Ep. 67 - Mortal Wombat
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Dungeons and Daddies is a rowdy, horny, violent podcast for grown-ups. Content warnings can be found in the episode description. Goblin D's nuts, Beaufutt D's nuts, Dragon D's nuts, Two C D's nuts, Goblin D's nuts, Beaufutt D's nuts, Dragon D's nuts, Two C D's nuts, Goblin D's nuts, Beaufutt D's nuts, Dragon D's nuts, Two C D's nuts, Goblin D's nuts, Beaufutt D's nuts, Dragon D's nuts, Two C D's nuts, I stabbed myself, lowered my health, my blood will spill, power,

*music*

Welcome to Dungeons and Daddies, not a BDSM podcast. It's actually a really sad D&D podcast about, it used to be about four dads from our world. Beth, you said you could do this and you were the only one that wasn't going to cry. You have to keep it together. About three still living dads from our world. I will say Peyton's around, so you're sort of up to four again. I don't care. I don't want to talk to you. Fuck off. All right, all right. You don't get to talk. All right.

Okay. It's about three dads from our world trying to save their lost sons, not really saving anybody else in the process in a magical world of fantasy. I'm Beth May. I'm introducing the podcast. Freddie is no longer on the podcast or even here. I don't know if this is going to get edited. No, the little brave soul that is Freddie. He said he could tough through it and he still had it to add fact for.

I used to play Glenn Close. It's weird to hear Freddie's voice. I haven't heard it in so long. The rock and roll bar DJ of the group. Rock and roll bar DJ dead dad of the group. Glenn.

every podcast at the very beginning so that whenever he starts a podcast, he gets the full context. Doesn't everybody start at the very beginning? There are some people who don't. Some people just go with the latest episode and they get really confused. There was a dude on the Reddit for this where he was like, he listened to 62 and he's like, I don't know, it seems like kind of a dark podcast.

It's the one where he goes to Ron's brain. I respect that energy so much, I want to say. That guy is way happier than any of us will ever be. Yeah, it's true. Hey, everybody. This is Matt Arnold playing still alive Daryl Wilson, a stay-at-home coach dad who became a barbarian upon entering this

shitty world of death and despair. We can take a break from the sins here. We all decided as a group that our dad facts are gonna be our favorite thing about Glenn. So that's great. Daryl's favorite thing about Glenn is when he put his own son's happiness before his own and went to prison. He also really, he also really respected, despite not really like admiring or liking Glenn as a person. Daryl did respect that Glenn went out exasperatedly.

exactly as himself. Daryl sometimes wishes he could be true to himself and the fact that his last thing he said was a dick joke was like, at least he went out. He died the way he lived. Yeah. Died the way he lived and he respects that. Hi everyone, I'm Will Campos. I play Birkenstock, Rockin' Crunchy Munchy, Hippie Nature, Drew a Dead, Henry Oak. Henry's favorite thing about, Henry had a complicated feelings about Glenn. Yeah, we know. Henry really regrets his last conversation with Glenn. No.

Oh, that's great. He feels that everyone else was less judgmental and more accepting of Glenn, and he regrets that. But at the same time, he's still very judgmental of Glenn. Henry admires that Glenn is a man of conviction and that he's a man who stands up for what he believes in, even if that's just himself a lot of the time. What's his half-ass compliments? Backhanded ass compliments. And he also thought Glenn was really hot. I'll put that out there. Ha ha ha ha.

Hi, I'm Beth May and I play Ron Stampler, emotionally detached and guilty. Very guilty feeling stepfather. Oh no. And rogue. Fun fact about Ron's feelings about Glenn this week is that Ron really respected Glenn's ability to chill and to be cool and masculine and

And Ron respects Glenn as somebody who also has an asymmetrical body part. Glenn has a huge arm, jacked arm. Ron has a huge dick. And then also... And then also...

you know, leg hair that exists for different reasons or doesn't exist rather. Also like he's wearing underwear, like really short underwear. So it's got to like curl up around if it's, unless it's peeking out the bottom. I highly doubt that Ron's dick is peeking out the bottom of his boxers. It's definitely doing the 180. Actually we've all noticed just the dads have just decided not to comment on it. The dads have noticed the U in Ron's shorts. I refuse, okay.

Anyway, and then also... You brought this up, Beth. You said he had to be shagged. Hey, people don't talk about the dick. Listen, fellas. I remember early on we rolled for, like, dick size. We did. Because that's the maturity that we bring to... If you're just joining us in episode 60-something. All right. Man.

What's up, you fucking piece of shit? Yeah, what's up, asshole? Hi, I'm Anthony. I'm your dad. Hi, I'm Anthony. I'm your dad. And, uh... We actually all got... What's the thing where children divorce their parents? We all did that. Emancipation. Yeah, you're not our dad. You can't say that. We're emancipated adults. Emancipation is everything we don't like about anything. Yeah. Specifically, it's a real person. That'll be a fucking My Favorite Murder Ass episode. Yeah. The worst thing about Anthony right now is that he's wearing his swimsuit with no shirt on eating grapes. Yeah, honestly, uh...

I've never felt happier. It turns out that if you just accept being a supervillain, literally nothing can upset you in the slightest. When we finished recording the last episode, I had bought tickets to a wrestling show that was like two hours away. So I finished killing Glenn. I slammed my laptop shut and I went, I'm going to wrestling show by haters and left and didn't say another word to anybody. Yeah. Went to a wrestling show, came back,

And this morning, while they were all inside the main house trying to figure out how they were going to get Glenn back or how they were going to deal with all this shit, I was alone swimming in the pool just doing fucking laps, just living my best goddamn life. And I felt like such a piece of shit, and it was amazing. I don't know why I ever try to be a good person. It's a fucking waste of time. Yeah, heel energy is the most fun energy in the world. Love to be a heel.

So when we last left, Willie Stampler had managed to infiltrate the base that you'd all set up on the beach. Thanks to some of the upgrades that the bad guys had built while you were training, he managed to sneak past the trees and he managed to sneak into Aaron O'Neill's hut. He managed to best her in a fight with one of the magical implements that she was making, which is just really a really sharp knife. That's a good point.

That's it? That's all that knife was? It was just a really sharp knife. God damn it. It did really high damage. It was like, what was it? 44 or 10 to 4 or something? It was a lot. It was enough to get you below 99. So no one's getting any new resistances. No, that was a complete lie. It was just an excuse to make Glenn say dragon. Kind of figures that the person who gets hit by a deez nuts joke come back with a weaker one. I get it.

Yeah, yeah. I think Glenn got the moral victory. I got the moral victory. Willy used Power Word Kill and exploded Glenn's heart. And in the 15 seconds that Glenn had remaining before the blood pooled into where his heart used to be and he passed out and died, he attempted to enfeeble Willy, attempted to help Ron put the cuffs on Willy. But Willy used two of his three remaining legendary resistances that he has for the entire game. So he has one left.

to evade those situations. So now we go back to the exact moment where Willie teleported away. Glenn is lying dead on the floor. Erin has just healed herself up and is limping over to Glenn's body. Yeah, I guess the rat is probably... Oh no! I think I'm going to play the rat for this episode. Oh!

Is that right for everybody? Yeah, sure. So the rat's going to go squeak, squeak, squeak and like lightly touch, you know, Glenn's face. Glenn, quick, say something that he disagrees with so we'll argue and Glenn, rock is bad. Rock is whack. Christian music is the best. Oh God,

God. Oh God. Daryl just like goes straight into coach mode. Just like he's dealt with this sort of like horror before. He's just, he just screams. He goes, Mrs. Oak, Mrs. Oak, check the kids. Are the kids okay? Everybody gather the kids. We don't know if Willie's still here. Um, Aaron, are you okay? Aaron? I'm, I'm,

I'm okay. Okay, check Glenn. Henry, do you have any spells? Is there anything you can do here? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Let me think. Let me think. The rat is doing CPR. I check Glenn's body. Like, is there anything? Nick Jr., I know how to do CPR. You gotta say, stay alive. Like, you gotta... I did this with the snake. You gotta do it to the bee. It's...

Stay in alive would be great. Especially when you're Chekhov's snake. I just gone, Ron. I checked Glenn's pulse. Yeah, no pulse. He's gone. He's dead. Oh, my God. You would stay alive, Glenn. Then it not be the end.

What is Nick Jr. doing? Nick Jr. is, again, attempting CPR. He's like jumping up and down on the chest. I'm going to grab Nick Jr. and pet him. The kids are sort of circled up behind Autumn. Autumn is trying to hold them back from getting too close. Everyone is staring at the body. Terry Jr. looks horrified. Grant looks at it.

With a familiarity that is disconcerting. This is not the first dead body he has seen, obviously. And Lark and Sparrow are looking at it. Sparrow looks absolutely devastated. He's already crying. And Lark just looks fucking angry. Mom, get the kids out of here. Yeah, of course. Of course. She goes, okay, kids, let's go back to the crap. They need to take care of...

Oh, shit. Aaron, can you just secure? I don't know the trees. Can you just secure this area? Make sure that nothing else is around here, that that that Willie's not here or anybody else's is around here. Prove you're actually Aaron. I don't trust you. I told I pour my whole out my whole heart out to you and you. That wasn't me. That was not me. That was after the session. He just came in. He stabbed me with that fucking knife.

