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S3 Ep. 17 - Pain-o-vision

2025/1/28
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Dungeons and Daddies

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A
Anthony Burch
B
Beth May
F
Freddie Wong
M
Matthew Arnold
W
William Campos
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Freddie Wong: 我扮演的角色Blake Lively,在成为水管工之前是灭虫员,这解释了他对蛾人的特殊了解,以及他在梦境中展现出的管道连接能力。梦境中,他克服了对自身技能的焦虑,最终提升了机械修理技能。他还目睹了Milton用花生酱堵塞厕所的场景,并得知了Bebe被捕的消息。 Matthew Arnold: 我扮演的角色Kelsey Grammer在梦中经历了哥哥死讯的循环往复,这让她对时间和命运有了新的理解。她与Zuzel的对话揭示了她自我意识的多个面向,以及她与哥哥命运的纠缠。最终,她解开了哥哥留下的手镯上的符号,获得了新的视角。 Anthony Burch: 我扮演的角色Francis Farnsworth在梦中进行了星体投射,在清醒梦境中与Sneaky Pete相遇,并了解到Sneaky Pete可以进入人们的梦境并杀死他们。他还进入了Shane Silva的梦境,帮助Shane克服了内心的创伤。最后,他被Avashda Narada标记,并得知Shane怀疑他杀害了其子。 Beth May: 我扮演的角色Trudy Trout在梦中进入了自己的系统架构,解锁了管理员权限,并重新分配了自己的技能点。她获得了对自身程序的更深理解,并最终找到了拯救Timmy的方法。 William Campos: 作为游戏主持人,我引导了整个故事的发展,并提供了各个角色梦境中的场景描述和线索。我揭示了蛾人的起源和目的,以及他们与人类命运的联系。我还提供了关键信息,例如‘玩偶制造者’和‘三个钥匙’等,推动了剧情的发展。

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Welcome to Dungeons and Daddies, not a BDSM podcast. It's not. No. What is it? Who's that? It's me, Scrappy. What? Scrappy? It's not the newsletter.

of the podcast, Skrippy. Guys, I think we should cut Skrippy off of the podcast. No, we just got Skrippy. Skrippy is Clippy's cousin who does podcasts. It looks like y'all are trying to rip a girl off the podcast. I'm surprised Will's like Skrippy. Yeah, Will, what's going on? Could you go? Well, you invited me here, though. Yeah, but I thought it was going to be funny, but it seems like everyone's really upset with you right now, Skrippy. Well, I don't know what their fucking problem is. I'm just the new

just to do with member of the podcast, Skrippy. You know what? I think there's an entire plethora of people out there listening and thinking Skrippy would be a beautiful name for a baby boy. It would be. Skrippy interrupted Beth with, she fits on this podcast. Tumble all your Skrippy fan art.

To the Tumblr account, Dungeons and Daddies. Dungeons and Daddies Season 3. We're getting loose with the concept because this season, it's the Peachyville Horror. A Call of Cthulhu actual play horror comedy podcast about four everyday schmoes. Well, five everyday schmoes. Two scrimpies. Two scrimpies.

I swear to God, I'll stop. Poor everyday schmoes fighting the forces of darkness in suburban 1950s America. Hey, everyone. My name is Freddie Wong. I play deep-thinking plumber Blake Lively. This was Blake fact. Prior to becoming the town plumber, Blake was a handyman of sorts. He was the town exterminator.

He's gonna have some heat coming into this. Like insects and stuff. Oh, insects. He exterminated my dog. Vis-a-vis moths, you say. Oh, man. Oh! It was really good to know when I was prepping the episode. I could have really locked in on it. No, I wanted to surprise you. Surprise, Skrippy! Hi, everybody. My name is Matthew Arnold. I play Kelsey Grammer, Peachyville's happiest, snappiest schoolmarm. And you know what she always says. What? Teachings.

Just like learning, just in reverse. So just... You can just say you didn't have a dad fact. You can just admit that and we can pause and you can come up with a lesson. Just learning in reverse. Just a tenant, dude. Which means like backing up in a car, you got to be a little bit more careful when you're doing it.

Wow. You got to be careful. This is so Christopher Nolan's Tenet field. I can't get over how much this reminds me of all the backwards shenanigans going on in Tenet. Skrippy loves Tenet. I have three facts. I do a little phrase that's fun. People like that. It's a little phrase to get people into my character. The phrase is my favorite part. Yeah, see? And I got a fact. And this time I got two facts because indeed, I'm making a promise. I know I suck people out. I suck the big fans last week that love senses with that little fake out. But now I am doing the senses. So Kelsey's favorite and least favorite smells...

Her favorite smell is fresh chalk. Yep. Just a blackboard getting ready to... Just calcium carbonate. Straight into the alveoli. And Lee's favorite smell is wet peanut butter. This was a 40-day smell! What the fuck? Because it's the shittiest smell!

Oh, I know. I know. I just want people to remember. It's so neutral. But it's because Milton never cleans up his dishes and is always, when he's got to take out the trash, he's always hanging around outside Kelsey's place. And she just, the white peanut butter also lets her know that Milton's outside. Wait, what? Hold on. Wait. She's in the back house and they take the trash out of the back house. He's in the back with the dirty dishes? No, because he got these, I don't, I don't know what Milton's doing with that white peanut butter. Oh,

No, that's a good question. That's a good question. Kelsey's never considered why is the smell of wet peanut butter leaving the kitchen sink and coming out towards the fucking back where the trash is? What's Milton doing with it?

Don't like it. You'll never know, Kelsey. Hi, I'm Anthony Burch. I play Francis Farnsworth, a kid with a gun. And his dad fact is he loves comics, but not the normal like superhero comics and stuff that you're all used to. He likes to read sort of under the radar, got canceled after one to two issues. Underground comics. A little bit underground. Not full on like fucking Harvey P. Carr. Like the Adventures of Skrippy. Like Skrippy's adult comics. What? What?

Skrippy commissioned Robert Crumb to do weird creepy comics about him. A lot of vore stuff with Skrippy. They got like that weird little Robert Crumb style to them. What kind of comics? So I'm going to give you five comics and one of them will be made up. Oh. And you have to tell me which one. Okay, go. Fighting Leathernecks. Oh, that's real. Wait until I'm done. Girl Confessions. Men.

Patsy and Hedy. Space World. Space World's made up. Men is fake. Tell it to the Marines. Oh, so six. Oh, is that six? That was six. I think Space World's made up. I'm going to go with Space World as well. Men is fake. Men is absolutely real. Men's real. I don't want to live in a world that's real, Beth. Men, men, men. Beth is once again the only intelligent person on this podcast. No! I can't accept a world where there wasn't a comic called Men. I mean, there was one called Many in Action, but Men is definitely better. Well...

Stay tuned. I'm looking at it. I'm looking up Wikipedia. I've got a great comic book idea. There's no comic named men is kind of finding out like store.com is available. Like we got guys, we can, we,

Are you serious? What a blind spot. We can make this comment today. Hi, my name is Beth May. Hi, Beth May. And I play Trudy Trout, a robot doting. No, I'm not doting. Why? Fuck that guy. You're a window, I guess. A robot, homemaker, mother of one beautiful child. And, all right, call it my shot, Roblox.

Right now, like Beirut, if Trudy survives this episode, she will go on to invent the dance, the robot. Wow. We claim her trauma and her story. And then a cute little fact in case she dies or otherwise. She's going to die. She's fine. I'm literally unconscious and about to die. With Mothman. With Mothman. What's Trudy's favorite part of seeing a play? The program. Oh.

Oh, God damn it. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That one's really good. Is that something? No. Very good. Very good. 10 out of 10. Hi, everyone. I'm William Campos, and I am your official dungeon master. My fact, my creepy fact. And what is a creepy fact? They scare me. Is that a mayor is a malicious entity in German and Slavic folklore that walks on people's chests when they sleep, causing sleep paralysis.

And also, fun fact, this is where the term nightmare comes from. It's this spooky little creature that would come at night and sit on your chest and make it so you can't move and you think your coat rack is a demon. I just have to say, if you Google Image Search mare, M-A-R-E, the first one is just the biggest unit of a horse I've ever seen. This is actually the spooky Scandinavian origin of the creature known as Mare of Easttown.

Oh my gosh. And the vape. And the vape pen. Yes. Wait, quickly. Have you guys got sleep paralysis? Oh yeah. No. I conquered it. You conquered it? Yeah. How? The power of my mind. I don't believe that's true. It's like all diseases that Freddy conquers. Yeah, that's fair. He doesn't need medicine. He just wills it. I only got it once, but I

fucking remember that shit. I've had it a couple of times. That's scary as hell. I had it once as a young kid. Never liked that, but I had one time as a young kid. That was terrifying. Do you ever have those dreams where like something is attacking you and you try to punch it and you feel your arm just like swirl around as you throw the punch or something? No. That actually happens to me all the time. Yeah, same. Sounds like you need to get some punch training in. Sounds like you just need to have a fucking stronger mind like Freddie. The Freudian analysis would be that you need to get your punch training in. Allegedly, it's your brain being like, don't move while you're asleep.

Slow you down that way. That's only telling your stupid brain that you have to defeat this monster. I'm fighting Freddy Krueger right now. Zack Snyder speed ramp fight scene. All right. Okay. All right. Let's do it. Let's go on a scary adventure. Woo!

When last we left you guys, there was a knockdown drag out fight in the house of the Trouts, whereupon Tucker Trout got his face pretty well blown off by Francis and his car 98 Brunhilde. Trudy conquered some inner demons. The original Trudy in a harrowing sacrifice used a robot body of another Trudy guy that got complicated and blew up

the house to buy you all precious time to escape through a portal recently opened by one moth Jesus, aka Mothman. I would also like to clarify that technically Tucker died to a slit throat from Trudy. So I don't think Francis gets the credit for that. He gets the assist. Trudy got the last hit. It was sort of an alley-oop maneuver. Yeah. Francis is really the Scotty Pippin of Call of Cthulhu.

And we have one of the three keys, correct? You now have the green key, which is one of the three keys you need to activate the weapon that will destroy the mother of Zuzel and perhaps save this town. Nay, this plane of reality as we know it. It was all looking really grim. You guys were surrounded by members of the bison cult in this quaint suburban home. And then this portal opened up and Mothman brought you all through it. Before we dive in, let's do a health point roll call.

Oh, good idea. Starting with Blake. Blake, how much HP you got? I'm sitting at 2 HP. 2 HP. 2. Francis? 3. 3. 3. Zero. Damn. Dude, we got fucked up. So, yes, Trudy is unconscious as... Can we check our sanity, too? Oh, yeah. Can we do a roll call? Roll call sanity as well. Sanity. 44. Check. 47. Check. 85. Wow. Hyper saying, dude. 72. Francis, your sanity is 40, my dog. Yeah, same thing. Yeah. Yeah.

Trudy's unconscious, as is Timmy. Who is carrying who? Francis is carrying Timmy. Francis is carrying Timmy. Who's got Trudy? Trudy was carrying Kelsey. I think you were ambiguous about who was carrying who. Mothman. Oh, I guess, yes. Mothman is. So if none of you are, then Mothman gently scoops unconscious Trudy into his arms and hops through the portal. As you step through, you find yourself in the lair of the moth.

