402: Dice with Satya
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This is Levittown, a new podcast from iHeart Podcasts, Bloomberg and Kaleidoscope about the rise of deepfake pornography and the battle to stop it. Listen to Levittown on Bloomberg's Big Take podcast. Find it on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. I like that. Yes. That's a wrap. That's a wrap. That. Uh-huh. On that, that's a wrap.

- Welcome to the podcast. We have one of my favorite human beings of all time and one of the most critical players in the New Girl universe. Ooh, and a magician. How fitting for this comedy magician. - I didn't know I could do that with my fingers. - I need to now moonwalk out of this because we've learned that that's a red flag. Mr. Satya Baba, AKA. - Hello, hello mess around verse.

- Shivrang, Shivrung, still can't do it. - Honey, nobody knows. At this point, when they reboot the series, they'll figure it out.

- So you just went to Coachella? I did not. - Yeah, yes. I just got back from my first ever Coachella. Grandpa's hanging with the kids and it was super fun. I had the best time. Like, it's like, you know, like I think of like the word festival as a verb. It's like to festival and just like festivaling is really fun. It's like a fun fair for grownups.

You kind of have a plan. You also kind of don't care about the plan. You're just sort of moseying about, you know. It's good that we're talking about this before an episode that has to do with marijuana. But it definitely was a good weekend. How am I doing? Am I still puffy? Am I coming back to life? You know, it's so funny if you want to know. Like, first of all, festivaling is my nightmare. Yeah.

It's not fun for me. Not fun for me. - You gotta do it with me, baby. You gotta do it with me. - No, so many people. It's like dusty. Everybody's like, it's like such a nightmare for me. The only time I went to Coachella,

There may be another time that I don't remember, but there was one time that I do remember going to Coachella. The only reason I went was to see somebody perform that I was like, I will never miss this person performing if I can. And do you know who that person was? Who was it? If you want to know. Who was it? I want to know the real you. You want to know who I am all the way? Leonard Cohen.

Wow. Now, could I be in love with you more? Apparently I can. Apparently, yes. That was it. I was like, no, Coachella. I'm so introverted. I'm a house cat. The idea of like a ton of people and all close, like not my jam at all. And then I saw Leonard Cohen and I cried. I was in L.A. and I got in my car.

and I drove and it was like five hours 'cause of Coachella traffic. - Sure. - And got there just as he got on stage and I stood there and it was like I was at church. - There you go. - And then he performed and it was done. I got in my car and drove home. - Well, you know what? You know what? It's all about taking what you need from the experience.

I mean, really, I feel like the people are like, I'm going to see everything. I'm going to be there from the moment the gates open until the end of the day. No. It's all about being like, do I want to go in early today? Should I wait a little bit and go in later? You know, it was a great weekend. Have you been to a Burning Man? No, I haven't been to a Burning Man. A little dry.

- That's what I'm saying, it's a little dusty. - Yeah, I will say like Coachella in the like fake fantasy that is like that area of America, it's like, it's on a polo field, so it's like all grass. It's like you're like out on the lawn the whole time, which obviously makes no sense. - Did they move where Coachella is? I just remember dust.

I don't know. It wasn't super dusty when I was there this last weekend, but it was definitely like on this grassy thing. But Burning Man, I mean, I think I could do it. I would like to do it, but I haven't. I just haven't. I just am thinking about the poor listeners of this show who are like, oh man, Coachella, like, so they could really tell us about Coachella. And it's just Princess Hannah being just like, it's so dusty.

- Yeah, exactly. You'll be like, "Stop talking about it, it's stressing me out." - Where is the septuagenarians performing? - There you go. - Okay, all right, we are getting into a great episode, one that I totally forgot about until I rewatched it, which is kind of fitting for what the episode is about, "Dice".

It was written by my beloveds, Matt Fussfeld and Alex Cuthbertson. I actually, they did a pilot for me based on my family. That's who wrote it, Matt and Alex. Alex is now, what a love story, married to Liz Merriweather. Wait, wait, wait. Can you do it? There we go. Comedy magicians.

And every time Satya is making heart hands, hearts just explode out of him. And it's directed by the wonderful and dearly missed Lynn Shelton.

We love her very much. So I'm going to just do the quick rundown and we are going to dive in. So it is episode 402, Dice. In this episode, Jess begs Schmidt to teach her the ways of online dating, specifically the app Dice. This leads to a bundle of dates with all different types of men ending with the worst kind.

A comedy magician. Meanwhile, Winston is trying to make a good impression with his fellow cop buddies, so he decides to bring a very high coach, Nick and Cece, with him to a cop party. Bold move. Yeah, stressful. Stressful. Oh my goodness. Have you ever been on the dating apps? I have been on...