And then he, he, he thought he'd killed me and he came out, but no, it's me. It's me. You've told me, are you okay? Do you need anything? Are you, you handle yourself? I'll, I'll go talk to the trees. I'll do a sweep, make sure he's, he's not around. And she heads off into the forest and starts barking orders at the trees that immediately start running around.

Mrs. Oak, can you come back here once the kids are okay? Yeah, so she leaves the kids with a couple of trees that are trying and failing to distract the kids by playing with the crab beck and moving in tarps and stuff like that. And they're all just sort of staring in your direction, looking, just trying to get details. So yeah, Autumn comes back. Okay, I'm not trying to put the pressure on you, Henry, or Ms. Oak, but obviously I don't know this magic stuff. Is there anything you either know how to do? Is there something we can do here? I can certainly...

revive him because he died so recently we've got his body which is good but i can revive him but just like you saw with doug or or aaron or scam likely or i guess with that snake you revive he won't come back with his soul he'll come back with like memories of what glenn is supposed to be and he won't be the same guy and you may you may want that that may be what you want but i've seen it happen enough to know that ultimately it does a lot more harm wait a minute good mom

Wait a minute. And then Henry runs off. Okay. Towards the room where we were studying all of Barry's old tomes and writings. He comes back out a minute later with a manic look on his face and this old book with like a loose piece of parchment. He says, mom,

I know that when we resurrect someone, we bring them back, but their soul doesn't come back, right? That's how it works. That's how you, Anthony, the DM, said this works, right? Yes, that's how I, Autumn, explained it and also how my god, Anthony, explained it, yes. Henry blows the dust off of this old book. Henry. Jesus. Jesus.

Oh, sorry, Daryl. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. This is a really just the old book. And he flips to this page and he says, we can't resurrect him, but what if we reincarnate him? And he's like,

He reads from the book reincarnate fifth level transmutation casting time. One hour duration instantaneous. You touch a dead humanoid or piece of a dead humanoid provided that the creature has been dead for no longer than 10 days. The spell forms a new adult body for it and then calls the soul to enter that body.

If the target soul isn't free or willing to do so, the spell fails. Now the trick is we could rebirth him into this world. He'll have a new body. We don't know what form that body will take other than it'll be humanoid because we have to roll a d100 to see what kind of new body comes back in. But we can save him. We can still save him. In that Buffy episode, again, she came back, but she was in heaven. That's how she was mad and like... I don't want to talk about Buffy. I'm sorry. The first time ever. I don't know.

would that work on him can that absolutely yeah i i can't see a flaw in what you you just said okay what do you need to do henry i'm gonna need about an hour to cast this spell mom i'm assuming you have all of our family rare oils and unjuice worth at least a thousand gold points on i think the ones i have are like because of the market share changing i think they're like 900 yeah the dnd mail doesn't talk about supply and demand it's like oh it's a gem worth 5 000 it's like

This economy? So she says 900 and then Doug shows up with an Anju and he's like, this one is definitely at least 150 on the right market. And plus, the DMSRP of the oil is really what counts. Wow. Holy shit, Will. Wow. If you didn't already have inspiration, you would right there. Okay. All right. What's...

I think, Mom, can you help me with the spell? Absolutely. All right. So she joins hands with you. This is going to be weird, guys. Just brace yourselves. And shit could go crazy. And I don't know if it's going to work. We don't know where Glenn is, where he's being held, or even if he wants to come back. But there's only one way to find out. And so we cast reincarnate. Cool. So for an hour, you and your mother concentrate and you chant.

and go ahead and roll a finger tugging. A lot of finger tugging. Go ahead and roll a D100. It's just the OA or whatever. Yes. Apparently the magicians also do it too. Really? Yeah, in the show The Magicians. Maybe we need to come up with a cool finger tugging for an audio. I just clicked the site that says D100 and I got a one. Dragonborn. So yes, a dragon body of

appears on the ground before us. A dragonborn body. A dragon nut. So a dragonborn body appears in front of you. I call forth to Glenn's soul to enter the body across the planes of existence. And in that moment, the magic leaves you and the spell fails.

And the soulless husk of a dragonborn sits inert between you and your mother. Why? What happened? There's two options. Either something is keeping him from coming back or he doesn't want to. And I don't know. I'm going to believe that it's because he's with his son. Why are you going to believe the best option when obviously the worst is happening all the time? There's never been the best option happening ever.

My dad was right in front of me. He was right in front of me and I couldn't even reach him. I couldn't... All these things I had been practicing and being sneaky and none of it worked. None of it worked. No, you did it. You did it. This is Frank speaking. You're not to blame for the fact that...

He's just really strong. You managed to almost get it around him. You made him use one of his strongest defense mechanisms of resisting you. You can't blame yourself for this. You blame yourself for everything, Ron, but this can't be one of those things. You did it. Ron, you stood up to him. We all did our best. You know, look, yes, you're right that sometimes bad things happen. By all accounts, we shouldn't even be here. But we have to hold on to hope, Ron. If we can't believe that things can go out well, you know, like...

Me meeting you, me meeting Daryl, me meeting Glenn. That was all good things. You're all good forces in my life. And I'm going to go on believing what I have to believe. And that's that our good friend Glenn, he has died, but he's home. He's home with his son right now. And we have to hold on to that because if we can't hold on to that, then how are we ever going to hold on to the hope that we can get home? Ron, we, you didn't fail. We, you're not alone in this. We're all in this together. We all, we're,

This just happened. And whether it's failed or succeeded, it doesn't matter. It's not just your burden. Okay? Yeah. Like we're all...

We all could have done more and we all did our best at the same time. I know. I know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. No, don't be sorry. It just, it happened. I think right now you got Nick Jr. here. We got to get his body out of, out of the way. And the kids shouldn't be seeing this. We should bury, we should bury Glenn right now. So Aaron comes back and she sort of coughs in her hand. She goes, Willie used the power word kill, right? On your friend Glenn and exploded his heart. Yeah. And,

That means that he can't use that again until he takes a long rest. He has to rest for eight hours. He has to sleep for eight hours. And I know you had planned for your concert or whatever to be like in a couple days. But if you wait that long, he'll be able to do it again to anybody who's under 100 HP, essentially. So I don't know what you can do, whatever you want with that information. But as long as he doesn't take another long rest, he can't do that again. So we're supposed to throw a fire festival without a DJ or headline or wait a minute.

I guess that's kind of how the actual fire festival went. Yeah. People super excited, and then nobody showed up. There's also something we can do, a spell I have access to that could maybe help us out here a little bit. What's that? I can give him nightmares. Okay. There's a spell called Dream that, if we want to keep this from happening, we can give Willie nightmares tonight because that fucking bastard doesn't deserve a good night's rest. No. After all the horrible shit he's done.

And we can give him nightmares, Ron. You can give him whatever nightmare you want. And then when he wakes up, he's not going to have rested at all. And that means he won't get power word kill back. And at least we'll go into battle knowing he isn't any more recharged than he is right now. Okay. We all look to the DM and be like, does that check out? That makes perfect sense. That seems like exactly what that ability is for. Okay. I cast dream.

This is great because essentially we're fucking with him the way he fucked with

Oh, yeah, that's really cool. You should make it the water, underwater with the doodler tentacles. You can make the messenger appear monstrous and terrifying to the target. If you do, the messenger can deliver a message of no more than 10 words, and then the target must take a wisdom saving throw. On a failed save, echoes of the phantasmal monstrosity spawn a nightmare that lasts the duration of the target's sleep. Oh, great. So that's one time. And prevents the target from gaining any benefit from that rest. In addition, when they wake up, they take 3d6 psychic damage. Oh.

Oh, Ron, when you grabbed your dad's arm, did you manage to catch like a little bit of his skin in your fingernails or like one of his hairs on his hand? Yes. Okay. Then that means he takes his saving throw with disadvantage. Perfect. Okay. So Henry casts the spell and I look, I say, Ron, are you ready for this? Y'all ready for this? I'm ready. And I put a hand on Ron's shoulder and I say, kick his fucking ass, Ron. And then Ron falls into a trance.

And then it's like in a hypnosis show where the guy like puts the trance body into a chair. Like Henry guides Ron into a chair. Daryl runs over to Terry like, hey, hey, Ron's not dead. Henry's just doing a quick spell really quick. Oh my God. Oh Jesus. Oh God, I thought that Henry had killed him and Henry was also Willie. Oh Jesus. It's all good kids. We'll check it back in with you. We'll talk about it later. Oh my God, I'm like a Wilson.

Okay, so I think like the mind of Ron sees the sleeping body of Willie, the vulnerable sleeping body of Willie. He looks infuriatingly comfy. Oh my God. So the bed that he's sleeping on or wherever he's sleeping on transforms into a lake.

