S3 Ep. 21 - The Son and the Fury
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Welcome to Dungeons and Daddies, not a BDSM podcast. What the fuck was that? Not a BDSM podcast. We decided to play. Yeah.

This season, season three, the Peachyville Horror. Matt, you know who you sounded like? This is going to be the deepest cut for no one, but there used to be a show called Boston Legal with William Shatner and James Spader. And all of the little interstitial noises they would do between scenes would be like a little guitar wail. And then someone would go like, oh, yeah. I love that shit. I love when TV shows fucking make noises to tell you to be excited. It helps me know what I should be doing. Can we do one of those during the episode today?

Yeah! It always sounded like the guy just ate a really good sandwich is what I thought. He's like, mmm! Oh, yeah! Sorry, go ahead, Freddie. This is the Peachyville Horror Soundboard Podcast set in the Call of Cthulhu system. This is an actual play horror comedy podcast about four everyday schmoes fighting the forces of darkness in suburban 1950s America. I play deep-thinking plumber Blake Larson.

Now, last episode. Blake deadly, more laying. Yeah, we'll see. We'll see. Last episode, we learned that Blake is a rich man. Now, here's the thing. Blake's master bedroom. Beth, you'll appreciate this particular fact about Blake. Wait, why? Can I hear it first before I decide whether? Despite being a rich man, Blake's bed in his master bedroom is in the corner without a bed frame. Just the mattress on the floor. No, I have a bed frame.

right now and it's in the middle. No, Beth, I would say you'd appreciate that because of the general quality of guys' bedrooms is shit. Well, I... Beth kind of just told on herself a little bit. I did. I did. I'm so afraid because he thinks that all the bedrooms Beth goes to are just dumps of dudes. Beth only got sex with trash men. Yeah.

You know Beth, like all the shitty guys you go home with. You know I punch up, Freddie. I'm punching up. That's why I go home to my bed frameless existence. We have no bed frame and quarter bed at home. But not anymore. Are you in the middle of the room now? I'm in

I'm proud to say I'm touching only one wall. That's the new fact. Blake's bed is a mattress in the middle of his large room. Somehow it touches three walls.

walls. Yeah, I like that. Three walls is like you're in a tight spot. Two walls is like this. You've got a huge bed, very rich, or a very small room. I mean, even if you have a really huge bed, it's a pretty small room to be touching three walls. It depends on how huge the bed is. That's true. I basically in college had a three wall touching situation. Yeah, same.

Hey, everybody. My name is Matthew Arnold. Oh, yeah. I play Kelsey Grammer, Peachyville's happiest and snappiest schoolmarm. And you know what she always says. A teacher's job is never easy, but it could be a little easier if the parents did their job a little better. Oh.

Who did she say that to? Dude, Matt's got all the fucking banners this season. Sorry, sorry. She's been having parent-teacher conferences. She's just in it right now. That's the fact that only, like, the son of a teacher can go away. I'm like, oh, let's see. So the final sense, which I guess is the end of the season, is the last fact I got. No, I remember the first time you did this, you started getting into weird, like,

off-brain, like sort of like proper senses, like inner ear pressure. Maybe I'll do that. But touch. So her least favorite feel or touch is pretty common, I think, for a lot of people is a paper cut. Just the feeling of a paper cut. It's just extra because it feels like a betrayal for her. Yeah.

her. Just a book cutter. Yeah. And then her best, again, this is nothing fast. She just loves a weighted blanket. Just nothing better than going home. Well, did they have those back then? Did they have those back then? They just called you a pussy and told you to stop being so anxious. You just put books on top of your blanket. A blanket of books.

And then it's a weighted blanket. There you go. Do you think Kelsey dreams of like Scrooge McDucking into a pile of books somehow and like that working? That's a quick way to get a bunch of paper cuts or at least favorite feeling. I'm Anthony Birch. I play Francis Farnsworth. Woo! God. Wow! Oh, yeah! I already hate this. Is that okay? Francis's fact is that he loves his dad.

I feel like that will be important to remember as the episode goes on. So what? You love your dad. Wow. Good for you. I'm sorry. Do you want me to say all of his favorite senses? His favorite smell is coffee. His least favorite smell is poop. His favorite touch is a titty, he imagines. His least favorite touch is his own butt. His favorite taste is chocolate. His least favorite taste is shit.

His favorite thing to look at? I feel like I know him better. Carly, his least favorite thing to look at? Shit. I feel like I know him better than I have in all 20 episodes. His least favorite feeling is his own butt. Wait, wait. Hold on. He doesn't like touching his own butt. Oh, his least favorite feeling. Yeah. I could. I could dive in right now. I'm diving in right now and I'm going to tell you. I'm going to step back from the edge. I feel like that was an Anthony Foxx.

fact that slipped in there. I love touching my butt. I would never say something that homophobic. My name is Beth May. Wow. Everyone needs to supply their own sound effects. And I play Trudy Trout, a robot, a homemaker, mother of one beautiful child. I

I'm going to take a little departure from the average Trudy fact here, which is it tends to be a robot or a technology pun. I'm just going to explain why Trudy stole that wallet from that dead man. Ah, here we go. It's a perfectly logical and reasonable explanation.

As all reasonable explanations are prefaced by. You're going to hear this and you're going to be like, that makes so much sense. And I'm happy that she did it. In fact, I'm happy that that's what happened. So Trudy stole that man's wallet and that man had a name. And I can't remember what his name is right now, but we should know.

Honor him. Honor him by acknowledging that he did have a name and that he still has it in death. So she stole that man's wallet because she saw his Diners Club credit card. This was the first credit card. And in knowing that women cannot open lines of credit, was committing an act of gender liberation. I don't know about you.

And also, he had money and she wanted it. Good for her. Thus making it okay. Thus making it okay because she saw the money and then she took it. And he wasn't using it. He's a dead man. Yeah, good point. Yes. His name was Buddy Betts, by the way. Buddy Betts. RIP and peace, buddy. Hi, I'm Will. Hi, Will. Just Will. Just Will. Okay. I'm just Will and I am just the DM of this humble podcast. And I...

I have a spooky ooky fact for all of you to know. I am so excited. Which is foreign accent syndrome is a rare condition in which an individual develops a persistent foreign accent despite not having previously spoken in that accent. And one of the many ways this can be caused is by brutal brain slash head trauma. People wang their head really hard, say, on the ground after flying out of a window and they wake up

with another accent. I feel like Freddie is getting a suggestion from the audience here. So we'll see. You know, maybe we should have Blake roll for a new accent. All right, let's kick it off. Let's get into this spooky adventure. Let's do it. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Are you guys ready to be scared? As long as you remind us of where we are and what we're doing. Well, I'm so glad you suggested that because I've once again typed up a little bespoke recaps for all of my favorite people. That's great because I'm my Audi right now. I'm so silly. Kelsey. Yes. After discovering your brother's diary in the confiscated document section of the Project Heartland Archives Department, you emerged at the

That's crazy to lose World War I because that was not even our shit to begin with.

You have to really fuck that up. You ever see these videos on the street? We came in and lost. We came in and we lost? That's bad. That's dealt a major blow to the Nationals. That's like when I see a couple fighting, I'm like, hey, leave her alone. They're like, shut up.

