S3 Ep. 18 - The Wanna Read Show
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If I come off of the GLP-1, it's not going to automatically make my weight yo-yo back.

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There's no place like home. There's no place like home. There's no place like home. Trudy, dear, it's Moth Jesus, darling. Oh, Moth Jesus, it's you. Yes, darling. Hello there, anybody home? I just dropped by because I heard a little robot had been put into safe...

Well, seems like she's all right now. Yes, she was lost in the sauce. We thought she was going to leave us. But I did leave you, Blake. That's just the trouble. And I tried to get back for days and days. There, there, lie quiet now. You just had a bad dream. But it wasn't a dream. It was a place. A real, live place in my system architecture. And I remember looking for a file on the doll maker and re-stacking my character sheet. And you...

And you? And you were there, Moth Jesus. But you couldn't have been, could you? Trudy, was I there too? No. It sounds like only cool people were in her dream. Hey, fuck you! Francis, language! The moth is correct. You are not cool. Oh, Moth Jesus, there's no place like home. Do not forget, if you do not retrieve the remaining keys, your home will be consumed in hateful fire.

Welcome to Dungeons and Daddies, not a BDSM podcast, a Peachy podcast this season. The Peachyville Horror, a Call of Cthulhu actual play horror comedy podcast about four, five, everyday schmoes fighting the forces. Well, five minus one, four, everyday schmoes. You still not over that? No. He's gone. Let it go. No, he's back. He's coming back. Nah, he's back. Nah, he's back. He's back.

His little brother. No. For every day Schmoe's fighting the forces of darkness in suburban. He could have done a twin. 1950s America. Hey, man. The pod is young, baby. We could still roll that in there. Just get Blake Hilton and bring back Taylor Swift, too. Oh, I forgot to tell you. I came up with another character name for you. Ashley Judd.

That's pretty good. That's good. Thank you. My name is Freddie Wong, amateur boxer. What? I can say that now. Oh, because, yeah, you're doing creator class. Yeah, but we usually don't introduce ourselves. We don't adjective ourselves. You should. You should. People need to distinguish. Everyone's voices sound the same. I'm going to do that. Okay, good. I play Blake Lively, a...

Slow talking, fast thinking. Plumber extraordinaire. There's a deep thinking plumber extraordinaire. You can be fast and deep, dude. Think about... Yeah, you can. Yeah. This week's Blake fact. Blake's favorite smell. The smell of leaded gasoline.

It has a sweet tang of progress. So you're foreshadowing him becoming a serial killer. Not everybody who huffed leaded gasoline became serial killers. A lot of them did, though. So many did. More didn't that did, though. But here's the thing, right? Statistically, a lot of them got shipped off to, you know, Korea, Vietnam.

There were some wars in between there. Oh, shit. I never considered that. That sucks. It explains a lot. Yeah, it was the leaded gas. That was why man was cruel to man. That was a new thing when leaded gasoline came around. Leaded gasoline and the Rand Corporation. Yeah, if TikTok was around back then, they'd be like, actually, I committed that atrocity because of the leaded gas.

Hey, everybody. My name is Matthew Aron. I'm also an amateur boxer. I've never been paid to box. You've never been hit. Nice. I've never been hit. My favorite Drew Barrymore movie. I play...

I play Kelsey Grammer, Peachyville's happiest and snappiest school mom. And you know what she always says? Wait, what does she always say? Wait, where is it? Oh, no. Oh, God dang it. What happened? She says, what happened? What happened? Where am I? Because it's important to ask questions of the world around you. You know what she always says? Apparently, you think of me only as a leader of a cause while I'm also a human being. Yes. I love her that much. What is this?

Sorry, it's just Kelsey can't stop quoting her favorite movie, Casablanca. Oh, finally a movie where the woman ends up with the right man, the hot intellectual, that Victor Laszlo. Yeah.

Not that egg-headed, weird scoundrel. Yeah. She loves that movie. Also, she finds it very nice and progressive at the end that the two men finally admit that they love each other and end up together. A little fact about Kelsey, her senses. Her favorite sight is, of course, Victor Laszlo on the big screen. Oh, what a man! What a man! Paul Henreid. What a man. There's a Paul Henreid. Tell you what.

Anyways. About what? What were you going to tell us about? Not for your ears, just for her mind. Okay. Kelsey has some things that she keeps to herself. Well, you can invoke DM privilege to zoom into the mind. You might just Discord me as the DM ID to know what she thinks. I'll Discord you all the things that Kelsey has done to Victor Laszlo. God, what a big brain he's got. Writing during the war. A real hero.

Real hero. Matt, this is more than anyone has thought about Victor Laszlo. I think it's since Casablanca came out. Every scene he's in, he's smart and hot. This other guy's gambling and not caring.

What a man! Of course she ends up with him in the end. What a great guy. Well, what's important is that it's his decision to send her off with another man. Anyways, her least favorite thing is a tie between Humphrey Bogart and the Nazi he shoots. It's a tie between her brother's bloody clothes or whenever she sees Milton's lights off because that means he's not in that room and if he's not in his room then she doesn't know where he is. Oh no!

I could be anywhere. There's a stealthy Milton fact in there, which is that Milton sleeps with the lights on. He's a weird kid, dude. He's a weird kid. Just probably just dunking peanut butter in his sink or whatever he does in his sink. Oh my god. He's dunking peanut butter in his sink, dude. You know, the sink that you have in your back room. You DM me what Kelsey gets up to, and I'll DM you what Milton gets up to. Then we can trade. Alright. Hi, I'm Anthony Birch, amateur pornographer, and I play Francis Farnsworth, the kid with a gun, who's

Almost certainly going to be on the run shortly, if not already. A kid with a gun on the run. A kid with a gun on the run. And my peachy fact is people seem to have enjoyed our little games that we play in Francis' Facts, so I'm going to do another one. So Francis is established as loving Nancy Drew novels. So I'm going to give you five Nancy Drew novels, and you tell me which one isn't real. Okay. The Message in the Hollow Oak. Sounds good. The Secret of the Silent Piano. Favorite one. The Mystery of the Ivory Charm. Okay. The Whispering Statue.

The clue of the tapping heels. Well, so one of them stands out immediately because it doesn't follow the same format. I know, but that means it's real. The first one. The first one's fake. I think the first one is fake, too. The message in the hollow oak? Yeah. The last one. Whatever that one. The tapping heels.

The tapping. The clue of the tapping. Sound piano. Will is correct. Ah! You can't have a silent piano. I told you. Come on. Nancy would solve that in two seconds. That's true. That's a broken piano. That's true. Where'd the strings go? Silent piano. What made it go silent? Maybe it's a. Actually, I don't think I have a death in Nancy Drew books. No, I'm thinking about it. That was a bad mystery. Silent piano. There's not really much you can do with that. You can get it fixed.

Yeah, that's fair. We got restrung. What did you do this weekend? What did you guys do this weekend? I restrung my piano. Hi, my name is Beth May. Multi-hyphenate.

Yeah, I'm repped at Brillstein. Not that I get work, but they rep me. What else? So much more. So much more. It's kind of covered under the multi-hyphenate kind of thing. The beautiful thing about being a multi-hyphenate is you don't have to explain what you do and

And whether you're good at it. So there you go. I play a character. One of the many things that I do is play a character in Trudy Trowell. And she is a homemaker, mother of one beautiful child and a robot. Fun fact about Trudy. Trudy not really thinking about, you know, romance right now. She's a widow now, you know, was going to preferably be a divorcee.

But she does know, you know, kind of like what she's looking out for in the future. She hopes that when she falls in love, sparks don't fly. God! Because...

She's a robot. That would indicate a mechanical short, Matt. She's made of wood. What? Like it would be lighter on fire? When your computer sparks, you're like, oh, it's okay. It's not made of wood. I'm probably fine. Thank God it's not made of wood. Thank God my new GeForce 5090 is not made of wood. I see BattleBots and there's always sparks. Those robots are doing pretty good.

I turn off most matches before the halfway point. They're sparking already. They're doing good. That's the point of BattleBots. It's to see bots do good. Hi. It's the robots hugging. I love it when the robots hug in the BattleBots match. I do. Um...

I'm Will Campos, a spooky ooky, very scary, creepy, crawly dungeon master guy. Oh, well, I don't like this. Well, that's what you guys were all doing. Spooky ooky? You're the one who started it. Yeah, well, his was like unrelated to what we're doing now. I thought yours would be like writer of video game high school or something.

Well, then I'm just I'm just a man. We're just normal men. We're just normal men. Just innocent men. My scary fact for today is that I received a buyout offer from the Department of Government Efficiency. So this will be my last episode of the podcast. A little known fact. People don't know that actually most of our funding comes from federal grants. Yeah, this is a federal program. This is part of USAID.

Unfortunately, the fact that we are a federal program does kind of mean maybe the current was wasting some money. Well, we did lose access to dungeons and daddies.gov. So yeah, dude, they've got my email now. It's not, it's no good. All right. Do you guys want to do it? Let's do it. Let's do it. We're going to library. I remembered Beth. You said I wouldn't remember. Matt remembered. Oh, I remember.

we were going to the library, but I was asking Will a bunch of very easy questions that I didn't remember and I felt bad about myself. So, well, thanks for bringing that up, Matt. This is just the energy I wanted to start this episode with. Where we last left off, you had all had strange dreams and visions, recollections of things long past, things to come, dreams, scandals,

schemes and uh then mothman flew you to the library so you guys are at the library you want to make absolutely sure there was no way we wouldn't go to the library we're hurtling toward you hey open world open world you can rest the controls away from mothman at any point you're hurtling towards how are we getting there his bulbous cronenbergian moth ship is flying silently through the inky black night above peachyville cronenberg mothman you freak me out

But how does this ship work? It works with moth technology from my world. Look out the window. I do. This ship's incredible, Moth Jesus. You'd see like there's two big wings, like two big moth wings on the ship going. I should have known. Something on the wing. You know who could have used this ship? Who, Kelsey? Victor Laszlo. He could have really got on the fastest book tour around. I would say more people reading that could read his books the better. What a man.

Wait, so Casablanca is about like, if not for World War II, Victor Laszlo would have gotten on an international tour. The faster the better, that's all I'm saying. Kelsey, who's this Victor guy? Trudy. Kelsey. You know Victor. Not personally. I mean, I always thought that you dealt with Tucker's problems because he looked a little bit like Victor Laszlo. You would

No, no, no. I mean, he's obviously poor, but I just, he looks a little bit like Victor Lazo. I was like, well, you know, when I first saw him, I was like, man, that Trini Goms got herself a good one, but then he's not a good one. Obviously. No. Just looks wise though. So imagine your husband, your ex-husband. Okay. But instead of being awful, he wrote really important words that made the world a better place. I don't know.

For what it is worth, Moth Jesus thinks she should have stayed with Rick. You fool. You fool. We approach the library. And looks aren't everything, Kelsey. That's right. And Trudy looks longingly at Moth Jesus. Excuse me, Trudy was looking longingly at someone. Moth Jesus looks longingly at Trudy and says, that is right, looks are not everything. Substance is what counts on my home world. Oh.

But for the record, Moth Jesus is as far as moths go. And then like a light beeps and he's like, we've arrived. So you're now hovering above Peachyville Library. Okay. Would anyone like a reminder of what you're doing? Okay. I see one hand. I won't say who it is.

So you have two goals right now. One is to get the next key. You need the blue key for the device that will destroy the mother of Zuzel, who is currently lurking in the ritual chamber where last we saw her gobble up Tony Collette. Yep. And you are also searching for the key is in the library. Presumably Brian has the key. Of course. Timmy, Trudy's child is still in a coma and,

Moth Jesus has determined the source of his coma to be this sort of like...

slime that is coating his brain, which was created by an entity known as the Dollmaker. The Dollmaker seems to be connected to the cult because obviously the Dollmaker helped Tucker build this robot. Tucker's related to the cult. So if you're going to find information on the Dollmaker to help find a way to release Timmy's brain, you could potentially find that at the archives as well. Brian, if he had a secret place that he was hiding all these, you know, awful books that he doesn't want us to read, I bet you that's probably where he kept the key to.

Or is on him, right? Do you think the key is maybe inside a key-shaped cutout in a book? Oh, wow! Nobody would suspect that, except you just did. It's because I have pondered this quite deeply.

