S3 Ep. 24 - Nag the Dog
01:37:24 Share

This is Paige DeSorbo, the co-host of Giggly Squad. I have exciting news. McDonald's has all new McCrispy strips. It's chicken made for dipping. Tender, juicy white meat chicken with a golden brown peppery breading. It's chicken so good it deserves its own sauce. The creamy chili McCrispy strip dip, a sauce that's creamy, savory, and sweet with a little heat. But it works with any of our sauces. I'm personally a barbecue sauce girl. Even sometimes I like ketchup. I'm just like basically.

basic sometimes, but I also need it in addition to any new sauces I'm trying. With a new creamy chili McCrispy strip dip, it's chicken made for dipping, only at McDonald's. Dungeons and Daddies is brought to you by Trade. Trade? Trade. Trade is a coffee company.

Nice.

Trade experts have taste-tested thousands of coffees to curate over 450 amazing roasts. Whether you're new to coffee or you know your favorites, they'll handpick the perfect coffee just for you. Even cold brew as well because it's hot. Beginning of the summer. Hey, how'd they do it? Wow. A quiz. I mean, that seems pretty straightforward. Can I have a multiple choice? It is a multiple choice quiz. And not only that, the act of...

an online website giving you a quiz to help you decide things is about as old as the internet itself. I love taking quizzes online. I'm like, tell me about myself. I literally just bought three games on Steam that are just quizzes about your personality. Wow. Take their quiz and in under a minute they'll match you with your perfect coffee and if that first bag isn't the bag for you, they'll replace it for free. If it's not your bag. It's not your bag. They'll replace it for free until they nail it.

Trade's prices are on par with grocery store brands, but the quality... Wait, wait, wait. You just had a really good idea. But their quality is next level, and you're supporting local roasters. A couple of local ones from L.A. we saw in there, one that we go to quite a bit.

Verve. Verve, which we're big fans of. So it's like, you know they're legit because we're like, oh, that is a legit spot. Local roasters are people that make fun of coffee that's not from trade. If you're headed out on summer vacation, trade subscription flexibility lets you pause or shift delivery while you're away, resume on your home, ensuring you're always going to get that bean.

straight to your door. Okay. Wow. Right now, Trade is exclusively offering our listeners 50% off your one-month trial at drinktrade.com slash dungeon. That's drinktrade, T-R-A-D-E dot com slash dungeon for 50% off your one-month trial. drinktrade.com slash dungeon.

Dungeons and Dags is brought to you this week by CarGurus. You ever shop for a car and you sit there and you're like, well, hold on, guys. Open up a thousand tabs and look at all the reports and the ratings and the Reddits and the consumer reports and all that stuff. And then two hours later, you're like, I still don't know which car I want to get. This is tough. There's a lot of options and there's a lot of things you got to research. But with CarGurus, they'll take the guesswork out of car buying. Real price analysis, vehicle history, price drop alerts.

And the best deals with CarGurus, they rank those deals, they verify dealers, and they make sure you never pay any more than you should. CarGurus will connect you with trusted dealerships when you're ready, ensuring a transparent and hassle-free buying process. With over 4 million listings, CarGurus has more car listings than any other major online automotive marketplace in the U.S., so you can find the best deal. CarGurus gives you the control to shop how you want with the tools, information, and data-driven deal ratings you need.

So it's no wonder similar web estimated traffic data shows CarGurus is the number one most visited car shopping site. Coming in at a distant number 5,612. That's Tony's Cars, Cars, Cars website. That's right. He made a website in the 50s. Yeah. He was ahead of his time. Buy or sell your next car today with CarGurus at CarGurus.com. Go to CarGurus.com to make sure your big deal is the best deal. That's C-A-R-G-U-R-U-S.com. CarGurus.com.

Hey everyone, Beth here. I'll let you get to your regularly scheduled peachy content in just a sec, but I wanted to let you know that tickets for my solo show, Beth Wants the D, are now available for both Hollywood Fringe in June and Edinburgh Fringe in August. So if either of those festivals is in your neck of the woods, please come out and see a show that has it all. There's excitement, danger, brain shocking, and CIA espionage.

Sort of. Well, you'll see. I'll put the links in the show notes so you can learn more and check it out. Thanks. And now back to your favorite bowling team. Dungeons and Daddies is a rowdy, horny, violent podcast for grownups. Content warnings can be found in the description. Now, Big Shane Silva kept the peace with his badge and a wheel gun until the night a lawless beast shot his only son.

Long and late did Big Shane toil to learn who did the act. Each night he burned the midnight oil searching through the facts. Big Shane dreamed the answer came, the vision clear as day. He saw the soda jerk take aim, Big Shane would make him pay. Big Shane Silver stalking in the night. Big Shane Silver had to set things right.

Big Shane.

Big Shane

And Big Shane smiled because he knew she didn't have the nerve. That boy's debts were overdue and justice would be served. Shane didn't have much he was afraid of, so he wasn't about to stop. He was bearing on to a big tornado when the school teacher raised her gun and... Big Shane drew his final breath as the world went up in flames.

And though he met an untimely death, we still remember the lawman's name. Welcome to Dungeons and Daddies. It's not a BDSM podcast. Okay, what is it? Why would you think that, you fucking idiot?

You shouldn't. It's not a D&D podcast either. This season, the Peachyville Horror, a call of Cthulhu, actual play horror comedy podcast about four everyday schmoes fighting the forces of darkness in suburban 1950s America. In this episode, Freddie, Cthulhu's finally going to call. Wow. Ring, ring, ring. Hang. Hello. A gentleman caller. That's not what Cthulhu sounds like. Somebody's coming on the other end of this phone. Dude, you know most people of Cthulhu called now. They'd be like, I don't recognize that number.

I wouldn't even answer. You'll call now. I'll call now. I'll call Cthulhu now. Your phone number is the number with some crazy number you've never seen before. Imagine the Dark Twisted Universe where instead of scam likely, it says Cthulhu likely. Better look out and send Zalgo text. I'd throw that phone right away.

I'd switch to Android. My name is Freddie Wong. I play Blake Lively. Slow talking, deep thinking, toilet loving plumber. I have to be honest. I have to be honest. I can only play Blake to the best of my ability. And the truth of the character is, is as he was driving away, he was not concerned with

with the house blowing up, his mansion blowing up. He can always build another mansion. He was more concerned with potential damage to the underlying pipe infrastructure because so many pipes got laid into this property and it could really mess up the city's plumbing.

If his plumbing gets all jacked up. Oh, do you think there's so many toilets in there that the town water pressure has dropped dramatically as a result of the geysers going off? Will, make a note as a DM that the water pressure is half what it used to be. Oh, you're going to have to work this into my prep. No man should have all that power. That's what they argue at the town council meeting when he presented the plans. He's sort of a 20th century shit-soy man, if you will.

Holy shit. Hey, everybody. My name is Matthew Arnold and I play Kelsey Grammer, Peachyville's happiest and happiest schoolmarm. You know what she always says? What does she always say, Matt? You can't spell learning without earning. So if you want to make a living,

Wow. Okay. She's like on that hustle grind set. Yeah. Did she get up at 4.30 in the morning and put Saratoga Springs on her face? No, actually. She's got two jobs, fighter and teacher. Yeah, that relates to my fact, which is Kelsey Grammer goes to bed every night exactly at midnight. Wow. That way she's gotten the most out of the day that she can get. She gets to the end of the day like, bam, I've maximized the day. She's min-maxed. Time to go to bed. What time does she get up? Whatever.

Whenever? To your teacher, Matt? Yeah, but... When does she get up in the morning? You know, day doesn't start until you wake up. That's a good point. She's still maximizing her day. That's a good point, Matt. Never thought of that. That's a hack. Yeah, day doesn't start until you wake up. I mean, usually, obviously, she has to be there for school. Does she have those days where she rolls in like Cameron Diaz in Bad Teacher? Oh, wow. Where she's got like her shades on and she's like... Funny enough, that's her favorite movie. The original one with...

still with her transatlantic accent oh it'd be so fun oh my name is anthony birch and i play francis farnsworth i mean i guess he's still a kid and he still has a gun so i can go with that francis's uh peachy fact is that he is actually allergic to peaches whoa whoa whoa they scream for that

At Peachyville? What happens if you're allergic? Right out of town. They put you on a railroad tie and throw you out. It was just like in Gattaca, dude. He had to use someone else's pee for their pee. He's allergic to peaches, and now probably allergic to Peachyville, which made him think that as a kid he probably was destined to leave and find a great destiny for himself. But now that he realizes that his destiny is to basically stay in Peachyville and birth a god and die...

He's rethinking his five-year plan. Does Peachyville have peaches? That's a good question. Or is it like, you know... It's sort of, it's a peachy place to live. Okay. I'm sure there are peaches. Okay. I was just wondering. Yeah. Sometimes towns are named things that they don't like. That they're not like... Yeah, like Florida, Missouri or whatever. Sorry, what? It's not Florida. Oh, there's a Florida and Missouri? Yes, there's a Florida, Missouri. Mark Twain would come from a funny sounding place like Florida, Missouri. Yes. My name is Beth May. I bet. And...

I actually was born in Florida. Were you? That explains so much. I know, but unfortunately it was the state, not the city. Yeah, I played Trudy Trout, a homemaker, mother of one beautiful child, and a robot. Fun fact about Trudy, Trudy can play the piano. She even writes songs. You could say that she has great chord management. Oh!

Oh my god! That's a good one. Wow. That's a good one. I was running the angles on that one. Shit. Hi everyone, I'm Will. Hello. Hey Will. Hi Daddy. I'm fighting a cold. Oh no. I'm tired. And my spooky fact today is I'm going nude. What? I'm going commando. Whoa! Will just

threw his laptop on the ground. I threw my laptop on the ground. I'm going to Anthony season fucking one style free jazz. Fuck it. I'm going into the drift. He's nude and I'm naked. He's completely nude. Anthony, what? He's beginning to bleed.

Dude, I worked with you so long, but I never knew what you were working with. Just for the record, I'm not naked, but I do not have my laptop. I'm going to try to freestyle it. My prep did not go great for this. I'm going to put that out there. So we're just winging it. We're going to wing it. And here we go. Team, let's make him regret this decision. If he wants to wing it, we'll wing it.

Uh-oh, he's picking the laptop. No, no, no. Before I wing it, I did write up those recaps for you guys. So then I will wing it. But that's for you. That's not for me. Previously on Dungeons and Daddies.

Kelsey. Yes. A dark power blossoms in your soul. Nice. The power of the Rack Witch. Yeah. You have cast your first spell, felled your first victim, dueled a fellow witch. Also, you straight up blasted Shane Senior in half with a shotgun. Yeah. That's a ventful day for anybody. It's what happens. But tread lightly, Rack Witch, for

Trudy!

Yep. Yep.

Francis, at the end of a long, harrowing night, you find yourself down two parents missing one leg and more ready than ever to finish this fight alongside your newfound... Wait, down two parents? Did they die? You sort of said they were, like, not your family anymore. Oh, okay. Yeah. I thought really I missed something huge. No, I was saying that down to parent is the 1950s version of down to fuck, so that's, yeah. More ready than ever to finish this fight alongside your newfound plumber, robot, rack witch family, but you still carry the scars of the past. Most importantly, the big magic scar on your arm that lets your parents track where you are.

Plus, you've still got that haunted Nazi rifle to deal with, so good luck with all that. Blake. Yes? Your mansion burns in the night. Oh, wow. Your butler lies dead on the lawn. Damn. But in the words of Paul Valeray, Ambrister's favorite poet, the wind is rising. We must try to live. So live, Blake Lively. Grab the monkey wrench of destiny, snake the drainpipe of fortune, and make your fate your own. Okay. Matt, you're raising your hand still. You can call me. You're not the teacher. Oh. Oh, yes. Did you level up?

Yes, you did. You guys can level up. Did we level up? Oh, I wasn't even asking about that. Holy shit. I used so many. I used so many skills. Now, I was asking a question because those were very great. Thank you for the recaps. That was really helpful. Yeah. I needed some more, though, because I forgot things. How many keys do we have? You have two of three keys. We have two of them.

What you know is that the site director of every part has a key, and the containment director, who is unknown to you, is the third one to have it. Okay, we don't have any clues about where the containment director is yet or anything. You know that the containment facility, when you looked at the map back at Arlo's, was underneath the Peachyville Zoo. Great. And with that...

