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From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm the voice so peanut buttery it comes in chunky and smooth. I'm Bill Curtis. And here's your host at the Studebaker Theatre at the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you so much, Bill. Thank you, everybody. Good to see you again. Thank you.
We do have a great show for you today. Later on, we're going to be talking to one of the stars of The White Lotus, Natasha Rothwell, who plays Belinda. Now, to refresh your memory, she's not the one who committed murder or the other murder or money laundering or adultery. She just does a little blackmail, which on that show makes her a saint.
We want to know what you've been up to behind the scenes, so give us a call. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Now let's welcome our first listener contestant this week. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, I'm Chris Schoen, and I live on a farm near Cedar Rapids, Iowa. That's fabulous. So you're actually in an Iowa farm.
You know, I remember vividly the first time I ever went to Iowa many, many years ago and seeing a farm and thinking, oh my gosh, every time I saw a farm when I was a kid looking at a picture book, I was looking at that. So you live in like the perfect farm, right? It is. It is. It's like Grant Wood country here. Very, very picturesque. Right. And you just stand in front of it all day holding a pitchfork. Yeah, yeah. Me and my pitchfork and my wife. Okay. Very good. Very good.
Well, Chris, welcome to the show. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First, she's a comedian headlining at the DC Improv July 11th through the 13th. It's Joelle Nicole Johnson. Hello. Howdy. Howdy. Ooh. That's what we say. Okay, I've heard. I've been there before. Next, he's a comedian who will be headlining the Gramercy in New York City on May 29th and the Houston Punchline on May 30th and 31st. It's Hari Kondabolu. Howdy, sir. Howdy.
And he's an actor and comedian. You can see Saturday, May 3rd at Joe's Pub in New York City. It's Peter Gross. Hey, Chris. Hello, Peter. So, Chris, welcome to the show. You're going to play Who's Bill this time. Bill Curtis is now going to perform for you three quotations from the week's news, doing it better than the original people. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you'll win our prize. Any voice from our show that you might choose for your voicemail. Are you ready to get us started?
I am. All right. Your first quote is from the president of these United States. Maybe the children will have two dolls instead of 30 dolls. He was comforting us because Christmas toy sales may be severely impacted by what? By Trump's tariffs. Exactly. By his trade war, his tariffs. Man, I don't know.
Is it just me or does ruining Christmas seem to start earlier and earlier each year? With 80% of all toys and 90% of all the rest of the stuff you get for Christmas sold in America coming from China.
Experts say that the Trump tariffs could create huge toy shortages for this holiday season. Promise made, promise kept, right? Thanks to President Trump, we no longer have to say, happy holidays. Now we can say, Merry Christmas, you're not getting a present. Okay.
You could say, saddy holidays. Exactly. You know, all you have to do is just put that green suit on, and he's going to look a lot like that Grinch. Right. Yeah. He's got the same kind of body type and face. How do you explain to a child that they're not getting that many presents this year? Like, what do you say? Like, sorry, kids, the North Pole got hit with tariffs. Yeah. All the elves got deported. Yeah, all the, like, children's books at Christmas are going to be like, there's something called a supply chain. I
I've never been happier to be the only person on this stage without kids. All right, Chris, here is your next quote. Go, evil girl boss, go. That was somebody quoted in Vulture, one of many, many people commenting this week about the 24-year-old girlfriend of what 73-year-old football coach?
That would be Bill Belichick. It would be. Very good.
I think we can say that all America is captivated by this May-December-but-it's-December-1932 romance of famously grumpy football coach Bill Belichick and his much, much younger girlfriend, Jordan Hudson. Which, it's so sad for her. She's just 24. She's wasting her DiCaprio years. LAUGHTER
You know, for a guy who's like a professional football coach and has won, what, six Super Bowls? Yes. It's pretty ironic that he's getting played so hard. So hard. I think it's love. Do you really? I do, because what 24-year-old isn't attracted to a dad bod and jowls? He wishes he had a dad bod. He's got a grandpa bod. Oh, I love it. I'm obsessed with this situation. I don't know if anyone has
ever looked into her eyes, but you shouldn't because she looks really evil. She looks like if Ursula and Maleficent had a baby. Laughter
I don't know. Everybody's so cynical about this relationship. Oh, she's too controlling. She just wants him for his money. What has happened to us? Is it so hard to believe someone might want to be with Bill Belichick for the sex? Their story blew up this week after she kept trying to control a CBS Sunday morning interview. Like,
She is his boss, which maybe she is. She now calls herself the COO of Belichick Productions, and she's applied for trademarks on phrases like the Belichick Way. And she says this new company will experience rapid growth next year when she can finally legally rent a car. LAUGHTER
Can't she just be an influencer like every other 24-year-old? Why does she have to glom on to grandpa and take all his money? She is. She's just influencing one very special person. Remember, he's 73. She's 24. To put that in perspective, their age gap itself is...
