317: Sister (Part 2)
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Hey, man. What are you into? I have the hookup. The hookup? The hookup for what? I'm solving a mystery through sex and haven't made a private dick joke until now? Poppers? Why are there so many poppers? All roads lead to the hookup. You think it's causing people to turn aggro? I'm going to rip your arms off and use them to... Yeah, that's a word for it. Listen to The Hookup on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

Come to me.

Come to me. I can't promise I won't judge you, but I can guarantee that I will help you. Listen to Carefully Reckless on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On this episode of The Mess Around, we have a very special guest.

Team Bishop. Come on now. Let's go. Let's go. Lamorne and I talked a lot about it. Valentine's. We were like, what can we give that's a love letter to the fans? From a Winston point of view and a Hannah point of view, there's nothing better than Ferguson.

I love how you say Winston point of view, but Hannah point of view. Well, because Lamorne does not like cats and it's not like Cece was that into them either. But if we sit there and do a little meta universe situation, we both somehow are into this cat. So I'm leaning in. Sometimes you got to lean in. Sometimes you got to lean in. This is a special drop we're doing. We did a little...

Cool vintage style athletic tee for Team Bishop. Go Fergs. And you can find it at TheMessAroundPod.com and get your own. Did the shirt make you stronger? Yeah. I mean, that's what I was going to say. Why take creatine? Why do steroids? Why do any of those things when you can get this shirt? Let's make you look jack, bro. Let's make you look like Terry Crews. Yeah.

I feel like if Terry Crews had to put on even like our large, he would just like bust out. Possibly. There's also, I can't show you because it would cause a whole thing. But you know our label says babe? I didn't even know that. It's so cute. Here's the other little detail of our label. If you get a large, it's a big babe. And if you get a small, we got all these cute little strings. You know what I like to do? I like to lay down with a babe and then a little babe and a big babe. You know what I'm saying? Just surrounding me. Oh my gosh. Can you see my breath?

It's that cold in here. I thought you said something else. What? Lamorne, my mom listens to the podcast. Well, stop being a hoe. I just like laughed so hard and I was like, what is that? Is he very dusty in here?

Or you have a ghost. You have a ghost. Can I tell you a story before we jump into the episode? Yeah, tell me a story. I come home and my room, my bedroom, spotless, right? Just had it cleaned. I just did a whole thing. I did laundry. I did all this stuff, right? And I leave. I go to this event. I come home. Now, there are a few people in my house. My sister's there. Kyle's there.

I have a buddy out of town visiting, but no one goes in my room. Like it's like out of the way to go into someone's bedroom. But I go in there and as I'm getting, like I'm taking my suit off and I keep walking past my, I have like a little sitting area in my room and I have two couches, like two chairs, like comfortable chairs. One of them is turned on its back and it's a heavy chair. So what I did was like, it's a, when I say heavy, I mean, it's like,

It will take some effort for you to actually, like, turn it upside down. I'm thinking maybe there was an earthquake. I mean, I don't know what happened. And I'm asking, has anyone been in my room? Everyone's saying no. No one knows. I tell this to Alicia. You know Alicia? Mm-hmm. And she immediately breaks out the sage. And she was like, uh-uh. Hell no, Elle. She's like, uh-uh. There's a ghost in this house. And she...

Lights the stage and starts walking around saying a prayer all through my room. And she got me so paranoid that I started like being suspicious. And I was like, is there a ghost in here? And I'm having conversations with it because I'm like, oh, who lifted this chair, put on his back. I didn't find out the next day. Sam, my assistant, she has a dog.

The dog. Either a strong person or a pit bull can knock that chair over. And that's what happened. She said, oh, I saw it. I just forgot to go. You know what's so funny is my first thought was, is, man, it was just Alicia. If she brought out that stage that fast. Yeah.

I thought they were doing a bitch. I was like, come on. You were in there being like, you know what? This is a cute spot for a selfie. I'm going to go take a picture. Oh, no. Lamp's home. I knocked over the chair. Shoot. He noticed. Ah! Ghost. Sage. Anything. Not human. But she didn't. You're innocent, Alicia. I'm sorry. She's innocent. She's innocent. You're innocent. You had good intentions. But she's still guilty of trying to frighten me in my own house.

You have to go that far. Someone's trying to haunt and kill you. What? How is she frightening your boy like that? I don't like to be frightened. Me either. I truly, I do not watch any scary movies. I don't listen to any scary podcasts. Nothing. Why? Why do it? Some people love it though. I remember someone being like, oh, I go home and like on the weekends I watch like Texas Chainsaw Massacre. It's so fun to me. And I'm like, what?

You know what? Well, I do enjoy a good scary film. Do you really? Yeah, yeah. Halloween, those are my favorites. No way. Well, here's why I like horror films. Here's why I like horror films. I like horror films because...

You can learn from the mistakes of the white characters in the films. Because the black characters do the logical stuff, like don't get cast in those movies. Or like get killed first. I don't want to survive the whole night and then die at the end. Just kill me, get it out of the way. I don't want all the terror and the fright. So black people, we know how to die early. We either know how to not be in those movies, die early, or we know how to run the hell away from a killer.

When you watch a scary movie and you see all of the pitfalls that these characters get themselves into, I take that to real life. You understand? In case Michael Myers comes in my house. Why I get scared now, and this is a problem with being in this industry too much, is it's not the movie now that scares me. What happens is when I watch it, my brain goes, there was a guy. There was a guy somewhere sitting in Burbank thinking about these things.

And writing this and then bringing it to life. And that creeps me out more than anything. The idea that somebody was sitting there writing this horrifying, like came up with it. It's always new and more demented and weird. And there's somebody doing that. That's what I don't like. To be like, that's real. The movie's not real, but those thoughts are real in your brain. Yeah, take that Darren Bozeman. That's right. The Saw movies. Scary thoughts. No thank you. It's a pass.

