320: Mars Landing
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Listen as Selenia tells us why she chose to vaccinate her daughter. Right after my daughter was born, my husband and I are having to decide whether or not to get her vaccinated. I definitely felt like the pros far outweighed the cons. The diseases that I am protecting my child against, they're still here. Talk to your child's doctor and learn more at whyvaccines.com. Brought to you by Merck.

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Find a shoe for every you at your DSW store or DSW.com. Today we're doing the Mars landing recap. We will get into a deep into this episode, but it true. I don't know if you felt the same way when I was watching it, but it brings back.

any bad decision you've made when you were hungover. - Oh. - Yeah, it's weird. You watch it and you're like, this is one very good episode. No surprise, 'cause it was written by Josh Malmuth and Nina Pedrod and directed by Lynn Shelton. So it's like the Holy Trinity was around this very key episode of how do they break up and why. - But if you know Josh and you know Nina, you know they like to drink. They like to get out.

Very often they're method writers. They'd come in to set the next day and honestly, I tell you, it looked like they hadn't gone home yet. You know what I mean? It's the only way to do it. You've got to write an episode about it. You've got to live it. You've got to be it. 100%. They look ran through. So let's dive into it, shall we? Yeah, let's go. After a wild and booze-filled night of playing true American, Nick and Jess clash over the destruction... Oh, that's the dumb stupid...

No, but you know what? That was actually like true of what happens. The destruction of their futures. Yeah, I said distraction though. Well, they were distracted too because they were hungover. I'm still with this recap. Okay, fine. Well, let's just keep it going. Nick and Jess clash over the distraction and also the direction of their futures or lack of futures.

Is a long-haul truck driver living on Mars really Nick's plan? Quite possibly, yes. Meanwhile, when a hot new neighbor moves into the building, Winston Schmidt and coach agree to let the best man win. Sex blinks, pounding fruit packets, studying abroad mirrors are all on the table. Lastly, CeCe's relationship with Buster. Oh, it's in jeopardy after drunkenly sending him some risque cat-slash-human pictures. We'll be right back.

Here's why April chose to vaccinate her child. I think actually meeting someone who was not vaccinated and now has a lifelong struggle with a childhood disease really cemented for me that it's super important that we as parents continue to vaccinate our children. Talk to your pediatrician or visit whyvaccines.com. Brought to you by Merck.

It's Jamie Foxx. At BetMGM, everyone gets a welcome offer. Get up to $1,500 in bonus bets when you sign up if your first bet doesn't go your way. You know I love a good welcome.

Hey there, friends. I'm here to treat you right with BetMGM. A warm welcome to our new customers. I see you out there. I know you got what it takes, so take out that phone, tap that BetMGM app, and bet, baby. You know what it is. There's a bonus bet waiting for you. Oh, that's the good stuff. Get on in here. Get your welcome offer and play with the sportsbook Born in Vegas, where they know how to treat you right. Download BetMGM and bet.

See betmgm.com for terms 21 plus only. U.S. promotional offers not available in D.C., Mississippi, New York, Nevada, Ontario, or Puerto Rico. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER. Available in the U.S. Call 877-8-HOPE-NY or text HOPE-NY-467-369-NEW-YORK. Call 1-800-NEXT-STEP-ARIZONA. 1-800-327-5050-MASSACHUSETTS. 1-800-BETS-OFF-IOWA. 1-800-981-0023-PORTURIGO. First bid offer for new customers only. Subject to eligibility requirements. Rewards are non-withdrawable bonus bets that expire in seven days in partnership with Kansas Crossing Casino and Hotel.

Okay, so have you ever noticed how we hold back our smiles in awkward situations? Okay, but here's the thing. Sometimes, sometimes a smile can change everything. And Colgate is here to give you the confidence to smile first. Okay, so the other day I walked into a meeting and I just felt like the person I was meeting with was just sizing me up, just staring at me. Super awkward. But I remembered.

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We'll be right back.

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And we are back, as you said, Hannah, directed by the great Lynn Shelton, written by Josh Malmuth and Nina Pedrod, the drunkest of our writers.

It was such a perfect episode, I realized, for Lynn to do because she's an incredible film director. And I feel like this had such a cinematic quality to it. The wheels falling off and the storytelling and the capturing of comedy and the humanity and the relatability. And it was just written so beautifully by Josh and Nina. And then Lynn taking that kind of lens on it.

It was perfect. It was just a great, I'd honestly not seen it since it aired. And I was like, wow, this is one for the ages. Same here. Same here. No, we start up obviously by playing true American, which is their, it's their way into alcoholism. I do. I do love the fact that this, it's like we could have used any other situation to have the hangover be the thing, but they're like, ah, true American. It's like, of course. I mean, he worked, Nick's works at a bar.

Yes. There's other paths to have this happen. You know what's also funny is that I remember in our final season or second to final season, feeling really down about

because I was like, I never shot True American. And I was like, that's such a, like everybody else has, it seems like the most fun shooting days. You know, I was on the show, but also a fan of the show. And I was like, man, it's so weird that I never got to do that. And then I watched this episode and I was like, girl, you did True American. I even forgot it while we were, I guess, while making this show. Yeah.

I was laughing when I saw myself when they did that wide thing and I was like, holy shit, there I am doing True American. I think that was, I could be wrong, which is very rare. Coach, was that his first time playing True American? For sure, because we didn't do it any other time in season three and his only other episode is the pilot. So Damon and I, once again, in the same boat. Same boat.