And I've concluded it'll take a long time to find. He's obviously got the key on him. Oh, another possibility. Another possibility. Oh, possibilities that you can explore now. And then Jesus presses a button and the floor drops open from the from the from the moth ship. And then like a big blob of goo lands on the ground like this thing shit onto the ground. And then you just all sort of plop into the goo and safely like you know when the stunt guys jump onto the big

pillow. Oh, yeah. Do we go into the goo or is the goo? You kind of like plop on top of it. And you are now in the parking lot of the library. It's nighttime, by the way. It's the middle of the day. It's the dead of night. Trudy stays behind for a second. And Moth Jesus is like, Trudy, wait. What is it? I... There is something I... I know. I...

Do you want to respect your stats one more time? Oh. Yes. Yes, because I put everything in history thinking I could use it right then. Silly of me to not think that it was just, you know, a long adventure. Very well. I will press your mole one more time. Boop. And then he presses your mole that turns you into safe mode. And you now have one more minute because the alarms are already blaring. Oh, my God. Okay. So I need- Do your stats one more time. This is fucked. My sheet is fucked, by the way. Did you just save your previous version? Well, it's a paper. Oh.

It's a piece of paper, and then when I had one minute, I was just crossing out things and then adding, so it looks, it's completely fucked. Wow, that's one of the big problems with paper. I do have 65. It just records everything you do on it. Beth, is that the only copy? Yes. So Will can't confirm what you put on there? Just put 100 on everything. Okay. Trudy's in safe mode. You have one minute to redo your character sheet. Now, go. Okay. Okay.

Trudy, jump. Trudy, you can reset your internal clock one minute over and over again for infinite time. Oh, while she's doing that, you guys, when you hit the ground, realize that you've all become more wise and experienced from your crazy adventure. So you too can level up.

What does that mean? You take a skill you use and you roll. If you get over it. If you get over it, then you roll a D10 and you get that on top of what your skill is. Just any one skill? Any skill that you have used. Any skill you've used. Unless the other spot hidden gets even better. All right. 15 seconds, Beth. All right. And I got seven. So now my spot hidden is fucking...

57. Okay, I think I'm good. Shit. Nothing hides from Kelsey. Okay. All right, now. Nothing hides from Kelsey. Matt, what's your spot hidden at this point? 57 now. It maxes out 100, any given skill, correct? What? Why are you asking that? Because I fast talked somebody and I had a 95 as my skill. Oh my God. And I was like, well, this is never going to happen. And I got a 98. And then I rolled a nine. I rolled a nine on my D10 for skill increase. Oh, I think you get something special if you hit 100.

Whoa. And it's a little trophy. Will just pulled a middle finger out of his pocket. It's hilarious. Let's do the roundup. Before we get to trivia. I got my head and increased by seven. Seven. Okay. Slow down. Slow down. Okay. What does that bring your score to, Matthew? 57. Okay. Mazel tov. Anything else? No. Not now. But now I know your game, Will.

Get ready for some more rolls. Anthony. So I didn't level up anything except for Fast Doc, which is now seemingly 99. I think that's as far as I can go because you can still critical fail. Congratulations. I think you get like a real... I'll look it up. You get something for doing that. I'll Google it while you're... A small amount of upgrades all around the board. Okay. What'd you get? It's like... Just give me the highlights. Anything. What's the one you're most excited about, Freddy? None of them.

Good. I managed to intimidate one up like seven points. Okay. That's huge. Yeah. It's pretty big. I'm a pretty big guy. Oh, my spot hidden went up too, Matt. Nice. Coming up right behind you, big bro. Matt, you roll a spot hidden check and see fucking Blake coming for the crown. Beth, take us through the Trudy respec one more time. What's the summary?

I went back to my original specs and then added stuff that I thought would be useful. And then I proceeded with that. And then I haven't leveled up yet. Okay. What's the one you're most excited about? What got the biggest boost, I guess? Let's say that. You know, I didn't spend much time with my one minute respect character sheet. But when I got up to 95 in history, I was like, well...

No. So it was like the biggest boost to me internally to just put that back at 35. Fair enough. Has anyone recently had any other skills cross the 90 threshold? No. Okay. Well, when you do, you get to regain 2d6 sanity. Oh, there you go. You get so skilled. Wait. So Anthony, you're telling me that your ability to shoot a gun.

Or what was the one that you... It was Fast Talk, but I was already above 90, so I don't think it happens this time. It may have happened in the past. I don't know. Oh, I see. Okay, so you don't get anything because you're already... Because I'm already above 90. Yeah, once you get over 90, the idea is you get confident enough that your brain begins to repair. Okay. Mothman, after you respect Trudy, looks you dead in the eyes and says, okay, good luck, and then he pushes you out of the plane. You can level up on your way down as you're plummeting to the earth. Sure.

Just to paint the picture, empty parking lot. Other than, because it's probably like one in the morning, Brian's car is there. The lights are on in the library. And then you also see there's like three or four, like five other cars here. So now that I know how leveling up works, so guys-

I'm getting ready for the next level up. Ready? I go to Brian's car. I'm going to attempt to pick the lock. I'm going to listen at it. I'm going to do first aid on it. I'm going to think about the history. I'm going to jump. Wait, Matt, don't forget. Don't forget to upgrade. You're not going to

55 burgers your way out of this one, Matt. I'm just doing everything I possibly can. I'm going to try to throw it. I'm going to try to swim. Where's the swim? Swim in that car. Hey, Kelsey. Kelsey. That's me trying to charm you. Matt got it. Hey, what's up? Hey, Blake. Hey. All right. Oh, okay. Charm. Charm. That was a fail. Hey, Blake. You're pretty tall. Mind if I climb you? Yep. Okay. I climbed you. Can I try it?

All right, let me check my credit rating. Thank you. Ooh, can I listen? Is there anything around? I want to listen if there's anything around. Can I roll for listen? Yes, go ahead, listen. All right. 73. I...

Hopefully next time I level up. I failed to listen. Nope. Good thing you flex. Don't hear anything. You're deaf for one round. Good thing you flex those muscles, Kelsey. What? Blake says. Blake looks up at plummeting Trudy and licks his finger and holds it up in the air to try and like feel where the wind is. And does he? What is that? What are you rolling? I'm rolling. What would I roll? What are you doing? I don't know.

I'm trying to determine. I thought you were doing Matt's goof. I thought you were doing his. No. Are you going to catch her? No, I'm going to slide this pile of goo slightly to the right. Okay, yes. Blake goes, oh, this is wind from the southeast. Oh, you know what it is? Is that when the moth ship opens, a sort of like blast of air comes out of it. So the air is coming directly down. So she's just dropping straight on. Ah, but there is ambient winds. I'll move the sludge a little bit to the right. Okay, great. How difficult is that?

The sludge? That's a good point. It'll probably be easier to do that if I'm not on it. So I'm going to jump off of it. And then I'm going to quickly talk to my friends. Roll your jump.

Roll jump. You failed. Okay, failed jump. You face play it into the concrete. Take 1d3 damage, Matthew. Oh, man. 1d3? Dang. Hey, you know what? You play stupid games. Anyone else? I leveled up. I'm curious to know, is there like a rock or something nearby I can pick up and try to hit the goo as hard as I can? Because if it's really good at taking like kinetic damage like us falling onto it, then maybe we could like get some and use it as...

armor. Oh, as a shield. You're going to just goo yourself up? I mean, if it works. I'm going to get a rock, try and hit it as hard as I can. It's like oobleck, dude. Yeah, it's like that shit that if you hit it hard, it gets hard. Like a non-Newtonian solid or my crotch. Thank you, yes. Kelsey took three damage. The goo pod healed us 100%, right? Yes. Okay, so I'm down. So now you're down three hits. Oh, and I think it's your birthday finally happened. It's officially your birthday, which means you get some stat penalties. We'll deal with it later. It means you get one to grow on. Okay, so, all right.

I was not expecting this much interest in the goo. Slam that goo. So yes, Francis, you may use a throw roll to throw a rock at the goo if you'd like to test its sort of, I mean, it took this hit like a champ. You guys didn't bounce off of it. You just kind of like thumped into it. You know what I mean? You wanted to move it to the right a little bit, so give me a strength roll, Blake. Mm.

Don't make that noise. My throw is 20% and I got a seven. I got super success on strength, so I was able to move it. I'm like, ah, this is a movable object. Okay, so we'll say those two things were happening at the same time. So you shoved it forward as he was throwing it, which means that like it has a little bit of momentum on it. So then your rock bounces off of it and throws back towards your face. So give me a dodge roll to dodge the rock you just threw at it. Okay, fucking Keystone Cops ass bullshit. Half deck.

Will I apply that decision? He was just saying that because you got hurt, Matt. All right, my dodge is 30. My dodge is 30 because it's half my dex, which is 60, and I got a 23. Okay, great. Well, then you avoid the rock. The goo is, we'll say, it'll dissolve in like a couple hours here, but if you wanted to cut off a piece of it. Everybody slather yourself in this kinetic goo. Quietly. In case we need to get into a brawl or a fight or a fighting brawl. Yeah, watch this.

Ow! And I punch the goo, but it gets hard enough that my fist doesn't go any further into it. Like, that's armor, baby! Will we be able to hear each other if we're covered in the goo? Trudy, only slather the goo on not your ears. Or your eyes. That would hurt to get hit in the ears though. I'm just gonna put it on my chest. Okay. I will put it on my chest and my groin. I'm gonna put it on my groin too. That's a good idea. I'm gonna

I'm going to put it on my face. Maybe it has anti-aging properties. My chest, my groin. Can you age? When I'm wrong, I guess, and I'm just going to put it on goo too, I guess. All right. I'm going to slather it on my fists too. If you all slather each other, you'll cover each other's bodies more. Oh, Blake, can you get my back? Yes. Thank you. I'm biopsychic.

I'm bisexual, but I'm not comfortable enough with that yet, so I'm just going to go ahead. Kelsey. Also, there's something weird about this. Kelsey, please return the favor. Oh, sure. Here you go. I flex a little bit. Oh, hey.

Those are plumber muscles. Plumbing and electrician and locksmithing. Let's go. All right. You all have one point of damage reduction for rolling yourselves around in goo. Nice. That's huge. That's fucking awesome. That's huge, dude. Well, I liked it. It was a fun bit of role playing. I should have done that before I jumped. I do want to look in Brian's car. Okay. Oh, Kelsey, would you like me to unlock his car? No, I want to try unlocking it. Oh. Oh.

Yeah, go for it, bro. I'm going to try unlocking it first. Smart. That's smart. That's gameplay, baby. That's called thinking within the system. I feel because obviously I got a good roll. I got 15, but I only have one in locksmith. I don't have anything in it. I go, what am I doing? Blake, of course, you should open the car. Step aside.

I am unable to open this car. I got 70 in locksmithing, but I got 79. I'm just going to look into the car. I do want to see, like, for example, like, are there shell casings in there? There's no shell casings. I just want to know if there's anything in there that we should know about. This appears to be like the sort of like whatever the 1950s equivalent of like a really just a tiny little car for a guy on a librarian salary in a small town in Nebraska would have.

A Chevy. A Chevy. He's got a Chevy. That's right. That would be a Chevy. Is it messy? Is it clean? So he's got some like loose pens in there. He has like, you know, those little like bobble heads that people put on the front of cars. Oh, yeah. He's got one of Edgar Allen Poe. Wow. And a smaller one of his cousin. Oh, wow. Yeah. I have to...

Make your whole personality just show off that you read Edgar Allen Poe, Brian. He's got a bumper sticker that says, I'm raving about Poe. Wow. Big Edgar Allen Poe fan. I was about to get on you for being like, hey, there's no bobbleheads in the 50s. No. Bobbleheads been around since the 17th century. Whoa.

This is a vintage antique bobblehead of Edgar Allan Poe from when Edgar Allan Poe was writing. You could also have a McDonald's wrapper on the floor because that was in 1940s and they only had nine items on their menu. He does not have a McDonald's wrapper. He could, but he takes care of his body. As Kelsey well knows. Nobody knew that shit was unhealthy back then. He said...

If you wanted to break into his car some other way, you could probably rummage around. There might be some other stuff. But yes, that's all you can see. First, Kelsey, check if the door is already unlocked. Oh, yeah. Check if it's unlocked. It is not unlocked. Before you check, though, take a look and see if the little stem inside is up. It's a little bit hidden.