And he was once horizontal, but is now drifting vertically down into the depths of the lake, which is getting darker and darker and darker. And maybe he can see a source of light up above him, but that's fading fast. Behind him, Ron has become the shape and the...

girth and the rigidity of the doodler. I wrap a wormy tentacle around Willie and turn him around to face me. I bring him up to the surface, closer and closer to the lake, closer and closer to the top of the lake. And I push his little evil head up through the crest of the water where he can see Teenage Ron

Standing over him. And Teenage Ron says to Willie, You're enough just as you are. And you are nothing.

and the doodler drags him down back into the lake. That's fucking awesome. Fucking hell! His eyes get huge as the image of teenage Ron begins to recede from his vision as he's pulled deeper and deeper into the darkness, and he's going to make a disadvantaged wisdom saving throw, and he only has a plus one wisdom.

Doesn't matter what he rolls for his second one because he got a fucking three. Tight. So he screamed a silent scream as bubbles... What's the verb for bubbling? That's not bubbling. As bubbles escape from his fucking throat as he is dragged deeper and deeper and his voice begins to get hoarser and hoarser and the pitch of it gets higher and higher as he is dragged into that darkness and he will not be having a restful sleep tonight.

I bring Ron out of the trance. Ron, how did it go? I think it went pretty well. Well, it seems to me like this has kind of forced our hand a little bit. We've got to attack tomorrow. Yeah. We've got to attack before Willy goes to sleep again. Yeah. Which means it's go time. But before we do, I think we've got to say goodbye to our friend. Yeah. Can you do the Star Wars Darth Vader funeral fire?

You know what I'm saying? It's what Glenn would have wanted. Something tells me, Glenn, we know what Glenn loved doing, smoking up. Yeah. Glenn was blazing it 24-7. And in honor of our good friend Glenn, I think we should blaze him. I want to put Glenn in a boat and send him out to sea and then throw an explosive football at him.

Yeah. I think is what he would really enjoy. Kind of two orthogonal funeral ideas, but you can make it work. It'll burn out in the ocean. Better to burn out than fade away. Yeah. You gotta wrap the body in like a blunt. All three of these dads trying to make a blunt. Trying to roll their dead friend into a blunt.

I have a vision. I can sense something reaching out into the beyond to contact Glenn's soul. It's like, I can feel a little bit of what Glenn would have wanted and what he would have wanted was for us to roll him up into a huge blunt and send him out to scene, blow him up. Yes. That feels like the most Glenn thing he would have ever wanted. That's,

That's great. Also, do we have his anchor? Oh, yeah. It's still on his body. Yeah. Which is just the blunt. Yeah. We should all smoke this joint tonight. Oh, my God. I was like, now I don't know how to do this. I've never smoked one of these fucking pass that thing over here. Daryl.

passes the joint over. We reveal the real reason Henry does not like Glenn is because Henry used to get high on the reg in the Forgotten Realms and he gave that life up. Oh man. He reminds him of your past life. He reminds him of my past life as a stoner hippie burnout in the Forgotten Realms in my lost 20s palling around the Forgotten Realms with my boyfriend Goosey Oak smoking weed and getting into adventures. We fast forward. We've wrapped him up into a blood. Can we roll for that? You have to roll for that.

He's on a boat. Roll for roll. We rolled for dankness. That was the first roll of the game. So the three deaths together are taking this body and rolling it up into a big piece of... And that's an average of your three rolls. With a bunch of banana leaves and stuff. It's going to be the mathematical average. Sleight of hand. Everybody's rolling the sleight of hand and we're going to average it out. Sleight of hand.

Fuck. I got a three. I have a friend of mine who refers to Blunt's as Wizard Scrolls. He's like, I'm rolling scrolls right now. Lauren's favorite euphemism is jazz cabbage. Oh my God, I love it. I got a six. Henry sees the dismal state of these rolls and he's like, guys, fuck it. And I grabbed that all or nothing coin. Oh!

Oh, that's great. And I flip the coin. I'm actually kind of hope that Glenn just is really shidly wrapped on the boat. Shidly wrapped blood.

So Henry rules a natural 20. So it's a three and a six and a 20 averaged out. So that's a 10. That's a solidly mediocre. Oh, wait, Peyton didn't help. Peyton could have tried. Yeah, Peyton, Peyton, get in here, man. Frank is like, let me show you. Frank is like, I had a life you didn't know about before I had you. Do you want me to try the all or nothing coin as well as Frank? Yeah, sure. All right, here we go. It's whether or not it's Frank or Peyton, essentially.

You got a one. Which cancels out that natural 20. He goes, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Walter, get over here. You got a one. Is this getting worse? All right, we got to stop. We got to stop. I made a worse episode. I'm so sorry. I made a worse episode. But Nick Jr., you should be able to tuck in your dad. Hey, Nick Jr., come here, little...

Rat boy. Nick Jr. like looks around like, what the fuck is going on? Nick Jr.'s also a rat. Anyway, Nick Jr. kind of goes up and like pokes at the blunt and then just kind of like looks around like, what? I don't understand. I can't speak with animals. What the fuck is going on here? What are you guys wrapping this guy in leaves for? My dad. Nick, we need... He's dead.

Well, I know that. I'm sorry, man. Rats have an understanding of life and death. Wow, I didn't know that. That's fascinating. As we know from the film Ratatouille. Nick, we're really turfing on this blunt roll. You've seen Glenn roll tons of doobies. Do you think you could give us one last roll? Yeah. One last roll for this little rat buddy? Maybe you're like the rat version of Remy, but your thing is rolling righteous doobs. Get in my hair and roll this doobie for me. Yes, okay, yes, yes, yes. One more try. One more try.

Pilot Ron. This is sort of a reverse, reverse Ratatouille. A reverse, reverse Ratatouille. Show Ron how to do it. Okay. And then Nick Jr. scrambles up Ron's... Well, Ron has like, what, three strands of hair up there? Yeah. Like Homer. Forward, backward, left, right. Yeah. Of course, the Pacific Rim theme starts playing. She got the 20. She got the 20. So that's a...

One. It's a five. So it's a five. So it's worse than it was. You can tell we tried to wrap him into a blunt. It looks like something nobody would smoke. Yes, it looks like a blunt, but it would not smoke like a blunt. All right, guys. Remember, puff, puff, pass. That means you eat two puffy Cheetos and then you throw them. You pass them. Aaron just tried.

And she got a 20. This is desecrating a body. Like, it's desecrating large pieces of paper. It's like I didn't quite get him. And he got trees. Am I right? I freeze. It's like a thing. I don't know how to be earnest. And this is my best attempt. So shut up while I do it. I'm sorry. I don't like him. He let me die.

but he did not deserve to die in the way that he died. But also I still didn't like him even if he came back right now. I don't know. I can't do that well, but that was the best thing. That was a wonderful duality. Roll, roll, roll, roll, roll. And so she undoes both of the nat ones. So you're back up to like 10. Daryl looks at the other dads and wants to push this boat out to sea. Henry gives a nod. He holds up a custom made football out of trees and out of like essentially it's just a big piece of wood. Sure. It's just a bunch of wood.

Henry, light up that joint. All right, Henry lights up the joint. And then I hold out the football. And I light the fuse. And then Daryl using his band, his ring that lets him throw perfect spirals, throws the football to the boat. As it sails in the air, you just get like a montage of all the greatest Glenn moments. And it's just shit like Glenn fucking spread-eagling his butthole

in a tree. No, no, no. It's just Glenn fucking that singer he met. It's just a non-stop montage of just sexual positions. So about all three of us see this? That's what we see when we smoke the tea. The football hits the boat and lights on fire. Henry says, party on, sweet prince. It takes a hit from the joint and passes it to the other dads. Daryl looks at it and he goes, Glenn, I'm

I hope you're ready for the big ride, baby. And he takes a... Ron. And he passes over to Ron. While you're seeing him do reverse cowgirling. How can I die in reverse cowgirling? Ron takes a hit off and he's like, Glenn, I'm inhaling you.

Glenn in the flashback looks around. Did you hear that? What the fuck was that? At this point, Breathe Me by Sia is also playing. It's the way that they do sex scenes in PG-13 movies where the frame is completely empty and then Glenn comes up in a frame like, what? Yeah.

And then a hand comes into frame and just pulls it back down. The idea that you and your flashback can hear someone say something to you is so funny to me. Do you think the kids want some of this? No, absolutely not.

Daryl, get it together. We got one puff, man. Marcus Barrett like, I heard weed was being distributed. Jess, you just say weed all love to get back home and not do any drugs. We would too. Not the second part of the first part. I think Daryl just has one arm around Grant and one arm around Frank and Peyton and is just watching Glenn drift out to sea on fire. This summer, Instacart presents famous summer flavors coming to your front door.

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$45 upfront payment required equivalent to $15 a month. New customers on first three month plan only speed slower, above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan, additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply. Seamit mobile for details. We don't got a DJ for the fire festival, but we've established that that's kind of like the real fire festival, but Doug, buddy. Yeah. I think it's gotta be you. You are absolute rock star as an intern. Yeah.

And in real life, maybe. We are going to need someone to get that crowd pumped so that I can turn the crowd into rampaging beasts to take down that wall. Exactly. Without Glenn, we're going to need someone else to do it. Maybe it's time, boys, that we gave this intern a promotion. A promotion.