Is AARP eligible? She also isn't a good COO because he asked the question of like, you know, where'd you guys meet? And she was like, we're not answering that question. And I was like, okay, it's given high class hooker. Yeah. But for me, you need to have a stock answer because I met my boyfriend at a funeral and I'm telling anyone that will listen. So I would think she would actually have a stock answer for that. You know? Well, she may have met him at a funeral.
Pretty much. It was probably a dating app, like Tinder or Grindr or Grandfather. All right. Here, Chris, is your last quote. It's the only block of time that's deep focus time. That was a man talking to the Wall Street Journal about why he is part of a trend of alpha male go-getters who these days are all bragging about waking up when.
I don't know. I don't know this. Yeah, well, it's when the alpha worm gets the worm, I guess. Oh, JFK Jr. Yes! What just happened? All right, so this is what happened. I just wanted you all to know this. I said worm...
And of course these days everybody thinks of RFK Jr. But instead we've got JFK Jr. Who as far as we know has never had a worm. I'll just give it a... These are the newest trend among guys who are trying to show how competitive and with it and world beating they are is they're all getting up at 4 a.m.
That's the answer. All the real entrepreneur types are bragging about getting up at four. They're doing it thanks to viral videos, testosterone-fueled competition with each other, and mountains of cocaine. Get that?
I just love that I found out I have something in common with an Iowa farmer. Really? We're not on TikTok. Yeah, you have no idea. Yeah. If alpha males are doing that, if I was a man, I would be a beta cuck. Yes. Me too. They're claiming they're alphas. But here's the thing. If they're waking up at 4 a.m., that means they're probably going to bed at 8 p.m. Oh, who's a baby now? Oh, you're going to sleep at 8 p.m.?
Well, actually, that's true because one of the things that started this trend was this viral TikTok that went around when this influencer posted his routine for 4 a.m. He says, quote, sin lives late at night. So he goes to bed early, right? There's no one to tempt you at 4 a.m. because no one's awake except, well...
damn, when did garbage men get so sexy? Except all the people who have been doing cocaine all night long are awake and flying. And most stand-up comedians. Bill, how did Chris do in our quiz? His answer on number three was so much better than ours. Let's declare him a winner with three and O. There you are. Very good. Thank you.
Now get back to your front yard with your pitchfork. Thank you so much for calling, Chris. Take care. Thank you. Bye-bye.
Right now, panel, time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Joyelle, scientists at Germany's Max Planck Institute for Physics are behind some of the most important findings of our time, quantum theory, gene editing, but now they've developed what they say is the perfect scientifically proven formula for what?
Um, coffee. Close. Well, it being a food stuff, I'll give you a hint. They finally proved the Bucatini theorem. Pasta? Yes. The perfect pasta recipe. Fresh off from proving that atmospheric diffraction spikes cause the moon to hit your eye like a big pizza pie. The Max Planck scientists have just completed extensive experiments into how to create the perfect plate of cacio e pepe pasta. Ah.
While the actual science is difficult to communicate to you lay people, suffice it to say that this is the first research project to ever make somebody say, hey, who put meatballs in the particle collider? Wait, this is in Germany, though? Well, the institute is based in Germany, but it was a collaboration of scientists from all over the world. Yeah, when the Germans and Italians collaborate with the Japanese there also? Yeah.
I'm on board. Sounds like a party. The physicist's pasta technique involves using heat to supersaturate starch into water, then entering a black hole, but leaving the Parmesan cheese behind on Earth so it ages while we remain young.
You know, the people at the Velveeta Institute have been doing wonderful, wonderful work with pasta for years. I recommend giving them a try. Okay. Well, you know. No, I'm glad this got done because if there's one person I trust to make great Italian food, it is a German physicist. Right. You will enjoy this!