Okay. Tell me about this Brian guy. Yes, who is this Brian? He's a librarian. Why do you dislike him so much? I don't know how many times I have to say that he's the worst for you to understand that he's the worst. Yeah, but like, somebody being the worst, usually they did something to you. Something happened that made you realize they're the worst. Kelsey, because we're women, when we have to say something, we need to convince men that that's what's going on. Okay, Trina, you get this. Brian gives me

The ick. So you just don't want to fuck him and that's why you hate him? Is that what? Excuse you. That's what the ick is. No, I don't. Child, that is a very full word. He's condescending. I've talked about this. When I read, I love reading. And sometimes when I love reading, I make little explanations of joy. Just a little, oh, wow. Oh, can't believe that happened. And he shushes me. So you're like Beth in a movie theater? Endlessly.

Endlessly. Yes, like my friend Beth in the movie theater. And most people are happy to hear the joy of others. But hey, he shushes, he shushes. And he knows what he's doing because I see other kids, they're doing some things, but he's shushing me nonstop. He's always keeping an eye on me whenever I'm reading. It's so uncomfortable. Kelsey, well, it is a library. Me thinks that Kelsey doth protest too much. I...

don't know why all the eyes are on me right now. I'm here to find a key so we can help save Timmy, Trudy. And I thought we were fine. You're right. You're right. No, Trudy, you're right. Just be quiet. I'm just saying that that's the rules of the library. And would hypothetically be for theater as well. I think you and Brian will get along very well there, Trudy. You'll,

You'll get along just fine. The rules are the most important thing. Was Brian an Adlai Stevenson voter? I wouldn't know. Yes, he was. Unbelievable. Completely unacceptable. Can I submit a potential world building fact? Because that was funny. I think in the 1950s, the ick was like ick benign, like German. So it's like he gives you Nazi vibes. Yeah, I don't want to fuck Nazis. Yeah, the ick. The ick bin.

So now retroactively I think you want to fuck a Nazi, I guess. Fine. Yeah, that's it. I don't like Brian because he shushes me and I'm pretty sure he's a Nazi. Now I have a good reason that you hate him. Now I get it. I mean, I think that one of those reasons is completely valid. A Nazi would vote for Adlai Stevenson.

Regardless, he's here, which is fine, but we need the key. And I'm pretty sure there's something we have to find, right? We have to find the research for Timmy. Yes, for Timmy. It's not going to be in the normal part of the library, but there's definitely parts of the library that are locked off and there's extra rooms. And I've asked because I've been like, oh, is there extra rooms for like a community room? You can lead us straight to them. You know where they are. That's great. That's true. That's true. There's a back room. There's a back room that I've never been able to get into. Let's go there.

I thought maybe that's just in my mind. This might be a little paranoid. Do you remember exactly what the security systems were on the door? No, it's just locked. It's just a locked door. Just a locked door? That sounds too easy. You know, a locked door is usually pretty much that's usually stops old Kelsey is a locked door. Everybody look in your pockets. Do you have any paper or pens, something that we could write on when we're not allowed to talk?

Maybe that wouldn't be the best for an audio only medium, but it just seems like if we're going to a library, we should, you know. Do the rules apply if the library is closed?

Never thought about that. Fucking loud Sue over here. Jesus. You just blew my mind. Holy shit. If we're breaking in, I think we can talk all we want in this library. What I'm saying is that if the rule of law in America ever falls to the wayside, any action is justified. Everybody give me a listen roll. Yes. I love it. Yeah, dude. Could you all stop, collaborate, and listen? I already did listen, so is there another one I could roll? 79. 79? Missed.

87, big miss. Ooh, big miss. Those were talking so loud. 92, big miss. 79, miss. Wow, we all fucked that up. Okay, you don't hear anything. Okay, that's fine. Great. Let's go inside the library. Okay, so the back room. Ah, yes. As you approach the door of the library, you see the thing that you didn't hear, which is you see the door opening and a man in a bison robe coming out. Attack him quickly. Hide! Hide!

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I got a, not a super duper success, but a good success. My stealth is 90. I got a 48. I fail my stealth roll. Oh no. I'm going to walk up to him and punch him as hard as I can. Okay. Well then I guess it doesn't matter what I roll for stealth, but I failed stealth. Are you just going to go straight up attack him? I'm just going to, I'm going to kind of amble up and be like, oh, is this where the library is? I love that. I'm hoping that my foreign accent will like kind of be like, oh, the tourist. Give me a jet lag tourist. I'm taking on the role.

Of jet lagged tourists. Jet lagged tourists trying to visit the library at one in the morning. Yeah. Give me a fast talk roll. But I talk so slow. Because of that, my fast talk is five. What else do you have? Persuade is like a 20. This is actually, I think, one of the only issues I have with the Call of Cthulhu system. In the same way that D&D has this perception slash...

Investigate. Investigate, kind of like confusion. I agree. I feel like fast talk slash persuade is like, yeah, yeah. By the way, listen, TTRBG fanatics out there. I get it. Yeah, there's a situation. But like, I'm just saying conceptually, I feel like you lose if your system is like, oh, well, okay. So in this scenario. I think it's pretty clear. Fast talking is essentially lying. Persuading is you're trying to convince somebody to do something. But yeah, you can't convince people of lying. I mean, you're convincing someone to believe you're lying.

Sure. That's my point. My point is your system's already squirrely when you're in these kinds of discussions. Here's what I'll let you do. Average your two scores and then roll the difference. Oh, interesting. All right. So that is a five plus a 19, 20 foot 12. I need to roll under a 12 to fast talk, persuade them. Yes. I love it.

Okay, so... Trudy is going to pretend that she is one of Tucker's robots. That is... Oh, great. Well, pretend you are. Anthony. Anthony. That is trying to get something for Tucker. So she'll go up to the bison man who's already seen her. Okay, so he's suspicious of Blake. He's like, hey, hey, this library's closed, buddy. What are you... And then you come up to him? Yes, and...

I will be like, ah, ah, Blake. Yes. Tucker is looking for you. Oh, sweet Tucker. I love him so much. We, we, we, we are supposed to go into the library to get something for him. This is fast talk. You guys are trying to bamboozle him. Give me a fast talk role. And we'll do this. See fast talk in a corner. You persuade over coffee. Love it. It's just timing. I,

I failed to. You failed? Yep. So he's like, wait, wait, whoa, whoa, what's going on here? What's going on? Wait a second. You're supposed to be, aren't you all, what? And then I punch him as hard as I can. Okay, great. I love that. But you can get some stuff out. So he turns and he goes, hey, and you see him calling for help back into the room that he was in. Yeah. Oh, he turns his back to me. I punch him in the back of the head as hard as I can. He's not expecting that.

He's just alarmed. So go ahead and give me, I guess, a surprise attack. You just get a clean hit on him. Roll your damage. It's a 1d3 plus damage bonus, which is 1d4. Okay. Six. Here's the question. I do hit him right in the back of the head, which is an illegal punch because you can kill someone that way.

There's no rules when the library's closed. It's true. But I feel like I should roll for insta-kill. No, it's not insta-kill, but you did take more than half of his health. Taking more than half of his health is what realistically happens when you punch something in the back of the head. Oh, wait, I get a plus one bonus because I got him on my fists. The

The goo. No, that's your armor. But what I'm saying is that if I covered my hand in ceramic plate armor, it would hurt more. Freddy, I didn't realize you had it on your fists. I will say that you can get plus one damage, but I will say that for the rest of this adventure tonight, you cannot flex your hands. So you have big mitts. Mm-hmm.

Oh, no, it's okay. No, I'll just take it. That's the trade I'm willing to offer. Hulk hands. You would have Hulk hands. Plus one damage is not enough. Best I can do is Hulk hands. Well, how much damage would it have to be to give you Hulk hands? Because I think that's pretty funny. Hulk hands is pretty good. Two plus damage. Do it for Hulk hands. I'll do it for two. All right. You get two extra damage.

brings us to eight damage. And I have whole cans. It's a good thing our one guy is good at lockpicking. Can't use his fucking hands at lockpicking. No, I'm excellent at lockpicking. He's excellent at lockpicking. He's just a bad luck. He still failed. Damn. That counts as a major wound for him. Don't worry, Matt. I have an idea. I'll give you a hint, Matt. It involves using whole cans on door hinges.

There are many ways in through a portal, my friend. Not just the lock. Smash lock. So he failed his constitution roll, which means that he goes unconscious. So you did knock him out with your Hulk. Awesome. So he crumples to the ground and there's now a guy. Kelsey. Francis. Yeah. We have...

has solved the threat. Great. He called out to somebody, right? So you hear another voice say, Bob, everything okay out there? Just grab him. I want to bring him into the bushes. Everybody just hide in the bushes. If you wait long enough, they eventually just turn around and go back in. I don't think it was mice. No, Kelsey, Kelsey, Kelsey, set up an ambush. Oh.

We don't know how many are in there, though. How many ambushes can we do? Yeah. Well, conceivably, if they come out one at a time, we'll just keep doing this over and over. I was going to press a mole on Trudy's neck and then roll disguise and see if I could do Bob's voice and be like, yep, everything's fine out here. Ooh, that's cool. That's cool.

Do we want them to not come in or should we do the one person at a time thing? Should we say, oh, actually, can you come out here? I need help grabbing a thing from my car by one person. Actually, I found a really cool rock out here. Come look at it. Okay, here's what we're going to do. First, give me a luck roll to see if the thing does what you want it to. I might want to use luck. I don't think you can use luck on a luck roll. That sucks ass.

I'm only six away. I could push it, though. You can push your roll. You can push your... Because now you're just... I was going to give you advantage if it turns out that this is what this button does. And if you had fumbled it, I would have had to do something bad. Yeah. So the mole does not do that. We'll say it does something benign like your earlobes. Are your earlobes attached or detached? Oh, I guess attached. Okay, they detach. Oh, wow. So you've got detached earlobes. Everyone take a sanity roll now. No!

I'm not into you anymore. You just have way more vocal fry. Nice. So now give me a straight... This feels like fast talk again because you're trying to... Not disguise. I'm trying to disguise my voice. Oh, disguise. Sure. Give me a disguise. All right. All right. Here's what we're going to do. We're going to break it down. Disguise roll to how well you disguise your voice. I fail. Okay. It glitches out. You just hear...

Just clarify. And then, Freddie, is Blake, like, just looking at the side of the door with his mitts up in the air? I'm, like, hiding. I'm crouched by the side of the door, like, both fists at the ready. Okay, then I'm going to, since Trudy just messed up and screamed, I assume that's what she's going for. Yes. So then I want to pick up, what's the guy? We don't know who the guy's name is. No, we don't know anything about him. Okay. I'm going to, like, lift his, like. Other than that his name is Bob. He's a limp corpse. He's, like, a limp corpse. Yes, he's a limp corpse. Okay, I kind of put him up against me, and I go, help! Help!

Help. This man is assaulting me. Help. I need help. Okay. You're puppeting. Yeah. Okay. So there's a scream. Now you're puppeting the guy. Yeah. So the guy heard a scream and me screaming, help. This man's attacking me. Give me a fast talk role with advantage because you've got something helping you sell the bit. Can I do persuade? What? I have 5%. You're the one who just said it's controversial.

or it's lying, right? Wasn't that the thing you just said? Point of order, Matthew. No, I don't know. I think you fucked yourself on this one, Matt. I have 55 on persuade. Matt, disguise. Or disguise. Either one's the same. Okay, I'll do fast. I have five on fast. I got 55 on persuade. All right, I'll throw you a bone this one time and then we're locking down the rules. You can average your two skills like I did for Freddy.

I got a 36. So a 55 and a 5. What's that average? 30. So it'd be 6 luck. I want to take a glance at Blake Blake. How confident do you feel in punching this guy out? I flex both my biceps. And I think, you know what?

In many ways, I already won because I got to use both fast and persuade. For leveling up. So I'm not going to use any luck. But I still did that. I still said, help, help, this man's

Which implies there's something very unconvincing about your flex. Yep. So he's like, something bad is going on. He looks out there. He sees his friend clearly slumped over on this woman's back. And it's like, something's wrong. Something's going. Oh, you know what? He recognizes you by the frilly print of your dress. Do I see him? No, he sees you. Yeah. And I can see him in the doorway? Yes. And I go, you sure you don't want to help an old lady? And I use my charm. No, he's going to go ahead and attack you. No, no, no. Okay. We are now in combat.

are masked. You can't quite see his face. He's going to sprint out the door. Here's what we'll do. Blake, give me a stealth role. I'll give you advantage because you're hiding behind. Like there's no reason for him to. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. So he charges out the door. It's a double glass door. And I'm like, I'm like, I'll hide behind this other door.