The laptop is closed and on the floor. Last we left you all, you were driving the Bedford Dormobile into the night. You have two severely wounded party members. Where's everyone's HP at? HP report. I'm at five. I'm at four. Five, four. Bess at one. One. What does Francis have? That can't be right.

Seven? You had seven, then you lost four when you got shot. Three. So you have three. Bro, we are hurting right now, dude. This is not good. I think Trudy's in the back of this gormobile, completely malfunctioning. I'm just so happy to be here. Oh, God. Trudy, should we call Moth? Moth? Moth Man? Yeah. Moth Jesus.

Moth! Mothman! Moth Jesus! Oh no. I'm going to roll down the window and I'm going to scream, Moth Jesus! Give me a no roll. Because the answer is no. The answer is no. Nothing happened.

I got 17 out of... Okay, so the last you remember when you were leaving the library, you got a telegram from a young lad with a message from Moth Jesus saying he had urgent business in Persicovograd and would be back as soon as he could. But he is not available right now. Okay, so as soon as he could is not now. Okay, well, that's good to know. Blake, where should we take? We need to help Trudy. You're looking pretty hurt. I'm pretty hurt. Francis is really... Francis... Also, my arm? Yeah. We might have to get rid of my arm. Is your arm hurting? Get rid of your arm?

Let's have a professional look at it before we make any rash decisions. No, no, no, no, no. They can track us using the sigil on my arm. Look. And Francis shows you the burn. Yes, Francis has a cool circular burn scar on his arm. Question Francis. Yeah. Hold it up so I can see in the rear view mirror. Yeah.

Ah. Do you need to lose... That was good scene work, Freddie. I like that. Do you need to lose the whole arm or maybe you could maybe cheese grin just a part of it? No, I hear you. That sounds great. No, it's not great, Francis. That is preferable. Is there something in your arm, like a little tracker in it or is it the sign itself? I don't know. I guess we could find out by like cutting off the top layer of my skin. Or,

Or we could cover it on your arm. We could cover it. We could cover it. Or, or, or, or, or if there's a tattoo that you don't like,

Sometimes you can just add to it. Yeah, we can just make it look like a snail. Yeah, so like maybe if we change the sigil, that'll work too. I don't think it will, but I like where you're headed. Okay, well, I'm just trying to think. Maybe we go in order of bodily damage to you. Well, the only way to know for sure if it works or not is if we get ambushed and somebody dies. Oh, man.

Boy, you're right. This is a conundrum. It's a tough one. My uncle always had a saying, no half measures. So I think we maybe just cut into my arm and see if we could dig out like a wart. Like you could dig out the wart at the root. Like a shark bite. That seems so extreme. Like a big old chunk. You're talking about like a big chunk of your skin can't turn off. Yeah. I'm already in pretty extraordinary pain because of my foot. Dr. Dog can do this, right? Okay.

Dr. Dog can help us. Dr. Dog can help us. What's wrong with Trudy? What's wrong with Ms. Trout? Something happened. She looks very, very hurt.

Judy? Yes, Kelsey? Hang in there, okay? We're going to... Hang in there, champ. It's not the end of the game yet. Hold your head up high. Hold your head up high. I'm so proud of you. If she's going to keep doing this, I am going to crash this car. This is... Drop me off at the block away from Dr. Dogs. No, you require medical attention. No, no, no, but you're all going to be totally defenseless while Dr. Dogs is operating on you. And if he finds us, then...

You'll die. It'll be my fault. Hold your leg up to the mirror so I can see. Ah. And hold your head up high. It's not over yet. One of those legs is not there. Yeah. I mean, I'm not saying I'd go anywhere. I'm just saying you need medical attention immediately. We'll bring you to Dr. Dog. One of us can stay inside with you. Maybe Blake. Yes. And then we'll stay in the car and be on the lookout with the car running. Okay? That'll be the safest for everybody. Okay.

Okay. And then we will round Robin treatment. Yes. Yes. That sounds good. And we know Dr. Dog. This isn't the first time she's dealt with something like this. So we can, she'll do this. Francis looks down at his stump and at the malfunctioning robot next to him and goes, are you sure? Let's go Dr. Dogs. Okay. So we'll say, cause you slept at Blake's Dr. Dogs and the scene there in and whatever else we decide will be your morning action on the next day. I find in this game, that's always best to use your morning action at Dr. Dogs. Yeah.

You max out your HP. You max out your Dr. Dog actions. Because Dr. Dog gives you plus two movement later, which then just gives you more econ to be able to, yeah. Exactly, yeah.

Okay, so you drive the Bedford Dormobile. Do you see the dawn rising as you make your way back to Dr. Dogs? Ah, there's old... The dawn over there has finally dawned up. Dawn Draper's waking up his apartment museum. I suggest that Blake should carry Francis to Dr. Dogs. Yes. Kelsey is going to park the Dormobile and then, like, close all the blinds, and she's going to have the shotgun, like...

pointing out of one of the blinds. Oh. And then like Bebe and Milton, essentially the four of us. Form a perimeter. If you're down for this, Trudy, is each of us can look out of one side of the van. Okay. And we can see all directions and call out if you see anybody coming. Okay. Okay.

Okay. You can count on me, Kelsey. All right. Remember, Milton does not have eyes. Oh. Milton, why do you say anything? Milton's got his ear pressed up to the window. He's like, don't worry, Kelsey. I mean, Ms. Kramer. I mean, Ms. Kelsey, I can listen real good, and I'll hear something if it's coming. You're going to do great. You're going to do great. We're going to be fine. Francis, the moment your sigil's gone, we'll be able to do what we need to do, okay? And they won't find you. Okay. You knock on the door. I knock politely because there's a sign that says closed. So you hear footsteps, and then Dr. Dog cracks the door open. Hello, we are back. Yes.

I see that. We require assistance. I'm busy right now. I'm sorry I can't. The office is full. What? She goes to close the door. Francis points at his stump. I understand that, but I have patience right now. You will wait for us then. Francis again taps Blake on the shoulder and leans over and says, Something's weird with her.

We should go. Okay, Dr. Dog, we will come. Who is it you hear from inside? It's nobody. You hear a voice inside say, is that Blake Lively out there? John Wayne? John Wayne. Is that Blake Lively? That was kind of John Wayne. It was John Wayne. You hear shuffling around and sort of a commotion inside. You see someone peeking out the door behind Dr. Dog, and it is Sven Anderson.

Is that the one I scooped the eyes out of? The one you blinded. Yeah. And I'd recognize that voice anywhere. And who's that whispering next to him? Dr. Dog's getting a little nervous. He says, we all should talk. Come on in, boys. Oh, I forgot to mention, I'm using Brunhilde as a cane. Oh, okay, sure. Oh, that's fun. That's cool. I like that. Does Kelsey see this? Sven's the one part of the gang, right? Sven's in the gang. Which then took Milton's eyes, right? Yes. Okay.

A lot of eye violence this season. Yeah, and leg violence. And leg violence. Does Kelsey see who it was? You said he was like further into the rooms. I don't think he would. Okay. Give me a listen roll, Matt. Oh, yeah. Maybe Milton could relay it. Oh, yeah. Milton's going to do it. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's a good point. I failed my listen roll. I got 50 out of 25. Milton got a 16. Oh. So you hear Milton go, oh, no, it's them. They're in there. Miss Kramer, they're in there. Who? The Andersons. The ones who ripped out my eyes. Took...

Your eyes are boys' eyes. Kelsey is clenching the shotgun. Ah, the shotgun. Yeah. Yeah. What? Like clenching your butt cheeks? No. No. She's not nervous. We're going to fucking kill. But she's not going to drop her post. She's not going to drop her post. Okay. Is everything okay over there? Blake turns around and gives a shrug. Is that Kelsey grammar out there? No.

Is that Trudy Trout out there? Yes. Get in here. Do you have such a good idea? I'm so sorry. You could have had Bebe say no then. Oh. Ask again. Ask again, please. Is that Trudy out there? Ask again, please. All right.

All right. I come out holding the shotgun. You monster. You took this kid's eyes. Well, look who's talking. You're a grown man. Do I have eyes? No. Your life choices led you to that. Listen. And your life choices led to that, Kelsey. What? His eyes. No, that's not. I boxed. You know what? Don't blame. I was in a normal position.

boxing league. And then you took the kid's eyes. I was gambling. Yeah. Yeah. That's right. That's right, Kelsey. I don't feel like that was Milton's fault. And did you know we were mobsters when you started gambling with us? I mean, that's right. You did. So I think you're partially to blame here. You're fine. Would you bozos get in here already? Oh,

I look over outside and I kind of motion everyone in. Oh, we're going in. I think we should just go in. BB, continue to keep watch. Very well. Do you guys want me to drive the Bedford Dormobile around? I could drive it in like a loop around. I'm just saying I'm really going to drive it. That would draw too much attention to itself, BB. What if I drive it real slow? BB, BB, BB. Back up the Dormobile. Yes. Open up the back door. Yes. And back it right up to the door. So one, nobody can get into the house.

To the front door. And when we leave the front door, we go straight into the van. You've got it, Miss Grammer. Hell yeah. Like a loading dock. She's going to roll. Oh, no. It's either a 78 or an 87. Either way, she does what you said and very violently backs the van into the door. Okay. And we'll roll a little damage for the car. Man, poor Dormobile. And the frame of the house, too. I mean, come on. The Bedford Dormobile takes three damage. Jeez. You're going to need to go to the mechanic after this.

Sorry. Sorry again. I'm 12. I don't know why you guys keep letting me do this. Oh, blaming us now? The Dormobile already had health. It did. It had health problems before. Yeah, it's half health. So much health. A standard car might have a build of three, and then each time a car takes 10 points of damage, it loses one build point.

Oh, yeah. So not even close. All right. I think we were comparing this to a pickup truck or something like that. So that's six. Six build points. Six build points. So it has three build points. And now it's three build points left because you smash it up real bad last time. Yeah. So yes, you're on your way to two build points. The maintenance light is for sure. Okay. Okay. That's fine. We're not. Yeah.

We've got like 27 left. Bang, bang, boom. You've rammed this thing into the back. I assume you guys rushed in to avoid being run over. Correct. Yes. As much as I'm capable of doing so. Trudy definitely needs some help in or else she'd just run in a circle or whatever. I'm just kind of holding. What are you doing? What is this? What's going on? Hey. What are you doing?

This is my business. Yeah, your business is to fix people. Well, and my business requires a building that's structurally sound with which to do that, Ms. Grammer. If we don't do what we're going to do, you're not going to have a building. You're not going to have a town. Francis looks at Dr. Dog and tries to mouth, are you in trouble? She looks at you and is like, no, you're in trouble because you broke my building. Oh, well, whatever then. Why is Sven here, though? Sven, I'm a doctor. Yeah. A veterinarian. Okay. I also do, as you well know, some business on the side. Okay.

Sven and his brother Tor, who's right over here, and you see sort of lying down on the operation table. Browsing through our highlights for children. He's got that little, you know that one where you slide the little thing around? Tor is very, very, very badly fucked up. He's got cuts and scrapes and bruises and he's all banged up and he's on our operating table. As you can see,

I have clients right now. That's what I was saying. I do a lot of business with the Andersons. Do they get hurt all the time? They do. They get hurt quite a bit. They're in a rough line of business. Yeah, they're bad people. They took his eyes. Do I hear a judgment in that, Ms. Graham? Yeah, I mean, I think that's a pretty fair judgment.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Did you need my help? Yeah. I got a gun now, and that lets me get people to do things for me. Sounds like you're a bad person. Oh, no. Right now. Francis is a bad influence on Kelsey. Then you've come to the right place, because I heal bad people for money. Okay, fine. That's fine. And I charge bad people for breaking the front door of my veterinarian's office. Put it on the tab. That's fine. Let's do this. She's making a note of it. Okay. Okay.

So you guys shuffle Francis and Trudy into the... I'm all mixed up. We need his leg stabilized and that weird sign on his arm, we need to remove it. Like, unhide it.

A lot of it. All of it. It can't be there anymore. She takes an elegant drag off of her cigarette as she looks at this weird symbol on your hand, Francis. Gregor! And this big hulking dude, Gregor, her assistant, comes in from the back. Who the fuck was he last time? He was here last time. I was here last time. I was just too bismuttoned by Dr. Dog. Sorry. Well, I'm Gregor, and my eyes are up here. No.