Buon appetito! When you're here, you are family! Coming up, our panelists rewrite history in our bluff listener game called 1-888-WAIT-WAIT-TO-PLAY. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me
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From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is, wait, wait, don't tell me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Hari Kondabolu, Peter Gross, and Joyelle Nicole Judson. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theatre in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Segal. Thank you so much, Bill. Thank you.
Right now it's time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff, the listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on the air or you can check out the pinned post on our Instagram page at WaitWaitNPR for all the information you might need. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.
Hi, this is Dave Bevinger calling in from Union, Kentucky. Union, Kentucky. Now, I don't know where that is. What do you do there in Union, Kentucky? I'm an environmental consultant. An environmental consultant. Like you show up and go, that's an environment. Yes, indeed. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Here's an environment. There's an environment. Dave, welcome to the show. It's great to have you with us. You're going to play our game in which you must write to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what's Dave's topic? A historic, oopsie, history or herstory. I'm an ally.
Isn't set in stone. And this week we read about something once thought was an absolute historical fact, but it's been recently proven wrong. Our panel is going to tell you about it. Pick the one who's telling the truth. You'll win the wait-waiter of your choice on your voicemail. You ready to play? I am ready. All right. First, let's hear from Peter Gross.
Forget everything you thought you knew about Dracula, or at least the guy they based Dracula on. This week, historians from the University of Brasov in Transylvania, Romania, unearthed a trove of documents that revealed that Vlad the Impaler, the 15th century lord who historians had believed impaled his enemies on wooden spikes, didn't actually do that. In fact, the title The Impaler was actually a misreported version of his true nickname.
A journal entry dated June 17th, 1462, written by a Magyar duke, tells the real story. Dear diary, conquered by Vlad today. He's been so nice, total sweetheart.
But can I be honest with you, Diary? Every time he takes a breath, there's an annoying rattling sound, like a sword being dragged across a stone floor. It's the worst. I think he has a deviated septum, or maybe there's a giant booger stuck in there. Either way, it's super irritating. Behind his back, we all call him Vlad the Inhaler. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Gotta go, Diary. Also, I think I have a crush on Kathy, one of the kitchen maids. But don't tell anyone. Ha ha ha ha ha.
So the historic villain Vlad the Impaler, actually the much less threatening Vlad the Inhaler, your next Back in Time Take Backsy comes from Joyal Nicole Johnson. China is home to many tourist attractions. The Forbidden City, the Terracotta Army, and perhaps its greatest achievement of all...
This week, portions of the Ming Dynasty extension eroded and historians were excited to find a time capsule. To their delight, the peasant-turned-emperor, Taizu, had a sense of humor. Among the items were locks of hair from each of his concubines, holiday ornaments for the Chinese New Year, and a letter on papyrus from the emperor himself. The report detailed his true reason for extending and fortifying the wall. The emperor loved his dogs.
While the massive project began as a way to keep out the Mongol hordes, Emperor Taitsu realized it could serve another purpose, to keep his precious Shih Tzus in. The final line in the note says, sure, the emperor hated Mongolians, but he loved his dogs more. So the response to the age-old question, who let the dogs out? Not Emperor Taitsu! Turns out...
The Great Wall was built not so much to keep the Mongol hordes out, but to keep the Emperor's dog in. Your last blast from the past comes from Hari Kondabolu. There are few certainties about the distant past, but what we knew for sure was that Henry VIII had six wives, Gaul was divided into three parts, and the Bayeux Tapestry, the famous medieval work of art that depicts the Norman conquest of Britain, had 93 penises embroidered into it.
Now there is a claim of a phallus fallacy, that the tapestry, in fact, has 94 penises on it. The bizarre number of flailing tools makes you wonder if this art was found in a medieval frat house. LAUGHTER
The dong drama began on the medieval extra podcast when historian and medieval wang enthusiast Dr. Christopher Monk claimed he found a 94th shaft under the tunic of a soldier which would surpass the total number of Willy Wonkas found by bulge scholar George Garnett.
It should be emphasized that both these historians are men because obviously. That was so difficult. Artfully done. Artfully done. All right, so here are your choices, Dave. We just found out an amazing thing about the past that we didn't know that rocked our world, was it?