All right. We got to dive in because we're at Sister Act 2. That's right. Sister Act 2. Is that the name of this episode? If Whoopi Goldberg would have popped up in this episode. Come on. It would have been so great. Her or Lauryn Hill? Hell yeah. But this is Sister 2. Sister 2. Yeah. This is a fun one.

Directed by Bill Purple, of course. Ryan Cohen, Love, Rock Hay. Bill Purple, for those of you who don't know, was our first AD. He was our first assistant director for many, many, many, many, many years on New Girl. And then, yeah, got a chance to direct and this is his episode. Love you, Bill. Yeah, he directs a lot of stuff.

The guy's crushing it. Okay, so shall we dive in? Let's dive in. All right. In this episode, Abby announces she's making the loft her permanent home, which means Nick, who famously cannot tell a lie, has to take care of her while Jess looks for a new place for Abby. Meanwhile, Winston, you know, sex machine, is anxious about checking the results of his LAPD entrance exam. So to distract himself, he books Coach as his personal trainer for the day.

To make things even more awkward for everyone, Abby and Schmidt have started doing nasty stuff to each other. I'm talking melted chocolate, ropes, bondage, apples. This actually sounds pretty good. And maybe even just his glasses. It just makes me hungry listening to it. I know. I was like, chocolate, melted chocolate, apples. All right. Oh. 2020 vision? I don't know what the problem is here. Nothing like bondage on ice. Imagine if that was like an ice capade shop.

We're a sex positive. Come down to the crypto center. Bondage on ice. Featuring all your favorite BDSM characters. Oh, no. Okay, we're doing great, you guys. Okay, all right. Okay, all right. Okay, so let's go to a quick break, and when we come back, we'll dive right in. Okay.

Okay, so have you ever noticed how we hold back our smiles in awkward situations? Okay, but here's the thing. Sometimes, sometimes a smile can change everything. And Colgate is here to give you the confidence to smile first. Okay, so the other day I walked into a meeting and I just felt like the person I was meeting with was just sizing me up, just staring at me. Super awkward. But I remembered.

smile first. So I did just a quick confident smile. And guess what? They smiled back. Colgate believes a smile can break down walls. And it's true because instantly the whole vibe just changed. Or like last week, I'm at a coffee shop. There's a long line and the barista's flustered.

I smiled first. A, hey, you got this kind of smile. And they smiled back. And the guy behind me even cracked a joke. All because of a simple smile. Smiling first might feel like a bold move, but it helps you put the best version of yourself out there. Colgate helps you show the world your confident smile. Do you remember what you said the first night I came over here? Ow goes lower.

I met Santi at a luau party in October. I'm Santi. Damien. Oh, it was bizarre. The guy just disappeared one day. Santi has been missing ever since. The hookup. What is that? I'm solving a mystery through sex and haven't made a private dick joke until now? Like, no matter how hard I try, all roads lead to... The hookup. You think it's causing people to turn aggro? I'm gonna rip your arms off and use them to...

Yeah, that's a word for it. This is such terrible representation. I'm so sorry. Poppers? These aren't just any poppers. Mama always used to say, God gave me gumption in place of a gag reflex. No, my psychiatrist didn't laugh at that one either. Listen to The Hookup on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors, it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners.

like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome. My name is Paola Pedrosa, a medium and the host of the Ghost Therapy Podcast, where it's not just about connecting with deceased loved ones. It's about learning through them and their new perspective. Join me on the Ghost Therapy Podcast.

Whoa, my lights in my living room just flickered. I'm a little nervous. I'm excited. I'm excited, nervous. You know, I'm a very spiritual person, so I'm like, I'm ready and open. That was amazing. I feel so grateful right now. I got to speak to my great-grandmother, Abuela, and she gave me a lot of really good advice that I'm going to have to really think about. Wow, okay. That's crazy. Yes, that is accurate.

And bondage. Yes!

I'm going to start laughing today for no reason. Because you know what it is? You run out of things. Yes. And at some point, it's possible. Oh, yeah. That someone's going to be like, oh, I think I got a money-making idea. That gimp just did a triple sal cow. Just like this environment where everybody's going to be, like, I guess they'll be dressed in leather. Maybe they won't be freezing. I don't know. That's true. I don't know what it looks like. Okay. All right. Oh, gosh.

Okay, let's get into the episode. Don't get distracted. Okay, so we start the episode off with Skyknife.

You ever play Skyknife? It did. You know what it looked like? It looked like, you know, the water bottle thing that everybody was doing to toss it to see if it could land upright. It's just that with knives. Like the flip. You got to get the flip right. It's a bit more dangerous. A little more dangerous for sure. But if you have a designated area and you're throwing it far enough, you just can't be as they then discover in this moment in the scene in the drop zone. The drop zone needs to be clear. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

That's how we start this episode. A knife is falling from the ceiling as Jess comes in. And, you know, she's about to bite the big one until Nick, like a hero that he is, dies and he tackles her, saving her life. Now, the boys, Jess tells the boys that Abby, she's just causing chaos. And it's only been one week. Yeah. I think that's true, too. Yeah.

You know, not everyone, but you've ever had a visitor that just, you know, you can see it. You can see it before it happens. And then when they get there, you're like, I told you. And then it's happening in real time. And I'm not talking about your husband. Like this is the person that's coming in and making a racket. This is the part that's crazy because I can relate to Jess so much. And maybe it's just like that.