Trudy, good news. Your son is safe and sound on the Mothmobile. Bad news. Moth Jesus has flown the Mothmobile away on urgent business to Persicovograd. Where the hell is that? It sounds Russian. I don't know. Good news. You've got a big fat dossier from the...

Project Heartland archives loaded with information about the Dollmaker that just might help you hunt them down and harvest their venom to cure your comatose son. There's multiple Dollmakers? Oh, just the one. I just don't know that we defined the gender of the Dollmaker. Bad news is that it's a thick file and will take some time to read. Time that may be running out as the hour of the hole draws near. Good news, though. You'll be driving around town in style in your brand new 10-passenger 1950 XX Bedford Dormobile. Bad news!

Bad news. Bad news is I flew out of it being silly. Bad news. In a valiant attempt to stop a squad of bisons from kidnapping local restaurateur Tyrus Luo, you power drifted your new ride into the curb, launched yourself out of the window, and launched Blake Lively face first into the ground, and oh, marbles, the cat hates you even more now. Blake. Yeah. It's okay. Sleep now, baby boy. Sleep and dream. How dare you. Francis.

Which is it, Francis? Do you want to exorcise Brunhilde, the malevolent spirit haunting your Kar98k rifle? Or do you want her help saving your friends? We're getting mixed signals here. You haven't even so much as glanced at the book you acquired from the archives on removing curses from haunted objects. But you did manage to cut a deal with Brunhilde to shoot one tire out during your brawl with the Bisons in exchange for a free murder pass on any wounded stragglers left over after the fight.

Probably seemed like a good deal until Trudy brutally gored one of the Bisons with his own mask, revealing the face of Ed Farnsworth, your own father, who we've now canonically established that you love underneath. Technically, the fight is still going on. Freddie, I have good news for you. Yes. So I checked the rules and Blake Lively is in fact not dying because you never had a major wound. Oh.

And to die in Call of Cthulhu, you need to suffer a major wound first. Otherwise, you just go unconscious. At which point, someone can kill you, but you're unconscious and you will desperately need first aid and medicine in order to regain consciousness. But we can deal with that in a second. It was the bison's turn because Trudy had counterattacked them with this sort of stab move, which means it is now Francis's turn.

Decisions, Francis. You now see your father's face as like he sort of spits up blood and then collapses onto the ground. Where's the van? He's like right next to the van. The van is not driven away yet. Tyrus is in the van with the other two goons. And it's like, yeah, probably seconds away from speeding off because he's trying to get away from Kelsey, who is across the way, ready to ram into him in a moment's time. Francis is going to freeze completely.

I think he just spends his entire turn just looking at his dad in utter disbelief and is unable to move. Dang. Yeah, what's his face look like, dude? What's his face look like? His face goes from confusion to complete blankness. Like he's not there anymore. Poor little boy. A little too much room to handle. What's his dad do? He's unconscious. He's unconscious. He passed out.

Idiot. Kelsey, it's now your turn. Shit talker. What I'd like to do is just try to stop the van from leaving. Are you trying to like ram it and knock the engine out? Or are you just trying to block it out from the front? Is there anything else around it? Is it like Beth's dorm room? Like it's touching three walls? Or is it just like two walls? Or is it like the rooms of the people that Beth has sex with?

Like, if I just get in front of it, could they back up? Yeah, there's nothing behind it. Okay, yeah. I'm going to try to, like, do, like, a little pit maneuver-esque thing to kind of, like, smash the front of it. You're going to try to ram the front, like, the engine of this thing. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Hopefully spin it, break its wheel. Ramming the front of it from the front is not a pit maneuver. I understand. I understand. In that case, give me a vehicle handling roll.

A 58, and my vehicle handling is like a 70-something, if I remember it from last time. You gun the engine. This guy's trying to start the engine, and you see him, and he sees you, and then you slam straight into the engine of his car with the Bedford door mobile. Nice. So now we've got to see how much damage that did.

to both the cars. We'll call this a severe incident. Okay. You're gunning into this other car, right? Yeah. I mean, I'm trying to hit my corner of my front of the car into their, like, wheel well. We'll call it a moderate incident then. Roll me a 1D6. A moderate incident is like when you have dinner at your parents' house. Three.

That's going to be the damage that the Bedford Dormobile takes. Okay. Which fortunately does not bang it up too much because this thing's probably got like a... Yeah, in 7th edition, I think Dormobiles have 42 HP. I didn't feel this for you stat heads out there. A Bedford Dormobile has a build of 6. Wow. So that's about half its HP. Okay. It is now impaired. It's pretty fucked up, but it's still drivable. Okay.

The goon squad van that you've rammed took a full six of damage. So you've absolutely obliterated the engine of this thing. Goddamn, dude. What a trailer moment. You know I was going to be in the trailer for this episode. Fucking car crash. I love when TV shows only show a car crash. I should have thought of that. That would have been much more useful than what I did. The good news is there's more cars across the

the street no you don't need to another one you're good trudy it is now tyrus's turn the van got jostled the two guys are in there they've all gotten kind of knocked around so he's gonna make a break for it so we're gonna give him a um strength roll with advantage to bust out of here which he fails unfortunately he runs for the door and they grab him but pull him back in the guy's trying to start the engine and realizing that they're totally fucked so they're all starting to freak out in there it

It's Milton and BB's turn. The dream team. The dream team. Milton and BB are just going to spend their turn running back over here, seeing their comrade, Blake Lively, down for the count. They'll be able to move next turn. Trudy is now your turn. Blake has like a head wound. Blake is unresponsive and lightly twitching. Yeah, he's gotten wanged up pretty bad. I'm going to roll.

Do I have better first aid or medicine? So you do first aid first to stabilize them and bring them back to consciousness, and then you can do a medicine roll, but that takes like an hour, so you wouldn't be doing it in combat. That makes sense. Well, I'll roll first aid then, and I'll take like my apron off and put it under Blake's head. Yeah.

What's your first aid skill? It's only 35. That's about right for taking off an apron and wrapping it around someone's head. I fail. I got a 74. How do you fail? Bad knot. What? Which just doesn't do anything. Just doesn't do anything. Well, you know what? You're more comfortable.

Yes, my neck is supported. But you're still unconscious. It didn't change the function. Yes, but you're slightly less likely to go into shock now. Oh, excellent. Would you like to do anything else? You can move. That'll count as your action, but you can move somewhere if you'd like. So real quick. You can't just move away from him. Well, hold on. Yeah, we've killed out their vehicle, right? Yes. So it's ride or die at this point. You've cornered them. Either we get out of here or we kill all of them. So I think we should try and... There might be a different outcome. Not when you... There's a father here now. Maybe you can talk it out. He's unconscious. Okay. Yeah.

And how many other people are outside of the car? All of them are in the car other than the guy you just stabbed. Two of them are probably going to be coming out pretty soon. They're stuck in here now. They're feeling like this is going very badly for them. Damn right it is. Well, I mean, I think that would be advantageous if they came out because then that would be one less person watching Tyrus. That's true too. Okay, so Trudy's just going to yell like, your leader is hurt. Don't you want to come see if he's okay? Okay, I like that.