From Peter Gross, Vlad the Impaler, the terrible monster of medieval Romania turned out to be just Vlad the Inhaler. From Joelle Nicole Johnson, the Great Wall of China was built at least in part to keep the emperor's beloved dogs from running away. Or from Hari Kondabolu, it turns out there's one more member of the club.
in the Bayeux Tapestry, which of these is the real story of historical revisionism? I'm going to go with C. You're going to go with C. Hari's story of an additional element being found in the Bayeux Tapestry. Well, to bring in the correct answer, here is one of the scholars involved in that discovery. One of the striking things about the tapestry is the number of penises. LAUGHTER
That was Professor George Garnett from the University of Oxford on the History Extra podcast discussing the correct penis count of the tapestry in question. Congratulations, Dave. You got it right. Hari was telling the truth in his own way.
You're in point for Hari, and you've won our prize, the voice of your choice in your voicemail. Thank you so much for playing with us today. Thank you all so much. This has been a bucket list item, so thank you all. I'm so glad. Take care. Thank you.
And now the game where we ask famous people about obscure things. We call it Not My Job. Natasha Rothwell was one of those performers who became successful in part because people just love having her around. She was a writer on Issa Rae's show Insecure, and Issa loved her so much she put her in the cast. And after she was nominated for an Emmy for season one of The White Lotus, creator Mike White brought her to Thailand for season three because...
What fun could it be without her? Natasha Rothwell, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you for having me. So before we go any further, let me ask you, just to fact check me, is that right? You were a writer for Insecure and Issa Rae, the creator of the show, was like, this character you've written, you have to play her. Come be in the cast.
Yeah, I was hired to write. I think I was one of the first people hired to write. And a few months into the writer's room, the character Kelly was created and I was called into their office and I thought it was because I made one too many naughty jokes. Yeah.
That's pretty awesome. Would you consider that your big break? Because you've been a working actor for a long time. Yeah, I mean, I wrote for Saturday Night Live right before, so that kind of was the passport stamp I needed to sort of open a lot of doors. But I feel like, you know, Insecure was the wind at my back for sure. Yeah. You're one of those people I admire because you...
You were in the trenches for a long time before you made it big. You actually, you were doing comedy in Tokyo for a while? Yeah, at the Crocodile Club in downtown Tokyo for a lot of expats. Yeah, I found my comedic voice there for sure because you have to translate, the humor has to translate, you know, regardless of what language was being spoken by the people in the audience. And so it tapped into that idea of universal humor. And what kind of jokes killed in Tokyo?
Oh, status jokes. Oh, if the secretary was mean to the boss, watch out. Really? The business guys just lapped that up? Oh, man. Yeah, anytime you subverted expectations in that way, it was really, it hit home. And what did you learn from your four years of teaching high school in New York City? I don't want children. Damn. Yeah.
Yeah, I'm child-free and I'm so, so love, you know, I love children. I loved teaching. I just like other people's children. Right, exactly. Do you ever, now that you're a well-known performer on TV and elsewhere, do you ever hear from your former students and going, yeah, we knew that was happening?
I do, I do. They used to actually try to find when I was performing at UCB in New York because it was kind of like this weird superhero where I was a high school theater teacher by day and doing UCB comedy at night and they would just be like, yo, miss, you swore, we heard you cuss, so that means I can cuss and I had to let them know that that wasn't the case. Right, right. And have you ever used your influence position in fame to finally tell some of those kids what you really thought of them? Yeah.
when they see that I blocked them, I think they get the message. So, um,
I found out something really interesting about the White Lotus. This is the huge hit show on HBO each season. If people don't know, it takes place at a different luxury resort around the world. And one of the things I found out about it is that part of its conception was something that they could do during COVID. They started shooting it in 2020. And so all you members of the cast were brought to the Four Seasons Hotel in Maui and kept there for months, right? It was like a bubble.
And are you ready to tell us that that really wasn't as wonderful as we might think it is? Here's the thing. It was a beautiful five-star prison. Hear me out. You don't have to go home with your coworkers most days. So you and the other cast members of season one of White Lotus are wandering around this big luxury hotel entirely by yourselves.
So it's kind of like... Yeah, just imagine, yeah, just going to go get ice and Jennifer Coolidge is there. You know, it's like, it messes with your mind a little bit. Yeah, so it's kind of like the White Lotus TV show, but when the cameras stopped rolling, it was like The Shining. Yeah.
Absolutely. It was lovely. And I think that, you know, that's what makes season three such a shock to my system because it was a larger cast, you know, and we could obviously be wherever we needed to be. And so Mike has really figured out the formula for the show, to be sure. Which is to cram you all into a luxurious place for months and not let you leave. Yeah.