A light opens up from the heavens and finds Doug standing on the beach. Now, we don't have a lot of benefits. Yeah, we don't have any benefits. It's going to be part-time. It's not really a salary still. We don't really have any. No, there's this. We're paying Doug. We are paying Douglas money. These are promotion. This is. No, you're right. You're right. I literally just grabbed a gold bag I have of like 100 gold and I just handed it to Doug. I go, I guess this is a salary. He goes,

He goes, I knew killing those people would be worth it in the end. When you killed it with them, right? That's what he said. Yeah, that's what I meant. Or did I? No, I know you're a murderer, Doug. But in this world, it seems like, I mean, again, I'm trying to be more tolerant, right, Henry? It seems like in this world, murder is pretty cool. That's not really what tolerance is about. There's actually a whole thing about the paradox of intolerance that is, you know. Oh, don't say paradox. It's like the coexist bumper sticker holding a gun. Oh, I know.

I wouldn't hire you in our world, but in this world, you seem relatively better than a lot of the people we've met. I appreciate that. Yeah, so you're promoted. We still need you to get us coffee and stuff. Yeah, obviously. We're just adding responsibilities. Okay. I mean, that sounds like a promotion to me. Yeah, yeah. ABG, always be grinding. So yeah, no. That's right. If you need me to hype people up, there is no one. The way you spell hype in this world is D-O-U-G.

I'm going to get him bumping. I have real full confidence in Doug's ability to do this. Okay. Oh, it spells Doug. Yeah. That's why you're the boss. Okay. So here's the plan. Okay. Doug gets that crowd fully bumping. Like again, hopefully sweet Matilda's built up hype to get more of the army siphoned away. Yeah. While that's all going on. I,

I think we need to take out those towers. The towers, yeah. Now, Mom. Yes. You, like me, as a druid, know the spell Move Earth, right? This is the spell I used back to win in another little battle we fought against the Hotties. So here's what I'm thinking. We use Move Earth to burrow a tunnel down to the base of all four of those pillars. We set explosives, right? We get that all ready to go.

We get our team out of there. We light the fuse. And then meanwhile, Doug is building. I don't know. Glenn's weed has really got me thinking on Glenn's level a little bit, you know? And I think what you do is we get Doug to build that beat up. He's just getting them pumped and pumped and pumped. Yeah, it keeps going up.

It keeps going up and up. And people are wondering, when is the drop going to happen? When is the drop? When's the drop going to happen? And then right when those towers go off, the drop happens. We tell them there's no food. And the food's over there behind that wall. And I cast beast shapes on everybody. Okay.

Okay. And we send in a giant army of rampaging elephants to knock that wall down. And we've got all the Oakvale druids casting spells to keep them protected. They're riding the animals. They're leading the charge. We get through the wall and then we go after our dads. Okay. I think we got to do this together. We're going to live or die as a group here. And I think we got to do a midnight raid. We got to dig these tunnels and we got to put explosives down there and they can be rigged to blow when we need them to blow tomorrow. Okay. Yeah.

Henry. What? Football. Okay. You became that animal that dug. What? Daryl, slow down. Doug is like, what? Football, I became that animal that dug. You were an animal that dug in the ground. Yeah, man. I just said I'm going to use Move Earth to cap. Oh, Move Earth, I'm going to become the wombat. What was the animal that you became? Oh, shit, that's right. Yeah, you were a wombat. Yeah, because that's like not much. You just do that. Maybe you can turn a bunch of people into wombats.

And you can all just dig. Oh, yeah. We can do it all tonight. Yes. Wait. Okay. So I can turn us all into wombats. Yes. This is like Spartan where it's like, you want to prove you didn't fuck me? We're saving her now. Yeah. We'll all turn into wombats. We'll get a good, like, you know, like a pale chain when you're putting out a fire. We'll get like the kids and everybody else that can help. Walter will...

rig together explosives. We'll pass the explosives down the line as we're digging the holes. They'll bring them in and we'll start laying all these explosives together. Okay. That means I am going to have to break my anchor tonight so that I can unlock my inner ability. I can turn myself into a wombat. No problem. But to turn other people into wombats, that's, that's a whole other level of magic.

Okay. Give me that bowl of overnight oats. Somewhere in the celestial plane, the god of weed leans back and smiles, being like, this is why people smoke weed. Yeah, I like that you smoked weed and had a really good idea that seemingly came out of nowhere. That's fucking great. The overnight oats, you feel magic energy radiating from them, just barely held back by the seal that the Omega Daddy's put on the side. Is there anything I gotta do with this? Do I eat them? Do I... Oh, God, I wouldn't do that. They've been around for a while. I don't know if I should eat them. Find out. Oh.

Let me tell you a little secret about overnight Oaks, which is what this is. Okay. Most people think that you need to let the oats soak over one night to

to activate their full power. But overnight Oaks, you soak them for months. Oh, and they, this is, I'm serious. This is a real thing. You know, there's a lot of really good bacteria in there that they need to cultivate over time. You know, people get upset about moldy jam, but it's part of the process and you scrape it off. So this is still good. That's what I'm saying. You know, it's still good oats. You just got to scrape some of the mold off. Um,

You guys were really judging me when I didn't put any water in Terry Jr.'s instant oatmeal, and this is what it's come to. I think if Henry eats it, which is great, he should roll to see if he gets stomach problems for tomorrow. Yes, you have to roll a constitution save. Do you want some? No. No, they look, I mean, they've been sitting room temperature. And I scrape the mold off the top, and I scoop my spoon in.

And I take a big old bite of my overnight oats. Make a constitution saving throw. That's also only a little bit of the jar. I mean, Henry, you got to destroy the whole anchor. So you do that and you sense there's still some latent magic in that mold. All right.

Everybody look away. Daryl's staring straight at Henry. He's like, I'm watching this. Yeah, you see a bunch of people not turning around, including your children. I scoop the mold up from the ground, and with trembling hand, I close my eyes, and I say, just a big old spoonful of couscous. Just a big old spoonful of couscous. And I shove it in my mouth, and I swallow. Oh, my God. Constitution saving throw, please.

Oh, plus two is my costume. I got 16. Okay, cool. So hardened by the decades of horrible, but also like actually kind of healthy for you. Bacteria and shit and free range organic. You merely adopted the boots. I was born to it. Yeah. Henry's bacteria is so powerful. Henry's pristine body never been defiled by vaccines or any modern medicine.

So I think we cut to the inside of Henry's stomach and like the oats and the mold come in. And then all of a sudden his like bacteria is like, fuck you. And they all just start beating the shit out of the oats immediately. They look like those mucinex things. Do you know what I mean? Oh God. The two mucinex dum-dums go down there. Oh no. Yeah. And they get just like group murdered by your blood gut bacteria. You walked into the wrong microbiome.

Yeah, so you will be tummy pain free for the coming fight. And more importantly, you feel a surge of all of the emotions that your children have for you and that you have for your children. The hatred of Lark, but also behind it, the undying love of Sparrow and the love that he has for the world because of how you influenced him and changed him. The love from your wife, Mercedes O. Garcia, and the joy that you managed to bring these chaotic, horrible, wonderful people

demon children into the world and your daddy magic finally manifests in you and you can choose either any item from a canon dnd source or any spell from a canon dnd source so long as neither involves the wish spell can appear to you right now right in this moment in your hands as this is happening henry blasts into the air and you like those sailor moon magical girl transformations all of his clothes shoot off and he's bathed in tasteful white light and he pirouettes around

Mark and Sparrow are like, no! And they look away. You see all these items come in. Like, you see, like, these Birkenstocks fly in and latch onto his feet. Oh, my God. And then these, like, hiking shorts slide up, and then the bottom part of the pants zip off and fall down. Oh, my God. And then, like, it basically is this whole thing, and then you realize that none of his clothes have changed. It's the exact same outfit he was wearing 10 seconds ago.

And he lands on the ground. He's somehow smellier, like the clothes all got dirtier in that process instead of cleaner. And he says, guys, I know how to turn you into wombats. Yes! Beams shoot out of his hands and everyone that we're bringing on the adventure with us turns into adorable wombats.

Are we taking off to? Yeah, we're going to go dig these tunnels. How are we going to do that? Okay. So the way that group checks work for D&D is that everyone involved is going to roll the same check. And if half or more of you succeed, it succeeds. If half or more of you fail, it fails. So I think the idea should be that all the adults.

that are willing, turn into wombats to dig these tunnels. I think Walter is like the liaison between that because he's driving the mech. And we have the kids on something safe, like putting the explosives in. The kids are essentially making explosive barrels. They're putting fuses into, yeah, explosives, high explosives. I feel like Walter would be smart enough to not add the detonator until after they've done all the assembling part, and then he'll add the dangerous part at the very end. Yes, and then Walter will bring us the explosives in his, because he's got the big mech that can transport stuff. All right, so we'll say Henry's in front tunneling with Move Earth, and you guys are like,

It's like a little army of wombats. Wombats can dig almost 100 feet long, 11 and a half feet underground. That's how good they are at burrowing. And those are little ones. I like to think that the Ron bat is huge. Ron bat. I guess while we're doing this, we'll say Autumn is creating the doppelgangers. Yes. Okay. Autumn is creating the doppelgangers. You three are trundling in. So what that means is that two of you are going to have to pass stealth checks to not get noticed as you're digging in here.