I'm very tall. What is it? And she like points to the thing on your arm and he sort of stares at it for a second. He says, oh yeah, that's a, uh, no, I got it written down. What did I call it? You can look. No, no, no. It is whatever I call it now.

Oligma. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's a sigil. Okay. Can you remove it? Yeah. So how'd you get it? I got it in the astral plane. Oh. So it's an astral sigil. Okay. Well, I see you're being tracked by this. Is that what I'm getting from this? Correct. All right, kid. I can help you fix this, but it's going to cost extra. Okay.

Okay, yeah. I can't really give you an arm and a leg. Ha ha. That's pretty good. I'll knock a couple bucks off for that joke. Nice. I like jokes. Gregor. Oh, you like jokes? Wait, you like jokes? Yeah, let's get the price down. No, I, Beth, came up with a joke like seven minutes ago. And it wasn't very funny. I don't think I can because it's not good. And I don't want to do that to Trudy. Oh, okay. Okay, I'll try to do it. Okay. I'm so excited. Oh, boy. Here we go. All right. It's...

You made a comment about how the building wasn't structurally sound anymore. Mm-hmm. Did you build it out of rock and roll? Yeah.

Bound! Alright. For your two stupid jokes, you will have advantage on your credit rating roll that one of you can take to see if you have enough money to pay these guys. Yay! Who's got the best credit rating again? I have 20. I have 8. I have 0. I have 9. You have 9? This was before you were a billionaire. This was before I was a billionaire. So all your money's in the market. Yeah, all my money's in the market. The way advantage works is you roll...

11. Oh! You had an 11? And a 1, yep. Alright, so I feel like you do that thing where you flash a 100 and it looks like a wad of 100s, but there's a bunch of not-100s underneath it. It's also clearly the money I owe spending them anyways.

All right. Dr. Dog and Gregor are moved by your flash of cash. All right, where do we want to start? Who's doing what? Yeah, who's doing what? Her first. Francis says, pointing at Trudy. That's really nice of you, Francis. I think we should get rid of the sigil first, since they're tracking us, right? Yeah. Can we do that? Well, there's two ways to go about this. Okay. There's the painful way. I'm going to be fucked up. There's the painful way. Okay. And there's the long way. Oh, okay. I was about to say, why tell us? I'll do the painful way. Do you want to know the long way? No. How long? Yes, how long? I want to hear the...

I don't want to hear the long way. Okay. You guys ever watch Dragnet?

Is the description the way it works? The way it works. On Dragnet, when they're trying to trace somebody, they do something called triangulation. Okay. Where they have three antennas or whatever, and then something gives off a signal and they trace its location between the three antennas. Right. So the way these sigils work, whoever created the sigil has created three resonance nodes. Okay.

Okay. And they're going to be somewhere and they track your location between the three nodes. Now, in order for the nodes...

to resonate with the person that they're supposed to resonate with. They have to have great psychological significance with the person. So that's the hard way. You find the nodes, you take them out. Well, we could actually take out only one node to make it 50-50 and two nodes to make it very more difficult. The painful way is with this, and he holds up a cheese grater. Oh, that's what we thought. Yeah, I was sort of emotionally prepared for that one.

to that one. We thought that was the only way, really. But what do you guys want to do? The quick way. Okay, yeah, it's up to Francis, but I would suggest. All right. Wait, Dr. Dog. Do you have a local anesthetic? They're for cats. I'm going to have to do some, you know. Basically, same thing. This is still going to hurt once the anesthetic... Where's Marbles? Did he survive the explosion? Oh, God. Oh, no. I was too busy saving those children. I think about...

and think about saving marbles. Blake, you feel marbles purring curled up in your jacket or something. You are aware that marbles is still alive, but you also get the impression that marbles doesn't really want to talk to Trudy. Trudy, you must come to terms. Marbles is dead. I don't think that's what it is. Trudy, look at me in the eyes. We lose the ones who hate us and love us all the time. Oh, God. You must. I have to move on. I have to. I have.

I have a family to take care of. You do. I can't worry about a silly, fuzzy, cuddly, furry... Trudy, Trudy, focus. Okay, I must focus on my family. Which doesn't include... Marbles is not and now will never be part of your family. She still needs the will to live to get through this. I don't know if we need to go so hard on her. Trudy, think of your family. Yes, yes.

Timmy. And your spaceman. Moth Jesus. Yes. And your friends. And your friends. My friends. And whatever you do, don't think about the cat.

Gregor goes to the back to get the skin remover. You can take him with you. All right, kid, come on back. Probably be faster. You just bring him to it. Yeah. Dr. Dog is going to do a medicine roll. Cool. For his leg. Oh, sir? Yeah. Gregor. Gregor, we would like the skin flap. I'm sorry, what? When you're done with it. Do you want the flap? He has his cheese grater. It's not going to be in a position where you could, like. Oh, yeah, do you have your cheese grater? Can you, like, use a knife? We have to say when.

Because you get me, right? Like this seems like we could then throw the. Oh, that's great, Miss Grammar. Yeah. You're saying we could cut it off and then but we could use it like we could fold it into a little paper airplane or something like that. We could make marbles eat it and then set her loose. Yeah. Yeah. Or we put it on like a little like boat or something like a little like floaty, like just like drift down the river. They'll be like, whoa. Yeah. Right. Neither river. Yeah. And they'll they'll think Francis is floating down the river. Yes, I think this is a good idea.

It'd be a lot easier if you just let me cheese grate it. Yeah, but we need it. It also hurt me a lot less. It feels weird that you went there first knowing that knife was an option. Yeah, do you use this on animals? Do you use it on cheese? Do I use what on cheese? The cheese grater? Of course I do. I don't think they want to know the answer to that question. Get back here. All right, he's going to cut it off. That's fine. Well, actually, no, he's the sous chef. He's the assistant. Dr. Dog is going to make the medicine roll. We should have, like...

His skin is like transplanted with the cats. That's why I fur just on my head. Yeah, because we're going to need to patch it up with some. I mean, I guess it would heal. I guess we're not. Who do you think gave you the butt? Yeah.

Oh, all right. She rolled a 24. These events are now going to occur in real time. I feel like they would do the leg first. That makes sense. The leg's the open wound. 24 was the medicine roll to patch up your leg. Let's roll a 1d3. Two. Okay, great. Nice. The middle option.

I should have done a first aid roll as well. She got a 56, so we're going to call that plus one as well. You are going to recover three hit points. Great. Okay. I'm up to six. Well, that's happening. Can I roll a spot hidden? Yes. Roll a spot hidden. Is that for like if I want to look for something? Yeah, sure. Okay.

Oh, she got a 47. So yes, the operation to excise this scar from your arm goes off without a hitch. Here's what we'll say. No HP damage, but yes, they used an intense amount of anesthetic on your arm and your arm is basically numb and a nerve block. Oh, Francis. It can even be in a sling. So like, cause it's so numb that he can't really use it. Yes. Your arm is in a sling for the next. Like someone else's arm. If you know what I mean. Yeah. Your arm is numb.

I'm going to roll. Oh, it's like somebody else is in a sling. Someone else is jorting it. I was being like, what does that mean? Freddie was like, well, so. Well, I mean, I assume that. I mean, you know. I've been told. I've been told. Francis, roll me a 1d6. Two. All right. For the next two days, your arm is in a sling and you cannot use it. Okay. While she is working on Francis, the Anderson brothers would like to have a word with the rest of you. Do.

Do we resolve that first or am I spot hidden first? Oh, yeah. What's the spot hidden? I'm looking at your map. What are you trying to spot? What are you doing? There's no... I'm going to ask a question because I went back. He's got that smile in his voice. He's got that dog in him, dude. I'm just trying to win us the game. No, I love it. It's a game. I like it when you get into scamp mode. I want to win. Cheeky scamp. And I was looking at your map. Yeah. I saw no river. So I'm assuming there's no river in Peachyville. No, there's no river. Okay. So since... Are you trying to figure out what to float? Yeah, we can't float his flap of skin anywhere. So then I was thinking...

I mean, this is messed up. So I'm looking to Beth to say it's okay. Which is, I was going to see what animal is best. Like, I was going to spot her. Like, is she working on any birds? Oh, yeah, yeah. And the bird can fly, you know, let a bird out. No, we just flush it. Oh.

- Oh, no. - Oh. - Spot hidden, I'm looking for a toilet. - Did you find a toilet? - Dr. Dolph, hi, it's your toilets. - Found the toilet. - Trudy, I found a toilet. - Oh, wow.

Kelsey is canonically a man now. That was the most man talking to a woman looking for validation conversation. I'm thinking we put his skin down the drain. It'll send them in the wrong direction. It'll just keep going. Yes, we all float down here. Sven, how's your toilets? They're doing all right since you fixed them up for me. Very good.

That's right. Your friend Blake also works for mobsters. Does that make him a bad person? I mean, no. He's a bad person because of the wardrobe. I'm not there. Never mind. I mean, no. He's just providing a service. No, that is my trade. Yeah, did he know there were mobsters when you were doing it? No.

No, I just look at the quality of the toilet, and I will say the bathrooms had a very distinct mobstery vibe. We pride ourselves in the mobstery vibe of our bathrooms. Well, look, you're right. There's no reason to argue about who's good or who's bad. Just what is it? You really want something. It seems like you guys and us guys, we got the same problem. Okay. This town is going to hell in an H basket.

Yeah, but why do you say H in an O-bass? H in an H-bass. It's going to H in an O-bass. And Peachyville saying hand is like the worst curse word you could possibly say. Oh my God.

It's going to hell in an H basket. Okay, but why do you think it's going to hell in an H basket? Well, we got these guys in the cloaks with the hoods and the horns. First, they blow up our boxing match. You were there. We lost a lot of good guys at that match. Yeah. Now, there's some monster running around town, and it...

And then Tor, the banged up one who's all fucked up on the table goes, it took our ma. It took my Anderson from us. All right. I put my hand out for it to give us my dog. You put your H out? Yeah. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Whoa, we're just throwing words like that around now, huh? Come here, big guy. Sven hugs you. Okay, okay. I'm sorry. I just, it's, she's our ma, and I know she's not, I know she did some bad stuff. I know that, you know, with the kid and with, but it's your ma's your ma. No, it's hard. And we woke up one night, and there's a big explosion in our toilet, and the next thing we know, our ma's talking about she's got to go on a trip, and she can't be late.

And she starts walking out into the street. I think the doll maker must come from the toilets. That is my domain. Yeah, okay. You are telling me that there is something coming up from the domain of toilets? There should only be things going down. You don't own the toilets, Blake. I own the one. Oh, shit. Do we have Roz with us? No, I hope so. Oh, yeah. No, she's still in the car. Okay. She's in her car helmet as you strapped. She's strapped. Yeah, the doll maker must be going through the toilets.

Yes. Yeah, I just central sanitation system or something. Blake. Yes. All the toilets go here. Well, you see all the toilets drain towards wastewater processing plant at the edge of town. Maybe that's where the doll maker lives. We kind of figured if we could just follow our ma, she'd take us to wherever she was going. She just wanted to walk in some direction. Okay. And so we followed her and we followed her.

And we followed her into this field, this cornfield on the edge of town. At the corn hub? At the corn hub. We went to the corn hub and we were walking out. There was the two of us and we brought our best guys with us. Moe and Joe and Little Moe and Big Joe and Torvald. Oh no, did she go behind the paywall? Did she know that, bro?

She started wandering towards where the good corn was, you know, corn hub premium. And then all of a sudden we were in the corn, us and the boys, we were a squad, a dozen deep. And then we lost sight of Ma. She just vanished into the stocks. And I heard this rustling and I heard this screaming gunshots and I just ran in. I, and then you hear Tora say, he knocked into me. I,

I must have emptied a whole Tommy gun clip into that thing. Didn't do a damn thing. I saw that eye. Or was it a mouth? Whatever it was, a hole or an orb or something. And I just lost myself. I would still be standing there if Sven hadn't knocked into me. And the two of us just ran and ran and ran until we wound up here.

Anyway, that thing's out there and we may be gangsters. Yeah, we may be gangsters, but we're citizens of Peachyville too. Gosh darn it. And we don't want this thing tearing up our town. That's our turf. And anyway, if you guys are after that thing, which I think you might be, well, I just want you to know that whatever y'all are cooking, you count on the Anderson boys because we want to get our ma back.