That's what tips him off to that. So there's a shenanigan going on. Oh, in that case, he realized he's like something's going on. He sees you hiding by the door. He's going to target you and body check the door to try to throw you off, to knock you over. And we'll say he gets a surprise on you because you are not expecting this. We'll call that a fighting maneuver to try to knock you over. So, Freddie, he succeeds his strength roll as he slams into this glass door to topple you over. Okay.

Fail. Fail. God, my world's been shit today. I know, mine too. What the fuck? Frey, lock in. Lock in. We got this. So you go toppling over. Oh, ow. You fall. There's a little thing of stairs. Just give me one point of damage for that. Ah, it has been absorbed by my goo. God damn it. Ha ha.

Thank God you're wearing your goo armor. That's the difference in age, man. Look at that age. You can fall down the stairs and take one HP. You roll out of the thing of goo at my age, you take three. It's just tough being my age. He knocks you over. That's his turn. He's now standing at the top of the stairs. He sees Kelsey. He sees Blake. Francis, give me a stealth roll for being in the bushes.

That'll be a 24 out of 90. Okay, great. So he does not see Francis yet. He sees Kelsey, who they know is public enemy number one, attempting to judo throw his friend. He sees Trudy there as well. He's like, oh shit, it's the screams. This is Brian that sees it? You don't know. You don't know who it is. Oh, wow. But wouldn't that be easy if it was a new guy? If he just came out and was the second guy? I don't think it would be easy. I think it would be interesting. Interesting.

I just think it'll be narratively quite interesting. You still have your gun? No, I gave it to Mothman Jesus because it was evidence. It is now Blake's turn. Hey, guy, meet my fist. And I'm going to uppercut him. Okay, so you got to get up and run up the stairs. Oh, now we got to do all the fist. Yeah, I do.

Heaven forbid, I want to punch a guy in a TTRPG, huh? You can accomplish all that in one turn. Wow! Thanks, Will! You're quite welcome. Wow! You're telling me my guy can just punch another guy, huh? With my approval, yes. I think you should make Freddy roll for going up the stairs based off of...

How rude he was. Yeah, this is just a matter of keeping it in line. Yeah, give me a dexterity roll. No problem. Wait, is 38? Is there armor on your feet to kick harder?

To kick harder. Where is the goo? Chest and groin and fist. Okay, not on your legs. No. Okay, good to know. Did you succeed in your roll? Succeeded my dex roll. All right, you effortlessly glide up the stairs and proceed to try to punch this guy. I'm going to uppercut him. I'm going, Falcone, punch! Give me your brawl roll. Five. That's a super duper success. He's going to roll... Super fucking duper success. He's going to roll a dodge roll and...

And he only got a regular success. So, yes, you clobber him. Roll damage for me. That's going to be a 1d3. Okay. Plus a 1d4. Mm-hmm. Plus two. Seven damage. Seven damage. Okay, so, boom! He takes one right in the fucking kisser. He has a little more than the other guy, but this is, in fact, half his health, so he is going to make a constitution-saving throw.

which he does not pass. Blake stands triumphant over two bodies. I have taken care of two gentlemen. I'm really beginning to like this Blake guy. So it was a good idea, Kelsey, to have these, why you call them hulking hands.

These guys are going to wake up soon. Ah, let me punch them again. Yeah, I mean, we have no reason not to just fucking kick their heads in, right? So they die. Let's all turn away and let him do his bands work. Kelsey, Trudy, Francis, especially. I mean, you guys are going to tie him up and put a sock in their mouth or something. Please turn away.

I don't think that we should kill them. That's cool. You can have that opinion. I'd go over and start helping. Ah, friends, take them to death. Trudy's right. We don't need to kill them. Let's tie them up.

Let's tie them up. The one thing about tying somebody up is they can escape from it. You know, we can't escape from anything. Yeah, but then you can't, you won't be able to escape what it did to you, to your soul. I've already done a lot of fucked up stuff. Hey, you know what, Francis? If you're dead, you won't be able to escape. That's true. But you also won't be able to tell us anything. And we might need to know something from these people. They worked with Tucker. They worked with Brian. What about breaking their legs? Ah.

Okay. I could punch their knees. They have two knees. I have two fists. The maker has provided everything we need for the following scenario. Mach Jesus is just watching you guys for a moment. He's chipping. Whoa. What did I do? Can I see Mach Jesus up there? Sure. Hello. Toss us some rope.

Yes, beam these motherfuckers up. Sure, that's fun. Oh yeah, can you beam these motherfuckers up? No, I do not have beam technology like that. Could you land and we'll just drag them in? No, because Timmy's up there and I don't want them to get out. But Jesus has a crazy hallucinogenic goo chamber. Wait, does your goo hold them? What am I goo holding? If we shove them into the goo...

Will they be able to escape? Oh, the goo from the... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that's interesting. Because when the goo gets hit like a non-Newtonian salt, when it gets hit hard and fast, it solidifies up. So we have to push them in very slowly. Yeah, we just have to push them in very slowly. I hope they wake up halfway through. I hope we come back and they're drowned. So what do you guys want to do? We're going to slowly push them into the goo.

That fucking beats ass. Okay, on my count. Okay. One Mississippi. I'm already pushing. Two Mississippi. And just to be clear, we're okay with head first. That makes sense to us. Sure. Don't need to hear about that. Oh, yeah. Just keep their heads out. No, head first. Four Mississippi. Okay. Are you putting them in head first so they'll die? I would put them in legs first. Legs first. Legs first. And then we'll keep their heads out. Okay. Okay.

All right, you guys, I will allow you to do this. I want to be like fucked up where it's like, it's not that their heads are normal. Like they have to like, their neck is craned looking upwards. So it's just their face on the surface. It's like when, uh, Demi Moore, Owen Wilson gets buried up to his neck in Shanghai noon. Do you know what I mean? What a fucking pole. And then Kelsey is going to grab some branches from the bushes and just kind of lay them over the bed.

It's a big mound of goo. Very good, Kelsey. It will make them think that they're inside a bush. Yes. Okay. Let's just somebody give me a luck roll. Can I level up luck? What? I don't want to roll. Somebody else can roll.

Freddie, this was your insane idea. You pushed the luck. I can roll luck. I have 48 luck, too. Who has the best luck? I have 79 luck, and I rolled a 66. Okay. Nice. All right. So in that case, they do not regain consciousness as you are shoving them into the goo. Up to their heads, they're now both stuck at a jaunty... That's lucky for them, Will. Huh? Yeah, that's lucky for them, not for us. They are now stuck at a jaunty angle in this goo thing. Unfortunately, you didn't think to search them before you did this. That's fine. So they are just encased in this goo. That's fine. Oh.

Now, I'm a little bit unclear about the plan, so now punch them in the face? No, we're... No, no, no. I don't think people are giving a joke enough credit there. Go to Passive. Legs first, head stuck. That's the way I like to fuck. Ah, but hold on. Group. Team.

They have been damaged by my fists. Okay. And they are unconscious now, yes. But if they do come back, they will be only damaged up to my fists from one round. Let me give them a little goosing. What? Let me goose this guy. What's goosing? What's going on? I just want to punch them one more time. Can we go? Okay. No, you're a grown adult. You can do whatever you want at this point. I'm going to put my eyes towards you.

towards the library. These are grown adults. I'm going to put my eyes towards the library and start walking there and whatever you do. I have fought Hitler's troops in World War II. I have seen things, child. Okay. And I know from my time in war that everybody needs to be punched twice. Give me a sanity roll, Blake. This feels crazy. This feels crazy.

This feels like you're having some sort of flashback to your violence. Eleven, I'm good. I'm good, dude. I'm locked in. I'm fucking locked in. Eyes on the mission, dude. It was requested that he lock in, and he did indeed lock in. I locked in. Matt looked at me and said, Freddie, lock in, and I locked in. I'm like, I have a clear mind and conscience. Are you joking? Okay.

Roll your attack. Are you just right? You're going to punch them both once, right? That's correct. Okay. Just a little extra. Just a little extra from me. Two unconscious men with their heads dangling out of a goop pod. Yeah. Roll for that. Are you doing a full swing? Like how much power are you putting behind this? I would like to punch hard enough that I don't invoke my damage bonus. Okay. So you just want to roll your regular damage plus your two punch Hulk hands points. Okay. Yes. I will let you do that. Okay.

One guy takes another three damage. Okay. Another guy takes five damage. Okay. They're both very, very badly beaten. Yes. See? See? Yeah, we see. Now if they come out, it will be no problem. You're going to loosen the jar for us. Yes, indeed.

Okay. I take my Hulk hands and I kind of clang them together like I'm wiping them up. Like, my work here is done. To the library. All right. And how many cars did you say there were here? There's five cars in the parking lot. Well, maybe they carpooled. They could have carpooled. Well, there would be more guys then. Yes. Oh. We should be scared. Between three and 18 more people here. Oh, Francis. Francis.

Great text. Move the houses, Kelsey. Francis. Yeah. Let the air out of everybody's tires except one. Except one. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Great. I let the air out of all the tires except for the one furthest from the door. Okay. I like that. Francis, while you're over there doing that,

You feel something heavy on your back. Ah, the weight of conscience. Ah, the weight of conscience. And then you smell a sweet perfume and you feel a breathy voice on your back say, I don't know if I would call it that, my dear. I look into a nearby mirror to see if I can see the reflection of what's on my back. Rearview mirror, dude. Objects closer than they may appear. You see the leather strap of your car 98 and the car 98 itself hanging off your back.

Oh, we're married now. You hear this voice say, you didn't think you could get rid of me that easily, did you, dear? Oh, you're sentient. Okay. Oh, I had such a long nap after the war, but you woke me up. You woke me up, my baby boy. How long have you been sentient?

Like I said, I was sleeping and then when you shot that man Jenkins, I tasted the most delicious taste a gun can taste. Oh. Which is cold blood. All right. I crave the cold blood.

cold blood Francis. Okay. And you, you, I think we have a beautiful future together, Francis. Francis, I'm hearing a German voice. You guys aren't hearing shit? No, we're hearing him talking. You are hearing him talk. You and your gun, Brunhilde. I stand up. Guys, is there a gun on my back? Is there? Yes. Yeah. Oh, shit. You said you gave it to Moth Jesus. I did give it to Moth Jesus. It's a magical talking

lady gun. Well, let's just put it here. Hand it over. Here. One Mississippi, two Mississippi. I'm pushing into the goo. Three Mississippi, four Mississippi. Go ahead. I push it into the goo. Okay. When you turn it around, it's on its back. It's one of those now. It's like a monkey thing. I'm one of those, and I think maybe you should try to be a little more grateful that you have such a nice friend helping you, Francis. Okay, well...

Whatever. You've got Zeus out right in your head. Yeah. I don't think any of us should be judging. Oh, I wasn't judging. I was trying to think of a way to help him. Okay. I appreciate that. Yeah. I mean, I guess you're in a tough spot. That sounds rough. Blake rolls sanity because I don't have Zeus on my brain. I told you. He's not with me. Yeah. I

that you don't have I don't have to sell my brain that you don't have everything I say about him is true everything that you say is true I forgot and he's not hot and no I'm gonna look you dead in the eyes and you tell me the fucking truth is you sound like Victor Laszlo hot nobody's Victor you got fucking in your head

He does have a bigger library than Victor Lasso. Victor Lasso can fill his library with his books. Freddie, you said that Blake made a sanity roll? Yeah, and I pass. I'm like, ah, the jumping car 98. I have come across the Nazi soldiers with such a weapon. You came across Nazi soldiers with guns? With teleporting guns? How did they live? It could have been teleporting or I could have blinked.