But here's the thing, just like we spoke about earlier, the worst part of having a night out is having responsibility the next day. And Jess wakes up in the morning with everyone in her bed. Do you remember also when we shot that, we all had to then stay there, frozen in position, and the photographer went up and got on like a huge ladder and did an overhead shot

of us there because they were thinking of using that as like some key art. Did they ever use that as some key art? No, but that picture does exist, I think. Maybe they just used it as like in like the press catalog of like what they would send out. But I remember we all had to be like they were positioning us in all sorts of weird parts on the bed, on the floor, half on the bed, holding a record, touching each other, not touching each other because it was not only a shot in the show, but it was going to be used for press. Huh.

Well, you know, fans, if you're listening, please tag us in that photo if you find it. Find it for us. Yeah, the new girl orgy bed shot.

But that's what we were all saying. We're like, why would there's so many bedrooms? There's couches. Why are we all in bed together? What are we saying about this show? That's exactly what the conversation we all had because we all to all awkwardly. They were like, OK, you know, Max, put your hand on like, you know, Jake's thigh. You know, we're like, what are we doing? What is this press shot? Yeah, I remember that. That was weird. That was the real Will They Won't They. That was the real Will They Won't They. The sexual tension. Mm hmm.

All right. Okay. Cut to the next morning. Disaster. Worst hangover. Also, I know that feeling. You reach for the glass of water, knock it over. What a nightmare. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Very relatable. That's why I don't reach for glasses of water anymore. I got one of those helmets that has the water bottles attached to it, and I go to sleep in that. I thought you were going to say you had one of those hamster ones on suction cups on your headboard and just... That's a good one. I should probably invest in that. Yeah. You know?

Easier than sleeping in a helmet. No, I love being held with the pads on the inside and the neck support. You just thought cocoon. We're never going to get through this episode. But just in case I fall out of the bed, you know.

Okay, we gotta move along. I can't. It's such a good episode. So many good things happen. I mean, we have like another huge film star in this episode. I mean, there's so much to talk about. Okay. Oh, yes. Okay. So here's the dilemma, though. The dilemma is that he gets a call from Sadie.

And Sadie says, Sadie, right? Yeah, it was Sadie. Yeah, yeah. June Diane Raphael calls Jess and says, it's my baby's birthday. He's turning one. So where are you at? The craziest moment of that is when they cut to June, aka Sadie, and she dresses someone and she goes, this is a private residence. Who are you? I was like, a man just walked off the street. It's your child's birthday? Yeah.

And then we cut back. We go back to Schmidt, Coach, and Winston. So they walk into the loft after grabbing coffee and having met their new neighbors. And we flash back.

The two girls introduce themselves, and then Schmidt drops his bagel out of his mouth. Now, who do we have in this one? We have Alexandra Daddario. Yeah, and isn't it Stevie Nelson? Am I right? Nelson, I believe so. Stevie Nelson. Two beautiful, funny, smart, talented actresses. Oh, yeah. This was a...

I just remember this being a big deal and all of the guys trying to be really cool. In real life. In real life. I was trying to just be like off camera, like just talking shop. Like, yeah, you know, what's it like working at this place? You know what I mean? Just trying to like small. It wasn't working at all.

And our energies actually came through as characters. But what's funny is that usually Zoe or myself are part of those scenes. And so on and off camera, we're there to make fun of you guys. I can't imagine all of you guys getting to be together, number one, and then having sex.

These talented women that you have to hang out with all day and no sisters there to just make fun of you the entire time. I can't even imagine. Now, my favorite line out of this whole moment is when Damon walks in with his shades on and he goes, he goes, I have these women, he goes, not gonna lie, he told me I have these women, I'm still wearing these women's sunglasses. I look like EJ. I look like EJ.

Magic Johnson's son, EJ. That was funny because we had been, we had, Max had just met EJ at a party. And he talked about like, it was like this big thing. They all had a big conversation. And then Max or Tess was mentioning to EJ, oh, my son, yeah, he's on that show. I mean, my husband, he's on that show. And he's on that show, New Girl. All of a sudden, Max hears EJ.

I know that show. So we all like, oh my God, I can't wait to meet EJ. And I have met EJ before. Super cool dude. I just remember it was so funny because Damon added that himself. For sure. It's so funny with Damon. You can tell because he gets a Damon grin, not a coach grin, but a Damon grin on his face where he's like, I got a funny line. And he'll say it once.

in one take and then that's the one that they use but it's just Damon going I hope this makes it oh I know that show that was so funny then Cece comes in and she lets everybody know that she's da dum da dum dum

drunk text this kid. We still have this storyline going. I love how you're still calling him a kid even though it's very evident you two are in a relationship. A kid? I, again, forgot that this relationship lasted more than that one episode. That they made like a meal of it. Yeah. And that she... One of those writers really liked the way Mr. looked. Really into him, obviously. So strange. This show takes some strange turns sometimes. And...

Also what she wrote, I can't ever imagine like CC writing, but I can imagine most people if they're drunk and really into somebody saying those crazy things. Oh, I mean, I missed the way your hands smell. Maybe they had a moment like it was an inside thing. Like, you know, knuckles, knuckles. That's the way your knuckles smell is very funny. A little palm sniffer. Now,

The boys are having a bit of a dilemma because they feel like their intro wasn't the best. So they need a way to reintroduce themselves to the new neighbors properly this time. Winston is suggesting, I personally think it's a brilliant suggestion. It's brilliant. Help them move. Of course. You look strong. You're being chivalrous. You're being kind. You're putting yourself out.