We'll get to their response on their turn. Blake, it is your turn, but you're unconscious. What are my gameplay options in this fun environment I find myself in? In this little theater of the mind prison. You know what? Give me a... Is his brain doing anything? Is he thinking in there? He's a very deep thinker.

And now I'm in deep sleep. So the thoughts are crazy. There's this episode in the first season of the award-winning Spartacus where the main character is just asleep the whole episode because he's really hurt. And in that episode, he just thinks about everything that's happened in the season and he figures out the mystery. Is that like a clip show? No, it's not a clip show. It's actually a pretty cool idea, but it's like he wakes up, he's like, oh, shit.

That's the guy. Oh. So I'm saying, you know, can he be thinking? This is going to represent whether Blake is able to jumpstart his own mind right now. Oh, shit. Wow. I'm going to give you a math problem and you're going to do it in your head. Okay.

IRL math problem in my head. I'm going to give you, we'll say one minute. Okay. 43 times 17. 43 times 17. Well, 43 times 17, 40 times 17, 17 times 4. Esther, please put some like beautiful minds. Or like dumb sounding. 3 times 17. Yeah, like a Kali. 3, 50, 28, 4, 1, 60, 1.

68 43 times 17 680 3 times 17 is 34 3 times 17 21 51 right so 51 plus what was the first number I had

680, I think. Yeah, 680 plus 51 is 731. You got it. Yes. 16 seconds to spare. Wow. Blake Lively springs back to life with one HP. I'm back. Boop, boop, boop. You're back, baby. With one HP. With one HP. I'm very impressed by the math skills. All right, what are you going to do, Hot Shot? Oh!

That's the first thing I'm going to do. Okay. Blake jumps awake with a big ow. Now, here's a question. How many more bullets do I have in my gun? Oh, I forgot you had a gun. Is he still holding on to it? Yeah, dude. Oh.

How many bullets? In a 1911, that would be 8 plus 1, Will. 8 plus 1, 45 ACP rounds. You have 8 bullets. Would Tony keep one in the chamber? Tony would have loaded it up as much as he could have. Okay. But a shot once. Yes, you have 8 bullets left. Who's closest to me? Everyone that is alive is in the car right now.

I'm a little dazed. I'm sort of literally seeing that everyone's in the car and they're trying to get away. What are they trying to do with the car? One of them was frantically trying to start the car to no avail because the car has been blown to smithereens. The other guys are freaking out inside trying to figure out what to do. Freddie, much like Blake, has only just started paying attention to the events of the show. Well, I thought I was dead. Then I had to do a hard math.

problem. Now I'm here. So just like Tom Hanks in Saving Private Ryan when he's like shooting at the tank, I want to sit there and just like raise the gun and just like plug in their car. Do you know what I mean? Okay. You remember that? Okay, yes, I do remember that. But I want to be aiming at the people in the car. Oh yeah, we assume that. Tyrus is in there. Blake, I think you should really stay down.

Stay down. Shut up, Trudy. Well, there's a lot of people in the car. There are. One of them is someone you're trying not to kill. Hey, baby. All right. Roll the dice. Roll the dice, baby. You're not looking in the car. You're just firing at the car. Let me pull up the scene from Saving Private Ryan. Here, let me just get on the YouTube. Tom Hanks shooting at a tank.

Movieclips.com. Tom Hanks shooting at a tank is sort of like me trying to convince Freddy not to do something stupid. A lot of jerky Germans because they shot at a high... Under great... Jerky Germans. Jerky Germans. Tom Hanks. Not looking good. Not looking good. He's back to a motorcycle. He's got his 1911 just like Blake. He does not see anyone. He's just shooting at the... But his eyes are open, dude. Clear eyes. Clear eyes. Freddy, what is this supposed to help you do? Stop the

The bad guys. No, what is watching Tom Hanks do this? We all understood what you're doing. I just wanted to revisit one of the great iconic performances. You just wanted to watch a fun little clip from a movie right now. I don't think Will was questioning what you're doing. He was just clarifying that that is for sure what you want to do because there's the person we're trying to save inside. So here's what we're going to do. The car provides two points of

armor for the people inside. So the first thing you're going to do, because you're just taking a shot on this car, is roll a damage roll for me for a Colt 45 that is 1d10 plus 2. Fuck yeah, what a powerful weapon, as it should be. Dangerous, everyone. 1d10 plus 2. You're right, guns are dangerous. 2 plus 2, 4! That's an easy math problem!

Two plus two. Trying to think of how to do this thing randomly hitting someone. We'll give everyone a number. Roll a D6. Oh, a D6. That's good because there's four in the car. One and six will be nobody. Tyrus is going to be...

five, and then the other three are going to be two through four. I just feel like I'm rolling a five. Does he ever get that feeling before he rolls dice? He's just like, I know that a five is coming. All right, roll the bones, Fred. I'm rolling a one. Three! A three! There you go. One of the guys who's already injured, the guy who shot the first time, and so you hit him again. So he is looking really bad. It's like basically you shot him in the leg and now he's got a bullet in his other leg. Life finds a way. He screams, screams,

Trudy was like your leaders outside and you hear one of them go wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait everybody just wait okay we're waiting and then you hear a gun click Dungeons and Dags is brought to you this week by fast growing trees now very important because trees is slang for other things no no these are trees these are the dankest trees the

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I got two trees from Fast Growing Trees. A little fruit tree and a lime tree. Oh, wow. Yeah, so it's going to be Corona light time. Bro, you want citrus on hand constantly? I'm going to have the family over at the end of the movie and barbecue with Coronas. And then, you know, Michelle Rodriguez is going to be like, I need a...

I need a lime for this. And then Jason Statham will be like, hold up, I got a lime for you. It'll be just like that, Will. And then Dom Terrell's like, hey, Jason, didn't you murder our friend Han? Oh, I don't know, August, but I'm a part of the family now because I'm Jason Statham. Meanwhile, I'm sitting in the theater being like, they killed him. They killed Han. It's not okay. Fast and furious growing trees for your family. Pluck a Corona lime right now. Look, the best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is right now.

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He says, I've got your guy, okay? I don't know who that is. Tell him who you are. It's me, Tyrus. I'm just the guy who owns this restaurant. Please, I don't know what's going on. Can you just please let me out of here? Shut up! And he whips him on the head with his pistol. Tyrus, you are between me and a perp. Who the fuck is this? Who is this? Who are you? I don't know who you are. Ow! A perp. Do you feel lucky, punk? You hear the bison, you know, nervously trying to take control of the situation. Here's the deal. You give us our guy...

And we'll give you your guy, okay? Well, why don't you come get your guy? No. No. Oh, he's right up here. I have another deal for you, courtesy of Samuel Colt. Ha ha ha.

I roll down the windows and I feel like I'm on the other side and I go, hey, roll down your window. No. What? Can you hear me? Yes, I can hear you. Oh, okay. I don't want you to know what's going on in here. Look, we're freaked out. Just get out of here. Yeah, we just want the man. Okay, we'll give you the guy. Okay. We're going to give you the guy. You got to give us our guy. Okay. No. You can trust us. Who said no? So Francis-

Just coming into like full consciousness of what the situation is, knowing that your guy is referring to his dad just says no.