Or you're going to have to do something that's going to somehow distract away from what you're doing. So you get fireworks or something. Okay, so that's good. So the three of us are one. I'm just going to roll sell. Oh, well, that's good for you, Beth, because you got a lot of stealth. But I think Henry and I are not super stealthy. He sent Doug to start testing the sound systems. Oh, that's not a bad idea. Yeah. We sent Doug to do a sound check. Okay. Okay. And then we have all of the trees.

in the area of the battle, like stomping on the ground to kind of shake the ground a little bit. Stomping to the beat. Stomping to the beat. Okay. How about just yelling at each other? Wouldn't that be fucking wild? Just hot trees just yelling at each other in the forest? Yo! Yeah. What are you doing? Or do they even make that noise? Do they just make the sound of like creaking wood like the Green Knight? I think they use English and yell at each other. Like, and...

I think because they're hot, they're like Jersey Shore trying to intimidate you. I knew you were about to go to that. It's the season finale of One Tree Hill going on. Oh my God. Sensational teen tree drama. You want to go, bro? Let's take this outside, huh? We are outside with trees. Doug goes into the sound system that Walter has helped him build along with some help from the kids. And he speaks into the mic, which is again a goblin with his hands cuffed up. He goes, check, check, check one, two.

Let's do some beats. And he takes out two silver shields and places them on barrels and then puts like needles, really sharp like needles on the ends of the shields and then starts like scream and it's horrible. It just sounds like metal. It just sounds like metal screaming metal. It does not sound like music. He's like, if you're down to party, let me hear you say yeah. And Largus Barrel's like, yeah!

And no one else is. He's like, but it's making a lot of noise. And the trees are bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum

Yeah. Spread the word. Spread the word. Yeah, yeah. You hear echoing at a distance from one forest to another forest to another forest. We cut to, it's like the pyre in Return of the King. It's about the same thing. We see a tree run up and light a magic gem that shoots an orange square into the sky. And then you see a distant mountaintop, another orange square shoot up. They're like trees going live on the Forgotten Realms Instagram or whatever. Like, yo, how many times do you see it where a concert gets moved up?

up and sits away. You've almost never seen it. Yo, this is gonna be so lit. I feel like there's like a distant island of a loose town that like nobody's allowed to party anymore. And they're like, there's no party happening until that pyre that hasn't been lit for a hundred years lights up. And the kid's like, man, this town sucks. Oh,

And a child rule and a jet ski goes by. You hear like in the wind, a voice going, you wish you may, you wish you might. And now the party is happening tomorrow night. Yes. Okay. So now we're wombats and we're going to dig the tunnels underneath. Okay. So now you get advantage on your self-check. So all three of you are going to make self-checks. And if two of you pass, you will pass unnoticed. If two of you fail, you will be noticed. All right. Ron first. I get advantage though? Yes. You get to roll twice. All of you get to roll twice.

I got 11 plus 11. 22. 22. That'll be a pass. What's your stealth plus? Not great. Mine's plus one. That's an 11. 15 plus one, 16. A 16 is not going to do it. I'm sorry, guys. A little loud as a wombat. I got a fuck. Wait, I have inspiration. Yeah, you do.

All right. I got a 19. All right, great. And you bring your inspiration. We'll just do a dramatic, like, this is like Wombat Henry. Like, put his Wombat hand over Wombat Daryl's mouth. Yes. A guard is about to notice Daryl and then like Ron and Henry Wombat, like pull him into the earth and then just smother him. Oh my God. The guard. I thought you meant Daryl. Oh, I thought you meant Daryl. You just killed Daryl. We killed Daryl. I'm sorry, old friend. I'm sorry.

yeah exactly it's the fucking mash thing ron bat doesn't give a fuck he'll kill a guard okay so you have managed to dig a pretty good sized tunnel did you just walk to the the castle and so the idea of the tunnel is that we essentially dug like a hundred feet straight line to the circle okay and then dug a circle around each of the towers okay so i'm gonna say that

We're going to have to do this twice because that's a lot of digging. So I think the first check that we just did was you successfully made a hundred foot tunnel that goes to the castle. Okay. Shit. And now we got to dig the circle. And you still have advantage. The concert is still going on, but you see and hear above you people climbing over the big stone wall. You hear the voice of David Boreanaz going, what the fuck is that racket? Fuck. Okay. Come here. We're going, Hey, we're going to, whoever's making that racket. I'm going to fucking, I'm going to gut them like a

Fish, come on guys. And you hear the tromp of boots heading toward the sound check. - Fuck, okay. - Shit. - We gotta go. - We gotta go now. - What's the check? - So now that you're close. - But there's less people. - There are less people. But now even Borealis and those guys leaving have everybody a little bit more on alert. So it'll be 17. You gotta get 17 or higher. - This is all roll. - Okay, ready? - For our first one. - Okay, gonna need that advantage. - I got 12. - I'm gonna need that advantage as well. - Oh no!

I got 18. I got a 19. Yeah! You got him! You got him! Because I got an eight. Oh, shit. So then what happened was Henry made a little squeaky noise and another guard was like, hey, what happened to that one? And then Ron and Daryl pull the guard down and smother him. And we kill him, yeah. That's funny.

I feel like we each are holding a corpse in our wombat little pouch. How big are wombats, do you think? Daryl chews off a head and puts the head in his pouch. Hell yeah. Because I want trophies. All right. Daryl's still high. He's got the munchies. So you dig a circular tunnel, the circumference of which intersects with all four crystal towers. Yes. And while you're down there, you can sense underground that that dome of anti-magic still goes underground.

So you could burrow in, but then you would turn back human or whatever. Yes. What do we want to do about David Boreanaz? He's coming for the concert. Should we try to recruit him to our side? David? Yeah. Like, I mean, it seems like... He's already on a first-name basis. What if we could turn the tables here? How do we burrow under him and pull him down underground? And then we chat to him. We chat to him. We talk to him. But he's going to be with people, guys. Yeah, we're going to make a sinkhole.

You want to make a sinkhole underneath him? Yeah, let's go find him. Let's go chase after him. If we could capture David Boreanaz and his whole army in a giant sinkhole, that'd be pretty cool. That's a big sinkhole. How many of you are with Boreanaz? Okay, let me check. I figured it was like him and like two guards. I don't think we can pass up a chunk of the army wandering off in the middle of the night. That's fair. That's a bad strategy on their part, to be fair. Ten blue coats. Ten blue coats.

You guys feeling lucky? So what I'll say is if you want to do this, it is pretty intentional to try to dig a sinkhole. So you'll have to make unadvantaged stealth roles because you're also going to be doing it in front of them. They're going to be heading toward that direction. They potentially could see you. Are they running? Can we catch them even? They're walking. I don't think they need to run because it's just irritating. We can also, we don't have to burrow to them. We can move above land just as cuddly little wombats. So the three wombats come out of the ground. We start galloping across the place. Yes. Wombats, by the way, 25 miles an hour on the ground. Yeah, we're fucking crushing it.

One threatened, but they are very fast. We're threatened right now. You're threatened on Doug's behalf. And I'm also threatening. They can maintain it for a minute and a half at 25 miles an hour. That's great. We essentially just need like a simple maze of trees that like guides them to a single coldest. Oh, that's great. Yes. Henry grabs a leaf. I radio into Aaron. I say, Aaron, what?

David Boreanaz in his blue coats are heading towards the fire festival. I need you to create a maze with your trees around the blue coats at maze create. And sorry, something in my, in my wild bag vocal cords makes me talk like that. We're going to dig a hole to trap them in it. And then we can knock them out of the fight or me may even better convince them to join our side. All right, shit. All right. All right. I'll use my tree call. And she goes, trees.

Operation Lost Woods. And they, the trees outside of your little base immediately pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop. And they start forming a maze. I'll have her roll something for that. I was going to give her basically a nature check on that. And she rolled 15 naturally. They've trained for the Lost Woods scenario a few times. So very quickly, the trees managed to arrange themselves. And you can hear in the distance, Borianus is like, oh, what the fuck? Oh,

Oh, what? This forest was not here and they're stomping. I fucking hate trees. Fuck this. And he takes out a Molotov cocktail and he lights it with a match. I cast darkness. Okay, what does that do? Magical darkness spreads from a point you choose within range to fill a 15 foot radius sphere for the duration. So he cannot see what he's throwing. That's great.

So normal forms of like light have no effect in there? Yeah, they have no effect. So yeah, he's holding this Molotov cocktail and he can feel the heat from it. And all of a sudden you cast darkness and he still feels the heat from it. But he's fucking the bullet farmer from Mad Max. He's like, put it closer. Like he can't see any fire or anything. And he's like confused. Oh, what the fuck? We're getting ambushed. Ambushed positions. And everybody goes back to back swords out. Oh, even better.

Because now they're in one spot. So I think we just start. We dig a hole. We just start digging underneath them like a little whirlwind, like underneath them in the ground. We're just digging. All right. Everybody make a, I guess, a dexterity roll. I don't think it's about being silent here. It's about. Oh, no, no, no. Absolutely not. How fast can we dig? How fast can you dig before they realize what's going on? It's not about being silent. It's about being dadly. There we go. Finally, Dale's back.