- The meeting people apps, Hannah. - Oh, the meeting people apps, okay. - You know, us gays do things a little differently. We sort of date in reverse. We start at the end and then we work backwards to the beginning. If you get to dinner, then you've done really good. - Wow. - But this episode, rewatching it, I was kind of like,

Oh, it felt like the beginning of... Like, it felt like early. Like, she was talking about online dating. Like, send him... Like, you got mail. Right? And then... And it just reminds me of how quickly this has all changed. Because, no, like...

I never really dated online at all, actually. I've met people on apps, but more kind of hook-up-y mess around thing, if I may. But no, it's like that all kind of was kicking off around then. And have you? Did you ever go on the dating apps? Me? Hello. This is Leonard Cohen Coachella. Fair, fair, fair. I have never.

Not only have I never- Dating pigeons, like dating telegrams maybe as Moyes speaks. I've found cats on apps. Like I've gone on like the SPCA's app. Okay, that's kind of the same thing. I've found a cat. Oh.

But I know I've never, and what's even crazier is I've never been on the app. I will say I had a friend, a mutual friend actually, who was like, nobody's matching with me. And she's like beautiful, smart, talented. And then she showed me her profile and what she had written. And I was like, oh, baby girl, what you know about me?

You cannot say all these things. It was so like earnest and so like dreamy written. And it was just like, it was so heavy and like, and then the connecting of our souls and whatever. And I was like, no, also like stop all these pictures with your parents.

- Yeah, no, absolutely. - I was like, no! - Okay, good, I've definitely, yeah, I've never been on The Dating House, but I've definitely done the profile cleanup for a few friends. - Yes! - I'm just like, just give me your phone. This isn't working, you don't know who you are. - You don't know! - You don't know who you are. Like, let me tell the world the worst part of you so they'll love you, right?

That's right. That's what we're looking for. We gotta just get here on the one-dimensional meeting first, and then you get there, you charm them, they'll fall in love with you, it'll be great. It's the same thing you like buy Amazon stuff on. You like buying clothes on the app. That's right. You don't wanna like the backstory. No. You just need the, yeah, it's capitalism at its best. That's very true.

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Someone was posting photos. It was just me naked. Well, not me, but me with someone else's body parts on my body parts that looked exactly like my own. I wanted to throw up. I wanted to scream. It happened in Levittown, New York. But reporting the series took us through the darkest corners of the internet and to the front lines of a global battle against deepfake pornography.

This should be illegal, but what is this? This is a story about a technology that's moving faster than the law and about vigilantes trying to stem the tide. I'm Margie Murphy. And I'm Olivia Carvel. This is Levittown, a new podcast from iHeart Podcasts, Bloomberg and Kaleidoscope. Listen to Levittown on Bloomberg's Big Take podcast. Find it on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

Okay, let's dive into this episode. So basically, and this I do believe is true. Basically, Schmidt and Jess are built so differently with their approaches to love that this app is not for her. This is just a hookup app. But she really wants to be on it. So he says, do not get on this app. It's not meant for you. So she immediately gets on the app and...

It was hard for my brain, who's never really gone on like date dates, to imagine that that guy who's on the treadmill with the beard. Yeah. That that's real. It's a TV show. That one might not be the most real. Although, you know, the amazing thing about this episode is that she goes on dates with like, like half of the dates are really good friends of Liz and mine from college.

Right? Because it's like Matteo Borghese, John Phillips. Like these are all Liz and I were in this comedy group called The Fifth Humor at college. And these were all dudes who we were in the comedy group with. And so it was so fun watching this episode. I was like, oh, Matteo, he's an amazing writer. As is John. They've both written like amazing and big things. And I was like, oh, it's so nice to see these guys. But they would be terrible to go on days with, definitely.

I feel like I saw, it's a very like infamous, almost like urban legend-y thing. I saw the original pitch pages for New Girl when she was like just shopping the idea around. Later in our friendship, when I was trying to develop a show with her now husband and Matt, I was like, what did that look like? You created a hit show. What does that pitch page look like?

And I think she mentioned Mateo in it, right? She definitely, she mentions Mateo, Jeff. Yeah. And who else? She mentioned maybe John. Yeah. She mentions like three of our friends from college who I'm still in touch with. And I know she is as well. Yeah. John Phillips, I forgot was in this episode. Also was a very dear friend of mine. And he, him showing up made me laugh because I remember he,

John wrote a movie called Dirty Grandpa. He definitely did. Yes, with De Niro. Aubrey Plaza hits on De Niro. That's right. I remember Aubrey was telling me about shooting that movie. And she was doing all of her gross, weird, crazy, out there comedy stuff. And she was just like, De Niro would just give her these looks like, who are you? She said by the end of the shoot, they got along really well. But at the beginning, he was like, what is this? What am I doing? Which I totally believe.