Yeah. What would you like to do now? I think I should go in the library. Yeah. With a stern look on my face, I take Brunhilde off my back and put her in my arms. And it feels comforting, but I don't love that it feels comforting. Now I'm kind of grossed out. Okay, everyone goes inside, right? Everyone's going inside. Francis, as you pass these two unconscious bodies just sitting there stuck in the goo, give me a pow roll. Pow. Pow.

pow representing your willpower because as you pass them you feel from brunhilde an intense desire to execute one of these guys right now my power is 40 i got a six as you're walking past you see two slender german arms wrap around yours and hold on to the gun and start to aim it towards one of the guys it's a comedy we did one for you now we do one for me yeah

Uh, nine. Oh, please, please, please, please, please, please, please. Well, since you asked so nicely, no. Oh, I'll get you. I'm in charge. Okay, for now. And if you think about changing that,

I am not that averse to putting you in my mouth. Oh, that would be your friend. No one. That would be a delicious taste. Yeah. I mean, it'd be psyched for you. Then who's going to pick you up? Nobody. You're going to be the gun that a little killed kill himself with. Oh, we're going to have so much fun together. And you feel a little kiss on your cheek. Guys, you might have to kill me. What? Just keep just like emotionally get ready for that in case that comes up. I don't think I could get

I'm telling you now so you can have time to do that. How much time do you think it would take? Hopefully a while. Yes, Francis. I don't think I could ever do it. Yeah, we'd never give you help. It's fine.

We'll figure it out. Okay, let's go to the library. As you enter... Libraries make everything better. There might be a book on this at a library. You never know. There will be. As you enter... There will be. Is that like a threat? Oh, there will be. You enter the library. The lights are on. You passed my... How are you going to get inside the locked library thing? Because you bamboozled two guys into coming out. Seems to be empty in here.

Just again, you've got the books. Why don't you? Yes, I would like to use Kelsey before you use your library. You skill. Why don't you paint us a picture of the library since you've been here so many times and I don't want to do it. I mean, obviously, when you enter, there's the book return and there's like the big open space where they have the checkout and to the left. Yeah. Yeah. We check out your book. Checkout counter. Yeah. It's a checkout counter.

And then Brian, of course, because he cares about the new books more than the fucking good old classics. He's got a little shelf to the right that's got the newest books, but I'm not a big fan of the books he chooses. It's all whatever the airport books, if you don't mind me saying that. I mean, it's not about it, but those are the ones that people want to check out are right there. To the left is the kids' area. It's got the kids' books. Dude, it's like all the fucking bullshit modern books, like Catcher in the Rock.

Yeah, fucking those garbage ones. Fucking Fahrenheit 451, Charlotte's Web, Lord of the Flies, all that bullshit. Hemingway cranking them out. Fuck, this is a good decade. And then to the right is, you know, the popular fiction and all that stuff. And then just behind the checkout, it just keeps going further back. And that's just when you get into all the nonfiction. The good stuff. Endless aisles of good stuff. And as you keep going further and further back, there's a...

What do you call it? A microfilm machine back there. So you can look at the newspapers for Peachyville. And then that's where the locked room is, which if you ask Kelsey, she thinks, and you know, she will admit this might be a little bit paranoid, but she thinks that in that locked room is every book she's wanted to check out that they don't have available. He knows what book she wants and he just puts it in that locked room. Just a real weird coincidence that every book she wants is just checked out all of a sudden. What do you guys want to do?

I want to use library use. I don't know what that does. What do you want to use? But I have 70 on it. I spent a lot. I invested heavily on the meme coin library use, and I want to fucking cash in on this. Can you look up, like, breaking curses? Oh, yeah. I think I have...

A skill for that. Everyone tell me what you want to do in the middle of the day. I want to roll around. You know, back in the day, you know, even we remember this. Maybe not Beth. Beth might be a little too young for this. But we had little cabinets like with a Dewey decibel system with little cards of every book. Card cabinet. Oh, I actually.

I do remember the card catalog. I want to essentially go to the card catalog and like the candy man at the beginning of Willy Wonka, these rolling back and forth and grabbing all the candies for the kids. She wants to roll a 70 library use and like scoot around looking for something that could break a curse for Francis there because she's pretty sure he's talking about this gun and she's concerned about it. Give me a library use roll. Take it for a spin.

I passed. Yeah, dude! All that hard work paid off, Matt. What are you looking for? You're looking for a book on curses? Yeah, so with my great library use skill, I probably understand that it would be... Not about

about like swear words. You're looking for, all right, yeah, so you're looking for like, like cursed objects. Yeah, like cursed objects. You're looking, so like archaeology and then further back, paranormal. Okay, all right, so yes, you find a book on witchcraft. I find a book called Catching the Rye. I say, read this and don't be like this kid. Ha ha ha ha ha.

No, I find a book on witchcraft. You find a book on witchcraft called, uh, which, which is which, and it's a practical and funny, which is which, and it's a practical and quirky guide to ancient curses and hexes throughout time in the Western hemisphere. So you find the card catalog for that. Uh, give me a spot hidden while you're rooting around in there. Oh,

Fuck yeah. This is your time to shine, Kelsey. Fuck yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay, yeah. Pass the spot. I got a 26, so that's below my 28, which is my good success. You notice a peculiar misfile in the card catalog system. Not peculiar if you know Brian. Sorry.

Fucking can't even keep his shit together. As you're thumbing through, cause you just can't help yourself. You find yourself scrolling past the fiction section. You notice a card that looks a little like it just got stuck in there right next to the books on Edgar Allen Poe. Uh, there is a card for a book called the key in the castle by Christie Bellman. Uh,

Which doesn't make any sense because that's nowhere near alphabetically to Edgar Allen Poe. It's just weird that that's in the wrong spot. So you notice that. Okay, well, I'm going to pick that book too. Here's one for the curses, Francis. Thanks. Also, this one was just kind of misfiled, but it's near Edgar Allen Poe and I just feel like I wouldn't have noticed it if it wasn't important. So I think... I think that is...

I think this guy is going to open it up. Can you look up for me, maybe a book on how to be more convincing when I'm trying to fast talk? Oh, absolutely. And then like the candy man in Willy Wonka, I'm going to scroll through the catalog again.

Okay. Anybody else want me to find a book? Oh, 28. That's a good success. Okay. How to win fellas and influence gals. Yeah. So yes, if it's a good success, you, you find a book called Scandinavian scams by the author of five more finished flim flams. Uh,

Wow. Dan, is this off the top of the dome wheel? That's good. Fuck, he's good. It's by this author, Joseph Togelborg or whatever. It's his father. Torbjorn. It's by Torbjorn. Torbjorn Lively, your long lost deadbeat father who wrote a book on Flim Flam. Yes, it's specifically- How to leave your family and they'll never know you're gone. How did you get in the field before World War I? Crazy that this guy has the same last name.

You open the book and he even kind of looks like you. Actually, no, you haven't gotten the book yet. I hand you the card and I say, I can only do half of this. The rest of the journey is yours. You should work here. Believe me, this town would be a better place if I could do both teaching and this. But I'm only one woman, Francis. There's only so much I could do. Oh, I love it here. Gosh, isn't this just great when he's not here?

Anybody else? Oh, actually, what's up, Trudy? I would like a book on...

How humanity is and works and how to be a human. Well, that's called the good book. Oh, I got it right here, baby. I actually rolled, so I failed. So I go, oh, well, that one is here. I gave you the Bible. I got an 88 on that roll. Sorry. You got an 88 on that roll? Yeah, library 70. Sorry, Trudy.

No, I'm not going to lie. I couldn't find a good one for you, so I just gave you the Bible. But some people like it. I'll just leave that right here. Unread? Trudy, are you not even going to crack open the good book? There's a reason it's called the good book. I'll read the first page. I mean, it's in the beginning. Depends on the translation.

In the beginning, I was homeless and it was empty. Kelsey, is there a thing like when you're watching a friend watch a YouTube video and you give them? Why are you on your phone? And there was light.

Yeah. That separated the light from the darkness. There's more humans later in the book. I was just hoping for something that made me feel like I would come alive. Like, really? Okay, here's the most insane rule of all time. Do a random Bible verse generator. And if that random Bible verse has something to do with, like, one's humanity. I love this. Yes. You get some bonus? Well, we'll see. Depends on how good that gets.

Fingers crossed for Don Leviticus. So you flip to a random page in the Bible? All right, what do you get? Yeah. To them, God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory. Give me a sanity roll. It's weird grammar. Could have just been more straightforward about it. I fail. Okay, you're Christian now. Fuck!

to the club ah yes a good god-fearing christian do you feel a little guilty like you did something wrong not at all i actually feel like protestant she works really hard what are you saying trudy i feel chosen there you go excellent well i tried my best to get you all a good book that you can have so you can check that out don't even worry about using your library card because it's brian and i don't care

and let's go ahead and open up this castle key book that I'm pretty sure is important because I found it. So you're going to the shelf? Oh, that was the card. Yeah, she found the card. Are you going to where it says on the card? Only Tree's got her book so far. Well, I want a different book. I mean, no, I want this book. This is my favorite book, and I love it.

There's a voice change. Trini just got the good news patch. I think we should go. You all have your cards, so you remember the book that we should get, but let's go. I found a strange one. Is that the word key in it? Yeah.

Yeah, let's go for that one. Yeah, let's go for that one. I just feel like I could use this right now. So you're going to... You can split up if you want. No. Okay, let's go get the Keith book first then. You find the book. Yes. It's on the shelf. It is weirdly... Give me another library use roll. Everybody, if you'd like to level this up. 56 again. Will knows that we're never going to use this outside the library section of this adventure. Mm-hmm.

I've fumbled. Oh, no. Do they have those? You're not Christian. Your fumble is you literally fumble and drop the Bible. And then when it lands on the ground, a book catches your eye on the shelf called Am I an Atheist or an Agnostic by Bertrand Russell. Okay. I'm going to pick this book up. Okay.

Okay, craziest roll. Random am I in a Bertrand Russell quote generator. And if it speaks to you. I like this. All right, Beth, give me a number from one to 67. 68. Wasn't it what you were like 67? Didn't you say exactly one in 67?

Okay, here we go. I have lived in the pursuit of a vision, both personal and social. Personal. To care for what is noble, for what is beautiful, for what is gentle. To allow moments of insight to give wisdom at more mundane times. Social. To see in imagination the society that is to be created, where individuals grow freely and where hate and greed and envy die because there's nothing to nourish them. These things I believe and the world, for all its horrors, have left me unshaken.

Praise him. Okay, you now worship Bertrand Russell. Okay, so you go to where the key in the castle is located. And with your success, you realize, wait a second, this is nowhere near Edgar Allan Poe. You found the original place where the book is supposed to be filed. And you found a copy of this book.

book, The Key in the Castle by Christy S. Bellman. And it appears to be like some sort of kind of like a trashy pulp paperback novel. Again, like a real women in great hair fleeing gothic castles kind of thing. Pull quote on the back says another fantastic chiller by Miss Bellman that belongs on the shelf with Edgar Allen Poe.

Guys? Sounds like it might be a hint to put it in the Edgar Allan Poe section. I think I'll put it in the Edgar Allan Poe section where I found it in the catalog. That's a good idea. Let's do that. Let's go do that. Beep boop, beep boop, beep boop. Can you give me a little more? It was a little longer. Beep boop, beep boop, beep boop, beep boop. Oh, Kelsey, are we passing by the section with my book? You wrote a book? No. This is the one in the card catalog. No, it's on the other side of the library. Well, shit. Oh, here's my book. Cool. Yeah, there's Francis' book. Cool. It's right there. It's at the end. Pretty convenient. Yeah. Which, which is which? Nice. Nice.

It's actually a pastel and a whole display. Is that one of the author's signature copies? Yeah, it's the first edition. Wow. Shit, I'm just taking this. And look, the poetry section with a book written by a wolf. It's called Howl. A great book here on road construction on the road. Yeah.

Anthony, you liked that one, right? I did. You really changed up Kerouac's intention by putting a pause in there. You know what I'm saying? Like totally different books. Oh, fuck. Did you want to get your Scandinavian scams book? Yes, please. Okay, you get it. If you want to go find it. Yes, I would like to find it. Okay, you find the book. You're going to go by yourself? I mean, that's fine. Yeah. Okay.

I have big fists. And I come back to it. I cannot open the book. Okay, so yes, while you're doing that, you're off getting the book. You're off getting the Scandinavian Scams book. And then you get to the bottom, you find it, and then realize your fists are covered in Hulk hands and you can't grab it. No, he turns around, and then we're right there with him. We go, buddy, I knew you weren't going to be able to grab that book. And I pull it out for him and go, let's stay together. Let's not split up. Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

You've seen through my ruse once again, Matt Arnold. Kelsey, where were you? I was the footprints behind you. When I looked behind me. Okay, we walk back to the ground, Poe. Okay.