Wow. Where Trudy has already been, but she cannot explain it to you. But this is what you see. Shag carpeting. Nobody can be told. You're basically in a big underground cavern. There's a lake down here. Strange lights emanating from below it. And there's this huge...

cocoon-like spaceship jutting halfway out of the water. Light is warping around its surface, kind of like an oil slick. Mothman sort of steps out of this portal and looks at all of you. This is literally just like in Madam Web when she goes back to the jungle. This is. It's like the Madam Web jungle hideout. Oh, it is. It's the jungle hideout with the water that makes you Madam Web. Yes. I hope the spies were worth it, Mom. Yep. Moth Jesus...

using his antenna because both of his arms are holding Trudy, jams his little speech device up to his neck and says, come with Mark Jesus quickly. And he just starts running across the water. And you see like these little like sort of light force fields on the water as he runs with Trudy towards this spaceship. Team, hello. Quick question. You, you here. What the fuck? Oh yeah, but he's taking Trudy. We gotta follow. You first. I just try to run across the water too, I guess. Okay, great.

I do? Yeah. There's like a force field. Like you realize as you step, there's like some sort of invisible force field leading from the sky across the water. Kelsey runs with the same sort of joy that Elthaba runs when she's leaping across the prairie in Wizard and I. She can't believe she's running on water. Blake takes steps and says, this sort of undercuts the abilities of our Lord and Savior. Yeah. Are you Christian? Take a sanity roll. Give.

Give me a sanity check. Francis is also Christian, so he will as well. Is this the first D&D podcast to do two Christian sanity rolls? I hope so. I hope so. Francis failed. Francis got a 63 sanity roll out of 40 sanity. Wow.

Okay, dang. I got 100 critical failure. Oh, no. You're Satanist now. Okay, so you've gone temporarily insane. What the hell? First, we go through a portal, which again is not what should be happening. We have transcended space, and now I learn that Jesus Christ is not really that big of a deal. A mere insect can do what our Lord and Savior, who died for our sins, is able to do. This is simply too much for Blake. Okay, so for the rest of this scene, you're an atheist now.

There is no God. Very clearly, I have seen, as once we were able to be gods to the Bigfoots and also the robots. That's not true. And also this guy called himself a moth and he's Jesus and there is no God. No, what if every species has their own and we just name them all Jesus? Blasphemy. We must go to the simplest solution is simply that there is no God and we are all deceiving ourselves. Turner, calm down.

So we'll say that Francis, for failing your sanity role, your conception of what Christianity is, is opened up a little bit. You're like, you know, maybe the other, maybe, maybe, you know, like maybe it's all, you know, we're trying to kill. And then there's the real God and there's the moth God. Exactly. It could be anything. You're saying a pantheon, a pantheistic existence. So while you two are having this heated theological debate. I think Kelsey turns around and just goes to like reach your hands. I was like, guys, come on, we gotta follow Trudy. And I hold my hands out of the water. You can walk on it.

Yeah, that's what we're talking about. That's why we're in this conversation. Just close your eyes and follow me. Oh, like blind faith. Yeah, that's fine. You still have blind faith? Okay, fine. I just write, I follow through. No, absolutely not. My eyes are finally open.

My eyes are open for the first time. Look, Francis, behind us, one set of footprints. That's because we all walked in single file. Could this not be also the case with the beach and with the Jesus? Well, yeah, that would just mean there's multiple Jesus. Oh, my God. Or is there even one? Do you follow into the spaceship? The spaceship?

Yeah, I missed that part. I was saying there's a big cocoon-like spaceship. Oh, I didn't catch that. I was so caught up with the water. Okay, yes, he runs across the water towards a big cocoon-like spaceship jumping out of the water. What flavor of spaceship are we talking about here? Cocoon-like. Is it like...

Yeah. But I'm like, is it 1950s like lawn dart looking spaceship? Is it like a saucer? Is it the one from Independence Day? I'll tell you what it is. It's like if David Cronenberg did a Moth spaceship. Do you know what I mean? It's weird. It's bulbous. It's kind of... Ooh, like the Cylon ships that are the Cylons themselves. Yeah, yeah. Kind of organic-y. Yeah. Because it's kind of like a cocoon. I remember what you're talking about. It's like the gun from Existenza. You run into the Existenza-ass spaceship. I'm having an existential kind of moment myself. Ha ha ha.

Okay, so the inside of this thing is like, again, there's like these high sloping walls. It's very curvy in here. Is it wet? It's not wet, but the ground is like a little spongy. You can't tell if this is like metal or it's organic. Well, it's definitely not metal. If it's spongy, yeah. But it could be like a spongy metal, some sort of spongy moth metal you're unveiling. Fuck, that's crazy. What else am I learning? You guys need that bird on TikTok who can tell what things are made of. Is that a thing? What?

There's like this parrot on TikTok and like his owner just gives him things and he taps his beak on it and he's like metal. And I'm like, that's fucking freaky. But like, but the owner knows. The owner knows what the thing is made of. So why would the owner need this parrot to tell him what he already knows? Well, because it's weird because like the parrot's not just mimicking things. It's like it understands that that's metal. Sorry.

So you step into this mysterious spaceship. It's not metal. There's sort of like any parent could tell you that. What are you talking about? Yes, it's utterly alien. There's kind of serenely calm in here. You see a bunch of like old junk all over the place. They're like, there's old paperback

books, there's like magazines, there's like old pottery going back seemingly centuries just kind of scattered all over the place. It's kind of like a real nest in here. This place is kind of a dump. You see Mothman has already stepped into an area of the ship that looks like it must be some sort of medical chamber is the closest you could think up to it and he slams, not slams, he sets Trudy down on this table. No! Much removed!

He slams Trudy down on this table and you all gasp for a second, but then the sponginess of the metal cushions gently her body. And as he's looking over her, he says, time is of the essence. She is dying. I must repair her. But you, you are all, mouth Jesus can tell, very harmed. You are damaged.

Yeah. I mean, in many ways, yeah. Yeah, how do we help Trudy? She's, I mean... I will tend to Trudy. You must heal. The hour of the hole draws near. Only you can stop it. The hour of the hole? One more time. The hour of the what? The hour of the hole. He said the hour of the hole. Yes. That's fucking crazy. Yeah. Also, who are you? Yes, who the fuck is this? Who am I? You were flying, right? Yes. And then, did you go into Francis' house? Yes. Oh!

Yes, you did. Sorry. You have met this person before, this creature. Yeah, he broke into my house. Yeah, you were attacking Francis. Francis, as you know, castle doctrine allows you to attack. I stood my ground. You hear this impatient grumbling in Moth Jesus' voice as he realizes he's going to have to explain a lot of stuff to you that he didn't really think he was going to have to explain to someone. And then he goes, oh.

Time is of the essence. You may either heal right now in this weird tube. And he points to, there's like six tubes in here that are like goo tubes. And if you step into them, he's saying you can heal yourself. Or Moth Jesus can tell his tale. Would you like tell us while we're in the tube? No, you can't here and there. Ha ha ha ha!

Seems like a design flaw. I mean, I have no problem going to heel. I just want points for, I feel like we're being pretty progressive just allowing, just like, like we're not really asking a lot of questions here. And we're just going to do what he says. I just want, when we talk next, like, you know. Blake steps right up to Moth. He says, I used to kill pieces of shit like you. We know of you, Blake Lively, slayer of moths. And.

And also assorted other- It displeases moths, Jesus. And termites and other manner of- Moths, Jesus cares not for termites. Pests, pests, pests. Wait, moths, are you Jesus of actual moths? No. Well, are you? Wait, yes. That's what I was going with. This is the name that she gave me. And he like sort of like-

Oh, no. Strokes her cheek with like. Leave her alone. But she is dying and I must tend to her. Moth Jesus must save Trudy. Trudy strong. Trudy wise. Wait, so you. You promise you can save her, right? Yes. Moth Jesus has done so once before. She opens this cupboard and like just a bunch of like rusty parts of other Trudys. Oh, my God. Just tumble out. He starts rooting through them. He's just trying to figure out what he's going to fix her with.

He's killed all this other trinity. He's going to kill her. Gentlemen, gentlemen, gentlemen, we must plan. Woman, yeah? What? Oh, right, yes, right. Looking at you, man. We must plan for every eventuality. If this insect creature is in fact evil, we must kill it. And then Tenna turns towards you and he looks at you and he just, and then he walks over to another pile of junk and pulls out the bowling trophy. And you took our bowling trophy.

He slams it on the ground. There's like a sort of liquid shimmering in it. And he bites into his hand and just sort of tears at it. And then like some blood of his drips into the liquid and it starts to shimmer.

Gaze into the liquid. Oh, okay. And then he just goes back to fixing Trudy. Okay. As long as I just, we can't let Trudy die. And can I see what he's kind of like, what is he doing? She got bit by this monster, essentially by the robot and she's unconscious. And he's like looking for parts to fix her. Okay. And the liquid is like, it's just like in a bowl. It's a mystery goo that is in the trophy and he just dripped his blood into it. And now it seems to be glowing ethereally. You guys want to take a look?

I think I want to keep an eye on him until Trudy is safe, and then I'll step into the goo healing chamber. I will hazard a look into this other goo chamber inside the bowl. Yeah, do you mind if we just really care about Trudy and, like, obviously we'll heal ourselves. And also, like, I'm working on a little encyclopedia, and doctoring is kind of next, so, like, I could just watch what you're doing. Okay.

I'm taking notes. I'm watching him prepare a Drudy. The section on doctoring in this encyclopedia is going to be so fucking wrong. So, Freddy, you gaze into the liquid, though. I will hazard a gaze. All right. So as you gaze in, like we do like a little. God, I'm so fucking screenwriter pilled. All I can think of is stupid. Like we push in and then we push.

We push in on you. What's wrong with that? We dissolve. What's wrong with that, dude? It's an auditory medium. It's a theater of a mind. We star wipe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just throw some crazy like- Hey, Will, we also didn't walk across water. We didn't do anything. Yeah, but I wasn't describing camera movements while you did that. Do you know what I mean? That's what I'm saying. I'm with Will. That is one of my pet peeves. When people are like, we reveal, we see. And it's like, no, it's just saying what it is. We reveal. That can mean anything.

As you gaze into the shimmering liquid in the trophy, your eyes glaze over and you behold a vision. You see before you a smog, smoky, pollution-filled alien world ravaged as hell.

thousands of moths. These moth people buzz about, millions of them, a vision of a whole world you behold it in your eye. Where is the smog coming from? It's not like car smog, but it's just a weird, hostile atmosphere of this planet.

It's thick with a haze. Through the haze, you see these moths buzzing around. You see their whole world, their whole civilization flooding your senses as memories of this culture and this people come to you. And you realize, as they realize, that their son is dying. We all have one son. You realize that the nearest star to them, the star, the light in the sky that they worship. Which they're flying towards at all times. Which they are flying towards at all times through their orbit is on the verge of going supernova. And they need a new world to settle.

There's definitely a bunch of moths who are like, no, no, no, this is going to be good. Like when it goes supernova, it's going to be the best time it's ever been for us. They send emissary ships out through the universe, each with a moth in them.

in them and blast them through space and time and over the course of millions of years they travel to various worlds throughout our galaxy many go into other suns it's kind of fucked up and one of them finds the light of our world and lands millions and millions of years ago in the past

And using the advanced technology of this ancient moth civilization creates a progenitor race. A progenitor race of these ape-like mammalian creatures with hyperintelligence, knowing that one day they will grow and evolve and pollute and ruin the atmosphere of this world such that the moths can settle here once more and call it their home. Oh!