Yeah. I believe that too. It's so funny. Cause they did a, you know, like when they're trying to get a movie up and going, they'll just invite friends to come and read it out loud so they can hear it. Totally. And they had De Niro and De Niro wanted to do that read just like the, for fun friends read. And, um,

John asked me to come and read what ended up being Aubrey's role. Oh my God. How cool. How cool. Right. So I, it was at CAA, I feel like, and I was like, in my brain, I was just like, I'm about to go and sit next to Robert De Niro. Yeah. Amazing. And I was sweating because there's a line in that movie, Dirty Grandpa,

Where the character, this Aubrey character, looks at De Niro and goes, I want to thunderfuck you. Yeah. Yeah. I remember that bit. Do you under... I...

- I was like, this is my encounter with one of the greatest actors of our generation. I'm gonna meet him for the first time and I have to look at him and say, "Wanna thunder fuck you?" It was so difficult, the challenging, and to make it worse, one of his kids was in the room. - Oh my God, oh my God. Wow, that's awkward. - And I just, it's like,

in my brain. So John Phillips comes into this and he's the guy that sits at the bar with her and is talking about raisins, Austrian raisins? Are raisins from Austria? I'm sure someone did a Google. It makes me feel like raisins are grown in Austria, which like obviously they're just grapes, but I didn't know that there was some kind of like a significant raisin story in Austria. I feel like I was, I was looking it up last night and there was, um,

Liz did an interview about this episode and she was talking about how John at the time was dating a girl from Austria and improv'd it. Oh, there you go. Which is also the talent of John Phillips. He's like such a great writer and he's such a great improver and funny guy. And so that was just like a bit that he pulled. That's so funny. Yeah. Very John Phillips. Yeah.

Yeah, it was funny to watch. A series of terrible dates. A series of terrible dates that they go on with all these familiar faces. And so he's doing this to kind of gear her up for the guy that she's not ready for yet. And she needs to learn the outs, which made me think, have you ever been in a situation where you're like, I needed an out? And then what did you say or do?

I have. And I'll say, like, I mean, the outs are so funny in this episode. Like, I love that. And, you know, Zoe just nails it every time. He's like, I have to go help my dying uncle. They're just great. I've had to do it. I've texted friends to call me. I've been like, can you call me right now? Because, like, I think, like,

You cannot fake a ringing phone like that. Like the idea that you can just be like, oh, oh, oh, it's like, no, no. Everybody knows what that feels like. But I've definitely texted friends like, call me in 15. And then be like, I'm so sorry. I have like, I have an emergency. I have to leave.

But, you know, I don't know. I also am kind of like a, like a, I like the adventure. Like I'll stick through it. I mean, I'm not going to stick through it all the way, but like, I like, I'll be like, what's going on? Is there something to get out of this person? But definitely there's that like crux moment sometimes where someone's like, should we get another round? And you're like, no, no, no, no. Like, how do we, how do we get out of this? In fact, it's like check one more, like has it happens at the same time. But have you,

I've definitely had situations where I've had to like, well, my thing that I've discussed many times with Lamorne is in my view of my life, I've never really been on a date. Like I've met people, we've become friends, it progresses. I'm like a very slow kind of like burn situation and then

It's all emotional first. It's like it's it's maybe most people's nightmare. But that's like how I work. It's like slow. So I've never like someone's been like, we're going to go on a date. And I'm just like, whoa, I don't like like I'll kick it with like a bunch of people. But yeah, yeah, yeah. I need to like anyway, feel comfortable. So but I've definitely been in situations and this is where everybody kind of like gets upset with me where I am on a date, but I don't know that it's a date.

You see what I'm saying? That's scary. It's very scary because the guy is very like...

you know, being romantic or whatever at the end of the evening. And I'm just like, what are you talking about, bud? Like, I thought we were just like kicking it. Like, you know, bro and a sis, like, just chilling. Well, I mean, it's kind of like the whole, you know, kind of like what the whole show's about. Like, what is that line? Like, can dudes and girls be friends? That's right. Or does it always end up sliding in that direction? And how do you know kind of one or the other? Right. That is a scary moment. Yeah, because I guess there's also this thing of like,

people being very scared to like not wanting to be friend zoned. So they need to like make their intention clear first. And that's how I'm like, do you believe in the friend zone? Is it like a binary? Like this person gets like how and how quick does it happen?

Like how quickly are you is someone just categorically a friend? I feel like everybody's got a different, a different way that they work. For me, it's pretty quick. Well, I'll know like, oh, there could be something here or no, like the no is you know, I know I always like I am not single anymore. But like when I was, I'd always like,

I always felt like, look, if I'm not mildly obsessed with you within 10 seconds, it's just not going to happen. And then I'd always be like, dude, come on. Are you really going to just write them off that quickly? And my brain would be like, yes. And I would be like, no. But it is really hard to convince yourself or to change that. It's happened.

but it's really rare. I feel like. It's really rare. Like you need, I saw Jay Shetty was talking about like the different kinds of loves and it was sort of like, there's the firework, there's the candle, there's the mirror. He talked about that. Okay, cool. And I feel like those are like truth in terms of connection. Like you need that connection

Whatever that thing is, that spark thing to connect you. And you need that growth. You need that challenge. You need all of that stuff to have a deeper connection. It's also the thing that counterweighs the terrifying nature of being vulnerable. To get that vulnerable, you need to be like, but the prize is amazing. I'm so excited about the thing that I'm going to...

sacrifice this safety and security. Right? That's right. It's the risk of it. And the falling of it. You know, you need to be able to fall. If you're in full control of it, that ain't your person. I have to say, one of the funniest moments that caught me off guard when I was re-watching last night is Schmidt running up and going...