And they shoot it down because they're haters. Hating ass haters. I don't even know why they shot it down. Because it was Winston. It's supposed to be a three man race. They were like, no, no, it's a two man race. Winston never gets taken seriously. True. But this was a great idea. It was very smart and made sense. Also, it wasn't like a crazy thing. It's like an obvious moment. The girls are carrying things up from a truck. Also, how are they going to carry those big heavy things anyway?

They didn't have movement. Here's what I was just about to say. First of all, who put him on the truck? And why did that person put him on the truck and then stop their job afterwards? Correct. And that big-ass loft that they're moving into is not cheap, which tells me, even though there's three, that means you're still making enough money to hire somebody just for the move. Yeah. I don't like it. You know what I thought? You know what I thought about? The whole time those girls were plotting on us dudes.

Saying, how do we get those dudes to look at us? And they just kicked their movers to the curb after they spotted the boys. This makes more sense than with the scenario that was there. 100%. Because I've been in that scenario a million times. I'm walking down the street. A lovely young lady is moving into her new apartment. She's like, help me, help me.

She's got a queen bed on her back. Yeah. And I'm just like, let me go help this woman out. We date for a few weeks. You know how it is. For sure. Happens to me all the time. Put it in the comments below. If you've ever been walking down the street and somebody asked you to help them move and then you help them move and date for a few weeks.

This is like, I think we've talked about this on the podcast before, how I moved apartments. And then I was like, I just like asked a bunch of people, a bunch of us were all like hanging out at a bar one night and it was friends and friends of friends. And I was like, I need help moving. And then like the next day, like eight dudes showed up at my apartment and helped me move the apartment. And at the end I was like, thanks. Be honest, be honest, Hannah. Which one did you let stay? None. I was just like, thank you.

And then my girlfriends who were also there were like, you know, nobody wanted to help you move, right? I was like, what? I was like, I thought they were just everybody was being really nice. There is a naivete that happened when I first moved to L.A. I was just thinking, because I came from Canada. I was just like, everybody's so nice here. Yeah, Canadians are really nice. We are. As the newest state,

That's why y'all want it. Nice people to come in this country. Let's just take them. I know. Oh, gosh. I wish. Don't you start. Don't you start. Canada is such a beautiful place. I want it.

Okay, okay. Okay, so now we're back with Nick and Jess. And they're about to leave. They're about to leave. Jess is trying to get, you know, dressed. She gets really emotional because he tells her to put a shirt on. It's a really funny moment. It's also sweet. I thought she was going to get mad because he threw like a dumb shirt. She's standing there in like a bikini top. But instead it's like a sweet moment.

where she's just like i can't do it without you and i was like oh this is really again i didn't know that this episode was about a breakup because i didn't remember what it was about so i'm like oh this is so sweet they're so good together oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah but in typical nick fashion he hadn't put the toy together actually it's not even typical nick fashion laziness is nick fashion yeah he loves putting stuff together i'm actually shocked

that he had such a hard time putting together this toy. Well, he's hungover. When you're hungover, you can't... The instructions look weird. I can tell you exactly what it is. Two people I know like this. My brother and Kyle. My brother and my boy Kyle. Whenever they're putting something together, whether it's Ikea or a gift or whatever it is, the damn instructions are sitting right there.

Oh, they're not looking at it. Got you. They're just like, hold on. This is not a competition. See, we can put it together. Look at the damn instructions. It should be basic. Those are also the people because I know these people. Those are all the people that like at the end, there's like,

15 screws leftover and they're like, oh, they're just extra. They give you extra. It's always like, no, they're not extra. And I don't want to sit in that chair now. Yeah. Somebody gonna die in that chair. Also, I just would like to say another little weird plot thing in this episode where I was like,

And like, if I've been doing it wrong my whole life with children's birthday parties that you are supposed to like assemble and build the thing when you give it, like I loved when Nick goes, when he had like kind of like snaps at one moment and he's like, it's not for me to say, what if they want to return the gift? What if they all want to build it together? What if they want to save it? Cause the kid got 300 gifts and they're saving some for later to build it is aggressive. That is aggressive. That's to say you're taking this gift.

That's right. This large thing is going in your house for your one. Also, he made a good point. He's like, it's a one-year-old. Yeah. I don't know what it is. They don't care. They got zero gifts. They would have no idea. You know, if you're building it for your own, now if it's your own kid's birthday, then yes. Or Christmas, yes. Put it together. Put a bow on it. Like I've done that with Lily for like toy cars that she can drive around in or bikes. Lovely. Put them together, you know, have them there waiting for her.

You give her a box. She's going, she's going, what she's going to do is see the picture on the box and go open it. That's right. And then go, wait, what, what do you mean? You need an hour and a half, two hours. Or also open it. There's nothing inside.

Yeah. And then like, oh, now there's this thing. Kids don't understand. So now you got two things, but you've also given me an empty box. Yeah. That's very weird for a child. Anyway, this whole thing is basically, and I know this whole episode's about it, but it could have been avoided because there's some silly choices being made. Oh, 100%. But in this moment, they start to get into an argument based off of

you know, that, you know, she mentions envisioning Christmas morning with their little guy. And then that grows Nick into a spin. You know what I mean? And they're going back and forth. He says that,

He says he doesn't want to deal with this right now. He doesn't want to think about the future right now because six hours ago he was lapping cognac out of Winston's hand. What's funny about that is I remember that moment. Do you really? I can imagine he was not happy to do it. No, I mean, he didn't care. I kept being like, you know, we got it. He was like, it's fine. I'll do it again. Because...