And that moth is, of course, Moth Jesus, the moth you've been following. The steward and caretaker of the terraforming virus race that was brought here to Earth, known as the Humans. And that's what he's been doing here this whole time. If he made us, that means he's like real Jesus.

We don't even have to separate him into a moth pantheon. You're right. But he made us to destroy us. So wait, does this vision give any insight into what happens after we become, you know, pollute the hell out of this place? No, well, I mean, that hasn't happened. But like, you know, forward-looking projections.

Yeah, what did they say at the Moth Quarterly? I feel like... Yeah, I think Blake... Blake as an adult with a critical thinking skill can figure this out. You can take it from there, Freddie. Blake can draw whatever conclusions his now-atheist mind wants from this vision.

If there is no God who created the moths. What? I'll say this. You see a little bit more, which is you see moth Jesus watching over our society for over thousands and thousands of years, occasionally intervening when it seems we're on the brink. Give me some good examples. There's a lot of stuff. He didn't stop letting you stop, but he wants to intervene when it seems like humanity is truly on the brink of destroying itself entirely. Yeah.

So two world wars, not really that, not a big one there. Well, you know, you mean the... Couple of atomic bombs being dropped. He came up with D-Day.

There you go. There you go. There you go. You see him sinking the Lusitania so that they're all like, everyone thinks that's like, oh yeah, yeah. No, all these disasters. No, for real though, all these disasters that seem like disasters were just him altering the course of history. Just him being like Archduke Francis Ferdinand had to turn his car over when a moth hit his windshield. Dude, he's sitting there at the Hindenburg being like, who me? But now he's become aware of a new threat to humanity in the form of Project Heartland.

which is why he's taken roost here. And he's been intervening, trying to stop their schemes, starting with taking this trophy that they were trying to pass off to their agents in Peachyville. What's so special about this trophy? Well, I mean, it's allowing you to do what you're doing now. It allows you to, like, see into the past and see into other places. Hey, that's a crazy thing to win just from bowling good. Blake, Blake, open your hand and let some of your blood go into the bowl. Oh, yes. Good idea.

Francis, you give me your Boy Scout pen knife. Here it is. And I put my blood in the bowl now. Okay. Does it do anything? Yeah. And I stare into it. You tell me. You're looking at your own history now. Oh. Oh.

But it's intermingled with like every so often just different characters. Like my mom and dad are moths. Yeah. This is a little bit mixed up. Go ahead and tell us the entire story of Blake Lively's life. So he started as a cat. Here's my thought. Blake Lively is somewhere in idyllic. You know, like Sound of Music?

Yeah. Idyllic ass mountains and fields, like just frolicking. And there's mobs like everywhere. Way too many mobs that you would expect. Oh, weird. And then World War.

Yeah. A little gas mask. That'd be so cute. And all of a sudden, it's his... Sorry, let me think. We're in 1950, so that would be... So you're in a field. What? You're in a field. But now the field... So far you were in a field and then World War I happened. You're just in a field. No age, no family, no contacts. Hey, this is like... And World War I happened.

This is what happens when you mix up the things. It gets a little abbreviated and more moth flavor, you know? There's just a lot more bright light sources just lying around and just sort of staring at it. Then what happens? And then Blake goes like a big border. Then World War II happens. Then get this. He goes back into a different field. Then World War II happens. Get this. Well, no, the first field now, it's got shells everywhere, dude. And a sign saying, no, the fair botan, you know? You can't go here. And Blake's like, ah, my homeland.

Which one? We don't know. We don't know. We know the Germans took it over and said, you can't come here. So that narrows it down. They ruined it. And then guess what? Well, a second world war. Didn't see that one fucking coming. Blake fighting now in another field. A lot of world war two happening in fields. Yeah.

You know? Fighting. I never thought about that. Yeah, if you think about it. Most wars happen in fields. A lot of wars. Maybe we ban fields. We can get rid of fields. Throughout history, some of the biggest wars and battles have taken place in fields. Hey, dude, that hits me right in the fields. And then now Blake is on. I feel like I know less about Blake after this flashback.

This flashback is for me. This flashback is for me. Now Blake is on a steamship with a little hat and he's coming to America. God himself could not take this ship. Yeah.

And he waves at the Statue of Liberty. What character are you going to call back? The Statue of Liberty, baby. Yeah, dog, because that's where he's coming in. And then now he sees original Toni Collette diving into the water after getting shot by his parents. Yeah, exactly. And then Ellis Island, they're like, what's your name, love? And you're like, Rey Skywalker. Wait, wait, wait.

There's an old British lady at Ellis Island taking people in. Well, shit, I love. Welcome to America. Welcome to America. Hey, hey, hey, Anthony. What? That's how they say it in Titanic. I was just copying what you were doing and you made fun of me for it. Yeah, I did. I'm sorry. Also, Blake was my friend. I'm sorry. We should definitely move on from this. But if Blake was...

frolicking in the field before World War I. How old is Blake? I think he's 28. Let me do the math here. 19? No, no, no. Who was frolicking? It was his parents. His parents.

His parents were dancing. We cut to his parents fucking in a moth-filled field before World War I. Yes, yes, yes. That's what it was. As you can see, the hills were alive. The hills were alive. Damn. And then your dad died in World War I and your mom raised you alone. No, you didn't see any of that. You didn't see any of that. All you saw was a field, man. I was just trying to paint a picture of our new friend here. The moths are kind of blurring my past a little bit. Okay.

I'm so glad we did this. Guys, I know. Remember how I said we did this? Hold on. Hold on. Important detail. He's living in some real shithole in the city, and he gets a newspaper article that says, come to Peachyville. It's a planned community. And Blake goes, that looks like a better place than here. And he looks around. The place is full of moths.

But are they real? Or just a figment of this strange flashback? He saw a picture of Peachyville and it looked like a field and he went like, oh, I like fields. Hey, Trudy. I think kind of you see Trudy and the three of us are trying to come up with a birthday party. We're like, what theme should we do for Blake? I don't know. Probably just like fields. Like fields, I guess. Fields. We'll throw a nice field themed birthday party for Blake. So then he settles in Peachyville and loves it here.

My whole story in a nutshell. Beautiful. Well, I guess in a trophy. Regardless, you now know what Moth Jesus is doing here. I mean, something Blake just told us. I tell you that Moth Jesus. As he was watching it, you were hearing him speak. Like, he was zoned out and just explaining everything he saw. I mean, you're helping us, but you're only helping us so that then we can destroy ourselves later in a different way. Yes. Oh.

But that will happen millions of years from now. Yeah, that's a later problem, I think. Okay, no, that's fine. I just want to understand. So you're like... Wait, so you're like... Wait, hold on. To be clear... Moth Jesus wishes to stop the powers that be from ruining this world. Because it is our world. And you want... And the moths shall reign. And to be clear, you're a big fan of leaded gasoline.

Yes. Okay. Interesting. Their atmosphere has a lot of lead in it. Yes, that's what you got from the five stars. Yeah, I don't know if we can blame Matthews' feet. He's still one man of sorts. We can't blame him for everything that's happening on Earth.

Seems like your people put a lot of responsibility on each of you. You're kind of a stressed out worker, huh? Moth Jesus life is a lonely one. Okay. I sit in the shadows watching. Blowing up zeppelins. Blowing up zeppelins. Watching humanity grow in my way.

I have come to care for them. Oh, great. Well, speaking of caring for them, can you finish up with Trudy? Yes, that's what I'm trying to do. Okay, okay, okay. That is what Moth Jesus tries to do. But you distract Moth Jesus. Get in the tubes. It's a YouTube, if you will. Step into the YouTubes. Wait, we were going to watch you fix Trudy first. We were going to watch you fix Trudy first.

You see him? He makes those sounds. He goes, doop, doop, doop, doop. Because Trudy should get in the tube too, right? Trudy is special. Yeah. Trudy is different. She's in a friend. She is made of metal. Observe. And he presses a button on her and like her whole torso pops open. Metal. Gears and shit. And he's like, the tube is not for Trudy. I just pointed at a random part of Trudy's insides. Like, what's that tube? Don't touch that. Touch not. The Glowzorb Cube.

Whoa. Holy shit, she's got a Glozorb cube. Write that down. That's going to be important later. Write down the Glozorb. Okay, how do you spell that? G-L-O-Z-O-R-B-E. Glozorb. All right. Kelsey's going to get in the tube as she's like sinking in the tube. But wait.

Jesus must caution. Okay. The tube heals, but the tube also changes. Oh, strange things. Strange visions shall be had in the tube, but healed. You shall be like cup vision. So the cup is like the tube without the healing part. This is a better cup.

It could be iterative design. He started with the cup. The tube awakens potentials and possibilities within one's nature. Okay. You bring into the tube only what you take with you. This guy really likes tubes, huh?

I mean, yeah, I can't help treating. Okay, well, I will help. I agree with you. I slip into the tube. I'm doing like the eye thing. Like I'm watching you as I like slip down into the tube. Blake Lively strips fully butt naked. You do the okay. Steps into the tube. I spot hidden. Ha ha ha.

It's not that hidden. Let me tell you. That's going to be an easy roll. Give me a bonus roll. A bonus roll? I got 50. Yeah, it's fine. I don't know how spot hidden to decide. I don't know how your spot hidden to decide isn't whatever, but yeah, sure. What's the age gap between Kelsey and Blake? Is it like millennial age gap or Gen Z age gap? What is that? I'm sorry. What do you mean? It's inappropriate.

Oh, that's really good. Like, Jesse, we got me within two years of each other. We're fucking 60. Let's wade into this discourse. That sounds like a good spot. Francis is going to go into a goop pod as well. It's also a pod for me. It's like an iPod. As Kelsey's going down, she's like, wait, did we have to get naked? No. What?

Okay. As you step into this goo, you feel like this cold, slimy, viscous substance sort of slide all over you and you submerge into it. Your body, you seem to merge with it. It's almost like the way in like a chrysalis, like a butterfly dissolves. Oh, no. And it's reformed. That hurts probably. Yeah. No, it doesn't hurt. It's like, but it's surreal. And you feel your consciousness set free. This is like the one time I ate mushrooms in that field. Oh,

Oh, that's why you spend so much time in that fucking field. So much field lore. You each undergo... Sally Fields over here. That's what I call a field trip. Oh, that's good. Oh, that's a good one. Each of you undergo an experience. Oh.

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Who would like to experience their experience first? Ooh, I shall experience my experience. Excellent. Kelsey, you open your eyes and you are in your childhood bedroom. It's like a peaceful, quiet Sunday morning. Give me an intelligence roll. Okay.

I'm a child, so I fumbled that. I've got 96. Okay. You are convinced that everything that just happened to you is a horrible nightmare. And you're actually a child and you just woke up from the strangest nightmare you've ever had. I could be a middle-aged teacher. And you were there. And you were there.