I don't know what it is. Like some people are just built that way where everybody else can seem to have a good time with the situation. Like Abby's not bumping the boys. They're just like, she's fine. Cool. Don't mind her at all. But it's, she just, Jess can just see that this is not okay. It's making things more chaotic, more out of control. And it's just not working for her, but it's hard when you see it and nobody else sees it. Yeah. Yeah.

yeah that's what's going on this whole episode she's just like i feel highly uncomfortable i can't relax this woman makes me crazy and the guys are just like oh my god horrible dynamic horrible because now you got to convince people and you're the sole warrior oh yes you're on a mission alone girl oh yes oh 100 let's see what else is happening in this episode winston

Winston is... Winston. Here's the thing. When she walks up, Linda Cardellini, and she was just like, what are you doing? Looking up how to eat a bagel? Here's what I noticed. At the end of that little interaction between Abby and Winston, when he starts to panic, because she does that failure talk, right? And then you walk out. She eats your bagel. And I was like, oh, is that just her doing one of her little mind fuck things? You know what I mean? Like, ooh, that looks like a delicious bagel.

I'm going to just hit him where it hurts, make him all get tied up and leave and I need his bagel. Like she wasn't actually giving him insight. No. What's going on. She was just playing him to get a bagel. Yeah. She was scheming the whole time. That's right. Just because she wanted to, she wanted his snack. Yeah. Which is, which is great.

It's kind of fair. All right. He fell for it. It was so easy. He could have walked away with his bagel. Yeah. But to be fair, he had to go to a sandwich meeting. So according to him. So he had bread in other places. Yeah. Getting his carbs somewhere else. No.

I don't know. I'm still trying to figure out what was happening in this moment while Nick had pantyhose over his head practicing robbing a bank. What's that movie? It's from a famous Pacino movie. I feel like that moment. I felt like he was doing a reenactment. Yeah, I don't know. I haven't...

Misconception about me. Somebody, a fan, show me, cut a side-by-side of that moment. Isn't that like an old Pacino movie where he's got the pantyhose over his head or De Niro movie? And it's exactly that. You're falling victim to what the rest of the world is falling victim to, Hannah. They ask me this question often because everyone thinks I am a Pacino specialist. I don't know. Point break? Is it in point break when they just shove the pantyhose over their heads? It could be point break because Pacino's not in point break, though.

I know. I'm just trying to go through all the bank robber movies now. Iconic bank robber movies. Is it John Q? Is it Pepe Le Pew? What's happening? All right. Anyway, it's very funny, but I feel like he's doing an homage to someone. He's living out a little moment from a favorite movie, and he gets caught in dirty pantyhose. Why they got to be dirty?

That was the thing, right? When she's like, I hope those are clean. And he's like, enough. And I'm like, okay, what's really happening? Moving along. Yeah, but while this is happening, Jess comes in and needs his help. She's like, hey, I need you to help me figure out what to do with Abby. He doesn't want to get in the middle of it. They get distracted because Winston comes in because he's trying to distract himself. Yeah.

I don't know. It's such a silly running gag that he just doesn't want to check his scores, which I thought was odd. But they played it through the entire episode. So he's trying to procrastinate. And yeah, that's... And then he shoots that message over to Coach as well. And we'll get to that point later. I feel like, are you like that at all? Because I'm like that. If I know, like I'm waiting on news...

And then it's like the text comes through, the email comes through with the results of it or the answer to it. I like all of a sudden will stall.

If it's something I'm really hopeful for, I'll stall. I'll do everything I can to not look at it. I'll like put my phone away for the day and then go finally at the end of the night, go to check it. I don't know what it is. I'd sometimes I just, I'd rather, if I really want something or I'm hopeful for something, there's a moment where it still exists in the waiting, I guess. And then the moment you find out it's either disappointing and you have to deal with that or exciting because it happened and I don't like to rush it. So yeah.

No, not me. I'm like, check it immediately. You're like, I need to know now. You got to get it out of the way. You know, especially, let me tell you something. You ever go get one of those checkups from your doctor and then they say, oh man, this don't look good. You know, we ran your blood and I don't know. And then you come back and you get the results back and they wait. The doctor will call you and go, listen, Lamorne. So yeah, got your results back and yeah.

Well, well, all good. You're all good. Negative. I'm like, oh, I'm not dying. Nope. I really don't. I don't appreciate that. The weird like, hey, how you doing? So. All right. So you know how we took that? We like we know we're here. I've been anxious waiting for you to just say open with it. I don't need the formalities. Yeah. That's part of the doctor handbook.

Anyway, this is where I relate not only with puzzles and cats, but with the procrastinating on finding out news. This is my Winston coming out for sure. So I could relate to this very deeply, very deeply.

I also love the fact that Nick just can't lie and he's trying to be on board and be a good boyfriend. But this is the worst job. And I will say, I feel like Jess kind of set him up to fail. She knows him. She knows he's not the guy. Don't give him that responsibility. Oh, yeah. It's not his strong suit. Don't do it. That's what I thought. That's what I thought the whole time. I was like, is she dumb? Why would she do that? If she's really trying to accomplish something, don't do that. Worst person. You got nicknames for him. Sweatback? That is... That's right.

That is crazy. Upon saying Sweat Beck, that was his nickname, right? Yeah.

I don't want to say that again. It's like the Maya Angelou thing, right? If someone shows you who they are, believe them. Nick has shown you with his sweaty back who he is. I'm just going to call him sweaty back. It is that because he would sweat. That was that whole thing because I remember Joey Perla from Wardrobe having to come out with a spray bottle and Jake Johnson having to like turn around and get hosed down. But you're missing what I'm saying here, Hannah.

Sweat back? I just thought... It's a problem. Was that written? I just thought about that. I don't think it was that. Like, whoa. That was like the literal thing, but I don't think that was the nickname. Okay. I think that was the nickname. You really? I think that's a descript. Oh, gosh. Someone on Reddit, help us. I think that's a descript. What? Upon saying it out loud, I'm going, the fuck? That's a descript? Anyway...