I refuse to split this party. There is, sure enough, a gap in the section that should not be there because it's like right in the middle of his works, sort of alphabetically, but it's like the raven and then the murders and the reward. Real quick, can I just flip through this book? Is this like a real ass book? What, the key one? Yeah. I mean, yeah, I flipped through it. Yeah, it's a real book. If you're looking at the book, Francis, give me a education roll. Okay.

My edgy is hardly knew you. I bet you get disadvantage on your next role. What? I'm sick of hearing that joke.

My edu is a 50. Oh, I rolled an 87. Then you don't notice anything weird about it. No, it's weird. It just seems like... There's no pictures. Yeah, there's that. But also, like, if it's part of this weird puzzle to get inside the bison thing, I wonder if this Christine Bellman person is a bison. So you see the name is Christy S. Bellman. Christine S. Bellman? C-R-H-I-S-T-I-S-B-E-L-L-M-A-N. Quick, quick.

Check if it's an anagram. Let me pull out my... No, I'm not going to use my anagrams. You can look up a book on anagrams if you'd like to. Do you know any books on the anagrams? Oh, a book on anagrams. Please. Like, Kelsey, library master, doesn't know that a book on anagrams is right, and she just puts her hand up and grabs a book behind her. Not even looking. No eyes. Give me a library use role, Matt. It's going to be an extreme success. Extreme success? Yes. I fumbled. Okay.

You do pick up the quotable Bertrand Russell. Freddie, hit me with another quote. Random Bertrand Russell quote. I feel like this philosopher is fucking going around the library just putting his book in everywhere. This one will really fuck Kelsey up specifically. Go, hit it. There are two motives for reading a book. One, that you enjoy it. The other, that you can boast about it. It's true. I want people to like me. Roll 1d6 sanity damage, Matt.

How will people know how smart I am when they don't see how much I read? Don't forget about the goo. I passed. I got 36. My sanity is 44. You barely managed to hang on is the words of Bertrand. It's a totally normal thing to want people to appreciate you for what your strength is. I think he's being a little funny here too, Kelsey. So a little joking funny so you don't need to worry so much. What? Bertrand Russell is having a little bit of a humor. As Francis tries to crack this anagram. I'm seeing the word alchemist. Oh, I like that. Alchemist.

Are we all doing this together? Trudy, how's this going over there? Not great, but maybe. Alchemist? What other letters do we have outside if you already do alchemist? What's left? Berlin. Berlin? Berlin alchemist? I've never seen you guys more emotionally invested in a puzzle in my life. Anthony's strip gang, a piece of paper. Wait, wait, wait. Hold on. Ladies and gentlemen listening home, you need to understand what happened here. Anthony took his steam deck, put it down on the floor.

picked up a piece of paper and grabbed man's oldest tools, pen and paper. Now he's scrolling on it. Surely the pen is mightier than the deck. Wait, so after alchemist, what letters are left? R-S-B-E-N. I hope to God that there's no anagram and Will's just letting us do this. That'd be so fucking good. Would you guys like me to describe the shelf anymore? You could describe her name. There's a gap on the shelf. Weirdly, it's not against a wall or anything like that.

This is in the middle of like a row of shelves, but you feel like a draft coming through this hole. Also, give me a spot hidden. Easy mode here. Oh, I literally just got 57 from 57. Okay, nice. You find a little BB pellet on the ground.

Francis, did you do this? No, my rifle shoots bullets. That's right. Use the real ones. Okay, BB. BB? BB. No, that wouldn't make sense. BB? Like the girl BB? She doesn't leave BBs around to tell. That's kind of not her thing. Wait, is that her calling card? Does BB leave BBs around? No, that's not her thing. No, I don't think so. Okay, never mind. And there's also no U in Christy S. Bellman.

Hmm. Can we roll something to help us with this anagram? Do we get a hint? Yeah. Like is Alchemist correct? I'm going to put the book. I don't know. I can't find any words. The rest of the stuff I can't. Yeah. Give an idea roll. This will be you guys thinking really hard.

And then if one of you succeeds the idea roll, the god of anagrams will give you... What idea? 41. Ah! Super success! 19 out of 40. Failure. Ah! I succeed. I actually get a good success. Oh, nice. Because you're in a sort of mysterious... You're near eldritch powers beyond your comprehension. You hear a voice in your head say...

This is Mr. Inaga. I love it. Sounds like you guys are working on an anagram in a spooky place. Yes. Can you just hold the book up to your face? You there, the little boy. Yep. The weird little boy. I mean, you just met me, but okay. Hold the book up to your face. Hold the thing you're trying to anagram up so I can look at it. Oh, we need to include the title. What? We need to include the title in the anagram. Oh, my God. Yeah, what's the title? Why don't you hold the book up to my face and I'll give you a hint.

Looks like it says Christie S. Bell. Well, that's the author of the book. Yeah. So maybe instead of looking for a word, you should be looking for a name that uses those letters. That makes sense. Hassle and the key. But I can give you any anagrams you want. There's Brian. Brian. Brian's in that name. What's his last name? F.

I don't think that's true. Matt, you remember Brian's last name. Brian Mitchell. It is. It's just Brian Mitchell. Brian Mitchell. Oh, man. I was like, I read it. And as you say that, nothing happens on the book. I read the first page and I liked it. It's awful. Now it's just good to know we don't have to hunt down somebody named Christy Bellman because she's not involved in the bison cult. So we're good. That means Brian Mitchell wrote this book. He thinks the, I mean, look, the first page was okay, but he thinks this should be put next to Edgar Allen Poe.

Oh, Matt. Also, point of order. He's using a woman's name. We have a hard enough time it is breaking into this literary industry. He's using a woman's name, taking my job, and I've never written a book. I wish I could. You opened the book. Give me an education role as well. With advantage, we'll say, because this is a reading, which is your area. You passed?

With the advantage I got a good success. You realize because you see that the publisher is not a publisher you've heard before, but you know it to be a house of self-published manuals by self-stylized authors. So it seems like it would be a self-published book by Brian S. Mitchell. So it's self-published. Anybody can self-publish.

What do you want in the 50s? They had vanity presses in the fucking 50s. Absolutely. Anybody? The Bible was self-published. By who? God? It's really the first vanity book, if you think about it. That's true. Yeah, that's a good point. That is the word of God. Who published it? The memoir of God. A memoir. I want to put this book into the, wherever there's a hole, so goes a book. And I put the...

Now I know what our next t-shirt is. Wherever there's a hole, so goes a book. We can have bookmarks with that on it. I'm going to put a book in. All right. So you put the book in the hole, and as it slides into this space, this gap in the wall, you hear a far-off click, and you see the words on the book rearranged to say Brian S. Mitchell. Whoa. I guess we just could have gotten there anyway. No.

Wow, I didn't need to consult the god of anagrams. You owe me one now, by the way. I'll be calling in that favor at some point. Bye-bye. It was worth it to know the deal.

The deities exist. Yeah, how's that clocking with everybody's Christianity? Everyone give me a sanity roll. Well, I was already of the opinion that Moth Jesus meant there were more different gods. So that's consistent with my worldview. Really? I failed my sanity roll. I failed my sanity. I pass. Fucking anagrams make me lose sanity. So Matt, you are now doubting your Christian faith. All right. That's been happening. And Beth, you're really open to anything right now. Wow. We already knew that. She's looking at Mothman recently. The whole shelf that you are standing in front of...

spins around and sweeps you with it. But as you sweep, it's like going through a turnstile into a new building that wasn't there before. As it carries you along, you find yourself in a brand new space. You find yourselves in a dark, dank, endless, candlelit library labyrinth. Oh, wow. We're holding up a maze. There's one with the answer on it. Wouldn't that have been embarrassing? Let me sit.

You now find yourself in the heart of the archives department of Project Heartland.

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You see these walls that are all lined with books of all different types, you know, magical tomes, government filing cabinets and archives. And the hallways around you sort of twist and shift and lead in a sort of maze-like way. And you feel like a sort of intuition pulling you somewhere. It's like you ever walk through a maze and, like, you don't think that hard about which way you go. It's just kind of like relying on instinct. You feel the pull of instinct. I've never walked through a maze.

You've never done a maze in real life? I've done a corn maze, but I'm usually pretty determined to get out of it. This is no normal library. Kelsey puts her finger on one of the spines and tastes it. She goes, my library use will have no purpose here. And I've decided...

that I have disadvantage of just for you will okay here's how we're gonna do this I was reading a fun little guide on how to run a TT RPG labyrinth from John for his role playing tips calm newsletter who would like to lead the four of you through this maze who

Who's in front? Also, you hear ominous chanting coming from the center. Yeah, yeah, obviously. How are we doing the maze? Well, you guys know the whole trick, right? You just follow one wall. Here's how we're going to do this. Whoever's leading the maze, I'm going to give you this pencil and this paper. You are going to try to solve the maze while everyone watches from behind you with bated breath. And then every time you hit a dead end, I am going to draw an encounter for you.

from this deck of Pentament playing cards we got from our trip to Obsidian. So I've written out a bunch of encounters. So every time you hit a dead end on the maze, something spooky is going to happen. You wrote on there a nice deck they gave you? I didn't write on the deck. I wrote on a separate piece of paper and corresponded it to the deck. Oh, okay, cool. It's like a pointer in C++. Yes. Who's good at mazes? You said you had a good idea of who you just follow? Yeah, but my method also involves hitting every dead end possible. Okay. Well, Trudy, you're a robot, so...

You're really good at mazes. Trudy's a robot. Beth needed extra time for any tests in school, so... I will do it. Me and my big Hulk hands. Yeah, you're good with sewers and stuff. Those are essentially just mazes underground. No, they are laid out in a very, very specific way. Oh, yeah, I thought we hired plumbers because you're good at labyrinths. Yeah.

That's why not anybody can do it. All right, everybody gather around Freddy. Freddy, here's what you're going to do. You're going to start at the start of the maze. You have to continuously move. And don't look at it, but close your eyes. You don't have to close your eyes, Matt. You can open your eyes now. And the second you realize you've hit a dead end, we're going to stop. Okay? And ready? And go. Hey, guys, let's go over here. Just chugging along. No, no, no.

I think I feel pretty good about this way, Trudy. Ah, a little bit of a turn. Ah, this gets me pretty close. Oh, wait, but hold on, Trudy. Trudy, I'm not sure. I've seen a lot of moving on that. Going up, yes, very good.

No, not that way, okay. Oh, hey, thank you everybody for helping me out. I'm just gonna go up this way. A little chicane. I see the dead end from here. I won't go that way. Over here. Oh, really? I'm just gonna go down this long hallway on the side. Left or right here? Yeah, I sense it.

Right, to the right, my right, haha! And then around here, and up, and then what do we do? Oh, hold on! Left, ah, right here, take a left, and I'll go down here, and then we'll go- Now we sprint! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Will, if it makes you feel better, if I had been doing the maze, we would have hit all 12. But now the question that every good RPG player knows. I should have made you guys watch. You gave them too much advice. We got to the critical path. But should we go back and make sure there's any treasure chests or stuff we didn't get? Why don't you alone go back?

I've never seen so many books. So much cool stuff. I was going to use the maze to like read my book, but we were through it so fast. I haven't even opened it yet. Wow, Blake's really good at mazes. Yes, I have spent much time thinking about mazes. When you're in the mazes below the city, do you sense the drafts of the wind? How did you get through this? No, I just go where my friends tell me to go. Oh, that's nice. Wait, how did we know? How did we know?

Oh, we had Trudy with us. Smartest robot we know. I was like, surely they'll hit at least six. Like that was what I was getting. Okay. So you wind up in the center of the maze. Ah, here we are. I've made it. In the center of these twisty winding corridors, you're sort of peering out at like a sort of circular stone floor. And you're,

In the center of this floor, you see a row of candles. You see your classic spell runes. Matt, you must be pretty familiar with all the people who work at the library, right? Mm-hmm. So you see one of them. You see the assistant librarian, Jane O'Houlihan. Also known as Checkers. Also known as Checkers. Because he's good at Checkers. Which is crazy because Checkers is solved. But they keep bragging about how they're good at it.