Yes. I heard from an interview with a castmate of yours that it was actually quite hard to be in Thailand for that long because it was incredibly hot. And on the most miserable hot days, you all had to pretend that you were having the best time ever in this wonderful resort. And so are you willing right now to a national audience to complain about this gig? Yeah.
I won't complain, but I will say we all got very adept at putting ice packs in places you would have never dreamed. You would have never dreamed. Yeah. Ice packs can go a long way. But, you know, they say want is the root of all suffering. And so after the first couple of weeks, I had to stop wanting it to be cold and, like, cool. So I had to accept it and, yeah, just...
But ice packs in a lot of places. Well, Natasha, it is absolutely great to talk to you. We have invited you here to play a game that this time we're calling... Sure, you Rothwell, but do you froth well? No.
Who froths well, Natasha? Baristas. That's who. So we're going to ask you three questions about coffee professionals. Answer just two of them correctly and you'll win our prize. One of our listeners, Bill, who is Natasha playing for? Joanna Lee of Tucson, Arizona. All right. You know the rules here. You get two right, you win our prize. Ready to go? All right. I just took a big breath. Is this like a stressful thing for you? Are you the kind of person who even when it's utterly meaningless and dumb takes tests seriously?
My therapist is very well paid. Right, okay. Yes. Well, let's find out how much good they've done for you. Here we go. Here's your first question. Some baristas develop personal relationships with some of their customers. For example, after a customer's second visit of the day to a coffee shop, one barista told Reddit that...
I'm going to say how much caffeine consumption you made. That's right, Natasha, because what happened was...
The customer, who was apparently a chef, came in and ordered a drink with 12 espresso shots.
And then came back just a couple hours later and asked for another one, at which point the barista started Googling his personal safety. Okay, very good. Here's your next question. In the annual World Barista Championships, competitors serve the judges drinks in three different categories, but competitors are warned they will receive a score of zero in the milk beverage category if they do what? A, draw an obscene picture in their latte art. B, use human milk in the drink. Oh.
Or C, make frothing noises with their mouth while frothing the milk. Okay, I'm going to say the eggplant art. No, actually, it's they're not allowed to use human milk. And we don't know why they came up with this rule, nor do we want to know.
One guy. One guy. One guy. One pregnant woman. All right, this is fine, Natasha, because you've got one right with one to go. Here we go. There are Starbucks in unexpected places, some with unique rules, such as, A, the Vatican, where they deliver but only to priests taking particularly boring confessions. Mm-hmm.
B, the CIA headquarters, but baristas are forbidden from writing names on the cups. Or C, the base camp of Mount Everest, but you have to pack in your own cup, coffee grounds, and grinder. Base camp of Mount Everest feels too specific not to be true, so C? So the theory would be that there's a Starbucks just there at the base camp.
Or like you would have to deliver it, right? You'd have to bring up your own coffee, your own cup. Oh, no. I misheard. I misheard. My ADHD is on fire. So I will say boring confessions. Is it the Vatican?
There's one answer you haven't said. I don't know what you heard before this very moment, but I have been saying the CIA. You have been, yes. The other things. I blame Zoom. I blame Zoom.
Can't write the names on the cups because they don't want people shouting out the names of the CIA agents at the CIA. Bill, how did Natasha do in our quiz? Well, 3-0 for the White Lotus. Natasha Rothwell is an Emmy-nominated actor and writer. You can see her in Season 3 of the White Lotus streaming on Max now. Natasha, thank you so much for joining us on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you so much.
Take care. Bye-bye. It's time for coffee. It's time for tea. It's time for those of you who really have to.
In just a minute, Bill raises a toast to your good health and maybe saves your life. It's our listener limber challenge. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. This message comes from Progressive Insurance and the Name Your Price tool. It helps you find car insurance options in your budget. Try it today at Progressive.com. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates. Price and coverage match limited by state law. Not available in all states.
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From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Peter Gross, Hari Kondabolu, and Joyelle Nicole Johnson. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theatre in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Thank you.
In just a minute, Bill likes big limericks and he cannot lie. If you'd like to play our listener limerick challenge, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, though, some more questions for you from the week's news.
Peter, a group of scientists, believe it or not, say that they have in fact cloned DNA from a Tyrannosaurus Rex, but they're not going to reenact Jurassic Park. They have isolated this DNA and they're going to use it to make what?
