Officer Deb of DARE
14:05 Share

This is an iHeart Podcast. Have you ever felt that uneasy anxiety when the 4 p.m. hour strikes? The creeping meal-related distress that happens when you don't quite feel prepared. You know, dinner dread. Let's get rid of that unpleasant feeling forever with one word.

Stouffer's. No matter what happens, you'll have a dinner plan that everyone loves with Stouffer's. Some chicken enchiladas or a cheesy chicken and broccoli pasta bake is always welcome. Whether it's plan A or plan D-licious. When the clock strikes dinner, think Stouffer's. Shop now for family favorites. We've all been there. I mean, I've been there. In the line at the grocery store, waiting for your latte at the coffee counter, pick up at your child's school, everyone standing around in silence, eyes down. But...

What if you smiled first? Colgate is here to give you the confidence to do just that. One smile can break the tension and open the door to a real connection. It's a small gesture with a big reward. Colgate helps you show the world your confident smile.

The Temptations brand, America's number one cat treat brand, is on a mission to show the world just how irresistible cat dads truly are and make 2025 the year of the cat dad. Being a cat dad is a huge green flag. Cat dads are some of the most tempting, caring, and compassionate men of all. And dare I say, of all time. Two out of three Gen Z adults believe that cat dads make better bows, too.

The Temptations brand knows there's nothing like the bond between a cat dad and their cat.

And the brand's variety of irresistible treats make cat dads even more irresistible to their feline friends. Trust me, I would know. I got a lot of feline friends. Cats lose their cool. Treat a cat in your life to Temptations Treats and discover what makes cat dads irresistible at TemptationsTreats.com. It is Ryan Seacrest here. There was a recent social media trend which consisted of flying on a plane with no music.

No movies, no entertainment. But a better trend would be going to ChumbaCasino.com. It's like having a mini social casino in your pocket. Chumba Casino has over 100 online casino-style games, all absolutely free. It's the most fun you can have online and on a plane. So grab your free welcome bonus now at ChumbaCasino.com. Sponsored by Chumba Casino. No purchase necessary. VGW group void where prohibited by law. 21 plus terms and conditions apply. I like that. Yeah. Yes! Yes!

Hey roomies!

We're calling a loft meeting. You know what time it is. It's time for us to hear from you. Um, the ones that love new girl as much as we do. Um, you can tell us your thoughts, your conspiracy theories, the loopholes in this show. We want to know what you have found out, how it's inspired things in your life, derailed relationships, made relationships. This is where you can share it. And we talk about it. Um,

So let's kick things off. First, we have a voice note from Alana. Hi, Hannah. Hi, Lamorne. If you are here for this particular loft meeting, I just wanted to share that Julie Berkman's older sister is also one of my very favorite episodes of New Girl. I loved listening to you guys recap it.

I think the highlight for me was hearing Hannah's confusion about DARE officers and not understanding why it was bad that Julie Berkman selected for DARE officer. And it brought back fond memories for me of my DARE officer. Her name was Deputy Deb Berkman.

And I caught her smoking cigs outside in the gym. And I think she hated us. I think she hated her job. I think she definitely did not hate drugs. And yeah, I still think about her to this day. She was terrifying. And I hope she's doing good. But yeah, DARE officers are real and they will scar you for the rest of your life, I think, at least in my experience.

So thank you for that laugh, Hannah. I also just wanted to say that this is the episode where I realized that Jess was meant to get Giardia because in season three, the Thanksgiving episode, Jess gets Giardia and she gets Legionnaire's disease, whatever that is, from eating the dead fish that Nick got. And, um,

Even though she did not get Giardia in high school, she was meant to get that hideous river disease, I think. So shout out to Trashly Berkman for saving her one time, but she could not run. She could not run from Giardia. Anyway, thank you for your wonderful recap. Much love, and I can't wait to keep listening.

Oh my goodness, Alana, I want to have you on the show. These are very, very astute observances. You're right. Wow, Trashly Berkman did save her, but she was fated. She was fated to get Giardia. Oh my God. It's always things like that where I wonder, where I'm like, did the writers know that or did they just not even realize? Yeah.