The bees are back. Yeah. Mama said the bees are back. Dive into this ridiculous little accent. It's so great. It's funny. So many people emailed about this episode. And I guess people are dating. People are out in the streets and they're meeting people. They're having a good time. Good. And this is a highly quoted episode.

episode for people who are in that world because of the hysterical exit lines that Schmidt gives and then the panicked one of Ma the Beezer. That's so funny. Yeah, like I could see that going on the like group text like it was a Beezaback situation. You know, it's like bee emoji. It's like,

Yeah. It's so funny. Okay. Also, let's just talk about Winston for a second, because this situation is so funny to me too, that he's never had a nickname and he doesn't feel like he's in with everybody and he's not part of the friend group. And I was like, is having like a nickname, like,

symbolic of the deeper friendship. It sounds like razzing to me. You're going to need to get a straight man to tell you that. I don't know. I think it's like a straight dude thing because they're all called like Dave and Mike. And so they have to like, yeah, they all have the same name. So they're like, you know, but it's also, um,

There's also that like last name thing when people are like, you know, so Smith, so Davis, like it's like very like sportsy, I guess. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know either. I will tell you this. It's for me, I have no nickname. My name is Hannah. Okay, that's it. That's my name. I can immediately tell because you meet a lot of people, then you see people years later, you don't always remember them.

But I can immediately tell if this is a person that is like, I do know and is a friend of mine, or they're trying to posture to other people like we're good friends because they'll call me Han. Okay, that's not- They're like, oh my God, Han or Hanny. Hanny? Hanny, I haven't seen you. And I'm just like, we don't know each other. You don't know me. I don't know you. You haven't seen me because we've never met. You don't know me. Yeah. There's no worlds.

where you and I are friends, what are you doing and who are you doing it for? It's true, it's like the assumed nickname, the assumed familiarity is real annoying. Really? Yeah, yeah, I totally agree. No, I don't really, but you know, Winston's just desperate for a little community. I know. And if that's what's gonna give it to him, being called Toilet, then-

Thank God bless him. Careful what you wish for, man. Careful what you wish for. I do like the advice where they're like, just show up.

Yeah. Just go, just show up. Yeah, Cece gives him good advice. Like, go hang out with the people. If you want to make friends, go hang out with the people. Have you ever asked them for a hang? Which I think is totally right. Yeah. Some people often don't do that. They're like, they don't want to talk to me. And then I'm like, well, did you ever talk to them? And they're like, no. It's like, well, guess they feel like you don't want to talk to them as well. That's right. That pick-me energy is like not the vibe. Mm-mm-mm-mm. It's not the vibe. Totally. So unfortunately, though, for Winston,

coach, Winston, or coach, Nick, sorry, and Cece all decide to imbibe. Yeah, they get stoned. They eat brownies. She bakes some weed brownies. Which is like such an endearingly unemployed, kind of like borderline unemployed way of ingesting weed. They're like, I really want to get high. And then it's like, first step, melt the butter. You're like, you have time.

You have a lot of time on your hands. You're getting a recipe. Yeah, exactly. Like you're going to go buy flour to get high. All right. All right. Like you're definitely, uh, this, this is a, I do love that kind of stuff about TV where it just like shows up and you're just like, hold up. This is, this is so much sober time. So much time to make the choice so many times to do the thing.

I will say, this has also been very loudly discussed in the New Girl universe, that Jake Johnson is so wonderful at playing altered states. Yeah. And he could do a whole show just like that, and it would be my favorite thing in the world. Well, so you were looking at that, and it's like, Hannah's playing stoned. Yeah, Damon's playing stoned. Yeah, Jake really knows what it's like being stoned. Jake's like...

I remember chatting to Jake when we were shooting the show about smoking weed and he was like, "Yeah, man." I'm sure you've talked about this on the show a ton about how they used to throw us alts. They'd throw alt joke lines in and so they'll throw a line, you have to memorize it, you have to say it all the time. And I remember Jake just basically being like, "I can't smoke weed anymore because it's too stressful with the alts."