Dungeons and Dimes is brought to you this week by SimpliSafe. Most security systems, they only work after someone breaks in. And they hurt your eyes. And they're loud. Well, that's kind of the point, to be loud. But SimpliSafe's new ActiveGuard outdoor protection helps stop break-ins before they happen. Cameras, live monitoring agents, they detect suspicious activity around your property. What's that job like? Some guy's job is just to sit at a computer going, that guy looks weird. If someone's lurking around looking weird, agents talk to them.

In real time, they can activate spotlights and then call the police proactively to turn crime before it starts. If you live in a neighborhood with no pigeons and you see somebody out there feeding pigeons, you know they're up to no good. No contracts, no hidden fees. Name best home security system of 2025 by CNET.

4 million plus Americans trust SimpliSafe. Monitoring plans start at around a dollar a day. They got a 60-day money-back guarantee, and they're ranked number one in customer service by Newsweek and USA Today, probably because of that great 60-day money-back guarantee. Tell you what, you ever see the movies when they're like, we got to set up a perimeter? Yeah, people love setting up a perimeter. I've never set up a perimeter in my life, but now, thanks to SimpliSafe,

I got the experience of setting up a perimeter. And here's the thing, Gen Z, you're getting older now. Some of you are even getting houses, especially if you're a hotshot influencer making that bag. So here's the thing. You know what Sibly Safe's like? It's like having your own version of that Gabe Five Night at Freddy's. You know?

You know when you get a look at all those monitors? There's like a guy doing that. If I made Five Nights at Freddy's and SimpliSafe was like, we'd like to do a brand integration, I would say yes to that so fast. That'd be such a good idea. You can get 50% off your new SimpliSafe system with professional monitoring and your first month free at SimpliSafe.com slash dungeons. SimpliSafe.com slash dungeons. That's S-I-M-P-L-I-S-A-F-E. Simp. Simp.

L-I-S-A-F-E dot com slash dungeons. There's no safe like Simply Safe.

Okay.

Pretty Litter, game changer. Pretty Litter helps monitor your cat's health, detecting abnormalities in your cat's urine by testing acidity in the kidney levels. Now, okay, I want to be clear. Testing acidity in alkalinity levels. There's not like a little scientist in there doing it. No, no. It's the way it's formulated. It changes color. It shows stuff. Yeah.

Pretty Litter also ships free right to my door, non-toxic, pet safe, household friendly, low dust, controls odors, controls odors very well, and lasts for up to one month. I just, you know, I keep an eye on this little guy. I see her right now. She's grooming herself in the most lascivious way. But you know what? Cats don't understand that. They don't have shame. And good for them. Right now, save 20% on your first order and get a free cat toy.

at prettylitter.com slash dungeons. My free cat toy comes from my ice maker. That's prettylitter.com slash dungeons to save 20% on your first order and get a free cat toy. Prettylitter.com slash dungeons. Pretty Litter cannot detect every feline health issue or prevent a diagnosed diseases. A diagnosis can only come from a licensed veterinarian. Terms and conditions apply. See site for details.

Dungeons and Dags is brought to you this week by Rocket Money. Pachoo! Pachoo! Take off to savings, everybody. Houston, we have one small penny saved for a man. Anthony, you messed it up. Prices are going up. Everyone knows this. Being smart with your money isn't just a good idea, it's essential. But managing subscriptions, tracking spending, cutting costs, that's a lot of work.

Yeah, I don't like doing that stuff. Hey, don't worry. Lucky for you, Rocket Money takes the guesswork out of it so you can easily make smart decisions. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Rocket Money is like your own little tech nerd that you can just send into your finances and take things down. Sort of your own doge guy. And get rid of all the things you don't need anymore. You know? Yeah.

Rocket Money also helps negotiate lower bills for you. They automatically scan your bills to find opportunities to save. And then you can just be like, hey, deal with it. And they'll deal with customer service so you don't have to. Over 5 million users and to save the total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions. Saving members up to $740 a year when they use all the app's premium features.

And it helps you budget, too. Like, just a solid budgeting slash cancel your subscriptions app. Because, you know, it all changed when your subscriptions don't hit on the same day. I know. When they spread them out throughout the month, they hide them like Easter eggs. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to rocketmoney.com slash daddies today. That's rocketmoney.com slash daddies. rocketmoney.com slash daddies.

Always know your car's worth with Carvana Value Tracker.

Kelsey is going to find a liquor bottle. It's the fifties or somewhere. Sure. And she's going to walk exactly like the main guy in grand illusion when he, when the guy's dying on the table and she goes and takes the shot glass. So she like shakes and she takes a shot and she goes, you're mine. I didn't see eye to eye. And you know, I can't say I thought she was a good person, but nobody deserves to go like that.

She ain't dead yet. I know it. Oh, she's not. What? We didn't see her. How can you say my mom is dead? I mean, she disappeared, but she's still got to be out there, right? Well, if your mom's not dead, then what are you two grown men doing here? He got banged up. Look at my brother. Look at my brother. I can't even see him, and I know he's banged up. Okay. And Mentor's like, it banged me up pretty good. I barely survived.

As you can plainly see. It was a gangbang in the. Wow. Holy shit.

It was sitting right there in the table. Only Beth saw it. Bound. Okay. Bound. Can I get a bound in chat? Anything else you can tell us? I mean, so it's clear that the doll maker is coming through the toilet. So you think it's going to be at the central, you know, sanitation plant, but it sounds like we can't just go in with, if there's a Tommy gun, didn't do anything. The shotgun. And I have the, I have the files, but I'm so hurt.

Okay, yeah, let's just yield up. Let's fix you up. And then maybe we can search, read the books. Hey, I've always said, you don't know what to do next. Read a book. That's what you do always say. Oh, now I can't use that one. I have to think of another one for next episode. I can't use that one. Dr. Dog and Gregor emerge from the back with Francis, whose leg is now bandaged up. Now, would you like them to...

to have a fixed Brunhilde to be a sort of gun leg for you. Like, I don't know, like a grindhouse kind of thing. Make it hard to shoot yourself with it. If you're in crisis, call 988 or Matt Arnold.

Oh my God. Yeah, you know what? Fuck it. Let's go Grindhouse. Fuck it. Yay, Grindhouse, Planet Terror. So in that case, yay. Everyone's favorite movie. Grindhouse, Planet Terror. Barbara Dria, shoot on your wife. Death Proof. You hear a clonk and a footstep and a clonk and

and a footstep and you look up and you see Francis with his arm in a sling a car 98 for a leg and a a forlorn look on his face I hold out that little Tupperware being like yo where's that skin at got a real one track mind

They're dragging us. Where's that skin at? Kelsey just pushes back Francis. Where's that skin at? Francis, how are you doing? Yeah, where's that skin at? Flesh, flesh, flesh, flesh. Gregor, like, unfurls it and, like, he just sticks it in the Tupperware. And then now that, you know, now that she's a Rack Witch and everything, you know, she's just covering her bases. She kind of, like, plucks some hair from Francis, too, and, like...

sprinkles it on the flesh in case it needs, you know, you know, which is always doing that. Extra. Which is me doing that stuff with air. And then she's going to be like, what's up with witches and their big stew cauldrons.

You know? Yeah, they eat alone. Witches be like... Who they cooking the bacon for those kids who show up because they get eaten too. Hey, who the... Hey! Why they cooking up all that gumbo? Dude, nobody meal preps like a witch. Could it be that we're just constantly coming in on witches doing, oh, it's meal prep time.

That little spicy jambalaya. That could be when we are constantly coming in on witches when they're doing meal prep. I'm just stirring this gumbo. That's where the myth came from. Men walking in on women meal prepping and getting freaked out. Dude, medieval times are tough times. Our whole week is planned out. I can't let this go. She wants to be a witch.

Men and their broccoli and chicken breast. I saw Goody Proctor with the tub.

That was the original witch trial was if you could eat all of the meal prep without losing interest in it halfway through the week, then you were a witch. Shit. I'm going to flush down this sigil. Oh, damn. You're just going straight for the toilet. Yeah, flush it down the toilet. Okay. Was there like a SWAT team right outside, like ready to go? And it's like, wait, wait. He's moving. He's moving. He's moving. He's right on top of us. All right.

All right. Yeah, go ahead and flush it. That's fine. You don't need to roll anything for that. Well, actually, no. Here's what we're going to say. What? What? To use a toilet?

It's not a roll every time, dude. Roll natural world. As someone who's been your writing partner for over a decade and has shared many a bathroom with you, I've seen you fail some toilet rolls. Fair enough. This is not a toilet roll. This is a toilet roll.

Bound! Do you guys put your toilet roll upside down or the other way? Why am I rolling? Basically, I'm just painting the picture. You receive this giant wad of skin from Gregor, and then you're just turning to the bathroom to go to the bathroom. Dr. Dog is going to be like, excuse me? It's like a play of fish, essentially. Hi, what are you doing? Mind your own business. It's my toilet. What do you mean? That's my toilet. I'm going to use the bathroom. Okay, then leave the skin out here. Why? Because I don't want you clogging my toilet up.

It's a gentle toilet. I know Dr. Dog's toilet. It requires a lot of babying. Why would you say that? Do not flush. Why would you say that, Blake?

Why would you say that of all the toilets? I calls it like I sees it. Let's just live a little. Let's just give it a shot. And I throw it in to flush it. Let's just live a little. Let's just live a little. Stopping me from flushing this down the toilet. All right, Matt. Give me a luck roll. A luck roll? I want to push past her. What's the luck? You push past her. You throw it in the toilet. You flush. Now give me a luck roll. 20. What's your luck?

Oh, I got rid of a lot. It's got to be like less than a poop, though. Surely in terms of size. And also you've rolled it up like a little cigarillo. Yeah. All right. I'll fucking give it to you. Fine. It's like one of those salami wrapped around cheese. Oh, yeah. It's like that size. Salami.

I'm in round, round cheese. Oh, yeah. A little party platter special from Costco. I got to tell you, I'm pretty sure, again, I'm pretty sure my luck got down to like 17 now or 23, I think is what it was. Actually, I think I still passed. It's fine. I don't want to spend half the episode on clogging the toilet. Don't worry, Will. I'll get you on another one. Okay.

Oh, my God, Blake. It's clogged. Can you declog it? Yes. Just pour a lot of water down. It's fine. You shove past Dr. Dog and flush this skin down her toilet and it disappears down the drain. Have a little more faith in your toilets, Dr. Dog. Flush it again. Okay. Kelsey, flush it again to make sure that it clears the pipes of the building. Oh, good. I flush it again. Dr. Dog glowers at you. Okay. Now, do you mind if I do actually have to go? Okay.

The worst guest of all time.

You flush like an object down their toilet in their face. And then be like, by the way, I do need a number two in here. So if you could just, uh, you know, if you could maybe see your way out of the, uh, you still got to help out Trudy. So I'm just going to be in here. Go. And she slams the door shut. All right. What's her problem? Why are you talking to me? I'm in the bathroom. She's hurt. How?

She goes up to you and she starts to lift you up. Clonk. Yeah. She's like, whoa, what is this? What's going on here? I'm

I'm a robot. You hear a courtesy flush. Doctor Dog's like, thank you. Sorry. You're a robot. And then a second one, because it didn't go all the way down. You just hear like, oh, shit. No, you're all, we're all adults. Can somebody give me like a stick? Do they have a stick? Can I borrow Brunhilde for a second? Oh.

Oh, no. Oh, no. You hear the water running? The gun goes off. You hear the water running, but then the toilet flushes again. Who knows what you're killing in this person? Just fucking shoot her. Okay, sorry, sorry, sorry. I'm a robot. Help! Well, I do animals and I do humans, but I don't really... I've never done a robot before. Please, I'm only at one health point.

Good point. All right, let's take her in the back and let's see what we can do. So Dr. Dog is going to do a disadvantaged medicine role. Oh, we got to take her to like a car mechanic. Yeah. Yeah, because they won't know how you work on robots. I mean, at least on a machine. They're probably more likely to know how it works than a fucking ant. That's true. And they might be able to give the van to Tina. I think she has like brain. She has like some organic matter. It's true. Technically, I'm a cyborg.

Hmm. When you say cyborg, Gregor perks up. I've read a lot of Isaac Asimov books. Maybe that'll help. Let's get back there. So they're going to do a disadvantaged medicine roll. Oh, that's an 11. That's a very good roll. Dude, this is, well, I just want to say, good game design. Because robot class is strong because you can sleep on top of books and absorb. But it's harder to heal. Yeah, that is good. Good game balance. Balanced.