If he can see somebody through the windshield or wherever he is in relation to the car, he's going to aim his gun at somebody who's not his dad, but is one of the bad guys. Francis, time your shot with mine. Wait, wait, no, okay. You too, Francis, what's going on? That's my dad. The second you say that, you hear a voice in the back of your head say, oh, that is your father? Your injured father lying unconscious on the ground and you promised me I could shoot one of the people that was dead at the end of this? Give me a willpower roll. You're going to have to make a hard roll for this.

Ooh, I got a five. Oh, wow. Okay, great. You see her arms wrap around you and try to whip this gun towards your father, but you're able, despite having promised her this kill, to stonewall her and keep the gun. Not right now, bitch. You promised me a kill, Francis. I did. I didn't promise right this second. You promised me. Be patient, Jesus. We still might kill my dad. Francis, you may want to go with them. I'm aware. That's why I'm saying he can't go. Excuse me, sir, in the car? Yeah. Yeah.

So that's his son. Oh, shit. Is that Francis? That's Francis. It's a complicated situation. It's not that complicated. This is Miss Grammar. I'm sure I teach your kids. There's no childless people in this town. I've taught one of your kids. So look, why don't you just give up Tyrus? No, I don't think so. I feel like Tyrus is the only. We're not going to do anything. Just give us Tyrus. We haven't been going around murdering Tyrus.

murdering our guys for like a week. Fran's gonna shoot at the nearest guy. He's tired of talking. And I believe the range they are at makes it point blank. That's a thick, heavy round, bro. The car 98. Give me another hard willpower roll. That glass is gonna fucking go red with blood.

96. Very much the opposite of my last roll. Oh, no. A fumble. A fumble, in fact. Fumbo. You're like in an arm wrestling match with Brunhilde for control of this gun. And then when you decide to shoot this guy, to focus on aiming, you relax your resistance to her for just a second, and the gun snaps to now you're now aiming at your father. And she's like,

And she said, I said I want my kill, Francis. I don't want those shitty guys in the car. I want him. I want to make you suffer, Francis. I want to taste pain. You can feel your finger curling around the trigger as you're staring down the barrel. The iron sights are pointed right at your father. Big ol' open sight picture on that one, too, dog. I still got my gun out. You guys all see Francis do this, by the way. Yeah, Francis, focus. I'm trying. It's not me. It's the gun. It's Brunhilde.

What? Did I not tell you about this? Yeah, my gun talks to me. Look, we don't want anybody else to die. We have a crazy child out here. Wait, is that kid pointing the gun at his dad? Yes. There's no telling what I do. We are willing to execute a hostage. Are you willing to do the same? No, don't say that. We don't want to say that. I don't think any more blood should be spilled. Trudy, we've dealt with people like this in the war. There is only one way. But we're not in a war.

In a war? We're in Peachyville. We are in a war. We are in a war for our survival. Shots and blows have been exchanged. And I think it should probably end here. Let's just talk. Bring out your guy. You hear this hushed whispering inside the car. We have you surrounded with two guns. All right. Here's what we're going to do. Okay. We're going to come out with our guy.

And we're going to walk away. You can keep Ed. We're going to walk away. But you try anything, this guy's brains are getting blown all over his restaurant, okay? I mean it. Why are you taking him? Wait, you're walking away? You're taking him with you? Yes, we're taking him. We get the whole reason we took him. Why? Why? I'm not telling you shit. Tyrus, Tyrus, do you want to go with him? You can't get me that easy. I don't, I just, I don't, I don't. You see, Tyrus is just like, oh, look, I just don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't let them take me. Gentlemen, we're not going to let you take him. You don't need to tell us.

on that. Let's just fucking kill him. Team huddle, team huddle. They need this man. Therefore, they must believe that I'm... This man's probably on the fucking registry for the potential seeds. Yeah, well, we could have exchanged him. We can eliminate him. Francis, we could have exchanged him. We can eliminate him and take a tool away from our enemy. Wait! I'm also one of the potential seeds, so I don't really want to set that precedent. Oh, his potential seed. Yes, that and...

And Blake, this man is just a restaurant owner. He's an innocent man. This man gave me food poisoning one year ago to the day. Oh, you didn't die, Blake. The day of the running toilet. Okay, I want to try to do a persuade roll. Okay. I'm going to say, look, everybody, calm down for one second. This is the situation, and I wish it wasn't this, but it's very simple. You have a war veteran who's itching to kill somebody, and

and a child who's willing to kill his father. So I think these are the two options. Either the guns go off and a lot of you are going to die. It's not going to be me. I'm in the car over here. So I'm just letting you know. A lot of you will die. Or you leave Tyrus alone and you walk off and you fight another day. Those are the two options. If you say no to that, they're going to start shooting. There's nothing I can do about it. Give me a persuade roll.

I got a 55 and my persuade is 55. Whoa. Do I need to spend one luck or is that right? If it's, that's fine. Okay, great. So you hear again, more angry shouting inside. All right, we're coming out. Okay. Miss Grammar. Yes, I knew you knew me. You know, my kid, I'm not going to say who my kid is, but I know you don't want them to be an orphan.

No, I don't. Well, some of them. And we had a parent-teacher conference last week. Oh, that narrows it down, Matt. It went very well, I thought. I said good things about you to the principal. So just keep that in mind if you try any funny business. Were you going to rescind your... Okay. The principal's probably one of you. You can't rescind stuff when you're dead. I don't know about the principal's shit.

Okay. You see the door crack open. Okay. Just leave Tyrus in there. We're going to come out with Tyrus. Okay. We're going to walk to the end of the block. Okay. With him. Okay. And then we're going to round the corner.

And we're going to go. At what point do you let go of Tyrus? At the corner. Okay. Before you round the corner. Before we round the corner, we let go of Tyrus. Okay? Okay. Yes. You're scared. Yes. I get it. You don't want us to shoot you. We're not going to shoot you, but do what you need to do to feel comfortable. Everybody's fine here right now. And let go of him before you round the corner. Oh, we will. Don't let Miss Grammar know that you're bad at geography. I would like to roll with the information that it was last week. It went well. Hi.

And I can tell the size of the person. What would I roll to be like, I think I should be able to narrow this person down. And the voice. I love that. History, knowledge. That's so funny. I feel like you could make an argument for it being a no roll or an A roll. I think it's just like a no. Yeah, like a general intelligence. I'm like just figuring it out. Let's call it intelligence. Okay, great. This is also something you can research later if you would like to.

I'm going to have to spend one luck because I want to know who it is. So I got a 71 and I have 70. So I lost one luck. I'm down to 47 luck. All right. You tell me who it is, Matt. Damn you. What? What is that?

Is that... Are you going to say it? Are you going to let him know that you know? Oh, hmm. I know who that is. You know what? He's got a really funny name, but I don't want to say it out loud. I look at my fellow teammates. I give them a look like, I don't know who that is. She knows who that is. So if you guys, you know, do something, any funny business. They are backing away. So they're outside the van. Yeah.

