looking at that place where his parents would be if they were here. Yeah.

He just says, Happy, we can help. Yay! Damn, look at that crowd control. And Ron locks eyes with the Girl Scout and is like, that's smart business.

The beginning. Yeah. Yeah. She looks at you and she's like, yeah, did saving a bully put any money in your bank account? I'm going to Harvard. That's what Ron thinks business is. Somebody gives you a bunch of free product and you sell it and they are forced to buy it. That's great. And so the teacher just shakes her head at the hi, I'm Ron chant. And she goes to the first boy and then puts a little pin on him that says happy helper. And he goes to the Girl Scout, puts a little pin on her Girl Scout sash that says happy helper.

And she goes to little Ron and she puts a pin on him. And you remember in this moment, she just put it on a little bit wrong and the pin goes into his chest and it stings him. And Ron reacts. Oh,

Ow. Immediately, Rogue can tell something's wrong. Oh, shit. And he sees this teacher doing something to you, and it gets stuck. She goes, please stop moving. I have to get it out. And you're just wincing and moving. I think Ron's trying to maybe take it off and give it to Rogue or put it on Rogue's collar or something like that. Oh, yeah. He's trying to take it off and stuff, too. But it's literally stuck in your shirt and a little bit with your chest or whatever. And so from Rogue's perspective, Rogue thinks that this woman is hurting you. And he...

bounds up the stage in two big leaps and he bites the principal on the hand. Oh God. And she shrieks and pulls her hand back. And you can see a little bit of blood early begin to trickle down her hand. And the auditorium suddenly goes silent and the chance stop. Hi, I'm Ron. I'm trying to start up. I'm Ron. You hear the close of a cafeteria door behind you.

And you see Willie Stampler actually did show up, but just in time to see this. And while the teacher sees him come in and she goes, get, get them out of here. Parent teacher conference tomorrow night. We're talking, get him out of here. And so he goes, yeah, Jesus Christ, calm the fuck Jesus. And comes up and just grabs you by the arm and then grabs rogue and just picks him up in one hand kind of roughly. And then he,

takes you out to the parking lot to your car. And as all of you follow him out to the parking lot, you can see that the car itself is now glowing purple and seems to have a portal associated with it. So if you get close to that, you'll be able to go into the next memory. And as he's beginning to walk you back to the car, you remember, because this happened to you, obviously, but you see him look down at little Ron's at the pin on his chest and says, happy helper.

You helped up. They should have given you a sucker. It would have been more appropriate. And the car transforms into a portal. And you can see the interior of the car, but you can tell that this is from a different time. It's not from this afternoon. Looking into this portal, you see your mother on one of her very rare days where she was feeling well enough to drive somewhere in the driver's seat and you in the passenger seat and Rogue in the backseat. Oh, my God.

It's taking all my effort not to be like, hey, Ron, this is a memory, right? And then running up to the principal and punching him in the face. That really sucked, dude. You can absolutely do that. Hey, Ron, is this a memory? This is a memory, right? Yeah, it's a memory. Hang on. Glenn disappears for a second inside the auditorium. You hear...

That really sucks, dude. And all the kids are like, yeah! Henry is, this is very hard for Henry. Like, not to make it about Henry, Henry's just like, his heart is breaking right now watching this all happen to Ron. And he just kind of goes up to Ron and is like,

I don't know what to say, Ron. But we're here for you. We're here to bear witness to whatever you want us to bear witness to. You know, I have some shitty memories from my childhood that I don't talk about a whole lot. But, you know, sometimes I wish someone else knew. And so, you know, maybe that can be some comfort that, you know, you're not the only one who sees this now. You're not the only one going through this. We're going through it with you. Yeah. Yeah.

And, you know, you said you didn't know what to say. I guess that makes me feel better because I didn't know what to say either. And so, yeah, I guess this is what happened. Whatever happened, I'm glad you came. We met you and this is your future. Like we're here now with you. So whatever happened back then, remember, like you got you got three buds that love you now. Yeah, this is the past, not the present. Terry Jr. says, yeah, you already got you already got through it.

Yeah. And Glenn goes, and by the way, I know what to say. Hey, Ron, the adults in your life kind of sucked. Oh, yeah, that's a good point. I should have said that. Honestly, they all kind of sucked. They were all pretty fucking awful. Really quick, we're all just going to be a consensus here. All those people sucked. Young you ruled. Yeah, I guess compared to a lot of things. Yeah. Yeah. Is that principal still alive? I don't know. Glenn, why are you so obsessed with principal? I'm just really peeved by this principal. You know what I'm saying? Actually, no, she got an infection from that dog bite and died. And sucked it.