I think it was like you get a sweaty back, but I don't think they ever call him the thing. I hope not. I don't think so. Somebody had to catch that. That would be not okay. Well, no one's said anything over the years, like fans or anything. Yeah, so that's why I think it was like a description, but not like a name calling. Anyway, back to Winston's pizza body. What are you talking about? I don't know.

says. I'm here with this pizza body. It made me laugh. He's like, I know exactly what caused the situation. Also, wow. Like, wow, Winston. Wow. You couldn't read the room? Coach is like...

Figuring it out. Having a great time. Well, here's what coach is doing. No, no, no. Because I'm not, I'm not, he's not getting the pass because that's not what you do. I know she was into it, but that's not what you do. You don't, you don't abuse that job, that title as personal trainer. If your job is to stretch people out, you don't take advantage and then just, you know, go and stretch them out. I don't think he was taking advantage. She seemed to be like, this seemed to be a very consensual flirt.

In the job. What was weird at the end, though, when she's just like, fine, I'm going to go get like Jimmy the trainer to take me for a juice. And I'm like, you just have a trainer thing? Like, is this, what's going on with you, girl? Are you okay? Like that power. What's happening? That control. Something. I don't know. Honestly, I did laugh out loud and it was so great when, I don't know how they did it. I don't know if they sped it up or if you really are that quick, but when your feet just popped into frame. Oh, yeah. Oh.

so fast i'm like that's not humanly possible to like throw your feet up that fast fun fact not my feet no way yeah not my feet i think we shot that on separate sides got it got it that kind of makes sense yeah yeah yeah yeah i'm not it was so fast but you see how you see how wide the legs got my legs don't stretch my legs don't stretch you're like i need stunts yeah i'm not my flexibility is not at this level oh no especially back then that was all muscle

No pliability. Wait a second. Here it says in our notes, Winston says that he's there to train to get rid of his pizza baby. I heard it as pizza body. Yeah, I don't know why. I corrected you just now, but you didn't listen. You wanted to hear what you wanted to hear. I think it's body. It's pizza baby. It's pizza baby. Now I got to rewatch on the rewatch? Yeah, because a pizza body is literally just his belly.

So he's rocking it like a baby. All right. You know what I'm saying? I guess I can hear it. Yeah, because he had these. There's nothing pizza about that. You know, that's different muscles on top of muscles. Shout out to Eddie. We love you, Eddie. As we see, Coach is, you know, he's pretty much trying to, well, Winston's trying to be distracted by being trained by Coach, doing a tandem train. But Winston's kind of hogging all the attention. And she gets upset, like you say, and she goes away.

then decides, you know what? This is getting ridiculous. This is out of hand. You're going to check the score. You're going to check the score. Yeah, because he knows from a mile away what Winston's trying to do, which is also kind of refreshing that he's like, hmm, I wonder why. He's just like, stop it. I know you well enough. You're dodging. You're ducking. You're diving. 100%. And yeah, but let's go over to Nick for a second, Abby, at the end.

Nick obviously agrees to take on this task of babysitting Abby. And they go to the car museum, which... It's the Peterson Car Museum. Where we had our... Prince Rap Party. Prince Rap Party. That's right. I was thinking about that because I was like, huh, we did that rap party. We did that rap party. I'm trying to think now. After that episode? No. Wouldn't it be at the end of our season? Mm-hmm. So I was like, we obviously used it as a location. Yeah.

in this episode right and then we're like guess what great place for a party great place for a party i will say i probably go to the peterson once a month i love the peterson car museum really i love it are there new old cars there that you haven't seen

Yeah, they have a whole Waymo exhibit there right now where you can simulate being in one of those driverless cars. It's really interesting. They have a whole vault downstairs that changes with people's personal private collections of cars. Really? It's interesting. Yeah, it's super interesting. Also, prototypes of really cool invented cars with, I don't know, all sorts of different things on it that never actually went into production. There's only one-offs of them. It's fun. That's wild. I never knew that.

They have a whole lowrider exhibit right now with the coolest lowriders from like all over. It's phenomenal. Have you ever been in a lowrider? It's a really fun day. When you first moved to California and you dated a crip. No. Did you ever have a lowrider? No.

No, I have never. But I feel like this exhibit is one of the best that's probably ever been put on in the world. It's been there for about eight months because it's done so well, maybe even longer. So at some point, they're probably going to yank it. So the Peterson Man. We'll get a tiny glimpse of it in this episode of this museum. It's right across from the LACMA. So it's kind of fun to go to the LACMA, see some art, and then hop over and see all the cars and stuff. Oh, very, very nice. Culture. Art and cars, two things I do not care about. Ha ha ha.

That's also not true. It's so not true. You've always had the nicest cars of anyone on this cast. You always had the best cars. I do like cars. You do. What am I talking about? All right. So here she is. By the way, because I've gone to this museum many times, just as a person going to the museum, watching Linda Cardellini jump up on a car...

when the actress goes like we should have tasers i was like yeah you should that's not okay she can't jump up on the car and scratch it oh what's that i have cars everywhere i'm just saying this is what i'm saying you should go to the peterson today i don't trust people named peterson go ahead mr peterson oh you know so interesting about the um the the the woman who works there yeah the um

Car Museum. The Car Museum. Her name is Gwen Van Damme. She's so funny. And she passed away December 19th of last year. This past December 19th. So God bless you, Gwen Van Damme. You are so funny in this episode. I will say I didn't know where that was going. I was hoping it wasn't going the direction it did. I thought you were going to say that is Jean's mom. No.