Yes, they're outside the van. New deal, motherfuckers. I knew it. I fucking knew it. There's no way it was going to be that easy. Leave the man here or all of you die on the spot.

I have more than enough bullets to end all of you. Your entire family line is over. They have guns too, right? Blake, you're not thinking clearly. They have guns too, right? Yes, they do. Let them walk off. Well, one of them has a gun. One of them has a gun. The other two guys have brass knuckles. Not a lot of health. The brass knuckles from over there. You're pointing your gun at the guy who's holding Tyrus. Yeah, who I assume has a gun. I want to intimidate him into dropping Tyrus. Okay. I have a 42 on intimidate. I think I have a pretty good shot. We're going to call this a disadvantaged roll. What?

Why? I have a gun. Because he's coming out of this car. He has a human shield. You're bloodied and dazed on the ground. I think he's as likely to shoot you as the other way around. So yes, to paint the picture, they're all lined up behind Tyrus. One of them is carrying the guy with two hit points. The guy you've shot twice now who's bleeding badly. Ask him. They know how a gun works. Yeah, but that guy knows a little better than most. Give me a roll with a penalty dice.

98. A 98? Yeah. Here's what it is. After my head injury, I'm seeing double and they look over at me and I'm just pointing at the double, which is just like 40 feet to the right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, okay. Drop it, buster. Yeah, right. They start backing up. While they are doing that, Francis is just pointing this gun at his father. I'm just pointing that out. He's about to make a roll. Trudy is going to...

Yeah, step in front of Ed. Oh, okay. Oh, you're just going to step in front. I'm going to Pepsi. Like Pepsi? Like the Pepsi commercial. Like Pepsi? Exactly like the Pepsi commercial. You're going to hand me a Pepsi and it's going to end racism? Exactly like that. So you step in front of Francis. I'm in front of Ed because Ed's closest to me. Okay. But I can't shoot Ed without shooting you as well. Yes. Oh, two for one. Very interesting. Very interesting. You might want to move. I don't think it's going to change my mind. Well, not my mind. Brunelda's mind.

think that one did you say that brunhilde wants innocent blood yes i'm not innocent i stole that man's wallet i stole it she seems pretty innocent i stole it i left my family i left my family i left my son she murdered her husband he was like basically completely inert and she could have let him live but she killed him yes yes and plus who knows if you shoot me

me, it probably won't even get to Ed. He'll probably be fine. Yeah, she's made out of metal. Francis, do you want to get rid of that gun? I can't. My hands are tightened around it. I can't let go of it. But you want to, right? Of course. Kind of. Bruton Hill was like, hmm...

I'm going to take my chances. Francis, give me a willpower roll. We're going to say it's a regular roll this time because Trudy has stepped in front of her and is basically saying that she's not a great person. So her sort of bloodlust is a little tamped down. So she's not forcing this quite as hard as she would have been a second ago.

I got a 36, and my willpower is 14. Ooh, okay. Just barely. While you guys are doing this, you see the bisons disappear around the corner, and true to their word, they leave Tyrus behind. Tyrus, you want to come with us, or you want to just run home? He runs over to you guys. Oh, my God. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Free food for life. All of you. Seriously. Are you hungry? We can eat right now. Be careful. Do not trust his lies. Blake, what's going on? Tyrus.

You owe me a refund. I'm sorry, who are you? I was the... Well, my butler came and got me a Chinese feast, a succulent Chinese meal, and now I had food poisoning. Well, it couldn't have been from my restaurant. It was the only food I had eaten. I don't believe you. I don't think that that's real, but regardless, I, you know... Are you good staying here, though? It sounds like they want me for... I don't know where all these guys are. They just grabbed me. They just... I opened the... You saw everything. BB, is he on the list? She thumbs through. She says, holy shit, yeah, here he is. Look. Look.

She shows you and you see his name on this list of seed candidates under her own. It's under Francis's? Yeah, well, it's just a list of names. I'm just curious if they're going in order. Or it's just a... If it's just a random, like, whoever is on the list. Is it an ordered list? Or no discernible... Oh, so you're saying is this like a... It's an alphabetical... Iraq war deck of cards situation. Is it priority, like, who's got the best swimmers list? Who's the best seed? Most eligible seed candidates. America's next top seed candidate. Draw whichever conclusions you wish from it.

Okay, Mr. Luo, I feel like you probably shouldn't stay at your restaurant. It's hard to explain everything, but those men, obviously they're very dangerous. They want, she looks at Francis and kind of leans in and whispers, your semen.

I know it's a lot. All the more reason you won't don't want to be here, right? Yeah. Do you have any family in a different town? I mean, no, I'm out here by myself. I find some trying to open a startup family out here. It's kind of my dream. Just for your own safety. I would leave and then maybe, you know, check in a little bit weeks because we can't protect you. We can't like, okay. And the cops are in on all this. There's a lot going on. You're right. Hey, Kelsey. Thank you. And

And I gotta say, your food's never gonna be food poisoning. I think Blake's just having a tough go. Yeah, I don't know what his problem is. You sure you don't have any allergies or anything like that? I've never had complaints about this. That's because those you have wronged never come back. So, does the butler still work for you? Yes. And does the butler have any reason why he might maybe want to get back at you for something?

something no I saved his life he is my closest friend and ally and potential other character I might play so that would be a really big shame if he didn't like you and wanted to hurt you somehow no he and I are cool as hell

Are you sure I can't get you guys some food? Would Alfred try and fucking do anything bad to Master Wayne? No. No. Yeah, we'll take some food. Okay, great. All right, great. Well, I'll just load you guys up. So he prepares just a succulent Chinese meal for you. Nina for 10. Get your hands off my penis. Yeah, for 10. Great. Yeah, sounds good. Get your hands off my penis. He just runs into the back and throws some stuff together and gives it to you. He is going to get the fuck out of town per your suggestion, Kelsey. Cool.

Hey, wait a minute. We told him we can't protect people. Maybe we should tell our families, etc. to also like just get out of town. Oh, it's not a bad idea, actually. Well, let's go get them first. Okay. When you guys turn around. Ah, yes. Francis is sitting crisscross applesauce in front of his dad and he is staring at his dad's unconscious form and silently loading shells into Brunhilde.