No, she's fine. Rogue had rabies. Rogue probably should be put down. No, she has a very happy life right now, unfortunately. Yeah, all right. I'm just real T.O. Do you know what I'm saying, Henry? Hey, if everything goes well, the fucking epilogue of this season will be Glenn going into this old woman's house and punching her in the face. Yes. No. Yes. Actions have consequences, everybody. DJ, take your clothes. Go do some enforcement. Anyway, sorry, Rod. Don't mean to derail, but yeah, adults in your life suck.

You all head into the backseat of this car. You sort of scooch in on either side of Rogue, who is shaking. And you look into the front seat, and you remember in this moment this conversation you had with your mom. This was one of the few times, like I said, where she was actually feeling well enough to go out. And she's saying, as she's been saying for the last couple hours on the way to your destination, she's like, we have to go over it again, okay? We have to make sure the lie is consistent, okay? Okay, tell me what it is. Okay. Okay.

You and I, we drove on an I-95 West. We went about 30 miles past the cardboard cowboy. The cardboard cowboy. Remember that. It's the details. Okay. Cardboard cowboy. We went out there and I made you. You didn't choose to. I made you get rid of Rogue. Remember? That's what we're. That's. You made me. Okay. So say it again. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Real quick. Just say it again. We went to I-95 West. Good.

For 30 minutes past the cardboard cowboy. And then you made me get rid of Rogue. Yes. Okay. But I didn't want to. No, you didn't. And I don't want to do this either. Honey, I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry. And she pulls in. What if we all drive? You know, we don't have to go.

Why can't we all live out here with Rogue? Because I wouldn't be able to support you with my condition, and I can't work properly. Oh, I know, I know. Your father is a complicated man, and I'm not, but he does bring home enough money, and here's the... She leans over, and she grabs little Ron by the shoulders, and she says, the most important thing is that you and I love each other, and as long as we love each other,

That's enough. Us loving each other is enough. And there's nothing that he can do or that the world can do that can hurt us so long as we love each other. That has to be enough. And the light ahead turns green. And she goes, oh, we're here. And she drives forward and pulls into the parking lot and stops at a no-kill dog shelter. And she turns to you. And she goes, it's time if you want to say goodbye to him or anything. What do I say? He doesn't understand.

Oh, honey, he understands. He loves you and you love him. And I'm so, so, and tears are streaming down her face. And she says, I'm so sorry that we had to do this. Rogue, I'm really sorry that you couldn't stay with us. And I wish I could go with you.

But this way, you're going to have a new family, and I bet you won't even have to cook, because I'm not going to be a very good cook. And I love you, and I'm so glad that you were my dog. And Rogue looks at your face, and your mom takes him into the shelter, and that's the last time you see him. And a portal opens up in the car. I'm sorry.

A portal opens up in the car, and you feel stronger than ever before that your anchor is in this next memory. And it's a memory that you know exists.

But has always been a little bit opaque to you as you've remembered it in your adult life. In the same way that the dimensional lich told you that sometimes the ink smears. This has always been a very smeared memory. And so you're looking at it clearly and that on its own is surprising and unusual to you. And you see yourself and Willy at a lake about to fish. You've got fishing poles. You're ready to go fishing.

and you can see that the lure on Willy's fish brawn is glowing gently, and you can feel that's your anchor. But you're going to have to go in and see all this happen in order to get it. Okay. Let's go. Let's go, guys. Okay. I mean, yeah. Whatever you need, buddy.

Yeah. It's a few years later. You're in junior high by now. And you remember that Willie had told you like, hey, let's go do some man shit, some outdoorsy shit. You're spending too much time in your fucking room. You're like your mom. So let's go out into nature and do some fishing shit. You remember that up to this point. It's been easier in a weird way. You've gotten the vibe that he's been more resentful of you and more irritated in your presence. But that means that he just hasn't been talking to you as much. It's always been a relief.

He's been giving you a lot of space, and it's actually been kind of nice. Maybe there's a little bit of hope, or maybe there's a lot of anxiety about this trip for Little Ron. I think there's hope. So, Willie says, all right, so here's how you cast. You ready? Yeah. All right, cool. So, I'm going to use my lure. Okay. Put the lure on. Okay. You go back like this, and then you fling forward real hard. Oh, cool, cool. Then you wait for a bite. You reel it in like this.