Checkers wasn't solved in the 50s. I'm pretty sure it was. She's the one who solved it. Checkers was solved in 2007 by Canadian computer scientists. Damn, dude. You see Checkers O'Houlihan. She is wearing a cloak of the Bisons. And she is lying in the middle of this circle of runes. Behind her, you see...

The cloaked face of the incredibly handsome Victor Laszlo-esque Brian S. Mitchell reading from a massive spellbook tome. You see two more mysterious goons, unidentified as of yet, sort of kneeling in prayer and swinging above checkers. You see two children tied up and dangling from a chain. And their names are Britannica Blue and Milton Blunt.

Whatever, bro. Not BB. Not BB. No. Oh.

Ah, these were the children who approached me in my dream. That sounds very strange, but I assure you it was astral projection. Dumb question. Is Checkers facing belly up or belly down? She is facing belly up, and she seems to be sort of writhing in ecstatic anticipation for some dark rite. I think she might eat me or something. Anybody got a knife around them? I got a gun. You see Brian S. Mitchell ranting in a million tongues unknown to you, but you hear the word epidermicon several times. Skin book. Skin convention. Skin book.

Can you imagine a less pleasant convention? No, I bet you it's going to be all kinds of skin care. You walk out there with one of those goodie bags and it would be heavy. That's a fair point. You could not fly home with that one. He's sort of chanting this dark rite and the candles are beginning to flicker and wind's spinning around. The two guys kneeling in prayer are sort of mumbling the words along with him and they seem to be saying, the pages are flesh,

The book is blood. The blood is ink. The pages are flesh. The book is blood. The blood is ink. Ready the spine. Ready the spine. Ready the spine. And as they are doing that, Brian closes the book with a thunderous clap and pulls out a ceremonial dagger. There it is. There it is.

And I presume you might want to do something, so we'll let you do something there. Guys, why don't you just get out of here? They seem to be busy. They seem to be preoccupied. Nobody cares less about Brigitte than I do, but even so, we should probably do something. Do they notice us? Do they notice us? They've not noticed you yet. They're all pretty preoccupied. What if I just go out there and knock over one of the candles with my feet and then shoot Brian in the face? Because if they need all these candles and sigils and stuff, that must mean they're really important for the thing, which means they can't do it if they're fucked up. All right, let's do this quick.

Okay, you do that. I will dive and I will grab BB. I just can't bring myself to save Milton. BB and Milton are swinging about six feet off the ground from a heavy chain that snakes up into a pulley and then down to a corner of the room where the chain master stands. Another guy who just looks like he likes chains a lot.

How does one get the sensation that somebody really likes chains just by looking at them? He has... I can answer this, actually. I can answer this. Because I knew a guy who was, like, really into ropes. Well, I know why that would be. I know why, but I'm telling you, here's how he showed it. He had a rope on him at all times that was tying knots constantly. Yeah, the chain guy's got a chain necklace. Wait, he's got braces. He's got braces. He's got a wallet chain. He's listening to 2 Chainz. I mean, he looks like a villain in Kingdom Hearts.

Yeah, he looks like he's got buckles and chains everywhere, man. All over his robe. And they were like, look, man, you're not supposed to be. We all have to have the same robe. He's like, if I can't fucking rep my chains, then I'm not joining the cult. Blake, you could try to take that lady out of the middle of the circle because it seems like that's pretty important. I will rush her and punch as hard as I can. Not enough to kill her, though, because it seems like her dying is part of the plan. Oh, I want to get the chain master. And then I want to pull Milton and BB up and down like a pinata so that he has a hard time hitting them.

them. Yeah, they're all blindfolded and going like, well, Milton's not blindfolded, but they're like, well, Milton's not blindfolded because he's already blind. Oh, poor kid. Wait, the gangster took his eyes. Yes. Damn. So I want to step out with

with my gun, point it at Brian and say, this is gonna hurt, and don't just take my word for it, and I pull the trigger. As you do that, give me another pow roll. Pow! This is gonna be an opposed pow roll. 49, so a failure. You hear the voice of your gun, Brunhilde, say, 999, I haven't gotten to taste mine yet, little boy. I want to taste cold blood, and then you can shoot what you want to shoot, yeah? Yeah!

How about one of the children? And we shut up and I throw the gun down. I just go and tackle the fucking Brian. Free gun! Don't worry about it. It'll be back anyway. Fuck that. With that, we will go into combat. Blake, you're up first. What do you want to do? I would like to punch the lady in the mouth.

I love that all this is happening, but like just by circumstance, the first thing that happens is you're like, this bitch gets it. Well, she's clearly the whole apparatus. I mean, that's why I suggest you go after her. It's just really funny that that's the first thing that happens. Well, that's good. It's effective. So you're going to punch her in the mouth. She's writhing on the ground in ecstasy. There's incense around her. You think she's not in combat, so you're going to get a free hit on her.

Now this feels weird. Yeah. See, that's what I was thinking. Hold on. Your move, Blake. Hold on. She just seems like she's going to enjoy the blood. You can just pull her away. You know, here's what it is. I see a weapon. I see a knife. I should go after Brian. He's across the room from you through the center between him and you. There's two guys. There's the drugged out checkers. And there's also two children swinging from a chain.

I'll step around the children on the chain. I'll just take a long, curvaceous route. Okay. You're going to take a long, curvaceous route to get around. Yeah, and then I'll stiff arm anyone who's trying to get in the way, like a football player. Okay, great. We'll say you do that on your turn, but Brian sees you coming, so he readies up to square off against you. Let's sock him. I'll rock him, sock him, robot, dude. Rock him, sock him, robot. Do it. All right, give me your fighting brawl roll.

Damn, 23. That's a super success. Oh my God. Now the rolls are coming. Oh, he got a 20 out of 60. Draw initiator wins. You get a punch off on him. Roll damage.

1d3, ouch. 1d4, ouch. Plus 2, ouch. 5 total damage. Biff! And his beautiful Laszlo-esque chin takes a big bloody hit. It is now his turn. He wipes the blood off of himself, and he looks at you, he looks at everybody else coming in for him, and he realizes that, like, at this critical juncture, something horrible might happen. So he is going to...

For the moment, ignore the kids and deal with you, the most pressing threat, and he's going to slash at you with his knife, Freddie. What would you like to do? Are you going to dodge or are you going to fight back? I'll fight back. You're going to fight back? Yeah. Give me a fighting brawl roll then.

Nine. You got a nine? Nine. Super duper success, dude. Fucking hell. Okay. Nice challenging RPG. Be a shame if somebody rolled a nine in it. Okay, so he got a 17 out of 60, which is just a super success. So he takes a swing at you with his knife and you're able to zip out of the way and give him another clock in the face. So roll damage one more time.

Six damage. Six damage. Fucking hell. Dude, 11 damage in one round. Holy shit, bro. So he takes another big blow to the face and he's reeling back looking staggered. As you knock him around, you see that key on a chain flop out from his shirt as he's looking very dazed. Like one more good punch would knock him over. Kelsey, it's your turn. The chain master is holding like the chain or just guarding the chain? No.

We'll say it's more fun if he's holding the chain. He's holding them up. It takes a big, strong chain boy to hold this chain up. Okay, so if he was knocked down, they would just drop to the floor? Yeah. I want to dive and knock him down, but I'm going to grab the chain and pull it down with him so that we both fall to the floor. You're trying to clonk into him while holding onto the chain. Yeah, yeah. So they go popping up like a pinata. Give me, we'll call that a fighting maneuver. What is your build? Did we ever decide what your build is? It should be one.

I read it as like one was like a giant, but then every guy I've met is like a one. And I'm like, I'm supposed to be like a big girl. Okay. So he's a one as well. Give me your fighting brawl roll, Matt. 34. And my fighting brawl is 60. So just a normal success. Okay. That's great. He failed his. So you smash into him and knock him into the ground. And yeah, you managed to hold onto the chain. So as you fall, you've landed on top of him and Milton and BB go lunging up into the ceiling. I'm sitting on him like a bully. Yeah. And you're sitting on him like a bully. Brian, you're...

Hurting children? Kelsey? Is that you? Yeah. Ugh. Ugh. Oh, God. Kelsey, you want me to give him the business? Yeah. This doesn't even surprise me, Brian. Hey, hey, hey. You're ruining my ritual. Shh.

He shushes you. Kelsey, give me a willpower roll. This is you resisting the urge to immediately get up and beat him up. I fail. I stand up and the kids just go dropping to the ground. Okay, so you stand up and let go because you're readying your dukes to go clock Brian. It is now Francis's turn. The

The kids have not fallen yet. All right. I'm going to, as quickly as I can, seeing that 2 Chainz is about to get back up, I'm just going to run over and try to kick him in the head really hard and grab a hold of the chain that Kelsey just let go of. Oh, that's great. Give me Fighting Attack. And he's going to dodge with a Penalty Dice because he's on the ground. All right. My Fighting is a 65, and I got a 31, which is a super success. Super success. He failed his roll, so roll for damage. My damage is for shit. Three damage. So he takes three. It is now his turn.

And so it's like one of those ones like where the fucking hero punches the guy and then the guy gets up and you're like, oh, that's a really big guy. Yeah. It's like we do one of those. And now he like looms over you, Francis, and he cracks his knuckles and he's like chain masters turn. And then he grabs the chain and he is going to do a fighting maneuver to try to wrap it around your neck. No. I'm going to try to dodge. Okay. I don't care about fighting back. What did you get for your dodge? I failed pretty badly. Okay. He succeeded.

So he wraps this chain around you and then holds onto one end. And then you feel it go tight between his grip. And now the weight of Milton and BB pulling the weight down on the other end is what's actually choking you right now. So you are immobilized and kind of squiggling around. So there's the two guys praying. So they've realized that there's a big fight going on. One of them is going to go to help Brian. And the other one is going to go to help the chain master. So the first one is going to attack you, Freddy. Hmm.

He is going to run up to you and try to punch you in the back of the head. Go ahead and roll for me, Freddy. Dodge. 47 regular success. Regular success. Okay, he got a regular success as well, which means he wins, so he's going to roll for damage. When I dodge, I'm successful when the rolls are tied. When you fight back, the attacker hits you. Oh, draw. You're right. You're right. So, yes, no draw. Defender wins. So, yes, you dodge. He takes a swing at you. Just describe your dodge to me.

I just duck and he swings and he misses me entirely. And I go, I heard you coming. The other one is going to attack you, Kelsey. I'm not dodging. I'm just going to punch as I go. Okay. You're going to just try to like stiff arm him as you. Yeah, exactly. So that's a 30 and that's just normal fighting brawl. So that's a super success. He failed as you're running past. You just throw a fist out at him. So give me a damage roll.

Fuck yeah. Three. A three? I got six, so three. Okay, great. I hold my fist up and I run past him and my fist hangs back for a little bit to touch his face hard. So I keep moving forward. All right, he takes a big clock to his face. He feels some teeth give out. Trudy, it is your turn. No talking in the library. Worried about Francis. Trudy's going to grab...

some of the candles around. I'm going to roll to climb up this chain so that it takes the pressure off of Francis's neck. I'm getting pulled from both sides. So you adding to either weight is going to hurt me more. Can you explain that again? BB and Milton are hanging. That's drawing the chain one way.

Okay, Anthony is demonstrating. Okay. So if he pulls here, I would hurt, and if he pulls here, I would hurt. What's holding that on the other side? The chain master. No, but hear me out. Be careful. I'll come. I'm going to explain what you're doing. Anthony has put a mouse cable around his neck and is holding it from either side. Now Will's come and is holding it on one side.

So here's what I want to demonstrate, because I actually think Beth is right. Okay, so Bebe and Milton are hanging from one end of the pulley. Beth, why don't you come over and demonstrate what Trudy is going to do? Two people, now I'm definitely going to come. Anthony will tell us if he feels the mouse getting tighter on his neck or less tight. This is Bebe and Milton are hanging down here. So I would come here. Far less tight. Aha! Because she's actually pulling the weight. I see, I see, I see, I see.

There you go. It's science. Science. It's a kink is what it was. Yeah, I knew it was going to work from the get-go. Bondage science is what it was, Freddie. The S in BDSM. Francis is stuck in a chain between the chain master holding on one end and the chain snaking up to the ceiling and threw a pulley on the other. On the other side of the pulley...