All right, Beth, you get advantage for that. Nice. Or inspiration, rather. You can spend whatever you want. Don't need it. I got fucking 16 plus. What's my dex? So my dex roll is going to be 16 plus one. I also have 16 plus one. That's good. Because we're going loud. We're going weapons hot. Yeah. Wombat's hot. I'm going to cast move earth as a spell as opposed to trying to dig with my wombat's natural ability. So you're going to turn human. Yeah, we'll say that. That's the trade-off.

That's incredible. So like Henry's like standing in the middle of this like burrow, like holding his arms out like a druid. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no

in the middle of their race. And then the ground collapses beneath you. Yes, and then the ground, so you guys collapse the ground and here's what I want to do. Which just happens, by the way, because they succeeded in their roles. Okay, great. So they fall and then I'm going to use move earth. I'm going to bury them alive. Hell yes. So like a trap them in an underground cavern is what I want to do. So I want to basically create like a wall on the ground above them. You basically want to like encase them in a cave of dirt. Yeah, they're like an underground cave now.

Okay. A vampire's coffin, if you will. Sure. Daryl snarls his little wombat teeth and wants to intimidate them right when they land. Okay, cool. So yeah, so they land. That happens, but now you were all in this cave with them. Henry cast it, and I want to do like he cast it right beneath him, so I land on top. Go ahead and roll intimidation.

I was hoping for a bad roll because it has been cute, but I got 16 plus four. So it's 20. So what do you have? Well, they have rodent like front teeth and powerful claws. I started nibbling at David Borghese's feet. I go, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. And he starts kicking up his feet and stuff and panicking. And it worked. They are scared. All right. So as that's going on, there's a little hole in the top of the thing. And Henry leans in and he says, I know what you're thinking.

Did this crunchy, munchy, hippie nature drew a dad fart before now, after he had his meal, or is he about to fart right now? Given all the confusion, I've kind of lost track myself. But I can tell you the last thing I ate was six month old overnight oats with the mold, which would make my fart the most powerful fart you've ever smelled. And so I got one question for you.

Do you want to smell that shit right now? Or do you want to join our side? Okay, so you roll intimidation with advantage because they are already intimidated from the wombats. Do you, like, stick your butt in the hole? Yeah, like, you just see a... You're like Jim Perry and Ace Ventura talking with your ass. I'd like to ask you a question. God damn it! Oh, I get advantage. Yeah, you got advantage. Ugh. I got a seven. So David Boreanaz looks up into your asshole and says...

Finally, finally. You think there's anything your colon can do to me that Willy won't do a hundred times worse? You all fucked me so bad. All we had to do was make sure that the Lord of Chaos spilled the blood of the unsung hero and then the doodler would have saved everything. But instead you came in and you fucked it up. So no, I ain't joining your side. You fucked my whole religion up and all that shit. So no. And he shakes his sword out and he tries to stab upward at your exposed asshole. That's too bad, David.

Because this whole time you've been talking, I've been farting. One of the blue coats goes, and turns on his IR goggles.

He's like, sir, the room, the room is filling with, like World War I mustard gas. He just gets to claw at his own fucking face. Oh my God. I spark up a match. Whoa. We're in here. The Wombats are still in there, just so you know. Henry's fucking crazy. We makes Henry crazy. How do you think he had all those adventures? I told you guys, I don't like smoking weed because it does shit to me. And so I've got the match and I go, oh,

Last chance, David. Last chance to turn tail and run or you're getting blown out the asshole of the earth right now, buddy. All right. I'm really hoping that Daryl and Ron are going to fucking get out of there because they're going to blow up. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's a daddy magic fart. Yeah. So you will make it's not going to be advantageous advantage can be straight intimidation roll. This is your last chance with these guys. I got a 12.

Okay, 12 is not going to do it. I just go now, assuming that Ron and Daryl are going to do something. I'm just burrowing as fast as I can, and then it feels like it's going to be like the rock scene with like the explosives. Oh, yeah, yeah, the underground. In the underground. And the fire comes around, you dive into the water. What are you rolling? To escape? Oh, yeah. Yeah, go ahead and give me a...

acrobatics or athletics or dexterity. One of those. Ron and Daryl are just like super burrowing out a tunnel that's only wombat size so they couldn't climb through it. Well, I like the idea that Henry's up there and he's saying it's like, have your men change to our side. I cannot give that order. I will not give that order. Stand down. David Boreanaz, we can spill the same blood in the same mud. I have a superior status point and my ass is up here. Exactly. My ass is up here. So I got 25 so Daryl's just burrowing so fast straight to the surface. Get your men out of the dock.

I rolled a 10 and I, I mean like, I guess maybe I could roll survival. No, no, that's good. You rolled a 10 that, but I'm growing so fast. I see Ron slowing down and I have the ability to help people with like, well, I'm assuming it'll be like a deck save or something for, okay. So you have to roll again. And if you fail, you'll both get fucked up. Okay. That's fine. Okay. The reason I slowed down was to turn to, to Boreas and be like, spike was hotter. You got them bad. You got them on our podcast. You finally got it. He looks back and he goes,

So I've essentially burrowed to the surface. Ron didn't quite get there. So what happens with the explosion? So I drop the match. Okay. So you drop the match. You're burrowing away from it. Ron is also trying to burrow away from it, but Ron turned around to say one last thing about David Boreanaz and Spike. And I burrowed down to try to pull Ron out. The match goes down slowly into the fart filled cave and everything goes silent.

and like the camera fucking tracks down with the fucking matches slow motion yeah exactly exactly and then it hits like this like just subtle green waft of air and then

And the fire spreads across the entire interior of the fart cave. And it follows you down the tunnel that you were trying to burrow away from Ron, but too slow. And it's gaining on you. It's gaining on you. It's getting really close as you try to run away from it. And you can hear the screams of Boreanaz and his 10 blue coats getting incinerated behind you. By the way, as this is going on, do you remember Die Hard 2 when he ejects from a plane? Yeah. Yeah.

Daryl this would be the moment where hypothetically you could come in from a 90 degree angle like tunnel and try to like yeah Danger sense I figure it's very much. Daryl's really got that sense of like when one kids not on the bus Yeah, I'm like the moment I gather is like wait a second runs out on the bus So I quickly turn around I use danger since I got advantage on deck saving throws. Okay, great do it 14

19 plus one. Yes. All right. So yeah, in slow motion, as the screams begin to distort with the slow motion. Fucking backdraft shit. Yeah, it's very backdraft. You burrow in and like tackle Ron to the side just as the fireball begins to overtake Ron. It's like when she saves the dog in Independence Day. Yes, yes, yes. Who knows?

Oh, man. So you are alive. You are safe. And the blue coats and Boreanaz are dead. Wow. Hell yeah. I could go on longer and describe how long it takes the damage to go. But like, it would just be them like climbing out of the ground and walking around on fire to be really sad. So I was like, I want that recipe for those overnight oats. I'll have what he's having. Okay, so they're dead.

We probably got a little while before people realize they're not coming back. Although people did just hear a huge explosion go off. Yeah, it sounded loud enough that like somebody will come to investigate, but they're not going to immediately know like there was a fight and our guys are dead or whatever. Yeah, even Colombo would have a tough time being like three wombats. Here's the thing. You said...

that you could use move earth but you were in wombat my wife was telling me you can only cast spells when you're in your cubicle so tell me how did that happen people are within an unknown period of time going to come to investigate the explosion and you've lessened willie's army by that yeah i feel like we want to put the explosives in now rather than trying to like hope that it happens during the day we got the night i feel like we gotta roll these explosives in okay i um cast one more move earth over the incinerated bodies of david borianis and his army

Okay. And I say ashes to ashes, bones to bones. He's with the angels now. Got dusted. Sorry, that wasn't as funny, but I did want to like, you know, it was right there. No, it was correct. It was the accurate thing to say. Okay, cool. And while we were digging and doing all this, the kids and Walter were making barrels of explosives. They were making barrels of explosives. Walter's got a really nice, you know, like when they do those like three-pointer competitions in the NBA and there's that big like rack of basketball.

He's got those, but it's like little like Donkey Kong barrels of explosives, essentially. And he's like ready to start fucking rolling them down this tunnel that you've created. So Daryl, like he's like an extra size in Dungeons and Dragons when it comes to carrying things because of the level of barbarian he is. I was like, oh, do we need like a vehicle? But I feel like Daryl can just like carry these barrels. So what's like the best way to keep Daryl quiet? Well, I have news for you, my friend. You're not going to need to carry them very far because I'm going to cast Barbarian.

transport via plants okay this spell creates a magical link between a larger or larger inanimate plant within range and another plant at any distance on the same plane of existence sorry what you must have seen or touched the destination plan at least once before for the duration any creature can step into the target plant and exit from the destination plant by using five

feet of wood. Oh yeah, and there's all those adorable little algae and stuff. So you guys remember those little seeds I was planting along the way while we made this tunnel? So here's what I think we should do. We're all going to grab the barrels, we're going to touch a tree, and we're each going to teleport to a plant at each one of the four columns. That's great. Yeah, there's like weeds and roots and stuff. Yeah, there's roots and stuff. The earth is surprisingly fresh.

full of microorganisms and plant life form underground. I don't even think I ate a lot of bugs and stuff as we were burrowing. It was disgusting. I think you would do that so quickly they wouldn't even really get a chance to check. So I think that just happens. Oh, OK. Yeah. OK, so yes, I cast transport by a plants on one of Aaron O'Neill's hot trees.

who's now even sexier. Yeah, where do you touch the tree? He was gyrating and then he stops gyrating. And then all the dads enter the tree? Yes, we all enter the tree. Yeah, like parts its legs, like fucking, you're going to Narnia. Fucking General Sherman, is that the redwood that is? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So yes, a portal opens up the tree. I'm like, I need you all to think about the pillar you're going to and then you'll show up a little plant that is right next to that pillar and we'll plant these bombs.