And then there's, you're going to have to fight, you pull in different directions. I mean, there wasn't a fish there, but like if there were a fish, you'd fight it, pull it in different directions. And then boom, dinner. This is manly shit. You know, you go out, you make your own food, all that kind of stuff. Yeah, no, this is great. Can I try? Yep, go for it. All right, so I got the lure here. Use my lure, go ahead. Oh, really? Yes, this is a lucky, this is the Stampler family lure. I just decided when I swiped it from that tackle shop. But yes, notice the Stampler is still mine. I'm not passing it to you or anything like that. You can borrow it for training purposes. Yes, go ahead.

Okay. Cool. He only had one lure. He didn't buy one. He did not. Yeah, he forgot that Ron needed one. Yeah. Oh, God. Okay, cool. All right. So putting it on the string. This would be easier if Beth knew how to fish. Yeah, you put the lure on the string. You did it, I think. I've never been fished. Okay. So I'm just going to cast. I'm just going to cast it. Yep. Fuck! Oh, shit. Fuck!

The lure catches Willy in the back of his ear. Oh, God. And blood is streaming down his side of his cheek. And he goes, don't move. Don't move. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Okay, I'm just going to. No, no, no. Do nothing. Do nothing. Do nothing. You will make it worse.

And he pulls it out of his ear. And he's just groaning, and he just holds his fucking ear. Dad, I'm really sorry. Ah, it's fine. It's fine. No, it's fine. It's okay. You're all right? Jesus fucking Christ. I shouldn't have. It's on me for assuming you could do something without completely fucking it up. No, that's on me. Oh, shit. A fish. Really? Yeah. No, there's a fish in the water. Okay, now we're going to do a different tactic. This one's with your hands. Okay. So do like I do. It goes on all fours above the river.

Okay. And he looks down into it, and you look down in the river. You can't see any fish. And he goes, what you're going to do is you put your face really close to the water. Okay. And this is the part that is beginning to clear up for you. The ink is beginning to take shape. And you remember, and you see in front of you, your father very suddenly reach up and grab you by the neck and shove your face into the water. And, uh...

Your hands are splashing and you're trying to get him to let go and he doesn't and he's just stretching out his face just with what you initially think might be sadness but is really just irritation. So he's got the lure in the same hand that he's using to push you down into the water and you can feel the lure digging into your neck.

And you see Little Ron reach up just instinctively and his hand hits the lure and grabs onto the not sharp part and inadvertently pulls down and digs the hook of the lure into Willie's hand. And he goes, fuck. And he pulls his hand back. And for a second, you don't have his hand on your neck anymore. He begins to try to get up, but his foot slips on the ravel, on the grox. And he falls down into the shallow water and his head hits a stone, a big, sharp stone.

and blood is streaming down his head, and he goes limp, and he starts drifting into the middle of the lake. And Ron's head is up by this point, right? Yes, yes, you can see all this. As you begin to clear the water out of your eyes, you see that he has sort of floated to the center of the lake, and he is barely conscious, and he is beginning to, much like you did at the pool, he's beginning to, kind of drunkenly, kind of lazily, he's flailing, and you can see that

He can't get back on his own. He can't swim back on his own. And you can see and you can feel, because you were in this position before, you know that there's a chance that he's probably going to drown if you don't do anything. Dad? Dad? Current Ron is, like, staring at this kid, this 13-year-old Ron. And he's like, I know that this is a memory and that this already happened and I can't change anything. I didn't think I could change anything then either.

I didn't know what to do and I couldn't move. And I knew he was in trouble, but I couldn't move. I didn't want to fuck up again. And then I thought, what if I didn't do anything? What if I really didn't do anything on purpose? And what if I just walked away? And he wouldn't be there telling me that I did the wrong thing. He would never be there telling me anything again. And so...

I saw him and I knew that he was drowning and that I had to help him. I knew I couldn't do nothing. And then at this point, younger Ron hops in the lake. Younger Ron leaps into the lake, learned a little bit how to swim, but he's still not particularly good at it. But

is paddling to try to get to Willy as Willy begins to stop struggling and begins to start sinking. And you see Little Ron get close to him just as Willy slips beneath the surface. And Little Ron puts his head into the water and can see down there. He can't see the bottom of the lake. The lake is too deep and it's too dark. And he watches as his father, Willy, descends into the darkness.