Like when they start throwing the alts, it just they go in and out in a second. And like, I just have to have like 1000% brain capacity at all times of the day so that I can do that one hour perfectly. And I was like, that makes sense. Yeah, there was an actor on our show who came and guested for a while and they were asked in an interview. I'm trying to remember who it was. They're like, what's it like acting on New Girl? And they're like, it's like trying to act while being heckled.

Like just like the level of the alts that were kind of coming from video village. And it was, we were used to it. We kind of didn't know different, but for other people, it was like, Whoa, I've never been on a show. That's like work where someone's going to shout a monologue at you. And you just have to like,

like be able to do it perfectly yeah it's very difficult for anyone who has like a process yeah yeah yeah our show is different that way jake though playing this this uh altered state had me laughing and it wasn't even the way he was delivering the lines it was when he wasn't speaking because he does this like like just very like always thinking like the mind hasn't stopped he's just like

- Oh, God. - Completely. - Okay, let's go. And it was killing me. - Yeah, what I also love about this is that it's like, I feel like everybody talks about like, oh, when I'm stoned, I get paranoid or like weed paranoia, but,

they do clock, they do sort of like name check the main paranoia, which is everyone else is going to think I'm high. Like, I feel like when I learned- Which is why we have to go to the party. Exactly. But when I learned in my life, like, nobody knows you're high. Like, now the guy at the bodega doesn't know that you're high. Like, nobody's thinking about whether or not you're high. They're just like, what do you want? Like, and when I realized that, I feel like is when I was like, oh, I can be stoned in public and it's fine. Um,

But before that, I was like, they're all thinking about me, but it's a good lesson for life. It's not about you. - It's not about you. This is a dark turn on that, but I'll share it. I finally went on like a little getaway

And we were driving down the PCH. And I was like, oh my God, I have a break. This is so wonderful. You know, not working. And just like my first getaway in a long time. And just as we were pulling into like Laguna Beach, I'd never been to Laguna Beach. I was like, oh, this is going to be so great. I look out the window. It's like, welcome to Laguna Beach. And then there is a man who,

lying on his back with a crumpled bicycle next to him. A guy runs out of like the emergency vehicle, gets on his chest and is giving him, I know. Oh my gosh. And it was an older guy that was like on the ground. And I like immediately like crying, like turn and look. And my partner looks at me and goes,

it's not about you. This is not about you right now. They were just about to watch the whole getaway derail. I'm crying as we just about to start and was like, this is not about you. Cause I was like, what does this mean? I was like, we just went to go have a getaway and there's a dead man on the side of the road. And it was like,

Not about you. No, that's correct. You know, in these times, there is a healthy degree of compartmentalization that is needed. Like, you know, like we can't let it all go inside because if it does, we'll just break. But that's what you know. That's why your partner sounds like a really good partner for you. Forget about that dead man. We're having a good time today. Ignore the dead old man, Hannah. We're here for fun.

It was terrible. Well, I guess that's kind of what Winston goes through because he brings his friends to basically have his back, make him look funny, make him look cool. And they're all just like tweaking. They don't know what's going on. They can't show up for him. I do remember there was so much conversation about this episode because you cannot show on network TV somebody using drugs and enjoying it. Oh, interesting. So can you show someone high?

You just can't show them in taking it. You can't show them in taking it in. You can't show them, as far as I understand, you can't show them enjoying it, really. And then it has to end, which is why they had to have Damon clearly say, I'm never doing drugs again. I thought that was a bit of an overreaction. I was like, never? That's legal. That's just legal, bro. That's legal.

- Interesting. - There was a call from the office being like, he has to say this clearly, not in a big group thing. It's gotta be this single shot. He's got to say it really clearly because you can't sit there and be like, go smoke weed and hang out with cops and it's a fun time and it'll all work out for you. - I wonder if in a post legalization universe, that is the same for weed.

Interesting. Because people, I mean, people would, you know, I love how like the alcohol lobby has won so hard and like forever people are like, it's so fun being drunk. But then legal is like, you cannot say weed is fun. No. It's, yeah, interesting. Okay. Yeah. So I remember that. It does look like a stressful party, to be clear. Yeah.

To be surrounded by cops, locked in a closet. The whole thing is so weird. I know they were trying to make it all look casual, like a backyard cop hang.

But it felt scary watching it. I was just like, I would not feel comfortable Stone Cold sober in that room. No, me neither. Me neither. I agree. I agree. I was like, again, this is nickname bros. These are not my bros. Like, I don't know. I don't know. It also ended just mean when they were just like, and you're the toilet. And I was like, oh man, these aren't like your friends, Winston. Just no. Like, just go up to your job and leave. Yeah, seriously. These are not the nice guys. No.

All right. So we go back to then the dating situation. She's kind of learned and she wins the reward of her final date. She thinks she sees a red flag, our Jess, and she calls him on it is wrong.