Not John's mom. I thought it was John's mom. I thought, oh, that's cool. She got her moment. That's cool. Not John's mom. Yeah, yeah. She was great. She was great. She was great in that episode. Also, what a funny moment for Schmidt to be like, I love crazy. Crazy women are my hurt locker. One of my favorite lines. I was like, that's so smart. And he's like, I got it. And then the confidence with which he thinks he got it. And then she can see, oh, great.

Perfect. You're going to be the way I'm going to screw Jess over because you're that dumb that you think I'm going to just go for a taco.

I love that little like out foxing. That was like another theme in this episode when, you know, Nick is like, I got out foxed. Yeah. Right. With the reverse psychology moment. And then this happens again with the sister, which I kind of love too. Oh yeah. Did you, I mean, this is a question I guess for the fans. If when Schmidt showed up, did you see it going in this direction? Did you see, I mean, cause we all know how the episode ends. They are doing nasty stuff to each other. She,

She has a fond Moscato vibe. Like she does. He does like very strong alpha women that are crazy. So as you get to know Abby and then that happens, you kind of go like, ah, kind of, that's definitely Schmidt's wheelhouse for a woman. That makes sense. I believe that, that that's genuine on his part. Just going for an insane woman with a tendency for violence. Yes. And control. Remember the boss?

Like that he was with too. Like that just seems to be his type. So it's perfectly on brand for Schmidt. Oh yeah, absolutely. Good pairing. And then also Cece. Yeah, Cece's pretty bossy. Cece's pretty bossy. Yeah, she doesn't take shit. He likes all of that. He likes being put in his place. Speaking of Cece, she is with Jess looking at an apartment on the sly and

And man, it was so like looking at the apartment they were looking at. I was like, that just looks like my first apartment when I moved to L.A. Where was your where was your first place? Classic apartment. I lived for many, many years. You know this on Sweetser. I lived on Sweetser. Well, the first place I ever moved in, I lived on the first floor of a woman's house.

A strange woman's house. A strange woman's house. They lived on the first floor of her house. Did she have an iguana?

I don't know. I do remember it being very strange. I never felt quite comfortable. And then I got my first apartment after a year. And it was, yeah, and it was down on Sweetser and Sweetser and 3rd. And I love that apartment. I was there forever. But it was a really tiny little apartment that had a, it's a fun little story. It had a giant billboard, like digital billboard right outside it. Ooh.

And I was always like, you know, I moved to LA, couldn't get any jobs. And just like this blasting of digital light would kind of come through the window. And I just felt like I was in some sort of weird David Lynch movie. I was like, this feels weird and cruel because all I want to do is act. And I keep seeing these pictures of actors that try to watch TV and figure out my life. And I will never, ever forget in 2011, sitting on my couch,

And my entire apartment was bathed in yellow from the new girl billboard. Yeah. And that was a really weird moment where it didn't feel real. That's dope. That's cool. Anyway, I thought about it. I haven't thought about that in a long time, but I remembered it watching Cece and Jess go look at this little apartment, you know, in LA and you ask all the questions you do. If you're going to have a girl live there by yourself, like who else,

building and what's around here and how safe is it any murderers going mightily murderers and creeps yeah murderers and creeps can we just like got a little checklist here and he's like gay veterans and she was like yes sold the other line that cracked me up so much is like the only red flag she saw right was hold on i wrote it down because it made me laugh it was like there's a russian grocer

And Abby's got a bit of a thing for ethnic white people. I don't know why that made me laugh. Just thought of them in the writer's room being like this. Ethnic whites. Yeah.

The genius of new girls sometimes saying things that I've never heard before. Catching you off guard and making you laugh. I've never heard ethnic white people before. Never? Also just like as a thing that would enrage a white woman. Yes. It's the funniest part of it. Like a Russian grocer pisses her off. Nowadays, white women hate white people. It's all turned on its head. I know.

Oh my gosh. Okay. All right. So, oh, now coach and Winston are at the cafe, right? Because he found out he failed. Yeah. But this is the part that. This is the dumbest. I swear when I watched this scene, I was like, is Winston okay? I thought we'd figured out Winston. And in this scene, I'm like, they're still trying to figure out Winston. What does Winston say? It's not okay.

Which part are you talking about at the... Wait. Which part are you talking about? When he said that the women shouldn't handle money. What he's doing. He says the things that I'm like, okay. He says, and I'm like, oh, it's just me. Because he's like, I hate standing up. I hate standing up. I'm bad with numbers. I'm like, okay, this is cute. And then he says... And honestly, from the bottom of my heart, I really don't think women should be able to handle money. Which is

Also the fact that the cafe owner just goes, doesn't like dismiss him right there. And he's like, okay, we'll just keep going. And I was like, that's, you should not hire Winston. Did you just not hear what he said? He's just like an openly sexist dude at this point. What's happening? Or he's just panicking and saying words. That's also true. He's panicking and just saying words. That's a hundred percent what he's doing. I do believe that was a written joke from Love.

It was in an alt pack, I want to say, and I was selling a bunch of stuff, but I think that one ended up sticking. The delivery is so funny because it truly felt like a confession from a lunatic, from someone who left his body at that point, and now something's taken over and he doesn't know what's happening. And the way Damon's back is reacting had me. Oh, man. Yeah.

But it's upon further review, the interviewer notices that, one, this is going poorly, but two, he didn't even fill out the other side of the application. And then this response from Winston. He just calls and says, I didn't fail. I'm just careless, you bitch. Crazy. Why?

I mean, true. Did he apologize? He apologized afterwards. He did say, I'm so sorry. Hey, let's go to a quick break. And when we come back, we will dive back into a bunch of foolishness with a bunch of stupid people.