And when Little Ron surfaces without Willie, he's still holding the lure in his hand. And this memory lure, it's glowing bright purple. And this is, you know, for certain, your anchor. I didn't think that I could do anything. And then when I realized that I could, it was too late. And Little Ron swims back to shore again.

And this entire time seems to have behaved as if you weren't there, like he couldn't see you. But as you say that, little Ron locks eyes with current Ron. And he steps forward and he just puts his arms around older Ron. I think big Ron says, I'm sorry. Yeah, I'm sorry too. You can tell that your time is almost up and you have your anchor.

Ron, it's time to go, man. Do you have anything else you want to say to little Ron here? We should, but we need to go. There's a lot of stuff I wish I said, but I didn't know what to say. So I don't want to kill Ron. Terry Jr. comes up to you and he says, Ron, to be completely honest with you, when we came back in here, I had forgotten all the anger that I had.

And then we went back to the tower. It all came flooding back really suddenly. And I was really angry at you all over again. And I didn't like that feeling, but your dad tried to kill you. You don't have to worry about what you said or didn't say. He's not worth that. And I don't have, I don't have anything to,

eloquent to say or whatever. I'm a very erudite 13-year-old. I say eloquent. Damn, do we? Damn, yeah. We should have let Terry say everything. Yeah, sheesh. My mom's Samantha. I'm very well trained. Yeah. I don't have an answer for it, but I just want you to know that it's... I do have to be sorry for things that I said and did. I'm sorry that I said, who's your daddy now? I know it was really funny. Are you that sorry? I'm not that sorry. Okay. No, I mean...

I'm really sorry. The honesty is helping too, that the honesty is okay. But I just, I, I, I appreciate you apologizing to me, but in terms of this dude, you don't have to worry about what you said or didn't say, because I don't know if there's any path you would have taken that didn't end with him doing something fucked up like that. Maybe, but there's something I want to say, you know, now, obviously is that, um, I'm so proud of you. Well, you don't have to, uh, thank you. I love you. I love you too, Ron.

And I don't want Ron to die. I don't want Ron to die. Suddenly you feel yourselves getting yanked backward out of fifth dimensional space into four dimensional space and then back into third dimensional space. We go to two dimensional. Whoa, no. We got too far. Cartoon episode. Cartoon episode. Flatland. Who's got cheesy poofs? Did you just drop a South Park? What?

Batman. And then, yeah, you're back in three dimensions and Peyton is like, madam, thank you so much for teaching me. This is going to come in quite handy, I believe. Peyton, bud, what does she teach you? Oh, you'll see. Did you get it? Did you get it? Where's the, ooh, and he sees the anchor in your hand. So now you have two. One is a symbolic anchor. One's the real thing that you had from your memory. You know, Peyton, I'm glad. I think totally you would have been wrong for that journey. So I'm glad.

It's gonna be alright, it's gonna be alright, right? Cause that's just life, all you do is try, it'll be alright.

Vengeance and Daddies is Matt Arnold as Daryl Wilson, Anthony Burch as our DM, Will Campos as Henry Oak, Beth May as Ron Stampler, and Freddie Wong as Glenn Close. The theme song is All Right by Max Stenwaller. Courtney Theron is our content producer. Ashley Nicolette is our community manager. Chad Ellis provides additional editing. Robin Rapp is our transcriber. Special thanks to Paul Courvoisier for a location name we used in this episode. And to all of our listeners,

And also, special thanks to all of our Patreon supporters, but especially...

We'll be right back.

That last episode was probably one of the funniest things just like straight up that we've ever recorded. If you missed our Father's Day live show this past weekend, you can still get access to the VOD as a patron at any level. That's two mini-series, our live show, a whole slew of one-shots and an extra talk show. I mean, this is a lot of stuff, Mac.

there. And you know, as time goes on, there's just gonna be more and more stuff. So get on board now at patreon.com slash dungeons and dads. Five bucks. So much audio. Check it out. Patreon.com slash dungeons and dads. The Twitter is also dungeons and dads are subreddit dungeons and daddies. Next episode is coming out July 13th. I don't know how half the year is already over, but there it is. We'll see you then. There was a time you need to know they never brought you down.

Older Ron is like, Lil Ron is my rap name. My name's Ron Stampler and I'm here to say I'm emotionally damaged in a major way.

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