Yeah, I mean, is that a red flag? Like if someone's like, oh, come to this bar. And then they're like, I live actually just right around the corner. Is that a little like eye roll? It is, for a girl. It's a little cheesy. It's cheesy. It's a cheesy thing. It's a massive, for a girl, it's potentially scary because you don't know who that man is. Like my rules for my girlfriends when they go on dates is, first of all, no food. There will be no food consumed on your first meeting. Because of time? No.

No, just because if you need to get out of there, it's like hard if you're waiting on food and it's a whole thing. And yes, it extends it. We're meeting for coffee. We're meeting in the middle of the day. It's not going to be near like where your house is or something like that. There's going to have somebody who knows where you are the whole time.

I'm such a mom. I'm like, listen, there are so many rules for your dates. I like it. You're on there like rewriting their dating apps, planning their dates for them. This is side business. You're basically like Yentl. And I have zero experience in it. And you've never been on a date. And I've never been on a date, but let me tell you how it's going to go down for you. So she does all of that and then she regrets it and feels bad. She does a big apology, gets him back, and then he's the worst.

Real cheesy. Real cheesy, really funny. Really, really funny. Yeah, you know what was amazing? I was like, that's a very talented actor because you buy it from the beginning that he's gorgeous, sexy, smoldering, cool. And then to be able to turn immediately into a full ick.

Yes. For the audience. That's not easy. He did it so good. No, I totally agree. And just, I just want to say out loud, magicians are amazing. Amazing. Comedians are a little less amazing, but they're still amazing. Magician comedians are,

I guess could be cool. It's more like don't bring your work to the date. Do you know what I mean? He's like doing a bit the whole time. And it's that energy that I feel is like so ick. Like, I don't mind, you know, a little hat out of a rabbit every now and then. Sure. Save it for the bedroom, bro. You know? Save your money, Paul. I don't even know what a hat out of a rabbit is. Don't answer that. Nobody think about what a hat out of a rabbit is. Don't go into Urban Dictionary and Google pulling your hat out of a rabbit.

Well, that was the episode. I think it was such a great fun one. It definitely, it's funny. A lot of people, when they write about this episode, we're like, this is going to timestamp new girl, but I think it like actually plays well. I think people are on these apps. It's actually only grown. And there's been so many success stories now from it that it actually wasn't like a weird flash in the pan way of dating. It's stuck around. And a new girl called that one, right? They,

They definitely did. I've had friends get married from a grinder hookup. I've had friends get married from a tap, I mean, which is a, or a poke. There used to be a thing on Facebook where you could poke someone. Oh, yeah. And it was just like a little like ping, like, hi. I've had people get married off of a Facebook poke. So it's a real thing, for sure. Yeah. Yeah, I definitely, I know so many people where you're like, how did you meet? And before, remember, it used to be like this thing, like. They'd lie about it. Yeah, they'd be like, at yoga. Like, we have to fuck him up.

with a different story and now it's so normal. So shout out to the apps. The name Dice though does crack me up because it's a terrible name for an app. It's good. There's like so many, there's so many, I'm sure, talk about alts. I'm sure they pitched a million ideas for like what the like dumb dating app name is. But Dice is a great one.

Oh, the picture. Also, isn't that picture they show right in the beginning of like the most handsome guy? That's Berkley Johnson.

I think there's a picture of Berkeley with like the blonde hair who's like gorgeous and the jaw and everything. And I feel like that picture initially they showed was one of the writers of New Girl, wrote many episodes, one of the funniest guys, was known for always picking the best names for like characters that would come on the show. He just had that knack, but was like gorgeous. So many New Girl writers were like gorgeous and funny. They had it all, man. They had it all.

We're going to take a quick break. When we're going to come back, we are going to miss. Okay, so have you ever noticed how we hold back our smiles in awkward situations? Okay, but here's the thing. Sometimes, sometimes a smile can change everything. And Colgate is here to give you the confidence to smile first. Okay, so the other day I walked into a meeting and I just felt like the person I was meeting with was just sizing me up, just staring at me. Super awkward. But I remembered.

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Someone was posting photos. It was just me naked. Well, not me, but me with someone else's body parts on my body parts that looked exactly like my own. I wanted to throw up. I wanted to scream. It happened in Levittown, New York. But reporting the series took us through the darkest corners of the internet and to the front lines of a global battle against deepfake pornography.

This should be illegal, but what is this? This is a story about a technology that's moving faster than the law and about vigilantes trying to stem the tide. I'm Margie Murphy. And I'm Olivia Carvel. This is Levittown, a new podcast from iHeart Podcasts, Bloomberg and Kaleidoscope. Listen to Levittown on Bloomberg's Big Take podcast. Find it on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

Okay, we are back. Okay, so we have a couple things to mess around with and chat through. What is the worst first date that you've gone on? Well, as I say, us gays do things a little bit backwards. So I've definitely...