Okay, so have you ever noticed how we hold back our smiles in awkward situations? Okay, but here's the thing. Sometimes, sometimes a smile can change everything. And Colgate is here to give you the confidence to smile first. Okay, so the other day I walked into a meeting and I just felt like the person I was meeting with was just sizing me up, just staring at me. Super awkward. But I remembered.

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I met Santi at a luau party in October. I'm Santi. Damien. Oh, it was bizarre. The guy just disappeared one day. Santi has been missing ever since. The hookup. What is that? I'm solving a mystery through sex and haven't made a private dick joke until now? Like, no matter how hard I try, all roads lead to... The hookup. You think it's causing people to turn aggro? I'm gonna rip your arms off and use them to...

Yeah, that's a word for it. This is such terrible representation. I'm so sorry. Poppers? These aren't just any poppers. Mama always used to say, God gave me gumption in place of a gag reflex. No, my psychiatrist didn't laugh at that one either. Listen to The Hookup on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors, it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners.

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Come to me.

Baby daddy mad because you got a boyfriend? Come to me. Thought you was the father but you're not? Come to me. I can't promise I won't judge you, but I can guarantee that I will help you. As a daughter, a sister, a mother, and an entrepreneur, I've learned a lot in life. So I'm using my own perspective and experiences to help you fix your mess. Send me your situation and let's fix it as a family. Listen to Carefully Reckless on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

And we are back. We're back. They're at dinner. I think it's already established now at this point that Abby and Schmidt are doing it. They're doing the bondage stuff. They're doing the nasty stuff, the chocolate, the apples, all of the things. So now they're at the house, at the loft, I should say, across the hall, and they're having a dinner.

Jess is thinking, you know, this is about to be the moment where I come out and we propose this idea to her. Like she's thought the plan has gone great. It's just Nick, Abby and Jess at dinner. She's written him some lines. She's found the apartment. She's going to plant the seed because Nick has not told her all the stuff that has happened that day. So she's like, this is great until Schmidt walks in and sits down and starts what?

abby starts giving him the special is that what it's called this yeah the special i was like oh and the way max just loses vision in the biggest wide-eyed stare and grits his teeth is one of the i caught me so off guard and i started laughing so hard i was so uncomfortable yeah it was pretty funny perfect perfect acting

I love when he said, I'm probably cutting a little fast forward in the scene, but I love what he says. Don't look at me. Don't look at me. Or look directly at me. And that makes a choice to look at him. And I'm like, this is truly the love affair of this show. My Lord. Oh my God. My Lord. So then there's just like a big crack that kind of happens and just cracks wide open and goes into full radical honesty and

She just kind of like lays it all out there, kind of tears into her sister, says, I cannot have you living here, right? I do want to fix you. That is what I'm trying to do. And she just kind of fully unloads on her sister. And it's actually kind of like quite cathartic and therapeutic to watch this scene between the sisters, except for Jess doesn't realize she's about to get played hard because the sister has been one step ahead the entire time. Hmm.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. So Abby says, no problem. I'll move out. Totally great. And just thinks she's got the win. But she does not. No, she does not. Because Schmidt goes, she says, I'm going to move in with Schmidt. He almost like gets whiplash. What? And then she's like, we'll have sex all the time. And he's like, done. Perfect roommate. Let's go. Oh, gosh.

um i don't know maybe just because i'm so experienced in life and i've been around the block you know what i mean i'm a well-traveled man that wouldn't entice me all the time i'd be like yeah and what else um the funniest thing is the role play too to be like schmidt's gonna be jess and abby will be nick

I can see it. That's the problem. I can see that that would be a thing for him, that he'd be like, this is great. This works for me. This woman gets me. This woman understands me. Oh, God. Yeah, that's gross. Gross. Now we're at the police station. Yeah. Winston and Coach, they're sitting down with the officer there. No, but this is also the stupidest thing in the world. It's so dumb. It's so dumb. He's like, hey, listen, I forgot to fill out the other half of

the backside of the police application. And he informs them that the application is entirely administered on a computer. There is no backside. What? No. Because he did it. Did the exam. That boy had yet done. He just straight up failed. That's all that happened there. That is wild to me. Anyway, Winston's having a moment. He's having a bit of a freak out moment. And then coach tells Winston, hey, man, listen.

You hit rock bottom, bro. But that's the worst it's going to get. And then Winston marches back up to the officer and tells him how it's been his dream to be a police officer, which I don't think is accurate because his dream was to be a basketball player. It might have been a more recent dream. But, you know, he says no one's going to get in his way. I want to take this test again. And then he tells him there's another one coming up soon. And then Winston halts immediately. He says, hold on, man. What part of my...

He's like, what part of my test score is let you know I'll be ready that soon? Well, he's like, there's one tomorrow at 7 a.m. He's like, what part of my test score makes you think I'm ready to take this test in 12 hours? But then he's like... You got to do it. You got to do it. You got to show up. Okay. There's a sweet moment between Jess and Nick. And she's like, finally, they both kind of tell the truth. She says, I'm sorry that my family's totally crazy and...

nick then goes like well you know my family they're you know out of control i've got an uncle what is his god-given name is shifty yeah then they try to play sky knife and she nearly impales herself and dies oh my god so dumb not for them and then this amazing moment in the elevator between abby who knows cops quite well yes oh 100 and winston discovers that there's male prostitutes

That's the funniest button in the world. It's two prostitutes. They got two prostitutes. Like that's his takeaway. I like how sweet he is too to be like, well, if I saw something wrong going on, I'd call the dirty cop. I would tell the cops. And she's like, what? He's like, no. Strip your naked, put you in lingerie and put your next to him.