I don't know. He's weird. Nick, Jake Johnson, weird. You know, he really committed to that bit for somebody who hates new girl. He definitely hates the fans. Like he really committed to that bit for sure. I can imagine you guys like in your eighties on your respective podcasts,

still keeping this bit going. The fake feud going is the craziest choice. Years later. If Matt Damon and Jimmy Kimmel can keep their feud going. This is true. I'd keep this feud going. This is true. I'm here for it. I will also say it's very rare that Nick Miller gets to be the voice of reason. And he keeps flagging, hey, we're really hungover.

Can we not have the big life talk right now? It's not that I don't want to have it. It's just right now, like there's three of you standing in front of me. Can we just put a pin in it and get through this kid's birthday, which is also fair play to him? Yeah. Oh, 100%. Yeah, I was getting annoyed. Listen, all he's doing is speaking logic. And we know how this goes with men versus women. Men, we're just the problem solvers. We're the thinkers. We're the thinkers.

Men such as myself, you know, we really get the job done. You're humble. You stay humble. Humility is something we definitely hold on to. Yeah. As men. Smart. Very nice guys. I think you made my point. Thank you so much. Moving on. Where are we at now? Okay. Yeah. Oh, so...

Coaching Schmidt, the chugging water, and then CeCe asked him about a text that she sent Buster. She sent him a picture of cats, apparently Winston's idea. Solid idea. But it turns out it might be a pic of human men and not cats. What does Mac say? He's like, what are they sucking on? Crazy. That is disgusting.

And then Schmidt lets Cece know that they're trying to, the reason they're out there in the hallway is that they're trying to create an accidental bump in with the new hot neighbors. - I also like this moment because I have had guy friends insinuate this to me before, back in the day where he was just like, "Get out of here, you'll confuse them."

I can't be standing here talking to a woman when I'm trying to get with another woman. I'm like, I'm a great wing woman. Bring me along. And my guy friends are like, no. I feel like you've told me no before. I'm like, I'll come. I'll help you get the girl. And you're like, no, don't. You're there. It's not going to make her feel... Me and Alicia. That's what happens with us all the time. That's why we call each other brother and sister because when we go out together, people automatically assume. Sure. You know what I mean? I'm already so...

intimidating as a man. - Sure. - When dudes are trying to like talk to her, they get intimidated based off of my physicality and my energy. - Sure. - So I just go, sister, my little sister, even though she looks older, she's my little sister. - Even worse though, if it's the brother. You really have to go away. - I know, and I gotta put the guns down too. 'Cause I'm always looking ready at any given moment.

Hey, let us take a quick commercial break and dive into some of these names. I like that. Here's why April chose to vaccinate her child. I think actually meeting someone who was not vaccinated and now has a lifelong struggle with a childhood disease is

really cemented for me that it's super important that we as parents continue to vaccinate our children. Talk to your pediatrician or visit YVaccines.com. Brought to you by Merck. It's Jamie Foxx. At BetMGM, everyone gets a welcome offer. Get up to $1,500 in bonus bets when you sign up if your first bet doesn't go your way. You know I love a good welcome.

Hey there, friends. I'm here to treat you right with BetMGM. A warm welcome to our new customers. I see you out there. I know you got what it takes, so take out that phone, tap that BetMGM app, and bet, baby. You know what it is. There's a bonus bet waiting for you. Oh, that's the good stuff. Get on in here. Get your welcome offer and play with the sportsbook Born in Vegas, where they know how to treat you right. Download BetMGM and bet.

See betmgm.com for terms 21 plus only. U.S. promotional offers not available in D.C., Mississippi, New York, Nevada, Ontario, or Puerto Rico. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER. Available in the U.S. Call 877-8-HOPE-NY or text HOPE-NY-467-369-NEW-YORK. Call 1-800-NEXT-STEP-ARIZONA. 1-800-327-5050-MASSACHUSETTS. 1-800-BETS-OFF-IOWA. 1-800-981-0023-PORTURIGO. First bid offer for new customers only. Subject to eligibility requirements. Rewards are non-withdrawable bonus bets that expire in seven days in partnership with Kansas Crossing Casino and Hotel.

Okay, so have you ever noticed how we hold back our smiles in awkward situations? Okay, but here's the thing. Sometimes, sometimes a smile can change everything. And Colgate is here to give you the confidence to smile first. Okay, so the other day I walked into a meeting and I just felt like the person I was meeting with was just sizing me up, just staring at me. Super awkward. But I remembered.

smile first. So I did just a quick confident smile. And guess what? They smiled back. Colgate believes a smile can break down walls. And it's true because instantly the whole vibe just changed. Or like last week, I'm at a coffee shop. There's a long line and the barista's flustered.

I smiled first. A, hey, you got this kind of smile. And they smiled back. And the guy behind me even cracked a joke. All because of a simple smile. Smiling first might feel like a bold move, but it helps you put the best version of yourself out there. Colgate helps you show the world your confident smile.

We'll be right back.