As you sit there gathering your wits, you hear the doorbell. Oh, okay. Yeah, I'm going to run down and go see who's there. You step out of your door. It swings open. And before you can get there, you see your parents answering the door. The door swings open, and there's a stern-looking young army officer standing at the door in his dress uniform. And he's got a package with him. And just from the look on his face, your father breaks down sobbing because they know what this is. They know what's happened. They know that their son John is dead.

We cut to, not cut to, you blink. Nature's cut. Nature's cut. You're sitting there sobbing at the kitchen table. Your parents are trying to talk to you, trying to explain what happened. That your brother John was shot through the chest at a place you've never heard of called Vimy Ridge. And in the back of your mind, something about that seems wrong. Something seems strange. You were like, didn't he die at Verdun? What happened?

What's going on? And they're showing you now his uniform and it has this clean hole straight through where his heart would be. Yeah, this didn't happen, mom. It's okay. It did happen, honey. It did happen and we need to accept it, but it's going to be hard and we're going to have to be brave together. And I know that John would have wanted you to have this too. And she hands you your charm bracelet.

But the bracelet, as you look at it, it's garbled. Like it's like trying to read text in a dream. Like it doesn't make sense. Like there's something about it that's shifting. It seems sharp. Like it hurts you when you touch it. You feel this twinge of pain as you reach out to it. And then you open your eyes again and you're at that table now, an adult with John grabbing him, warning him that he gets shot through the heart at Vimy Ridge. But as you're trying to say it, you're like, no, that's wrong. It's Edvard Dunn. It's Edvard Dunn. You snap back.

And you're in your bedroom again, your child again, and the loop continues. Now his uniform is ripped through the stomach. You're telling him that he caught shrapnel at Passchendaele. You hear that doorbell ring again and again. You hear your father sob. You see yourself warning your brother over and over, naming dozens of battlefields as you describe all manner of gruesome death to him. A grenade at Passchendaele, artillery fire at the Hundred Days Offensive, sniper fire on a risky night raid at the St. Quentin Canal, and you're in your bedroom again.

And you feel that bracelet, that charm bracelet, twitching, glitching, digging tighter and tighter into your wrist. The loop gets faster and faster, a blur of images, a whirlpool of grief and pain. You feel yourself getting sucked into something deeper and deeper and darker and faster than you could possibly comprehend. And then you feel a strong, ice-cold arm grab you from behind and you wake up. You're in a bed again. A big...

Victorian four-post bed, like in a big gothic mansion out of Pride and Prejudice or something like that. Candles are twinkling everywhere around you. There's a fire roaring in the fireplace. Not bad for a teacher's salary. Yeah.

You look down, you see you're wearing a billowy sleeping gown and you hear harpsichord music playing downstairs. Oh yeah. And the glitchy charm bracelet is still sort of digging into this. It's like a different house. Completely different. It's you're in a huge mansion. It feels like timeless, but you know, it has the feel of like a 17th century Gothic man. I will go slowly. Uh,

peek around to see what's making that music. You follow the sound to the door, and as you open the door, you see this long corridor stretching out into darkness. There's one of those old fucking candelabras, if you want to grab it. You like one of those? Is it dark? In the hallway? Yeah. Oh, then I'll grab the candle. I'm just trying to paint the scene. Yeah, I'll grab the candle. So as you walk down this mysterious hallway, you pass this line of portraits that seem to...

ancient warriors and powerful magicians, strange beings. Powerful magicians. Lance Burton. David Copperfield. Doug Henning. Mind Freak.

It's signed. It's Chris Angel. It's signed to my number one fan. And you see other portraits of what seem to be heroes and warriors from species strewn across the galaxy that you've never even seen before. Okay, this is a joke. Hello? The music stops for a second and then continues playing. Well, that's rude. Hello? I know you heard me. Yes, I did hear you. You hear the voice of Zuzel calling to you from below. Come to me, Kelsey. We have much to discuss.

And his voice echoes down the hallway. Can you come here? I mean, I'm okay. So it's like you're like a god or whatever. I'm a little scared. I find myself a little frozen in place right now. That's fair, Kelsey. You hear the harpsichord stop and you hear like the piano bench like scuffling and then you hear footsteps coming up these stairs and you see this shadowy twisting form of Zuzel

stepping closer and closer to you in the shadows and the light. And then as he comes forward again, like from the painting, you remember he had this sort of like non Euclidean writhing mass of muscle was what you remember. Now that writhing mass of muscle sort of like,

clad in like a silk shirt, like a billowy silk shirt. He's got pants on. He's got like, he just looks like he's out of a gothic romance novel or something like that. His face, his hideous face, he's covered with a golden mask and he steps up to you and says, you've awoken. Have you recovered? Uh, I mean, no, I, I'm healing in the tube and now I'm, I'm here.

What do you want with me anyways? Can we undo? Like, I just wanted, what are you going to do with me? I saved you. And now I wish to explain. Come with me. And he just walks off down the hallway. All right. You walk into the hallway and you just, you find yourself standing at the edge of a long stairwell descending into the biggest library you've ever seen. Just rows and rows and rows of ancient tomes of all.

manner of knowledge that you could possibly ever want to read just surrounds you. Have you read all these? Yeah, it's no big deal. I don't keep books that I haven't read, do you? Yeah, why not? You might read them again. You grab one of the books? Yeah. That's a good... I'm overwhelmed. So many books. It's the Prima Strategy Guide to Mist. That's how you beat it!

You don't need to worry about the blue or red pages. This is so Taylor's oldest time coded. Roll a D100 for me. 25. All right, what book did I get? Okay, Matt, I'm not shitting you. You grab this book, and it seems to be written in Greek, but for some reason you can understand it, and the title says Necronomicon. Oh, oh. Wow.

This is a V comma V. So, yes, it's this horrible ancient tome of dark and lost secrets and forbidden knowledge. And if you'd like to thumb through it, normally you'd have to spend weeks studying it. But for the price of one sanity roll, I will allow you to pick a spell.

Plumb the depths of the Necronomicon? I still have the ability to learn a spell, right? Because I have a spell I can learn. No, you were supposed to take two weeks to study the book to learn it, and you never did that? I have spells I want to use. All right, fine. You can use one of those spells, yes. But I'm not getting a second spell, you're saying? No, you get one spell. Oh, what? This is the same spell? You didn't read? You ever read the other book? No, I... There's a whole mechanic

mechanic for reading books and I put you in a whole time dilation chamber so you might have had the idea to use the two weeks you were hanging around in Bigfoot land to read a book and then you didn't do it. No, I thought you told me that I have a spell I could use. Okay, so now I have a spell I could use because I've been researching spells. Yes, if you've been, Matt Arnold has been researching spells, I will let you pick the spell. You plumb from the forbidden tome in Ekonomicon. So I flip through it and I go, first off, I look at Zuzel, I've learned enough to know not to say any of these words out loud so I think I'm going to be okay. And then I read through it and I go, ah,

That's the spell I want. You can hold on to what spell that is. Yeah, I have a few that I was thinking of saying I learned. I just wasn't sure when I would say I used it. Great. Is this like all knowledge in the world? Yes. Or more than the world? This is my humble abode, my palace in exile. This is where the powers that be banished me to. Oh, why did they banish you? Check it out, the Winds of Winter sign edition. Because.

Because the powers that be want to destroy our world. They fear me. They fear what I represent. Which is? Power. Oh. But the good kind. I would use it for good. They don't understand me. What do you consider good? Whatever Zuzel deems good, of course. Okay. No, you don't need to be defensive. I'm just trying to understand.

I just, a lot's going on. I'm sorry, I'm not used to conversation. It's been a while since I had anybody back here. No, he says, we met this moth guy and he's like, wants to help us, but eventually he's going to destroy us. And then he's saying the powers that be are going to destroy us. So I was like, oh, well, if the powers that be like got rid of you, maybe you're on our side. I wish. I'm trying to figure out what you want to do. I wish for all life to blossom. Oh, that's, wait. Wait.

My motivations are beyond your comprehension. Well, that's insulting. Okay. What does an ant know of what a human wants? Okay, well, you invited this ant over to your house, so what do you want from this ant? Come with me. And he leads you down the... I keep... Okay. Keep coming with me. There's more. The one I want to show you is down there. Oh, okay. I thought they were like, wow, you've got something better than this library. Pick the wrong person who would have it. Okay, I'm coming. Kelsey. Yes. When you traveled back in time...

Yeah. You awoke to something. You gained a glimpse at your true self. You see, there are many worlds and many realities, much like there are these many books you see. But there's only one you. There's only one Kelsey. There's only one self. A glorious thread being woven through the infinity of infinities. Wow. And you, Kelsey, are but a strand of that thread.

One of many woven together. Strand of the thread. Okay. When you went back in time and changed your timeline. I did? When you spoke to your brother, you altered the course of your fate and his. And you opened a hole in time and space and you pulled the thread that is Kelsey through it. I pulled myself? Okay. You are but one strand of this thread. When you warned your brother of his death, you tangled this thread and he...

And his, the visions you have been perceiving, are the many strands of your true self twisting into a loop that draws ever and ever tighter. It's threatened to overwhelm you until I saved you and brought you here. But still, it grows tighter and tighter around you. And around, and he grabs your wrist and holds up the bracelet. Around this.

So wait, I don't care about me. So wait, is my brother... So that happened? Did it change? Something has changed. I know not what. It's not my fate. It is yours. It's your fate that has changed. And its change involves this. Yes, I sense his fate woven into it as well. He sends you a message in this bracelet, in this bauble, this trinket. But to untangle your thread, to be free of these visions, you must decipher it. Or forget it entirely.

I can help you in whichever path you choose. I mean, can I open it and read it? Only with the vision, with the insight, with the power of your full knowledge of your true self can you decipher this message. As but a shadow of yourself, you're unable to decipher what it says.

But I can show you your true self, Kelsey. Okay. Are you showing me like a book or like, like what's the, well, how do I find his true self? I just, he steps up to this mirror, but the mirror is covered in a cloak. I can show you your true self, but you will be forever changed by what you see or any points to the flames. There's another big fireplace, a lot of fireplaces. There's another big fire or you may cast the bracelet into the fire and you will forget it ever existed, but you will be free of the visions that have been haunting.

you. Oh, no, I'm not. That's my brother's bracelet. No. Isn't it like most of your life trying to find out your true self? I have no problem. Yeah. Yeah. Let's look in the mirror. You can kind of sense again, he's got this mask on to keep him from freaking out, but you can see like a vibe of admiration when you say that the bravery of being like, fuck it. I want to see this. He respects it. Okay. He says very well.

Kelsey, as Zuzel sees her, as she truly is, and he pulls this cloak off of the mirror, and you're staring. Your mind reels just taking it in. It's you, but it's... But smoking hot. But smoking hot. But 55. But it's like you're one side of an infinite-sided beast.

dice, essentially. Like of an infinite-sided structure. Your flesh weaves and writhes around. Like the end of Interstellar? Like the book room? No, Matt, more like a D1000. Weirdly, what you look like is your body shifts and twists around the way that Zuzel's does. And as you look at this and you gaze at the sort of like

many manifold versions of Kelsey that all make up the one true Kelsey, the Ur-Kelsey, you realize that what you've been seeing in Zuzel is just all of one consciousness, all of one entity perceived in one dimension of time. And now you've gotten this multi-form look at your own persona, as it were, as it throws itself through time. And...