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offering a $25 per month unlimited plan that's guaranteed to never go up in price. They have blazing fast 5G and plans for all the latest devices. Visit your nearest Boost Mobile store and find us online at boostmobile.com. Oh, Tyrus, really quick. Yeah? Do you have like a padlock? A padlock?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, yeah. He has one of those shutter things that closes up the restaurant. So yes, he gets a padlock. What do you need a padlock for? Can I have it? Okay, yeah. I'm sure you saved my life. Here you go. I have the key. I want to put the padlock through the trigger guard and lock it so you can't pull the trigger. Oh, interesting. Okay. Francis, what is she doing? What is she doing? If you don't want me to do what I'm about to do, then we'll fix it. But I think if I tell you, whatever is happening, we'll stop it. And I quickly try to grab the gun and put the-

my funny face that I'm making. I feel like if I saw you coming, I would like, again, still staring at just at my dad. I like raise the gun up and pointed upward at you. Okay. Like a back off lady kind of thing. Well, Francis, you're not going to shoot your favorite teacher. I'm just here to help you. Right. He does the thing where like you continue to look at something and turn your head until the very last second when your eyes move from his dad to you. And he looks you dead in the eyes and there's just like nothing there. It's like a void. I'm going to signal to Trudy. You got to grab.

grab the gun so it's not pointing at me this is all i'm signaling it's just woman's intuition between i just love not of course i want to try to make it so that you hold the gun in a way that's not pointing at anybody while i quickly padlock it okay again around the trigger guard give me a persuade roll for that what is 34 out of 55 what would i oppose with psychology because like i know yes give me a psychology perfect

I have an 80 psychology and I rolled a 46. Okay, so... It's a normal success. Ooh, the same. In order to keep the gun pointed at you. I think Francis is in a space where he's so pissed and like dissociating that he wants to deal with his dad in his own particular way and doesn't want to be interrupted. Okay, so you're pointing the gun at Kelsey right now. Francis, you hear in your head, what's she doing with that lock? What is she trying to do? You better tell her to back off, little man. Is it going to work? Tell her to back off or I start shooting. Yeah? Yeah.

Hmm. So Francis's face softens a little bit and he looks up at Kelsey and is like, she seems pretty scared about you putting the lock on her so it'll actually work. Make a hard willpower roll. My POW is a 40. I got a 10.

You feel Brunhilde, who's starting to get scared because, yes, this is going to work because she needs you to pull the trigger of the gun in order for it to go off. You once again feel your finger curl tight around the trigger, but you're able to just hold her back just barely. So now give me a sleight of hand roll for putting this lock on. I'm not trying to be sneaky with it. Can I do a forceful? Sure. Yeah. In that case, give me a strength roll to gain control of the gun. Okay, great. Oh!

Wow. A one. You got one? All right. You know, like in the movies when the guy's like, you're not going to shoot me. He walks up and he snatches the gun out of the guy's hand. You wrench Brunhilde out of his hands and slap this lock around the gun. And with a one, dude? It's like you see me push the barrel away and you don't quite see what happens. It's kind of like the gun feels like it spins away, somehow is in my hand for a second, and then back in Francis's hand. But you look down, the lock's just on it now.

And you're like, what happened? And in your other hand, a can of Pepsi. It's like those army drill sergeants that are like... Oh, yeah. I love them. And they're always looking at each other's rifles like... I love when they go really fast and they stop to really stare down at one part and then they're fast again. I love it. To clarify, the padlock is a big piece of metal that's just behind the trigger. To jam the trigger for being able to pull all the way back. It's still a mechanical object. So what I would like to do...

is stand up, throw Brunhilde to the side, and walk over to my dad and try to slap him awake, basically. I think we can let Francis talk to his dad now that he doesn't have a gun. Okay. Step back and let the family... Should we take the gun? I think it's on his back already. Is it just back on him? Doesn't it warp back? You got it for now. It hasn't warped back yet because you've got a good grip on it.

Francis's dad is dying. Just so you guys are clear. He is bleeding out. He is not going to wake up because Francis. I guess as you slap him, you sort of see him like stir a little bit, Anthony. But then you just see him cough up blood. You realize there's quite a bit of blood pouring out of his stomach as well. I want really quickly. I give Trudy the key to the padlock. Okay. Just, you know, eat this or consume, you know, hide it in robot. Well, just so nobody can get it. But maybe we need it at some point. I'm just saying you do whatever you want to do with it. You hold on to it. Okay.

Okay. And I eat it. Like the sewing needle. Yep. Yep. Team, what are we going to do about Francis? Should we tie the dad up? No. First you have to heal him. Yes. Really? Heal him, huh? Blake won't be needing this apron anymore so we can put it under Ed's head. At that point, BB comes up and is like, Francis, stand back.

I think I can help. I have a first aid field dressing merit badge for my time in the scouts before they kicked me out. Just stand back. I think I can get him stabilized. And then maybe we can get him to a hospital or something like that. Right? Yeah. Scouts were hardcore back then. They went to World War II. Francis steps back. We know the cops are kind of in on this, but we don't know about the doctors, right? Dr. M.

man was. Oh, yeah. Fuck, dude. Can't even trust the doctors in this town. So, Bebe has a 75 in first grade. What? She's a doctor. Nice. She's a scout, dude. She knows what she's doing. So, we're going to give her a roll. That's better than a lot of doctors nowadays, too. Shit. She got an 88. Oh, shit.

So, uh... Phoebe, you gotta use some luck. Oh, oh, no, this is bad. You know, I mostly just learned how to treat, like, sprained ankles and stuff like that. This is pretty far beyond me. I think we need to get him somewhere now. We need to go to a hospital or something. That is a lot of blood. Okay, well, we have a van. Okay. Yeah, let's take him. You guys are the adults. I'm just a 12-year-old. What do you think we should do? Yeah, let's take him to the hospital. Okay. Are you okay with taking your dad to the hospital? Yeah. Yeah.

Is that one of our actions? Remember, we're in an action... This will be your second action. This will be afternoon action. That's you guys loading into the car. Wait, are you sure, Francis? Because saving your father is going to be one of three actions that we have to this day. Just think about the action economy in this game right now. I...

Okay, we'll do it. Wait, wait, wait. Francis just like stares at his dad and is not looking away from him. He goes, I'm going to save my dad. Okay, yeah. Let's get Francis. Wait, hear me out. Blake. They know that we have this man and he is injured. Yeah, we don't have to stay. They will be looking for the hospital to get him back. We need him alive. How do we do that if not?

that if not the hospital? What if we find a veterinarian at the zoo? At the zoo? Okay, I don't think vets are just at the zoo. Yes, they absolutely are. Yes, they are employed. I get that Z is at the end of the alphabet, but...

The functioning of a well-managed zoo involves caretaker staff. How big a city is Peachyville that we got our own? I feel like the Peachyville Zoo is not vet run. It's like a goat and somebody's pet rabbit on A Street. Like, it's not like a zoo. Wouldn't a regular veterinarian just have more experience with traumatic injuries? I don't think...

Elephants are getting shot or stabbed. Let's just bring him to the hospital. Before you do that, everybody give me an education role. We don't need to stay at the hospital. Francis, we're going to take him to the hospital and he'll be saved.

And if the bison find him. I'm staying with him. Okay. Well, education. I fail. I succeed. I fail. I pass. 27. My education is 80. You guys both know that there is a terrific vet in town. If you guys would like to take him to a vet instead. Because you do know that a prominent doctor in town is part of the bison cult. I'm just putting that out there. What should the vet's name be? Uh.

Dr. Dog. Dr. Woman. Dr. Dog. Sally Dog. Sally Dog. The local vet. Sally Dog, cat clinician. And she runs a cat clinic on the other side of town. She has a sign that says, I don't do dogs, it's just my name. Ha ha ha ha ha!

And you know that she's got great reviews. Well, listen, I think the vet makes sense because it's kind of low profile. We won't, you know, cause such a ruckus as going to the- We can't trust people right now, Trudy. You're right. Blake, I was disagreeing with you, but after a little bit of an education, I think you're right. We should go find a vet. What?