Some tech bro is going to inject it into himself. Tyrannosaurus, Rick! Final answer. I have no more guesses. I'll take a hint. The T-Rex will from now on be known as the, I don't know, Birken-asaurus.
Birkin-a-saurus? They're going to make shoes out of it? Not shoes, not Birkin stocks, but the Birkin... I don't know. Birkin... Merkin? Birkin Merkin. No. Dinosaur Merkin. You are so straight. Because I don't know what a Birkin something is. The Birkin is probably the most famous kind of...
I will cede this to Joelle, who seems to know the answer. Yes, that's a pocketbook, baby. Yeah, it's a bag. They're going to make handbags out of Tyrannosaurus Rex leather. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. That's so elitist. Well, it makes sense. When you think of the T-Rex, you think of its towering size, its terrifying teeth, its supple, buttery coat. Who hasn't looked upon the fearsome visage of the tyrant lizard and thought, someday I'd like to lose a chapstick in that guy? Yeah.
I feel like Lauren Sanchez is going to get this bag and take it to space with it. Probably, yes. Yes. Exactly for her. And also, this is going to go wrong, right? Oh, yeah. Clearly. They're not going to be like, we're just going to make part of the side. Just that. Just that part. Jurassic Park is happening. Everything in science fiction is happening. This really, I really thought it was going to be a nuclear disaster that did us in, but
This whole dinosaurs coming back thing is really throwing a wrench into the odds. It's going to be like somebody's going to be walking around all at once. All the bags are going to become alive. It's certainly eating people up their arms. Ooh, but they'll eat the rich first. Oh, that's true. Oh, I love this plan. I'm behind this plan. Joyelle, this week we learned about a new place to meet someone. Apparently, more and more people, according to the New York Times...
are seeking love where? Cracker Barrel. No. I'll give you a hint. If you want love, all you need is platinum status and three hours before your flight. The Delta Lounge? Yes. Airport lounges. Oh. That's the new, you know, meat market. People are sharing their meat-cute stories at airport lounges like the United Club, Delta Sky Club, and the JetBlue Kissing Booth. Yes.
The Southest Airlines cardboard box. No, they say it's the best place to meet, you know, attractive strangers. It's perfect if your type is man on business trip drinking cocktails at 7 a.m. According to one MX Centurion lounge lover, airport lounges provide a, quote, targeted location to meet like-minded people. You know, because the thing I look for in a partner is also willing to pay $700 a year for three-hour-old oatmeal.
It's like a money and class thing. That's what it is. It's like we belong here. That person also belongs here. Yeah. They don't want to meet someone at the Hudson News. Someone who's buying a watch of McCollum. That could be anybody. No one's getting a watch of McCollum.
I don't want somebody with a... Excuse me, I might watch McCall. It's about the news. I don't know. Why don't you just go to the gate and look for love there? It's perfect if what you're looking for in a life partner is somebody wearing pajama pants who lines up 90 minutes before boarding. Yes. Oh, I love the way you're wearing your neck pillow as you walk around the airport. LAUGHTER
Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Come see us most weeks right here at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, or catch us on the road this summer. We'll be in Des Moines, Iowa on July 10th, and at Tanglewood in Western Massachusetts on August 28th. For tickets and information about all of our live shows, go to nprpresents.org.
Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, my name is Caleb Hobson-Garcia. I'm from Tallahassee, Florida. Hey, Tallahassee, the state capital, what do you do there? I work in the environmental science field. Wow. We've been getting a lot of that today on this week's show.
It's really wonderful to hear. It's kind of like a farewell tour, but it's still great to hear. Well, Caleb, welcome to the show. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of them, you'll be a winner. Ready to go? Sure thing. Here's your first limerick. Sparkling wine will relieve my crammed brain, and my heart will relax its damned strain.
My pulse feels no trouble while I sip these bubbles. My doctor says, drink more wine. It is a form of wine. It rhymes with crammed brain, damned strain. Bubbles are mentioned. Champagne. Champagne, yes. Yes, indeed.
New medical research says you might be able to reduce your risk of a sudden heart attack by drinking champagne, which is great news because what's worse than somebody holding up a glass of champagne saying, I'd like to propose a toast and then dropping dead so you never find out to whom. According to the study, in addition to drinking champagne, it also helps if you eat a lot of fruit and have a, quote, positive outlook on life. So shocking. I can't believe being a thin, rich optimist is good for you.