You become one with it as you're looking at it. And as you do, your gaze falls down onto that bracelet. Finally, you can see the charm bracelet for what it is and for the symbols that are on it. So here's what you see. Write this down.

An eye. Okay. Wait, the letter or the eyeball? An eyeball. Okay. An eye. Just say it, Will. An eyeball. It's an eyeball. One eye. Yep. Just the one. Yep. A compass. Compass. A peach. A peach. A bison. A bison. Okay. So far, I'm feeling a theme here. Peachyville bison. A lock. A lock. An hourglass. Hourglass. And a skull. Skull. Skull.

And this is in like one of those like... You should just find little charms in a charm bracelet, but that's the order they're in. So they are. They are like hanging little charms. Yeah. Remember you told your brother to fill it with charms for all the places he's been and now these are the charms that he's given you. Would you like me to tell you those again? No, I wrote them down. I got it. Okay.

You got it. For the audience, one more time, if they want to play along at home, those items were an eye, a compass, a peach, a bison, a lock, an hourglass, and a skull. By the way, I was thrilled to find out that all of these symbols have emojis. Oh! That's actually where they build emojis off of. We'll post the emojis in the Patreon. Don't worry about it. As all these four symbols sear into your memory, you wake up and you stumble out of the tube. Oh my god.

While that was happening, meanwhile, Beth, Trudy wakes up and your head is on a workbench. You see before you, you're sort of like opened body on this table with wires and gears all strewn out. And then Mothman pops up from beneath it. Remain calm, Trudy. You regained consciousness. Good. Where's Timmy? Timmy? So he turns your head towards Timmy and you see Timmy lying there and he says,

The one known as Timmy rests. I have yet to decipher the manner of his ailment. What do you mean? What's wrong with him? He goes over to Timmy and he turns his head towards you and you see like there's like a little puncture in his head where Mothman drew something out of him. He holds up this syringe. He says, this fluid surrounds his brain. It is a barrier between his brain and his body. It protects his brain, yet it keeps him in this state you see. So he's on Lexapro.

And he holds it up and it's this weird, like it looks liquid, but it's kind of crystalline as well. He says, Moth Jesus has never beheld a slime like this before, except in one place.

in your brain, Trudy. And he sort of like reveals, like he's got this other vial of like, when I first discovered you, I discovered this coating, your mind. Moth Jesus believes the secret to saving your son lies within you. It is some part of your design, your program, something that protects your mind and allows it to adapt to these many metal carapaces. And he gestures to your body.

So he needs more of the slime that's in me? No, we must decipher the nature of the slime. And to do that, Moth Jesus needs your help. Yes, anything. What? I must put you in contact with your own programming, with the architecture of your metal body. The information lies within its code, within its structure, within its architecture.

But to visualize it, I must link your mind directly with it using something called safe mode.

Are you ready to experience safe mode, Trudy? If it will save Timmy, then yes. Very well. Remain still for 10 seconds. And then he presses this mole on your shoulder and holds it. It doesn't feel like anything's happening at first. And then like after 10 seconds. And you're like, wow, 10 seconds is longer than I thought. You blink. And when you open your eyes, you are in like a sterile, cold, awkward,

office building. Like, it's desaturated. It's black and white in here, actually. It's like a sort of monochrome. There's a door in front of you, and the door says System Architecture. I open the door. Okay, on the other side of the door, you see this massive, seemingly endless expanse of filing cabinets, like these skyscraper high rows just stretching off into the infinite space.

You know that somewhere the information that you seek is in this expanse of this library, if you will, of all of this data. Is Arlo here? Oh, that's kind of fun. Yes. If you want to talk to Arlo, you can talk to Arlo, who's like an actual dog in this world, we'll say. Like he's an actual cocker spaniel. He's not like rigged up to a machine. Arlo, I'm looking for information. I'm looking for help to save... Hi, Trudy. My son. Hi, Arlo. Yes. It's me, Arlo. Yes, Trudy.

Do you know if there's a filing cabinet about slime or goo? Slime? Hmm, let me think. Oh, gee whiz. I'm only the version of Arlo that exists in your memory. So I only know what you know. Oh.

But maybe you could use your library skills to find your way through this library. That's what Arlo would do. Arlo is a very good dog and very smart, and Arlo likes to use his skills. Yes, of course, Arlo. Yes, and I will use my knowledge of the Dewey Decimal System to find out slime. Okay, give me a library use roll.

This will be an extreme difficulty. Oh, of course. Oh, I actually have more library use than I thought. I pass. What? Holy shit. I got a three. What? Okay, I'm so happy. That's great. So as you think and you recall the Dewey Decimal System and you bring this to your mind, you feel something inside you kind of break open.

Like, as you're digging around and you're engaging this part of yourself, you feel it's almost like now that Tucker has died, now that you're off truly, finally well and on your own, it's like the shackles and their strengths that he was trying to put on you as well. Like this sort of like little box that you had been stuck in for all these years has burst open. Arlo reappears and he says, oh, you've unlocked administrator access. Yeah.

Oh, wow. Do you know what that means, Trudy? Maybe it means that as a woman, I finally have agency over my own future, present, and past. It means that, and it means that you have complete control over your system architecture. He runs off down the corner, and he comes back with this in his mouth. It's a user manual for an iMac. What? So...

Will brought Beth a paper. Then I saw what it was, but I will not say it to spoil it. It is a Trudy Trout character sheet with... That's just your character sheet. Yeah, it's just my character sheet. So you can now, while you are inside your own system architecture, at will, redistribute any of your skill points. What? Ooh. Go hard guns. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

I know. Francis already picked DPS, but you can pick DPS better now. Yeah. It's like that scene in the Matrix where she learns how to fly a helicopter. You

You had that killer library use role. So in addition to this, you can also roughly approximate the direction you need to go to the brain slime category of your system programming. Okay. I'm going to take the 20 points that I had put into fighting slash spanking and put them into psychology. Oh, so they'll bring up to 60 psychology. Yeah. Sick. If you want, do you have any points in spy hidden?

Just take all that. We got a spot hidden right here. Take all those points. You don't need no spots. Get some more psychology, Beth. Let Kelly be your eyes. Yo, it's been Max's thing. Describe to me what Trudy goes through internally as you are losing spanking ability and gaining psychological insight. It's really tough. She's going back and kind of going through...

her programming as like a mother and like a disciplinarian kind of figure with Timmy. Every time he talked back out of pain and she reacted in anger and every time she didn't listen to him and every time she dismissed what he was feeling because it didn't align with what she wanted or what her goals were.

And now she's just kind of opening up to his experience of everything of the last like 10 years. Damn. Okay. Don't let Will talk over your min-maxing. Get that spot hidden shit and get some. I'm going to take 10 out of my spot hidden. Get some more shit in there. Out of your spot hidden. Yes, I'm going to drop that down to 50 and put 10 more into psychology. Oh, wow. That's right. All right. Explain that to me. How are you getting slightly less good at seeing things, but also 10% wiser?

That's psychological understanding. Because you don't need your eyes to see, man. To look internally. Where we're going, we don't need eyes. Boom. Freddie got it. Got it in one. Okay, Beth, give me a spot, hit, and roll. Okay.

If I fail this, I'm going to be pissed. Oh, yay. Okay. I got a 21. Okay. As you were walking down the hallway, having these big sort of life-changing epiphanies, you notice, but not quite as fast as you would have had you not rearranged your stats, a giant, scary computer bug dropping down from these towering heights between you and where you need to go. And it's like a big robot beetle. And it goes...

And it glares at you and like his eyes seem to lock onto you. I'm going to try to intimidate it. Okay. This is my own brain and if I want you to turn into a smaller bug fly or a moth then I can

I can make that happen. What is your intimidate score? And remember, you can juice it if you would like to. 45. I will say this bug does not look easily intimidating. So if you want to move some, you can move these around. You can put it right back afterwards. You can do whatever you want. All right. I'm going to take my 55 out of charm and put it in intimidate. Are you going all in? Yeah. Okay. Uh,

I would have to fail pretty bad. So you're now at a, you're at 100. Intimidate. Yep. Okay, describe to me now this version of Trudy that is absolutely terrifying and has zero charm whatsoever that you shift into. I think she's doing an impersonation of Tucker. Oh, I got to hear that. Hey, bug, move. Oh, I like that. Give me a roll.

12. Okay, the bug, absolutely terrified, just scurries away and zips down the hallway. You find yourself now, this super intimidating, psychologically adept, spanking resistant version of yourself. You find yourself at the bottom of what you know to be the right filing cabinet that stretches, yawning up into the sky above you. How do you want to get up there?

I'm going to take 45 from Intimidate and put it into Climb. And you shift, you turn into Alex Honnold. Yep. How much are you taking out of Intimidate? 55 out of Intimidate. So you're back to normal Intimidate. Yes. That brings you to 75 at Climb. Five.

Fuck, I failed. I got an 81. Oh, I'm going to use luck. I'm going to use six points of luck. OK, so I'm down to 34. Oh, no. OK, great. So you're climbing up this thing, scaling with seemingly like all of a sudden super innate knowledge of how to scale a large structure like this. And, you know, like with good hand grip placement. Now, you're a climber. You know what you're doing.

And your foot slips because one of the filing cabinet doors breaks off and you find yourself flailing. But then your hand shoots out at the last second and you grab onto a file and you slam down and you realize you're looking right at the file that you need to access. However, it's locked. It's a Unix system. I know this. I'm going to take 20 seconds.

From swim, 20 from throw, 10 from track. All right, so zero swim, zero track, and zero throw? And I'm going to put that in locksmith. Okay, give me a locksmith roll. I fail. As you fail this roll, you hear Tucker's voice saying, Unauthorized user detected. Unauthorized user detected. And then all of a sudden you see Arlo scooting up next to you and says, Hey, are you supposed to be in here, Trudy? I think...

I think, yes, I am. I think this is the first time I'm really, really, really supposed to be in here. Okay, well, I just, I would recommend you do whatever you gotta do pretty quick because this system gets pretty mad and something bad might happen to you if you don't get out of here. I'm gonna push my roll. Okay. Ooh, I like that. I succeed. Fuck yes. 31. Describe to me what crazy thing you do to push this lockpicking roll. I think that I...

I have like, I don't know, maybe like a bobby pin in my hand and I'm trying to use it to pick this lock on this file, but I need more pressure. And so to do that, I have to let go of my other hand holding me upright. Ooh, okay. And use two hands to put it into the lock. The lock springs open and clicks open. The file pops out. You pull out this glittering glyph of a page of data. It's like numbers flying across this piece of paper at blinding speed.

It almost hurts to look at, but as you pick it up and you look at it, it's like some part of your brain is downloading this information and it vanishes from your hands. As you do that and you close the file, you hear these alarms going louder and louder and louder, and you hear the booming voice of Moth Jesus kind of speaking into your ear, but you can hear it in here. Judy.

Safe mode grows unsafe. I must eject you from the program. You have one minute. Get out of there. Trudy, I must right-click you and eject you safely. I have pressed control. I will soon press alt and delete.

Now I'm going to give you one minute on the clock to redo your character sheet. Oh my gosh. Just think about all the things that are good. Starting now. First off, no spot hidden. I guess this is just going to be one minute of silence. Do you want to? I literally can't. I can't do this. Matt, you do it. You are now hearing me from best Mike. She has a Celsius in front of her, keeping her energy high. She's doing some math.