Unbelievable. Also so scary. Sometimes the show does like share things like that where I'm like, wait, what? Maybe I shouldn't screw up. Truly, I was like, huh? Who on our writing staff knew that? Like what? That's a real thing? I realize how naive I can be on certain things. Hey, Hannah, let's go to a quick break when we come back. I feel like messing around a little bit. Let's go. It's been a dry month.

Okay, so have you ever noticed how we hold back our smiles in awkward situations? Okay, but here's the thing. Sometimes, sometimes a smile can change everything. And Colgate is here to give you the confidence to smile first. Okay, so the other day I walked into a meeting and I just felt like the person I was meeting with was just sizing me up, just staring at me. Super awkward. But I remembered.

smile first. So I did just a quick confident smile. And guess what? They smiled back. Colgate believes a smile can break down walls. And it's true because instantly the whole vibe just changed. Or like last week, I'm at a coffee shop. There's a long line and the barista's flustered.

I smiled first. A, hey, you got this kind of smile. And they smiled back. And the guy behind me even cracked a joke. All because of a simple smile. Smiling first might feel like a bold move, but it helps you put the best version of yourself out there. Colgate helps you show the world your confident smile. Do you remember what you said the first night I came over here? Ow goes lower.

I met Santi at a luau party in October. I'm Santi. Damien. Oh, it was bizarre. The guy just disappeared one day. Santi has been missing ever since. The hookup. What is that? I'm solving a mystery through sex and haven't made a private dick joke until now? Like, no matter how hard I try, all roads lead to... The hookup. You think it's causing people to turn aggro? I'm gonna rip your arms off and use them to...

Yeah, that's a word for it. This is such terrible representation. I'm so sorry. Poppers? These aren't just any poppers. Mama always used to say, God gave me gumption in place of a gag reflex. No, my psychiatrist didn't laugh at that one either. Listen to The Hookup on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

John Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Dive into John's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors.

And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Come to me. Baby.

Baby daddy mad because you got a boyfriend? Come to me. Thought you was the father but you're not? Come to me. I can't promise I won't judge you, but I can guarantee that I will help you. As a daughter, a sister, a mother, and an entrepreneur, I've learned a lot in life. So I'm using my own perspective and experiences to help you fix your mess. Send me your situation and let's fix it as a family. Listen to Carefully Reckless on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

And we are back. Babe. Yeah, babe. Just at the same time. We jinxed ourselves with the babes. Yell me a Pepsi. It's so funny watching kids like play jinx where they'll just be like, jinx, Lamorne. Like they say the other person's name immediately. Please don't talk to me. Please keep playing with me. Jinx, Lamorne. Phew, you can talk again. I saved you.

Oh my gosh. All right. The mess around. Okay. What's the worst job interview you've ever had? What happened? The worst job. So many. Oh yeah. I had, I've had a ton. I'm going to keep it in the entertainment space. My, I had an audition for a show called Mike and Molly to be a series regular on the first season on CBS. That's right. And I remember prepping, prepping, prepping. And I remember going in for this audition and I hadn't like,

I hadn't planned. Here's my thing. I don't know a lot of faces, a lot of industry folks. At that time, I never looked them up. And I remember the night before saying, you know what? I'm just going to Google the people that are in the room and what they've done and what shows they've created. Maybe that'll give me a better insight on style of performance in the audition. And I get there, and I look it up. This is something I don't do, and it's my rule. And I go in.

And here's the reason why I don't do that. I walk in and I'm ready to go. And then sitting in the room with two people, casting director and Chuck Lorre. I don't.

I wish I did not know what Chuck Lorre looked like because I see his, like, I know who Chuck Lorre, I mean, once I looked it up, I was like, oh, Two and a Half Men, this show, that show, boom, boom, boom. And I freaked out and got nervous. And when I say I had such a bad audition that by the time I got into my car, an agent had already called and left a voicemail on my phone asking me what happened. Oh, no.

They're like, Lamorne came in here. We think he had a stroke. Yeah. There was like, he was, I mean, I did. I was saying, I was repeating the words. I was blanking. I was black. It's weird when you go out of your body and you're watching yourself choke and you're just like, what am I doing? Stop, stop this whole thing. But you can't stop it now. Cause now you're outside of your body. Yeah. Now you're in full spin. That's brutal. I was going to tell you about a bad job interview I had for like working at Starbucks, but, um,

I'll tell you, but the mine's a little, mine's sad, a little sad. Is that okay? But it's about an audition. Oh, okay. All right. It's got to say, I'm just, you know, people don't trigger warnings. Here you go. It's a sad one. Um, I remember it was for fast and furious, an audition for fast and furious, uh,

And it was for the girl that was going... I don't know what number it was, but it was like the girl that was going to be basically at the end, like the tag of the whole thing. But that means if you're that girl and that tag of the whole thing, in the next Fast and Furious, you're like part of the cast, if that makes sense. So it was like a big thing. But for this movie, you're just going to be right at the end with Vin, I think. And then like, you're going to go into the series. I love Fast and Furious. So I was like, okay, great. So...

They're like, yep, Hannah's perfect. She's got all the things we need. This is great. Have her come in and do the thing. It was a really tiny audition. Not much to say because you're in this one tiny scene. So great. So I go in to do it. As I am walking down the hall, I get a phone call. And my grandma had died. And it was out of the blue. And I loved her so much. My grandma Mary. And I was like, and then they're like, ready for you.