There are zero commissions, zero fees, plus no banks, no realtors, no repairs, and no waiting to close. We buy your house as is, all cash. Just go to OsborneHomes.com right now to get your free, no obligation, all cash offer. We are here and ready to buy your house 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

Just go to OsborneHomes.com. Go to OsborneHomes.com right now. Don't wait. Sell your house to Osborne Homes and put the cash in your pocket right away. Just go to OsborneHomes.com. That's OsborneHomes.com. OsborneHomes.com. OsborneHomes.com. Was it this episode? I think it was this episode where Damon was talking about –

What did he say? Something about separation? That might have been the next episode. That's the next episode. I thought it was this one for some reason. He just goes. I'll set a note to bring it up later. Okay. I love that you're enjoying yourself. It was so funny because it's a bit that I currently do. And I'm curious if I got that from there or is that just a common bit that people do? We'll get into it.

Meanwhile, the new neighbors, they come out of the elevator with Winston. He went rogue. He went rogue, and he had to give the guys a little look. Now, what's funny about this, I remember shooting this episode, and I just remember being egged on by Damon and Max telling me to grunt even more. And so there are takes that didn't make it where I'm just straight up going like, come on, come on now, come on.

Come on, get it, Winston. I just went so far and I'm shocked they dialed it down to what you saw. I mean, if that was dialed down, you walked into walls, you slammed into doors. I was like, it could not be a worse mover in my life.

You were very vocal. If you went bigger than that, that's really funny. Oh, yeah. Oh, I went extreme. I went extreme. I just kept trying to motivate myself. Just saying, come on. Come on. Come on, baby. Come on now.

Oh my gosh. So we're still with Nick and Jess. We're still back in the room. I mean, this is what's really beautiful about this episode and the fact that it's a big hungover spiral.

Right. Is that the setup at the beginning of this episode is you think they're going to get to this children's birthday party. And that's where this episode is going to take you. It's going to take place. And it's just a beautifully written episode because they never leave the room. Yeah. And they just everybody's had that in those relationships where you're trying to figure out something. You could talk for 12 hours and you're just not there.

connecting and the thing and you just can't get out of the moment. Yeah. And I love that they just kept it that real to life of how couples can just get stuck in something and then they just they're immovable and then everything becomes about it. Like even when they start to build the gift,

Even that is now through this lens of are we supposed to be life partners or not? Like everything, they're just sucked into it because their brain capacity right now is at 5% because they're so hungover, probably starving and dehydrated. And so it's just like it's primal how they're operating.

- Yeah, which is strange to me. Somebody should have at least brought him some eggs. - Yeah, it's like somebody throw him a sandwich, a glass of water. No, nothing. - Something. Speaking of food, I love the fact that Nick says there's something important that he wants to tell Jess about his future. - This part. - The name of his firstborn child has to be Reginald Vel Johnson because he lost the bet to Schmidt. The bet was about flipping a big pancake.

And the giggle that Jake Johnson gives at the end of it is so funny. And then he reveals how it actually is a great name compared to the one he actually lost the bet to, but he managed to talk himself out of it, which was Big Ass Baby, I think. Yeah.

And the greatest part too, which you know this is why you know Nick and Jess are meant to be together, is even for the duration of their fight argument conversation of the episode, she calls her firstborn child Reginald. Like she doesn't even, like when she's like, Reggie said to them. I'm like, this is how you know they're meant to be together. She's not fighting him about the fact that they're going to name their kid after the bet.

They're going to name their kid after the dad from Family Matters. Yeah. It's so good. It's so good. And it's those little things I feel like is what keeps you in the faith of knowing, oh, they're going to be together. Because that's not what she's fighting about, about how stupid it is that they're going to name the child after the bed. She loves him for it. Beautiful. Love that. The child's original Val Johnson. Good friend of Diddy, apparently. I'm sorry.

You're going to have to go to Mars and drive a truck after this episode. Good Lord. Did I do that? Okay. So, so, so, so now, now Winston has forced the guy's hand. So now they're going to help move, right? They're going to help. They have to. Otherwise the bad luck.

That's right. But they're trying to, you know, they're kind of engaging to see what the situation is. You know, they learn that one of the neighbors has a boyfriend who's serving overseas. But Michelle, the other neighbor, is single. And the boys agree. That's right. D'Addario is single. And so the boys are going to fight over this. And she just wants to have fun right now. That was the funniest line, too. Everybody's going to choke.

Oh, man. And that moment when she turns her back and walks away and the handshakes, no one looks at each other. They're still looking at her walk away is so good. Now, we're at the, they're still helping Michelle now unload things out of the U-Haul. And it's such a funny lie when she just goes, I was pregnant once. And when she walks away, coach says that she gave him a sex blink. She says, nah, nah.

he has no chance because coaches chicks look like gremlins I just what did he say all my women look like me you also know that statement but different shades but just like me laughing

And then in their back and forth, in their argument, they're arguing, Coach knocks the vase out of Schmidt's hand, breaking it. So Schmidt kicks the mirror that Coach is holding. The funniest moment. So funny. The sabotage. Oh, man. And then they're about to fight.

You know, and then, of course, Winston, he comes in. He breaks it up because he can't believe they broke Michelle's study abroad mirror in her dream vase. Of course, he knows the stories of all the pieces. 100%. Because he's in there. What they probably didn't tell you is that they ended up having, they all, you know, Winston and the two women, they end up spending. Never happened. No. That's stuff they cut out the episode. Yeah. The HBO version. That's cutting room floor right there.

Anyway, so now we're back. Nick and Jess are still in this room. Nick and Jess are still in the room. And I swear, it's like such a... It's interesting to me because there's the two points of view is...

He's going like, why try to plan out our life? That's crazy. Who knows what's going to happen? A million things can happen. Why are we going to obsess over this? And she is like, I think it's crazy not to plan out every single second of your life. There's just two schools of thought, right? In a relationship, plan out every aspect of your life or don't plan out every aspect of your life. And now this is where they're getting caught up because they found the thing that they feel like could be a deal breaker.