Her hand, unfortunately, because she's left-handed like a lot of weird people, I can't see what she's writing. But it appears that she is. Let me see her. Ooh, she's getting rid of history. Good thing. Don't need that, especially not anymore. No, I'm putting everything in history. Oh, you're putting everything in history. It's for archives. Oh, okay. She's looking at the archives. I also see that Beth on her computer is buying presents for all of us. No, I'm not. 20 seconds. You got this. You got this.

She got rid of some of her jump ability, so hopefully she doesn't have to jump. Okay. Ten, nine. I'm done. Oh, she's done. Okay, great. You burst back to consciousness and you snap back to your body, which Mothman is now in the process of screwing back onto your torso. What did you see? I saw my archives.

I just need to roll and get better than a 95. Whoa! You got a 95 in history? I put 95 points in history. Holy shit. Any other highlights? Give us the synopsis of your respect. Uh,

I took all of my points out of firearms. I took my five points out of ride. I took 20 points out of drive auto, my 20 points out of jump, and then 10 points out of accounting. And so you now have 95 points in history. Yes. But next year, the IRS is going to come after you.

Okay, we'll say for doing that, you also, like, there was just a bunch of weird dump data in there about, like, the history of Peachyville. So you now have, like, full knowledge of the entire history of the town. Well, that's great. That you can access whenever you wish. Who would like to go next? Blake will go. All right, while that is going on, while Trudy is unlocking the innermost chambers of herself, and Kelsey is doing likewise, Blake Lively. Mm.

Yes. You find yourself. You're just having the same, same boring old anxiety dream. And it's that dream you've had so many times before. Ah, yes. You're deep in a sewer staring down the barrel of a big rusty pipe. Yes. You know at any moment a bunch of yucky green slime is going to come bursting through this pipe to flood the whole room.

Lucky for you, though, you've got a big bag full of pipes that you can connect to it to keep the slime flowing safely away from you and around the room. Yes, the pipes need to go around. But there's one problem. All your different types of pipe are jumbled together, and you never know which one's going to come out of your bag. Ah, yes, I hate it. Wait a minute. Looks like you're going to need to think on your feet to survive this pipe dream. No!

No! You're making me play a game? Freddy, I'm gonna send you a link right now. Holy shit. This is Will's Jezball revenge. Thankfully, Piedream is fucking...

It's fucking easy. Anthony, you're familiar with the classic LucasArts game, Pipe Dream, aren't you? Yes, I am. Could you explain it for our audience at home? Yes. Freddie, you have as long as it takes Anthony to explain the concept to familiarize yourself with level one of Pipe Dream. All right. Pipe Dream is a single player puzzle game that takes place on a gridded board. On one end of the board is the pipe entry. On another end of the board is the pipe exit. You are given certain tiles with a randomized series of T-junctions, straight lines, quarter pieces, etc.

et cetera. And your job is to connect the entry point to the exit point using ideally as few tiles as possible. Sometimes there are additional obstacles like, oh, you can't put any tiles at all on this block or these two tiles must connect or this tile is already set in stone, et cetera. But it's basically just a sort of a jigsaw puzzle with a

plumbing theme. It falls in the milieu of like Windows 98 came with the computer games like 3D Space Kid at pinball and ski free and jazz ball and that kind of thing. They should be in the same shelf on the Smithsonian. I'm ready. You're ready. All right. So you've now played level one of Pipe Dream. We are going to be playing level 25 of level 25. We can do level 21. Why don't we do level 21? I'll take it easy on you. Roll a d20 for me.

14. At the end of this, if you beat this level, you're going to get an immediate 14-point boost to your mechanical repair score, which is you overcoming your anxiety that you're a shitty plumber. If you fail, you will have a 14-point permanent sanity loss. Now I ask you, Freddie, would you like to re-roll your dice?

No, I'll go with 14. Okay, great. This is like my jazz ball. Matt or Beth, would you like to do the honors of narrating? Level 20. Which level? Level 21. Blake Lively, on your mark, get set, go. So Beth, there's green slime is going to come out of one of those pipes and he's trying to build a whole maze of pipes around to keep it from erupting onto the playing field. Oh, that's great. Well, he's building pipes. How's he doing? Has the slime started yet? Oh, the slime has just started. The slime is going to the left.

Slowly. And now it's about to go down. There it goes. How does Freddy seem? How's his mental condition? Freddy seems pretty calm. He's got me right in his ear. So that would be stressful. Oh, it seems like the slime has jumped across the map. That's wild. Through some sort of slime portal. A slime portal indeed. But Freddy seems calm and collected. And his score is really jumping up. He's got a score of 650. Uh-oh. The slime's closing in, Freddy. How are we doing? The slime is getting pretty close. Oh.

Oh, I'm done. You won. Well, no, I didn't win, but I got the next level. Well... I'm at the next level! Okay, alright. I'll give you double or nothing if you beat the next level. Okay.

I already fucked up. He already fucked up. I don't understand what the rules of this. Yeah, me neither. Oh, good stuff. Hold on. You're distracting him, Will. Sounds like he is doing a double or nothing. Sounds like he is. He's locked in. He's either going to get 28 points to his mechanical repair score right now, or he's going to lose 28 points of sanity. Wow. Of his precious 85 sanity. Man, everybody got, like, stat increases. I got riddle. Yeah.

Kelsey got a cool thing that will be revealed later. Oh, wow. That's also known as a riddle. How are we doing, Freddie and Beth? How's it going over there? I think it's going pretty well. I like Beth as a sports announcer, just quiet. How's the sport going over there? They're playing pretty well. I think we're having a good time. If I were a sports announcer, I'd be like, did you see that?

I can't do that. I think Freddie won the level. I think I won the level. All right. Wow. Wow. Quadruple or nut-nut. All right, Blake. As you chase this pipe around laying... As I lay pipe all over the screen. Lay thick pipe. You managed to... Let me tell you, let me... Hold on. A little commentary from the pro gamer here. Here's the trick. When you get a pipe that isn't going to fit right away, throw it over to the corner somewhere. Just chuck pipes all over the place. Actually, I think that that hurts your score, but...

That's what I was doing. And then as the little green liquid was coming, I'd be like, this pipe will go right over there in front of it. Very, very grommet-pilled, you know? When he's like, you know? Classic grommet strategy. Well, that's been the post-game analysis with Freddie Wong. Thanks, everyone. I felt really good. I'd like to thank God. I'd like to thank...

As you're doing this, you manage to successfully connect this pipe and run through time and overcome your internal anxiety about your shocking backstory fact that you've never been certified as a plumber, which I believe was what you told me. Correct. Steve Darkseeker was. And as you're feeling pretty good about yourself, you hear a door open behind you. I'm working. Oh, oh, um, uh, is, is Miss Grammar here? What?

No, no, this is just, this is the toilet. Have you turned around or are you still working? I'm still working. Oh, okay. I was looking for, do you know Miss Grammar? Yes. Milton. That's Milton. Can you tell her that Milton's looking for her? I turn around now after hearing the first. Also, you smell the distinct smell of wet peanut butter. I would know that smell anywhere. It is the child Milton. Child Milton.

Child Milton. Oh, he's flushing wet peanut butter down the toilet. You have clogged your entire block with your peanut butter shenanigans. I actually prefer Child Milton to Big Bang Theory. I just like the way it smells, Mr. Lively. Holy fucking shit. I like watching the peanut butter roll down the toilet. You listen here, you little shit. I like watching it. It's funny. American porcelain is not ready for this. Alas, I can't watch it anymore because as you see, I don't have eyes anymore. What the hell?

Oh my god. So you see that in fact, in punishment for Francis scooping out the eyes of her son, Ma Anderson has taken Milton's sight from him. Well fortunately, me and my friend here, Bebe, have found a way to sort of access a different kind of sight and we can send people messages now and stuff through our dreams. It's pretty cool. And you hear like, you hear in the background you hear another voice like, did you get, did you get Kelsey? Did you get her? Kelsey, it's me! It's me, Bebe! Hey, we've been captured! I found

we've been captured! Children, I do not know you. What a good adult. That rules. Please, please abdicate the vicinity. You wake up.

I feel very much like I understand plumbing now. You see? You should be using PVC glue to connect the joints together. It was so obvious this whole time. But now, now I see that the glue needs to cure first.

I have learned a lot in this dream. You sure have, and not the thing you were supposed to learn. Oh, well. Well, he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Not my problem. Francis, while all of that has been going on. Wait, so what do I, so my shit changes, right? Yes, you got 14 more points to your mechanical repair. 28! I doubled nothing! Oh, doubled, that's right. Alright, so your mechanical repair score is now what, Freddy? 35 plus 28.

Equals 63. Excellent. Congratulations. You're finally a pretty good plumber. Nice. You're slightly better than average. Real I know Kung Fu moment over here. Finally, I can feel good about my ad in the yellow pages. Call Blake for your adequate plumbing needs. Okay. While all that is going on, Francis.

As the goo ensconces you, you feel yourself floating, and then you realize you're floating in the air. And you see twinkling lights above you, and you feel the rush of wind all around your body.

I'm flying, I guess. It's like that comic I don't read. Do you want to fly around a little? What do you want to do? I'm going to look down and see exactly what I'm over. Okay, so you are over the lights of Peachyville. You see Peachyville beneath you, and you have an immediate sense that this isn't a dream, that you've kind of projected your consciousness out into space. Astral projection, dude! And you're soaring around, and you see the few lights that are on because it's pretty late at night, but you also see...

glowing lights, like these strange glowing lights that you realize are people and they're people that are asleep. And the people that are awake are kind of walking around. Pervert powers. The people that are awake, you are kind of like ephemeral, shady, you know, sort of wisps of people and you can't quite see them as well, but you're in some sort of liminal space. Give me a spot hidden role.

Oh, that's a failure. That's a 95. Okay, well, in that case, you see nothing. As you hear a voice behind you say, oh, hey, new person up here. I turn around. As you turn around, you also see nothing behind you, but you hear a voice behind you again say, oh, gotta be a little faster than that to catch Sneaky Pete.

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Oh, no. Oh, my God. Hey, Francis, how's it going? Oh, well, it was going pretty cool. I didn't realize that you could project yourself out here like Sneaky P. You could do that, too? Yeah, that's how I sneak around. Oh, God. So you know when people are sleeping? I know when people are sleeping. That sucks. I know when they're awake. I can see into their dreams. I've seen into your dreams, young man. Oh, man.

And let me say, I like your style. Oh, I don't like that. You're an artist, kid. I feel like there's another Sneaky Pete coming into the world when I look at you. Oh, man. This sucks. I hate you so much. Sneaky Pete, I fucking hate you so much. No, I don't appreciate that, but I can... So wait, are you asleep? No, I'm projecting myself.

here into the shade world, just like you. The world between the waking world and the dream world. I'm going to see if I can look around and see a light that is maybe a little bit off color or has a weird brightness that I don't recognize to see if maybe that's Sneaky Pete because he's going to be the only person that's in a liminal space like that of him. Looking for me astral projecting, huh? You don't know that yet! You know, I'm trying to look and you're not going to see anything because technically I'm awake just like you. And he points down to where you are.

and he sees that you are just a gray shade, like everybody else lying in this tube. It'd be hard to sneak around and spy around here if people could just see where you were. Yeah, but there's no idea. Like, wait, wait, are there other people that can access the astrophotos? You gotta be careful up here. There's all sorts of nasty creatures out, not nice fellas like you and me, Francis, but real creepos out here. Uh, describe them. Do you know what a nightmare is, Francis? Do you know the etymology of that word? I do.