B.B. and Milton are hanging, drawing weight, which is causing the chain to be tighter. Trudy, what do you then do? I leap up above Francis and take the weight that's pulling upwards on his neck off the chain. So you're pulling down on the chain on that side, which causes B.B. and Milton to go up and put some slack back in the chain, which allows Francis to breathe. Yes.

I'm going to roll climb. And while I'm up there, I'm going to hold the candles to the chain. I think that fire can melt steel beams. Yeah.

I thought you were going to light the guy on fire because he's in robes. Yeah, I'll light him on fire. Sure, sure, sure. Okay, great. Did you hear that three conspiracy theorists walked into a bar? Couldn't be a coincidence. That's pretty good. I'm going to light the chain master on fire. And he's at disadvantage because he's still holding onto the chain and he's trying to choke Francis. So give me a fighting brawl roll to stick him with a candle. Okay, sick. I got a 16 and my fighting brawl is 35. Okay, so that's a super success because that's less than half. Yes.

He failed. He's so focused on Francis that he doesn't realize until it's too late that his cloak has caught fire. And then you jump up on the chain to relieve the pressure on Francis's neck. I love that. We're back at the top of the turn order. Blake, it's your turn. Oh. You got a knife wielding Brian S. Mitchell on one side of you and you have this enraged goon you just dodged from on the other. Wait your turn and I'm going to punch Brian. Okay, great. Fighting brawl.

I'll burn one luck to get to 60 to just get to a regular success. He does not. He failed his role. Excellent use of luck. So give me your damage. Great return on investment for luck. Six damage. With six damage, you knock him clean the fuck out. Brian goes flying backwards, Street Fighter-esque. Yeah, yeah.

And you see again, once again, that blue key on the chain around his neck sort of glint in the candlelight as he flings backwards into the air and lands on the ground with a solid thud. He is now unconscious. Kelsey, it's your turn. I feel like my friend Blake has a good idea. So I'm just going to leap up in the air and come down with my fists onto Brian's head. The unconscious Brian. Yeah.

Are you sure that that's the right use of your... I mean, I'm only playing because I rolled the inability to stop myself from... She's got berserker rage right now. She's got that bloodlust. Yeah, because I kind of have to. Unless the DM says I lost my berserker rage, but I believe I failed my roll. You tell me if she's lost her berserker rage. You watch somebody else punch out your biggest enemy. What do you feel? Do you still want the hit off on him? Like, are you more tempted to hit him now that he can't defend himself? What I do is when I see him get knocked down, I stop and I go...

And then I'm going to go to... Give me one more willpower roll for that. Okay. No, I passed it. I passed it. Okay, if you had failed, I was going to be like that. You just waste your turn shushing him. But since you managed to tear yourself away and you now have the time to do something. What's the best way I can help you now? Fucking up the blade master or the chain master. The chain master is still holding onto the chain. He's now on fire, though.

Hold on to this. Looks like you're having some difficulty with fire. That's not a pun. I never said it was a pun. That's just you saying what's happening. I'm just trying to help you, Francis. I'm frazzled. Okay. You could have just not said anything. I wanted to say something. I was freeing. I can say whatever I want in this line right now. Huh, Brian? Who's talking now, Brian? Idiot. And then I punch the Chainmaster. Give me an attack roll.

I got four. You got a four? It's a super duper success. Okay. He got a 84. So you clobber him. So roll a damage. We're steamrolling these motherfuckers. I'm rolling horribly right now. Give me a damage roll. Steamrolling these motherfuckers. That is also a three. Freddie, can you do a quick Google and tell me how fire damage works in this game?

It looks like 1d8 damage per round. Okay, great. It sure sucks that Moth Jesus' goo is super flammable. Here's another burn. Ooh, I love that! I thank you, Matt. You get advantage on your next roll for helping the DM out. You sure he doesn't get 30 pieces of silver?

He just took another big hit to the face. He staggers back and he lets go of the chain. The chain has gone slack. Milton and BB are now dropping towards the floor at a rapid rate once again. Trudy's still holding onto it, right? Oh, yes, she is. Yes. And we'll deal with that on Trudy's turn. So I feel the heat beginning to catch onto my shirt with all the goo on it. So I just rip off my shirt.

revealing my back tattoo. I'm sorry, your what? It's a tattoo of a sentient ice cream cone holding an Uzi. No, we don't have Uzi's back then. Never mind. Tommy gun? I don't have a tattoo, too. So I rip my shirt. That was the thing. That was the deal breaker. Yeah. I rip off my shirt. I can't get an Uzi. I'm not even getting a tattoo. Yeah, not worth it. Okay, so actually, how many people are in this room that don't like us? Brian is knocked out. There were the two guys who were praying, who are now up and punching people. There's Checkers O'Houlihan on the floor. And then Chainmaster.

And then there is the chain master who is now on fire. Okay, so four people to fight. What's going on with the woman who's writhing on the ground? She's still writhing, dude. Okay, I'm just going to grab her by her robes and try to pull her out of this circle. Ideally, knocking over candles and smearing the sigils on the ground. Give me a strength check for that. Okay.

Fail. As you try to pull her, she seems to be in this sort of delirious haze, but she recognizes what you're doing, and she digs her hands into the stone floor, like, and grips on the edges of the brickwork to try to resist you. So you're only able to move her a little bit, but she's not out of the runes. And as you're doing that, you notice that, again, Brian, after he slammed that book shut, seemed to be ending the chanting portion of this ritual, and the runes on the ground are beginning to glow. The ground itself is beginning to shake. Yeah.

Did I smear any of the runes while I was running up there? You did, but I think it's too late at this point. Whatever's happening is already happening. The runes are more for like the prayers. The gods more or less know what you're going for. I just, when I see something glowing, I assume it is currently working and that destroying it will make it not work. Okay. It is now the chain master's turn. Let's see if the chain master burns to death.

He does not, but the flame races up. He screams in anguish as his flesh is beginning to burn underneath his robes. He is going to abandon fighting you guys and drop on the ground and try to pull himself out of this robe as he's getting burned. So that's going to be his turn. Trudy, what would you like to do?

I want to get the key around Brian's neck. Okay, great. Go for it. Okay. You can kind of just run up and go grab it. I'm going to kind of slowly get off the chain so I'm not violently like shooting the kids up into the air or like pulling them down or anything. Just kind of slowly get off and get the key. No, you can carry the chain over there with you. Okay, I will. You're the only one holding on to it. Yeah. So one-handed, you carry the chain. Oh, here's what we'll say. Give me a strength check to break it off of his neck because it's on a chain around his neck. 20.

24. I have a 60. So that is a super success. Okay, great. It snaps easily into your hand. Goo number one, Freddy. He sees his boss knocked out cold on the ground. He sees the chain master, the biggest, buffest guy in the room, on fire. He sees them starting to be outnumbered really quickly, and he sees those fucking runes glowing on the ground. And he decides in that moment that someone's got to do what needs to be done. And he picks up the knife from the ground that got knocked out of Brian's hand. And...

he realizes that Milton and BB are still far out of reach and it's up to him. And he looks to the sky, rips his shirt open and says, witness me, mighty Zuzel. And he slits his own throat over the body of the woman on the ground and his blood spills forth and splatters onto her skin and rolls down her throat into her lips and her eyes open and begin to glow. And she says, yes, yes, the epidermicon. I can feel it.

I knew I should have punched out the lying down lady. All of a sudden, there's a violent shaking. Her body begins to glow. Her clothes burn away. And then her body begins to twist and contort, almost like it's crunching in on itself. Her face deforms and her eyeballs pop. Her spine compacts and her rib cages seem to flatten and jut out like these like

two rows of bones like sticking out of her skin her skin starts to contort and peel and wrap and rearrange itself and you're watching someone transform into a book made out of human flesh everybody make a sanity roll i succeed i failed

I succeed barely. Kelsey can't stand a fucking, just a vile use of a book. Any sort of book-related stuff, dude. Yeah, really fucks with her mind. So you are going to take some sanity loss regardless. I super, super succeed. So you super succeed. Matt, so first thing you're going to do is give me a 1d8 sanity loss. This is your temporary sanity. Two. And then give me another 1d8, and this is permanent sanity loss. Three.

to, uh... One. Damn. Nice. Nice, nice, nice, nice, nice. All right. So it freaks you out, but not that much. Hey, you know, this is a fucked up book. This book of human flesh that was once this woman. It's about the size of, like, a, um... A woman? One of...

Well, no, it shrinks. It's the size of like a really big dictionary, I would say. You see like scarring into the flesh that is on the cover of this thing are the words epidermicon exalibris. As you're looking at it, it bursts open and like these pages made of human skin begin to flutter. It seems to be drawing a powerful wind into it, almost like a psychic vortex.

and it doesn't mean it'll be affecting any of you. Like, you don't feel like a wind pulling you towards it, but all around you, you hear things knocking over, you hear glass crashing, you hear toppling, and as you look up, you realize that every single book

in this library is bouncing down the labyrinthine corridors and flying towards you at blinding speed. You feel the whole chamber around you begin to shake. Debris is falling from this vaulted ceiling and you get the impression that you're going to need to make a pretty quick escape out of this place because the very structure of the labyrinth seems to be growing and changing and shifting. What would you guys like to do? You got the key? But we need BB and Milton. Well, yeah, pick them up.

gently lower the children down onto my shoulders. You can take one. I'll take the other. You know, play your strong, but you don't need two kids. I'll take BB. Okay. Okay. You can take Milton.

And yes, that's wet peanut butter. Okay, so you lower them down and then you guys take them and you're just going to run for it. Yeah, we got the key. We got the kids. As you charge off down the path you came from, everybody give me a quick dodge roll to see if you get hit by a book in the face. I do not. But barely. I slip it expertly. I definitely get hit. Oh, I do not get hit. I got 11. I get hit very badly. I fumble. Trudy gets knocked down. Trudy and Francis both give me a 1d3 damage roll. One. One. One.

As that's happening, you feel the ground shake more. In the labyrinth around you seem to yawn and expand. And you realize that it's growing. And as you're running and you see these cultists now chasing after you and these books are whipping down to a blinding speed, you realize that to escape with your lives, you've got a whole lot more maze to get through. More mazes? It's a big maze. That's a big maze. We might even meet one dead end in that maze. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Too far, too far, I stay today.

Thanks so much for listening. We hope you've enjoyed the episode. Do you desire more audio content? Well, Dad Hammer, our Warhammer 40K miniseries that Matt DM'd has concluded. All three parts are available now on our Patreon for your listening enjoyment. A short tease on what you're missing out on. Listen to this.

Speaking of Patreon bonus series, our Kingdom Dad Monster campaign continues on. In this latest episode, Matt homebrews one of his space marines into the fight. All in all, a lot of very funny 40K sci-fi stuff coming at you. A little bit of a theme as of late. You can get these mini series and more like ad-free episodes starting at just five bucks a month at patreon.com slash dungeonsanddads.

Dungeons and Daggies is Matt Arnold as Kelsey Grammer. Anthony Birch as Francis Farnsworth. Will Campos is our DM. Beth May is Trudy Trout and myself, Freddie Wong, as Blake Lively. Our theme song is A Hole in the Stars by Max and Waller. Brian Fernandez is our content producer. Ashley Nicolette is our community manager. Courtney Terry is our community coordinator. Cindy Denton is our merchandise manager. Esther Ellis is our lead editor. Travis Reeves and Omar Romalino provide additional editing. This show is supported by Patreon containing the names of people like Caroline Prolks, Kitty Lamp,

Ethan Haddad, Bubblegum, Logan Phillips, Terry Huddy, Maddie, Brandon Carey, Owen Kennedy, Anya, Jonathan Culverhouse, Nicholas Hildebrand, Emily Valentine, GingerBeardMan25, Alexander Gray, Dandelion, Russell O, M, Elizabeth Burgos, and Elizabeth Tarsaline.

Madden, my first movie, We're All Gonna Die, in theaters March 7th. More info at we'reallgonnadie.mov. Support us directly on Patreon at patreon.com slash dungeonsanddads. Merch and more at dungeonsanddads.com. And our next episode coming at you February 25th. We'll see you then. All that I can see is a hole in the stars Swallowing my dreams and making them scars Too far, too far away But I stay All that I can see is a hole

Did they have those leave a book, take a book things back in the 50s? Like a public library on the street kind of thing? I'm just saying, because if I have really good library use, I should be able to use those little drops. Dead drops. Those are basically dead drops, but for books. Love it.