I've definitely met someone in a maybe slightly more intimate scenario. And then soon thereafter been like, oh my God, like there might be a part of you that I can get down with, but like not you. But I also remember once I went on a date and this guy was just basically telling me that I didn't,

He was like, "I don't think that you really are that into me. I don't think that you like me enough. Like, I know what it's like when people are really into me and nah, you're not giving me..." I was just like, "Bro, I've just met you. Like, give me a second." And so it just kind of left me feeling like both like, you're right, actually, I don't like you very much now, and also like guilty about it.

I was like, don't yell at me for not liking you before I even know if I like you. Sure. Yeah. Well, that's a bit of a weird thing. We had to manifest that, bro. Lost out on a catch. What a mistake you made. There you go. I will tell you when I found myself on a date again, didn't know it was a date. I thought it was like meeting this like fun person. And we were friends of friends and they were like, Hey, you want to go grab dinner? I assumed other people would be there. They were not. Um, and.

We were sitting there at a sushi restaurant and it was, again, it's so quick how you realize like, oh, even as a friend, you are not going to be my person. They were at a sushi restaurant and I ordered edamame. And he was like, oh, like you don't like, what do you say? You're obviously like not educated on Montesanto and soy. So you've just lost a point.

And then he said, I'm going to order like these oyster shooters or whatever these shots. And he's and I said, oh, like, I don't I don't like oysters. And he said, it'll get you two points.

Sir? This is deranged. Excuse me, sir. Deranged. Excuse me. Excuse me, sir. I'm not here to be raided by you. What the was that? And then it was so crazy. At the end of the night, he's like, I'll give you a ride home. I have to call my driver. And I was like, why do you have a driver? And he's like, oh, because I got a DUI. Oh, gosh. And so I can't legally. And it was all the stuff from this episode. Yeah. Like, they had a DUI. Yeah.

So it's like red flags, like a whole parade. Like, no way. It was so crazy. He told me how his daddy bought him it. He always wanted to have two passports because he just feels like it's cool to just be like, I have dual citizenship. And I guess you could buy citizenship in Panama or something. And he was like, so if you're a good girl, you could get a... And I was like, I literally just come from working at the UN. And I'm sitting with this...

I'm not even on a date with you. I don't even know how this situation happened. And it was so crazy. He dropped me off and I got out of the car. I just closed the door and went in the house. Bye bye. And then he kept texting me, I remember, for whatever, weeks afterwards. And I was like, I'm sick. I'm sorry. I'm sick. I can't, whatever. And then he would leave me the get well baskets on my doorstep.

And I'd be walking inside my apartment. Yes, that was a terrible date, but that's all on him. Yeah, 100%. 100%. What? Points? We don't do points. Points, bro. No, thank you. Points. That's crazy. That's crazy. That's crazy. I was like, do you hear yourself? Yeah. Oh, man. Sorry to that man. The insecurity. The insecurity. I'm sorry to that man. Let's just say.

As our Lord and Savior Kiki once mentioned. I am sorry to that man. Sorry to that man. Okay, what piece of advice would you give someone going on a dating app? Well, y'all just heard mine. I have a lot. I have a lot of rules if you're going on these apps and meeting someone. And have any of your friends met their significant others on a dating app? Yes, we were just talking about this. Yes. Absolutely. So many. Yeah, so many people meet their significant others on dating apps. I mean, I feel like, you know, connection is hard. And at the end of the day, like, really...

Obviously within the bounds of safety, call Hannah, she'll tell you how to do it right. But like just getting in front of people in the real world, you never know, you know? It's like, there's so many people who like maybe on paper or maybe a photo I might not find attractive, but then you just like something sparks and you're like, this is amazing. And so I feel like,

My advice would be like, don't read too much into it. Don't be like analyzing their copy, like their little like about you section. Just be like, okay, this person seems fun. Let's grab a coffee. Of course, you know, there's only so much time in the day. But I do feel like at the end of the day, I've had so many friends get stuck in these like,

months long chat scenarios with someone on Hinge or Tinder. And I'm like, who has the time? You could meet this person and just be like, from the first second, actually, it's not a thing. That's great advice. It's just like to get offline, get off your device and actually meet the person you will know. It's there to connect you with people in real life, not to connect you with people online. You're not looking for an online boyfriend.

Right. It's not AOL chat, bro. From back in the day. Exactly. I also feel like if you're dating someone and it's kind of like a bit murky for you and you're not sure, this is terrible for me to say out loud, but it's just the truth, is that if you haven't met their friends yet and they really want you to meet their friends, but you're kind of like one foot out the door, meet their friends because sometimes they have cute friends.

- Just wanna say. - Wow. - I just wanna say. - Wow, wow. I like it. I like it. - It's really hard, like we're saying, to get off the device and meet people. This person that you kind of are into might have like a super,

- Totally, totally. - And they're a group of friends. And now you're already out in the world and you're kind of connected. They're kind of half vetted for you too. It's not like a total stranger. And so like, just meet the friends. - Totally. I mean, the amount of people who like will segue from like a flirtation to a friend and then their friend can become a date, it's totally possible. - This is what I'm saying. - You know, it's like, we all like having cool people around us. So if you just go out there and make people interested in you, like who knows what can come.