51. So she passes. She's able to wing it. Most of the damage that's happened to you is sort of like internal bleeding and stuff like that in the parts of the you that are organic. My insides are bleeding. Your shit's fucked up. So go ahead and roll a 1d3. All right. You hear Kelsey panic because she heard somebody say your shit's fucked up. She thinks they're talking about her. Shit, they know. A 2. A 2. Okay, so you now have 3 HP. Can I come in for a tune-up?

Blake, you may remember me from last time. Yes. Check up, please. I remember you. Yes. Come on back. Okay. What's happening back there? That's a 31. All right. Give me a 1D3.

Two. Okay. The middle one. You got the middle one. Stupid question, but when we sleep in Call of Cthulhu, we don't get our hit points back? You recover one hit point a day. Okay. So you will continue to recover as well. Okay. Like one hit point per day. As long as I don't get killed. As long as you don't bang yourself up. Did anyone else need to heal up? Was Matt going to heal? I mean, that's a form of healing. What? Can I heal? Ah!

Yeah, my health is, I believe, four. So out of 12. You're fine. If I can, I wasn't sure how the action system works, but yeah, hell yeah. We'll say this will be your guys'- Hey, Dr. Doug, if you don't mind. And she just kind of sits down on the chair. It's like, I could use a little tune-up too. Yeah, that's fine. I didn't have anything else going on today. That's fine. Okay. I mean, it's your job. This is what you do. I mean, I have-

We're going to pay you. She sees all of these concerned people with their pets because it's the middle of the day now. All these people with their pets are looking out the window. Why is there a van packed into the front of your door? And she sticks her head out of the window. She's like, we're closed today. I'm so sorry. We're going to have to bring Fluffy and Mr. Puddin and Snakey Jake back tomorrow. They're all dead, Beth. Oh, no.

Well, you're not a great doctor, are you? Excuse me? No, I don't say that. Oh, you did great, Dr. Dog. I don't think I did. I can tell when I've done a good job, and I don't think I helped you much. I mean, you've helped a lot of us. I want to be very clear that you're still going to have to pay for this. Yeah, I know how that works. You're good. We'll pay you. What does that mean? I mean, it means what it means.

Dr. Duck's going to do a psychology role. She got a 12. What does it mean? It means that Kelsey's thinking either the whole world blows up, in which case, who cares? Good luck in that thing. Or if they do save the world, she still thinks enough fucked up shit. She's thinking this bill's not coming. That's what she's thinking. And it's like, you know, she's one of four. Also, Blake's rich.

She's not concerned about her having to pay this bill is what it is. All right. Dr. Doug's going to further narrow. Her eyes are super, super wet, Beth. What is happening over there? I was trying to look for this meme because you were talking about these people with their dogs. And I was like, please help my dog. He's very sick. Because I remember that being funny. And then I found one and it was really, really funny. And? Do you want to share with the class? It's like this.

It's like this dog skateboarding. He's like, someone help. My dog is very sick.

And he's got sunglasses on. So you've all attempted to heal or been patched up. You've excised this tracking beacon from Francis's arm. We sure hope. In a gruesome manner. What would you like to do now? Sven and Tor are at your disposal to help you hunt down the Dollmaker. They've decided to team up with you if you want to accomplish multiple things. So this is Sven and Tor. Did you guys check to see if they were being honest? I mean, I feel, I mean, I just kind of get a sense of it.

I was hugging him. Francis wants to make a psychology roll. Okay, yeah. He seemed very genuine about missing their mom. My psychology is 80 and I got a 49. They seem legit to you. Okay, cool. They're fed up with all of the nonsense going on in the town and they are very concerned with getting their mother back. Kelsey, did you wash your hands? When? Oh, no. That's a no. That's a no, ladies and gentlemen. That should get you disbarred from being a teacher forever. I think you should all roll to see if you heard whether or not Kelsey washed her hands. Did we go to the bathroom? Of course, Trudy.

What? Why don't you guys look at that map over there? What map? This map of dog body parts. I'm on roll stealth. To wash your hands? I don't want to go wash my hands. You fucking asshole. Because he's the worst. Roll stealth. No fucking way. I failed. No! Where are you going, Ms. Kramer? Oh, I just...

You didn't wash your hands. I did now. I fixed it. We all make mistakes and I fixed this one. You made a choice not to wash your hands. You didn't wash your hands? What's going on? I was stressed. I heard people talking outside. I just left. I'm sorry. And I didn't touch anything. You lovingly corrected me. Yeah, why did you do that when you came out?

I have an open wound. I could get an infection. You're right. I don't know. I don't need pink eye in addition to all the other stuff. Francis, after what you've just been through, you should know you can't change the past. All we can do is move forward. And I can't do anything more than say sorry.

For forgetting to wash my hands. What I'm really ashamed of is not admitting it and then trying to hide the fact. I forgot to wash my hands and I'm doing it now. Okay. Yeah. That's the thing is the lying. Yeah. No, you're right. That's okay. I guess. You saying that makes Francis turn to who's the eyeless one? Sven. Sven. Sven. And go, well, we're handed out apologies for things that we can't take back. Yes. I'm sorry. I took your eyeballs out. Oh, you are?

Yeah. Well, put her there, son. And he puts his hand out. This way. A little bit more this way. Put her there, pal. That's near Blake. Put her there, pal. I'm doing a lot of the work here. He's still a bad person. All right, I'll shake his hand. That's mighty fine of you, son. I appreciate it.

It's hard work to apologize sometimes. You're a lot more forgiving than I would be in this situation. I appreciate you. And while we're at it, where's that kid Milton? Oh. He's here. He's here. Oh, I'm right here. Oh, hello. Hello, Sven. Milton, in the spirit of being sorry for ripping people's eyes out, me and my brother sure are sorry for ripping out your eyes.

Oh, well, that's a question. Did you keep the eyes or did you just flush them down the proverbial toilet? Excuse me. I'm kind of having an apology moment here with this young man. Well, I was just saying you could maybe make good. In what sense would I be able to make good? You kept the eyes in your refrigerated truck. Blake, you're a good plumber.

But you're a dumb, stupid man. That's not how eyes work. So what I'm learning about being an adult is that if you get really badly hurt, you turn into a good person. Shane's junior. Me. This guy. No, but not Shane. Big Shane was bad. I mean, Big Shane wasn't bad. He was trying to avenge his kid. I mean. He was hurt on the inside. Yeah, that's pretty bad. I mean, you're right. I'm just saying if we meet somebody who's really mean, we should consider mauling them. I'm joking. I don't do that anymore.

Probably. What would you guys like to do? Where do we know the third key is? Zoo. Yes, we think it's the zoo. The zoo. And there's still a McDonald's we haven't seen. And we think the doll maker is moving around the plumbing of the town and it would make sense that maybe it holds up at... How stupid would it be if we flushed the fucking sigil down the drain and then went right to where it goes in the sewer and they found us again? That'd be funny.

Hey, Phoebe. Yes, Ms. Grammer? Lay down what our options are. I would be delighted to. So it strikes me that there are a lot of avenues we could pursue right now. When I'm trying to figure out one of my classic cases, like the mystery of the stolen pie or the mystery of the spooky nose in the stand. It's okay. It's okay. Today's about forgiveness, Ms. Grammer. It seems to me that we have a lot of leads we could pursue. Mm-hmm.

For one, she just rips a bunch of lost dog posters off of like a cork board and then starts tacking stuff up to start theorizing. I just think that this dog

They'll be fine. They're dead. They're probably dead. Let's be honest. The dogs are probably gone. Yep, she's a cop. Dr. Dog is like, is this true? They're probably gone. Not that I care about dogs anyway. This is a cat clinic. That's true. You cared enough to put their missing posters up. I feel like if you put up a missing poster for a dog, you should put up a found poster if you found it so that the people who saw the missing poster know. Yeah. Miss Grammer. Yes. Today you're the student and I'm the teacher.

I need you to focus. Whoa. I'm always a student and I always learn from you, but I get it. Okay. I sit down and I'm quiet. Okay. First things first. She sticks up known Bisons and she has Dr. Man, John Clark, Brian, the library guy, Francis's parents. Any of them might have information that we can use to help us in our goals.

She also puts under like a sort of heading that says like, "Current Events." Remember, didn't a bunch of blood get stolen from the hospital? What was that about? A positive blood. A positive blood. And I think, Milton, you said that was, yeah, that's the same type of blood my mom has. So someone might be using that blood to try to hunt or do something with the Dollmaker. Nah, it's probably nothing.

Francis. What? Francis. I'm playing around. I know that you're having a tough time right now, but I'm in charge right now. Okay. And I'm sad. And what you did scared me. But right now I'm more scared of you disrupting my lecture. So sad. Well, I was sad when, well, you know where? Nope. Nope. I'm not sad.

Okay. I'm sad that you're growing up already learning how to hide your feelings. Well, shut up. Good. Okay. All right. Okay. Keep going. Well, now I lost my place. Yeah, baby, just push. You can't let them know that you're weak. You just push through. You just keep teaching. Even if you're wrong about what you're saying, you just keep, because they don't know. They're learning from you. You just keep going. You got this. You're a teacher. You got this. You're such a good teacher. You just got this. I respect you, and I appreciate you. No, no. I respect you. You're the teacher. That's right. I am the teacher. Shut up.

She turns back to the house. She's learning. She underlines blood hospital question mark. She puts a dollar sign in it. She puts a dollar sign on it for some reason. We know that this thing goes through pipes, right? And so we know that at some point it's going to be underground. We know that it has some weird freaky eye. And we know that, Trudy, when you read the thing earlier, wasn't there something about it having an eye? Let me look at my notes. Oh!

Yes, yes. An exoskeleton with one weak point in the skull. That must be the eye. Oh, yeah. So it's got a weak point. Yeah, there's a lot of eyes damage going on here. But it sounds like it'll be a really, really, really, really, really tough shot to make. It sounds like this thing is really hard to track. And it's really hard to shoot. If you want to kill it, you want to hurt it, you're going to have to figure out a way to shoot that eye. We've got to find a way to make it stop moving. How fast was this thing? When you guys saw it, fuck everything up. Tor is speaking from his bandaged up...

That was the worst part. It was slow. Oh.

It moved slow, but it was nigh impossible. Uncannily slow. Because the doll maker warps space time. Oh, shit. So if we get close to him, we'll probably go slow, too. It'll probably be like a black hole thing. Yes. You may need to make a shot from far away. Sventor, what was your mother doing when it came out? She walked into the cornfields at the Cornhub Premium. She disappeared. But then you said it came out and attacked her.

We were all at home watching the Ozzie and Harriet show. Did anything happen before it came out of the toilet? Well, the toilet exploded. Did anything happen before that? Was she in there? She was in there. What was she doing? What was your mother doing in the bathroom? What do you think, Kelsey? Was it one or two? Okay, well, it's probably not two because Kelsey just proved it. Yeah, well, so we all, look, we're all adults here. We can hear it.

We didn't hear what's going on in the bathroom. Why do you need to know if my mother went one or two, Kelsey? I'm just trying to figure out if there's a way. So we're all on the same page. To lure the- To lure. I want to know if there's something consistent about what's happening to somebody when the doll maker comes out. Like, is it when they're wiping? Is it when they're not going? Is it when- Look! Is your mom's blood A positive and she had some blood in her stool? Oh, yep. Or she's on her, you know. Oh, she gets blood every second of the month. On her period, yeah. She could be doing that. Our mother is post-menopausal. Oh.

So she don't bleed down there no more. It's always an important conversation to have with your mom. Yeah. We're very close with our mother. She shares with us details. I wish I had that relationship. Focus, Trudy. We're going to fix your kid. We're going to help your kid. And then maybe you will have that relationship. Tammy will have no problem asking you about menopause. Okay?

Yeah, that's what we're looking forward to. That conversation when we rescue him. Hey, we take care of you for all our lives. You can take care of us when we get older, okay? Francis? What? Well, no, I guess, yeah, never mind. Your parents, never mind. That's a sore spot. Yeah, I'm not going to take care of them. Why would I take care of them? We're distracted. Sorry, teacher, you heard what I'm saying? Like, we alert this thing to us. That's what I was trying to think. Like, could we fight it?