Right. He philosophically is against it. She is philosophically for it. And Nick suggests like, well, what are we going to do? Break up? And he says it so offhand, not as a real thing, but then it hits her as a new thought. Also some brilliant acting between the two of them because he's not really suggesting it. You know, he's like jump off a cliff. Like that's how he's saying it. But it hits her as a new thought in her very weakened, hungover state and

And then they both kind of take a breath because they go like, shit, now that's on the table. Let's just put the kids toy together first and then we'll think about it. But then the building of the toy becomes symbolic of their relationship working or not working. And again, in the sweetest fashion of this relationship,

You know they work together so well because he's referring to all these pieces as their weird shapes and they understand each other. Oh, yeah. Well, think about it. It's so sweet. The pieces don't fit, but Jess is constantly trying to make things work. Right. And it keeps breaking because of that, you know, forcing it together. And he's putting tape to try to band-aid the situation. And then he goes a little bit extreme. He wants to melt the pieces together. Yeah.

weld the plastic he's gonna weld the plastic together and he does a little zippo trick which i know how to do all men know how to do it we get taught that as boys it is true why do all cute guys know the zippo trick it is i remember that growing up they can have the zippo and you're like that's why that's why hannah because the guys have spent like a year setting things on fire because you get so impressed by it like we were hit that switch on that lighter

It is super weird. It felt like pyro. This is crazy. His mom likes to play with matches. What was that song that came out around that time? That's why. Which one? I'm a fire starter. Yeah, remember that? That was around that time? That sounds like an old song. It is. It's old. We're old. Okay. You're like, cut that out. I'm 27. I'm 27. I'm 27. But the blanket catches on fire.

Yeah. And then they just sit there and watch it like a couple of idiots. How do you not immediately notice the smell of burning, you know, plastic? You don't even have to, like, well, he knew the plastic was burning because he said he was melting plastic. I just assumed that his, what do you call it, a duvet would be made of plastic duvet. Fully synthetic material. So much moisture. But no, he's watching it. He literally sees it.

- Oh, that's right. Then he realizes, 'cause he's trying to say he's like a responsible person who has his life together and then he has to now try to spin fast enough to say he's a human. - But he dumb, that why dumb, dumb. - Yeah, this is true. - So yeah, the place is on fire.

And then the truth comes out when Jess tells Nick that if she were always honest with him, then they would never stop fighting. Wow. Nick and Jess are outside. They're apologizing because they had to evacuate the building. And then Daddario, Michelle, comes down to see all of her broken stuff. And...

This part is why Winston can't close. Because you were doing great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You had the upper hand. So he slaps them. He slaps them both. Coach and not Michelle. Not the women. Schmidt. The boys.

And he blurts out that everybody here knows the deal of what's happening here. The boys have been trying to sex Michelle every which way from Tuesday. And he tells her, he's like, well, to be fair, I've been trying to sex you every which way from Tuesday. This was the part that he did not need to say out loud. He did. He had crazy witch eyes, you know. Why? He didn't have to say that. No. But he's being, at least, at least I will say,

If she chose, if she made a decision, then she know who she was dealing with. That's true. She knew. He put it all out there about who he was. That's for sure. Exactly. He loves witch eyes. And I'm saying here right now, Alexandria Daddario definitely has witch eyes. In a good way. In a good way. She's mesmerizing. She's a beautiful woman. Yeah. Is she single? Ask her for a friend. No.

Do your paparazzi Googling thing. Yeah, I'll Google it for you. Anyway, Winston, he does that little thing. I'm Winston Bishop and I have a job to do. I didn't like that line, but I said it anyway. You delivered it with such like conviction. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. I just didn't like it, but I said it. Anyway, he loads his, he grabs this big ass armoire or whatever the hell that thing was.

and so big on his back it just starts lunging towards the building that thing it okay so when they set it up they they like they like get rid of all the the the thickness of the wood on the inside right yeah so they make it look like this heavy piece but it's actually really thin right they did that for a lot of it but it was in order to keep the weight balance a certain way they had to keep certain parts of it heavy that thing was heavy

It was also awkward. Like, even if it was light as a feather, it's still an awkward thing because it's bigger than you. Yeah. To move. But guess what? I'll be in the gym. You know what to find. Very strong. Very strong. Then this moment. Oh, Cece. This storyline with Cece. She decides to call Buster and then he like comes through the crowd and I think it's supposed to be a romantic moment. But it's

There's nothing, I mean, to me, that makes anybody root for this. I think as a viewer, when you watch it, it's just like, you know what it is, maybe? I should ask Liz. Maybe it was in terms of like the bigger picture of getting Cece and Schmidt back together.

They needed her to just do some dumb, weird things, too, because Schmidt had done so many. And so maybe they just were like, what's really like questionable that we can have Cece do? So we know that they're meant to be together because they're just dating weird and doing dumb things. I don't know. That's the only way it makes sense in my brain. One hundred percent. Because I forget I get me all. I hate to say it this way.

Please don't judge me, all the fans out there. Joel, it's called Please Don't Judge Me. But every character on this show besides Winston, y'all some hoes.