There seems to be a good vet here. Ed's a bison. That's an animal. Oh, God. All right. Let's get him over there. You pile into the car. I went ahead and gave Ed a constitution roll so he did not die on the way over to the vet, which is great. Is there anything happening in the car? Is it like intense blood going everywhere? And you're like, keep it together, Dad. I got so much I gotta tell you.

No, it's absolutely not like that. It's just very quiet with a small squelching sound as he bleeds. It's quiet. There's a squelching sound and you cannot tell. Again, Francis's face is blank. I'm driving so much better this time. You're doing great, Trudy. Does anyone want to give another first aid roll to? Sure. You guys can try this again if you would like. I'm just saying someone here has one health. Is Bebe with us? Bebe? Bebe is with you. Oh, Bebe, why don't you give her another shot? You got the 80. First aid. Bebe, look at me.

Okay. Hey, you're always one of the best students. Do you mean that? Of course. You're wonderful. And look at you. You're still just striving to learn. And I didn't know you were that good at being a doctor. So, I mean, maybe this could be a career for you. But give it a shot. I know this is a high-pressure situation, but you can do it. Bebe steals herself. She's going to make another role. A career for her? In the 50s? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, baby. Bebe got a 93. This is why men...

Oh, okay, okay. I really feel like I'm making this worse. Let's just get to the hospital really quick, okay? Just go, go, go, go, go. So you roll up to over on, we'll say, G Street. Oh.

Not a doctor. A vet. Yeah, she's got a vet salary, not a doctor's salary. If your cat was sick in the 50s and you didn't just shoot it, you were probably pretty rich. It's true. Actually, I just saw an article about how cat health has been a mystery for so long, and we've just seen an uptick in people caring a lot about their cats and wanting to make sure they live long, healthy lives. So it's like cat technology has come pretty far in the last five or ten years. Yes. You pull up to the offices of Dr. Sally Dogg.

Veterinarian for cats. The Sally Dog Cat Clinic. Let's go in. Mia, an emergency. It's not a cat. Yeah. It's a pussy. Boom. So yes, the door opens and a beautiful 50-something dark-eyed woman. She doesn't know it. Stares at you. No, she knows it. And she says, yeah.

Yes. We have an emergency. I think Francis just, like, picks up his dad as best he can and just starts, like, marching into the vet's office. Whoa, I see. We just push in. May I help you? Not me, him. Him. And me. And Plague. We just need some help and we can't go to the doctors. It's a long story. He dies, you die. Okay, yeah. I don't... No, we just want to...

surely you have sutures and band-aids and gauze? Dr. Sally looks at all of you and you see just a hint of tragic mystery in her eyes and you clock that this is not the first time Sally Dog has...

Sally Dog may not do dogs, but she has in the past done humans. Oh my God, I have to roll not to fall in love with Sally Dog. It's like, don't play games with me. I can tell from that look in your eye, you've done this before. And Sally Dog just sort of casually and calmly pulls out a cigarette and lights it up. And she says, if you know. Can I have one?

We all use a good smoke, actually. She lights up a cigarette and then does that sexy thing where she puts another one in her mouth and she lights that one up. Oh my goodness. And then she sticks it in Blake's mouth and then like strokes his hair. And a heel, right? No. What do you mean? You just look cool and you're attracted to this sexy doctor now. Yeah, but in the 50s when you smoke cigarettes, you're heel. No, that's not how that worked. She takes a puff and she says, if you know so much, you know also that such services do not come for free. And she puts out her hand. Yes. Payment. Payment.

What do you want? Kelsey pulls out. Oh, we can do a credit rating roll. $1,000. What's your credit rating, Kelsey? Actually, here we go. I have $40 in cash. I have a spending level of $10.

I have cash $40, I have assets $1,000, and my credit rating is $20. She takes your $40 and she thumbs through and she says... I have a stranger's wallet. Oh, yeah. What's in it? Oh, let me look. Oh, there's a diner's club card, right? Oh, yeah. We do not take diner's cards. Is there cash in there, too? There's cash. Give me a... That's luck if I've ever heard it. Give me a luck roll. All right. 38. I'm hemorrhaging luck.

I got a 20. Cut to that morning. Honey, don't forget to bring some cash with you today. Oh, yes. Thanks for reminding me, dear. Let me just stuff it full of cash. Give me ones, fives, tens, and twenties. Give me two D10s. Okay. You're just going to do this like a regular role and just read the numbers off and that's going to be the amount of money it is like any other role you do. Ten. Nice.

Three. That's $33. $13. In the 1950s. Oh, that's $53. Sally Dogg leaps through the money and says, this is about $698.61 in 2025 money. What a weird way to measure things. That's odd. Well, I hope you live that long. Bring him into the back. Gregor!

And then a big guy named Gregor comes out of the back. And he just sees this bleeding out guy and he nods and then he goes to wash his hands. Oh, wow. That's a good sign. They washed their hands. We found Hattori Hanzo. So we will say that while Dr. Sully Dog, my favorite NPC I've ever come up with. Oh, and she did real good on her. That's the first aid role. So he stabilized. Yeah.

Great. So he's got one HP and then... And if you could help out our friend Blake, that'd be good too. Oh.

Medicine roll did not go well. Ah, good. You have practice. Now use me. Okay, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Just give me a second. Give Will a second. Will needs to play an entire doctor's game by himself. And tell us what happened. Will's pulling out a copy of Operation. To see if I can have a conversation with my fucking dad. Basically, after two hours, you guys are out in the waiting room of this now closed cat

Can I get any painkillers? Yeah, there's cat painkillers. Cat tranquilizers. Oh my gosh. I'll get some of these to Marbles. He's gone. Gone. I mean, not gone, gone. He's... Oh yeah, BB, where did Marbles... I threw Marbles to you. Oh yeah, I got him right here. Marbles is in BB's backpack. Just like... Okay, here's the tranquilizers. People love these. Why are you giving her tranquilizers? She's just a cat. She's fine. Okay.

of the little pills that make me go night night and I was wondering if Marvel

Marbles would too. As this conversation is happening. Two hours. The door to the back swings open and Dr. Sally Dog, you know, she's in her cat. Do vets wear OR scrubs? Yeah. Okay, she's got her scrubs on. Yeah. What do you think? They like dress like teachers with like little cat patterned outfits. She takes her mask off and lights up another smoke and she looks at you, Francis, and she says, the patient would like to see you. Francis wordlessly gets up and heads into the OR. Me next. Me next. Francis, do you... Are you...

do you need any? I'm good. Okay. All right. We'll be here trying to give Marbles something to calm down. Isn't there anything for Marbles? Somebody, he likes me.

me marvel's looking at trudy and he's like hissing right she's like hissing and then kelsey wants to like stand in between to like block the view of trudy and does marvels calm down yes and then i step away and she can see okay i think we know how to calm her down you just can't be in her life like as uh francis walks past you she looks at you and then motions for you to follow her into the operating room we'll be here if you need anything blake limps off bleeding really quick miss dog

Just while this is happening, so we can be doing two things simultaneously while that conversation. It's Dr. Dog, Kelsey. Dr. Dog. Dr. Dog. While it's happening in there, which I'm sure is going to be a wonderful conversation. Can't wait to hear it. Can Blake be getting medicine? Yeah, that's what she just said. She's motion. I'm sorry. I wasn't listening. Thank you so much. You're a good doctor. You are a good teacher. Oh, thank you. But you're not a very good learner. Oh,

pay attention when people are speaking. Okay. I take that criticism to heart. I'll think about that. Thank you. Francis, you enter the sort of back operating room. You see your father bandaged up, ragged as hell. Is,

His shirt's been sort of stripped off and he has like over his bandages, you see a burn spiral scar. It's the same scar that you got from the two shadowy figures that approached you while you were astral projecting. They burned that symbol onto your wrist. And he looks at you and you see a sort of apprehension in his eyes and a little bit of fear as he really does not know what to make of the fact that you've seen him now like this. Francis is going to take out his ice cream scoop. Francis, are you okay? Francis is going to approach his dad.