Yeah, are they sure it's the champagne that's making a difference? Yeah, it's the ability to buy champagne and treat every day like it's New Year's Eve. Exactly. All right, here is your next limit. When I go to the beach or the chip shop with gross toenails, I can't make the quips stop. But lazy day fashion is my greatest passion. I spent 600 bucks on some...
Flip-flops. Flip-flops, yeah. Celebrities, influencers, they're all obsessed this summer with the humble rubber flip-flop because nothing says fashion like here is my whole foot. Flip-flops may make you look carefree and whimsical, but they make you sound like slap, slap, slap, slap, slap. Is there another article of clothing that is named after what it sounds like?
That is a really good question. I don't have an answer. I'm posing this. Is that onomatopoeia? I'm just thinking. I'm thinking what noise does the shirts go? Shirt, shirt, shirt. No. Yeah.
Do pants pant? No. I'd like to slow the show down and talk about every article of clothing. No, but it is true. I mean, it turns out high fashion is now, you know, flip-flops. You have to love it when something goes straight from a really sketchy gym shower to the runway. I don't like flip-flops. You don't? No, I don't like feet. And my boyfriend doesn't wear them. That makes me so happy. Really? What do you have against feet? Look at them. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Bill, show Peter your feet. All right, here is your last limerick. As he sits by the aisle, he's not shedding. And his bark you won't need to be dreading. There won't be any doo-doo when you exchange I do's. I'll be watching your dog at your...
Wedding. Yes, the latest must-have assistant for your wedding is a dog chaperone, at least according to one in Northern Ireland who went viral this week. She says she has booked 50 weddings so far this year at $400 a day. And for that fee, she'll look after the dog, train it to pay attention during the ceremony, stand still during photos, and not to start yowling when the minister says if anyone has objections to this union. Yeah.
For an extra fee, she will train the dog to carry the ring down the aisle. So adorable. And help you choose the perfect song for the traditional doggy daughter dance. LAUGHTER
And have the dog look away on the wedding night. Very awkward when the dog is in the room when people are trying to express their love to each other. But I feel like if your dog is at your wedding, it also sleeps on the bed with you. Oh, yeah. Yeah, pretty much. Yes. And your partner has already had a conversation where you're like, so when we get married, the dog's not going to do that anymore, right? And they're like, no, no, it is. Yeah. Yeah.
Bill, how did Caleb do in our quiz? He was perfect. He got them all right. Congratulations. Really well done. Congratulations, and thank you for calling. Thank you. Bye-bye. Always got a friend.
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Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many Fill in the Blank questions as they can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores? Joyelle and Hari each have three. Peter has two. All right. So, Peter, you are in second place. That means that you are going to go first. Here we go. Fill in the Blank. In response to the Signal texting scandal, Trump announced he was reassigning National Security Advisor Blank.
Whoever that guy is. Yes. His name is Mike Waltz, and he is going to be UN ambassador. At the end of April, both the S&P 500 and the blank closed in the red. The other one, the Dow Jones. Yes, the Dow Jones. This week, Canada and Mexico reported outbreaks of blank. Oh, are we exporting measles to them? Yes, we are exporting things. Trade continues. On Tuesday, lawmakers in Florida signed a bill to ban blank in the state's drinking water.
Fluoride. Fluoride, yes. This week, a highway in Texas was shut down for 12 hours after a truck spilled $800,000 worth of blank. Oh, I heard about this. Dimes. Yes, dimes. Not dime bags. Dimes. On Wednesday, it was revealed that Martin Scorsese filmed one of the blank's final interviews.
One of the blanks? Yes. That is a clue. Oh, a pope. The pope, yes. On Monday, Blank kicked off her Cowboy Carter world tour in Los Angeles. The pope for black women, Beyonce. Yes! This week, a priest in Pennsylvania was sentenced to community service after he stole $40,000 from his parish and spent it on Blank. Cowboy Carter tickets. No. No.
One ticket. Power-ups in Mario Kart. $40,000? $40,000. The 52-year-old priest used the parish credit card to buy thousands of dollars in video game power-ups for Mario Kart Tour. Oh, my God. God, can you imagine going to the confession booth saying, Bless me, Father, for I have sinned, and hearing, It's a me. It's a me.
Bill, how did Peter do in our quiz? Very well. Six right, 12 more points. 14 is his total. All right.