They've got a thing for Giardia. It's kind of like the bear thing. Like, do they know? Or is it just something that kind of was just living and moving around in their writer's room brain? Yeah, I wonder if writers are like aware when they have things like that happen. Because it would be kind of cool to be like, man, there was no running jest that Giardia was going to get you.

Yeah. And Trashy Berkman saved her. I also did not know so many things about DARE officers, but I would like to know everything about Deputy Deb. I love the fact that she clearly loved drugs and hated her job. And it's people like that that you will never, ever forget. Someone who is so unapologetically themself and so clearly in the wrong career.

I remember when I moved to L.A., I did not know how to drive. Yes, I was well past the point of when I should have known how to drive. But I grew up in countries where you weren't driving. I wasn't driving in India or Saudi Arabia. So I didn't need that particular skill. And then I moved to L.A. and you definitely need to know how to drive. So I got a driving instructor. Her name was Destiny.

I think about her all the time and I love her so much. I loved her then. And I had a Garmin, like a, uh, like a sat nav in the car. So I could be like, okay, let's put in her destination. Cause LA is a big city with a billion streets. And like, you're gonna have to drive all over this place. She immediately, when she got into the car, ripped the,

the sat nav, the Garmin, like off of like where it was affixed to on my dash and threw it in the back of the car. And I was like, what? And she was like, my name is Destiny. She said, you live in LA now. You need to know where you are at at all times and not through some computer. You're going to learn the streets. And I was like, I guess she's not wrong.

And she made us like drive to and from like I was shooting at a studio then and like back to my apartment. She's like, you need to know where you are all the time. She also talked about how she would buy knockoff Sean John shirts for her boyfriend and that he wasn't allowed to complain because that boy got a Sean John shirt. I remember her saying that to me a lot.

Um, she was one of my favorite human beings in the world. And she clearly was very annoyed by having to be in traffic all day long as part of her job. But she was a great driving teacher. And she definitely left an imprint. She also told me something that was the most true thing I've ever experienced in LA, where she said, the only thing you need to be scared of driving in LA is buses.

She said, bus drivers in L.A. are the true gangsters of L.A. And they will run you over and knock your car into next week.

You see a bus coming. You need to change lanes and like get a whole city block away from that bus. They're going to get you. And she was right. Have you ever been around a bus in L.A.? They are ruthless. They have no patience for you. They will move your car for you. So Deputy Deb, I feel like in Destiny. That'd be a great show. I listen to that podcast. Should we get them together?

Thank you, Alana. Thank you for leaving that voice note. Thank you for that Giardia observance and telling me about your wonderful, terrible, dear officer. Okay, the next one is from Jennifer Mullins from Texas. She says, here's my voice memo for the loft meeting. It's for season four, episode six. I know Hannah loves voice memos.

Yay. And Lamorne's hates reading anything over four sentences. Thanks, Hannah Lamorne. I love the podcast. Keep up the bear hunt. Thank you, Jennifer, for listening. It is true. I love a voice memo. I love to hear your voices. Okay. Hi, Hannah. My name is Jennifer and I'm from Texas. I love New Girl. It always brightens my day and gives me a laugh when I need it most.

This show has been a great stress relief and way to take some time for myself. I love also listening to the podcast and finding out the backstories of each episode. Finding the bear in each episode has also been fun. In season four, episode six was Jake Johnson's dialogue at 14 minutes, 42 seconds with the police officer one-on-one.

Written out or improv? This episode has been one of my favorite episodes while I've been rewatching the series. Hannah and Lamorne too, if you're there. What was your favorite episode to film or to rewatch as part of this podcast? Keep bear hunting. Thank you, Jennifer. I love the little Texan accent. Everything. How funny would it be if they just let Jake improv all those weird things and

Um, and he was just actually confessing things from his real life. That'd be so great. Um, I think it was all written. It was all written alts. And I think they had a lot of fun coming up with them, but I think they're always based in some truth. That's what makes them so funny. I think that they're based in some truth. Um,

Uh, yeah. So I don't think that he improv'd any of it, but I think there were probably a lot that was handed over. Um, thank you for telling me to keep up the bear hunt. I will with help from people like you. And I would say this episode, the background check episode, I talk about it when we did our recap, Lamorne and I, it was one of my favorite to shoot.