Look, son, I can explain. I didn't want you to find out like this, but your mother and I, we have... It's so complicated. I don't even know... Francis raises the ice cream scoop to his eye. What? Francis, what are you doing? What are you doing? Tell me everything. Okay. Okay. I will. I will.

In World War II, as you know, I was injured. I came to learn things about the way the universe is and the way the world works.

strange things. I got a book that taught me how to see beyond my body, how to see beyond myself. And I saw amazing things, Francis. I learned about things beyond this world, beyond our reality, beyond the veil of stars. And I know this is going to sound like a lot coming from me right now. This is all side of me that I haven't seen before. But you have to trust me that I'm still your father and I still love you.

I saw things in the war. I saw things beyond our world. And I saw your mother. She was a traveler too, just like me. She had found the same secrets just like me. You have the same gift that we do because we passed it on to you. We made sure that you would have the gift, this sight, this ability to travel. It makes you special, Francis. Like it made us special. Like how we found each other. And we saw so many amazing things out there and we saw incredible sights and God's

gods of amazing power and terror. And we fell in love. We fell in love actually out there before we even fell in love in real life, before we met each other. Why are you working with a bison? I'm sorry. I'm getting a little derailed here. I know this is a lot. Your mother and I learned that this world is doomed.

We learned that this battle that's been going on between these gods out there has been going on over and over and over again, on world after world after world, and it's come to our world. And everyone on this planet is going to die, except for one person. The person who inherits

The person who becomes his mortal form, who becomes this god, who becomes this warrior to fight in this battle that's been going on and on and on. Your mother and I were just two creatures

crude little chunks of meat just like everybody else on this dirty filthy world this lousy rotten world of ours and we saw a chance for you to have something better for you to have something more to become a part of something great and powerful and fast and beautiful so we took it

By peering beyond the site, we were able to see what was going on here at Project Heartland, and we insinuated ourselves into this town. We made contact, and we joined because we knew that if we pulled the right strings, if we nudged people just the right way, we could make sure you were the one, Francis. You were the one that you could survive.

The seed thingy? Yeah, that you could become this demigod, that you could become... You have such a bright future. You're such a beautiful boy. You have such a kind heart. You have such a kind soul. But we know that this world is so hard and so tough, and we just want you to survive. And this is the best way we can think to do it. Francis throws his brow and pulls his arm back with Yashim's Kip in it. And he sort of looks at his knees, doesn't make eye contact with his dad as he's talking, and he says, This whole time...

I've been trying to figure out who I was. And now I think I know. He's going to scoop out his dad's eyeballs. Whoa! Okay, yeah, you don't have to roll for that because he's in a frail state. Do they hear? Yes. You guys are in the middle of Sweet Talking Marbles and then you just hear... Oh my God. Francis, what are you doing? Kelsey was going to run in. So you run in and you see...

Paint the picture for me. When you come into the room, Francis's dad is grasping at an empty bloody eye socket, screaming his head off. Francis has, you can see what looks to be a bunch of viscera and maybe what's noticeably an eye in his ice cream scoop. And he just upends the scoop and it just plops down to the ground. And he turns and sees you guys. And he says, they're monsters. My parents are monsters. They're okay with ending this world. And they wanted me to be

A monster like them. Okay, Francis. No! Son, we love you! We love you! We want you to live!

Shut up. Shut up. You're all going to die. Don't you understand? Don't you want what's best for him? He's a child. God damn it. He's a boy. Okay, Francis, let's go. Come with us. Son, son, son, please. Please, please, please. Come on, please, son. No, don't. And he just collapses onto the ground because he can barely walk and his stitches burst open and he starts bleeding again and he starts crawling towards you. He says, Francis.

Come back to me, son. It's going to be okay. You just got to trust mommy and daddy, okay? Francis slams the door shut behind him. I can see there's a hole in the stars. Swallowing my dreams and making them scars. Too far, too far away. But I'll stay.

Thanks for listening and thanks for watching. By the way, those of you who have gone out to your local theaters to watch We're All Gonna Die, the strange theatrical rollout continues this week. Week four, we'reallgonnadiemovie.com for more information. If you want to support this podcast directly, you can do it at our Patreon starting at five bucks a month. There are many benefits, but as someone who actually pays for YouTube premium, no ads. That's my favorite one.

It's just raw content straight from our audition timeline into your ear holes. You also get an entire extra show, our after show discussion for every main feed episode. It's called the Peach Pit, as well as bonus miniseries, ongoing series such as Kingdom Dad Monster, where Matt is the DM and we play one of the weirdest and wildest board games in his extensive collection, Kingdom Death Monster. The lore is very deep.

with this one. You can get all that and more starting at just five bucks a month at patreon.com slash dungeonsanddads. Dungeons and Dags is Matt Arnold as Kelsey Grammer. Anthony Birch as Francis Farnsworth. Will Campos is our DM. Beth May as Trudy Trout and myself, Freddie Wong as Blake Lively. Our theme song is A Hole in the Stars by Max and Waller. Brian Fernandez is our content producer. Ashley Nicolette is our community manager. Courtney Terry is our community coordinator. Cindy Denton is our merchandise manager. Esther Ellis is our lead editor. Travis Reeves and Omar Romalino provides additional editing.

Kevin Kemp was the voice of the Otto's Otto ad, and this show is supported by people with names such as SunRapSella, Mayor Pater, Mark Pearson, Larkspur Hadley, Mushwitch, Mackenzie Sullivan, Christina Lopez, Luca Guttengeber, Jared Ultramike, Benjamin M. Meissner, Jen, Neeraj Edward, Naomi Fazekas, Anders Silverplatz, Joe Chamberlain, Tory Brock,

Alexa Carrera, Paige Anderson, and Molly. Support us directly on Patreon at patreon.com slash dungeonsanddads. Merch and more at dungeonsanddads.com. We're all gonna die still in theaters. We'reallgonndiemovie.com and our next episode is April 8th. We'll see you then. I can see there's a hole in the stars Swallowing my dreams and making them scars Too far, too far But I'll stay today I can see a star Swallowing my

Can we have a scene with Dr. Dog and Blake in the other room? Sure. Okay. Dr. Dog, it's been a long time, baby. Don't worry about the screams in the other room. Come closer.