All right. Okay, cool. So yeah, now there are explosives underneath the fucking four towers. Excellent. And the army is 10 people down. Yeah, how do the detonators work? There's a

It's up to you. Oh. It's very clear that you rig it to the DJ machine that Doug is using. Oh, yes. Yeah, that's what we were saying with the drop. Yes. On the drop button is the drop. Yeah, we rig it to the drop. Oh, so we're saying Doug, because we were originally saying when the things blow up, it cues Doug to do the drop. But you're saying... No, no, no. The drop is everything. The drop is like... But I think either way, it's Doug is the one who's... Doug can do it and you can bury the wires so that they're not seen. Okay, great. So you can be stealthy about this until the concert itself.

It feels like somebody then rolls after we put all the barrels in. Ron has to run a cable around that circle and up through the tunnel. Ron, go ahead and give me a stealth. That's a 12 plus 11. Yeah, you're fine. Okay. Nobody heard Ron. Great. Yeah, nobody heard shit. Ron is quiet as a mouse wombat managed to run a cable through all the explosives. A little like cable in his mouth as a little wombat was like running through the tunnels. It's very cute. It was fucking a little pause.

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See store for details. What else is on the checklist? I'm going to get some weapons together. I would like to make a very cool weapon out of a fishing rod where it's got like a fucking spear in it and then can also retrieve objects and then also is heavy and I can hit people with it.

So the rod part ends with a spear, but also the line is going up to it and stuff like that. So you can fish and at the same time, like stab a thing by just moving it forward. Yeah. Okay. That's cool. That's fun. Yeah. And it's got like a, and the butt is like pretty heavy. So I can fucking bludgeon. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. The butt. Yeah. You got a heavy butt on it. Big old butt. Big old butt. Big old, big old hook.

Healthy book. Jump a truck, the hook on the end. Is this a hook you imagine doing like detail work in terms of like, I'm going to get this thing out of a guy's hand or is this like, I'm going to put it in his fucking skull and drag him? I'm going to put it in the skull and drag him. Okay, cool. So it'll be a sort of like pressure powered hook, like a big hook the size of your hand, like a claw that you can shoot out at the end of this fishing rod that also has a spear point attached.

to it and a heavy butt and so walter makes that for you and it's exactly specifications he fucking kills it i also want the really sharp knife that stabbed aaron i have two weapon attack okay great daryl was going to make to prep for the battle he's still got the pain thin axe or whatever yes and that's his main weapon but since he's got this ring that lets him throw perfect spirals before they sent out glenn i remember one of his favorite movies the

Daryl took the nunchucks and he melted down the chains of the nunchuck and he's making little grenades out of that metal. Oh, Craig, oh no! He's got like a satchel of small explosives that he's made with Walter that have the metal of Glenn's nunchucks. That's great. And they all do increased damage to your nut.

If you get a natural one or if you had 20, it's a nut shot. Yeah. That can I say that's the weapon is like a natural one or a natural 20 counts as a natural 20. What the fuck? No, you can't say that. That's absolutely bizarre.

But we can say that if you crit on it or if they fail crit on their saving throw, it annihilates their ball. Somehow, some quirk of the... Or you roll a D2, a D for every nut. Oh. Or hear me out. Daryl can wind up by spinning his arm around. And he can still nut yourself? Oh, that's good. If he fucks up, he'll nut himself. That's great. But they're grenades? You nut yourself?

No, I just punched myself. You just punch yourself in the ding-dong, and then you get disadvantage on the throw because your balls hurt. That's good. So, yeah, I also want to be clear. Your Tebow ring, like, that allows you to throw it in a perfect spiral and 100 yards, but it doesn't necessarily guarantee it'll go, like, 100% exactly where you want it. Okay. So it's not, like, perfect accuracy across 100 feet. Well, they also still get a chance to dodge it.

Yeah. I just want to set it up. It's not like a flawless, like, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay. So I made five. I have five. I have five Glenn grenades. That's great. Glenn aids. While this is going on, Henry is checking in with his mom about the homunculi. She goes, uh, yeah, I mean, I, I,

I got him working. And you turn and you see like four guys who look like you're just being like light, light. Where's the light? Where's the light? So where do we go? Mom, I don't need them to look like us. I need them to look like the kids. And here's why. And then I whisper in your ear and go, she goes, Oh, she having a knowledge that Anthony does not have. It's like, it's like, that's a good, but risky plan. Yeah.

I'll get to work on it. It'll be ready by the show. Small detail, you guys on the beach? I like the idea that Glenn's funeral pyre has drifted out, but then the tide kind of brought it around to another part of the coastline, and it just set a fire way in the distance. And everyone's like, guys, guys! And a bunch of trees go, and they run out and they push it back out to sea, and they're patting down the tree that's on fire. Our grand plan was to bring the Omega Daddies here because the beach makes you old. LAUGHTER

I just had this vision of all of Glenn's piss holes washing away in the tide. All these moments will be lost in time, like piss on the beach. All the kids, every time they see the little hole, they're like, oh, it must be the sand crabs because it's character. I'm glad he's dead. The only two things left to do, I think, are for you guys to get that dadgy magic yourselves and to break those anchors. Yeah. All right. Let's just do this. Let's just. All right, Ron. All right.

You ready for this, man? And I hand Ron the lure. Ron takes it and he looks at Terry Jr. And he says, Terry Jr., you know, normally maybe this is something I do with you and it would be a cool bonding experience and stuff like that. But I hope you don't mind. I'm going to do this one on my own. He puts the lure against a pretty solid rock so that it doesn't, you know, it's like it's a solid surface. I'm not going to fuck you on this. Go ahead. Okay.

Okay. Yeah, he puts it on the ground and he stomps it and destroys it. And it shatters. And you feel in that moment as it shatters beneath your heel, you can feel the daddy magic crawling up your perfectly hairless legs, up your cool guy boxers, your massive ding dong, and into your heart. And you feel...

The affection that Terry Jr. has for you, you feel that you would do anything for Terry Jr. You feel the fear that you have for your father and how Terry doesn't feel any of that towards you, even though he's hated you at times and wanted you dead and all that kind of stuff. He's never been scared of you in the way that you were scared of your own father. And in that moment, you are infused with

With a surge of daddy magic. And just like Henry, you can choose an item or a spell from D&D and just have access to it. And you do not have to tell me what it is right now. I've written it down. Beth May has written it down. And then Ron goes to Terry and hugs him. I love you so much, Terry. I'm so proud of you. And he hugs you back and he says, I'm actually proud of you too. And I love you too.

So Daryl stands up cleanly shaved from the classic Stapley's new grenade. Oh, he's shorn his huge beard. It's like an endgame where you're like, Chris Evans. You look so good in Infinity War. Chris, no! The beard was such a good look. The beard is just an extra place to grab onto during battle. You gotta be clean and waxed. The beard was so incredible. It was so attractive. I can't believe they waited until that. Yeah, ridiculous. Okay, well, I don't... Frank, Peyton, Dad, I don't know. How do we break...

How does this happen? I don't... Do you want us to give you guys some space? Yeah, I guess. I mean, no, it's okay. You guys can be here right now. I'm just trying to... Aaron, how does this... I don't know how to break... I don't know what's going to happen. So Aaron takes a deep breath and Frank, because he's a man who was born before the 2000s, goes, I've got this. And Aaron...

You already said goodbye to me once, and I know it'll be really hard to say goodbye to me a second time. You know, it's like when we were back on Earth. Like, I just... There's never enough time. I'd give anything for more time, but I had my time. I had more than my time. I'm okay going. And I know how...

I'm going to go out if I'm going to go out like this and I'm going to go out helping you. And I think I have an idea as to how. Okay. I'm sorry. Just what does that mean exactly? What are you? So the dimensional witch. Yeah. I learned something from her. I can do something kind of neat, but my, my heart won't be able to take it for very long. I think I can maybe take down that dragon for you. At least put some hurt on it before I go down. But at the end of it,

I'm not going to be able to get back up. Okay. I mean, it seems like you're ready. Yeah, I guess there's just so much. I mean, I never thought I would have any more time with you. I've really had time to think about. I mean, it doesn't really seem like I've had much time now with you. It's just I haven't had a dad to talk to for a while. Before you go, can I just get your advice on something? Of course.

Anything. I mean, you never really had a chance to know Carol very well. And we've been having some, you know, some marriage issues. And God, screw the time travel stuff. Really complicated. I mean, my wife's dead, but not dead. She came back to help me. Anyways, they wrote letters and I've just been thinking about it. Can I just read it and just talk to you for a sec? Of course. Oh.