Can we attack it? I suppose you could. Maybe you could go to one of those toilets that it exploded out of and learn more. I just, I wasn't in the room, so I don't know. But to answer your question, Mara Anderson has a positive blood, just like the other victims. Okay. Just like the blood they stole from that hospital. Yeah, we're not going to the hospital. The doll maker only...

eats A positive blood. Does anybody have A positive blood here? Francis. I have O blood, which... Never mind. Blake Lively, a dull spark finally burns in your brain. Ah, I do have A positive. Oh, okay. I remember because we all need to know it in the military. Yes. Oh, sure. Great. That's what was on my dog tag. That wasn't an evaluation of my skills. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

I'm doing so good, it's war. What if we set up a trap around a toilet bowl and then cut Blake and drop some of his blood in the water? That's a great idea. And then I would balance up on the fucking countertop and then just put my foot right in the... My gun foot right in the fucking toilet bowl. And the second I see an eye, just pow! Yes, exactly. We could make like a little scarecrow in a position as if it's just coming off the toilet. Like it just went over to...

And it's one of those people that like, I think you lost me. It stands up a little bit. It's a stand-up wiper. It's a stand-up wiper. It's a stand-up wiper. Right? And we smear that scarecrow. Oh, right. We can just go to the toilet scarecrow department at local Ralph's. It doesn't have to be a scarecrow made for toilets. They do make them. Does she have any? So, you know, like, what is, we make like a figure that looks like it's just getting out of the toilet. We cover it in Blake's blood. So this thing's going to, ooh,

Like slither out and see the silhouette of a person and smell the blood. And then when it goes to leap out of the toilet to attack it, because I wanted to leap out of the toilet. Well, it's going to make the toilet explode. Yeah. Okay. Something we'd have to be ready for. Yeah. But I think we should like make some sort of snare, you know, like King Kong when they like capture King Kong.

Yeah. Yeah. So we need like something to capture it when it comes out and then you can shoot it in the eye. Okay. And no offense to you. I just think the risk of you trying to shoot it in the milliseconds it takes. No, I agree. I agree. I think we try to capture it as it comes out. Now that you're a witch, do you know any spells about slowing things down? No, I know one exactly. I get one.

I get one. What did that spell do again? I get one spell. What does it do? I can, oh. Oh. It opposed pow. Pow is probably going to be pretty fucking strong, huh? I mean, I don't know. We're going to have to do some rules against it no matter what. Yeah. Okay, you know, I'll do my best. So wait, what does rat do? What it does is essentially incapacitates you for a little bit of time. Like you're overcome with pain. It's pretty awful, honestly. I feel, you know, it's not great that I do it, but you know.

It's not great that I cast this spell. It's a pretty crazy power. It's just one more thing I don't like about my mom. She does it too. Yeah. It totally wrecks your body. It's almost like feeling like you're like struck by lightning almost. And then probably feels a little bit like you got poisoned afterwards. And then for minutes afterwards, you're, you know, you're sick and you feel awful. Blake, you have a pretty good understanding of the way the plumbing works. Is there some sort of like. Scarecrow. Yeah. Did they sell a scarecrow? Yeah, true. You'll be a sly sword. I could.

It strikes me that if we want to bait and trap this, it's a little bit like fishing. It's like ice fishing. Yes. Where you wait over the hole.

And you bait the hole. Yeah. The hole explodes. And then the hole explodes. The difficulty, of course, is that this monster, we have seen the damage it has wrought. How damaged was the bathroom at Roz's? The toilet had basically exploded from when this thing burst out of it. Okay, burst out. How big is this thing when you saw it? We didn't get a close look at it. Okay. It was...

It was hard to discern its form from the rustling corn we saw. Just a shifting. It was like a chameleon. You couldn't quite fix your eye on it. Dr. Dog, what's the strongest cage you've got? The strongest cage? Like a dog. Like a bad dog. I have a cage for men. Oh, okay. Well, we'll use that. That's great. Instead of wedding rings? No.

We put the cage over the toilet, right? It bursts out of the toilet. We don't know how strong it is. Hopefully it won't also explode the cage, but even if it does, it'll probably slow it down. We literally will have a chute out of the toilet into the cage, and the only thing that will be in that cage is it in a scarecrow position. LAUGHTER

Into the position of a half squat wife. Oh, Blake, do you have your War Prophet? Do you have any of your names? I do have an arsenal, but it was in my place. Oh, yeah, your house. Oh, man. I got a shotgun. I got a gun. Oh.

Oh, wait. You do? And it's a nice one, too. Okay. Cool. Trudy pulls out the biggest handgun you've ever seen in your life. That's really great. Whoa! Isn't that so big? The ice-cooled Dr. Doc is like, whoa, that's a big gun. Yeah, Trudy. My, my, my. Well, that's three shots at it right away. We just make sure we're not pointing at each other. I have a gun this well. I think our old friend, Tony Collette, has something to teach us about this. Blake, you remember the contraption he made. Mm.

Ah, yes, I do. For room to shoot a gun from a distance. You disarmed it, if I remember. Yeah. Oh, with a booby trap? A booby trap. And in doing so, I noticed a number of critical vulnerabilities that I have corrected in my own mind in case I needed to deploy. We rig up every gun we have to be able to shoot at the pull of a trigger. And they all come out into the cage. Yes. Because they're lured there by a scarecrow covered in blood. With a recording that's like, oh, I'm bloodthirsty.

Oh, is this toilet paper red? Oh, no. I wiped too hard. You're wasting gold. Keep it safer for the moment. This is great. Wait, wait, wait. Can we splice the Tony tape? Hamburgers. I'm bleeding. If you go back to Tony's, I will let you search for extra Tony audio tape to see if you can edit together a message where Tony says his ass is bleeding. All of us could just say it. Yeah, we could just say,

I think this is worth a shot. BB, after hearing all this riffing, goes, okay, I think this riffing has gone on long enough. I don't think I'm ready to fully be a teacher yet. Why don't you teach us all what you want all of us to do? Watch and learn, kid. Dr. Dog, get your cage for men for some reason. Put it over the toilet. I'm not putting it over the toilet for, I'm not part of your team. This isn't a discussion. This is, I'm telling you what you're going to do. So put it over the toilet.

I'll tell you one thing. Either you're putting it over the toilet or one of us is putting it over the toilet. Put it over the toilet. I don't want to do it. All right, friend. Sven, Tor, put it over the toilet. Okay. All right, great. We're going to avenge your mother or save her. Trudy? Yes. You think you can make a scarecrow?

I know I can. Can you make it like this? And I kind of like do the stance. I'm like, I'm standing up to wipe. That's going to be a really, the center of gravity is going to be so far forward. That's going to be really difficult. Can you make it like this? This? Oops. Did I do that?

Well, it'll be hard without my sewing machine. Oh, but BB, BB, you got a badge in sewing, right? I sure did. All right. Just help out Trudy here. You can count on us. We'll get it done. Okay. Francis, Blake, you two are going to rig up the guns.

So that you can, with one trigger, one pull of a rope, can be all shot. Is my gun detachable from my stump? Oh, your gun is... I was asking you. I think we don't need to use your gun. I don't want you close there, Francis. There's no reason to sacrifice. No, I'm saying if we need another gun, we can take my leg off and put it in the gun trap. Hear me out, Francis. We don't know how the time dilation and all that nonsense works. It may be good to have a backup gun further away. Okay, that makes sense. Francis, are you on good terms with...

Brunhilde? I don't know, Francis. Are we on good terms now? Does she want to kill this thing? I'm just wondering because it would be crazy. No, because I want to kill it. She doesn't like doing things I like to do. I would be willing. Really? To help you kill this monster. Okay. In exchange. Oh, goddammit. For one freebie.

Van Freebie. What's she saying, Francis? That I get and I won't be one of your friends. And no one in this room. No one in this room. No one in this room. But I want Van Freebie, Francis. And not Ross. And not Carly. And not Carly. And not anyone related to us directly by blood.

I just want Francis. You never take me out to kill anybody anymore. We never sleep together. Well, I just... You always say you're tired. I feel like I have been expressing my needs in this relationship and you are not giving me anything. So I'm just saying, I am trying to make this work. You're right. I am stuck with you just as much as you are stuck with me, my nair.

All I'm saying is I will help you shoot this and you, oh, you could save the little babies and little Timmy. Oh, yes, you'd be the big hero. What's she saying now? Nothing. It's fine. I want my freebie, Francis. Okay, she's asking for a freebie. So, like, at some point I'm going to have to kill somebody innocent in order to do this. Okay, we can probably figure out a way. So that feels like a later problem. Yeah, like a hall pass.

A hard pass. I like this. Francis, this is your decision. I think we can find a way to make it work without. I was just thinking that. Don't listen to what I want. My freebie, Francis. How are you going to be more useful than just like any other gun? Sales guns can't shoot for shit. I can give you one automatic success. One automatic success. She can aim. She's like an automated gun, essentially. I'm a very accurate gun.

Okay. You got a deal. Okay. They all witness. You all witness. What does your gun say? Tell them they all witness. You're all witnesses. It's notarized. To what? That I'm going to kill an innocent person later, I guess, in exchange for this. But we're going to help you. We're all in this together.

this now. We're all going to commit. We're all going to commit. Yeah, we're all going to figure it out how to maybe not have to do that, but I know we shouldn't say it out loud because Bernilla can hear us talk. Oh, she's such a scamp, Zickelsy. I know she is a scamp. Oh, she's such a scamp. I think the less we say, the better in this situation. So let's just do... Hey, Francis. Yeah.

I think all good relationships have compromise and I'm proud of us. I agree with that. That's fair. I'm proud of us. We come to the compromise. I am too. And also, can you put like a shoe on the barrel? I just, I'm getting a lot of dirt in the barrel of the gun when you walk around. So maybe like a shoe or a sock. Yeah. Uh,

Let me have a spare sock. Thank you, love. And then I'm going to collect blood from Blake. You're going to collect blood? Well, that's, you know, that's the Kelsey Raza. She hasn't gotten a job yet and we need the A positive blood. Okay. So Trudy and BB and BB are going to make a scarecrow. Yes. Do you want to build a scarecrow? I think it really just stuffed like some shirts, you know? I mean, I guess that is what it's going to grow. I'm going to give my all. Okay. Do you do the pose again? Yeah. Okay. It's like. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah

If you want to see a picture of Glass doing the pose, we'll have that on our page. It's just, you gotta have your face that's like, ooh, was that a mistake to stand up a little bit? And it's like, oh no.

And, you know, you don't have to worry about the center of gravity because you can just lean the forehead against the cage. Oh, yeah. Yeah. We've been to the world's first squatty body. Just remind me, why are we killing this thing again? I mean, it's a monster and we get it. We can save Timmy. Oh, wait. We need to kill it, right? That's a great point. How are we going to get its venom to save Timmy? Don't shoot it until it's bit the butt of the scarecrow. The scarecrow will collect.

So you're going to put some sort of venom bladder in the scarecrow. It doesn't disappear when it's dead. Yeah. We'll just take it from the corpse. Yes. But if it's like blown up or something, I don't know. It's not going to blow. We're going to shoot it right in the eye. Okay. Yes. Yes. It'll be fine. But maybe the butt of the scarecrow had some sort of bladder. Make it with like, you know, like a lot of notes on a scarecrow. You're not helping build. You're right. You're right. You're right.

That's my job. That's my job. I'm going to look for some sort of like... Well, you're a vet office. There's going to be tons of weird ladders and like... Yeah. That's what I'm looking for. I just think there's a lot of like scope creep with this. Did I say that right? He did. Yay! Brutal doesn't even have a scope. So there needs to be a sharp component to the butt. Don't worry about the butt. Okay. The butt's now my domain on the Scarecrow. My domain! You worry about everything else.

I'm going to put Blake's blood on like a bunch of toilet paper and we're going to put that toilet paper like in the hand of the scarecrow for maximum realistic effect.

He's like leaning backwards like, what? All right, last question. I've never been more excited to see the episode art. I think after six years we managed to outdo somebody in a bag of holding on top of a bear with a flaming sword and all that shit. All right, last question. Where is this all happening? The bathroom. What bathroom? This bathroom. Doctor dogs? Yeah, we're here.

fucking excuse me no no i'm not even gonna be cool and mysterious about this it's the one bathroom that is the easiest one to access the mcdonald's bathroom that's a lot of stuff to bring to mcdonald's don't worry i'll make a big order to cover i like that plan i am hungry no that's fair i came up with a lot of the plan i think

I think it's only fair that you guys can come up with moving it all to McDonald's. We can prototype it here, but not put the bait in the trap. You guys have to leave. I need to open my vet. I have actual sick pets that I care about more than anyone here. Please help my dog. He's wearing sunglasses and he's on a skateboard. And then we're going to McDonald's? Hell yeah, dude. We have poop scarecrow at home. What's nice about that is if we get the van, we can celebrate right away. It's already via McDonald's.