We just got to all be there all day. We were all on the same storyline. It was silly. It was zany. It had so much suspension of belief in it. It just made for such a fun one to do. Cleo King was so phenomenal coming in, and she had such dry humor because she was sad over her dead bird. That was, I don't know, it was just a really wonderful one. And it was also like a feel-good one, like Nick gets a win by, you know,

Keeping a secret and Winston gets a win because he didn't, you know, get accepted to the police academy because of the help of his friends. He got accepted because he's like the best cadet, which is wonderful. And then you see Schmidt and Cece really start to come back together, which was always so sweet for the story. All of it.

All of it. You got to watch Jess be totally out of her mind and be so funny and do so much physical comedy. It was such a great, great episode and just one of my absolute favorites. Thank you, though, for sending in a voice memo. I really do love hearing your voices. It's wonderful. Thank you.

Everybody has been there. Traffic was a nightmare. You got home late and your dinner plans are out the window when you hear the inevitable tiny voice saying, I'm hungry. Yeah, that's when dinner dread sets in. What are you going to make tonight? How can such a simple question be so hard to answer? Well, it's not.

It doesn't have to be, because a delicious, family-pleasing meal from Stouffer's is only a ding away. So if your dinner plans are derailed, don't worry. Just turn to a delicious solution from Stouffer's, a meal that will always leave everyone happy, especially you. Maybe some chicken enchiladas. Spaghetti with meat sauce is always a winner. Or how about some cheesy chicken and broccoli pasta bake? Yes, please. When the clock strikes dinner, think Stouffer's. Shop now for family favorites.

Okay, so have you ever noticed how we hold back our smiles in awkward situations? Okay, but here's the thing. Sometimes, sometimes a smile can change everything. And Colgate is here to give you the confidence to smile first. Okay, so the other day I walked into a meeting and I just felt like the person I was meeting with was just sizing me up, just staring at me. Super awkward. But I remembered.

smile first. So I did just a quick confident smile. And guess what? They smiled back. Colgate believes a smile can break down walls. And it's true because instantly the whole vibe just changed. Or like last week, I'm at a coffee shop. There's a long line and the barista's flustered.

I already love same day delivery with Shipt, but it's so much better since I signed up for Target Circle 360.

Why? Because I no longer pay price markups from the majority of stores through Shipt. Only a handful of alcohol retailers and items don't count. That means no markups on groceries, pet food, even home goods and makeup. So to recap, I have more time to catch up on life while someone shops for me, and I spend less. It's a win-win. Order now at Shipt.com slash 360. Terms apply.

This summer, Disney Plus is going retro with all your Disney Plus and Hulu throwback faves. Hit endless rewind on Disney Plus with The Princess Diaries, The Lizzie McGuire Movie, and Freaky Friday. Then with Hulu, throw it back with Gilmore Girls, One Tree Hill, and Full House. All these and more now totally streaming with Hulu on Disney Plus with a bundle subscription. Available with bundle plans starting at $10.99 a month. Terms apply. Visit DisneyPlus.com slash Hulu for details.

Okay, next one. Oh, this is from someone named Hannah. You know, growing up, I knew no Hannahs, none. And there must have been like a resurgence recently because now I meet all sorts of Hannahs. Okay, so...

Background check has to be one of my favorite episodes of all time. I could not catch my breath the first time I watched it from laughing so hard. Every time I've watched it since, it's equally as funny as the first time. Who needs credit for the line, the meth absorbed into my boob skin? I cry laughing every time I hear it. With all of that being said, I also had a thrifting experience just like this.

And because this is one of my favorite episodes, it made it so much funnier. When I was pregnant with my son, I had been thrifting for a dresser for his nursery. I finally found one at my local thrift store and the owner wanted $200. I was going to pass for that price. But when the owner stepped away, a girl employee told me she'd sell it to me for $100.