Joyelle? Yes? I am arbitrarily choosing you to go next. Here we go. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, to commemorate his first 100 days in office, Blank held a rally in Michigan. Trump. On Monday, Spain and Portugal were hit with a massive 12-hour blank. Blackout? Yeah, power outage. This week, severe blanks tore through 12 states. Tornado. And storms, yes. On Wednesday, a judge suggested opening a criminal case against Blank for their app store policies.
Oh, Apple? Right. After the Lakers lost their spot in the postseason, Blank hinted he may retire from the NBA. LeBron? LeBron James on Thursday. George Clooney, Bob Odenkirk, and Sarah Snook were all nominated for Blank Awards. Tony! Yes, this week the U.S. Navy lost a $60 million F-18 fighter jet after the aircraft carrier it was on blanked. Crashed into the ocean?
No, the aircraft carrier turned too quickly and the jet slid off and into the water. The Navy confirmed that a quick turn caused the plane to slide off the ship and into the ocean, which is a real, you know, you had one job, aircraft carrier. Also, they are famously the slowest things to turn. Yes, I know. It's a cliche, right? Well, you know, getting the government to change is like turning an aircraft carrier. Turns out, turning an aircraft carrier, just jerk the wheel really hard.
Bill, how did Joyelle do on our quiz? Six rights, 12 more points.
Slipping by Peter with a 15. There you are. You didn't even need it. You didn't even need it. So Hari is left to play. How many does he need to win? Well, six to tie and seven to win. All right. Here we go, Hari. This is for the game. Fill in the blank. Months after tense negotiations began, the U.S. signed a rare minerals deal with blank. Ukraine. Right. On Monday, the White House fired all the scientists working on a massive study of blank's effect on the United States. What are fruity pebbles?
Climate change. Climate change. In her first major speech since leaving office, Blank sharply criticized Trump's policies. Kamala Harris. Right. During an interview this week, Ben Affleck said he thought that Blank was the best work of his career. What are his children? No. What is... You think this is Jeopardy? Let me... Let me have dreams, Peter. Okay. No, no. He said the best work of his career was the DVD commentary track for Armageddon. On...
On Thursday, department store blank fired their CEO for funneling business to his romantic partner. Macy's? No, Kohl's. On Wednesday, officials in Nepal drafted a law requiring anyone who wants to climb blank to be an experienced climber. Mount Everest. Right. Last week, a woman in South Carolina sued a local restaurant after she took a bite of her sandwich and cracked her tooth on blank. What is a gold nugget? She cracked her tooth on another person's tooth. Oh!
Apparently, the woman bit into her sandwich, cracked her molar on something hard, and then discovered it was a tooth. She's understandably traumatized, as I believe you are now. But this is why you have to be specific when you order a burger with everything on it. Bill, did Hari do well enough to win? No.
How dare you? But we got to read them anyway. Three right, six more points. Nine means Joyelle is the champ. Well done. Oh, perfect. I love that. The audience is thrilled. Yay.
Coming up, after the Bill Belichick and Jordan Hudson story broke there, what would be the next hot celebrity gossip we get from CBS Sunday Morning? But first, let me tell you all that Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ. Chicago, in association with Urgent Haircut Productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord. Philip Koticka writes our limericks. Our public address announcer...
is Paul Friedman. Our tour manager is Shana Domlund. Thanks to the staff and crew at the Studio Baker Theatre, BJ Lederman, composer, our theme, our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dornbos, and Lillian King. Special thanks this week to Blythe Robertson and Monica Hickey. Our jolly good fellow is Hannah Anderson. Peter Babytooth Gwynn has no verb.
Emma Choi is our vibe curator, technical directionist from Lorna White. Our CFO is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilog. The executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Mr. Michael Danforth. Now, panel, what will be the next hot gossip we learn from CBS Sunday Morning? Hari Kandabolu. I'm dating a weighted blanket. It's always down for a snuggle, and it always wants to be on top. Peter Gross. Great.
Bill Belichick and Jordan Hudson are going to announce they are in a thruple with CBS Sunday Morning and Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me's Mo Rocca. Ooh. And Joanne Nicole Johnson. Melania leaves Trump for Trudeau. Ooh.
Hey, if any of that happens, we're going to ask you about it here on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you, Bill Curtis. Thanks also to Peter Gross, Hari Kondabolu, and Joyelle Nicole Johnson. Thanks to our fabulous audience here at the Studio Vicar Theater. And to all of you out there in Radioland, wherever you might be. I'm Peter Sagan. We'll see you next week. This is NPR.
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