Who about to blow up the toilet at McDonald's, Matt? This is like a riddle. A group of people blew up a toilet and then ate at McDonald's. What happened? Holy shit.

Let me see if I understand the roles and what's happening and who's doing what and where, et cetera, et cetera. Okay. The plan is to lure the doll maker into a toilet. To come out of a toilet. Because we've been told that that's what they do. There's going to be a man-sized cage over the toilet. Yep. And a scarecrow that looks like Blake. White.

wiping its scarecrow ass. You guys are going to chum the toilet water with A positive blood. It might just be a bucket of blood. Scarecrow's just, you know, a little whimsy for the plan. No, we don't need a bucket because that would kill him. That's true. Draw Blake's blood. Yeah. Put it in the toilet. The scarecrow is there to sell the illusion that someone just pooped blood into the toilet. So the creature will jump up to try to do whatever it does. Yes. Okay, that makes sense. And Trudy's making the scarecrow. Trudy's making the scarecrow with BB.

Kelsey has taken the responsibility of creating the bladder that hopefully the thing injects the venom into. So that you have. Yeah, that's just extra because I feel like if we shoot it, you can extract venom from a dead creature. But just in case I'm making the scarecrow have a jelly, but a jelly, but here's what it is. I look in the lobby. Hmm.

There's one of those little like squishy, like hoppy balls for kids that are waiting. You know how they got like little toys for kids? Squishy hoppy ball. You know the ones with the little handle? It's like a bouncy ball with a handle. I was like, oh, of course. I'm looking at a Little Tikes mega bouncing hopper ball. Yeah. There's like, I see the section that they have for like, you know, they got Maxxums for the adults and little toys for the kids. And I see that. Do you say they have Maxxum for adults? I said magazines. They have Maxxum magazines?

of my eyes. No, no. They have Maxim for adults. That's different. That's Playboy. I'll allow it. We put that on the butt. I guess we should also have two needles, one to extract the blood from Blake and one to extract the venom from the doll maker. Great. You don't want to reuse that needle probably. Probably not. Probably not. I mean, we could reuse it on the doll maker. Who cares if the doll maker gets sick?

yeah. Yeah. That's true. As long as the order's right. Just don't reuse it after that. The primary thing, and this is why I'm like, again, I'm sure I'm gonna be proven wrong. I feel like this is a fucking, the most 100% plan we've ever had. Because,

As long as our information is correct. And we've, you know, American history has proven sometimes we don't have the correct information and we make actions based off of the wrong information. We don't know what we don't know that. But assuming the information is correct. We know also that it's eyes the weak point. And the problem is that, yes, it's like fucking smog. It's like you can't just shoot the dragon. You guys shoot it in the one spot. So we know the eyes the weak point. This is the other part of the plan is that Francis is.

and Blake are going to rig up an elaborate gun booby trap. - Oh yes. - With all of the guns pointed at the toilet that can be pulled with a string or something to fire. And in case that doesn't work,

Francis has caught a Faustian bargain with Brunhilde and is getting a freebie for a freebie and will be primed to shoot the eye with Brunhilde. And that shot. 100% success. And that's why I'm putting all my money on fucking black, whatever, number three, exactly where we get the most money. That's what you can call me now, black number three. Because you have an instant success. The bathroom that's been chosen for this op is the McDonald's bathroom.

Yes. Famously, the easiest bathroom you can get into. Yeah, I figure we're all like hunched over the table like you're planning a cool heist and there's like fun minifigures on like a table and like maps and stuff. Blake goes up to Kelsey, puts a hand on her shoulder.

Kelsey? Yes? Are you sure this is what is going to happen? I mean, I'm pretty sure. Where else are you going to get confidence like that? That's right. We're a team and we can do this. We can do this. If everybody else has a better plan. Wait, that's not possible. Two big backs, guys. Okay. Let's do this. Let's do this.

It's not the end of the morning. You spend your morning putting together this dynamite crackerjack plan. I feel like the booby trap. We will roll to rig that up at the bathroom. Sure. Tor not Sven, because Sven is blind, disassembles the cage with the help of Dr. Dog, who adds it to your bill that she's going to be sending you later. Her personal man-sized cage.

Trudy, you're taking point on Operation Scarecrow. How are you going to assemble this scarecrow? What's your plan? Well, I look around me, and frequently scarecrows are made of things that are lying around. And so what do I see? You're at a vet. So whatever. I see a dead cat. Oh, look, these two broomsticks would be perfect feet. Yes, I see two broomsticks, and I put them up a foot.

Go ahead, Beth. Go ahead. I put them... No, I just... I put them up and then I'm going to put a body around it. And what is that going to consist of? The body is going to be a big bag of dog food. Okay. Trudy, will this help? I found some scrubs. I throw her scrubs. Kelsey, this is kind of like... Oh, you're right. I'm sorry. I'm micromanaging. Okay. You do you. I'm not even going to look. I'm not even going to look. I'm watching, though. I put the...

I put the scrubs on the body, and then I think as the arms, there's two stethoscopes that I will use as little noodle arms coming off the side. And then I think this...

globe will do nicely as a head and i will take yes of course the vet needs to know where they are in the 1950s that's the only way you could tell where world war ii was so everybody had globes there's no google maps and then this poster that has this cat on it that says is your cat getting into mischief

It's going to be put on the globe so that it looks like a face. What else is there? BB's like, uh, Trudy, we haven't done the legs yet. How is it going to stand up? Remember the pose? The pose, of course. Yes. Yes. Hmm. Hmm. Okay. So it seems like there would be a two-factor leg situation going on here. Yes. My, my. What else would they have? Do you want to ask Kelsey for help?

I feel like Kelsey knows how to do that. I just, I kind of feel like Kelsey. Kelsey's in the corner looking kind of bored and lonely. Twiddling her thumbs. Kelsey? Oh, yes, Trudy. If you were to put together some legs out of veterinary objects that may be around here, what would you do? Are you asking?

Okay. Great. You must bend a knee before Kelsey will assist you. No, I'd love to help you. I pick up the closest chair. I see this wooden. I just snap two of its legs off. I go, Dr. Dog, we'll deal with this later. All we need is bandage tape. And we can just tape it into like a little angle. Yes. So that you're in that sort of pose. You know, a pose, a pose when you're kind of getting up from the toilet. You're not quite sure if you're getting all the way up or sitting down and you got wipe because maybe it's a little far back there. Yes. And then. Ooh.

Don't worry about it. And then we're going to get a magnet from the bulletin board. We're going to tape it near where the butt would be. And then the stethoscope, the noodle arm, will be coming around and stick to the magnet. So it'll look like it's wiping. That's good. That's so good. Oh, you can use the magnet to trap a piece of toilet paper in. Yes. Yes. Okay. And that's where we'll put Blake's blood. Okay.

Okay, so I love the toilet paper. That looks great. Matt trying to make it a reality that it looks great so he doesn't have to roll for it. So far, the legs are two broken pieces of wood. With shoes on the end. With paws.

All right. Yes, my bowling shoes. Your bowling shoes. Yes, of course. And we'll stuff it with a bunch of paper and stuff. Of toilet paper, yes. And then these bills. Wrap it with bandage tape. Yes. We use a lot of the bandage tape. Yes. Hundreds of dollars. Some psychopaths can cosplay this. Some psychopaths can cosplay this. So you are talking about, just again, I'm not, look, Matt, I'm rooting for you. I want you to say it. But we're not.

For all of you. For us. We're a team. We all agree to this plan. Yes. But I'm just, as the DM, I would be remiss if I didn't point out the legs need to support the weight of a 50-pound bag of dog food. Of course. I know what to do. What? Yes. We put another magnet on the wall of the McDonald's and make the other noodley. Holding on to it. When did the skimmer grow become the most important part of this plan? I don't know. I don't know.

You could also just remove some of the dog food and fill it filled with like tissue paper. Okay. Okay. Just because it is funny to me. Why don't the two of you collaborate on a drawing of what this scarecrow looks like? Oh, that's funny. I love that. I'm not a very good artist. I'll draw it on the back of the Peachyville map. I would

I would like to give a rousing speech to my team before we go forward. Blake, listen. Okay. Trudy's going to give a speech. Stop whatever you're doing. I was tying the strings to the triggers, but I will stop. You can give your speech. We're going to do a performance roll. Does well. The team gets advantage on their rolls to assemble the booby trap and the scarecrow and bluff their way into the bathroom. If it goes poorly, you're rolling a disadvantage.

Kelsey. Yes. Do you remember that one game against the bouncing frogs where we were in frame seven and you got a 7-10 split on your first bowl? And you thought, there's no way. There's no way to pick up the square. I remember what you told me. Yes. Take no responsibility in this game.

Kelsey, you got a 7-10 split. It's not possible. I'm not going to get it. Oh, no. I don't know what to do. What if you just pretend that the pins know each other and that they want to go into the abyss together? That's some crazy shit to say. I'm still alive in this flat. Tony, you got literally a 20 on all 10 frames. That's the worst score ever.

Why do we keep him around again? For my charm. That's right. He's a real charmer. I need to reunite them. They want to be back together. Yes. And this ball is just a tool. The tool. To help them. Yes. It's not something I'm knocking down. It's two pins I'm bringing together. That's true. Okay. And so that's what I said then. But now. I didn't get it, but it was such a nice thing. Yes.

I'm still waiting for that first seven ten split I get. And Francis, do you remember when I told you to take down those bumpers and proudly roll whether or not you get a gutter ball or a strike? It's just about getting down the lane. You're right. But not with your body because it's with the ball. I mean, the first time I did go down with my body because my fingers were still in the holes. But you're right. I was going to keep playing bumpers. I did. I did.

I did. I was going to keep playing bumpers forever until you convinced me I could do it without. And it took about six months for me to find out how to not throw gutter balls, but I got there eventually. It's amazing that the competitive bowling league you were in was kind of like, why don't your guys play with bumpers? That's why they made me get rid of the bumpers. Because we were starting the competitive part. Yes. We had a deadline. And me, do I remember? What you told Tony? What I told Tony. Tony, I don't think it's worth it.

I don't know if we should be a team anymore. You can't get rid of me. You've already signed up with me.

It's true. You get rid of me, you get rid of this whole stupid team. It's not a stupid team. Francis, bring me my drink. I'm about to bowl. Oh, he's so charming. That's why we keep him around. He's the worst player, but the most fun. He's so on the up and up. I am getting cat vibes from him, though. And I told myself that someday I'm going to stop using a nine pound ball and use an 11 pound ball.

And I'm on a 10 right now. You are a 10, sweetie. Oh, wow. All this to say that when a plan comes together, we'll know it's right. Yeah. And that's just what the... Yes, hello. Hi, it's me, Milton. Hi, Milton. There's a lot more people in the plan than just the four of you. Did you have anything inspiring to say to me and Bebe and Blake and Sven and Tor? Yes, y'all. Um...

We're all ears. Yes. Just if you. I just want to say before you say whatever you say, it's been really hard for me lately because I lost my eyes and my mom has been possessed by this monster and I'm really scared and I'm part of the team and I just, you know, I think a really inspiring, powerful word to really make or break me right now. Oh. He's not doing anything important, so don't stress out. Don't stress out about it. Just give him some words. Yes, of course. Kelsey, thank you. Milton.

Don't stress out about it. Okay. Yes. All right. Well, yeah, I'll try not to, I guess. Hey, Milton. Yeah? You already look a little less stressed.

I'm kind of sick of how mean you guys are to me. Oh, oh my God. That was not the time built. No, I know. Well, you're right. Know what? Even though we're adults, we still make mistakes and we're very stressed right now, but that's not an excuse to put it out on you. I know you're scared, but your mom's safe in the car and everything we're going to do now is going to help her. Okay. And I'm sorry that we've maybe not been the kindest to you. Okay.

Also, you know, get it together a little bit. It's got a lot going on. Get in the scarecrow, Shinji! And I know you're a strong kid. And I think BB could use your help. But you're good. You're a strong kid. Your mom's going to be proud of you when we're done with this, okay? We got this. Fucking jerk. Finally. Finally, he says, like, mean about me and he won't stop creeping on me.