We got it home and I started to clean it outside before bringing it in the house. What do I find in the bottom drawer? A baggie of blue, crystal blue rocks. Meth, I thought. My mind was racing. Did that girl from the thrift store set me up? Did she knowingly sell me meth? My husband saw me freaking out on the front lawn. He came over and smelled it. It's

It's bath salts, he said. Why was he so calm? Of course it was bath salts. I'm familiar with code names for drugs. He's like, no, like actual bath salts, Hannah. And that's how I got this photo of pregnant me holding fragranced bath salts moments after a discovery was not actually meth. Phew.

Hannah, oh my gosh, Hannah, that's an amazing story. It's basically this episode. It's basically this entire episode. The fact that you thought it was a baggie and then you automatically, I'm telling you, we've all watched too many crime shows. You automatically are like, it's a setup.

And she got rid of this thing for a hundred bucks when she could probably, if it was meth, probably sell it for more. But it was so funny that they like dumped the drugs on you. You had to pay a hundred bucks for them. And then now you're stuck. And what are you going to do? And then when your husband's like bath salts, because people were going crazy on bath salts. So that was like a thing. It was not good. So you were going like, no, I know it's like something terrible and bad, like got it. And your husband's like, no, like literally this is like

aromatherapy. We can run you a bath and this will be good for you and little babe.

Um, how funny, how totally insane. That would have stressed me out so deeply. And I'll be honest that my husband had been like, it's just bath salts. It's no big deal. I would be like, how do you know? I'm not just going to believe you. Whatever holding these drugs. I bet you that woman, she was so quick to drop the price by 50%. Something is going on. We live a little, you know, a mystery. We love solving cases. Women, you can't just make it that easy. There's so many suspicious things that have happened.

Hannah, I love the story. Also, it would be exactly what I would do. Hannah's are aligned on this. The Hannah's are aligned. And this picture of you is hysterical and very sweet. And now I want to know all about your baby and what that dresser ended up looking like. I've got so many follow-up questions. All right, everybody. That is our show. Please go to our website, themasteronpod.com to check out our latest merch. You can follow us on Instagram at themasteronpod.

If you have a question, you want to leave us a voicemail, email us at themesseronpod at gmail.com. We so appreciate you. Bye-bye.

That was The Mess Around, an iHeartMedia production. Our executive producer is Joelle Monique. Our senior producer is Abu Zafar. Bay Wang provided engineering and editing services. Additional production from Daniel Goodman, Wendy Heisler, and Kyle Chevron. Our theme song was written and composed by Ronald Jukebox Jackson. Catch you next time. Bye.

Have you ever felt that uneasy anxiety when the 4 p.m. hour strikes? The creeping meal-related distress that happens when you don't quite feel prepared. You know, dinner dread. Let's get rid of that unpleasant feeling forever with one word.

Stouffer's. No matter what happens, you'll have a dinner plan that everyone loves with Stouffer's. Some chicken enchiladas or a cheesy chicken and broccoli pasta bake is always welcome. Whether it's plan A or plan D-licious. When the clock strikes dinner, think Stouffer's. Shop now for family favorites.

The Temptations brand, America's number one cat treat brand, is on a mission to show the world just how irresistible cat dads truly are and make 2025 the year of the cat dad. Being a cat dad is a huge green flag. Cat dads are some of the most tempting, caring, and compassionate men of all. And dare I say, of all time. Two out of three Gen Z adults believe that cat dads make better bows, too.

We've all been there. I mean, I've been there.

I already love Same Day Delivery with Shipt.

But it's so much better since I signed up for Target Circle 360. Why? Because I no longer pay price markups from the majority of stores through Shipt. Only a handful of alcohol retailers and items don't count. That means no markups on groceries, pet food, even home goods and makeup. So to recap, I have more time to catch up on life while someone shops for me, and I spend less. It's a win-win. Order now at Shipt.com slash 360. Terms apply.

This is an iHeart Podcast.