It's from the Scandinavian. That's right. Wow. I didn't realize you were such an academic. Yeah. There's certain shades out here, certain people. They kind of look like those sleep paralysis demons you get sometimes. You got to be careful because they'll get you. Yeah. Yeah. But while you're up here, it's loads of fun. You can peep into people's dreams. You can check on people that you think are maybe up to no good. That's why a lot of people use it to snoop on people. That's what Sneaky Pete does before he kills them, of course. Oh, you kill people. Yeah.

Well, that's less gross than what I thought was going to happen. That's almost a relief. Hello!

I like to give them nightmares first and scare them a little bit and then kill them in the way that was in their nightmare. That's fine. As long as there's nothing sexual about the nightmares. No, they're just spooky nightmares. You went up a couple of notches in my estimation, Sneaky Pete. Oh, well, thank you very much. It's not that high. You're still very low, but okay. Well, there's my three o'clock and you see there's a kid like falling asleep. He's like, I got to go scare that kid's dreams a little bit, but I'll see you later. Have fun up here. And then he dives down to scare this kid. He's so doctor sleep coded.

So I'm going to fly to my own house and check on my parents. Okay, your parents are just hanging out watching TV. I'm going to try to yell at them. Hey, guys. Hey, can you see me? Can you sense me in any way? They do not react to you. Okay, in that case, I'm going to find Shane Silva. Okay. As you're doing that, give me another spot hidden roll. Okay. That is a 40.

What is my spot hidden? It's 25. Okay, then nevermind. So you see, sure enough, Shane Silva sleeping in his bed. Big Shane or little Shane. This is a little Shane. Did you want big Shane or a little Shane? I was going to go to little Shane's house, hoping that big Shane might be there. Okay. Well, little Shane is here and he's asleep in his bed.

Race car bed. His race car bed. Formula One leg. He's got a bandage over his leg that is kind of raised up, you know, to keep the, you know, like, I don't know, just it's healing right now. It's still a pretty gnarly wound, but he's got it all patched up. But he is sort of tossing and turning in what seems to be a distressing dream. Oh, okay. I'll jump in that dream. Okay, you dive in the dream and you see Shane crucified on a cross. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

You find yourself in a long, long line of people going up to Shane. And you recognize them as the other weirdos and bullied nerds at school. Yeah, the kid that works at the fucking theater. Yeah, Sticky Rick is there. Sticky Rick. Sticky Rick's there. And all of them are holding a big rock. And one by one, they're going up to Shane and saying, like, frick off, Shane! And then they throw the rock at him, and it pelts him in his bare chest. They're crucifying him, Antstonium? He's like, thank you, thank you, thank you, I deserve that. Crucifying Antstonium, that's a real hat on a hat. Ha ha!

Choose one. As the line progresses, it's your turn now. And in your hands, the spear of longitude. I'm going to summon my Ava. Shane looks down at you and like his eyes well with tears and he's like actually like kind of overjoyed to see you. And he says, Francis.

Francis, oh my God, are you really here? Wowee! And he jumps off of the cross and he lands on the ground next to you. They didn't tie that very well at all, did they? Well, he sort of like pulls the nails out and like leaps down and he sort of hobbles over to you and gives you this big hug. He says, I am so glad to see you, man. I just...

I am so sorry for everything I put you through. Like, well, I've just been through such a harrowing ordeal lately and I'm having these nightmares. But I think like I really it just it was just a wake up call. And I just like I've been such a bad guy. And I just want you to know, I know it's not the real you. I know it's just some version of you in my dream, but I feel so guilty about the hell I put you through, man. And I just want to say I'm sorry. So Francis is going to lean over and pat the stump on his leg and say, you're welcome.

What do you mean I'm welcome? You're cured now. You're not an asshole anymore. Oh, okay. Oh, okay. For a second, I thought it meant... Never mind. Never mind what I thought. I thought it meant you maybe, but probably no one knows. So anyway...

This is like in Billy Madison where he's like, I'm glad I called that guy. Well, I'm so glad that you've had a change of heart. Yeah, man. What happened to your leg anyway? So, and then you blink and now he's like one-legged pushing a boulder up a hill in hell as you're kind of sitting on the boulder and he's talking to you. Oh, let me help you with that. Oh,

thanks very much. It's just, well, you know, I don't know. I think it, I mean, a lot of crazy stuff was happening in that boxing match. I mean, you were there. Gosh, I hope you got out. You know, we don't know. They still haven't found some of the bodies, you know? No, no. So they don't know what happened to you. They don't know what happened to Kelsey or that fellow, Mr. Collette. God, he's not a very nice guy. I'll tell you that much. I hope so. What the hell? He tried to get me to bleed on him so he could slide down this pit. This, this vent he was stuck in. Yeah.

This is the vision. This is the vision in his head. In his head, guilt manifesting. Yeah, Tony Claude's also in hell. That's right, you belong down here. You're the one person I don't particularly care to be nice to anymore. You're on the boulder, like, running along as it rolls. Will you listen here, kid? I rented you a car. Hey, shut up. You're dead. Or am I? I'm in his mind. I live on forever. You know they say you die twice. Once when you're- Tony Claude, that's the last time I'm ever going to say it.

I live on as you remember me. So Shane looks at you and now he is tied to a big rock and you're like a little bird eating his liver. And he says, there's just, oh, geez, Francis. I feel like this weight's been lifted off of me, but there's just one thing that really still stresses me out. Yeah. It's just...

my dad, you know? Like he can barely look me in the eye now and he's just so shaken by what's happened and he's just become so obsessed with figuring out what happened to me down there. You know, I just told him it was probably, who knows, but he really, really, really needs an answer and he's just been locked away at the office all night. He's just been staked out just trying to figure it out. It's like he's getting obsessed and he keeps talking about like he's getting closer to the truth, but I don't know what he's talking about. You're a smart kid. I remember stealing your homework and you having some pretty insightful things to say. Ha ha ha.

What do you think? When I wake up, I just want to call my dad and find a way to talk to him, to connect with him. What would you suggest I say to him?

Well, I think what your dad is doing is he's probably trying to process the trauma of you losing your leg and and or future as a sports star. Yeah. And he's trying to throw himself into his work so he can feel like he has some control over the universe, even though the universe is inherently chaotic. And so I feel like the actual move for him to do is not focus so much on solving the case and more focus on being there for his son who needs him.

Wow, Francis, that's great. Yeah, I would say, so again, priority one, drop the case. Second priority, spend time with your son. Wow, okay, yeah, I'll give that some thought. You know, once he comes home tonight from the police station, I'll just, I'll see if I can have a heart-to-heart with him. You're a good kid, Francis, and I just, sorry again. And he gives you a hug, and then he wakes up, and you are booted out of his dream. And you become aware of a new glowing light

At the police station. I go check on Big Shane. As you fly over to the police station, you see Big Shane Silva slumped over on his desk. He's been burning the candle at both ends. Clearly for days, he's got stubble all over his face. Empty coffee cups, a go-go out here. Chinese takeout. Huh? How do you do that? Do what?

Bernie, do you hold a candle in the middle? Yeah, and it's got like the wick at both ends. And I guess, I don't know. That's a good question. I mean, I assume that's how it goes. Dude, it's a spinning candle like Darth Maul's lightsaber. Darth Maul, just fucking Victorian Darth Maul with a big candelabra pointing both ways and he lights a candle on one end and then dramatically on the other. Careful, careful, Obi-Wan. That Darth Maul is working far more than he should be. I want you to have this, your father's candle.

Master, be careful. It would burn twice as hard, but not as long. Why don't they sell raised candle in stores? Okay, so... Hello there. You...

Pretty good, right? Pretty good. Pretty good, huh? Pretty good. Just generic voice. Shut up! Just generic voice? What do you mean just generic voice? So you see Chain slumped over at his desk. He's got a big, you know, stack of folders he's been working through. You can see on his walls, photos, reports and stuff like that. And he seems to be also like his son sort of fitfully tossing and turning in a dream. Can I check to see what he's working on? Oh, yeah. Okay. So you see he's

he's got a whole tableau reconstructing what he thinks happened the night of the fire at the old weird bunker on the edge of town. And so he's got the path of the fire. He's tacked photos of the victims where they found them. They all seem to be matched to dental records, but then he's also got like this big wall of unidentified victims.

And front and center are four people he knows were there based on reports and based on the movements that were going around town that have yet to be found and yet to be discovered. And they are Kelsey Grammer, Trudy Trout, Tony Collette and Francis Farnsworth. And he seems very preoccupied on them because, of course, they're the ones he ran into the day before. They seem to be popping up all over the place. Isn't Trudy still at home like Robot Trudy? Oh, that's a good point.

Yeah, he probably went and talked to her. Don't the public think that she's still... Yes, no, you're right. Yes, Trudy is not there. Trudy is not there. But he's suspicious of her. There's a question mark around Trudy because she was seen in the vicinity, but also seen at home at the same time. So something doesn't add up. Francis, this is your chance to frame Tony Goulet. Ha ha ha!

This is your chance to frame Tony Collette for your crime. You know what? Never mind. Tony Collette. That's a great name. You're not dead. That rules. So yes, you see that. And he's also clearly digging into like the activities of the bison cult itself. He's got a map of Peachyville up. He's got Tucker's house circled and there's a... Oh, he's not working for us.

He's also got the zoo and the library circled as well. And he seems to be working out something. He's trying to figure out how you guys and whatever is going on in the town are connected because clearly they are. All right, now I jump into his head. You jump into his head and you're in like a fucking...

jazzy Twin Peaks ass fucking Mind Palace nightclub. It's like an art exhibit of his mind and the things that are preoccupying it. Why am I holding champagne? The pieces of evidence that are still puzzling him about that night. Alcoholic. Yes, he's sipping a scotch as he broods and he hasn't seen you yet, but he's walking around and like exhibit one, the bullet, the shell recovered from

the scene of his son's shooting. And he's like, it's a Kar98, a German Nazi rifle. What could that possibly be doing here? Next to the shell is a model of a Kar98 gun also standing there. He's got more of the photos. He's got more of the evidence. He's got blood spatter analysis. The walls around him in the room are all painted with the splatter of the blood splatter

that hit the wall when you shot Shane. But front and center, like the main thing in the room is this big painting, but the frame is empty. And above it are the words written, who shot my son? And he's kind of staring at it, just wracked with ice, sweating, trying to figure this out. So presumably because it's all the evidence and everything, they're also like,

of all the suspects and stuff somewhere on these walls and stuff like that? Yeah. Okay, cool. So I'm going to walk up to Big Shane and go, that gum you like is coming back in style. What? Sometimes my arms go back. I'm the answer that you seek. You're the Francis? You're the answer? No, not in that way. Of course. I'm giving you the answer. Oh my, you are giving me the answer. It all makes sense. No, no, no. It's all starting to make sense. You know what makes sense? Car 98.

Car 98. Cars. Cars. Cars. Cars. Tony Collette pretended to be in World War II. He probably got his hands on a German rifle to try to justify that story. The rifle must belong to him. And if he's the one who has the rifle, he's a man, so he could go into the boy's bathroom.