- Finally gave him the egg. - I don't need this anymore. All right, give me a roll. - Do you have modifiers based on the quality of that speech? - I'm gonna be generous and say no. - I'm gonna be generous and say no is a good DM line. - Persuade? - Roll whatever you like. - Nice. - Roll Spud It. - But tell me what it is before you do it so that I know that it's not malarkey. - I'm gonna roll Psychology. - Oh, interesting, all right. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yay! Okay, I had a 42 in psychology and I got a 17. All right! Super success! Super success! All right, everyone has advantage on their role for their part of the plan. All right, gather around, everybody. We have the drawing. Matt, can you hold it up for my camera?

So, there's brooms. Uh-huh. And, like, leg chairs. And that's the bouncy ball. They're plugged into it. Going back to the beginning, this is obviously the... And then the...

Obviously the what? The bouncy ball. The bouncy ball. And then the stethoscopes are one magnetically to the wall and then one to the butt. And the tissue paper on the butt. Beth, can you hold this for a second? There's one part of this drawing that's left out of me. I want to ask about that.

What is that sticking out of the butt? That's tissue paper. That's tissue paper. I see. Okay. Yeah, you fool. Okay, I see it now. All right. Did you go to art school? That's a globe on its head and then the poster. He should have gone to art school. It's really good. Are you guys proud of what you've done here? I think you should be, yes. It was your idea, too.

Dear listener, you may be wondering what this looks like. You will find out on our Patreon. We'll put a post up explaining what this insane, insane drawing looks like there. It looks like a mutant. It's so weird. So here's what we're going to do. It's you, BB, and... You saw what we drew, right? Yes. Okay. I'm just... You still think we need a roll after? And what are we rolling? You could have drawn a fucking nuclear submarine. I still make a roll to build it, Matt.

Give me a let's see what we make this probably like a spot hidden I Assume none of you guys have anything in art slash craft. That's a thing. Yeah, that's under I have 50 you have 15 art slash craft I 50 yards. Yeah, I'm a teen or 1550 Perfect we're gonna make this an arts and crafts roll. I was BB half BB has five points. I feel Super success, okay, that's good. You got an 87 62

you both were such a big help. I just, I gave the plan, but you guys really put it together. Thank you so much, Rudy and BB. Okay, great. So this thing is built. What kind of success did you get? That's a super, it's got 25. Oh, you got a super success. 25. So yeah, exactly. Wow. It actually shockingly even has like a bit of a Blake lively resemblance to it. Oh,

Wow, that's what I thought looking at the drawing that Matt made. Yeah, you really captured Blake's dump truck ass with the big bouncy ball you put in there. His arms do look like Seth's scopes. That's dump truck ass. Watch it jiggle jiggle. I can't look away. That's dump truck ass cum. Watch it jiggle jiggle. Yes. That's too much. That's too much. The next stages of our operations are going to happen at McDonald's.

Oh, yes. Hell yes. Which means... I've got other things to take care of at the McDonald's bathroom. The only thing we're taking care of is getting this monster. Okay, then can I go to a different bathroom before we go to the McDonald's bathroom? On the way to McDonald's. No, everybody check your bodies. What? Do you need to go potty now? Before we go... All right, let me get mindful. Look at the body scan. Also, Blake and Francis, no words of... Look what we did. Oh. Oh!

Oh, that's John? Oh. Yeah. You just keep saying over and over. Oh, okay. Yeah, so. We're going. That's where. That's the thing we're going to put in the bath. That's the thing. Don't you want to ask the scarecrow if she needs to potty? Because I did a body scan on her. Isn't it supposed to be Blake? Yes, is this not supposed to be me? Oh.

Look at the butt. The resemblance. Look at that juice. Yes. Must be jelly because jam don't shake like that. Oh. Too bad McDonald's doesn't sell pew butter because I would have myself a sandwich. Princess, I just. What? I'm just so glad that you like our scarecrow. Yeah, I approve of it now. All right. You're all buckled in and we're driving. And as long as I don't hear another peep out of you kids, next episode, we're going to McDonald's. Yay. Yay. Yay.

The broken sky. Sword in my eyes. Twisted. That I can see is a hole in the stars. Swallowing my dreams and making them scars. Too far, too far. But I'll stay today.

Thanks so much for listening. If you're willing to support this podcast directly, as well as get a dump truck of additional content in return, then check out patreon.com slash dungeons and dads, because starting at just $5 a month, you can get access to our thriving discord community, the peach pit, which is an after show that we do after every one of these episodes talking about what happened.

Thanks for watching.

at what we have on offer. Dungeons and Daggers is Matt Arnold as Kelsey Grammer, Anthony Burgess, Francis Farnsworth, Will Campos is our DM, Beth May is Trudy Trout, and myself, Freddie Wong is Blake Lively. Our theme song is A Hole in the Stars by Max and Waller. He did that opening as well. Brian Fernandez is our content producer. Ashton Nikola is our community manager. Courtney Terry is our community coordinator. Sydney Denton is our merchandise manager. Esther Ellis is our lead editor. Travis Reeves and Omar Romalino provide additional editing. That Patreon I mentioned earlier, it's full of folks who put this show on their back.

People like Logan Borchardt, Charles Sarensen, Sonder, Lauren, Connor, Kengan22, Rumsy, Keaton Tremble, Impulse, Ben P, Delano Mack, Ty for the memes, Chris Invid, Gianna Cook, Dumpling Defiler, Ryan Carroll, Hayes Finn, Chelsea Gelfer, Caitlin Lancaster, and Max Witt. Join their ranks by supporting us directly on Patreon, patreon.com slash dungeonsanddads, merch and more at dungeonsanddads.com, Beth's solo show, Beth Wants the Ds, playing at the Hollywood Fringe and Edinburgh Fringe. Ticket links in the episode description.

And speaking of episodes, our next one is coming at you May 20th. We'll see you then.

Hey team, I'm fucking proud of what we put together. This is so not going to work. One roll is going to fuck up and I'm going to die. I'm proud of what we put together. Go back down now!

Dungeons and Dice is brought to you this week by Chime. Ding dong, it's bills. Oh, man. It's finance. Why'd I open the door for this? Castle doctrine on bills. Chime understands that every dollar counts. That's why when you set up direct deposit through Chime, you get access to fee-free features like free overdraft coverage, getting paid up to two days early with direct deposit, and more. By the way, here's a really big benefit of having Chime. I'm ready. Fee-free ATMs. Whoa!

Now, listen, I get it. Most of the time you get fee-free ATMs. Whatever. 50,000 fee-free ATMs. Now, here's the thing. That's a lot. I will say this. Normally, when you're tied to a bank and you got those ATMs, you're still looking for the bank. You know what I mean? It's always a pain. Yeah. Chimes all over the place. Okay. Really? Yeah.

I've never seen a Chime ATM in my life. You want to know why? Why? Because they contract with other entities. Ah, okay. So they don't say Chime. They're like Walgreens, they're like 7-Eleven. Okay. And to be clear, 50,000 fee-free ATMs, that's more than the top three national banks combined. Wow. That's convenience right there. Chime is banking done right. You can open the checking account with no monthly fees and no maintenance fees. You get paid up to two days early, like we said, when you set up direct deposit.

And with a qualifying direct deposit, you're eligible for fee-free overdraft up to $200 on debit card purchases and cash withdrawals. To date, Chime has spotted members over $30 billion. And again, 50,000 fee-free ATMs. Like, come on. The convenience. The convenience. I can't handle it. Work on your financial goals through Chime today. Open the account in two minutes at Chime.com slash daddies. That's Chime.com slash daddies. Chime. Feels like progress.

DUNGEONS AND DADDIES DUNGEONS AND DADDIES DUNGEONS AND DADDIES DUNGEONS AND DADDIES DUNGEONS AND DADDIES DUNGEONS AND DADDIES DUNGEONS AND DADDIES DUNGEONS AND DADDIES DUNGEONS AND DADDIES DUNGEONS AND DADDIES DUNGEONS AND DADDIES DUNGEONS AND DADDIES DUNGEONS AND DADDIES DUNGEONS AND DADDIES DUNGEONS AND DADDIES DUNGEONS AND DADDIES DUNGEONS AND DADDIES DUNGEONS AND DADDIES DUNGEONS AND DADDIES DUNGEONS AND DADDIES DUNGEONS AND DADDIES DUNGEONS AND DADDIES DUNGEONS AND DADDIES DUNGEONS AND DADDIES DUNGEONS AND DADDIES DUNGEONS AND DADDIES DUNGEONS AND DADDIES DUNGEONS AND DADDIES DUNGEONS AND DADDIES DUNGEONS AND DADDIES DUNGEONS AND DADDIES DUNGEONS AND DADDIES DUNGEONS AND DADDIES DUNGEONS AND DADDIES DUNGEONS AND DADDIES DUNGEONS AND DADDIES DUNGEONS AND DADDIES DUNGEONS AND DADDIES DUNGEONS AND DADDIES DUNGEONS AND DADDIES DUNGEONS AND DADDIES DUNGEONS AND DADDIES DUNGEONS AND DADDIES DUNGEONS AND DADDIES DUNGEONS AND DAD

Shopify. Those of you entrepreneurs out there. That's me. You're an entrepreneur. What do you do, Matt? Yeah, what do you do, Matt? Pitch me, shark. Check this out. You play Dungeons and Dragons, right? I do. Imagine you could make money doing that by playing it for other people. Oh, wow. On your phone anytime you want. Well, I have to call it? Yep. You called 1-800-DUNGEONSANDDADDIES and we will just do it for you. So if you call our number, you pay $1.99 and then we play us playing Dungeons and Dragons. And by the way, if you hang up,

You got to call again and pay again. That sounds like a gangbusters idea why we probably should have some merch. Prepaid phone cards. If we were to do merch, I'll tell you where we'd go. We'd go to Shopify to get that going. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world. Our business, DungeonsandDads.com, if you go to our merch store, Shopify is the back end there. And 10% of all e-commerce in the U.S.,

You can easily create email and social media campaigns wherever your customers are scrolling or strolling. That's good. Yeah, real-life integration, POS integration, point-of-sale Anthony. Hundreds of ready-to-use templates. You can get that look, that vibe, that website looking real hot. That merch drip. Best yet, Shopify is your commerce expert with world-class enterprise in everything from managing inventory to international shipping to processing returns and beyond. World-class enterprise. Engage. If you're ready to sell, you're ready to...

For Shopify, main screen, turn your big business idea into money with Shopify on your side. The login must be drawn. Ha! David. Data. David. What's your favorite TNG character? Mine's Dave. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at Shopify.com. Go to Shopify.com. Shopify.com.

Dungeons and Daggers is brought to you this week by Greenlight. You know what they say? What? Money doesn't grow on trees. Ah, it doesn't. But the paper for money does. Paper is actually literally trees, if you think about it. Mm-hmm.

That sort of nuance is not generally available to us, but that's where Greenlight steps in. Greenlight's a debit card and money app made for families that helps kids learn how to save, invest, and spend wisely. Parents out there. That's me. Send your money to the kids. Keep an eye on your kids spending and saving. Kids out there. There's games. Get those gotcha games. No, no. The games that Greenlight provides is about building money, confidence, and skills. Ah.

Not about pulling for rare skins. Yeah, get your kids off those phone games that cost money and put them on Greenlight and play some games that teach them how to save money. Imagine if Greenlight used gacha mechanics. So their chores feature, you can set up a one-time recurring chores. Or if you do five chores in a row, you're guaranteed...

loot boxes with allowance loot boxing with allowance this might be a moral green light doesn't engage in such immoral money schemes but i wish i had it i'll tell you what because i'll tell you the number of times that there was a fluctuating uh value for mowing the lawn because it was normally i'll be like i was like 20 bucks but my mom and dad were always like no it's five to ten and it's mostly five and i'm like but sometimes it'd be ten but that's it was arbitrary but you turned out all right freddie yeah i i'm in the

That's greenlight.com slash dungeons to get started. Greenlight.com slash dungeons.

If you're anything like us, you love attention. And my favorite way to get all eyes on me is with next level shiny, glossy hair. Which is why we're so excited to tell y'all about the new LaMeller Gloss Collection from the girlies at TRESemmé. And gigglers, we've got you too. Because TRESemmé partnered with us to bring you 1-800-GLOSS,

a special bonus episode of Giggly Squad where Hannah and I give advice on all things hair and giving gloss. Check out the episode and grab the Lamella Gloss Collection today because I'm officially declaring this spring gloss season.