You would like, Winston wants to be a hoe. But he's not because he's got integrity. You guys are like, oh, I broke up. I must go out and date children. Winston has no game in a crazy way because this show did set it up for everybody to go and have a good time. And the fact that they made your character trait just no game. When also you were the only...

for a while in real life, like single person on our show. Like in real life, like would have been great to meet some actresses as you're shooting, connect at work, little office romance. And you were not really put in that position. No, they did me a disservice. And I've always said this to Liz. I've always said this about Liz is that Liz ruined my love life. I was always at work. I was at work 14 hours a day.

Right, and they gave you a cat. You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? Definitely dated multiple women at Fox in the offices that work somewhere else. You know what I'm saying? But didn't date none of the actresses because they didn't give me none to date. You got a cat. That's pretty sweet. Love me some... No. Oh, this, then this heartbreaking moment. Heartbreaking. We go back

the loft. Jess tells Nick she doesn't want to fight anymore. Nick asks if she ever just misses being friends. And they didn't have to pretend to be people that they aren't. And then she says this line, what if loving each other is the only thing they have in common?

And it's that, wasn't that like an old Patti Smith song of like, sometimes love just isn't enough or something like that. It's like a very famous lyric that I can't remember right now. I think it's Tina Turner, what's love got to do with it? No, well, it's different. That's the opposite of it. But there's a song about like, sometimes love just isn't enough, basically. That's all you have and you have nothing else in common. How are you ever going to make it work?

But I feel like as you live life longer, you realize that is actually it. Because if you really love somebody, you'll bend for each other. You know, like you'll make things work. And so, oh, it's just like you're just watching like a young couple who have everything fight about things that they can adjust on with time. I got so sad. Yeah.

And then they have that moment that's like cooler when she walks across the hall and then they come back and they have this now breakup embrace with the same emotional intensity and reaction, I think, from the audience. And it's so sad. Oh, yeah. It was beautiful. It was beautiful. It wasn't sad for me because I, you know, had read future scripts. I knew they were going to be bad. You're like, I know the formula of comedy and I felt fine. My favorite is when Schmidt pops back out of the room and says he doesn't.

He doesn't know why Jess is weirded out by a man doing downward dog in the nude. It's just a couple of testicles hanging upside down. I can't. I was like, this is why this is the button on this episode. So funny. And you can watch Max's face. He loved delivering those lines. Oh, 100%. He was so happy.

Well, yeah, let us go to a quick break. This one's going to be short. You guys, I promise it's going to be short. We're going to sell you some car insurance and then come back. We're going to mess around a little bit. Listen as Selenia tells us why she chose to vaccinate her daughter.

Right after my daughter was born, my husband and I are having to decide whether or not to get her vaccinated. I definitely felt like the pros far outweighed the cons. The diseases that I am protecting my child against, they're still here. Talk to your child's doctor and learn more at whyvaccines.com. Brought to you by Merck.

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We'll be right back.

And we are back.

Beautiful. Thank you for saying so. That means a lot. Let's mess around, Hannah. Let's go. Are there actual rules to true American? We have gotten this question since the show came out. This is the most common. It's either, what's it like working with Zoe? That was always the big one when we first started. Are you friends in real life? Yeah. And then, you know, what are the rules of true American? These...

Newer generations are picking it up, so the question keeps popping up because they're actually playing this game. That's right. Which means the future of our great nation is filled with alcoholics. New girl has ruined the newer generation. It's all new girl's fault. Yep. Screwed. If you go back to the beginning of this podcast, we had Leslie Wake Webster on, who

she in season one brought true american to the show because it was a game that her and some friends played in college that they made up and so she pitched it in the writer's room and it kind of you know caught wind and there are no rules no rules no have fun love history get drunk

The only rule slash non-rule that I would enforce is that the floor is lava. For sure. And how you start the game. Yeah. One, two, three. Okay. Got to do it. Got to do it. Got to do it. So there's some loose guidelines. Also, if you're going to play True American out there, if you're going to have a big sponsored game or something, something crazy with a lot of young single women in their 30s or 40s, some 50s, maybe late 20s as well.

I thought you were going to say late 60s. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you know, you never know. Susan Sarandon want to pop up. Susan Sarandon want to pop up. I might pop up. You know what I'm saying? Hey. When we started this podcast, every single question circled back to how are we going to get you to meet the lady of your life? And I told you this year is the year. I have a feeling this year is the year. So yeah, we should start bringing up every question. We should sit and...

Keep the vibes going out. Yeah. So if you're doing it, you know, please shoot us a note. Shoot us a message. Please invite us. Me and Hannah will be there. Wasted. Out of our minds. Like we ain't got families to go home to. Ooh, what's the best excuse you've made up to get out of helping a friend move? Anybody who knows me, you'll know this. So I would say this is a big difference in who we are as people, but also why our friendship works, you and I. You are a shower-upper.

You show up for people all the time. It is one of the gifts of being a friend with you. You're incredible. Anyone I know who knows you is like, "Lamorne's the best. He's the only person who came out, who showed up. He always does. You're so loving that way." I, on the other hand... -A horrible person. -...never show up for anything. But here's the rule of it, and this is why it is still kind. It is consistent.

Yes. I don't show up to anything for anyone ever because I'm a very introverted house cat. And because I tell the truth, which is I love you so, so, so, so, so, so much. You can come to my house any single time. The door is always open 24 seven. No problem. But no, I'm not driving to Santa Monica to go to your 36th birthday mixer at a bar at 11 p.m. That's a no. And I love you so much. But I'll tell you the truth.

Well, you know, a couple, you know, there's a couple of things that I do. My favorite, my favorite that I go to is I go, somebody died. I wish I could. I wish I could help you. So if you don't show up, you will make up a lie. Well, here's the thing. Well, a lie and then a truth and like a truth with a caveat. Got it. So I'll say somebody died. It's not a lie.