So yeah, she said, um, dare bear, which she hasn't called me that in a while, actually, but that's nice. Yeah. She said, I'm sorry. I didn't speak up when things were getting hard. I'm sorry. I was angry. I'm sorry. I took it out on you. I feel my mind going. Um, cause they were in this prison for a long time. That's what that, that is my emotions and my memories are being ripped away one by one. Well, hold on for as long as I can. She's always the strongest.

And, um, I will try to remember that I love you. I will try to remember that we raised a good son. And I will try, and I'm sorry it's too late. I'm sorry it's not enough. I love you so much. Protect our son, Carol. Um, you know what? There's not really anything to ask about it. I just thought, I just thought you should know that the woman your son married was such a good woman. And that I'm happy. He pulls you into a hug, tears streaming down his face. And he says, she sounds like a very good woman, but...

I think she's wrong about one thing. It's not too late. Nothing's guaranteed when it comes to love and relationships and all that, but I know that you're a fighter. I've seen you in this world. I've seen what you'll do for your family. And I know you're not going to let whatever the two of you have together go down without a fight. It sounds like Carol's a heck of a fighter too. And if at the end of the day, it turns out you're not right for each other, that's not a loss. That's just both of you coming to a realization together. And if it turns out that you can stick it out,

And you battered each other enough to stick around. Hey, that's great too. Promise me that no matter what happens, Daryl, you will remember these two things. Okay. Number one, you were a great son. And number two, you were a great dad. Thanks, dad. All right. I love you. I love you too. Now I'm going to go fuck some bitches up.

I love you too, Peyton. Love you too, big boy. I'm your son. I'm your dad. All right. I'm going to go fuck up that dragon. I give him a hug and I bring Grant in and we hug him. Yeah. Three Wilson boys.

hug each other. I guess three and a half Wilson boys hug each other in the dark of night. Also by this point, Doug has stopped DJing. I was going to do the drop. I was, I was just about to do the drop. Take a break. Doug Payton Frank goes, okay, here we go. It's been a pleasure being with you all. And now if you excuse me,

It's fucking Peyton time. Holy shit. That's your actual neck crack. Yeah, that's horrible. Yeah. I've been saving it for this moment. And Peyton walks away from you through the forest towards the big stronghold in the clearing. Before he walked away, he told you something. And as you see him in the distance approach this stronghold, the words that he was saying, it didn't make a whole lot of sense to you at the time, but they echo back as you see him approaching this stronghold in the distance. He told you,

The dimensional witch, yeah, she knew about the fourth dimension, the fifth dimension, the sixth, all that kind of stuff. But I'm a simple man at the end of the day.

And what really excited me is that she taught me that the first three dimensions are my favorites. Sometimes those are all you need if you can scale them up right. And you see in the distance Peyton go and he grows. He gets bigger and bigger and he goes it's your big boy Peyton. Knock knock Willie you fuck stick.

And he gets to the point where he's about 50 feet tall. Oh my God. Oh my God. And you hear a pixelated roar in the sky as the two dimensional dragon swoops down from above and starts breathing fire at Kaiju Payton, essentially. And,

It comes down, it sears him, a streak of white hot fire across his face, and he gets, and he falls back onto his back foot. The ground shakes beneath him as he puts down a hand to steady himself. And you hear from inside, catapult, fire! And a massive flaming boulder flies up and over the wall and hits Baden directly above his left eye and it impacts and waterfalls of blood start pouring down his eye. And he goes...

and he reaches up above his eye and grabs the boulder and plucks it out of his fucking head and he puts it between his first and second fingers and he goes, who wants to play the pita, the bitch? And he swings at the dragon as hard as he can and I'm going to roll for him. Kaiju roll.

No. No. Anthony's just up and left. Anthony's walking out of the room. Anthony, where's he going? What is happening? Oh my God. He just walked out of the room. He's gone. He just screamed outside. What? He's coming back in. He's still wearing only his swim trunks. You gotta watch. No! That's wrong! Oh my God. That's wrong! Are you fucking kidding me? Oh no.

Hayden misses entirely. No, my baby boy! He whiffs so completely that he hits himself in the face with his own fist and knocks himself onto his back. Does he crush the wall when he knocks the belly? No. Damn it! He falls just back onto the bucket. So now also when you charge, you're going to have to charge for Payton's body. Oh, God! So he falls onto his back and his time is...

is almost up. The dragon gets into his face, breathes fire again. His hair sets on fire and he's patting it. He's like, ugh, ugh, ugh. With his final action, he's going to try to grab this dragon and crush it. He's going to try. Oh, God.

And he got an eight. You got the most mediocre nothing roll in history. So he grabs the dragon and he squeezes as hard as he can. And a couple of pixels fly off. And it begins to flash for a second because it's got invulnerability frames. But the dragon is a little bit too strong for it. And the dragon manages to worm its way out of Payton's grasp.

It looks into Payton's eyes and it can see the light draining from them as this big heart is still not strong enough to pump blood to the rest of his body. And so Payton is fading and the dragon realizes it doesn't need to do anything else. And so it just begins to fly back up missing. Its wings are clipped a little bit, took a little bit of damage, but it heads back into the stronghold. And Payton, with his last moments of life, turns his head back. You know, he's on his back. He sort of looks up at you in the direction of the beach and he goes, Payton,

I'm the tiger baby. And his eyes, those eyes of the tiger that he has roll back into his head and Peyton is no more. God. And then I probably sense the... Yes, and you feel in that moment as your father passes...

All of the love that he had for you, everything he did for you as a father, everything you did for him when he was your son, and the huge strides you made with Grant and how the two of you are talking about things all the time now and your trauma and all that kind of stuff. And everything you've done on this long, long road of being a stay-at-home coach sports dad and how that's changed you and changed the people around you in many ways for the better infuses you.

with a massive dose of daddy magic. And once again, you don't have to tell me what item or what spell. I'm going to use it. So I look at the other dads and I say he's gone. He died how he lived, getting beat up. Henry's just bawling. He's inconsolable right now. He tried to help. And I think we've lost too much here, everybody. I think it's time we go home.

And I get gate, the spell gate, and I say the words Odyssey-san, and a portal opens up, and Odyssey-san, our van, comes ripping out of our world and comes flying back in here and sits on the beach in front of us. And you hear, Gunbatte! As it sings through the fucking dimensions coming to you. And it lands. The headlights of the Honda Odyssey look around hurriedly, and it's so happy. It goes, ah!

It's so happy. And it looks around, but then it's headlights furrow in confusion. It goes, which means none of us understand it. Nothing. And so you get the vibe of what she's saying. I run my hands up on the hood of the car. I go, it's Glenn's gone odyssey. But yeah.

I think it's time for all of us to make these dads pay. Fuck yeah, let's get it. Let's go. Let's go. Doodlers on three, but not the bad kind of doodler, the doodler that's our mascot. Yes, doodlers on three. Everybody around, gather around. Everybody assemble. That's what they do in that X-Men movie, right? Yes. Well, they do that in that X-Men movie too. Everybody get over here. So yes, we call the entire team together. 20 Oakvalians, all of your children, Autumn Oak, Aaron O'Neill, all of the trees. I believe that's your army right now.

And Walter on a lawnmower. I think Walter's in the mech now. Yeah, you see a big crab hand come in the middle. Yeah. And it's Walter on the mech. And we all put our hands in the middle. And I say, Ron, why don't you kick us off? One, two, three, doodlers. One, two, three. Doodlers! Doodlers! I'm here too! It'll be alright. It'll be alright. Cause that's just life. And if you die, you'll be alright.

So

Dungeons and Daddies is Matt Arnold as Daryl Wilson. Anthony Burch is our DM. Will Campos is Henry Oak. Beth May is Ron Stampler. And myself, Freddie Wong, as Glenn Close. Theme song is All Right by Maxson Waller. Courtney Theron is our content producer. Ashley Nicolette is our community manager. Chad Ellis provides additional editing and sound design. Robin Rapp is our transcriber. Special thanks to our patrons who support this show directly, but extra special thanks to Jamie Volfile, Katie Moran, Sawyer Netherland, Dex Rana, Kali Wobbles, Dylan Luca, Christopher Stockwell, Ethan Baird, John Grandy, Sagi Dorito,

Marcos Estrada, Caleb Maldonado, Kate P, Dante's Sibling, Oscar Huckinson, Zach Dobrathine, Ryan Parsons, Annalise Sorry Mother, and Megan Hiles. Thanks to everybody who joined our live show last weekend. If you happen to have missed it, you can still see what happened along with our Father's Day live show, as well as just loads of behind-the-scenes podcasts, one-shots, content galore at patreon.com slash dungeonsanddads. You can support our show directly. You get an ad-free feed. You get merch when you're pledged for three months. Boy, that hits fast.

just keep on coming. If you like this show, I guarantee you're going to like our Patreon too. That's patreon.com slash Dungeons and Dads. Our website is dungeonsanddaddies.com. Our merch store, by the way, is going to be down for a little bit as we transition some shipping stuff behind the scenes. You can keep on top of all of that news at twitter.com slash Dungeons and Dads. Our subreddit is Dungeons and Daddies. Our next episode is coming at you October 5th. We will see you then. There was a time you need between to know they never brought you

You hear an echo of Glenn's ghost. It's like, do it during the thing because the beats will hide your digging, digging, digging. I don't know. That doesn't sound very smart. I'm just kidding.