And I walked in and I just, she just had this amazing life and I loved her so much and I hadn't seen her in a little bit. And I was in, you know, they were talking to me, but you know, usually you go in, you're like, hi, oh my God, I'm so excited to be here. And you got a funny story you share, you know, that's part of your audition is also just you being you going in and being able to turn it on. And I,

I you know like there's a moment of shock before you can grieve when you lose somebody and I was just in that shock moment and so then I came out and I think they were just like man she's very serious like that's a very serious woman fast and serious yeah that's right and I remember getting in the car knowing just like you just said and I was just like wow that's not happening but I was like man it's such a weird thing in these auditions where you feel that kind of level of pressure

But real life also happens that you can't walk in to be like, hey, I just found out this news and I'm still a human being and

Can I come back tomorrow? I just want to take a second. And I didn't, you know, I didn't have that confidence within myself to be able to like explain it or say it because there's this weird thing in our industry where you're just supposed to always be able to turn it on. Yeah. And it's not always possible. And in that moment, it was impossible for me. And I definitely just like choked the entire audition. But not that I was like so emotional. I was just like fully out of my body going like, oh gosh, we just like, I lost one of my favorite people. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, it was a very weird audition. If anyone, you should have told him because if anybody understands family, it's fast and furious. Come on now. You're right. Anyway, it all worked out for Gal Gadot. So it was okay. Gal got the role. You could have been Wonder Woman.

You know what I'm saying? What can I tell you? Mary had different plans. Gal Gadot got that rolling fast and furious. It could have been Wonder Woman. Man. Gal, throw me a bone. Put me in something. No idea.

All right. All right. Ever had to kick out a family member for staying too long at your place? Oh, my gosh. I have family that loves to come and be like, I'm here for like a month and I never kick them out. I'm so happy to have my family around me. I'm like obsessed with my family. I have a problem. Yeah. Me, no. I've never had to do that. I like my family being around. Yeah, me too. Like stay longer. Don't go. Please stay. Yeah. I get to be a baby. I like being a baby. Cool. Cool. Yeah.

You know, never, never. I mean, I've had, and I don't even say friends or anything like that either. I just, people stay from time to time. And, you know, it's all good. I'm never home. Somebody's here. Somebody's here checking the locks and flushing the toilets. Exactly. Have you ever tried to set up a sibling with a friend of yours? No. Hell no. Keep that shit out of my family. Okay.

My friends are gross. I remember a very dear friend of mine. I won't say his name, but you know him. And he was doing really well at the company, the company he was working in, rising up the ranks. It's a very big, fancy company, lots of billions of dollars in it. And he was rising up the ranks. He was doing great in this company. And then the boss, like the owner of this company, has a little sister. Mm-hmm.

And he met her at some like big party that they had for the company. And he was dating her. He decided to start dating her. And I remember saying to my friend, I was like, you better marry her. That's your only choice now, man. You better marry this girl and you better be the best husband in the entire world. What ended up happening? He did.

they actually fell in love and he married her and they have kids and it's like really beautiful and he's all in with the family but it was one of those moments where you're just like you're dating the sibling of your boss like this is not a place you get to make mistakes and I've known you too long you can make some mistakes I know this person you do I'll tell you later but it was just such a funny moment where I was like you better

And we all were kind of watching, you know, like all of our friends just watching him. Like, she'd always come around and she was so nice and gorgeous. And I was just like, this is like on so many levels, like a slam dunk for you. This is so great. She's so good for you just as a human being. And he actually, he did the right thing and he got it together and it was really cool. She was great for him. But I remember being like, you're either going to have the best life of your life or you're going to get fired and never work again. Oh, oh yeah. I know who you're talking about. I think you know. Yeah. Kanye and Kim.

All right, you guys. Well, Sister Act 2. Wait, what did you say? Has it Kanye and Kim? Rose up the ranks. Married her. They made so many mistakes. Her boss meaning your mom. Anyway, uh...

That's our show. Best show. This is our show, you guys. I'm telling you, I'm so excited as someone who's always been like a vintage hunter for like cool athletic t-shirts. It was so cool for Lamorne and I to design this love letter to you fans. The Mess Around t-shirt starring, yes, go Fergs. Team Bishop, this t-shirt available at themessaroundpod.com. Get yours. Get yours quick. Please subscribe.

Tag us. Post us. Put your cat in the shirt. We want to see it. We want to share it. We love you. More cool things coming at you. Follow us at The Mess Around Pod on IG. Send us your questions and videos at TheMessAroundPod at gmail.com. Sister Act 3 next week with Lamorne and I.

That was The Mess Around, an iHeartMedia production. Our executive producer is Joelle Monique. Our senior producer is Abu Zafar. Bay Wang provided engineering and editing services. Additional production from Daniel Goodman, Wendy Heisler, and Kyle Chevron. Our theme song was written and composed by Ronald Jukebox Jackson. Catch you next time. Bye.

We've all been there. I mean, I've been there. In the line at the grocery store, waiting for your latte at the coffee counter, pick up at your child's school, everyone standing around in silence, eyes down. But what if you smiled first? Colgate is here to give you the confidence to do just that. One smile can break the tension and open the door to a real connection. It's a small gesture with a big reward. Colgate helps you show the world your confident smile.

Hey, man. What are you into? I have the hookup. The hookup? The hookup for what? I'm solving a mystery through sex and haven't made a private dick joke until now? Poppers? Why are there so many poppers? All roads lead to the hookup. You think it's causing people to turn aggro? I'm going to rip your arms off and use them to... Yeah, that's a word for it. Listen to The Hookup on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

Hi, I'm Arturo Castro, and I've been lucky enough to do stuff like Broad City and Narcos and Roadhouse. And now I'm starting a podcast because honestly, guys, I don't feel the space is crowded enough. Get ready for Greatest Escapes, a new comedy podcast about the wildest true escape stories in history.

Each week, I'll be sitting down with some of the most hilarious actors and writers and comedians, people like Ed Helms, Diane Guerrero, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. I love storytelling and I love you, so I can't wait. Listen and subscribe to Greatest Escapes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Come to me.

Come to me. I can't promise I won't judge you, but I can guarantee that I will help you. Listen to Carefully Reckless on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.