Somebody somewhere died. This is true. And they asked, oh my God. And I was just, they said, who died? I don't want to get into it right now, but today's not a good day for me. Right. And around the world, somebody, every second, someone's passing away. This is true. Knock on wood, hopefully it's not anybody. I know everybody have health everywhere, but that's the excuse. The problem is I'll forget that I said it.

They send you flowers. Or they go, hey man, my condolences. Who died? I'd be like, what are you talking about? Oh, to God helping you move. Oh, my bad. So you're a good person, but a liar. I'm a bad person, but I tell the truth when it comes to showing up. Right. Or I'll say, you know what? I can't help you move. How about this? Mm-hmm.

get movers and they go man i ain't got the cash boom check your venmo oh wow movers that's very kind of venmo it'll relieve stress for everybody you ain't gotta because here's what i hate here's what i would hate to have happened you asked a bunch of people to move and then you post on instagram you're moving by yourself you and some dudes you met on the street because none of your friends showed up because nobody wants to help people move just nobody wants to do that so i just offer

a few hundred bucks to get somebody else to come that's very kind yeah go there you go you know I guess this is more of a mail request because no one's ever asked me to help them move yeah what are you gonna do like label the boxes thank you I'll just sit there cry over their baby photos no my sister oh my god when I'm when I'm the I get the most help though when I am when I am ready to move by help by by by my close friends helping me pack

Sure. They box stuff up like organizers in here. They take label, you know, that's that's that's the part that I need because I know I can just have some people like, you know, big, strong guys, including myself move. But I don't know what's in those boxes. So labelers. Yeah, that is helpful. And let me ask you a question. You ever struggled and then eventually just gave up on putting together a toy your kids have gotten as a gift? Have I ever struggled to put a gift? I will say this.

Once I went past a shop window, there was a very elaborate dollhouse in the window. And I said, I'd like to buy this dollhouse. And they said it, this is the last one left. And I said, okay, perfect, right? Because it's already assembled. Brilliant. Brought it home. Didn't like it. I went to return it. And it was like $100. I went to return it. And the guy said,

No, you can't return it because it's assembled. Lamorne! This guy! What a jerk. And out of principle, I never shop there again. Oh my God. You're never going back to Target? You're never going back to Target? What about you? Have you ever struggled to put a toy together? If I brought this laptop out to the side of my house, there is a old...

toy car that is now just sitting on the side of my house. So if anybody comes to my house and they want it, it is not put together. And it is not difficult. What happened was, is that multiple people brought my daughter the exact same gift. I put together one of them. Sure. And then when I started opening more presents for her, I see the exact same one I just put together.

And it wasn't until I really took it out of the box before I realized what was happening. And then I just set it on the side of the house. When they were doing it out, like the gardeners came and they were cleaning stuff up. They took it out of the box and threw the box away in the recycling bin and left the toy, like the pieces there.

in a bag on the side of the house. So now it's just sitting there and it's been there since last year. And I have it. I was going to say, what a good re-gift you could give that someone else, but now you can't do it. It's in a trash bag, just pieces. Yeah. I mean, that thing's been here. I mean, it literally she's, she'll be five this year. That toy was from, I mean, it's from a while ago. It's from the house before this house and I had to bring it anyway. It was a long story. Hysterical. Yeah.

We're going to bury it next to you. Yeah, that's it. Let me tell you something. I put together the gifts for my kids. Even when my daughter doesn't want to play with them, I keep them and I play with them myself. A little basketball. We got that little right there. Buckets. Buckets all day. I put that together quickly. That's our show. We got to talk about next week because next week, big news.

News. Big news. It's a crazy thing because it's like 3, 2, 1, big news. And on March 21st, which is 3, 2, 1, and the episode's called Big News, and it's big news. 3, 2, 1. That's right.

I think I'm catching on to what you're saying. Max Greenfield will be here next week. Max Greenfield is on the podcast, y'all. That's right. Very exciting. So send us your questions. Send us videos at TheMessAroundPod at gmail.com. Follow us on IG for all the updates and stuff like that. And we read your comments. We listen to them. We check the DMs. You can do that at IG, TheMessAroundPod. That's TheMessAroundPod.com.

And as always, Hannah is rocking something fantastic. So please, we got young Fergie. So go ahead and cop that. We have all the sizes and colors. We even got the old mesh version now for all you newbies.

As always, we love you guys. That was The Mess Around, an iHeartMedia production. Our executive producer is Joelle Monique. Our senior producer is Abu Zafar. Bay Wang provided engineering and editing services. Additional production from Daniel Goodman, Wendy Heisler, and Kyle Chevron. Our theme song was written and composed by Ronald Jukebox Jackson. Catch you next time. Bye. Listen as Selenia tells us why she chose to vaccinate her daughter.

Right after my daughter was born, my husband and I are having to decide whether or not to get her vaccinated. I definitely felt like the pros far outweighed the cons. The diseases that I am protecting my child against, they're still here. Talk to your child's doctor and learn more at whyvaccines.com. Brought to you by Merck.

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The Unshakeables podcast is kicking off season two with an episode you won't want to miss. Join host Ben Walter, CEO of Chase for Business, as he welcomes a very special guest, chairman and CEO of JPMorgan Chase, Jamie Dimon. Hear about the challenges facing small businesses and some of the uh-oh moments Jamie has overcome. Listen wherever you get your podcasts.

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