That's what I'm trying to say. Yeah, 100%. So the last one is, what's the funniest I was stoned story you've heard? Well, let's see. I mean, I definitely know it's kind of not, it's actually not funny, but it's hilarious as many things are, which is that some friends of mine baked this huge tray of pot brownies.

And they like leave them in their thing, like in their kitchen, like covered in saran wrap, whatever. They go out and their cleaning lady comes over and they're like out. My friend's at work and she gets this call from her neighbor that's like, the police are at your house.

And she was like, "What?" And her neighbor's like real-timing it. It's like, "Yeah, the police are there. An ambulance has just pulled up." She freaks out. She goes home. And basically it turns out that her cleaning lady had eaten like four brownies thinking they were regular brownies and got so stoned that she thought she was having like a psychotic break and ended up like freaked out, calling the police, calling the ambulance. She was totally fine. But it was like, "Oh yeah, you need to label that.

You need to label, like if it's brownies, like anyone's going to steal a little brownie. Although like if you have someone at work who's like always stealing your food out of the fridge, that could be a fun little move. Just put a hot brownie in there. Exactly. It's the lesson for you. That's so funny because that's similar to the story I have. I had this boyfriend and he was very...

He was a little more into me than I was to him. And he was going to meet my friends. And we were going over to a friend's place. They lived in Marina Del Rey. And he really, of course, I think he could sense the imbalance and really wanted my friends to like love him, right? Root for him. Okay. And we went over for dinner. She had some like snackies out. And there was a bowl of popcorn in the kitchen.

And I guess, you know, he's nervous energy. He was going in the kitchen to help like set up the table or whatever for them. He was just eating handfuls of this popcorn. And it turns out it was like laced popcorn.

I didn't even know that was weed popcorn. That she had had for herself. I'd never heard of weed popcorn. And she, I guess, had it for herself that she was snacking on before. She's just like, you know, she lives on that level. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so she's chill. It was like there's nothing for her. But he, nothing. He barely drank. Poor guy. Poor guy. So all of a sudden at dinner, his legs are shaking and his hands, he's like sweaty and he's like stumbling on his words. And...

And she looks at him and she goes, did you eat any of the popcorn in the kitchen? And he's like, I ate the bowl. And then she goes, okay, that's just like 100% THC. Wow. Wow.

For him then, it went to like Mach 11, right? Because now you're high and you've just been told you're high and you didn't know you were high. And everybody that you're trying to impress knows you're high. This time they really know you're high. So he then is like...

And I was like, I'm so sorry, we have to leave. Like, he's not comfortable. This is also whack that you didn't like say something. And so I get him in the car and he has a car that I don't know how to drive, but he clearly can't drive. And it was the most comical thing of this man who did everything right. And then was in the most vulnerable thing. And I will say it made me like him a little more. I mean, it's a cute, endearing little move.

Yeah, he was just so helpless. And he was like this big guy and I had to like kind of take care of and help him. And he was scared and had to get him snacks and be like, just go to sleep. When you wake up, you'll be fine. Wow, that's so sweet. That's so sweet and that is true. Wait, what happened? I don't know, but you like the story, I guess. I guess I've got all these little like emojis popping up. You're morphing into like an AI human. There we go. There we go.

Thank God, finally. I could hang out with you all day. Well. This is the best. This show brought us together. We have done a movie since. Yes. And I love you. And I'm so happy that you were here hosting this episode with me today. Thank you for having me. Thanks, everyone, for listening. Be sure to follow us on IG at The Mess Around Pod. The brilliant director.

Also known as an actor, Mr. Satya Baba. Love you. Love you. Bye. Bye. That was The Mess Around, an iHeartMedia production. Our executive producer is Joelle Monique. Our senior producer is Abu Zafar. Bay Wang provided engineering and editing services. Additional production from Daniel Goodman, Wendy Heisler, and Kyle Chevron. Our theme song was written and composed by Ronald Jukebox Jackson. Catch you next time. Bye.

We've all been there. I mean, I've been there. In the line at the grocery store, waiting for your latte at the coffee counter, pick up at your child's school, everyone standing around in silence, eyes down. But what if you smiled first? Colgate is here to give you the confidence to do just that. One smile can break the tension and open the door to a real connection. It's a

In 2020, a group of young women found themselves in an AI-fueled nightmare. Someone was posting photos. It was just me naked. Well, not me, but me with someone else's body part. This is Leavittown, a new podcast from iHeart Podcasts, Bloomberg and Kaleidoscope about the rise of deepfake pornography and the battle to stop it.

Listen to Levittown on Bloomberg's Big Take podcast. Find it on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.