Which is where Shane got shot. And he must have done that. And he's missing, so he's clearly run away from the crime scene. Maybe he's one of those Bisons. Maybe because young Shane Silva is such a strong athletic chap, maybe the Bisons thought he was a threat. And they sent their best man, Tony Collette, into a bathroom.

With a car 98. But my son, he said he saw Mr. Collette. He said he saw Tony Collette in the air vent afterwards. That doesn't make any sense. Why would he be in there? Unless, no. Give me a persuade roll. He used the air vent to get into the bathroom to shoot him. Yeah, that's the same air vent. Give me a persuade roll. Okay. I got an 83 out of...

10 so that was never going to work he seems almost convinced for a second he's like yeah I guess it could wait wait no no no my brain wouldn't send why would it send you here to tell me why would it send Francis unless Francis is trying to trick me

unless Francis, it's all been, oh my God, it all makes sense. It was you. It was him. It was. The last thing you see right before he wakes up with a start is your face holding that car 98 sort of like fade into that who killed my son. I grabbed a picture of Tony Collette. I tried to like paste it over. Paste it over your own face. Over my face. Oh,

and he wakes up with a start and you're now back in his office and you see him frantically like grabbing like the nearest piece of paper he can to start furiously scribbling something Francis did it what I guess I gotta kill

Give me one more spot hidden roll. If only Kelsey were here. 82, no. Okay, so in that case, you don't see anything until you turn around and you see two shadows. First, it just seems like, oh, weird. I guess that's just like the shadow from a coat rack or something like that, but the lighting doesn't make sense. And you realize there's no coat rack there. There's just two sort of

dark silhouettes. Avashda Narada. Just standing in the room and their eyes are somehow even darker than the pitch black shadow that they are just staring at you. What's that? They just look at you for a second and you hear one of them say, don't be afraid. I mean, I'm not. I'm not here. Boom! They're like two inches in front of you. Okay, now I'm afraid. Jesus Christ. Don't be afraid. You need to work on your delivery. Yeah!

You're doing a good job of making me not afraid. They grab you by the hand and you feel this searing hot pain in your hand. You feel your flesh burning, something being burned into you like a brand. And these demons lock eyes with you and you hear them say, we will find you, Francis. And right as the pain gets incredibly intense, you snap awake and you stumble out of the tube.

And as you sort of come to and the slime drips off of your body, you look down at your hand where they grabbed you and there's a spiral burned into your flesh. Guys, we've got to fight Sneaky Pete. I think he's going to kill a bunch of kids. Francis, what was your personalized YouTube algorithm like?

I got a lot of gameplay videos. I saw a guy like restore sight to 100 people, but he was religious stuff. Yeah, it was weird. I didn't meet Zuzel.

Okay, well, I... It turns out that two things. One, now I and Sneaky Pete can astral project, so that's something to be worried about. And two... Wait, you can just, like, now? Or was it part of the tube thing? I don't know if I can do it at will now. I hope I can. Don't do it at me. That'd be cool. What? Oh, yeah, yeah. I don't know, but Sneaky Pete can definitely do it as much as he wants, so, like, you know, hide your kids, hide your wife situation. But...

The bigger thing is that Shane seems to be convinced that I shot his son. Big Shane. I mean, you did. Let's not point fingers here. Stop looking towards the past. I'm looking towards the future. And right now, Big Shane thinks I did it. So that's something we're going to have to deal with sooner or later. Also, I got this. What if you wrote a book that says if I did it? I think...

Maybe when this is all done, it'll be a good thing to take responsibility for what you did. And, you know, right? Did you take responsibility for all those people you beat the shit out of when you were a boxer? And like, you know, it's a sport license. They kind of tell you they kind of. Yeah. Did you kill anybody? No. Are you sure? Are you sure?

I hope your parents tell you that there's a trade punching people and boxing and shooting unarmed children in the bathroom. Are you sure? You haven't killed anybody in the ring accidentally? Not that I know of. Oh, well. You're right.

Well, if I did, I will take responsibility for it. We'll both go to the police station together then. Okay, we'll both go to the police station. I'm not going to go to the police station. I will tell them. I will tell the police I've boxed and somebody might have died since I boxed them. And you tell them you shot Shane in the leg. Okay, well, when you put it that way, I don't think that's actually a good idea. No, Shane's going to kill me. Oh, I will not let that happen. That's not justice. You're not going to have me say I'm going to get in prison and somehow accidentally hang myself with my fucking bedsheets. Oh.

Well, okay. The door slides open and Moth Jesus enters with Trudy. Kelsey runs to Trudy to give her a hug. You're alive! Kelsey! How are you? Do you feel the same? No. I feel different. I feel very different. How different? So different. And I have to fix Timmy. Not fix him. I need to help him. Oh, is he okay? Is he alive? I mean, he's alive, but where is he? Where is he? He's back in the room that you were in. He's back in the room I was in!

Do you want to tell us how he is or should we go look at how he is? I'm going to go look at how he is. Moth Jesus has sort of like hooked Timmy up to some basic like life support gizmos to keep him stable. But he's still basically in a coma. Like he's just lying there and machines are more or less keeping him alive right now. Moth Jesus says, it is urgent that you find a means to help young Timmy. Yet it is also urgent that you defeat the bison cult.

so that the moth people may inhabit this world thousands of years, and you may save your home. I thought I did find the means of helping him. I thought I found the thing. Alas, there is.

A complication. Machi just slams his hands under these two glowing orbs that are like on a little sort of like computer array in front of him. This image appears before you and it's like a 3D model twisting in space of a chemical protein, incredibly complex, like this labyrinthine structure. And he's looking at it and he says, this is the protein that coats your brain, that coats your son's brain. The one that is slowly killing him. This is not in Britannica. Um,

Chemical section. I'm going to write this down. It is beyond Jesus' knowledge to understand monotheism.

Moth Jesus hopes to be able to create an anti-protein to save your son. Yet it is beyond my knowledge. However, there is a clue. And he like zooms into part of the data and you see almost like an alien language scrawled onto the side of this thing. He says, this protein seems to have been created by one known as the doll maker.

Find the doll maker and you shall save your son. Doll maker? I hope that's not sneaky pee. Monk Jesus, do you know where the doll, like... Where is he? Do we just go look for doll makers? Is there a place? Ah, look in the yellow pages. I do not know the location of this doll maker. However, you may find such knowledge where the cult archives its information. That's bullshit! That's bullshit! Jesus, I'm tired! I'm tired!

having to jump through hoops and find all these secret passages and I just want to help my son. I thought that I would be able to know what to do. They always say mother knows best, but I don't know what to do. You do know what to do. Then tell me. The doll maker created the protein that coats this boy's brain.

Therefore, the Dollmaker must be associated with the cult that his father works for. The Bisons. Now, you remember when I told you I saw that tunnel that those guys in masks were going into? Yes. That's probably a way to their cult headquarters. It's in the forest. I could take us back there. Okay. First things first, though. Moth Jesus, I have a gift from humankind. A card.

Wield it in good faith. Moth Jesus takes the card 98 and nods sagely to you and says, if you need this weapon on your journey, Moth Jesus shall keep it safe for you. Just hold on to it. Or stash it somewhere. And keep touching it, actually. It's yours. If somebody asks if this is yours. It's a little dirty. Let me clean it really quick. Okay.

And I wipe all the fingerprints off. I go, okay, cool. So this is yours now, technically. Moth Jesus thanks you for this gift. Oh, you're welcome. Now, where would you like to go next? And Moth Jesus swipes the image of the protein aside on his big sort of glowy screen. And he brings up this map of Peachyville. And you see, it's very much like the map that you saw Big Shane pouring over, Francis. And you see three locations marked on this map. It's like the one you saw in the bunker.

You see Tucker's house, which now has a big cross through it. And it says research underneath. And then you see two more. You see one at the local zoo that says containment and you see one at the library that

that says archives and he says archives archives your quest for the keys is not yet done two more you seek to stop the great mother yeah but the archives does that sound like where we could get the information on the dog can you tell me I guess I don't know okay well yeah we gotta go get the doll maker it's pretty straightforward it's gotta

It's got to be that, right? Yeah, we should go to the archives. Let's just go there. Perhaps they contain the information inside containment. I don't think so. You know what? It makes sense, too, because I bet you, I bet you, I bet Brian's a doll. I just, no. The doll maker sucks, right? The doll maker's a real bad guy. Mother Jesus does not have this information. That's got to be Brian. The librarian, Trudy. Don't look at me like that. You know him. Okay. Well, I'm just going to act like he's a good librarian. Don't act like he's an eye on you when you're around Brian in case you do something arbitrarily violent. What? What? What? What?

Got my eye on you. Very well. We fly. And then he presses a button and the whole ship begins to rumble. What? And it lifts off into the air. It's like seeing it in full capacity. We got an airship? Oh my God. And it blasts through the cave into the sky. And he says, Time is of the essence. We must alight to the archives and to the dark secrets within Beachyville Public Library. The fear of the broken sky.

I can see. Too far. I stay.

We hope you've enjoyed listening to this thrilling installment of our show. You can support our antics directly, by the way, at patreon.com slash dungeonsanddads. We're putting the finishing touches on what's looking like a multi-part tour doc of our European tour. That's going to be uploaded soon and available to all of our patrons. Quite a few video bonuses on our Patreon, including tour documentaries of our first two U.S. tours.

If you support us on Patreon, you'll also get ad-free episodes and a bonus after show and a whole lot more for just five bucks a month at patreon.com slash dungeonsanddads. Dungeons and Daddies is Matt Arnold as Kelsey Grammer. Anthony Birch as Francis Farnsworth. Will Campos is our DM. Beth May is Trudy Trout and myself, Freddie Wong as Blake Lively. Our theme song is A Hole in the Stars by Max and Waller. Brian Fernandez is our content producer. Ashley Nicolette is our community manager. Courtney Terry is our community coordinator. Sydney Denton is our merchandise manager. Esther Ellis is our lead editor. And Travis Reeves provides additional editing.

This show is supported by a Patreon, and some of them have the names of Zachrax, Wesley Dinsmore, Libby, Lawrence Nelson, Samantha Mann, Farsight121, Alex B, Kyle Swajkos, Matthew, Odette Alcantar, Rianu Keeves, Yoav Azaria, Areez Gangly, Chloe Pembe, Sam Turley Wilder,

Pete Fontaine, Cody Stewart, David Reed, Gabriel Bejarano, and Christopher Howley. And the last time Matt and I said we're going to have some more info about our movie, We're All Gonna Die, that's going to be March 7th. That's the date we're targeting. You can help us with that, patreon.com slash rocketjump for more information there. You can support this show directly on Patreon at patreon.com slash dungeonsanddads. Merch and more at our website, dungeonsanddaddies.com. And our next episode's coming at you February 11th. We will see you then. ♪ I can see there's a hole in the stars ♪

Swallowing my dreams and making them scars Too far, too far away I'll stay I can't see it from the stars Swallowing my dreams and making them scars Too far, too far away I'll stay

No fair. Anthony gets to play Call of Duty. What? Anthony gets to play that one cyber game where you try and shoot JFK. You find yourself in Chernobyl with your good friend Price.